#loosely inspired by a similar post someone made about solas which was really funny

[zaahvi]

he's blighted. he's evil. he's 8 feet tall and made from magical blue goo. he's a manifestation of tyranny. he has big droopy elf ears and pretty golden eyes. he thinks his dragon shrunk in the wash. he has killed, by my count, 66 titans. he doesn't feel stress. he doesn't ask questions. he's the first elf guy ever made. he breaks out from the cringe jail he slept in for several thousands of years and immediately becomes obsessed with and down bad for the idiot loser that accidentally freed him. he puts his scribe in a blight cyst in italy. he has erased entire emotions from existence. he uses a glamour to look pretty. he transed his archdemon's gender. he loves and supports his tentacle monster sister and her horrors. he attempts to cheer her up by suggesting she give his dragon extra mouths. he goes batshit insane after she dies and rains fire on an island so hard it turns to glass. he is, canonically, packing. he may or may not be wearing a wig. creative director john epler can't stop talking about how vain he is. his gaze softened when he looked at rook. he wants them so bad even ghilan'nain calls him out on it. he forgot how to speak in the hallelujah cadence. he cucked solas. he sucks.

the man of all time. to me