#looking as cute and carefree as these otters goals

[montereybayaquarium]

Press paws and soak up some otterly needed searenity ☀️ 🦦

[roidespd-blog]

Chapter Fourteen : G AS IN GAY

GAY… MEN ?

It is quite hard to tackle what gay is exactly as it looks simple enough but the specifics are way more complex. If I use it as an umbrella term, it covers men, women, trans men and trans women who happens to identify with this sexual orientation. Easy then. But the term “gay” was rejected by many lesbian women who wanted to forge an identity on their own aside from the shadows of homosexual men. So today, you can come out as a ‘gay woman’ but never use the word because it is still too broad and tight to people who are not exactly you and have more privileges. Also, and that’s the really interesting thing about it , the word gay has been favored by homosexual men most of all when describing their sexual orientation. And since I’m trying to cover everyone, I think it’s quite inevitable I begin dissecting what’s closest to one category. Consider this article about Gay Men — sorry, everyone else. You did or will get your due.

SEMANTICS

The word “Gay” is an english word which made its appearance in the 12th century. It comes from the very old french word “Gai”. “Gai” meant joyful, carefree or bright and showy. A meaning that was incorporated its english counterpart with the now famous Gay Nineties of late 19th century. Gay became a synonym of Homosexual in the 20th century. That’s when it got real sexual. Although to be fair, in certain circles, it was already the case, as someone gay could mean “addicted to pleasures and dissipations”.

One of my favorite movies of all time, Bringing Up Baby (1938) with the exquisite Katharine Hepburn, seems to be the first film to use “gay” in reference to homosexuality. Cary Grant is forced to wear a woman’s feather-trimmed robe when his clothes are sent to the cleaners. To that he says “I just went gay all of a sudden!”. And believe me, he was not in a carefree mood.

The earliest paper trail of the use of gay as homosexuals comes from Alfred A. Gross who said something so vile, I cannot NOT share it with you (as it shows how the world perceived, perceive and keep making us perceive ourselves) : “I have yet to meet a happy homosexual. They have a way of describing themselves as gay but the term is a misnomer. Those (…) are about the saddest people I’ve ever seen”.

If you really go into the specifics of what gay and straight mean, you see the world’s perspective of those “life choices”. Straight means seriousness, respectability, moral. Gay means uninhibited lifestyles and hedonistic values. And I’m not even gonna mention all the euphemisms that were created after the word gay. I already did in a previous article.

GAY AS AN IDENTITY

Gay as an “identity” is not something that is embraced by all. Some find it too clinical, focused more on the physical actions of one rather than his romantic feelings. Some rejects it because they see the undesirable cultural connotations and still-current negative slang usage of the word. Some loathes because it sounds too limited and box-like. I find it too broad and unfair to the rest of the community. Gay was for so long everyone in the community in the eyes of the general public. Because men were the most flamboyant and out there for so long, they overshadowed the rest of their brothers and sisters and appropriated the word for themselves, forcing the slow built of the acronym L G B T Q + (One letter at a time). As usual, men (as homosexual as they were) weren’t gonna let space for anyone else. Now, everything “gay” is a direct reference to homosexual men. A gay bar is mostly directed at bars with men. But let’s be real for a second. As GAY MEN, it is quite hard to forge ourself a proper “identity” with this word as its use has been turn so much against us.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — -

“That’s so gay” This pejorative usage had its origins in the late 1970, as homosexuality was seen (ahah, “was”) as inferior or undesirable. it is still a common phrase for people nowadays. I honestly can’t stand it. EVEN gay people use it and I’m not even sure they grasp the irony of their words. It harms the community by using a common phrase that spreads casual homophobia. Don’t do that, it’s LAME (see, another way to say things. Isn’t it nice?)

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Gay is not an identity. If you are a gay man, or an homosexual man (whatever the term you want to call yourself), you are describing your sexual orientation. Though it is part of your identity, you have a lot more to publicly claim that your love for cock — and if you can only define yourself as a cocksucker, well you’re more narrow than my top, almost-never-bottomed asshole.

“HOW DID YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF GAY YOU WERE ?”

PINK TRIANGLE

It is commonly accepted that a gay man needs to walk a certain way (or “funny”), talk a certain way (or “girly”) and dress a certain way (or “colorful” which can also describe their personalities). As television and cinema were slowly opening up to the idea of homosexuality, it was shown that a man who loves other man had to show it in every way possible. Be gayer that gay. What’s the point of all your fuss if we, straight people, can’t even recognize you ? The truth is, as I’ve said earlier, gay is not an identity. If you happen to be a homosexual, you identity traits should not be affected by it. Unfortunately, we are a group in constant renewal as we are not born into our community but later join it (or not). And since the world has mostly denied us existence, the only basic structure we have is the simplistic binary heterosexual perception the world has of us. The colorful ones.

Matt Bomer is gay. Liberace was gay. Do you see any specific identity traits between the two of them, beside their sexuality ? 

That doesn’t mean you can’t cultivate your feminine traits, be flamboyant and fabulous. But just like everything else, you need to be sure that you have this inside of you because it is you, not because you adapted to the heterosexual gaze. And that’s just the idea of gayness that has been cultivated by society in general. I now want to talk about the idea of gayness inside the “gay community” (by that I mean gay men).

2. GAY TRIBES

As I was researching the different gay tribes that a gay man can belong to (I don’t know then all by heart since I refuse to adhere to them in any away — although as a younger man I described myself as a bear trapped in the body of a twink), I immediately landed on an article from Fast Company called “An Illustrated Guide to Recognizing Your Gay Stereotypes”. The article was talking about the work of illustrator Paul Tuller who was “reclaiming and celebrating” the archetypes of the gay community. That made my blood boil into supernova-like temperature.

Among those illustrations were the following clichés :

The Bear (a husky, large man with a lot of body hair) The Twink (a typically younger, thinner, gay man with little or no body hair) The Twunk (a young gay man who had the face of a twink and the physique of a hunk — jesus…) The Otter (a typically thinner, hairier gay man) The Drag Queen (that is a JOB. Do you even understand your community ? shut the fuck up)

There’s also : the Daddy (a man who is usually middle-aged and had a more dominant personality) the Jock (a gay man with an athletic build who typically enjoys sports) the Geek (a gay man with deep and enthusiastic knowledge of one or more hobbies, activities, professional fields or intellectual pursuits) the Poz (someone who is HIV positive… ) the Discreet (a gay man who is not out) the Clean-Cut (that’s a way of grooming!) the Rugged (that’s ALSO a way of grooming!) The Leather (it’s not an identity itself since it refers to a sexual fetish but whatever)

Those are terms that you can find to describe yourself on dating apps like Grindr (you can only choose one, three if you pay premium access).

Gay man, do you recognize yourself in these ? Off course you do. You can even associate those terms at will and make a comprehensive description of the image you have of yourself and/or the one you want others to have of you. Unfortunately, we are never going to advance as a community and a movement if we keep trying to put our own in little boxes. I do not want someone to come over to me and assume that because I look young and I’m somewhat thin, he gets to fantasize about me or be interest in talking to me because I’m a twink. I don’t want to put into the world that I’m in pursuit of a Daddy Bear with Leather interest ! That’s offensive and reductive. Why are you willing to do to ourselves what others do to us ? Don’t you see that the 50-year old cliché of the Fabulous Gay with pink feathers coming out of his ass is just the grandfather of “The Tale of the Bear and the Otter” ? (just made up that name, I need to make a children’s book out of this). I honestly think that tribes inside a tribe are the most counterproductive artifacts a person can face and it kills the individuality one can have. That’s just my opinion.

I haven’t even talked out the body issues that comes with the fact that you are gay.

This is what you’re supposed to look like :

That’s the picture perfect image most gay men are looking for on dating apps. To some, if you don’t look like that, you’re not even worth looking at. I mean, I already talked about racism on another article, but this is different. This is what a young 16 year-old think is supposed to be desirable. That’s the goal. Sweet boy, most people don’t look like that. I have fat. I have a little belly. I’m not okay with it but I can’t really fight it. I also believe that the gay community, NOT society, gave me the impression that my body was not enough to be considerable good looking. Sure, I’m cute. But hot ? Never felt that way. If I was a heterosexual man, I do believe that I would not be subjected to that much scrutiny from my sexual partners. And if I feel like that, I’m sure I’m not the only one.

So, “How did you know what kind of gay you were” ?

Young gay boy, you don’t need archetypes to define what kind of gay you are. You need to define what kind of human you are and the rest will follow. Don’t fit into a category put together by the community just like, previous to that situation, you decided not to fit into the category society wanted to put you in (aka straight). It took me years to know that. Build an independent spirit that is not polluted by pre-conceived notions of gayness. I hope you let yourself grab that opportunity too.

[strayology]

Tagged

Soooooo I got tagged by @bambamismywife and honestly, I don’t really know how tumblr works soooo here I am :)

RULES:

ALWAYS REPOST THE RULES

ANSWER 11 RANDOM QUESTIONS POSTED FOR YOU

CREATE 11 NEW ONES

TAG 11 PEOPLE

Bias and Bias-Wrecker and why did you choose them?

Bias: Kim Yugyeom!

He’s such a shy and sweet boy I just want to protect him at all costs. He’s absolutely stunning and beautiful, literally his smile and his voice always warms my heart

Bias Wrecker: Choi Youngjae!

How can you not love this smol otter-looking sunshine? I really like the style of music he writes but also just his personality in general. Personally, I think Youngjae and I are really similar in personality (loud, likes to sing, plays video game, we legit play the same game, etc.) And to me he’s always serving visuals, even when he was little

If you were given the chance to spend a day with your bias, what would you do?

(I got lazy typing in good grammar so bare with me now)

I say this a lot on my fan acc on instagram, but probably get to know them better by either having a coffee “date” or amusement park “date”

What is your ultimate goal in life?

in like a fandom way: is to meet got7 in person

in like a life way: to graduate college and find a job where i’m happy doing it (computer software or translating), and to live in a place where i’m happy. basically I just wanna be happy and have no regrets for what I have done

Who are the people you look up to the most?

There’s a lot of people I look up to but mostly my sister. I have always envied her and wanted to be like her. she’s very smart and has great social skills. but also, she has a really carefree personality. and that’s a trait I really wish I had

How did you get into your favorite group?

I was watching a chinese variety called Fresh Sunday, and Jackson was the mc for that show. and I started growing an attachment to Jackson since I thought he was really cute and had a fun personality. but I kept on hearing this group called GOT7 so I decided to look them up on Tumblr (hah great choice @ past me) and I just slowly fall in love with this group :)

Top favorite groups?

GOT7, BLACKPINK, KARD

What is something you want to do before you die?

probably go to Korea, or travel around the world. I really like going to other places and exploring their culture and history

Favorite song at the moment?

hmm.. hard question...

probably Never Ever - GOT7 since I listen to it everyday

Favorite TV show?

The Walking Dead.

although im not all caught up, but i honestly love that show soooooo much

Guilty Pleasure?

reading smuts...? or writing smuts...? I mean I a pretty soft stan but i honestly really really love reading smuts. esepcially those ones you feel like you could dominate the other person... idk im kinda a sub and a top depends on mood

(wtf has this question turned into...)

A photo/gif of your bias!

(I love his zero makeup face, he’s still adorable :’)

My Questions!!

First bias

If you could dye your hair to any color what would it be

Favorite era for your bias

Favorite feature about yourself

Favorite gif/picture of your bias

Ult boy group and Ult girl group

First KPOP song you’ve ever listened to

Biggest pet peeve

When did you join kpop

A place you want to visit

A gif/picture of your bias wrecker

since I don’t have many friends on here so if you see this and wanna do it go right ahead :’)

[ajokeformur-ray]

BB ship please I'm a bisexual female, I'm 5'10 and have short boyish shoulder length hair and I have a boyish sense of style, I like to wear oversized sweaters and over shirts and I'm more comfortable in t-shirts and pants rather than dresses and and skirts. I listen to psychedelic rock along with alternative and other kinds of genres but those are my main favorites. I love animals so much, my favorites are snakes, otters, dogs, cats, red pandas, sloths, lizards, and sharks. I love nature but I sadly don't leave the house much to admire it, I'm extremely introverted and I really don't like going in public around big crowds. I love plants especially tiny ones, I think they're cute. For a while I was practically in love with space, and I still am, it think space is very interesting and mysterious and I want to know so much more about it. I love art a lot as well, my favorite artist being Vincent van Gogh. I've been drawing most of my life and have been slowly developing a drawing style that I like. I really love to look at pictures of rare cloud shapes, I find them really beautiful. I love when it rains and starts storming, I find it really calming in a way. I love horror movies, and a lot of times sit and laugh at the crappy overused tropes in many of them, I really enjoy older ones though like Nightmare On Elm Street is my top favorite horror series. I have a dark sense of humor, and sometimes it can go too far. I'm mostly labeled as the mom friend since I'm older than most of my friends and the helper of the group. I dislike children under the age of 9 and I hate when people yell at me for no reason, I don't like the color yellow or neon green. I don't like when people turn to me for approval with every single thing they do. I love candles and the smell of them, I find them really relaxing and nice. I like reading and writing my own stories but frequently get writers block. I have bad paranoia when in relationships because I always feel like I'm not good enough. I hate public speaking. It's always been a dream of mine to become an actress since a young age, I'm a completely different person while acting, I'm very carefree. I don't cry easily, it has to be something that I care deeply about to tug a tear or two from me. I'm very shy and quiet but when I'm with my family I'm a lot more comfortable and loud. I'm very bad with emotions and don't know how to deal with them but I try my best. I mostly keep my feelings bottled up so it doesn't bother other people. I have a bad habit of staying up late even though I know I have to be awake early. I'm very uncomfortable with human contact but I really love hugs and cuddling if it's a friend or someone I'm in a relationship with. I have a really bad time with insecurity, it tears me up. I get annoyed really easily but I don't snap at people easily. I like winter more than summer because of the cold. I love pizza, pasta, and pie. I like sweet foods but not that much, I like salty food a little bit more. My favorite mythical creature is the dragon. I have really poor eyesight. I have struggled woyj anorexia for a while and am still struggling with it. I don't wear shoes unless I absolutely have to, I find them uncomfortable. I strongly dislike school and have a really hard time with procrastinating. I don't like to yell at people, but I will if it's absolutely necessary. I'm a very calm and collected person so I don't like being rude for no reason. I really love VW bus's and the hippie vibe that come from them. I really love supernatural things like ghosts, witches, vampires and so on. My favorite movie of all time is Kill your darlings and my favorite movie series is Harry Potter which I grew up watching. I hate eating food that people have taken a bite out of or touched. I love the smell of cookies or cupcakes that just came out of the oven. I mostly look for a caring person, someone who will listen to me and take my feelings into consideration. Someone who loves cuddling and just sitting down and talking about random stuff, someone who'll play with my hair and not mind me playing with their hands which is a nervous habit of mine. I love Disney movies, and would love to just sit down and watch those with someone. My favorite Disney series is pirates of the Caribbean. I hate when the sun is too bright, and when it's too hot. - requested by @ohjoj   

You gave me so much detail, wow! I thought of shipping you with three, four people, but ultimately decided on

Agni 

- Agni is definitely a caring person!

- I think, when he can, he’d look after you

- He’d make you food - salty or sweet, you choose - and would try to help you as much as he could with your procrastination, maybe setting little goals and timing you to work for half an hour and then you get a ten minute break, and he’d also try to get you to establish a proper, healthier sleeping pattern, though he wouldn’t force the issue

- Cuddles are a must - sitting on the couch, you’re both doing your own things, with candles and a thunderstorm going on outside and you’re both untouchable to the outside world

- He’d be able to pick up on when you’re not feeling your best and would just up the ante

- He’d pull you in for a cuddle, and would murmur all the things he loves about you in your ear

- Doing anything to make you smile until it reaches your eyes

- Getting you to talk about what you’re feeling, but he won’t force it

- If he sees you’re getting annoyed, he’d back right off and would let you go to him if you wanted to

- Baking together

- Brushing each other’s hair - styling it. Matching braids, anyone?

- Movie nights!!! - pizza, your favourite hot drink, blankets, cuddles, Harry Potter... 

- He’d protect you with his life!

- He’d do anything for you

- He’d like and appreciate the fact that you’re the mom friend - would find it endearing, especially if you turn it on him

- He’s dismissive of any praise you give him, so I guess you have to find another way to show your appreciation for him

- Your dark sense of humour wouldn’t bother him - it’s another side of you to love!

- Would watch the horror films with you

- Would pretend he’s not scared

- He is

- He holds your hand tightly that night as you go to sleep

- There’d be adventure when dating him - he doesn’t like the mundane at all

- Agni would always give you his undivided attention

- Crying tears of blood if he upsets you

- In an argument, he’d be the first to cave, apologising over and over even when you tell him it’s all good

- Likes watching you draw or read - you’re in your element, and that’s when he finds you most beautiful

- Speaking of, physicality means nothing to him - he loves you for you