#love for ALLU

[percywinchester27]

Hi! This isn’t so much a question as an enormous thank you. Sometime in November I found the New Mrs Winchester on Ao3 and fell in love with the story (can’t wait for the next part!). So then I went to find your other works. On Xmas Day this year I was completely alone and so worried about how I’d feel all day. But then I found A Lot Like “Us” and spent all day reading the entire work. I cried, I smiled, I became completely enthralled with that world and that story. You saved my Christmas and I haven’t stopped thinking about the story since. I don’t really use Tumblr very much but I came over here just to find you. I don’t really even know how tags work or anything like that here but I just wanted to tell you that you have a forever fan and my absolute gratitude for giving me a safe place to spend my Christmas in the world of your beautiful fiction. Thank you.

Hi love,

I wish I knew your name, but for now, 'love' should do perfectly well. I won't lie, I kind of cried a bit after reading your ask. It's been a couple years since I was regular on tumblr and since you've been following TNMW, you would know how erratic the posting is. But you have to know, things were vastly different in 2020, when I first started posting 'A lot like 'Us'. The series was posted on a strict bi-weekly schedule, and I was working on peanuts for an NGO, still dreamy-eyed about being a writer one day. Nearly five years down the line, things are quite different.

I am a different person now. Perhaps more jaded? Writing doesn't come naturally to me anymore and the world doesn't seem full of infinite possibilities. I don't know if there is a difference in the quality of my work now, but it isn't effortless. I struggle to string words now. I am a regular corporate slave who barely has time to breathe and worries about money and taxes way more than I should.

But your message reminded me of a simpler time and a simpler me.

You say I saved your Christmas, but please know, your sweet message might have just saved my holidays, too! Thank you for such kind words! Feel free to drop a message in my chat, let me know if you have any critiques for my stories! I would love to understand any nuances you might have thought of, any nitty-gritty, or perspectives!

Much love, and heartfelt gratitude!

-Ana <3

[mitamicah]

Idk what it is but he looks so nice in this pose :'D

Progresja, Warsaw 12.17.24

[hotcat37]

Allu is too busy being cool and mysterious 🗿

[mrgintsu]

Modern messiah?

[epavirees]

they are having an important discussion

[theplantbish]

For my fellow Allu girlies 🥰

Käärijä @ Suomipop festival Oulu

📸 mine

[captain-neutrino]

Made up a reason why Lady is completely useless despite being part of an organization specifically formed to deal with this stuff

[bisnes-socks]

idk if other (finnish) millennials agree but imo kot kot falls in that category of käärijä songs where the production sounds super nostalgic somehow. like you can hear the early 2000's finnish music scene influence in the verses especially. personally i love it 💚🐔

[sparfloxacin]

hello I'm thinking about their heads almost touching (or almost touching) in these pics and how I'd probably crumble if we ever saw Olli snuggle into Aleksi the way he sometimes snuggles into Joonas 😭

just thinking about it makes me go 😭💞😭💞😭💞😭💞😭😭💞😭💞💞

aaaaaaa yes yes yes yes boyfriends!! 🥺💞 I’m sure Olli does that with Aleksi as well 🤧 oh to get to see it 😭😭💖💓

I’ve been also thinking about this today aaaaaaa 😭💗

[theflyingfeeling]

...😵

tl;dr: I want to open fic requests for December but I'm scared 🤧

~

ugh I always feel so self-conscious about talking about my fics because I feel like I'm always talking about (my) fics or (my) fic ideas, and the mean part of my brain is constantly trying to convince me that everyone is sick of that already and think I'm an attention seeker (which I swear I'm not 😭 having said that, I want to clarify that I'm not implying I think anyone who talks about their fics is an attention seeker! it's more about me expecting everyone to hate me specifically for constantly talking about mine 🤡)

in addition, I'm scared of everyone getting bored of all the Olli/Allu talk on my blog as well (apart from the lovely people who send me Olli/Allu related asks almost daily, I love you all so much 🥺💕) and that people think I'm incapable of talking about anything else (which is not the case, even if I do spend a worryingly lot of time thinking about these two nerds 😂)

oof, so now that I've gotten all that mandatory self-depracating talk out of the way: I really want to try and create an Olli/Allu prompt fic challenge for myself for December 😭

yes I knooooowwww there are already at least two fandom events for December and I could just participate in those and I'm sorry for being greedy and attention-seeky but...I kinda want to make my own 🥺 because I'd like to make it prompt-based, because I think that would be fun 🥺 a word-prompt maybe, or a situation-prompt, perhaps from a list of prompts I've compiled myself to make sure I can handle it, because I'm still traumatized by how horribly I failed with the super adorable Valentine's Day prompts last winter, because my brain just wasn't braining the way I needed it to brain 😭 for this reason I'm also considering just coming up with my own prompts, because I swear I could come up with 24 different fic ideas in one sitting with little to no problem, but on the other hand, getting requests is also super fun... 😩

also, if I was to open requests, I feel like I'd have to do more than Olli/Allu, because I understand it's not everyone's OTP (actually I don't but you do you lol (jk)), and I do want to write other pairings as well, but some pairings inspire me more than others, and recently I've felt like I've been inspired by Olli/Allu only, and maybe Joel/Joonas occasionally

another two-bladed issue is that while I feel like requests would perhaps make me more motivated to write, there's also a very likely chance they might start to feel like a chore, because when I'm not motivated, I simply can't force myself to write for the sake of fulfilling a request 🥲 that's just not how I work, no matter how much I wish I could. and I absolutely don't want to go through all the guilt and crying buckets for not fulfilling requests like I did earlier this year. I know I'm not quite as miserable now as I was then, so maybe I could bribe my brain to brain the way I need it to brain this time around, but the risk I'd be taking is just too terrifying 😭

so anyone who writes a ton of fics on request: you guys are my fucking heroes and I don't understand how you do it, can you spare a tip or two for a poor brainless fic-writer who's only able to write when the stars are in the exact right position? 🥺 and no, saying stuff like "you don't have to fulfil every request you get, that's completely alright and your readers will understand" will NOT do, because hellooooooooo of course I'll feel unnecessarily guilty about not fulfilling prompts even if there's no good reason for me to do so, don't you know me at all?! 😭😭😭😭😭 of course I know that my sweet, amazing, loving, world-deserving readers will be unreasonably understanding and not hold it against me if I did end up failing to fulfil their requests, but I'd still feel terrible about it, and there's nothing anyone could say or do about it I'm afraid 🤧

(I'd also be more than happy to collaborate with other content-creators for this but 1) there are already two fandom events for December, 2) I'm sort of only interested in writing Olli/Allu myself and making the whole challenge just about them would seem a tad circle-jerky and I'd hate to exclude anyone, and 3) not enough braincells to carry out a whole entire fandom event by myself)

so if anyone has any suggestions or ideas or tips regarding what kind of (perhaps) prompt-based fic challenge I could do without scaring myself shitless, I'd like to hear from you, totally alright if not though < feel free to ignore I promise I understand 🥺

[percywinchester27]

Hi Ana, it’s great to see you!

I started re-reading A Lot Like Us recently, and I got sucked in just as quickly as I did the first time reading it. I love reading the comments there as well, and compliments you get from people here.

Isn’t it amazing how many people all around the world you touched with your stories, and what an impact it had on them? You’re making the world a better place in your own special way 💕

I saw your previous response where you’re talking about how you struggle with writing these days and I just wanted to reach out and say that it’s ok, people change and grow, please don’t put yourself under pressure. It’s not healthy and you will start seeing it as something you have to do and not something you want to do. Give it time. Only write when you feel like it, don’t push yourself. That’s just a bit of unsolicited advice from someone who went through something similar.

But the main purpose of this message is to remind you what a huge impact you’ve had and what a difference you’ve made.

(trauma dump coming up, tw for pregnancy loss)

In 2018 I was in Brussels with my boyfriend of seven years for my birthday weekend. I was five weeks pregnant, absolutely over the moon.

There’s a beautiful small town called Bruges near Brussels, and we went there on birthday. We took a boat tour, it was November so it was already dark, and I remember looking up at the starry sky above us, and I saw a shooting star. I remember thinking that I should make a wish, I remember saying that I don’t need anything else, I have an amazing boyfriend and a baby on the way, I remember thinking that I have never been this happy.

And boy, the universe took it as a challenge.

The next day, as we were at the airport waiting for a plane back to Ireland, I started bleeding. Then there were two weeks of being stuck in bed, trying to save the pregnancy, but I lost her. I can’t even tell you when, she was so tiny that I didn’t notice. One scan she was there, heart beating and all, and next scan there was nothing.

And then, “the love of my life” just walked out on me. Ghosted me after seven years. Literally dropped me off at my house after the hospital appointment and drove off. And I thought he’s grieving so so I got out of my bed, barely able to stand, let alone walk, still bleeding, and I got on the bus to go make sure he’s ok. And he was more than ok. He was on dating apps, his profile saying that he is “looking for a princess to look after.”

I was devastated, had a nervous breakdown, ended up on some strong meds just to stop from shaking, just so I can get up from the bed and go to the toilet. I kept having these visions of me dying, where I felt everything as if it was real, I had nightmares about a baby crying alone in the dark, I was royally effed up. Diagnosed with PTSD. I couldn’t be alone with my own thoughts, I’d spend hours just walking around the mall or town, or I’d go to the cinema to see three movies in one day, just to avoid being by myself. I was a mess.

Well, and then, one day, I started reading A Lot Like Us. When I started reading it, I didn’t know where it’s going to go. When it became clear to me that there’s going to be a pregnancy loss there, I stopped reading. I couldn’t face it. But then I did. I don’t even know what pushed me to do it. I think that I was just so invested that I had to know what happens next. So I took a deep breath and started reading again.

It wasn’t easy. It hit me like a ton of bricks. That part after Y/N is thrown into the pool and Sam is with her in bed, and she lets herself face the grief for the first time, that was very similar to what happened to me. Except I didn’t have Sam Winchester to cling to, but that’s ok, my pillow did just fine.

I went through it along with Y/N, and it was the story that YOU wrote that allowed me to finally start to heal.

And I still read it about twice a year, I grieve and I cry with Y/N. And I heal with her, she graciously shares the love and support she’s getting from everyone around her with me, and this wouldn’t be possible without you sitting down one day, deciding to write a story that was forming in your head.

You absolutely changed my life for the better, Ana. You didn’t know you are doing it, but it happened, and I will forever be grateful to you for it, forever grateful for whatever force it was that pushed me to AO3 that day. Maybe it was the universe trying to apologise for doing me dirty on my birthday in 2018. I don’t know. But I do know one thing, I wouldn’t be here today if you didn’t post the story.

My hero ❤️

It's been a good thirty minutes since I read your message and I have been bawling my eyes out, Annie! You're a friend now... I think of you as one, and always with a smile on my face. I'm livid that some asshole treated you that way and that the universe had the audacity to be so unkind to you! Close your eyes and imagine me giving you the biggest hug... the kind that smothers you a little and you have to say a muffled, "I can't breathe" but you're still grinning in my embrace.

Trust me, Karma comes for everyone... and my people invented that word, so I know what I am talking about. 'A lot like Us' might have helped you, but that fight? That was still all you because you are a brave person with the spirit of a fighter.

I might not have experienced exactly what you did, but if there is anything that writing ALLU taught me, it's that compassion trumps empathy, and you my friend are deeply adored in my heart. I wish you all the healing and love, in a way that is truly worthy of you!

As far as forcing myself to write goes, well, it's not a pressure that others are putting on me. But I know that when all else fails, writing is the only thing that keeps me sane. I need to write now as a means to remain rational. So, don't worry, I'll be just fine. Even if it isn't effortless anymore, I need to put in this work to get back in my groove. Also, your advice is ALWAYS solicited!

ALLU was life-changing for me and I grow fearful that I will never be able to produce a better piece of work. But if that was my highest high, I am elated that it helped you in any way <3

I love you, my Darling! You are a freaking rockstar <3

[mitamicah]

little guy on a tricycle spotted during Trafik! chaos x'D

Heaven, 10.18.24

[hotcat37]

Ngl the more I think abt Allu the funnier he becomes ☠☠ He's the most mysterious one out of the bald trio because he has absolutely no special interactions with Kä on stage and even out of stage character he seems quite stoic from what we've seen on socials. Idk it's just so funny to see practically everyone in the Kä crew partaking in homoerotic activities and being silly while Allu is just "🧍‍♂️🕶" Bro is just happy to be there

[weatherbywild]

I LOVE YOUR ART!

I LOVE YOU!!!! 🫰🫰🫰🫰🫰

[slippersmoo]

Thinking about the cultural significance of Samantha in Oo Antava Mawa…

[catboyolli]

hiiiiiii I'm here for your summer!Olli delivery, please sign here thx ✍️

hiii darling helloooooo, thank you for the delivery, I'm claiming him for the day 💖💗💘💕💗💖💘💕

he's so fucking gorgeous I swear 🥰 that pic of him around the yellow flowers is my favorite

oh to spend a romantic vacation week with him in the Mediterranean, to see him everyday shirtless and naked and oh so beautiful 🥺🥺🥺