#lots of love to people to gif ar because colouring this was so fucking annoying

[holygayrightsbatman]

OTTO FARRANT as ALEX RIDER in ALEX RIDER SEASON 3 TRAILER

[fairlylocaldreamer]

Truce (Tommy Conlon one shot)

Warning: mentions of self harm, suicide

Darkness... This one and only word perfectly described his world for last two years. Even though his room was whole white and bright, in his mind everything was dark, full of misery and chaos. They kept saying, that their order and timetable might keep his mind occupied, that he might forget and start over... Again. No, not this time. This time he got too far, he felt the end so close to him. He felt it, just few more seconds and it could all be over. But damn, that stupid annoying nurse had to ruin it all.

It all started with the death of his mother when he was just a little baby. Then the endless argues and fighting with his father, all because he wanted to be different, he wanted to be himself. So he left, not only his father, but also his brother. His brother, who couldn't simply say no to their dad.

"Hello, Tommy," voice interrupted him from thinking, "it is time for your time in the gardens." Nurse in white clothes stood in his room. That damn white colour, that was driving him crazy. He had to chuckle - driving me crazy. He wouldn't even think, it was possible to be more crazy, than he already was.

"I don't want to go outside," Tommy whispered.

"I wasn't asking, Tom. It was an annoucement," she said and literally pulled him out of his bed, put his shoes on and got him out of his room like a little child. Sun burnt to his eyes immediately, he covered his face and went toward the huge tree in the middle of the garden. He sat there everyday, dreaming, how he could hang himself there. He never mentioned it, he's never shared this with his doctor. He had feeling, that he wasn't listening anyway. He looked around, watched another patients. All dressed in white clothes... Damn, that cursed painful white. He realized, that a voice is coming to him from distance.

"Tommy, did you hear, what I told you?" nurse asked, standing next to him.

"No," he closed his eyes and stopped listening again. He hated her annoying face, her eyes watching him, like he was a burden. You shouldn't save me, when you found me that night. In a pool of my own blood... I loved that deep red colour, it was so comforting, so calming as I watched it running out of my veins, killing the white devil around me.

"Why are you smiling?" smooth unfamiliar woman's voice echoed in his ears and goosebumps appeared on his skin. He opened his eyes and looked next to him.

"Hi," woman smiled at him. Pale skin, eyes green and shining, brown long hair messily flying in the soft wind around her face and shoulders. 

"Hi," he said quietly and gazed at her.

"Why were you smiling?" she repeated her question.

"I... I don...  Did I?" he asked.

"Yes," she chuckled. "It was half crazy, half sobber smile. So I just want to know, what did you think about?"

"Are... Are you real?" Tom asked and covered his face with hands.

"I don't know," she frowned, "you tell me," and she pinched him in his arm.

"Ouch!" he looked at her in disbelief, eyes widely open.

"So, am I?"

"I think you are," he said and smirked.

Sitting next to him, leaning against the tree same way he was... For next few minutes in silence. "This spot is the best in the whole garden," she said looking around.

"Yes, I like it here..." Tommy smiled and tore one daisy from the ground.

"Don't throw it away," she stopped him, when she saw, he wanted to throw it back on ground.

"Do you want it?"

"Yes."

He gave it to her and she put it in her hair.

"How do I look?" she smiled and her eyes sparkled.

"Beautiful," he whispered dreamily, surprised that he still had this word in his vocabulary. "Great," he rolled his eyes, when his nurse appeared. 

"It is time to go back, Tommy" she said and he stood up.

"Hmmm, so Tommy," he heard woman's voice repeating his name. 

"And you are?" he just whispered almost timidly, maybe because he wasn't absolutely sure, that someone was actually sitting there.

"Alycia," she smiled, "see you tomorrow, Tommy."

Her voice caresssed his broken soul like a warm scarf in the cold winter. "You saw her too.... right?" He asked his nurse anyway. 

"Yes, don't worry," she sighed.

Alycia didn't come... He was waiting under the mighty tree, he hoped and he felt betrayed. I wish, you were just in my mind, he thought and his eyes watched garden with all the patients and nurses dressed in that damn burning white clothes. Back at his room, hidden under the blanket, he began to cry, silently so no one knew, no one heard. But suddenly door of his room opened. Oh, come on, leave me be for fuck's sake, you old ugly witch - he thought and hid even more under the blanket.

"I can see you, you know that, right?" velvet voice said, laughing.

"Alycia?" he sat on his bed, watched her surprised.

"Shhh," she put her finger on her lips, "I am here secretly. Move a little, please," she said and sat next to him on his bed. "Hi," she smiled.

"Hey," he frowned and chuckled at the same time.

"What?" she smirked.

"I thought, you won't come, but I certainly didn't expect this," he whispered and his eyes were brighter.

"Well, I had to take care about something during the day. And now I went to main nurse and I asked her, if I can see you, and she was like... No, visitors can see our patients only during visitors hours and that ended two hours ago," she said and Tommy had to laugh, she imitated voice of main nurse perfectly.

"So how did you get here?"

"I waited and when she left, I found number of your room in card file."

"Why?" he suddenly asked serious.

"Because I promised you..." she looked at him with look in her eyes, like there was absolutely no reason to not believe, she would ever break her promises. "Do you want to talk or do you want to sit here in silence?" she leaned against the cold headboard.

"I want to be silent," he said, "but I would like you to tell me something. Anything..."

"Okay, so..." Next hour she spent talking and telling him everything, that came to her mind. Maybe she was all dressed in black, but she had the most colourfull mind from all the peole he has ever met. Wearing black, it was some sort of self - defense. She was hurt few times, mentaly absused and one day she realized, that people are afraid of the black colour. So she began to wear it, everyday. She loved to play to piano and singing, she loved reading and sitting in the meadow full of flowers. She loved listening to the sound of silence, too. Because in the silence her deepest thoughts were appearing and she truly could recognise herself. He listened to her and he found himself in her. He found him in her stories, in her descriptions.

"Shit," her eyes got wide suddenly, when she heard someone coming to his room. She got from his bed and ran to hide herself next to the doorway - so when Tommy's nurse appeared in his room, she stood silently behind it.

"How do you feel, Tommy?" nurse asked him.

"Great," he smiled and her jaw dropped from surprise.

"Uhmmm, what? What did you just say?"

"I said, I feel great," he smiled and took pills from her hand and ate them.

"Okay, you have no idea, how glad I am, that you said something like that," she winked and walked away.

"Oh, do you want me to switch off the lights?" she asked.

"Yes, please," he said.

"I almost began to giggle," Alycia stood there and watched him. Even though there was dark in his room now, he could tell, that her eyes sparkled. Her long dress made her look like a ghost from a horror story - standign in his room, watching him and slowly coming back to him.

"Why ar you even here? I mean... You know..." 

"My mom," she said. "She has no idea, that I'm her daughter, she doesn't recognize me anymore. She found my dad lying in a bed, gun in his hand. He shot himself in their bedroom... And she lost her mind, when she was lying there with his corpse for next two days."

"I am so sorry," Tom was breathing heavily. "Who found her?"

"Me," she whispered and that was the last word she told him for long. They didn't sleep, they just layed beside each other and looked in the eyes. "I have to go, before some nurse finds me here," she whispered, when the sun sent its first rays in his room. "I will join you in the garden, okay?"

"Why me?" he asked.

"Because I saw the light in your smile, even thought there was a lot of darkness. And because you didn't run away, when you saw me," she chuckled.

"Alycia," tears suddenly appeared in his eyes, "I don't think we should see each other again. You don't deserve being near someone like me. I can't do this to you. You deserve much better. You saw the light? I was thinking about all the blood that leaked from me, when I tried to killed myself last time. That is why I was smiling, because I was thinking about that feeling, that I had, when the life was slowly leaving my body. I just want to be alone... I should be alone..."

"I deserve you as much you deserve me," she took his hands and put them in hers. She had tiny small hands compared to his big ones, but to him it felt, like she hugged him. "Don't you try to scare me away. Please..."

"But what if I... I don't want you to come here one day and find out, that I..."

"Then don't..." she suddenly pressed her lips to his and kissed him gently. "For me," she whispered and locked her green eyes with his. "Aren't you curious how do I look without make-up? How does my voice sound in the morning? Don't you wanna see me playing the piano, hear singing your favourite song? Don't you wish to hold me naked in your arms, make love to me, kiss my body?" He watched her, hugged her, pushed her closer to him, breathed in her scent. She felt his heartbeat on her chest, his hot breath on her neck. "Let's be alone together. For the rest of rest of our lifes. I am not afraid. I can beat those demons inside you, I can silence them, I can drown them, burn them with my light. Just give me a chance..."

She spent next half year visiting him, creeping secretly into his room. Sometimes they sat in silence, other days they talked for hours. And the day he was leaving the hospital, she was wearing beautiful red dress and red lipstick. Standing in front of the gate, leaning against black car. "That's yours?" Tommy asked with impressed voice and she nodded and came to kiss him. They left hospital and she drove to her flat. And he stayed. Because he was curious, how does her voice sound in the morning, he wanted to find out, how does she look naked, without make-up. He wanted to hear her singing and playing his favourite song. Her fingers moved so fluently, so lightly. Daisy flower behind her ear, he put it there in the morning, when they were lying in the middle of flowery meadow. She was playing his song, singing. He watched her red nail-polish on her pale hands. Covered just in blanket, her shoulders surrounded by her long brown hair.

His demons have never left completely. Sometimes they appeared and tried to break him down. But she always saw it and realized it sooner than him. And she always fought and silenced them. Whenever he had bad feeling, she let him forget by drowning in her green eyes and her whispering voice. 

And when she gave a birth to a beautiful girl, he promised, that he will always keep fighting and he will never betray them. 

And he kept that promise.

He stayed alive...

For them...

For himself...