#love how that was the One sentence this person chose to respond to lmfao

[altschmerzes]

"what in the realm of identity and experience isn't self-identification". there are specific actions associated with gender and sexuality. lesbians are women who are attracted to and date other women. the distinction between transgender and cisgender is that transgender people socially or medically transition to present as a gender separated from their agab and cis people dont. there are exceptions obviously - some gay people never date, some trans people will never actually transition - but its still understood that these are what the terms convey. or you could argue they are only internal feelings such as attraction or dysphoria - but i would still argue these are feelings that express a desire for physical realities. a different body/identity, a kind of social connection? and i suppose the difference with aromanticism is that it is marked by the absence of desire. so it makes sense that the distinction for you is kind of...only conceptual? from my perspective, i dont understand how you can both not feel romance and yet know that its something other people experience. how would you know that they are feeling something you are not? you're right, though. these seem like impossible questions.

yeah idk what you expect me to say to this except like, admit my orientation is fake and made up or something which seems to be what youre angling for.

i know because i Know. you can accept that or you can fuck off.

don't really care for the rest of your message either but i dont really have it in me to unpack. all of that.

[oliverwxod]

Don’t get me wrong - (Bucky Barnes)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: not really any

Summary: The reader and Steve were so close to becoming a couple, but after winning the battle against Thanos he left for his final mission and nothing was ever the same when he returned. 

Y/n remembered when times were much simpler. Well, they weren’t ever simple, but compared to now they seemed to be. A time where herself and Steve had become close; through the battle of New York, Ultron, The Winter soldier- or Bucky as she calls him now. Y/n was there with Steve through it all. 

Steve and Y/n had always been a would they or wouldn’t they type of couple. Both of them really wanted to be together and make it work, yet the time was never right, especially when the accords split the Avengers. Y/n took Steve’s side like always, yet it still wasn’t the right time to pursue everything. 

Until years later; when the snap happened and half the population disappeared, but they somehow managed to win in the end through the sacrifice of friends and family. 

And Y/n thought the time was finally right. When everyone had seemed to come to terms with everything. With no more obvious threats lingering. It would have been the perfect time to start something real. 

Steve thought so too. Y/n remembers exactly what he had said to her only minutes before he left on his final mission to return the infinity stones. 

“I’ll see you soon doll. And the time will finally be right” He had leaned in to kiss her, but she halted him. 

“Save it for when you get back Cap” she spoke, smiling softly up at him. Steve had chuckled under his breath, giving her hand a quick squeeze before he walked to the podium and within seconds he was gone.

Y/n wished she had never turned his kiss away. For now she would never know what it felt like to kiss Steve Rogers. She only knew the pain of loving him, her heart clenching at the thought of how he didn’t return to her. Her mind whirling into a spiral of confusion as she had found him sitting on a nearby bench, aged and having lived a life of happiness with his one true love, Peggy Carter. 

-------------------------

The ceiling of the room swirled in delicate patterns of white and ivory. Y/n couldn’t help but compare them to how the previous compounds ceiling used to be, plain textured and the same dull white colour, yet it had always been a place y/n had called home. 

Everything had changed and everything was different now. Y/n hated it. The new compound constructed with the help of Pepper, was a lot smaller than previous towers. Which was fitting with how only a few remaining avengers survived and chose to live there.

Y/n was one of those. She hadn’t wanted to leave, feeling it would be and always will be her duty to her country. To protect them, no matter the loss.

She had already lost so much, there was no point giving up now, she had no family like Clint or Pepper, no relationship, no pets. Nothing to give her a chance of an excuse to get out of this life.

Standing up from where she lay on her bed, Y/n dragged a sheet over her bare body, shuffling over to the balcony to admire the view.

She often found herself waking up in the middle of the night, an invisible pull taking her feet over to the sliding windows, so she could step outside and overlook the lake and dark shadows of trees.

The moon was the only source of light, reflecting in the slow ripple of waves, illuminating the towering trees that stood around the compound, shielding it from plain view, a supposed peaceful and serene environment. She took a seat on the small outside sofa, allowing her thoughts to cloud her mind in the quiet of the night.

“What are you doing out here at this time doll?” The raspy morning voice Y/n had come to know so well made her jump, expecting Bucky to still be asleep in her bed where she left him moments ago.

“Couldn’t sleep” she mumbled, her voice soft so that Bucky had to strain his ears to hear her.

She heard him sigh quietly, feeling his stare on her face before he sat himself down next to her, leg pressed against hers as he hitched the sheets resting around her higher to make sure she didn’t freeze.

“Do you still think of him?” Bucky asked, already knowing the answer. Bucky was never one to beat around the bush. 

“It’s hard not too, I’m sorry Buck...” she spoke ashamed.

“It’s alright” he shrugged, sighing softly at the thought of his best friend. “I miss him too”

“I’ve tried to move past it- but- I just can’t help thinking” she said quietly, her eyes following the pathway of a bird, swooping down past the lake and disappearing into the woodland.

“Can’t help thinking what?” He prompted following her eyeline to watch the same bird she had been distracted by.

“I can’t help thinking why I wasn’t good enough. Why I wasn’t enough for him to stay” she confessed. It was her darkest thought recently. But one that didn’t seem to budge from the back of her mind no matter how many times she told herself to stop.

“You shouldn’t think like that doll. It’s unhealthy” Bucky replies gently. The thought of her thinking that she wasn’t good enough made him frown and although he was glad his best friend chose the path of happiness, he was angry that he had to break Y/n’s heart in order to do so.

“I know. But- I just can’t help it. Because if I was enough- then he would have stayed” she spoke, her voice wavering as quiet and stifled breaths left her lips.

“Steve has always regretted crashing that jet into the water. It’s been the one thing weighing him down, haunting his nightmares and I think he finally did something for himself. I think it was always his destiny to be with her-“

“You’re not making me feel any better” y/n spoke, holding back a sob, her throat tightening as she tried to swallow the tears creeping up on her.

“And sometimes you will want something so bad that all thoughts of anyone else leave your mind and maybe when he went back he thought what if- what if he never crashed the jet.” Bucky spoke. “I don't think he intentionally meant to hurt you, he loved you- I know that. But-”

“But it wasn’t enough” she whispered, finishing off his sentence. 

“There’s always going to be someone out there that will hurt your feelings and make you feel like you’re not good enough. But there’s always someone who will come into your life unexpected and help you pick up the pieces.” he spoke. Trying not to be too obvious that the person he was talking about was himself. 

“And who do you suggest that person is? You?” she scoffed at the words that left his mouth. He had said it in such a soft, careful way and she hated it. Her defences pulling up wanting to fight him. 

Bucky sighed, Y/n immediately feeling bad. 

“Sorry” she mumbled. “That was unfair of me” 

“S’alright” Bucky said quietly, silence falling upon them both as y/n was lost in thought. She was trying to find out why she suddenly felt the need to lash out at him and she realised it was because what he said was true. 

Bucky had been picking up the pieces that Steve had left behind, whether it was in the form of a friend or the comfort of the soft, loving touches they shared at night behind closed bedroom doors. 

“Thank you” she said, the need to show him just how much she appreciated him was sudden, crawling up on her, chiling and desperate. “Thank you for being here” 

“I want to be here” he spoke. Y/n didn’t want to mention the fact that she was all Bucky had so he didn’t really have a choice. Sam was always so busy now, taking over Steve’s previous Captain position. So It was either her or loneliness. 

The two of them in similar positions. 

“I do” Bucky spoke as he watched her get lost in her mind. 

“Do what?” she asked, turning her head to the side in question, her body now facing him more. 

“I do want to be here” he said “with you” 

Y/n’s eyes widened. Scared that he knew her so well inside and out. 

“So do I” she whispered, it held a certain kind of sadness to it. But Bucky understood. 

It must have been hard to have nearly had someone you loved with your whole heart, a touch or fingertip away; to then lose them unexpectedly without a goodbye, being left to wonder for the rest of their lives...what if...

Bucky watched her, eyes tracing every inch of her face. She stood up, blanket still wrapped around her form, only turning back once she reached the door. 

“you coming back to bed?” she asked, eyebrow cocking slightly as she waited. 

Bucky didn’t respond, standing up and walking towards her. He saw her smile briefly before turning back around to walk inside towards the bed, her blanket slightly trailing on the floor behind her. 

Bucky stood on it, watching as it yanked the blanket away from her body, falling completely on the floor and revealing herself to him. She gasped, turning around to glare at him, but stopped when she saw the look on his face.

His stare was intense, scanning the length of her body with a hungry look in his eyes before he moved towards her with desperation, pulling her too him once she was at arms length. 

“I was serious” he spoke looking into her eyes. “I want to be with you”

TAGS:  lmfao I know it’s been a while since I've posted anything and I'm sorry xx

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