#losing your mind when a kid who's quiet asks u for ur advice? making sure the kids get an earful when they do something bat shit insane?

[itadori-san]

no because u can see ukai and takeda just see the karasuno boys as . kids.

[elysianslove]

first of all can i just say congrats on the 500 like i'm so happy for you and you absolutely deserve it (huge bear hug :) ) now i had this crazy hcs idea and i immediately thought of you so long story short how would Karasuno , Aoba Johsai and Nekoma react to their sweet manager having powers similar to those of scarlet witch (marvel) or mirajane strauss (fairytail anime) feel free to pick whichever one is easier and thank you so much for indulging my crazy request. love u lots - safiyah <3333

oh my goodness thank you sm for your words here’s a bear hug <3 also also i was literally just thinking just how cool it would be to have like a supernatural au haikyuu thing and then you send me this wow we on some mind reading shit. anyways i really hope you like this. sorry it’s like hq on crack if you want a serious one lemme know hsjkhsk

karasuno high

they lose their shit. 

every single one of them. 

mentally they’re all like 12 (except daichi and mqybe ennoshita) so i definitely think they’d have a very childish reaction to it. 

it’s so endearing though. 

they find out while walking you home one night: it’s very stormy and they just wanted to make sure you get home safe because they worship the ground you walk on. cue like a fucking billboard nearly falling on you and the group of boys and your instincts just kick in and you stop it mid air. 

noya’s still screaming even after everyone’s just gone silent and is gawking at the fact a billboard (or whatever the object is i can’t think rip) is hovering above them. in mid air. because of you. what the fuck? 

daichi’s blood pressure drops he’s like somebody catch me im about to faint wtf is going on. 

you kinda freak and just toss it away and run your way back home, as far away from the boys as possible. 

but alas, you’re their manager, and you have duties to fulfill. so you show up to practice the next morning terrified for your life. 

you’re not really sure why you’re so scared and nervous. you just are? it’s a huge part of who you are and it’d be a big bummer if the most important boys in your life didn’t accept it. 

noya greets you with a really big hug

tanaka’s so loud but what’s new <3 

daichi and suga just come up to you and gently ask if you’re okay because you ran off so quick yesterday

they all act super normal during practice but you can tell

you can tell

they want to ask so many questions they’re gonna explode 

after practice, when coach ukai and takeda leave, and it’s just you, kiyoko, and the boys, it’s s o quiet. you would hear a pin drop. 

you just sigh and go “you can ask” 

your poor eardrums </3 

they’re so fascinated by everything you say 

kiyoko’s like “i had a hunch” like how do u have a hunch about something like this anyways what a queen

noya’s like “make me fly” 

and tsukki in the back “drop him on his ass pls” 

they definitely make you do so many things for them with it 

cleaning duty is now on you because hello !! you can move things with your mind !! 

kags doesn’t get it. he’s like. ok? and ? i can set volleyballs perfectly, hinata can jump really high despite his height, she can move things with her mind? so what? 

i love him 

they’re also crazy good at keeping it a secret? 

not hinata tho he slips up so often like thank god the secret isn’t realistic or believable

he’ll be like “oh yeah? well our manager can move things with her mind!” 

and suga just has to usher him away with a pained smile like “yeah she’s so incredible haha” while doing that thing moms do where they squeeze or pinch your shoulder if they’re mad at you in public 

it feels like a weight lifted off your shoulders when they find out because the closer you grew to these boys, the more they felt like family to you.

aoba johsai

my favorite team 

i hc makki as someone that smokes weed. pls don’t try to convince me otherwise. look at him. he’s a pothead <3 

this is going somewhere i swear.

so you’re a 3rd year manager, meaning you’ve been with these boys a while now, specifically the third years of the team, so y’all are pretty close. 

how they find out: it’s like 3am on a weekend, the seijoh 4 and some of the second years. you’d baked a cake with like all of them all at once in the kitchen, so it was now a mess, so you’re attempting to clean it up as fast as you can the way you know best — with your hands and your mind. makki walks in, high as shit, sees this and just. 

“damn must be the weed.” 

you don’t hear him. so. uh oh. 

he was probably sent there by iwa to get water or something, so iwaizumi walks in and just yells so loud “what the fuck!” 

it’s like they’re all summoned by this. they eventually all pile into the kitchen and you’re literally just frozen in fear with pots and pans and utensils and specks of flour hovering by you. and then you maintain eye contact with iwa as you lift one hand and direct the pans into a cupboard and slowly shut it. 

“so it’s not the weed?” 

they honestly. don’t act any different tbh 

it’s like an added feature of yours that they appreciate. 

oikawa asks you to read his mind to test if what happened that night was real and you just lift him up from off his seat. 

“i asked you to read my mind tho hm” 

yeah mind reading is just a regular thing now. they will slyly ask you to read the other team’s minds during a match and you’re like no that’s cheating. but you do. and you subtlety give them advice. like “hm i wonder if that team’s gonna do this specific attack” 

also oikawa asks (read:begs) u to like help them make it through to nationals

you say “will it feel like a true accomplishment if i do?” 

shuts his pretty face up <3 

they also make you like. toss volleyballs to them. but with your mind. multiple of them. they take it as some stupid challenge idk these boys are dumb i love them 

they also love throwing things at. YOU. LIKE WTF? 

like haha dodgeball but it’s a group of 6’0+ athletes against just. you. 

sounds fair 

they also become insanely protective of you after they find out. idk how that clicks w them but. yes. 

especially mattsun and iwa ? like men. relax.

anyways they would abuse the shit out of your powers genuinely but it’s okay it’s out of love <3

nekoma high

they. they’re idiots. all of them. 

kuroo would probably be like but scientifically ! this makes zero sense 

omg kenma would lose his MIND. 

HES A GAMER BRUH 

HED BE OBSESSED W YOU.

but lowkey bc none of that simp shit </3 

ooou okay so you’re at a training camp and they sneak you in with them so you guys can play truth or dare 

bc yk. you’re kids. 

and y’all are going around and you just pick truth and someone asks what’s the biggest secret you’ve ever kept from us and they expect some dirty shit they’re nasty smh 

and then you straight up go “i can move things w my mind” 

and theyre like ok miss stop playin fr 

keep in mind it’s dark as hell in the dormitory and eerily quiet and you shift one of the chairs in there, and it squeaks loudly

yamamoto jumps and looks at you w so much fear in his eyes. “that wasn’t you” 

“bet?” 

and then suddenly all chairs are moving all at once and yamamato deadass screams 

kuroo’s shrugging like. “it’s just the wind,” like ur not in a closed off room w all the windows shut whatever u say sir <3 

lev’s like

gone into shock. seriously someone go get him water or something. 

when morning comes they’re all like hella scared to approach you except kenma and kuroo bc kenma— is in awe. kuroo — does not believe it. 

you’re kinda :( that they’re scared of you and you approach them after the day is over and just apologize, and tell them you didn’t mean to scare them and that you’d never hurt them or even consider it. 

they do a 180 bruh they just all go “awwwwww” and suffocate you in a group hug so you shove them all off for good measure lmao 

kuroo still doesn’t believe it until you save his ass in broad daylight and he’s like ok maybe it wasn’t fake so what sue me 

whenever there are training camps where other schools come they beg u to help them prank the boys 

especially bokuto and hinata 

and you do obviously 

it’s hilarious watching them scream as something moves slightly. you never do it that it’s suspicious just enough to be like did that happen or is my mind messing w me rn 

scarlet witch also has the ability to mess w people’s mind in the literal sense and whenever one of the boys pisses you off particularly you just make them see their biggest fear 

kenma asks you to reenact some of his favorite gameplays for him

it’s literally just roleplay and you couldn’t care less someone catches the two of you you’re no pussy you can admit when you’re having fun 

overall a very chaotic reaction 

they don’t treat you any different they’re just like 100x more hyped about who you are. like the fact that you’re their manager is already a blessing and now this !!! 

incredible <3333

[junker-town]

The comprehensive guide to winning rock-paper-scissors

Always throw the same thing. Or don’t!

When it comes to America’s greatest sport, everyone’s an expert.

We’re talking about rock-paper-scissors. It’s one of this country’s longest-standing pastimes, and it might be the game with the lowest barriers to entry. It requires a simple series of hand movements and, uh, not much else. If you crave competition, there’s no easier way to get it than saddling up for an RPS duel against a friend.

These are our most critical pieces of advice.

Some of these thoughts are contradictory to one another, so you’ll have to decide whose side you take. Sound good? Let’s RPS.

Know your opponent’s personality type.

I’ve won some big rock-paper-scissors matches in my life. I’ve had drinks purchased for me, errands run for me, and gruesome dares carried out on my behalf — all because I know the tricks my friends are going to throw at me when we duel. My best win:

I found a video of what's def gonna go down as my peak athletic accomplishment in this life: a rock-paper-scissors/huggy bear tournament win http://pic.twitter.com/Dqve72z1fX

— Alex Kirshner (@alex_kirshner) May 3, 2017

People ask me all the time — actually they don’t, but let’s pretend they do — how I win RPS matches. The most important thing is to know the kind of person you’re dealing with on the other side. The guy I beat for an RPS championship a few years ago is a good man and a patriot. He’s also a military man and has a rugged persona.

But because he’s a military guy, I knew he wasn’t going to back down. We both threw rock on our first go-around, and I knew that there was nothing he’d enjoy more than winning with the exact same thing. It’d make him feel tougher and somehow more pure to win without changing his ways. So I just changed my play to paper, grabbed my RPS championship trophy, and went on home. I don’t feel bad about it.

Here is a bold-faced lie from my brother:

@alex_kirshner I beat you every single time when we were kids. You threw scissors first without fail... bad strategy for sure.

— Joel Kirshner (@JKirshner36) May 5, 2017

- Alex Kirshner

Force your opponent’s hand (we’re talking mind games)

I consider myself an excellent rock-paper-scissors player, and my success starts with my mentality: You have to be unafraid to die in the arena. Those who play RPS scared — afraid of throwing the wrong thing — aren’t thinking enough about their opponent. You need to take in every tell on their person: things like their facial expression, perspiration levels, general state of anxiety and/or drunkeness, etc. You won’t do that if you’re also keenly aware that you’re giving off the same tells yourself.

What many don’t realize is that you can force your opponent’s hands. Talk. Be obnoxious. Get in his or her head. If you’re playing best-two-outta-three, comment on their first throw: “Scissors, huh?” Tell them what they’re going throw next. Tell them what you’re going to throw next (and keep your promise ... or not). Feign like you’re mulling over your next move. Drag out the moment. Peer deep into their eyes.

Do whatever you can to induce a flinch. Your opponent will react, and when they do you will have gained another clue into their soul. RPS isn’t about you — it’s about your opponent and the frailty of human will. - Louis Bien

For me, it’s all about coming from a position of strength, first and foremost. Since we’re civilized people, we’re going best two out of three, so I can afford to lose one. You throw rock first every time to initially assert dominance. Then you’ll often throw it back the next round becuase they’re shook. They know I’m the alpha and are threatened. Then I mind-game them, because I certainly wouldn’t throw rock again the third round. Would I? — Richard Johnson

Keep using the same move

I can’t give away all of my secrets when it comes to this classic battle, but one I will share is that particular strategy. If a best 2 out of 3 is being played, this works nearly every time, unless it is also being deployed against you. It’s even better when used in a best 3 out of 5, or greater. Once your opponent has caught onto your move — let’s say it’s paper — that’s when you deploy the rock. It’s very simple, and works like a charm. Your opponent will be defeated, and annoyed with the malarkey. - Harry Lyles Jr.

Go rock, go rock, go rock again, keep going rock, and then, just when your opponent is getting annoyed, look them in the eye, give them a playful smirk, and ... go rock again.

Btw you will not win if you do this, but you can whine when you lose that in real life a rock would destroy a flimsy piece of paper. - Seth Rosenthal

Just roll with the punches.

Don't listen to my dude coworkers who think they can control the uncontrollable. They can't. Rock-paper-scissors isn't rocket science; all you have to do is go with your gut and throw down what you feel. Will you lose? Yeah, sometimes. But that's how probability and life works. Roll with it. - Charlotte Wilder

Transfer the responsibility

Find a surrogate to RPS for you. If they lose, you can blame them. If they win, you can take the credit. Delegation is the key to good leadership. - Ryan Van Bibber

Know your opponent’s weaknesses.

The art of winning RPS is understanding the personality of your opponent. Are they lazy? They’re going to throw rock. High ego? They’re going to think they’re better than you and go scissors. Paper people are difficult to predict, but typically they’re going to be the more quiet and demure members of your friend circle. Also understand the stakes: If the result of the RPS match is low-impact then they’re going to lean on their old tricks, but if there’s a lot on the line then people will over-think their moves and go to the polar opposite of their personality. — James Dator

When playing RPS, you have to remember the one cardinal rule: it’s way more effort to throw scissors than it is to throw rock or paper. Ultimately you just have to decide whether or not your opponent is a rock person or a paper person. If you’re up against Dwight Schrute, just play scissors every time. - Cory Williams

Consistency is key.

Always throw what your opponent just threw. - Justin Bopp

Cheat

We all know that it’s “rock, paper, scissors, shoot,” and you throw what you know on “shoot.” We all know this! Yet there’s always that one asshole that let’s the ritual get started before they break away mid-“scissors” to be all “wait wait lol lol are we doing scissors or SHOOT?” — meanwhile getting a sneak peek at what you had in store for Round 1. And the worst thing about this strategy is that it works. Listen, I’m not here to tell you to cheat at rock-paper-scissors. But I am here to tell you that if you’re desperate — this might just be your play. — Dayana Sarkisova

Lots of people we asked believe in never changing their play.

@SBNation http://pic.twitter.com/Ujano9u8bz

— Joseph Flynn (@ChinaJoeFlynn) May 5, 2017

@SBNation Always use rock. Works EVERY time

— Nikolas Holmes (@NikolasHolmes) May 5, 2017

@SBNation Throw the same thing every time

— Zach Daw (@SoDawsome) May 5, 2017

And a slight variation to that method:

@SBNation People will always try to use the thing tht beats wht u used on ur last move, if u won. If u won with rock, theyll use paper next round.

— Sam Gosin (@samgosin) May 5, 2017

Some people advocate a hard-line approach.

@SBNation cheat

— Russell Steinberg (@Russ_Steinberg) May 5, 2017

Here is the most serious advice:

@SBNation 1. Always stare deeply into your opponent's eyes as if they're the true love you've always been looking for. That should make them nervous.

— Michelle Goldchain (@goldchainam) May 5, 2017

@SBNation 2. Pretend you are your opponent. Everything that makes them them is now you. That should help you know what their next move is.

— Michelle Goldchain (@goldchainam) May 5, 2017

@SBNation 3. After you win, do a little dance. This is less to rub it in your opponent's face and more to attract the ladies. They'll be so pleased.

— Michelle Goldchain (@goldchainam) May 5, 2017