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chvnnie · 1 year ago

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@softiejoon

ngl, calling this a must read brought happy tears to my eyes. you’re such an angel and i’m so glad you enjoyed the first chapter! i’m cheesing so hard rn like NO LIE—

Letter One: Smoke and Tears

Love Letters Series Page

wc: 2.7k

genre: angst

warnings: apocalypse au, creature feature, use of weapons (guns), alcohol - brief, injuries (gunshot wounds, though no details), fire. I believe that's all, but if I missed anything, PLEASE LET ME KNOW

summary: It's been over a week since you've heard from Chan, and the guilt is burning him alive.

this is a work of fiction. this fic in no way represents the stray kids members as people, or as a whole. you are responsible of the media you consume. please read responsibly.

series taglist: @straystayvlive, @fawnpeaks, @strayingawayy, @almighty-obsession, @ershyni, @chai-papa, @moon0fthenight, @djeniryuu — comment to be added

Hey, you.

I know I promised to write sooner. There has been a lot happening and while I sat down with my notebook daily, fully intending to respond to your last letter, something forced my attention away. I’m so fucking sorry it took me this long. I haven’t been very good about keeping my promise, have I?

I promise to change that. Actually. There’s no excuse for missing that week window like I did. And it will never happen again.

We got to the south side of town seven days ago. It was difficult leaving midtown, but staying there wasn’t practical. On top of all the haunting reminders, it started to get overrun. Rather than cling to the past, desperate to keep it despite its death, we chose to leave.

The journey south only took us a day or so, but was relatively easy. Jisung cried the entire first day, walking further behind us than we would have preferred. The change has been the hardest for him — he really hasn’t settled in yet here. I’m scared he never will.

But other than that, there really weren’t many hiccups. I was feeling optimistic; we hadn’t had this good of a journey probably since the start of it all. No injuries, no misplaced anger. Simply doing what we needed to survive.

We even found a bunker within the day of arrival, saving us the risk of camping out in the open. A tall, abandoned building. I think it used to be an office. The cubicles have been nice. You know how limited privacy is now, so we take what we can get. It was easy to barricade all the exits, and our walkies actually work here (that was the one thing about midtown I despised). There’s even a kitchen! God, what a luxury. Truly, it seemed like a long term place.

Until day four.

There’s only two entries to the office; the front and the fire escape. It was Seungmin’s night to guard the front, Hyunjin at the back. I sat in the long conference room with Jisung — the window faces the street. It’s a good lookout. All was quiet, as it had been so far. I pulled out my journal fully intending to write to you.

That’s when Jisung gasped, pulling his binoculars from his face and hitting me to grab my attention. I grabbed my own, and followed where he was pointing. No, it wasn’t what you’re expecting.

“Are those people?” Jisung had asked me.

My vision isn’t bad, but even I had to squint. He was right; though the group wasn’t big, it was obvious by the way they were walking.

By the torches they were holding.

For a while, we just watched. But I don’t think it was from lack of entertainment, rather sheer shock. The torches were touching homes, old buildings, flames blossoming at high speeds and dancing in the night sky. Screaming for attention, begging the Nots to come find them. To find all of us.

The south side isn’t safe. Though the word has spread, I can tell you my love, that I’ve never feared I wouldn’t see you again until we broke into this god forsaken office building.

Jisung had a window cracked, the perfect amount of space for his sniper to slip through. He was up and at the gun before I could fully process what was happening.

“I have a shot.” He says within seconds, the cracked circular glasses fogging up. “At one. I could take at least three out—“

“Don’t.” I said, adjusting the binoculars to get a better view. Twelve people, I counted. All around our age, a mix of men and women. Each of them laughed as they turned the earth to ash. “Wait.”

“Chan, we need to act now.” He’s getting ready. I can tell. Tongue between his teeth, digging until the muscle breaks into a tiny cut, blood slowly filling his mouth. “They’re headed our way.”

He’d give away our location, I explained. The group isn’t close enough to be a danger. We need to wait, to see if there's a motive behind the destruction. Humanity is all united against the dark — there has to be a purpose behind this betrayal.

Jisung wasn’t happy with me. Between forcing him from midtown and now this, I feared that night that if we didn’t lose our lives, I’d lose one of my most trusted friends. Still, he didn’t shoot, following the one we picked as the leader with his gun. Ready in case the okay was given.

It didn’t take long for me to allow it. I don’t want our letters to just be about the horrors we’re facing. The suffering of being apart. So I will spare you the details of what made me allow the shot, and death of these twelve people.

We didn’t see the thirteenth until it was too late. Until the makeshift cross was pitched in the center of the burning homes, the screams of this man were loud enough to wake the dead. In a world where everything has been taken from us, our lives forced apart, something I believe we all deserve is safety.

Except for the twelve. While I mourned the man, I was delighted to watch the fire claim its creators.

The rest of the night was quiet. Jisung and I sat in silence as we watched other refugees extinguish the flames, sharing a can beer we had been shaving. The luxury felt needed after what we had witnessed.

His hair has gotten long. I think you’d really like it; it’s charming, especially when he ties in a little half pony. The cut on his cheek I mentioned in my last letter has healed nicely; Seungmin is getting better at his stitch work. The stars weren’t visible that night, but with the moonlight that pooled in from the windows, his eyes made you think there were.

After he took a sip of the beer, his face twisted in disgust. “This is rancid.”

It made me laugh, the dramatic way he stuck out his tongue as he searched for the water jug. “I think it might be a little expired.”

“Oh? You think?”

“If you want to be a bitch, then I’ll just finish it off.”

God. I wish you could have seen the way he smiled, or could have felt the warmth that filled my chest at the sight of it. It’s been so long since I’ve seen Jisung smile like that. He even laughed, which made me do the same even though my eyes were burning from smoke and tears.

I volunteered to keep watch the next few nights, though it didn’t come without push back. I said I wasn’t tired, though the truth is that I didn’t want to subject the rest of them to the suffering happening outside this building. They’ve had it hard enough, and I don’t want to add to their burden.

Day five, Felix and Changbin went out to find supplies. We made a list — things we needed, things we wanted. If a luxury could be stolen, it should be. Felix had the paper, smiling brightly at me when I gave it to him.

I never expected to hear his sobs mere hours later. Head on Hyunjin’s lap as Seungmin tended to the wound he had gotten while they were at a store. They ran into a group of humans, they said. In the same building, though at the other side. While Changbin kept his gun drawn, they agreed to ignore them. That’s just what you do — let others survive.

Until they saw them. And laughed, laughed, laughed when they shot Felix in the thigh. Changbin’s voice trembled when he described the group of people. Jisung looked at me, face expressionless but eyes wide.

There were more than twelve.

Superficial, Seungmin said. He was able to remove the bullet and tend to the wound. Felix would be okay, other than the limp he’s sure to suffer long term.

“Charming, in a way.” Seungmin joked, but it made Lix laugh. Exactly what we all wanted; if he loses his sunshine, what’s the point?

We were blessed with day six. Nothing happened. Literally — Jeongin even started to nod off at his position. The day was spent playing cards or huddling around the beat up radio. Hyunjin started a mural on one of the walls, the colors bringing us the joy we so desperately needed.

I spent the day in one of the empty conference rooms. Sitting under the window, thumbing through the photo book you gave me. Remember that day we went to the movies to see some cheesy Christmas movie? You hated it, mocking it the entire time just to get teary eyed at the end. In the parking lot, you hit me with a snowball and how was I to let that slide? I love that photo of you, drenched in water and snow, laughing as you build another snowball.

I flipped through it over and over, happily losing myself in the worlds tucked in those glossy photos. Though everything in the world is meeting a fiery end, you are the one constant. The driving force behind my survival, behind the protection of the others. Without you, I would succumb to the flame. Life is not worth living without you, even if all I have is letters and memories.

Fire may take your words, though it will never take my heart.

That day would have been a wonderful one to write. But instead I spent it reading your letters, tracing the characters of your name. How does it look so lovely? How do you make words beautiful? I spent it looking at your pictures, bringing the album to my nose and inhaling deeply. It still has faint hints of the home we shared together. Do you think we might be able to return one day? Even if not, it won’t matter. I just want you.

But closer. We are getting closer, and closer to getting to you. It’s taken more time than I would have liked, but the apocalypse doesn’t really like making time for people. By the time you read this, we’ll have left the south side. Step by step, closer to you.

I miss the way you kiss me. The way your lips feel against my body. I miss your breath tangling with mine like the snow colored sheets we used to lay upon. I miss inhaling you, breathing you. The way your breath would hitch when you’re surprised, when you feel good. The little huffs of air your face before laughing your heart out.

Fuck. I need to hear that sound again. The cassette tape you sent me isn’t enough anymore. I need you.

I fell asleep in that office, your letters pressed to my chest. And when I dreamed, it was only of you. Watching the smoke hand and hand.

The sixth day, yesterday, the Nots arrived.

We watched as they entered the town; boney backs arched, long nails scraping the streets. Their horrible squeals were almost piercing, even with our windows shut. It’s always so chilling to see them; the remains of humanity lingering on their morphed bodies. Slowly, they slink down the street. Sniffing for any signs of life.

Felix was tucked in one of the bathrooms with Seungmin, a walkie turned on loud. If we needed to go, it needed to be fast — which left Hyunjin packing our belongings as Changbin, Jisung, and I stood in the very same conference room where we first saw the twelve.

“They look rough.” Changbin comments, leaning against the window. He had been keeping watch on the front entrance; even though Jeongin and Minho were standing guard. A warning would be valued. “They’re hungry.”

Jisung gagged at the word, cleaning his glasses with the sleeve of his sweater. “Fucking gross, don’t say that—“

“Why do you think they’re so loud? They’re getting desperate.”

At this point, I realized my optimism was playing a part in my downfall. Even as I watched the crowd of Nots scavenge the debris, looking in trash cans and behind fences, I could only think about how lucky we were to be so high up. They couldn’t touch us, tucked away on the fifth floor of the building.

The lookout walkie gave a crackling noise before Minho’s voice cut through; clear, measured, even though his tone was obviously frantic.

“Breach at the fire escape.” He says quickly.

I picked up our walkie. “Do you hear anything?”

It felt like a century before he responded, all of us holding our breath as we waited. The silence was more chilling than the shrill squawks below. It’s one we all know too well; they’ve found prey. I can only hope it isn’t us.

Minho clicks back on, and I realize it was naive of me to be scared of the Nots. “Laughter.”

The room began to spin, my ears void of all sound except the sound of laughter. Louder and louder it, closer and closer to our floor. The most horrible melody, leaving the bitter taste of blood in my mouth as my body feels like it’s melting.

They have flames.

“Seungmin, take Felix out the front.” I clicked in, trying to stay as calm as possible. “Now, hurry—“

“The Nots are out.” Changbin says, eyes bouncing from the direction of the fire escape to the window. “They’re not going to make it.”

“We don’t have a choice.” Jisung mumbles, opening a window to set his gun up. He squints one eye, tracking the creatures with the barrel of his gun. “I’ll take out as many as I can.”

It was a lose/lose. No matter which exit we took, the risk was high. But something in my gut told me that we rather deal with the Nots than whatever is making that bloodcurdling laugh.

“How close are they, Minho?”

The silence is a beat too long. “Too close. We need to fucking go.”

There wasn’t much more than needed to be said. By the time Jisung had shot down a good number of Nots, the laughter was accompanied by banging. Slow, hollow knocks. Their fists were hitting the door.

And then came the heat.

The flames grew slowly from under the metal door, dancing on the worn out carpet. By the time we were rushing down the main staircase, it had already enveloped the room I had slept in. Where I had dreamed of you.

If it weren’t for Jisung, we probably wouldn’t have been able to escape as easily as we did. Hurdling over twitching bodies of Nots, we kept our gaze ahead. Running past the cross, ducking behind remains of buildings. I don’t know how long we ran for until we came across an empty convenience store. Changbin pushed a stand against the door after we cleared it. Boxing ourselves in temporary shelter.

At the window, Jisung stood. Arms crossed, watching the smoke tangle with the clouds. He heard me coming, yet didn’t even look up at me. “I told you we should have never left the mid.”

He didn’t sleep last night. Neither did I.

We are leaving the store pretty soon. Seungmin is checking on Felix’s wound, Changbin and Minho mapping out a new route as I write. We’re heading east this time. I’m not sure when we will stop yet.

But east means we’re closer to you.

I’m mailing the letter today, too. According to the calendar we’ve been keeping, it’s now August 23. The heat has been sweltering here — how is it there, for you? Probably that much different, but you’re further north than us. I can only hope a cool fall breeze will greet us when I meet you again.

I picked a new spot for you to send your letter as our location has changed — I’ll attach a map to this and check it daily. I know we’ll be in that area for a while, so send there for now. Hopefully we won’t have to flee again, but I won’t be too optimistic this time.

The world may be on fire, but so is my love for you (hahahahaha). But truly, if it weren’t for you, the apocalypse wouldn’t seem so bearable.

Stay safe, my love. I’m coming home soon.

Forever yours,

Chan

#love letters chvnnie #nobody has ever called my fics a must read before #this literally has me feeling so honored 🥺

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chvnnie · 3 months ago

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i just wanna say that i really love the 'love letters' series and i think abt her sometimes

two weekends ago, while waiting in line for ateez, i literally went on a 30 minute tangent about love letters and how BAD i miss her. she was pushed to the side because of my job and just overwhelming anxiety.

but i think about her still, too. and i want to give her a chance to be the masterpiece she was destined to be.

#chvnnie asks #love letter chvnnie #i miss her bad

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chvnnie · 1 year ago

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so fucking excited for love letters ugh i am usually not a fan of apocalypse tropes or storylines but i like your writing so much, especially the angst, eventhough you say you arent that good at it haha so i am really anticipating it now

🥹🫶🏻 omg i’m REALLY NOT GOOD AT ANGST so why i wanted to write something so angst heavy!!! idk!!! but thank you so much — have been working on this for about a month and it’s something different that i haven’t really seen on here before (like the layout, not the au). hopefully it lives up to expectations

#chvnnie asks #chvnnie moots #love letter chvnnie

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chvnnie · 3 years ago

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choose your fantasy

hard/soft thoughts: closed // requests: closed // PLEASE REFER TO GUIDELINES BEFORE SUBMITTING

about the author

stray kids land author

all work is rated 18+. minors dni.

💌 LOVE LETTERS 💌 series page // chap 1 on july 5

every story on this page is a work of fiction. these fics in no way represent the members or stray kids as a whole. you are responsible for the media you consume. please read responsibly.

bang chan

hoodies

live! ([rec.] pt 2) (feat. lm, sc, hj)

non-stop

heavenly (feat. hj)

pain killer

find thoughts and drabbles here

lee minho

business partners

[rec.]

live! ([rec.] pt 2) (feat. bc, sc, hj)

it’s a scream, baby!

different

eternally

stars

vows

find thoughts and drabbles here

seo changbin

dress

live! ([rec.] pt 2) (feat. bc, lm, hj)

find thoughts and drabbles here

hwang hyunjin

the bet (feat. hj)

rules (the bet pt 2) (feat. hj)

teach me

masterpiece

ceilings

find thoughts and drabbles here

han jisung

payback

the bet (feat. hh)

friday

rules (the bet pt 2) (feat. hh)

live! ([rec.] pt 2) (feat. bc, lm, sc)

dream

strawberry lipgloss

heavenly (feat. bc)

starlight

text me

deserving

find thoughts and drabbles here

lee felix

the game

3:00 am

find thoughts and drabbles here

kim seungmin

waves

find thoughts and drabbles here

yang jeongin

come back in a few sleeps

find thoughts and drabbles here

ot8

come on fuck me emo boy masterlist - on mini hiatus

stray kids as dads

case 2.5 - a milestone game

stray kids vs piss kink

more dad!skz

reactions

flashing

giving them your panties

s/o with high sex drive

taglist: @lix-ables, @gibbysupremeacyisreal, @katieraven, @miamormi, @hugs4chan, @stranger-thighs, @beautifulcolorgarden, @scottmcallisdaddy, @whatudowhennooneseesyou, @humayraaaaa, @americanokisses, @djeniryuu, @epiphanynaffit, @zoiescastle

©: chvnnie 2022 - 2023

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chvnnie · 1 year ago

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@lixiesol

my love <333 my dms are always open for you if you need someone. forever here, all the time. this chapter was hard for me to write and i knew it would be hard to read. it makes me warm to know you hold this series so dearly, and i hope the rest of it can act as a comfort to you.

please do not hesitate to reach out. people need people, and i’m always happy to be someone’s person

Letter Two: Nightmares

Love Letters Series Page

wc: 4.7k

genre: angst

warnings: apocalypse au, creature feature, use of weapons, HEAVY MENTIONS OF PTSD AND DESCRIPTIONS OF ANXIETY ATTACKS. this chapter is heavy and sad as it dives somewhat into the backstory of one of the members. please keep these warnings in mind. if i missed anything, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

summary: when the world's a nightmare, it's hard to deal with your own.

this is a work of fiction. this fic in no way represents the stray kids members as people or as a whole. you are responsible for the media you consume. please read responsibly.

series taglist: @straystayvlive, @fawnpeaks, @strayingawayy, @almighty-obsession, @ershyni, @chai-papa, @moon0fthenight, @djeniryuu, @boomfrogg, @everglowdaisies — comment to be added

Hey, you.

You know what I’ve been thinking about lately?

The day the world went to shit.

I know a lot of people consider the day of the lab breakout the turning point, but I don’t. That was to be expected; we knew nothing about Nots. Keeping them in those glass chambers, studying their habits and transforms didn’t help much. A domesticated animal always acts differently than a wild one.

The day that I consider the end, we didn’t even know about Nots. You and I were in bed for the evening, the television playing softly while you read. I was in the bathroom shaving, hardly paying attention to the cheesy sitcom joke and recorded laughing.

I remember the razor nicking my jaw, tongue between teeth as I hissed. Fuck, the sting of it was awful. The razor fell in the sink, taking your attention from your book.

“You okay?” You ask, leaning in the bed to get a look in the bathroom. You laughed when you saw the little toilet paper square stuck to my face.

“It’s not funny.”

Though, I was smiling. I like hearing you laugh. God, I can’t wait to be with you again.

I remember washing my hands before I started to clean the wound, the show cutting to commercial break.

If you or your loved one have ever taken the drug by the name Nottingal, you may be entitled to financial compensation.

You asked what that medication was for. I said I wasn’t sure, but texted Seungmin to ask. He responded within seconds: A blood thinner. That’s all it was, just a simple pill taken once daily to reduce the risk of blood clots. A lot of people take it. Nothing out of the ordinary.

It still gives me the chills how easily we forgot about the medication, going to bed without a second thought. We moved past it, went to work the next day. The world kept turning, and the name faded from our memory.

Just a common, everyday drug. Why would we give it more thought?

An oddly cold weekend in March. You walked the dog, I went to the gym with Changbin. Our lives crossed over around lunchtime, stuffed in the tiny apartment kitchen as we tried to make our meals.��

“We need a new apartment.” You complained. “I can hardly move in here.”

“What, you don’t want to be pressed up against me all the time?”

You scoffed at my joke, taking your sandwich and chips over to the couch. I was steps behind you, leaning close to my bowl of cereal so I didn’t spill any as I walked and ate. I sit, and you turn the tv on, left on the news channel for some reason.

“Ah.” I said through a mouth full of cheerios. “Turn this shit—“

And then, we saw it. The early stages of a Not. A woman in her 40s, hospitalized for an adverse reaction to Nottingal. She reported having chills with extreme nausea, nothing holding in her stomach. Admitted overnight just for observation, her symptoms got worse. At first it was just a fever — but then it kept climbing and climbing and climbing, to the point where the woman was almost boiling. She would claw at her hospital robe, screeching from the intense heat. Doctors eventually had to secure her to the bed.

Then, it started to get weird. They called it mania, at first. She wouldn’t speak, only responding with this terrible screeching sound, comparable to metal doors scraping against concrete. Her nails started to grow (both hands and toes) at a rapid pace, which was odd enough on its own.

Only made worse by the way they started to fuse into the skin, the color darker than the night sky. Claws. A nurse checked on patient zero one day and reported hearing something that sounded like the snapping of bones. After further examination, she saw that the woman’s back was starting to arch, spine taking a new shape—

The claws scratched the nurse across the forearm. The nurse said it didn’t feel like anything more than a deep cat scratch, bandaged up and went about her day. Just to end up at her workplace that night, stumbling into the emergency room. Chills. Nausea. A fever that’s a little too high for comfort.

That’s how we found out that it’s not only the pills that could cause a transformation. If the claws scratch you, the tip comes in contact with your bloodstream. That’s what it all comes down to; blood.

Two months. That’s all it took. From that commercial to the fall of humanity. Two months, and the world went to shit.

I’m not really sure why I wrote all of that. You experienced it too; the fear, doubt. Really, does anyone see the end of the world coming? I don’t think I’ve fully grasped that this is my reality now, that it’s not some kind of fucked up dream an edible gave me.

I so badly wish it was. Because even if this is the demise of mankind, not having you by my side is greater than my worst nightmare.

Speaking of nightmares, Jisung’s are back. I was sure that after we settled at our new base (right next to the mail stall, conveniently) that they would settle more. It’s been a while since he’s had one, especially this extreme.

We found an abandoned house. It’s not very big, but it fits all of us comfortably. Two floors, four bedrooms. The bathroom is still functioning, which is a treasure we’re not taking for granted. It’s funny how we still have running water, yet most places we hide out are missing that feature. The first shower I took in there almost made me cry; it was freezing, but it was a shower. Little things really do make the apocalypse easier.

Jisung’s in one of the upstairs rooms. It looks like it belonged to a child — bunk beds decorated with floral sheets and stuffed animals. The walls have drawings tacked on them, a bulletin board with movie tickets and notes from friends. It’s hard to look at. Wherever that child is, I hope she is safe. She was well loved.

Nobody wanted to stay in that room. It’s difficult to swallow, to be surrounded by the reminders of such an innocent life. But it has the best view of the front of the house, the boarded up windows have enough space for the barrel of Jisung’s sniper to fit through. He dropped his duffel by the closet, setting up his gun.

“Are you sure?” I had asked Jisung, an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. It still happens now whenever I walk in there. “There’s space on the office—“

“I’ll be fine.” He looked through the scope, positioning the gun accordingly. “It has the best view.”

“I can stay in here, too—“ Hyunjin started to say, but was quickly cut off.

“I said I’m fine.” Jisung doesn’t spare us a look. “Don’t worry about it.”

It was weird how he snapped at him. Honestly, ever since we left midtown, Jisung has been a little rougher than usual. Especially with Hyunjin. Remember how long it took to convince him that picking him up was the right thing to do? I feel like every letter I wrote you after we found Hyunjin was about his distaste for him. But I thought we had turned a corner — in fact, they were literally inseparable in midtown. Then we left, and…

Jisung is hiding something.

There was no reason to push the issue. You know Jisung, once his mind is made up, it’s almost impossible to change. Hyunjin is bunking with me in the master bedroom. He’s a cold sleeper, I’ve learned, often waking up with him huddled by my back. It’s made me miss you even more; how many mornings have I woken up with you attached to my back like a koala? Face buried in my shoulder blade, snores vibrating against it.

I can’t wait to wake up to that again. To you again.

The nightmare came a night when I wasn't on guard. I had been sleeping pretty soundly, actually. Hyunjin’s fluffy hair was right in my face, the cotton sheets nice and cool against my bare chest. It had been a while since I slept so well.

Earth shattering screams tore me from that peaceful sleep. Both Hyunjin and I practically jumped from the bed, weapons easily accessible and in hand. Did something get in? Were one of our men hurt?

Hyunjin’s face went pale when we heard the scream again. He dropped his knife, mumbling the younger man's name before sprinting from the room.

Jisung was on the bottom bunk, comforter low on his hips. He wasn’t dressed in anything other than sweatpants, the scar on his left rib cage looking more red than usual. Almost irritated, raised. The perfect circle as angry as the cries coming from its owner.

His nails were scratching at his neck, thrashing in the bed as he cried. Round tears rolling down his cheeks in earnest, voice cracking and turning raw. Whatever was happening behind his eyelids was devastating, all of his fears brightly burning for him.

“Jisung.” Hyunjin had said, climbing into the tiny bunk with him. His body jerked, trying to resist the hold he was put in. Head cradled to his friend’s chest, he starts to rock. “It’s not real. It’s not real.”

Jeongin came over the walkie. It’s his night on guard. “No breaches at the back. Bin?”

“Front is clear.” Changbin responds quickly, the unasked question obvious to all of us.

“Clear up top.” I responded, keeping my voice as low as possible. “It’s Jisung.”

No response. None needed. Everyone will keep their post, or try to go back to sleep. Too many hands and it only makes things worse for him.

Hyunjin is good at soothing him, bringing him out of the nightmare with minimal damage. Softly, he brushes the fluffy hair from his face, keeping a firm rocking motion. Gentle reminders whispered to him; he’s safe, it’s just a dream, it’s not real. I watched him rock my friend for at least five minutes, the screams coming to an end as he started to twitch awake. With a string of fearful whimpers, Jisung’s eyes finally opened and found Hyunjin’s.

The moment felt like years. Their eyes locked, the tears finding an end as they stared at each other, seemingly lost in the gaze. Hyunjin smiled softly at him, and it looked like Jisung was melting. An immediate peace washing over him, the nightmare so far out of grasp it’s forgettable.

Then he’s shoving himself out of his arms, cursing and mumbling under his breath to “let him the fuck go”. It was hard to miss the way Hyunjin’s face crumbled, though he quickly composed himself.

“You had another nightmare.” Hyunjin’s voice is so gentle, though it cracks with an emotion he’s trying to suppress.

“I know.” Jisung snapped, bringing his knees to his chest as he huddled into the corner. Body pressed against the wall, avoiding his gaze.

“Do you want to—“

“Can you fucking leave?” He asked, though it didn’t sound convincing. “I want to talk to hyung.”

Hyunjin smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. With a nod, he climbed out of the bunk bed, patting my shoulder as he walked past me. When the door shut, I heard him release a shaky gasp.

I stayed by the door, wanting to give Jisung as much room as I could. He kept his head facing the wall, breaths starting to even out as he worked on grounding himself. In and out, like you taught him. Think of happy thoughts, remind yourself that the world is more than the darkness that consumes you. I watched as his shoulders relaxed, body starting to slump as he found the peace he was looking for.

“Sit with me?” It was hard to hear, the question whispered into the foundation of the house. I crossed the tiny room, sitting by the ladder leading up to the top bunk. Giving him as much physical space as I could.

It was silent between us. Our breaths filling the dark room—

Wait. It’s completely dark. When I stood, I could hear his lips part, the start of protests rolling from his tongue. I didn’t walk far, only to the closet. Flicking on the light, I pulled the door open, letting just a sliver of it spill out.

“Why didn’t you turn this on?” I asked softly, trying to keep my tone steady. I didn’t want him to think I was accusing him, or blaming him for the nightmare.

Jisung shrugged. “I wanted to try.” He pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes, rubbing tight circles. “Obviously it didn’t work.”

I returned to my seat. With the light on, it was easy to see what Jisung was doing before he fell asleep. His journal face down on the floor, an uncapped pen right beside it. His favorite book, worn out and damn near falling apart, was tabbed open with a photo of the two of you (remember that beach trip we took last year? When he was home on leave? It’s from when the two of you were building that sandcastle, the polaroid still as clear as the day I took it. It’s one of my favorites) and a sketch of what looked like daisies. Yellow and pink, they cover the page, only broken up by a little signature in the bottom. One we all know too well at this point.

There was something missing from his pile, something that the picture reminded me of. “Where are your dogtags?”

He seemed tense at that question, sighing as he brought his hands down. “I think I lost them in midtown.”

It didn’t feel like the truth, but there wasn’t any need to press it. I simply nodded, taking the lie for what it was.

“I’m sorry I woke you.”

I huffed a laugh. “Don’t apologize for that shit.”

“Sleep is so precious now, I hate taking it from you—“

“Seriously, Sung.” I looked at my friend, who I was surprised was looking at me. When our eyes met, I gave a reassuring smile. “You know we don’t mind.”

Jisung didn’t believe me. He never does when I tell him that. Yet, he nodded, knowing that doubt will never leave him. “It was bad.”

“Sounded like it.” Never push him. That’s what I’ve learned. If he wants to open up, he will. But when it’s so fresh, so heavy in his mind, focusing on the details could drive him mad—

“The Nots.” He said softly, resting his chin on his knees. Not once did his gaze stray from me, wide eyes filling with fresh tears. “They came. Here.”

I will admit, it confused me as to why this upset him so badly. We had seen at least five groups of them by this point, a few even crossing the front gate. They never stayed, always distracted by something in the distance. He had even shot a few.

Staying in this room was a bad idea. I knew it from the moment we arrived, even though he was insistent. I should have forced him into a different room, made him sleep anywhere else but here. It’s no surprise that the previous owner appeared in his dream, her small body twisted into the horror that we’re too familiar with.

“It got me thinking.” Jisung started to cry again. “Nots like to stay close to home—“

“No.” I cut the thought off before he could finish it. “You can’t go there, Jisung.”

He knew I was right. But you know him; stubborn as can fucking be, clinging to things with an annoyingly tight grip. As soon as it crossed his mind, there was no way he was letting it go. Instead of arguing, he just nodded. Mumbles something in agreement. It wasn’t going to escape him, and it would be silly for us to pretend it would.

“Will you sleep in here with me?” He asked.

I couldn’t help but wince. It didn’t feel right, the idea of resting here. “Why don’t you come to the master bedroom with me? There’s enough room for you, me, and Hyunjin—“

As soon as I mentioned his name, Jisung’s eyes went dark. “No.” He said simply. “I would rather stay here.”

I wanted to tell him no. To go back to the comfortable bed where I could sleep easily, not worrying about being haunted by a life not fully lived.

“I just don’t want to leave my gun.” Jisung said. “That’s it.”

Another lie. I had no choice but to take it as is. Nodding as I climbed the ladder.

As far as I know, Jisung didn’t talk about the nightmare with anyone else. The day following was spent with Minho, organizing the weapons in the living room. He sat on the ground, wiping the blood and dirt from barrels of guns. Sweat beaded his forehead, glasses low on his nose. But he laughed, joking with everyone who walked past.

Except Hyunjin.

I cleaned out the old pantry with Seungmin, still keeping the good food while disposing of the others. “They left in a hurry.” He said as he chunked another fruit cup in the trash. “Something must have happened here.”

They must have recently gone grocery shopping. A lot of snack boxes were untouched, the expiration date still a month or two away. “Can’t blame them.”

“No.” He threw a can of expired condensed milk at the trash can, shooting it like a basketball. Somehow, it made it. “You really can’t.”

That night, Jisung and I took every precaution to avoid a nightmare. The closest door was cracked open, yellow light filling the room. His old radio was tuned to some station that hasn’t been manned since the fall, playing the same jazz songs on repeat. The loop starts again every three hours, but even in the annoyance, it’s enough noise to help him sleep.

I had barely fallen asleep when he had another nightmare. To the bottom bunk I went, holding my friend and rocking him until he woke up. We did it again the next night, and the next, and the next. Nightmare after nightmare, though the details were always the same. A group of Nots, the smaller one in the back of the group. Vicious and hungry.

It was the room. It had to be, baby. I’ve been racking my brain for an explaination, because if it isn’t the fucking room, then I don’t know. And not knowing is the scariest part; all of this is so…predictable.

But these nightmares. They were anything but.

Jisung couldn’t sleep one night, the impending nightmare driving him mad. He sat by the gun, rereading his book with his feet propped up on the window sill. Or, it looked like he was reading. When I got closer, I saw him tracing the painted flowers with his finger.

“I’m going to bed.” He snapped the book shut when he realized I was there. “You should, too.”

Jisung pushes his glasses up, nodding as he rubs his eyes. “I’ll try in a bit.” He gave me a weary smile. “Sleep well, okay?”

I didn’t. My eyes didn’t even shut, focused on counting the bumps on the ceiling. I couldn’t allow myself to, not until I knew Jisung was on the bed beneath me, trying to rest despite his fears. You made me promise I would take care of him, and it was an easy one to make. I’m trying my love, even if his stubborn ass makes it incredibly difficult.

He was mostly quiet in his corner, humming a song or two before falling silent. Every time I glanced at him, his back was to me. Same position as before, thumbing through the book this time. Actually reading.

My eyes had started to shut when I heard the walkie click.

“Min.” Hyunjin’s voice cut through. “How’s the back?”

A beat. “Meh.” Seungmin responded. “Per us—ah, fuck.”

“Don’t say it like that.” A whine came from the older man.

“You’ll see them soon. Mid sized pack, moving quickly.” The walkie cut off, familiar squawks of Nots heard even from my bed upstairs. “Must be hungry.”

The book snapped shut, chair squeaking as Jisung pushed it out. I watched him stand, lean over the scope as he focused outside.

“Look at those ugly fuckers.” Hyunjin says with a sigh. “There are so—Jesus!”

Click. Hyunjin is gone, his exclamation is enough to make me sit up in bed. Jisung fumbled for the walkie, his hand shaking as he pressed the button. “Stop messing around, Jin.”

“Sung—“ He clicks back immediately, shock heavy in his tone. Is it from hearing Jisung’s voice, or what he saw? “Sorry, that pack just took out a stray.”

I listen to Jisung curse under his breath, annoyed at how the older man frightened him. Made him think we were under siege. He puts his eye back to the scope, and the walkie falls from his hand.

Then screams. Earth shattering screams.

Jisung is on the ground, sitting beneath the window with his hands over his ears. Back and forth he rocks, sobbing loudly with his eyes shut. “No, no.” He cries out. “No, no, no, no—“

I don’t have to ask. I don’t even have to look through the scope, but I do anyway. In the back of the pack is a smaller Not. Brown hair, waves breaking the straight pattern.

The worst thing about Nots is if you know who they were, they won’t be hard to spot after the transformation. There goes the little girl whose room we’ve slept in, tailing behind what looks like her parents.

“Jisung?” Hyunjin cuts through the walkie again. “What’s going on? Answer me.”

He responds with another scream, kicking the walkie as far from him as he can. The weight of it is weighing down on him, crushing his already fragile being into nothing but dust. His back is hitting the wall, nails in his throat. My friend, almost unrecognizable on the ground next to me.

“I’m coming up.” Hyunjin says, and I snatch the walkie from the ground.

“Keep your post.” I said. “I’m with him. If they get close, shoot.”

I don’t hear what Hyunjin said to me. Dropping to a squat in front of my friend, I gently remove his hands from his neck. “Jisung, talk to me.”

“I t-told you.” He says in a broken sob. “I told y-you, I told you—“

“Shh, I know.” I tried my best, really. I think you would be proud of me; everything you taught me about him, how to be the friend he needs in big moments. Though I’m convinced no one could ever be as good as you at this, I think I’m a pretty good third. Or like, fourth or fifth option. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen better.”

He shook his head, hiccuping through his tears. I kept a firm grasp on his wrists, letting him rock as much as he needed to. Tears stung my eyes; it’s kind of a given that watching your friend experience something like this is hard. But rarely do we talk about just how gut wrenching it is. My brave friend, nothing but a shell in my hands.

“Jisung.” I said his name softly. “We have to do it.”

“No!” He shouted loud enough to make the earth vibrate. “H-hyung, can’t. I c-can’t—“

“Hey, hey.” I grab him, pulling him into a hug. He fought it for a second, pushing at my chest to try to escape, though he eventually caved. The tears were warm against my shoulder, violent sobs muffled. “You don’t have to. I will.”

That’s when his eyes shot open, the fight returning to him. “D-don’t do that to her.” He cried. “She’s just a k-kid—“

Baby. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how I can pretend that this didn’t hurt me. Her pictures were everywhere; in the living room, across the hallways. The bulletin boards held strips of her and her friends. No more than nine or ten. A life barely lived, forced into an existence that she can never escape.

I cried. Sniffling in Jisung’s ear and swallowing dryly. “It isn’t fair to leave her like this.” I told him, though it was more for myself. Trying to convince both of us it’s the humane thing to do in a society that’s anything but.

Jisung was limp. Sobbing into my shoulder, mumbling weak pleas. Reconsider. Let her go—

“Seungmin.” Hyunjin’s voice cut through. “How’s the back?”

“Clear. You?”

“Not. They’re approaching.”

It had to be done. I had to let Jisung go, to let him curl into a ball as he covered his ears, awaiting the inevitable. Picking up the walkie, I clicked through. “Changbin, are you awake?”

He didn’t even wait a second. “Yeah.”

“Relieve Hyunjin. Take Minho with you.”

No questions were asked. There was no protest from the ball at my feet, shaking as he quietly sobbed. I waited, the sound of footsteps rushing past the door until the ones I needed found their way inside.

Hyunjin’s hair was a mess. A headband kept the frizzy locks out of his face. But that isn’t what caught my eye. The tags resting in the center of his chest, the ones we know all too well.

He moved to Jisung, the younger man letting him pull him close. Carefully, he sat him in his lap, rocking him. Back and forth, back and forth. Whispers of comfort heard even through the hands that clasped his ears.

When it comes to Jisung’s comfort, you are first. But there’s no doubt that Hyunjin is second.

Through watery eyes, I look through the scope. The gun is lightweight, easy to maneuver. Bodies of Nots litter the front yard, the ones who haven’t taken a bullet yet clawing at their own. I watched as another was it, terrible squeals released into the night as it twitched to its death. It took me a moment to find her. Behind the gate, lost in the body of an unrecognizable animal.

After I aimed, I shut my eyes. I don’t know how she died, my love, but I know I’ll never forget how painfully human her cries were. Freshly turned, returning to her home. Nots don’t like to wander far.

I boarded that room up today. Lock the door and hid the key somewhere no one will ever find it — within our group, or others who seek refuge here. She deserves to rest, and I’ll be damned if anyone disturbs her.

Jisung requested the sniper be moved to the office. Minho and I worked on it for him. He refused to touch it. It’s been a few days, but I’m the only one who has used it. I don’t know how long it will take him to be comfortable with it again.

At least he’s finally sleeping. The master bed was big enough for all three of us, though now Hyunjin seems to cling to Jisung. When he wakes, the younger man will shove him away. Though, I’ve caught him pretending to sleep. Enjoying the hold the artist has on him.

It’s a good home. I think we’ll be here for a while. The guys seem to like it a lot, and the normalcy that’s felt here — well, you don’t need me to explain how valued that is.

I’m glad to hear all has been going somewhat well for you guys. Felix has been asking nonstop about you. I think he’s a little obsessed with the idea of a ranch. You’ll have to teach him about the horses; he’s been reading up about them since his injury (which has gotten better, by the way. He’s off crutches as of yesterday according to Dr. Kim. Don’t tell him I called him that). The idea of getting to ride one has kept him going.

We’ve been mapping a route out there, but still have some things to finalize. I don’t want to get your hopes up, so I’ll tell you more when I know more.

I love you, you know? If it’s possible, this shit has made me love you even more. In the nightmare of this world, you’re like a guiding light. I hope I don’t have to wander much longer to find you.

Stay safe, my love. I’ll be upset if I have to cuddle Hyunjin forever.

Forever yours,

Chan

#love letters chvnnie

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chvnnie · 1 year ago

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chapter two — 07/24 at 08:00 EST

You know what I've been thinking about lately?

The day the world went to shit.

chapter one - smoke and tears

chapter two — tba

teaser

mood board - 1, 2

vocalracha stats

danceracha stats

3racha stats

taglist: @straystayvlive, @fawnpeaks, @strayingawayy, @almighty-obsession, @ershyni, @chai-papa, @moon0fthenight, @djeniryuu, @boomfrogg

#stray kids angst #skz angst #love letters chvnnie

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chvnnie · 1 year ago

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@therhythmafterthesummer

i’ve been mia for a second so i’m sorry i just now saw your tags! but i loved your in depth views on chapter one and appreciate all you’ve have to say about it. it warms my heart to see it get analyzed hehe, that shows me you truly enjoyed it and that makes me happy.

please go on as many tangents as you want with this series — i can’t wait to read what you think about the upcoming chapters! 🫶🏻

Letter One: Smoke and Tears

Love Letters Series Page

wc: 2.7k

genre: angst

summary: It's been over a week since you've heard from Chan, and the guilt is burning him alive.

this is a work of fiction. this fic in no way represents the stray kids members as people, or as a whole. you are responsible of the media you consume. please read responsibly.

series taglist: @straystayvlive, @fawnpeaks, @strayingawayy, @almighty-obsession, @ershyni, @chai-papa, @moon0fthenight, @djeniryuu — comment to be added

Hey, you.

I promise to change that. Actually. There’s no excuse for missing that week window like I did. And it will never happen again.

Until day four.

That’s when Jisung gasped, pulling his binoculars from his face and hitting me to grab my attention. I grabbed my own, and followed where he was pointing. No, it wasn’t what you’re expecting.

“Are those people?” Jisung had asked me.

My vision isn’t bad, but even I had to squint. He was right; though the group wasn’t big, it was obvious by the way they were walking.

By the torches they were holding.

The south side isn’t safe. Though the word has spread, I can tell you my love, that I’ve never feared I wouldn’t see you again until we broke into this god forsaken office building.

Jisung had a window cracked, the perfect amount of space for his sniper to slip through. He was up and at the gun before I could fully process what was happening.

“I have a shot.” He says within seconds, the cracked circular glasses fogging up. “At one. I could take at least three out—“

Except for the twelve. While I mourned the man, I was delighted to watch the fire claim its creators.

After he took a sip of the beer, his face twisted in disgust. “This is rancid.”

It made me laugh, the dramatic way he stuck out his tongue as he searched for the water jug. “I think it might be a little expired.”

“Oh? You think?”

“If you want to be a bitch, then I’ll just finish it off.”

There were more than twelve.

Superficial, Seungmin said. He was able to remove the bullet and tend to the wound. Felix would be okay, other than the limp he’s sure to suffer long term.

“Charming, in a way.” Seungmin joked, but it made Lix laugh. Exactly what we all wanted; if he loses his sunshine, what’s the point?

Fire may take your words, though it will never take my heart.

Fuck. I need to hear that sound again. The cassette tape you sent me isn’t enough anymore. I need you.

I fell asleep in that office, your letters pressed to my chest. And when I dreamed, it was only of you. Watching the smoke hand and hand.

The sixth day, yesterday, the Nots arrived.

Jisung gagged at the word, cleaning his glasses with the sleeve of his sweater. “Fucking gross, don’t say that—“

“Why do you think they’re so loud? They’re getting desperate.”

The lookout walkie gave a crackling noise before Minho’s voice cut through; clear, measured, even though his tone was obviously frantic.

“Breach at the fire escape.” He says quickly.

I picked up our walkie. “Do you hear anything?”

Minho clicks back on, and I realize it was naive of me to be scared of the Nots. “Laughter.”

They have flames.

“Seungmin, take Felix out the front.” I clicked in, trying to stay as calm as possible. “Now, hurry—“

“The Nots are out.” Changbin says, eyes bouncing from the direction of the fire escape to the window. “They’re not going to make it.”

“We don’t have a choice.” Jisung mumbles, opening a window to set his gun up. He squints one eye, tracking the creatures with the barrel of his gun. “I’ll take out as many as I can.”

It was a lose/lose. No matter which exit we took, the risk was high. But something in my gut told me that we rather deal with the Nots than whatever is making that bloodcurdling laugh.

“How close are they, Minho?”

The silence is a beat too long. “Too close. We need to fucking go.”

And then came the heat.

At the window, Jisung stood. Arms crossed, watching the smoke tangle with the clouds. He heard me coming, yet didn’t even look up at me. “I told you we should have never left the mid.”

He didn’t sleep last night. Neither did I.

But east means we’re closer to you.

The world may be on fire, but so is my love for you (hahahahaha). But truly, if it weren’t for you, the apocalypse wouldn’t seem so bearable.

Stay safe, my love. I’m coming home soon.

Forever yours,

Chan

#love letters chvnnie #no but really this makes me feel so warm and fuzzy #this au is really my baby and i love watching it get showered in love

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chvnnie · 1 year ago

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@strayingawayy

THE LETTER WRITING TAG PLEASE I’M SCREAMING 💀

your responses always make my heart swell omg. i’m so in love with the tags and look forward to reading them. also eyeballing this playlist???

Letter Two: Nightmares

Love Letters Series Page

wc: 4.7k

genre: angst

summary: when the world's a nightmare, it's hard to deal with your own.

this is a work of fiction. this fic in no way represents the stray kids members as people or as a whole. you are responsible for the media you consume. please read responsibly.

series taglist: @straystayvlive, @fawnpeaks, @strayingawayy, @almighty-obsession, @ershyni, @chai-papa, @moon0fthenight, @djeniryuu, @boomfrogg, @everglowdaisies — comment to be added

Hey, you.

You know what I’ve been thinking about lately?

The day the world went to shit.

I remember the razor nicking my jaw, tongue between teeth as I hissed. Fuck, the sting of it was awful. The razor fell in the sink, taking your attention from your book.

“You okay?” You ask, leaning in the bed to get a look in the bathroom. You laughed when you saw the little toilet paper square stuck to my face.

“It’s not funny.”

Though, I was smiling. I like hearing you laugh. God, I can’t wait to be with you again.

I remember washing my hands before I started to clean the wound, the show cutting to commercial break.

If you or your loved one have ever taken the drug by the name Nottingal, you may be entitled to financial compensation.

Just a common, everyday drug. Why would we give it more thought?

An oddly cold weekend in March. You walked the dog, I went to the gym with Changbin. Our lives crossed over around lunchtime, stuffed in the tiny apartment kitchen as we tried to make our meals.