#lord i hope this is more than just unintelligible babbling

[thebrothershardy]

(icon anon here) i just really like the ones you have of vintage nancy (/post/157628338961/) where she's against a colorful background, whether it's solid or gradient, whatever PSDs or filters or whatever you use on them just look really good!

oh that’s really pretty basic!! i’ll do my best here, and sorry if i explain a shit ton of stuff you already know how to do!!!

okay so i’ll try to basically redo a similar version of this icon:

i’m currently using ps elements so your screen might look a bit different but it shouldn’t be too radical! let’s start just with a blank square for the icon base and a book cover of your choice:

so for the icon base, i just picked a light shade of blue i liked, and then went in with pure white at a 40% opacity, and under the “soft light” mode, lightened up the bottom a bit (i only swiped over the layer twice but of course that all depends on the look you’re going for)

time to cut out nancy! i use the quick selection tool and roughly grab her shape (to be soon cleaned up) and click on “refine edge” before i drag her over to the icon. the settings i use for the refinement below:

let’s drag her over. right now she’s small and not properly cleaned up. if at this point, she’s way too big for your icon layer, delete her and ENLARGE YOUR ICON LAYER—otherwise you’ll have to make nancy smaller and end up pixelating her. it’s better to make her a bit bigger and then surface blur her/reduce noise if she’s fuzzy. BUT WE’LL GET TO THAT LATER. for now, let’s just go in with the eraser!

so let’s start with making her bigger. i played with the size a bit until i liked how much of the icon she took up.

then grab your eraser! i typically use a “soft round” instead of a “hard round” brush because it’s not quite as harsh with the clean-up. i’m at around 13 pixels here just so i can get really exact. the zoom function is your friend here!

so here’s what i end up with after erasing the unwanted bits. it doesn’t have to be perfect—ultimately, the icon will be seen at a lot smaller scale so a few mistakes won’t be seen all that easily!

now time for coloring nancy! she’s a bit dark and a bit oversaturated for me, so here’s what i did:brightness: +45midtone contrast: +15hue: +5you can also play with the tint/temperature/ambient light/etc. here’s what she looks like now:

now i’d like to change some specifics, like the color of her shirt/hair/lipstick. add another layer over nancy (create new layer is a tiny little square in the upper left of the layers box for me, or you can just press ctrl+j). let’s attach the layer to nancy’s layer (for my ps this is on the upper left, the tab called layer –> group with previous (ctrl+g will do this too)) and make sure it’s changed from “normal” to “color.” the screen should look like this:

(ps i rotated nancy a bit)

OKAY let’s start with her shirt! i grab the brush tool (opacity is currently at 100% but you can alter that whenever you’d like) for that, and since i’d like her shirt to match the background, i eyedropper the color for an exact match. and then we color! you don’t have to worry about painting outside the lines since you’d grouped layers with nancy’s layer, so HAVE FUN. (another plus of having the color as a second layer is that a) you can erase it easily whenever you’d like and b) you can change the saturation or hue of this layer whenever you’d like, so you can easily change her shirt to purple/yellow/green/whatever in case you’re making a bunch of icons in different colors.)

so here she is after i’ve changed her shirt. LOVELY. 

now i’d like her hair to be a bit blonder too since there are lots of greenish bits in there right now. i’m adding a separate layer for this just because i like to keep my colors separate, but if you like living on the wild side, go ahead and stay in the same layer you colored her shirt in. if you add another, make sure it’s still “grouped” with nancy’s and not just an independent layer.

so here’s the hair layer as of now:

it’s a bit too yellow for me right now, so i’m gonna change the hue (ctrl+u) and go a little bit more orange (-3 was all i needed here). this is another reason why separating your color layers is a plus! changing the hue of all the colors at once would’ve made the blue change a bit too). so here we go now:

i still don’t like how dark her hair is in certain places, so let’s change that. i’m gonna copy the same hair layer i just made (ctrl+j), but change the mode from “color” to “soft light.” here’s how it looks now:

at 100%, the light is too much, so i changed it to 55%. i also shuffled it under the color layer because the soft light layer will def change the shade, and we want the color to stay the same.

the last color i want to alter is the makeup. i’d like her lipstick to match her blush a bit more, so i add another layer and pick a shade of pink i like. i take the brush tool and basically redo what i just did with her hair, ending up with two soft light layers and one color layer on top of the others. at this point you could also do little things like brighten the blue of her eyes, add in some eyeshadow, lighten up her eyebrows, etc, etc, just by adding new layers and painting to your heart’s content. 

but i’m happy at this point! so let’s merge the layers into one giant layer. right click on any of the layers and choose “flatten image.” all your layers should now vanish—this is great for if you want to brighten the entire image as a whole, for instance. in this case, i want to make it a little less blurry.

i go to the upper left to: filter –> noise –> reduce noise. my settings for that are currently:strength: 6%preserve details: 10%reduce color noise: 6%

that’ll gently blur the “noise” on the icon and make it look a little better. that’s typically my final step.

and heeeere’s the final product!

obviously there’s a lot here that you can alter based on personal preference, but this is just a basic idea of what i go through when i make an icon in ps. your photoshop might also look different than mine just a bit, but i guarantee you, even if the buttons are in different places, they ARE there, just somewhere else or under a different name.

oh boy i hope this was even SOMEWHAT helpful. if you have any questions, please come back and let me know!!!

[mellowswriting]

I saw that requests are open! would it be possible for you to write a follow up to Second Chances with javi and reader? Maybe you have another kid and this time javi is able to be there for you throughout the whole pregnancy, and get to experience the first kick, you giving birth, etc (I am a sucker for domestic!javi if you can't tell haha) I think it would be really cute!!

From the Beginning

pairing || Javier Peña x afab!Reader

summary || Javier gets to experience the chaotic excitement of welcoming a new baby to the family.

word count || 6,466 

warnings || kid fic, pregnant reader, non-graphic childbirth, some spiciness but no smut, dad!Javi being adorable 

a/n || I can’t even express how much I love writing about the boys as dads, especially Javier! I really hope you all enjoy this, it was so very much fun to write.

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Early spring mornings always had a special quality about them. The air was never too hot, pleasantly warm with a hint of a cool breeze that still lingered from winter’s sharp grip. Plants were beginning to bloom, the trees regaining their bright green foliage that ruffled in a symphony with every pass of the wind. Spring was the bringer of warmth after the ice and snow, the nurturer that coaxed seeds to sprout and flourish, the guide for new life and hope.

Ironic, then, that those very qualities you had grown to love were the ones causing you so much inner turmoil that you couldn’t even enjoy the gorgeous morning happening around you. You hadn’t even realized what was happening at first. Mother nature hadn’t exactly gifted you with a cycle that could be easily followed and predicted. Instead you had the supreme pleasure of having to carry around menstrual products everywhere you went and having to replace your underwear far more often than usual. So when you went two months without the waves of cramps and frustration of your period, it wasn’t all that remarkable.

It was when you were doing some last minute grocery shopping the night before that you realized something was off. Well, more off than usual. The sight of the shelves of tampons made your stomach bottom out with realization. You must’ve made quite a sight as you stood in that aisle with a cart half full of food, just staring at tampons with dread. Two boxes of pregnancy tests got tossed in with the various other items in your cart and you hoped that Javier was too tired from work to insist he help you put away the groceries.

For once, the universe appeared to be on your side. Your husband was sitting on the floor with Elianna, a spread of coloring books and crayons scattered on the living room carpet, and he actually listened to you when you waved him off to carry the bags in yourself. The tests were tucked away in the bathroom behind your tampons - ironic, yes, but it was the one place Javier really wouldn’t be poking around.

Honestly, a part of you felt bad for not telling Javier right away. He had more than proven himself as a great father and husband in the nearly two years since he returned to your life. Those irrational little fears of him leaving you and little Ellie had been crushed into nothing in the wake of the role he readily took on with his daughter, but this was different. Maybe it was pretty naive of you to not have that conversation with him, but it was something you thought you still had time for.

The plus sign on the pregnancy tests told you the time for that conversation was now, apparently. You were grateful for the timing of your little realization. Saturday mornings saw the standing trend of your sister whisking Ellie away for some ‘auntie and niece time’, and you really didn’t want her to feel the tension you were carrying. She was such a perceptive little girl that had an eye for everything.

Javier was still asleep. You usually slept in with him on the weekends, but you were restless to find out if your period was just pulling a fast one on you or if you actually were pregnant. Now you had four positive tests sitting in front of you and a sleeping husband who you couldn’t decide whether or not to wake up. Luckily, you ended up not having to make that choice since two sharp raps of his knuckles against the bathroom door snapped you out of your trance.

The door opened a millisecond after you snatched up the tests and hid them behind your back, not so unlike Ellie when she was hiding a treat she wasn’t supposed to have yet. The difference was that you didn’t know if this would be a treat to Javier. He was still half asleep, his thin pajama pants slug low on his hips and his eyes squinted against the bathroom light.

“G’morning,” He grunted as he moved to shuffle past you. “Move over, I gotta piss.”

You were rooted to the spot, though, your brain floundering to gain control of your muscles. “Uhm…”

“What’s wrong?” Javier slowly perked up through his sleepy haze at the realization that you looked downright terrified. He put his hand on your bicep and squeezed slightly. “Is Ellie okay?”

“What? No, yeah, Ellie’s fine. She’s with Amelia.” You spluttered, cringing at your inability to function.

“Then why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?” Javi pressed. There really wasn’t any hiding things from him. Ellie must get that sharp eye of hers from her father. “What are you holding behind your back?”

You tried to swallow down the thickness that enveloped your throat to form some sort of words, literally anything to convey to him what the hell was going on, but your body was seized with fear. So you held out the tests wordlessly. His eyebrows furrowed as he took the bundle of tests from your hand, staring at them with a split second’s confusion before it dawned on him. “This…? You…?”

“Yeah.” You whispered. The worry in your voice must’ve been obvious because Javier was on you in a second flat, his arms crowding you into his chest with a crushing strength.

“You’re pregnant?” Javier croaked into your neck and the dam of emotion in your chest crumbled. His voice was full of excited disbelief, and relief crashed over you.

“Yeah, I am.” You said with a tearful chuckle, winding your arms around him to burrow yourself even further into his chest. “I know we never really talked about having another kid but… is this something you want, Javi?”

“Fuck, this is ironic.” Javier laughed quietly and when you looked up at him, he avoided your eyes with an almost bashful look. “I was gonna ask you today if you ever thought about it. Do you have any idea how many times I went over it in my head?”

You couldn’t help it - you cracked up laughing. The whole thing was almost ridiculous - the both of you worrying despite wanting the exact same thing. Tears of relief and laughter soaked into his t-shirt as you both broke into chaotic laughter, fingers clutching at each other’s shirts as you tried to catch your breath.

“So, uh… are we doing this?” Javier sounded nervous, his hands rubbing up and down your back as if to reassure himself. “You really wanna have a baby with me? Again?”

“Yeah.” Your voice was choked with a tense mix of emotions, so you cleared your throat and tried again. “Yeah, I do.”

“I can’t… fuck, I can’t believe you - you’d… thank you.” He babbled, nearly unintelligible in his scramble to convey how fucking grateful he was, but you knew. It wasn’t the first time you had heard the desperate need to spit words he couldn’t really find, the words that matched the swell of emotions in his chest that still wasn’t used to voicing. “Fuck, Ellie’s gonna be such a good big sister.”

That choked you up more than you expected. She really would be, you knew that for a fact, but it was a dream you had boxed up and shoved on a shelf with all your other unrealistic dreams for your future. Never in your life did you let yourself really think you could have the whole package deal - the loving (albeit gruff) husband, the big house, the sound of little feet chasing each other through the halls…

“Wait, how long have you been…? Or do we have to see a doctor first? Oh shit, we have to find a doctor for you, what the fuck are they called..? A fucking... obstetrician!” Javi rambled in a mix of nerves and excitement, breaking from your embrace to pace the length of the bathroom. “How are you feeling? Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to help, because -”

“Javi, breathe!” You calmed him with both hands out to stop his walking and braced your hands on his shoulders to rub at him firmly. “We have plenty of time, okay? Let me go make some coffee for you and we can sit down and make a plan. First, didn’t you have to go to the bathroom?”

“Oh… yeah.”

----------

Javier couldn’t stop bouncing his knee. It was a subconscious thing, something he stopped the moment he realized but soon found it moving of its own volition all over again. He really was trying not to let his nerves show even though he knew that you could tell. It was all so new to him, which wouldn’t be a problem if the reminder didn’t gut him every goddamn time. He couldn’t imagine how alone you must have felt the first time around when you were pregnant with Elianna, especially in these cold, sterile doctors offices.

His grip tightened on your hand. The feeling of your fingertips pressed against the top of his hand kept him grounded, helped him remind himself that there was no going back and changing everything else that happened. All he could do was be there this time around, be the best version of himself that he could be for you and his kid - well, kids now. Plural. The excitement was almost enough to drown away the guilt. Javi really could barely believe that he was getting the privilege of experiencing this with you.

“I’ve seen files on drug lords shorter than all that.” Javier nodded at the pile of forms and paperwork you held in your lap and you laughed brightly. He preened a little at the sound. It was something he could never get enough of, that laugh of yours. “I love you.”

You looked up at him, the pen in your hand stopping its constant scratching for the first time in forever, and gave him a lopsided smile. “I love you, too.”

There was no way he wasn’t going to kiss you after that adorable little display. Your cheek felt soft against his palm and the little sigh of relief you huffed against him was addictive. Just knowing that he was an anchor for you made Javier feel so incredibly loved and important and all he wanted to do was imbue you with that same sense of security. He held you close, his hand slipping back to the back of your neck to keep you right where he wanted you, and gave you those soft little kisses that never failed to make you melt.

“Mrs. Peña?” A nurse called out and he had no choice but to let you go with one last peck against your lips. He followed you and the nurse into the exam room, nerves and excitement soaring even higher in his chest.

It was kind of fascinating, watching you answer the nurse’s barrage of questions. Questions about your medical history, how many pregnancies you’ve had, all about your menstrual cycle. The two of you went back and forth for at least fifteen minutes, tossing questions and answers back and forth like a tennis match. The nurse left with the promise of the doctor being in momentarily for an ultrasound.

“Come hold my hand?” You asked, and how could he deny such a sweet request?

“Of course,” He pulled a chair from across the room and settled himself next to the exam table, both of his hands wrapping around one of yours as he brought it up to his lips to kiss your knuckles. “So what happens now?”

“The doctor will give me an ultrasound. She’ll probably want to run some blood tests, too.” You sighed, obviously uncomfortable at the thought of needles.

“I’ll hold your hand then, too.” Javier promised.

“It’ll be good practice for you, ‘cause once I’m in labor I’ll probably break your hand.” You teased and yeah, broken fingers didn’t sound all that great but fuck, he was more than ready to let you do just that. Javier wanted to be your rock, wanted to support you through it all - especially since he couldn’t the first time.

Two quick knocks sounded against the door made Javier straighten up hastily. The doctor came in with a smile and a large machine wheeling in behind her. “Good morning, mom and dad! How’re we feeling?”

“All good here, Dr. Hall. A little nauseous, but still… good.” You gave Javier’s hand a little squeeze before letting go to unbutton your jeans and fold the waistband down, followed by pulling the hem of your shirt up. It was hard to believe that the beginning of an entire new life was right there between your hips.

“Good to hear!” Dr. Hall fiddled with the ultrasound machine for a moment before turning to you. “So today we’re going to take a look and find out how far along you are, make sure mom and baby both look healthy, okay?”

“Okay,” You and Javier said in unison, and he took your hand again, needing to feel you there with him.

The gel must’ve been cold based on the way you hissed slightly. Javier watched the screen as Dr. Hall trailed the wand over your belly, lips parting at the sight of the black and white image. It was hard to make out what exactly he was seeing at first, but the image shifted slightly and he could make out the tiniest, vague shape of the newest edition to his little family.

“It looks like you’re about ten weeks along.” Dr. Hall murmured without taking her eyes off of the screen. “Baby is about the size of a plum.”

Javier squeezed your hand lightly, the both of you sparing a glance at each other before staring back at the screen in wonder. The doctor pointed out the baby’s head and a little foot as she took her measurements, reassuring you both that everything looked perfect. He gave a rushed “yes, absolutely” when she asked if he wanted the ultrasound photos - there was a spot in his wallet that he had in mind for it already.

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t been in situations that left him shocked before. This was Javier Peña, after all. Life and career experiences had given him plenty of moments where his mind was completely washed blank with surprise, but never had it been such a good thing. There were so many times that the shock was accompanied by grief or anger, but excitement? Gratefulness? That was new to him, left him reeling the entire drive home, all throughout dinner. Something in the back of his mind nagged at him that he couldn’t be like this when Ellie got home the next day. She was smarter than he could’ve imagined any kid being at three years old and even though he agreed with your assertion that no one should know about your pregnancy for a few more weeks at least, Javier was certain his daughter would be able to needle it out of him.

Those expert interrogation skills must be hereditary.

It wasn’t until he was getting ready for bed that it really hit him how real it was, that you really were sitting in the bed you shared with him, pregnant with his baby and making plans for the usual Sunday brunch and park visit you all did every week. As he set his wallet on the nightstand, he couldn’t help but pull out the little ultrasound picture. He had a feeling he would be doing that a lot, especially when the new cadets were driving him crazy at work. It all swelled up in his chest, the appreciation and excitement and disbelief, because holy shit, how did he get so lucky? One finger traced the little image in his hand, and he couldn’t help but blurt out, “Thank you.”

The confused look you gave him made him flounder for the words.

“I just… I know everything was fucked up the first time around but I swear, it’s going to be different this time. I am not going anywhere.” Javier slid closer at the sight of the tears in your eyes, easily welcoming your arms around his neck as you practically drug yourself into his lap. He held you close to his chest, trying to instill the certainty and promise of it all. “God, fuck, and I thought I couldn’t get enough of you before…”

“Javi…” You croaked, laughing wetly into his neck.

“I’m serious! You’re gonna have to tell me to fuck off when you want space because I can’t keep my hands off you.” Javi teased, relief washing over him at your seeming acceptance of his promises. “And now like this, growing my baby… fuck, I am in this with you. Me and you and Ellie… and our little plum.”

That night, Javier fell asleep with his head on your shoulder, his face buried in your neck, and his hand tucked into the waistband of your sweatpants to cradle that precious space that held his newest child.

----------

Ellie couldn’t stop touting her new title to anyone who would listen.

“I’m a big sister!” She told the cashier at the grocery store, the other kids at the park and their moms for good measure, and even the mailman when they came by each morning. The brightness in her eyes when she said it made your heart flip in your chest. You had expected some sort of confusion or even for her to be upset at the idea of a new sibling, but she launched right into a story about how her friend from playgroup has a baby sister, and you knew that she would be just fine.

With your sixteenth week rapidly approaching, you couldn’t be more grateful that Ellie was excited for the new addition to the family. It was one less thing for you to worry about amidst the chaos of bringing a new person into the world. The fatigue was something you definitely didn’t miss about pregnancy - it washed over you without warning, left you nodding off wherever you sat. Thank god Javier was such a hands on father. He had no problem herding Ellie off into the backyard or off for a walk to let you get some much needed rest.

You hadn’t expected him to be such a hands on husband, though. Sure, you knew he was excited and you knew he already loved everything about your body, but he really wasn’t lying when he said pregnancy made him want you even more. Every night, Javi’s hands gravitated to your body to ease the kinks out of your muscles, to rub your feet until the aches went away, to cheekily offer you an orgasm if you were up for one. It made you feel cherished, something you sorely missed the first time you were pregnant.

“Thank you, Javi,” You groaned lowly as those strong hands of his worked at your lower back. He easily hitched your thigh up slightly to ease some of the pressure on the new swell to your belly. There was a slur in your voice when you said, “Feels so good.”

Javier chuckled behind you, moving on to rub your feet. “Be quiet, you don’t want to wake Ellie.”

“Did you ever see this being our life?” You murmured though your voice was muffled by the pillows you buried your head in. “Telling each other not to wake the kids, making bacon smiley faces for a toddler’s breakfast?”

“I didn’t think I’d actually get it, but I wished for it. Dreamt about how pretty you’d look all full of me.” Javi placed a teasing kiss to the inside of your thigh. “The real thing is so much better.”

You could only groan under his praise. His thumbs dug into the arch of your foot and rubbed in methodical circles, drawing another pleased groan from you that you muffled in your pillow. The pain slowly melted from your tired muscles under his thorough ministrations, leaving a pleasant warmth in his wake that made you all pliant and drowsy beneath him.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” Javi asked as he rubbed his hands up your calves and you smiled. You knew exactly what he was gunning for.

You eased yourself onto your back and reached out for him with both arms, bringing him forward with grabby hands that he could never refuse. Javier settled between your thighs, a knowing smirk on his face, and leaned down to kiss you deeply. “‘M feeling good, Javi.”

“You know I love making my girl feel good,” Javi murmured as he kissed down your neck, one hand trailing back and forth over your hip and thigh lovingly. “Can I make you feel even better?”

“Please?” You asked breathily and your husband was more than happy to oblige. The loose tank top you wore was the first to go, followed quickly by your shorts and underwear.

Javier set about lavishing your neck and chest with affection, his touch more gentle than usual on your oversensitive breasts, and once again you were struck by the surrealness of it all. The fact that this had begun in Colombia all those years ago as two coworkers using sex for stress relief and had blossomed into this beautiful life you shared together was a thing of dreams. But there you were, with Javier Peña making love to you, quietly as to not wake your daughter and gently as to keep you and your baby safe and happy, and you could barely believe it.

“I love you,” You choked out through the tears that sprung into your eyes and Javi sat up to look at you with a concerned expression.

“What? What’s wrong?” He asked, his eyes roaming all over to find the apparent source of your tears.

“Nothing’s wrong.” You tried to pull him back down to you but he didn’t budge, the concern unwavering.

“Then why are you crying?” Javier brushed a thumb under your eyes to wipe away the evidence of your strong burst of emotion.

“Because I love you,” You chuckled as you held his hand close to your cheek and pressed a kiss to the middle of his palm. “And I’m pregnant, so everything is a thousand times more intense and you don’t get to tease me for that.”

“I would never,” Javi muttered but the mischievous grin on his face betrayed him. “Let me make you feel better, baby,”

“I’m already better, Javi - oh,”

----------

Two o’clock in the morning was not an ideal time to wake up, especially since Javier knew that Ellie would be awake and full of energy by seven, but something felt off. Even in his unconscious state, he could feel the absence of you in bed and his mind nagged at him to get up and find you. The hardwood was cold beneath his feet as he wandered from the bedroom, finding the bathroom empty before he made his way down the stairs. You often would rest on the recliner in the living room when your back was bothering you particularly bad, especially since your center of gravity had so drastically changed the further along you got in your pregnancy - but you weren’t there either.

Before Javi could start really worrying, he heard the refrigerator open and found you peering into the illuminated fridge in search of… something. A pint of ice cream was already in your hand, a spoonful of it hanging from your lips as you browsed with a frustrated look on your face, and honestly… Javi loved how you looked. It was so domestic and sweet, the sight of you in your pajamas that barely covered your belly as you raided the kitchen.

Thirty-six weeks and four days. He could barely believe how much time had passed since he saw those positive tests. It felt like forever and the blink of an eye at the same time, and he was beyond excited to meet his newest little one.

“What are you looking for, sweetheart?” Javi asked after a moment of watching you helplessly search around.

The sheepish smile you gave him made his heart swell in his chest and he automatically opened his arms as you shuffled over to bury your face in his chest. “Your kid is driving me crazy with the cravings.”

Javier hugged you tightly, relishing in the way you relaxed against him. “Well, if they’re anything like me, they probably want those barbecue chips, then.”

It didn’t take long for him to get you herded back up to bed with the chips in hand and the sight of you sleepily munching away while burrowed in the blankets eased an almost innate need Javier had to see you safe and happy, all nice and taken care of in his bed. He climbed into bed once he was sure you didn’t need anything else, settling on his side with his head propped up against his hand to watch you despite his own sleepiness.

“Let your mama sleep, troublemaker.” He murmured to your belly as he rubbed gentle circles over the spots he could feel the nudges of his little one retaliating to their father’s stern words. “Need some lotion?”

“Hmmm, please?” You hummed.

Rubbing lotion into your skin was something Javi had taken a particular liking to. The first time he had seen you doing it yourself, he was quick to take over. That was the first time he felt his little one kick at his hands and he fell even more in love - something he hadn’t thought was possible. It was a good way to feel closer to you both, to his wife and the baby you were bringing into the world, and the way you dozed slightly as he helped you relax made him feel needed, like he was doing right by you. That’s all he ever wanted to do.

A nudge to the edge of his hand made Javier glance back down to where his hands were running all over your belly, but it was the sight of the baby rolling that made him do a double take. “Holy shit,” He whispered, hands frozen as he saw what had to be the imprint of a little foot or hand poke out before disappearing. “There really is a whole person in there.”

“You’re tellin’ me,” You grumbled, grimacing slightly at the feeling. “It’s aerobics hour, apparently.”

“That’s fucking crazy.” Javi tentatively resumed massaging the lotion into your skin. It was hard to fathom, the idea that your body was so capable of creating and nurturing a brand new life, and for the millionth time he found himself thanking the universe for letting him have this second chance.

----------

Gabriel Peña came early, quick, and with a sharp cry you were sure could be heard throughout the entire hospital. His little nose was scrunched up, his face all red from his wailing, hands curled into angry fists over his sudden eviction from the warmth and darkness he was accustomed to. It was a short labor, so very different from your first with Ellie for so many reasons but the biggest being the strong presence of Javier at your side. The moment the contractions began at the crisp hour of six a.m., he was alert and full of nervous excitement.

True to his word, Javier let you clutch onto him through it all - every contraction, every push, every angered grumble you threw his way for getting you pregnant in the first place. That sharp mind of his kept up under the pressure. He spoonfed you ice chips and let you use him for support as you rocked your way through particularly bad contractions.

There were tears in Javier’s eyes as he carefully set his hand on his son’s head, carefully musing the shock of dark, wispy hair on his head. You leaned your head against Javi’s shoulder, exhaustion, relief, and happiness warring with each other after hours of labor. You felt his lips press against your temple before he sniffled and whispered, “Thank you.”

Javier stayed by Gabriel’s side the entire time the doctors checked him over and cleaned him up, per your instructions, and he was the one to return your son to your arms. It was the most careful you had ever seen him, his movements slow and deliberate, eyes on the baby’s adorable, chubby face.

“Seven pounds, nine ounces,” Javi murmured as he drug a chair as close to your bedside as possible and settled in, his hand resting on your thigh. A disgruntled whine came from the baby wriggling in your arms and you smiled, knowing he was hungry and could probably smell the milk your body had been preparing to make for his arrival. You pulled the gown down to expose your breast, propping your arm with a pillow to better support him, and adjusted his latch to settle in.

“Nice latch, mama,” One of the nurses said as she finished settling the blankets around your feet.

“Not my first time at this rodeo.” You chuckled quietly. It had been a while since Ellie weaned but you still remembered the struggle of figuring out how to get a newborn to latch properly when you had no idea what you were doing. You set your hand over Javi’s, smiling at him when he blinked sleepily up at you. Neither of you had gotten much rest before Gabriel decided to make his appearance into the world. “Can you hand me some water, honey?”

“Of course,” Javi perked up with the small task you gave him. There wasn’t much he could do at this point, but you wanted him to feel involved, to feel like he was helping you, and even though his mere presence helped you relax, you knew he was an ‘action’ kind of man. He needed something to do to feel useful. He held the straw steady for you and everything, your sweet husband. “How’re you feeling?”

“Tired.” You answered honestly, leaning into his hand when he brushed stray hairs from your face.

“I know this wasn’t easy. I’m proud of you.” It was a simple statement but it hit you right in your chest. As excited as you were to have another baby, it was hard. Exhausting. He could see it all, how tired you were and how hard you were working just to carry on like normal through your pregnancy, and while he did everything he could to ease some of that burden, the plain acknowledgement of how hard you worked felt good.

“I love you so much.” You whispered, pulling his hand close to kiss his palm.

“I love you, too.” Javier leaned over the side of the bed and kissed you softly, careful not to jostle his son where he sleepily nursed against you. “How are our kids so damn cute?”

You huffed a laugh, which made Gabriel shift against you before settling back down, sighing suspiciously similar to his father. “It helps that their dad is incredibly good looking.”

“True,” Javi said, trying for that cocky tone you loved but you didn’t miss the pink tinge to the tips of his ears. Compliments always got him like that, all red-faced and adorable - though he would never admit it.

A short nap later and you had one very excited Ellie fidgeting in the chair next to your bed, impatiently waiting to meet her baby brother. Javier stood behind her, quietly reminding her to be careful as you helped keep the squirming newborn steady in her lap. Your heart damn near exploded when she began cooing at her brother and very gently touching his soft cheeks. She was enamored by him, asking so many questions that you and her father could barely keep up.

“Can we share my bed?” “No, he can’t sleep in your bed, baby. He has to sleep in a special bed in mommy and daddy’s room.”

“Does he get a special seat like me?” “Yep! Daddy’s putting his carseat in next to yours right now. You’ll get to talk to him the whole way home.”

“Is he gonna cry a lot?” “Yeah, he will. That’s how babies let people know they need something since they don’t have words like we do.”

“Can I share my crackers with him?” “Not yet! Right now, he only drinks milk.” “Milk? Like for cereal?” “Kind of, but it comes from your mommy.” “What?!” “You ate the same thing when you were a little baby, too.” “What?!”

The entire drive home was full of little Ellie chatting away at her baby brother, mostly about the stuffed animals she had at home that she promised to show him the moment they got home. There was a small smile on Javier’s face as he drove, his hand curled around yours on the center console. He practically radiated contentment and damn did it look good on him.

----------

For what felt like the millionth time, you woke before the sun had a chance to rise. Though this time, it was to the feeling of a full bladder rather than the sound of a hungry baby, so that could be counted as a small win at the very least. You tried to ignore the ache in your healing body as you stumbled your way to and from the bathroom, near silent in your movements even though you were half asleep. It was a well practiced dance, getting out and back into bed without waking your sleeping children.

But something was off. The sheets were cooler than usual, missing the fire-like heat that Javier radiated constantly. You sat up, blinking against the drowsiness and darkness to see your husband passed out on the rocking chair in the corner of the room with Gabriel curled up on his bare chest. Skin-to-skin contact was something Javier couldn’t get enough of. He told you how close it made him feel to his son and you couldn’t complain. It was a precious sight. Avoiding the creaky floorboards, you carefully covered Gabriel with a soft baby blanket and smoothed it down his back.

“S’wrong?” Javier mumbled, words slurred with sleep, his eyes barely cracking open. On instinct, his hands shifted over the little baby asleep on him to hold him closer, even more secure.

“Shh, nothing’s wrong.” You soothed as you gently tucked his curls back away from his forehead. “Go back to sleep.”

“M’kay.” And with that his eyes were closed, back to dozing like he was never interrupted in the first place. You were glad. Tomorrow was an early morning, and paired with all of the midnight feedings and diaper changes, you all could use some rest. So you laid back down, sleep dragging you back under swiftly.

Javier was practically bouncing with nerves just hours later, even though he was trying not to show it. It brought you back to that first appointment when you were pregnant, only this time he held a sleeping one-month old who he was trying not to wake up with his nervousness.

“I just want it to go well.” He grumbled when you asked if he was okay.

“It will.” You reassured him, rubbing circles into his knee. “They’re both perfectly healthy, the pediatrician will tell you that, too.”

You were right - then again, when weren’t you? Gabe was a healthy nine and a half pounds, strong heart and lungs, and good reflexes. Javier was hooked on the pediatrician’s every word, nodding along and giving you a relieved smile with each positive statement. And of course, Ellie’s rambunctiousness had the pediatrician and nurses completely captivated as she told them all about her preschool and the antics she got up to while they checked her over.

The pride on Javier’s face with every positive comment and reassurance that both of his kids were on track developmentally made your heart flip. You felt so beyond lucky to have this little family of yours, with two beautiful children and the man you always loved. It felt too good to be true sometimes, especially when Javi pulled you close for a tight hug and a kiss to the side of your head before he worked to get one wiggly Gabe back into his onesie.

One impromptu trip to the park later and you and Javier had two very tired kids on your hands. Ellie was already passed out by the time Javier pulled into the driveway but Gabe was quickly venturing into ‘overtired’ territory. He was grumpy, wriggling around in your arms like he couldn’t get comfortable, all the while giving little whines and grunts that threatened to turn into full on wailing. He didn’t want milk, he didn’t need a diaper change, he just wanted to sleep but was too frustrated to let a nap take him.

“Give ‘em here.” Javier offered and you freely handed him over. The postpartum fatigue was no joke, and even though it was lessening with each passing day, you were damn tired so you had no issue with letting your husband put the baby down for a nap. You curled up on the couch, not quite going to sleep but still letting your mind and body rest as you listened to Javi try to negotiate with Gabriel as if he were some sicario and not just a particularly stubborn baby.

“C’mon, little man. Just go to sleep. All of your problems if you went to sleep right now? Solved. Completely solved. Instead of crying you could just… go to sleep.” Javier whispered over the cooing and grunting of his son. “Oh, don’t give me that face, mister.”

You snorted a laugh - you knew exactly what face Gabe was pulling. His nose and eyebrows would scrunch up, lips pursed as he huffed angry breaths like a little baby bull. It was an exaggerated copy of the face Javier pulled anytime he was frustrated, which you found ridiculously adorable. Slowly, the grumpy grunts became more and more quiet until they disappeared completely, and a few moments later, Javier flopped down on the couch next to you with a sigh.

“Got him down.” Javi said as he pressed close to you, burying himself between the back of the couch and your body to press his face into your neck. A blanket of drowsiness must have settled over the entire house as both kids napped peacefully in their beds and you cuddled up to your husband in the living room. The both of you would doze until the sound of little feet on the hardwood or the sounds of a hungry baby woke you, and then it would be back on the grind of parenthood, but you knew… with Javier by your side, you could do it.

{Taglist}

@iamburdened @everyhowlmarksthedead @jenrebloggingfics @xserenax-13 @silverstarsandsuns @luminescentlily @peterpstuff @leonieb @lazybeeches @withasideofmeg @freeshavocadoooo @chattychell @ew-erin @i-ship-it-ironically @artsymaddie @mrsparknuts @wyn-dixie @notabotiswear @lunaserenade @jitterbugs927 @theorganasolo @the-witty-pen-name @northernpunk @lemonlime09 @la-lunaluna @andruxx @greeneyedblondie44 @bloodsuckingbastards @coldlilheart @gracie7209 @green-socks @paintballkid711 @lord-of-restingbiface @asta-lily @xgoldenjenny @mummifymecaptain @cjbtw @a-skov @himbotroy @xjsteph @marvelousmermaid @over300books @castleamc @darnitdraco @janebby @cannedsoupsucks @itssmashedavo @mtjoi @triggerhappyflygirl 

[neerasrealm]

Checking In

Zalgo checks in on his minions after coming home late one night. Short fluffy drabble that sorta sheds some light on zalgo’s mindset and view of the people around him word count: 1477

Zalgo quietly pushed open the door to the house of his realm. It was the only building in the entire barren wasteland, and it was quite sizable. The inside was warm and comfortable. One could even believe it was...cozy. A safe, loving home where one could feel like they belonged, like they had a place where they were comforted and wanted. It could almost be the home for...a family. Though Zalgo was above family. He was a god, and all the inhabitants in the house were human. Or at least, they used to be human. 

But still...he cared for them. All of them. He found himself thinking of his minions often. Not plans for them, not things he wanted them to do, but rather just…them. Times he had spent with them, or wondering what they were doing at the time. He was fond of them. Somehow, he felt...attached. Like how humans felt for one another. Or maybe he was wrong, and those feelings were mere mirages. Him mistaking what he felt for something else. He didn’t know.

These thoughts weighed on his mind as he walked through the empty living room. It was cozy, with a fireplace, large TV and comfy chairs. Often he’d find Jane sitting on the couch, reading something while listening to jazz or some other music through the record player over by the corner. He’d always greet her with enthusiasm, happy to see her. She was such a pleasure to be around. Polite, smart, well-mannered. She would greet him with a soft smile, even when masked, and a gentle ‘’Hello, lord.’’. Zalgo smiled to himself. Jane was likely asleep by now. It was late, and he didn’t want to disturb her, or anyone else for that matter.

He stepped into the kitchen and paused, a look of surprise crossing his face. Sitting at the kitchen table was a girl in her older teens, wearing a green plaid shirt and jeans. Her hair was a messy mop of muddy brown that hung just past her chest. As Zalgo leaned closer he could see her hand, with chipped polished nails, clasped around a brown bottle of booze. 

‘’Natalie?’’ he called gently. Her head jerked up and turned to him. The girl gave him a lazy grin. One of her eyes was a bright, emerald green, and the other was- well- a clock. She hiccuped and covered her mouth. 

‘’Mmmf- h-hey Zalgz!’’ she grunted. Zalgo pursed his lips.

‘’You’re drinking very late…’’ he murmured, sounding almost like a worried parent. Natalie rolled her eyes.

‘’I’m fiiiiine.’’ she murmured. She stood up, but then stumbled and wobbled and had to lean against the table for support. ‘’Oof-! Heheh, whoops-’’ she laughed deliriously at her own drunkenness. She turned to Zalgo and gave him a grin. 

‘’You’re drunk.’’

‘’I’m naaaht drunk.’’ she whined. She tossed her head back, looking up at Zalgo as he moved closer to her and leaned over her. He gave her an unamused glare. Her smile dropped. ‘’Oh c’moooon zalgz, can’t a girl have fuuuun?’’

Zalgo sighed and walked around her. Before she could even protest, he grabbed her and lifted her up into his arms, carrying her bridal style. He looked down at her and sighed gently, shaking his head. ‘’You have too much fun sometimes, Natalie.’’

Natalie grinned, then cracked up laughing. Her nose crinkled as she snickered to herself. Zalgo smiled softly and turned towards the kitchen door. He gently swayed Natalie from side to side as he walked, rocking her ever so slightly. She drunkenly babbled something unintelligible and rested her head against Zalgo’s chest. He hummed gently in reply, hoping that would sate the drunken girl. He walked slowly up the stairs and down the hall to Natalie’s room. The door creaked open for him and he carefully stepped over the trash and discarded clothes on the floor. He lay Natalie down on her bed, which was also a mess, and frowned as he looked around. Her room was a mess, covered in trash, clothes and miscellaneous trinkets. Mostly different kinds of clocks. She had at least eight of them hanging on her walls, if not more. He sighed and looked down at the girl, who was snuggling her face into her pillow.

‘’Natalie, tomorrow can you clean up in here?’’ he asked gently. 

‘’mmmnnnaaaghhh...I’on wanna…’’ she whined. Zalgo sighed and reached down, combing his hand through her hair. 

‘’I’ll pretend I heard you say ‘sure Zalgo, of course I will’.’’ he murmured with a smile. Natalie laughed. He grinned to himself and gently pulled up her blankets, tucking her in and brushing hair from her face. He lingered for a moment, watching her drift off to sleep. ‘’Goodnight, little gnat.’’ he whispered before turning and walking over to the door. He paused for a second and stared at her, smiling warmly. 

Zalgo stepped out of the room and paused, looking up and down the hallway. He turned to his right and walked to the room next door to Nat’s. Jane’s room. He gently pushed open the door and peaked in. As expected, Jane was fast asleep, curled up in bed. He smiled, satisfied, and walked back down the hallway. He stopped outside the next door and quietly knocked on it before pushing the door open and peaking inside. 

Inside the room was simple. Grey carpet and night-blue walls. It had a small chandelier hanging from the ceiling, decorated with bones. The entire room had a bone theme. They were set up on shelves and tables, crafted into beautiful decorations along with feathers. Lots of feathers. Rosemary’s room. The girl in question looked up from her desk and turned towards the door. She broke into a smile and gave him a small wave in greeting. Zalgo smiled. 

‘’Hello, little lamb.’’ he signed to her. Rosemary lit up in a grin at the familiar nickname. 

‘’Hello lord.’’ she signed back. She tossed her head to the side. ‘’Need something?’’

‘’No, no.’’ Zalgo shook his head. He stood up from the door and stepped into the room. ‘’Just wanted to check on you.’’ he tilted his head at her, his hands pausing for a second. ‘’Are you working on something?’’

Rosemary nodded and waved for him to come closer. Zalgo crossed the room and leaned against the desk, looking at what the girl was doing. She was in the process of sealing a frog’s skeleton in resin. The skeleton sat in a rubber mold, just big enough for it, and it was halfway covered in resin. Rosemary turned back to her work, grabbing the plastic cup of resin she was using and pouring more of it into the mold. Zalgo smiled.

‘’Very impressive.’’ he signed, giving her a warm smile. Rosemary grinned wide, her legs swinging off her chair with joy. He pat her head, then leaned down and kissed the top of it. ‘’You never fail to amaze me, little lamb.’’ he murmured to her, knowing she loved hearing his compliments more than anything. She let out a quiet squeak of joy and he chuckled. ‘’Show me when it’s finished, won’t you?’’

She nodded and tapped her fingers against her cheek. ‘’Yes padre.’’ 

Zalgo smiled and turned, walking out of the room. He had one more person to check on. He knocked on their door and waited patiently outside.

‘’Come in.’’ 

Zalgo smiled warmly and opened the door. He walked inside and strode across the giant room. He paused at one of the three worktables where his beloved toymaker sat, leaning on it. Jason glanced up at Zalgo for only a moment before looking back down at his work. ‘’Evening, m’lord.’’ he greeted.

‘’Good evening Jason.’’ Zalgo murmured with a smile. ‘’Or rather, good morning. It’s far past midnight you know.’’

Jason grunted. ‘’I didn’t notice.’’

Zalgo laughed gently. ‘’I didn’t think you did, nounour…’’ he murmured. He watched Jason silently, admiring how gentle and precise his hands were as he carved features into the new wooden figure he was making. Zalgo admired him. Jason was talented, he could make elegant works of art as if it were nothing. Even his sketches, simple concept art, was astounding to him. ‘’Are you going to stay up all night working?’’ he asked softly. 

‘’No…’’ Jason shook his head. ‘’I won’t.’’

‘’You promise?’’ Zalgo asked, cocking a brow. Jason smiled ever so slightly, just for a moment.

‘’I promise.’’

‘’Good.’’ Zalgo stood up and smiled at the redhead. ‘’Goodnight, Jason.’’

‘’Goodnight m’lord.’’ Jason murmured back. Zalgo walked out of the room and sighed contentedly as he closed the door behind him. He looked around the house for a few silent moments before smiling to himself and walking down the hall.

Maybe...just maybe, Zalgo could believe he cared for them all. Like...family, nearly. Yes. That sounded nice.

[sentimentalscientia]

Getting a little tired of magic

@virxle

The air was ripped from her lungs. An unbearable pressure threatening to burst her skull until she mercifully sunk into blackness. It took who knows how long before she managed to pull herself from that oblivion. Gingerly opening her eyes to a glaring sun barely concealed by a large tree. With a groan she sat up slowly. Body slowly mending all it's wounds.The first thing she noticed when the haze in her mind cleared was how badly her surroundings had changed. Where there had once been a city was now nature in its full glory. A forest stretching out behind her while meadows went as far as the eye could see in front. The air smelled sweeter. At least until the cart came rumbling by. A hundred yards away on what looked like a dirt road. The two people sitting in the cart were filthy, their garb oddly familiar, but not something she had every really seen anyone wear....at least not in person. It was close to what history books, including that of her father, showed. That meant only one thing. Yet again she'd been stolen from her time by magic. In her mother tongue she let out a soft curse. "Not again."

On the bright side she wasn’t the panicking type anymore. After properly catching her breath she went to work formulating a plan. Figuring out where she was, and especially when she was. The former was easy enough. Language and land markings her dad had talked about. The latter taking a little bit. Best she could figure, her little ride had taken her at least a couple hundred years back. That was a significant problem. She wracked her brain for who might be of use. Magic was a weary thing but it was her only hope. That left few choices. Her father could be of use. Even at this point he had collected a trove of knowledge. There was also...Hoseok. His magic could be bad, but not as much as others. At this point in time, she didn’t have the exact date yet, they could be anywhere. But something about this year was familiar. A few stories heard from either male. Korea. Around this time her father had built a little home for himself, and hadn’t Hoseok himself spoken of how this was the one place he would always return? At that point it was her best bet. 

Several grueling days. Though that was more to do with the lack of companionship and the absence of her family tearing at heart and mind. Physically the trek was exhilarating. Wandering through forests and fields. Sleeping in trees and hunting her meals as she went. Creature comforts were a wondrous thing, but this spoke to her more feral aspects. The wolf side loving the freedom it had been given. Wandering about, fingertips gracing rough bark or smooth leaf. Feasting on fresh meat. Hours passed in a flash. Losing track of time she found herself finally crossing into the territory she needed to be.She neared the spot but there was no sign of her father. Leaving just that one other option. With reluctance she began to move. Dread creeping into her heart. Had it been present day Hoseok dragged back with her all would have been fine. But this was the ancient in the past. He had no memory of her to still his hand or hold back his aggression. But that was a risk she had to take.

It was an easier journey finding her way to his estate. Easy enough to locate amid the almost medieval surroundings. It had few changes in modern day. The castle was a thing of splendor. Standing tall against the sky. But it still held that tell tale darkness she had grown to find comfort in. She crept onto the estate. Surprised to find it was not empty. Workers toiled at the foliage and landscape. Human by the way she so easily slipped beneath their guard. Sneaking around the immaculate gardens before getting into the castle itself. She’d explored that place numerous times. Knew there were many ways to continue her sneaking. Unfortunately the hall she walked into was not the empty space in her time. Here it was bustling with moving bodies performing a myriad of tasks. Technically she could jump into a hidden area and find her way to that place. But why show the markings of an assassin rather than guest. “Excuse me.” She hadn’t yelled, but her voice seemed to bounce along the walls. Multiple heads turning towards her. And suddenly she was aware of just how improper she must have looked. Out in the wilderness for easily a week. But she forced herself to offer a smile. “I’m here to see your lord. I would appreciate some assistance.”

The crowd stayed silent for several long moments. Finally a stern looking woman made her way through. Gaze unabashedly looking up and down her figure. Speaking a few words in a harsh whisper, as though not for any but herself. The dialect made it take a moment to process, but it sounded like something about how they usually sent them more presentable than this. Tutting in disappointment before guiding her to some room. Passing by a mirror being moved, she caught her reflection. Her hair a mess, bits of dried blood surrounding her lips, and a wild look in her eye. She’d definitely been on the verge of ferality out there. Much to her surprise the room she found herself in looked like a giant closet. There she was passed over to another middle aged looking woman, though this one had kind eyes. Quickly beginning to babble as she stripped Mel of all her clothes. Ignoring any protests and continuing to talk in that fast paced tone as she cleaned her and pulled out random dresses. It took some getting used to but she started catching more words then she missed. The woman complimenting her ‘exotic’ beauty. Assuring that when the lord saw her he would be very pleased indeed. Muttering to herself about something not being right as she set dress after dress back in its proper place. Quickly going away from the traditional ones of this region. Switching to things that seemed to have a more European feel. Settling on a teal colored number that somehow matched her eyes. Undergarments thrown on in haste before the main thing was slipped onto her body. A form fitting bodice, the skirt also fitted around her waist. though it layered to at her ass to make that part seem bigger. From there flowing down onto the floor. The one dressing her seemed to get excited when the work was done. Her speech suddenly becoming unintelligible as she spoke faster then Mel thought possible. She caught a few words that sounded like compliments, but the final sentence had her blood run cold. He’s sure to keep you now.

There was ice in her stomach as the stern looking woman returned. Though her expression seemed softer now. As if she were trying to offer comfort. As they walked she was giving random hurried advice. Things to say, topics to avoid. Don’t look him in the eye too much. By the time they reached a dark heavily ornate door the wolf’s mind was reeling. The woman used the brass knocker and waited for a response before ushering her in. And there he sat. Wearing an older face, but that scent unchanged. It took everything she had not to run and leap into his arms. Having to remind herself the man sitting at the desk had no idea who she was.

“Your gift sir.” The woman gently pushed her in a few more steps before shutting the door behind them. And then it clicked. The time frame, the preparation, the words. He was given people, probably in hopes of appeasement.

“Okay this makes a lot more sense now.” Her eyes widened as she realized the words had been said aloud.

[tryingthisfangirlthing]

Prompt: fem!Doctor/Rose and meeting at a pride parade? :3 (or going together to a pride parade if you prefer to write a non-AU!)

Basically I can’t really do meet-cutes or beginning bonding talk, so I went with the latter. I hope you like this nonetheless. :)

Also, this is longer than I envisioned. But holy crap I’ve written something after barely writing for weeks! Not complaining. \o/

The pop-dance numbers played by the passing floats reverberate in her chest, the volume toeing the delineation of “too loud” — but it has to in order to be heard over the crowds lining the streets, at least five people deep. The rainbows painted on cheeks and hanging from windows and wrapped around shoulders and plastered across posters and vehicles are a feast of color for her eyes, this body so much more in tune with all of its senses. The summer sun warms her back through her light blue oxford, sweat beginning to prickle at the nape of her neck under her hair, but she doesn't mind the heat.

“Isn't this brilliant, Rose? The grit, the spunk, the passion, the sheer joy in the air!” There's so much life, she can't help but grin, broadly.

“Yeah!” Beside her, Rose twists her hips and shimmies in place to the beat, lightly swinging their joined hands, and returns her grin, tongue tucked between her teeth.

The Doctor allows herself one moment to pretend they are what they appear to be.(Surely, surely Rose knows everyone smiling at them thinks they're a couple, but sometime in between leading Rose out of the TARDIS and being handed various pamphlets and a foam unicorn stress toy, Rose's fingers had loosely laced themselves through hers, and she wasn't so noble as to not tighten her grip and draw Rose a little closer.)

“I wish you’d said we were coming here,” Rose says in a quieter moment, in between the trucks, though she still has to raise her voice above the whistles and chatter and the Doctor still has to lean down a little and listen closely. “I would’ve dressed for it.”

She blinks, her eyes widening, and looks at Rose again. “How would you’ve wanted to dress?”(Why would she have wanted to dress any particular way? And her hearts speed up and she wants to kick herself for making assumptions, but there was the Ricky the Idiot and Adam and Jack and people her own age and certainly no women…)

Rose inhales, her eyebrows shooting up and her grip tightening. “Oh. I thought — you knew I was bi. I thought that was why we were here. Isn’t it?” There’s something swirling in her dark amber eyes, a mix of emotions the Doctor can’t name.

Someone jostles them from behind, with an almost-unintelligible “Pardon!” and the Doctor nearly chokes on her hearts in her throat.(No, just because she finds women attractive doesn’t mean she finds her attractive, but that split second of hope…)

“Is it?” Rose peers up at her, waiting on an answer, searching her face.

The Doctor shakes her head. “I didn’t know. I’m glad — I’m very glad, though.” She offers her a breathless smile, maybe a little hesitant, nervous (because all of a sudden she is, even though this is Rose) but completely genuine.

“Oh.” Rose holds her gaze for a moment, an equally hesitant smile playing at the corners of her lips. “That’s good.” She glances down, at their hands, flexing her fingers, and the Doctor reflexively squeezes her hand.

Rose’s next words are nearly drowned out by “Young man, there’s no need to feel down,” and the Doctor shakes her head, leaning in closer. Rose rises on her toes, her breath tickling her ear. “Why are we here, then, Doctor? Not that — not that you can’t just want to come in support, or something. I mean, that’s great, too. Or are you, like, transgender, or...?” She makes a vague gesture, towards the nonbinary and intersex group. “With the turning into a woman bit? You never really said.”

The Doctor waits for the blaring music to pass them, debating for a split second exactly how much of her soul she wants to bare, except it was never really in question that Rose can have any part of her she wants.She chooses her words carefully, mindful of the other who might hear her raised voice, though the words are meant for Rose alone. “We don’t see gender like you do. Humans.” Rose nods. “But relationships for us were — very strategic. It wasn’t about love. So it’s good seeing love fought for, and celebrated.”

Rose nods again, slowly, glancing down again at their joined hands and trailing her thumb over her skin. “So gender doesn’t really matter to you? Or does it? Does-does species?” She lowers her voice as the music dies down again a bit, glancing towards the parade and letting out a short laugh as a leatherman in a dog hood and collar tilts his head at her. “Humans, I mean. Would it matter?” There’s more of a question in her voice than the question itself warrants.(And oh, dear Gallifrey, she can’t believe Rose might — her head is spinning, terrified to hope, unable not to.)

“Not in the least.” (And the Time Lords’ rules can be damned to the Void.)The Doctor glances at the parade herself now, two drag queens gorgeous in flamboyant feathers catching her eye. Taking a breath, she tries for nonchalant, knowing the moment the words leave her lips that she’s failed. Her voice softens, without her permission, as she leans in again. “Does it matter to you?”(Are you trying to ask me if I want you? she can’t force across her lips, coward that she is.)

“Not when it comes to you.” Swallowing, Rose meets her eyes. “I thought you would care. ‘Stupid ape’ and all.”

The Doctor winces at the words her previous self had enunciated with such frequency, and she shakes her head, desperately. It spills over her tongue, laying her hearts bare: “I don’t — I don’t care about age gaps, either. Not even about a hell of one. Not at all. Or about anything else. Not when it comes to you.”

That draws a brilliant grin from Rose, one she basks in for a split second. Then her companion uses the unknotted tie looped around her neck to tug her down a bit further, bracing herself on their still-joined hands as she rises to speak in the Doctor’s ear over “Baby, this is what you came for; lightning, strikes every time she moves.”“I want to kiss you. Is that okay?”

“Yes. Of course. If you want. Any time. Well maybe not any time. Maybe not while we’re running. But most times. Especially —” She’s nodding, babbling (yes, dear Gallifrey, yes, please) and then Rose’s lips are on hers.

The world stops; her time senses shut down, the Vortex in her head stilling to a halt for a split second, and then sensation crashes over her again. Rose’s lips, a little dry but soft against her own, the faint taste of honey melon lip gloss, Rose’s grip on her hand tightening. She winds one arm around her and clutches Rose to herself, and only the feeling of a quiet whimper against her mouth prompts her to draw back a little, searching Rose’s slightly dazed expression.(Delight sparks at the thought that it’s because of her.)

“All right?”

Rose nods, taking in a deep gulp of air, her gaze darting down to her lips again, as she beams. “More than.”

“Oh good.” Paying no heed to the wolf-whistles of nearby parade-goers, the Doctor dips her head to press her lips to Rose’s again.

They don’t surface for air again until something small, flat, and crinkly lands in the Doctor’s hair: a condom packet. The man in the “Stamp Out AIDS” t-shirt wiggles a hand at them, winking and mouthing, “Use gloves, too, and have fun!”

The Doctor glowers at him. Rose leans against her, a tinge of pink in her cheeks, laughing loud and long. “Oh my God, Jack!”