#lots of introspection. im not necessarily surprised but im afraid im going to accidentally unlock smth i dont want to know again 🙃
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realized that Yes, pinching myself so hard i bruise to calm down does kind of count as s.elf ha.rm bc it's the pain aspect of it that brings me clarity,, plus i'm. i'm the one doing it.
#ive also come to realize that ive been doing this my whole life too#i used to bite myself. still happens if im super upset (i.e. after the nightmare last night) but not anywhere near as often#which is good! nail picking is still bad however#like i know WHY its happening but. >:( i like having nice nails now damn it!! i got too used to them not hurting!!!#just didnt realize how long ive actually been doing it i guess. its a little sad. i can remember incidents from as young as 5#i dont know.#lots of introspection. im not necessarily surprised but im afraid im going to accidentally unlock smth i dont want to know again 🙃#also fucked up how my dad saw me doing that and was like! okay w it!#but again. not surprised. everyone knows its not me he cared abt lol
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