#losing that parasauralophus was the biggest tragedy of draghull respeccing into fighter tbh

[incoherentmuses]

more OSHA posting? more OSHA posting! (tagging @controlledchaosetc and @itusebastian, since you seemed interested, lmk if you wanna be untagged!)

so there have been a lot of Good Good Goofs and Bits over the years i’ve been DM-ing these boys. so many. too many, one might argue. but today let me pull one from the early days. an OSHA classic, if you will. a story i like to call:

The Seven Bats Incident

a quick premise, to get you up to speed. this is set during my first ever campaign, which i, in my infinite wisdom, decided to homebrew. a magical cataclysm has split the land of Ormana into ley-line divided sections, an incident called The Shattering. Magic has gone very wild in the years of this cataclysm, such that every spell cast, regardless of caster class, has a chance to ping on a Wild Magic table.

in this dangerous time, the PC’s have worked their way towards the heart of the cataclysm, and find themselves in a place where the wobbly magic has conjured eternal darkness across the land. they also find themselves in a magical college, where the headmistress is trying to deal with two problems: keeping a school of magic safe during a magical cataclysm; and vampires.

the school had a vampire problem. a creature of the night kept feeding on students and they hadn’t been able to figure out who the vampire was. with several suspicious characters around, including a bitchy, somewhat cagey, enchantment teacher, and a dubious necromancy professor, OSHA set to work trying to uncover the vampire in their midst.

now, readers. there was also a library in this school, because of course there was. and that library had a librarian - a sweet little tabaxi lady called Seven Bats. Her daughter was the groundskeeper, whom the PC’s had already befriended, and she was very helpful in letting the PC’s look through her books regarding the main plot they were still tracking down.

with progress on the vampire hunt going slowly, Draghull - at the time still a paladin - decides to perform a very good goof. He’ll cast ‘detect evil’ on Seven Bats the librarian because ‘wouldn’t it be really funny if the character with the bat name was the vampire?’

he casts the spell.

evil is detected.

the evil is undead.

‘Holy shit,’ he says. ‘I didn’t think that would work.’

now, gentle reader, i was frustrated at this point because i, resident dumbass that i am, had not realised that i had given my vampire an Extremely Obvious Vampire Name. I just got it off a generator! i made the npcs for the school and assigned one of them Vampire Chores later!

‘fuck!’ I said

‘fuck!’ Seven Bats said.

the whole school then descended into uproar as the party fought, chased, and finally caught Seven Bats. One failed de-vampire-ing ritual later, she was destroyed and the day was saved!

no-one was happy about it. she’d been turned into a vampire by the Shattering, and her daughter was understandably upset that her new friends just killed her mum. but there were no more vampires in the school, and the headmistress was so pleased she forgave the party their other trespasses (summoning a parasauralophus into the dining hall, the monk getting teleported into the roof and leaving a big hole, etc etc)

eventually OSHA got the Plot Info they needed and moved on to less eternally dark pastures. and my players have never, and will never, let me forget the time i named a secret vampire Seven fucking Bats.