#lottie — 🫖

[retvenkos]

i miss u bby

i miss you too, lottie!!!!! i need to binge some of your fics soon, too, if i find the time. i saw you make a comeback and was so excited!!!!!

next time, though, all my mutuals have to schedule their comebacks at the same time so we can all be chronically online together.

[retvenkos]

im blue daba dee daba die daba doo die

yO LiStEn uP HeRe's a sToRy aBoUt a LiTtLe GuY ThAt LiVeS iN A BlUe wOrLd aNd AlL dAy aNd aLl nIgHt aNd eVeRyThInG He sEeS Is jUsT bLuE LiKe HiM InSiDe aNd oUt

[retvenkos]

THIS IS WHAT I MEAN I DIDNT EVEN SEND IT TO HIM HE FOUND IT BY HIMT

"LOVING YOUR WORK" ??????? i would simply die.

[retvenkos]

OH. MY. GOD. Lottie, this is amazing!!!!!!! I’m quaking at your talent,,,,,, I’m shook,,,,, ohmygod, where does one even start when complimenting your writing??? Where to begin???

I feel like I have said this once before (and I actually do try to refrain from being a broken record, although you wouldn’t know from the reviews I write), but I feel I simply must applaud you on the way you flesh out the worlds that you write in. The characters always inhabit these multifaceted worlds that are drenched in realism and familiarity, and it never fails to strike me just how easily you incorporate characters of your own fathoming into a piece of already established canon. They’re all side characters and they feel like they belong in the world! Your worldbuilding skills are truly something else. I feel like every time I read a fic of yours, I am actually there and these people are characters from canon, just briefly mentioned and now getting their time to shine. I just,,,, adore how you take liberties with canon, but still ground them so firmly in the reality of the world,,,,,,, it’s enchanting.

And then,,,,, your characters are so cleanly characterized. Everything makes sense. Everything is in character. Everything has reasons behind it and feels genuine (even with the difficult characters like Kaz). And. It’s. So. Crazy. It’s so cool! I don’t know how you do it - I know it goes back to how you ground things in realism, and you use quotes or aspects from the established canon and rework them so they feel new, but still call upon the feelings associated with that canon experience, but it’s still just,,,, beyond me. I am in awe of your ingenuity.

And then, we really have to talk about what you did with the prompts, friend, because !!!!!!! ohmygod???? Not only did you subvert expectations with some of the prompts (don’t tALK TO ME about the “tell me about the stars” prompt i’m an emOTIONAL WRECK—), but you make minor changes to them that not only give them a unique and more personalized feel, but also just drench them in meaning (”whatever that means foR US.” FOR US, LOTTIE.). It’s a joy to hear the prompts in the voice of these different characters, and it made for a really special read as sometimes, I completely forgot that you even chose that prompt, and it only occurred to me afterward, when I looked at the top to remind myself of what you used. The flow of the writing! The organic inclusion of the prompts! I am blown away by your glory.

(And also, Lottie, you gotta stop with the mentions of Jordie,,,,,,,, I am still not over his death,,,,,, and the reader using their deductions skills to figure out who Kaz was talking about had me quaking,,,,, when they mention Jesper and Kaz just flips his shit before breaking down,,,,,,,,, sTOP. NO. I’M NOT EMOTIONALLY READY FOR THIS.)

As a quick recap: you’re blessed with talent beyond the scope of my mortal understanding; I’ve been cut to the bone and won’t recover for the next 48 hours - if anyone needs to find me, i will be sitting on the floor of my bedroom, contemplating the glory of this fic; I’m terribly sorry for making you wait, but I just knew I had to sit down for this, and still, I was not prepared. I was never ready.

rule the world

A/N: This fic was written for my beautiful friend, Olive's (@lxncelot) , writing challenge! After much deliberation and procrastination whereby I spent an hour listening to the songs on her song prompt list, I finally decided upon some prompts... And ended up writing three entirely different fics for them. This is 1 out of 3...

Prompts (all from Olive's dialogue and song prompt list) : 5) “I knew it would end, just… not like this.” | 6) “Tell me about the stars.” | 9) “There’s no turning back, now. | 19“)I want you to be happy. Whatever that means.” | 35) “I don’t want to talk about it.” / “No one ever does, but we do it anyway.” | everybody wants to rule the world — tears for fears

Fic 1 | Fic 2 | Fic 3

Y/N was lying on a stone. She could feel it digging into her forearm and it was beginning to hurt. But she didn't dare move. Not when Kaz was lying on his stomach, not even a foot away. They were so close that if Y/N shifted to the right to remove the stone, she'd brush against his shoulder and ruin the comfortable silence they'd fallen into.

It was all Jesper's fault. In all fairness, a lot of things were Jesper's fault, but the fact that Y/N was spending the next five hours on a stakeout with Kaz and not Inej was definitely Jesper's fault.

'Let's pick names out of a hat', Jesper had said cheerfully, brandishing his hat.

Of course, Y/N had picked Kaz. Kaz hadn't looked too thrilled at the prospect but they'd fallen into a quiet rhythm that meant lying in silence, a pair of binoculars in between them.

"You're a better stakeout partner than Jesper."

Y/N jumped at Kaz's rough voice breaking the silence. "Eh? Why?"

"Why do you think," Kaz drawled, raising his eyebrow as he turned to look at Y/N. "He talks far too much, can't keep still for longer than two minutes and never seems to pay any attention to the target." Kaz turned back to face the front. "You can move that stone, you know."

Y/N cursed silently, leaning to the right, her shoulder brushing the fabric of Kaz'd coat as she flicked the stone out from under her arm.

"Better?"

"Shut up, Kaz."

Kaz's lips quirked up into a smile for a moment. He reached over and picked up the binoculars again, looking through them. "Now, why is Petrov pacing up and down in front of his gates at this time of night?"

"Waiting for someone?"

"That was rhetorical, Y/N, darling."

"Of course it was," Y/N muttered, sighing. She rested her chin against her crossed arms, barely able to see anything through the dark of night - not to mention the giant green bush in front of her.

"Oh, hello." Kaz shuffled forward, his foot tapping Y/N's to get her attention. "We have movement."

Y/N leant closer to Kaz, looking around the bush. "That's an expensive-looking carriage."

"It is indeed," Kaz replied, handing the binoculars to Y/N.

Y/N took them, her fingers brushing against his gloved ones for a moment. "Oh, Saints, that's Madame Orlova."

"I suspected as much," Kaz said, his tone dark. "I noticed the lotus embossed on the side of the carriage.

Y/N watched as Madame Orlova stepped out of the carriage, her dark blue cloak swishing around her as she turned back to look at the occupants of the carriage.

Two girls, only a few years younger than Inej and Y/N, stepped out, wearing pink and white silks, their hair piled on top of their heads with a lotus pin sticking out the top. it didn't take a genius to work out why they were there.

"Kaz, please tell me we're not just going to sit here whilst this happens."

Kaz was silent for a moment. Y/N turned and looked at him, taking stock of his scheming face - eyebrows pulled together, eyes narrowed slightly.

"There are four men guarding the house - the rest of the staff have the night off. Including Petrov, Madame Orlova and the two girls, that's eight people. The guards should be easy enough - take the first two down at the door, the second two down as they guard the bedroom. Madame Orlova... she'll be trickier but one good knock to the head and she's out."

"Petrov? He was a prizefighter."

Kaz turned to look at her, his eyes dark. "How many bullets do you have?"

"Enough."

"One good shot to the head. That's all he needs."

"I thought we needed him for information?"

"No, no, no. That's what Inej and Jesper are doing. I just wanted to see if Petrov was as disgusting as the streets were saying he is," Kaz replied, shrugging. "There isn't actually much point to us sitting here other than to make sure Petrov didn't leave for his warehouse."

Y/N sighed, dropping her head. "I hate it when you do that."

"Everyone does, I'm used to it," Kaz said, smirking. He pushed himself to his knees, wincing slightly. "Now, come along, darling Y/N, I do believe there's a Madame you'd like to fight."

The first two guards had been easy to take down. All it took was for Kaz and Y/N to sneak up behind them, whack them around the head with their respective weapons, and then step over their unconscious bodies.

They'd moved with surprising efficiency - perfectly in sync with one another. It was almost creepy.

"Promise me you won't go in guns blazing when we get to Petrov and Orlova," Kaz said quietly as they walked across the carpeted floor to the back of the house.

"I make no promises, Kaz."

Kaz snatched up Y/N's wrist. He seemed to register what he'd done and quickly let go as if he'd been burnt. "Y/N. You have to trust me - wait until I tell you to move, not before."

Y/N frowned, staring at Kaz. "Do I detect a bit of fondness, Mr Brekker?"

Kaz rolled his eyes. "No. I don't want you ruining my plan."

"Of course you don't, Boss," Y/N muttered, letting out a hefty sigh.

The next two guards stood outside the door to Petrov's private quarters and were just as easily taken down as the first two. Y/N didn't wait for Kaz as she marched down the carpeted hallway, dim and dark since most of the lights were off save a few walls sconces.

Petrov's private quarters were big. But it didn't take long to find the 'room'. Every man like Petrov had a room - Y/N had been in enough of them to know what to look for and how to find it.

Kaz caught up to Y/N and blocked her way with his cane, smacking her in the stomach. "Slow. Down."

Y/N let out an irritable sigh but forced herself to take a deep breath in and calm down. She had to trust Kaz. She had to trust that Kaz knew what he was doing. Which, nine times out of ten, he did. Even if his plans went from B to K faster than Jesper gambled his monthly wage.

The door was locked but Kaz made quick work of the lock, opening it in probably less time than it took to lock it. As it swung open, Y/N was assaulted by incense and felt herself freeze, her mind far back in the past.

But then she got saught of the two terrified girls, sitting on the bed, dressed in sheer silks and golden jewellery. Y/N brushed past Kaz and cautiously approached them, shoving her revolver back into its holster.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Y/N said quietly, crouching in front of them. She unbuttoned the cuff of her shirt and pushed it up, showing off the lotus tattoo that was still engraved into her skin. "I was like you. I'm going to get you out."

"Y/N -"

Y/N turned to look at Kaz over her shoulder, her eyes fierce with determination. "We're getting them out, Kaz."

"You know they will likely bed dead before the week is out."

"Better to die free than to die in chains."

Kaz gave her an almost imperceptible nod, the muscles in his jaw clenched tightly. "Fine."

Y/N pulled out a knife and slice through the fabric tying the girls hands to the bedpost. "Come on, before anyone comes this way."

Kaz stood aside as Y/N lead the girls out the room and into the dim light of the corridor. He followed behind, locking the door so that no one would notice the girls were missing.

"Well, Madame Orlova, you have truly outdone yourself this time."

Y/N and Kaz froze. They could hear Petrov's voice getting closer, the clicking of Orlova's heels like the sound of a bomb waiting to go off.

"Get them out of here," Y/N said, pulling out her knife and twirling it between her fingers.

"Y/N, don't be stupid," Kaz said, standing in front of her, blocking her path. "We don't need to kill them now, we can just go."

She looked at him, meeting his gaze. "Get them to the gates then come back. I'll be fine in the five minutes it takes you."

"We should just leave now, we got what we need," Kaz said, showing off a sealed envelope he must have stolen from the room whilst Y/N freed the girls. "There's no point in fighting Petrov or Orlova - no matter how much they deserve death."

"Do you trust me?"

"No."

Y/N smirked. "Wise."

She didn't wait for Kaz to answer her back as she walked away from him, ducking to the left and into another part of the house. Kaz tried to grab her wrist, to pull her back to him but his fingers brushed her sleeve as she walked away - just out of reach.

The entire house was dark as Y/N walked along the corridors, her footsteps quiet even as the carpet changed to wood. Petrov and Orlova had split up - Petrov had gone to his office at the other end of the house, locking himself away with a bottle of alcohol, presumably to prepare for his evening's entertainment.

Madame Orlova, with nothing left to do but wait, was just wandering the halls, her dark blue cloak still wrapped around her shoulders, the chiffon silk rustling with every step.

The greenhouse was lit up by a few, tiny lanterns dotted around the flower beds. Y/N would have thought it beautiful if it didn't remind her of the Lotus. The pond in the centre of the large, glass room had numerous lotuses floating around, koi fish swimming around underneath them.

Madame Orlova paused, sensing Y/N's presence. "I wondered when you would come back."

Y/N took a slow step forward, the hilt of her knife digging into her palm, reminding her that she was in control of what was happening.

Orlova turned around and smiled. Her black hair was tied up into a tight bun, blue lotuses pinned into it. Her eyes were soft as she looked at Y/N. "My darling, Y/N. You made your way back to me."

"Don't," Y/N snapped, taking a small step back. "Don't. You ruined my life."

"I saved you!"

"No, you didn't! You took me from my family and murdered them! You didn't save me from anything. You ruined me at the Lotus - you watch as men took me and used me. You stand in your office as your girls are murdered so that a man can get off. You save no one, Orlova. All you want is the money."

Orlova tilted her head. "Don't tell me you believe that Dirtyhands saved you. If anything, Y/N, he's walked you to your death. Without him, you would have died a long time ago."

Y/N walked forward, trying to conquer her fear. "I would rather die free than die in silks and chains, Madame Orlova."

"Fine."

Y/N dodged back as Orlova swung at her with a dagger, the blade missing her face by inches. She threw her knife up and caught it, spinning around so that she was behind Orlova. As Orlova turned and came at her, Y/N lurched forward and stabbed her with her knife.

She felt the blood drip onto her hands - the blood of the woman who had ruined her and her life. Y/N looked up at her, taking in the shock on her face.

"You... bitch," Orlova panted, blood staining her teeth. "Don't think... I'll let you live that easily..."

Y/N smiled. "You'll never get to see me die, Madame Orlova. Now, I'd like my knife back."

Y/N pulled the knife out and let Orlova fall to the floor, her blood seeping into the cracks between the tiles, running into the koi pond and beginning to turn the water red.

Y/N looked up at the glass ceiling, staring at the night. She was finally free.

Kaz couldn't deny the relief that went through him as Y/N appeared around the corner, walking down the corridor towards him.

"You're covered in blood," Kaz said, as they walked out of the house.

"I don't judge you whenever you're covered in blood," Y/N muttered, panting slightly. "The girls?"

"They ran as soon as I got them to the gates. I told them where to go if they ever need help."

Y/N looked at Kaz, surprise clouding her features. "Which is where?"

Kaz rolled his eyes. "I don't think I would ever hear the end of it from Inej, Jesper or you if I just let them run with nowhere to go."

Y/N laughed and Kaz just watched her for a moment, trying to memorise her at that moment. She inhaled sharply, suddenly, and reached a hand out for the wall, a hand pressed to her stomach, taking short steps forward as she tried to keep walking.

"Y/N?" Kaz asked, frowning.

Y/N stopped walking. Kaz limped around to face her and put his gloved hand under her chin and tilted it up. Her eyes were glassy as she met his gaze and her skin was pale and clammy. Kaz dropped his eyes to the hand pressed to her side and noticed the blood beginning to drip down from between her fingers.

"Y/N," Kaz repeated, hoping for any sign that she'd heard him. Y/N blinked and exhaled softly, swaying dangerously on her feet. "Can you make it to the rendevous?"

Y/N shook her head, closing her eyes, seemingly regretting the action. Kaz looked over his shoulder, hearing someone approach. It didn't take him long to register the fact that it was Jesper and Inej.

Kaz debated making Y/N walk to meet the other two but as he looked at her again, he knew she was telling the truth and that if he tried to make her walk, he'd end up carrying her. Which was an issue in itself.

Y/N swayed again, her eyes shut. Kaz turned back to her and tapped her face, trying to get her to stay awake. He knew how blood loss worked - everyone in the Dregs did. Kaz had experienced it far too many times and recognised the signs of when it was getting into dangerous territory.

He wrapped his hand around Y/N's wrist. Her pulse was sluggish and weak and her breathing had gone from shaky to fast and shallow.

"Y/N," Kaz said, tapping her face again, feeling her cold skin through his gloves. "Y/N, stay awake. I need you to stay awake, alright?"

Y/N's eyes half-opened and she looked at him, unfocused and confused. "Kaz. You're going to have to catch me."

"What -"

Y/N swayed to the right, losing her balance and falling into Kaz. Kaz dropped his cane and caught Y/N, stumbling slightly at the dead weight in his arms. He awkwardly fell to the ground, cradling Y/N in his arms and desperately trying not to let the ocean drown him.

"Saints, I can't lose you too, Y/N. Please. Hey, hey, stay with me, Y/N," Kaz said, shaking her shoulders. "Y/N, tell me about the stars - tell me anything about them."

"Why... why now? You don't normally listen," Y/N muttered, her words slurring together.

"I'm listening now. What about the one about Vasilka?"

"You don't believe in them, Kaz -"

"I don't but I'm listening."

Y/N's eyes closed. "I knew it would end," she whispered, struggling to get her words out between pained gasps of breath. "Just..."

She trailed off and Kaz shook her again, trying to keep her awake a bit longer. "Just what, Y/N?"

"Just not like this," she said, her voice nothing more than a hushed whisper that came and went like a gust of wind.

Kaz felt Y/N go limp in his arms and the ocean very nearly began to drown him. He looked up as Inej and Jesper appeared, both pausing as they stared at him.

At that moment, Kaz was nothing more than a scared boy, holding onto the one person he couldn't live without. He shifted his leg, bringing Y/N closer to him, her head lolling against his chest. As he spoke, fear overwhelmed him and everything he wanted to say was lost.

"Help me," Kaz said, his voice cracking slightly.

The pile of paperwork was never-ending. Kaz felt as if he'd barely made a dent in it, yet he'd been working on it since early that afternoon. His hand was beginning to cramp up and he was very aware of the fact he hadn't moved for several hours.

Someone knocked on the door. Kaz looked up, already knowing who it was. He'd began to recognise the footsteps of the people who visited his office the most - from Inej's silent footsteps to Jesper's loud and clumsy ones.

But it was the knock on the door that told him who it was, waiting to be let in. Which was why Kaz hesitated for a minute.

"Kaz, I'm coming in either way, whether your say yes or not," Y/N called, her voice slightly muffled by the door.

Kaz rolled his eyes, looking back down at his paperwork. "Come in, then."

Y/N opened the door and walked inside. Kaz had resumed writing, the sound of his pen scratching against the parchment breaking the silence.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Y/N said, approaching him. "Not like I almost died or anything."

"Unfortunately I can hear you talking, therefore your body is working fine."

Y/N rolled her eyes. "I can't believe I actually thought that you were concerned about me," she muttered, sitting down in the chair that was always opposite his desk. Y/N put her feet up on the desk, ignoring Kaz's sigh of opposition.

"Which one of them sent you up here? Inej or Jesper?

"Both, actually," Y/N, replied, picking a sweet out of the bowl on Kaz's desk and sucking on it.

"I'm fine."

"Kaz, when was the last time you left this room?"

Kaz paused, having to think about it. "Last night."

"Which was what day?"

"Friday."

"Kaz, it's Tuesday."

He looked up, slightly perturbed by that. "Oh."

Y/N sighed, crossing her arms. "Kaz, look, I don't want to do this either but -"

"Then don't," Kaz snapped, glaring at her. "I'm perfectly content to sit in silence and not do this coddling shit."

Y/N stared at him. "Saints, Kaz! Did you lose all your emotions whilst I was bleeding out in your lap?"

"So? What if I did?" Kaz asked, leaning forward.

Y/N narrowed her eyes at him. "I can't lose you too."

"What?"

"That's what you said to me as I lay there, bleeding in your arms, barely conscious. You said 'I can't lose you too'." Y/N paused and looked at Kaz closely, her eyes narrowed slightly. "Too implies that you've already lost someone. I know it isn't Jesper or Inej because they're currently downstairs enjoying my dinner. I doubt it was a member of the Dregs since, well, since you refuse to let yourself get close to anyone. Therefore, using the powers of deduction that, frankly, I didn't know I had until now, it has to be a family member. Surprised you had a family, in all honesty, and that Ketterdam didn't just spit you out in the harbour."

Kaz flinched slightly at that. As Y/N spoke, he was growing more agitated and uncomfortable, the ocean beginning to rise and pull him under once more, sweeping the ground out from under his feet.

"So, in order to have a family, most people tend to have parents - a father or mother. But since you sell yourself as an orphan, I doubt it was your parents. Which leaves me with brother or sister. And from the way you act around Jesper, I'm going to go with brother, since -"

"Enough!"

Kaz slammed his hands down on the table, knocking over a pile of paperwork from the force. Y/N flinched, startled by his outburst.

"You know, if you'd just talked, I wouldn't have been so harsh," she said softly, looking at Kaz as he tried to get his emotions under control.

"I don't want to talk about it," he snarled, pushing himself away from his desk and retreating to the other side of the wall, ducking under the arch.

Y/N, unphased, got up and followed him, leaning against the arch as Kaz took his blazer off and rolled his sleeves up. He all but ripped his gloves off and plunged them under the running water.

"No one ever does, Kaz," Y/N said softly. "Who wants to talk about their trauma and their pain? But we do it anyway." Y/N paused. "If I am to stand any chance of understanding you, I need to know at least something. I don't want to keep trying if there's... if there's no point."

Kaz closed his eyes. His shoulders slumped and he braced himself on the sink. "Jordie," he grounded out, each word forcing him deeper and deeper into the darkness of the sea. "My brother's name was Jordie."

Y/N nodded. "That's all I need, Kaz," she said softly, turning to go.

"I was twelve."

Y/N turned back, startled. "Pardon?"

Kaz turned around, leaning against the basin. "I was twelve when he died. We'd left our family farm after our father died and came to Ketterdam for a new chance. The first few days were everything young me could have wanted. But then the money ran out, we were scammed and... and the plague swept through the city."

Kaz paused, inhaling shakily. He was using all his courage and strength to tell her this. But he knew he had to. Because he trusted Y/N and he wanted to at least try.

"Jordie and I both caught it. He died and I thought I would too. But then I woke up on... on the Reaper's Barge, lying on top of other dead bodies, Jordie next to me. I couldn't do anything as they tipped us into the water..."

Y/N was silent as Kaz paused. He was clutching the edge of the counter tightly, his knuckles white.

"I got to shore and the rest is history," Kaz finished, not wanting to subject himself to the memory any longer. He looked up at Y/N, his eyes haunted. "I lost him, Y/N. I just sometimes feel like I'm in a room where the light can't find me... like I'm in the depths of the ocean once more and there's no escaping."

"I get it," Y/N said softly. "The windowless rooms at the Lotus - I felt as if the darkness might just swallow me up. Now that I'm free I spend every day trying to make the most of my freedom and of the pleasure of just... well, just being free."

Neither one said anything for a moment.

"I want you to be happy," Kaz said suddenly, his voice hoarse. He was staring down at his feet, refusing to meet her gaze. "Whatever that means for us."

Y/N smiled to herself and nodded. "I'm just happy being free for now, Kaz. And you gave me that. I don't need more right now."

Kaz nodded. He looked at Y/N as she stood up and approached him, coming to a stop just a few feet away.

"We're good, yeah?" Y/N asked, hoping she hadn't made things weird.

Kaz tried not to smile. "We're fine. I won't deduct your pay for making me go to therapy."

"Well, if you hadn't locked yourself away, I wouldn't have had to conduct it in the first place," Y/N countered, smiling.

Kaz looked at her as she smiled and wished he could pause time. Because in that instance, she was just so perfect.

Without thinking, he reached out a gloved hand and grabbed the tips of her fingers, holding them lightly. As he held her hands, his walls came tumbling down until they revealed Kaz underneath - an unbroken, pure, innocent Kaz who was still capable of loving someone.

Y/N looked at him, her eyes showing only a slight hint of surprise as he held her hand, their walls tumbling down. She smiled and nodded, understanding what this meant to Kaz. What it meant for them. Even as the walls tumbled into rubble, Y/N stood right behind him, unshakeable and unbreakable.

[retvenkos]

i’m such a proud lottie - look at that milestone 🥺

hi lottie! the (begrudgingly) older sibling vibes of this,,,,,,,,, impeccable.

[retvenkos]

this is me trying to entice you to listen to &j and maybe watch the slime tutorial 👀

lottie,,,,,,, you have convinced me,,,,, i am listening to the cast recording right now <3

[retvenkos]

bitch what is the great british baking show

its the great british bake off thank you very much

lottie,,,,, idk how to tell you this,,,,,, but they're the same show, love.

asdfghgfdsdfgh,,, i know you probably already know that, lol. it's bake off in my mind, too, but when i typed it into the list maker it came up as the baking show :/ they know i'm american ig,,,,, i can't stop them.....

(if you want to know why it has two names though, in the u.s. the term "bake-off" is trademarked by.... i think it's pilsbury? anyway, pbs and netflix couldn't get them to cave and let them name it the same thing when it airs in the u.s., so they changed the name slightly.)

[retvenkos]

i may be writing an anthony bridgerton fic and it may just be one of my favourites

oh??? anything that's your favorite automatically has to be my favorite, too, seeing as you have the best taste, lottie.

and anthony bridgerton???? the fic is going to come out at just the right time, seeing as season 2 is coming out in march (i think)!!!! you know what the people want, asdfghjkjhgfdsdfg. are you excited for season 2? i hope it's going to be good!

[retvenkos]

i want you to know that i posted a anthony fic yesterday and it's already got over 500 notes and i am not entirely sure how to cope with that

LOTTIE???????? your power as a writer knows no bounds and i just think that's so neat of you. spare some talent, please????

[retvenkos]

You have no idea how much I need to write that fic 😭 I did get emotional but it was needed and I'm so glad I wrote it - it's everything I've been feeling for months

i'm sending you the biggest hugs across the void, lottie!

[retvenkos]

🐿 🥀 (i am questioning the choices of emoji…)

(do you have a thing against chipmunks, lottie???? huh??? you wanna say that to my face?????? lol, jk jk, i just think they're pretty and fit the overall aesthetic. and the wilted flower????? very pleasing. very october.)

🐿 :

that skeptically pleased feeling when someone you've just barely met compliments you or your work. it's a little dance between disbelief and flattery, uncertainty and pride. are they saying it because they mean it? or do they want something more, and you just haven't decided what, yet? it's an entertaining game - trying to decide their intentions over something innocuous and perhaps unqualified, but seemingly genuine and warm. it's indulging your inner detective, and hoping for a honeyed outcome.

🥀 :

(i have fond memories of going to the store with my mom, and her telling me i could pick out one (1) treat for the week. i'd always get chocolate pocky, and my sister would get strawberry, and we'd each get half of the other's box. as you now hold Older Sister status, you get the pocky memory. oh, and i used to have this shirt, but i lost it when i moved :( a sad day for the american people. truly.)

[retvenkos]

me 🤝 you - both of us being sick and procrastinating (i miss u, btw)

someone has to keep this dying dream alive 😔✌ (i miss you too, lottie, take care and feel better soon! <3)

[retvenkos]

olive that anthony fic is almost at 2,000 notes wtf is happeninf

you're getting the recognition you deserve, lottie!!!!!!!!!!!

i pray that your like/reblog ratio isn't abysmal 😔✌

[retvenkos]

but have you seen the boy band in &juliet???

you are going to disown me for this i fear, but i have not listened to & juliet - boy band or otherwise asdfghgdsfg. i should, though! i hear it's a riot of a jukebox musical.

[retvenkos]

I FORGOT YOUR BIRTHDAY OH MY GOD OLIVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND WELCOME TO THE FEB CLUB

IT'S OKAY LOTTIE (i literally forgot it myself until my little sister ran into my room and woke me out of a dead sleep to make sure it was the first thing i heard, asdfghjhgfdsdfgh) AND THANK YOU SM FOR YOUR WISHES!!!!!

[retvenkos]

exCUSE ME, but this is quite literally the sweetest thing I have ever had the pleasure of reading. First of all, I feel like we have to address the fact that you gave Kaz one of the single greatest lines in the history of his character by having him say, “Now run along, go play.” It’s so in character, and so perfectly encapsulates his vibes, and I laughed out loud. No lie. And I know (I know, I know) I’ve already said this once before, but you truly do master the voices of all of the different characters you write about. All of these lines are so Jesper I can literally hear him say them. I can see the flash of his grin. I can’t help but feel dragged into your writing because you just know the characters sO. WELL. It feels more natural than breathing, It feels like canon.

And you know what? It’s what we deserve.

And Lottie! Don’t think I didn’t notice the parallels between the dancing scene and the kingdom dance in Tangled. I saw what you were doing there and honestly? Good for Jesper. He does give off Flynn Rider vibes, if I do say so myself, and he would flirt relentlessly with the Reader just to hear her laugh and drink it in like a rich wine. 

Finally, I just love the dynamic between the reader and Jesper? It’s clear that the reader is, in all actuality, really fond of Jesper, even if they don’t acknowledge it, and I love how at first, when Kaz is around, and then everyone else who is at the festival is close and milling about, the Reader is really unwilling to show it - most likely because they feel vulnerable, and being in the Barrel has taught them to hide their weaknesses as much as possible - but once the setting dies down and they’re more alone, the Reader shows it, and at the end, they’re comfortable with Jesper, no matter where they are. It’s a more subtle arc, compared to other works, but it’s present nonetheless, and it makes the read that much more enjoyable, because there is a progression in character. There’s growth.

to climb

A/N: Hello and welcome back to what I like to call: 'Lottie is indecisive" If you have just joined us, hi, hello, I'm taking part in lovely Olive's (@lxncelot) writing challenge! This is fic 2 of three (again, I am indecisive) and all three are based off the prompts from Olive's dialogue and song prompt list!

Prompts: 1) "I'll be careful." | 15) “You so owe me one, after tonight.” | 18,“Your laugh is the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.” | 21 “You’re going to hate this, but I have to let go.” | hills to climb — tim myers

Fic 1 | Fic 2 | Fic 3

"You've essentially given him spending money, Kaz."

"Hey, money is money, Y/N dear," Jesper said, putting an arm around her shoulders.

Y/N rolled her eyes. She looked back at Kaz. "So, you're giving us the night off to go to the festival?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you and Jesper have been annoying me all week about going," Kaz said, barely glancing up at her. "Now, run along, go play."

Jesper snatched up Y/N's hand and dragged her out of Kaz's office, ignoring her mutters of protest.

"Don't question a night off, Y/M, darling," Jesper said as he pulled her in front of him, forcing her down a step so that she was shorter than him. He put his hands on either side of her face, smushing it up. "Now, let's go party."

Y/N allowed herself to be dragged down the stairs and into the street by Jesper, her hand in his. The festival had already reached the Barrel and people dressed as Mister Crimson and the Lost Bride as well as many more Ketterdam myths streamed through the streets, waving banners and ribbons around.

"We should dress up."

"No, we shouldn't," Y/N said, finally gaining her hand back from Jesper as he wandered over to a stall selling costumes.

Jesper turned around to face her, holding up a Mister Crimson cloak to his chest. "Oh, come on, we never get to do anything fun!"

Y/N approached the stall and ran a hand over the fold silks. Jesper leant into her, resting his chin on her shoulder. She turned her head to look at him and as he gave her a smile, she booped him on the nose.

"Fine, I'll dress up," she said, relenting at his puppy eyes.

"Excellent, here," Jesper threw a costume at her, hitting her in the face, "put that one on."

Y/N held the costume up, looking at it. "Why this one?"

"Blue is your colour," Jesper said, without missing a beat. He turned back to face her, putting a veil and then the flower crown of the Lost Bride on her head. "Tada."

Y/N glared at him through the sheer material as he gave her a smirking smile. He patted her cheek through the fabric and dramatically swung the Mister Crimson cape around his shoulders.

"You look even more ridiculous than usual," Y/N drawled.

"It's called style, dear," Jesper said, flinging his cloak over one shoulder only for it to fall back off his shoulder.

Y/N rolled her eyes at him. She looked around and spotted a changing room behind the stall - it was technically just a pile of crates on top of one another to create a barrier, but it worked. As Jesper was busy flirting with himself in the mirror, Y/N ducked behind the crates and changed into the Lost Bride costume.

It was nothing more than a white and grey dress with a blue silk cape - but the veil and flower crown of blues roses completed the design. Out of all the costumes of the Komedie Brute, the Lost Bride was probably the most pretty to look at.

"I can barely see where I'm going," Y/N called as she stepped out from behind the crates. "This veil is not conducive to decent vision."

"Saints, Y/N," Jesper whispered, his eyes on her and her alone.

Y/N turned to face him. "I look ridiculous, don't I?"

"No, no, no, you look beautiful," Jesper said quickly, approaching her. He lifted the veil off her face, laying it down over her head. "It suits you."

Y/N shoved him. "Stop, it," she said, walking away and down the street.

"I'm telling the truth!" Jesper exclaimed, chasing after her. "When do I ever lie to you?"

Y/N looked at him over her shoulder, eyebrows raised as she gave him a look.

"Ok, when do I ever lie to you about how you look?" Jesper corrected. "You always look lovely."

"And you could flirt with dirt," Y/N replied, pausing at a stall and looking at the freshly cooked food. She handed over some kruge to the owner and picked up a plate, picking at it as she resumed walking.

"I could but I don't," Jesper said, catching up to her. "I think saying I flirt with everything is a bit of an exaggeration."

"You flirted with Kaz last night."

"And? It worked, I got what I wanted."

Y/N stopped and turned to look at him. "Which was what, exactly?"

"To have tonight off with you," Jesper replied, smirking. "I have plans to woo you."

"Oh, for -" Y/N shook her head and kept walking, making a beeline to the harbour wall.

"Is my wooing working?"

"No!" Y/N exclaimed.

Jesper sighed. He waited for Y/N to sit before joining her, swinging his legs over the side of the wall, letting them dangle. Y/N kept eating her food, savouring each bite as they looked out over the water.

"My father still thinks I'm at University," Jesper said suddenly, his eyes focused on his hands.

Y/N turned her head to look at him, chewing slowly. "He doesn't know about any of this?"

Jesper shook his head. "I haven't had the heart to tell him differently. We both knew that I wasn't destined for farming life. And as a thank you... I used up all of the money he gave me."

"Jesper, the fact that you have a gambling addiction isn't your fault," Y/N said softly. "We all have demons that have made themselves at home in our deepest wounds. Maybe... telling him would help you conquer it and get better."

"Maybe." Jesper clapped his hands. "What about you? Do you miss your parents?"

"Sometimes. I get homesick for the life I had but... I guess there's a strength in letting go. In moving on. I tend to romanticise my life before Ketterdam - choosing to remember only the good bits and forget the bad."

Jesper nodded. "My Pa writes to me every month. I've had to get Kaz to start intercepting the mail to avoid him finding out."

"I want to be there the day your father realises that his son is a sharpshooting criminal in love with another criminal."

Jesper shoved Y/N and she burst out laughing as she nearly fell off the wall.

"Saints," Jesper said softly, watching her as she brushed her hair back, a smile of laughter on her face. "Your laugh is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard."

Y/N ducked her head, smiling even more. "Ok, now I know you're flirting with me."

"Flirting is just complimenting."

"And complimenting is just lying."

"I'm not lying," Jesper said firmly, taking Y/N's hand in his. "I think your laugh is one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard. It beats the sound of my revolvers, of money clattering on to tables, of the gambling halls - all of it."

Y/N looked at Jesper, meeting his eyes. He leant in closer to her, resting his forehead against hers. She relaxed into him, closing her eyes. For a moment, it was just the two of them.

"Jesper."

"Yes, darling?"

"You're going to hate this, but I have to let go."

Jesper opened his eyes, frowning. "Why?"

"Because I'm about to fall of this wall," Y/N muttered, taking her hand back and pushing herself back onto the sea wall. "I don't particularly want to go swimming."

Jesper burst out laughing, leaning back as he did so. Y/N smiled at him, her eyes scrunching up as she did so. She looked over her shoulder as she heard a band start up near the Exchange and her eyes widened.

"Come on!" Y/N yelled, jumping over the wall in a flurry of blue and white, snatching Jesper's hand as she did so.

"Where are we going?" Jesper asked, chasing after Y/N as she took off running, her veil flying behind her.

Y/N weaved through the crowd and into the Exchange, standing on the edge of the crowd that had gathered.

A band sat just to the side of the small platform set in the middle of the Exchange - typically for announcements or the bigger stalls - playing a lively folk tune. The crowd - which was mainly tourists and a few Ketterdam natives - were watching and clapping along.

But Y/n wanted to dance.

As Jesper caught up to her, she dropped her veil, leaving the flower crown on her head. She looked up at him with hope in her eyes.

"I ain't dancing," Jesper said, shaking his head.

"Fine, I'll do it myself," Y/N said, not taking no for an answer. "I'll be careful," she added, winking at him.

Jesper tried to grab her as she ducked into the space and began dancing around the mosaic of a compass set into the floor of the Exchange, not a single care in the world.

Jesper just watched. And as he watched, the children who'd also been watching joined Y/N in the middle, giggling as they all danced around each other. Y/n was in the middle, spinning around in a chaotic swirl of blue, grey and white.

He didn't even see Y/N approach him and drag him into the circle until they were dancing together, spinning around the Exchange without giving a shit. Jesper spun Y/N around, holding her hand as she twirled around.

It wasn't often that they got to act like the children they actually were. Ketterdam didn't allow them. But for just three minutes, Jesper and Y/N were allowed to act their age and enjoy it.

Y/N burst out laughing as she landed in Jesper's arms, the song ending with a bang of drums. She dropped her head onto his chest, her shoulders shaking as she laughed.

"You so owe me one, after tonight," Jesper said, chuckling as he and Y/N faded back into the crowd, their moment over. "Never again, that was exhausting."

Y/N linked her arm through Jesper's as they walked through the streets. "I'm glad I met you, Fahey."

Jesper leant over and pressed a kiss to her head. "I'm glad I met you too, Y/L/N. Life would be so boring without you."