#lost cherry and bitter peach are like good but i can live without them. i called it bright peach what a poser

[thestarofcottonland]

hi pea!! i love your blog soo much and am also such a fan of your reviews on fragrantica 💝 so i wanted to ask: what’re your favorite fragrance notes and favorite perfumes based on those notes? :3 wishing you a great day!!

wahhhh thank you.....my reviews arent even anything special i dont conjure images well yet but im flattered....

despite having so many perfumes i feel like im still learning what my favourite notes are, i very often get caught up in what sounds good but i fail to really grasp the compatibility of the scents...or even what might have been compatible can be blended poorly.

my favourite notes im familiar with would have to be: honey, which ive found best encapsulated in Bee Ellis Brooklyn, jasmine, best in Gorgeous Jasmine Gucci (despite very sad longevity..), sweetened rose which sadly all the best looking ones ive found are hard to find or just hard to get in canada but Rose Gourmand Zara i do rather like, and i think i must love orange blossom cause its there in all the sweetest perfumes ive ever smelled (Paradoxe, Love Don't Be Shy, Made in Heaven, and D&G Devotion that i just ordered after loving it instantly in the store)

i need to get more familiar with milk, coffee, hay, and i think i could really love seaweed! i think its what lends that moldy smell to Sea of Gray Solstice Scents, and i actually love it so much. cant help it i have mold nostalgia!! im relating to animalic girlies now like yeah sometimes stuff stinks really good and its cozy.

[fafulous]

Take Me Home (4/5)

Andy Barber x Reader (Post!Defending Jacob)

Summary: After the unfortunate events of the trial and after, a depressed Andy Barber decides to call it quits and start a mundane life far away from Newton. He decides it is best to have a fresh start away from prying eyes and alone, but he never thought his caring neighbor (and her son) would change all of that.

Chapter Warnings: MAJOR D.J. SPOILERS (BOOK Ending), Reminiscing the Loss of a loved one.

Andy soon came to realise that walking out on you was never ever really a solution. In reality he knew with his current state, without you he was doomed.

He needed you because he has no one. He needed you because it was his chance at something new; something no one would understand.

He needs you because in between all those shenanigans in these few months, he was falling hard for you.

But he did what he had to that day because he just wanted some space. In his head it seemed to be fine, but alas it hurt like a bitch.

On the other hand, Nikolai had no idea what was going on. It only took him minutes to fall in love with his new room. The lights, the colour of the room made him so jubilant, later on only to see you a bit unhappy. You were able to deflect from your son’s questions, but how on earth were you going to tell him that Andy won’t be meeting him anymore.

It hurt. So hard. All you needed was one conversation with him to settle things away but he wanted his space and so you half heartedly respected it.

Nikolai on the other hand was hitting a real low seeing you unhappy the whole day sporting stuffy red eyes. Like any other kid, Nikolai jumped to the conclusion that their mother is crying because she got a boo-boo or lost her favourite toy.

But that little brain of his pieced it slowly once he realised Andy never visited them for any of the dinner nights.

“Mommy pwese don’t cwy” his nimble fingers wiping your fat tears rolling down your cheek.

“I know peaches. I’m trying so hard to get Andy back okay. I’m sorry for crying around you like this baby.”

“B-but Wandi pwomised he neva gonna hurt you mommi…”

“Oh Niko,” you wiped the cookie crumbs around his tiny lips, “Your little brain won’t get it. It’s okay.”

“No. Not owkay. Wandi hurt you. Wandi bad. I don’t wike Wandi cahr now.”

You couldn’t help but surpass a giggle. “Niko. Andy is never bad. Never. He is just feeling sad and lonely. We just need to tell him we have him and love him okay?”

Love? Too soon. Maybe it’s more than like but it was too late to change it for your son and for yourself. You always saw how Niko’s eyes sparkled whenever Andy was around; he was soon accepting him to be a member of the household.

“Owkay,” he dug his head to your neck, “I wike Wandi and his cahr.”

–

The following week were hard for you and him. From sharing couches to kisses, now the only thing you both shared were small talks.

Yes. Small Talk. Or texts rather.

Andy told you he finally found a therapist to speak to and slowly expressed his wish to still visit Nikolai till you both figured out what was happening between you two.

Why did this have to get so complicated?

You on the other hand replied he was free to do so because to be real, the little kid missed him too. So, the next day he asked you for permission if he could take Nikolai on a car drive.

You had no idea what would go on in his head at times. From seeing Andy’s perspective, he was denied of the choice of telling you his story. It was his fucked-up childhood, his story that he wanted to tell you. Not a pity tatter-tale gossip story that was to be heard from your characterless, ex-husband.

Andy later in the evening sent a message that he was ready, and you saw the man your heart so longed for.

His eyes were back to being sunken, those blue irises not having the guts to meet yours. His hair was ruffled like he just woke up from a nap. Looking at him made you realise how much your hands were twitching to just hug him. You were reminded of the first night you spent at his house; that blue sweater he gave you while you two made out on his couch for the first time was now worn by him.

You walked towards him as you held Nikolai’s convertible baby seat to be fixed in his car and he was kind enough to open the door for you.

Andy on the other hand knew he had to- no, wanted to strike a conversation with you; but didn’t know what to say.

Hey long time huh?

Y/N. Hey, how are you?

Hey listen…

Nope nothing came out of his mouth while you fixed the seat.

He took in your appearance too; that ray of sunshine that beamed from your smile was non-existent; replaced with a forlorn look that he hated to see on you. The past few days were definitely much harsher on you than it was for him. Andy knew he couldn’t get any more foolish. He had to get back to what you two had before.

He needed it.

“Have we gone back to square one? Because of what? My ex-husband?”

Andy came out of his tiny reverie and focussed back on you. He didn’t pay attention, but he did realise you said something bitter that meant to sting him.

“Honey listen-”

“Oh, don’t you honey me Andy. How could you? How could you be so- so-“ you tried so hard to not break into a stream of tears.

How could you be so hateful to yourself Andy? Did you not trust me?

“How could you just desert me like that? D-did you think I was going to throw away my second chance at life for something you father did? Did you want to throw away your second chance at life because of your father who has no role in our lives right now?”

He sighed dejectedly, disappointed with himself. Hearing your voice break wrecked him, “I know Y/N. I was an asshole that day, leaving you without an explanation.” He found himself taking steps towards you and cupping your cheek, tilting his forehead onto yours, “I am so sorry hon- Y/N. I am sorry.”

You bit your lip and looked up at him, his eyes still closed; now content that he and you could just touch each other after a very long time.

Any other situation, you wouldn’t let a man walkover you so easily after fucking up. But this was Andy. The man who made you believe in second chances. You gave him a first chance already, and now it was again your turn to give him one more.

“You weren’t an asshole Andy,” you held on to his hands, “Its just, I don’t know…”

“I know you know exactly what you want to say Y/N. Just say it.”

You could hear Nikolai running around his circles with his unicorn plush doll behind you, “I was angry when you left, but at the same time I tried to understand your point of view, your emotions and your feelings about this whole situation. But I think or- or I know that I didn’t deserve to be ghosted like that Andy, because I liked you for you, not what your father did, especially when we had something so good going on.”

He removed his hand from your cheeks and looked down like a disappointed child. He knew he was at fault and so he didn’t say anything; head hung in shame looking at the little, carefree boy that he loved so dearly.

“It’s only had if you want it to be,”

“What do you mean?”

You saw a glint of that eagerness that Andy always had with you before, “I told that we had something good going on? It’s only had if you want it to be…“

Andy took some time to find his words. Again. It was the second time he fucked up so bad and here you were, taking him back even after he exploded like a mine. Was this woman for real?

“Of course, I want this honey. I always want us. You’re always so good to me.”

He reached out to graze your cheeks, but he was blocked by your squealing son.

“Cahr Wandi! Can we gooo?”

You were surprised that you weren’t interrupted by your son sooner, but nevertheless your son’s new founded patience was found to be a blessing in disguise.

The cutest sight unfurled before you as Andy made grabby hands at your son, only for the latter to be scooped into Andy’s arms like a cocoon.

“Come on Y/N, join us wont you? For a drive?”

You shook your head, “I think I’ll pass.”

“Y/N. I want to really make it up to you. Like real time. Please come with us?”

“I know Andy, but who will make dinner if I come along with you boys?”

Andy slowly grinned at your implications. He never ceased to be impressed by your gracious generosity and the small acts of kindness.

“I’m not mad, not as much as I was before I promise,” you dared to but tiptoed to place a kiss on his cheek, “We can talk over dinner today.” You saw how his cheek sported a cherry red tint, slowly creeping up till his ear. A teenager in a old man’s body.

“Peaches,” you turned to your son right now jumped into Andy’s arms, nuzzling his face in that soft sweater, “Be good and behave okay peaches? Don’t trouble Wandi- I mean Andy for anything on the way okay?”

Everything drowned inside a chorus of laughter when Andy realised how you had called his name. Niko had no idea what the humour was for but joined the chorus when he found his two most favourite people in the world giggling.

Were you forgoing all that pent-up sadness that this man gave you this week? Yes. Yes you were.

And you would soon realise that it was the best decision you made.

Hours passed by and the boys came back home. Nikolai was gleefully pulling onto Andy’s beard and curiously asking him when he was going to get a ‘bweard’ like him and heard both the boys animatedly inhaling; the smell of aromatic food that stirring their tummies.

“MOMMY IS MAKING PAWSTAHH!”

Andy was so confused. You always made the best Italian food for your child.

“Let’s just say after that episode we had with Chad, I was cooking boring greens and ordering takeout for the little one and me. I lost the will to cook. Thought I’ll revive the poor kid’s taste buds.”

It was always these small gestures that pulled you towards Andy; like this one. He tugged you by your shoulders and placed a soft kiss on your forehead and then cupped your cheeks so lovingly.

“Sorry Momma bear.”

“Shhh. It’s okay grumpy cat,” you winked.

Dinner on the other hand did go relatively smooth than you expected it to. Andy explained himself, his feelings and what he felt that day when he left you and tried his level best to process your emotional state that day.

The baked pasta was licked clean by your two boys and you while Andy also spoke about his past few days with his therapist, who seemed to help him more than he possibly could ever think of. Over a glass of wine, Andy held your hand promising you that he wouldn’t do any more foolish stunts that ended up hurting all of us in the process.

But as you and Andy were doing and drying the dishes, you felt that he was holding back something.

“You’re doing that thing.”

“What thing.”

“That thing you used to do when I used to pick movies that you don’t like.”

His grin could make your whole body mushy and soft like a teenager having their first crush “So? Is that my fault honey?” he feigned hurt, glad that he could now call you back with his favourite sweet name.

“Nah,” you playfully tapped his shoulder. “You give me that look so prominently so that I understand that you want something from me, or you want me to do something for you.”

Andy looked so lost and you knew something was biting his thoughts because he enjoyed doing domestic chores with you; his favourite being you washing the dishes and him drying them out and keeping them inside the cupboards. He didn’t reply until the last wine glass was kept inside the cabinet

“It’s just-” hesitated Andy. You waited patiently for him to find his words.

“It’s about Jacob.”

“Oh.”

For a startling few seconds, you held your breath; thinking about Andy’s son was something wrecked your thoughts and heart every single time.

“My therapist says that I haven’t, you know, fully processed Jacob’s death. Like I’m holding on to something. But parents don’t, right? They can’t move on from their child’s death right? It’s practically impossible.”

You weren’t sure what to say but you nodded, gripping on to his arm and gesturing to sit with you to the couch where little Niko dozed off with two of his stuffed dolls clenched in his hand.

“But she did say one statement that made sense to me, I don’t know. It made sense about how we can’t forget our children who are no longer with us but we can learn to accept the fact that they are no longer with us.”

Oh bub, how much have you been through? “Do you agree with this Andy?” You asked him to keep yourself strong during this conversation for him, and you did.

“Of course, yeah. Maybe. But the thing is I think I haven’t accepted it honey.”

You took both of his hands and squeezed reassuringly, “I have no idea what you are going through bub but I’m glad you are talking to me about this. Take your time; its going to be hard, but I’m right here okay? Whatever you need, I’ll do within my best ability.”

He hummed, but still hesitant.

“Andy its okay, tell me. Talk to me bub.”

He squeezed your palms even more tightly, turning towards you completely. “C-can I ask you a favour? I mean you can say no, I will understand.”

I’m ready to give you all the happiness in the world to you bubba. “Anything for you Andy? Tell me now.”

He didn’t meet your gaze, but instead shifting his focus to trace your knuckles, “My therapist told me to visit Jacob’s grave whenever I was ready, to mourn him, to accept he is no longer with me and you know…talk to him I guess. To process my emotions. And um…Oh god I am a bubbling mess Y/N.”

“Hey its okay baby take your time. There is no pressure.”

“I can’t do this alone honey…I need you there with me. Can you come with me to the graveyard?”

How could you ever say no to this solemn situation?

“Of course, honey. Absolutely anything you need.”

And what seemed like after ages, Andy Barber enveloped you into his signature bear hug. Both of you left a huge sigh of breath, relief washing over that both of you were slowly getting back on track.

Until you heard a rugged whimpers from the little boy beside Andy.

You didn’t want to tell Andy about this, but Nikolai’s nightmares were back and the little boy was finding it difficult to sleep at night. The new nursery still did not work for him, so he ended up sleeping on top of your chest; your heartbeat probably soothing him to sleep.

But Andy the experienced father he was, quickly scooped him into his arms and started cradling him, rocking him side by side with his arms protecting him, humming a familiar soft tune that seemed to calm you in the process too. You saw how Niko’s head was cushioned between Andy’s pecs and muscles, slowly relaxing and nuzzling into his touch.

Niko’s scrunched up face was now back to a peaceful baby lost in slumber. 

Andy met your gaze and blinked at you with a smile and it conveyed so much than you think.

We got this baby. We all gonna get through this.

–

The decision to take Nikolai along with you and Andy was refuted by the latter saying that a young boy like him shouldn’t be visiting such desolate place.

“Children are the embodiment of new birth, new life. And graveyards, quite opposite.”

But you knew secretly he also didn’t was your son to see him in such a vulnerable position. You were grateful for the fact that the rough patch between you and Andy was solved; for the little boy saw Andy as his new father figure with Chad gone away with a new girlfriend.

Talking about Chad, he did not make efforts to meet his son; and you didn’t bother contacting him. Better off without him you wondered.

The drive to Jacob’s grave was a couple of hours away and ride in itself was a quiet one. Andy and you were informally dressed in dull colours, hearts dull too. You knew it was a big step for Andy and you were going to support him till he thinks he is over it. Car windows were rolled down, the fresh air making efforts to refresh you both.

You could also see Andy’s urge to interlink his hands with you while your drove and you did; Gripping onto his palm or occasionally rubbing his shoulders or thighs throughout the ride would help him calm down and relax his creased forehead.

When you both got down from the car it was so hard to read Andy’s thoughts. He came over to you and interlinked your palms and made way to the place where his son was buried.

Jacob’s grave was flowerless when arrived. Andy soon fixed that after leaving a wreath of Jacob’s most favourite flowers, daisies.

A graveyard, a place of death, sprouting trees filled with life here and there. The irony of life.

You didn’t know the boy but the aura of the graveyard, the impersonal feeling towards the dead even though you have no idea who they were beneath the stones made you heart sink. It then came to your senses.

The boy was just fourteen.

Both of you sat down near his grave, not caring about the grass and mud staining your clothes. He finally took away his palms from yours.

Andy spoke some kind words, rekindling memories of his son’s favourite pastime, his favourite stories and one of his embarrassing yet kind-hearted moments. He sought an apology on behalf of his mother, trying to make Jacob understand that his mother loved him so much, that it unfortunately ended tragically.

Another thought popped into your head, how couples these days separate over trivial matters, over materialistic matters, and infidelity. But Andy? He separated because his wife- No no. You didn’t want to complete that thought.

But after a while passed and you decided give Andy some needed space. He was probably going to be anxious, but it was for the best.

“Andy, you feel a bit better?” you whispered.

“You can say probably.”

Here we go. “I’m going to leave you two alone okay?”

“What? Honey. If I can’t-”

“You can Andy. He is your son, remember that. So, don’t hold back. I know you wanted me to be here with you and I did and I’m so proud of you, bubba,” you stroked his hair. “But unintentionally you may be holding back on expressing because I’m here and that’s normal.”

Why are you so good to me?

“I’m just going to be near the parking lot okay? I’m not going anywhere,” you reassured him with a peck on his cheek and made your way back.

You shed your tears while you sat inside his car, thinking about the little boy. It was difficult thinking of losing a loved one that you gave birth to. He was too young. Too fucking young.

Oh, this cruel world, how you hated it so immensely right now.

Half hour passed by and you saw Andy making his way towards the car. It was so strange to think of this, but he didn’t look red eye rimmed like you; he looked the same with much more solemnity. He didn’t cry and that slightly bothered you. Maybe you had to accept the fact that different people process emotions differently.

He got into the car and took in your red eyes. He knew you had cried. Seeing you like that made his pull your lips onto his for just a chaste kiss, the first time you two felt each other’s lips after an eon. All he breathed into your lips was that we are going to be okay and drove back home with no word exchanged. For the upcoming hours, the fresh air offered you comfort, drying out those spilt tears along with the lingering touch of his palms; interlinked like their souls.

After coming back, you took advantage of Andy’s silence and maneuvered him to your home. He seated himself on the couch pulling out his phone and wallet from his pants and placed it on the coffee table.; trying to steal a quick nap while you picked up Nikolai from your neighbour Mr. Arthur.

Andy sleeping gave you an immense sense of peace, but for the little boy in your hands; not so much.

“WANDI!!!!”

He groggily woke up thanks to Nikolai running towards him, lying on his chest like he does with you. “Hey buddy.”

“You home yaay!” Probably meant that he was excited to see the man in house like the usual dinner nights. Nikolai calling him and telling he was home pricked him and at the same time felt so right. As cliché as it sounds, he always has heard this quote where Home is never a place with four walls to cover your head; home is where the heart is.

His heart was with you and Nikolai.

After eating Andy, and you began to do your dish washing routine, this time he washing the dishes. He was slow, but that was alright, you had all the time in the world.

Niko on the other hand was singing all the rhymes he learnt from daycare in different pitches, earning a chuckle from the both of you here and there. He was also carelessly playing with Andy’s phone and wallet, both of you seeing that the little boy had dropped all the contents of the wallet on to the floor. Once they were done Andy picked up the falling things patiently without chiding the little one like any other adult would. 

He picked up his Dollar bills, receipts and then a forgotten thin strip of a photo roll.

It was him and Jacob.

The roll had four pictures of him and his son posing for the silliest pictures, the first three with their tongues sticking out in the goofiest angle possible. The last one however was so pure; Andy giving a  forehead kiss to Jacob because he was so proud of his son, remembering he had bagged the highest grade in English that term in school.

Minutes pass and he didn’t notice his waterworks brimming. A blink and they would fall down.

And they did, when he heard Nikolai nudging him by the thigh. “Why you cwyin Wandi?”

That startled you enough to stop whatever it was you were doing and went to see what was happening.

Oh bubba.

You sat near Andy, touching his thigh for comfort while your son got closer to the photo that was in Andy’s slightly quaking hands.

“Who that Wandi?”

“Th-thats my son buddy. His name was Jacob.”

“Can he play with me Wandi?”

Everything just pricked. The boy’s innocent questions and Andy’s realisation of his emotions. This was too much to bear.

“No buddy he can’t-“

A hand around his shoulder, it was you. When he looked up his eyes were blurry from the tears that were falling. He was so upset he didn’t even realise you were next to him. It was you. Only you.

It was then you realised it finally that it hit Andrew that his son was dead.

“You don’t have to answer that Andy. He’s just a kid. It’s okay.”

The little one feeling that he had said something wrong hugged his arms with his little arms. “I’m sowwy Wandi. Don’t cwy.”

“I’m not buddy, I-I’m not.” He reassured the kid, and falsely assuring himself too.

“Wandi, I’m feelin sleepy…” “Yeah, let’s get you to bed buddy,” he cooed with his quivering voice.

“Andy I’ll take him-” But he refused to and took the child. You took a few minutes to pull yourself together after witnessing Andy so vulnerable. Even in these moments, he took care of your son. When you reached the nursery, Andy was whispering a lullaby to a dozed off Niko for a good ten minutes. He even spoke to the little boy, telling him that the measly Audi car painting he did in the room was going to protect him and his nightmares; and the boy believed because Andy said so.

Few minutes later and Andy didn’t refuse to hold back.

“I held Jacob like Nikolai, put him to sleep like Nikolai. My sweet precious baby,  my innocent child Jacob. He didn’t do anything and he is away from me Y/N. Far far away-”

Andy let out a loud whimpering cry, the sound swallowed when he buried his head into your neck and your tears began streaming, him sobbing uncontrollably the next minute.

Andy and your tears began streaming; you pulled yourself together soon but Andy? He was weeping uncontrollably. You only could take him in your arms and offer him comfort. No words could heal his wounds instantly. He buried his face into your neck, his safe place, which made you remember the initial days with Andy when he lent a shoulder when you cried. Now it was your turn.

You whispered in ears how it was best not to do this near Niko and maneuvered Andy to your room. He held onto your arms as you took him to your room. You urged Andy to talk to you if the visit to the grave was still bothering him. He sought recluse in your safe place again, lying down on the bed, head tucked in your neck.

“Andy you can tell me anything. I promise it won’t affect whatever is between us.”

It was too twisted, he was distraught. He ranted about Laurie and how she unravelled into killing her own son. He slipped some details of how Laurie always kept bringing up past incidents of his son to prove that Jacob was the possible killer. He kept blaming himself that he was too weary with Laurie and that he should’ve seen her actions. Your whole body pricked; he was crying as he said all this.

You couldn’t imagine Nikolai and yourself in that situation. It brought tears to you eyes but wiped them off before he could see it. You let him talk as much as he wanted to, calming and soothing Andy in the process, running your fingers through his hair gently. You comforted him as much as you could and kept reminding yourself that this was the first time he came to his senses and realised he was crying out for his dead son; and so you were patient.

“My own wife murdered him Y/N. My Jacob. If I had been more attentive”

“Shhhhh Andy,” you cooed into his ear “Your circumstances were horrible. Don’t blame yourself bubba, none of this was your fault okay? Jacob’s death was out of your hands, it was an unfortunate accident Andy.“

Andy could stay all day in your embrace, his head on your gentle shoulders while your soft hair caresses made him doze off to sleep.

But his head felt like it was going to explode and he couldn’t let you see that.

“I’m going back home honey. I think I need to be alone tonight. I- I am not abandoning you okay, I promise, I’ll be okay tomorrow.”

“Andy are you sure? Stay with me, I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“I- I think I need to be alone for sometime you know? Please don’t be upset.”

“I’m never ever upset okay? As long as you are sure bubba; whatever you think is best for you okay? This house is always open to you.”

Kisses on the cheek were exchanged before he left your home. But you stayed awake, in the hopes he’ll be back because deep down you knew, he needed you.

You would give him space, and why not?

He was your home.

–

Andy soon realised he couldn’t. Staying alone was the worst decision he made.

Yes he did get the desired space he absolutely needed for like an hour and he did try to cease his crying, but his heart, oh his heart was pounding like nobody’s business. Anxious. Alone. Not cared for.

The walls of his room closed around him, his breathing becoming rugged, the laughter of his dead son echoing in his head. But he remembered he was cared for. By you. He had only you now.

He wanted, needed your soothing embraces, your kind words, your optimism, your affection. Everything.

He just wanted you now.

He had to forget.  It was a bit past midnight, but it was you. His reliable rock; soon to become the love of his life. He had to forget what he was going though and in a moment of desperation, he texted you. His thought was confirmed, you would always be there for him.

—

Last and Final Part 5 on its way :)

[zonie-az]

My name is NEW Mexico

wattpad ao3

Tennessee called New Mexico, Mexico and said he wasn't part of the states. Lucky for New Mexico his friends are there to make him feel better. purely fluff.

@the-avacado

Arizona sat in their little hiding spot. It was actually colorado’s idea. But they ended up moving a bookshelf and the small couch. They put up a fake wall and stuff. It was a lot of work to be honesty. But they have a part of the living room that no one else knows about. So he, colorado, Utah, and New Mexico could chill without dealing with the others.

Arizona was on the bean bag by the window. He was just reading a book about plants. He wanted to add some desert plants to their place. Sadly Gov picked a house that was not in the desert. So he couldn’t bring a saguaro which he was so mad about. But maybe an Angel Wings Cactus.

He heard the couch being moved. He put a bookmark in the book and looked up to a very very upset New Mexico. Arizona jumped up

“Hey, new Mexs you okay?”

“No, I’m fucking NEW Mexico. I’m part of this hell hole. MEXICO LOST US AND WE WERE A FUCKING TERRITORY FOR YEARS. THEN WE FINALLY BECAME A STATE. YET PEOPLE THINK I STILL PART OF THEM”

“Hey” Arizona said softly New Mexico turned to look at his little brother. Tears starting to fall. Arizona put his arms out. New Mexico hugged him.

“I’m sorry hermanito. It not your fault”

“And it not yours either, I know you get it worse having him in your name” New Mexico mumbles something.

“What was that?”

“I hate everyone” that made Arizona laugh.

“Alright let’s text Colorado and Utah. You need some cuddles”

“It fine I-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence” Arizona texted the others saying New Mexico was upset.

Colorado was the first to come he brought a big fluffy blanket and so many pillows that he could not see where he was going. He ended up hitting the side of the entrance on his way in.

“Ouch”

Arizona and New Mexico laughed knowing if he was actually hurt he would not be saying something as family-friendly as ouch. He dropped all of it on the floor, with a big goofy grin on his face.

“I hear someone is being grumpy, and needs some fluff”

“No no n-” a pillow hit New Mexico right in the face. “Oh, your dead!” NM picked it up and started to go after him. With their spot not being very big Colorado only had one place to go and that was behind Arizona.

“Oh no I’m not being a part of this”

“Too late” Colorado was holding on to Arizona as if his life depended on it. New Mexico tried to go under Arizona and grab Colorado’s legs. Causing all of them to fall on the ground.

That when Utah come in to find all three of them on the ground with New Mexico trying to get up but had a laughing Arizona and Colorado on top of him. He shook his head.

“Alright who wants some juice”

“Did yo-”

“Yes I got everyone favorite who do you think I am”

Utah had four cups all with a lid and straw, Utah handed the orange juice to Arizona who sat down on the floor right by the window to get the most sun. The peach juice to Colorado who took the bean bag that had gotten throw in the corner during the pillow fight. The apple to new Mexico, who took one of Colorado pillows and sat down on it. Right across from Colorado wanting to keep an eye on him. Colorado just smiled and give a little wave. New Mexico tried to keep a scowl on his face but everyone knew it won’t last. Utah kept the cherry for himself and sat down back to the fake wall.

“All right. Now that we all have some juice”

“I drink all mine already,” Arizona said

“Of course you did”

“Orale wey have you drinking any water today?”

“.....”

“Arizona!”

“Am a desert!”

“Yeah so are we!”

“Technically yes but no you two are not”

“Drink water dude you are the biggest hypocrite when it comes to drinking water”

“I forget!”

“I’m going to start a make Arizona drink water campaign”

“I second that”

“I third that”

“Oh come on we not here to talk about my bad water habits. Someone was mean to Mexico 2.0 and we need to find out who so I can make them pay”

“Arizona your not fighting them”

“What we say about violence”

“Not to throw the first punch, and I won’t”

“I do not condone violence what so ever but New Mexico someone was mean to you?” everyone turned to him

“I don’t want to talk about it” New Mexico crossed his arms

“Aww, grumpster what’s wrong?”

“Don’t call me that! My name is NEW MEXICO” everyone got quiet New Mexico sighed “I’m sorry a stupid state was saying I was Mexico again and how I was paying for the wall”

“I hate the whole wall thing,” Arizona said, “I thought we were done with it for a while”

“It can never be over” Utah and Colorado looked at each other knowing that this was a subject that the other two got really bitter over really fast.

“Hey New Mexico” NM didn’t look up but Colorado know he was listening. “Would the world’s best green chili help?”

“I don’t want your green chili, it not even that good”

“Well, that’s a lie. But I wasn’t talking about mine” New Mexico head popped up

“You finally admitting mine is better!!!”

“What no I was going to see if Utah wanting to bring his” everyone started laughing.

“Okay that was a good one”

“Hey NM” Utah put his hand on him “it okay we all know you are your own person… well state you know what I mean”

“Yeah it just hurts when the others act like am not”

“We know, but the others are wrong about a lot of things. You can’t change others hearts only our lord up above can” Utah looked up

“Yeah, Utah right they all are just dumb. That why we have our own place here”

“Yeah this fire hazard” Utah looked around

“Hey there a window right there we are on the first floor we are fine”

“There no fire alarms in here and Arizona falls asleep in here way too much”

“He got a point there”

“We add some more before it gets too hot”

“Oh Arizona what is the highest temperature on you right now”

“Mmmm Tempe is at 103 right now. But phoenix was 104.5 earlier why?”

“I don’t understand you sometimes?” Colorado

“What that not even hot”

“Lord give me strength” Utah looked up

“I don’t know even him might not be able to give you enough strength to deal with all of us”

“You may be right” that lead to another round of giggles.

“Alright, alright, alright,” colorado said pulling everyone out of the giggle fits “You okay New Mexico?”

“Yeah thank you, you guys. This means the world to me”

“Dude we are always here for you”

“Yeah!!”

“Of course”

“Alright side note”

“Yeah?”

“My green chili is better”

“No, it isn’t!”

[rvinsounds]

-- half moon alternatively titled ‘the 5 times jess (kinda) broke up with saebom and the 1 time she didn’t’

a/n: this is the time for self-indulgent fics LOL. i think i said this was like, a timeline through the years so say the first fic is probably sometime during my last year @ hogwarts and it just continues from there :D

“isn’t this like, your seventh coffee today?” 

jess glances over at her friend, and then glances down at the americano blanco that had just been delivered to her table. nadine had opted for an iced floral tea instead of coffee for once, and she shrugs, picking up the cup and taking a long sip. “ooh, this one is better than the last cafe. but the last cafe had a nicer .. what would you call it -- ambiance?” 

“how have you not gone to the bathroom like twenty times since i joined you?” 

“i have a magic bladder that is fueled by coffee.” 

nadine rolls her eyes, sucking on the straw of her tea as they both swivel around in their seats to take multiple photos of the coffee shop they were currently sitting in. they had been cafe-hopping all afternoon, and apparently the younger girl had been doing it since before she had met up with the former gryffindor. it wasn’t exactly a strange thing -- not when they both had aesthetic instagram feeds that they needed to keep up with. 

(megan and arazely would probably beg to differ.) 

it wasn’t until a while later of them sitting there, silently musing over their drinks that nadine realizes that they were missing something -- or rather, someone. 

“where’s saebom?” 

jess barely glances up from her phone, in the middle of trying to take an aesthetic photo of her coffee, liking how the sunlight from the window reflected just so in the surface of the black coffee, answering after snapping a few more photos. “i broke up with him.”

”WHAT.” 

the younger girl doesn’t answer, too busy taking pictures of her empty coffee cup before her phone is snatched out of her hand by the older. “hey!” she protests, reaching out and flailing slightly as she tries to get it back, pouting at her friend when it’s not handed back to her immediately. 

“what do you mean you broke up with saebom?” nadine hisses, clutching both of their phones in one hand, glaring at the other girl. 

“exactly that? i broke up with him,” jess waves a hand idly in the air, shrugging. “i’ll apologize after the next couple cafes -- he didn’t want me to go cafe hopping, okay? now, give me back my phone!” 

her lunge at the older girl is stopped short when the bell above the door chimes and she pauses to glance over, always habit nowadays considering she was working part-time in a coffee shop as training for her to open her own cafe in the future. she almost physically has to stop herself from calling out a welcome greeting, but her words become stuck in her throat anyway when she sees who’s walking through the door. 

megan. 

sina. 

saebom. 

her boyfriend -- or rather, her ex-boyfriend at that exact moment -- looks absolutely miserable, and he was complaining quietly to megan about something when their eyes meet and he freezes, almost automatically slinking behind sina. 

(she almost feels bad.) 

megan, on the other hand, looks almost angry when she makes eye contact with the only current slytherin, stalking over immediately and taking jess’ hand and practically dragging her back towards the door so they could have a decently private conversation. or as private as it could be in a public place. 

“what the fuck jess,” she mutters under her breath, meant only for her best friend to hear. “he’s been at our house moping for the past eight hours, why can’t you deal with your shit like a normal person instead of breaking his heart to go drink overly copious amounts of coffee?” 

all jess can do is shrug a bit helplessly before she’s flung in the direction of her (ex?)boyfriend who, despite looking upset and a bit angry at her, catches her in his arms and glances down at her. bless his heart. she, rightfully so, looks sheepish as she smiles awkwardly up at him. 

“hi ... sorry?” she apologizes, reaching up to touch his cheek where his dimple would show if he was smiling, and she does feel sorry for not having just come to a more logical way of doing this besides ending their relationship. her phone is slapped into her hand before she sees megan dragging nadine out of the coffee shop, sina making eye contact with her and mouthing ‘talk things out’ and raising his hands in a sort of ‘fighting!’ position before the bell above the door chimes once again, leaving her, mostly, alone with saebom. 

“... okay, let’s talk.” 

-- 

they’re sitting outside on the patio at a bar that she had gotten into using saebom’s name -- oh the irony is not lost on her, she knows -- along with her own. she hates that it usually works when their names are used in conjuncture, but only because he’s slightly more famous than she is. of course he is, considering he had started modelling when she was in her fourth year and she hadn’t started until after graduation. it’s understandable, but that doesn’t make her feel less bitter about it. 

she takes another sip of her peach cocktail, squinting at it and attempting to fish out the maraschino cherry that was, for some reason, sitting at the bottom of the fancy glass. 

arazely glances over at the older girl and watches in fond amusement as the now-former slytherin struggles to get the cherry out and ultimately gives up on it before taking another sip. it’s just the two of them for today, their older friends all busy with their lives and university and stuff and arazely’s just become legal a few weeks ago and jess has nothing better to do today, so it works out. 

“how’s chanuk?” jess asks, for lack of a better subject and she’s probably depressed enough that listening to her friend’s happy tales of a good relationship might either cheer her up ... or perhaps depress her more. 

she’s willing to take that gamble. 

settling back with a newfound determination to fish the maraschino cherry out of her cocktail, jess puts on an expression that she hopes conveys her barely there interest in the conversation topic, despite it having been her who had brought it up. don’t get her wrong, she loves listening to those sorts of things usually, but right now she has too many things on her mind. she makes a soft sound after getting a hold of the cherry, and she grips at the stem as she uses that to attempt to stir the ice around in her drink. 

she’s happy that her friends are happy, she thinks, watching as arazely’s face positively lights up when the younger girl talks about her boyfriend. last she had heard, they were planning a trip for the two of them once they both finished applying for jobs and, hopefully, landing them. or at least getting into healer training, in the case of the hufflepuff. her mind slides to her other friends in their little group -- megan and sinhwa are well on their way to getting married, she knows, considering she had helped the oldest hufflepuff look for rings on multiple occasions now, though she has no idea when exactly he’s planning to propose. she just knows it’ll be soon enough -- probably sooner than later, knowing him. minseok and nadine are abroad, or something, she knows her friends well enough and they were probably away for some quidditch game of minseok’s. 

and then there was her. 

ugh.

tuning back into the conversation at hand, jess just grins at her friend. “i hope you get accepted into healer training,” she says, hoping the younger girl wouldn’t notice that her attention had lapsed for a moment. as expected though, she does feel slightly better after listening to most of arazely’s tangent. 

“how are you and saebom?” 

jess winces, somehow not having been expecting her friend to turn the same topic of conversation back on her and she avoids the other girl’s gaze for a moment, eating the cherry in lieu of replying to that. 

“uh,” she starts, unsure of how to start on that specific talk and she sighs, glancing at the hufflepuff after a moment and deciding to just get it over with, knowing she couldn’t avoid the topic without it coming off as extremely suspicious. “i broke up with him.” 

“... again?” 

“we had an argument okay! he was insisting i needed to not avoid specific conversations and i told him i didn’t have to listen to him and then i don’t know who started yelling first but i broke up with him and left,” she admits, and even to her it sounds stupid. it’s obvious that she’s in the wrong in this case, but she hadn’t wanted to admit it. she still doesn’t want to admit it. she sighs to herself before she pouts and downs the rest of her drink, picking up her phone to turn it on and holding up a hand to stop arazely from saying anything more. 

“yeah yeah, i’ll call him right now.” 

-- 

shit hits the fan and explodes like an erumpet horn when her secret gets out. it’s all over the newspapers and across the internet and she’s being shit-talked and trashed everywhere that she thinks it matters. her instagram comments are such a big mess that she has to disable them for the time being. it’s not like she had ever hidden it from the media, not actively, but she had never gone out of her way to tell people about it either. 

“you’d think that people would understand that i use my normal face when i model after my fucking agency said so, hey?” she hisses, throwing yet another newspaper onto the table at her apartment, already ladled with many a newspaper and magazine, all accusing her of the same thing -- making herself prettier by unnatural means, as if people who did plastic surgery were natural either. “people get fucking photoshopped in every single fucking picture that’s ever posted anywhere and they decide to attack the metamorphagus for apparently changing her goddamn appearance.” 

her friend just nods, having sat through different versions of this rant already and deciding to just let the former slytherin get it off her chest before trying to talk any sense into her. 

“where’s saebom?” megan asks instead, changing the topic in hopes of cheering her friend up, but that seems to backfire when jess’ expression only darkens more, eyes narrowing. 

“he was trying to help, or something, and held a press conference but now they’re even more on my ass saying i confunded him or some shit and just -- ugh.” 

the former ravenclaw just stares at her friend, unsure of why the younger girl was so upset about that, when her boyfriend had just stepped out and stuck his neck out on the line to try to help her. usually the younger would be ranting at him and clinging onto him and denying that she was clinging at all. it was strange that he wasn’t here to comfort her, especially when this was such a big thing that would impact both of their lives, and perhaps even both of their careers. but it clicks at the look on the other’s face.

“jessica nguyen, what did you do?” 

the former slytherin winces at the tone the older girl is using, and it’s a testimony to how often she gets called out like this by the other that she doesn’t even really pause to think before answering her. if anything, jess trusts megan’s advice over most people’s, considering they lived together for a long while before they had split off because megan decided to get married. “i might’ve ... broken up with him ...”

“jessica.” 

“i’m sorry okay!” jess throws her hands up in defense, groaning and falling onto the couch in her apartment, curling up and hugging her legs to her chest as she stares at the blanket there, reaching out to touch it gently. saebom had given it to her because she had complained that her living room was too cold sometimes. “he was overwhelming me, i didn’t know what else to do!” 

because, and only because, the blonde already looked downright miserable, megan held her tongue and sat down next to her, taking her hand. she didn’t even flinch, glancing away instead. 

“he’s probably at my place again,” she says softly, standing and bringing jess to her feet as well, and she leans in to brush her off and smooth down her hair, considering she had been running her fingers through it in frustration just moments before when she was ranting. 

“let’s go and talk to him.” 

-- 

as predicted, her modelling career does end up in shambles for a while after the whole fiasco, but the bright side was that she had been planning to quit long before that had even happened. it was really just the final nail in the coffin at this point. 

her true love, of course, had always been coffee. and will probably always be coffee. her cafe was well on its way, despite the last couple bumps in the road she had to deal with. the company she had originally been planning to order coffee beans from had hit a block when it came to discussing the last details with her, and as they were also the ones who were supposed to provide her espresso machines as well -- well, the easiest way to put it was that jess was hella stressed out these days. 

after she and saebom had worked things out the last time, there had only really been smooth sailing ever since. she had finally started opening up to him about whatever problems she had instead of pushing him away and trying to deal with it by downing copious amounts of coffee and/or alcohol. it had helped their relationship greatly when they both realized it would just work out much better for the two of them to just talk things out, instead of him going behind her back to do things that he wasn’t sure she would approve of and her pushing him away whenever she was stressed and bottling up her emotions. 

but the stress was starting to get to her again. she had just had another deal with a different company fall through and was going through her current options: she could scrap the idea of using these ethical companies for coffee beans since they weren’t cooperating with her and buy beans from someone else, she could continue calling them and emailing them in hopes they would reply, she could probably also go knocking on their door and demand they respond to her ... she could also burn down their headquarters, but that wouldn’t solve anything besides perhaps sating her random pyro cravings. 

she’s sitting in the front of her cafe by the counter, the chairs and tables having come in just a few days earlier and she has something in front of her that already resembles a cafe — just without espresso machines and actual coffee beans. staring at the papers spread across the counter in front of her, she groans softly and is in the middle of wondering if one could actually die from being too stressed, when the chime on her door goes off and she glances over, raising up half out of her seat, “sorry we’re not open for business yet —” when she catches sight of her boyfriend’s grinning, dimpled face. 

“saebom!” she practically launches herself into his arms, so stressed out of her mind right now, she can’t help but want to relax with him, no matter what they do. they had recently moved into an apartment together, finally, but he had been away on a business trip for the past couple days that she hadn’t been able to tag along with. 

in other words, she just really missed him. 

“let’s go eat dinner,” he suggests, pressing a kiss to the top of her head when she doesn’t do anything besides try to burrow deeper into his chest, smiling to himself in the very blatant show of affection. she’s been much more affectionate with him in private as of late, and he’s unsure of why but he’s not going to complain. it’s reassuring, if anything. 

jess agrees and she quickly packs up her stuff before they head out and she locks up the cafe for the rest of the night, thinking she would deal with it tomorrow. they head to one of their favorite restaurants, jess allowing her boyfriend to treat her to dinner for once. 

they’re done their food and dessert and are outside walking hand in hand, just strolling along with no destination in mind, when he turns to her, and takes both of her hands in both of his. 

“jessica,” saebom starts, and she stares up at him, confused as to what was going on before she sees him fumbling with something in his pocket, and before she can stop herself or think her decision through, it’s already been made for her. 

“no —” she blurts out before she can’t stop herself from doing it, her eyes wide and she feels bad immediately when he pauses, hurt flashing across his face and his expression crumbles soon after. she knows she’s guessed correctly when his hand stops trying to find whatever was in his pocket, and her first reaction is to run. like she always says, despite always saying she wanted to fight, her fight or flight reaction is always to run as far as she can, but she knows she can’t do that. 

not to him. 

so when he moves to pull away, his hand letting go of hers before she reacts quickly enough, she grabs his hand and holds on tight. 

he looks as surprised as she feels, and turns to glance at her, hope in his eyes, and she has to shake her head regretfully when their eyes meet, so as not to give him the wrong idea.

“i’m not ready to get married yet, not right now at least,” she tries to explain, taking his other hand once his expression isn’t so wary anymore. she knows she’s hurt him, and she hopes he won’t hold it against her. “my cafe is all i can focus on right now, bom-ah,” she says gently, squeezing his hands and she smiles a bit at him. “i can’t plan a wedding anytime soon, but that doesn’t mean i’m not in love with you, okay? 

“in the future, but not right now. it’s just not the right time right now.” 

— 

it’s weird to think that all of their friends are engaged now, but they’re the only two that aren’t. her cafe had taken off once she had finally figured everything out and she had been busier than ever, trying to run it on her own before she finally had to cave — only once she had enough funds to do so, of course — and hire a proper baker and a manager and even a barista for her rare days off. 

she had taken some days off, though. only because she had finally been able to and her staff had practically forced her to stop working herself to the bone, to accompany saebom to seoul for the fashion week there, since he was walking in a few of the bigger brands’ runway shows. it had been tiring, but in a different way than it had been when she was trying to open her cafe by the planned date. mostly because she had to speak korean more than she was used to, having learnt it because the company she modeled for a few years back had been headed in seoul, and she was rather rusty now. 

thank god for saebom. 

they were sitting on the couch in the almost-penthouse hotel room that his management had rented them, sipping on the champagne that had been a welcome gift from one of the clothing companies that saebom was walking for. 

“it’s nice to be away from london sometimes, hey,” he breaks the silence and she hums in agreement, her legs stretched out over his lap and her head resting gently against his shoulder. she thinks that maybe she could’ve had this life as well, if only she hadn’t wanted the cafe more. it had been fun while it lasted, at least. she doesn’t regret it at all. 

they clink their champagne glasses together as the television in front of them plays some reality show that neither of them are really paying attention to, jess’ eyes on her phone as she texts into her group chat that she has with arazely, megan and nadine. he’s not sure what’s happening that chat, but he doesn’t think he wants to know just in case they’re having another one of their ‘roast saebom’ conversations. he waits until she puts her phone down with a content sigh before he nudges her gently, wanting her full attention. 

“what about now?” saebom asks softly, pressing a kiss to her lips before he pulls away, not wanting her to misunderstand what he’s asking. 

(he, on the other hand, after discussing in detail with megan one day very soon after the first time, understands being the right person but asking at the wrong time now. he wants to ask again, knowing that they’re right for each other but it might still not be the right time yet, and he doesn’t want to pressure her or anything.)

“what about now?” jess replies, a bit sleepy from the champagne and the time change and she glances up at him with a concerned expression on her face, unsure what he was asking her. he hadn’t given any context but he did that sometimes, and she raises her head from where it had been perched on his shoulder. “bom?” she prompts, nudging him gently and sneaking a kiss onto his cheek. 

“... is it the right time now?” 

she pauses, taking a moment to consider what he had just asked her before it clicks. the wording is familiar enough that it doesn’t take her very long to realize he’s quoting her words back at her and she makes a soft sound, moving to straighten up but he shakes his head and tugs her back against his side. 

“it’s okay if it’s not,” he reassures her, a smile on his lips and she relaxes when he doesn’t seem angry or annoyed. “i was just wondering,” he adds, tugging her closer and she changes her position and shifts to curl into him instead, tucking herself cozily under his arm. 

“not right now,” she acquiesces a lot later, when they’re in bed, curled up close together with the light of the moon shining in through the window that they forgot to draw the blinds over, and are too lazy to do so now that they’re in bed and comfortable. he’s shirtless because she stole his shirt off his body to wear, just like old times. “soon though, i promise.” 

—   

they’re at nadine’s and minseok’s rehearsal dinner for their wedding, but their seats are set slightly apart from the head table because of the lack of space compared to the actual venue they would be in eventually. the food is soon to come out and everyone, as per usual, is at varying degrees of sobriety already. she makes a soft sound as she gazes up at nadine, watching as the older girl talks with her soon-to-be husband. 

it’s nice, she thinks, seeing them that happy. it’s the same way she feels when she sees megan and sina together nowadays as well, wondering if she’ll feel the same way if they were to put an official official label on them. she makes a soft sound, watching as nadine plops herself into minseok’s lap, obviously tipsy. 

they’re cute and it makes her feel happy, glad that they were tying the knot finally. soon.

leaning against her own boyfriend, jess glances up at saebom with a fond smile on her face. “they’re so happy, hey?” she murmurs, reaching out to pick up her cup of crown and coke and taking a long sip. 

“bommie, lets get married,” she says softly, not really realizing she had said it out loud and not realizing he’s frozen beside her as she watches minseok stare in their direction and she raises an eyebrow as she sees nadine protest at her fiancé. 

“hey bom!” she glances back at minseok when she hears his voice and then glances at her boyfriend who looks completely frozen in his spot, “looks like you’ve just seen a ghost?” 

“jess just said she wants to get married,” she hears him whisper, and because everyone had shut up at minseok calling out, so does everyone else. it’s completely silent and most of the people there knew how heavy that statement was. everyone in their friendship group, at least, knew she had turned him down the first time, and a select few knew about the second. “she wants to get married.” 

there’s a split second where no one reacts as everyone stares at them, and she’s kind of in shock because she hadn’t realized she had said it out loud either. 

“then why aren’t you down on one knee?” 

she doesn’t even have time to process who had yelled that — she’ll later pinpoint that it had definitely been megan who had done it — because next to her, saebom has jumped up and pulled out the ring case from his pocket. 

and in the next moment, he’s down on one knee in front of her, holding the ring up. it’s completely silent around them, as if everyone was holding their breath in anticipation. 

as if there would ever be a different outcome when she was the one who had suggested it first this time around.

“will you marry me?” 

there’s no chance for her to even answer, because apparently everyone already knows what its going to be this time. there’s a chorus of shrieks, probably from a tipsy nadine, joined by arazely and then megan soon after. or, that’s what she would figure out if she wasn’t staring down at her boyfriend -- fiance? -- in awe, nodding numbly, mutely, and watching as he finally was allowed to slide the ring onto her finger. 

it’s beautiful, as expected, and she’s sure all of her friends probably had a say in which one he chose, and she wouldn’t even put it past him if he had chosen to get it custom made. it glitters prettily in the light shining down on them, and jess stares at the ring on her finger as if she can’t believe it still, still sort of shocked into silence at the sudden turn of events. 

(she’ll feel bad later that she had done it at nadine’s wedding rehearsal dinner but the older girl reassures her again and again that it was totally fine.) 

nadine yells for a photographer, trying to rearrange the rehearsal dinner into an engagement party for them instead, but all jess can see is the blinding smile on saebom’s face as he stands, before she throws herself at him, her arms winding around his waist, sniffling slightly. 

thank merlin for makeup setting charms, honestly.