#love it when my butler is an attractive old man

[scarameownya]

need to go insane and wild abt a humanized robot for one day

[vintagetvstars]

Timothy Dalton Vs. Colin Firth

Propaganda

Timothy Dalton - (Jane Eyre, Scarlett, Framed) - "...Yes he was Bond, but he is also the man Jane Eyre fans have to complain about because he is ‘too attractive’ to be Mr Rochester (but he plays it the best, of course). He is the only man with enough old-school charm to follow in Clark Gable’s shoes as Rhett Butler, and so devastatingly devious in a homoerotic ITV miniseries called Framed (it’s on YouTube) ... He brings a theatrical gravity; a sense of humour; and those killer, send-me-straight-to-heaven blue eyes to every single role, and if you don’t vote for him, very simply, you are wrong." Full Text propaganda included below the cut.

Colin Firth - (Pride & Prejudice) - He IS Mr Darcy and I love him!!!

- No Negative Propaganda Please -

Master Poll List | How to submit propaganda | What is vintage? (FAQ)

Additional propaganda below the cut

Timothy Dalton:

Love of my life, thy name is Timothy Dalton. I have been in a monomaniacal, all-consuming and tragically one-sided relationship with this man for too many years now. It’s frankly embarrassing. Just a look from him makes my knees weak, idk how his female costars coped. Whenever I bring up anything in conversation my friends know there must be a link to him, it’s that bad, in fact I’m the only reason 100% of my peers even know his name.

Yes he was Bond, but he is also the man Jane Eyre fans have to complain about because he is ‘too attractive’ to be Mr Rochester (but he plays it the best, of course). He is the only man with enough old-school charm to follow in Clark Gable’s shoes as Rhett Butler, and so devastatingly devious in a homoerotic ITV miniseries called Framed (it’s on YouTube). I also have to shout out his episode of Charlie’s Angels, in which he sports the shortest and swoon-worthiest shorts known to man while mastering being the boy-toy of Farrah Fawcett (I cried when my parents deleted my recording of it on tv at a particularly low point of my life). He brings a theatrical gravity; a sense of humour; and those killer, send-me-straight-to-heaven blue eyes to every single role, and if you don’t vote for him, very simply, you are wrong.

Colin Firth:

[starlightsuffered]

Miss October

Info - model reader, reader with big boobs and big ass, down to earth reader, saving a dog, instantly whipped Timothée, Timmy's POV, daddy kink, possessiveness, hair pulling, man tasting his own cum, spit kink, dom male, confident reader turned subby, switching positions, ass slap, pussy slap, nipple twist, yelling at someone until they cry

I knew her of course. Miss October, famous for the biggest bust and ass size in over ten years. I felt like a pervert for knowing her off that basis. I had looked into her though, admittedly after getting hard to her when I laid eyes on her.

She loved music, and animals. She donated many of her proceeds to animal hospitals and such. She was very well spoken and talked at length about how attractiveness and intelligence didn't have to be so separated. I'd found myself being fond of her immediately.

She was talking to one of the waiters. I was working up the courage to speak to her. She looked so kind and down to earth.

Her dress looked like a disco ball, gleaming every way she turned. Somehow she gave very old Hollywood vibes even though I couldn't pinpoint why.

I was lost in thought about how she'd dated Tommy Lee and how now she was rumored to be dating Austin Butler. That's when I looked up and realized l'd lost her. I looked all around and then I saw her. Austin was in fact leading her out of the party.

I felt my heart sink. I dumped my alcohol down the first sink I found and left the party. I cursed myself for not making a move.

A week later I was on a walk in the light drizzle of New York. I was pretty well protected with a hoodie, sweats, and sunglasses. I had my AirPods in, and was listening to some Bob Dylan in preparation for my project.

That's when I saw her. She was in the street, pulling at the collar of a dog. Of course she'd be trying to save a dog, she was as sweet as they came. I raced after her when I saw a taxi roaring down the street. I yanked her and the dog back just in time.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" I screamed.

"What?" She asked worriedly.

"You could've been killed!" I snarled. I didn't realize until I shook the hair out of my face that she was crying.

"Oh! Oh I'm sorry sweetie," I said worriedly.

"Why would you scream at me?"

I searched my heart. Why had I done what l'd done? I felt oddly worried and possessive of this girl I didn't even know. I sighed and looked away.

"I was just worried," I said slowly.

"You can make it up to me by helping me see if this guy has an owner," she said, patting the mutt. I smiled at the dog and ruffled its ears.

"I'd love to," I smiled. "And I uh, also like the confidence," I added sheepishly.

"Well aren't you a doll," she winked. It went straight to my cock. I shoved my hands in my pockets to rearrange my pants.

We walked the dog to the vet and her and I found out it had no owner. She was quick to say she'd adopt it and name it October. "After a recent success" she said, as if I didn't know exactly what she meant.

This was how y/n and I became close friends. There was always that yearning though. That feelings if felt since I'd first ever saw her. I never knew if she felt anywhere near the same. It was more than just sexual now. I wanted her in every way a man could want someone.

"Hey there, how's October?" I asked over the phone.

"Well he's a bit sad that his mommy is leaving," she chuckled.

"Leaving! Where?" | demanded. Why did I feel so damn possessive.

"I've got to go to France, I'm doing a photoshoot with Gaspard Ulliel," she explained. "But don't worry l've got him the best dog sitter money can buy."

"It's not that..." I trailed off awkwardly.

"Well, I don't know what YOUR issue is," she said sassily. "But I was gonna ask if you wanted to come with me. I don't know France."

"You, you want me?" I asked in shock.

"Yes Timmy, you're my only French friend," she giggled. My heart sunk a bit. Just because I was French.

"I'll be there, you can count on me," I promised.

We both got to France and had a nice dinner at a restaurant. I swear the tension could be cut with a knife but she didn't seem to notice at all. Was this girl gulping down clueless juice? When I said goodnight I felt like like l wanted to kiss her more than I ever had.

The next day I made sure I looked perfect. I wasn't quite sure what Gaspard looked like, but I wanted to look better.

"You look dashing," she smiled when I came out. She looked so dazzling I nearly couldn't speak.

"Come on," she said. I think she confused my dazed appearance for laziness. She pulled me along and before I knew it we were in the studio.

"Ah, welcome, welcome," the handsome man smiled.

"Y/n, ma Cherié, I am so glad you agreed to this," Gaspard smiled and I could tell he was exaggerating his accent.

I rolled my eyes as he kissed her hand.

"Anything you want, anything at all, and it's yours. I've had the gifts sent to your dressing room," he said with a bow. He acted like the fucking candle from beauty and the beast.

"The gifts?" She asked.

"You are to be with me twelve days yes?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Well, I shall give you that amount of gifts for each day," he smirked.

"Is that really appropriate," | growled.

"Every beautiful girl deserves spoiled. Wouldn't you agree Chalamet?" He chuckled.

"Come on y/n," I snapped and grabbed her hand.

"Where are you going?" Called Gaspard, and I smiled because he sounded put out.

"Gonna check out the fucking gifts!" I called over my shoulder. I shoved her her in the dressing room and pushed her against the wall.

"What is going on?" She asked in confusion.

"You really don't know what's happening?" | asked.

"No," she said and quirked her head to the side in adorable confusion.

"Just, just," ahhh," I nearly pulled my hair out. Before I knew what | was doing 1 I spun her. I ripped up her dress.

When her sparkling thong was pulled down I saw the deliciousness of her cunt. I cursed in French.

"Timothée?" She asked. I cursed again and pulled down my pants and boxers. She rubbed her thighs together and I cursed a third time. She just couldn't make me stop being vulgar.

"Let me claim you," I growled.

"Wh-what?" She asked.

"With my cock, please. Don't be Gaspard's, or Austin's, or fucking Tommy Lee's. Be mine, be mine only. Let me claim the hottest body in the world," I whispered.

"I had no idea you wanted that, of course you can," she said. She pressed herself against the wall further, and turned her head so that she didn't hurt her forehead.

I slammed my cock into her pussy and she let out a sharp shout. I began to pump in and out. She was so damn tight.

"You think I didn't want this gorgeous ass?" I asked and slapped her cheek. She squealed. I enjoyed the jiggle of her ass.

"You think I didn't want to sink my cock into that pretty pussy. Don't you want to be marked and owned by me.

Don't you want them to have to airbrush the shit out of you because l've covered you in my desire."

"Oh Timothée," she gasped. I wrapped her hair around my hand, but pulled back gently. Showing her I was in charge but not hurting her. Now her neck was exposed and I sucked like a vampire.

"D-Daddy," she moaned and I stopped everything.

"What did you just say?" I said in a low, venomous tone.

"Daddy," her voice was small and not as confident as usually. For some reason her switch from confident sass to trembling need was so sexy.

I began to thrust even harder. The sounds of my hips slapping her ass were echoing.

"So confident one second, but now you need daddy's dick," I said cockily. My hands slid up her dress and fondled her large breasts as I fucked her.

"Please daddy, fuck your baby girl," she begged.

"Such a naughty girl getting presents from other men. You're mine, fucking mine you hear me?" I snarled as I tweaked her nipples. She let out a cry.

"Don't tell me you can't take daddy's cock," | teased.

"I can, I can, oh daddy I promise," she gasped.

I aggressively pulled out of her. I ripped her dress off. She had her thong around her ankles and her breasts out of her bra. She looked like a wet dream. I anchored my hands on her wide hips. I slammed my cock back in her. I was wildly fucking her, wanting her to be cum drunk by the time she went back to Gaspard.

"You like daddy's cock right Miss October? Your fill ass, and heavy tits, and gorgeous body like Daddy?" I asked her.

"Yes daddy! I love it all," she whined. I grabbed her leg and and lifted it to wrap around my waist. I was hitting her at a whole new angle. She was crying out with each slam of my cock. I was feasting on her neck. I wanted it to be a mass of purple.

"Daddy, I'm gonna come. Daddy can I?" She begged.

"Not, fuck, yet," | grunted. I slapped her tit and it jiggled too. I was so obsessed.

"Fuck, you can come soon baby girl," I moaned. I pulled out, and slapped her pussy. She yelped and I massaged it aggressively.

"You like that? You like that? Does Daddy's girl like being man handled?" I growled out.

"Yes daddy," she gasped. She was heaving her ample chest going up and down quickly. I pushed my cock back into her to pump.

"Daddy please," she said in a high pitched voice. She sounded so good!

"Are you daddy's?" | asked.

"Yes I belong to you," she agreed.

"Have I claimed you properly?"

"Yes, yes, you do it so well," she whimpered.

"Come then my dear," I ordered.

"Aahhhhhhh!" She wailed pathetically. She was shaking and convulsing as her orgasm overwhelmed her. I was breathing heavily as I went balls deep and began to squirt cum into her. I was fucking it deeper as we both groaned and gasped.

"F-fuck," she moaned as she came down.

"You gotta go back now darling," I said with a smirk.

"W-wait no," she whined.

"Ah, ah, ah, you need to do your job," I said as I pulled up her thong. I couldn't resist getting on my knees and using my tongue to scoop out some of my own cum. I lifted it up to her mouth. I told her to open with my eyes.

She whimpered and I drooled saliva and cum into her mouth. She moaned as she swallowed.

"Good girl," I said and promptly pulled up her thong and put her breasts back where they belonged. She obediently put on her dress when I told her to.

"Now get out there," I said and slapped her ass. I watched her walk out with satisfaction. That ass never disappointed.

[grimescum]

it's been great seeing your walter posts in the hellsing tag 🫡 do you have any head-canons to share?

GEHEUEHEHUEEHHEE THANK YOU KIND ANON!!!!! hum... i think i already made a post about this on my older blog? but i dont really wanna find it + its probably really old so... here :o3 some new and some old just for u

- i Do Not like the depictions of walter where he's, like, a genuinely sick in the head and fucked up individual. it just seems grossly extreme to me. different strokes for different folks though

that being said, i do agree he's definitely not well. i think he has bpd,, mostly out of me projecting and what not but also because i think it just makes sense. growing up distanced from the people around you and not receiving proper emotional support does that to a mf

he's got a facade up damn near all the time. inoffensive, orderly, agreeable, prim and proper. not to manipulate the people around him for his own gain, but because he knows thats what other people want. anything less and he'd be a bad butler, and therefore, effectively useless

- not really a hc since this is just kind of a fact? but ill say it here because its what draws me to him the most: he's afraid of being rendered useless.

- he's not an emotional guy. i dont think he feels much most days. all his smiles are about as fake as the teeth he would've needed if he went on for much longer. i think he's been somewhat resigned to his fate for a while now, but that doesn't stop him from thinking what if every now and again

- he certainly is a jealous little bitch but he keeps that inside. if he ever got therapy he'd need like explosives and shit to properly get all of that pent up emotion out

- ^^ i think thats why he gets a bit sadistic when fighting others. its just a way to vent all that frustration

- i dont think he had many plans, if any at all, to turn on hellsing. he definitely had thoughts, but i think it all caught up to him one night and he just decided it was too much, and that he had nothing to lose that he wouldn't lose later on. either he lives an unremarkable existence in the shadow of alucard or tries to surpass that (he didnt) (he failed) (lol). ties into my bpd headcanon with impulsivity being a symptom

- he would've loved to have been a father at some point but has since abandoned it for many reasons. seras is about the closest he has to a daughter and the most he's opened up to someone emotionally, but he still keeps himself at an arms length.

- i like to think he grew out his hair at some point during the 80s for a mullet but liked having it long

- i also think he'd be big on rock when he was younger!! he tried it at first just because it was popular, but he found that it really spoke to him. i don't think he's much of a music guy outside of that though. maybe some jazz

- he is an incredibly lonely individual, as is expected of a butler. he can handle flirting somewhat but the idea of someone being genuinely attracted to him for who he is turns him into a sappy old-fashioned loverboy

- former christian. he still thinks there is a god (evidenced by vampires obviously) but that god has not been very kind to him to lead him down this path so why gaf

- very meticulous about keeping up his appearance. not a serious headcanon but its funny to imagine him up all night plucking each and every grey hair out of his head. if not just to look as presentable as possible, then it also helps his confidence. its nice to know that his apprarance is one of the few things he has control over

- speaking of which ??? i think hes confident.. but only in the persona he's made for himself yk. not in the real him who's body could fail him anytime. not the human part of him.

- not good at taking compliments but loves them. praise him too much and too often and you'd finally see him emotional i think. really, letting this man know that his worth is not defined by how useful he is to others would fix him

- i think his monocle is both for appearances and because he's got a bum eye, trying to hide it in a way that fits

- poor guy doesn't sleep well most nights. his morning tea, if he's able to have any, is highly caffeinated (i dont think he'd be that much of a coffee guy- not to mention the whole tea drinking thing is befitting of a british butler, so he'd roll with it)

- i'm on my period... so.... like.... i'm going to get a little freaky on main rn (feel free to skip over this, its nothing explicit) but i get So Sick of people seeing him as the daddy dom archetype. like yea older man ouuuu i have daddy issues oauauuu choke me whatever but i'm more inclined to think that he'd actually too insecure about his ability to please his partner to be that way. atleast, not without some sort of affirmation.

again, different strokes for different folks, but like. he is bordering 70. he grew up in the 1930s. i cannot be the only one who thinks this. or maybe i'm just a huge pervert idk (yes ❤️)

- in a similar vein, i'm glad that i havent seen any fanart of him muscular because i would be so mad but in the most respectful way possible – this man is, like, rail thin. i do think he does a decent amount of exercise when he can so its not like he's not a pile of bones. i'll admit that i've maybe drawn him a bit too skinny in the past though

ok my pain meds r kicking in and making me sleepy... if some things r kinda incoherent thats why. THANK U AGAIN ANON!!!

[zestyaahbutler]

any nsft headcanons on Walter/ or young adult Walter?

Nsfw Headcanons for Walter

MDNI 18+ ONLY 🔞

This is such an old ask and I'm not sure why I was so intimidated to answer. Whoopsies

FYI as the asker said, this is all young adult to old Walter. Don't be a goofy and go in my inbox asking for young Walter. No seriously you're gonna get blocked.

That being said, enjoy!!

--------------------------🧵----------------------------

While Walter acts as the Hellsing butler and is seen as polite, I reckon its different in the bedroom.

He grew up while serving Arthur Hellsing who is a known womanizer. His practices definetly rubbed off. As a vampire hunter, butler, and university student at one point, he would've barely had time to commit to a relationship. Prostitutes would've been a semi regular indulgence for him.

Hes likely had flings but they never last too long besides a few dates.

It was never a problem about whether he could pull, he's always been a handsome and charming man, it was how well he felt he could commit. He never wanted to ruin a relationship because he was far too busy and wasn't ready.

As for orientation, I personally see him as a closeted bisexual. Only because of the time period he grew up in, I don't think he would ever admit to himself that he found another man attractive in a romantic/lustful light.

With his partners he's typically a dom to account for the whole family butler role. Its not neccesarily that he dislikes his job, but it's mainly just taking control in a part of his life that he can't get in his work life.

How rough or unaccomodating he is really depends on his mood. He's capable of being a gentle dom who gives praise for how well his partner is pleasing him as he is with using them like a means to an end that only benefits him.

@aristocraticpeasantgirl once mentioned that he would be the type to being his partner tea with extra sugar for energy as aftercare. On the topic of that, he'd be great at serving his partner after the fact. If he's with someone then he definetly goes the extra mile to make sure they feel loved and comfortable afterwards.

It's common concensus among Walter simps that he would be one kinky mother fucker. But that man definetly knows he needs to make sure his partner's boundaries accommodate that. He always asks before doing and when trying something new, he eases his partner in. There is always a plan in case he oversteps. Yeah it's a bit of a joke that he is that formal even during love making but he aims to please even when he is the one on top.

Walter is a leg man for women bur definetly someone who enjoys good arms on a man. The girl doesn't neccesarily have to be slender or more on the plump side, he's all up for whatever his partner has as long as he gets to run his hands up their thighs. He mainly enjoys whenever his partners contrast his own slimmer physique. He's up for the more toned or plumper individual.

For him he loves it when his partners are either way shorter or taller than him.

As for kinks, BDSM, rope play, role play, knife play, wax play. I don't think there's anything he hasn't tried or atleast thought about. Doss he have ones he won't do, of course but relatively he's up for anything. He's a sadistic bastard. That being said, he'd let his partner take control if we're able to wear him down enough.

He enjoys the journey more than someone who only wants the destination. Foreplay is a must and he enjoys torturing his partner and making them beg.

👏LET👏IT👏BE👏KNOWN👏

This man still definetly would fuck in his older years. So you too, can yearn to grind this man's bones into dust. It becomes less pressing as he gets over but it doesn't mean the desire ever ceases. We literally see this dude do acrobatics at 69. He still has it in him to break someone else's back. He is definetly still healthy enough to still have a good libido. If anything, he likely regrets not being more impulsive when he was younger. If he lived as a vampire, he would definetly explore his more selfish desires more.

@hellogreyeyedathena has a great post for that.

Thank you for the ask! If anyone else has any specific headcanons they'd like for other characters, just ask! I'm bored and will someday get to them when I'm motivated enough.

[victorzhuzhakin]

If there are more people here who are interested in robot/human couples, then I want to show you my characters!

                                           HENRY AND MAGNUS!!!

Henry is a robot butler who lives with a woman he helps (she's a lesbian btw) He has the personality and demeanor of a stereotypical old grumpy British man. Many people consider him to be a defective robot because he doesn't follow commands and has a personality. He is also annoying and chatty.

Magnus Farrimond is an old scientist who has devoted his life to creating robots and studying their life. To be honest, he's kind of obsessed with old robots that don't look humans...

They met by chance thanks to Janko (the woman Henry lives with). Henry was a long-time fan of Magnus (Henry has been around for about 200 years) and his scientific work, so when he first saw him live he was delighted. 

Janko thought that Henry would bother Magnus with her presence, but Magnus wanted to continue communicating with Henry after their first meeting.

After a while, they realized that they were in love with each other. But Henry found it hard to accept, because he doesn't quite understand what it means. And also because he denied that he was gay, although in his entire "life" he had never been attracted to either women or men (robots or people).

In sum, hey found each other. Magnus was the first person in 200 years who didn't treat Henry with disdain and accept his queerness. Henry is glad that Magnus treats him equally and sees him as something of a human being.

God they really are husbands

Bro horny...

Magnus also has a son, Archibald, who is also a robot, but looks like a human. He and Henry are on neutral terms because they just don't know how to treat each other.  (Archibald was created 30 years ago and mentally he is also an adult, never mind he looks like a teenager lol)

Thank you for your attention to my characters, tell me what you think of them (please)

[faegoddessog]

 Seventy Two Hours of Bliss Ch. 8/41

Chapter 8: The Goddess at Natural Bridge

Chapter Warnings: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only, dominant female character, cunnilingus, unprotected PIV (please play safely!)

Series Masterlist

Series Summary:

You are neighbors with Austin Butler on the Gold Coast of Australia just prior to shooting Elvis. You become just friends because he is taken. However, after he is single again, you both find out just how attracted you are to one another and things get unrelentingly hot.

SERIES WARNING: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only,  here there be lemons.

Author's Notes: I started writing this while remodeling my kitchen, so that informed the slightly quirky narrative. It starts slow, but once it heats up, it is on fire. I have tried to pull facts from RL as much as I could, but obviously there are some assumptions and flat out dreamy wishes  involved here. 

Chapter 8: The Goddess at Natural Bridge

After a quick rinse off and a delicious breakfast of homemade waffles, you talk about what to do next.

“Let’s go for a drive and a picnic!!” you say, “I have a car in the garage downstairs."

“Are you ok with driving on the wrong side?” he asks.

“Oh yeah, switching is not a problem for me,” you wink, you aren't sure if he caught your reference.

“I am down if I can get out without being seen,” he says, “it’s our 3 days after all.”

You guys pack a lunch and head downstairs. You pile him under some nonsense in the back of the old Land Rover and drive out. As you stop at the entrance waiting to turn, a man with a camera runs up to your open window.

“Hey, have you met Austin Butler yet? He’s supposed to be living in this building,” the man asks.

“I do not know ooo zat ees. Leaf me alon, shoo,’’ you say in your best French accent.

“Il est en acteur,“ the man replies en francais.

“Je n’ai pas le temps pour les acteurs. S’en aller!” you say in perfect, haughty, French and wave him away. He flips you off as you drive away. After about 10 min of driving, you tell Austin the coast is clear, no one was following you.

“Was that French? ” he says, untangling himself from his cover and climbing into the front seat.

“Yeah, I speak enough to get by,” you say smiling, feeling really cool for sneaking him out and showing off your French.

"That was awesome, what did you tell him?" he asks.

"He said you were an actor and I told him I didn't have time for actors and to go away. I enjoyed the irony," you reply laughing.

“Where are we headed?” he asks.

“A place called Natural Bridge, I’ve heard it is really cool,” you inform him. You point to the radio, “you are the tune commander, let's get some driving music going!”

“ As long as yer OK wi' Elvis…” he drawls.

“I ‘spose that’ll do, hunny,” you say in your own southern accent.

You drive inland, about an hour. Most of the drive you both are just enjoying the views, the tunes, the feeling of freedom and allowing space for introversion. Your backside is a little sore, but it’s a delicious kind of sore that reminds you of squirming on Austin’s cock.

When you arrive, there are no other cars in the parking lot, which apparently is a miracle. You set off on the short walk to the waterfall. It’s all jungle and wooded. The pool of water under the cave-like waterfall looks so inviting, but the sign said ‘no swimming’ so you don’t even mention it. You guys have a lovely walk, just enjoying the nature therapy. You have always found waterfalls exhilarating, the power of water over time on something so hard as stone.

Austin brought his camera and is snapping pics of you in front of the waterfall, leaning on trees etc. He keeps giving you directions like a proper photographer, telling you to 'make sure you are thinking of something'. Clearly he loves the creative process of it. You have never modeled before, but this is just playing around, so you do your best and follow his directions. He shows you how to use it and you take a couple of him. You refuse to let him put his model face on, you want him just being him.

As you both stand at the railing in the cave and watch the water pound down through the hole it carved above, he slips in behind you, arms around your waist. One hand slipping under the waistband of your biking shorts, the tips of his long fingers gently pressing your mons.

“How’s about we find somewhere off the beaten path?” he says in your ear. Sex outside was one of the ideas he had talked about last night.

You lean back into him, one hand snaking up to the side of his head. ‘MMMmhmm, I thought you’d never ask,” you turn your head to kiss him.

He takes his hand out from your pants and grabs your hand. You start walking, scanning the path for a suitable spot. You think about the covered picnic tables, but then reject them, even though they seem to provide some cover, you could be set upon at any moment there.

You find what looks like a game trail on the far edge of the 1km walking path that branches off the main trail. After about 5 min into the jungle it ends at the stream. You decide to walk up the stream for a bit and find what looks to be the perfect spot. Overhung with bushes between a tree and water on the other side of the stream.

“C’mon!” you shout to be heard over the rushing water.

You wade across in your Chacos. Austin shakes his head, and starts to untie his hiking boots. The water is only 10 ish feet across and not too deep. The coolness on your feet is a lovely counterpoint to the jungle warmth as you make your way across, splashing just for fun.

Once across, you duck under the large bush and find a perfect little hiding spot. After checking for any sign of ants or biting insects, you open your backpack and pull out the blanket you brought, spreading it over the little pebble beach underfoot.

Austin takes his time getting across. As you toe off your hiking sandals, he ducks in just behind you, carrying his shoes, stepping gingerly on the wee rocks with his bare feet,

“This is perfect, I couldn’t see you at all once you were in here.” His hands are wrapping around your waist again, pulling you to him.

Feeling his naked skin, you realize he has already taken his shirt off. You turn around, running your hands up his bare chest, up to his face, and pull him into a deep kiss. He is kissing you back, crushing you to him. You feel wrapped in him as he hunches slightly over you in this shorter space. When he pulls back a bit, you get your hands on the button and zip of his fly and undo them. You reach down under his waistband. He groans in the back of his throat as your hand closes around him and you pull out his gorgeous cock.

“I like it when you make those noises.” you say, “Lets me know that you like what I am doing.”

“Oh, I do like it. So far I like everything you do,” he says, kissing you hard, “and everything you want me to do to you.” He pulls his shorts and underwear down and off. He lowers to his knees in front of you, kissing your belly as you pull off your top and sports bra. Your breasts in the fresh air feel amazing. His fingers are brushing across one of your nipples, sparking with the bump of each finger, while his mouth finds the other. His tongue flicks across the tip. Your fingers run through his black hair, holding his head to you as he sucks and sends sweet tendrils of pleasure that make your pussy clench. Hooking his fingers on your shorts, he peels them down.

“Oh my,” he exclaims, ”no underthings again! Damn baby, you are a dirty girl.”

Your coquettish face says ‘who me’ as you pull off your shorts.

He continues on to your other breast, he looks up at you with those stunning blue eyes and smiles with your breast in his mouth.

All of a sudden, it hits you. How the fuck did you get here? In the rainforest, with your own personal dark Adonis worshiping at your feet as though you were Aphrodite Herself. Indeed you do feel like a goddess standing there unashamedly naked, in the wild with him kneeling before you, his long hard cock ready to pleasure you. The thought makes you bold. If You are a goddess, then he has to do as You wish. You take a deep breath, pulling energy up from the earth on the inhale and down from above on the exhale.

You reach down and grasp his chin pulling him away from Your tit. Looking at him with power and lust in Your eyes. “I am your Goddess, am I not.”

He nods slowly. You had talked a little about power plays last night, so he is going with it, if hesitant.

“You say, ‘Yes My Lady’”, still holding his chin.

“Yes My Lady,” he jumps into the part, now that he knows his line, with a look of utter devotion.

“Mmm,” You lean down and say in his ear, “ I love that your cock,” You reach down and cup him,“ is ready for Me and I plan on riding you until I cum all over it.”

He bounces a bit in Your hand as he clenches.

”If you are good, I will let you cum too,” You give his balls a little pat, then straighten up.

“I want you to use that delicious tongue to make sure I am good and wet." Legs spread, Your hips thrust forward. He sits back on his heels to get his face low enough.

“Yes, My Lady” he says with a smile as he presses his face to Your nook. He starts out lapping slowly at Your bare lips with a flat tongue.

As he reaches up his hands to help, You say: “No hands, I want only your mouth on me. And don’t think about touching yourself either, that is for Me to play with.”

“Yes My Lady” He says lips against Your peach, and he puts his hands behind his back.

Pressing his face to You, his tongue dips between Your lips then strokes up and out, grazing Your clit on the way. He goes in again, tongue going a little deeper this time, flicking back and forth at Your entrance then licking up.

“Mm, that’s good. Do it again, deeper and longer, and look at me.” You reach above with one hand to hold on to a branch steadying Yourself.

“Yef Ma ladah” He mumbles as he dives into Your muff, wiggling his head back and forth to get as deep as he can.

His nose pressed against the little patch of hair You keep, tongue curling along Your lips and thrusting as far as he can into Your slit. The sight of this astoundingly gorgeous man on his knees; head tilted back; praying at the oldest altar known to humankind; never taking his eyes off Yours; is breathtaking. If You weren’t being a Goddess right now, You would be a puddle at his feet. You put one hand on his head, holding it still as You crush Your pelvis into his face for a heartbeat. He flicks his tongue onto Your clit as You pull his face away. A string of wetness bridges from his mouth to Your cunt. His chin is dripping.

You didn’t think he could get hotter. You were wrong.

“Lie back” You say, stepping to the side.

As he complies he says, “Please My Lady, may I have more of Your sweet nectar on my tongue?”

In any other context it would be ridiculously corny, but here, in this unexpected scene, it somehow works. You were trying to decide whether to ride his face or his cock next anyway.

“Awww, such a good devotee, always wanting to please Me.”

You stand over his chest and holding on to his hands for support, lower down, knees on either side of his head. He cranes his head up as You lower down, eagerly sucking and licking Your clit and alternating with dipping his tongue into You as far as he can.

Goddess it feels good. You start feeling the seeds of an orgasm sprout under your nub.

"mmmm yeeeeessss. That's it pet.," You lift up and sit back, giving him breathing room.

Panting just a little, he looks up at You through heavily lidded eyes, deep in lust. You casually reach behind and start toying with hard cock. He groans at Your touch.

"That was excellent, pet. I was quite close to drenching your face. Do you want that? Can you take more?" You ask.

His only answer is to reach his face towards Your pussy, tongue out and flicking.

"Ah, Ah," You tighten Your grip on his dick. "What do we say?"

"Yes, my Lady Goddess." his tone is begging for more.

"Mmm, that is better," as you settle back down on his face, his mouth devouring You. You can’t help but start rocking back and forth across his tongue and mouth, trying not to grind too hard into his beautiful face. You start pinching Your nipples and moaning. He doubles his efforts and manages to catch Your clit and sucks hard. Suddenly the dam breaks and You have to shove Your hand into your mouth to keep from screaming into the jungle. Your juices flow onto his face and he laps greedily at your cunt with little growls of pleasure.

Pulling back, Austin’s messy face is smiling up at You. ‘Thank you My Lady.”

You move back along his body, taking his wet face in Your hands.

“My pussy juices gracing your face is the only thing that could make you look even better than you do already, my pet,” You croon to him before you lean down and kiss him hard, tasting yourself on his tongue.

"Now, touch me,” You order.

"Yes My Lady" His bottom lip brushing yours as he says the words of acquiescence.

His hands eagerly stroke up Your legs and hips and back with his fingertips. He runs his hands over Your ass, reminding You of the soreness there and how this morning your roles were opposite. You take his lower lip between Your teeth as part of Your kiss. A low growl escapes Your throat. You grab his shaft, rubbing the tip of him around the entrance of Your pussy to get it good and wet.

“I’m going to take you inside of Me now,” You say against his ear, as a little moan escapes him, “I want to hear in that luscious voice of yours how much you appreciate and love getting to be that close to your Goddess, Understand?”

“Yes My lady,” he says with a nod.

You start to slide down, on hands and knees over him, eyes closed, glorying in the feel of him inside You, especially just after a clit orgasm.

“Oh. My, Lady,” he gasps with each breath, in Your ear. “You. Feel. So. Exquisite. Wrapped a-a-a round me.”

You smile and start to move along his length, up and down.

“Being inside of You is heaven, My Lady.”

You start to move faster, up and down.

“Tasting you still on my tongue is my reverie" his deep voice in Your ear making You hotter.

You are slamming up and down on him, grinding Your clit onto his pubis as You fill Yourself with him.

“I love it when you use me. Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he moans, head thrown back.

It feels so good, but it’s not quite enough.

“I need you to thrust into me dear one, I need you hard and deep now,” You say in his ear. You sit up hovering a bit above him to give him room to fuck You, and so You can rub Your clit.

“Yes, My lady” he moans as he starts to drive into You.

You place his hands on Your tits, “Pinch My nipples," he obeys.

”You feel so good, My Goddess.” He says, tilting his head so he can watch himself slide in and out of You.

You feel transcendent with him beneath You, plunging into You, naked in the forest. The wild surrounding you both. As You rub Your clit with Your fingertips, You couldn't stop Yourself pitching over the edge into that incomparable oblivion if You tried. You moan out a string of ‘yesses’ and ‘fucks’ as You clench around him, full body twitching on top of him.

"Stop" You command, catching Your breath. He is trying to stop thrusting, but can’t quite. His hands are gripping Your hips, holding on for dear life.

“May I, My Lady?” he groans, eyes shut, through clenched teeth.

For a quick second, You think about telling him no, but You aren't that cruel of a Goddess.

“Yes,” You say breathlessly leaning over him, “fuck My pussy until your cum drips from it.”

Permission given, begins thrusting harder and faster than before. Your eyes and mouth gasp open as You feel him hitting all Your spots again. You are so sensitive still, You don’t even need to touch Your clit to start feeling Yourself rise again. He grins at Your reaction. “Oh gods,” You moan at him, You are about to break again when You hear him through gritted teeth.

“Oh. My. Fucking. Goddess.” Thrusting with each word, cumming deep inside You.

“Don’t stop” You demand. A half dozen more thrusts and You are coming undone all over him, screaming soundlessly, jerking and bucking, grinding, hands digging into his shoulders, feeling Your juices and his cum sliding between you. You lay down on top of him, both of you twitching and panting, smiling. Intoxicated by one another.

“Oh wow, that was fucking hot Austin. I am jello. Thank you.” you breath, head on his chest. His arms are wrapped around you.

“Oh no, thank you My Lady, " using your Honorific one last time. "Damn, I’ve never been ordered around quite like that before. It was kind of freeing, not having to decide what to do next.” You can hear the lazy smile in his voice.

“Yeah, it’s kinda nice to just do as you’re told sometimes, like this morning. It wasn't too much for you?” You inquire.

“Oh no, The goddess thing was surreal, you all of a sudden just turned into this imposing figure that I wanted to please,” he says with a little awe in his voice, “it was amazing, you are amazing.”

“MMM Thank you love. If that is true, it is because I'm right here, right now, with you.” You prop your head up on his chest, he pulls you up into a sweet kiss.

"What made you decide to do that? Did you plan it?" he asks after laying his head back down and snuggling you to him.

“No, it was total spur of the moment. Us being naked out here, you kneeling in front of me, I just felt like Aphrodite being worshiped by Adonis, so I thought, why not?” you laugh.

“If worship were always like that, I’d go to church more,” Austin shakes his head.

“If you think about it, sex is the closest to our creator we can get. It is literally the physical act of creation. One could make an argument that it’s the oldest way to praise the deity,” you soapbox a little.

"I've never thought of it like that, but you can be my goddess anytime hunny," he slips into Elvis a bit, not even realizing it.

You recover together, eating the picnic you brought. He asks if he can take pictures of you naked. You agree only if you can get copies. He asks you to pose like Aphrodite recreates a few sexy memorable moments from the past hour. You even lay down at the edge of the creek for him, water flowing over your naked body.

"Where are you going to have those developed? Aren't you scared they will leak?" you ask.

"No I do it myself. I used to have a dark room in my basement. So I'll find somewhere."

When you get back to the main path, you watch to make sure no one spies you stepping out from the woods. There was no sign saying you couldn’t, but better to keep it under wraps.

Austin holds your hand for the rest of the walk, rubbing your knuckles tenderly. There are definitely more people here now. You wonder if any of them can tell how much you both are glowing.

[enelea]

Episode 27 - Mortimer proves just how capable he still is.

"Well Brandi, I don't know what to tell you my friend. There's another Goth baby on the way." Dina giggled along with Brandi as she spoke to her on the landline phone in the kitchen. "Yes, I didn't want to get my hopes up too high when I married Mortimer, with regards to becoming a mother, but it turns out the man is more than capable." Of course, Dina didn't let Brandi in on the information that Nortan was not Mortimer's son but actually Don's. No one needed to know that little tidbit. He was such a sweet baby, so she never thought of him as the little insurance policy that he was originally intended to be. No he was her beautiful little baby boy and he would be attractive one day. So he would have a lot going for him. The Goth name, wealth and a mix of her and Don's looks. He would probably be better off in that department than this new baby, if he or she looked like Mortimer - poor little thing. But it sure couldn't hurt to have more kids with Mortimer as long as he could manage. It would just secure her position further.

She was feeding Nortan his bottle when her labor started. Thankfully the butler was there to help and take over like a loving grandfather. He was a decent and kind old man. All went well and a freckled little baby boy was soon born. The name Caliente was so suitable. A tribute to her maiden name. She felt satisfied with how things were going. No one could ever accuse her of letting the Goth bloodline die out...

Side note: Dina got a new hairstyle 😉

[j0kers-light]

Hello again, soldier 🫡

Uhhh random question time, who are your top 5 fictional men?AND what’s your hair routine, like what product do you use? Cuz I’m trying to change mine up a bit.

Hey hi Captain 🖤✨

Top five?! Put me on the spot will you. Like of all time? Oof that’s tough. Okay, y’all better not judge a hoe.

1) Ulquiorra “Bamboo” Cifer from Bleach. He’s my first for a reason and I’ll love him unconditionally no questions asked. He can rip out my heart and I’d thank him for it wow I love that man 🖤

2) Zuko from Avatar The Last Airbender. Purely platonic because I’m a Zutara shipper but when I first saw Zuko I knew. “He a good one.” and he hasn’t failed me yet. His redemption arc go crazy and Dante’s rent was due when he voiced Zuko. Just an amazing character all around like all hail Fire Lord Zuko in this house.

3) Joker from the DC Universe. You know him, you love him. What else is there to say? It doesn’t matter what version (yes it does🤭) The Joker is an ionic character that I’m always attracted to. I’ve always loved the villain in a story so Joker, someone who is evil incarnate, just does it for me. 🖤

4) Sesshomaru from Inuyasha. I’m taking it back old school! He’s my brother in law (inside joke and I ship SesshKag) I absolutely love his character in the show and movies. He was the ‘villain’ in the story but overtime we got background stories to prove otherwise plus his redemption arc went bonkers and his fanart is always🔥

5) Undertaker from Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler) I just wanna marry him and suck his dick. I am not ashamed. I haven’t seen not one fanart I didn’t love and his character within the show is 🤤🖤

Now! Onto hair routine 🥴🥴😆

Girl I’m a low maintenance girl with 4c hair. Nine times out of ten, I do a silk press because my hair texture is so annoying. Think of tiny coils compacted into a cotton ball. Ugh I hate it.

If I don’t detangle five minutes after I wash, it mats up automatica. So I use Design Essentials since it does the hard work for me. Black owned and they have all natural products for all natural hair.

I use their Agave and Lavender Blow Dry collection in tandem with their Detangling shampoo and Anti-Itch shampoo. Yes three shampoos, ya girl has needs.

I rinse with the blow dry collection’s conditioner and it’s game time. The clock is ticking and my hair is a beast to detangle. I prime and protect with a thermal serum to each section of my hair and use the products to help detangle with a wide tooth comb before blow drying.

By that time it’s an electrocuted Afro but it’ll revert back to curls if left untouched. So either I’m too tired to continue and I leave it as is or I move onto pressing it.

I use either my TYMO straightener or their flat iron to press my hair or use both if it’s a humid day. 

Other than that I wrap it up and my hair stays under a bonnet majority of the time. I’m not one for elaborate styles and stuff and I only unwrap the silk if I have a work meeting or if I’m leaving the house for longer than an hour.

My silk press on average lasts me a month or longer.

[moonlightchess]

Please forgive the writing rant, but god, I'm about ready to give up entirely. Sent in my latest chapter block to my editor, my current WIP is a commissioned romance novella that is quickly stretching into a full work. In it, my heroine Sara, a struggling sculptor/3D artist in her early 30s, hears a knock on her door early one evening. It turns out to be a very well-mannered young British man, a butler in fact, hand-delivering an invitation to her per the instructions of his employer. His employer turns out to be a man named Julian, who has been masquerading as a woman named "Paula Germaine" on paper for several years, in the interest of purchasing many of Sara's pieces without her knowing the real identity of her most prolific benefactor.

Julian's proposal is fairly simple: he grew up in hiding, the lost prince of a tiny Franco-Germanic nation that was absorbed fully into Switzerland in the 90s after their military was all but destroyed in a war with a bordering nation. To avoid total ruin, they denounced their queen, Julian's mother, and pled allegiance to Switzerland. Julian's mother fled to America with her small son to avoid assassination, and hid her son from potential kidnappers or murderers for over a decade. He rarely left his home as a child, but grew into an adult who is fluent in nine languages, has more than one doctorate, and after the death of his mother and his reluctant emergence into public life, the Swiss government allocated to him the royal inheritance that they'd been holding as no one knew where the lost prince of Valdoria had been for decades.

Before her death, Julian's mother had married an extremely wealthy day trader in New York, further supplementing the family's income and leaving Julian well beyond a millionaire when all was said and done. Now he's approaching 40, and while he's generally awkward and reserved socially, he also laughs uncontrollably at the faces barn owls make - nearly his entire TikTok FYP is owls, for some reason. He trips over everything, is self-conscious about his glasses, and he desperately wants to take care of Sara professionally. For him, this means financial support in every way she could possibly want or need - he proves his intent by opening an unlimited credit account in her name, directly connected to his own so that she has full access to his money. He expects literally nothing in return, has been terribly alone all his life and he fell in love with Sara's work long before he saw her face. He only wants to give her the world. A dream, right? And of course they're being stalked by some unhinged murderers because everyone loves a conflict.

My editor's thoughts:

1: "Sara's too old though, if he's only 40 she should be closer to 22 - 25."

2: "You described her hair as being short, you'll need to 86 that. No one's going to buy a book about a girl with a buzz cut being romanced."

3: "Also Julian's not intimidating enough, he should throw her around a little. Make a few demands for all the money he's offering to spend on her, you know? Cut out some of the quirks too, him being physically clumsy isn't attractive."

4: "He needs to be less shy too, basically just make him more aggressive and dominant. Looking forward to the next block!"

Me, having literally taken on this project in the sole interest of doing the exact opposite of everything she requested and writing a romantic hero who is vulnerable and gentle and emotionally wounded in ways that literally do not require him to force a woman to "save" or "fix" him:

[daandism]

some Daan/Marcoh headcanons

this will probably be my longest post ever

disclaimer: these are headcanons, please don't take everything seriously if you perhaps disagree with them. that's my personal opinion and in any way i want to offend or fight over hcs

Daniël Von Dutch

He's ambidextrous

Since his parents travelled a lot and he constantly was moving from one place to another, he knows some languages, later refined when he started to live with the Baron

Bisexual

He has some beauty marks on his face

His nose type is aquiline/hawk

After Elise's death, he keeps her engagement ring in his personal belongings; Daan says because she's now his guardian angel and need something to remind him of her

He has a habit of writing down his feelings in a diary and when all the pages are filled, he burns it

Androgynous-masculine aligned features (Buster Keaton, for example)

He has a quirk of clicking his tongue when upset

He tends to have a strong dutch accent when speaking words with "g"

Dandy & Goth

He fully shaves his eyebrows

He's from this country -> 🏳️‍⚧️

He usually wears dark grey or dark purple makeup (eye and lips)

Daan only smokes "stronger" cigarettes when he's stressed

He paints his nails black

He still have some habits from when he worked as a butler

Marcoh

He has two 1st languages: sicilian & italian

Left-handed

His surname is Santoro

Canon gay, but let me add some spice: he tried to date a girl when he was younger (family and old friends pressure, internalized homophobia as well) but he felt so bad and so self betrayed he preferred to not push it any further.

He also knows a bit of Latin and his english is almost fluent (with an obvious italian accent)

After every night with a one-night stand, he used to cry while praying to Alll-mer to forgive him for his "inclination". Nowadays it won't happen so often, but he still prays after being with another man

Chest and arms hair™

His nose is more prominent on the bridge

In addition to the 2 scars on the left side of his lips, he has a faint one near his right eye and another across his left eyebrow

He likes to wear fresh cologne on sunny days

Typical italian features (Massimo Girotti, for example)

Knows how to cook well his family's recipes

Stubble™

He discovered his homosexuality in his adolescence (he fell for a boy who often passed through his street) but repressed it as much as he could

Daan & Marcoh

if both survives Termina

They're TOUCHY, physical affection is frequent in their relationship

Daan likes to "test" if his lipstick transfers on Marcoh's face (spoiler: every time he does it he's wearing a creamy lipstick)

Marcoh worries a lot about Daan's eating habits so he often cooks a family recipe he learned with his grandmother to make Daan eat more healthy meals

Their favourite type of intimacy is tracing & kissing eachother scars

Marcoh wants to help Daan clean where his left eye once was. And he likes seeing Daan without the eyepatch

They often have late night conversations about their pasts

They "adopted" Marina (she started living with them and now call herself their daughter)

Marcoh only discovered about Daan being transgender when they started their life together in Rondon

Daan constantly helps Marcoh overcome his guilt for being attracted to men

Every friday night they have romantic dates, going out to restaurants, sightseeing and sometimes kissing in poor illuminated alleyways

They sometimes talks about what happened in Termina

Daan loves toying with Marcoh's curls and he also loves stroking his hair.

during Termina

Marcoh was eyeing Daan the entire travel to Prehevil, he thought he was pretty but was initially only this

The first time Daan seriously perceived Marcoh was after him being saved from Pav's attack, while he was teaching boxing to Tanaka

They started to explore the city together after being ambushed by Death Mask

Marcoh was the first one to watch Daan organ harvest someone

Daan was conscious he had a soft spot for the boxer when he knew Marcoh found mice and toads cute

They started to exchange more glances after the Museum™ Party Talk

When the near Telelectroscope™ party talk happened, it was just Daan using the opportunity as an excuse to talk to Marcoh

Marcoh always orders an Old-fashioned when Daan is behind de bar counter in PRHVL Bop

The first drink they enjoyed together was a Cosmopolitan

When Daan went for a smoke, Marcoh observed him attentively

Levi was the first to notice something was happening between them and asked Marcoh about his thoughts on Daan

Marcoh knew he felt something strong for the doctor when he saw Daan amputate his right arm to revive O'saa. (Later he used a Sylvian sigil to heal himself only because Marcoh insisted on him being fully "in one-piece" to continue treating others)

On the third day they talked about the possibility of staying in touch through letters if they both survived

Their first kiss happened on the third day, at night, far away from Prehevil. The train miraculously worked again that late evening and they survived, commemorating the moment with a sudden but shy kiss (Good Ending)

Both tried to survive the mob chasing them. They managed to escape, but Daan was severely injured, loosing so much blood and they lost their medical stuff. Marcoh tried to help, but it was the third night and too late. Daan died in the Giant's arms. (Bad Ending 1)

Marcoh caught an infection and ignored it a bit. He and Daan, on the third night, found a Judge and they couldn't escape. Marcoh was weak because of the infection and he was also poisoned by the Judge; after some seconds he collapsed and Daan managed to kill their enemy but it was too late. He tried his best to save the boxer but suddenly he hears a faint purr; after that he doesn't remembers anything. Then, he saw a corpse on the floor. Marcoh met his fate, but Pocketcat doesn't understand why he's crying. (Bad Ending 2)

I have way more headcanons but i chose here the most important ones! I'd love to read your thoughts on this too! 💜

BONUS: Daan/Marcoh playlist

more headcanons: daarcoh religious guilt

[s1leepyhead]

I’m going to write my Goemon thoughts/ thoughts about fictional character crushes out here instead of posting to twitter. I got too many eyes there.

I first saw Goemon on tv when I was 4 years old. My mom would watch adult swim after my dad would go to work since it was on at 4 in the morning. They played Lupin the third a lot at the time. I remember being confused seeing a guy with long hair, and I asked my mom if he was a girl. She corrected me and told me sometimes guys have long hair. I thought he looked so pretty with his long dark hair. Eventually it developed into the type of men that I crush over. Every androgynous long hair man or just any man with long hair is very likely to become my obsession. Similar types of fictional men I like are L from death note, Alucard from hellsing, Sebastian from Black butler, etc.

It’s even funnier to remember that my last boyfriend also kind of fell into this category. Lanky man with long beautiful hair. These days for some reason it feels rare to find a guy that attractive to me, a lot of men in my area just get short hair. Probably doesn’t help that I’m getting close to my thirties so a lot of men are probably going bald right now. Anyway, I bring him up because surprise the relationship did not go well but that’s a story for another time! I guess where I’m going with this is it feels like when I date I’m trying to chase the high that I feel when I have a crush on a video game/anime/fictional character but my irl relationships haven’t really reached that high. I hope that changes but it feels disappointing when I fantasize about a peaceful married life with someone who’s not even real.

I also got into a bit of a panic last year when I read the well known lesbian master doc that’s circulated online because if I remember correctly sometimes people find fictional men hot but they don’t like men in real life. I wondered if that was me since I feel boy crazy when I watch or engage with any fictional media because I find one character hot. Meanwhile I feel like I’m extremely picky with dating irl, I sometimes find men disgusting and get defensive when they try to flirt with me even if they’re not that bad. I’m still not a hundred percent sure what this really means for me because I think I still on some occasions find men really hot but it’s like 10% of men. I’m more in love with a fictional cartoon samurai from a 50+ year old anime franchise than any potential love interest in life. Meanwhile I see any beautiful woman and immediately turn into a cartoon wolf.

I mainly talk about men here but I’m identify as pansexual. I guess I have more experience with dating men and it just feels really… Disappointing so far? Like I had a really long almost 5 year long relationship for half of my twenties with an alcoholic college student and a rebound right after and while that’s like 2 people I’m just scared to commit to someone who doesn’t really respect me or deeply love me. It’s easier to daydream about making soup for Goemon who will forever love me and not tell me that I have a lot of baggage or he would dump me if I looked too fat.

I guess my solutions are the following:

Become celibate for the rest of my life and worship Goemon like snapewives did in the 2000s. The pro is that I can have astral projection sex with him.

Go back on a dating app and just lower my expectations if I do date men again. Maybe I’ll find someone.

Also go back to dating apps and date a girl. I find women hot and I’m being a coward for not dating one as an adult because every time I’ve been in a relationship or talking to a guy I think “Would I be happier if I was dating a woman?”

Give up

Thanks for reading if you did get this far. I’m not sure where I was going with any of this tbh but it felt good to just post this and let my post gather dust. Maybe I can revisit this later to see if I got my shit together. In the meantime I’ll look up pictures of Goemon until I sleep……

[vintagetvstars]

Michael Tylo Vs. Timothy Dalton

Propaganda

Michael Tylo - (Guiding Light, Zorro) - Blond and blue-eyed with a charming smile and a dimple on his chin, Tylo had the sort of charisma that made him equally attractive as the villainous Alcalde in the first two seasons of the Zorro series (where he was able to use his real life fencing and riding skills) or the mysterious hero Quinton McCord Chamberlain in his breakout role on the soap opera Guiding Light, where he was one half of the show's super couple Quint and Nola. He was also a devoted family man, choosing to leave the Zorro series only because it filmed entirely in Spain and he missed his wife and children back home in the US.

Timothy Dalton - (Jane Eyre, Scarlett, Framed) - "...Yes he was Bond, but he is also the man Jane Eyre fans have to complain about because he is ‘too attractive’ to be Mr Rochester (but he plays it the best, of course). He is the only man with enough old-school charm to follow in Clark Gable’s shoes as Rhett Butler, and so devastatingly devious in a homoerotic ITV miniseries called Framed (it’s on YouTube) ... He brings a theatrical gravity; a sense of humour; and those killer, send-me-straight-to-heaven blue eyes to every single role, and if you don’t vote for him, very simply, you are wrong." Full Text propaganda included below the cut.

Master Poll List | How to submit propaganda | What is vintage? (FAQ)

Additional propaganda below the cut

Michael Tylo:

Timothy Dalton:

Love of my life, thy name is Timothy Dalton. I have been in a monomaniacal, all-consuming and tragically one-sided relationship with this man for too many years now. It’s frankly embarrassing. Just a look from him makes my knees weak, idk how his female costars coped. Whenever I bring up anything in conversation my friends know there must be a link to him, it’s that bad, in fact I’m the only reason 100% of my peers even know his name.

Yes he was Bond, but he is also the man Jane Eyre fans have to complain about because he is ‘too attractive’ to be Mr Rochester (but he plays it the best, of course). He is the only man with enough old-school charm to follow in Clark Gable’s shoes as Rhett Butler, and so devastatingly devious in a homoerotic ITV miniseries called Framed (it’s on YouTube). I also have to shout out his episode of Charlie’s Angels, in which he sports the shortest and swoon-worthiest shorts known to man while mastering being the boy-toy of Farrah Fawcett (I cried when my parents deleted my recording of it on tv at a particularly low point of my life). He brings a theatrical gravity; a sense of humour; and those killer, send-me-straight-to-heaven blue eyes to every single role, and if you don’t vote for him, very simply, you are wrong.

[mostofthingsmostofthetime]

My thoughts on Fiona & Cake so far -

* Sailor Moon style Fiona & Cake AU? Ahh, yes, please! Would tottally eat that shit up.

* Ice Prince? God Damn these show runners are really gonna have me simping for every possible version of Simon (except Ice King, who just made me kinda sad)

* Don't know the name of the style, but Fiona & her world are so cute

* Love that they gave Fiona's thighs some chonk. She's a grown woman she should have a grown women's body (obviously everyone's body is unique but you get what I mean) without needlessly sexualsing her (or so far anyway, but I hope that remains true to the end of the show)

* Marchel Lee is cool as fuck & I'm pleased so far with Donald Glover's performance

* Wow, it took me way too long to get who Hunter was supposed to be

* The male human version of LSP is just 'correct character design' in every single way

* Oh, so Gary dyes his hair in this universe. That makes sense.

* I get that they're sticking to established gender bend cannon, but I gotta be honeet I miss Peppiment Butler

* Also dosn't it seem out of character that this version of Pep But is not only "above" this version of Bubblegum but is so horrible to him when (despite his "shady ethics" he was shown as genuinely pretty loyal to the princess in the original series)

* The first intro was so cute but the second (& I guess permanent one now) is fucking awesome (just have to be careful about the glitches coz they hurt my eyes)

* Why am I so down bad for this depressed old man lol

* Marcy, I'm happy for you, girl, but you need to check on your dad

* Oh yeah, Choose Goose is evil now & I don't want to see him anymore

* Little girl, please leave that old man alone

* Actually, are all the "future people" this rude all the time? Like get out of that man's house.

* Not prismo hiding fanfiction in Ice King's head, lol

* The red suit bounty hunter is a dick but at least his design is cool (& weirdly attractive when his not going all Cthulu)

* Can the show stop showing us Simon's ass? Like, isn't he going through enough as it is? There's no need to keep humiliating him!

* Feels weird to find Finn hot now, but well, can you blame me? Coz like...Damn. Also, when shit hits the fan, I don't want him blaming himself. I mean at least he tried to help Simon.

* The Jake tattoo 💔😭 but hey, at least we know now that him & Finn will eventually get reincarnated together

* Sorry but I don't really like Cake's "new" design she went from cute to creepy (think it's something about the eyes) & no hate to the VA but I'm not loving her voice either

* Not too big of a fan of Cake in general so far tbh like I don't hate her or anything, but I think Jake was just so funny, wise & likeable (+ had a much more appealing design) that it's gonna take a while to get used to her & if I'm being honest I'm also unsure of how I feel about Fiona so far

* As Finn's human mum is bassically just computer code, does that mean she can't ever go to the afterlife & be reincarnated to be his mum again? Like if her software (or whatever it's called) gets destroyed, then that's it, game over? She just never gets to be his mum again? When she barely got a chance to, in the first place. I'm gonna cry!

* Farm world Finn makes me sad

* Old regular dog Jake deserves all the head smooshes, thank you, Cake

* Wonder who Finn's wife was in that world (maybe an alternate version of his wife from the pillow diamesion?)

* Not Finn's son playing out a Romeo & Juilet storyline, lol

* Jesus this show should have been rated F for flamethrower

* Wait no did bug Man just kill dad Finn (making his kids orphans)?

* Brian David Gilbert, is that you!?!?!?!

* OMG, shut up! GumbLee just randomly deciding to hang out with each other was so cute 😭💖

* Oh, so Winter King is super fucked up.......well, at least he looked cool & could sing (poor ice Marcy)

* Speaking of singing, omg The Candy Queen! As coo coo for coco pops as she was, that blender song was iconic (shame about her people though, hope she doesn't end up blaming Fiona)

* Butch (am I allowed to use that word?) soldier Bonnie, toxic Yuri & GumLee kiss all in one episode? Oh, I know the gays were being fed, lol.

* Ooh, there's that sweet, sweet character development I was hoping for, for Fiona (still waiting on Cake's)

* Evil Marcleline's wardrobe is not a want but a NEED!!!!!!!

* Dammit Prismo I know you don't mean to, but you gotta stop flapping your yap, or you're gonna get Fiona & Cake killed

* Fuck Miss Abadeer all my homies hate Miss Abadeer

* Good thing Cake is getting a handle on her powers

* I don't know how to feel about human Huntress Wizzard

* No, the one world (so far) where Martin isn't terrible & he dies!!!!!!!

* Yes, Simon, your existence helped someone!!!! Even looking like John Lennon on Crack, you were a good dad (considering the circumstances)

* Not Huntress wizzard to!!!!!!

* Oh shit the remote. That's probably not good

* Well, at least Cake didn't become vampire food

* Wait, we really don't get to see if alt Bubbline murder/suicide each other?

* Baby Finn better survive the vampire world, or I'm gonna lose it

[jacepens]

Let Me Drive my Auto into your Heart

Intro: A little 1920s AU I wrote that's just unfinished porn without plot where this stops literally right before the actual smut, so there's nothing explicit here, just suggestive

Fandom/Tags: Hamilton, Washington/Lafayette, unfinished, suggestive

The room was filled with a stench of cigars and sweat that always dispirited him so. Hamilton’s parties were always phenomenal and stocked with the best celebrities, tycoons, gangsters, and flappers around. Bright lights and bright decorations filled his view as he shoved his way out of the crowd and outdoors for a breather. The balcony was a relatively small one compared to the rest of the house, but it still helped him feel secluded from the grandeur of the party. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy them, but they simply became overwhelming at times. George had to admit he always felt like an old man when he left parties for a breather, but what was wrong in needing quiet, fresh air?

“Are you George Washington?” A delicate voice said next to him. George nearly jumped out of his skin, not seeing anyone else on the balcony but now there was certainly someone. This someone happened to look very young, with expressive eyes and red lips that his eyes were continually drawn to. This boy had an extremely lissome face with complimentary small arms and legs that smoothed out to almost feminine curves. In short, he was very attractive.

“Why, yes I am.” He smiled, hardly giving the boy a glance before focusing his gaze nonchalantly ahead of him. The boy continued.

“My name is Gilbert du motier, marquis de Lafayette, but you can call me Lafayette.” The boy purred out in a thick French accent. “I noticed you tonight, in that bright red auto of yours. I asked around about you, curious to know more about that handsome man and his lovely car. You’re quite the interesting one.” Lafayette smirked. At that George felt slightly convinced that this Lafayette was a prostitute placed at this massive party in hopes of finding a man curious enough to drop some money on him for the night. George truthfully would give the kid all the money he wanted if he continued being as adorable as he was now, seductively biting his lip to pull him in.

“That’s awfully flattering of you, Lafayette.” George quipped back, a small smile on his lips.

“I suppose I’ve always had a thing for men with autos like yours. My parents never let me have one in Paris and now that I’m in America I see them all over, but I’m just too afraid to drive them now.” George chuckled at the boy’s forwardness and bluntness. Probably not a prostitute, but not an average kid.

“You’re only talking to me cause I have a car?” George teased, “you realize most every man here has one.”

“Oh no, you see it is only what drew me to you.” Lafayette turned to put his back to the balcony banister and rest his elbows on the rail, looking up at George, “but you see you fascinate me because of the work you’ve done. Certainly not pure work, as I’ve heard, but I like the idea of your sort of living. Comfortable but quite dangerous.” George chuckled again,

“It’s not dangerous when you’ve got enough money to pay anyone off who gives you trouble.” George flashed him a dangerous smile and he saw the boy almost lose his footing. Seamlessly, George caught the boy and steadied him, keeping his face so close to Lafayette’s he could feel his shuddering breaths against his neck. Oddly charmed by Lafayette, George leaned down and purred in his ear,

“Would you like to go for a drive?” George felt Lafayette shiver against him and whisper out,

“Sounds lovely.” Before gulping. His face was bright red and George felt flattered by Lafayette as he laced his fingers through his and dragged him through the crowd of people to the front door. Lafayette trailed closely behind, occasionally touching the small of his back until they reached outside. The butler brought his car to the front for George to step into, taking the driver's seat with Lafayette sitting down next him, adjusting his hair and nervously gripping the car seat.

“It’s a little pointless to adjust your hair, you know.” George smiled as he put the car in gear, “I’ll be sure to mess it up.” He winked and Lafayette turned an even brighter red. What a dazzling man.

As they zoomed out into the city, Lafayette laughed and clutched the seat as his hair was blown in the wind. George increased his speed and changed gears to entertain Lafayette more.

“I’ve never been in such a fast car!” He laughed, “where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” George smiled quietly to himself. “Why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself? Since you already know so much about me.”

“I grew up in a wealthy Paris family, but my dad died young and my mom left for Spain. I was technically raised by my grandma but I was the one who looked after our finances and taught myself. I came to America looking for a fresh start, and I have never been happier.” Bright lights whipped past their car and illuminated Lafayette’s beautiful, soft features as he smiled. Advertisements for more things he didn’t need but would inevitably buy to impress people with. George suddenly took a left turn away from the glittering city lights. As they continued along the road, signs of city life became more and more scarce when George turned the car into an abandoned store parking lot.

“I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying yourself here, but I’m curious.” George turned off the engine, “is that all made up?” Lafayette laughed.

“I knew you’d be the suspicious type, but I promise you it’s completely true. Just ask Alexander.”

“You’re friends with Alex?”

“I’d say so.” He smiled, relaxing into his spot, never taking his eyes off George.

“Stay there.” He said, getting out of the car. Fidgeting with the roof of the car, he yanked it up and over Lafayette’s head then quickly fastened it down to the car. He then hopped back into the car and shut the door behind him.

“So what is it you’re doing now?” He asked Lafayette.

“Currently I’m going to college just to do something with my time but it’s honestly very boring, but I suppose I only have a year left.” He shrugged.

“Interesting. I don’t know a lot of people that go to college. You must be incredibly smart.” He leaned forward to invade Lafayette’s personal space, he leaned in as well.

“Smart is an understatement.” He smirked, “but everyone there is so stuck up, they don’t know what a good time is.”

“Shame. You certainly seem like you know what a good time is.” He murmured.

“Afraid it’s about all I do.”

“So you confess to being a slut then?” He smirked as Lafayette blushed.

“Perhaps I do.” He grinned, placing his hand on George’s thigh, “and it’s been so long since I’ve been fucked by someone as experienced as you.” Lafayette’s face was so close to his, that he could feel every warm, shaky breath that he exhaled. Lafayette bit his lip and looked at him through those long eyelashes.

“What an absolute beauty.” George whispered as he placed his hand on Lafayette’s cheek and pulled him in for a bruising kiss. Lafayette submitted nicely and let George snake his arms around to pull him even closer and to kiss him deeper. Lafayette sighed and George pulled apart for a moment, observing his red lips and tracing his hand up Lafayette’s thigh before whispering,

“Would you like to get in the back of the car?”

“Yes Please.” Lafayette moaned. Not wanting to wait a moment longer, George almost fell out of the car and ran to open up Lafayette’s door for him. Lafayette stepped out cooly and rushed to the backseat, with George climbing in eagerly after him. Lafayette giggled when George closed the door behind them and looked over him, eyes taking in every piece of Lafayette. 

Leaning back down to kiss him, he began to work at the buttons on his vest and felt Lafayette’s soft hands reaching down to help, frantic nature taking over their actions. Lafayette arched his spine beautifully when George slipped off the last of his shirts and felt bright red and out of breath as he let his hand touch the new exposed skin.

[cruger2984]

THE DESCRIPTION OF SAINT MARGARET OF HUNGARY Feast Day: January 18

Margaret was born to Béla IV, king of Hungary, at a moment when the country was threatened by enemies. So the king promised God that if things reversed in his favor he would dedicate his little princess to the religious life. The prayer was answered, and Béla put Margaret in the care of the Dominican Sisters at Veszprém. When Margaret was 12, Béla built a convent for her on an island in the Danube near Buda. There, the young teenager professed her vows.

A young woman of extraordinary beauty, St. Margaret attracted the attention of suitors even though she was a nun. Ottokar, the king of Bohemia, was determined to marry her. For political reasons, Béla liked the idea. He asked Margaret to get released from her commitments and marry Ottokar. Béla had not bargained for the steely resistance of his strong-willed daughter.

She responded to his request with defiance: "When I was only 7-years-old, you tried to espouse me to the Polish Duke. You will remember my answer then. I said that I wished to serve him only to whom you had espoused me at my birth. As a child, I would not yield to your will in opposition to God's claims on me. Do you think that I am likely to give in to you now that I am older and wiser? And am I more capable of grasping the greatness of the divine grace that has been given me? Then, my Father, stop trying to turn me from my determination to remain a religious. I prefer the heavenly kingdom to that which has been offered me by the King of Bohemia. I would rather die than obey these commands of yours that will bring death to my soul. Mark my words. If matters ever come to such a pass and I am driven to it, I will surely put an end to the whole affair by mutilating myself, so that I shall never again be desirable to any man."

So, Béla backed down. Witnesses say that had he persisted, gritty Margaret would likely have fulfilled her threat. Margaret punished herself with extreme self-abnegation that some observers call 'self-crucifixion.' She undertook the most menial and repugnant tasks. Butler’s Lives of the Saints says that she performed 'marvelous' service to the sick, so nauseating that its 'details cannot be set out before the fastidious modern reader.'

Out of sympathy for the poor, Margaret also imitated their squalor. She so neglected all personal hygiene, for example, that she repulsed her sisters. And for long periods she denied herself food and sleep. Since she was a princess and the convent was built for her, no one seems to have been able to temper her excesses. Her utter disregard for her body certainly shortened her life.

Margaret died on January 18, 1270 at the age of 28.

The church recognizes Margaret of Hungary as a saint in spite of the traces of willfulness and pride that seem to have marked her life. But she excelled in charity, and 'love covers over many a sin' (1 Peter 4:8 NJB). Those of us who want to be holy, but have many 'in-spite-ofs' to contend with, can be glad for that.

Source: Loyola Press