#love how he shows off his glamorous body and says 'there's only one thing i'm missing' or whatever

[seagullcharmer]

well. another three and a half hours of playing skyward sword. i'm getting somewhere

[rcksmith]

Invigorating — Five Hargreeves

Request : “Hii so i was thinking about some fic/headcanons where five discover that his powers are stronger when he is with reader.”

A/N: We not tolerate any pedophilia here!!

I write about Five with their 20s. I write the same about the characters of Harry Potter.

I hope I got close to what you wanted. I thought it was better to do it in fic, but it was just out of personal preference, I hope you like it, I found it very adorable to write. Love u❤️

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

Couple: Five Hargreeves/Fem! Reader.

Warnings: Nothing, just fluff.

— — — — —

The superhero life was a mess. Behind all the glamor of HQ’s and the romanticization of the media, there were only people trying to cope with their own lives when everything that was expected of them was nothing short of extraordinary. All the Hargreeves brothers knew this. And they carried the weight of the whole world on their backs. It was like trying to breathe with a rock pressed against your chest, purging all hope of relief.

They would never have a normal life, with normal parents or friends. They would always be chained to that sentence that came with their powers. Sometimes, late at night, some of the Hargreeves wondered how much smoother life would have been had they not been born extraordinary.

Five stopped imagining fantasies that would never come true from an early age. He viewed situations with objectivity, coolness and calculus. But life at the Hargreeves mansion was not easy and the only way for him to deal with the traumas and pressures was to push them under the rug. Then Five started to scoff when the brothers talked about having a normal life.

Who did they want to think about it? They would always be circus attractions. They would never have a normal life. So it was better to get over it, because you can't miss what you never had, and it was stupid want to live a false normal life. They would never be normal, it was the curse of the Hargreeves, and Five accepted that.

But you revoked all of his sentences. You were absolutely normal. Typical life, family, friends and routine. And when you came into the life of the Hargreeves and brought the breath of relief that everyone needed, Five felt that rock be lifted from his chest whenever you were close.

And then he knew normalcy. Five tasted the sweet taste that was enjoying a ray of sunshine, a summer breeze, a sunset, all the normal details that you inserted into his life and that now ... now he had something to miss.

During the months, your presence, for Five, was a sigh of relief amid all the claustrophobic, and he felt a certain envy when he saw how Klaus had a way with dealing with people. How he and Alisson always knew what to say, how to act, and how to captivate you to the point where you want to spend more time with them.

It was hell for Five. because you presence calmed all his nerves, your energy soothed the restless air and removed the rock that prevented him from breathing. Five realized how much he liked fresh air. And he didn't know how to make you want to be close to him too. He felt at peace when you were close. And it was an overwhelming discovery.

“Here it is.” You said, handing Five a mug of coffee, without him even asking.

That was one more thing that made you wonderful in his eyes. You two never had a long conversation, but you knew enough, and whenever you were in the kitchen, helping the Hargreeves for breakfast, you knew exactly what to give him.

Okay, to be fair, you knew exactly what to deliver to everyone. For Klaus, passion fruit juice and hangover aspirin, big and fat pancakes for Luther and Diego, Waffles for girls and strong black coffee for him. It wasn't like Five thought you were treating him in a special way.

But... whenever you gave him coffee and your midday sun smile, that was the best part of the day. And he wished, deep down in his soul, that it was special.

He nodded his head. And he drank the coffee knowing that the taste would be nothing short of excellent. Five concluded that you had a habit of turning everything you touched into gold.

“Are you going to see training today to wait for us?” Alisson asked you.

It was Friday, and Alisson, Klaus, Vayna and you had agreed to go shopping after them training. It was not new you and them to go out together, but it was new for you to watch their training. It was nothing formal, just routine, so it was easier to wait for them finishe than you to leave and return.

“If it's okay with you guys.”

The brothers agreed and Five thought it best not to show any reaction. He told himself it was because it didn't matter whether you saw a workout or not, but, deep in his soul, Five knew it was for fear that if you focused your attention on him, you would end up listening to him fast heartbeat.

But if he knew that everything would start in that training, he would have thought twice about going.

You were sitting on one of the mats in the garden, sometimes reading something on your phone while the brothers practiced the training. It should have been routine for them, as usual, but they all had difficult missions last night and felt exhausted to do their best.

Five came to know his own limits, he knew when his body was entering the last reserves and that it would no longer hold its powers. It was like a big battery that he needed to recharge to keep working. He felt the sting in his muscles, a warning that Five came to understand that signaled that his powers were going to fail.

Five was already orchestrating strategies to dodge Diego's knives when, already knowing that it wouldn't work, he tried to teleport. But the blue flash swallowed him up and when he took him behind his brother, and Five felt his muscles revitalized, the shock left him stunned.

It had never happened. But it hasn't happened again in weeks too.

Five spent days trying to understand how his powers took a turn and then retracted the same stake when he trained again. The bite always hit him in the muscles and then his powers left him in the hand. Five could no longer find the invigorating sensation that followed the hooks.

The second time his powers got stronger was when Luther was pissing him off. They had arrived from an exhausting and difficult mission, and that time you asked them to come to your apartment for dinner. Because you knew that the negativity of the mansion would not do well for a situation that had already brought out the best in the Hargreeves. Always the good person. You knew how to alleviate a situation with the smallest of gestures, and it made you look wonderful again in the eyes of Five.

After dinner, Luther was teasing Five, throwing cushions at him across the room, while everyone talked and rested in the living room. You made them feel like it was just a normal end of day. That they were just tired after work, traffic, and not because they were damn superheroes who fought a nuclear leak and terrorists. It seemed to Five that everything was easy and charming with you.

Then, when Luther threw another pillow at him, and Five felt the sting in his muscles, but tried to teleport to strike back anyway, the invigorating air ran through his muscles and the blue flash swallowed him.

Once again, Five was surprised. And suddenly, he forgot why he teleported.

His mind hummed like a propeller, trying to understand what the hell was going on. And that's when his eyes were drawn to you, like magnets.

The world was seemed to run out of breath, the atmosphere slowed and he followed every move you made until your eyes met his. It was instantaneous. A hot desert wind swept Five from head to toe, and brought the hot, overwhelming thought “It's her.” You were doing it. You were the one who left him invigorated. You removed the rock from his chest and he could breathe. His powers were reacting to you, and the realization it that stunned Five.

You smiled for him and went back to talking to Vayna, oblivious to the overwhelming discoveries that flooded Five.

The third time your presence showed that his theory was right was when you two were alone. It was Tuesday night. You were making cocktails with Klaus and laughing when he gave his verdict:

"I am happy that you are beautiful and intelligent enough to know that you must think about several other professions, because you would definitely make a terrible bartender." Klaus put aside a drink you made after making a face.

You laughed, throwing an olive at him.

“Why beauty would help me?”

“Prostitution, perhaps.”

“KLAUS!” You looked at him with amused indignation and you two laughed out loud.

“I'm going to get something good. Don't get out of here.” He stood up, taking his coat.

“Be careful!”

“I always do, baby.” He shouted at the door, leaving.

You laughed at nothing, cleaning up the mess you had made on the counter, throwing the used lemons in the trash.

That was when Five appeared. The mission mask on his face, the uniform slightly scorched.

“Hey.” You smiled as soon as you saw him, your heart beating faster. “All right?” You pointed to his clothes.

“Fire” Five say, sitting on the stools at the counter you were on and opening the bottle of vodka.

You gave him a glass, and Five thanked him silently while filling a shot and turning it all over at once. You couldn't get your attention off him. His hair was black as the background of the galaxy, his lips were red with drink, the mask adorned his eyes. God, he was beautiful and you felt that you could no longer reason consistently.

This always happened when Five was involved. He is a god of Olympus who had the power to destabilize you with just one look. Now, however, the mask delivered that he could swing you just in the presence.

In fact... that mask just made everything more mysterious and attractive. You felt something humming inside you, like a harp string that connects your heart to your belly.

“What?” Five's voice brought you out of the trance, revealing that you were looking at him for too long.

“N-nothing” You tried not to blush.

You turning around to put away the other bottles that Klaus and you had removed. But the floor was damp from the melted ice cubes you both dropped. And you was so stunned that you slipped.

As soon as the world spun and the wind hit your face, you were prepared to fall to the ground when a blue flash protected you and firm arms held you.

The breath drained, the callus increased, and Five was absolutely sure that it was you who made him stronger. You were the one who reinvigorated his powers because when he came out of that fire, the sting in his muscles hit him hard, and he knew he hadn't been able to use his powers anymore.

But when you looked up at him, and Five felt your warm skin on his hands, he knew he couldn't stay away from you anymore. He thought about doing something, his body was screaming for you, but he didn't have a chance. Your fingers touched the corner of his mask, gently contouring the left edge.

“You're Gorgeous...” Your whispered was a breath, but Five could hear.

Then he leaned over and pressed his lips to yours, because he felt he couldn't live any longer if he didn't. And when you kissed him back, his whole battery was recharged and that rock that was choking him was destroyed in millions of pieces.

As soon as you were apart enough to breathe, your fingers removed his mask and curled your fingers in his black hair. And this time, it was you who brought your lips together in the most passionate kiss.

[thebadboyfanclub]

Lady Of The House Pt. 2 (Henry x Reader)

Heyyyyyy, so I finally finished this part, please let me know if you want to see more of this. Enjoy!

Part one

-

After the delicious breakfast Henry and (y/n) had he told her that they must attend a charity event that his brother was throwing. She always enjoyed those types of outings with him, she liked the attention and how Henry would proudly show her off and twirl her around the dancefloor, Henry always made her feel wanted and appreciated. However with that type of short notice, she was left running around her wardrobe room with Jennette and Angelina on her side, trying to pick an outfit, it wasn't like she didn't have any, but she always wanted to be perfect, the Cavill family had accepted her but not without difficulties, at the end of the day they all saw her as this little shiny toy Henry would dispose at some point.

"What about this? It still has the tag on it"

Angelina spoke lightly holding up the extravagant green gown Henry had bought her one day, she had mentioned her favorite designer so the next day Henry sent her 8 different gowns that he liked.

Angelina was new to the roaster, Jennette (y/n) quickly came to the realization that a few of the maids and butlers were giving out information about (y/n) to Henry's mom, she was a wonderful lady when (y/n) was around because she saw her as just a girlfriend and not the wife, so they swiftly got replaced. (Y/n) approached Angelina and let her fingers trace the fabric as she turned to look at Jennette.

"Isn't the slit a bit too much for a family event?"

"I think it's finally time for you to make this statement... miss Cavill"

(Y/n) giggled at the name, Jennette liked calling her that as a small joke and a reminder that she is now the lady of this house. (Y/n) was always a big personality but this life made her feel small and uncertain. She bit her lip before she started nodding to herself, Angelina smiled in triumph due to feeling accomplished with finding the dress for (y/n).

"Angelina help miss (y/n) put the dress on, I'll be downstairs if you need me"

"Yes miss jennette"

As (y/n) started to take off her robe to slip on the right dress, jennette walked out of the master bedroom and towards the entrance of the house, that's where Mister Henry was waiting for his lady. Jennette was curious about the reason he had asked to see her privately to talk about (y/n).

she wasn't worried about it though, Jennette had a good feeling about this since everyone could clearly see how madly in love he was with her, he had brought other women home in the past yet they were never introduced to the staff, they had remained anonymous visitors. She slowly walked down the marble stairs while Mister Henry was standing in front of a mirror, fixing his tie.

"You asked to see me sir?"

"Yes Jennette"

His tone of voice was light as a feather, kind and melodic as he finally rearranged himself and took his eyes off his reflection and turned to Jennette who was patiently waiting close to him.

"How's (y/n) been doing?"

"She is finally getting comfortable, Angelina has been helping with making her feel in charge"

Henry slowly nodded as a ghost of a smile on his lips. He remembered how scared she was in the beginning, how she would stutter while talking to the staff or some days she wouldn't even leave the bed until he came home. He could recognize how much she has flourished and rose to the occasion. He was so thankful when (y/n) started to smile while talking to him about Jennette, she needed an ally and now Angelina was another soldier

"I'm going to ask her to marry me"

Jennette gasped in a happy demeanor and started to clap fastly with her fingers while her palms remained together. Henry was aware how close the two of them had grown to become, Lady Jennette has been around his family since he was a young adult, when he first started getting involved in the "family business".

however all his brothers had kids and a wife, (y/n) was the only woman he could see a future with, just the thought of her with a big round belly made him feel all warm and fuzzy, he felt alive next to her and her presence never left his mind, he had a reason to keep living and working. As soon as he had laid eyes on her that night he stayed at the hotel she was working at he just had to have her, it was almost compelling

"Of course you can't tell her"

"I would never dream of such a thing sir"

Before Henry could speak he heard the door of his bedroom open, along with giggles that probably came from Angelina and (y/n). Both of them waited for her to turn the corner and appear.

(Y/n) felt his eyes on her as soon as she stepped at the top of the stairs. Jennette was smiling at the sight of her while Henry remained silent. Angelina helped her lift up her dress ever so slightly so she can take the steps down without a problem. You could hear her heels click on the well polished floor. Ever since she met him the look he gave her every time he saw her was addictive, she felt like the most beautiful woman in the world when he gave her this intense look that scanned her body.

"If the slit is too much I can go change"

"You look stunning my love"

He reassured her and walked to her. His hands immediately found hers and her raised one to his lips to place a gentle kiss on her knuckles while never breaking eye contact. She smiled back and instinctively she filled the space between them so she could hug him, his cologne made her feel safe knowing that he was there was the most comforting idea.

After a few moments she pulled away but their hands remained intertwined. Every single time they had to attend a family event he could sense her anxiety, at any other gala she was right at home but when it came to his family she looked like a kid going through school exams.

"Don't be nervous love"

"I'm not nervous"

She quickly shot back in defense. She could tell that he wasn't convinced, yet he chose to let it go, acknowledging the fact that pushing her more would only do more damage than good. Her hair was down and styled to perfection, her make up was done to bring out her beauty even more, she looked like a true goddess coming to bless the mortals.

"Don't wait for us jennette"

"Yes sir. Have a good night"

-

The car ride was spent by (y/n) looking out the window while her one hand traced her necklace and the other held Henry's, he chose to silently support her. He could comprehend how scary his family could be for an outsider, of course they were nice when she was around but (y/n) was no fool, she noticed the quick side eyes and the few whispers when she turned her back, she only bit her lip and smiled for Henry's sake, as well as the fact that if she wanted to be in this family she had to outsmart them, she was aware that they acted like that because she was the girlfriend, as soon as Henry would propose nobody would dare to say anything, she would officially be a Cavill. It was a shallow reason but she just wanted to be recognized for what she was, a woman that all she did was fall in love.

As the driver opened the door Henry got out first and then he helped (y/n) get out, before she got the chance he slightly kneeled in front of her to fix the end of her dress that touched the floor. His gentle grace of his fingers from her calf that went over her thigh brought goosebumps all over her body.

"I love this dress on you"

"I think you will have to wait until we get back home to show me how much you do"

Henry's reply was to lean down and press a kiss on her naked left shoulder before offering his arm for her to take as they walked in the Mansion as a couple.

(Y/n) felt the awfully familiar tightness in her chest as they entered, people were mingling, the smell of cigars lingered in the air as you could see the smoke in the air, even though the staff had done it's best to open windows and keep the air fresh.

"(Y/n)!"

She heard a woman call her name at a rather enthusiastic tone. As she turned she saw it was Henry's sister in law Chiara. She was dressed in a black dress that was a bit more modest than hers, yet it complimented her delicate figure in such a way that made her look like the glamorous Hollywood stars back in the day. The brunette woman opened her arms and offered (y/n) a warm hug. (Y/n) hugged back, feeling grateful that the host was one of the people in this family that she actually got along with. Chiara had married into the family years ago, she was rather tall and very intimidating, she vividly remembered the story of how Charlie traveled back and forth from the UK to Austria just to get a date with her.

"You look exquisite"

(Y/n) complimented her, Chiara smiled as she gave an up and down look with a smirk on her painted lips.

"Same goes for you dear, the hawk is going to have a heart attack… love it"

Chiara and (y/n) had bonded over how tightly Henry's mother held the strings, Chiara was the first to pull (y/n) aside and warn her that she is like that with anyone however she is all bark and no bite. Many nights have been spent over the phone with Chiara giving advice to (y/n). They were so different yet they found comfort in one another.

"How are you Chiara?"

Henry joined in, he didn't care that Chiara forgot to greet him, quite the opposite he was pleased (y/n) was getting the attention she deserved. Chiara looked at him and in the meantime Charlie started to approach her from behind, (y/n) had to admit that even though she met Chiara while she was married she still felt like Chiara was a single woman, Charlie traveled a lot which Chiara had stated multiple times that it was the reason she was still married to him, she needed her space and craved time alone. So as one can assume that she wasn't really eager to have a baby either.

"I'm well, I'm surprised you guys made it. I thought you had to be in Scotland"

"(Y/n) is not fond of Scotland"

He simply responded. To be fair she thought it was a beautiful country but it was springtime and she wanted to go somewhere with a bit more sun. A waitress approached the two couples and offered champagne, Henry reached for two glasses and offered (y/n) one, Chiara and Charlie were already holding a glass.

"Here you go love"

"Thank you"

"Cheers, to another successful season"

Henry raised his glass while the others followed. As they clinked their glasses and all the group took a sip, the taste of the bubbly drink soothed (y/n)'s nerves, her shoulders started to relax and the tightness on her chest was little to none.

"Where's mom and dad?"

"Oh last time I saw them they were talking to our brother"

"We should go say hello"

"Alright, it was nice seeing you"

(Y/n) said before Chiara leaned in a bit to whisper in her ear "you got this doll".

(Y/n) giggled at her and Chiara just stepped back and gave her a playful wink. Henry's hand found the small of her back before gently guiding her away from the couple, the last glimpse she got off the couple was Chiara turning to say something to her husband as she flipped her long wavy hair back.

(Y/n)'s heart stomped so loud she started feeling the pressure on her ears, out of instinct she clenched her jaw and tried to mask her nervousness. Henry spotted his parents and walked to them, knowing well that (y/n) is already done with the situation and depending on how this goes they might have to leave immediately.

"Henry and (y/n), is so good to see you"

Henry's father, Colin, was the first to greet them with a kind smile on his face. Colin had always been nothing but kind to (y/n), which was surprising to her since she had stereotypically thought that the father would be the hardest one to crack. Colin hugged his son and then proceeded to take (y/n)'s hand and give a kiss on her hand.

"It's good to see you young lady"

"Thank you"

"How are you dear?"

His mother Marianne said before going in for a very forced hug, yet she was grateful they still had a civil type of communication especially around others.

"I'm well, how are you?"

"You've lost weight, I was hoping you would have gained some, oh you would look so cute with a little baby bump"

(Y/n) let out a nervous giggle, not knowing how to answer. They weren't even married, let alone have a baby, she wanted to have kids but she was still young and wanted to enjoy having henry for herself a little longer.

Henry's hand went from the small of her waist to wrapping around her as a way to bring her closer to him. He had heard this over and over again, the only difference was that to him they questioned if she was worthy to bring an heir to the family.

"Not yet mother, I still enjoy seeing her in these tight clothes"

"Henry we are still your parents. He is right Marianne, let them have some fun"

"I'm sure (y/n) can have fun but Henry you are not getting any younger"

(Y/n) was at the edge of just disassociate as her gaze started to focus on a vase behind Marianne. In any other case if this woman was a random stranger she would have popped off and started to insult her. The squeeze she received from Henry's hand pulled her out of her trace. She bit her lip as she tried to find the right thing to say, she wanted kids but the subject of babies was something they hadn't even discussed other than the cheeky comments during sex. The squeeze she received from Henry's hand was enought to bring her out of her trance and now the tightness on her chest was replaced by a fire of anger.

"You know last time you questioned my credibility as a potential wife, so this new situation of wanting me to get pregnant is at least a step"

"Honey I don't know what you are talking about"

"You do, we all do"

She hit back before downing the rest of her drink. Henry smiled in triumph, he was taken back by her boldness on one hand, on the other she held her own and showed the spark he loved to see.

"I think it's time for us to leave. I love you both"

Henry hugged both of his parents and his dad gave (y/n) another kiss on the hand, when she turned to Marianne (y/n) smiled and took her in for a big hug, making Marianne let out a small "oh".

"Water under the bridge… dear"

(Y/n) said at a lower tone before she pulled away and took her spot again next to Henry.

"Have a good night"

Henry said before taking (y/n) away from them. Henry's hand slowly slid from her waist to her bum, he didn't do anything he just let it rest on it. (Y/n) was smart enough to understand that this small change of movement meant that not only was he not mad she responded, he was turned on by her.

"You never seize to amaze me love. I'll call the chauffeur but we got 15 minutes before he arrives"

"Plenty of time to see what decor they have in the bathroom"

Taglist

@the-british-koala @little-smurf @twhstuckylover @angywritesstuff @angelcavill66

[khaleesiofalicante]

LIGHTWOOD BANES WEEK - MAGNUS & RAFAEL

“Ready?”

Magnus looked up from the vanity table and put down his eyeliner.

“Like my new shoes?” his son grinned as he tapped the Gucci sneakers like Dorothy and her heels.

Magnus grinned in approval.

“Let’s go!” Rafe came closer and started jumping up and down as he pulled on Magnus’ arm. “Portal! Portal! Portal!”

Magnus gave him a smile. “How about we walk to the institute today, my coconut?”

Rafael stopped jumping abruptly.

“I’m not a coconut,” he pointed out sourly.

“Alright, I’ll think of another fiber rich fruit,” Magnus chuckled. “But let’s walk today, yes? The weather seems brilliant.”

Rafael looked out of the window and then back at Magnus, arching his dark eyebrows as if to say, ‘since when did you care about the weather?’.

“So, no portal?” Rafael asked.

“Not today,” Magnus replied.

Rafael looked down at his new shoes. “Okay.”

Magnus hated disappointing his son. Rafael loved magic – sometimes even more so than Max. This meant he enjoyed portals too.

Magnus would split the sky open for his son. Making a measly portal was no big deal.

He could have just done it simply. But today was not that day.

“Go pick up your bow,” Magnus urged him gently.

Rafael pouted and ran away without another word.

Magnus put on his jewelry and picked up his tote bag. He was hoping to drop Rafael off at the institute to train with the other children – something Magnus didn’t really approve of since Rafael was just past twelve.  

He didn’t need to learn how to fight. He was a child.

Rafael was his baby.

But Rafael was also a shadowhunter – one of the angel’s chosen.

Magnus sighed inwardly – since it was a fact, he had to make peace with – and walked towards the living room.

“Let’s go, strawberry!”

But Rafael was not near the door where he usually stood when Magnus made the portal for them. Magnus walked towards Rafael’s bedroom to find his son on the floor.

“I sprained my leg,” Rafael said apologetically. “We’ll have to take a portal.”

Magnus gave him an amused glance.

“Well, if you are hurt then you shouldn’t be training,” Magnus pointed out.

“But we are throwing spears today,” Rafael protested. “I want to practice!”

“Alright then, use an iratze,” Magnus said. “It should heal quickly. Then we can walk merrily to the institute where they teach little children how to throw spears.”

“Uh, I can’t,” Rafael said now. “I lost my stele.”

He was a horrible liar. Much like Alec.

Max on the other hand…Magnus would have to keep an eye on that one.

“Rafael,” Magnus said warningly.

“I swear on Uncle Jace,” Rafael said, and Magnus bit his lip to keep himself from laughing. “I lost my stele.”

Magnus crossed his arms.

“I can ask Aunt Clary to heal it when I get to the institute,” Rafael pointed out. “Let’s go. Make the portal.”

Well, two can play at that game.

Magnus flicked his wrist, and a wave of blue smoke went through Rafael’s ankle. It wasn’t real magic of course. Just smoke.

“There, I fixed your ankle,” Magnus said. “Now, let’s go.”

Rafael stood up indignantly. “But what about my new shoes! I don’t want them to get all muddy.”

“It hasn’t rain in over a month!” Magnus put his arms up in frustration. “We are walking.”

“Fine, then I’m not going,” Rafael kicked off his shoes and flopped back on his bed and covered his face with a pillow.

Rafael was a quiet and timid child. But he could really be dramatic when he wanted to. Magnus had no idea where he got this from. Probably some shadowhunter at the institute.

“Rafael,” he called gently. “Why do you not want to walk to the institute?”

Magnus had noticed this initially over a month ago.

Rafael had insisted that he could the subway on his own. The institute wasn’t far away. He had wanted to commute on his own.

Magnus wasn’t really thrilled by this sudden show of bravado.

Firstly, he couldn’t come to terms with the fact that his baby was growing up.

Secondly, he might have excused the demon butt kicking. But he wasn’t going to allow his son to go on the New York subway alone.

But then Alec had interfered and of course as always had won the argument with “reason” and “logic”.

So, Rafael started to take the subway and travel to the institute by himself.

Just two days a week.

On the other days, he went with Alec or Magnus.

Rafael had only been out on his own for a couple of weeks before he had started to make all sorts of excuses for not wanting to go alone.

He would ask Alec to come to the institute with him. And of course, the insistence for portals had started.

Magnus knew Rafael loved portal travel. But he wasn’t spoilt or anything. Actually, the boy enjoyed walking, mostly because he got to stop and pet a stranger’s dog.

So, Magnus found it a little odd that Rafael’s insistence on walking alone had disappeared just like that.

He knew there was more to the story and he was going to find out.

He sat down next to Rafael gingerly and knocked on the pillow.

“Knock knock,” he said.

“Nobody’s home,” Rafael said in a muffled voice, still stubbornly clutching the pillow over his face.

“Come on. Play along,” Magnus urged and taped on the pillow again. “Knock knock!”

Rafael sighed dramatically. “Who’s there?”

“Wire.”

“Wire who?”

“Wire you lying to me?”

Rafael removed the pillow off his face.

“You’re not as clever as you think you are,” Rafael pointed out.

“Lies!” Magnus said in an offended tone. “You said your father is the smartest person you know.”

“Well, I have two fathers so…”

Magnus gasped offensively.

Rafael’s mouth twitched, just a little. Anyone who didn’t know him would have missed it.

But Magnus knew him. He knew him better than anyone.

“Wounded prides and treacherous betrayals aside,” Magnus gently removed the pillow and threw it away before Rafael can hide again. “Do you want to talk about what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Rafael said, lying back slowly.

“Then why do you not want to walk alone?”

“Just cause,” Rafael shrugged.

“Did…Did something happen?” Magnus asked tentatively. “In the subway?”

“Nothing serious,” Rafael said.

Magnus’ heart, which was always steady, started beating faster.

“I’d still like to know if that’s okay with you,” Magnus said gently, not wanting to push the boy.

Rafael was quiet.

“Rafael,” Magnus said softly. “When we found you, I promised that I will always protect you. I need to live up to that promise. Please tell me what happened.”

Rafael sat up on the bed and crossed his legs. “There were some boys in the subway.”

Magnus nodded, gently urging him to go on.

“I didn’t glamour myself cause you know I don’t like to,” Rafael pointed out.

Magnus did know that. Magnus never actually glamored himself either – not unless it was absolutely necessary. Magnus didn’t want to hide because there was nothing to be ashamed of.

Rafael didn’t either.

Rafael took after him in so many ways - including his love for fashion. But this was one of those ways that made Magnus’ heart swell with pride.

“Anyway, I was careful,” Rafael continued. “I made sure my bow was hidden and nothing was visible. But then these boys…They made fun of me.”

“Because of your runes?” Magnus asked.

“Because of what was underneath the runes.”

Magnus muttered a curse underneath his breath – thankfully he spoke many languages Rafe didn’t understand.

He knew that he was supposed to act rational. To be calm and assess the situation. He was the high warlock of Brooklyn and he has handled worse situations.

But he wasn’t the high warlock right now. He was just Rafael’s father.

Anger boiled through his veins and Magnus felt his magic surge.

“Who are these boys?” Magnus demanded. “Where did you see them?”

Rafael looked at him then, his brown eyes sad. “Does it really make a difference, Bapa?”

And Magnus’ heart broke.

No. It didn’t. It didn’t make a difference.

“They were saying something about a wall and how I should go back to where I’m from,” Rafael said, his voice low. “I put my earphones on after that.”

“Was this a one-time thing?” Magnus asked.

“In the institute, nobody ever said anything about being me a Latino. Or about the others. They don’t really care I think. And when we are out…Well, I’m always with you and dad so I never really noticed. But the moment I was alone…They never say anything when I'm with you or dad. That’s why I kept asking you to come with me. Or take a portal.”

“We can come with you for as long as you want,” Magnus promised.  

“But you shouldn't have to. Not for this,” Rafael sounded angry. “I don’t think it was a one time thing, Bapa. I just think I never noticed. And now that I have…I don’t think I will ever stop noticing.”

Magnus had put a thousand charms – and more – on Rafael’s bow. He had put spell after spell on the sapphire necklace his son wore. He had taken every precaution he could think to protect his son from any and every demon that lurked in the shadows.

But Magnus hadn’t thought about the demons that lurked during daylight. Demons that didn’t attack the body – but the ones that clawed at your heart.

Magnus couldn’t protect Rafael from these creatures every day. But he could protect him right now. He led out his hands until Rafael leaned his head on Magnus’ shoulder.

“It’s not fair,” Rafael said. “I can’t help how I look.”

“I know, my darling,” Magnus caressed his hair gently. “I know.”

“Have people always been this awful?” Rafael asked.

Magnus, who had lived through centuries of persecution and discrimination, could have simply lied. He could lie to make his son feel better.

But he knew the lies wouldn’t prepare him for the world that was waiting out there.

“Do you remember, Bapa?” Rafael looked up and asked now. “Do you remember when Max was 7 and he wanted to look like the rest of us? He wanted to not be blue for one day?”

Magnus did. Alec had talk to Max that day, that a little blue never hurt anybody. It hadn’t convinced Max of course. But the party with a dozen multi cultured warlocks had kind of helped.

“I think Max has it better,” Rafael said now. “I wish I was blue or yellow or green.”

“You are what you are,” Magnus said. “And what you are is a beautiful boy.”

Rafael just mumbled something.

“Rafe,” Magnus took his hand. “Max is a downworlder. He will have his fair share of ass…hats to deal with.”

“Not on my watch,” Raphael said menacingly.

Magnus smiled. “You could consider glamouring yourself. You don’t have to do everything I do.”

“Not everything, no,” Rafe agreed. “But this…I can’t not do this. I want to be like you. Proud. Confident. But it’s…I don’t know it’s hard when they keep staring at me like that. Like I don’t belong here.”

“People will always stare,” Magnus said gently and dangled the bagles in his hand. “So might as well give them something to stare at, huh?”

Rafael gave him a weak smile. Magnus sighed.

“Alright then,” Magnus said. “I will make you a portal. Today. Every day. Whenever you want. You don’t have to take the subway.”

“I don’t want to take the portal,” Rafael said. “I don’t want to bother you.”

“Darling, you do know your father is the high warlock of Brooklyn, right?” Magnus chuckled. “It’s no bother.”

“I don’t want to take the portal,” Rafael simply repeated. “I like taking the subway.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. It kinda smells sometimes and then there are people who sing weird butt songs, but I like it,” Rafael said. “There is this lady. An abuela called Maria. I see her sometimes with her dog Globo.”

“Globo?” Magnus chuckled.

“He is so sweet, and she lets me pet him. I sometimes even buy treats for him with my allowance, ” Rafael confessed. “I like seeing Abuela Maria. I love seeing Globo. I don’t wanna miss that.”

“That’s fair enough,” Magnus nodded.

“Abuela Maria…She came to New York when she was 12. She is so old now. She has been here for year. And those boys…They sometimes make jokes about her too. She doesn’t speak much English but I think she understands. She doesn’t have earphones like I do though. So, she has to listen to everything they say.”

Magnus didn’t say anything. Just quietly offered his hand to Rafael.

His son took it gently and examined it carefully. Rafael had always loved the way Magnus painted his nails. Magnus had often wondered if Rafael would want to paint his own when he grew up.

But now…Now Magnus worried Rafael might never paint his nails even if he wanted to.

The world could sometimes be a cruel place. Magnus has always believed that the world should always have more color – and some glitter too.

But some people preferred to keep things black and white.

It was hard navigating a world like this. Magnus looked at his son.

Rafael looked sad. He looked angry. Worried. Frustrated.

And scared.

Magnus had felt all those things long ago too. But he had found his way through.

He had found his way through the maze and reminded himself who he was and he shouldn’t promise himself for anyone.

It had taken him a long time but he had got there eventually.

But the thing was…Rafael didn’t have that kind of time.

He was a shadowhunter. A mortal.

Magnus thought about Abuela Maria – and all the men and women she must have met during her life who must have made her feel different – when she was just another person in New York with a weirdly named dog.

Magnus didn’t want Rafael to spend his years living in shame and worry.

No. That is not the world Alec and Magnus had promised each other to build for their children and all the rest.

“Bapak,” Rafael said softly. “Is it always going to be like this?”

“It won’t be. I’d like to think so,” Magnus said quietly. “I’ve lived a long time, Rafe. There have been shadowhunters who have thrown away plates cause I touched them.”

“They what?” Rafael’s voice rose, his own pain immediately forgotten.

“The point is…We can’t change people,” Magnus said carefully. “But we can change systems. We can break old ones. We can build new ones. I’ve been hunted by shadowhunters. But I’ve also fought alongside shadowhunters. Fell in love with one. I’ve seen them change the law. I’ve seen them fight for my people. So, no. It’s not always going to be like this. It won’t happen overnight and it’s going to take a lot of effort and pain. But it won’t always be like this. I promise you that.”

“Well, I won’t be around to see it,” Rafael muttered.

“Yeah but your kids might,” Magnus winked.

“Gross,” Rafe made a face.

Magnus pulled him closer and kissed him on the top of his head.

“Do you think it would have been different?” Rafael asked, his face hidden in the crook of Magnus’ neck. “If I was in Buenos Aires?”

Magnus thought about it for a moment. Rafael living far away from him. The possibility pained him.

He had already lost one Raphael. He wasn’t ready to lose another.

Not to anyone. Certainly not to some ignorant bigots who lacked empathy and respect. 

“Possibly,” Magnus said with caution. “But it’s like you said. It doesn’t matter where you are. When you are different, people always make sure to point out. While no one in Buenos Aires might bully you for being a Latino, they might bully you for other things.”

“But why?” the child asked, still oblivious to the way the world worked.

Magnus wished he could be that way forever.

But no.

They all had to grow up eventually.

“Because of power,” Magnus explained. “Power is never distributed equally. So, when some people have more power than others, they abuse that power.”

“Like shadowhunters and downworlders,” Rafael bit his lip.

Magnus wasn’t particularly think of that example.

“Yes,” Magnus nodded. “Exactly like that. Sometimes shadowhunters abuse the power they have. Downworlders can do that too.”

“I don’t want power,” Rafael said.

“Sometimes we have power whether we want it or not,” Magnus pointed out.

“What do I do with it?” Rafael asked.

“Well, you try not to hurt other people with it,” Magnus said. “You try not to hurt yourself with it.”

“I’ll try,” Rafael promised. “What about…What about the bullies?”

“Well,” Magnus said. “What do you wanna do about it?”

“I don’t want to hide,” Rafael said, determination settling on his shoulders. “This is my country too.”

“Yes, it is,” Magnus kissed him on the head again.

“What do I do then?” Rafael asked.

“You do what you were born to do,” Magnus smiled. “You fight.”

“Like with my bow and arrow?” Rafael giggled.

“We’ll save that for the other demons,” Magnus winked. “But you fight in whatever way you can. This kind of thing…There is no one way to fight racism – or any kind of discrimination. We all fight it differently.”

“Like dad,” Rafael’s eyes gleamed. “He changed the laws!”

“Exactly,” Magnus beamed back. “You don’t have to change laws. Not unless you want to. No fight is less important than the other.”

“I want to fight for people who can’t fight for themselves,” Rafael said. “Like Abuela Maria – and Globo. I can maybe buy her noise cancelling earphones. I can fight for her.”

Magnus’ eyes almost watered at that. He was so much Alec – in so many ways. When he looked at Rafael now, Magnus realized he is never going to lose Alec. Not really.

“Then fight, my darling,” Magnus gave one last kiss on the ahead. “Fight like your dad.”

“And like my Bapak,” Rafe smiled and booped Magnus on the nose.

“He is the smartest person you know, right?” Magnus winked.

“Eh,” Rafael shrugged and Magnus feigned offense.

“But he is the bravest person I know,” Rafael pointed out shyly, but with enough pride to warm Magnus’ heart.

Magnus jumped off the bed and led out his hands. “All this talk about our wonderful public transportation system has me suddenly missing the subway. I think I should go for a ride.”

Rafael picked up his bow and reached out to hold Magnus’ hand. “Let’s go together.”

[barnesbabee]

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴇɪɢʜᴛ- ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀʟᴀɴᴅ

WONDERLAND MASTERLIST

⇜ ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ - ᴇɪɢʜᴛ-  ɴᴇxᴛ ⟿

CHARACTER LIST:

White Rabbit - Choi Jongho Absolem (Blue Catterpilar) - Kang Yeosang Cheshire Cat - Kim Hongjoong Mad Hatter - Choi San Haigha (March Hare) - Jung Wooyoung Tweedle Dee - Song Mingi Tweedle Dum - Jeong Yunho Bloody Red King - Park Seonghwa

ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ: @myunvillage @mirror-juliet @jess-1404 @earth-to-leiki [Send me a DM, an ask or comment to be added to the tag list]

“The stars sure look beautiful today.”

From that night on you and Seonghwa continuously exchanged shy glances, and even the simplest touch would make you blush, as you both reminisced what had happened that night. You anxiously waited for the day you would finally belong to each other, and as the night approached, the both of you started feeling butterflies all over your body.

You had decided the wedding would be small. Not because you weren't extravagant, but because none of you had friends, so it wouldn't make sense to throw a big party. Although the King, without your knowledge, had ordered the most beautiful wedding dress, and he couldn't wait for you to see it.

One day, you decided to take a peek at the ballroom, where the wedding would be taking place. You could see he tried to minimize the red and black, but it was stronger than him. It did look beautiful though... The gold chandelier lit up the sparkly room, decorated with rose petals cut in the shape of a heart, and several portraits of you and the King beside each other. You wondered when those had been painted, but you were honoured. Your heart was clenching in adoration as you noticed the contrast between the portraits all around the castle compared to those. Every painting of the King you had seen so far was of him with a stone-cold expression, but in all of these you were both smiling, laughing, or looking at each other lovingly. The King make sure to capture his favourite moments in all of these paintings, from the day you met, to the picnic in the garden.

"Thank you, Miss."

You were startled to hear a voice behind you while you peeked through the barely opened door. You jumped slightly and turned around, but calmed down once you saw it was one of the maids. She was looking at you with her big, sparkly frog eyes. At some point, it freaked you out, but after seeing them every day you got used to the frog people.

"You're welcome ma'am, but what might you be thanking me for?" You asked, quite confused.

"You've made our lives infinitely better with your presence. Our King has really changed... He said 'thank you' the other day. I have worked for him for a decade and not once had I heard those words from him. He treats us like people, not like servants. You are a blessing, Miss."

You smiled at the maid, a sad yet sympathetic smile.

"I know it's a lot to ask, but I beg of you, give him another chance. Seonghwa is but a neglected, traumatized child in an adult man's body, and I'm trying to help him become a better person."

"I cannot promise anything Miss, but if he truly shows the people mercy and compensates them for all we've been through, the people might give him another chance."

You gave her a slight nod, and thanked the maid for her honesty.

"Hey!" A voice called from up the stairs.

The maid excused herself, and you looked at the staircase, to find a distressed Seonghwa running down towards you.

"Did you see the room?" He asked arms crossed over his chest.

You stayed quiet for a second and looked away from the man who stood apprehensively in front of you.

"No?" You lied.

"Aw come on! I wanted it to be a surprise! I knew I should've covered that paintings."

The image of a sulking Seonghwa was the most adorable thing you had ever seen. You wrapped your arms around his waist and laid your head on his chest.

"I'm sorry, but I was too curious..." You paused and looked up at the man "If it serves any consolation, I was very surprised, and I loved it."

"Really?" He happily asked, flashing you his pearly whites.

You hummed in agreement, earning a small kiss from the man.

"Well, the surprises aren't over. There's a couple more, starting with tonight's dinner."

Before you could ask what he meant, Seonghwa grabbed your hand and dragged you towards a small room in the attic. It took a while to go up all of the marble stairs, and you were out of breath once you reached the room, but it was worth it.

The King gripped the golden handle of the red, wooden door, while looking at you with a big grin. Once he pushed it open, the most beautiful sight was prepared for you. The roof of the small room had a beautiful glass skylight, and the stars looked down at you as you stepped inside. There were white rose petals scattered all over the dark wooden floor, and a small table with two chairs sat in the middle. On the wall right in front of you was a lit fireplace, and the table was set for two, with the most beautiful cutlery you had ever seen. You noticed a letter sitting on one of the dishes, that you assumed was directed at you.

"I, uh... I learned to like white roses." Seonghwa said, embarrassed.

You remember the first time you met when he freaked out over the white roses in the garden. He moved to stand behind one of the chairs, and pulled it back.

"Come, sit down."

You obliged and sat down on the chair he held out of you The male sat in front of you and motioned towards the letter.

"Tomorrow we get married, and there are many things I want to tell you, but I can't. So I wrote it down."

You grabbed the letter and opened it. The King's calligraphy was beautiful and easy to read, but it didn't surprise you: everything about him was very neat.

'Dearest Y/N,

I'm sorry you have to read this, instead of hearing me say it, but I know that if I were to tell you how I feel, half of my sentiments would be left unsaid. I have lived a short life that felt very, very long. These years have dragged on relentlessly, but ever since you arrived, time flies. I hate going to sleep and I can't wait to wake up, to be with you, to look at you, to kiss you... I have had many experiences that I thought were love, but the second I laid eyes on you, I knew all of those previous times were wrong, I finally knew what love was. And recently I've come to find that love isn't only one thing, because somehow my love for you grows in many ways every day I spend with you. You may call me crazy, but there's nothing I wouldn't do for you, and I will keep my promise of changing to be a better King. Even if you stop loving me, even if you leave me, I will hold up my promise as proof of my everlasting love for you. But I must confess, I've imagined us growing old together, and one day, when I pass the crown onto my future child, I hope it is your child as well.

Forever yours,

Seonghwa.'

Tears streamed down your cheeks like two rivers and your bottom lip trembled as you read the letter.

"Ah, those are happy tears! Correct?"

You set down the letter and wiped away said tears with your wrists.

"Yes, yes they are. This was beautiful, Seonghwa, thank you."

"I'm afraid that's as far as the surprises go today, because when it comes to dinner," Seonghwa paused, revealing two sandwiches that would be your meal "I'm afraid it's mediocre. I tried my best but everything I made came out raw or burned, I'm afraid this is as far as my cooking abilities go."

You were surprised and very touched that he had done it all by himself, even if it were just some lousy sandwiches.

"You made dinner by yourself? Well, my good Sir, they must be delicious." You joked as you took one of them.

They weren't good, but they weren't bad either, and you appreciated the effort that had gotten into them. You imagined what kind of King Seonghwa would have been if the previous King had chosen to raise Seonghwa instead of his sister... Surely a kind, caring King that everyone looked up to, one every eligible young woman (and man) would bad their eyelashes at. It was truly a shame... But it wasn't too late for a change, you were hopeful.

You spent that night together, cuddling and telling stories while looking at the starry sky, and you eventually fell asleep on the many pillows Seonghwa had sprawled on the floor.

The next day, you woke up with a smile, remembering that your wedding was in a few hours.

You laid on top of Seonghwa and kissed him.

"Wake up sleepy head."

Seonghwa smiled, wrapped his arms around you and flipped the two of you, so you'd be under him.

"Good morning princess."

You help his face in your hands and smiled.

"After today I'll be a Queen."

"My Queen."

Your sappy moment was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Sir, Miss, I'm afraid we must commence dressing you for the wedding."

The King peeled himself off of you with a groan (but not before kissing you). He helped you get up, and the two of you followed the maid that took you both to your assigned fitting rooms. Seonghwa had picked his own suit, but you had no idea what he had in store for you. The second you opened the door, you were met with the most beautiful dress you had ever even imagined. It was white, with a tight corset that expanded into a glamorous princess-like puffy tulle. The tulle had many layers, and its bottom was decorated with pearls. The corset, while sleeveless and heart-shaped, had lace appliques that covered your chest and arms, and the torso was decorated with many sparky stones. The veil was equally decorated with pearls and had a tiara attached to it.

Attached to the dress there was a letter.

'They say white symbolizes faith. I have faith in you and in our marriage. Much love, Seonghwa.'

The maids helped you dress, very carefully and with care. They truly seemed to like you. One of them even fixed your hair in a pretty bun and attached the veil to it.

They had spent around an hour fixing everything, and when you were almost done, the door opened.

"The King is waiting for Miss Y/N."

And that was your queue to leave the room. You carefully walked down the stairs and made your way to the big ballroom, once the doors opened, with the announcement of your name, your eyes fell on Seonghwa, who was staring at you happily, in his new look. His hair was slicked back, no longer covering his eye, displaying it proudly, no longer ashamed of his past. His suit matched your dress: it was white and fit him neatly, and it only served as proof that Seonghwa looked good in any colour.

You noticed the crowd in the room, but you weren't too surprised. Although you had decided to hold a small wedding and not invite anyone, you two knew the people would want to see who was brave enough to marry their King, so the man opened the castle doors for anyone who wanted to witness the wedding.

To say the people were surprised to see the King smile was an understatement, but the fact was that he was smiling, and the smile grew wider for every step you took towards him.

The ceremony went beautifully. There were tears in your eyes and in Seonghwa's eyes, and as you celebrated and sealed the marriage, everyone clapped (to you and Seonghwa's surprise).

Everything went perfectly, until the toast. Seonghwa suggested a toast in your behalf after the maids handed every citizen a glass, and when you took a sip, your body felt weird, and you started shrinking, and shrinking, and shrinking until you looked like Thumbelina.

"Y-Y/N!?" Seonghwa asked frantically, as he looked at tiny you standing on the table.

"Tweedles, now!" Someone roared from the crowd.

The Tweedles grabbed you and tossed you over to the Hatter, who had been concealed in the crowd this whole time. After hearing about the wedding, the Hatter decided he would use the certain crowd and commotion to blend in and enter the castle. Without anyone noticing, Cheshire sprinkled some of Absolem's shrinking cake into your drink.

The Hatter grabbed you gently and Bayard came running in. He placed you on the dog and reached for his pocket to retrieve some cake as well.

The King, noticing what was happening before his very eyes, panicked. Tears streamed down his eyes and his bottom lip quivered.

"No! Please don't steal her away! Please!" He begged, running towards the group with one hand stretched out, hoping he could get to the dog before they left but to no avail.

The Hatter just laughed and shrunk himself, giving Bayard the signal to leave. The card knights tried to follow the dog but he was too fast, and there was no time to get the horses before losing sight of the dog. You were gone.

The King fell to his knees, and cried, as he stopped seeing you from the distance.

"Please, don't take her away from me..."

[marshmallowprotection]

Heyyyy!

Can I pleaseeee request a matchup?

I'm a straight female, prefer men.

I'm a January aquarius, INTP. I'm an introvert.

I'm kinda fat, somewhat short-heighted (5'3"), I have light tanned skin and black curly hair that's a bit too straight at some places (I burned my hair while straightening them). I'm a lil bit insecure so I prefer loose clothes, and I usually wear pjs at home (I can even wear night suits for the entire day).

About my personality...although I am an introvert, I blend well with people outside. I try my best to make everyone smile, and crack jokes to cheer up everyone around me. I'm kinda dumb so even if anyone insults me, I don't get to know and I still be nice to them? (I'm kinda happy go lucky ig).

Under stress, I get a lot of mood swings and sometimes become a cry baby. Lots of sarcasm and cringey jokes in my life. I am emotionally intelligent, so I know how to deal with sad people.

I like cooking, drawing, reading and dancing. I like pop music. My current favourite song is " "2step". I like travelling, especially when I get to make plans spontaneously. I'm a biology nerd, and I like anime.

I'd definitely like a partner who can love me for who I am and can accept my body. I need a partner who will love me no matter what, and I'll do the same for them!

Also, if you can, then please do not match me with Yoosung or V. Pleaseeee. They won't get along with my personality ig?

That's all I had to say. Thank you so so much. Also, I hope not having Yoosung or V is okay with you? If it's not then no problem! I'd love to hear your thoughts on who would be a perfect match for me!

Have a great day!

P.S. I'm new to this blog so forgive any mistakes please! I couldn't find the rules page...

The Rules page doesn't show up on Mobile, unfortunately. But, here's that link just in case you need it!

I match you with...

Zen! 

If there's one person that understands what it feels like to be uncomfortable with your sense of self, it is Hyun Ryu. It takes a lot of hard work to be able to learn how to love yourself, and it can take even longer to learn that it's okay to be loved by other people for who you are. Insecurities are the bane of everyone's existence, they're just not easy to unlearn after you've been dealing with them for a long time. In your case, you need somebody that is willing to hype you up and remind you that you are worth everything. What better man to do that than Zen?

Even though he's a man that is seemingly laced with glitz and glamor, he's a Down to Earth person. He doesn't care about all things being perfect. He doesn't care about the image being just right, or whatever the public wants to think about him. The only thing that he cares about is knowing that the people he loves are happy. He says himself that as long as you're happy now, and he's happy. Your beauty is everywhere to him. Your smile, your eyes, your face, your personality, your body... he loves all of you. He knows what it feels like to be insecure so he wants to hype you up so that you never forget how much you are worth to him. 

He loves to travel... he loves spur of the moment trips. Hop on his bike with him and there’s no telling where you’ll stop. isn’t there something poetic about being able to go anywhere you want with Zen... to enjoy the views of the world before he pulls off to show you the sights and sounds? Hold him tight, because he’ll never let you go. 

[angel-caked]

'' P u t t i ng o n t h e R i t z ,, - Angel's 1st big gig

Cars zipped by, party-goers and tourists stumbled on by in their drunken or high stupors , the hot dark red night skies that reminded them all of their damnation illuminated it by these neon embroidered buildings with their walls littered with posters of starlets and stars with their best grins on their seemingly flawless faces and best sides to draw in fools that tried their hand with Lady Luck and ended up with Misfortune clinging to their ankles . Pricey entertainers and those looking for the entertainment stood out on the streets , drawing in more foolish that stupidly fell in love tonight under the booze , glitter and ample money to spend while their brief release was temporary indulgence in glamorous vices that would eventually wear them to their bones from the designer drugs down to the exclusive attires . This was the ring of pride and it showed with how clean things were in comparison to the other divisions .

It was a bit quieter save for a ritzy place with a rose gold theme laced with black marble walls and further more the people coming to and fro were donning their best clothes in match of the building's own pallet ' Champagne Lounge ' written in cursive neons and decorated in faux diamonds .

Angel could barely hear the crude sense of the outside world from the dressing room , no he could hear the moving of chairs and chatter , his heart pounding in his acclaimed fluffy breasts as he idly played with a petal between his gloved hands and bore a thousand mile stare . He had never actually thought he'd share his voice in front of a crowd let alone one of this caliber or even make it this far to begin with, showing his body was something he was much too used to and even he found it ironic that something as common as this could leave him so shaken with a frog in his throat . It wasn't as if he'd never sang before but , those were for his own entertainment and he was high off his ass then he'd sing for smaller events just to get his name out there .

This . . . This was different , it could either make or break what he'd been working so hard on . Tonight could determine if it was worth the effort .

The knock of the door shook him out of his daze with a start and swivelled his head , half expecting to see someone he'd rather not but instead it was stage hand . Five minutes . When the aquatic sinner was gone Angel let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding , letting go of the roses to look into his hand mirror previously perched on the counter and squinted as if any imperfections would just pop out of the blue -- Fuck , he was going to need a drink after this . The pink compact was placed back down and Angel's red pumps clicked on across the shiny floors as the buttons on the fitted pants shined like polished coins in the light . Deft fingers steadily worked on unbuttoning his shirt to tease a bit of lace that decorated his body for an emergency just to keep their eyes on him .

He wrung his secondary hands together while listening to the hushed sea of murmurs that only made his heart beat sound like drums in his ears and building back up his spunky persona and took in a breath when the burgundy silks started to pull apart . The almost blinding white light hit his face , for a second he thought he was getting gated to heaven , forcing his eyes to close for a moment before that light was dimmed and he was able to see theatre was full. All dressed in their best get ups and their trinkets shimmering from the low light . He didn't need to look at the audience to know the mixed emotion stares some judging and some anticipating piercing into his person even from the Orchestra that readied their instruments in the far corner though it was nothing new, he halfheartedly wondered how many came for a burlesque show . He wasn't opposed to mixing in that in maybe some later shows but , for now ? His voice was the only thing up for admiration even if it was a flop no one could say he didn't attempt .

When spotting the familiar face of Kerosene in the crowd , his stance loosened up for now he had a person to focus on though would that be smart ? It worked for strip teases . . . Angel's shaky hands went up to grasp the microphone by the pole and hold it a bit closer to his red painted lips that dared to quiver to mask a sound of uncertainty . The band seemingly took the signal , piano first soon followed by the sound of the violinist and trumpet . Angel fluttered his eyes shut in a sultry way as a means to keep from staring off into the crowd of eyes that burned more than the spotlight on his face .

" I'm gonna be released from behind these lines

And don't care whether I live or die

And I'm losing blood, I'm gonna leave my bones

And I don't want your heart it leaves me cold . "

The spider's voice was perfect for those softer lyrics and he knew it . Angel kept his eyes shut as a way to get lost in his own melody to pour his aching heart into every word . Charlie always said that everyone needed a way to empty their feelings in less destructive ways and he'd always had this but , he felt it was too intimate . To let his voice let his inner thoughts come flooding out when he could've just danced it all away like a broken record .

" I don't need your past

I don't want your future

One grand moment

Is all I ask . . . "

And he planned on getting that grand moment , where he could was his hands clean entirely without a reminder of his past and could get past the trauma without running away from it or repressing it . Angel didn't want redemption , he didn't want anyone's pity . He wanted to be free and unlimited to his choices . The rest of the night Angel sang his heart out till the curtains dropped and his body felt as if years of stress had temporarily left , ending it all with a blown kiss and wink to the crowd until once again the dim light eloped him . His legs were shaky when that first step was taken and he held on to the stand for a bit of support , raising his head up a bit when hearing the applause and well . . . tears formed in his eyes as he stepped away from the stage to rest ; he was just one step closer now with plenty more to go .

[mochilici0us]

One New Message | jjk (4)

➳ 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: angst, thriller, stalker au

➳ 𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀: Skye realizes she has to deal with a ruthless stalker when the messages she’s constantly receiving are getting more and more threatening. A stalker that makes her recall memories of the past she swore she would never rake up again

➳ 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2,5k

prologue, part one, part two, part three, part four

April 2013

''Skye can you pass me the milk please?'' my father kindly requests while we enjoy our breakfast. They enjoy to be exact. I can hardly take part in their conversation, my mind is away.

My eyes can't stop following her skinnier, exhausted figure moving from the kitchen to the dining haul and serving breakfast.

Something's up these days, she avoids eye contact with me at all costs, we haven't even talked properly. She's acting cold towards me just muttering a few weak goodmornings and goodnights. Yeah, those are the only words I've exchanged with my ''best friend'', not even a little talk to catch up with each other's news.

''Ruby can you fetch me some honey?'' my mother yells so that Ruby listens from the kitchen. A few seconds after she appears holding a jar of honey. Even her walk is stiff, I'm genuinely concerned about her health.

''Here you are'' I'm sure she can feel my burning gaze as she leaves the honey on the table and finally after a week our eyes meet.

Shit, she looks so pale, dark circles under her red eyes, chipped lips, I can even practically see her facial bones. To my surprise she doesn't look annoyed or angry. She just glances at me tiredly, as if she had quit living.

My piercing gaze on the other hand is anything but calm and sympathetic. She's clearly sick, something's eating her alive and instead of sharing her concerns with me she stays away?

Our eye contact lasts only for a few seconds but it's strong enough to show my restrained rage.

She realizes it immediately, averts her gaze and leaves like the coward she is.

''This weekend I'm leaving on an unexpected business trip'' my father announces and takes a sip of his coffee right after

''Again? You were on a business trip last week'' my mother fires back

''Do you think it's up to me? For your information I'd rather stay home and relax with my family''

''I don't mean it's your fault I just...''

''You make me feel terrible every time I have to tell you about a businesstrip. I can't talk to my family without restrictions anymore Christen''

''Ok I'm sorry don't get mad'' my mother lowers her eyes and apologises quickly before my father gets more angry.

Sometimes I admire my dad. He's so manipulative but not in a bossy way, he always prevails upon my mother with sensible arguments, voice laced with sweetness.

He's so diplomatic, no doubt he has built such a great career

''Darling why are you not eating?'' my mother remarks as I fiddle with the spoon. The bowl of granola cereals is untouched.

''I have no appetite. I have to go to school anyway, I'm late'' I pretendto study my watch and stand up

''Do you want me to come with you?'' my father suggests

''Nο it's ok I can walk''

''Skye are you sure everything's ok?'' I hear my mother's voice as I head towards the living room to grab my backpack.

''I'm fine mum I just didn't sleep well. See you later''

As I'm about to exit alone Ruby appears out of nowhere. Her body posture screams nervousness.

''You didn't eat your breakfast'' she speaks quietly biting her already chopped lips

She's been avoiding me for a week and now she pretends to be a thoughtful friend. She made me feel depressed, cry myself to sleep thinking what the hell I did wrong and now she plays dumb?

I just stay still without answering, my intense eyes glued to her wandering ones. She doesn't even dare to look at my eyes.

She clears her throat ''Here''she takes a fresh hand-made sandwich out of her pocket and extends her hand. I eye her hand without moving an inch.

''You can eat it instead. You look like a sceleton'' I spit my venom and walk out of my house without sparing her a glance.

It was too late when I realized what I had said.

''I love spaghetti but my mother never cooks. My dad says she cooks terrible but that's a secret'' Grace's friend Lisa whispers and pretends to seal her lips. She's so cute.

''Don't worry your secret is safe''

She nods and digs into her food again. Under other circumstances I wouldn't have cooked but today Susan picked up both Grace and Lisa so I couldn't disoblige her. Her puppy eyes gave me enough courage to get up and cook even though I'm still in a cast.

The three of us are sitting in the dining table and enjoying my home-made bolognese spaghetti. I was never good at cooking, I couldn't cook to save my life to be exact but I had to learn how for Grace. So I practiced and practiced till I reached my goal, I didn't want to become the new master chef, just learn how to cook some basic things so that Grace eats home-made food. In the beginning I would constantly fail but practice makes perfect.

''Eat your veggies as well girls'' I gesture at the bowl of salad.

They both nod like good girls and do as I say. They're so freaking adorable. Lisa has short black hair with bangs and chocolate brown eyes. She's small but taller than Grace. She comes by often, most of the times I pick her up from school as well since Grace and her are classmates.

Her favorite foods are spaghetti, steak with baby potatoes and vegetable fried rice. Let's not forget my signature fruit smoothie which I always serve with vanilla frosting cupcakes.

We always sit and eat together, exchanging news, telling jokes. I really enjoy their interactions, they look like two tiny dumplings.

"What did you do in school today?" I ask intertwining my fingers

"We drew our dream gardens, mine has a huge swimming pool" Lisa hurries to answer

"Mine has a plenty of colorful flowers and a big telescope on the center to admire the stars. And the Sky. Sky as we say Skye" Grace jokes shyly, puffing her flushed cheeks. Lisa bursts into a laughter once she gets the joke.

"Good one Grace" I wink at my little sister who resembles a puppy waiting for a praise.

After a while we're finally done with the food. I really missed cooking and eating my own food, Susan cooks pretty decently as well but I was craving so bad for some of my spaghetti.

''Did you enjoy your meal girls?'' I eye the empty plates

''Yeah!''they both cheer

''Go to play now while I prepare your fruits''

The two small kitties obey and walk towards the room wiggling their small butts. I can't help but chuckle at them.

My eyes land on the dirty dining table as I sigh disappointed, washing the dishes is definitely the worst part of cooking and eating. No matter how much I enjoy preparing food and trying new recipes, the process of cleaning after is terrible. I'm going to wash the dishes later I think and slowly proceed to my big kitchen to cut fruits for the girls, my hands holding the crutches tight.

Being on my feet isn't the best idea whatsoever but tomorrow I'm having my cast removed so my ankle is pretty much healed.

I go for strawberries, bananas and pears and also pick two colorful bowls.

As I already mentioned tomorrow I'm having my cast removed. My stomach twitches in anticipation. Will he be there? Two weeks have passed but I still find myself thinking of him before sleeping even though the picture of him is blurry and distant. Just a memory, a distant picture of him is enough to keep me up at night...

I brush away these thoughts and throw the fruits into the bowls, adding some honey on top and voila! A quick and healthy sweet fruit salad.

"Girls come on" I yell and wait for the two little ones to arrive, trying to distract my mind from unwanted thoughts.

What I know for sure is that tomorrow is a big day....

"You're finally able to walk again, I'm so happy'' Susan cheers and hugs me tight as we exit the hospital. Unfortunately I didn't have my cast removed by the pretty doctor, he didn't even appear to be exact.

Disappointed but not suprised

The young cute nurse was there though, she recognized me and even greeted me, I was THIS close to ask about him but my pride didn't allow me.

''How are you feeling?'' Her hand strokes my back

''Weird'' I respond eyeing my healed ankle ''I was used to walking on crutches''

Indeed last 2 weeks I would only walk using my crutches, they had become a part of my routine. I certainly feel better now though, well-rested,healthy, ready to return to reality.

''Let's go, I'm treating you to brunch.. There are so many things we have to catch up on after''

''W-what do you mean?'' I stutter scared because I have a feeling that I already know her answer

''Shopping therapy of course''

Oh no...

''Susan are you kidding I just removed my cast''

''Sweetheart you know I wouldn't drag you along unless I had a reason. Next Tuesday is Yoongi's birthday party, we have to get our outfits''

''Yoongi's birthday...'' I scratch my sculpt looking at her sheepishly''I totally forgot, I'm sorry''

''It's ok, you're coming anyway''

''What about-''

''Taehyung's gonna take care of your sister don't worry'' she cuts me off as if she had read my thoughts

I nod, it's rude to deny the invitation

''Yoongi's friends are really handsome and some of them are single so don't think you're getting off. We have to find a cute outfit for you as well... now let's eat'' I roll my eyes but agree rubbing my stomach that hasn't stopped rumbling and finally get in her car .

''It's stunning'' I examine the purple midi dress Susan's holding. The material is silk, it appears glamorous, expensive and the embellished straps detail completes the look.

''Should I try it on?'' she hesitates

''Of course, purple looks amazing on you'' That's true, the contrast between her ginger hair, green eyes and the purple colour is definitely unique. Purple flatters every single of her characteristics.

''Let's find something for you'' her eyes wander around the store

''I gained weight these days so I should go for something baggy''

''No Skye, you should go for something sexy yet sick that emphasizes your cleavage. Your boobs got bigger, thankfully'' she whispers the last word and rolls her eyes

''Susan'' I whisper yell covering my breasts with my hands ''Did they?'' I rethink my friend's comment. Indeed I've noticed a slight development. This whole weight gaining story had a positive result at least.

Once I realise where my hands are and how the rest of the customers look at me probably thinking I'm a horny pervert I instantly lower them and grab the first dress I lay my eyes on.

''This one is perfect yes'' Susan practically runs towards me ''It's very elegant and the lace detail makes it sensual. You're definitely trying it on''

I take a closer look at the dress I picked out on random. It's certainly cute, off shoulder, midi, black with lace but tight as hell

''Isn't it way too tight? I think it's gonna accentuate every single bloated part of my body''

''Try it out you have nothing to lose. Besides the party is in 5 days, you have plenty of time to search for a dress''

''There's no way I'm going through this again. It's either today or I'm coming wearing my Pjs'' I announce and make my way to the fitting rooms determined. I can hear Susan mumbling a few curses, probably blaming me for being grumpy and stubborn.

''Excuse me'' an assistant approaches us

''There's only one fitting room available. I'm afraid you have to wait for a while''

''No problem, Susan you go first''

''Are you sure?''

I nod and sit in the comfortable blue chair that matches the rest of the decoration and furnishings of the store.

This showroom is excellently designed, the minimal yet eccentric blue décor casts an air of originality as the majority of stores follow a consistent pattern. No wonder it's Susan's favorite showroom, modern decor, excellent service and the clothing here is feminine, figure-friendly just like the dress I'm holding.

I'm so absorbed in gaping at the interior decoration that I don't notice my friend standing in front of me.

''Hey, earth to Skye'' she wiggles her fingers in front of my face

''Sorry'' I take my time studying her figure. ''I really like it. It's ideal for your body type and the colour is gorgeous''

The violet silk dress looks perfect on her, the semi tight fit shows up her toned silhouette, the swarovski embellished spaghetti straps together with the V neck flaunt her beautiful collarbones.

''I think it looks lovely too'' the cheerful, helpful assistant comments

''Yeah I like it'' she stares at the mirror

''You can use that fitting room'' the girl gestures at an empty room smiling. How are they always so kind and happy?''It's free now''

''Thank you'' I smile back and give a long sigh standing up from the soft chair.

Reluctantly I undress myself and wear the cute midi dress. It's tight but not as much as I expected. Well it's not that bad after all, I still need Susan's opinion though and a closer look in the big mirror. A few seconds later I'm out and heading for the mirror.

''Wow'' Susan talks ''It looks... stunning''

The dress hugs my body flawlessly, emphazising my curves. The off-shoulder design is very cute but sexy at the same time because my cleavage is shown off perfectly and I'm not even wearing a push up bra. I never thought I'd look that attractive in a dress.

''It fits you like a dream. You're definitely buying it'' Susan insistsand the assistant agrees

It's elegant yet sexy. Sexy in a non provocative way since it shows off only the right places.

''I think I'm getting this one'' I finally decide and Susan winks excitedly

''Hurry up we have to go for heels as well''

''Heels? Ha''  A humorless laugh leaves my lips

''You're laughing? What are you planning to wear with this dress then?'' she crosses her arms.

Her question catches me off guard but I act cool ''Flats? I don't care, anything but heels''

She laughs sarcastic lifting a shaped eyebrow ''Flats? If you plan to wear flat shoes on my husband's party I inform you that you're not invited''

I simply pout, my eyes pleading for mercy

''Come on Skye it's a party, a bussines kinda party you don't have to walk or dance. You can deal with heels under these circumstances I'm sure''

''Okay'' I sigh defeated meeting her gaze. There's no point in agruing, she's right I need heels with the apparel I chose.

''Hurry up then'' she scolds and enters the fitting room.

Have I mentioned how much I hate shopping with my best friend?

[thisbrokensocialscene]

This girl is two years younger than me. She was rude to me when we went to high school together. Once I graduated she started with simply dressing like me, then it moved to hanging with my 2 closest friends in the world, then she started fucking around with my boyfriend, then she got one nose ring same side as me (even saying to him how she got it to be just like me and how it should bring them closer), then she got the same exact fucking car as me.... now for those who dont kno I had a very distinctive fucking car. This girl was a carbon copy of me. A knock off, shitty, wannabe. My boyfriend lied to my face so many times claiming they never fucked and shit and so I ended it with him. He begged and pleaded. After 2 weeks of nonstop calling and begging I agreed to meet with him where I set 10 conditions and if he met them I'd give him a second chance, he did, so I did. One of them was no contact and the she and all her friends. Even though when I checked his insta he would unblock her friends a lot, she remained blocked or so I thought.

Apparently a day or two ago she made a second insta so they could communicate and he totally fell back into it... she even got her second piercing to match mine! Along with outfits I've worn and shit. she sent these messages to me to show me he still wants her. This is the person I've given almost 7 years of my life to. This is the person I was planning to fucking marry. This is the pathological liar who looked me in the eyes and swore they loved me and only me. This person knew I'd been hurt before... I used to say 'everyone leaves' and he'd say 'not me, I never will' when that was a lie.

Does loyalty mean nothing to anyone anymore? I'm so fucking loyal to everyone. But I'm done now. I'm fucking done.

These are the messages about how much better she is then me. Her confidence, her body, everything. Even tho shes a low rent version of me. If anyone sees her dont even call her Shea, call wannabe Emma or even try hard. Both fit.

Shes a sad pathetic human being that cannot even torm her own identity. So fucking sad. You. are a carbon copy, a knockoff, you'll never be me. Thats not even in a cocky or self centered way, thats just the truth.

I'm so lucky I didnt catch what she gave him... so fucking lucky.

I have nothing. No money, we share a place, no family, barely any true friends, I have nothing... you've left me broken when you swear you would never hurt me like they did. You are a lie.

'Don't be cautious, don't be kind

You committed, I'm your crime

Push my button anytime

You got your finger on the trigger, but your trigger finger's mine

Silver dollar, golden flame

Dirty water, poison rain

Perfect murder, take your aim

I don't belong to anyone, but everybody knows my name

By the way, you've been uninvited

'Cause all you say are all the same things I did

Copycat trying to cop my manner

Watch your back when you can't watch mine

Copycat trying to cop my glamour

Why so sad, bunny, you can't have mine?

Call me calloused, call me cold

You're italic, I'm in bold

Call me cocky, watch your tone

You better love me, 'cause you're just a clone

By the way, you've been uninvited

'Cause all you say are all the same things I did

Copycat trying to cop my manner

Watch your back when you can't watch mine

Copycat trying to cop my glamor

Why so sad, bunny, you can't have mine?

I would hate to see you go

Hate to be the one that told you so

You just crossed the line

You've run out of time

I'm so sorry, now you know

Sorry I'm the one that told you so

Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry, sorry

Sike

By the way, you've been uninvited

'Cause all you say are all the same things I did

Copycat trying to cop my manner

Watch your back when you can't watch mine

Copycat trying to cop my glamour

Why so sad, bunny, you can't have mine?'

Oh, and by the way, fuck you.

[leoninapelliolovesconchitawurst]

ENGLISH TRANSLATION (by me)

Wurst in the old FM4 Studio

Photo by Lukas Lottersberger

"I am both Conchita and WURST."

By Daniela Derntl

https://fm4.orf.at/stories/2995448/

Songcontest winner Tom Neuwirth has on his new album "T.O.M. - Truth Over Magnitude quasi reinvented "as WURST. Instead of Conchita's glamorous diva ballads, evening gowns and wigs, there's now danceable electro-pop, vinyl, leather and sex. A conversation about the new record, self-discovery, the jurors activity on "Queen of Drags" and the upcoming tour.

FM4: Recently your new record "T.O.M. - Truth Over Magnitude "came out. And that's also your debut album for your new project WURST. The CD has been out for a few weeks. How were the reactions?

WURST: The reactions were very positive. I think I was the least nervous. Probably the people around me a little more, because you do not know if that happens or not. I was extremely pleased that what was happening was understood , and the music is also liked. I love this album, I can hear it up and down, which is not so obvious to me. I'm more of the category: I do not look and listen to my own stuff. But I love this album!

FM4: Which song is on Heavy Rotation right now?

WURST: Currently it's "Can’t Come Back" because I'm going to perform live soon, in a very special cast. And that's why I have to listen to it a bit, so I know the text. It's always a story with the text. Sometimes I like to improvise.

FM4: I also wanted to talk to you about this song anyway. Because it is interesting that you speak now also as WURST in dialect, and before as Conchita only spoke High German. Are there any other entrances when singing? Because in this just mentioned "Can’t Come Back", you also sound quite different, especially at the beginning of the song.

WURST: I sing so deeply, like never before, and that's actually not that easy. So to intonate is a challenge. But that's also a point of this album that I can really show my full range. And also show a bandwidth that I did not even know I had.

WURST about the start of the new project

FM4: When was it clear to you that Conchita could not go on like that - and you have to change. When was the starting signal for the new project?

WURST: The starting signal came after the decision that things could not go on like this. I think - quite banal - when I got up, and was no longer happy and had no mood for anything. I put that on for a few months, and I thought, yes, that will be all right. But it did not happen again. And then I dealt with myself. Then I also started talking therapy because I thought I could not go on alone, I seemed to need a new input somehow. That helped me a lot. And then I also really understood that I am responsible for my own life and I cannot fool around and say: They do not understand me. And they did not understand me. No! I did not understand it anymore and that's why I had to do something new.

FM4: What other insights have you got there, especially on the artistic path?

WURST: First and foremost, I looked closely at my ego and thought about how I go through the world and how to deal with people. Whether I'm really as fabulous as I think? And unfortunately we are not all! (laughs) We hurt people with our behaviour, and seeing and accepting that in its entirety has given me, I believe, this freedom boost to do something where nobody would have said, yes! Electropop! Great idea! And with that freedom it was ‘wurst’ (not important) for me. I did not care, I just had to do it, and then it all happened.

WURST about working with Eva Klampfer and Albin Janoska

FM4: So you had to go through a dark tunnel and then, together with songwriter Eva Klampfer aka Lylit and producer Albin Janoska, saw a light together at the end of the tunnel? Can one say that?

WURST: Definitely! I have wandered through many songwriting camps in recent years. Unsuccessful, because I'm not terribly talented when it comes to it. And then, by some coincidence, Severin Trogbacher, who plays the guitar in my band and is also my band leader, introduced me to Albin Janoska. And Albin says: Would you like to work with Eva? And I thought, that is not possible. You travel all over Europe to somehow write songs, and then they're all sitting there waiting.

FM4: Albin Janoska maybe known from Count Basic ...

WURST: He also produces Count Basic and son. You listen to the record, and understand what it's all about!

FM4: Eva Klampfer aka Lylit wrote the songs for you. And I've read - and I'm asking you now if that's true - that the character WURST was created while working on the album. So it was not clear at the beginning who the songs would be written for now?

WURST: Exactly! Eva and I have talked a lot about who this is for now. What is my name? Is that somehow okay? Actually, some songs were finished and I knew that "Trash All The Glam" would be the first single. That was the moment we sat together and kind of wondered what the video might look like. And I'm a very visual person and it just came suddenly. We went on location scouting and we just saw this shot that I was driving down the escalator, and then I said: There must be WURST in red letters like an exit sign. That was a moment when everything was clear to me. That's it: I'm both Conchita and WURST. It's so absurd, if you think about it in hindsight. It all happened to me by accident. But that's me. I love kitsch and pomp, and all the madness that the show business brings with it, but I like it a bit rude, simpler, clearer and without much frills.

WURST has reconciled with Conchita

FM4: You've reconciled yourself to Conchita through this metamorphosis? Can you say that?

WURST: Yes. In fact, I almost fell into the same trap again, because at the beginning of the project WURST I thought to myself: Now there are no high heels and wigs anymore, and the look is that, and blah. And then I'm like this: Oh wow! I'm doing the same thing again as I did before and restricting myself again. Of course, then came this TV show "Queen Of Drags" where it was all about showing all facets. Then I painted myself, and thought: Oh, there she is! And she is more beautiful than ever! And I think I did not get away from the mirror for half an hour because I thought: Oh yes! (Laughing). I love it!

WURST about his future plans

FM4: I have the impression that your metamorphosis is far from complete. You have a lot more sides, people, maybe even a whole ensemble in the quiver?

WURST: Yes, I also believe that there is still something in me that I do not yet know about. I also do not think that for ever and ever I'll just "stay in the music" under quotes. I also want to design sets, I also want to do fashion, I want to be a director and scream at actors. I want to write a musical about my life, because the boy from the mountains who wins the song contest is like "Sound Of Music". Sorry! And that's the way it will sound (laughs). Of course I'm wondering what the next one might be because the album is out now and I'm going on tour with it next year. I'm looking forward to it, but I do not want a standstill. I stir around a bit ...

WURST about "Queen Of Drags"

FM4: You're now also a juror on the new German TV show "Queen Of Drags", and there it hails from the queer community criticism of your co-juror Heidi Klum, because she has nothing to do with Queer and Drag. You clearly defend your colleague. But it's pretty much off, right?

WURST: Yes, fully. For one thing, I think everyone has an opinion. Hey, awesome! What this outcry from the community has just shown is that your character does not depend on your sexual orientation, because this community wants so much inclusion and understanding, and then somehow that does not work out. I find that a bit contradictory now. Yes, of course, there are not only fans of Heidi Klum, and I did not know her before either, and I have to say that this collaboration was just easy. And she was fully aware that it was somehow controversial, and she was just so respectful and so inside, asking questions without end, just wanting to be a part of it. I think that when it comes to judging candidates, we've always wanted to judge whether they're getting better. Because I would like to have all these ten Queens have a career after that and live on it. And I would like to give them what I have already learned.

FM4: Drag culture is also about body positivity. And that's just Heidi Klum as an executioner of "Germanys Next Top Model" not necessarily the right thing for something?

WURST: Yes, "Germanys Next Top Model" is a completely different format. And absolutely right there was a body awareness that was mediated, which is definitely not healthy. But even in this program, there was a learning process that has seen over the last few years.

WURST about pink-washing

FM4: Another reproach on the show was also the so-called "Pink Washing". So that now a broadcaster and a presenter who otherwise have nothing to do with this queer culture and scene capitalize on it. And you're almost the queer fig leaf on the whole. What do you say?

WURST: That's an absolutely legitimate comment. I want to say that I use it as well. Because I did not know Heidi before either, but she gives us the best slot on one of the biggest private channels to show what the queer community has on it to show people what's left. Of course! Excuse me! I get it - pinkwashing, et cetera. But I also take advantage of it to show how cool it is to be casual with each other, and how great it is to be supported. And how great it is when everyone can just be what he wants to be. And I love that too on this show. It works like nothing else. But when it comes down to it, keep it together. And I think that's exactly what it's about!

WURST about the Eurosonic Festival

FM4: Let's talk about your upcoming tour. In January you play at the Eurosonic Festival in Groningen, and that's a showcase festival for newcomers. And you're not really a newcomer anymore! But how is it for you to start from the beginning? Smaller halls to play, maybe not so many amenities to have. What is it like for you playing at a newcomer festival?

WURST: I think it's so cool that I'm allowed to get involved with the cool kids, and of course I'm really looking forward to this festival because it's something new for me. I do not know this kind of festival. Especially not as an artist. And I do not know the audience. And that's why I feel like a newcomer. But I'm no longer a newcomer in that sense, I realize. But I said it aloud, and now everyone believes it! (Laughing).

WURST about the concerts in Poland

FM4: No one believes you! It will also be exciting for you at the beginning of February, as you will play twice in Poland, in Warsaw and in Krakow. And the head of the Polish governing party PIS this year has declared homosexuals and transgender people to be "enemies of the state". So you can only be there with massive protective measures and safety precautions. How are you doing there? On the one hand you want to set a signal, on the other hand it is not without danger.

WURST: Yes, on the one hand, I am a pretty unconscious lamb when it comes to that, because in my opinion I always see only the good. I once had personal security for 24 hours when I was in St. Petersburg. That feels weird. I do not know if it will be the case in Poland. I do not want to sound cynical, but I - as such a public person - already have some protection because of this publicity, because if anything should happen then it would attract a lot of attention. And that's why I may not see my safety in the foreground right now. I'm just happy that I can play there for my fans, because I have so many from the East, and I just want to have a great time with them!

FM4: Thanks for the interview and all the best!

[chronicbatfictioner]

Theater of the Soul - Chapter 6

They'd spoken in tongues around him, he'd heard. None of them knew that he understood them.

"<You crazy enough to take the boy away from him, you bastard, then you should be crazy enough to eliminate him!>"

He hadn't recognized the voice. But the language was Hispanic - a learned language, not a street- or birth-earned language. He'd suspected a white, upper-class somebody being there other than... than the horror that is the clown. He had not heard the reply, only that it was followed by a lot of loud noises. Ugly, loud noises. The last time he had heard those kind of noises, cops were later seen leaving the apartment next to his after taping the door with bright yellow ribbons.

And then he was leaving. He'd had no idea where to, or how. Just that he was leaving. Leaving all the noises behind. 

And there was a lot of blood in his line of sight. Only he wasn't sure if it was his line of sight or his own eyes. Maybe it had been him bleeding. Maybe he'd caused the bleeding, he couldn't be sure. He knew there were others - warm, soft bodies.

And then everything was cold and chilly again. There was so much pain, too. And he'd kept moving. Somehow, his brain had told him to keep moving, ignore the pain and just keep moving. That keep moving would be his best bet to survive.

Barbara's friends were... scary ladies, if anyone would ask Tim. Fortunately, no one would ask. And they looked... well, Dinah Lance and Helena Bertinelli looked like they'd just walked out of 'The Gladiator' movie set - almost complete with Roman gladiator garb. They were both tall, and even if Tim's brain said that Barbara would've been just as tall if not for her wheelchair, the two ladies still looked imposing to him.

The three of them, Tim thought, looked very colorful - with Barbara's flaming red hair and fair skin, Dinah Lance's platinum blonde hair and peachy-tan skin, and Helena Bertinelli's jet black hair and dark chocolate skin.

And yes, he did not hide his surprise well when Helena said that she was a primary school teacher. "Does that mean I'll have to call you Miss Bertinelli?" he asked, only half joking because he did feel like he was still in Primary School.

Helena was glaring at him, and Tim hoped that she would at least be amused.

"You're... what? Ninth grader?" she asked.

Tim frowned. "I've graduated high school last year." he scowled. Yes, he was small even for 15. But he still has time to get some much-needed growth spurts, surely. Like one or two - or a dozen.

She looked surprised. "Well! A genius, Barbara? Who'da thunk it." she smirked.

"I would. His grandpa was Jeremiah Galavan." Barbara said, almost smugly. "The guy who almost singlehandedly built the wastewater treatment plant in Gotham. Even when everyone was laughing at him. I'm not surprised that Tim has his brain."

"Here I am thinking that Bruce would only take people with high theatrical aptitude." Dinah Lance said.

"My parents were stage actors." Tim told her. "That's how I know Bruce. They... left me in his custody when they died."

"That's nice of them..." Helena quipped. "So close in the heels of..." then she paused.

"He didn't take me in to replace Jason!" Tim snarled. "I was officially adopted before Jason left!"

"He never take anyone to replace anybody," Dinah said, practically calming him. "Bruce takes orphaned children because of his own deep need to make sure you won't be lost in the system. Like some of his..." she paused and meet his gaze, "... earlier acquaintances." she finished. Tim suddenly got the thought that by 'acquaintances', she had meant herself.

"Matter at hand, ladies." Barbara reminded them.

"I'll go with the little genius bird." Helena stated, her voice sounded challenging.

Tim just sighed. He was not in the mood for arguing. It was already past 10.30 and he felt that they would be kind of wasting time if they were to argue on who rides with who. "Whatever." he said. "Can we go now? The addresses were arranged by location, anyway, and we've got some solid 33 thousand square miles to cover." he cringed inwardly, suddenly thinking just how small Gotham City suddenly felt.

"Relax, kiddo. We'll find him." Dinah patted his shoulder gently. "Bruce should've..." and she pressed her lips, willing herself not to say anything more.

"I don't disagree, Bruce should've asked for help back then. But that door is closed already. Now we move on." Barbara didn't snap, but her tone implied so. "We will find Jason. Even if it means knocking every damn door in the whole county of Los Angeles."

"Babs and I can start at the north side, from here onward to Antelope Valley areas." Dinah said. "You take the beaches?"

"Will do." Helena said.

"It's not like my wheelchair would be bothered with the beaches, you know." Barbara cocked her eyebrow at them. Her wheelchair was specially made - lacking the back handles because she didn't like to be pushed by anyone else; and has reinforced all-terrain wheels.

"Nothing to do with your wheelchair, hun. Southward are usually populated with family ones. While northward are veterans and otherwise." Dinah replied calmly. "They see your wheelchair and they'll be more inclined to talk than otherwise."

"Psychological query." Tim acknowledged.

"Yes, little bird, you got that right." Dinah gave him a finger-gun salute. Tim almost grinned.

Their plan for today was to prowl the homeless areas, as well as stopping by at Napier-owned buildings or whatever property he has. Tim was a little proud that Barbara did not shot down his suspicion that the reason Bruce hadn't been able to find Jason right off the bat would have been because Napier had somehow hidden Jason somewhere. He was not at any hospitals back then, and the only record of him showed that he was checked out of LA General Hospital a week after he was admitted. Bruce had even pulled all the stops by asking a load of favors from his friends to ask if any of the private rehab centers and/or hospitals would have had Jason there - to no avail.

Hence, really, Tim's suspicion that Napier was not what he appeared to be. Not 'merely' a stage critic, but was hiding something else. When the Harley Quinn club opened a mere few months after Jason went missing - based on the date of the accident and his last known whereabout as he was signed out of the hospital, Tim's suspicion was vindicated.

And his suspicion lead him to poke around the internet and unternet - the dark side of the web - to find out who the hell this Napier guy really is. Said poking around also provided him with a list of assets belonging to Napier, mostly in Los Angeles County area - much to his relief; a small number in Gotham. Dick would poke around at the Gotham ones - excluding Quinn's club - with Barbara's father, James Gordon, in the guise of finding a place for himself. James Gordon, the city's Mayor, would be a good smokescreen - no pun intended for his smoking habit, really - to hide their true purpose.

Tim has to begrudgingly admitted - albeit inwardly - that explaining the general gist of things to Helena was easier now that he has had time to mull it over and brainstorm it with Barbara. They have barely gotten a block away from the Penthouse when Tim's presentation of his theory finished.

"So how is it a brainiac kid like you get roped to the ever-glamorous world of showbiz?" Helena asked. "Yeah, I get it that your folks were in it. But you could've gotten yourself a scholarship somewhere, MIT? Ivy? I mean, why stay?"

Tim fiddled with the camera on his lap. The camera would be their cover story - building Helena's portfolio at interesting locations, or having her pretend to be a reporter if all else fails. "Why should I?" he asked.

"Why should you what?"

"Why should I go for technical stuff just because I'm a genius?" he pressed. "Why can't I be in arts, just because I can work out how a supercomputer works, or how a robot can move and walk and talk at the same time? Why can't I be a painter, or singer, or photographer?"

There was a few good seconds' worth of silence following Tim's questions, and he knew he'd stumped Helena.

"You're right. I actually never thought of it that way." she finally admitted. "Most of the kids in my school are average. There are a few with above-average intelligence, and they all tend to lean toward sciences."

"They do that because through science - things that has absolute, numerical and alphabetical quantifier - because they can prove their intellects through it. How about languages? Did you know that the English language - while the second most spoken language in the world, has significantly less amount of words? As in, it has only one word that defined art: 'work'. Bengali language has five, Russian has four, Arabic has five. That, to me, is interesting. Would you like to know how I found that out?" Tim asked, almost coyly.

"Okay, I'll bite. How did you find that out?"

"Jason Todd told me. People tend to think him stupid, just because he was a street urchin and didn't get to be schooled to show his academic skills. But he speaks five languages fluently. All of which he'd learned on his own by reading the books at the library. Is he not a genius, then?"

"Ah," she nodded. "I get it. There are many types of genius, and the more visible ones are those with science-based aptitude."

"Yes, that should answer your question on why I'm not interested with scholarships. I don't need them to do what I love. And what I love is--" Tim suddenly clamped his mouth shut, realizing his true motive in doing this. It has nothing to do with what he loved to do - taking photographs, sharing the printed evidence of things he could easily pull out from his memories with vivid details. Not because he'd wanted to 'save' Jason. Not because he didn't want to see Bruce upset and stressed.

He wanted to do this so that he could earn his place within the Wayne family. He wanted to prove that Bruce taking him was not a mistake. So that Jason would stop being mad at him. So that Jason would come home.

Before Helena could finish her questioning, thankfully, they were approaching their first target location,

[builder051]

Congrats on 100!! I'd love 29 cause I'm super obsessed with appendicitis oops

I think appendicitis is a great trope too!  Problem is, you can only torture each character with it once…

___

Colby’s been up and down all night.  Sitting on the toilet, in front of the toilet, guzzling water from the tap, brewing peppermint tea as quietly as possible, all to no avail.  His stomach still hurts, and Jason, who seems to be in the deeply unconscious clutches of his REM cycle, isn’t stirring when Colby makes weak attempts at cuddling.  There’s something peaceful about being awake at 3:30 in the morning. He thinks for a moment about trying to make it to one of those sunrise yoga classes, but abandons the idea immediately.  He’d vomit all over his mat if he tried to press into downward dog in his current condition.

He curls onto his right side with his chin hovering over Jason’s shoulder, ineffectively spooning his boyfriend’s sprawled frame.  But the position hurts, and he rolls to his back, shutting his eyes and wishing the painful cramp or whatever the hell it is will go away.

It doesn’t, but Colby does eventually find sleep again.  It’s light outside, and Jason’s mumbling something about Honey Bunches of Oats when he next opens his eyes.  He’s uncomfortably hot, and when he sits up, his t-shirt clings to him with sweat.

“What happened to you?” Jason asks blearily.

“Am I glamorous?” Colby replies, clearing his throat and pushing damp hair off his forehead.  He cracks a smile, but it turns to a grimace when the ache in his abdomen decides to tick up a couple notches.

“You’re kind of a mess,” Jason says.  “You ok?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“Dude.  No, you’re not.”  Jason finds a seated position too.

“Yeah, well.  My stomach kind of hurts,” Colby admits.  “But, I don’t know.  Probably not a big deal.”

“What, did you get food poisoning from your organic hummus or something?”  It’s a joke, but concern shows in Jason’s eyes.

“I don’t think so,” Colby says.  “I’ve been kind of up and down, like, waiting for something to happen, but I think I’m really fine.  Just kind of uncomfortable.”

“If you need the bathroom, I can always commandeer Mike’s,” Jason offers.

“If you did that, she’d murder you,” Colby laughs, wrapping his arm around his stomach to dispel the resultant throb.

“Seriously, though,” Jason says.  “You don’t look so good.”

“I’m ok.  I don’t have class till this afternoon, so I’ll probably just chill.  See if this’ll work itself out.”

“Well, in that case,” Jason says, leaning in to kiss Colby’s bristly cheek.  “I’m taking the bathroom first.”

Colby vegs against the pillows for a while, then forces himself to drink another glass of water while he watches Jason shovel down cereal.

“Call me if you don’t feel better, ok?” Jason says as he loads homework into his binder and readies his backpack for the day.  “I can come home or pick up some pepto or something.”

“Nice offer, but don’t worry about me,” Colby answers.  “It’s too close to the end of the semester for you to miss class.”

“Since when do you care about class?  Maybe I do need to worry about you!”

“Naw, you care about class.”  They both laugh.  “Now get going,” Colby says.

Half an hour later, Colby’s standing in the shower.  His stomach isn’t bloated, but the persistent pain feels like the worst possible case of gas.  He swallows a mouthful of water from the showerhead and tries to force himself to burp, convinced he’ll feel better if he just relieves a bit of the pressure built up inside him.  Nothing happens, though.  He pushes until he almost gags, then cringes.  Washes his hair. Finishes up.

He dresses in sweats and tries to think through his options.  Colby feels maybe a bit worse than he did when he first woke in the middle of the night.  He thinks perhaps a fever is slowly creeping up on him, and his stomachache is sitting consistently in the could-possibly-puke territory.  He fixes tea and toast he has no intention of consuming and sits on the couch.  He turns on Pandora and slouches into the cushions, wondering if 9:30 in the morning is too early for a nap.

“Are you listening to Indigo Girls?”  Mike’s face is a twist of disgust and confusion.

It takes Colby a second to find himself in space and time, then swallow down hot nausea, and finally formulate an answer.  “I guess.”  He doesn’t know what radio station he’s listening to.  Probably folk pop or something like that.

“You’re so weird,” Mike pronounces.  Then, “What’s wrong with you?  Aren’t you, like, usually reading the Kama Sutra or cataloging endangered leaves or something by this hour?”

“Nothing,” Colby says.

But Mike glares at him and says, “You’re sick.  Which is weirder.  You never get sick unless one of us does first.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Colby says, repeating his conversation with Jason earlier.  “Go to school.”

“Yeah, I will, but I’m starting to think I’m in the twilight zone.”  She looks down at the cold, untouched toast.  “You’re eating white carbs and everything.”  Mike shakes her head.

“Mm.  Yeah.  My stomach,” Colby explains.  As if on cue, said stomach convulses painfully and sends prickling nausea up his throat. “Give me a minute, here,” he mumbles, standing up and stumbling into the bathroom.

Colby drops to his knees in front of the open toilet and breathes, waiting for the inevitable gagging to start.  He can practically feel liquid in his stomach preparing to eject, but nothing happens except a swell of seasick dizziness.  “Fuck, come on,” Colby curses.  He rests his chin on the toilet seat.  He spits excess saliva from his mouth and waits to start retching.  He feels beyond disgusting.  Colby sticks two trembling fingers down onto the back of his tongue.  He gets as far as triggering a cough when a voice comes from the doorway.

“You sure you want to do that?” Mike asks, exhausted cynicism heavy in her tone.

“Christ, fuck, Mike,” Colby croaks, putting both hands back on the toilet bowl.  “God.  Of course I don’t.  I didn’t… I’m sorry.”

“No, I get it,” she says.  “You just…wanna get it over with.”

“God.  Yes.”  The nausea’s squeezing is brain and his stomach in opposite directions.  He finally gags, though nothing comes up.  A second pitch forward brings a trickle of water.

“See, it’ll happen on its own.”

“Ugh.  Yeah,” Colby breathes

“Alright.  Well.  I’ll leave you to it.”  Mike retreats down the hall.

As soon as he has breath, Colby calls, “Go to school,” after her.  “Don’t worry about me.”

“Wasn’t planning on it,” carries back.

The front door bangs open and shut, and Colby heaves raggedly until he’s empty.  The nausea hasn’t lessened much, and all that seems appealing is getting horizontal again.  He meanders back to the living room and swallows a sip of his cold tea.  If this is how things are going to be, Colby knows dehydration’s going to be his main enemy.

He badly needs a distraction from the figurative railroad tie stabbing at his internal organs.  One of Jason’s books is on the coffee table, and Colby picks it up.  He absorbs the first few chapters of Leaving Mother Lake and decides that whatever class has assigned this book needs to get on his schedule next semester.  The story of the young protagonist growing up in rural China is surprisingly engaging for a school book.  Until there’s a passage about rooster blood and Colby has to race his nausea to the toilet.

There’s hardly anything to vomit up, but that doesn’t stop Colby’s body from turning itself inside out.  Bile drips from his lower lip with a slow cadence while heaviness draws his head down onto his arms.  Time moves oddly; it seems to take a long stretch for him to recover from each heave, but in no time at all he’s spitting up snot and acid all over again.

It turns out a lot of time has passed, and all of a sudden there are cool hands on his face and neck.

“Hey, wake up.  God, you’re burning.”

“Hm?”  Colby looks up to see Jason, and he struggles to put together a cohesive timeline.  Is it morning?  Or evening?  Has he missed class?  Does he even have class today?

“So, not feeling any better, I take it.”  Jason wets a washcloth and presses it to the back of Colby’s overheated neck.

Colby grunts, making a rippling echo tear across the toilet water.

“You definitely have a fever.  Is it still mostly your stomach?” Jason asks, popping a squat beside Colby.

“Yeah,” Colby exhales.  “It, uh, it really hurts.”

Jason worries his lip and nods slightly as he locks onto Colby’s glazed eyes.  “This is really serious, huh?”

“I, uh, yeah, maybe?”

“You never complain about anything.  You have the highest pain tolerance of anyone I know, except maybe my stupid sister, and this is hitting you hard,” Jason says.

Colby sighs.  Fights the urge to dry heave.

“Where is it hurting you the most?”

“Here?  Ish?”  Colby uses his quivering fingertips to draw an imprecise oval between his navel and right hip bone.  “’s like I’m getting fucking stabbed.”

“Ok, we have to go to the hospital,” Jason says, rising to his knees and putting a supporting arm around Colby’s shoulders.

“No, I don’t…I’m…” he breaks off and gags hard.

“Do not tell me you’re fine when I’m almost positive this is your appendix.  This is serious,” Jason insists, getting Colby to his feet. “We’re going to the ER.”

“I’m gonna puke in your car,” Colby murmurs, knowing Jason will be squeamish about any bodily fluids that are uncontained.

Jason takes a deep breath.  “It’s ok.  We have to go, though.”

They’re halfway down the hall when the front door bangs open and Mike’s unmistakable lightweight footsteps shuffle inside.

“Hey, better idea, we’ll make Mike drive,” Jason says with a guilty grin.

Colby laughs, then redoubles his grip around his aching stomach.

[leoninapelliolovesconchitawurst]

ENGLISH TRANSLATION (by me)

MSN.COM Oct 2019

https://www.msn.com/de-at/unterhaltung/entertainmentmusic/conchita-wurst-im-interview-die-erleuchtung-ist-mein-ziel/ar-AAJkTsF?ocid=ob-tw-deat-1515664162172&fbclid=IwAR2vYaULC8-0LzvjXt5x7Cnko2l9tSwyttCKYAPUuw2MJ71nmaFRWSojFk4#image=AAJkTsD

(Conchita) Wurst in an interview: "Enlightenment is my goal"

Would you have recognized him? Tom Neuwirth aka Conchita Wurst aka Wurst is back. His third album is on the market. The 2014 winner of the ESC will also rely on unconditional honesty in the interview in 2019.

Stop glamor! With his third album "Truth Over Magnitude", Tom Neuwirth alias Conchita Wurst is re-imagines. No pompous orchestra ballads, extravagant ball gowns and big feelings anymore, but short hairstyle, rough beats and clear posture. The ESC winner of 2014 sets 2019 on unconditional honesty. Together with the producer Albin Janoska and the copywriter Eva Klampfer, the 30-year-old has freed himself from expectations and role models. At the meeting in Berlin Neuwirth wears an elegant jeans outfit completely in black and looks bright, relaxed and accessible. "Wurst", as his current shortened stage name is, is all about himself. A conversation about meditation, technoraves and plane crashes.

Q: It is said that on the way here you got stuck in the elevator. Is that your personal hell?

Thomas "Wurst" Neuwirth: No, I was not. I simply chatted myself in another interview. I think my personal hell is an army of people moving into a city.

Q: Your new album is called "Truth Over Magnitude", Truth over strength. When was the last time you lied?

Neuwirth: 20 minutes ago (laughs). Hey, I'm an actor! No, I can’t remember the last time I knowingly lied. Of course, I also know these everyday phrases so as not to escalate a situation. This probably happens with a regularity that nobody notices, not even me. But I think it's perfectly alright to lie out of social thought, to prevent hurting others, or because my opinion on a topic is not necessarily important. It does not help to break a fight. Sometimes it's easier to wave and say, "Yeah, okay." But I do not mean that with "Truth". By that I mean the truth that is above everything. The irreversible, so to speak.

Q: The album contains an acronym for its nickname - "T.O.M". How is the album a demask for you?

Neuwirth: I think that this topic is more content-related than that it has to do with a mask. I would separate it visually and content. I am a person who always wants to hear the truth. I also do not think that I'm unmasking myself with the album final. Personally, I know what each song is about, and I have every situation in mind. This is also because I do everything I do primarily for me. I am very happy about anyone who participates in my world and in any way finds beautiful what I am doing. But personally, I have come to accept myself with all the strengths and weaknesses and to love myself. I work on myself and do my best - that's the truth that I'm talking about. The people who are close to me may understand more about what's going on in my songs. For the rest, there is music that anyone can interpret himself as he pleases.

The "President's wife"

Q: You once said that the role of Conchita was too narrow for you. What is the difference between "Wurst" and "conchita" in the decision to make progress?

Neuwirth: After the ESC I thought that experts knew better what is right for me or Conchita. What to do, how to sound, what clothes to wear, and so on. The ESC was a megachance that I did not want to spoil with my half-knowledge. So I have addressed the opinions of others and spun a protocol in my head that today I call "the President's wife". The "President's wife" has made me unhappy. I did not remember where I belonged, and everything was more like working off for me, just working. It took me a while to realize that if my name is on the door then I should be in there as well.

Q: As an artist, however, one always puts himself in the service of his audience in a certain way.

Neuwirth: In the past, I always wanted to become famous, but I did not know how. Main thing is the public, no matter how. That's why I did projects from A to Z, be it reality TV, casting shows, everything. I would still do the same thing. I was asked today if I would say something to my younger self. My answer was: "Absolutely not". I have a great life, so we did everything right.

Q: You have been in New York a couple of times now, including to mark the anniversary of the Stonewall protests. What did you learn there?

Neuwirth: I always thought that I was too European for L.A. and that New York was my city. But, between us: New York is pretty cool, but L.A. is just awesome! This city is a single show and if I can do something then it's show! (Laughs)

Q: You also gave a speech at the World AIDS Conference, where you were announced as an "icon". How do you deal with such terms?

Neuwirth: I think that's a bit exaggerated. Sometimes I'm called a role model, which I do not like. To be a role model implies sacrifice in my eyes. I do not sacrifice myself for anyone. I do what I do because I can not help it. I say the things that I feel and believe I have to say. If I had grown up in another family with a different attitude, for example, I would probably live it authentically. I am glad that I am the way I am. But if I were an arch-conservative lawyer now, for example, I would probably live my life as an arch-conservative lawyer does and do not think much about it.

"I live in my own world"

Q: A song is called "Satori", a term from Buddhism. What role does spirituality play for you?

Neuwirth: Enlightenment is my goal. I once heard a story of someone sitting in a crashed plane and just saying to himself, "Yeah, okay, that's it. It was good as it was." I try to savor every moment of my life so that in case of my death I can say: "I'm fine with it, it was awesome!"

Q: How close are you to this condition already?

Neuwirth: To the enlightenment? Well, I do not want to die yet (laughs). No, I'm not that far yet that I would stay completely relaxed in a crashed plane. I would still go completely crazy.

Q: The album is much more electronically designed than your previous releases.

Neuwirth: The music is very close to my current private taste. For example, when I sang the great ballads and wore pompous clothes, I only heard things like Celine Dion. That just fit, that was the soundtrack of my life. Now it is a bit rougher.

Q: "Truth Over Magnitude" links the music culture of Vienna, where you are still living, in a certain way. On the one hand Vienna is the city of the opera ball, on the other hand there has always been a vital club culture there. Have you ever been to a rave?

Neuwirth: What does it mean, because "still living"? Vienna is the most beautiful city in the world! If you believe the "Economist", Vienna has just been declared the most liveable city in the world for the third time in a row! As far as the scene is concerned, I've never been to a rave before. But I have to do that, I'm sure I’d enjoy it. But I live in my own world. I do not need someone else for everything to make certain experiences. Honestly, for many things I do, at first I just have no idea how to do that. What are the codes, what are the rules? - I have never had rules.

Q: The single "Trash All The Glam" can be interpreted as a break. Where does this change of heart come from?

Neuwirth: At some point I asked myself why I did not make the music that I hear privately. Thankfully, I met Albin Janoska who, for example, also produced SON and understands this genre. And I was able to win Eva Klampfer, who also appears as Lylit, as a copywriter. Albin instantly got me into this electric world, that was great. Hand on heart: I can not write songs. My thoughts are too simple, my tunes are not mature enough. I also do not write a diary, for example. But what I always do is pick things up. Sounds, melodies, phrases - then I open Garageband and hold that tight. Out of this, a whole archive was created, which I gave to Albin, and he produced demos based on that. He chopped my voice into samples for example and, well, just made magic. Suddenly I recognized myself in this music. Then everything went very easily.

Extremely hot!

Q: Did you learn songwriting by doing this work?

Neuwirth: I do not think so. But I found my place when it comes to making music. It seems to be to document everything that drips out of my brain and heart. These are not lines of text or melodies, but moments and my personal story. I am in a position to be able to make music that is a part of me, even though I am technically only partially involved in the direct creation process. I am a kind of catalyst.

Q: Would you call yourself a musician?

Neuwirth: No, I'm not a musician. I'm a singer, actor, director, fashion designer, hairstylist, make-up artist, tailor and, if you like, interpreter. My problem with music is that you can not see it. But I'm a visual guy. Everything that I can see, I can judge and manipulate according to my ideas and let something arise. But that's not possible with music. That's why I love to make videos, for example. I listen to a song and have a movie in my head. In my music videos, I am also the boss who keeps everything in view.

Q: Your appearance is often interpreted as politically motivated. For example, in the video for "See Me Now", you're dancing in a red-lit window, suggesting a connotation to the red-light milieu. Was it here a concern to show that personalities are also taking place in this industry?

Neuwirth: Thanks for that, I'll use that in the future (laughs). Actually, I just wanted to show what my world looks like. The video shows what I like and how I find myself sexy. That was basically the starting point. I love being the center of attention, I love to be viewed, and I love to be talked about. That was basically the idea. I love my body too, I think I look extremely hot and I want everyone to see that. (Laughs)

The stomach - all of a sudden

Q: Do you prefer standing on stage or in the studio?

Neuwirth: On stage! I hate to be in the studio. You are so close to your own mistakes. Of course, I pull myself together and always sing the take as if it were the last one I ever recorded. But I can not stand it if I can not do something. Then I could disassemble the studio! This is the hardest part of my job. But I do not leave that to the producer. It just seethes in me.

Q: Maybe you should try meditation.

Neuwirth: In many situations I feel very emotional, that also notices my environment, but I'm not so quick-tempered. I have already tried meditating and do this at irregular intervals. But that does not always work.

Q: Speaking of mistakes: In the run-up to "T.O.M", many media have talked about your fitness. How hard did you like the change in sports and nutrition?

Neuwirth: Not at all. I am very vain and have spent months at airports after the ESC, where you quickly eat a bite to get on the next plane. Suddenly, I discovered something on my stomach that I did not know. My stylist then recommended a coach. When we started to exercise, I became aware of what it means to control your body through this really narcissistic reason. I found it fascinating how much control you have in the end. For example, in the past, I could not independently clamp different muscle groups. That's not terribly important, but I love to dance, and being able to move so flexibly is a win. I also see that as an investment in my future. I hope that I maintain this will to keep fit. I wish to be fit even in old age.