#love and light to music that relates personally to the artist's life but goddamn it I love when people put a little guy in Situations

[whatisamildopinion]

shout-out to the true master of playing with characters like dolls: country and folk music. no one else puts little guys in situations like true country and folk music. shout-out Devil Went Down to Georgia. shout-out I hung My Head. shout-out Banded Clovis. like, yes!!! tell me a story!!! make some shit up!!!! slay queen, this song is NOT AT ALL related to the artist's life!!!!

[geminihalos]

Moon in the 5th culture

♥️ Moon in the fifth are basically like moon in Leo, but except this is where their moon manifests.

♥️ most I know love to gamble and have a thing for it. The feeling is just familiar, slightly addicting.

♥️ da casino or fun cities with big lights (las Vegas, Times Square, LA) is their second or third home.

♥️ Creative people. Confident in the unconvnetionality of their creations and are expressive emotionally, artistically, and physically. (Ex Pablo Picasso)

♥️ They have a distinct fashion sense. Since fashion is a form of art and self expression, they tend to have a very bizarre or luxurious tastes. (Ex, Lady Gaga)

♥️ did y’all know we’re extremely loud and impulsive as well lmaoo.

♥️ signs in the 5th with he moon in there can symbolize how you approach approach relationships, family life, and pleasures. There is a real emotional link when doing things relating to this house bc of the moon.

♥️ loves to indulge. Ik Ppl always talk about taurus and sag being indulgent, but moon in the fifth are very reckless in terms of money and domestic belongings.

♥️ worships high quality craftsmanship and quality in creativity.

♥️ big and generous heart, but can easily turn selfish and overly hedonistic especially in the sign Aries and the selfish signs.

♥️”oops i did it again”. Yeah well, it will take us a while to stop being so goddamn extra bro. I can’t help being so iconic. (Ex: Britney Spears)

♥️funny, and love jokes. Rom coms are the common preference of movies, sit coms too.

♥️competitive and fierce because of an inner innate desire to shine and stand out. (Moon representing the inner desires, emotions, and instincts to 5th house being ego, creativity, expression, and fame and comfort in fun things).

☄️moon in 5th house In fire sign: spontaneous, makes for an emotionally stubborn person, pizazz and bedazzles, inner child and inner world is bright, funky.

☄️More likely to enjoy sports and physical activity than other signs. Blunt and honest and dramatic bc fire sign + fire house= volcano.

☄️The love they have for spending the moneys and the thrill of it.

☄️Entrepreneurs at heart bc of the creativity plus enterprise.

☄️Will probably be into lots of one night stands and is a no strings kinda hoe. Sexually adventurous out of all the signs

☁️moon in 5th house in air sign accepting of all things, open minded, intellectually creative, childish and fun.

☁️ Most likely enjoys reading, socializing and has mentally stimulating hobbies such and games. (Possible: truth or dare, 21 questions, etc.)

☁️they’re also kind of fire sign-like when they manifest this house bc air traits enhance fire traits= wild fire . Also have the possibility to be into sports.

☁️Casual sex might be consistent with a fwb, or fuck buddy. No strings attached only with friend, but not likely a stranger.

🪨moon in the 5th in an earth sign: more cautious than other elements. They’re still very outgoing and dramatic, but slightly more passive because the contrasting elements.

🪨Might be creative in a practical ways and in the routine, like making up routines that not many other would do.

🪨Money making might be a good hobby and being productive. they will have better handling with their indulging and fun time bc wherever earth is in the chart is where you’re most frugal and most structured in manifesting.

🪨Sexual encounters are not that casual and will avoid having a lot of one night stands.

🌊moon in the 5th in a water sign: ah a sensitive placement: the water element to the fire makes for a classically constrasted combo.

🌊Is extremely creative though it could be expressed more inwardly than outward depending on the rest of the chart energy. Could enjoy hobbies like dance, music, cooking, poetry.

🌊Conservative with their hedonism like earth, but can be indulgent when moody or depressed.

🌊Emotional link to sexual encounters and visual sex. Is probably not the type to regularly hook up with no strings attached at all.

🌊probably most likely to do drugs and drink for fun. Drug jokes and high thoughts at 3am type fun. Escapism pros when ego is hurt or emotionally wounded.

[book-and-music-lover]

1-5, 12, 25, 45, 62, 94 😂❤️

Just ask for the whole list why don't you 😂 I'm actually happy you asked for so many, thank you my dear! ❤ I have Many Thoughts about all of these, so enjoy the essay lmao

1. Hate Myself - dodie This song. Wow. Kinda speaks to me - I mean, all of dodie's songs do, but damn this one - the idea that when someone goes quiet in that passive aggressive way you start building all these problems in your head that aren't even there because if they're quiet it must mean that something is wrong, right? Right. Also the music video for this song is SO cute. Her postie outfit 🥺 2. Rainbow - dodie The ultimate metaphor for being gay. Feeling lost even though you think you've figured yourself out? Finding a community/specific people who love you so you finally feel accepted and found? There's no map, so we have to figure it out the hard way? And that utter joy when we do figure it out? Also, the clarinet in this song is *chefs kiss* 3. Guiltless - dodie This one I can't really relate to, but I love the sound of it, and the general theme of holding onto something that hurt you while the other person accepts no guilt for what happened. Ouch 4. Arms Unfolding - dodie Ohhhhh boyyyyyyy this song. Gives me chills every time I listen to it. Idk if it's the harmonies or the resonance or the lyrics or some combo of all three but goddamn. A painful song of trying to relearn how to trust someone who hurt you, knowing it may never be the same again. 5. Monster - dodie Alright. Alright. This is my angry song, the one I reach for when I'm feeling betrayed. She released this song at the perfect time in my life, when I was going through the hardest friendship breakup of my life, and Monster honestly kept me afloat. The crumbling of love and trust and joy between people who used to see each other at the top of their lists, the person they'd go to for absolutely anything. The person no longer listening to you even though you desperately want to explain yourself; you can see them changing before your eyes, and yourself changing in their eyes - neither of you are who you thought you were, anymore. It hurts. So I listen to this song to remind myself that other people have felt this, too. (hmmmm, wonder who my top artist is?? got any guesses?) 12. Fallin' (Adrenaline) - Why Don't We I just like to blast this one in the car and imagine unrealistic scenarios lmao 25. Two - Sleeping At Last The album this is from is based on the Enneagram, and as such, this is for the Ennea two personality type. I am not that, I'm a nine. But I relate to this song so hard. I too, want to give the person I love the oxygen straight out of my lungs if it helps them breathe. Above all, I want to take care of the ones I love and make sure they're alright - doesn't matter if I'm drowning or if I'm not okay, they are and that's what matters. Probably not the healthiest thing in the world, but this is the song for that feeling. 45. Two Tequilas Down - dodie Don't personally relate to this song, but as with all of dodie's songs - the sound. It has me hooked. 62. Julia - Reeder When I first heard this song I got a vivid image of two people dancing slowly in the middle of a living room on carpet barefooted. The fireplace is the only light in the room, illuminating them with a soft warm glow. There's a melancholic feel to the atmosphere though, it's not perfect contentment. Happy, but not perfect. It's snowing outside, and dark. I plan to add this scene to a fic - not telling which one tho 😉 94. How About You? - Sal Valentinetti, Dave Damiani, The No Vacancy Orchestra 100% when I heard this song for the first time, I thought it was some oldies. Apparently, it's not. But this song is so?? upbeat? The banter between California and New York (I'm partial to Cali, personally), and also love Charlize Theron's looks lol. Highly recommend, it's so fun and swingy.

[feralnumberfive]

TUA Season 3 Wishlist

Hello everyone! Since Season 3 was announced to start filming in February of 2021, I thought that it would be fun to make a wishlist of songs that anyone would like to see in the new season. I'm quite passionate about music and often think of songs that I personally believe would fit the show well. I know a lot of others do this too and thought that it would be fun to share our beloved songs with the fandom!

Guidelines/Information

You may submit as many songs as you want!

You may submit them to my ask box or send me a message (I don’t bite!)

You may request not to have your username by your song(s) but if not I your username will be attached to your song(s).  | Ex. “Help!” by The Beatles @feralnumberfive   OR   “Help!” by The Beatles “Anonymous” 

The songs don’t have to be by the original artist. If you’re submitting a special version or cover of the song, please specify that

Feel free to attach scenarios for your song(s)! They can be as brief or as detailed as you want them to be, but please try to keep it to one paragraph or less for your explanation | Ex. “Teenagers” by My Chemical Romance ((Scenario: Five killing tons of enemies. He’s gone mad with anger and glee. The horror of those being slaughtered, seemingly by a teenager)) |

Some lyrics really hit hard, y’know? Similar to the scenario guideline, feel free to submit a song and lyrics from that song that you think would match a character/specific scenario | Ex. “Evil Woman” by Electric Light Orchestra (I think the lyrics, Evil woman how you done me wrong, but now you’re tryin’ to wail a different song, would match Diego’s mixed feelings on Lila if she returns in S3)

It’s not required that you have a scenario/lyrics with your submitted song(s), so no pressure! Some songs just give off good vibes that fit with the atmosphere of the show. You can even submit songs and simply say (This gives off “Character name” vibes)

You can even just name a band! Some bands have tons of bangers that just match the vibes of TUA or of a TUA character

The scenarios don’t have to be serious, they can be odd or fun!

If a song is requested more than once, I will add the amount of times it was requested in parenthesis next to it 

If you see a song on the list that you really like, you can send (+1 for “insert song title here”) and I will add a tally to it

If you see a song on here that does or does not have scenario/lyric(s) and you think “Oh yeah I can imagine a scenario/lyric(s) for this!” go ahead and speak up! If requested, I will add your username to the scenario you created. If you’re not comfortable with having your username next to your scenario, I will simply put you as “Anonymous.” Same thing with the username and “Anonymous” if you want to tack on that a song gives “Character name” vibes | Ex. Song by Artist “username of person who submitted it” (Scenario: blah blah blah) || (Scenario: blah blah blah) by “username” || (Scenario: blah blah blah) by “Anonymous” || (Lyrics: blah blah blah) by “Anonymous” || (This song gives of “Character name” vibes) by “username” |

This will be open until the Season 3 Soundtrack is released (It will be fun to see if any of the songs in this wishlist are actually on the official S3 soundtrack!) 

The guidelines will be updated as the wishlist progresses. Most of the time I won’t reply to the song requests sent through my ask box, but I certainly will add your requested song(s) to the list. If you see that I haven’t added your song(s) after updating the wishlist, please reach out to me. Don’t be afraid to ask me any questions! 

Here’s the Playlist created from the Wishlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6QRajb4Nap3hjjs2KcWQYc

Wishlist

Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie! by ABBA @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: Five rescuing his siblings))

Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles @feralnumberfive ((This song gives off Vanya vibes)) 

Rich Kids by New Medicine @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: The Hargreeves arrive in 2019 to find that they have been replaced. The Sparrow Academy quickly springs into action and attacks The Umbrella Academy)) 

Lonely by Palaye Royale @feralnumberfive ((Lyrics: | So sick and tired of being alone, so long, farewell, I’m on my own | I feel like these lyrics represent Klaus feeling alone due to his siblings ignoring him and him being a living person haunted by ghosts)) by @feralnumberfive 

Toxic by Britney Spears “Anonymous” ((Scenario: When they are all talking about Reggie))

girls by girl in red “Anonymous” ((Scenario: When Vanya is talking/thinking about Sissy))

WAP by Cardi B “Anonymous” 

Manic Monday by The Bangles “Anonymous” ((Because 4/1/2019 and 11/25/1963 were both Mondays, so the s3 apocalypse should be too))

Just the Two of Us by Grover Washington Jr. @feralnumberfive

Teenagers by My Chemical Romance @feralnumberfive | but really everyone in the UA fandom wants this | ((Scenario: Any fight scene with Five going ham))

Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tears For Fears @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: Something sad))

Stayin’ Alive by the Bee Gees @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: The siblings get into deepshit™ and have to fight their way out of it))

Dear Wormwood by The Oh Hellos @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: Evil/Sparrow Five returns back to his family or Five struggles with his killer urges and impulses from his killer DNA))

Bit by Bit by Mother Mother @feralnumberfive

Lay Me Down by The Oh Hellos “Anonymous” ((Lyrics perfectly fit Five: “Fire and brimstone fell upon my ears, as their throats of open graves recited fear, like the bullets of a gun they drove my tears, and my feet to run the hell out of here”//“I was born a restless wayward child”//“I owe it to my brothers to carry them home”))

Vampire Money by My Chemical Romance "Anonymous" ((Gives off Klaus vibes))

Arms Tonite by Mother Mother @burnyouwithacigarettelighter ((Lyrics: | I died in your arms tonight, I slipped through into the afterlife, | Would totally fit anything to do with Ben’s death))

Oh Ana by Mother Mother @burnyouwithacigarettelighter ((Scenario: Any scene with Five just generally being a badass and/or the rest of the siblings!!))

Black Sheep by Metric  “Anonymous” ((Lyrics | Our common goal was waiting for the world to end, now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend you crack the whip, shapeshift and trick, the past again, | Which is SO five and anything about the commission or the apocalypse OR | I’ll send you my love on the wire, lift you up every time, everyone pulls away, from you,” | For luther/the siblings perspective on him.))

Everybody’s Gotta Live by Love @feralnumberfive​ ((Gives off Five vibes and also a bit of the siblings in general))

I’m Gonna Win by Rob Cantor @feralnumberfive ((All of the lyrics match Five so well))

Running In The 90's by Max Coveri/Maurizio De Jorio @latinofireball ((Scenario: For an Umbrella and/or Sparrow family dance))

The Sharpest Lives by My Chemical Romance @fandoms-or-life ((Scenario: Group fight))

Hayloft by Mother Mother @bi-ginny-weasley ((Gives off Five vibes and would be great in a fight sequence)) 

bad idea! by girl in red @pr-ingles 

Silver Lake Queen by Diplomacy @purplegrapefruit ((Scenario: Any woman-being-badass moment, bonus if it's all the girls and Klaus))

Blackbird by The Beatles (accidentally replied without getting your name, sorry about that feel free to reach out to me again :[ ) ((Scenario: I am really intrigued by the Sparrow in the comics who could turn into a flock of crows. I think Blackbird could be a good song for her. Especially since its about the yearning to be free which I think will come to pass with at least some of the Sparrow Academy members. It could be played in a moment when she is considering how trapped she and her team/siblings are under Reginald))

Cold Cold Cold by Cage The Elephant “Anonymous” ((Scenario: Maybe for a fight scene or the end of an episode when everything has gone tits up))

Daddy Issues by The Neighbourhood @b99detectivealpaca ((Scenario: Anything related to Reginald)) 

Footloose by Kenny Loggins “Anonymous” ((Scenario: Dance scene that will inevitably happen))

Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne “Anonymous” ((Scenario: Also for the dance scene that will inevitably happen))

Rät by Penelope Scott @sukker-sugar ((Scenario: Sth related to reggie, and specifically with the lyrics | Experiments and sacrilege in the name of public good | They taught me everything just like a daddy should |))

Time Warp (Cover from CAOS Soundtrack) by Ross Lynch, Jaz Sinclair, Lachlan Watson, and Jonathan Whitesell @theladyfae ((Scenario: A random scene in a club where everyone's dancing to it but then it cuts to the siblings fighting against multiple enemies))

Waiting For The World To End by Mother Mother @feralnumberfive ((Gives off Five vibes and the lyrics match him so well))

1983 by Neon Trees "Anonymous" ((Just gives off Season 3 vibes))

Skyfall by Adele @fudgemutt ((Scenario: For when the whole Umbrella family comes together and works as one, and specifically the lyrics | Let the sky fall, When it crumbles, We will stand tall, Face it all together, At Skyfall | ))

Dirty by Grandson @fudgemutt ((Scenario: An epic Five fight scene, and specifically the lyrics | Do you have enough love in your heart, to go and get your hands dirty? | ))

The Day Before You Came by ABBA "Anonymous"

Tiger by Abba @notmireelname

Tropical Loveland by ABBA @notmireelname

Twisted by Missio @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: Give loses his goddamn mind))

Heart Of Glass (Cover by Miley Cyrus) originally by Blondie @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: Five losing his mind and thinking about his family or something to do with Klaus cause it gives off Klaus vibes)) 

Without Me by Alec Chambers “Anonymous” ((Scenario: Five finally snaps at his family after they continuously blame him for their problems))

Something’s Gotta Give by All Time Low @enjoltairesimp ((Scenario: A badass fight scene, preferably one that includes Diego))

Any songs created by Mother Mother (not a song, just a statement) @enjoltairesimp because it would be amazing 

Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds by The Beatles @enjoltairesimp ((Scenario: A reunion scene with Klaus and Dave)) 

Music Of The Night by Andrew Lloyd Webber (either version from the Musical or Movie) @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: Five either turning to the dark side or being convinced to do something "bad"))

A Good Song Never Dies by Saint Motel @life-needs-abit-of-madness ((Vibe of the song is so good)) 

Hotel California by Eagles Everyone in the UA fandom ((What else do we need to say? S3 will match Vol. 3 Hotel Oblivion of the comics. It's an absolute killer bop that needs to be in S3))

Cold Cold Man by Saint Motel @life-needs-abit-of-madness

La Jolla by Wilbur Soot @sukker-sugar ((Scenario: Either someone dies (but like klaus in s1, they get resurrected) and we see this in the background while they talk to god, or we see the siblings lounging around and talking about what they'd do after the shenanigans™ are over with that in the background ))

When I'm Sixty Four by The Beatles @feralnumberfive ((Something with Five))

Just A Girl by No Doubt @feralnumberfive ((A badass scene of any girl character fighting//bonus if it's Allison or Vanya since they're the only two girls in the Umbrellas))

You're The Devil In Disguise by Elvis Presley @life-needs-abit-of-madness ((Scenario: A fight scene))

You Don't Own Me by SAYGRACE @give-the-boy-a-hug ((Scenario: Someone's walking away after a fight))

Ballroom Blitz by Sweet @feralnumberfive ((This would be soooo good for a fight scene with dancing or a fight scene in general))

Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In! By Will Wood and the Tapeworms @feralnumberfive ((Would be awesome for a fight scene))

My Generation by The Who @feralnumberfive ((Another fun song for a fight scene))

Hopelessly Devoted To You by Olivia Newton-John @feralnumberfive ((Either the siblings' or just Luther's feelings towards Reginald))

You’re The Best by Joe Esposito @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: Either Luther, Diego, or even the whole family having some sort of montage of overcoming their issues))

Rumor Has It - Adele @alex-mercerss ((because what better song for Allison to have playing for it, plus I’ve seen it mentioned a few times somewhere))

Show Me How to Move - The Elwins @alex-mercerss ((this is such a fight scene song no matter where you put it))

Really anything off of Let Live and Let Ghosts by Jukebox the Ghost @alex-mercerss​ ((half of this album was literally written about the apocalypse))

2econd 2ight 2eer by Will Wood and the Tapeworms @feralnumberfive ((Could absolutely imagine Five losing control and killing to this song))

As the World Caves In by Matt Maltese “Anonymous” (( I think it would be good where five is having a flash back to the apocalypse or he sees his family die but he cant do anything bc the cube is making his fear come out therefore it is just a hallucination))

I Heard A Rumor by Bananarama @uuhhhhwhat ((Scenario: A scene where Allison is sad and thinking about Ray and/or Claire))

There's a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought of It Yet by Panic! At The Disco "Anonymous" ((Scenario: A Five fight scene))

Are You Satisfied by MARINA "Anonymous" ((could work for anything Luther related because the lyrics describe him so well))

[365days365movies]

February 18, 2021: The Danish Girl (2015) (Part 1)

The list of movies I’ve seen is a little...limited.

And I mean in general, not just this month. Now, don’t get me wrong: I’ve seen a FUCKTON of movies, to say it lightly. But in terms of the diversity of films I’ve seen...it could use some updating, I’m not gonna lie. So, because of that, I haven’t seen too many LGBT focused films, which is one of the reasons I wanted to add them this month. 

So I REALLY haven’t seen films that prominently feature transgender people, and Ace Ventura pretty obviously shouldn’t count for various reasons. But I have seen one major one, which I think has been recently somewhat forgotten. Which is a shame, because I actually really liked it!

Tangerine, directed by Sean Baker, is a comedy drama film about two transgender women who are sex workers on the Hollywood strip, and it’s a look at a few days in their lives. It’s all shot on an iPhone camera (yes, really), and yeah, I really did like this movie! Saw it in theaters in early 2015, when it came out, and around the time I was starting to diversify my tastes, movie-wise.

Look, all of this is me saying that this project of mine is an attempt to watch more films, and to expose myself to new and different perspectives. So, even though this is the only transgender-related film on my list (yeah, sorry about that), there will be more in the future, I promise. If you have any good ones that fit into other genres, and that I should’ve seen by now, let me know! I’m definitely interested. Anyway, with that said: The Danish Girl.

Directed by Tom Hooper, who...wait. Tom Hooper? Like, this guy?

Neat! That movie wasn’t bad, as musical adaptations go. Had its issues, but for Hooper’s biggest and most recent musical, that’s a good staAAAAAAAAH

OH FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT CATS

...Ahem. Well, other than that movie that I saw in theaters NOT A JOKE I SWEAR TO GOD, Hooper’s 2015 biographical film about real-life transgender person Lili Elbe made quite the critical smash when it came out, and was considered (and won) several awards, including some Oscars. So, I’m looking forward to seeing this one! As long as there’s no James Corden and Rebel Wilson in it...or the mice...

...

...SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

Einar Wegener (Eddie Redmayne) is a newly successful landscape artist in Copenhagen, in 1926. His wife, Gerda Wegener (Alicia Wegener), is a portrait painter, although obviously a bit stifled by gender politics of the time. The two are pretty obviously very much in love.

Einar goes to visit Ulla Paulson (Amber Heard, and we’re not gonna get into THAT massive-ass controversy, NO SIIIIIIIIR), a ballerina and a prospective godmother to any future children. 

At a portrait painting with a seemingly VERY uncomfortable gentleman, Gerda does some musing on the female gaze vs. the male gaze, and dude is FRAZZLED. Also some talk about submission going on there, so THAT’S interesting. These portraits are viewed by a gallery owner, Rasmussen (Adrian Schiller), who believes that portraits aren’t her forte, and she needs to find another subject matter.

That makes her understandably upset, and she takes it out on Einar when she comes home. This is made far worse by the fact that the two are trying to get pregnant, but that doesn’t seem to be working either. Despite this, she asks for Einar’s help with a portrait of Ulla, and needs him to put on her stockings, shoes, and dress in order to pose for the painting. And that’s when the first realization hits.

As he starts to realize something (which he obviously can’t quite place), Ulla arrives and hands him a bouquet of flowers, joking that they’ll call her “Lily.” He brushes this aside...mostly, I assume. That night, Einar comments on Ulla’s new night garments, and the two embrace lovingly. Still, though, you can tell that Einar’s percolating.

At a party that Ulla’s throwing, there’s a mostly ironic discussion about Gerda dressing provocatively by showing off her ankles. And yeah, it’s meant to be a joke, but the fact that they’re making a joke in this movie that I would 100% make in real life is so delightfully meta to me, and I love it.

That night, after some more sexy, sexy ankle talk, and THAT leads to the revelation that Einar is wearing the new undergarments of Gerda’s. And, to my EVERLASTING surprise and delight, Gerda’s TOTALLY COOL with this, and the two make love. Afterwards, Gerda draws Einar in a more feminine state, which Einar quite likes.

Two two speak about another upcoming party, Ulla’s Artist’s Ball, to which Einar doesn’t want to attend, as...they...feel like they’re forced to perform as themselves. Gerda half-jokes about going as someone else, and while that’s not really an option they’re considering, the two do begin to craft a separate female identity for Einar, with makeup and clothes, as well as lessons on more feminine behaviors.

Einar, as Lili, accompanies Gerda to the Artist’s Ball. It’s very awkward at first, but that changes with the introduction of Henrik Sandahl (Ben Whishaw), who’s immediately attracted to...well, “Lili.” I’ll explain the quotes in a minute, I PROMISE. “Lili” first rejects his advances, but then...HOLY SHIT, they kiss. And Gerda sees this, and it understandably goddamn upset.

The next day, the fallout comes, and Gerda and Einar have a discussion about the kiss, and Gerda says that Lili shouldn’t “visit” anymore. However, Einar’s not as certain of that even being a possibility.

That seems to be further confirmed by the obvious strain Einar is feeling afterwards, and in a frantic rush, he heads to a studio that they use and looks at himself in the mirror. And as Einar examines himself in the mirror...I think this is the right time to explain the quotes from earlier.

See, here’s the thing: up until this point, both Gerda and Einar thought of this as a lark and a curiosity, respectively. But now, in the mirror, Einar’s realized that it’s something far more than that, as has Gerda. And it’s at this point that it’s time to switch names and pronouns, at least to they/them. Because up until now, I don’t believe that they truly understood themselves.

And now they’re starting to. Hasn’t outright said it, yet, but the mirror scene seems to cement it for me. In the meantime, Gerda also seems to realize it, subconsciously at least, as she completes one of the portraits that she drew of Lili. She brings this to the art dealer from earlier, and he surprisingly takes it!

But Lili’s doing something...less than totally OK, as she goes to meet Henrik, who continues to show attraction towards her. A self-confessed romantic, he happily lets her into his place, but I’m not certain whether or not he’s aware of the full situation.

Whether he is or isn’t, it doesn’t quite matter, as he wants to go further in their relationship physically, with Lili is NOT ready for. She goes home, where Gerda finds her, surprised. Lily admits everything, and while knowledge of the affair hurts Gerda significantly (GODDAMN IT MOVIES STOP THE INFIDELITY), another revelation emerges which is more important.

See, Lili and Einar seem to be dissociating, as Einar is now assigning Lili’s feelings to a separate person, and is essentially dissociating. These feelings include a past childhood kiss shared with a boy names Hans, which are now associated with Lili. But as all of this is coming to light, Einar suddenly collapses.

Einar goes to see a doctor, Jens Hexler (Pip Torrens), who believes that it’s all caused by a chemical imbalance, and decides to treat it with...radiation. That...that can’t have actually been a treatment for “chemical imbalance”, right? I mean, it’s certainly fitting with the time, but this would DEFINITELY make hormone problems and infertility WORSE, not better.

But despite this, Einar and Gerda go through with this (almost certainly didn’t happen) treatment, after which Einar says that the doctor “hurt Lili.” Deemed unsuccessful, the doctor calls Einar insane, and leaves them and Gerda, who are both upset. And that’s not made better by the fact that the doctor has reported them, and someone will take Einar to the asylum...unless they leave.

Good thing, then, that Gerda’s been asked to exhibit the paintings of Lili in Paris! They get the FUCK out of Copenhagen, and head to Paris. But with all of this, Einar’s beginning to unravel, losing even the painting side of themselves, as their relationship with Gerda also begins to change.

And I think that it’s at a Paris peepshow that Einar officially assumes the role of Lili in her own mind. So, I’m going to end the first part with the following statement:

Her name is Lili, and I’ll be referring to her as she/her from here on out. See you in Part 2!

[corvidshipping]

modern au red/milo dump while i try to get myself together to answer asks nd work on ATJ:

(tw for alcohol mentions near the end, also this is an EXTREMELY long post, its so long that even after i split it into categorized sections each section could be its own post)

CLOTHING

milo absolutely has no sense of fashion. i feel like this is basically canon - for the styles at the time, he dresses fairly basic, mostly focused on looking put together for his job (definitely dresses aimed more towards how he would like to be treated by his peers, despite his actual position - then again our best example outside of the expedition is when he's about to deliver what he considers the most important presentation of his life, so who knows, maybe he usually dresses like a slob). aside from that his main concern seems like practicality and comfort. his wardrobe is dominated by earth tones - beiges and greens set with white and greys. all of that taken into account, i can see him dressing like this in a more modern era:

basically- a lot of cardigans, usually collared shirts or comfortable turtlenecks (since he does still occupy a research position at the smithsonian, even if only in title), big ol' coats, khakis and chinos and slightly stiff dress pants complete with ironed creases. i can see him wearing similar clothes outside work, just more comfortable - jeans and knitted shirts, henleys, more turtlenecks, and comfy cardigans over short sleeved shirts. i dont really see him wearing a lot of prints, i think he'd veer more towards solid clothes in lighter colors, but maybe he has a few. hes definitely the kind of guy to think of wearing the single graphic tee he owns as "bold and wild".

im very married to the idea of him wearing converse though. i cant explain it. milo in converse keeps me going in this world

hes kind of broke so i think maybe he got the converse secondhand maybe? or a gift of some kind. aside from the converse i can see him wearing a lot of oxfords and maybe wingtips

i want to see him in a hawaiian shirt so bad. i am losing it at this thought. he buttons it all the way up to his neck like someones awkward dad. milo wears a hawaiian shirt to "let loose". he wears it with like, khakis. or knee length jorts AHHHHDJHDSGJHDSJGh

a tie??? does he wear his hawaiian shirt with a tie???? does he think it makes it look cooler?????????? i am sobbing

red is the COMPLETE opposite. in the canon 1914 setting, red is already very rebellious for an AFAB person of their era- theyre openly a suffragette, they frequently refuse to wear skirts even in public and dress in mens clothes even before they were openly nonbinary, despite not being accepted into the male-dominated research fields and colleges they continue to educate themself with or without help, they purposely aim for an "unfeminine" silhouette when they dress, refuse to wear corsets, etc. (spoiler alert- there's a clear reason they get on so well with audrey in ATJ)

theyre also easily mistaken by people that didnt know them prior to their transition for being just a very small/young cis man- even though they canonically have a very soft "traditionally feminine" face

so basically, in any era theyre set into, red is always gonna aim to be ahead of the curve- both in their personal beliefs and practices and in their fashion. theyre also very androgynous in their clothes, although they tend to aim a bit more masculine (thats partially due to the era though, and having been forced into skirts exclusively for their entire life- i think in a modern setting where its more acceptable for AFABs to dress and act in a less hyperfeminine way, theyd be more okay with a fluidity in their gender presentation).

all that taken into account, i can see them dressing like this:

lots of baggy clothes, especially baggy jackets and shirts. they like loose fitting high waisted pants like JNCO jeans, cargo pants, etc but they arent averse to pencil legs. they rarely ever wear skinny jeans or drainpipes though. messy hair is a lifestyle for them- their haircut is definitely home-done

you know how in BICSTLY they used to have really long hair before they cut it? in a modern au i can see them impulsively doing the cut at like 3am and waking milo up at his door cause they screwed it up and he ends up having to help fix it (even though hes literally no better at cutting hair than them. worse even)

definitely have an undercut bob- bob on top, shaven on the bottom layer. they might end up growing their hair into a mullet at some point if they get bored. probably dyes their hair all the time out of boredom and then regrets it later and has to use dye remover.

lots of ripped tights and fishnets, leggings with big loose crop tops, big hoodies, safety pin jewelry and homemade jewelry. maybe some sticknpokes.

all that said, they still know how to dress in a professional situation. since its a modern au theres really nothing holding them back from the education and career they canonically want but cant get in the 1910s, so i imagine they would work at the smithsonian as well, maybe their father helped them get the job? potentially in that case they might be his assistant- after all, he trusts their opinion on artifacts more than anyone else's.

at work you can still very much see the punk/skater/grunge/goth style but its more understated- turtlenecks, high waisted and looser dress pants, lots of black, slightly unbuttoned collared shirts with a loose overcoat and no tie

since i elaborated on milos shoe taste i may as well elaborate on red's: they definitely wear converse as well, probably newer than milo's since their father is fairly wealthy and they can afford it. they also have a doc martens collection. they have a pair of demonias but they never wear them and milo is really the only person to even know they own them, let alone see them in them. they really dont like to wear heels much, but they own a few just to play around with. they have a bad habit of wearing any laced shoes untied, but they never trip over the laces. they also use lace code- their most-worn Docs have purple laces on the right foot and yellow on the left. some of their Docs have (reclaimed) pink laces.

has an extensive pin collection including feminism pins, anti-racism pins, punk-related pins, skater-related pins, and pop culture pins (80s music, modern music, old movies, etc)

MUSIC TASTE

milo's into a lot of older music- stuff from the 50s is his favorite. really into jazz and ballroom style stuff. his favorite band is queen, i think- he likes the old-fashioned sound, the jazz-chamber-ballroom influences, the diversity of their lyrics, and the complexity between the guitar riffs, the basslines, and freddie's vocal runs as well as the vocal harmonies.

sometimes he hums good old fashioned lover boy to red and they two-step in the living room in their pajamas :pleading:

also very into rush. yes, he is a rush guy :pensive:.

also listens to a surprising amount of lo-fi? he really likes stuff that remixes older music with hip hop and lofi elements, like earl grey. nearly exclusively into instrumental stuff but also very into louie zong. he listens to it while he works a lot.

knows a lotttt of foreign artists, especially niche ones. fuckin LOVES casiopea

red's spotify is a goddamn mess. everything from 2000s emo, to classic 70s punk, to post-punk and new wave, to 90s pop, to rap. they cant be easily classified at all

their favorite bands are oingo boingo, prince, queen (they listen to a lot of their harder-rock music, but milo knows theyre into the ballads too. theyll never tell anyone else though), doja cat, lil nas, fall out boy, and billie eilish.

red recites the intro monologue to lets go crazy very seriously to make milo laugh, sometimes. they get very into it with their facial expressions. sometimes it devolves into a full air guitar/keyboard/drum and wild dancing session. milo does not know how to participate in this but he loves watching them have fun with it. sometimes they pull him off the couch to make him dance with them, though

they are a huge sucker for dark pop, vaporwave, retrowave, EDM, hip hop, emo, punk... etc etc. anything that combines any two or more of those genres in an original or interesting way gets their attention right away

there's a lot of sharing between the two of them- even though their music tastes are so different, they like a lot of the others taste, and theyre always up to listen to whatever their partner is playing.

red is a huge softie, and milo has found them more than once listening to or humming something he was playing for them the other day because it reminded them of him

speaking of which- in the 1914 canon, red can play piano. i think that carries over to a modern au, where they could play piano and by extension keyboard. i like to think they experiment with a lot of instruments but i doubt they ever really mastered any others. maybe theyre okay at drums or bass?

they learned to play and sing teo torriatte for milo, as a surprise. when they first performed it for them, they had everything set up for when he got home from work- the lights were dimmed, they had candles lit around the keyboard, they draped stuff in cloth to make it look pretty, they scattered flower petals around. when milo walked in and saw it all, he almost proposed then and there- the only thing that stopped him was that he would kick himself for the rest of his life if he did that without a ring.

HOBBIES/ACTIVITIES

milo is still an avid chess player in this, but i like to think hes in some kind of groupchat or text or discord server for it. he doesnt necessarily consider any of the others in the chat close friends, but he does know them all by name

he tries to get red into chess but they never really get it

he tells them all about the stuff that goes down in the games and they just. do not understand. but they love listening to him get excited about it anyway

"red you're not gonna BELIEVE this, eddie played an italian game on star today! i thought for sure she would see through it since everyone knows it but she slipped and he beat her in like, 13 moves! i wouldnt have believed it if i hadnt been there!"

"yes sweetie please tell me more" (barely disguised pained expression)

red is a skater and a regular at the skate park by the smithsonian

most regulars there know them by name, they can spot a newbie a mile away

they have a sticker of a broken tv with a skull inside of it on the underside of their board, its become recognized as a symbol of them unofficially

since theyre so regular and have been going there a lot longer than most of the other skaters that frequent the place, a lot of what they say is kind of just accepted as the rules

they have a bad habit of lecturing new kids who show up without knee/elbow pads or helmets at the very least. all the other skaters enforce it too. kids dont end up showing up without protective gear very often after their first visit

they brought a first aid kid and left it there and everyone has kept it stocked pretty well without them having to have much input. its kind of just a communal first aid kit

they once drew the broken tv symbol on the inside of a half-pipe and everyone started calling it red's ramp after that

they also started calling the bowl at the center of the park the Soup Bowl and now thats just accepted as the name. some of the newer kids genuinely thought that it was called that by the park and were shocked when they found out it was just a random nickname red gave it one day

theyve brought milo a few times but hes extremely awkward on his feet and could never really get his balance on a skateboard, and quite frankly red is afraid of what might happen if he tried even a low ramp, so he usually just sits at the rim of the bowl while red skates around

everyone knew he was their boyfriend before they even met him. a few of the regulars called him by name right away. one of them was certain red had brought him before.

but no

they just talk so fuckin much about him that its like they already know him

aside from skateboarding, red is pretty good on rollerskates/blades

they tried to take milo to a roller rink once but it was a disaster and they ended up going home, changing into pajamas, ordering chinese food, and marathoning movies till they fell asleep on the couch together. so not a total loss

theyre both very into movies. red is deep into horror and milo likes indie/art movies and just Cannot handle horror at all, but they both agree on old movies, from the 80s and 90s to like the 30s.

red has shown milo some of the classic horror movies and the niche old ones (from like the 40s) since theyre not difficult to stomach

every so often when red brings up wanting to see a horror movie milo is like "aw babe we can watch that tonight i promise it wont be bad" and he genuinely thinks he can handle it this time

he cant

he never can

it is always a lie

red ends up holding him every time and talking him to sleep, but it thankfully never causes like a major panic attack or anything like that

they love going to museums together, of all kinds. they love art museums. they also go to aquariums and aviaries

sometimes they like to go to other history museums and criticise the veracity or accuracy of exhibits/translations, all in good fun of course. theyre never actually being mean about it

SIDENOTES/UNCATEGORIZED

they both used to work at starbucks, when they were younger and before they worked at the smithsonian. they worked at separate stores 2 blocks from each other.

milo cant stand soda or carbonated drinks, red can and will chug a java monster in order to survive a long workday if they must. milo is constantly concerned for their health and wellbeing

they r both lightweights when it comes to drinking. they can split a six pack and both be falling-over drunk by the end of the night.

given the changes in beauty standards people DEFINITELY think milo is more attractive than they would in 1914. cmon. hes a lil twinky nerd. you think people wont eat that up?

he never really catches onto the flirting much though

did u think i would forget ki/da and the others? youd be wrong.

i simultaneously like the idea of something similar to the movie happening, but also just like... ki/da just being a regular person living on the surface. in either case they r all friends still

in the case of ki/da just being a regular person on the surface- i like the idea of atl/antis just being A Place in this au, maybe its a bit of a closed off country though? like, not many foreigners live there and to get there you basically need to be there as a diplomat or a scholar

maybe ki/da visits DC as a diplomat? she is a princess, after all

red meets audrey online cause they both yell at the same misogynistic asshole on twitter

they exchange discord names in the replies of the tweet and tell the guy not to interrupt them while theyre talking in his replies

i like to think red and milo are selected to go on an academic visit to atl/antis (to learn about the culture, with permission of the king), and audrey ends up as the mechanic on the ship during the visit and theyre like (spiderman pointing meme) at each other

red and audrey have so many inside jokes that they basically speak a different language. milo gets some of the terms from context and pop culture (they use "so very" in real life- as in "wow, that shirt is so very.") but he is hopeless to learn all of it

one of their inside jokes is any variation of "milo hot girl summer" and they REFUSE to explain it to him no matter how much he begs

milo wears that iconique tank top on the ship and they say it literally any time he bends over, picks anything up, reaches for anything, moves, BREATHES. he is bewildered and at this point concerned

(in truth, the joke came from red taking a really blurry picture of him in a short sleeve shirt where he looked pretty cute and captioned it "milo's having a hot girl summer rn" and they just could not stop repeating it once audrey met him IRL)

they have a minecraft world. i do like to believe that every so often vinny finds a way in- theyre never sure how- and griefs the shit out of them by blowing up EVERY. monument.

this post is getting long bc im enraptured by the idea of an atl/antis modern au so im cutting it off here but expect WAY MORE later

[objectivesubjectivity]

Ranking all the 2018 CDs I physically own: 13-21

The following is the third of 5 entries in an entirely subjective and personalized ranking of the 39 albums released in 2018 that I physically own.

21. The Carters - EVERYTHING IS LOVE: Beyoncé pulls out all the stops here (including but definitely not limited to a choice pronunciation of "expensive") while Jay frequently falls behind the beat and generally sounds winded, so while everything might be love, only one half of this couple is doing the heavy lifting. Must hear track(s): 713, APESHIT

20. Hop Along - Bark Your Head Off, Dog: I wonder if someone told Francis and crew that all the songs on Painted Shut sounded too similar because here they go overboard with musical shifts and turns and end up losing a chunk of what made that previous album so great. Must hear track(s): Somewhere a Judge, How Simple

19. Dave Matthews Band - Come Tomorrow: A pretty straightforward, pleasant, and poppy release from one of the best "jam-band" songwriters with some stand-out heart-melting daddy/daughter tracks. Must hear track(s): Samurai Cop (Oh Joy Begin), Come On Come On, Virginia in the Rain

18. Snail Mail - Lush: If this were 1992, Lindsay Jordan's shoegaze-light alt-rock might have gotten lost in the shuffle of DGC's golden age, but since it came out in 2018, it's a welcome return to a by-gone era with just enough freshness to keep it from being purely nostalgic. Must hear track(s): Pristine, Golden Dream, Stick

17. Cloud Nothings - Last Building Burning: I only own two of their albums so the sample size is a bit small, but, goddamn do they know how to finish strong! Must hear track(s): Another Way of Life, Dissolution, Leave Him Now

16. Blitzen Trapper - Furr: While I still might turn to Wilco, The New Pornographers, or The Shins first, there's definitely some solid gold in this bursting-at-the-seams deluxe edition re-release of an under-the-radar alt-country classic. Must hear track(s): God & Suicide, Not Your Lover, Simple Tree

15. Various Artists - Black Panther: The Album: Kendrick's presence throughout this soundtrack helps bring some cohesion to this varied (style, content, and quality) collection of songs that might otherwise feel detrimentally disjointed. Must hear track(s): Bloody Waters, Paramedic!, King's Dead

14. Travis Scott - Astroworld: Undeniably captivating, Astroworld seems to stand on precipice between moderation and indulgence, maturity and childishness, and this turbulence makes for one hell of a fun ride, even if it might leave you a bit nauseous. Must hear track(s): CAROUSEL, SKELETONS, SICKO MODE, STARGAZING

13. Open Mike Eagle - What Happens When I Try to Relax: Lyrically stunning, full of hooks, humor, and humanity, OME clearly knows his audience ("I've been on every podcast I've listened to") and plays his cards like a pro on these 6 tracks. Must hear track(s): Relatable (peak OME), Southside Eagles, Microfiche

[stormofblue-blog]

submit | storm of blue press

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[thestuckylibrary]

Mod’s Reads: February 2018

Here’s the list of everything the Mods have read this past month!

Mod Iamnmbr3

The Wedding of Bucky Barnes by stephrc79 (complete | 67,805 | T )

This is the story of how an instagramming, trolling, pain in the ass got married to an equally annoying, artistic, bossy, stubborn blond oaf.

Or, you know, how one James Buchanan Barnes, Instagram Extraordinaire, married Captain America himself, one Steven Grant Rogers.

between everything, yourself, and home by napricot (complete | 24,396 | E )

This is your home?” asks Bucky at one point. “It’s where I’m living now, yeah.” Bucky comes home. Steve's a little slower on the uptake.

despite the threatening sky and shuddering earth (they remained) by praximeter (Zimario) (WIP | 53,118 | M )

“They really didn’t want the mask to come off.” Hill thumbed through the scans, and pulled out a film that she then handed over to Sam, face mostly expressionless but for the flat line of her pursed lips.

Sam accepted the film and held it up to the light, angling so both he and Steve could see it, squinting at the outline of the Winter Soldier’s skull, and the blips of unnatural white that showed up, God, in his brain, not to mention about half his teeth, plus the mask, with its thin protrusions—

“Those are pins,” Steve realized. He looked over at Hill. “The mask—it’s nailed to his face.”

Hill’s face was as unmoved as ever. “Like I said. They really didn’t want it coming off.”

Broken White Boy by herecomesbucktofuckshitup (complete | 2,405 | T )

Shuri fixes Bucky Barnes.

ROGERS: An American Musical by HopeNight (complete | 11,317 | T )

In the MCU, instead of picking up a biography of Alexander Hamilton, Lin-Manuel Miranda picks up a biography of Steve Rogers. This changes things. While the world goes insane for the musical, Steve and the man who believes himself to be Bucky Barnes find their own ways to take control of their narratives.

So here's the real question: How does a half-dead orphan born in the middle of a forgotten spot in the tenements of New York without a father and raised by a single mother grow up to be the first and only super soldier?

Tender, Like a Bruise by Bohemienne (complete | 1,932 | T )

Bucky is awake and healed, but Steve’s afraid of what it will mean.

There Is No Shortage of Blood* by alby_mangroves, Dira Sudis (dsudis) (WIP | 109,855 | E ) *past noncon 

The long slow recovery of Bucky Barnes after his escape from HYDRA.

(And the longer, slower recovery of his sex life.)

just goddamn marry me already, for fuck’s sake by newsbypostcard (complete | 6,376 | E )

“Do you,” Steve says, fingers newly tugging Bucky’s underwear until it starts to slide off his hips, “want to marry me, or not?”

Bucky sighs. “You know, in some circles people would consider this interrogation under duress.”

Mod Blue

In honor of v-day from spitandvinegar

For @silentwalrus1 , ANG Steve and Bucky sexting, incorporating a couple of very sensual lines from @pornhubcommentsonvalentines . I regret nothing.

The Job Between Here and There by Pohadka (complete | 40,336 | M)

He might be free from HYDRA’s command and making his own life now, but James Buchanan Barnes is far more lost than he’d ever been before. Nothing matches the vague memories he’s recovered so far, and the world has progressed far beyond needing soldiers. To find out what he wants, and how to get it, he just needs a little… Leverage.

Part 1 of The Job Between Here and There

It's Just Temporary by perfect_plan (complete | 52,615 | M)

Bucky Barnes has no idea what he wants to do with his life and is stumbling from one temp job to the next. Hopefully he can keep his new job at Stark Industries for longer than a week...

the cold never bothered me anyway by icoulddothisallday (complete | 75,562 | E)

Bucky Barnes has spent his whole life in a state of mild hypothermia. Steve Rogers has spent the last 70 years in the ice. The two things aren’t related until, suddenly, they are. Shrunkyclunks soulmate AU (AKA the awkward bb au).

The Wishing Stone by greenbergsays (onehot | 2,850 | E)

“Rogers,” Natasha said as she pushed her way into Steve’s bedroom. “We have a situation. Have you seen -- oh.”

She stopped short.

Behind her, she knew, was the sleek, expansive space of Steve’s apartment in Stark Tower; filled to the brim with the latest gadgets and sturdiest furniture Stark could find for his favorite super soldier.

The door to Steve’s bedroom, however, was a gateway to a completely different time and place.

How To Woo A Winter Demon by cleo4u2, xantissa (oneshot | 6,938 | T)

Steve slept in the ice for a long, long time. Longer than anyone thought possible. For over two thousand years before S.H.I.E.L.D. found and unfroze him. Yeah, the world was different and so were his team members. Team-creatures? Steve’s not sure what the politically-correct term is. There’s a lot of things he doesn’t know. What he does is that the demon living on the seventh sub-level is hot.

The Art Of Cooking For Two by littleblackfox (complete | 92,761 | M) (reread)

“Any questions?” “Uh. What the fuck am I doing here?” Bucky offers.

Writing His Own Happy Ending by LightningStriking (complete | 25,022 | E)

Bucky Barnes is a writer. A gay erotic fiction writer to be precise. With a successful career, a questionably functioning computer, and an addiction to watching cat videos while eating Chinese food. Steve Rogers is an editor. Of many things, not least of all, Bucky Barnes gay erotic fiction. A working relationship that was working just fine for both parties. Until, after years of communicating purely via e-mail, the two men meet in person. And Bucky quickly realizes that Steve not only has a fantastic eye for detail, he's got a smile that could melt any heart, and a body any one of Bucky's fictional heroes would die to touch. A sentiment Bucky shares. So how does Bucky begin his immediate campaign to win his way into Steve's bed, and his heart? By playing to his strengths. In other words, by writing a new series of sex filled stories staring a muscle bound blond and a seductively enticing brunet. Any resemblance to actual persons purely intentional. If editing Bucky's steamy stories hadn't given Steve all sorts of inappropriate fantasies before, it certainly does now...

seapup by wearing_tearing (oneshot | 1,765 | M)

There are a lot of monsters down in the deep dark sea, Steve included. But he is not prey and he is not about to let himself be eaten.

Into That Good Night by Nonymos (complete | 73,540 | E)

Steve Rogers has lived for entirely too long—long enough to see the world's end. The heroes are gone, and the Earth is pushing what's left of mankind towards the exit.

But when a makeshift team rises from the ashes, when a mysterious presence all but drags Steve there, he begins to think there may be hope yet. As they shoot for the stars one last time, Steve will get proof yet again that the future is nothing if not an echo of the past.

Other than that, this month Mod Blue fell into an Altered Carbon shaped hole. Please send help and/or Stucky Altered Carbon AUs with happy endings.

Mod Julia

Not the Jealous Type by justanothersong (oneshot | 3,377 | G)

“Oh, I get it,” Tony said, smug little grin playing across his features. “You’re all angsty because your partner took time off to hang out with his war buddy, and you’re cooped up here doing paperwork. Is that it?”

“Did I not just say to leave it alone?” Sam huffed in response.

Places left behind by Claudia_flies (oneshot | 7,175 | E)

As Steve approaches the door of the walk-in closet, there’s a sudden growl. It’s low and defensive, and Steve freezes. He’s only wearing a towel, he suddenly realizes stupidly.

“Jarvis?” he calls out.

“Yes, sir?” comes the clipped voice of the A.I over the comms system.

“Is there someone in the closet?”

a desert in my heart and nowhere to hide by endofadream (oneshot | 3,720 | E)

Steve struggles to push himself upright, already muttering, “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” and stops when Bucky’s metal hand clamps down onto the back of his neck. It’s hardly more than its usual gentle hold, but immediately Steve melts, tension leeching from his body even as his heart pounds in his chest.

Bucky draws in a ragged breath behind him. “Is that what you want?” he asks after a pause.

tutorial by belovedmuerto (oneshot | 2,362 | T)

“I’m pretty sure I’m a terrible kisser,” Steve mutters, mostly to his pencil and paper.

Still Learning Every Day by Nejinee (oneshot | 5,024 | M)

“Oh, don’t tell me you fell in love with a stripper. Come on, Steve. I’m too tired to go into Manhattan and fight some asshat for your virtue. Or would I have to dance for it?”

--

Steve loves Bucky, always has. He just never figured any other men would turn his head until he goes to a strip club and learns that it's not just women who can be strippers these days.

The Necrofloranomicon by leveragehunters (Monkeygreen) (complete | 47,569 | T)

Bucky didn't want much. Just to keep his head down, to sell his flowers in peace, and to stay off Shield's radar. His life would have been a lot easier if his flowers weren't dead and if being a necromancer wasn't illegal, but easy or not, he was getting by. Steve didn't want much, either. He was happy working for Shield, he had good friends, and overall his life was going just about the way he wanted it. Problem was, being happy with your life was generally an invitation for fate to throw a spanner in the works—and in Steve's specific case, it was going to be a spanner named Bucky.

Fuck Valentine's Day by jinlinli (oneshot | 4,218 | T)

Steve and Bucky's friends finally get sick and tired of their obliviousness, so they set them up on a blind date on Valentine's Day. But of course, they think it's just a prank because they're idiots.

Ex Libris by CloudAtlas (oneshot | 8,066 | T)

When the last customer has been dealt with, Steve turns to his new companion with, “Hi. I’m Steve, I’m new,” and finds a guy about his own height, with a kind smile and his long hair in a messy bun.

“Hi,” the guy says. “I’m James and I’m old.”

Stupid Cupid (you're a real mean guy) by chicklette (oneshot | 6,846 | E)

It's February and the weather in Brooklyn in shitty. So when his best friend Bucky offers Steve a week-long, all expenses paid trip to Mexico, he figures, what could go wrong? So what if it's a couples-only resort. Over Valentine's Day.

The Roommate by layersofsilence, Niitza (complete | 28,632 | T)

In which Steven G. Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America, gets a roommate. Who rapidly turns into his "roommate"—in the euphemistic sense of the word.

It takes SHIELD and the rest of the Avengers an absurd amount of time to notice.

No Faraway Shore by eyres (complete | 56,906 | T)

President James Barnes has spent his career saying that the defining moment of his life was when he discovered that Steve Rogers had sacrificed himself while Bucky had lain in a New York hospital bed with only one arm.

Now, Bucky would say it was when SHIELD told him Steve was alive.

The one where Bucky is President, Steve makes friends and enemies in the future, and a wedding in the Rose Garden has to wait until Hydra is defeated again.

[13623]

My 100 favorite memories of Jonghyun

Hi, my name is Gui. This is my personal gift for my beloved SHINee World, a community I've been a part of and truly felt safe and appreciated in for over 7 years now. I've compiled a list of my personal favorite 100 memories and stories about Jonghyun, which will be listed in no particular order. I hope these videos, photos and words of our precious Jonghyun will make you smile and remember all the gifts he gave us the years we got to spend with him.

My sincere wish is for the world to remember his music and how much of a bright, intelligent, caring, silly and all around beautiful person he was. Below the cut you'll find the list with links to see or read the mentioned picture/video/tweet/etc, all with their corresponding english translations (if I was able to find them).

Thank you, Jonghyun. God knows how much I love you and how much I'll miss you. You were a blessing to me and so many people, I'll remember you forever. You've worked incredibly hard. And thank you again. 

1- For whatever reason, the first thing that came to mind was that time you and Key wore masks of Kate Middleton and prince William while walking around an airport. You two have always been silly on your own, but together you were something else entirely. [link]

2- How you always wished for the members' health at every opportunity you encountered. [link]

3- Your satisfaction every time Yoogeun obeyed you or showed you affection [link]

4- That out of respect and to keep a sense of unity among the members you based the design for the cover of BASE in that of ACE's. [link]

5- How sincere and genuine you always tried to be before the world. [link - trans in comments] 

6- Whenever you engaged fight mode and showed the furious and volatile aries boy you were on the inside. Variety shows didn’t deserve you love! [link]

7- Those days you showcased your fansites' names on your body with so much pride during Internet War performances. [link]

8- KRUMP!! KRUMP!!!!!!! [link]

9- How fucking cheesy you were. We all know Minho is probaby the cheesiest man on Earth but you somehow managed to overdo him from time to time. [link] 10- The love you had for your sister and how your face lit up whenever you talked about her. [link]

11- The birthday you spent here in Argentina. I remember thinking you looked a bit out of it during the concert, a bit sad even until the very last talking break started. I remember the moment when they brought out the cake and you put your hands together to make your wish (that was, of course, for the members to stay healthy), that was the first time I thought you looked genuinely happy that night. I feel so so so honored to had been able to design the support banners we held up during that last speaking segment so you could read them and smile. For so many argentinian shawols that was the best day of their lives. I hope you know that. [link]

12- That time you asked the staff to turn down the lights so you could see how bright and beautiful the pearl aqua sea looked that night. [link]

13- Your inconditional love towards your fans. “Thanks to SHINee World I can breathe” [link]

14- How in One fine day you were the first one to celebrate the fact that you were all travelling alone, but also the first one to admit you missed the other memebers [link]

15- Your infinite love for your trusty sidekick Roo, all the pictures, videos and tweets you've done with and about her through the years, bullying and all <3 And the fact that your bond was an inspiration while writting "End of a day"! [link] 16- That moving message a fan with synesthesia sent you during a Blue Night broadcast in which they talked about the fact that your voice looked "golden" to them~ [link]

17- How you were always the first one to volunteer and show interest in any game or competition that was happening. [link]

18- Your cute exchanges with Key during Hello performances <3 [link]

19- The fact that you were A LIVING MEME [link]

20- That time you bought a birthday present for Key and he was so excited he recorded the whole thing LMAO [link]

21- How you respected your own feelings, especially the not so positive ones. You didn't ignore them, instead you let them stay with you while you processed them and until they could finally left your heart. [link] 22- Your enthusiasm when it came to dressing up for SM Halloween parties, and the costumes you decided to wear like the freaking weeaboo you were [link]

23- Speaking of weeaboos, I also remember your kid-like excitement when you saw Gundam action figures and attractions during your trip in Japan [link] 24- The Hello Baby skits and your... excelent? acting and narrating skills [link]

25- Your tweets asking fansites to send you HQ pictures whenever they uploaded previews you liked (or found hilarious) [link]

26- Your interest in fashion, most likely started by Kibum, that resulted in that cool and characteristic style of yours [link]

27- The absolute adventure that was getting your first bike and learning how to ride it [link]

28- Your adorable height complex, especially in relation to Minho and his 3 meter-long legs [link]

29- Speaking of your height, remember that time he asked to sat down between two tall MCs? [link]

30- Your (attempt at a) message for your mom the day of your debut, that not-so-surprisingly ended with you crying. Key has said he regrets not hugging you and comforting you back then... not because he was interested in making you feel better or anything, but because this video is always shown at events and he feels like it makes him look bad [link]

31- Your sensitivity towards smells and your love for scented candles [link]

32- When you all won the 2013 Melon Artist of The Year award and ran holding hands towads the stage (which was obviously your idea, that's how cheesy you were). You cried so much you dumbass, it was so incredibly adorable and endearing. What a year 2013 was for SHINee GODDAMNNNN [link]

33- The absolute gift you had when it came to pouring your emotions into songs, and the respect that caused in so many members of the industry [link]

34- Lollipop!Jonghyun which caused many a heart attack to members of the fandom back in 2011 [link]

35- Your genuine happiness when japanese fans came up to you to ask for autographs while walking around Tokio, something you weren't used to - no even in your home country [link]

36- How you were "Taemin's firs mom". So proud of our maknae always! [link] 

37- Your visual support for the LGBTQ+ community in a country and society so retrograde in so many ways. And whenever you fucked up you always acknowledged your mistakes, apologized and tried to make things right. [link]

38- The fact that you promoted SHINee 24/7... like that time when you came up to a foreigner presenting yourself as a member of SHINee, and it turned out that dude was actually world famous actor Jack Black. [link]

39- When you asked to stop the van you were on because you recognized the stadium in which SHINee made their debut in Japan, and you wanted to get out and see it again [link]

40- The fact that your #fitspo back in the day was Taylor Lautner in Twilight LMAO [link]

41- That time you became The Listerine Dude™ [link] and the aftermath of all your free promo... [link]

42- Your strange need to bite everything and everyone at all times for no good reason [link]

43- Your, uhm... art skills? [link] [link]

44- When you voted for Taemin through text messages and asked !!with urgency!! for the SHINee World to do the same [link]

45- Your legendary meme battle with Minho on Twitter [link]

46- This live performance, which is my absolute favorite performance of my favorite SHINee song, Sleepless Night. I remember watching the video of the first interpretation you did of the song over and over again... I fell in love with the song instantly. You liked making me cry, didn’t you? [link]

47- When you went to comfort Key after seeing him cry only to end up crying yourself. After that, you hugged each member individually in such a genuine and caring way... you absolute angel...  [link]

48- When you finally realized the mole in your chest was a national treasure and you started showing it more and more in your selcas [link] [link]

49- How much you loved your beautiful omma! [link]

50- "As always, I need you" [link] [link] 

51-  That time when, after receiving many homophobic comments and threats following the first Internet War performance, you decided to silently change your twitter profile picture to one of that performance, and you didn't change it for the longest time. An iconic moment in music history. Truly revolutionary. [link]

52- Your love and respect for all the other SM artists [link]

53-... but especially, for your girls f(x) [link]

54- When you read and commented on tweets from shawols that were doing live commentary/translations of shows or events the other members were taking part of and you couldn't attend [link]

55- I’m sorry but these pictures??? this entire video???? I don’t think you’ve ever looked softer in your life dear [link]

56-  "I look like a monster" [link]

57- The fact that even when in moments when you were surrounded by love and affection, you never forgot about those going through difficult times [link]

58- "IS THIS THE REALITY YOU WANTED!?" [link] 

59- That time you casually killed us all with this goddamn selca [link]

60- When you found out about those pictures Key and Minho took of you while you were asleep, and decided to have some fun yourself [link]

61- And speaking of trolling, your response to the reveal of the cover for Misconceptions of us was absolute gold [link]

62- This live performance of Selene 6.23 which is absolutely breathtaking. You worked so hard, gorgeous. [link]

63- When you refused to accept the fact that you looked like a dinosaur, saying that you looked like a... a puppy-saurus...? [link]

64- When you randomly invited a group of korean shawols in Japan to take pictures with you, to stand close to you and yell from excitement together [link]

65- When you voted FOR YOURSELF to win first place and bragged about it on twitter [link]

66- The infamous ugly face competition you five had a few years ago [link]

67- That time you literally dedicated a song called "I hate them" to couples in love [link]

68- The absurd song you wrote about the fact that even cockroaches have a significant other and you don't. Am I... sensing a theme here... [link]

69- How you weren't afraid or embarrassed when your emotions were too much for you and you felt like crying. How you challenged the way people thought males should express their emotions.

70- Your sweet and charming voice in She is, my favorite solo song of yours [link] 

71- Knowing how much you enjoyed and how much it helped you being a DJ in Blue Night Radio, a space where you could share other people's stories as well as your own feelings and personal projects [link]

72- When you drew a layout of your brain during an episode of Hello Baby, including the small but key element of "Insignificant Choi Minho" [link]

73- That time you mentioned having watched all star wars films (prequels and all oh dear) and that you were failing to understand Anakin's heart the entire time. Me too Jjong, me too [link]

74- When you quickly made a pun while having to immitate/act like Jinki, the most Jinki-like thing you could've ever done [link]

75- This particular performance of A-Yo! I remember watching it over and over again when it was originally uploaded on youtube and feeling happy just from seeing you all smile and have fun together [link]

76- Your appreciation for fanart and fanartists! [link]

77- How you had to pet and take a picture with every goddamn dog you came across

78- How you would look after your fans and tried to make them feel better about their everyday struggles. You were a being made of light, so incredibly sympathetic - which was probably my favorite personality trait of yours. [link]

79- Your beautiful voice and sIcK aCTing SkillZ during that intro you did for the acoustic Juliette performance back in 2009 [link]

80- How badly you actually wanted to date and have a girlfriend. You were desperate in the cutest way possible. [link] [link]

81- I remember my jaw dropping to the floor (... and swearing a lot afterwards) the first time I saw this picture of you from the Everybody photoshoot. Did you know you were hands down the prettiest human on planet earth to me? Did you? [link]

82- Whatever the hell this was...  [link]

83- That dream I had a few years ago, where we were listening a band play live at some sort of outdoors music festival. I was sitting down in the grass and you were lying down with your head on my lap. It was quite a short dream and it didn't have a meaningful ending to it or anything, but I remember feeling a weird sense of peace and serenity when I woke up. That's what your presence has always made me feel and what it continues to.

84- How beautiful your voice sounds in One for me, another one of my favorite SHINee songs of all time. I sure fell for you whenever I first heard that song 7+ years ago, it’s one that fits your pretty voice very well. [link]

85- How you wanted to be able to play every instrument under the sun; your love for music and the music making process. You haven't received so many compliments and gained so much respect from people in the industry for nothing! [link] [link]

86- That time you practically threw youself at Big Bang's Seungri while SHINee were accepting an award [link] 

87- How hard you tried to sing LLO with an MJ flavour but Jinki wouldn’t stop teasing you about it [link]

88- How you behaved during fansigns, the way you always listened patiently and with a warm smile to what your fans wanted to say. [link]

89- The extent of your trust in shawols, and the few moments when you really pushed those limits resulting in some of the sweetest moments ever between SHINee and SHINee World [link]

90- Your love for videogames, something you talked about multiple times throughout the years and an activity that truly made you happy [link]

91- How introspective you were and how you always thought on ways to better yourself and learn from your mistakes [link]

92- Those instances when you decided to take a short break from making fun of the other members and made fun of yourself instead [link]

93- How perfect you and the rest of the members sounded in this live performance of Moon River Waltz [link]

94- I’ve lost count of the amount of times I've seen this video of you guys singing in the car throught the years... [link]

95- When the five of you encouraged shawols to sing along the last bit of Replay, and their singing was so loud and overwhelming you couldn't help yourself and went ahead and cried a lot (again) [link]

96- That time you said the most important part of the choreography for Everybody was literally "your face" [link]

97- How passionately you sang even in the earliest days of your career. Anyone can tell your voice was made for singing balads dear [link]

98- When you and Minho were annoying the heck out of Taemin and completely stole the show during an episode of We Got Married [link]

99- The moment I found out SHINee was going to hold a concert in Argentina on your 25th birthday. We worked so hard for all of you to come here, I was so excited, my god... Turning back time isn't something I'm particularly interested in but I do wish I could've done more for you that day. For all of five you. I sincerely hope you enjoyed your concert here and that it wasn't too exhausting or that much of a burden to you.

100- How deeply it moved you when Minho showed up as a surprise guest during your last day as a DJ for Blue Night Radio, and the lovely words you two exchanged. [link] 

I hope looking at these can help some of you get through difficult times and remeber who Jonghyun truly was, how complex of a human being he was and how much he loved his members, his family and us shawols. May he rest in peace. We love you Jjong, you did well.

[a-litost]

One of my friends asked in our group chat if do we ever feel sad and lonely at night and of course, I jokingly answered, "That sounds exactly like my regular nights". I mean, sure it's a joke - but, hells yeah I feel sad, lonely, pathetic and more distressing adjectives at nights... and days.

Pero syempre naman there are days that I feel better. Better but not the best. But still, I'll take better any day.

So what I'm actually doing when I feel these things is I... either listen to shit ton of music or watch series and movies that I don't finish. It's a pretty bad habit pero wala pa ding mas sasama kaysa sa administrasyon natin. So... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Wala akong marerecommend na something mind blowing or deep na series or movies - actually meron kaso I'd sound very pretentious so 'wag na lang hAHAHAHAHAHA. Anyway, if you like something very light and fun; you might want to watch these series:

Mockumentary/docucomedy type: The Office, Parks & Recreation and Modern Family Sitcoms/Comedy/Dramedy: F.R.I.E.N.D.S, How I Met Your Mother, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Big Bang Theory, The Good Place, Fresh off the Boat, On My Block, Atypical, Never Have I Ever, Schitt’s Creek, etc. Adult (or Kiddie, y nut) Cartoons: Bojack Horseman, F is for Family, Big Mouth, We Bare Bears, Spongebob Squarepants, Archer (I have yet to watch Ricky & Morty, The Simpsons & Family Guy) <- watched a few episodes of these pero di ko lang na-follow through HAHA

These are just some of the series that I really really liked watching. Marami pang iba kaso ayokong isipin nyo na wala akong buhay kasi wala naman talaga wELP.

As for music recos... damn, dudepretsongbruh, ang dami but I'll try himayhimayin. Also before Spotify, I was listening to albums of the bands I'm listening to - not playlists. There's a charm kasi if hahalukayin mo yung songs ng artist instead of cherry picking what their no. 1 single or their hit songs are off their albums. 

Anyway, I want to be as secretive as possible about my music choice or something kasi wala lang, it just feels very private (says a girl who shares what she listens to in IG stories). In my defense, I only have very few followers and they're like my close friends, so kebs lang HAHAHAHAHAHA

Pwede bang pantay lang pagmamahal ko sa The Beatles at Oasis?

I first listened to Oasis when I thought my life was falling apart. Oo, sobrang intense galit ko sa mundo noon because life, man. My favorite album of Oasis is definitely 'Definitely Maybe' - walang skip skip. Dinamdam ko talaga bawat kanta nila dito kahit about drugs yung iba dyan at very irrelevant sa pinagdadaanan ko. Sa The Beatles naman, man, I think all their albums were great - some of the songs were wack but a lot were SO GODDAMN FINE. I can't tell you what my favorite album is but I can tell you their songs that I adore so much.

Across the Universe, Let It Be, Hey Jude, Yesterday, Here There and Everywhere, In My Life, Blackbird, Dear Prudence, Something, Good Day Sunshine, Here Comes The Sun, A Day in the Life, Penny Lane, 'Til There Was You, Drive My Car, Baby It's You, I Want To Hold Your Hand, All My Loving, Hello Goodbye, Oh Darling, Ticket To Ride, Nowhere Man, I'm Looking Through You, Eleanor Rigby, Revolution, I Will, For No One.

Pretty sure I missed something but what the heck, you get it. I love them. Man, The Beatles were fire.

I think these two bands helped me cope with what I was dealing years ago and for that, I can truly say from the bottom of my cold ass heart that their music saved my life.

Syempre 'di mawawala e-gerl side ko so I'd like you to listen to:

Fall Out Boy - walang tapon sa mga albums nilang "Folie à Deux", "Infinity On High" at "Save Rock and Roll"; though I must admit, I haven't had the time yet to listen to their 2018 album, "Mania" - di ko knows but eventually, I'll get there. Blink-182 - wala nang mas e-e-gerl/boi kung 'di ka nakikinig ng tunes nila lol I listened to this band more because my EX crush was a fan HAHAHAHA ambabaw but yeah, if you're crushing on someone - you're in luck because their songs will give your hearts a flutter kick, or will crush it IDK there's no in between. Basta their kind of music back in the day was very relatable kahit more on guys' perspective siya but I really really liked it. I personally loved their songs like, Story of a Lonely Guy, First Date, Adam's Song, Feeling This, I Miss You, All Of This, The Rock Show, I'm Lost Without You, Always, All The Small Things, What's My Age Again?,  Please Take Me Home, Every Time I Look For You & Stay Together For The Kids.  twenty one pilots - NEED I FUCKING SAY MORE, LISTEN TO ALL OF THEIR ALBUMS ASAP The 1975 - if I were to describe their songs like a person, it's like, "What you see is what you get - but with mystery" with them. Their music is bold, honest, provocative, sexy, dreamy, harsh, sad and a lotta things. Their songs seem to be about your non-existent ex... or existing ex whatevs and it’s hurting me and I am living for it. 

Kapagod pala mag ganto, but here are some of the bands/artists I also adore uWu

The Smiths, The Cure, Joy Division, Arctic Monkeys, X Ambassadors, Catfish and the Bottlemen, The Strokes, The Kooks, Grouplove, One Republic, Coldplay, Kodaline, Passion Pit, Bombay Bicycle Club, Miniature Tigers, Wallows, Hozier, Carly Rae Jepsen, Taylor Swift, Machine Gun Kelly, Post Malone, Harry Styles, Childish Gambino, Mac Miller, The Neighbourhood, Bleachers and sobrangdamipa but these will do.

You are welcome!

[blacklodgemusictx]

Taking off to Mars...

Bear with me.  I haven’t written a music review since covering a Midnight Oil show for my college paper in 2001.  Personally, I thought I had a unique perspective as no one else seemed to go to shows while busy being studious, but one response was an anonymous letter to the editor: “No one cares about a date Liz Green had to see a band no one has heard of.”  Fair enough, callow youth, fair enough.

Two things you need to know about me:  

 1.)  I live for music - it’s how I relate to other people.

 2.)  I reside in a town where everything I want to see or do it a minimum of 3 hours in any direction.  Every now and then something cool will happen, but there’s usually a 3-5 year gap between these cool occurrences.   You want something amazing to happen you either go find it or you make it happen yourself.  I made it happen once.  And it was stressful … and expensive.  So we prefer the seeking.

I had the good fortune to meet an older boy with similar sensibilities.  I always bemoaned the fact that there were no songs with my name in them:  Elizabeth has too many syllables, Liz not enough.  Up until this moment, I’d had to adopt “Beth” by Kiss.  He gave me a Hex song with my first AND last name in it, “Elizabeth Green, deep and serene.”  So I gave the boy my heart and he gave me his name.  Together we go out in to the world looking for the things that set us on fire.

The giving of songs is how I express myself.  Though I have a literary side, my degree is in business and my logical side tells me that someone has probably already described the things I’m thinking or feeling and has probably done it a lot more eloquently than I ever could.  The right song is out there for every situation... you just have to know where to look.  

A fight, the silent treatment from my husband, an uncomfortable car ride:  Rush’s “Open Secrets” on my iPod: “I never meant what you’re thinking.  That’s not what I meant at all.”  A friend dealing with heartache and a lying lover?  “The Wreckers” also by Rush.  Another friend’s husband passed away.  I gave her “Take my Heart” by Caroline’s Spine.  “Just in case I lose this race, I’ll always be there watching over you…”  Even if the song didn’t quite hit them the way it hit me, to accept the giving of a song is to accept the giver.

Seven months ago, two friends in tow and tickets to see Marty Willson-Piper in hand, we sped toward Fort Worth.  We were late.  A thing that often happens when work and driving and days of the week get in the way.  “It’s ok,” I assured my husband, “There are two openers.  We have plenty of time.  We won’t miss anything.”  Ha.  Prepare to eat your words in 3…2…1…

The order was Salim Nourallah, “Laish” (a British band fronted by Danny Green.  The band was absent due to the financial constraints of intercontinental travel so I started thinking of Danny as Laish sort of like Bono or Cher), and Marty Willson-Piper - Mr Willson-Piper being the former lead guitarist of the Church - my husband’s favorite band and consequently a band we’d been seeing together since 2002.  We only had tickets to that show, but after we were blown away by each performance in Fort Worth, we noticed the tour was EIGHT Texas shows long.  NO ONE gives that much love to Texas.  No one.

We proceeded to attend three more: Cactus Cafe in Austin and the two shows at the Palo Santo Galactic Headquarters - words that held zero meaning to me until I actually went there: it’s a space Salim set up next to his recording studio in Dallas.  The space accommodates about 30 and is the perfect location for comfortable, intimate shows.  Palo Santo is the independent record label founded by Salim and the similarly incomparable Sarah Henry.  

During this run of shows, I got to talk to Salim both in person and on Facebook.  I learned that he was not an “opener” for Marty Willson-Piper, he was the mastermind that made the whole tour happen.  I signed up for his mailing list and even if the name is tongue in cheek - The Cult of Nourallah - it’s spot on.  Salim is the most charismatic person you will ever meet.  If he thinks you should listen to a certain artist or album, it will appear on your chosen music player.  If he really did want to start a cult, you’d go buy whatever color shoes he instructed.  And he does it all with a calm, quiet, reassuring presence that lets the music speak for itself.

After these shows, I started listening to Salim’s albums.  All of them.  A lot.

No really… a LOT.

His style is simple, clean and straight forward.  The songs are heartfelt and often autobiographical.  Though coming from a musical background of performance and recording with his brother Faris, Salim’s solo career began in 2004 with the album “Polaroid” and has spanned the next prolific fifteen years to 2018’s “Somewhere South of Sane.”

I quickly assimilated the music from his albums in to my personal first aid kit of songs.  I recently helped a friend through a painful divorce and played Salim’s “It’s Ok to Be Sad” for her.  The idea is often something overlooked in adulthood and though it seems simplistic, the act of permission can be profound.  It’s ok to be sad.  It’s ok to mourn.  Things don’t work out.  

I ended up giving that friend Salim’s entire “Somewhere South of Sane” vinyl set.  SSOS is an album that I digested in pieces myself .  The songs feel so personal - the songwriter’s own heartbreak on public display - the act of musical consumption feels like voyeurism.  Spying through a window at people hurting each other.  It reminded me so much of my own first marriage - at a much too early age - and divorce that it was difficult to hear.  I felt well armed in that moment and profoundly grateful that Salim gave me something that I was able to pass on in the name of healing through the acceptance of grief.

While I put my arms around my friend at the local courthouse and held her through the end of her marriage, I struggled in my own personal life with a health scare that could possibly change everything.  I held on to Salim’s “Don’t Be Afraid” at this time and probably listened to it twenty times.  I’ll try not to be afraid.  I’ll try.  I’ll try to be brave… still, Salim, keep telling me.  It’s nice to hear.  Ultimately, after an agonizing length of time (agony and length only felt by the person in it), I learned I was ok.  Here I appreciate Salim’s “Goddamn Life” (Hit Parade, 2012.)  I’m so in love with my goddamn life.  It may be scary and it may hurt at times, but look at the alternative… right?

There’s a certain degree of uncertainty in being a member of the human race.  We all secretly think we are doing it differently and most probably wrong.  We toil next to each other in silence and the great tragedy is: we’re all doing it pretty much the same, but we don’t know that.  To be unsure of this, but to put it in song anyway and then present for the world to hear takes bravery I cannot even comprehend.  Trying to describe love is like trying to describe the color blue.  You put your song out there with the secret fear: what if that’s not love?  What if that’s not blue?  What if I’m doing it wrong?  What if everyone else sees things differently?  What if there’s something wrong with me?

* * *

Fast forward to last weekend - Saturday May the 4th.  I had the honor of gathering with Salim and his friends to celebrate with a retrospective show at Palo Santo.  

“If I really had to break it down,” Salim told us when announcing the event, “the one that thing that has meant the most to me is writing songs.  So it seemed fitting to spend my upcoming birthday not only with my real family but also with my ‘other’ family: my family of songs.  I'm sure you've probably heard songwriters refer to their songs being almost like children.  It's a hard thing to describe…”

But he does describe it in “Stranger in My Own Skin” (Constellation, 2009), “I’m gonna take some pain and stick it to a tune so you can sing along, get the words all wrong.”  And he did.  He stuck pain to a lot of tunes.  Pain, laughter, love, heart break, friendship, desire, despair, betrayal...  He stuck feelings to 15 years worth of tunes and more and on Saturday he indulged us in tastes from each album to commemorate another year of his existence on this planet.

The vibe was laid back and friendly - Palo Santo is like no other place you will ever experience.  It’s more like going over to Salim’s house, his face lights up and he says “Here, let me play something for you…”

The configuration was different this time than others I had been in attendance there.  Chairs were arranged on three sides, a seat and a guitar against the wall in the middle.  When Salim took his place in front of us, the small crowd immediately fell silent - not like fearing the wrath of a teacher chiding students for talking, but more like the anticipation of watching a magician about to perform a magic trick.  

And there was a magic trick of a sort:  projected on the wall above Salim’s head was suddenly the album cover of “Polaroid.”  Salim chatted about this cover and each subsequent one as he told stories about each and sang the songs he chose to represent that album and period in his life.  We were instructed to sing along and we did so - almost reverently - with Salim’s guidance.

Set one covered: Polaroid, Beautiful Noise, Snowing in My Heart, Constellation and Hit Parade (2004-2012).  We then took a break to share a fabulous cake, chat and sing Salim “Happy Birthday.”

Set two then covered: Friends for Life, Skeleton Closet, The Travoltas, NHD (Salim’s project with Billy Harvey and Alex Dezen) album And the Devil Went up to Portland, and finally Somewhere South of Sane (2012-2018).

Though Salim got to what was supposed to be the final song from SSOS, “Rainbow Dolphins” was then brought up by an audience member.  Salim just grinned and assured us he could play that too.  And he did.

I didn’t want the evening to end.  We all filed out of Palo Santo in to an absolutely beautiful, cool Dallas night.  We chatted with each other and eventually goodbyes were said and people began to wander away.  I yawned one too many times and may or may not have enjoyed just a touch too much wine.  My husband, Doug, eventually took my hand, we thanked Salim and drifted away ourselves.

The magic doesn’t have to end quite yet as Salim has put up part two of the birthday retrospective for sale next weekend (a few tickets remain and can be acquired here: https://www.prekindle.com/event/26257-birthday-retrospective-salim-nourallah-2nd-show-dallas).  This was a singularly unique event and though lightning isn't supposed to strike twice, if anyone could make that happen, it is Salim.  Next weekend will be just as magical.

Links of interest:

https://www.instagram.com/palosantorecords/

https://www.instagram.com/salimnourallah/

http://salimnourallah.com/

https://palosantotx.com/

https://www.facebook.com/salimnourallah/

https://www.facebook.com/palosantotx/

[tantoknives]

hey how about 1-30 from that one ask thing

if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?-first off i sent this to myself. second, i would link them to my soundcloud and spotify and shit like that. if i had to chose a single band i’d have to go with cherub, they’re my favorite band of all time and i get teary thinking about how jordan kelly gave me a hug. uh anyway also watch princess mononoke and kiki’s delivery service because theyre my fave and i heavily relate to kiki. i guess for reading read my childhood faves like redwall, warriors, guardians of ga’hoole, and everlost trilogy. i don’t do as much recreational reading these days. 

have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?-not?? really in particular. i modeled my early writing more after my childhood favorites (see above lmao) so my writing wasn’t terribly complex. i think i model my writing a bit closer to stephen king’s; he has a very good way of conveying situations/emotions in an extremely subtle way

list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.-wow this list has gotten small. the only fandom i actually really interact with is the transformers fandom nowadays. i relate to knockout because i love breakdown. other stuff i used to vibe with is steven universe, and i really related to rose quartz. 

do you like your name?  is there another name you think would fit you better?-now that i’ve figured out that i’m nonbinary, i’d prefer a more... gender neutral name. megan is such...... a generic name. i’m fine with meg, but i don’t even respond to megan anymore lmao. i’m fond of mac, like mac demarco. maybe to be unique™️ i should be called demarco.

do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do?-what the fuck kind of question is this it sounds like a question from a job application. and yeah i guess?? i mean i call myself a writer and an artist and a depressed fuck because that’s what i do

are you religious/spiritual?-no. i had some bad experiences in the church and it effectively drove me away from christianity in particular. i enjoy other houses of religion, tho. i find it very interesting to be an observer. 

do you care about your ethnicity?-kinda?? it’s something that i think about a lot because i could have had a lot more culture from my dad’s side except my family on his side was whitewashed as a side effect of rampant racism in the 50s and 60s. i’m ‘hispanic’ but i’m not even sure what that means nowadays?? like am i just white?? i don’t know and it bugs me. like, i’m not trying to reach to be a poc but i’m also not sure if i’m white or not. most of the time i just kind of ignore it. 

what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime?-florence and the machine was the first artist that i really, really connected with after i heard ‘dog days are over’ during a movie preview on the tv. her lungs album was the first i ever bought, and she was the first artist i ever followed religiously. a little while after her i got really into woodkid. now i’m deeply invested in the band cherub, theyve gotten me through a lot of hard times, all of them. for awhile i was very much into linkin park’s ‘a thousand suns’ album, so chester’s death has touched me in some small way. 

are you an artist?-yeah, i would definitely say so. it’s definitely been a hugely defining part of my identity for the entirety of my life, if that says anything. 

do you have a creed?-not?? particularly?? like for me my creed is to let people do their own thing and stay in my lane unless theyre hurting somebody. like i don’t really care what people do unless it becomes my business. 

describe your ideal day.-ohh getting up at 10am with good hair, doing my makeup and putting on a cute outfit. getting my nails done with a good friend, having a light but tasty lunch then going to get bubble tea after. going to the mall for a couple of hours, then going to a nice place for dinner and a movie. after that, going for a nice swim at night with some friends, good music, and a bit of booze. more movies after that if we’re awake enough. 

dog person or cat person?-i think i answered this already but fundamentally i’m a cat person because i’m too low energy to be a dog person

inside or outdoors?-i’m too delicate of a creature for these earthly elements, so indoors i shall stay. it’s too fucking hot outside. 

are you a musician?-actually, i used to be. i played the piano for nearly ten years and played the french horn/mellophone for another five. i wish that i still played an instrument but i barely have the will to get out of bed, much less the dedication to devote myself to an instrument

five most influential books over your lifetime.-the lovely bones by alice sebold-the green mile by stephen king-the redwall series by brian jacques-the everlost trilogy by neal shushterman-call of the wild by jack londongod......... i need to read more books

if you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same?-i mean, yeah?? that’s basic psychology, tbh. 

would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the “real you”?-mmaybe?? i don’t really talk that much on here (aside from these ridiculously long ask memes godd) but i’m fairly frank and i typically say what i would irl. i’m a pretty frank person. 

what’s your patronus?-already answered, but i’m changing my answer to Macho Man Randy Savage™️

which Harry Potter house would you be in? or are you a muggle?-i don’t care enough about this question to answer this

would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else?-all of the above listed universes sound like shit except magic is maybe cool. pokemon is the ultimate alternate reality

do you love easily?-i used to, but i’m a bit more anxious and wary of my relationships these days

list the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order.-sleeping (this summer i average like, 12 hours lmao)-browsing tunglr, sadly-this summer?? breath of the wild-staring at sketchbooks, pencil hovering over the page-eat

how often would you want to see your family every year?-my mom and dad?? once a month sounds good, if not twice. my sister?? fucking never

have you ever felt like you had a “mind-meld” with someone?-me and my SO are ridiculously close to the point where he knew i was starting my period before i even did

could you live as a hermit?-i already do

how would you describe your gender/sexuality?-i am nonbinary and pansexual. so yeah and yeah

do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the “real you”?-this is something i’ve been working on actually and it’s sorta difficult because i have some clothes that i feel do and a lot that don’t because i have a lot of ultra-femme clothes that i don’t feel as comfy in anymore. i mean, depending on my mood. also my hair is so fucking shaggy i look like a goddamn muppet. 

on a scale from 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin?-it takes a lot, because i mean people make mistakes and do/say shit that they didn’t think about. that’s for friends. other people can and will bug the fuck out of me with ease. 

three songs that you connect with right now.-monogamy by cherub-hallelujah money by gorillaz (iconic)-marijuana by chrome sparks

pick one of your favorite quotes.-uhh hmoh actually i do think i know- “i am become death, destroyer of worlds” from the bhagavad gita i know it’s generic but it’s very iconic, and i especially like hearing it in oppenheimer’s post-atomic bomb speech

[charliehatesyourmusic]

Hands off, Antonoff: How Lorde betrayed herself on Green Light

             In 2012, a little album began to float around online that had tweens and beyond hopeful for an intellectual expression of their general state of being: the confusion of growing up too fast and without your consent, the impossible standard people set for themselves and others, and the fear of not fitting in (a familiar concept). The album touched on being introverted, poked fun at fame, added a dash of a party anthem, contemplated a prison of belief, and finally summarized a bout of anxiety. It was called The Love Club EP by Lorde, and it was a welcome respite from the marble-gargling rap and mindless Maroon 5 and Taylor Swift songs. The EP evolved into a full LP after the massive success of the single Royals, a song that makes fun of what makes fame fame and the strange normalization of glamorous lifestyles.

               The LP, Pure Heroine, showed Lorde maturing even more, delving into themes well beyond her age (which, by the way, was 17). For a lot of girls around that same age, the album helped contextualize the issues they were facing. While Lorde sang about her rising fame, she kept herself accessible to her listeners. She remained grounded and wise. Lorde croons about pivotal coming-of-age moments as if she were floating outside herself and taking notes on what the hell was happening with this boy/this plane ride/aging/WAR FOR GOD’S SAKE. This is when she really got my attention. She was sassy, self-aware, sarcastic and made fun of all the girls other girls, and me (a guy) despised (see White Teeth Teens).

               Let’s not forget the actual sound of the album. It’s minimal and building, reflecting the very themes Lorde is discussing; simple things can often snowball and become overwhelming. Lorde’s voice is velvety and melts over the tracks, weaving her teenage narrative over the 11 tracks. The mellow drum pads and the layered harmonies make it an easy listen. She never complains, only reflects. Every track seems so vulnerable and you can’t help but to relate. Even now I can think back to that age, as a man even, and find these songs to be timeless.

               With those accolades, let’s look at Lorde’s abysmal latest single Green Light. The song would be tolerable at best if I knew it wasn’t from Lorde, the once-prophetic voice of millions of teens. Somehow over her four year hiatus she surrounded herself with the likes of Len Dunham, a silly caricature of feminism and what a woman should pride herself on, Taylor Swift, the exact type of person Lorde mocked in her first album, and lastly Jack Antonoff, former member of fun. and Bleachers (do not get me started on the stadium bullshit they managed to squeeze out of some sucker studio). Over these four years Lorde kept poor company forced upon her in the throes of fame. I understand circles get formed when you become famous, but I thought that Lorde, who isn’t even from America and seemed to stand strongly with her opinions on the famous, would draw the line somewhere in there.

Perhaps her music taste devolved. Perhaps she feared her relevance slipping. So as a result, we got a Swiftian breakup song about dissing her ex. Now if someone pitched this to me (“a Lorde song about a bad breakup”), I would’ve been thrilled to see her sage outlook on this life event. But what we got was a shitty Coldplay piano riff, a silly, repetitive chorus of many an upset teenage girl shrieking about traffic lights (I know it’s a metaphor f*ck off). Keep in mind, I was a huge Lorde fan, so my biases are few here, BUT WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? Somehow it doesn’t feel well-produced. The once minimal and contemplative beats evolved into some radio-friendly empowering anthem. I’m all for empowerment, believe me. That’s not the shit I’m trying to stir up. I just expected more from Lorde; a wiser, less moany expression of contempt for an ex. But all she talks about is her bitterness, her (new) ability to drink, and all the things she’s wanting to do when she’s free of this chump.

The biggest problem is that anyone around today could have sung this song. It could’ve been Swift, Perry, Rihanna, that Banks chick for chrissakes. Green Light did not have that signature Lorde sound that we know and love. Instead it felt like another song to be played at the wave pool at Six Flags. Another song girls can claim, convincing themselves they don’t need anyone but themselves, then turn around and listen to shit like Lana Del Rey, the down-trodden plastic doll whose lyrics are contradictive enough to make girls think otherwise.

I understand the desired effect of the pop song, but it shouldn’t have come from her. It’s not a sign of growing up. In fact it’s the opposite. Lorde seemed to have lost her power to float outside of herself and examine the situation. Whether the song was intended to give a giant middle finger to shitty exes everywhere or not, it’s not the way the old (younger) Lorde would handle it.

Lorde’s following single, Liability, is another somewhat-empowering song about no one being able to handle her, so she says she only needs herself, “the girls that [she] love[s].” Again, this could be anyone’s song. It channels Adele, who would’ve handled it better as it’s a soft piano ballad. Antonoff got his grubby hands on the track which immediately sucks the genuine aspects of the song right out. It’s the classic tale of a real artist getting overexposed to the commercial side of making art. We’ve got enough of that thank you.

While the LP has yet to come out and prove me wrong. I have my doubts considering that she mentioned that the whole album describes one house party (http://pitchfork.com/news/72821-lordes-new-album-tells-the-story-of-one-house-party/). This could be an interesting narrative if Green Light is the opening track, Perhaps as the night goes on, she slowly realizes that even after breakups people are shit, and the experiences you thought you’d enjoy after a breakup are romanticized by shit like Green Light. Maybe it’s more meta, like a Kendrick Lamar album. Maybe it will be more reflective. Maybe Green Light would have been better if it didn’t sound like the Chainsmokers slobbered on it like the Beast from the goddamn Sandlot. Maybe Lorde will never get back in touch with that wise, youthful spirit she exhibited so well in Pure Heroine. But for now she’s slowly turning into one of those White Teeth Teens she so proudly claimed not to be.

[6onmyshoulder]

If You’re Reading This, Take Care

I was Sec 3 when my classmate asked me ‘dude, have you heard of drake?’. ‘Who on earth is that?’ was my reply. ‘Go and listen to Best I Ever Had and then tell me’. And well, the rest, is history. You can imagine Sec 3 me vibing out to ‘Best I Ever Had’ thinking that ‘sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on, that’s when you’re the prettiest, I hope that you don’t take that wrong’ was a lyrical miracle. I was hooked to ‘Best I Ever Had’. The song was infectious and it stayed on repeat for at least a week, maybe more.

My friend continued to introduce me to more Drake songs and the more I listened to Drake, the more addicted I got to his tunes and verses. There’s something about his nasal voice rapping/singing over spacey/sample-driven beats. It’s...relatable. Not in the whole ‘oh I’m rich as fuck, I got enemies everywhere, my rollie costs 240k’ relatable but more like...’listening to a friend’ kind of relatable. I mean, the man pours his heart out on most of his tracks(ignoring most of his stuff beyond ‘If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late’) it really does feel like you’re listening to that one friend who has a shit tonne of problems and he’s just telling you everything that has happened from start to end since you last met him.

That doesn’t make him any less of a hip hop artist though, don’t get me wrong. While other mainstream rappers discuss a variety of issues, Drake’s tracks feel a little bit more closer to home. More personal at certain instances. I’ll never be able to fully relate to Kanye’s opulence on My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy or The Weeknd’s drug fuelled romances on Trilogy. With Drake, it just feels a little simpler and easier.

Take Care will always be one of my all time favourite albums for how reflective and moody the album was. There were sad songs, braggadocious songs and songs that just took a step back to help him/the listeners look at the big picture. I can’t talk about Take Care without talking about ‘Marvin’s Room’. The ultimate ‘sad boi’ anthem. The song that defines the current generation of sadbois. The song that I’ve listened to so many times just cause it puts me in THAT headspace. A pretty amazing album from top to bottom, albeit with a couple of filler tracks.

Insane production from 40 and just all round good verses from Drake. ‘Over My Dead Body’ opens up gorgeously with some piano keys and some soft, slightly lofi drums. ‘Guess you lose some and win some, long as the outcome is income.’ ‘Headlines’ highlights the struggles of being confident and insecure at the same time. The Weeknd opens ‘Crew Love’ with the line ‘take your nose off my keyboard’ and it sounds silky as fuck. Wayne and 3000 deliver some visceral verses on ‘The Real Her’, while Stevie Wonder’s harmonica outro on ‘Doing It Wrong’ makes me want to apologise to everyone I’ve wronged.

So Far Gone was the mixtape that Take Care seemed to be modelled after. ‘Houstatlantavegas’ will always be in rotation for me for the mood it creates. A kind of a sad melancholy. ‘November 18’ shouts out DJ Screw. And ‘Say What’ Real’ is really just Drake spitting over Kanye’s ‘Say You Will’ instrumental and it just sounds...poignant. The rapping/singing switches Drake does on ‘Lust for Life’ sounds amateur but in a good way, in a relatable way. He sounds like someone you’re close to who can kinda sorta sing but when you listen to them over a decent beat they sound kinda amazing? They way Drake croons ‘I forgot to call you on your birthday’ on ‘Sooner Than Later’ brings back 90s RNB vibes. Just an amazing mixtape for the reflective late night mood it set in terms of track consistency and subject matter.

‘If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late’(IYRTITL) was a surprise drop, a retail mixtape(goddamn it man just call it an album). A slightly different sonic landscape, it still functions as a late night album. But it presents a different perspective on the boy himself. His insecurities and heartbreak take a backseat, as his confidence and his Toronto upbringing take the spotlight. I’ve never been to Toronto but this album makes me want to visit it. It sounds like the culmination of a ‘late night drive around the city’ album. Neon lights, smoke and some music blaring from the speakers at 2am from within the vehicle. That’s the scene/mood this album sets. The production is clean as FUCK. It’s menacing, it’s stealthy and it just sounds like the beats have a shit tonne of attitude. The first 8 track stretch has to be Drake’s best run within a tape...like...ever. The first 8 songs are all brilliant, with ‘Energy’ and ‘Star67’ being the standout tracks.

‘Nothing Was The Same’ was a pretty good album, and while for me it doesn’t hit the highs of the previously mentioned tapes, I still love and adore songs like ‘Tuscan Leather’, ‘Pound Cake’(oooh the beat and both Drake and Jay-Z’s verses are GORGEOUS) and ‘Furthest Thing’. ‘Views’ was supposed to be Drake’s grand album, especially since it was released after a great run from Drake, from the release of ‘IYRTITL’ to the beef with Meek. But it ended up sounding like a tired album and Drake didn’t sound hungry or like he wanted it. And somewhere in that tired album, the brilliance that was ‘Feel No Ways’ was lost. An underrated Drake track.

Thank Me Later reminds me of secondary school because I listened to that album a lot during that period. The beats felt inorganic but Drake somehow made it work and it ended up being a decent album. ‘Fireworks’ was a pretty solid opening to the album and Jay-Z kills his feature on ‘Light Up’. ‘Karaoke’ and ‘The Resistance’ got me hooked on to Drake’s singing voice and that type of chill and mellow beats. ‘Shut It Down’ is still one of the best Drake songs out there. Period.

‘More Life’ was decent, and I’m pretty sure it got more traction for the whole ‘playlist’ gimmick what a goddamn clown. Songs like ‘No Long Talk’, ‘Passionfruit’, ‘Gyalchester’ and ‘Do Not Disturb’ all showcased a Drake at...not his best...but at his best SINCE ‘Views’. I gotta shout Skepta out for his feature on ‘Skepta Interlude’. Man brought his fucking A game. His flow was terrific, plenty of quotable bars and the beat was just insane. ‘Slice up work like pepperoni’ and ‘Spit in your face with extra bogey, it’s my time, i don’t flex a rollie, on cloud nine, a man’s extra cosy’ were my favourite lines from the entire...playlist...

When ‘God’s Plan’ came out, I was excited for ‘Scorpion’. I felt like the boy was back and he was ready for it. I genuinely thought he could drop a classic while addressing the whole Pusha T ting. But sadly, Drake hit us with a largely forgettable album bar the singles. It was 2 hours(?) long and like dude what the fuck, no one wants to listen to a 2 hour album man.

There’s a progression, a character development between each and every album, that is captured vividly in the tapes Drake puts out. While they’re way better at some points than the others(lol scorpion and views), it’s refreshing to see an artist continuously try something different and not stick to the same old formula. It kind of saddens me that I might never hear Drake sound as hungry as he once did, but if he reinvents himself, and does something better down the line, I am all up for it. The boy put me on to The Weeknd, Partynextdoor and Roy Woods. And I hope he continues finding smaller artists to support and bring them to the forefront.

I’ll always look up to Drake for some of his characteristics. And I’ll always be excited to listen to whatever he puts out, regardless as to whether it will disappoint me or whether I cop the physical and put it up on my wall. I’ll always be a Drake fanboy for the simple fact that most of his songs and tapes defined different eras of my life, and continue to do so, as I add multiple memories to the same songs, over and over again. Thanks for looking out for the s0ftboiz.

‘That’s why every song sound like Drake featuring Drake.’

OVO

[amcnh]

Sløtface

Before they released their first full-length record this year, Haley Shea, Tor-Arne Vikingstad, Halvard Skeie Wiencke and Lasse Lokøy – or, Sløtface - had already situated themselves. Raised with American cultural exports and the internet, they’re from a generation who could watch Pretty In Pink but also had the ability to find a critique on Tumblr of all the problematic shit in it. Through singles and EPs dating back to 2013, Haley, the vocalist and lyricist of the band, brilliantly references pop culture, unpacking the sometimes gross, toxic, shit it tries to sell us as truth, and makes strong, blazing anthems for feminism, independence and political action. “Ode To John” blames John Hughes for the unrealistic expectations of her teenage years. On “Angst,” Haley writes, “But they want manic pixie dream girls, and they want Zooey Deschanel, but I’m a flesh and blood real person. You can all just go to hell,” and, “Screw you sad-assed boys in Smiths shirts. This hurts. Go to hell.” “Call To Arms” opens with the lines, “You’ll be my boy, but I’ll never be your goddamn girl.” With “Shave My Head,” Haley sings, “I am fine to walk alone. I don’t need you there to walk me home. I’ll handle fights with house keys and my phone,” before ending the track with a riotous repetition of, “I’d never shave my head for you.” In visuals, Sløtface make similarly powerful work. Their clip for “Bright Lights,” directed by the bassist Lasse, follows a girl walking home by herself, tucking her long hair into her sweater to diminish her “feminine” features, keys between her fingers. In the video for “Sponge State,” the band join a real life, youth-led protest against a mining company, performing atop the site in the rain as their comrades get detained by authorities. These early songs and clips serve as thesis statements: this is who Sløtface is, and this is what they’re about.

To craft their debut LP, Sløface took time out to write and record new songs. They could have just thrown previous EPs together and called it their debut, but they had more – else – to say. On Try Not To Freak Out, and the band shows tremendous talent, proving themselves as deft, versatile musicians. Lyrically, the songs take a more personal approach than their previous, declarative material. Sløftace get and know that when you already do the work, show up and have a critical lens, not everything has to be a manifesto. “It’s a more controlled anger than things we’ve released in the past. It’s more anxious and frustrated. We can now direct the anger,” they told Upset Magazine. The record is an exploration of life in your early twenties, navigating the anxiety and doubt and guilt in the valley between appearances and expectations and reality. Haley told DIY, “The theme of the album is trying to keep your shit together even though you feel like you have no control.”

On “Pitted,” they detail, “those nights when I’d rather stay home,” and the fun that can come from choosing to be social when you’d kinda rather not. “Sun Bleached” serves as a soundtrack for coming out of the dregs of winter, referencing Ryan Adams’s ‘Come Pick Me Up’ and Heartbreaker. With the lyrics, “’Cause I been wearing all grey for six months, and it’s not really feeling me,” it’s a bonafide anthem for SAD, frankly. “Night Guilt” tells of sleepless nights with stress: “Sneaking into my sleep again, all those little things I can’t defend. Things from four years ago waking me up in the night. People I owe money to. Always going too big or too small. Never hitting it right.” That’s some painfully real and specific and relatable shit. Immediately following, “Try” takes on the struggle for control over anxiety with, “My foot keeps tapping like there’s something wrong. On an anxiety trip I thought I was above.”

Despite the record being very much in the now, there are a couple songs reflecting on adolescence. As the album’s send-off, they fondly recall the invention and thrill of making your own fun. “Suburbia has never felt this far. My favorite place at night is on an abandoned construction site.” “We are adventuring in our backyard.” “Slumber,” the album’s longest track (which is stunning), focuses, poignantly, on Haley’s female friendships, relationships she says she has less time for now being in the band and touring so much: “Even as a child I know that I’ll never have friends like these again. Even as a child I know, and I’m giddy with companionship.”

The album’s one breakup song – “Magazine” - is unique. As a rule, the band says they won’t write a breakup song until someone goes through one worthy of a song. “Magazine” is, instead, a farewell to self-image issues and societal beauty standards. “Picking you up just to put you down again. What the hell is an ‘it-girl’ anyway? How do I get it, lose it, have it, want it? I think I’m done with this part. I quit.” The song expresses that very distinct feeling when you know you shouldn’t be influenced by something because you’ve read all the things and you’ve had all the discussions, and yet… The song’s mantra, the pre-chorus, is just, “Patti Smith would never put up with this shit.” In the video, Haley sits in front of a camera mimicking a YouTube makeup tutorial.

The immediate kin to “Magazine” on the record is “Nancy Drew,” a dark, crunchy reimagining of the classic character. It reminds me of the title of Lindy West’s New York Times op-ed response to claims from abusive men and their enablers that there is “a witch hunt” happening right now – “Yes, This Is a Witch Hunt. I’m a Witch and I’m Hunting You.” Here, Nancy Drew is sleuthing on all the men in music spaces who think they can say and do whatever the fuck they want. “Taking your boys club down in one fell swoop.” “She’s sneaking around, boy, checking up on you.” Of her Nancy Drew, Haley says she’s, “trying to take down the patriarchy of indie music’s boys club.” While at SXSW, Haley told Femchord podcast she overheard a group of “white guys in their twenties trying to one-up each other about how many new bands they knew… Everywhere, I was casually eavesdropping and everywhere around me, guys were having the exact same conversation with other guys they didn’t know in their twenties, ‘Oh, yeah, I’ve been listening to them for years. Yeah, no, I discovered them way before anybody else did.’ So, now I kinda wanna go home and write a song about that.” Maybe Nancy Drew isn’t just a character

The penultimate track on Try Not To Freak Out is an eighteen second clip of Haley, in studio, talking to her band. “So, we have to limit ourselves at some point if it’s not getting any better because this is, um, it’s coming to a point here.” Time is precious when everything’s always happening and you’re a band writing about what’s going on in the world. With the curiosity the band members have about sounds, politics and society, it’s a “so little time” scenario. To have marked different eras in a career so young is impressive, but it seems like Sløtface exist to do this - observe, reflect, listen, interrogate, create, refresh - then repeat.

On Try Not To Freak Out and where they’re headed next, Haley tells Upset, “This record is pretty universal; there’s nothing new about it. People in their twenties feel lost, and I hope people can relate to it, but it’s maybe not as important as the next thing I want to do. Now I want to do something important.” In May, Haley went on Norwegian radio to talk about her love of Kate Tempest. She says she’s been inspired by Kendrick Lamar’s DAMN. In that discussion with Femchord, the group talk about learning from other artists about how to make their gigs safer spaces for women and non-binary people. To Junkee, Haley discusses a paper she wrote for school on the media’s ignoring of minority groups in music. It seems like maybe future Sløtface material will zoom out further, dealing with The Big Themes. If “it’s coming to a point here,” is “now, more than ever,” Sløtface are essential.

@anaserhall