#looks back at the post I made on Tuesday about my mind deteriorating

[seenoweevil]

So on one hand I am not going crazy (yay!) because I was right and there is something wrong going on in my brain right now (fuck!)

[doof-doofblog]

"You And Me, We're Done, For Good!"

Double Episode Catch-Up

Monday 1st March - Tuesday 2nd March 2021

Hello again everyone! Hope your week is going well so far! I've decided again today that in a desperate attempt to catch up, I'm going to do another post reviewing two episodes. I feel my last post went well and the way I wrote it felt really good, so I'm hoping this one will be the same. So I'll be reviewing the episodes of Monday and Tuesday this week,

Wow, wow, wow!!! An emotional dramatic roller-coaster that's for sure! Okay so I feel there are two main things to focus on, but before we start on them I'm going to start with Whitney and Gray. So after Valentine's Day it looks as if Whitney and Kush have been having a secret fling. Their romance hasn't come to knowledge for everyone yet, as they appear to be enjoying each other's company, Whitney is ushered away as Gray contacts her to look after the children. Of course, being how kind, caring and understanding Kush is, lets her go to do her job at childminding. Whitney goes a out her day looking after the kids, but when Gray comes home asking where the children are, Whitney informs him that they're playing with Raymond over at Denise's, now I get Gray would be concerned as Lucas has returned, but he has no knowledge about Lucas, plus the children wouldn't be there unsupervised, Denise wouldn't allow that considering what she knows, so I feel Gray getting angry with Whitney was completely unnecessary - but then again, when has Gray ever done something which is necessary?! Something tells me if he flips about Whitney letting his children go out to play, how the heck is he going to react when he learns she's been building a relationship with Kush?! It's been known that Gray has hold a spark for Whitney, but it looks as if she just sees him as a mate - I fear what's going to happen when Gray learns about Whitney and Kush, what do you guys think?!  

--

Awwwww Isaac and Lola?! I wasn't sure I was going to enjoy this relationship? I always did love Lola being with Jay, but I'm beginning to think that this could really go somewhere! It looks as if Isaac really does have strong feelings for Lola and after recent events of confronting his Mother to deal with his diagnosis, he's ready to tell Lola about his condition. As they enjoy another date, they were discussing movies and I have to be honest, I loved this moment, I enjoyed how natural it was. The banter, the laughing, genuinely getting to know each other more, but the interesting moment when Lola tells him to reveal something to her that she doesn't know about him, he does look a bit scared, a bit hesitant to tell her the truth, but eventually he admits that he has schizophrenia.

Now understandably, this would worry Lola. But I think she dealt the news brilliantly! Very understanding, caring - almost as if it didn't matter. She's still willing to go on dates with him and even move further into a relationship. However when she's back home after the date, maybe just to put her mind at rest, she tries asking a type of "Alexa" whether schizophrenia is dangerous, but it looks as if it doesn't work and the device doesn't respond. Just then, Isaac arrives with desserts with huge happy smiles across his face, but Lola kind of digs herself a hole when the device has a delayed response, informing her about schizophrenia right in front of Isaac. I do feel this was a little awkward, predictable maybe, but it made for brilliant viewing. Even Isaac finds the funny side and admits that he understands her concern and reassures her about any worries she may have for the future. Even the following scene where they're enjoying their dessert together, I love how Isaac is reminiscing about his teenage years and informing Lola of the time he told a friend about his diagnosis, I found it really really moving.

As I explained in my last post, I don't know the full detail when it comes to schizophrenia, I had to do a bit of research to understand, but I'll be interested to see if Isaac's condition deteriorates or becomes worse. Isn't it a bit predictable? Isaac finds happiness with Lola, only for his illness to escalate and go out of control? This is EastEnders after all, nothing is ever simple or easy and happiness doesn't last for very long. I'll be interested to see if they do an episode which focuses completely on Isaac and his mental health, as they've done with Stacey and Bobby in previous episodes, I think it would be great for the viewers to learn and understand what schizophrenia entails for those suffering with it.

--

Okay so finally I know the name of character, it's Stas!!!!! After how many episodes now? Three maybe? His name is pronounced loud and clear! (Also thank you to a few subtitles!). Okay so this story regarding Ben, Kheerat and Stas kind of makes sense. So Ben and Kheerat have joined forces in a way to do business with Stas. Did anyone else feel for Vinny though? I felt bad the way Vinny was dragged into all of this. I think Vinny hesitates when he learns that his brother is doing business with Mitchell's but also states that it'll be a bold move to get their family name out there and heard of.

Things seem to be going well for a Panesar's, that is until a dodgy shoplifter is spotted in their shop, both Kheerat and Vinny take it upon themselves to lock the shoplifter in the shop and confront them. Can I also just mention how brilliant Kheerat was in this scene, it was a strong and powerful performance from Jaz Deol. I don't know why I loved it so much, but I felt like it was a type of speech that we've never seen before, well maybe apart from Masood a few years back. I kind of see Kheerat as a younger version of Masood in a way, what do you think?! Eventually a plan is put in place for Ben, Kheerat and Stas to meet at the Arches. As far as I can make out, Stas is expecting for receive his money - money for what, I don't know? But either way Kheerat tries to reassure Stas that his "Dirty money" will be delivered. The one moment that did grab my attention though is when Stas basically insulted Ben about his sexuality, I mean - how dare he!

As time drags on, Stas seems to get a little impatient for his money and from the looks of things, Vinny is meant to be the one who's delivering the money. Stas starts to lose his temper and pulls out a gun, in an attempt to hurry things along he puts on some music as a timer for when he wants his money to be delivered, but unbeknown to everyone, as Vinny is rushing to get the money to the Arches on time, he gets approached by the shoplifter along with a huge gang, cornering him in his path. It's far to say that as the music is continuing to play, both Ben and Kheerat are fearing for their life as Stas threatens to blow up the building as a he points a gun to a gas canister. Poor Vinny is trapped, he tries his best to fight his way out of the brawl, backing into the Vic. Luckily as he enters the pub, he sees Callum sat at the bar, in a desperate attempt to get away safely, he asks Callum for his help. But little does Callum know what he's getting himself involved in, especially considering his job role.

Only, how Callum does help Vinny remains to be seen, as we don't see exactly what Callum does. But eventually, Vinny makes it to the Arches, even though he's late and music has stopped playing, both Ben and Kheerat have managed to talk Stas round in the meantime. Ben admits to his ex-business partner that he had called him "Mad" in the past, but that does not mean that he's stupid. I have to admit watch all this drama unfold, it was pretty exciting stuff, dramatic and very suspenseful. Eventually, Vinny arrives safe and sound with his money still all in tact in the bag, I guess you could say Kheerat and Ben are more than relieved to see his appearance. Kheerat mentions that everything can be forgotten if Stas leaves with the money now and he'll make sure that Stas is given his money every month. As things begin to settle down and Stas leaves with his money, everyone else returns to the Panesar business, Kheerat questions Ben as to whether Stas has always been so erratic in his ways, to which Ben admits he is. Has Kheerat got himself in too deep? As Ben turns his attention to Vinny and questions why he was so late, Vinny reveals to them that he had to ask Callum for help, which completely sends Kheerat in a panic! Considering Callum's job role, who knows what would've happened if Callum had found out the truth? Kheerat voices his disappointment in his brother, claiming that if anything comes back to haunt them, then it's on his head! I do kind of feel for Vinny at this point as well, and when he bumps into Callum later on in the street, it looks as if he's beginning to question his involvement in his brother's business. Does he really want to be handling dodgy deals with his brother and Ben Mitchell? Does he perhaps want to take a different route and do something different with his life? Even Callum admits he could become a police officer, PC Vinny Panesar - who knows?

As Ben returns home after his eventful day, he bumps into Stas for one last time. Showing a bit of interest, he questions who it was who told him the Mitchell's were backstabbing him. It's then that Kat is seen leaving the pub, Stas clocks on to her and informs Ben that it was actually her who blabbed. But the interesting is, how is Ben going to react when he learns Kat has been sleeping with his Dad?! THAT I am looking forward to seeing! Are Phil and Kat actually a serious thing? Or simply just a bit of fun?

--

Okay, so we have to talk about Ruby don't we? Poor Ruby! I think I'm beginning to feel more sorry for her as time goes on. I don't condone the lying and scheming that she's done, but no one deserves to go through losing a baby, it's the most heart-breaking thing anyone can go through. It's the day after her miscarriage and it looks as if she just wants to carry on, heading to work might even take her mind off of a few things, but Martin tries to persuade her to stay at home. But as Ruby is adamant she wants to go to wrong, she gets an excruciating pain. As Ruby is rushed to hospital, it looks as if Stacey is at home feeling nothing but guilt, does she fear that it's her fault that Ruby lost her baby? I mean, she didn't do anything to harm her, but due to all her stress, could that have caused Ruby to have a miscarriage?

It's eventually revealed that Ruby has suffered a haemorrhage after her miscarriage and they need to empty her womb. I have to say the performances from both James Bye and Louisa Lytton have been brilliant during these episodes, having to watch a young couple grieve for their lost baby, it's devastating! Poor Martin doesn't know how to console his wife, he simply can't find the right words to comfort her. He returns home to get her some more comfortable clothing when Stacey approaches, of course she's riddled with guilt and remorse, she deeply apologises to Martin. I think after everything she and Martin have been through, they know each other better than anyone, so when Martin admits he doesn't know how to be there for Ruby, Stacey tells her ex-husband that all Ruby needs is for him to talk to her, to know how he's feeling, it'll give her some comfort that she's not having to go through this all on her own.

Returning to the hospital, Martin finally finds the courage to open up to his wife. Earlier she questioned why he wasn't angry for losing his child. But he admits that he hasn't gotten past the sad stage, he's still upset and grieving for the child they've lost. He admits that when Ruby announced she was pregnant, he was terrified to begin with, but then he came comfortable with the idea and it made him happy to be a Dad again and to bring up a child with her. It would've completed their family. It looks as if this is what Ruby has been waiting to hear, she's needed to know exactly how her husband has been feeling, it seems this is the first time he's been completely open with her. I found this whole entire storyline so touching you know, upsetting as well as touching, dramatic. Performances from everyone involved have been incredible!

I kind of feel Stacey also as she's having to deal with the knowledge that she was there when Ruby fell, could she have done something more to help her? If they hadn't been arguing, she probably wouldn't have fell? All these questions would understandably going round and round in her head! As she stands on the Square with a bunch of flowers, she watches as Ruby and Martin return home from the hospital. Kush notices her and offers to go with her for support. As they enter their house, Ruby is pretty much stunned to see Stacey walking in with a bunch of flowers, I think she almost takes it as an insult. Stacey pleads for them to stop fighting and arguing, too much has no happened because of their horrendous arguments. But Ruby seems to have none of it, maybe she feels that there's too much water under the bridge for them ever to rekindle their friendship. Ruby then drops the false blow that Stacey was to blame for her miscarriage because she had pushed her down the stairs.

Now this is a false accusation, I don't how guys see this, but Stacey did not push her. Ruby followed Stacey up the stairs, but as Stacey turned, Ruby's ankle gave way and she fell. Stacey denies the allegation and pleads for Martin to understand that she'd never do something like that. But then Ruby takes it one step further by revealing to her husband that both Stacey and Kush locked her in the office and forced her to take a pregnancy test to prove to them that she was in fact pregnant. As awful and disgusting that was, Stacey tries to fight her corner, claiming that she was just looking out for her ex-husband. Ruby had been lying about so much and they feel they had good reason to check whether she was telling the truth or not.

As everyone continues to argue, poor Martin is just sat there as everything seems to sink in, the loss of his child, the accusation against Stacey and then revelation of how they treated Ruby. It all gets completely too much for him, causing him to completely explode. Telling them all to stop arguing, he exits the room and leaves the house, Kush following to console his best mate. But Martin appears to be absolutely furious, lashing out at Kush and punching him to the floor. Kush tells his friend to punch him again if it makes him feel any better, but he also reminds Martin that he knows exactly how he's currently feeling. Kush has been there! He's lost a child! I think some people do sometimes forget about that, it was one of the most tear-jerking moments I have ever seen on EastEnders, when Kush and Shabnam lost their son, Zaair.

The next scene between Martin and Kush is really loved, it was sad, moving and to be honest, it was nice having Kush remember holding his still-born son. Devastatingly, Martin never even got the opportunity to hold his new child, but I think this brief talk with Kush does help him in some way. Kush even asks him whether he's cried for his loss yet, but when Martin admits he hasn't, Kush informs him that that's where he needs to start. If Martin is worried about Ruby and trying to be there for her, he needs to make sure that he can also grieve himself before he can look after his wife. He voices that he's finding it hard to believe that Stacey would purposely push Ruby down the stairs just so she would lose their baby, I mean anyone would find it hard to believe that anyone would/could be that cruel! The final scene of the episode, Martin is sat on Arthur's bench in the Square, he looks to be in deep thoughts of the days events, but as Stacey approaches him, he realises that things between them can't be as they once were. He needs to be there for his wife, she is more important than anything right now and maybe the best thing for everyone would be if Martin and Ruby had nothing more to do with each other, he reassures her that they'll be civil for the children's sake, but the kiss they shared at Christmas was a huge mistake. He's been over her for a long time now and Ruby is his priority, as far as he's concerned, his relationship with Stacey is over, for good!

Overall a very emotional and dramatic set of episodes! I apologise for this post being so so late, I have to admit I've been a little distracted and had a few breaks during the day whilst I've been writing this, but I'm glad to have finished and have it up now! I'm looking forward to seeing where these different stories go, please feel free to leave me a comment or a message letting me know what you're think, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Thank you everyone! I love you all xXx

[nyansjourney]

I have not been happy recently

After my long post about how I am growing stronger, bolder, how I am not afraid to lose the one I love, I went through a terrible experience that dragged me to the gate of hell, and up until now, I still do not want to go back to my reality. 

And it all happened in my imagination. 

Sunday morning, one friend of mine asked me about him, if he had anyone yet, or what was his type. She told me that her friend has been noticing him and that the said friend might make a move. After that conversation, I felt completely crumbled. All my hope about us being together was gone. All the light that shed on my desperate soul was shut down. I used to picture him with literally anyone but me. I always know we would never be a thing, but at that moment, when I had to come to terms with that reality, everything just fell naturally and made me feel like I am trembling. 

During the afternoon, my mood was deteriorating uncontrollably fast. Every time I looked at that friend, I quickly associated her with her other friend, her interest in my crush, her boldness to approach him, and her chance to win. All that things took turns to mess with my head. I had gone through this, and I understand how such intrusive thoughts can ruin a person. And it did ruin me, once again, until my mood hit rock bottom in the evening. I went home and went straight to sleep, not wanting to do anything even though I had loads of works to do. I just slept with an unrest mind and self-loathe. 

Days later, I was so scared to see him online, because every time it happened, I was quickly reminded of that story on that day, and those thoughts reappeared. I stopped talking to him, unlike how we used to a week ago. I kept blaming myself for getting too involved in this self-created relationship, for knowing the result beforehand, and still chose to dwell on it. I reinstated the idea that I do not deserve happiness, and such a depressed person like me should not be able to achieve that state. 

On Tuesday afternoon, I went to get a haircut. According to a recommendation online, I hopped on a bus to go to a barbershop that is 4.5 kilometers away from me. When I got there, I was surprised to find out that that barbershop does not offer haircut for men. I walked a kilometer to finally get inside a random barbershop I found on the street, and the service only costed 50K. Even so, I was really scared because I might not get the desirable haircut. I was also stressed because things had not been going the way I expected recently. When the barber there washed my hair, I almost burst into tears, and after that when he cut my hair, my emotions overflowed again but I luckily held back my tears.. I did not clearly understand why I wanted to cry, maybe because I was finally getting my long-awaited haircut. I just knew that I finally felt better. 

I am still sad over the fact that I am drifting away from him, even though he has never been mine. I am still sad over the fact that no matter how much I invested into someone, the result can still turn out to be out of my expectation. I am sad.

[toongrrl-blog]

The Mommy Myth: Threats from Within (Part One)

Okay time to see the Moms “gone bad” and other Moms who required a lot of empathy but only got vilified on the media or were given anxiety inducing media. 

This was the era of the tabloid show like A Current Affair and America’s Most Wanted, “the crack baby epidemic”, depraved maternal figures, teen moms, smothering mothers, Lifetime movies where shit goes wrong, surrogacy, and the news that no you cannot let your kids go walking to the park by themselves. The era of sensationalism made no care for maternal ambivalence nor for the nuances of individual mother’s lives, only for black and white. Heroes or villains. No grey area. 

The “deviant mothers” featured were vilified for being supposedly narcissist and self-indulgent, odd given that I previously covered celebrity moms. But the celeb mom is portrayed as self-indulgent and narcissist on behalf of her kids and everyone who looks at her. Throwing money on diets, spa treatments, workouts, beauty treatments, and clothes were “necessary” as it was so someone had something pretty to look at. But have needs or desires that had nothing to do with your family, you were so bad! 

Scene: Suburban New Jersey, 1985. Dr. Elizabeth and Mr. William Stern wanted a baby but Dr. Elizabeth Stern was in her late thirties and had multiple sclerosis and they went to the New York Infertility Institute and were approved for surrogacy and hooked up with Mary Beth Whitehead, a homemaker and high school dropout with two children and a husband who was a sanitation worker. As she said:

I don’t have an education. I don’t have a skill. The only skill I know I do well is being a mother.

A contract was signed where Mary Beth would be paid $10,000 upon the Sterns receiving the baby, where she’d be impregnated with William Stern’s sperm and the Sterns would pay her medical expenses and a $7,500 finders fee to the Institute. On March 27, 1986 Mary Beth gave birth to a baby she named Sara and she had a change of heart and decided to keep the baby. The Sterns wanted the baby and the judge awarded temporary custody to the Sterns, who named the baby Melissa. When William came to pick up Baby M, the Whiteheads bailed for Florida with the baby, leaving their two older kids with the grandparents there and lived on the run (BTW this is a perfect scenario for a movie, I think Raising Arizona was loosely inspired by this).

Mary Beth’s actions flew in the face of what “surrogate moms were supposed to do”, they were supposed to be like Elizabeth Kane in 1980 and kiss the baby goodbye to a more affluent life (Kane eventually testified on behalf of Mary Beth). Or get pregnant and give the baby away to your infertile sister or be like Glenn Close in The Big Chill where she let her single friend sleep with her husband so she can have a baby of her own. Like Susan J. Douglas and Meredith Michaels, I subscribe to Mo’Nique’s school of thought regarding your friends and your man (maybe the Smug Marrieds should watch this and think twice about flaunting their rings to Bridget Jones):

People had a lot of shit to say about the Baby M situation, it involved issues like classism and sexism, who deserved the baby? The woman who carried her for nine months but was lower middle class and married to the garbageman or the biochemist who donated the sperm and paid the money? The trial started in the New Jersey Superior Court on January 5, 1987 where Whitehead was hit with several old-fashioned stereotypes about women: they can’t make up their minds and they are hysterical. Gary N. Skoloff, attorney to the Sterns, went Maddy Perez like the Whiteheads were a pot of chili. Skoloff listed 35 reasons why Mary Beth shouldn’t get the kid, amongst them was her mental health and her marriage to the garbageman with a alky problem. Also Mr. Stern recorded a phone conversation with Mary Beth unbeknownst to her. She was frantic: the Sterns had a judge freeze her family’s assets (which included the home, furnishings inside, car, and bank accounts). The media didn’t hear that or report it but they did on the desperate Mary Beth saying “I’m going to do it Bill....I’m going to do it; you’ve pushed me to it...I gave her life. I can take her life away”. The subtext also that being under educated and working class were not factors in making a good parent.

Honestly if your assets were frozen by someone who had the means and connections, wouldn’t you be unhinged? I think that Mary Beth needed to be treated for postpartum psychological issues rather than reviled as “The Crazy Woman” and don’t we make the worst arguments, imagine if you appeared saying and doing dumb shit like Bridget Jones and it was played on TV? Also on the tapes she was recorded as saying “I’ve been breastfeeding her for four months. Don’t you think she’s bonded to me? Bill, I sleep in the same bed with her. She won’t even sleep by herself...she knows my smell, she knows who I am--don’t I count for anything?” The media didn’t show that. More judgments came as her background opened up: her husband is an alcoholic, she and her husband separated for a while and she was on welfare in the past, her son had school issues (imagine how many affluent parents have kids with that problem), daughter Tuesday had frostbite when the furnace broke down (I’m not hating, winter in the East Coast sounds rough), and they went to the slut-shaming route when they got Mary Beth to admit she worked as a “barroom dancer”. 

And now it got really nasty: she didn’t play patty cake right (!), took pots and pans away from the baby and gave her a stuffed panda (uh I don’t know what kind of pots and pans they were around but I’m Latina), she dyed her prematurely gray hair brown (oh the horrors!)...a word from Karen Wheeler for now:

All these made her not an ideal mother. Okay am I getting some pissed off women in this post? Unicorn colored haired girls? Bottle blondes? Fake redheads? Anyone covering the grey? Henna heads? Well soon feminists and celebs like Our Queen Meryl Streep, Gloria Steinem, Carly Simon (one of our reigning Ladies of shady breakup songs), Lois Gould, and Betty Friedan all issued a statement of solidarity with Mary Beth Whitehead reading “By these standards, we are all unfit mothers”.  Thank Jesus for this action of solidarity because the media was playing one of it’s favorite games: pit women against each other. Dr. Elizabeth and Mary Beth were represented as doctor vs. housewife, barren vs. fertile, educated vs. under educated; so far the media was on Dr. Elizabeth’s and her husband’s side, which was okay for her but while the media cut her slack for being a quiet ride-along who was professional and educated and “of the right class” she got away with things that the media wouldn’t be kind with. While the media covered Mary Beth’s deteriorating mental health, they didn’t cover her testimony which read like a list of things that would normally get moms judged:

She wasn’t going to cut back on her work because “I didn’t realize how much time is required to raise a child.”

She claimed she was the “psychological mother” and therefore the true mom.

Her husband’s testimony said they’d have the kid in full-time day care (probably a nice day care like the academy in Daddy Day Care).

Activities with Baby M were trips to Bloomingdales.

During a cross-examination, Dr. Stern said she wouldn’t want to see the baby if Mary Beth was awarded custody

So what of Mr. Stern? He was basically cosplaying Ted Wheeler.

And he said “Fathers have feeling, too” which made him appear like the victim to the public when he had the means and access to a lawyer who went savage on Mary Beth. On April 1st (haven’t you heard, irony is dead), Judge Harvey Sorkow awarded custody to the Stern family on grounds that they provide better care than Mary Beth could (or afford). Mary Beth Whitehead was denied visitation rights by the judge, enabled the Sterns to adopt Baby M who was officially named Melissa Stern. Later that month it got bittersweet for Mary Beth: she regained brief visitation rights but got divorced and she remarried and had two more children, which the Sterns’ lawyer said was proof of “her personality problems” (wow imagine if the Duggars were tarred with that brush) while she tried to fight for longer visits. The next year saw Sorkow’s ruling thrown out by the appeals court on grounds of condoning baby selling, the adoption invalidated, and Mary Beth’s standing as mother restored. She got visitation rights, years later Mary Beth and older daughter Tuesday went on Dr. Phil where they talked about the case. Tuesday said the case contributed to the divorce and the strain was too much for the late Mr. Whitehead, who died from cancer years before their appearance. Mary Beth said she wouldn’t recommend this and if she had the chance, she’d never do it again, being a surrogate mother. At that time, Melissa was 16 and according to Mary Beth their relationship wasn’t good and she did attend Tuesday’s wedding though but claimed the Sterns made it difficult for the two half-sisters to have a relationship. Then five years later, Melissa was a junior at George Washington University as a sorority member and religion major and found it strange when the case was brought up in her Bioethics class, she hoped to become a minister and a mother and at 18 she allowed the Sterns to fully adopt her, terminating Mary Beth’s rights. 

And those fixing their lips to say that the Sterns had more rights because they could afford a “good life” for her? I leave this for you to watch.

So the media savaged Mary Beth Whitehead, a working-class white mother who gave birth to a healthy and chubby baby, how did the media treat poor, drug-addicted black mothers and their “crack babies”? (TL;DR, it was bad, very bad, you know it’s bad bad really really bad!). 

Up next...and for all you moms dealing with the judgements from an unhelpful world, here are words from Lois Foutley

[kingaid1-blog]

Gameplay Prototyping - Tuesday 05/02/19 & 12/02/19

This week my aim was to sort out my moving platforms, while I also had to start fleshing out ideas on paper for my coursework. Currently, when the player lands on a moving platform they do not share its movement. By this I mean the player stays at the same position in the game world and falls as the platform moves away underfoot.

After some looking into it, I found that the method used to sort this out is to have the player character parented with the platform on collision. After having a look at some tutorials during the day on Tuesday, I went into the labs and got right to it.

After some tinkering about with the rigid-bodies and the box collisions, I finally managed to get the thing working. After an hour of messing about with tick boxes and values, the guy eventually stayed put.

My next move as I said was to start thinking of a plot, or when considering the MDA framework thinking of mechanics to build this story around. I’ve said before I was wanting a vertical platformer and I had done some research. During the week I kept thinking about my PS1 days and the game ‘Heart of Darkness;’. It was an old yet very addictive platformer and its use of cinematics to portray the story was great at the time, the same reason probably Final Fantasy VII and IX are my favourite games. The different obstacles the boy Andy endures to save his dog from the darkness was fascinating. At the same time, all my games from back then have a sentimental feel about them and I tend to relive these memories with the odd playthrough.

I did exactly that with Heart of Darkness, fighting shadow demons and progressing through the dark levels. I always remembered it being great graphics, as I did for Medievil, Duke Nukem games etc when replaying them. Still it was good looking at it from a game designers perspective and breaking it down, as one tends to do in these roles.

I had some visions of what my game could look like, imagining myself traversing up these vertical levels. I was asking myself, where am I heading. With the help of some recent news stories and events, I think in my mind I was trying to make a mix of some of this within my imaginary prototype. Recently on January 29th, Donald Trump posted on Twitter one of his classic non-presidential-like comments on a serious situation.

Whether he fully understands that global ‘warming’ does not specifically mean everywhere gets warmer or not, the tweet amazed me and was a small topic of conversation last weekend at dinner with my family. I thought, how about if my guy is going up there to stop global warming. After this, some strange plot ideas started forming and I wrote some more stuff down.

 So I the main plot that I started to think about was that the player is travelling upward in order to destroy some machine which was actually the cause of global warming, a machine that slowly deteriorates the Earth’s o-zone layer. The antagonist is unknown to the player and to myself at the moment, but my first thought was some other lifeform, aliens possible? Then again, it could be a nice story for a conspiracy. Was Trump playing dumb and was behind global this whole time? After some play-throughs and other research, I began to write/sketch away.. Most is probably unreadable as I am still recovering from a broken hand, making using pencil and pen a rather more tiresome after a while, but here it is anyway.

This first sketch is a bit of a mixture of sorts, but mostly of the page refers to this module, Gameplay Prototyping. Initial thoughts here were mostly on mechanics and plot, some ideas of what sort of protagonist would be most fitting seemed to be some sort of scientist, or other who has an interest along the lines of this global environmental well-being. Thinking along the lines of science, it would also be quite fitting to possibly think up cool gadgets to help the player through levels.

On the mechanics side of things, I had already imagined my first ideas in previous weeks about the player avoiding rain. Some of the diagrams you might make out on the sketches on the previous page show an idea or two to continuously utilize this hostile water to create a less monotonous “obstacle – move – obstacle – move” game-play. using the shape of different platforms I thought about creating a timer on certain ‘Raindrops’ falling, with ones that don’t hit the player being gathered in a bucket on a platform below. The idea is the bucket will fill after three (TBD after testing) raindrops gather, after which the bucket will release a flow of water hitting (in this case) the sloped ramp below. This flow of water will then run down and knock the player back to whichever point below they may land.

This creates the obstacle at a lower point, forcing the player to take a note of the timing, and allowing them to access the next area just below the platform with the bucket if they time their jumps correctly.

Looking at sketch number two, I thought about how to mess around with my jump mechanic and possibly make my infinite jump a little less infinite. I thought about a pong-type movement interaction, where whatever angle the player hits the ball off their platform the will mirror that angle – as long as the jump button is pressed again in good timing.

So in the past two or three weeks I feel I have made good progress in terms of thinking of the coursework. I’m happy with what i’ve got so far and i’ll be keeping an open mind for any new ideas, such as any more tweets on current world issues.

I think I have merged weeks in and missed a weekly blog post after some confusion with the dates, I have edited the title to account for this. I think the size of this post will keep any readers busy enough and I’m sure there will be more news to come soon.

[thisdaynews]

Trump praises ‘patriot’ farmers while bashing Biden

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/trump-praises-patriot-farmers-while-bashing-biden/

Trump praises ‘patriot’ farmers while bashing Biden

President Donald Trump returned to Iowa on Tuesday in his first trip to the state since before the 2018 midterm election. | Scott Olson/Getty Images

2020 Elections

Visiting Iowa, a state slammed by his trade policies, the president maintained that short-term pain would translate into long-term gain.

COUNCIL BLUFFS, Iowa — President Donald Trump is determined to stay in the good graces of America’s farmers even as his trade policies threaten their livelihoods.

Trump returned to Iowa on Tuesday in his first trip to the state since before the 2018 midterm election. And this time he faced a state where 23 Democrats have been hammering the president nonstop — about trade and everything else — in their bids to oust him from the White House.

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The president focused most of his remarks here on trade and ethanol, but he managed to sneak in a jab at former Vice President Joe Biden, who he had repeatedly criticized on Twitter and in remarks to reporters earlier Tuesday on his way out of Washington.

“He was someplace in Iowa today and he said my name so many times that people couldn’t stand it anymore,” Trump said of the man the president views as his chief Democratic rival. “‘No. Don’t keep saying it.’ Sleepy guy.”

But even as he traded barbs with Biden, Trump had a separate mission in mind: reassuring Iowa’s anxious agriculture sector.

“Within a year and a half, I would say, you’ll be in the best position you’ve been in in 15 years as farmers. And you deserve it,” Trump said. He added later: “Under my administration we will always protect and defend our great American patriot farmer. Always.”

The president sought to draw a contrast between his administration and those of his predecessors — including Biden, by extension. “Past administrations did nothing while the farm income declined,” Trump said at one point. “But we are turning it all around and we’ve turned it all around and wait until you see the real numbers start coming in when it all comes together.”

In fact, farmers are being battered by some of their worst conditions in decades in part due to Trump’s trade war that has sent agricultural exports plummeting. Biden, speaking in the state Tuesday, said “there are a heck of a lot of Iowans being crushed by his tariffs” who would like to see details of a secret deal Trump says he struck with Mexico.

With fear rippling through the state’s agriculture sector, Trump used the speech, which was staged in an ethanol facility, to tick off a list of things he’s doing for Iowa, from overturning regulations to assisting the state with recent flooding to signing an executive order to speed up reviews of biotechnology needed by farmers.

He also reminded voters of his recent decision to allow year-round sales of E15 fuel, a boon to the state’s powerful corn industry. “I fought very hard for ethanol,” Trump said, adding that E15 sales are projected to double this year as a result of his policy change.

And he made the case that his trade agenda will ultimately be a boon to farmers, even if it means short-term pain.

“Somebody had to do it. You knew we had to do it. We couldn’t take it any longer. Nations all over the world were ripping off the United States like never, ever before,” Trump said. “Whether it’s China or so many others that I won’t mention, including our allies. Sometimes our allies did a better job of it than our enemies.”

Trump encouraged Iowans to pressure House Democrats to approve the new U.S.-Canada-Mexico trade deal. “You have to get out and push the Democrats to put it up because they’d rather see our country do badly than give us a victory,” he said.

Farmers remain a key constituency for Trump, especially in a crucial state like Iowa, which he carried by nine points in 2016. So far, farmers’ concerns about Trump’s trade policies haven’t translated into a major deterioration of support for Trump among Republicans here. Polls show that the vast majority of Iowa Republicans still support the president. But some White House officials and other allies of the president privately worry that goodwill won’t last forever, especially if the trade dispute between China and the United States isn’t resolved soon. They’ve taken steps to appease U.S. farmers, sending billions of dollars in aide to farmers.

Yet Trump shows no signs of backing down from his trade agenda. Though the administration reached an agreement with Mexico that averted a new round of stiff tariffs on the United States’ southern neighbor, Trump this week again reiterated his preference for hitting other nations — adversaries and allies alike — with duties in order to get what he wants. And he signaled confidence in his trade strategy with China despite widespread concerns in the agriculture sector, insisting that it’s paying off for the United States.

“Companies are leaving China right now, and they are coming here because they don’t want to pay the tariffs, and they are going to other countries,” Trump told reporters on Tuesday before leaving the White House, doubling down on his decision to hit China with 25 percent tariffs on $200 billion worth of goods. “But I think that China, I can tell you, China would like to make a deal very badly.”

Over and over again, Trump has suggested that tariffs are the most important lever to extract concessions from his negotiating powers. “If we didn’t have tariffs, we wouldn’t have made a deal with Mexico,” Trump said Monday as he promoted an agreement with Mexico to crack down on illegal immigration in exchange for averting the tariffs.

That approach has some Iowa farmers terrified.

“The trade and tariff issue is huge. There’s no other way to say it,” said David Oman, an Iowa consultant who served as chief of staff to two of the state’s Republican governor, Terry Branstad and Robert Ray.

Oman added that farmers, who are already struggling after bad weather delayed their planting season, are in wait-and-see mode, hoping that Trump can reach a deal with Chinese President Xi Jinping to ease trade tensions.

“People are nervous and they’re looking for some resolution,” he said. “The concern is palpable.”

Trump said he is hoping to meet with Xi on the sidelines of the upcoming G-20 summit in Japan later this month. The president has threatened to hit China with tariffs on an additional $300 billion in goods if the two nations can’t reach an agreement.

The president’s divisive trade policies have tested the state’s political leaders, prompting Sens. Joni Ernst and Chuck Grassley, both Republicans, to push back, while simultaneously trying to maintain good relationships with the White House. Ernst traveled with Trump on Air Force One on Tuesday. Grassley, meanwhile, said earlier Tuesday he plans to move forward with legislation that would put a check on Trump’s trade powers, arguing that Congress has ceded too much authority on the issue to the executive branch.

“This is not about Trump. It’s about the balancing of power,” Grassley told reporters, being careful not to directly criticize the president.

Iowa Republican leaders maintain that the state’s farmers are willing to absorb the economic fallout from Trump’s tariffs — at least for now — if it means getting a beneficial deal with China.

“Yes, there’s concern. The nature of farming is a worrisome profession,” Iowa Republican Party Chairman Jeff Kaufmann said in an interview. But he added, “I see no signs in rural Iowa that farmers are going to abandon the president. Our farmers understand that we have to take a stand against China.”

Republican officials in the state echoed Trump’s appeal to the patriotism of farmers, calling on them to sacrifice for the good of the country.

“While you would think they might be angry because it affects them and it impacts their bottom line, most farmers are very pragmatic and they understand that this is short-term sacrifice for long-term gain,” said Mariannette Miller-Meeks, a Republican member of the state Senate.

Others said farmers are likely to stick with Trump until a better alternative presents itself. For now, some farmers remain uncertain about the Democratic candidates, unsure about what they’d get out of a change in leadership.

“We’ve got 19 candidates running around Iowa nearly every day. You’ve got a lack of clarity in terms of who the opponent is, and that’s at least part of it,” said Kirk Leeds, the CEO of the Iowa Soybean Association, whose members have been some of the hardest hit by the tariffs.

“There is an erosion of optimism, and it could turn into a lack of political support,” Leeds said. “But until there’s an alternative, I think farmers will hang in there.”

Iowa’s top agricultural exports, pork and soybeans, are two of the sectors hit hardest by Trump’s trade war. Soybean prices have slumped over the last year amid the standoff with China — a massive export market for U.S. soybeans — and in May they sunk to the lowest level in a decade when Trump announced he would hike tariffs on $200 billion in Chinese goods.

Hog farmers also have been stuck at the forefront of retaliation from Mexico, which is the top destination for U.S. pork exports. The National Pork Producers Council last month estimated that trade feuds with Mexico and China would end up costing pork producers about $2.5 billion over a year.

The drop in commodity prices comes on top of a five-year decline in farm income, which is about 50 percent lower than it was in 2013. The trade headaches have been exacerbated by severe flooding in the Midwest in recent months. Iowa growers lost millions of dollars worth of commodities in March when the floodwaters swamped storage sites jam-packed with crops that farmers were unable to sell because of the trade impasse.

But Trump’s defenders say farmers have taken solace in the president’s recent trade agreement with Mexico and Canada, which the administration is hoping to move through Congress in the coming months. They were also relieved that the president didn’t impose across-the-board tariffs on Mexico, a threat that was averted after the two nations reached an agreement meant to stem the tide of migrants into the United States.

“Farmers will ultimately hold the president accountable on a variety of things, trade included,” said Iowa Secretary of Agriculture Mike Naig, who attended Tuesday’s ethanol event. “Farmers will reward the president if he’s able to deliver.”

Ryan McCrimmon, Natasha Korecki and Doug Palmer contributed to this report. Restuccia reported from Washington and Cook reported from Council Bluffs.

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