#lots of stuff I love doing like drawing yaoi and werewolves kissing vampires and listening to Hozier and watching HTTYD and stuff ok

[corvid-canidae-art]

help it is late at night and I’m listening to the song “putting the dog to sleep” by the antlers. And now I actually kind of wish I was the dog in that song. I am NOT suicidal btw. I love living I love sunlight I love being on earth etc. HOWEVER I want that. I want to bleed out to death in a snowy forest where the sky is so so clear and I can see the stars as they were when I was born, being held in the arms of someone who loves me so dearly that to give me peace they shot me. Even if it kills them. Even if it breaks their heart, they love me enough to let me go gently because I begged them to. Because I wanted it to be them. I will always choose them, and it always will be even if it’s the last thing I do. I want to be held tight in their warm embrace in the snow surrounding us, my life bleeding out from me and into their gentle hands, the hands that held me when I cried for them, held me when we danced all those summers ago, cradled my face and wiped the tears from my eyes even though I snarled in fear, in pain. The hands that belonged to someone so human, so unafraid, so caring as to love a beast as I. To take my teeth in his neck with a smile and hold my talons despite my claws, to wipe the blood from my snout with a loving gaze. Someone I will love forever until my last dying breath and then beyond my life. Someone who will miss me for the rest of his. I want to go looking at his face, despite his tears, despite the blood on his hands, my blood. Despite it all, I want that. To be with him one last time like this, held close to his heart so I may hear him sing in his heartbeat once more to me of our time together. Then I close my eyes one final time, the stars gleaming so bright exactly as they looked the day I saw them the first time all those years ago, then blurring together as the world spins and fades away…

idk is that like. Normal. Is that a normal thing to want?? idk but i promise I’m fine ok i don’t WANT to die. But like when I do I want to go like that does that make sense. Something something dog motif something something being truly loved by someone that they’ll kill me if I asked because I want it to be them. Someone who will hold me as I bleed and fade away in their arms under the moonlit snow and stars. Someone who will let me go even if it kills them, but hold me in their arms as I do.

⬆️actual text messages I sent to one of my friends

straight people: I love boys so muchhhhh I love kissing boys they are so pretty!! I want to hug him and I want to dance in his arms on a nice spring day in the meadows!!

gay people: I want to bleed out in his arms while he cradles me tight, close to his chest, his heartbeat a song that fills my chest as my own heartbeat slows and fades. I want him to be the last thing I ever see, I want the life to spill from me slowly in the sparkling quiet night, into the hands of someone who loves me truly, the hands of someone who loves me enough to let me go even though it will kill him, will let me go because I wanted it to be him, because I will and always have chosen him, even if it’s the last thing I do. I want my life to stain the snow and frozen ground around us, color blooming into the blank winter forest for the first time in a long time, so that one day in the coming spring when life blooms anew my blood may bloom through the new shoots and buds and I may live on through them. I want to see the stars fade and blur around my beloved’s face, reach my bloodied paws up to his tear stained cheek and cradle it close, so warm as my life fades into the snow around us, as I grow colder in his embrace. To look in his eyes one last time, see the stars as they were when we met, when I was born, and again as I die.

Anyways here’s the song btw if you want to experience what it’s like to die bleeding out in your lovers arms as their dogboy/werewolf boyfriend or whatever. Idk. Shuffles away and hits my head on a tree branch on the way out.