#looks ugly unfortunately the clips have too many different colours

[kimtaegis]

A Taegi Series, pt. 7: personal space ❌ being attached at the hip ✅

cr. namuspromised, jung-koook, 0613data

[p101recaps]

Broduce 101: Episode 5 (Quick Livestream Recap)

Unfortunately I had a few problems with my livestream although the mods did a wonderful job, so I missed most of the first half and a few bits after. Here are a few things that happened that were worth mentioning from the parts I did catch. There were a lot of tears to swift through so I’m sorry if that affected my recap, which is not in order soz:

At some point, Pledis’ Dongho (or Baekho) arm wrestled and pretty much humiliated the whole of the Avengers team. It was very cute because they keep editing him as this massive sang namja guy while I think he’s a squish.

The Avengers team are pretty much squishes. Ha Sungwoon was shook.

Their editing of Baekho is weird in general, since it’s based on his appearance.

Oh god I had a vision into the future where they make him lose weight. I don’t know if it’s Pledis for the now practically guaranteed Nu’est comeback or Mnet because he made BOI

The editing also very helpfully kept showing the trainees around their number to maintain suspense. If the camera swerved to Noh Taehyun after a number is called out, I feel comfortable assuming his name’s going to come out

Also it was 60 trainees that made it, not 61. Probably because they had dropouts anyway.

They also kept the 60 seat empty for last because the suspense about whose dream is going to get crushed is more than watching Park Jihoon take first place

Park Jihoon was first place btw. He was very gracious but no one’s surprised.

His labelmate, deep voiced cutester Kwon Hyeob did not make it. It’s a shame, because he looked great. He has such a nice face, and a nicer voice. I’m bitter.

There were hair changes! Kim Samuel is blonde, Baekho had a haircut and some perm that I hope can be brushed away. Ong Seongwoo has a haircut and looks fine as ever

Yoon Jisung has deep purple hair, Kang Daniel got a trim and is an ashy brunette. It suits them both really well The other MMO kids changed their hair too

Joo Jinwoo made it at 45! He jumped 32 places, for which he has to thank his incapable teammates

Park Woodam, the other vocal discovery, made it by the skin of his teeth because how soon the voting ended

Oui’s Kim Donghan, the centre from Jang Moonbok’s CMB that everyone thinks looks like Yugyeom jumped a whopping 41 places to made the cut. He should thank his stars their performance aired earlier.

Kwon Hyunbin made it at 23, he changed his hair too. He’s been feeling the backlash from all the people that voted for his looks and were furious at the crappy edit Mnet gave his laziness to make Pledis Jonghyun rise, so he was a bit teary. He thanked his Sorry, Sorry team and said he’ll work harder to improve

Lee Daehwi has dark hair now, which is a better look. He dropped 5 places and had to apologise for being a sixteen year old which is just upsetting. He said he’ll make up for his mistakes and work harder too.

I think they’ve all already worked harder in two weeks than I have this last year.

Both Starship boys made it - Sewoon was 13

Jang Moonbok dropped to 14, but he’s also number one on male voting lists. He thanked his hyungs, but they’re crappy fans, Hip Hop President. You deserve better.

Both Hotshot boys made it. 

Noh Taehyun, whose had a haircut and got a bronze-blond dye, was 26. His new hair looks really good, he’s a lot handsomer with the styling.

Ha Sungwoon was 21, which is slightly disappointing because I want him to be in the final line up. He had to stand next to tall trainees in addition to being so nervous that he was more adorable than usual. BoA offered her stand because he was so embarrassed being a shortie next to his tall hyungs

Tiptoe Ajusshi made it! He also apologised for his lack of coordination and said he’ll improve

Jaehwan made it. He picked Woodam as a vocal rival, whose apparently is also his hyung?? He looks so young though?

My man Star Road’s Kenta made it. He thanked his parents in Japanese was very precious.

The usual suspects from the F ranked visuals made it. Joo Haknyeon very sweetly thanked his sisters and his family. He’s a good boy, my top candidate for the Chaeyeon this season

Yuehua’s Ahn Hyungseob, Justin, JungJung and Lee Euiwoong made it.

Handsome man Ong Seongwoo was number 4, and picked Samuel as future dance rival. He said he’d like to battle him, and BoA said she’d like to see that

Me too, personally

Brand New’s quieter talents Im Youngmin and Park Woojin made it

The kid whose parents handed out flyers, Wings’ Kim Youngjin, he made it. He’s the twerking kid from Mansae. I’m worried for him because there are so many Brohyes this season and he really needs more training. His hair is copper coloured now

Kiwi’s Kim Dongbin miraculously made it

Thankfully C2K’s Kim Seunglee, aka easily best singer on the show, made it. He’s also changed his hair colour to a darker shade that suits him more. No screentime that I saw yet though.

All of Nu’est made it. JR and Minhyun were top 11.

Kang Daniel was 5. He knew he was going to be in the whole time, but he was surprised it was that high. Meme King Jisung aka his mother yelled when his name got called and cried dramatically. 

He’s top pick for women over 30 lol. I see it, he really is handsome. There’s something about his eyes and laugh that reminds me of my ultimate bias too. He thanked the noonas. As his noona, let me assure you, it was gr8.

At some point, Daniel shifted in his seat and almost knocked over his big crown 5 chair 

Speaking of Meme King Jisung, he was third, to the surprise of everyone. He began tearing up when BoA said he was a candidate for top 3 and fully ugly cried when he got third place

He pigeon bobbed his head walking up like a big toddler, so endearing I died. His ugly crying was so extreme BoA didn’t know what to do and they had to cut to when he was more in control a few minutes later

Jisung was basically gratified he was being received well at his age out of nowhere. He thanked everyone and ugly cried to his seat, where he saw hunched over like they were going to tell him to get out anytime soon

Samuel got second place and had more Somi comparisons. I’m not sure about his blonde hair yet. The shade is jarring.

When he got to his seat, he reached out to high five Meme King Jisung over a distance of three feet and Jisung almost knocked his own crown 3 chair over to return it

Hip Hop President’s rap buddy Vibe Label’s Sung Hyunwoo got axed at number 61. It was awful because all his labelmates got through, but he thank Jang Moonbok’s check power for pulling him up there at least.

At the end, when the elimated trainees and their friends were crying, Jang Moonbok sprinted to the back to where Hyunwoo was to sob

Kwon Hyeob cried, so I felt bad. This is why I stopped watching closely last year. I can’t see young girls being torn down :(

Yong Yongbin of the real high arched nose didn’t make the cut although his hair is silver now. It’s a shame, he was good too.

Next episode has position evals with the trainees picking their positions. There’s voting on the website with five (?) demo songs of different genres, and voters have to pick which of the trainees suit which best

Honestly, the audio clips were only 30 seconds but all but the hip hop sounded palatable. I’m also not sure what qualifies lay people to pick songs for trainees like this. Half of the popular picks can’t sing and we haven’t heard enough of the other trainees’ voices.

This is super long, but I’ll come back when I have more details! Let me know if you see errors, please!

[mynosejob]

4 Years On

Four years ago today, aged 20, I had a nose job. My family and my closest friends knew, but when I rocked up to start my third year of University – it came as a surprise to a lot of people, I was there with a slightly different face and a lot more confidence. In the last four years, a lot more than just the shape of my nose has changed, but I’m not sure I would be where I am now if it wasn’t for having it done, but perhaps I would. So after reminiscing through the post and looking at hilarious pictures of me post op, I thought I would clear out my brain and share a few thoughts 4 years post rhinoplasty.

Pre-op

Post-op

New Nose, No Problems?

I thought getting a nose job would fix everything in my life - my confidence and my idea of how I thought people viewed me. It did not. In my first and second (and only) blog posts, I talk about why I had my nose job done. From the age of about eleven, when puberty hit, I had a nose that in my opinion was large for my face and had a huge bump on it, was crooked and turned down. Actually, that is my opinion of what my nose was, now reflecting back on it. If you’d have asked me before I’d had it done, age 20, or age 13, or anywhere in between, I would firstly have not answered because I skilfully managed for almost ten years to avoid conversations about parts of the body I dislike about myself, in fear of drawing more attention to it. But, in my own mind, with my own hatred for myself, I would have said that it was hideous and ugly, or simply that I was hideous and ugly. I was bullied for the best part of secondary school, sometimes just little comments here and there, sometimes I’d be the featured graffiti on our local playground. I was told that I was hideous, I was called ‘IT’, I was told that no boys would ever want me or love me. It wasn’t long before I believed it.

I would sit in my bedroom googling a multitude of things including; 'How to be pretty’ 'How to get people to like you’ 'How to make your nose look smaller’ 'How to get boys to like you’ 'How to look hot’ 'How to stop being ugly’ 'Actors with bumps on their noses’ 'Actresses with big noses’ 'How to do a summer make-over’ It is safe to say, I had a cripplingly low self-esteem. The amount of tears I used to cry just from looking at my reflection, isn’t something I’m proud of. I saw myself as someone unworthy and unloveable but knew inside that I was a kind, loving, intelligent person. ‘If I could be pretty, finally I will be good enough.’

I wanted a nose-job from the age of eleven or twelve, I don’t really remember. So when I finally booked in that operation, I thought it would make everything better.

Beauty, The Beast

Beauty is a concept I sometimes really struggle with. I can find beauty in so many things and so many people. Whether it’s beauty in the way a child laughs with their parent, or in a construction of a building or the magic of the mind – I notice things and I get fascinated about the world and its wonders. I see people and I see good in them. I hear when people say negative things about themselves and I wonder how on earth they could possibly think that because I see them so beautifully. I pride myself on that. I am an intelligent woman, I am creative, I have a heart full of an unlimited amount of love and care. I am a fantastic daughter and sister and auntie. I am open-minded and I am accepting of others. I am brave, determined, hard-working, a brilliant listener, generous and sometimes funny. These are qualities I’ve championed in myself and worked to nurture and expand my whole life. Yet I would never call myself beautiful. When I look at the words I describe myself as, I know that they are important, that they are the traits that matter and external beauty is merely the way society is brainwashing us to believe we have to look a certain way to be accepted. It’s not just the media telling us how we should look, it’s on our phones now, every time we open-up a social media website, there is something suggesting a quick-fix to make ourselves a better, more ‘beautiful’ version of ourselves. Whether it’s the latest diet, the intense scrutiny of a celebrity or a filter giving us the opportunity to make our skin less blotchy and our eyes a little brighter. But we all know that – we know what it’s doing, we know that what we see isn’t real, and yet still, for a lot of people, we want it.

New Nose News

I would never call myself beautiful. I never have. Not even post nose-job. I used to hate my nose, now I just mostly dislike my new one. Some days I look at myself in the mirror and I am over the moon with how I look, I feel confident, I feel sexy, I feel pretty. But all it takes is a photo, a video clip, seeing myself in the CCTV screen in Morrisons every morning when I walk through it, to knock me out of my bubble and to make me feel crappy about myself. I see a crooked nose still, I see a nose too wide on the bridge because they didn’t shape it properly, I see a nose too big for my face, I see an upturn on my nose, I see nostrils too big at the sides, I see one side a different shape to the other, I see a dent on the left side of my nose, I see pores, I see glasses that don’t quite fit properly, I see a nose too gigantic for my face when I take photos, I see a nose that gets even worse when I smile. But on top of that, because I’m not seeing a humungous bump like before, I am seeing every other part of my face and disliking that as well. After my first year post-op, I tried to get the surgeon to make some edits, he said no, he said my nose was lovely. He also said that the tip of my nose had to remain thick because of the thickness of my skin – that is stuff that googling doesn’t tell you.  I basically still have a lot to work on in my own mind about how I see myself.

Yet all this being said, it is still one of the greatest decisions I have ever made. The amount of confidence I have gained through having surgery, is priceless. Before I used to think about how I looked any free moment my brain had to wander. Now I don’t. Now it’s just an unfortunate thought that pops into my head when I really don’t want it to. I no longer feel like I have to hide. I have taken more photos in the last year of my life with friends, with family, of myself, more than I possibly ever have. Not every photo ends in tears. But I finally have photographs I can celebrate as memories and inside of focusing on my face, I can look at the picture and think, what a glorious day with wonderful people. I won’t hide behind my glasses, in fact I usually take off my glasses for photos, or for days where I want to feel good about myself. I am no longer hiding and that is a beautiful feeling in itself.

CHILDREN OF THE FUTURE

It upsets me, beyond imagine, when I think of the way beauty is viewed. I am an auntie and one day I hope to be a mum, more than anything else in the world. The thought of any child growing up in this negative society fills me with dread and an urge to do anything I can to make a difference to that. I’m not so sure I know what that is yet. I hate how much technology has played a part in my formative years. I love it – because technology is incredible, but I also despise it. So, to know that the children of today are being born into a world where they are immersed into a world of Photoshop, filters, swiping and selfies from the moment they arrive in this world, it breaks my heart. My parents told me I was beautiful. They, particularly my mum, gave me incredible role models who championed brains and kindness above anything else and I do. So, it wasn’t even something they could do to make my self-confidence stronger. I fear for how young people will view themselves. I fear for how young people will view others. We are breeding a toxic view of beauty in the world and it isn’t okay. It will only get worse. As a society we are gradually being more accepting of people who do not fit a certain criteria, but it isn’t enough.

Pictures are key – everyone, everywhere has something they want us to see. So rather than switching off and pretending it all doesn’t exist. Maybe it is time that we all look. Really look. If we look hard enough we can see that the images surrounding us are more often than not, impossibly perfect. We should talk about it, we should acknowledge it, we should challenge it.

We should talk about beauty in a positive way.

When I used to work with young people regularly, I would hear children, girls mostly, rip themselves apart over a lunch break. Girls as young as 10. Everyone should teach their children to not be a bully. But equally, everyone should teach their children to not be a bully to themselves. We need to find ways of teaching self-love, celebrating every part of us, inside and out. Children need to learn the language of self-love and feel comfortable in complimenting themselves, in calling out what they love because what they have in themselves is unique. Children need to see pictures of people of all different physical appearances.In fact, adults need to see that too.

I don’t have a solution to this problem. But if we don’t start to tackle it, in ten years time the world is going to be having a population with lower-self esteem than anyone could imagine. My self esteem was crushed from a bunch of horrible comments made when I was at school. Imagine that, all day, every day, and there is no voice to it, it just slowly becomes the voice inside your head because you see everywhere that you are not good enough or that you should b a certain way. It has to stop! A letter to my future children and anyone else who needs to hear it ... To whoever is reading this; your beauty exists, whether you want to believe it or not. There is not just one type of beauty, not one type of colour your hair, your eyes, your skin should be. There is not one size you should be, one height, one weight. There is not a certain angle your nose should slant at that decides whether or not your are beautiful. Your beauty is not how thick your eyebrows have to grow or how smooth your skin has to look. It is not the amount of hairs that exist on or off your body, it is not the whiteness of your teeth or the plumpness of your lips. Externally, an amalgamation of every inch of you is what makes you beautiful.

If you find yourself, in a place where I have found myself so many times, that you are caring about your external beauty, even when so many people tell you it is only the internal beauty that matters, there are things I want you to know. You are unlike any one to exist on this planet, that ever has existed, that ever will. When you are made to feel bad about looking different in any sort of way, it is because not everyone has been taught that the most beautiful thing of all is a kind heart. A lot of people who try to look the same is because they are scared too, or too scared to appear different because they know sometimes how cruel people can be. Your differences are what make you magic.   If you are ever worried that someone wont find you beautiful, that someone won’t find you sexy, or desirable, if you ever feel like no one will fall in love you. YOU ARE WRONG. There are people in this world who will fall head over heels in love with the things that you see in yourself that you may not like. There are people in this world whose idea of perfect is someone who looks like you.  

The way you view yourself should not depend on what other people say, how other people feel, but there is also a good chance that from time to time it might.

Experiment with make-up, dye your hair, get a nose job if you really want to. But know that you are enough. You are more than enough, exactly how you are. Remember, that ‘flawless’ skin, a ‘perfect’ nose, whatever - will look ugly if you are ugly on the inside. Be kind to everyone. Fill the world with love and fill your brain with happiness, music, knowledge, adventures, experiences and fun. For then you will shine and you will make people of every sort feel as good about themselves as they deserve to feel. Those who make you feel bad, they are not worth being a place in your heart or being a worry in your mind. Hopefully if/when I have children, I will have come to terms with my body. Or maybe even in the next four years. Or maybe, because we are all human, this will be a never-ending battle with ourselves. You are beautiful. Always. (Even when you feel like crap and have greasy hair, sweaty feet, more spots than you’d like, I promise). xx

Today - after possibly 100 attempts to get a photo I was happy with. Here I am, 4 years on, no make-up, spots, eyes different size, nose with a bit of a curve, barely a brush through my hair...  4 years on, overall, I am the happiest I have ever been. Unfortunately, I would say my nose job has a huge amount to do with that.  Come on future, we can be better than this. We have to.