#looking like the Walmart version of an alcoholic dad

[loredropper]

Grisha is so divine?? And Dina is so stunning??? And Carla is so lovely?? And eren is so beautiful??? And meanwhile Zeke looks like a whole ass homeless forty four year old grown adult man????? Why????

[hostilemuppet]

So the first piece of art of yours that I saw was the comic where two of Bruce’s kids came out has trans to him and Branch tells him he’s a good dad and Bruce said he wishes their parents were supportive of him.

After that I came upon the one where JD decides to pierce his ear. And ends up with a date with a trucker.

And after that it was your first Floyd/Creek comics where Creek thinks he’s tricking Floyd but Floyd his aware and using him to get expensive stuff!!! It was between those three that I started following you.

While your style has changed since those little comics, I’ve always found your art amazing!!! And funny!!!

I keep coming back for more art and comics. I don’t read most of the asks you get so what ever happens on chapter 14 will probably be a complete surprise for me.

I do have a few questions from those first comics, have you ever considered drawing Bruce before he came out has trans? Maybe a little comic flashback of him coming out to his family? Also why was Branch so surprised? Didn’t he know Bruce was trans? And or was he… wait is Branch a he or a she? I forgot to ask before I didn’t understand in the story, if Branch came out has a boy or a girl. What I was going to say was Branch surprised that he wasn’t the only trans in the family?

As for the JD comic, have you ever considered drawing that date JD had with the trucker troll?

Also I think I once saw a Spotify playlist for Fleek with a cover of Floyd eating sushi from Creek’s back? Did I imagine that? Cause I can’t find that art on either of your twitter accounts.

Speaking of Creek’s back, what does he’s tramp stamp look like?

first of all tysm! thats very kind of you 😊 ill go through em point by point:

1- the comic where branch finds out bruce is trans wasnt related to the tdau at all, it was based on actual canon, so that version of branch wasnt intended to be a trans he/him butch he was just a cis dude. branch didnt know bruce was trans bc he wasnt even a year old at the point of the breakup and bruce had been living solely as a man for years, maybe as young as 13? (he wouldve just decided "can you call me a he? and grandma can you start buying me boy clothes at pop troll walmart?" i dont think he wouldve had the resources available to know what transgender even meant at that point) and never ended up telling branch before the breakup bc... well hes like 6 months old. and he doesnt need to know anything about "spruce"s body. and over the years bruce just kinda forgot that branch didnt know, which is why he mentioned it so casually

2- i did actually draw the troll jd had a date with! his name is clyde (although i think calling him clyde S.D. ale would be cute. like clydesdale, and also ale like the alcohol). this art is old atp so maybe ill give him a fresher coat of paint, just like im planning for jds manic pixie dream rock troll girlfriends who hate him

3- i. yes. yes i did draw floyd eating sushi off creeks back and ass before 😭 based off a very good screenshot from captain laserhawk with rayman eating sushi off a cow woman. i drew it twice in fact, with the second being a redraw. here are both of them

i considered redrawing it a third time bc i massively overhauled how i drew trolls but i think if i keep doing it itll stop being funny

4- creeks (NON CANON) tramp stamp, i think would be ocean themed with seashells and waves. maybe ill design creeks tramp stamp today, but again its NOT CANON its not actually a thing in the tdau. unless alex wants it to be

[uninformed574835-blog]

God I hope no one finds this

I had a moment of weakness after 8 beers, laying in bed, not horny enough to jerk off. I looked up Courtney’s instagram. I wanted to see if she got fat or wrinkly or anything like that. I didn’t need to stick around long to see she hadn’t but I noticed a youtube link in her bio so I clicked it. Her and her husband have a youtube vlog/lifestyle channel where they go to disney or get ice cream or whatever those channels do. They have a nice house with a garage, a cute dog, and nice cars. I looked around my apartment that is 850 a month(that I can’t afford for too much longer) with my boxes of shit on the floor, my walmart furniture, and my space heaters to replace my CO leaking furnace. I wanted to die. I wanted to be swallowed up by my bed and my sadness and just disappear. I think I messed up my life beyond repair. My brain is toxic and addicted, I’m a lonely loser with no social skills. 

A common fantasy of mine is that instead of drifting away from the church and Courtney I stuck with them. In this fantasy I’m married, working, going to church potlucks and picnics. Playing board games with friends, talking about stupid bullshit, and going to disney world. In my fantasy I’m mostly happy, not addicted to alcohol and don’t even like it that much. How sad is my life where being a bland, christian, white sounds like a fantasy to me.

My problem with this fantasy is that Courtney isn’t this idealistic young woman. She’s mean and egotistical. She’s not just that but she is also that. Me and Dylan would go the way of my dad and his friend Jon. My brain is my brain so I would like drinking, maybe I could go to AA in the fantasy but that would be something Court holds over my head.

I wonder if she thinks about me and if she does, what does she think. Am I the idealistic version of myself too or is it all the times I let her down. Does she think she’s better than me? Is she? Like every situation in life ever, I’ll never know.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #318

“what can you do, where can ya go, when your mama is a burnout, and your daddy is a pyro?”

Do you have your ears pierced more than once? Yeah. Do you use an electric toothbrush? Yes. When was the last time you changed in front of someone? Oh, I have no idea. That's something I avoid like the plague because I loathe my body. When was the last time you got high? Never. Do you get along with your parents? Yeah. How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? None. Have you ever used a Ouija board? No, I don't fuck with that stuff. Have you ever met anyone who claimed to be a witch? Yes. Do you go along with prank-callers, or just hang up? I don't answer numbers I don't recognize to begin with. Would you ever tattoo a lover’s name onto your body? Nooooo. Do you own any version of Guitar Hero? I have a lot of 'em. Do you use mouthwash every single day? No. Do you know anyone with asthma? Yeah, my mom. Have you ever walked through a forest at night on your own? Uh, no sir. When was the last time you were in a graveyard? It's been many, many years. Do you know what an ‘AMV’ is? Yep, used to make 'em. How many items are in your recycle bin? (On your computer!) Oh yikes, probably loads. I haven't emptied it in... I don't know how long. Would you rather be a bird or a fish? A bird. What’s one award show you have to watch every year? None. Who do you like more: the Batman or the Joker? Joker. Heath Ledger's is my favorite. Have you ever had a pet rock? No. How much do you weigh? Yeah, no. If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Taking nature photographs. Have you ever lost your luggage at an airport? No. Have you ever been on a rollercoaster that actually scared you? I don’t do roller coasters to begin with. Have you ever gone in a sauna? Ugh, hell no. Has a stray dog ever tried to bite you? No. Have you ever had an eating disorder? No. Are you attracted to people outside of your race? Yes. Are you in love with anyone at the moment? No. Have you ever dated someone more than once? No. Best cough drop? Those creamy strawberry ones. If you have a pet, does it make a lot of noise? One's a snake, so she's silent as could be. My cat is generally quiet, but he has his times where he just walks around meowing, normally for attention. Are you a fan of eyeshadow? If I actually wear makeup, yeah, I like black eyeshadow. Can you tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi? Absolutely. I don't like Pepsi. Would you feel funny if you kissed somebody of the same sex? Done it before, didn't feel weird. Besides furniture, what’s the biggest thing in your bedroom? A Silent Hill poster. Which of your friends makes you laugh the hardest? Girt. Have you ever been in a Catholic confessional? Yeah, as a kid. What color was the hair of the last person you kissed? Brown. What was the title of the last song you listened to? So today I've really been digging dark synthwave/cyberpunk-ish music, and right now I have a playlist on that's currently playing "DNA War" by Absolute Valentine and Billy Mays. How far away is the closest Walmart? Not even five minutes. Can you do a backflip? No. Who is the lead singer of your favorite band? Well, Ozzy is the lead singer of Ozzy Osbourne, haha. When was the last time you went fishing? Not since Sara visited and we went catfishing with my dad one night. What brand of deodorant do you use? Secret. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes. Do you regret it? Nah. Who was the last person to buy you a drink? My mom, lmaoooo. Who was the last person to buy you dinner? Also my mom, haha. How old is the oldest person you’ve dated? Juan's maybe like... 28 or something by now, idk. Have you ever run a stoplight? No. Have you ever dated someone & then dated their sibling? YIKES, no. That sounds miles beyond awkward. Are both your parents still living? Yeah, thankfully. What’s something that makes you feel more creative? Music, for sure. Do you collect Mason jars to use for crafts? No, but I do find those super cute. What gives you a quality of life? Not much nowadays, idk. What would give you a high quality of life? A sense of purpose, direction, and worth. Do you have any rugs on top of carpet in your home? We have a big one in our living room, yes. I don't get it. Do you have a mattress cover on your bed? Yeah. Do you hate taking naps during the day? No; naps are normal for me. Who has the best personality on YouTube? Maybe I'm biased, but I genuinely do think Mark for a multitude of reasons. He's just extremely likable imo and sincerely a fucking spectacular human being. Do you have any vinyl records? No, but I would love to collect classic rock and metal ones. Which serial killer(s) do you find most fascinating? I'm quite honestly not well-informed in serial killer stories. I think they're interesting, but not enough for me to learn about them. Have you ever visited any celebrity gravesites? No. How do you feel about archaeology? It's fuckin dope. Any animals whose behaviors you find particularly interesting? ALL OF THEM AHHHH!!!!! But I particularly love learning about social animals, like meerkats (mongoose in general, really), African wild dogs, wolves, etc. What are your thoughts on gun control? I don't support the idea of banning firearms altogether, but I am very much in favor of some reform. There needs to be a much, much more strict and complex system in order for you to legally own a gun, and I also support periodic "check ups" to ensure you still fit whatever criteria is laid out. "Bad people will still find guns;" yes, some most certaintly will, but you can't convince me that the numbers wouldn't decrease. It would take a serious villain to put so much effort into pursuing obtaining a firearm. Do you like animals better than most humans? Sure do. Have you ever had to block people online for harassing you? I've blocked people to prevent that. If you collect anything, what is your favorite piece of that collection? I cherish the plush meerkat Jason gave me most, probably; out of my Silent Hill stuff, the limited edition Revelation flyer I have in Japanese. Are you friends with anybody you didn’t like at first? Hi, meet my best friend lmao. Are there any musicians you didn’t like at first, but grew on you? Probably. Do you have any favorite books you’d like to have signed by the author? Not really. Well wait, Ozzy signing my copy of his autobiography would be pretty damn cool. Do you like any board games or card games? I'm not really a board game fan, but Magic: The Gathering is fun as far as card games go. What historical figure(s) are you most interested in? I'm not incredibly interested in any, but I do think Pharaoh Hatshepsut was a bad bitch. She was one of the extremely few female pharaohs, and if my memory serves me right, one of the most successful. Do you like Breaking Benjamin? I sure do. How many people of the opposite sex have you told you loved them? One. Have you ever had to change your phone number? Yes, because I was getting strange texts from numbers I didn't know. Have you ever played bingo at an actual bingo hall? No. What’s your favourite comic book/graphic novel? I don’t read any. What is something you take pride in? How far I've come as far as my mental illnesses go, particularly depression and PTSD. What’s the biggest magnet on your fridge? I'm not getting up to go look. Have you ever eaten a Big Mac? No; I hate lettuce on burgers, so. What brand is your vaccuum cleaner? Dunno. Do you believe in sex before marriage? Sure, but I don't believe it's a must for everyone. Plenty of people don't even want to get married. Be intimate once you're comfortable with the person, and be safe and smart about it. Are you for or against abortion? I'm pro-choice. Do you feel like you need to lose weight? It's fact that I need to. My body just doesn't want to, afuckingpparently. All I seem to be capable of is either maintain or gain nowadays. Is summer your favorite season? It's my least favorite, actually. Do you wear glasses? I'm basically blind without 'em. Can you say the alphabet in more than one language? Yeah, in German. What do you want out of life? To feel like I made a difference, even if it's a small one. Do you ever get carsick? No. Do you groom your eyebrows? Not really anymore, no. Have you ever liked someone who treated you badly? No. When was the last time you went in the car past midnight? Oh boy, probably not since I had my cyst in I think '16. I was in so much agony and we had no painkillers, so I had to wake up Mom to go to Walmart to grab some. They barely even helped at all. God, I couldn't imagine dealing with that again. Were your last two kisses with the same person? Yes. Do you have alcohol in your house? I don't think we do right now, no. Do you have any personal fashion rules that revolve around your own preferences/body type (e.g., you never/always wear a certain color, sleeve type, or length of dress)? Yeah; I don't wear anything that shows my legs unless I shaved, but I will never wear a dress that isn't at least past my knees. Do you remember any celebrity whose style you admired when you were a teen? What do you think of that style now? Avril Lavigne was/is an ICON. I still think she looks badass. So, is it gif with a hard G or soft G? I used to say the opposite, but I say "gif" now. Apparently that's how the creator of the term says it anyway. When you are invited to things like wedding showers or baby showers do you tend to go or skip? What about graduation parties? If Mom is able to take me, I'll try to go to the first two if they're my closer friends. Do you like spicy chips? Oh FUCK yes. What’s the last movie you watched at a friend’s house? Elf with Sara's fam. Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? Mom's, yes. Dad's, only the month. Do you read your friends' surveys? Yep, I love learning about them. Do you know anyone with a glass eye? Not to my knowledge, no. Do you ever use the n-word? Absolutely not. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? I tend to like lip piercings. Do you prefer beef, chicken or steak? Chicken. Ever spent the night in a tent? Yeah, multiple times as a kid, "camping" in the yard with Dad, haha. What do you call your grandparents? I called both sets just "Grammy" and "Grampa." Have you ever cried while reading a book? Oh, certainly. How many college degrees do you want? I got none, and I'm not going back to college. Do you know how to play pool? What about foosball? Yes. Have you ever attended a professional sporting event? Yeah, hockey with my dad a few times. Do you own any jerseys? No. Were you born with naturally straight teeth? No; that's why I had braces. If you were the opposite gender, what name would you like to be called? Maybe like... Victor. Idk. Do you prefer original or sour Skittles? I love both, but sour. Do you like bacon bits on your salad? Yeah. What is your favorite kind of soup? I'm not a soup person. Did you learn to type through a computer program for kids? Yeah. What do you take for pain? Advil/Ibuprofen. What is your favorite place that you’ve lived? My pre-teen and teenage years house: in the woods on a dead-end road and down a gravel path that everyone always missed when learning where our house was. The actual road itself had very, very little traffic, and there was a large expanse of cotton fields. I loved it and miss the house itself, but it's got a lot of bad memories rotting in it. Who are your favorite kids that you’ve babysat? My niece and nephew. <3 Who is your favorite cousin? I don't have a favorite. We barely interact at all. Does one side of your family live in another state? Literally none of my extended family (or half-siblings) live in NC. What states did your parents grow up in? New York and Ohio. Have you ever had an allergic reaction to an insect? No. Is there a good hospital where you live? God no. It is notoriously awful. When was the last time you were asked out? Did you accept or decline? Mid-2017. I aceepted. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? N/A Do you want to get married? If so, what color will your dress be? Yeah. Probably white/ivory or black. Ever had a caricature done of yourself? How much was it, and were you satisfied with it? No. Do you like peanut butter and fluff sandwiches? No, I don't like the texture. If you got married and then got divorced, would you want to re-marry? Probably not. What’s your favorite amusement park? I haven't been to nearly enough to know. Do you play video games? If so, what kind? Yeah. My favorite are horror games, but I also love me some story-driven survival games like The Last of Us, and then there's "kids" games like Spyro, etc. I like a looot of different kinds. Would you buy used clothes? I don't think so. I know it's easy to wash clothes and stuff, I'd just still feel kinda... grossed out by it.

[unsaid-stardust]

50 Questions You’ve Never Been Asked

Tagged by @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold love ya longtime Kat

What is the colour of your hairbrush? red and black though I only use it in the shower bc curly hair

Are you typically too warm or too cold? too warm !!!!!!!!! always !!!!!

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? playing animal crossing and watching the 4kids version of Winx Club bc I can't stand the nickelodeon dub lmao 

What is your favourite candy bar? milky ways!

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? Yeah! Growing up in a Chicago suburb means going to Cubs games in the Summer. Also, I’ve been to exactly one Bulls game.

What is the last thing you said out loud? “no, that’s okay. That was really helpful”

What is your favourite ice cream? the ben and jerry’s half baked ! so good but the Walmart at school never has it bc it’s so popular

What was the last thing you had to drink? coca-cola...

Do you like your wallet? Yeah! it’s attached to my phone case so it’s really handy!

What was the last thing you ate? a mini chocolate donut lmao

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nope!

The last sporting event you watched? does the last dance Michael Jordan doc count?? (even tho that’s only bc my parents were watching it)

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? just plain lol

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? my two irl best friends 

Ever go camping? nope! never!

Do you take vitamins? yeah cuz I have a borderline immune system.

Do you go to church every Sunday? no!

Do you have a tan? not yet

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? pizza!

Do you drink your soda with a straw? only if it’s from a fast food place!

What colour socks do you usually wear? white!

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? uhhhh.....who’s asking???

What terrifies you? that my writing would never make it in the industry or that writing isn’t even the right career for me.

Look to your left, what do you see? my closet and my sink in my room bc I live in an old house

What chore do you hate? idk if it counts as a chore but I absolutely HATE getting the snow of my car in the winter

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? good’day mate

What’s your favourite soda? Coca Cola...I actually have a problem 

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thrus? drive thru! although I used to be really anxious about going through the car line bu now it’s all I ever do sakdjfh

Who’s the last person you talked to? my professor/class

Favourite cut of beef? I actually don’t red meat!

Last song you listened to? better man live-5 seconds of summer

Last book you read? I actually.,...can’t remember 

Favourite day of the week? Saturday

Can you say the alphabet backwards? noooo

How do you like your coffee? I've never actually had coffee!

Favourite pair of shoes? my favorite pair are these really shiny/gold Michael kors chunky shoes. my mom says they look like roller skates and my dad says they look like dot from spaceballs should be wearing them saldkjfh 

The time you normally go to sleep? like 11-12pm

The time you normally get up? it’s been varying bc of quarantine but around 9 I think 

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? I’ve actually never sat and watched a sunrise before so I'd say sunsets for now

How many blankets on your bed? 2 including a comforter lmao

Describe your kitchen plates: white with a blue border

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? ok so it used to be good ol vodka lemonade, buuuuuttttt I kinda maybe blacked out on it last semester and haven’t drank since....

Do you play cards? no! it makes me anxious bc my genetic condition makes it hard to focus on the numbers and with everyone telling me all the rules and stuff

What colour is your car? black!

Can you change a tire? nope oops 

Favourite job you’ve ever had? tbh this internship I have currently is my fav tho I guess it doesn’t really count as a job

How did you get your biggest scar? from getting my appendix removed lol

What did you do today that made someone else happy? tbh I haven’t had much social interaction but I guess I made someone content today with that one ask I answered 

tagging: @littledancersun @mambofivehargreeves @janes-mike @serendipitousrambles and anyone else!

[this-lioness]

Another bullshit update on life in general

Work has kept me busy, and I’ve been trying to get more done creatively and around the house, as well.

This was the first weekend in awhile I didn’t do any (or much) meal prep, since we had enough in the freezer to last us for all the dinners this week, and even a few lunches for Marc.  I made a dozen eggs, cut up and roasted almost 5 lbs of potatoes, and called it a day.

I cancelled the physical therapist, because between work, gym, housekeeping and trying to do something other than being a machine I did not have time for an additional two rounds of exercises every single day.  We were getting up at 5 AM, leaving for work at 6:30 AM, leaving work for home at 5 PM, getting home from the gym around 7, then eating for a half hour.  It was not going to happen.

We ended up cancelling the gym membership, because -- as much as we want to go -- we are just too tired and hungry after an hour-long commute to be like, “Yay, let’s do something tedious and exhausting for a half hour!”

The long term goal was to cancel the membership anyway, however.  I told Marc I want us to concentrate on finishing the sheetrock in the former “cat room” this coming weekend so that we actually use it for its intended purpose, which was exercise.  I have that barre I bought last year that I haven’t had time or room to use even once, and the treadmill and hand weights is just sitting and collecting dust.  So anyway, that’s the plan for next weekend.

We will also be fostering two cats in the next couple weeks, and trying to find them a home.  Long story short we met an artist at one of the galleries downtown, very nice guy, and his friend or nephew or I forget has recently knocked up his girlfriend and decided, “Well, we need to move and get rid of the cats I guess!”

So they’re two year-old sisters, and he wants them to stay together, which is fine.  Like Rosie, they actually look very young, like maybe only 5 months old.  They have never been to the vet in their life, so no shots, and neither of them are fixed, which means it will be on us to take care of all that before they get adopted out.  I’m sure he’s going to be a great Dad [/sarcasm].

When Marc found out that the cats needed a full vet workup, including spay, he was initially resistant due to the cost.  I said okay, if you’re not comfortable with it you’re not comfortable with it, and went upstairs to investigate our options.  The Walmart just opened up a “Vet IQ” clinic that does basic veterinary care, and we can utilize a local spay clinic for about $50 per cat, so on that end alone we’d be shelling out less than $300 (there’s always food and litter, of course).

After awhile Marc came up and was like, “I think I was a little hasty, I’m sure we can make it work.” After I told him the anticipated costs he was much more into it, so that’s good.  Hopefully we won’t have any trouble finding a home for them.

Rosie is doing well at feeding time in her crate!  It has not stopped her from being an absolute maniac spaz about food, but there is almost no growling at all while she eats now.  She goes in her crate, Marc covers it up with a towel, and she eats with seemingly less hysterical anxiety.  I’ll call it a tentative win.

Rosie, by the way, loves Bones. Bones can usually take her or leave her, although his tolerance level is much higher when she’s not acting the spaz, although you see moments of affection for her as well.  She greets him with a nice long body rub when they cross paths, and yesterday Marc caught him grooming her head.  It does my heart good.

At the risk of jinxing myself, I’ve been doing much better at bowling for the past few weeks!  I did decently at league on Friday, and when we went for our Sunday practice I had a series of something like 145, 106 and 140.  Considering I was lucky to break 100 a couple months ago I’m feeling very encouraged.

What has worked for me, honestly, is throwing out a lot of convention wisdom.  Marc has always been very patient with me, explaining game theory and approach and all that, but no matter how much I tried to put it all together it just wasn’t working.  And I was really, really trying.

Then, a few weeks ago, I was chatting with someone about Dyscalculia, and did a bit more casual reading about it.  I was reminded that it often causes issues with spatial awareness, something I can absolutely vouch for (I actually suspect it’s part of what’s caused me to have such persistent problems with perspective and anatomy over the years, although that’s a discussion for another time.)

So I started keeping that in mind when we play: I used the techniques that I knew were helpful, but in any aspect where I was supposed to do one thing, but consistently got unexpected and problematic results, I tried to go more by “feel”.

It’s hard to explain why this works, but it has so far.  Basically, I had to throw out the notion of bowling at “angles”, and became more of a straight-shooter, keeping in mind that my ball does have a tendency to hook left.  I got something like 3 or 4 strikes in one game on Friday!

Which is not to say that I’m suddenly a good bowler, because I’m not, but I’m better, which is what I wanted.  What’s annoying is when (admittedly well-meaning) people are like, “Here’s what you’re doing wrong!” and try to teach me about techniques which I already know, but which just don’t work for me.

This happened two weeks ago I think, and I’m sure the lady meant well, but she also was ignoring me when I said multiple fucking times, “I understand, but I have spatial awareness problems, that doesn’t work for me.”

Like, repeating something at me over and over is not going to make it any more true.  I hear what you’re saying, you’re just wrong.

So in other news I finished two more of the Mori Girl Cats, and that dumb little werewolf thing that was strictly for my own amusement.  (Someone was like, “That would make a great t-shirt,” and haha, I’m not fucking falling for that one again.)  I also organized the office / computer area of the Geek Room, we stashed away the last of the convention stuff, and it feels much more clean and open and neat.  A place I actually want to hang out, and not anxiously work while avoiding the pile of shit sitting behind me!

Last night I also installed Sims 3 and treated myself to a handful of expansion and “stuff” packs.  I only had enough time to create one Sim last night, but I already look forward to giving him a cold.

…*cough*...

Unrelated, but I meant to talk about something that happened last Wednesday, when I was out running my Mom around to her appointments and whatnot.

So… for anyone who didn’t follow me on Facebook or my old Tumblr, the short version is that my Mom and I have a very long and complicated history. She was not a very good mother, she is a textbook covert narcissist.  She was an alcoholic for many, many years which caused serious and life-altering problems for me as a teenager and young adult, and after she got sober she transitioned to a prescription drug addiction which further deteriorated our already tenuous and fraught relationship, and landed both her and my stepfather in financial ruin.

About a year and a half ago, to help save them from the road to homelessness, we helped them sell their old house and moved them to Bucks County to live about 10 minutes from us, in a mobile home park.  We helped them get it fixed up, we help with maintenance, running errands, etc.  It’s a very cute little house, and although it took some time I think they see that now, and that their lives are better off.

When they first moved up here my mother was still on prescription drugs, but she very quickly found that it was impossible to find a new doctor to continue prescribing her the same pharmaceutical cocktails she wanted.  And boy did she fucking try. She’s already changed doctors at least three or four times since moving here, whipping out her favorite refrain of “I don’t think this doctor knows what they’re talking about!” every time they’re like, “Yeah, you don’t need to be on a steady stream of opiates.”

Eventually the lack of drugs caught up with her, the withdrawal passed, and for the past year or so she and I have actually gotten along okay.  She is still, and always will be, a difficult person, and I worry about whether or not she’ll find a doctor to start filling prescriptions again, but until then things are… okayish.

Anyway, that’s the long back story.

Back when they were still living at their old house, Marc and I would periodically go to visit them.  My Mom was always drugged out of her gourd, so I fucking hated going, but I had to do my duty, and she made every excuse imagineable for why she couldn’t come visit us.  So once a month we’d pack up, trek over to her house, order take-out, hang out for a while, then go back home again.

Except my Mother would do this thing where, after the food arrived, she would put the plates out, and then she would continue to gather plates and reorganize the kitchen while everyone was sitting down, serving themselves and eating.  

Like, the food would be on the table, we’d all be halfway through our meals and well on our way to being done, and my Mom would still be in the kitchen sorting around in the drawers for a mystery spoon or bowl that she needed, then finding it, washing it out, drying it, realizing it was the wrong one, putting it away, etc.

Eventually she would come out while everyone else was finishing up, serve herself a tablespoon of food, eat half, and then talk about how full she was.

For a while we would be like, “Mom… everyone is eating. We have everything we need. We literally don’t need anything else. Just come in and eat,” and she would ignore us.  Eventually I just stopped caring, and let her do her thing while the rest of us ate.  The sooner we finished the sooner we could leave.

I don’t know how else to describe her behavior apart from manic.  Like, when it was time to order, if I asked her for a menu, she would bring me the menu, and for fifteen minutes after I had called to place the order she would still be rooting through the drawers looking for more / other menus.  She would get herself so worked up that sometimes while we were sitting downstairs hanging out she’d have to go up and be sick.

All this just to give you a sense of what she used to be like.

Anyway.  I’m driving her home from an appointment on Wednesday, and she’s commenting how all of us just naturally turn into their mothers as we get older, even though we don’t want to.  In that I stayed dead silent through this observation I think she recognized that I disagreed.  So then she moved on to how different some daughters are from their mothers, especially in the kitchen.

And she said to me, “Like when I cook, I have to clean as I go along, I can’t just put everything in the sink until later.  Remember when you used to come over to eat, and you’d say to me, ‘Mom, come and eat, the food is ready!’ and I’d be so busy cleaning up that I wouldn’t even realize!”

And I’m like, “....”

Because that’s not what happened.  That’s not even fucking remotely what happened.  So she has spun the reality where she is an out-of-control manic drug addict and spun it into a funny story about how she’s such a neat freak that she doesn’t realize it’s time to eat.

I was sorely tempted to correct her, but at the last second realized it wouldn’t make a difference either way.  She is never going to look back on her behavior with any kind of clarity, and trying to force her to do so would just make the day end on a sour note.  If she wants to live in delusion, that’s on her.  I can tolerate it, but I’m certainly not going to feed into it by saying something like, “Yes, that’s precisely how it happened.”

She’ll have to learn to interpret the silence on her own.

Anyway, I guess that’s it.  Greatly looking forward to getting home and having a nice night on the couch, or maybe playing Sims some more.  I may even make some tea.

I hope all of you are doing well <3

[philjacobsen-blog]

Antarctica. How I learned to stop worrying and love the isolation.

I put on my gloves and face mask like I had done every day for the past six months. I wanted to protect myself, be safe and I wanted to be healthy. No, I wasn’t a prepper preparing for the end of the world and/or the coronavirus, I lived in Antarctica.

From 2002 to 2018, I spent over six years of my life working and living in Antarctica. Math might tell you that looks like “16 years,” but Antarctica works on a different schedule.

Scientists and contract laborers (like myself) have been limited to work a maximum of 14 months straight in Antarctica. Because, after 14 months of isolation, it has been said, “You might lose your mind.” Therefore, four weeks, six weeks, or eight weeks of coronavirus quarantine is like a walk on the frozen ocean.

Everyone loves Top 10 lists, but first, here is the background of life in Antarctica.

There are two different seasons in Antarctica: summer and Winter. For the laymen, that’s when it’s light 24 hours a day (summer) and then when it’s dark 24 hours a night (Winter). It’s not by accident that “Winter” is capitalized and “summer” is in lowercase. This is because you need to respect Winter.

I have spent four Winters in Antarctica. While there have been changes to the Winter schedule, when I Wintered in Antarctica at McMurdo Station, the largest of the three American bases on the 7th Continent, a plane with all of our friends, hopes, dreams and escape plans left in February. The next time we would see the lights of a plane in the sky would be in August.

In other words, shit got real when that last plane left. We had to trust we had enough food, talent and toilet paper to last us until the end of August. This is because, as the saying goes, “If we don’t have it, then you don’t need it. And, you don’t need it, because we don’t have it.”

If you run out of chicken, then you eat pork. When you run out of pork, you eat lamb, when you run out of lamb, you eat hamsters--hamsters are, what we called, microwavable breaded (or deep fried) ham and cheese Hot Pockets™®.

In other words, the grocery stores are open; quit panicking. When you’re outside, hoping your squirrel trap has been bountiful today, this is the time to panic. However, today, it’s not minus 45 degrees outside. Walmart will be restocked soon, put on your mask and gloves and purchase only what you need. Then go home.

And, if Walmart is out of toilet paper, hook a garden hose to your faucet and clean your ass, and be happy your water supply doesn’t give you frostbite.

It’s going to be fine.

In Antarctica, we were living like it was Gilligan’s Island, “No phone, no lights, no motorcar, not a single luxury.” The only difference was we had phones, lights and motorcars, but when we went outside it was minus 45 –degrees—not a luxury. Stay inside on your couch and be happy that when you do go outside to take out the trash, walk the dog or mow your lawn, you’re not getting third degree frostbite and having your toes cut off.

This little piggy went to the market. This little piggy watches Netflix. This little piggy stays home.

Speaking of movies and TV shows, my good God, we would have loved to have had Netflix, bootlegged versions of Game of Thrones, YouTube or Facebook in Antarctica. Instead, the entirety of McMurdo’s bandwidth is mostly for Science.

Rarely could I “LOL” with my friends on Facebook or “YOLO” with spring breakers at the beach. Nope, Science is the priority in Antarctica.

Science, I tell you. A bunch of people, who we called “Beakers,” is the entire reason McMurdo Station exists. These Scientist are in Antarctica to prove or disprove Global Warming and/or can penguins fly and/or are penguins cute. Generally, they proved it, but why listen to scientists?

Scientists went to school and studied stuff, but have they ever studied the “economy” or “Facebook?” Can you imagine an entire community who listens to scientists? Oh wait, you can? Possibly because we’re in a global pandemic? Yeah, listen to scientists?

During my Winters in Antarctica, I could go days and only see the one person who I worked with, and guess what? I hated him.

In the community, we called him “Skin Suit.” This was his nickname because, even though he passed his battery of psychological examinations, which are required in order to Winter-Over in Antarctica, he said to Suzy—a la “Silence of the Lambs.”

“I wish I could wear your skin, so I could touch you all day.”

So, there I was, working at the bottom of the world, with Jame “Buffalo Bill” Gume as my coworker for six months, in total darkness, and do you want to know how I got along with him (aside from the one time I threw hot coffee in his face)? I complimented his outfits. I tried to look for the positive in the people who surround me.

My first job in Antarctica, I was a dishwasher. I left my home, friends and a girlfriend to seek this adventure. I’m still happy with two out of three of those decisions.

The first year I spent in Antarctica there was a “Dishwasher Emergency” at the South Pole (850 miles from the sea level solitude of McMurdo). Just like we need grocery store employees, drive through food and universal health care, the South Pole needed a dishwasher—and they chose me.

The South Pole is located at 9,301 feet above sea level. That’s not very high. When I live my life in my hometown of Salt Lake City, I live at 4,327 feet above sea level. I have climbed high mountains in Utah, like Mt. Timpanogos that is 11,752 feet and Mt. Nebo that is 11,928 ft. I’m not healthy, but I’m also not fat.

When I was asked to work at the “high altitude” of 9,301 feet of the South Pole, I said, “Okay. I’ve done that.”

However, what I didn’t know, was that because the South Pole is at “The South Fucking Pole” it’s not just about the altitude. The South Pole has a variance of altitude because of the Earth’s centrifugal force which makes the South Pole seem much higher than the actual 9,301 feet. At times it can feel, because of lack of oxygen, as though you are over 12 or 13 thousand feet.

Before going to the South Pole, the doctors and scientists said I should take “prophylactic acetazolamide” to combat the feelings of high altitude sickness. However, my friend Donald said, “You’ll be ‘okay.’” He said that since he was from Colorado and I was from Utah, that I would be fine, because I was “use to the high altitude.”

I was at the South Pole for eight days. I quit taking prophylactic acetazolamide on day four, because I was feeling great. I listened to Donald.

On day eight, I nearly died. This wasn’t Utah. Because I’d lived at sea level for four months at McMurdo Station, and Donald didn’t know shit, my pulse oximeter (the amount of oxygen which should be in my blood and close to 100) was 52. I was failing breathing.

Pulmonary edema cut the oxygen supply to my brain making me think 3 + 7 = Cat. The South Pole doctor said, “Phil, you are two to four hours from death.”

All flights to the South Pole were canceled on this day, due to weather, but, due to “2 to 4 hours of death,” a C130 National Guard Airplane risked their lives and flew from McMurdo Station to rescue me at the South Pole. If not for universal Antarctica Health Care, I could be dead.

On this day, I learned I needed to listen to the scientists, and not to Donald.

This story ended up being too long. I’m sorry. I’ve lived through isolation, listened to friends, instead of the medical community, and somehow I’m still alive. How did Antarctica prepare me for the isolation of the coronavirus?

1: Do something today better than you did yesterday. Did you go to bed sooner? Wake up earlier? Brush your cat?

2: Exercise. In Antarctica my exercise routine was called, “Brushing the Dust Off of David.” There is no reason to take a hammer and chisel to David. All you need to do is to take a wet cloth and brush off the dust. Do 10 sit ups, pushups, or jog in place. Be happy with who you are, and barely maintain. If you set higher expectations, you might fail. Simply, brush the dust off of your personal David.

3: Do something better today than you did yesterday. There were many times in Antarctica I got more drunk on Friday than I did on Thursday. I’m not advocating alcoholism, but lower your expectations. Don’t look for perfection when a glass of wine might do.

4: Did you make your bed after you woke up? Some days you will go to bed and your biggest accomplishment will be, “I made that bed today.” Congratulations.

5: Groundhog Day. Every day may seem like yesterday, but, how did you make it different? In Antarctica, after six months of Winter the trash shelves are lined with “Learn ‘This Language’ in 30 Days” DVDs. Nobody accomplishes a lot during the isolation of Winter. But, if we do little, then that is a lot.

6: Communication. Does your phone work? In Antarctica, no one can call us, so we have to call out. Instead of waiting for ‘that phone call.’ Make it.

7: Don’t go outside. It’s too cold. In the Covid-19 case, it’s too dangerous. My dad goes to dialysis three times a week; please don’t kill him. Don’t go outside.

8: Appreciate your pets. In Antarctica we are not allowed to have pets. I started the “Antarctica Cat Club.” All we did was share photos of our cats from home that we wished to be with. Now, we get to live a cat’s life. Nap. Eat. Shit. Nap. Clean. Nap. Eat. Repeat.

Love your pets you lucky sons of bitches.

9: Art. Be creative. Rather you’re by yourself or preferably, with only yourself. Do something artistic. For instance, today, I chose to write this Manifesto. In Antarctica a group of us recreated the (drunk) history of the race to South Pole by Roald Amundsen and Robert Scott (https://vimeo.com/35084075). What will you or your isolated group create?

10: Know that it ends. A plane will come and take you away or scientists will tell you it’s safe to go outside. And then, it’s over. You take off your mask and gloves. You shop at a grocery store, you go to a movie, you hug your parents or, you love being able to hold those who you love.

Stay warm. Stay isolated. And, stay indoors.

[outlawbarbiex]

I used to do these fuckin’ things constantly. Let’s kill some time while my laundry is drying. :P

What’s your favourite cereal? I’m not a huge cereal person, but my favorite would probably be frosted shredded wheat.

Is there a bus stop near your house? Yeah, I’m sure.

Do you prefer red wine or white wine? Red.

What’s the last airport you were at? Why were you there? Probably Nashville’s airport. I think I was there when I went to visit Tiffany in Orlando a few years ago.

Who do you live with? I recently moved in with my boyfriend and his mom.

Do you read reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like? Yeah, sometimes. A good friend of mine got me on it a year or so ago. My favorite sub is probably Let’s Not Meet.

Have you recently broken up with a significant other or even just a friend? Yes, actually. I ended a seven-year relationship about a month ago.

What’s the weather like today? Is it nice enough to go outside? It’s cloudy and sprinkling, but still feels rather nice.

Do you know anyone who’s had a baby recently? Not that I can think of.

Have you used a pen or pencil today? What did you write down? No.

What does your last text message say and who is it from? Tiffany said, “Ironically looked at his twitter yesterday and he had in his bio ‘don’t cry at my funeral’ or some Shit. I was like uhh 0.0 I’m hurting for her :/ I kno she loved him.”

Can you count how many times you’ve seen your favourite film? No, I can’t. I’m not even sure I could pick just one favorite.

When was the last time you ate marshmallows? It’s been a long time. I’m not a fan.

Do you listen to any podcasts? How do you listen to them? No.

How old will you be in the year 2030? 38. Ew.

How often does the kettle in your house get used? I’ve never seen them use a kettle.

Does your skin bruise easily? Do you have any bruises right now? What from? Hahaha. I have some bruises and hickeys. 😉

What was the last thing you spent $150 or more on? Fuckin’ bills and groceries. Other than that, probably makeup.

Do you prefer yes or no questions or more open-ended questions? I like both.

What brand of toilet paper do you usually buy? Quilted Northern.

If I knocked on your door right now, would you be acceptable dressed? For sitting at home, yeah. I’m in a tank top and pajama shorts, as always

Why did you leave your last job? I moved back to Nashville.

What colour were the last socks you wore? Black.

Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying? Once, but I went back and paid the following day.

What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud? Darrell trying to act like he was pissy with me.

What’s your favourite scent of air freshener? Um, I’m not sure if I really have a favorite.

How many weddings have you ever been to? Five or so.

Do you know anyone named Nora? No.

Are your hands and feet in good condition or could you do with a mani-pedi? I could use a mani-pedi. The polish is chipping off pretty badly, especially on my fingernails. I’m awful at painting them.

When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play? I’m not sure, which means it’s been far too long. I love board games.

How old were you when you first became sexually active?  15.

Have you ever been to a festival for beer or other type of alcohol? I think so.

Do you own a record player and/or vinyls? No. I had a few vinyls, but I left them with my ex.

When was the last time you went out for drinks? A couple of weeks ago, I think. I typically drink at home.

Have you ever been to a strip club? No.

What’s your favourite kind of smoothie? Blueberry or mango.

Have you taken out the trash today? Not today.

How often do you wear make-up? I’ve gotten so into makeup over the past six months or so, but I’ve been slacking lately with everything else that’s been going on. I wore a bit yesterday, though.

What’s your opinion on The Simpsons? I’ve never watched a full episode.

Do you prefer horizontal or vertical stripes? Vertical.

What’s your favourite brand of deodorant/antiperspirant? Secret.

Do you know anyone who has been through a divorce? Yes.

If you had the money, would you take taxis everywhere instead of driving? No, I have my own car.

Have you ever done a juice cleanse? No.

Do you have any friends who you can’t decide if they’re attractive or not? No.

Is the inside of your fridge clean right now or does it need a clean out? It’s pretty clean.

When was the last time you washed the dishes? A few days ago.

Are there any magazines that you read on a regular basis? No.

Do you have to pay for parking in most places in the town/city you live in? Yes.

What’s the first thing you tend to do when you have a headache? Take Ibuprofen and drink caffeine.

Can you hear lots of traffic from your house? Does it bother you? No. Our apartment faces the back of the complex away from the road.

Have you ever had proper Canadian poutine with the squeaky cheese? No.

Do your parents know how to operate smartphones and/or computers? Yes, my mom more than my dad.

When was the last time you wore a uniform of any kind? What colour was it? Thursday when I went to work. It’s all black, at least until I get my blue shirts instead.

Have you ever lost enough weight to drop a dress size? Yes.

Do you own Monopoly? Is it the original or a special version? Yes, I have Fallout Monopoly.

What was the last thing you said out loud? “Okay, have fun.”

You have to choose one: cats or dogs? Cats.

Would someone being either a cat or dog person effect you dating them? No.

How do you travel to and from work? I drive or carpool with my boyfriend.

Do you primarily use cash or card for your purchases? Why? Card. I hardly ever have cash.

Have you ever been to a stadium concert? Yes.

What’s your favourite flavour of soda, pop or whatever else you call it? Mello Yello.

What level of brightness do you usually keep your phone at? I typically keep it as low as it will go, but it automatically adjusts to the lighting.

Have you ever attended a religious or private school?  No.

Do you have any pets and are they cuddly? I left my cat with my ex.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?  Fucking Captain D’s. I took the first job I could find when I was taking care of my mom after her surgery. It was the most miserable four months of my life.

How many cars does your household own?  All three of us have our own cars.

Do you know anyone named Edward or any nickname of that? Yeah, my brother-in-law.

What time do you usually have dinner?  I think we typically end up eating between 6-7 PM, but it varies.

Are there any cracks or scuffs on your phone?  Probably. My case is busted.

What’s your favourite meat? Steak.

Do you need glasses to read or drive or need them all the time?  I don’t wear glasses, though lately I’ve been thinking I could use them while driving at night.

How did you celebrate your last New Years Eve?  Man, I don’t even remember at this point. I don’t think I did much of anything.

Is the internet fast where you live?  Yes.

What is your favourite meal of the day and why?  I love breakfast foods, though lately I haven’t been eating breakfast most days.

Do you like long surveys or short surveys better?  Either are fine. I used to do these things constantly.

Xbox, PlayStation or neither? PlayStation.

Have you ever been to a cocktail bar? Yes.

Do you consider yourself a fast typer? Yes.

What’s the best amusement park you’ve ever visited?  I’ve only ever been to Beech Bend.

Do you keep the cabinets in your kitchen and bathroom organized? Yes.

Have you ever had a romantic fling?  Yes.

Are you a very forgetful person?  Sometimes, though it’s not as bad as it used to be since I’ve stopped smoking pot.

What was the last movie you saw in the cinema?  Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.

What colour is your shampoo?  It’s like… silvery gray.

Are you doing anything tomorrow?  Yes. I need to go to the old apartment and get the last load of my things, take my ex a couple of things, grocery shop, etc.

Do you know anyone who’s gotten pregnant over the age of 40? Not that I know of.

Who does most of the grocery shopping in your home? My boyfriend’s mom, though I went with her last week and probably will this week, too.

Are you listening to music right now?  Yes. Wish U the Best by Blackbear.

What was the last thing you had to eat? An oreo cheesecake blizzard from Dairy Queen.Bottom of Form

What would you say is the worst part of high school, period?  Probably the cliques.

What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow?  Red.

How old will you be on your mother’s 68th birthday? Is that ‘old’ to you?  36. I suppose that’s not too old.

Ever thought you were dying of something you weren’t even close to having? Probably.

Ever want to be a doctor? Is it because of all the hospital shows?  Yes.

What do you think of all these reality shows that try to alter personality?  I don’t know or care. I’m not a fan of “reality” television.

Where are your favorite pair of shoes in the whole world right now?  They’re at my old apartment.

Do you live anywhere near a mall? Which one exactly?  I think the closest one is probably Rivergate.

Do you like drawing smiley faces or do you think they’re overrated?  Uh, they’re fine.

If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone?  My nephews, I guess.

Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children?  I typically don’t mind.

Do you ever have those ‘ah ha!’ moments? Do those annoy you? Yes, but they don’t annoy me.

Do you hardly ever remember where you put things at?  No.

When is the next time you’ll eat a cupcake, if you know when?  I don’t know.

Does your family go on a lot of vacations? Are they more boring or exciting?  Unfortunately, no. I was actually talking to Betty about this a couple nights ago.

Where did you last buy socks from? What do those socks look like?  I bought some plain black crew socks from Walmart a few weeks ago.

Do you ever lay in the grass and look up at the sky, just because?  It’s been a while.

When do you normally go to sleep on the weekends?  I’ve been going to bed about midnight every night for past few weeks.

Have you ever met someone with the same ‘biggest fear’ as you? Probably.

Do you ever have movie nights with your significant other?  Yes, though it’s been a couple of weeks. I got him to watch Orange is the New Black with me before the next season so we’ve been grinding those out.

Would you rather write with a pen or a pencil? Why is this? Pen. It’s smoother and lasts longer.

Do you like candy bars? Are you trying to slack off of them?  They’re okay. I don’t eat a lot of candy.

Who was the last person to call you fat, if anyone at all?  I don’t know or care.

What color skin does the last person you danced with have?  White.

What is your favorite number? Is it significant with your life?  My favorite number has always been three, though I’m not entirely sure why.

Does anyone ever constantly act like a pervert around you?  Hahahahaha, something like that.

Are you afraid of being kidnapped if you go outside at night time?  No.

Has your mother ever called your school because of your grades?  Yes.

What is the worst name a friend has ever called you? Do you remember?  I don’t remember, but they’re probably not that great of a friend if they’re seriously calling me names.

The best field trip you’ve ever been on; where was it to anyway?  Umm, probably a farm I went to as a kid, I guess.

In the next twenty minutes, what will you be doing and where will you be? I’m going to finish this, smoke a cigarette, get my clothes out of the dryer, put them away, and take a shower.

Do you like showers or baths better? Why did you choose your choice?  I prefer showers. They make me feel more clean than baths do and hot water is a must.

Do you have a religion? Is it the same as your best friend’s?  I’m not religious, no. I’m more spiritual, as is my best friend.

Are you a controversial person? Do your views oppose other’s?  I have some views that differ from people I know, yes.

Have you ever thrown a surprise party for someone? Who for?  Not that I recall.

Do you work? If so, have you ever been fired, then rehired from the place?  I work. I’ve never been fired.

Can you tell when people are lying or telling the truth?  Sometimes.

What would you say your average word per minute time is on the keyboard?  I have no clue. I can type pretty quickly, though. I’ve been using computers for as long as I can remember.

What is your least favorite class in school? Why is this?  I always dreaded math classes because it didn’t come naturally to me like English did.

Do you bite your fingernails or tap them on desks? I tap them.

Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly?  When I was younger, I wanted to be a singer or a drummer in a band.

Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one?  I don’t know if I really have one.

Do you ever call your cousins just to talk to them randomly?  I don’t think so. I’m not very close with my extended family.

When did you last spend the night at someone’s house?  A few nights ago before I actually moved in.

Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean?  No.

Do you ever have to wash your clothes at someone else’s house?  No.

When is the next time you’ll go to the library? Why is this?  I have no idea.

Do you like fiction or non-fiction books more? What’s your favorite?  I tend to prefer non-fiction. The Harry Potter series will always be my favorite.

Do you constantly have to be told to shut up? By who?  No.

Ever have a drug overdose? What did you OD on exactly?  No, but I’ve probably had alcohol poisoning before.

Have you ever wanted to change your skin color because you’re not satisfied?  No.

Do you know how to play pool? Are you any good at it?  Yes. I used to be pretty damn good when I played all the time, but I’m sure I’m rusty now.

Do you treat others as you’d like to be treated? Have you always?  I try to.

Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid?  Both at different points of my life.

Have you ever been beaten up by someone before?  No.

Are you someone who likes to get in arguments or fights a lot?  No.

[purplesurveys]

510

What was the brand of your first ever cell phone? It was one of the Nokias with a lime green screen and Space Impact and a super ancient version of Snake. What are your 3 favorite internet sites? Twitter, YouTube, and Reddit. Do you have a favorite pair of blue jeans? Describe them. They’re skinny jeans and high-waisted. I just borrow them from my sister though so I don’t get to use it a lot. :( What profession do you respect? All of them. Have you ever been the recipient of a practical joke? Sure. My mom once pulled a joke on me when I was about 8. I told her my hiccups wouldn’t stop; she didn’t mind it first, but then she tells me about how she received a call from my school saying someone had stolen some of the eggs from the cafeteria. Now, as someone who used to buy egg sandwiches in school, I was immediately interested haha. Soon enough my mom tells me that the school claims they saw me did it, so I started to panic and beg for my mom to cover my ass. I was absolutely scared and freaking out at the mall at that point, and I just wanted to be let off the hook from this random-ass egg fiasco.

She ends her entire spiel by saying, “Your hiccups stopped, didn’t they?”

Have you ever ate something you've dropped on the floor, if so what? I eat food off the floor when I drop them all the time, but there was one instance my siomai fell onto the ground that had a gravel finish. Immediate regrets. Would you consider being an Uber driver if you needed to make extra money? Yes. How do you know when you're in love, what's the main sign? I’ve only fell in love once, but the main sign for me during the time was that I began crying over them. Like just outright emotional, and I didn’t understand why. Turns out that not-understanding is just me trying to deny it. Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? I bought an already-autographed poster of AJ Lee. I dunno if that counts. Although, Andrew DID just have a meet-and-greet with another wrestler, Sheamus, last Tuesday. He said he had a print of Sheamus’ autographed for me. I don’t know if he was serious, but it would be so swell if it’s real. Do you prefer Walmart or Target? I haven’t been to either. What do you long for? A successful thesis. If you could be a personal assistant to anyone, who would it be? BEYONCÉ What is the most important thing you can do to improve yourself? Seeing a therapist would probably be the first, most obvious way to go. What makes it hard for you to keep your focus? The internet haha. Case in point: I planned to study a 33-page reading last night, but I kept getting distrated by notifications that came in my phone. Even if I tried to turn off the wi-fi, I’d turn it back on if I wanted to check for any new messages. After three hours, I was still only on page 9. Do you think society has become too PC (politically correct)? It definitely has, and I might be the only person on this hill but I’m kind of glad it has. I don’t mind a little or a lot of political correctness. PH isn’t a very progressive country in itself and you’d be shocked to find out just how many Filipinos still use a lot of backwards terms, so it’s healthy for me to know what the inoffensive words are. What tragic love story do you relate to? I don’t know if there’s any. Has your intuition or "gut" served you well? Its definitely had its ups. Back in 2015, coming home from school, I saw my mom’s car parked in our driveway. That NEVER happens. Immediately felt sick sick to my stomach and believed a grandparent had died. Not because my mom was sick and had to go home, not because my mom had an errand to run, but because a grandparent died. It was my grandfather (her dad) who died that day. What's the longest you've ever waited in line for something and what was it? My sister and I lined up for 8 hours outside the Mall of Asia Arena for our One Direction concert. The titanium section was first-come first-served, so we wanted to go in in early. SPOILER ALERT: arriving 8 hours before the concert – for One Direction for that matter – is late as fuck. Who is your favorite model? Taylor Hill or Kendall Jenner. What have you done that is out of character for you? Be head of the external affairs committee in my org. Literally the last committee I would have had signed up for. The job is everything I hate, until super super recently. Would you rather get a gift card or a gift that someone bought for you? As long as they thought of me while getting the gift, it’s immediately special for me. Who is the most visionary person in your life & how do they inspire you? My internship boss is so cool. She’s one of the smartest people I know and she has a really snappy sense of diskarte (Filipino word that’s hard to translate; think resourcefulness or mojo). She’s seen a lot and been through a lot, and I couldn’t help but look up to her during my stint in their company. How do you handle a betrayal? Cut the betrayer/s out of my life. What do you feel strong enough to protest about? Anything that aims to support or glorify the Marcoses. What's the biggest blooper you've never lived down? We were playing Heads Up! at a family Chrismas party several Christmases ago. My category was Filipino Christmas food – and mind you I’m not super familiar with all of them because I’m generally not a fan of Filipino rice cakes. Anyway, I name every food I know one by one, and I excitedly scream out “PUTO BIMBING” and I saw every single damn relative in front of me collapse and start having seizures and SCREAMING AT ME from laughing too hard. I swear they must have laughed in my face for like 3 minutes. Apparently, the right word is ‘puto bumbong.’ To this day I still don’t know why I blurted out bimbing, I’m literally laughing so hard right now just typing this down :((((( My family brings it up literally once every couple of months or so. This blooper is probably only funny for Filipinos, but still. If you owned a restaurant what kind of food do you want to serve? Gourmet burgers. What will we find if we look in the bottom of your closet today? You would see the books I was assigned to read in school, so that includes a copy of Holes, Number the Stars, Bridge to Terabithia, etc and all of my Shakespeares. All of my AJ Lee action figures are there too, as well as my signed poster of hers. There’s a bunch of other knickknacks in there. What kind of car did you learn how to drive on? The first car I ever tried to drive was my parents’ old Mitsubishi Lancer. I only drove it once because my trial drive drove my mom crazy. I passed my driving test in a Hyundai Elantra, which is honestly such a shitty car and I nearly failed the test because I simply didn’t work well with it. I mostly had to learn with my present car, my Mitsubishi Mirage. I was going to start college and had little time to practice, so when I had to start driving myself to school, that was my practice in itself. What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can't? Be in a healthy, long-term relationship. My mom used to tell me all the time that no one will ever love me because of how disorganized I am. She meant it seriously, so it stung for many years and also affected the way I dealt with other people. Have you ever had to go to court or testify and if so what for? Nope. Do you believe in karma? It’s fun to fantasize about, but I don’t religiously or spiritually believe in it. Are you more worried about doing the things right, or doing the right thing? Doing the right thing. I hate getting in trouble. Do you believe in the term "Mother knows best?” To some extent, yes. Who is your favorite movie action hero? I was never big on the hero narrative in movies, or any text for that matter. What is one thing you can get in your hometown you can't get elsewhere? My grandmother’s cooking. How important are looks in someone you're in a relationship with? Like, a 4 out of 10. I almost went with dating Mike because he’s really intelligent, even though I found him 0% attractive. What freedom do you feel is not really free anymore? Social media. It used to be a place where we would just post updates, share music, talk to our friends, be goofy in general; nowadays if you fuck up on a joke you thought was harmless, it’d be so easy to end you for good. Also, people would EASILY shoot you down over an opinion that’s different from theirs. I dunno, I just think that we think it’s a ginormous free space for all when really, everyone’s just kind of out there to catch our asses when they see fit. What are you most thankful for? The people who never left. Do you have any favorite talk shows or talk radio programs without music? Not really. I’m a fan of several YouTube series/specials, but I don’t follow talk shows a lot. What was the last book you read? Do readings count? I had to read materials for my Contemporary Philippines class just earlier. What's your favorite online store? I don’t remember where I bought my coloring books from, but it’s either Shopee or Lazada. What band would you love to tour with or be a roadie for? Paramore.

If you were to throw a message in a bottle into the ocean, it would say? I dunno how I feel about that. I feel like it contributes to polluting the oceans more, so I’d rather not do it even if I can come up with a witty message. Do you have common sense or do you think people are lacking in it? Hahahaha it’s here and there. Sometimes I embarrassingly lack it. What's your favorite non-alcoholic drink? Salty Cream Chocolate milk tea from CoCo. How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? I don’t really go to those, but something similar we have is called ukay-ukay, which sells secondhand clothes. I’ve recently been converted as a fan after shunning them for a very long time, as all my new tops have been from ukay-ukays haha. What do you like to put gravy on? Fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? Yes! I did it in Palawan. It was breathtaking to do it there.  What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? Knowing where I go to school, hahaha. What is priceless to you? Dogs finding their forever homes. What do you wait for discount sales to buy? Clothes, mainly. What is one thing you know about your family history you're proud of? I have a lot of amazing ancestors who were crucial to my country’s history, e.g. I’m related to one of the women who sewed the first Philippine flag, one of the diplomats who signed the Treaty of Paris (the treaty in itself is definitely not something to be proud of, but my relative is permanently etched in history nonetheless because of this), and one of my distant great-uncles published a nationalist history book that’s still being greatly relied on in the PH educational system and academe to this day. There’s a lot to be proud of, definitely. What 3 songs will always be found at the top of your playlist? I don’t have a permanent three-song set as my favorites will always change. But right now, it would be composed of Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House, Pool by Paramore, and Outta My Head by Khalid and John Mayer. What is the craziest thing you've ever done for someone? When I was a freshie in college, I once drove for an hour and a half to visit Gabie for ten minutes. Do you keep a budget? I have to. If you could cast a spell on someone what spell would you cast and on who? For freeloader groupmates to help out in class projects. What makes you feel rested and refreshed? Uh. Sleep? Who depends on you the most? My parents, probably. Could you ever be someone's bodyguard? I doubt it. Pretty sure anyone could break my bones easily lol. Has one of your biggest fears come true? Nope. Is there anything about the opposite sex you just don't understand? A lot of things... Have you ever let your mom or significant other fight a battle for you? I’ve allowed Gabie many times because I was always just too weak, yeah. Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? Not really, but when I was in high school I had a stupid phase where I wanted my future boyfriend to be a certain name, because back then I thought that name was attractive LMAAAAOOOO.

If so, what were two things you wanted? He had to be named Gino (IT WAS A POPULAR FILIPINO NAME IN 2015 OK), and he had to be academically smart. This was before I realized I really really don’t like boys. Have you ever ridden on a subway or train an what did you like about it? I rode the train once when I had to do legwork for a journ class and there was no other way to get to the place than to commute. I rode with Jum because I have no idea how to commute alone. I remember liking the fact that it was cold and spacious in the train at the time I got in – then again, it was at a dead hour. I’m sure it’s nothing like that in reality. What song on your playlist gets played the most? I try to listen to all my favorite songs equally. Have you ever received a harsher punishment than you deserved? I don’t think so. Back when my mom used to ground me I used to think I was being abused and I felt so victimized lol. At 21, looking back, it turns out my rebel ass deserved to be whipped with a belt lmfao. Do you prefer sporty or academic members of the opposite sex? I prefer people I can vibe well with, regardless of their strengths and sex. Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? Yes. Has anyone in your family ever served in the military? My great-grandfather is a WWII veteran and a survivor of the Death March in Bataan. Finish the next line in your style: Roses are red, violets are blue... Why am I on Tumblr, when I still have much to do? :((( What embarrasses you instantly? Dropping stuff. Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? No, but I did want to be one when I was young. Firefighters have to be insanely strong because they carry a lot of heavy stuff and...I’m just not...that. Also because I panic easily, and that’s certainly not a good thing in that line of work. Do you often read your horoscope? Never. I don’t care for mine. What current event are you tired of hearing about? Mmm I’m not sure. I kind of care about everything that’s happening in the world at the moment, especially with regard to Hong Kong. Are you a daredevil? Nah. What do you think should be censored? Homophobic / biphobic / transphobic shit. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? I already expounded on this quite a few questions back in this survey. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? Yeah, to people I find really important. How do you encourage yourself when you go through hard times? It doesn’t last forever and I’ll be getting my own house in the next 8-10 years. Have you ever fired a gun? Nope. Do you think people, including yourself live up to their full potential? We should be, anyway. I try to. How are you different from most people? My left pinky is super crooked :( What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? The ability to apologize to your child and recognize that parents can make mistakes too. What creature do you admire for its ability to adapt? As much as I despise them, fucking cockroaches. Have you ever stayed up for an entire 24 hours, why? Nah. I just know I wouldn’t function properly if I did, and I’d be so cranky too. Who is a female role model in your life? I don’t have any. What childhood dreams have you neglected? Being an astronaut, a veterinarian, a writer, and a firefighter. How often do you reevaluate your life? I honestly don’t get the time to, which sucks. I’ve always thought of getting one of those 5-year journals that let you answer one question everyday for the next five years so that you’re able to see how much you mature in that time. It would be nice to have mini-reflections/evaluations everyday, but one copy of it is pretty expensive so I never got around to buying them. What's your favorite place just to hang out? Coffee shops. What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind? The future. What three things do you think of most of each day? The tasks I have to do, feeding my dog, and calculating the amount of sleep I’ll be getting at night. Would you travel to space if possible? YES. I’ve always said this has always been a dream of mine. Name a famous person you wouldn't mind for a business partner. Kylie Jenner.

[astralsecrets]

Dream - The Secret Of Grey 5-Volt & I See How It Is

Date of Dream: WED 19 SEP - 2018 Dream No. 427 - Separated Sections Dream 427 A - The Secret Of Grey 5-Volt I can’t remember what happened at the start of the dream. From where I can remember, I was having classes back at Killester College and it was with the girls that I had in my year in 2016 in real life. In the classroom, we were all watching some sort of movie but it wasn’t for educational purposes. It was actually a movie featuring 9-Volt from WarioWare and it was about his “Sneaky Gamer” episodes. As we were watching, I said to myself, “Ah… Now I actually know the secret of Grey 5-Volt. A bit later on in the dream, Mrs O’N is in the classroom and in comes a really creepy and possessed looking JSa. Mrs O’N tells me that JSa was trying to come clean from the effects of her previous consumption of alcohol. We then all exited the classroom through this weird, distorted, tube-like corridor and discovered that we had been going through half of lunch time! I wasn’t actually fussed though because I was inundated with enjoyment from the events of 9-Volt’s movie. The school yard now resemble more the appearance of my primary school. There was some holographic typing that was floating in front of me, saying that I did such a good job for finding out the secret of Grey 5-Volt that 9-Volt and 18-Volt wanted to give me all of their riches. Apparently then, I saw in detail that I was going to get $5,000 AUD from them as a thank you for saving them from that dark mystery of a character. In the next scene, I was on a holiday to an unknown destination with my family. It had been a couple of nights and I’m surprised that there wasn’t any drama this time around. Strangely, my dad was demanding for us all to get in the car so we could go home but I wanted to stay right until the end. When we got home, I asked my parents, “Why did we go back all of a sudden when everything was going so well and for once there was no drama?”. My mum explained that they wanted to see if they could save some money for when they have their two week anniversary trip to Croatia. That’s all I can remember about this dream. Dream 427 B - I See How It Is I don’t remember how the dream started. From where I do remember, I was in one of the Killester College music rooms with a broad mix of people, including my mum. The group was split into two and we were in a line each… It was apparently a game designed by the dream. When you won, the person in the other line would be able to talk to you. It actually felt like the dream speaking although this was said in my voice; “Ooh 18-Volt, we’ve gotta make him lose”, because if he won, I would be paired with him next but if he lost, he would be disqualified and have to leave the entire game. I heard my own voice (not spoken from my tongue) and so I looked up at the roof and said to the dream, “Oh, I see how it is!” in a sarcastic tone, catching it out for trying to cause trouble. Miraculously, this caused a scene change in where I could now clearly interact with 18-Volt. I was now at some unknown shopping centre, which eventually came to my mind as a mall in America. I pulled my phone out and was speaking to a visible version of Dreamy WB in the dream and yes, she was fully animated! She was wearing her Oktoberfest outfit with some make-up. I forgot what the start of the conversation was but we spoke about how the dream had dressed 18-Volt differently. I said that the dream had given him a lime coloured beanie and that the frames of his glasses were green. Then out of his jacket and pants, one of them was a different shade of green and the other was dark green. Dreamy WB said that “measures were probably taken to cover his butt”. I then said, “Ah, then it must be the pants that are dark green”. As Dreamy WB and I were discussing the new pieces, I was actually visualising them as we mentioned each garment. Dreamy WB then said, “I should probably carry you instead”, she mumbled some words at the end but I forgot what they were. Deep down, I knew she was hinting at the fact that she thought 18-Volt’s arse was so big, he wouldn’t be able to fit through the door. I also forgot what I said in return but I thought his arse wasn’t big at all. In-fact, I thought it was the smallest thing on him compared to his upper body, especially his hands. The dream then played in third-person mode and it showed 18-Volt from behind, cradling me in his arms, walking into the main entry way of the American Walmart store and no, he did not even come close to touching the sliding doors. When we finally entered Walmart, the dream ended with me remaining comfortably slotted into his arms as he continued to walk on into the aisles. Dream Tasks - Have Logan receive harsh penalties from Dreamy WB due to reckless social behaviours (Achieved? Partially) - Have all members on the dream guide team obtain and apply knowledge on how to provide in-dream discipline to unruly parents (Achieved? No) Challenges - Start the dream off with a dream guide already present (Achieved? No) Dream 427: Results (Competition #7) 427 A Competition Night: 18 Lucid or Non-Lucid?: Non-Lucid Dream Guide: None Emergency Team: None Eligible For Competition Points: Yes 427 B Competition Night: 18 Lucid or Non-Lucid?: Non-Lucid Dream Guide: Dreamy WB & 18-Volt Emergency Team: None Eligible For Competition Points: Yes Points For This Entry: 11.0 Calculation Details: - Full Non-Lucid Dream x2 (2.0) - 5-Day Recall Chain (5.0) - New Personal Goal Achieved: "Step into 9-Volt's shoes" and witness one episode of Sneaky Gamer yourself. Warning! Could cause a nightmare (3.0) - Have A Dream Guide Automatically Appear: 18-Volt (0.5) - Have A Dream Guide Automatically Appear: Dreamy WB (0.5) + Previous Total: 56.0 Total Accumulated Points: 67.0

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8297989 https://www.dreamviews.com/blogs/karlab18/dream-secret-grey-5-volt-i-see-how-85454/