#look. Sorry. But this poor kid has been kidnapped an awful lot for someone who isn't even old enough to do his gcse's

[septimus-heap]

"average castle resident gets kidnapped 3 times per year" factoid actually just statistical error. average castle resident gets kidnapped 0 times per year. Septimus Heap, who is the Extraordinary Apprentice and gets kidnapped over 10,000 times a week, is a statistical outlier adn should not have been counted

[gay-dorito-dust]

HEYYYY

Soo I'm here to rq another Damian x reader(platonic). But real quick, I'm sorry if I'm requesting too much or being a nuisance. Pls lmk if I am so I can stop! It's just hard to find somebody that writes for him like dis.

Anyways, basically the same thing were theyre friends but this time it's a diff scenario. So Damian n reader are obvi friends but theyre also complete oposites. Like Damian is intelegent, focused and meanwhile has reader is a bit dumber, daydreams too much, and kinder. They also get walked over a lot.

So he invites reader over to the manor and she meets his brothers n dad. It's all fine n dandy but they can't help but notice how diff they are.

Bonus points if reader talks positively abt him to his brothers and they're all like "fym he's nice?" And readers all like "fym he isnt?" (They're just not used to being treated like a normal human being) ‼️

Honestly I love writing for platonic! Damian. So pls don’t apologise for anything bc I’m having so much fun rn. 🦦plus I don’t know if this will read well as I’ve written this late at night when o should probably be in bed.

‘Am I seeing things or has Damian finally made a friend.’ Dick whispered to Jason, his eyes unable to tear his eyes away from you and Damian followed Bruce through the manor.

‘Nope, I’m definitely seeing it too.’ Jason replied also looking at you and Damian as if he was looking at the human personifications of night and day.

‘The fact that the demon spawn managed to get a friend sure is…something.’ Tim piped up, having overheard his brothers conversation from standing in between them. ‘I can only hope he didn’t kidnap the poor soul.’ Dick added as he was quick to click onto how Damian kept a hand on your arm, tugging and pulling you along when you stop to stare at a painting in awe for a little too long, gently encouraging you to keep up with him and Bruce by promising to go back to the painting later. Jason then looked over at Tim, ‘any ideas on who they are?’ Tim shrugged. ‘Only the fact that they go to the same school as Damian, share the same art classes and is known for being a little bit of a daydreaming pushover, but despite all that they’re still a kind person.’

Dick smiled sympathetically as his heart ached for you. It wasn’t easy being nice in a city like Gotham, if anything nice ever wandered into the accursed city it seemed as though Gotham itself would stop at nothing to see it destroyed, decimated and become as miserable and as bleak as the city itself; So it was rare to find someone who genuinely could still bring it in themselves to smile whilst in a city like this. And for that Dick had to give you props for being brave enough -and strong enough- to be kind in a place that would gladly take pleasure in stepping over and on you at any inconvenience. For it was truly a sign of bravery at its finest.

‘That kid is sure brave.’ Jason signed, knowing that people like you don’t last in Gotham but it was people like you that Gotham needed the most, but how could a retched place like Gotham heal when it’s always been a rotten city since it’s very conception? He didn’t believe it could be possible but there were always solutions to fighting the problem that seemed impossible to overcome. So who cares if you weren’t the brightest bulb at school? The education system in Gotham was shit anyway the last time he checked and he doubted much had changed when he…well you know…

Tim was silent. He was too busy recognising the protective measures that Damian was taking specifically for you; mainly the hand tugging at your arm anytime he thought you were getting distracted or wandering off elsewhere and muttering about how you need to keep or you’ll get left behind, despite the fact that even if you did Damian would allow himself to fall behind just so that he could walk besides you. While he might be part of the majority that didn’t think he’s ever see the day that Damian brought a friend home, never less a friend who was the total opposite of him. He couldn’t help but feel a sort of relief that Damian finally found a friend, and he knew that both Jason and Dick felt similarly from the looks upon their faces, silently observing how you interact with one another.

The one thing that Tim was confident in was the fact that Damian needed you as much as you needed Damian because you were a beacon of opportunity for his younger brother in many ways that Tim was certain you weren’t made aware of just yet. So while he and his brothers may tease and take this piss about how different you were from Damian, they mean well and express their happiness the only way they knew best; teasing and taking the piss.

‘This library is beautiful Mr Wayne! Do you have any fantasy books?’ You could be heard asking down the hallway, followed by the sound of Bruce softly laughing as he showed you the grand library. ‘This library has any book you can think of and please call me Bruce, it’s not often that Damian brings anyone home for the weekend.’ He says as you looked the Damian confused and a little betrayed. ‘You’ve got friends other than me?’

Damian groaned. ‘No. I don’t, you’re the only friend I’m willing myself to have.’

You smiled and gripped his hand. ‘Aww Dami! That’s so sweet of you to say, despite how brash and blunt you may come across, I’m glad to say that you’re the only friend I’m willing to have too!’ You said without shame. ‘Everyone else isn’t a nice as you are.’ You trailed off while a rare solemn look appeared upon your face as Damian was quick to squeeze your hand reassuringly, Bruce smiled sympathetically. ‘I’m not smart like your son mr Wayne, I can’t help it if things don’t come to me as easy as they do others but I try! I try really heard to do my best at every test but…but people tend to laugh of me because to them I’m either slow or thick.’ Damian’s jaw clenched and his brows furrowed upon being remembered of what people tended to call you.

He hated it and whenever he saw it happen, he was quick to utter some threatening words before taking his usual position as your pseudo-bodyguard for the rest of the school day. At first he wasn’t bothered but when you became restless in your pursuit of being his friend, he remembered vividly how people were mocking and making fun of you for trying to be his friend, that he often regrets not accepting your friendship sooner if it meant being able to be there when it counts.

‘When will you get it that Damian doesn’t want to be friends with someone like you.’ One person said.

‘Then I’ll just have to keep trying.’ You rebutted, still smiling somehow.

Another person scoffs. ‘Get fucking real. You’re a weirdo, no one wants to be friends with a weirdo who so fucking slow at everything.’

You merely shrugged, even when someone’s insulting you, your brain doesn’t recognises it as such. ‘I’m sure he won’t mind.’

‘God you’re so fucking useless that I’m surprised that anyone bothers with you. Let me say this in a way you won’t have to try so hard to understand dipshit. Damian. Will. Never. Be. Friends. With. Someone. Like. You. Ever.’ A third slowly spoke and Damian had heard enough and within a blink of an eye had laid them out flat. You blinked before looking at Damian with a bright smile. ‘Hi Damian! Did you hurt these guys, that’s not very nice.’

‘They insulted you and yet you defend their honour.’ Damian asked incredulously as you both walked down the hallway, leaving the three bullies to groan from their injuries. You shrugged. ‘I wouldn’t say that.’

‘They were insulting you.’ Damian reiterated. ‘They insulted your intelligence and your abilities. People like them often hide bigger insecurities than others.’ Damian replied, finding your ability to keep smiling after such things both annoying as it was admirable.

‘Are we friends now?’ You asked innocently enough and Damian knew he had sealed his fate, and so he sighs and looks up to the ceiling. ‘Yes, we’re…friends.’ He mutters and doesn’t do anything to stop you from dragging him to art class.

‘I was alone before Damian.’ You admitted as you looked at Bruce with a smile as you squeezed Damian’s hand in kind. ‘But now he’s here and he’s my bestest friend ever!’ Damian honestly wishes that you respect yourself more because you could claim that he saved you multiple times, but you’d never acknowledge the times where you have saved him by being unequivocally kind, sweet and over all a better person then all of Gotham’s civilians combined. ‘I was finding my first week at school horrid before I befriended l/n.’ Damian admitted as you softly cooed. The boy then swallows thickly. ‘Their friendship is much appreciated.’

‘Aww! Dami!’ You cried as you crashed into him, causing you both to hit the floor in a heap of limbs.

While Damian was cursing mom lethal threats and you were laughing, Bruce had already made his mind up about you and was certain to make sure to have Damian invite you over as much as possible. It was obvious for him to see that you and Damian were good for each other despite your vast and glaring differences, however that’s what worked in your favour, the power to have over come all odds was incredible; not to mention the fact that your friendship with Damian had lasted as long as it has was another impressive feet on top of that. Bruce knows it’s been hard for Damian to fit in and find a friend, but he couldn’t have made a better friend than he did in the likes of you.

You were more than defiantly welcomed back to the manor if Bruce had anything to say about it.

‘Get off of me!’ Damian shouts.

‘Damian, I think my foot is stuck with yours.’ You reply, scared.

‘That’s your own foot- how did you manage to tangle yourself up in yourself? You landed onto of me?’ Damian asked incredulously.

‘Sorry.’ You apologised.

‘Don’t be.’ Damian said.

Bruce smiled one last time before leaving you both alone in the library to untangle yourselves, only to be greeted by Tim, Dick and Jason. ‘Can I help you three?’ Bruce raised an eyebrow at the boys.

‘Nope.’ Dick started.

‘Not really, just…seeing how the little scamps are dealing.’ Jason followed after.

‘Damian? Nice? The same Damian who tried to, oh I don’t know…KILL ME?!’ Tim asked, revealing to Bruce all he needed to know, their breathing behind the library door was telling that they were clearly eavesdropping on the three of you. Jason and Dick looked at him displeased as Tim looked back at them. ‘I’m not the only one of us who thought that.’ He defended himself. ‘I mean it’s nice that he’s looking out for y/n but still that’s not something someone casually forgets.’

Bruce merely leaves Tim, Dick and Jason to their own quarrel, he loves his boys he truly does, but sometimes they’re more trouble than what they’re worth. He can only hope that they don’t scare you off from coming back for good because he was already planning your next visit.

[glacecakes]

Wild Hunt

Eugene isn't exactly well liked by his men, but when they want to induct him into their ranks, he's not going to complain! All he has to do is hunt down a beast that they prepared for this event specifically-

It's Varian. Eugene is accidentally hunting down Varian. Now the two have to survive the night together, while one of them is injured, against a squadron of Corona's best men.

Uh oh.

IM BACK! Kinda. Finals are due Tuesday and I wrote this instead of doing them but WHATEVER WHO CARES

This was mostly written on the Varian Hivemind server, with some lovely inputs from the folks on there, and I edited it and finished it before throwing it up here. So uh. Yea. Team Awesome my beloved

Life and Times and VVO will also be updated soon!!! I hope to have at least one if not both chapters done by the end of the month 

ANYWAY HERES 8K OF TEAM AWESOME ANGST

Being Captain of the Guards sure had its perks.

For one, he got to attend meetings with Rapunzel, finally. You'd think being the princess's future husband (probably) and Prince of the Dark Kingdom got him some recognition, but noblemen are jerks and elitists, so what can you do. Granted, the meetings were boring as all hell, but still, it felt like he was actually being respected and taken seriously. Something Rapunzel had been pushing for since the start. Personally, he wasn't all that sure he deserved it, but if she was happy, so was he.

Another was that the guards no longer gave him shit. That's not to say they did before... well, they did. Stan and Pete didn't, but every other guard called him Flynn Rider at least once or twice before begrudgingly accepting him as their teacher and now commander. He no longer had to worry about someone breathing down his back, waiting for him to slip up or commit a crime, eager to throw him back in prison.

Speaking of which...

He turned the corner to see a few guards, couldn't remember their names off the top of his head, forming a small circle around a corner. Their predatory grins barred down on whatever their target was, whichever poor soul had angered them. One of them had his hands on someone much shorter, so short he couldn't make them out beyond the red coats and gleaming gold... which could only mean it was one person.

"Don't get comfy, brat," the one hissed, pushing Varian up against the wall with an audible crack as a skull hit stone, no doubt hoisted up by a shirt collar. "One of these days the princess is gonna get sick of you, and when she does, we'll toss you back into your old cell... and we'll restart our favorite game. Ain't that a swell idea?" Varian hissed, a soft thunk of his boots scrambling for purchase against the wall.

"Hey!" Eugene snapped, having heard more than enough. "Put him down now ." His words were like fire, causing the other two to jump back and reveal the battered and bruised alchemist. His lip was split, a large scuff of dirt on his white shirt.

One of the guards snapped his head around, whacking the leader's shoulder to get his attention. The guard frowned. "Oh yea? Or what?"

Before his new position, he would've leapt into the fray, hackles raised, punching the lights out of these jerks, but now, he had a much better stance. "Or you're fired." He crossed his arms, the perfect picture of a guy in charge who knew how to keep his men in line.

Someone who was clearly not him.

The guard hummed. "You don't have the nerve." To emphasize his point, he shook Varian a little harder, the kid's toes barely scraping the floor and his hands gripping the soldier's wrists. Leather gloves creaked with how tight the pressure was.

But Eugene's glare didn't waver, hand itching for the sword at his hip, his anger radiating in waves. It was enough to get the other two to back off.

"Cmon, Aaron," one whispered. "It's not worth it."

"Yeah, it's not." Eugene agreed. "Put him down now, and I'll lighten your sentence to a week in the stables instead of a month."

Aaron's face turned sheet white, then bright red. With a huff, he dropped Varian to the ground, readjusting his gloves while Varian cried out on the floor.

"You got lucky this time, brat," he hissed.

Oh, he knew that type of speech. The Baron used it all the time. Anyone who got told that never lasted to the next month. "And all other times," he said. "Because if I see you go anywhere near him I'm taking you to the princess."

Aaron rolled his eyes, clearly uncaring, and stormed off with a huff, his buddies trailing after. No doubt they didn't like a criminal ordering them around. Or, ex-criminal. He'd have to keep an eye on them.

A sniffle broke Eugene's musings, the fog of satisfaction and annoyance quickly replaced by concern for his younger friend. Varian sat up, wincing as he did so. He rubbed his neck, feeling for any injuries and finding none except for his ruined collar. "Aw man," he mumbled.

Dad had fixed his collar for him that day, a proud smile on his face. "You need to look sharp for your first day on the job," he'd said, ruffling Varian's hair. They'd grown so much closer in the past few months, the man always seeing his son off. Today was the first day back after his kidnapping, after all; he'd spent a month recovering from a broken rib.

"It's not my first day, I've been working there for weeks," Varian had grumbled, but let him do it with a cheeky grin.

"First day of the week," Quirin rectified, placing a kiss to his baby's forehead.

A forehead now covered in dust and a bruise.

"Hey kid," Eugene offered a hand that Varian gladly took, stumbling a little as he was helped upright. "You ok? Nothing knocked outta place?"

"Just my pride," Varian joked, smile quickly fading. "I'm ok though, really. I'm used to it." He shrugged, hugging himself for comfort. Maybe he could pretend dad was here, hugging him... he always had the best hugs. Even when Varian was little, before they drifted apart. Back when he was just the weird magic kid. Back when his biggest worries were some older kids picking on him... Dad would always scoop him up into a big hug with flowery words and a book of Flynn Rider.

A warm hand wrapped around him, pulling him into a red chest. Eugene took his other hand to ruffle Varian's hair, earning a squawk of complaint.

"Just because you're used to it doesn't mean it's ok, you know that, right?" Silence followed. Gosh, this kid... say what you want about being an orphan, at least everyone around you was on the same boat. No place for bullies, nothing to bully about, when everyone was doing just as badly. "If they ever give you more trouble, you come to me, yeah?"

"Huh?" Confused blue eyes met warm brown.

Eugene smirked. "You say the words and I boot them out of the castle, goggles. Team Awesome looks out for each other."

"Oh," Varian mumbled, dazed. He'd never had a protector, never had anyone looking out for him. Cold sneers and flowery words, manipulation and secrets and ulterior motives, sure. His chest fluttered, a laugh escaping.

But then... the anxiety returned full force, maybe even stronger.

If those guys got fired because of him, good god, he could only imagine the fallout. Well, that's not true. He absolutely could. One time in prison a guard got fired for beating a cellmate within an inch of his life, and though the guy lived, the second he was out of prison he got jumped, or so the story goes. In all honesty it was probably an embellished truth, stretched out to frighten prisoners into silence, but god damn if it didn't work. No one ever complained about their beatings. A peep was all that was needed to spend a night in the infirmary for even worse injuries.

"No, no, it's fine," Varian flicked his wrist. The dial on his hand spun with each flick, the ticking grating. "Besides, we have work to do!"

"Oh, yea!" Eugene gasped. Right! The whole reason he came out to this part of the castle was to look for Varian specifically, after all.

"So, right, maintenance stuff." Varian waved his hand, motioning for Eugene to follow. "Here's what I had in mind..."

-

It was a week later, late at night, when Aaron approached him. The moon lay low in the sky, just bright enough to allow for vision without torchlight, but not bright enough that anything beyond shapes were clear. True to his word, the guard had been stationed on stable duty for the past several days, coming back to the barracks covered in dirt and angry every time.

So maybe Eugene had whispered to Max about him. Big deal.

Anyway, the captain was knee-deep in paperwork when Aaron knocked on his office door. "Sir," he said. "Finished up for the day, and I wanted to talk to you."

"Oh?" Eugene put his quill down hesitantly. Aaron was his first big show of power, the first punishment he'd dished. Everything else had been a variation of "keep doing what you're doing" as he settled into his new role. Who knew being in a position of power was so stressful?

(Everyone. Literally everyone.)

"I wanted to apologize for testing you, sir." The man shifted, eyes never meeting. His face was unreadable. "I wasn't sure you were going to be as..... sharp, as our previous captain. And I'm sorry for that."

"....Ok," Eugene said. "Thanks? I think?"

"So, I uh... wanted to do something for you." The man continues. "Me and a few others. It's sorta a ritual for guards. We didn’t do it before cuz of, yknow, Cassandra and stuff. And you're one of us now, so...?" He raised an eyebrow, a quiet invitation.

Oh boy.

Knowing these guys, it was probably something really stupid. Most of the guards were pretty nice, maybe a bit airheaded, but a lot of meatheads mostly. Big fans of machismo and showing their strength, boosting their ego, stuff like that. It's why none of them were fans of being run by a criminal. And no doubt Eugene would have to clean up their mess anyway, so he sighed deeply and rose from his seat. "Alright, what did you do now?"

Aaron placed a hand to his chest. "Why, sir, we did this out of the goodness of our heart! We're just welcoming you to the team!" He laughed a bit at that last part. He pointed out the door, leading his superior down the suspiciously empty barracks, and out into the courtyard.

About a dozen or so guards were outside, waiting. One of them was holding a horse's reins, and a crossbow.

"He's in!" Aaron called, and the guards all broke into cheers and raucous laughter.

"Yea, nice to see you guys too, uh. What am I... in?" Eugene asked, shifting awkwardly.

Aaron's smile widened. "It's just a fun little game, sir."

"The game is simple, really," Aaron slung an arm around Eugene's shoulder, pulling him close, not unlike how Lance does. But unlike his larger friend, this man is wiry, more of a weaselly kind of build, with stick thin arms that hide his muscle. "See, when someone new joins the guard, we test their skill by having them hunt down a beast in the nearby forest. Once they catch it, we all celebrate together! And welcome him into the ranks!" The guards all cheered, no doubt thrilled at the prospect.

"....right...." Eugene smiled uncomfortably, cheeks pulling and stretching, a puppet controlling the strings attached to his face. His stomach swirled, bouncing all over as he was passed around.

"But see, you're not just any guard, you're the Captain," Aaron's smile took an equally unpleasant demeanour. "So we figured we'd give you some extra... challenge." Outside of their little circle, no sounds could be heard. Not a peep from a cricket, or a cry from a bird, just dead silence in the surrounding glen. Just the crackle of torches, and the rustling of men.

"The beast for this occasion is small, smart, and fast. The goal is to catch it before it reaches the wall at Old Corona. All you gotta do is," he makes a noise with his mouth to emulate the crossbow. "Hit the target, and the rest of us will finish the job."

"Finish?" Eugene echoed.

The guards around him smiled with all of their teeth. "Well yea, we're not just gonna waste a perfectly good beast, are we?"

Eugene narrowed his eyes. If Rapunzel heard about this, no doubt she'd flip. "How will I know what I'm looking for? And why should I even approve of this?"

"Relax, sir," Aaron shook him, patting his chest with a heavy fist. "We're not just killing an innocent creature. It's always something that's been marked for slaughter, or is causing problems. And trust me," his voice deepened. "You'll know."

No horse was as good as Max, but that was probably for the best, what with his gut screaming about how this all felt so goddamn sketchy. "This isn't some trap where it turns out I'm the one being hunted, right? Cuz I don't want to shoot any of you with this," he joked, brandishing the crossbow.

"No, sir, not at all! In fact we'll be supporting you! No one makes the first shot until you do." He promised, patting the horse's flank. "Rest assured, no tricks here. Just a beast already marked for capture. Or recapture, in this case. We picked this one special for you."

"That sounds like it's supposed to be flattering but it really isn't."

Aaron shrugged. "Not my problem. Good luck!" With a smack to the horse, she cried out, spurring Eugene forward.

They rode through the Capital, out into Corona proper, lush with trees. At this time of night, no one would be about, not even thieves, laden in their straw beds and cots. The only things out right now are animals, or a beast, in this case. How is he supposed to know what he's looking for? What, is it going to be some giant thing with red eyes? No, Aaron said it was small, how the hell is he going to...

Then he hears it.

It's faint, almost like a windchime, but sure enough, the clanking of chains, and a small whimper. Somewhere through the trees there's a rustling, something moving. He can't make it out, the guards didn't give him a torch, but a blob of something rushes forward, the only thing he can make out the distinctive shine of metal, a chain reflecting in the moonlight.

Ah.

Eugene smirked, the rush of adrenaline from a chase beginning to pump through his veins. It'd been a while since an adventure without any stakes, without any daring challenges or risking death. The last time must've been... gosh, probably the Herz de Sonne misadventure? And even then he and Lance had just goofed off for the majority of it. Maybe the Spire? That one was much riskier but he and Rapunzel had been so outrageously drunk during that whole endeavor that it felt more like a fun jaunt.

He shook himself out of his reverie. Focus, Eugene! Fun or no, you're proving yourself to the guards! Show them that you're a worthy Captain beyond just barking orders and supporting the princess!

He spurred the horse forward, hooves thundering against the undergrowth and disturbing the leaves below. The beast let out a shriek, shrill and shaking, rushing forward. It weaved between trees, trying to throw Eugene off. Man, Aaron wasn't kidding about how fast it was. Even on horseback he couldn't keep up very well. The chains wrapped around the beast's legs screamed in complaint, clanking and clattering with each huff of its breath.

Eugene lowered the crossbow, sticking his tongue out. Steady... steady.... he fired.

The bolt whizzed through the air, lodging into a tree just a few feet away from its target. The beast flinched but didn't slow, scampering through the undergrowth, leaping over a fallen tree towards the river.

"Hyah!" He yelled, leading his horse over the log and splashing down into frigid waters. Water rushed past his horse's hooves, dulling the sound of chains, and when he looked around, the beast was gone.

Drat.

Eugene grumbled, reloading the crossbow before urging his horse onward. If this beast got away he'd never hear the end of it! They'd be all "Yes sir, Captain! We'll catch that criminal! As soon as you catch that beast!" And then they'd laugh and he'd moan and he'd have to go catch the criminal himself which is honestly not too far off from how it is already-

Anyway.

It took a few minutes to find it again, the beast trying to muffle it's movements by shuffling, but the metal song was too alluring to ignore. There was no time to waste. With the horse at a fast trot, quieter and steadier, he fired the bolt, this time getting much closer, barely whizzing past the silhouette and lodging into a tree trunk with a chunk of hair.

The creature cried out again, beginning to run and renew this dance of cat and mouse, but Eugene wouldn't have it. Dexterous fingers clasped a new bolt and quickly reloaded, giving barely a few seconds for the creature to try and run before firing again.

He didn't miss.

It was almost silent, the bolt's descent. Its tip gleamed in the moonlight alongside the chains keeping his prey in place, the one thing that slowed it and gave Eugene the upper hand. Whatever this beast was was quick, too quick, and if he lost it again, no doubt he'd never find it again. So when he aimed, he aimed down, and sure enough, the bolt embedded itself into the beast's calf, sending into stumbling.

It shrieked, screamed and sobbed in agony, noises bordering on almost human-like as it thrashed on the floor. The arrow stuck straight up, bright color on the end almost a beacon for the beast's location. Poor thing. He really should've just aimed for the head and put it out of its mercy, but this was the only way to ensure a clean shot.

Eugene slid off his horse, crouching low to the ground as he readied the final blow. But as he got nearer, as the moon hung lower in the sky, providing light through the filtering trees. He hesitated.

The beast was crawling, still trying to run, front legs pawing at the forest floor and clenching the leaves beneath with hands.

Hands...?

Eugene's stomach sank, lower and lower with each passing step, heart climbing higher and higher in his throat, the closer he got, the more ill he felt.

He saw the chains first. No, not chains like that on a cattle’s neck. Prison shackles, the kind wrapped around a prisoner's legs. And they were wrapped around legs, keeping strides from being too large.

And their torso.... clothed torso..... The beast heaved, each breath causing it to rise and fall with rapid panic.

The Captain's hands brushed against the tree with his other bolt embedded in it, eyes trailing onto it, and he froze.

Blue hair, stabbed by the bolt.

"No," he breathed. "No no no no no..." His boots picked up the pace, speed walking over to his catch, to his victim. Please, for the love of god, let him be wrong. Let this be a cruel prank, just a bear or deer dressed up to fool him... don't let it be...!

The creature heard him approach and sobbed, flipping itself over on shaking hands to get a better look at its assailant.

There, lightened by the moonlight, chest heaving, tears streaming down his face and blood oozing from his leg, was Varian.

"Varian....?" Eugene whispered, tears of his own budding when his friend whimpered, scooting back and away. With each step forward Varian scrambled back until his back hit a tree, at which point he curled into a ball. Like a frightened animal. Like a cornered beast.

Oh god... this whole time, he thought it was just one of the farm animals marked for slaughter, or a meddlesome woodland critter... he thought it was an animal destined for someone's table, so why not the guards'? Why on Earth did he agree to this? Was he so desperate for approval from his peers that he would simply shrug off the ringing alarm bells, put aside his gut instinct, and dive in blindly?

Yes, his mind whispered. You would, and you did.

"Hey, buddy," He leaned down, inching closer. "Varian, goggles, it's me. It's Team Awesome." His hand shook as he reached forward, but Varian flinched violently, causing his leg to spasm. The boy hiccuped, a hand clamping over his mouth to stifle his sobs. A small mercy came from the shadows of the night, with it too dark for details, Varian wouldn't see the blood rapidly soaking his pants.

The crossbow glinted, a sharp refraction bouncing off frightened blue eyes and causing him to wince. Eugene tossed the weapon away like it burned him.

"It's me, it's Eugene," he reassured, scooting closer bit by bit. "I'm here to help. I'm not gonna hurt you."

"You did," Varian gasped, whole form shaking. "You did."

And that really was the crux of it, wasn't it? At the center of Eugene's self loathing was the spiral of guilt that you shot him, you shot the kid. He trusted you, and you shot him.

"I know," he rasped, trying to keep his voice level. "I did. I'm so sorry. Fuck, I'm so sorry." Varian sobbed, unfurling slightly if only to reach out for comfort. Even if this was the man who hurt him, who hunted him on horse and acted as the boogeyman straight out of nightmares, he was also Eugene, his friend, the one who stood up for him against Cass and Aaron, held his hand and promised he'd be there if Varian ever needed it. And god did he need him now.

Shaking, gloved hands connected in the middle, Eugene's grip gentle but grounding, a careful smile on his face. "That's it, bud. You're safe."

“Aw, ain’t that cute?”

Faster than a bullet, the smaller hand retracted, Varian’s eyes wide and horror-struck. In his attempt to comfort the boy, Eugene had let his guard down. He’d forgotten the final rule of the game.

No one moves until you make the first shot.

They were surrounded.

Aaron swaggered up to the duo with a grin, torch in hand. It flickered and sputtered, illuminating his blinding white grin amidst the darkness. The other guards formed a circle around them. Every other man carried a torch, while the rest had a weapon or tool or rope.

“The Captain has captured the beast! And in remarkable time, too.” Aaron simpered, waltzing up and gripping Varian’s cheeks in his hand. The boy snarled, teeth grit as he stared up at his bully.

From behind them came Aaron’s two buddies, the guards from before, each one wrapping an arm around Eugene’s shoulder, hauling him up and away.

For a moment, Eugene's insides were pure ice, frozen in time, unable to react despite the screaming in his mind as the puzzle pieces failed to connect. They jumbled and sloshed in his mind, the picture only half complete and the rest of the pieces strewn atop, obscuring the image from his view.

"Eugene...?" Varian whispered, thawing him.

"What have you done!?" He bellowed, anger hardening his voice. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?" He strained against the guards.

"Just as we told you, sir!" Aaron mocked, forcing Varian to meet the Captain's gaze. "We captured a beast for you to hunt down! And now that you have," The grin was razor sharp, shark's fangs practically drenched in blood. "We'll dispose of it properly."

A guard from the circle threw a rope, the ends tied into a loop. Like a ring toss, the aim was true, ensnaring Varian's wrist and tightening when he pulled. Another guard followed suit, yanking the boy back and forth till his arms were spread eagle and unable to move.

Varian turned a stark white, paler than the moon that neared the horizon. He cried out, straining to try and escape, but another spasm from his leg paralyzed him. “N-no, please not again…!” He sobbed. “Let me go-!”

"Again!? Varian, what do you mean? VARIAN!" Eugene yelled. "VARIAN!"

The boy screwed his eyes shut, praying for the nightmare to end.

"LET HIM GO!" Eugene strained against the guards, lamenting once again, his own stupidity. He should've brought Max, or an actual weapon, like his sword, or something! He'd gone in totally blind, expecting that the guards were decent people and that this wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary. Honestly, he should've known better! After everything he's seen and done, never leave the house without a concealed weapon! You were almost executed by half these assholes!

When he gets back, he's firing everyone except Stan and Pete.

A third rope flashed through the air, this time with a loop larger than the others. It latched itself onto Varian's neck, wrapping tight and close. His eyes snapped open in pure terror, mouth opening in shock. But before the boy could protest or scream, the rope was pulled taut, and his face turned an awful shade of purple. He coughed, thrashing in place with tears of fear and hypoxia trailing his cheeks.

"Aw, the beast is scared! Doesn't he know how all animals are slaughtered?" Aaron cooed, faux sympathy marring his features. "You know, don't you? You were raised on a farm, after all." His question went unanswered, Varian too busy rasping for breath to respond.

The man with the rope pulled harder, forcing Varian's face down into the dirt where his muffled cries barely caused the leaves beneath to move. A steel boot stomped onto his head, and the cries went still.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!?" Eugene bellowed, the protective instincts in his mind going haywire, overheating and exploding with pure rage and an intense need to save him, free him. He let this happen, if he had been smarter, stronger, if he hadn't shot him, hadn't let his guard down, hadn't shrugged and taken the guards' words at face value… “Oh relax, it'll be painless!” Aaron hummed, producing a knife from his belt. “The beast didn’t answer the question, but, I’m sure you can figure out how animals are killed after falling unconscious.” He jokingly slashed the dagger in the air above his throat, and Eugene saw red.

"YOU ARE SO FIRED!" He screeched at Aaron. "WHEN RAPUNZEL FINDS OUT-"

"Oh?" Aaron mocked, turning around and placing a hand to his chest daintily. "When the princess finds out? You're making her do all the heavy lifting?" He sauntered up to Eugene, hips swaying with each step till they were nose to nose. "This is your job, sir. You are in charge of keeping us in line, keeping the prisoners in their place."

"Varian is NOT a prisoner," Eugene hissed, meeting his gaze with pure fury. "He is a friend, my friend, my brother."

"Perhaps to Eugene Fitzherbert, but not a Captain of the Guard." Aaron shrugged.

Eugene lowered his head. For a brief moment, Aaron grinned victoriously. Now he's getting it.

"Too bad for you, I'm both."

Aaron's face fell, the cheerful facade falling into a brutal glower. "What does that mea-"

He was cut off when Eugene slammed his face into Aaron's, hitting the bastard's nose with a CRUNCH. He staggered back, and his buddies loosened their grip on Eugene to see if he's ok. It's all the advantage Eugene needed, quickly pushing them both off him and charging Aaron. His shoulder bowled into Aaron, sending him sprawling, and Eugene only stopped to grab the dagger he dropped before sprinting for Varian's crumpled form.

"Oh sun, please be ok, come on kid," Eugene chanted, slashing the rope around his neck. It leaves a brutal ring of red around his neck, as do the ones around his wrist when they're dispatched. There was no time to remove the chains, what with the remaining guards quickly regaining their senses and gearing up for a fight.

He lifted Varian up into his arms as if he were made of glass. Dark black hair lolled against the Captain's chest as he stood to his full height, glaring down at his employees, the hazers, the conspirators.

There was no hope of taking them all on, that much was clear. Charging into battle with hands full and armed only with a knife was stupid. He'd have to outrun them, play the game, and make it to Old Corona where Quirin could protect his son and he could get actual backup from loyal men.

Perhaps this was the true game, the true test of his worthiness.

Aaron snarled, staggering up while clutching his nose. "GET HIM!"

Eugene crouched, letting the first guard try and charge him before jumping out of the way at the last second. This he was used to, dodging men who wanted nothing more than to hurt and destroy what he held dear, making a run for it to the relative safety of the familiar. He fell into the old routine without too much difficulty, leaping over heads and ducking under blows. It helped that Varian barely weighed more than a few grapes, still a stick from his year in prison. He and the others had been hard at work trying to help him gain at the very least some muscle, though Varian was a big fan of skipping meals for science.

According to Quirin he's had that habit for a while, and right now it was a minor blessing.

Huh, he thought to himself as he dodged a crossbow bolt, taking off into the trees. Captain of the Guard isn't all that off from my usual life, just with some added benefits. Another arrow nearly took off his ear. Yea, same old stuff.

His feet pounded against the forest floor, dredging up leaves and dirt alike as he ran. There was no time to cover his tracks or be discreet, there was a whole battalion after him, so it wouldn't do much good anyway. But as his steps quickened, as Varian bounced up and down in his arms, the chains still rattling, the boy stirred, groaning in pain with each motion.

"Gene...?" He mumbled, muffled through the man’s coat.

"Hey kid," Eugene grinned down, not slowing for a second. "Glad to see you're ok. How's your throat?"

"On fire..." a weak hand pawed at his throat, rubbing the soreness away.

"Sorry about that, you're gonna be just fine, ok? It's all gonna be ok."

Varian hummed, eyes glossy and not fully there. His head fell back onto Eugene's chest, a soft smile full of love that he didn't deserve. "K. I trust you."

Varian fell back into an uneasy sleep after that, his breaths wheezing against Eugene, lips stained blue and face clammy. Anytime exhaustion tried to creep into his bones, tried to sneak into his soul and drain him to surrender, he looked down at Varian and his spirit would renew.

At some point, they were hiding behind a tree, keeping to the intense darkness. A few guards could be heard not too far off, their annoyed mutterings like an alarm bell, a siren's song of false security. Just as they passed, Varian coughed, clutching at the fabric for comfort. It was an ugly sound, weak and ragged, as if there was something coming up.

When he looked down, those blue lips were now stained red.

He picked up the pace after that.

But even he couldn't run forever, no matter how light Varian was or how determined he was. Inevitably he had to stop for water, hiding Varian behind a fallen tree and drinking from a stream whose sounds hid them from view.

He just finished his own drink when Varian stirred, and the Captain was quick to help Varian get some water of his own.

They sat by the stream for a bit, catching their breaths, Eugene from exertion, and Varian from strangulation.

It was here that Varian recounted his side of the story, tears dripping and mixing with the stream below him. "I was so scared..." he whispered, voice hoarse.

"I bet," Eugene soothed, running a thumb over Varian's palm. "What happened?"

"....I got jumped," his eyes turned downcast, shame coloring his features. "T-they grabbed me when I was gonna head home. Said that they wanted to make it up to me, to... to give me "a job befitting my talents"...." He sighed. "You can probably guess what that was, huh."

Eugene's ears burned. A flame simmered in his gut, nausea falling away as his free hand clenched at the leaves below him. "Yea. I can." He bit out.

For a moment, neither spoke, unsure of what to say. What could they say? The situation was insane, it was cruel, it was... it was…

Varian hacked, more blood than before coming up and splattering on the shackles that remained.

"Oh, let me get those," Eugene hissed. "I'm sorry, shit," He fumbled for his pockets, procuring a lock pick and making quick work of the shackles. "We gotta move. We can't let them find us." His hands hovered over the bolt, unsure. "Can I... I mean, you can't run with..."

Varian turned a shade of green, barely visible. “It’s stopping the blood from coming out.”

"Yea, good point, sorry." He coughed awkwardly, the stream bubbling and gurgling a simple melody.

"Why do... why do you keep apologizing?" Varian asked, not meeting Eugene's eye for a second.

"Wh- seriously?" He let out a bark of laughter, fading when Varian's face didn't change. "Kid, it's my fault you're in this mess! Sun above, I shot you. I said I'd keep you safe and I shot you." Anger swelled in his words, but Varian didn't flinch. He knew it wasn't directed at him. "Some Captain I am, I'm being chased by my own guys."

Varian bit his lip. "Did..." he hesitated to ask. If the answer wasn't what he was hoping for, he'd never recover. "Did you know it was me?"

"No!" Eugene's eyes widened. "No, I never would've agreed if I knew it was a person, let alone you!" He ran a hand through frazzled hair.

"So..." Varian hummed. "You shot me on accident, and then saved me. Again. Even when your men tried to convince you otherwise." Each sentence was slow, filled with Varian needed to take in a breath, but he met his friend's eyes this time. "I think that's a pretty good Captain."

Eugene blinked, then smiled. "Thanks, kid."

Dark voices shouted across the clearing, words incomprehensible. Varian jolted, hands flying up before doubling over hacking. Each cough shook his body so hard you’d think the boy was trembling with fright.

“Woah, easy,” Eugene’s hand rubbed over his back. “Deep breaths. Come on goggles. You got this.”

“You would think,” Varian rasped. “But I do not.”

Finally, with one final hack, his coughs ceased. Each gulp of air felt like heaven, or at least it did for the first few seconds. Then it was replaced by a searing hell, leaving him scrambling again.

God, what is the culprit?

As his breathing quieted, as the burn turned to a small simmer, Varian’s eyes trailed to the forest floor beneath him.

Stained with blood.

Varian’s eyes widened, his pupils shrunk to pinpricks as his entire world focused in on the blood. The dark blues of night left it hard to see, more a black shine than the vicious red, but there was no denying what it was.

“What-oooh,” Eugene hissed, grabbing Varian’s shoulders for support. Shit, this was bad. He made a mental list of symptoms for the inevitable doctor visit: raspy voice, struggling to breathe, coughing up blood... all signs pointed to the noose as the culprit. Whichever guard had tried to strangle Varian was getting fired and arrested.

No, screw it, all of them were.

“Focus on me, hair stripe,” he warned, shaking his brother slightly. “Are you ok to move?” All he got was a weedy moan.  “I’m taking that as a maybe.” With no preamble, he scooped his arms under Varian’s knees and back, pulling him into his arms as he stood in one fluid motion. “I’m gonna try and make a run for it, ok? We’re almost to your dad. I just need you to stay with me.”

Silence, and then a faint nod moving against his coat.

Each step sent vibrations up Eugene’s spine, tingling and thrumming in his veins and pounding in time with his heart. The sun would be rising soon, it had to be, with the dew that is forming at his feet.

At some point Varian readjusted, shifting so that he could see over their shoulders. He couldn’t run, couldn’t fight, but at least he could keep an eye out.

And it’s a good thing he did, when he beats wildly at Eugene’s chest in a signal. The captain was about to duck behind a bush, but the forest’s edge is within sight! Maybe if they made a break for it...?

An arrow grazed his side.

The pain looped through his system, joining the adrenaline for a joyride through his mind and it sent him sprawling. Varian rolled out of his arms, collapsing at the forest’s edge.

Eugene groaned, raising his face with the sun to see Aaron’s smug grin glowing in the upcoming dawn.

“Well, look what I caught! A daddy beast and a baby beast!” He said.

Eugene gaped. “Could you be any creepier? Really, gotta go for the weirdest shit to say, don’t you?”

“Eh,” Aaron shrugged, crossbow in hand. He stepped past his boss (Er, ex boss), boots crunching on leaves and leaving nothing but dust in their wake. “I’m a weird guy, I guess.”

“Yea, a real weirdo. Kidnaps a teenager and has the captain hunt him for sport. A nice quirk, ain’t it!” Each word is angrier than before until he is spitting acid.

Aaron doesn’t even argue; he’s too caught up in his victory. Varian shook as he struggled to sit up, arms quivering with effort. Just as he raised his head his eyes met the gleaming tip of an arrow, aimed right between the eyes. “Say goodnight, kid. Don’t worry. I’ll make a fine trophy out of you. Hang your goggles over my mantle.”

“Would you knock it the fuck off!?” Eugene wheezed, scrambling up. His feet gave out near instantly, but he leapt forward, colliding with the guard and driving his aim up. The arrow whizzed overhead, harmlessly lodging into a tree.

“Varian, run!” Eugene yelled, still on top of the other.

“I CAN’T! What part of arrow in my leg don’t you get!?” Varian yelled, immediately followed by coughing.

Eugene went to answer, only for the butt of the crossbow to whack him in the face.

Aaron laughed, loud and manic, the sound like nails on a chalkboard. It was quickly stopped by a punch to his stomach from the furious man above him. If the others found them, it’d be game over. Literally.

Whether or not Eugene would be killed was unclear. While he didn’t always need Rapunzel to save him, her good graces granted him immunity from most local threats. But they’d definitely kill Varian, and that was the bigger concern to him.

Unfazed, Aaron slammed his skull into Eugene’s, sending him tearing back. The guard quickly flipped them, crossbow still in between.

“Face it,” Aaron snarled. “You’ll never be a true captain. You can’t control your men, can’t protect a kid, can’t even protect yourself. You just got the job because you saved the lost princess.”

“In my defense,” Eugene wheezed. “Your previous guard couldn’t do that either.” That only angered him more, digging the crossbow into Eugene’s Adam’s apple.

The two men wrestled briefly, Eugene finally getting a good grip on the crossbow, and kicking Aaron off of him. He scrambled to Varian, fully prepared to scoop him up and begin the dance again, just for a little longer, but Aaron just yelled out in anger, drawing a sword from his belt. As strong as Eugene was, he couldn’t outrun him with Varian in his arms. He would know, he trained his men to match him in speed and strength.

Varian moaned in pain. He had to do something, he couldn’t just sit here! Eugene had spent the whole night running around, working his ass off to keep him safe after the initial mistake, he couldn’t let him down...

But the arrow scraped against his bone, pain sending stars across his vision any time he stood…

The captain’s hands clenched down on wood, eyes calculating. He looked into Varian’s eyes, then down at his leg. Then up again. And down again. He hissed between teeth, kneeled down, and clenched his fist around the arrow. It sent a pulse of pain through Varian’s leg, the boy wincing, but understanding.

“Do it,” he hissed.

And yanked.

The pain was so sharp, so intense, that for a moment Varian was certain he was dead. There was no way anyone could survive with this much pain, he must surely be dead or dying. White hot agony stabbed into his leg, and he bit so hard on his lip he broke skin. It took everything in him not to scream.

Aaron laughed again, shadow blanketing them. Eugene turned to see him looming over them, sword above his head. “Say goodnight, Sir!” he shrieked.

Fwip!

Thunk!

The man’s grin vanished in an instant, replaced by sheer shock at the arrow sticking straight into his throat. Blood trickled down the wound, looking more like an impulse tracheotomy. Suddenly, he pitched forward, face hitting the forest floor with a sickening shick as the arrow went the rest of the way through his throat. There wasn’t even a struggle, no death rattles or cry of pain, just the sounds of a morning dove in the coming dawn.

Eugene’s shoulders slumped, and Varian leaned back into the cool grass.

“You doing alright there, Goggles?” Eugene called.

“My lungs are on fire, I can’t feel my legs and I’m sweating in places I didn’t even know I could sweat. I’d say I’m in the mood to die, but I literally just spent the whole night trying to prevent that.”

“...fair enough.”

-

The weeks that followed were, for lack of a better term, a total fucking nightmare.

After pulling themselves together, the brothers managed to hobble to Varian’s house in Old Corona, just in time to greet Quirin at the door. Imagine the poor man’s shock when he was headed out to work only to be greeted by his son’s blood and the captain’s exhaustion. Suffice to say, they got a proper tongue lashing the whole cart ride to Corona proper, the father fussing over them both while he rushed them to the infirmary. And then they had to get chewed out by Rapunzel, and Lance, and pretty much everyone else, despite their repeated insistence that it wasn’t their fault this time.

“What did you expect us to do? We were being hunted!” Eugene whined at Rapunzel while a nurse cleaned up a cut.

“Uh, I was being hunted. You were hunting me .” Varian hoarsely piped up from his own bed, leg propped up in a cast. He paused at the frantic stop motion Eugene was making, and the paling faces of his father and princess. “Oh. Was I. Not supposed to say that.”

“You’re not supposed to be talking,” Rapunzel chided lightly, though that was clearly not the problem. The doctor had been pretty quick to explain Varian’s breathing issues were just from the throat trauma, and would heal with time and supervision.

“I didn’t know! In my defense,” Eugene held up his hands as if to shield from Quirin’s murderous face, but if looks could kill he’d be a pile of bones. “I didn’t know.”

“How do you…” Quirin pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m going to remind myself that you saved my son’s life and ignore the part where you endangered it in the first place.”

“Yes, please do,” He said, shifting under the glare.

And then came the paperwork.

Trying to figure out who among the guards was part of the hunt was hard enough, seeing as outside of Aaron and his cronies, no one was going to say a word. All they had to go off of were the men who saw Eugene off, and the ones who initially captured Varian. And since they hadn’t run into anyone else directly, no one could be properly accused and charged. But Eugene wasn’t going to take any chances, and therefore anyone who he saw at least once was fired, and if they wanted to dispute it they could come to him and explain why they were willing to throw his little brother to the wolves.

Suffice to say, no one did. Which left Eugene with only two thirds his original squadron. He spent a good while of his recovery vetting new recruits and creating incentives for others to try out, and while he was able to replenish his ranks, they weren’t nearly the same elite task force they’d started with. And considering the threats they faced on the regular, that was a serious problem.

It was after a long day of training and interviews that Eugene finally stumbled into the castle library, ready to destress with a nice long binge read of Flynn Rider. He grabbed a few books off the shelves as he walked, headed for his favorite couch and the cozy fireplace at its side, only to stop dead in his tracks.

Varian lay spread across the couch, foot propped up on the armrest as he glossed over some scientific text that Eugene had no hope of understanding. His eyes flitted up and down the page, clearly not actually reading and more just staring at the words.

“Hey,” Eugene called, and Varian barely reacted. “Oi, kid, that’s my spot. Scooch it.” “I got here first,” Varian said, not looking up for a second.

“Older brother gets first dibs.”

“Little brother gets his way.”

Oh he was gonna play it like that was he? Eugene smirked, plopping his books down at the floor before collapsing directly on top of Varian, making care to not crush the injured leg. Varian squawked in protest, limbs flailing.

“Get off! You’re heavy!” he yelled, trying to push him off. When that failed, he resorted to whacking at him.

“Never!” Eugene laughed. “Your little punches feel like flowers!”

“I have an iron deficiency!” Varian responded, cheeks red but smiling slightly. The captain finally stopped suffocating him, but didn’t get off, instead wiggling in close so they could share. “Mean,” Varian whined, a pout on his lips, but didn’t complain.

“Oh hush,” Eugene chided, grabbing a book from the floor. “You know you love me.”

Varian simply hummed, buck teeth peeking through a tiny grin. “So, what did you grab for today?”

“Ah, glad you asked!” Eugene held up the cover, which Varian oohed in appreciation. “One of the older ones, came out when I was your age.” He wrapped an arm around Varian, pulling his brother close, the warmth of his side and the fire combining to create a heavenly cocoon. “You want to read, or should I?”

“Your turn,” Varian responded, stifling a yawn.

The book creaked in protest, Eugene gazing down at his little brother with a smile. He leaned his cheek on the boy’s hair, deep voice dripping with fondness as he started to read.

Being Captain was fun, but being a brother was even better.

[tinyboxxtink]

“Sharky” *Part 4*

Oh snap...ya’ll are gonna be begging for the next chapter. 

Tag List:

@wanniiieeee

@dumauier

@gibbs274

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@objection-argumentative

@word-scribbless

@aprildecker-blog​

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 5

-------------

After work you headed straight home to get ready-- it was time for the works. Shaved EVERYWHERE, breaking out the expensive smelling shampoo and conditioner, wearing your extra special pheromone perfume, and your lucky little black dress. You stood in your full length mirror, admiring your work.

“Oh hell yes,” You thought to yourself. “Even I’d fuck me,”

You glanced at your clock by the bedside table, shit you were going to be late if you didn’t book it. You slipped on your lucky pumps and grabbed your purse while you called an Uber.

----

At the restaurant, you arrived to see that Rafael had already gotten there but was clearly having an issue getting a table.

“We should be on the list I called earlier, BARBA,” He enunciated at the poor hostess like she was a moron. 

“I’m sorry sir there’s not a--”

“Look under Y/L/N,” You sauntered up to her, completely ignoring Barba. 

“Oh! Yes, party of 2,” She smiled in relief. “Right this way!” She grabbed two menus and lead you to a table.

“I can’t believe you did that-- I said I’d make the reservation!” He hissed.

“No, you said you’d pay,” You reminded him as you both took seats at the table. “And the chef’s MY friend, why would he give a discount to a guy who tried to put him in prison?” 

“Wha---Seriously?” He stared at you. “What, so do you just hang around convicts?” 

“Hey he’s NOT a convict, thanks to me,” You smirked. “You’re so judgmental, Barba,” 

“Oh right I’M--” He was interrupted by a bubbly waitress approaching your table.

“Hello, welcome to Rigoletto’s! I’m Tracy, I’ll be your server tonight--”

“Yeah that’s nice honey, we’d like to start with the calamari, he’ll have the most expensive scotch you have, and I’ll take a bottle of wine,” You didn’t even let the poor girl finish her intro before rattling off your demands.

“....R-Red or white?” She asked meekly. 

“Literally the most expensive wine you have,” You grinned, eyeing Barba who’s eyes were wide as saucers. 

“Right...I’ll be back,” She nodded and was gone in a flash.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Y/N? Really?” He asked, clearly annoyed.

“Aw, Barba if it gets too expensive for your civil servant salary, I’ll cover it,” You flashed him an evil smile.

“You just don’t know how to be on a date, do you?” He chuckled, sipping the complimentary water.

“Excuse me?” 

“When’s the last time you let a man treat you?” 

“I don’t let men treat me, then they expect something,” You rolled your eyes taking a sip of your own water.

“I don’t expect anything from any woman,” He said sincerely, and there it was again. You rubbed your chest to dissipate the pain.

“What’s wrong?” He asked in concern.

“Nothing, heartburn,” You nodded it off and drank more water. That had to be what it was, obviously. 

“For the heart you don’t have?” He smirked.

“Do you really want to do this again Barba?” You bit back.

“No, no you’re right,” He nodded apologetically. “I’m sorry,” 

“It’s fine...but I don’t believe you” You eyed him.

“You don’t believe I’m sorry?

“I don’t believe you don’t expect anything,” You smirked as Tracy brought your drinks and calamari. 

“So did you--?” Tracy started, but once again you cut her off. 

“We’ll need a minute, sweetie,” You shooed her away.

“Why don’t you believe me?” Barba asked as he sipped his scotch.

“Because you’re a man,” You stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“You clearly have been dating the wrong type of men,”

“Barba I told you I don’t date,” You poured yourself a glass from the wine bottle. “I ‘relieve stress’,” 

“So do you call other sharks to come and ‘service’ you?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Something like that,” You chuckled.

“That explains a lot,” He chuckled back.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re whole ‘deal’, it’s not even original,” He baited you.

“And what exactly is my ‘deal’, counselor?” You narrowed your eyes.

“The whole ‘frigid lawyer uses men for sex, never lets anyone close,’ blah blah blah,”

“FRIGID?” You raised your voice. “I’m sorry, did you just call me frigid? Gee Barba, what do you do on second dates, hit women with your car?” You scoffed as you downed your glass of wine and poured another one.

“I meant like...in your heart,”

“Oh right. Like I’m Elsa-- and what, is this the part of the movie where the white knight comes and thaws her frozen heart with the power of love?” You remembered that this was supposed to be you wooing Barba into a false sense of lust, but his ‘holier than thou’ shtick was infuriating. 

“I don’t think that’s what happens,”

“Oh like I’ve seen Frozen?” You rolled your eyes. “Oh my god...you have!” You snickered.

“Olivia has a kid,” He defended. 

“Oh right,” You shook your head with a sarcastic laugh. “I’m sure and Olivia cuddled up on the couch and watched it with her kid,” 

“You know for someone who seems so sure of herself, you sure seem threatened by Olivia,”

“THREATENED? By Olivia Benson? HA!” You let out one loud laugh. “Please, of what? Her inability to catch criminals? Her single mom life? Her constant habit of getting herself kidnapped? I mean, who does that?!”

“Hey, back off! That was traumatic, Y/N. For all of us,” He warned.

“Which time?” You asked snidely.. “That woman is like Princess Peach and you’re her Mario, constantly having to save her ass from a castle dungeon,”

“See this is exactly what I’m talking about,” Barba kept his cool this time.

“What?”

“You have this constant need to insult Liv, and it always comes back to the relationship she and I have,” He smiled in amusement.

“That is SO--”

“True? I know,” He leaned towards you. “Admit it Sharky, you have a thing for me,” 

“What?! A ‘thing’? What are we, in high school?” You scoffed, looking away. “I do not have a “Thing” for you, Barba. Do I want to fuck you? Absolutely. But I’m not doodling your name in my legal pads or something,” Barba choked on his drink at your last statement. Well, you took your own road there, but at least you got back to the matter at hand.

“Well that’s um,” He dried himself off. “That’s something,”

“Indeed,” You didn’t bat an eye as you poured yourself more wine.

“So is that why you’re trying to pay tonight? Because you ‘expect’ something?” He raised an eyebrow as he swirled his drink.

“Maybe. Is that a problem?” 

“That you want to use me as a piece of meat? Yeah, a little!” He scoffed with a smile. 

Fuck. You should’ve known better than to handle it like this. Barba wasn’t a shark, he wasn’t even a guppy. He was a sad little puppy, with all of his feelings and warm fuzzies bullshit. He probably didn’t even fuck women, he “makes love” to them. 

“Well, you know it could just be my way of showing affection, since I have a ‘thing’ for you,” You ran your fingers over the back of his hand and leaned in close, so that he could smell your pheromone fueled fragrance. You smiled victoriously as you saw it take effect over him-- it was almost like witchcraft.

“I mean, some girls like flowers..” He gulped, now eyeing your entire ensemble with lustful eyes.

“Flowers die, babe,” You winked. “But orgasm’s last forever,”

“Sure they do…” He rolled his eyes.

“Well, if you do it right, they feel like they last forever,” You swirled your wine as your heel travelled slowly up his pant leg. You leaned in closer, tugging on his tie this time as you whispered:

“And trust me, I do it right,” 

“Check please!” Barba frantically looked around for Tracy.

Well this was going to be fun….

[vivithefolle]

Not sure if you already talked about this. (I’m pretty sure you have) but someone seemed to notice that when the trio get into fights, Hermione’s always in the right. Even when she’s supposed to be wrong she always seems to be half right. That kind of bothers me. Especially since it’s evident in the whole Scabbers situation.

I have indeed, on Quora, so let’s move yet another answer of mine to Tumblr!

Hermione is seldom wrong in the Harry Potter books. Sometimes she makes mistakes but those mistakes are either completely swept under the rug or downright ignored.

It’s partly due to lazy writing and partly due to Rowling’s own growing bias in favour of her Author Avatar that was fuelled by Steve Kloves, the primary advocate of the Hermione Granger Is The Perfect Girl Ever line of thinking (an utterly ridiculous line of thinking mind you).

Lizo: Steve, Hermione is a character that you have said is one of your favorites. Has that made her easier to write?

Steve: Yeah, I mean, I like writing all three, but I've always loved writing Hermione. Because, I just, one, she's a tremendous character for a lot of reasons for a writer, which also is she can carry exposition in a wonderful way because you just assume she read it in a book. If I need to tell the audience something...

JKR: Absolutely right, I find that all the time in the book, if you need to tell your readers something just put it in her. There are only two characters that you can put it convincingly into their dialogue. One is Hermione, the other is Dumbledore. In both cases you accept, it's plausible that they have, well Dumbledore knows pretty much everything anyway, but that Hermione has read it somewhere. So, she's handy.

Now this, right here, is the exact core of the problem.

Rowling herself admits it: if she wants the readers to have information, she puts Hermione in the scene. Hermione is our primary means of exposition because, like *grits teeth* Sssssteve puts it, it’s easy to assume that she’s read about it somewhere and it makes sense.

That’s all well and good but at first, if you notice, Ron also gave us exposition about the wizarding world, mostly about its culture. He was able to recall the exact year of the Wizarding Confederation that outlawed dragon breeding in Philosopher’s Stone! He explained what were respectively a “Mudblood”, a “Squib”, and Parseltongue, Hermione doing a little exposition about the history of that last one! He was also able to identify Sirius, after being dragged into the Whomping Willow, as an Animagi!

But then Goblet of Fire happens and you can notice the first change that will exponentially grow through the books: instead of Ron, pureblood Ron, born-before-the-end-of-the-war Ron, lived-through-the-aftermath-of-the-war Ron, identifying the Dark Mark, it’s instead Hermione, muggleborn Hermione, lived-as-a-Muggle-for-most-of-her-life Hermione, has-no-idea-about-the-emotional-impact-of-the-Mark Hermione who looks terrified as the Dark Mark shoots into the sky!

And it only will get worse, by the end of the series, Hermione pretty much knows about everything the plot needs her to know, instead of having to work with things she knows but can’t always apply to the situation:

Suddenly has a deep knowledge of Magical Law (in the will of Dumbledore’s chapter, while we had Rufus Scrimgeour who could have provided it to us, or to a lesser extent, Ron could have explained how a wizarding will basically worked)

Is suddenly an expert at finding edible plants and mushrooms. Apparently books are always the goddamn answer in JKR’s world, you can literally learn anything from them

She can decipher all the Tales of Beedle the Bard (may I remind you that they were written in Runes, okay Hermione may have a few years of Ancient Runes education BUT I once tried to translate a 3k+ story I had written for fun, from French to English, which means I knew what the subtleties and intentions were, I knew which turns of phrase I had to preserve so it would make sense in the end, and it still took me two gruelling weeks to get a satisfying result!)

Has suddenly grown a sense of quick-thinking (escaping Xenophilius’ house, using the jinx to make Harry’s face weird-looking) despite it being the only remaining flaw she had at the time (remember when she turned her back on her enemy while he was still conscious just to compliment Harry, and almost died as a result, even though she had been training in the DA to learn how to fight Death Eaters?) Quick-thinking under pressure can be learned, but it takes time and a lot of work to force your brain to override its instinct - and it’s fine because we’re all human and different. But no suddenly Hermione is the Greatest Strategist Evah™ and those silly boys (who actually were the original quick-thinking ones, and one of them was established as the strategist early on) better be grateful for this literal goddess because she protects them from all harm with her superhuman brain.

Somehow knows about Quidditch stuff - she knows about a Snitch’s “memory-touch”. Why should she give all the answers? Why can’t Ron give us this particular tidbit of information?

And then when we come to something Ron actually knows, the damn narration itself goes “woah a book that Ron has read but Hermione hasn’t??? shocking!! incredible!! Ron is not dumb, somebody call the news channel”. But… is that really so surprising? We’ve never seen Hermione read wizarding fiction or even Muggle fiction. We’ve never seen Hermione with anything other than schoolbooks in her hands. Of course Ron has read books she hasn’t read since she doesn’t seem to read fiction at all!

Sorry, bit of a tangent over here.

There are only two characters that you can put it convincingly into their dialogue.

So, that’s one part of the problem: the fact that Rowling, after making Ron our insight into magical culture and Hermione our provider of knowledge, ended up saying “eh whatever I guess Hermione can tell us everything we gotta know because it’s more convenient for me”. Which is a decision that was not based on Hermione’s character, but simply lazy writing. Long story short, it probably went: “Could Ron explain this bit of trivia? Meh, better make Hermione say it cause she’ll have read it in a book. It’s convenient and I won’t need to bother myself with exploring Ron’s characterisation.”

(And thus completely forgetting that Ron could maybe ask his big brothers via owl and provide us with a good heap of extra advanced knowledge - Bill is supposed to have aced his NEWTs after all.)

The other part of the problem is quite simply that Hermione is more often than not, either painted as a victim by the narrative (which makes more people take her side, classic manipulation tactic), or made to be right anytime it’s about a plot point.

Hermione’s mistakes are never explicitly stated, corrected, or even pointed out as being unethical.

Hermione only gets one mistake expressedly pointed out as being a mistake: her misadventure in Polyjuice Potion. The rest of them? Even her crush on Lockhart can’t be counted as a mistake - people get crushes all the time, based solely on physical appearance, it’s not something awful or terrible (Except when it’s Ron who crushes on someone. Ron crushing on someone is absolutely forbidden, and he must be punished with much ridicule and humiliation if he thinks he can get away with not worshipping Hermione like the goddess she is. The nerve of him, really.).

Throughout the books Hermione eventually morphs into Rowling’s Powerful Angel of Vengeance, that punishes the people who dared to do something she disliked - Rita is silenced but at a very ethically dubious price; Marietta gets scarred for life because she was more loyal to her mother than to a bunch of people her friend insisted she hang out with; Umbridge is led to a very, very alarming fate that is never made clear but some people have ideas and they’re not all very kid-friendly; Ron first is “helped” without knowing it because Hermione can’t be bothered to have faith in his capabilities, then when he fails to dutifully reward her for “helping” him, she causes him bodily harm before actively bullying him for not mind-reading her interest in him; causes even more bodily harm to Ron because that’s how feminism works; etc.

Hermione’s mistakes are always justified through the plot itself (which is lazy writing).

Turning into a cat? Only affects her.

The Firebolt? Scabbers? Well, in the end, it was really sent by Sirius Black and Crookshanks really wasn’t the culprit. Therefore all the feelings that were hurt and all the trust lost are irrelevant because Hermione was right all along.

Trying to free the house-elves? Well, it’s the intent that counts, right? And we’re never told enough about house-elf lore to know whether they’re poor brainwashed victims or powerful Penate-like symbiotes who need to serve a wizard to survive?

Kidnapping Rita Skeeter, trapping her and blackmailing her? Rita may be one foul little beetle, but that’s going a bit far, isn’t it? Harry approves? Oh, well, I guess it’s okay then…? A main character can’t have a dubious morality, right?

Manipulating Harry into forming Dumbledore’s Army and forcing him to relive a traumatic event with the same woman she’s kidnapped and blackmail and that she knows he hates? In the end, it all works out for the best and Harry’s hurt feelings don’t matter since it’s all about the greater good.

Using the centaurs to get rid of Umbridge (which poses the highly distressing question of what did the centaurs do to her?), realizing that the centaurs aren’t nice little horsies that are going to gently obey her every orders like good Disney princess’ companions, my goodness could this be an opportunity for character growth - nevermind, here comes Grawp the Giant Ex Machina, saving her arse and protecting Hermione from all that scary possibility of introspection. Thanks, Grawp Ex Machina.

Trying to dissuade a highly stressed-out and irrational Harry from rescuing Sirius by telling him exactly what he needed not to hear, a.k.a. “you have a saving people-thing” which causes Harry to completely go bonkers and go save his godfather without thinking twice? Well she was right after all, it was a trap! Nevermind how mind-boggingly insenstive and inadept at dealing with someone else’s feelings she was being, she was right! That means it wasn’t Hermione’s mistake!… probably. (Geez, I’m sensing a pattern here…)

Endangering Cormac’s life (Confunding him WHILE HE’S ON HIS BROOM) to promote Ron’s success? Oh but that’s so romantic! (Yeaaaah, how romantic to display exactly how much faith you lack in your crush. Top it off with a broken neck and that’s a picture perfect first date!)

Assaulting Ron with magic and causing him even more scars than he already had? But he was being cold with her first, right? And he totally should have known she was asking him out! It’s not like her invitation was even worse than his attempt to ask her out two years earlier! Plus she’s just a teenage girl expressing her emotions, anyone who tries to find fault in this is a disgusting abusive misogynist pig! Ha!

Getting all jealous that Harry is better than her at Potions, then pretending she’s not jealous by claiming that TEH BOOK IS EVIL, HARRY, and giving him the cold shoulder too? But no, she’s right, look, Harry used Sectumsempra and he almost killed Draco, nevermind that he’s very horrified about it! Hermione was right, like she always is!

Hermione Obliviating her parents, which pulls her from the “ethically dubious” zone into the “wow okay I’m pretty sure that this counts as a violation of basic human rights” zone, makes her one of those quirky wizardfolk who have the privilege to control those simple-minded Muggles because it’s for the greater good? But nooo she’s crying about it so it’s obviously very sad and angsty and it shows her devotion to the cause!

Splinching Ron while fleeing from the Ministry? Eeeh, but he’s fine, they’ve got Dittany, he’s good as new!… blood loss? Anaemia? What’s that?

Hermione was wrong about the Deathly Hallows not existing? Um, um, that doesn’t matter, LOOK DOBBY IS DEAD AND HARRY IS BACK TO LOOKING FOR THE HORCRUXES!! Therefore Hermione was right, the Hallows weren’t important for their quest, therefore the Hallows might as well not exist, HERMIONE WAS RIGHT NO REALLY I’VE GOT RECEIPTS -

The books never forget to remind Harry and Ron of their own shortcomings and moments of weakness.

Harry’s wrath and recklessness cost Sirius his life. This is the lesson he has to learn from his entitled behaviour in OotP: actions have consequences, and the greater your responsibility, the greater the cost will be.

Ron’s envy and insecurity lead him astray; they’re used to humiliate, ridicule and torture him throughout the books. They’re supposed to teach him that he’s worth something - but how is he supposed to believe that, when nobody ever tells him he’s worth anything? When nobody ever apologizes to him? When his feelings are taken for granted over and over? When his two friends seem to discard him whenever he does one thing wrong?

Hermione is never punished. Hermione is never said to be wrong, never shown to be wrong, never called out on her behaviour. From Prisoner of Azkaban to mid-Deathly Hallows, she stays exactly the same character. She doesn’t grow up. She doesn’t learn. She doesn’t change. She has virtually no character arc.

The only time, THE ONLY TIME IN SEVEN BOOKS, the only time we have something remotely resembling a call-out of Hermione’s horrible behaviour is with this sole quote in HBP:

Harry was left to ponder in silence the depths to which girls would sink to get revenge.

Note how it’s about “girls” and not Hermione in particular, which implies that any girl would do what Hermione does to Ron. Thanks for the generalization, JKR, but I like to believe I’m actually a decent sort of person that doesn’t resort to petty cruelty and exploits my friends’ insecurities whenever I’m angry with them.

Hermione NEVER has to apologize. Hermione NEVER has to learn from her mistakes because she’s always presented as a victim when she really isn’t. Hermione NEVER develops into something more - she’s emotionally stuck at fourteen years old. Even less than that when you consider that her reaction to Ron’s return in Deathly Hallows is to trash him with her fists - and she was going to get her wand!! The utter psychopathic b- wanted TO THROW BIRDS AT HIM AGAIN!!! - and this reaction is an appropriate one for a four-years old girl, but certainly not for a supposedly “mature” seventeen-years old.

(Yes, because what separates a child from an adult is the ability to reign in your emotions and not succumb to your impulses. Exactly what Ron did when he left the tent (notice that he had drawn his wand, then he left before he could start hexing Harry), he left to calm himself down. Exactly what Hermione fails to do when Ron returns (she has the impulse to strike him and immediately succumbs to it, which proves to us that The Brightest Witch Of Her Age has all the maturity of a very small child).)

All of that, on top of the awful portrayal in the movies which removes all of Ron’s characteristics to stuff them into Hermione and turns her into some impossible epitome of perfection, eventually contributed to the portrayal of Hermione as the one who is always right and knows everything.

Add to it JKR’s own ridiculous bias (“Ron was quite emotionally immature compared to the other two”, yeah right I don’t see him trying to force freedom onto unwilling creatures or making Harry fly into an irrational rage with mere words but you do you, Jo) and the sexist misconception that “girls are innately more mature than boys”, and you get yourself this apparent behemoth of righteousness that was literally the sole reason why those two silly boys survived everything, and don’t you dare criticize this angel of perfection OR ELSE.

[anika-ann]

The Troubles Are Lurking in Queens - Pt.2

Of  Not So Funny Billionaires and Terrified Husbands

Pairing: Matt Murdock x reader        Word count: 2960

Type: Two-shot, reader insert

Summary: When an arrogant lawyer demands his paperwork right now or better yet this very moment, you’re a good wife to Matt and decide to deliver the documents yourself – for your husband’s mental health sake (and for the sake of the meeting he’s running to).

The catch is the said lawyer has his office in Queens – and whoever said Hell’s Kitchen was the least safe place in NYC was clearly lying. Also, Tony Stark is... Tony Stark.

Warnings: swearing, mention of attempted assault, mention of past torture, some blood, Tony being a jerk

Part 1

◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦

Spiderman apparently didn’t take no for an answer.

The office wasn’t on the way, but Spiderman delivered the papers anyway; you thought Davidson’s secretary’s face was priceless at least as Spiderman with a woman in his arms knocked on the window of her office, but anyway. Your way included a lot of not exactly secure flying around in the vigilante’s thin and somehow strong arms (enhanced strength?), only holding onto buildings via some sort of a web fibre and it was a fucking wonder you hadn’t either ended up smashed on a side of some building or hadn’t puked by the time you magically landed on the roof of the Avengers Tower.

Also, you were pretty sure some of your blood had rained down on someone and it was an awful idea you couldn’t shake off.

You were clutching your chest trying to catch your breath as the kid let go of you slowly, gentlemanly making sure you wouldn’t faint. Well. Now he was concerned about that?

“Welcome, sweetheart!” Stark’s voice sounded behind you as the billionaire walked in your direction with his arms wide open.

You on the other hand looked at him murderously. Was this really necessary?

“You know Mr. Stark?” the kid asked in awe.

You swallowed the ‘unfortunately’ line and pressed your lips together.

“Tony. What a wonderful surprise. How are you these days?” you wondered with a fake smile and he grinned wider, enveloping you in a hug. You didn’t reciprocate the gesture too happily, but you… tried.

“On a first name basis with Mr. Stark and hugging him? Holy hell!”

You rolled her eyes and spent a precious second thinking what the kid would say to what was coming next. The moment Tony withdrew, you slapped him, because you really needed to slap someone today. Tony was lucky your dominant hand was cut and you used your weaker one.

He tried to set his jaw right as if it really hurt anyway. The Spiderkid fell into shocked silence.

“That’s for using a poor kid for dragging me where I don’t want to go just for your fun or whatever,” you hissed and Tony licked his lips.

“Yeah, okay, I deserved this one.”

“Glad you acknowledge that.”

You tried not to think too hard about that you slapped a man who had once saved your husband’s life. You sighed, coming for another, this time gentler, hug, still wary of not staining his t-shirt with your blood. You probably failed.

“Sorry I couldn’t make it to the wedding.”

“We were hoping you wouldn’t,” you teased, feeling a bit guilty for a) slapping him and b) being cranky. Tony was a bit of a dick, but a good guy. That was why you had decided to send him an invitation along with the other Avengers, who had saved Matt’s life one of the times he had got over his head and you walked into the Avengers Tower begging for help.

“I bet it was boring without me.”

“Totally,” you laughed, letting go of him.

“So… I understand this is some sort of a reunion, but a) I’m not a kid,” the teenage vigilante defended himself and you bit your cheek to stop yourself from protesting. “And b) shouldn’t her hand be handled? I mean, that’s why I brought her here?”

You smiled at the kid. He was cute. “Yeah, Tony. Shouldn’t my hand be handled?”

It was handled, by doctor Cho, who was usually taking care of bullet wounds, knife-in-liver wounds and stuff like that. She was incredibly nice, especially when you considered the shit she was dealing with.

The doc was just finishing your bandage – you only needed two stiches – when your ringtone cut the air and all four present – you, Doctor Cho, Tony and Spiderman – jumped a little.

“Hand me the phone someone, please?”

“FRIDAY, who’s calling?” Stark called out and you were kinda hoping it was just for show. They wouldn’t know that without looking, right?

“Contact saved as Matt, sir.”

How the fuck the AI could tell that? Also… ah-oh.

“That’s a little boring  I was expecting something more original. Sugar-bear. Bumblebee. FRIDAY, put it on speaker.”

You just gaped. How?! And was he serious?

“Oh, and mute her voice.”

“What?!”

“Are you okay?” Matt’s panicked voice demanded from the speakers in the corners of the room and you breathed in to calm his fright – wherever it came from. “Davidson called there was blood on the papers and-“

Oh crap, learning that must have been terrible. Also, you were sure Davidson had been a dick about it as well, probably complaining about dangerous biological material in his office.

“I’m fine, Matt,” you reassured him.

His terrified voice called out your name. “Are you there? Can you hear me?”

You opened your mouth uselessly. Was this for real? Could he really not hear you somehow? What the fuck?! Why would-

“Hey, buddy!” Tony chipped enthusiastically and your blood ran cold. Oh no. No, no, no, no…

Even through the phone, you could hear your husband’s breath hitch. “Who are you? How did you get this phone?”

You could only imagine Matt’s sightless eyes flickering wildly as he was trying to figure out the worst possible bloody scenario.

“I’m-“ you started, but Tony rolled his eyes at your attempts.

“Relax. I’m just having a little fun-“

Spiderman rose to his feet as he apparently wanted to protest too, but Tony shushed him.

“Who are you? What did you do? What do you want?” Matt’s voice changed dangerously, switching to the Daredevil persona and demanding answers. “I swear if you touch one hair on her head, I’m going to tear your limbs off one after another-“

Spiderman shrieked at the cruel threat and the way it was delivered. You gently pushed away Doctor Cho, standing up and making your way to the billionaire with your blood boiling.

“Tony, stop this right now,” you growled, your voice resembling the one speaking through the phone. He was scaring Matt out of his mind. Couldn’t he see that this wasn’t fun?

“Come on! Light up! I’m just gonna-”

“Don’t you dare to hurt her!” Matt thundered and Tony actually jumped at the sound of Matt’s teeth grinding.

“Alright, alright! Jeez, can’t you recognize an old pal? Jesus, DD,” Tony complained and the room was suddenly very quiet.  

“Tony, let me to talk to him.”

“Let her talk to him, Mr. Stark,” the kid supported you and you were sure he made some sort of puppy eyes behind his mask.

Matt didn’t react to learning the name of your ‘captor’. Which meant he was probably really pissed or too shocked. Or that Stark somehow blocked his voice too.

“Tony-“ you pressed and he sighed in defeat.

“Yeah, yeah, FRIDAY-“

There was a beep.

“Matt, it’s me. Are you there?” you asked softly, hearing his sharp inhale. “I’m okay-“

“She’s injured-“

“Shut up!” you shouted Tony down, spinning to him with your hand raised in warning. He had already said enough.

“Well, you are,” Spiderkid noted carefully and you gritted your teeth.

“I’m okay, Matt. I’m in the Avengers tower-“

“Medical wing,” Tony supplied helpfully and you grabbed the nearest thing – which happened to be a metal platter – and lashed it his direction. He shielded his face, silent ‘ow’ escaping him as the improvised weapon hit his hands.

“I’m on my way,” Matt exclaimed.

“Wait-“

There was only a dialling tone and you whined. You measured to Tony with fire in your eyes.

“I’m sorry?” he offered, shrugging with his palms up.

“You are such a dick! Complete and utter dick! You scared the shit out of him!” you yelled at the man who wore almost genuinely apologetic expression. But you didn’t care if he was sorry. He almost gave Matt a freaking heart attack! He had no idea what had-- you squatted for the platter, fully intending to use it again as the idiot was in your reach. “You fucker, you dickhead! You careless fuck-up!”

Each of the insults was accompanied by a hit with the platter. No one stopped you. Tony wisely covered his head. You were sure you it hurt as hell anyway, but somehow it didn’t sooth your nerves.

“I’m sorry, okay?”

“The last fucking time someone had my phone and talked to Matt was when I was kidnapped by Wilson. Fucking. Fisk! He threatened to break my spine to paralyse me, you. Selfish. Arrogant. Bastard!”

Fuck, you were crying and your hands were shaking, suddenly feeling too weak.

You let go of the platter, overwhelmed by the memory yourself; the knife cutting through your skin when the huge man hadn’t liked your answers to his questions, his threats, Matt’s terrified voice on the other end of the line-

The clatter of the platter on the floor snapped you back into reality, but the images didn’t disappear. You brought your hands to your mouth to muffle the scream that drew to your lips.

“Madam?” sounded hesitantly behind you and you tried to blink away the freaking tears and chase away the nasty memory, unable to respond to the kid. It’s gone now, it’s in the past, I’m okay, I’m okay, Matt’s okay— just give me a fucking minute dammit. “Madam, can I hug you?”

You burst out laughing at the request; hysterical laugh during an emotionally heavy situation, the first sign of insanity.

“Oh my god. Yeah, yeah, you can, kid.”

The vigilante obediently wrapped his strong but toothpicks-like arms around your shoulders, embracing you tightly yet gently. He avoided applying a pressure against your belly with surprising grace. He didn’t even call you out on the ‘kid’ addressing. You were really starting to like him.

Maybe it was the costume – the armour – but it was kinda soothing. Maybe it was the knowledge he had to deal with Tony too often, so it felt like he was an ally of yours. You leaned into the hug gratefully and he caressed your back.

“You’re good at this,” you mumbled into the strange material of his suit.

“Thanks, madam.”

You chuckled at the addressing and asked him to call you your first name.

◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦

Tony bullied you into a check-up; like the periodical check-up all pregnant women had to attend.

“Tony, I was at doctor’s three days ago-“

“But I upset you and stressed you big time. Don’t you think you should have another examination? Just to be sure?” he pressed, trying to make puppy eyes. Vainly – you had enough training at resisting the puppy eyes master Matt Murdock himself, Tony’s attempts were nothing compared to that.

“Tony, honestly, I just want to get the hell out of here ASAP,” you cooled him down. You were still pissed at him. A lot.

“FRIDAY! Call Doctor Cho back!”

And just like that, the poor doc who had silently disappeared during the fight had to come back and examine you again. With USG and everything. You didn’t have the strength to argue anymore and you didn’t want to make Doctor Cho’s job harder than it already was by working for Tony Stark in the first place.

You didn’t expect anything being wrong – yet, you couldn’t supress the relief washing through your body as the doctor told you both you and your baby were fine.

Also, the check-up filled the time, so you didn’t get the opportunity to pace nervously. You were getting dressed again when Matt’s voice entered the room.

“(Y/N)!” he called out and you wordlessly asked the doctor to get rid of the curtain separating your and the rest of the world. Not that it made a difference to Matt – it did to you.

“Matt, hey!” you greeted him, rising from the bed so he could see you were perfectly healthy. The impression was ruined a bit by your head spinning and the need to support yourself onto the bed, but hey, you tried.

Matt was crossing the distance between you two in rapid pace, his cane folded in his hand, his glasses covering too little of his worried expression.

“What happened? Are you okay? I mean, of course you’re not-“

“I’m okay, Matt,” you assured his softly as he threw the cane away carelessly and enclosed you in a bone-crushing hug. He nuzzled his nose in your hair, breathing in deeply. You kissed the side of his neck. “I’m fine, Matt, I swear.”

“I smell blood,” he protested, wounded by the lie. “When I heard someone else on the phone, I— I-“

You wrapped your arms around him gently, one of your hands interweaving in his hair, stroking comfortingly. He squeezed a little tighter.

“Tony is a dick. I’m so sorry he scared you. And… I’m sorry if Davidson was being an asshole about the papers-“

“Do you really think I care about some arrogant self-important asshole right now?” he asked hoarsely and you sighed, your lips caressing his skin again.

“No. But I’m still sorry.”

“ ‘kay. Noted. God, I’m glad you’re okay, sweetheart. I shouldn’t have let you-“

“Don’t even finish that thought,” you warned him, smacking his back a little. He caressed your lower back in return as an apology for trying to make a guilt trip. You knew he would be still blaming himself even when not saying it out loud, but you could work with that better. And later. In private.

“So… this is the guy who threatened to tear your limbs off, Mr. Stark?” the kid asked slowly and you bit your lip, loosening the hug just slightly in favour to glance his direction over Matt’s shoulder.

Yeah, you could see how this was confusing. After all, Matt was blind and right now looking like a cuddly teddy bear. God, you loved him for how caring and loving he was.

“This is the guy who saved me from getting mugged… potentially shot,” you whispered, feeling Matt’s body going tense at the reminder of the danger you had been in. His hand clutched at your shirt before letting go of you, turning in the direction of the young man’s voice.

“Thank you,” Matt said in earnest, extending his hand for the Spiderkid to shake. The vigilante squeaked, but lost his glove and accepted Matt’s hand.

“You’re— you’re welcome, sir. She… she was a great help actually, it was pleasure to save her, though she almost saved herself on her own-” he babbled nervously and Matt covered the back of kid’s hand with his left palm.

“I’m still grateful. And it’s Matt.”

The younger vigilante let out a surprised sound. “No prob, sir— Matt, sir.” The corners of your lips twitched. “I’m Spiderman. But you probably know that… or not. ‘cause you haven’t seen me in the news— oh god, oh frack, I’m really putting my foot in my mouth-“

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Spiderman. Thank you again for saving my wife’s life.”

The two men finally released each other’s hands and Matt immediately turned back to you as you approached him. He wrapped his arm around your waist, kissing your temple lovingly, his thumb stroking your hip.

“So…” Stark started, making you both spun in his direction involuntarily. You couldn’t help but shot him an annoyed and angry look. Matt was significantly better seeing you were okay, but make no mistake, you were still incredibly pissed.

“Mr. Stark-“

“Alright! I’m really sorry, okay? Really, really sorry. It was a dick move!” Tony admitted and you were almost surprised at him acknowledging his mistake so openly. He turned rather to Matt then. “But you don’t need to worry, Murdock, I got her checked up and both of your girls are fine.”

Your heart stopped. Matt froze in the middle of his soothing periodical motions. The room fell into silence. You were afraid to even breathe in.

Did he just… did he-

“Both— both of my girls?” Matt choked out at your side and your slow brain was still processing the information you were just given. Oh my god.

“Yeah, Cho managed to check them up both.”

“Both… my— my-- girls,” Matt stuttered and his posture shifted slightly so he could face you without stopping touching you. “We’re-“

You and Matt had never asked your doctor whether you were having a boy or a girl. You had refused to know when the doctor had offered, because you didn’t want to know before Matt would and then you had talked to Matt, learning he wouldn’t want to know either.

Well.

Hell.

You were… having a girl. You didn’t know which option you had wanted until this moment, you just knew you somehow felt you were having a boy. Apparently, you were wrong.

And it was beautiful. So beautiful you felt tears in your eyes. You were having a girl.

You gulped, reaching out to uncover Matt’s eyes, putting his glasses away before squeezing his hand on you lightly. You raised your face to his; his brown eyes were… shining with gold threads and twinkling with tears just like yours.  

You couldn’t let out a single word. It turned out you didn’t have to.

Matt’s free hand reached for your cheek, cupping it tenderly and his lips met yours in a careful light touch. And another one, And one more.

“…they didn’t know the sex and I just told them, didn’t I?” Tony’s voice sounded from an awfully huge distance and you smiled into the kisses you kept receiving, curling your fingers in Matt’s hair, returning his affection.

“I think so, Mr. Stark. I don’t think they mind too much though,” Spiderman hummed, sounding a bit amused and absolutely moved by the scene in front of him.

“Cover your eyes kid, the adults are having a moment.”  

“Cover your eyes yourself… this is way better than a movie,” the teenage vigilante mumbled and they all pretended they didn’t hear it. You just secretly decided you adored the kid.

But you could never love the kid more than your own; your own babygirl.

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M.M. masterlist

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So… this happened? Somehow? Oh no, I made it fluffy… :D

Thank you for reading!

[the-evil-authoress]

GX Month Day 6: “Heartfelt Appeal”

You find two characters that click so well, look them up...and there’s no content! ‘Why?? Someone please make content!’ The pleas go unheard. You’ll just have to make it yourself. Show some love for your rare pairs today!

MORE FANTASYSHIPPING! 8D

Year 2’s Duel Monster Spirit Day! Friendly reminder that ‘Mana’ is the name Dark Magician Girl gave when she introduced herself to Syrus last year.

Colorful banners and streamers hang from the entrance hall once more, market tents set up in the main yard with flashy signs and flags announcing their wares or food or other activities. Syrus stares at it all with the same wonder as last year, and peers through the throng of students hopefully. His other friends have already gone off to find the activities they like best, be it duels or carnival games or the kissing booth, so Syrus is free to wander at his leisure and search.

It’s stupid, it’s silly, and Syrus still wonders if last year was a fever dream regardless of the way Christina keeps teasing him and the ghost of arms he sometimes feels around his shoulders. But still, he hopes and maybe this year he can confirm it for sure.

“Syrus!” a voice calls out that tickles his memory and Syrus swings to face-

“Mana!” Heat floods his cheeks. Dear Ra, did she get prettier or is he just hopelessly, stupidly crushing? “You...you just disappeared last time,” he squeaks out the first thing that comes to mind that isn’t a jumbled mess of pretty hug magic like, and wants to kick himself when Mana’s expression falls.

“I know, I’m sorry,” she says, looking so sad it physically hurts. “I didn’t want it to end that way. I lost track of the time and I wasted too much of it showing off.” Her voice turns a bit bitter before she shrugs it off and smiles again. “But not this time. This time you have my full attention.”

“No, no!” Syrus frantically waves his hands in front of him. “I didn’t mean- I what?”

Mana giggles and leans down. “Just for today, you have me all to yourself!” Winking, she taps his nose and Syrus wheezes as his heart makes a valiant attempt at pounding straight out of his chest. Leaning back, Mana clasps her hands behind her back. “So what do you want to do?”

“Ah, well, um, we, we could, we could check out the carnival games,” Syrus finally stammers out a full sentence. Gods he hasn’t been this bad about it since the beginning of the year!

Mana only giggles again as she takes his hand and heads off toward the game booths. “Don’t go hiding in a trashcan on me now.”

Syrus’ brain freezes for a full second. “YOU SAW THAT?”

“I see everything Chinatsu sees! Well, almost.”

Who the hell is Chinatsu?!

*

It takes a solid 30 minutes and two botched carnival games to finally work himself out of that last anxiety attack, but finally his heartrate feels normal and he doesn’t want to die of mortification. If he dies he won’t get to see Mana smile or hear her squeal over the stuffed Happy Lover she won from the last game. Her throwing arm is ridiculously good. She’s also amazingly child-like for...however old she’s supposed to be.

“Ooo! I wanna try that! I wanna try that!” she squeals, pointing animatedly at the food stall with an assortment of pastries. “The bean fishies! Chinatsu loves these! I always wanted to try one!”

Syrus orders them a taiyaki each and ends up going back for seconds when Manna practically melts where she stands. “It’s so rich and sweet~!”

The next half hour ends up devoted purely to letting Mana sample all the food at the festival and discover her favorites. They compare tastes and Syrus offers recommendations. Mana ends up leaning more towards milder flavors of the sweet and savory variety; too much flavor and she’ll gag on it even if she likes the taste. Syrus prefers saltier foods with just a tiny extra kick. Mana’s reaction to hot spices had been concerning but strangely fun.

“Hey, um, if it’s not rude to ask...” Syrus starts as they sit on a bench nibbling on dango. Mana tilts her head to show she’s listening and Syrus ploughs ahead before he can talk himself out of it. “Are you really the Dark Magician Girl?”

Manna chews slowly before swallowing. “What do you think, silly?”

He thinks she is, and he’d call it crazy if not for, well, everything else crazy about the last two years of his life. After literally sentient murder crazy light, he might be ready to believe anything. But then- “Why me?”

“Because you wanted to get to know me,” Manna says without missing a beat. “You didn’t just see a pretty face or a powerful mage; you wanted to know the real me beneath all of that.”

“Oh...” Syrus remembers that conversation. Christina asked him why he had a card crush on the Dark Magician Girl. Did she ask because...

“And because I want to get to know you too,” Mana continues and Syrus sputters as his poor heart makes itself known again. “I’ve gotten to watch you a lot but that’s not the same as interacting. I want you to show me who you are. And I want to show you who I am.”

“Me? But I’m...I’m not...” His eyes fall to the ground as he thinks of that embarrassing episode of hiding in a trash can, of his brother who he couldn’t even stand up to in the end, of the Society of Light that he did absolutely nothing to help stop and even got himself kidnapped by a digital woman and her duel monster lackeys.

“Syrus.” A hand on his cheek brings him back to face Mana’s deep green eyes. “You can do anything and be anyone you want to be. I mean, just look at you already.” She plucks at the yellow blazer and Syrus’ chest fills with pride at the reminder. That’s right. He did do that. All on his own. “You look so good in yellow!” Mana cheers and Syrus’ ducks his face away again. He doesn’t know how to handle all these compliments! “Believe in yourself, and when that’s hard to do, believe me when I say I believe you can do anything.”

Those words might mean more to him than any other praise or pep talk he’s gotten before, simply because they sound so genuine. He’ll hold those words close to his heart for the rest of his life, because someone as strong and powerful as the freaking Dark Magician Girl believes in him. Swallowing, he nods and clears his throat to find his voice. “So, um, what do you wanna know?”

Smiling, Mana stands and pulls him straight back to the carnival games. Oh, so they’re not talking more? Syrus has to admit to being disappointed.

“Favorite color?” Mana asks as they try to catch tiny goldfish and distracts Syrus from the extra shiny one he almost caught.

“Actually...it’s orange,” he amidst sheepishly. “But I look horrid in it.”

“Aw, I think you’d look cute in orange! Like a little pumpkin.”

“A pumpkin?!”

“Oh? I’m sorry, was that an insult?” Mana asks with such genuine concern and confusion that Syrus can’t even be mad.

Shaking his head, Sryus flips the question around on her. “What about you?”

Mana stares at the water in the plastic pool. “It used to be purple...but I think I like grey a little better now.” She looks up and smiles and Syrus can’t help but feel like he’s missed something significant in that response.

“Favorite animal?” Mana asks once they’ve moved on to a ring toss game.

“Dogs,” Syrus says immediately, then feels self conscious about it. “I mean, they’re loyal and fluffy and I’ve always wanted one, they look fun to play with-”

Mana laughs. “Dogs are man’s best friend, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Mine are birds.” Mana looks up to the sky. “Because they can fly. I always wanted that freedom.”

“But you can fly too, can’t you?”

“In spirit form. But I can’t go too far from my card. Like this I can only float a bit.” With a snap of her fingers, her feet lift a couple centimeters off the ground in demonstration.

“That’s so cool.” Syrus stares in awe as Mana sets her feet back on the ground.

“The silliest thing you’ve ever done?”

A deep breath as a laundry list of his most mortifying experiences assault him. Breath out. He digs deeper for an older memory less tarnished by years of ridicule and insecurity. “I wore a sand bucket on my head and called myself a king.”

Mana laughs, loud and sudden, and Syrus takes pride in his four year old self for managing to entertain two people. He doubts he’d share that memory with anyone else; it’s one of the few he has of Zane smiling.

“I used to hide in giant vases then jump out and scare the crap out of my best friend,” Mana says with a wide grin, and Syrus snorts because he can picture it clearly. “Master always scolded me, but his reactions were too fun.”

Her master? Dark Magician then? Syrus wonders what kind of person would get to hang out with both of them. Probably another powerful spellcaster. “What is he like? Your master? Or...is he here today too?”

“Mahad? No, his situation is different from mine so it’s harder for him to cross the border,” Mana says, scanning the festival for their next game. “He’s pretty strict, and doesn’t know how to take a joke. But he’s kind and selfless.” Her voice grows soft and wistful, then she shakes herself and scratches her cheek. “Honestly, we’re kinda opposites, but that’s what makes it fun.”

She points to a shooting game booth before eagerly charging toward it; Syrus shows her how to use the toy gun and manages to beat her at this game. He still lets her pick out the prize, giggling when she picks out a lucky cat keychain.

“Dream career?” The key chain sways as it dangles from her finger.

Syrus fidgets. “It may seem kinda obvious, but I wanna be a pro duelist. A really famous one,” he mumbles, eyes turning to the ground.

“I bet you’ll be more famous that Yugi!” Mana cheers and Syrus quickly waves his hand in front of him.

“No! No, I doubt that!”

“Do you wanna have kids?” she asks while they fish for balloons with little hooks on strings.

Syrus chokes and drops his string straight into the water. “I mean, uh, maybe?? I guess I’d like- like to settle down and- and have a family- eventually...”

Mana smiles, but it looks a bit sad. “Yeah. I definitely want that too.”

“Best childhood memory?” Nimble fingers rifle through the Senbonbiki strings before giving one a tug.

Syrus answers without hesitation. “Zane teaching me how to duel.”

The string is a dud without a prize attached; Mana turns from pouting to look at Syrus with curious eyes. “Oh?”

“Yeah... we...” Syrus looks away, tries to keep the melancholy out of his voice. “We had a good relationship back then.”

Mana hums, reaching out to take his hand and wander back through the festival. “I think...mine is meeting Atem for the first time.”

Atem. That’s Christina’s ace card. Syrus shouldn’t be surprised he’s a duel spirit too. “Are all monster cards duel spirits?”

“Not every card has a spirit attached, but I have noticed almost every design mirrors a creature or person that actually exists.”

“Weird.” Honestly, Syrus never thought about it before, but it’s really weird that a game on Earth could accurately depict creatures from another dimension. Sure, Pegasus based the original cards off carvings he found in Egypt, but those were 3000 years old! Some of the new archetypes look distinctly futuristic, and Jaden designed the Neo Spacians so explain that! Just thinking about it gives Syrus a headache.

“Have you ever lost a fight?” he ventures to ask as they nibble on chocolate bananas.

“Lots of times,” Mana laughs at herself. “Especially during training. And no matter how good you are there’s always someone stronger, so tactical retreat is necessary!”

“Yeah, that’s true.” Syrus nods. The sky’s getting darker. Will Mana still be here for the fireworks? “What’s it like being a spirit?”

She doesn’t answer immediately. “It’s...lonely sometimes,” she admits, voice soft, almost forlorn. “Not many people can see us. We entertain ourselves by watching the world and taking bets on what kind of trouble Jaden will get into next.” Mana shrugs and smiles, an obvious attempt to make light of the situation, but Syrus can see straight through it.

“Oh,” he says, wishing he could put his emotions into words that wouldn’t hollow.

Mana glances out at the darkening sky, voice soft as she asks, “One thing you really wanna do before you die?”

“Huh?” The question startles Syrus as much as the oddly wistful tone. “I guess...” He hesitates. One thing? The thing he wants to do most? That he’d regret never doing? “I wanna be happy. With someone I mean!” he quickly amends and the word babble spills out from there. “I wanna get married and buy a house and share my life with someone. I know it probably doesn’t sounds that ambitious but-”

“No, that’s a great ambition.”

Syrus can’t really name the emotion on Mana’s face. Nodding, he looks down at his feet and fiddles with his hands. “Maybe...if we get to know each other better...you could be that person?” He squeezes his eyes shut, not daring to look up.

An intake of breath. “Syrus...”

The boom rattles through his bones and Syrus screams, flinging himself towards the nearest source of comfort and shelter, straight into Mana’s arms. Oh. Oh, the fireworks! Prying his eyes open reveals bursts of color lighting up the sky as another boom shakes the air. He laughs awkwardly and rights himself, murmuring an apology.

“I don’t have much time left,” Mana says, colored light illuminating her mournful expression, and the dread seizes Syrus by the throat.

“Ki-kiss me properly this time!” Oh gods his voice cracked and got really screechy, but he said it! His hands fist against his legs, trembling as her heart goes off on another marathon, and what if she rejects him? What if he read this all wrong? What if-

“Okay.”

Her kiss lingers on his lips long after the fireworks fade and she disappears back to being a spirit. He can still feel her hand against his own, and this time he knows it’s real.

[sleep-i-ness]

*Let Bygones Be Bitches (Klaus Hargreeves x reader)

For @the--sad--hatter​‘s Tea Party Challenge

**TRIGGER WARNING**: Substance abuse, mentions of overdose, probably swearing, glamourisation of drugs

I’m not really sure where I went with this. I also haven’t edited it but it’s something I wrote a while back for this challenge and I realised the deadline is tomorrow so I banged out the ending :)

Taglist: @neymarlionelmessi7​ @persephonehemingway​ @blisfvll​ @20coldhearts​

There was something so exhilaratingly freeing about drugs. No one had ever talked to you about that, school had drilled into you the terrible effects of them but as you fell into harder and harder drugs, that had been the last thing from your mind. Really, what you blamed was society. Drugs were only seen as bad if you were poor, if you were a junkie and homeless, or living in poverty. Never mind the upper classes who were almost always off their asses on cocaine; snorted off gold dishes and offered around at social gatherings. Your parents certainly had seen no problems in them; most of your childhood they were high, living life as carefree as possible. Who cared if they had a kid to look after? Well, that was what nannies were for. And you craved their attention. Their approval. So, you acted out more and more, getting kicked out of one posh private school after the other with nothing more than a warning letter from your father each time.

And so, drugs had ended up becoming an escape rather than the rebellion you had hoped to lead against the careless lifestyle of the rich. The schmoozing amongst those of your ‘kind’ was done over lines of cocaine and ever-flowing bottles of champagne, never sober enough to have to remember enduring pointless small talk. Life was too fun to bother with formalities, you and the reckless debutantes and bachelors of your age were jumping off roofs into pools and committing arson instead. And when you reached the ripe age of 21, you moved back to your childhood home, surrounded by staff and peers just like yourself, but no one who really cared. Your parents weren’t frugal to say the least, and your allowance grew each time you reached the limit. It was almost like a challenge to see how much you could spend in a month. It wasn’t like you were anywhere near close to running out.

Your town was almost a cultural phenomenon, known for being the residence of the Umbrella Academy, back in the days when they were actually a team. Not just one pitiful member left to sort out the messes by himself. You weren’t sure what had happened to anyone other than Allison, who had launched herself into super-stardom and therefore was constantly a topic of gossip when local drama was dull. Tonight, you had agreed to host your ‘friends’, who were bringing a few of their friends and you knew the place would be wrecked by the end of the night. You wished you could pretend to care about the priceless antiques and expensive imported furniture, but it was all just stuff. Stuff that could easily be replaced. It didn’t truly matter.

You awoke the next day under blinding light in an unrecognisable room, blank white walls glaringly painful. You weren’t at home, that was for sure, nowhere was decorated this hideously at home. As your vision swam into focus, you saw the IV drip hooked up to your arm and heart monitor beeping steadily. Oh fuck, you were in the hospital again. And they hadn’t even bothered to put you in your family’s private suite; you were sure to be making a complaint as soon as you got out.

“Oh good, Miss Y/L/N, you’re awake.” A nurse bustled over, and you bit back the remark that was on the tip of the tongue. You were so sure that nurses were meant to be female, but clearly not in this case. “You were brought in last night, having had a seizure with a dangerously high body temperature and heart rate.”

Oh, that would be the effects of a cocaine overdose. You knew enough about them, having both experienced them first-hand and seen others having them, to know the symptoms. You remained silent, knowing that your family’s private doctor would soon have you out of this dump in the more public area and away from prying eyes. Your parents had people working to ensure that any scandals would be hushed up, so you assumed that this was just a blip before they set you up in a place a bit more suited to your wealth.

“How are you feeling now?” The nurse asked, checking the monitor at the end of your bed, and noting down something on a clipboard.

“Absolutely wonderful,” you remarked dryly, voice hoarse, mouth dry as sandpaper.

“Good, good,” he muttered, placing the tatty clipboard back in the scratched plastic holder. Your upper lip curled; that did not look very sanitary.

The nurse strode out looking purposeful and you wondered what purpose he actually had considering that doctors were the ones who actually did any work.

As the plastic ticking of a clock and heavy breathing of the infirm filled the air, you rolled your eyes, feeling ill at the thought of all of the germs floating around you. The off-white paint was peeling in the corner, cracks running down the wall, disrupting blotchy yellow marks of discolouration. As your eyes roved over the disgusting state of the ward, the scuff marks on the blue linoleum floor caught your gaze and you held back a groan. Did they not clean the place?

“Hey,” a languid voice called from the bed next to you and you frowned, brows furrowing as you tried to figure out whether he was talking to you. “Hey, miss judgemental.”

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry, don’t know your name.” His tone implied he didn’t even care, and you sneered, why had he even bothered to try and start a conversation? “Was I not meant to notice the disgusted looks you were giving the ward?”

“Do I know you?” He clearly wasn’t somebody you would have mixed with, eyes ringed with the remnants of a couple day’s old eyeliner and hair mussed up, strands sticking up in various directions. But there was still something that made you hesitate.

“I’m Klaus.” Klaus… That was a Scandinavian name, right? Maybe he was related to the Bengtsson twins.

“I’m Y/N, Y/N Y/L/N.” You waited for the expected exclamation of awe or some form of recognition at least. There was nothing and you snuck a peek at Klaus who had merely raised an eyebrow.

“Y/L/N?” He seemed to be trying to recall something from deep in the dregs of his memory, eyes fluttering shut. “Hang on, wasn’t there a kidnapping? Something about a ransom that wasn’t paid?”

You froze.

There had been so many lawsuits and pulling of strings to ensure that that story never came out.

“How the hell do you know about that?” You hissed lowly, glancing around at the other patients who seemed fast asleep or too deaf to hear anything.

Klaus raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes, taken aback at your reaction. “What do you mean?”

“No one knows about that. No one.”

“Well, I do.” Clearly. Your breathing had sped up and your head felt light. It was all over. You were safe. You were okay. They weren’t here. Goddamn it, why wasn’t it working! The sudden bolt of anger flashed through the fog, but you were too numb to process it.

Klaus had pursed his lips, eyes narrowed, and eyebrows furrowed. Your brain marked that it was an amusing expression. “Hey, Y/N, just breathe with me, okay? Breathe in for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, hold for 1, 2, 3, breathe out for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.”

You followed his counting, eyes squeezed shut as your ears focused in on his voice. The bustle of hospital eased out as your breathing filled your thoughts. Every breath was forced out, long but shallow as your heart pounded in your head, the beat deafening.

You gasped, suddenly realising where you knew him from. “Klaus… Hargreeves? You were there. That’s why you know.”

The crisp, starchy sheets were clean under your grip, crinkling between your fingers as you clenched your hands subconsciously. Leaning closer to him to watch his response, he nodded slowly, head slowly lifting to make eye contact. A mask had dropped, eyes showing something a lot more vulnerable.

“Yeah. That one was one of the worst.”

“I’m sorry.”

It was your fault. And you’d thought the only one affected was you.

“Parents, right?” Klaus murmured, propping himself up on one arm as he continued to watch you.

Your parents hadn’t even cared. They hadn’t bothered to pay the ransom. The kidnappers had slowly stopped bothering to even come visit you with food. Leaving you to slowly died. No one had cared.

And then the Umbrella Academy had turned up. And you’d had the hope rekindled that someone cared.

Your return to your parents had been a surprise, a ‘wonderful surprise’ as they claimed. And the hope has sunk, like a lead balloon as you realised that they hadn’t wanted you back.

“Yeah.” You nodded, knowing nothing needed to be said to explain it. “I feel like it might be a billionaire thing.”

Klaus hummed, rolling onto his back with a dramatic groan as he threw his arms into the air. He stretched out, limbs unfurling like a cat, lithe and supple. The crinkle of plastic caught your ear and you snapped your head towards him, just catching sight of his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed quickly. He stretched out his arms and the plastic bag glinted in his hand. You grabbed it from him, gratefully swallowing the small blue pill inside.

“You know what, Klaus,” you paused, fiddling with the end of your sleeves. “I feel like we might be more similar than expected.”

He grinned, an almost maniacal twinkle in his eyes. “God, we’re such a cliché. Bonding over childhood trauma? Where’d we get that idea from? Some angsty YA novel?”

He snorted at his own joke and you couldn’t help but smile in response, noting the way his eyes crinkled at the corners and the small dimples popping in his cheeks.

Hopefully, this would follow the cliché trope right to the happy ending.

[mischiefandspirits]

Doppelgänger (11/?)

Previously on Doppelgänger ~ Masterlist ~ Next time on Doppelgänger

Danny, Sam, and Tucker were just 14 when they took a look inside the portal Danny’s parents had built. From there, everything changed. They woke up with white hair, green skin, and powers they could learn to control. They were hybrids, halfas.

They were the hero Doppelgänger.

{Life Lessons, Part 3}

The two ghosts led Valerie through the Ghost Zone in a weaving path. They were going at a pace slower than she was used to when dealing with them, but still fast enough that Danny had to hold on to keep from falling off.

“You okay?” she asked when his grip tightened during a turn.

“Yeah, just not used to it.”

“Maybe I should take you flying with me some time,” she said, glancing back at him and was pleased to see his smile.

“Sounds fun.”

The trip was thankfully short and soon enough Valerie was following the ghosts through a swirling vortex, coming out in the Fentons’ lab.

“Last stop, home,” Danny joked as he hopped down.

“What was that?”

All four teens froze at the voice before the ghosts darted through the walls and Valerie retracted her suit. A moment later, Danny’s parents came running down the stairs.

“Danny!” his mom shrieked when she saw them and the two adults swooped in to hug him. “We’ve been so worried! Are you okay? Did that awful ghost hurt you?”

“I’m-Mom, I’m-I’m okay! I-Dad, I can’t breath!”

The two pulled away and his mom held him at arm’s length to look him over. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, mom. Really.”

She didn’t look convinced, but turned to the other teen. “Valerie Gray, right? Are you okay?”

“Uh, yes ma’am,” she said, blinking. “Um, how did you know…”

“Your boss saw you and Danny get attacked and called it in,” Mrs. Fenton explained. “We tried to track it, but we found out this morning that it managed to get back to the zone somehow without using our portal. We were just preparing the speeder so we could come find you.”

“But you managed to escape on your own,” Mr. Fenton said, slapping Danny on the back hard enough that he stumbled forward. “That’s our boy!”

“The ghost didn’t hurt you?” Mrs. Fenton asked, looking Valerie over as she’d done Danny.

“No. He was some sort of collector or something. He just stuck us in a cage, like zoo animals,” Danny said.

“Well, I suppose that’s better than the alternative. I still want to be sure, though. Jack, why don’t you call Damon and the police and tell them the kids are back.”

“Yes, dear.” Mr. Fenton ruffled Danny’s hair then ran upstairs.

Mrs. Fenton checked them both thoroughly for injuries then grabbed what she referred to as a first aid kit, but turned out to be a large toolbox full of medical equipment. She used it to check their eyes, lungs, and heart before measuring any ectoplasmic radiation they were giving off.

“A 0.3er,” she read off after scanning Valerie. When she saw the girl’s curious expression, she explained, “Lower than I would have thought, which is good. It’s a completely healthy reading. It also means the atmospheric ecto-rad level of the Ghost Zone might be lower than we were expecting.” She then turned to Danny and scanned him. “A 1.18er.”

“Is that bad?” Valerie asked, worried.

Danny shook his head. “I run hotter than most. My whole family does, really, but I got into an accident a few months back so I run even hotter. That’s not much higher than my usual.”

“We don’t start worrying until a person’s ecto-rad level reaches 1.5er,” Mrs. Fenton added. “That’s when ectoplasm starts to negatively affect a human’s body.”

“Mom, Mr. Gray is here,” Danny’s sister said, poking her head in. Her eyes widened. “Danny!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Danny gave a pleased sigh as he cuddled up between his partners.

“Sorry it took us so long to find you,” Sam said, squeezing him.

He kissed her cheek. “It’s not your fault. Besides, it was kind of fun tormenting Skulker. I think he was actually tempted to send us back towards the end there.”

“Only you would think annoying the crud out of the homicidal ghost keeping you prisoner was a good idea,” Tucker chuckled, nuzzling into his neck.

“That’s why you love me!” Danny nuzzled him back. “How did you guys find us?”

“Someone found video footage of Skulker going through that random portal on their CCTV camera and turned it over to the police,” Sam explained. “Jazz told us when they were bringing in your parents to see the video so we were able to come along invisibly.”

“Weird as it is, Jazz is probably the hero this time,” Tucker said. “She also got you and Val an A on your baby assignment.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Yeah, she came by that night and told us you were missing, then took both sacks with her. Said something about giving us time to process.”

“Which was good because we were up all night trying to find you.”

“Then the next morning after she gave us ours back she went to Tetslaff and explained what had happened. We don’t know what she said, but she turned in the sack and when Tetslaff handed out grades, she said you’d get As for trusting someone so responsible and mature to babysit for you.”

“Wow, score one for teacher’s pet Jazz. Maybe we should bring her in on the secret.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Sam snorted.

“She’s even more overprotective of you than you are of anyone. She’d never leave us alone,” Tucker huffed.

Danny’s nose scrunched up as he remembered how Jazz had hovered over him for two months after his parents had accidentally left him at the Christmas tree lot when he was six. “Yeah, okay, that’s fair. I’ll have to do something nice for Jazz, though. So how’d you guys do on the baby thing anyways?”

Sam smirked. “Well, I got an A.”

Tucker grumbled something and pressed further into Danny’s neck.

{The Million Dollar Ghost}

“Thanks for covering for me, Sam,” Danny said as he scrubbed ectoplasm off the lab’s floor. “There’s no way I’d have been able to get my chores done with all the extra work Lancer assigned me.”

“It’s fine. As long as we cover the next poetry night.”

“I will.”

“Did we charge the bazooka already?”

“Yes, Mom.”

“Did we change the ecto-filtrator?”

Danny paused then went to do just that.

“We’d be lost without us,” Sam chuckled. “Did we talk to our dad about showing up at school?”

“Jazz and Mom were taking care of it when -”

“GUYS!”

“Tuck?”

“Volume!”

“Did you hear?” Tucker said, thankfully quieter.

“Hear what?”

“Turn on the tv! Amity news!”

“We’re on patrol,” Sam said as Danny went to the lab’s tv.

“Switching to FaceTime.”

“-etent, non-Jack Fenton ghost hunters in Amity Park has never been more obvious,” the news anchor was saying while footage of his dad’s attack on Lancer played. It switched back to the anchor and she continued. “Luckily a mysterious benefactor has offered a million-dollar bounty on the head of Amity Park’s most famous ghost and invited the world’s best-known ghost hunters to track her down.”

Danny’s jaw dropped as a picture of Tucker in ghost form appeared onscreen. “What?”

“Who on earth would place a bounty on us?”

“Besides Valerie, but we know she doesn’t have that kind of money,” Tucker added.

“Valerie wants to hunt us down herself, same for my parents,” Danny said. Then laughed. “Oh man, my dad is going to go crazy when he hears about this.”

“Dude, this is serious.”

“Aren't we worried? These are the best-known ghost hunters in the world!”

“Sam, they’re the best-known, they’re not the best,” he scoffed. “Trust me, I grew up around these people so I have a pretty good idea who’s going to show up. It will be great.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We’ll admit, they don’t look threatening,” the trio said, watching the gathering of ghost hunters from atop a nearby building. “It’s actually kind of sad.”

“Tell me about it.” The trio flinched and turned to Valerie as she landed next to them.

“Hey. Hi. You here for the bounty?”

“Lucky for you, no.” She sat down on the edge next to them. “I don’t trust this bounty thing. I’m here for the same reason as you, the show. Danny said his dad would be here to show up the out-of-towners.”

The four watched as the Fenton parents ran over a pair of ATVs.

“And that’s only half the show.”

“What do you mean?”

“SAVE DOPPELGÄNGER!”

The four turned to see a horde of teenagers marching into the Nasty Burger parking lot, all waving signs saying things like, “Protect the ghost boy!”, “Freedom for the ghost girl!”, and even just their name or picture. Paulina and Dash were at the head of the charge with fierce looks on their faces.

“I found out the popular kids at my school were organizing a protest against the bounty.”

“Well, don’t we feel special.”

“Apparently Paulina and Dash, the most popular sophomores, both have crushes on you.”

“Yikes. Wow. We don’t know if we should be flattered or creeped out.”

“You’re dead. It’s creepy.”

“Rude. Do they think we’re a guy or a girl?”

“Dash is adamant you’re a girl. Probably to soothe his poor straight heart. Paulina thought you were a guy, but I think my friend Star said something to her after I let it slip you might be non-binary because she’s been using they pronouns lately.”

“That’s… more forward-thinking than I assumed she could be. Given she’s the popular type.”

“She’s bi. As long as you weren’t femme, she would have been game.”

“Oh.”

“She’s still in the closet, so don’t say anything to anyone.”

“We won’t.”

Screams sounded over the arguing and the four looked back to the crowd to see a trio of bird ghosts dive-bombing the hunters.

“Those are Plasmius’s vultures. Should have known he was behind this whole thing.”

“Plasmius,” Valerie asked.

“A fruit loop of a ghost.”

“Let me guess, he hates you too?”

“Worse, he wants us as his kid. Tried to kill our dad and kidnapped our mom once.”

“Seriously?”

“Unfortunately. Do you mind taking care of this? The out-of-towners are idiots, but we’d rather not test the Fentons.”

She shrugged and climbed to her feet. They watched her drop down and start firing on the birds until a voice sounded behind them.

“Not going to lend your father a hand, Daniel?”

The trio turned to see Vlad floating behind them.

“Wow, you look even stupider than we sai-remember. You do realize the modern interpretation of vampires is a hot person, right?”

“I see you’ve been working on your duplication then,” he said with a scowl. “You do realize you don’t have to talk together, don’t you ?”

“You do realize there are better uses for your time than bothering a teenager, don’t you? Shouldn't you be getting home to the love of your life? Oh, that’s right! Our dad married the love of your life. We’re trying to watch the show, do you mind?”

Vlad scowled and fired on them.

“Should we really be teasing the older, stronger half-ghost? Well, we do outnumber him.”

Vlad split in three.

“Now we don’t.”

Sam raised a shield around her and Tucker while he grabbed onto the GAV’s controls and used it to fire on Vlad. Meanwhile, Danny put his speed to use diving around the three Vlad’s.

“You’ve gotten better,” one Vlad said as Danny curled around his blast, a bit of frustration leaking into his voice.

“And you’ve gotten worse,” they said.

Was it just Danny or were the Vlad’s slower and weaker than usual? Did duplication cut their power?

Interesting, and good to know for Sam.

A green blast flew by and Danny looked down to see they’d gotten the hunters’ attention.

Danny turned back to the Vlads and fired at the one closest to him. A pink blast joined his and the Vlad disappeared.

“Your stalker?” Valerie asked.

“Yup.”

“I believe that’s my cue to leave,” a Vlad said and they teleported away.

“And ours,” the trio said as a few more of the hunters’ blasts flew past them.

Valerie turned her blaster towards Danny, who raised his hands. “Thought you weren’t going for the bounty.”

“I’m not. This is for me.”

Sam and Tucker shot away as Danny flew down towards the crowd, distracting all the hunters and waving at their fans before he dove straight into the ground. He came up in an alley where his partners were waiting and all three transformed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I knew there was something sketchy about this mess,” Valerie said as she looked over her pistol. “I didn’t think a ghost would be the one placing the bounty though.”

“Ghost?” Danny said, coming back over with a now-empty thermos.

“Yeah, some enemy of the ghost kid. They said he wants them as his kid, but I don’t even know how that works for ghosts.”

“No clue. Maybe he’s just insane.”

“Probably.”

Valerie’s phone went off and she pulled it out. “There’s an attack downtown.”

He leaned in as she brought up a live feed.

A large, t-rex-looking ghost was stomping through the street. Sam and Tucker were already there, firing on its head. The hunters, Danny’s parents included, could be seen chasing them in the background.

“You going to join them?” Danny asked, pulling back and grabbing Valerie’s grenade launcher. His partners looked like they had it and they’d give him a call if they didn’t.

“And risk getting into another ghost discussion with those pathetic excuses for hunters? Pass.”

“You should see them at one of the conventions.”

The two worked in silence until Danny’s ghost sense went off and a device on the counter next to them started beeping.

“Ghost?” Danny grabbed it and checked it. “It shouldn’t be picking up the fight from here.”

Valerie loaded the cartridge back into her pistol while Danny grabbed the only other operational weapons on the table, the thermos and Fenton Ghost Gloves.

The vultures flew through the ceiling, then froze. “You should not be here.”

Valerie blasted all three in the face.

Danny grabbed one in one hand and sucked the second into the thermos with the other before they could recover. The third dodged around another blast from Valerie, only for the Jack o' Nine Tails to come shooting out of the stairs and wrap around it.

Jazz slammed it into the floor as she came into the lab. “You guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” Danny said, sucking the last two into the thermos. “You?”

“Fine. I was just heading into the kitchen to grab a snack and saw them flying by.” She watched as Danny went to empty the thermos, then turned to Valerie. “What are you guys doing down here?”

“Well now, isn’t this a surprise?”

The teens looked up to see Vlad hovering over the lab.

“Great, another uninvited guest,” Danny groaned.

The ghost turned to him in shock. “Daniel?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Do I know you?”

Valerie shot Vlad before he could do anything else.

Jazz tried to grab him with the nine tails, but he caught it out of the air and yanked it away from her. Danny used the distraction to punch him in the back. He smirked down at the gauntlets when the older halfa was sent into the wall.

Valerie slid up to his side as Jazz grabbed the Fenton Foamer off a table and blasted Vlad. “Trade you.”

Knowing from personal -- bruising -- experience that Valerie was better at hand-to-hand, Danny passed her the gauntlets and took the pistol.

The kids didn’t give Vlad a chance to breathe, switching quickly between Valerie beating him into the ground and the Fentons shooting him out of the air. Soon enough, Danny was opening the portal so Valerie could toss him through.

“And don’t come back!” he yelled before shutting it. He turned and smiled at Valerie before meeting Jazz’s eyes. “Mom and Dad never hear of this?”

“Agreed.”

[bakubabes-tatakae]

Always make sure to check here to see if your request is coming up ! I’m going to update this as often as possible and it will stay pinned to my blog as well. 😊I have a LOT of requests to get though and work a full time job and go to school full time so please have patience with me. 🥺 I’ll get these out as soon as I possibly can. ❤️ If they look like this it’s because they are done and in the queue. 

Current Requests:

Inbox - 221

Drafts - 100

Naruto Headcanons

Can you write about kiba with an touch starved s/o? I bet he’s so cuddly and plus he is cuddly with akamaru too

Hi!!! Can I request a hc or imagine(either one is fine, whatever is easier☺️) on kiba with him proposing to his longtime girlfriend who trains dogs and is a high ranked ninja (forgive me, Idk the actual names it’s been so long since I’ve seen Naruto) . Like, I want FLUFF!!! Or, as fluffy as kiba gets🤣. Please and thank you!

Can I request a headcanon for Kakashi where his s/o slaps his ass out of nowhere and it turns into a spanking session for his s/o? 😂Can you write Kakashi with a big tiddy s/o? lol

Can you write hcs for Kakashi being assigned on a mission with his crush (he recently admitted to himself that he REALLY likes her) what would he think and how would he behave?

Can I have a Kakashi headcanon where his s/o decides to dye her hair silver like his hair and he sees it and is really mesmerized by it and starts kissing her because he thinks she looks really cute? 🤭

Hello 😊 Can I have a Kakashi headcanon where the reader is also a teacher and Team 7 noticed that Kakashi really likes her and they find out what the reader likes (e.g. flowers) and Kakashi gets them for her and asks her out? 🥰 

Ok I read your hcs for Kakashi simping over his so (and they were GREAT) but how would he react to his so simping over him?? Could we get some hcs for this?? I think he would melt 🥴

Black Clover Headcanons

Ryha Headcanons for S/O that sneaks into his room. 

A headcanon for Zora with a s/o who has a cum kink? Like she loves it when he cums on her face or her breasts or likes to lick it from his belly? 😬

A headcanon for Yuno when he becomes a magic knight he has to travel to Hage because the people are in danger and some guys want to kidnap the reader who is his childhood friend and Yuno saves her? 😊

Can I get a headcanon for Yami where he tries new things with bis s/o in bed like he blindfolds her and then takes a ice cube and caresses her body with it and it's just really hot? ✌🏻

Mirror sex hcs with Yami gave me life, could I request some for Fuegoleon

Can I request a headcanon for Yuno where his female childhood friend also becomes a magic knight and is in the same squad like him and he realizes he is in love with her since they were kids and is too shy to tell her and she just kisses him? 😊  

Omg you write for Yuno 😭😭😭💕💕💕 Can I have a headcanon for him and a really silly and clumsy s/o and he always needs to prevent her from getting hurt and he thinks she's really cute and gives her forehead kisses? 😭💕

A headcanon for Yuno when he becomes a magic knight he has to travel to Hage because the people are in danger and some guys want to kidnap the reader who is his childhood friend and Yuno saves her? 😊

I don't feel comfortable with sending a nsfw request for Yuno because he's only 16😅😬 but can I get a fluffy headcanon for him being silly with his girlfriend and they have their first kiss? 😊

Hello ✌🏻 Can i have a headcanon where Yami gathers the black bulls together to discuss the next mission and Zora's s/o comes in late and Zora makes a snappy comment about it and his s/o says "Sorry, I had to finish masturbating" Zora gets jealous because she touched herself and he fucks her after the meeting? 🥵

Ok idk if you're comfortable with writing these (if not then you don't have to! It's just an idea💕) but how about a threesome headcanon with Yami x Zora x s/o? I mean yes, that poor s/o getting destroyed by not one but TWO rough and kinky men but I think this would be pretty hot 😪🤭

Attack On Titan Headcanons

Omg I have such a good idea (I gues...) I hope you will write it because I love your HC's 😭 Can I have a headcanon where Erwin goes into a bar with the vets and there is a female singer and Erwin is really mesmerized by her and after her performance he meets her outside and is really flirty and he asks her out? 🥰 

Naruto Imagines/Scenarios

Tell Me What You Want || {NSFW} Obito x Reader

Post-Shippuden Obito x reader fluff or lemon

Teacher’s Apprentice || {NSFW} Madara x Reader

189 & 291 from prompt list 5 with Madara Uchiha

Don’t Be Gentle || {NSFW} Madara x Reader

Prompt 36 “don’t be gentle” with Madara Uchiha

Forbidden Soulmates || Kiba x Reader

One Shot i guess. Soulmate au with Kiba x shinobi reader from another village. But smth dark as i think in shinobi world if your soulmate is from another village (or mb even inside village) it is considered taboo. Like mission above feelings.

Growing Love || Kiba x Reader

Imagine an scenario where akamaru has a girlfriend and they have puppies and you’re al like 🥺 at them, and Kiba is just so awed at how you treat the puppies and he realizes he loves you, hope you can write this :)

The Clones || {NSFW} Kakashi x Reader

Ok but what about a threesome with kakashi and his clone? 👁👄👁

All You Had To Do Was Ask || {NSFW} Kakashi x Reader

I know everyone is a sucker for kakashi being dominant in bed but what about him being a lazy shit and letting his s/o being in control! 👀💦

Meeting Team 7 || Kakashi x Reader

Hi! I think I saw your requests open so I was thinking if you could do something where reader is Kakashi’s girlfriend/wife and invites team 7 over for dinner but Kakashi’s like ugh but inside he really enjoys it lol, and team 7 would love reader and Sakura is like obsessed with reader bc she’s so badass and asks her for training in front of kakashi and he gets a little bit jealous because they absolutely ADORE you. I hope you can do it and I’m sorry if it’s too specific💕

The Taunt || {NSFW} Neji x Reader

Hey!! Congrats on 1k!!! I would like to request a Neji hyuga one-shot for the 1k special! Prompt list choice 3 and number 4 please!!! Thank you!

The Scent || {NSFW} Kiba x Reader 

One shot where Akamaru can start to recognize the sent of Kiba's s/o getting aroused. Maybe one time they're all out and Akamaru starts whining at the sent to let Kiba know and he takes his s/o somewhere secluded to fuck em. (Preferably male?? But gender neutral is cool too) 

Pin Me To The Wall || {NSFW} Kiba x Reader

Hello darling! Can I please request some angry sex with Kiba? Maybe he and his girlfriend get into a fight and he just fucks her against the wall or something, and it's all rough and hot? asdfghjkl, I don't know. I'm horny for this man!

Double Trouble || {NSFW} Kiba x Reader x Kankuro

Could you write a fic where kiba and kankuro dp someone? Its okay if not!

Take The Reigns || {NSFW} Kiba x Reader

Hello lovely! Can I please request some smut with my baby Kiba? He let's his girlfriend ride him for the first time and he's completely blown away by her and just praises her a lot? Thank you so much ❤️  

You’re Mine || {NSFW} Kiba x Reader

Hello 😀 Can I please have a Kiba one shot where he's been very busy with work so he hasn't been paying much attention to his girlfriend so she decides to be a brat and on a night out she flirts with another guy to piss Kiba off and that leads to extremely rough, possessive sex? Thank you so much. I love your writing

Adversary Love || {NSFW} Kakashi x Reader

Can I get a nsfw headcanon for Kakashi where the female reader was an enemy but is now a good person and Kakashi used to hate her but now he fell for her (she still thinks he hates her because he doesn't talk when she's around) and during a party he grabs her and sneaks away with her and they have sex? 🙂

Black Clover Imagines/Scenarios

The Haunted House || Mimosa x Reader

A haunted house visit with Mimosa Vermillion with her s/o that’s her boyfriend.

Pleasure At The Golden Dawn || {NSFW} Yuno x Reader

Yuno's s/o teasing him in a Golden Dawn meeting with Nsfw please

Falling For You || Zora x Reader

Would it be possible to request a SUPER FLUFFY one shot with Zora?? Maybe the writing prompt of “I think I might be falling in love with you” and a cute moment? I just really love that man 🥺

Into The Flames || {NSFW} Mereoleona x Reader

Smut for Mereoleona and s/o first time. In which s/o is a virgin.

Black Butler Imagines/Scenarios

Give Me A Chance || Sebastian x Reader

Request: Prompt “Give me a chance” with Sebastian Michaelis

BNHA Imagines/Scenarios

Quit Teasing || {NSFW} Bakugou x Reader

Request: Hey babe 😊 Can I get some Bakugou x reader NSFW? Bakugou and the reader have known each other since forever and he always finds ways to tease her (her height, her neediness...). One day they're making out and reader decides to tease him in bed as payback? Thank you!

Consternation || {NSFW} Dabi x Reader

Summary: When the LOV kidnaps the daughter of a wealthy business owner for the sake of her quirk the one person they never thought would grow attached was Dabi. So when Dabi develops feelings for the girl he now has hostage will he be able control himself when it comes to them using her quirk to their advantage?

Quarantined Love || Bakugou x Reader

Can i request bakugou being all soft with his s/o when they finally see each other after being apart because of quarantine? 🥰

Bleach Imagines/Scenarios

The Meet Up || {NSFW} Ichigo x Reader

Not Requested. Just struck by inspiration.

Please, Don’t Leave || Ichigo x Reader

Not Requested. Just struck by inspiration.

Durarara!! Imagines/Scenarios

First Times || {NSFW} Shizuo x Reader

Hey! Could you do a NSFW of Shizuo’s first time, from Durarara, with his S/O. they’ve been dating for a while now & have only ever done kissing.

Fake Text Scenarios

Can you do fake text with shika, kiba, kakashi etc of jealousy? 

Naruto fake texts idea...you know the one picture of a melted cutting board in the oven and asking your mom how to fix it, but instead asking the Naruto boys how to fix it.

can i request fake text for the akatsuki? reader asks them to pick up pads/tampons. 😅😅😭😭

Pregnancy Prank: Ohhh ok 😎😎❤ Kakashi, Madara, Hashirama, Tobirama, Minato, Konohamaru (adult), Iruka, Orochimaru, Izuna 🤗 Ohhh I cannot wait 😂😂 Thanks so much

Can we have some text scenarios for Kiba, Kakashi, Naruto, Sasuke, Shika and Shino where they go out drinking with the boys and they drunk text their s/o about how much they love them? 😂💕

Sends Nudes: Hey 😁 Ok, then Madara, Hashirama, Orochimaru, Yamato, Minato, Konohamaru (adult), Iruka, Shino, Izuna, and Jiraiya would be awesome and funny 😂😍❤ Thanks 🤗🤗

can you do the sending nudes thing but for akatsuki plzzz bby 😭🤲🏽❤️ 

[snowdice]

Road Trips and Missing Persons (Part 17)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Patton & Virgil, Virgil & Deceit, Logan & Patton, Emile & Remy, Roman & Remus & Janus

Characters: Patton, Virgil, Deceit, Remus, Roman, Logan, Emile, Remy

Summary: Patton was just getting groceries. The next thing he knew, there was a knife at his throat and he was an unwilling uber driver. Virgil’s on the run after the murder of his dad, and it’s not just his paranoia that’s telling him he’s being chased down. He has to get somewhere safe, somewhere he can trust, and all he has is a couple of stories from his dad and a name: “Green Bellow Foods and Dispensary.”

Notes: Secret Agents AU, knives, carjacking, kidnapping, murder mentioned, guns mentioned, pepper spray, blood mentioned, drugs mentioned, explosions, car crashes (more to be added)

This is a fic I’ve been writing on study breaks that you have probably all already seen at this point. I’ve affectionately named it the Goblin Brain Fic because it’s helping my brain actually get motivated for studying. I’ve slightly edited it for wording and grammar, but not for content from my previous posts. Feel free to send in asks to direct it because I’m not 100% sure where this is going and you can help decide if you feel so inclined! You can see the process I went through to build this at this link.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 My Master Post

“Aw, come on kiddo,” Patton beseeched doing his absolutely best not to laugh at the adorable discontent expression on Anxiety’s face.

“You murdered all of my cows,” the boy grumbled. “All of them!”

Patton did giggle then. “That’s the game.”

“You knew!” Anxiety insisted. “You knew the cemetery was there, didn’t you? You’re familiar with this highway. That’s why you let me take the 150 cows you cheater.”

Patton didn’t bother to deny it. “All’s fair,” he said instead.

“You’re the worst,” Anxiety shot back. “Why don’t we play a game I can win.”

“Like what?” Patton asked, curious.

“Like…” he said. “Like, let’s play a game where whoever’s youngest wins.”

Patton chuckled. “Well I guess you’ve got me beat there.”

“Or a contest to see who has the straightest hair.”

“Sounds like a fun game, but we’d have to wash both of our hair just to make sure neither of us are cheating and have product in.”

There was a pause and Patton glanced over at him.

“Aw!” he cooed. “Do you secretly have curly hair too?”

Anxiety groaned.

“That’s adorable!”

“Is not,” he grumbled, folding his arms over his chest. “It ruins my aesthetic.”

“Aw, stop being so grumpy, kiddo.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t be if you hadn’t murdered all of my cows.”

“I sure did kill the moo-d, huh?”

Anxiety groaned. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“…Carjac-”

“I know, I know,” Anxiety huffed. Patton smiled over at him and reached over to ruffle his hair. “Ugh, stop! No!”

“I want to see the curls!” Patton teased as Anxiety batted him away.

“You’re lucky I don’t have the god damned knife.”

“Excuse me, was that a bad word Mister?”

“Ugh,” Anxiety groaned.

“I will turn this car around,” Patton threatened.

“Oh, yeah,” Anxiety said. “That’s what would make you stop driving. Silly me. I’ll try not to use the grown-up words.”

“See that you don’t.” Anxiety just shook his head and turned the radio up a bit to ignore him.

“The cows have been cleared up,” Anxiety noted.

Patton hummed. “Do you want to get on the interstate again?” he asked. “It would be about 10 minutes faster and I’m sure if anyone was tracking us, we lost them in all of that.”

“Sure,” he agreed. “I don’t see why not.” Patton nodded and took the next turn back onto the familiar interstate.

“So,” Patton hedged once they were back on the main road. “We’ll be there soon. What are your plans once we get there? Nothing in particular,” he rushed to say when he saw the kid frowning. He was a secretive little thing. “Just, what do you want me to do?”

“Oh, um,” he said, playing with the edges of his hoodie sleeve. “I don’t know.” He paused. “You can leave if you want.”

A smile flickered across Patton’s face. Not likely kid. “Well, I’m not going to leave at least until I make sure you’re with someone.”

“Thanks,” Anxiety said softly.

“I’m with you all the way Anxiety.”

“I still don’t understand you at all.” Patton just shrugged and smiled. “Also, you can call me Vee.”

“Ooo a partial name,” Patton said. “I’m moving up in your esteem.”

“I didn’t say that,” Vee snapped back. “My name might be Bob for all you know.”

“Right,” Patton agreed. “Of course. Bob. My bad.”

That caused Vee to smile though he seemed to be fighting it. After a few moments, the smile faded, and he started playing with the strings on his hoodie. “You’ve got to get back to your family though, eventually,” he said.

Patton shrugged, not mentioning the fact that they were literally driving towards his brother this very second. “They’re all adults who can more than handle themselves. My brother’s older than me and the twins have him. You need me a bit more right now.”

Vee thought for a moment, still rubbing his fingers over the frayed edge of the hoodie string. “I have an older brother,” he offered.

“Oh?” Patton asked.

“I tried to call him earlier after my uncle,” Vee said. “He didn’t pick up.”

“Well, I’m sure there is a reasonable explanation for that, just like with your uncle.”

Vee bit his lip. “I don’t know if…” he said, “if he’d be on my side in this or not.”

“What do you mean?”

Vee looked away out the window. “Our mom’s the one who killed my dad,” he said quietly.

“Oh, honey,” Patton said softly. “I’m so sorry.”

“So, I don’t know if my brother would side with her or not. I don’t want to think he’d hand me over to her if I went to him, but…”

Poor kiddo, Patton thought. He wished he could say with certainty that his brother wouldn’t do something like that, but Patton didn’t know enough about him to know for certain. He hoped not. “I’ll help you figure it all out,” Patton promised. “I’ll make sure you don’t have to go with your mom.”

Vee snorted. “I don’t know what you can do, but thanks for the sentiment.”

“Oh,” Patton said. “I think I could do a thing or two.”

“Sorry,” Vee said dryly, “but your reaction to a carjacking was to get me ice cream.”

Patton laughed lightly. “Good point.

“I really don’t want to go with my mom, but I don’t think the cops would listen to me,” Vee said. “She’s technically my mom even though I’ve never even spent the night at her house. Does this make her my legal guardian now?”

“If she’s the one who killed your father, I doubt people would let you go with her.”

“You don’t know mom,” Vee mumbled. “I’m sure no one would even think to try to arrest her for that, let alone convict her. Would they let my uncle be my guardian even if she isn’t arrested?”

“They’d be willing to do that I’m sure. Especially since you’re already 15, anyone would listen to your opinion on where you live.” Vee look at least a bit relieved at that. “So, you like your uncle then?” Patton asked.

“He’s great,” Vee said. “He lived with us when I was really little. He always made me eat my vegetables and helps me out when I’m anxious. He’s a psychiatrist so he knows his stuff.”

“I have a friend whose brother is a psychiatrist,” Patton said. “I’ve never met him, but Logan sends people to him when they need mental health care. It’s a big help for a lot of them.”

“Yeah,” Vee agreed. “It wouldn’t be too bad living with him, I guess.”

 “Well I’ll make sure you end up with him and not your mom, okay?”

“Sure,” Vee replied.

Patton shot him a half smile and they continued driving for a few minutes before he exited the interstate. “We’re almost there” he told Vee.

Vee bit his lip. “I hope this wasn’t a stupid idea…” he said.

“Oh, I’m sure it’s fine,” Patton said. He flipped a switch on near his steering wheel that would open the gate for them a few seconds before said gate came into view. He drove up the driveway and chose to park in front of the ‘factory’ instead of trying to park in the underground parking garage which would certainly freak Vee out.

“Just looks like a creepy abandoned factory,” Vee commented, eyeing the old concrete building with its boarded over windows. “It’s almost too perfectly abandoned,” he said, eyes narrowed. Smart boy.

“Ready?” Patton asked.

Vee still looked nervous, but he nodded determinedly after a moment and exited the car. Patton followed him. He let Vee lead the way up the gravel path to the entrance of the building. He studied the door for a couple of minutes and then pushed it slowly open. Patton was sure at this point that someone downstairs had probably noticed them and would come up to greet them soon.

Vee was looking around himself with suspicious eyes. “Okay,” he said. “What do we do now?”

“Probably just wait to see if anyone comes to meet us,” Patton said.

Vee started poking around a bit. “It’s pretty clean for an abandoned factory,” he said.

“Mmhmm,” Patton replied.

He considered a couple of panels near the door and Patton observed him, curious about what he’d do. He made a startled noise when one of the panels came off. “Oops,” he said. He peered into the hole he’d just made. “Well… that’s not good. Whoever put that camera there is probably not going to be happy with me.”

Patton had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. The person who put that camera there would not.

Vee set the broken panel back against the wall. It hung off of it awkwardly. “At least we know there really is someone here and it’s not just an abandoned factory.”

“That is good,” Patton agreed. Just then there was a soft ding which Patton identified as the hidden elevator the room over.

Vee’s head shot up to look in the direction of the sound, and the boy shuffled closer to Patton.

Logan himself rounded the corner after a moment and looked over at them with his lips pursed and looking especially cross. “How is it,” he asked, “that you always do exactly what I need you to do in the most irritating and inconvenient way possible?”

Want to read more? Click below!

Part 18

[springmagpies]

My Uncle Reacts to AoS Season 4

So, instead of getting chores done this morning, my uncle and I finished Season 4 of Agents of Shield. Here are his reactions! Enjoy! Fair warning, it is a long post because Steve had a lot of feelings.

4x01

Before the episode: I’m guessing Coulson was like “I got too close to the situation and could no longer be impartial.” And then he passed over the title of director to May or that general guy. Talbot! That’s his name.

He’s like ghost rider is all. Holy crap he is ghost rider! I didn’t realize he was marvel.

Why’d they have to break up the band?

I am concerned about the robots.

Well, ghost rider is badass.

4x02

“You’re an engineer Mack. And a small tank.” Bwhahahahahaha, that’s so true.

The director is Talbot. Ooooh, not Talbot. Someone new.

Oh, Daisy has a picture of Lincoln. I miss him.

May is not okay. May needs a nap.

I still can’t get over Mack offering that maybe they’re just ghosts. Fitzsimmons faces were amazing.

Mace is such a politician.

4x03

*Lincoln is mentioned* Owwwwwww

I love the Phil, Mack, and Fitz team up.

Wow, Fitz is badass this episode.

Okay, so Elena is amazing. That shot with the light was awesome!

4x04

Fitzsimmons moving in together, count me in.

I see where Daisy is coming from, but not awesome that she’s using her friends and then leaving.

Come on Daisy! Come home.

Heylo? Hahahahaha

Radcliffe, I don’t think telling the android it’s okay to lie sometimes is a good idea.

What’s that face she’s giving? Oh shit, is she feeling things? Is she feeling things for Fitz. That’s not good.

I don’t trust James. *moments later* Called it.

Yes, Mack, two fire dudes just fell into fireworks.

Jemma for sure knows she’s an android.

“I prefer a classical beauty myself.” Awww, Fitz.

4x05

Oh, Fitz, a high five will not fix her being mad at you. Trust me.

“I’m sure they have it under control.” *cuts to chaos* Okay, that’s the best transition of the whole show.

Robbie, please don’t go after that guy. Just keep going please. Dammit. Why can no one just follow instructions in Shield.

Way to go Jemma! But what happened with Mace?? What did he do?

May had a heart to heart with her and she’s still leaving? Is Daisy really going to leave after all of this? She can’t, right?

Robbies uncle is going to get sucked into that book. Yeah, look at his expression. That’s not good at all is it.

Well that senator sucks.

4x06

*Mace mad at Coulson* Daaaang

Fitz is so smart. He would be a millionaire if he was an inventor or something. But he just wants to help people.

Wait, shit, Eli is bad!

*Fitz, Coulson, and Robbie disappear* Oh no!!!! Wait, that’s how the episode ends! Noooo!!

4x07

Shit, where are they.

Oh, so that’s where they are. That’s not good.

“I have to phone Simmons to tell her... I’m in another dimension.” Bwhahahahaha oh no.

That’s not Mack. Holy shit!

“Oh Mack’s the ghost rider no big deal. But you can’t hear us.” Oh my god, these lines are amazing.

The dialogue this episode is fantastic.

No!!!!! Don’t give the darkhold to Radcliffe. He’s already so morally grey!!!

Fitz is going to hit Mace

Aww, Fitzsimmons

There’s some flirtation with Phil and Melinda going on.

Have we seen who’s in that photo Mack is looking at? Hope?

Oh hey Robbie, how was hell.

Ummm, is Aida building a brain? Is she corrupted. Yep. She’s corrupted. We’ve got a corrupted android. Great.

4x08

Coulson’s comedic timing is everything.

Oof, Robbie is not having a good time.

“Oh yeah, Fitz solved that” Of course he did. He’s Fitz.

*Badass Fitzsimmons duo scene* They truly are a dynamic duo aren’t they. That shot was awesome!

*Daisy looking at Robbie’s car* well, you’ve got a sweet car.

*Mackelena finally kiss* gasps. There it is!

*Aida kills Nathanson* Oh dears.

*Reveal that May is an LMD* Wait wait wait. Holy shit. Oh shit. Damn.

4x09

Aida’s so sweet to May. And she sweetly killed Nathanson like it was nothing. Not creepy at all.

Once again Mack’s lines are amazing.

Yeah, don’t attack the android guys. Not a good idea.

“Why would you want to hurt me Leopold.” Aaaah haaaa, umm. No.

“Well, Simmons has only been kidnapped twice on this planet.” Hahahahahahaha that’s hilarious.

Smart people are stupid. That’s amazing.

*Aida freezes may* AAAH, she doesn’t even know she’s a robot!

*Radcliffe reveal* O. M. G. He’s corrupted. He played them. Asshole. Dammit he read it for just a second! No!

This is a good part of the show! I’m really enjoying this.

4x10

What the heck’s in that brief case?

And Radcliffe is now super creepy.

Poor Fitz, he doesn’t know his friend totally betrayed him.

“I did this to protect you.” Awww, Fitz. I mean, let’s not make robots, but that’s still really sweet. He just wanted to protect Simmons and everyone.

*May wakes up* Jesus, god May. She’s a badass. Imagine waking up like that! God! That’s terrifying.

“I can’t help feeling like somethings off.” Yeah, May, you aren’t real.

Mace isn’t an inhuman! Oh damn.

*Fitz analyzing Aida’s head* Uh oh Fitz.

“Is it weird that I found that attractive?” Hahahahahahahaha. Fantastic.

*Coulson back in charge* hell yeah!

*May finds out she’s an LMD* Aaaaaaah! Well, that’s an existential crisis.

4x11  

Does Radcliffe have more of them? Because he just happened to have May.

*May waking up over and over again* Feels like I’m watching The Good Place.  

*Aida breaks a glass* That’s concerning that a robot would make a mistake like that.

*Hope reveal* Oh that’s awful! Poor Mack.

Whose the other LMD?

*Radcliffe LMD reveal* Ohhhh noooo. Poor Fitz.

4x12

Hey! I was wondering where the lanyard guys were!

“You’re going all Gollumy again” bwhahahahaha that’s amazing

“I’ve lost too much already, I’m not losing you.” Awww, Phil.

*Robo Radcliffe talks about Fitz’s past* Oh my gosh, that explains so much. Oh Fitz! Screw Fitz’s dad.

How many Koenigs are there?

Awww, baby Fitz!—Maggie

I bet that’s his real mom too!—Steve

Fitz and Simmons are cute!

*Philinda kiss* Noooo! She’s a robot!

“Sorry, you weren’t meant to last” Radcliffe you ass. You evil ass.

4x13

*Agnes reveal* Eeeek, creepy. That’s who she’s based on!

Wait, is she really Australian? Damn, she does a great American accent.  

Mace really got the short end of the stick in a lot of this didn’t he.

*Shockley gets turned into an inhuman* Oooh shit.

Did they just put Shockley on the plane. The dude that blows up? Well, damn.

*Fitzsimmons realize Shockley is the bomb* Way to go dynamic duo. Now gooooo! Oh, they’re going. Simmons pushing Fitz is amazing.

Aaaaaah! Fitz! Fitz and Mace!

*Fitzsimmons hug* Awww. I know I’ve said it before but they’re cute.

Noooo! Mace! Shit they kidnapped Mace!

*Aida takes put on Agnes’s necklace* Ewwwww, creepy. Creepy creepy creepy! Aaah.

4x14

*The superior walking* He must have this ‘I’m so cool face’ on at all times.

Aww, is Radcliffe in there to be with Agnes. That’s so sad.

*Flashback with Phil and May* Aww, May is all playful. It’s before the sad times.

*Mace chained* that’s not great for your circulation.

They’re going to kill Mace. No, don’t kill Mace.

“Morales, you’re with me.” Uh oh, Morales. More redshirts with names making me nervous.

“You’ve enhanced yourself with alien technology.” Actually Fitz built his hand.

“Cool origin story, bro.” Okay, that’s incredible.

“Concern only slightly lessened.” Davis is just like ‘thanks dude.’ Fantastic.

Mack doesn’t need super powers to be a badass.

*LMD reveal* Holy shit. Holy shiiiit. They switched out all four of them??? All four??? Holy shiiiit. Fitzsimmons are all alone. Aaaahaaa.

“Even filth has a purpose.” Ewwww, and she’s leaning over him like that. So creeeeppyyy. Eewwww.

“He’s a shrink.” Oh awwww. It’s Andrew. She falls in love with him.

Well I guess Phil and Melinda’s robots can be together. Kind of weird but okay.

Oh my god, this is stressing me out!!!

‘Even filth has a purpose.” Gaaah, ewww. I’m still thinking about it.

So is Radcliffe even in control anymore? Or is he too preoccupied with the framework to care. Like, is Aida just doing whatever the heck she wants now because that’s unsettling.

4x15

Where are all of them? Oh they’re in the framework. Uh oh.

Ewwww, Aida is evil! He’s (Ivanov) alive and she’s cutting into him.

Aaah, they’ve got them surrounded. It’s so creepy.

This is some body snatchers shit.

*fitzsimmons LMD scene* *Steve biting his nails with wide eyes* oh my god that was awful.

*Steve rewinds to rewatch the LMD scene* they’re so good. And it hurt so much to see Fitz go so cold. Owwww. Because it was him and how he would act and then it just shuts off. Ugh, they’re so good.

*Jemma stabbing Fitz scene* Oh he’s thought about getting married. Oh my god, that’s so awful. So disturbing. That hurts. They’re so talented.

*Daisy LMDs* Ohhhh that’s so disturbing. This is all so disturbing. Oh my gosh.

*Daisy and Jemma scene* Awwww, they found the only other person to trust. That’s so sweet. Gosh, that was also a brilliantly acted scene.

They’re all such good actors. All of them.

God, this is all so disturbing.

*Aida kills Radcliffe* oh shit. Aaaaah. That’s so creepy.

“Because you and Fitz belong together.” Thats the truth.

“Their poor base” -Maggie

“And they just retiled the bathrooms.” -Steve

Ooh, quake jump, that’s so cool.

*Slow motion quake* That’s sooo badasssss!

*Davis flying the Zephyr* Aah, Davis. Careful. He just started training.

*LMD May blows up the base.* oooh ho.  Damn.

“Lincoln?” Oh noooo. That’s awful.

*Ward reveal* Whaaaaat?

*Coulson reveal* Whaaaaaat?

*Mack reveal* oh nooo, he’s got his daughter.

*Fitz reveal* Whaaaaaat? But, damn.

*Jemma reveal* Whaaaaaaaaat? She’s in a grave? Who’s in the car with Fitz?

*May reveal* is she an avenger? *Hydra logo appears* Waaaaait. Whaaaaaaaaat?

What the hell is going on. What the hell? What is this place. Are they all evil? Some of them evil? Mack isn’t evil right?

*Ivanov’s head* Ewwww creepy.

Whaaaat the helllll. As Fitz would say *does Fitz impression* what the hell?

Dammit why do I have to put the kids to bed!! I want to watch the next episode!! Gosh dang it.

That’s disturbing count: around 15

4x16

“Skye?” Skye??? Skye!!!

*Logo* ooooh, agents of hydra

“You’re on another planet this morning.” Yeah, she is. No shit Ward.

*Daisy looks up Lincoln* Awwww. Owwwww.

*Jemma jumps from the grave.* Lucky she was in a shallow grave.

They’re having a bad week.

Vijay isn’t real. He’s at the bottom of the ocean.

*Ward punches Vijay* wait, did he want him to stop talking? Hmmm.

*Coulson class scene* Aaaahhaa that’s not awful at all.

*May Bahrain reveal* oh shit, it changed that much! Shit.

“We’ve got him doctor” Radcliffe? *Fitz reveal*  Ooooh nooo! Noooo! Shit, noooo! Jemma died and he went all dark. Nooooo.

“It’s a magical place.” Oh damn!

“My father used to say...” Shit, does Fitz have his dad’s influence?????

*Ward double agent reveal* Ooooooh! Shiiit. That’s so interesting!!

“This isn’t the framework this is hell” Jemma’s so pissed.

“Drones, Dwarves. Whatever.” Awww, Jemma’s heart just broke right there.

Are they stuck in the framework! Well shit!

*Fitz and Aida kiss* Ewwww. I mean it makes sense in this world because of course she’s using Fitz but ewww.

She replaced Jemma with herself. That’s not creepy at all.

“Daisy?” Aaaah! He remembers!

This place is messed up! Interesting, but messed up!

4x17

“I make my own soap now.” Bwhahahahahaha. That’s amazing.

Aww, Mack has his daughter. And she’s adorable. Oh no!

Ophelia? Oooh, she’s got her own name.

“I’d cross the universe for you.” Ewwww! Noooo. He literally crossed the universe for Jemma.

*Fitz and Aida make out* *Maggie screams and Steve shivers* But why is Fitz so hot in the framework though—Maggie *Steve nods*

“The soap made me do it.” Bwhahahahaha

*Mace reveal* Aaaaah! Mace! He’s all gruff now and an inhuman! He got everything that he ever wanted.

“And we’ll make our society great again.” Ewwwwwwwhewe!

This is so interesting! I’m really liking it!

*Mack and hope get taken by Hydra* that’s so awful! That is so disturbing!

Coulson is so nerdy, I love it.

“You’re Daisy Johnson. We’re agents of shield.” Mack remembers.

*Revealed that Mack doesn’t remember* No! Shit.

*Fitz kills Agnes* *sharp intake of breath, Steve stays silent for a very long time.*

*Mack joins Shield* Good job Mack.

“How do you feel?”-Maggie.

Steve quietly: “sick.”

4x18

I love how Mace is all scruffy and his suits all scratched.

Aaah, evil Fitz makes me sad.

*Jemma seeing Mack and Hope* Yeah, it’s an oh shit moment.

“Tell your old man all about it.” *Steve gasps* Oh no.

“I don’t know the kind of man I’d be without you father.” “That’s why I’m here.” Yep, to brainwash him.

TRIP!

*Brainwash room* Oh no! It’s the other kid too! No!

MACE! Noooo! Why would Aida do that. She’s so evil.

That’s so messed up.

*May used Terrigen on Daisy* Yes. Good job May. And hopefully it’ll heal her in the process.

4x19

Ha, Bakshi has a tv show.

Aww, mace is dead. He was a good man.

*Daisy quakes Aida out a window* *Steve laughs* That took her by surprise didn’t it.

“It’s like sipping poison...” Mmm, Fox News.

“You’re the new head of hydra” Yikes.

*Ward throws remote* Umm, you guys have limited remotes!

*Steve pauses show* I don’t like any of this. It’s interesting but I hurt inside. It hurts that Fitz is evil. Mace is dead. Agnes is dead. Radcliffe is in prison. May was evil. I’m sad.

Aww, Coulson all of a sudden became that paternal leader.

Wait, so she totally used Fitz in like every way. What a jerk.

Trips the best.

Sorry Ward. She wants to feel bad for you but she can’t.

So much Scottishness this season. I love it.

*Radcliffe yells at Alistar* yep, because you’re a worthless asshole ya jerk. Oof, he just throat punched Radcliffe.

Aww, Coulson is coming into his own.

“When this is over-“ Do I get Skye! “Do I get my Skye back?” Called it!

I liked that scene with Grant. It was the redemption that the other Ward didn’t deserve but this one did. It was nice. Also really well acted.

“Hydra giving alternative facts.” Ooooh, they’re calling them out. They are so not fans of Trump and it’s amazing.

*Coulson on the news* This is Shield’s please vote! Please vote.

That was amazing.

4x20

Yeah, I hate all of this.

This all hurts.

*Fitz talks to Radcliffe* Come on Radcliffe, please don’t betray us. Please.

*Jemma kills Alistair* Well, that’s not going to help us.

“I’m sure everything is fine.” It is not. Simmons killed Fitz’s dad.

I hate this. It’s fascinating and I hate it. She’s just made him mad. God, no.

*Trip saying goodbye* Awww, this hurts. He’s goneeee in our world. Whyyyyy.

Is Aida trying to build her spine *body being built on the other side* Ohhh. Damn.

*Coulson gets shot* SHIT

*Coulson wakes up* You’re going to have to fight a killer robot, Phil.

*May wakes up* Awww she did it! She followed him!!

*Radcliffe redeems himself* Yes! Radcliffe! Yes! Thank you!

*Fitz falls through* Thank God!

Thank you Radcliffe.

*Mack not coming with* Maggie, I really don’t like this.

Oh gosh, Fitz is so freaked out. They’re all so freaked out. Aaah, Aida!

*Aida and Fitz teleport* Well that was unexpected.

I feel really ill. Like, this hurts a lot. I hurt a lot.

It’s like The Red Wedding but drawn out over 4 episodes and I hurt.

4x21

Before the episode: I came into the framework so optimistic and it crushed me. Like I thought May was an avenger and then it was like hahaha pain.

Oh yeah! And then she teleported with Fitz. JERK!

Fitz really got screwed by the framework didn’t he.

*Coulson kills Robo Ivanov with a shield* WOAHHH!!! That was amazing! ...and disturbing.

*Coulson recounts what happened with Robbie Reyes* BWHAHAHAHAHA. It sounds so ridiculous when you recount it but it’s so amazing watching it.

Will she stop teleporting Fitz! He already feels sick!

Yeaaaah, giving Fitz his abuser back and replacing the woman he loves with yourself is not what would make him happy Aida!

“If he wanted to kill us he could just flood the place. Why is he stalling.” TO FLOOD THE PLACE, PHIL!

“I drank the bottle of Haig” “you piece of—“ *Steve can’t stop laughing*

*Mack almost drowning* Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. OH SHIT.

*Fitz and Aida rescuing mack* THANK GOD.

*Jemma shoots Aida* well, yeah.

*Jemma shoots Fitz* Love ya Fitz, sorry man.

“What do we do with Fitz?” Talk to him!!

“I’m just like Ward.” Oh ho, that hurts.

“There’s only room in my heart for her.” YES! Oh shit, Aida’s not happy.

OH SHIT!

NO DAVIS! DAVIS!

*Toddler starts crying IRL over a toy* Now imagine if we gave her powers.That’s what’s happening with Aida.

*Fitzsimmons pod scene* oww

*Yoyo plugs herself into the framwork* This is a mess.

*Aida throws bottle in anger* His vodka!

*Aida and Ivanov scene* Aaah! Inhuman robot sex. Oh. Nope. Murder.

*Robbie comes back* Welcome back buddy! SHIELD shit has hit the fan.

4x22

“How do we kill Aida?” Hell chains? I’m thinking hell chains.

*Robbie waiting for Shield* Hello, back from another dimension? No way, us too!

Well Radcliffe is screwed if the framework is falling apart.

“I’ll talk to him. He’ll remember me.” No he won’t Elena. Wish he would though.

*Robo!Daisy shoots Talbot* *Steve sits with his mouth open* NO!! I mean, he could be annoying but he was a good man! And he’s been around since season 1!

“There’s a pulse.” How? Yay! But how?

“Once you say you can’t stop me. Well—“ it’s like when you say you feel safe on Survivor and then get voted off the island.

*Daisy & Robbie team up* Boom bitches!! That was super cool!

Mack’s not going to leave until Hope de-materializes. And that sucks ass.

“Robot May was much more supportive.” HA! That’s amazing.

EVERYTHING’S A MESS AND EVERYONE IS HURT AND DIE AND PAIN AND OWW AND THINGS.

Maggie: “What?”

Steve: “You heard me.”

*Aida kills LMD!Jemma* WHAT! What the hell? I feel so sick. Oh thank god she’s an LMD! But I feel ill.

Eeeewwwww the kiss Aida gave Fitz on the cheek is so disturbing.

*Jemma shoots Aida* YES! AWESOME!

*Coulson ghost rider reveal* HOLY SHIT THAT’S AMAZING! I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!

*Aida dies* Well that was awesome and terrible and poor everyone.

They really do a great job of making you feel sick don’t they.

*Mack and Hope scene*

Maggie: “you okay?”

Steve: *wipes away tear* no.

Wait, is there more to Coulson’s deal with the Ghost Rider?

“Gave me a glimpse of the life I could have here.” Oooh! Mack and Elena! She did almost die for him. They’re in love.

*Robbie having to leave* He and Daisy couldn’t like kiss before he left? No? Fine.

*Daisy speech to Fitz* someone hug him, please!

*Diner scene* Whaaaat?

We’re in space next season!!?? Whooo!!

They’re all so messed up after all of this. I feel messed up after all of this.

[limit-list]

so i just watched the artemis fowl movie and i would like to say: what the fuck.

i typed out this entire post and then deleted it, but here’s an incomplete list of everything the artemis fowl movie did wrong. (feel free to add on)

[SPOILERS AHEAD for the Artemis Fowl movie]

okay first of all.... i don’t even know where to start. just what the crap was disney thinking? i’m going to attempt to create a list of everything i hated about it, as a huge fan of the book series. disclaimer: i was literally a child in elementary school when i read this series, so my knowledge might not be as complete as possible.

there is no criminal action. for the heir of a line of criminal masterminds, there sure is a lot of lawful behavior!! in the book, artemis threatens a sprite for information. he holds holly hostage for gold. he’s leading a criminal enterprise. i just.... no. his whole thing is that he’s morally gray. in the movie, he denies that his father was a criminal, which??? buddy that’s the whole point.

his mom is dead. um... no? if i’m remembering it correctly, his dad is assumed dead in the first book, and artemis’s mom is mentally unstable. she’s not dead.

artemis sr. knows about the fairies, and he’s the one who taught artemis everything. also no? artemis learned about fairies from a book. artemis sr. is just a criminal mastermind.

commander root is female. haha, no. okay i get wanting to show a female in a position of power, makes disney look good (but like releasing a movie about a police force rn? ...read the room disney.), but it’s a plot point that holly is the only female in the force. that’s something she has to deal with and overcome all the men constantly underestimating her, and it really made her a character that i know i looked up to as a kid. by making commander root a woman, they just slipped around that entire issue. ugh.

holly short is white. okay, correct me if i’m wrong, but aren’t all elves supposed to have dark skin? i’m pretty sure i remember that from the books. on a similar note, i think butler is supposed to be white, he’s russian? if this is wrong, and it might be, then i’m sorry, but that’s what i’m remembering.

holly’s motivation to being in LEPrecon is that her dad died. it’s actually supposed to be that her mom died of radiation poisoning from the humans, and she joins up to get revenge on the humans. she actually had a reason to hate artemis beyond the whole, ya know, kidnapping her and holding her hostage.

artemis and holly are WAYYY too friendly. no. nope. they have zero bonding beyond the whole daddy issues thing, which isn’t even supposed to be a thing!! holly only punches him once, which is a travesty. artemis wanders up to her “cell”, asks if he can trusts her, and whips off his glasses. for a genius, he sure is a dumbass.

artemis willingly wears casual clothes. he does get his suit eventually, but i thought it was hilarious. i’m mostly mad that they made him less sociopathic (but like that poor actor. i hope he knows we don’t blame him, he did his best with an awful script).

mulch is portrayed as an off brand hagrid who has explosive diarrhea. that’s enough on that.

the whole thing is narrated as if mulch has been captured by MI6 and is being interrogated. there’s no reason for this. literally none!!!

they call butler by his first name. it makes me so uncomfy!! that’s a whole thing, he goes by butler, and they turned it into “call him butler and you die” which is just so wrong.

juliet is butler’s sister, not his niece. i may be upset. the actress was adorable but like no.

artemis is just... so disney-fied. i know for a fact that the boy is not athletic, but they have him surfing and riding a hoverboard through the woods. they took away all of his moral complexity, instead turning him into someone who says “he’s not a criminal, he’s my dad!” have i mentioned that he wears casual clothes? ugh.

um wtf is an aculos? a way to get around artemis being greedy and turn him into a kid who only wants to do the right thing? did not enjoy that.

LEPrecon doesn’t try to kill him after the troll, i assume because they don’t send in his ransom gold. instead of attempted murder, they save artemis sr. through the power of ~friendship~

oh, opal koboi is in this. they mixed together a few different plot lines from the books. did not enjoy, made me think of the percy jackson movie where they tried to sum up through the fifth book in the second movie.

i wanted to see butler fight a troll whilst wearing armor, but instead i got holly hanging from a chandelier while butler kinda stabbed it with a random bull statue and artemis shot at it. sad.

they leave it open for a sequel. i wish they wouldn’t. stop ruining my childhood favorites. let me wait for a fully animated tv show with different seasons for each of the books.

[thelastspeecher]

Something we discussed on the Discord a while ago was a new scenario for my Superhero/villain AU: Emmett has an ability that is derived from Ma McGucket’s side of the family, and that family catches wind of it and decides to recruit him.  Ma McGucket is estranged from her family, for good reason, as evidenced by the fact that they decide to recruit Emmett by kidnapping him.  Luckily, a non-powered kid in the family decides to help Emmett escape.  And basically, here’s how that goes.  Enjoy.

——————————————————————————————

              “Psst!”  At the hiss, Emmett looked up.  Speaking through the window in the door was one of the kids in the family that had kidnapped him.  Willis. Since they were close in age, Willis was often sent to bring him his meals.  They’d gotten to know each other well, or at least as well as they could, given that Emmett was locked in a room.  Willis unlocked the door and entered, the first time he’d done so.

              Huh.  Gettin’ a closer look at him, he looks a lot like Grannie Gucket, but with dark hair. Emmett remained silent, waiting for the other boy to speak first, just like his dad had taught him.

              “Wait for the other person to speak first if they seem like they want you to talk first.  It gives you more power when they eventually cave.”  After a few moments, Willis cleared his throat.

              “I’m- I’m here to break you out,” he said.  Emmett frowned.

              “Really.”

              “Yes.”

              “Sure, you are,” Emmett scoffed.  “We might have talked, but that don’t mean I’ll just believe you when you say-” Willis scurried forward and removed the power dampening shackles on Emmett’s ankles.  “Never mind.”

              They wouldn’t want me to have access to my powers, even if they were trying to win my loyalty.  Emmett rubbed his freed ankles, scowling slightly at his irritated skin.  Great.  Of course the shackles would make my eczema flare up.

              “I can’t stand by and let this happen anymore,” Willis said quietly.  “My family’s done a lotta shady things, but this is the worst.  Kidnapping a nephew?”

              “Wait, wait.”  Emmett sat up straighter.  “Nephew?”

              “Well, I don’t know the exact relation, but-”

              “Yer sayin’ I’m related to y’all?”

              “Through yer grandma.”

              “Through-”  Emmett closed his eyes.  “What’s yer last name?”

              “Turner.”

              “That’s- that’s my grannie’s maiden name.”  Emmett put his head in his hands.  “Now I get it.  Now I get why they kept tellin’ me to join ‘em.  Grannie told me that her fam’ly was rich in telepaths ‘n psychics, that my power came through her.  Shoot.”

              “Yeah.  Um…” Willis looked over his shoulder at the opened door.  “We- we should get outta here before anyone realizes I’m missing.”  Willis helped Emmett to his feet.

              “We?” Emmett asked.  Willis nodded.

              “I’m leavin’, too.  I’m sick of bein’ treated poorly ‘cause I’m a normie.”  Willis looked at the door again.  “C’mon.  I know a secret way out.”

----- 

              Emmett and Willis exited the building as quietly as they could, climbing out a window and jumping down to the sidewalk below.

              “So…where are we?” Emmett asked.

              “Nashville.”

              “Nashville?” Emmett squeaked.

              “Yeah.  Is that- is that a problem?” Willis asked timidly.  Emmett rubbed his face.

              “I mean, I don’t know anyone in Nashville.  My folks live on the West Coast, and my ma’s fam’ly lives in Arkansas. I don’t know what-”  Emmett cut himself off as he felt the familiar sensation of hairs standing on the back of his neck, like someone was watching him.

              “Why’d you stop talkin’?” Willis asked.  Emmett looked around, but couldn’t see anyone.  Before he could say anything, he heard a voice shout his name.

              “Emmett!”  Emmett and Willis spun around.  An extremely tall man rushed over, scooping Emmett into an intense hug.  “Thank the Lord.”  Emmett buried his face in his uncle’s chest.

              “Uncle Basstian.”

              “Yup.”  After a moment, Basstian held Emmett at arm’s length.  Worry etched his face.  “You look better than I thought ya might, but not nearly as well as I’d like.” Basstian embraced Emmett again.  “It’ll be fine.  Ma ‘ll fill ya up with some good ole fashioned southern comfort food, you’ll get some sleep, and we’ll take care of whoever did this to ya.  No one messes with the McGuckets.”

              “Uncle Basstian, how’d you know I was here?” Emmett asked.  Basstian’s face hardened.

              “Ma wondered if her fam’ly had somethin’ to do with ya disappearin’. Yer power is the exact kind that they like, after all.  She wanted someone to come here to check, just in case, and I offered to go ‘cause I’m least likely to get caught.  Everyone else is patrollin’ the more likely places.”  Basstian broke off the hug.  He looked Emmett up and down again.  “She’ll be fit to fry when she gets told her folks did take ya.”

              “Um…” a small voice said.  Basstian looked over at Willis, who was shrinking away from him, visibly terrified.

              “Willis, don’t worry, this is my uncle,” Emmett said quickly.  Willis grimaced.  “What’s wrong?”

              “He’s- he’s a McGucket.”

              “Uh, yeah.  So am I.”

              “But you’ve got a Turner power.”

              “No, I don’t.  I’ve got my own power.  Look, you can trust Basstian.  He’s my fav’rite uncle.”

              “Aw, shucks,” Basstian rumbled.  He ruffled Emmett’s hair.  “Yer just sayin’ that ‘cause I’m the only one left in the fam’ly taller ‘n ya.” Basstian looked at Willis.  His voice softened.  “Willis, was it?”  Willis nodded.  “I came here to rescue Emmett, but if you need rescuin’, too, I’ll do just that. Is that what ya want?”  After a moment, Willis nodded.  “Good.  Both of ya hold my hands and I’ll turn us invisible.”

              “How are we gonna get to safety, though?” Emmett asked.  “You can’t fly.”  Basstian grinned.

              “That’s a good thing, kidlet.  They know there’s flyers in the fam’ly.  So we’ll be takin’ my car.  They won’t even glance at my beater.”

----- 

              “Hey, kidlet.”  Hands gently shook Emmett.  He opened his eyes blearily and yawned.  Basstian smiled at him.  “We’re here.” Emmett looked out the window. Relief washed over him at the familiar sight of the McGucket farmhouse.  The drive from Nashville to Gumption wasn’t too long, at least, not by McGucket standards, but Emmett had fallen asleep quickly.

              “Sorry I passed out,” Emmett said softly.  Basstian shrugged.

              “No problem.  Yer lil friend was actually nice to converse with.  He’s a sweet kid.”  Basstian looked at Willis, who was sitting in the back seat.  “I think you’ll like the rest of the fam’ly, Willis.”  Willis smiled weakly.

              “If they’re like you, Mr. Basstian, maybe.”

              “Just call me Basstian, okay?”  Basstian opened his door.  He paused. “And, uh, be prepared.  The rest of the fam’ly is nice like me, but not quiet like me.  And since I was too busy leavin’ to call ahead, it’s goin’ to be chaos when I walk through the door with Emmett.”  Basstian chewed on the inside of his cheek.  “Actually, if ya want, you can stay in here until folks have calmed down a bit.”

              “No, I’ll- I can handle it,” Willis said.

              “Okay.  Don’t be afraid to ask me to take ya outside or somethin’ if it gets to be too much, though,” Basstian said.  Willis nodded.  Basstian looked at Emmett.  “Well, time to face the music.”  Emmett nodded eagerly.  They all got out of the truck and Emmett and Willis followed Basstian to the door.

              “Who all is here right now?” Emmett asked.

              “A decent number of people.  Yer grandparents, Violynn, Harper, yer pa.  Yer ma and siblin’s are still in Oregon, though, with Fidds ‘n Ford.  Lute’s in California, doin’ some searchin’ there. He’ll be happy to come home.” Basstian pushed the door open. Hushed voices came from the kitchen and living room.

              “Is that Basstian?” a voice asked.  Emmett recognized it as belong to Violynn.

              “I’ll check,” said a second voice, resigned and weary.  Emmett’s heart leapt to his throat.

              Dad!  Footsteps sounded.  Stan cleared the corner and walked into the hall leading from the front door.  He froze at the sight of Emmett.

              “Emmett,” Stan croaked in a strangled voice.  Emmett let out a loud sob and ran to his father, wrapping his arms around Stan in a tight hug.  “Oh, sport, we’ve been- you’re-”  Stan broke off the hug to look at Emmett more closely.  He searched Emmett’s face.  “Sweet Moses, we’ve been worried.  Are you all right?”

              “Y-yeah.”

              “Whoever took you wasn’t feeding you enough.”

              “Dad.”

              “Don’t worry, your ma and grandma will fill you out again.”

              “Dad, stop talking, I just wanna hug you,” Emmett said, his voice thick with tears.  Tears sprang to the corners of Stan’s eyes.

              “Sure thing, kiddo.”  He embraced Emmett tightly.

              “Was that Emmett?” a voice said from the living room.

              “Yep,” Stan replied.  There was a sound like a heard of stampeding elephants.  Emmett and Stan were quickly surrounded by the McGuckets currently at the farmhouse.  The McGuckets fussed and cooed over Emmett, stroking his hair, talking over each other at him, and hugging him when Stan finally let go.

              “Yer skin ‘n bones!” Ma McGucket gasped.  She pinched Emmett’s cheek.  “Poor thing. I’ll get yer fav’rite food goin’ right away, okay?”

              “Grannie, ordering pizza honestly sounds just as good as a homecooked meal right now.”

              “There’s nowhere in town that makes pizza.”  Ma McGucket chewed her lip.  “I’ll fly to the closest Pizza Hut and get ya whatever ya want.”

              “Sally, give him a second to think ‘fore ya fly off to a dif’rent town,” Pa McGucket chided.  “Matter of fact, he don’t just need time, he needs some space, too.  Everyone, back off a bit.  Let him breathe.”  Reluctantly, the McGuckets moved away.  Pa McGucket looked over at Basstian, who was still by the front door.  “Basstian, you found him, didn’t- well, howdy there.” Willis, partially hidden behind Basstian, let out a small squeak.

              “I see ya picked up a stray, lil brother,” Harper drawled.

              “That’s Willis,” Emmett said.  “He helped me escape.”

              “Well, shucks, that earns him lifetime membership to the McGucket fam’ly, then,” Pa McGucket said jovially.  Willis ducked his head shyly.  Ma McGucket, who had gone stock still at the sight of Willis, straightened her back and strode over.

              “Willis, yer a Turner, aren’t ya?” she asked calmly.  Willis nodded.  Ma McGucket’s gaze turned steely.  “I figured, since ya look like one and I sent Basstian to check on the Turners.  I can’t-”  Ma McGucket shook her head.  “I thought maybe my folks were responsible, but I hoped they weren’t.  I hoped that they had some shred of humanity, that they wouldn’t kidnap a boy of their own blood.  But of course they did.  Emmett’s got a new power, one that they’d want in their arsenal.”

              “I’m sorry,” Willis mumbled.

              “Oh, hon, don’t apologize,” Ma McGucket said.  “It ain’t yer fault what yer fam’ly does.  We won’t hold it against ya, no more ‘n my children ‘n husband would hold what they did against me.”

              “So it was your family that kidnapped my only son?” Stan growled.  Emmett looked at his father.  The expression of pure rage was one he hadn’t seen since Emily was mistreated at school after she transitioned.

              “Yes.”  Ma McGucket clasped her hands.  Her voice was steady, her face calm.  “They’ll pay.”

              “Damn straight they’ll pay,” Stan spat out.  His hair was beginning to smoke.  “No one messes with a Pines.”

              “No one messes with a McGucket, either,” Pa McGucket said firmly.  “I’ll go ring up the rest of the folks.  Round up a good ole fashioned angry mob.”

              “You’ve got my mom’s number, right?” Stan asked.  Pa McGucket nodded.  “Mind calling her for me?  She’ll be able to contact anyone in my family who could help in a brawl.”

              “Why don’t you call her?” Harper asked.  Stan glared at him.  “…Yer son was just rescued from kidnappin’.  Right.” Harper cleared his throat.  “I’ll, uh, I’ll call up Lute.  Violynn, you wanna call Angie?”  Violynn nodded.  The McGuckets dissipated, most of them going to other rooms to make phone calls, with the exception of Ma McGucket, who went to the kitchen.  A few moments after, pots and pans began to clatter.

              “They cleared out fast,” Stan muttered.  He brushed Emmett’s shoulders.  “You need some new clothes.  I’ll raid Basstian’s closet.”

              “No need,” Basstian said quickly.  “I’ll grab him some stuff m’self.”  Basstian ruffled Willis’s hair.  “Don’t worry, kidlet, Stan might look scary, but he’s a reg’lar teddy bear inside.  And he’s not nearly as loud as my siblin’s.” Basstian walked away, whistling idly. Willis, still standing by the door, wrung his hands.

              “You all right there, kid?” Stan called.

              “Yeah, just, uh…”  Willis rubbed the back of his neck.  “I don’t know what to do,” he said in a small voice.  Emmett glanced at his father.  Stan nodded slowly.

              “Been there.”

              “Really?” Willis muttered.  “Doubt it.”

              “I didn’t run away when I was a kid, but I did get kicked out.  It sucks.  But you’re a couple steps ahead of where I was when I was in your shoes. You’ve got a bed, a roof over your head, food.  You can figure out what to do later.  After you’ve eaten something and slept.”  Emmett smiled.

              Dad likes to pretend he’s got a heart of stone, even around his own kids. But like Uncle Basstian said, he’s a softie.  Especially for kids from difficult situations.  Stan beckoned Willis over.

              “C’mon, kid.  There’s TV to watch.”

              “I…okay.”  Willis walked over to Stan and Emmett.  “What- what kind of TV?”

              “Whatever Emmett wants to watch.”

              “…Ducktective?” Emmett suggested.  Stan ruffled Emmett’s hair.

              “Good choice, sport.  That’s a quality show.  Let’s go watch a stupid duck solve some crimes.”

[ziracona]

How many people were tested just for others anyway? Gordon's wife and daughter, Daniel (the wiki says it was also for shoplifting but he was 16 so I call bs), literally everyone except Lynn and her husband in Saw III, and my memory past 3 is fuzzy but that one lying author's wife comes straight to mind. They weren't being tested for whatever John pretended his survival of the fittest policy was they were terrorized tortured and/or killed for basically nothing but the pain of the target.

Anon you’re so valid TuT 

ITS TRUE AND WE SHOULD ALL SAY IT!!! Also, I wrote this little part last, bc I just wanted to give fair warning that I went blind into a rage and wrote threethousand words about how much I hate John Kramer, full of very terrible language and spoilers for Saw 1-6, because I go that fucking feral at the sound of his name, and I can’t make everyone scroll past that so I’m putting most of it under the cut, but even if you decide you justifiably fear that rant and don’t read it, just know you are incredibly valid, and John can eat shit and die. Rant start:

John did that bullshit constantly! He would over and over put 1 (one) man he personally wanted to watch suffer on trial and sacrifice /scores/ of people for no reason. No trap, no way to escape, at someone else’s mercy completely or maybe with 0 chance even there bc JOHN KRAMER IS A SACK OF SHIT. 

He kills a house full of drug addicts in two, mostly just bc his wife worked w drug addicts and John hates drug addicts, and even though Amanda was in their literal exact same position she does jack shit to stop him and just watches people slowly have their organs deteriorate and start coughing up blood around her!! Including fucking Daniel! Who got an antidote but like, at the 11th hour. Do y’all even understand how biology works John and CO??? If you neutralize a poison after it has deteriorated parts of organs it might save your life but itS NOT A FUCKING HEALTH POTION. Poor Daniel Matthews probably will only live to be like forty tops if he’s super lucky because of that. And he did NOTHING!!! He had shoplifted bc he was going through a teen phase but he’s like sixteen! Everyone was dumb as shit as a teenager, and most people shoplift at some point in their life! It does not earn you slow deterioration of your organs! Poor kid not only watched a man burned to death in an oven, dude have his brains blown out, girl die of prolonged organ failure, and more shit, he himself /killed/ a man as a sixteen year old child to save Amanda Young because he’s got a good heart and is a good person, and that shit is awful! It’s traumatic to kill someone at any age, but as a teenager? And then he got knocked out by her and thrown in a tiny locked safe, tied up and gagged, and kept alive by an oxygen tank in an enclosed space after that massive trauma for or AT LEAST 24 HOURS ! He did NOTHING. It was all just a long-con sacrifice to get Eric Matthews to a specific location. Eric did some real shit, but god, even after everything Daniel did for Amanda and all John’s talk of innocents, neither of them ever even tell Eric he lived! Amanda just locks him up, fights, beats him to she thinks death, and then John keeps him locked up and isolated in a cell for months, only to make him choke himself slowly in a test he doesn’t actually get to participate in to keep a friend from being electrocuted. It’s all kinds of fucked.

Even Jeff did nothing worse than be depressed and obsessive and unavailable to his kid, all Lynn did was have a boyfriend after she and he separated (and tbh the only reason John took her was bc he wanted a doctor and hated her for being one of the docs who told him he had cancer bc John is a pettyass hypocritical stupid sack of shit!) I’m VIBRATING with hatred. Lynn was just a pawn in Amanda’s test! It never mattered if she kept John alive! It only mattered if Amanda decided to fucking shoot her!!! She did her task and died and JOHN KNEW THERE WAS A HIGH PROBABILITY AMANDA WOULD KILL HER AND DID NOTHING TO STOP IT BC JOHN CARES ABOUT NO ONE BUT HIMSELF THE FUCKING WORTHLESS LITTLE WORM. 

And the other victims in 3 are a poor college student who ran over someone on accident and feels massive guilt already and served jail time for it who gets his fucking limbs and then head all twisted off while begging for his life because JOHN KRAMER IS A PIECE OF SHIT AND SO IS JEFF TBH. BUT NOT AS BIG OF ONE. The poor girl who is stung up naked in a freezer and sprayed repeatedly with water till she is encased in ice and dead literally just saw the hit and run and ran away bc she was scared!!! Not to mention Jeff’s other kid who gets kidnapped and locked up as collateral! Even if she’s not hurt that’s FUCKING TRAUMATIZING FOR A YOUNG CHILD. And Allison Kerry did nothing wrong! Amanda kills her in the Angel trap literally just bc she’s investigating them! When he targets a detective John’s always like “Ho ho he, I am putting you on trial bc you are obsessed with your work”  LIKE, BITCH NO SHE FUCKIN AINT SHE DOIN HER GODDAMN JOB AND U DON”T WANT TO GET CAUGHT YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORE I FUCKING HATE YOU SO MUCH THAT JUST LOOKING AT YOUR FACE CAUSES ME TO PRODUCE SO MUCH EXCESS EPINEPHRINE I COULD BOTTLE IT AND SAVE IT FOR LATER. I swear to god, if I had a grenade and I was in the room trapped with a still breathing John Kramer, I would kill pull the pin and take us both! FUCK I would pull the pin and then french kiss the grenade as thanks for letting me see that sack of shit go right to hell!

I don’t remember all of four bc it was really terrible, so I don’t have a lot of thoughts there except woof, but there was a lot of bullshit. Like John’s lawyer who did nothing but try to talk to him about finances enough it pissed John off got kidnapped, won his first game, and then got kidnapped again BC THAT SHIT HEAD SURE NEVER KEEPS EVEN HIS OWN GODDAMNED WORD and was made pawn in the game and then shot bc he didn’t have a chance to save himsefl!!! 

In Saw one, also, again, Adam was never being tested. He was just a pawn too. It was Gordon who got to decide to kill him or not, and ADAM LIVED TO SIX OR WHENEVER THE FUCK THE TIME WAS AND JOHN STILL LEFT HIM TO DIE BECAUSE HE”S A HYPOCRITICAL PIECE OF SHIT!!!! And he’s not interesting enough for Johns MASSIVE brainshlong that obviously is so full of right ideas and enlightenment you MICROPENISEDtrulyIDIOTIC self-centered human garbage!  He only took Adam at all bc he was there! He said the reason was Adam was pathetic! ADAM WAS DOING HIS BEST YOU CRUSTY ASS RED ROBED TURTLE LOOKIN MOTHERFUCKER. He was a freelance photographer in New Jersey in his early 20s during an economic collapse, and still nice enough to be taking care of stray cats you FUCKING sack of dogshit! 

And Gordon? All he did was tell John he had cancer! He was cheating on his wife too, but like, the reason John picked him was that!!! HE THOUGHT!! GORDON SOUNDED TOO COLD WHEN HE TOLD HIM HE HAD CANCER I FUCKING HATE JOHN KRAMER SO MUCH. John Kramer really will see someone smile not as big a smile as he thought they should have given him and be like: “Yo, is anyone going to corkscrew their eyeballs off?” and not even wait for an answer. I fuuuuukning hate him. And that little shitface thought it was somehow chill to order someone else to kill Gordon’s wife and eight year old child who had done JACK SHIT wrong ever if Gordon wasn’t willing to brutally murder a kid in his early 20s who had done nothing wrong????! WHAT THE FUCK. Mr. KRamer.. QUICK QUESTION. WHAT. THE. FUCK. You self-righteous, self-centered, pretentious, pettyass, sadistic motherfucking goddamn worthless excuse for anything!

In five he’s finally dead so I can : ) once. BUT HE STILL FUCKS UP SHIT FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE. SO I’m STILL MAD. All the people Hoffman kills are ppl John told him to, so HE STILL MOTHERFUKIN RESPONSIBLE. In 5 it’s a bunch of people responsible kind of for deaths of people in a low-income neighborhood. One guy was paid to torch an abandoned building, and eight people died in the fire, but he didn’t know anyone was there and feels terrible. He thought it was vacant, it was just arson. Another is a journalist who found out about the arson, and didn’t break the story bc guy 1’s father bribed him. There’s a fire inspector who learned the truth and was bribed by the guy’s dad not to tell too. A city planner who was bribed into selling permits for the land. And Brit, who was the girl who paid for the arson, bc she wanted to make an apartment complex, and maybe actually knew about the 8 people and might have deserved some real payback–it’s unclear???? Regardless. I want to add that the cops had been investigating, had a strong case, and were about to arrest them and hold these people accountable in a legal manner, which John knew bc HOFFMAN WAS IN HIS POCKET, and John so hated the idea of them facing justice justice, he kidnapped them. The fire inspector got dragged into saw blades by her throat and torn apart, the journalist died to a nail bomb, and the city planner got electrocuted in a bathtub. The two who made it had their arms split down the middle up to the elbow to let enough blood out to save them.  I cannot. Just.

Anyway. In six, again at DEAD JOHN WHO WON”T QUIT FUCKING EVERYTHING UP’s request, a ‘game’ is played and William Easton (one of my fave protagonists bc he’s a piece of shit but damn if he didn’t have a real glow up in forty-five minutes) is thrown into a hell circuit. 

And so, undeservingly, is like, EVERYONE he fucking knows! His janitor Hank is first up. Target for…what was it? OHhhhhh right. He smokes. That was why. That makes so much sense john I’m sorry I doubted you PSYCH I CAN"T EVEN SAY IT AS A JOKE I JUST THREW UP A LITTLE IN MY MOUTH JOHN QUICK Q? WHAT THE FUCK? oh wait it’s because your an ABSOLUTE BASTARD. You would think I would get desensitized but no. It just. It’s fuel on the flame of my rage.

William Easton and the janitor, Hank, are hooked into something that slowly tightens and crushes their ribs any time they take a breath, and whoever doesn’t die first gets to live, and poor goddamn Hank smoked so ofc he can’t outlast a healthy dude in his 30s and John crushes his ribs just to make William watch someone die. Then he makes William pick which of two people to save in trial 2. MEANING HE GODDAMN STRAIGHT UP KIDNAPPED THESE TWO TOTALLY FINE WITH EITHER DYING, IN FACT WITH THE SOUL PURPOSE BEING TO DIE bc who cares about them right John? You fucking pretentious self-righteous creep! I have a year of the Pig teddy bear I named after Peter Strahm JUST for the FUCKING satisfaction of knowing John would hate that bc he was so into year of the motherfucking pig. ANyway. Plot again. Poor file clerk at Williams firm and the poor secretary are the two targets, and literally they did jack shit!!! They work for shitty lawyers but all they do is clock in to a 9-5 and file shit!! They are literally just there to rub it in William’s face that insurance policies aren’t fair bc according to them, one of the humans is worth more than the other bc health and age, but uuuuh oohhh William the older one with health issues is p hard to kill face to face bc you know her and she has kids and the young healthy man in his early 20s family is dead and he doesn’t have friends which means according to John he is worth less bc JOHN DOES THINK YOU CAN CHOOSE BETWEEN LIVES and all of this is here just bc John somehow thought it would be fun to fucking WIN A GODDAMN “I’M RIGHT” ARGUMENT WITH A LAWYER at the expense of brutally hanging a human being with barbed wire!!! 

Sidebar–if John Kramer was a real human being, I would go yearly on a fucking pilgrimage to his grave just to SPIT on his stupid corpse. I HATE HIM SO MUCH. 

K so young man dies. Then test 3 his attorney dies too, I don’t know much about her, except she is just there to make William feel like shit and they were into each other, and she tries to kill William after he gets hurt trying to save her bc he has the key to her trap in his stomach or chest idr, but she doesn’t get the key in time and dies, and then test 4 he finds his associates strapped to a carousel with a shotgun that picks one at random and blows off their head, and has to let all but two of them get gunned down and choose which two not to kill. And again, they’re kind of shittyass lawyers, but uh. Yeah. To save two, he has to let this huge piece of metal rip through his hand, but William does it and destroys his hand to save the two he can, and suffers picking while they all beg him to pick them bc John wanted to see him suffer picking between human lives again because he’s a goddam self-centered stuck up jerk who vales human life less then admiring his ugly ass dick in the mirror every day and pretending he’s a member of Mensa, the evil utterly irredeemable sack of shit. Anyway, at the end, William has never had a chance to live or die at all! And John was literally just torturing him for fun and killed /all/ those people not even for a test for William but /solely/ to make him suffer bc human lives DON"T MATTER ONE FUCKING IOTA to JOHN SHITASS KRAMER. WHO JUST WANTED TO WIN. AN INTELLECTUAL ARGUMENT. POST-MORTEM. BECAUSE he’s THAT kind of shittyass, pretentious, sanctimonious, better than thou, always right, incapable of wrong, smartest fucking asshole in the room man!!! I bet he doesn’t ever wash his hands when he takes a piss! I KNOW IT! FUCK John Kramer! 

ANd OH! William gets killed by a kid who hates him bc he turned down their father’s insurance policy fraudulently, knowing he would die of an illness without the money. BC William was terrible. Which is /so/ great for that fucking teenager! Killing someone horribly with acid while you watch them die and their body be melted! And they beg you not to do it and apologize on the other side of bars, already beat to shit, and plead for forgiveness, and your mom begs you not to, and the dude’s sister sobs and begs you not to!!! SO GOOD! Way to go john you FUCKING CUNT, they definitely value their lives now you goddamn motherfucking souless sack of shit!

I-I don’t even have the energy to do the other Saw movies or go back over the other victims in Saw one WHO DID NOTHING WRONG. John just hated them!!! BC HIS WIFE KNEW THEM! In most cases! John just fucking hates drug addicts! OK u know what here’s the short version even if I can’t do them justice rn bc I’m pissed!!! One guy got sliced to death on razor wire for cutting when he was depressed bc John is a piece of shit, one got burned to death after walking on glass for hours bc John doesn’t believe in invisible illnesses and if you’re walking you must be healthy, oh yeah! And the fucking dude Amanda killed in her first trial was just a drug addict! Going to a recovery clinic! He never had a chance to live on his own bc the only choice was if Amanda would cut open his intestines and sift through him for a key while he was awake but too drugged to move or not, and she did! Didn’t even get to plead for his life! ANyway!!!! Fucking as far as I can tell all Zep did was work at the goddamn hospital! He WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO BE NICE TO JOHN and told other people he was a cool dude!!! He was just a janitor!!! WHAT THE FUCK???

I just. God. I hate everything about John Kramer. The way he talks makes me so LIVID I change color like a goddamned chameleon. He is so ready to argue his stupid shitty fucking ethics with anyone who breathes in a ten mile radius. Shithead John over here will strap you to a table and make you listen to him talk about how it’s not his fault he poisoned two people and gave them one antidote and a bunch of knives and one of them came out dead, and his hands are clean and people don’t value their lives so they should die while he watches eating fucking cereal I am just–I am so glad John has cancer? Like, the idea of Saw sans John having cancer is unbearable, because I am so afraid the writers would never let him die and we would never be free of the human cancer that is John. The only human being on the planet that has ever been able to make me root for the cancer. But boy in that one and only regard, John is special.

I hate him so much it is unbelievable. Like. I can’t even put it into words. THe pure, unbridled fury I feel when I hear John say, “D’oh ho ho, but I, with these two little handies of mine, hath never pulled the gun’s trigger! Got you there! Where is your science! Where is your god! I am no murderer! I heal people! By sawing off their faces! You just do not understand, oh poor unenlightened human that you are. May you be strapped to a machete car and blessed with my wisdom  😔” I absolutely lose control of 90% of normal human functionality, and all that I have left is righteous justice and bloodlust. It’s unbelievable.

Whichever one of you god-mode-brain peeps made that post saying Eric Matthews had the hardest test in the whole Saw franchise because he had to sit and listen to John Kramer talk for two hours was a GODDAMNED HERO and if you contact me and prove the tumblr account is yours I will paypal you ten dollars and a personalized note thanking you for the joy that gave me because I just really hate John Kramer that FUCKING MUCH. I would cut off my own toes to be able to have something to shove down John Kramer’s throat to make him stop. talking.

There are a lot of things in this world I hate bc I hate things that are unjust, but I hate absolutely nothing more in the universe than a villain who is a self-righteous, hypocritical asshole who won’t even admit that what they are doing is wrong and parades as the tragic genius hero despite knowing GODDAMN well that they are a petty, shitty, hypocritical, absolute fucking MONSTER with no redeemable qualities or capacity for love. And John Kramer is at least my second least favorite character in the history of ANYTHING. Maybe my first. I’m not even sure anymore! Nasty-ass, evil, pretentious, self-righteous, shortsighted, selfish, sadistic, voyeuristic, willfully ignorant, crusty ass useless soulless garbage little SHIT.

[sebthesnipe]

Prophecy of the Procyon

February Prompts 2/17

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The February Collection on AO3

My Dearest Procyon

Other works by me

Prompt: Obey / Oasis

Ship: Prinxiety and Logicality

Original story based on this wonderful post by @underdog-arts

P.S. This is my favorite chapter so far :3

“Can I hold him? Please?!” The whiney voice came, grating on one of the very few nerves Virgil had left.

“I said no.” Virgil replied flatly, pulling the black cat a bit further away from Patton’s pouting presence. Logan had changed back into his feline form about half an hour after the introductions were made. Virgil had quickly scooped up the cat, hands sliding under his front legs, before he could dart for their new companion. 

The fur covered creature pinned Virgil with an even and unamused look as he was yanked away from Patton’s small form. The whole thing was ridiculous and if Logan didn’t know any better, he would assume that Virgil was either jealous or overprotective of him. He supposed that he should be flattered by the idea, but for the most part he was just tired. It had been a very long day.  

“Come on, Patton,” Roman interjected, which Virgil was extremely grateful for, “let's leave the grumpy gus to sulk on his own.” He wrapped an arm around Patton’s shoulder, surprised by the amount of heat his small form gave off. “Why don’t I tell you about the palace I grew up in?”

“Oh! That sounds wonderful, Roman!” Patton agreed eagerly. 

“Well, it is…” Roman paused, his elation fading slightly as he realized what he had said. “Was,” he corrected before moving on without missing a beat, “beautiful! Tapestries and landscapes of exotic places as far as the eye could see!” He lifted his free hand, waving it in front of them as if to help visualize the scene. “It was an oasis of culture in the desert that is our society! There were countless rooms for every occasion, guest, and activity! I had a whole staff of people waiting to obey my every command! And during the summer…”

Virgil tuned him out as they continued walking, once more thankful that the two had each other to keep themselves occupied. He had no time for their antics. They needed to focus on the task at hand. They were getting closer to whatever awaited them at the end of their journey and Virgil was keen on preparing for it. Whatever ‘it’ was.

He shifted Logan to his shoulder, allowing the cat to climb up and into his backpack, no doubt ready to curl up and sleep for the night. He paid close attention to the way the weight shifted on his back, curious if the beast was actually settling down or sneaking another peak at their new companion. 

‘All that is gained, will be lost again. Never to be found for the one without hope.’ The words echoed through his thoughts as they often did when he was alone long enough to think. He still didn’t quite understand the fortune given by the seer, and perhaps he never would. Fortunes were funny that way, they only ever seemed to make sense after they had come true. 

He had asked Logan what it could mean, but the man knew about as much as Virgil did; and Logan had been the one to provide him with that little gem of fortuity in the first place?! They had discussed the possible meaning over the long spanse of their journey, but not much had come of it aside from the conclusion that Virgil was, no doubt, ‘the one without hope’. It was fitting really, he had never been an optimistic person, and certainly didn’t plan on changing that now, prophecy or no prophecy. 

‘You’re fidgeting, Virgil.’ Logan’s mind brushed against his, stirring him from his thoughts. Virgil gland down at where his hand was toying with the clasp of his cloak, no doubt causing his pack to jostle, disturbing the feline.

“Sorry,” the witch mumbled with a sigh, dropping his hands. 

‘You seem more uneasy than usual.’

“Do I?” Virgil snapped in return, glaring at the ground in front of him as he pressed on. “I wonder why?! Maybe it has something to do with the pyromancer you decided to bring along like a new pet.’

‘Patton chose to come along on his own accord. He is important to this journey, Virgil.’

“No, the dragon is important. Not some half baked pyromaniac.” He growled, glancing over his shoulder to make sure that the prince and the man in question were still deep in conversation. 

‘Your reaction to him is a bit extreme.’

“You could have at least asked me first. I thought we were in this together?” The words were spoken in more of an annoyed and defeated whisper than an accusation. Regardless, they certainly struck home if Logan’s sudden silence was anything to go by. Virgil knew he should feel at least a little remorseful for the shot against his partner, but refused to allow the feeling to take root as he ducked beneath a low hanging branch. 

“-anyways, Virgil?” Roman’s voice came, pulling the witch’s attention back into the world around him. How long had the prince been talking to him?

“What?” Virgil huffed, as the man hurried forward to stand next to him. 

“I said, where are we headed, anyways?” Roman repeated. 

“Oh, dear,” Patton squeaked loud enough that Virgil assumed he had pulled up right behind their more muscled companion, “you mean you’ve been traveling with them and you don’t know where you’re going? Roman, you really ought to be more careful, kiddo. You’re a prince! What if someone wanted to kidnap you and hold you for ransom or something! You could be in real danger and you wouldn’t know where to find us! And what if you were hurt?!” The dragon smaller man looked aghast with concern as both Virgil and Roman glanced back at him. The prince, however, found it amusing, and gave a boisterous laugh. 

“It is a bit late to start worrying about that now. I’ve checked off that whole list, minus the ransom.” Roman teased lightly, causing Patton to go wide eyed in horror. 

“You were prince-napped?” he gasped, “How did you get away?”

“Well,” Roman grinned, glancing at Virgil, who was not amused. The witch gave a roll of his eyes before starting to move again, obviously expecting the other two to follow. “I haven’t escaped yet.”

“You mean…” Patton trailed off as they began to walk on.

“Yup. The prince-nappers are none other than your two favorite magic users,” Roman clarified.

“No!”

“Yes.” 

“You weren’t kidnapped.” Virgil huffed, pulling his hood up so that he could sulk in piece. 

“Prince-napped,” Roman corrected. 

“Whatever! You weren’t… that,” the witch grumbled. 

“I was tied up and gagged!” Roman swooned dramatically as if it truly was an atrocity. 

“Oh, poor Roman! I hope it wasn’t too bad. You weren’t hurt were you?” Patton cooed, genuinely worried; or at least acting as if he were. 

“Do not fear, my dear Patton! It takes a lot more than a bit of witchcraft to wound me!” Roman boomed, striking a pose that made the shortest of the three give a giggle. 

Virgil felt his pack shift, signaling Logan’s movements as the cat peaked out from the opening of the flaps at the sound of Patton’s twittering laughter. The whole thing had Virgil’s hackles raised. He gave a low growl, wishing he were back in raccoon form so that it would be socially acceptable to claw at them both. 

“Like a knife to the side?” Virgil countered flatly, pausing to turn, bringing attention to the large blood stain that still marred Roman’s ripped shirt. “You were not kid-prince… WHATEVER-napped! You were found bleeding out in the middle of the road! I-” ‘We’ Logan’s correction came.

“We found you and healed you! The ropes were a precaution! Your family is responsible for the genicide of my people and I wasn’t going to take the chance that you might try and hurt us! The gag was because you obviously talk too much!” Virgil snapped shoving his index finger into the prince’s far too broad chest, shaking slightly in his agitated state.

Roman’s smile faded at Virgil’s words, his expression turning stoic as he stared down at the beautiful and angry man. He didn’t even bother denying the witch’s words. He knew the atrocities his family had committed and despite his best efforts, he had never been able to stop them. It was always ‘this is how a country is run, Roman’ or ‘when you’re king you’ll understand, Roman’; but he doubted he would ever understand and now… now he was fairly sure they were all dead, no doubt haunted in the afterlife by the very people they had ostracized. 

“V-Virgil…” Patton’s watery voice came as he tried to hold back tears, “Is that true?” 

The teary gaze caught both of their attention, surprised that someone would be so openly moved by their own emotions. Virgil allowed his hand to drop, suddenly uncomfortable with the attention.

“Well… I mean…” Virgil stuttered, unsure of himself.

“You saved Roman?” he whispered in awe. Virgil tensed as he realized that the man was tearing up, not in remorse for the countless that had died at the hands of the royal family, but that Virgil had valiantly rescued an injured man. He was not accustomed to admiration to say the least.

“I guess?” Virgil offered, averting his gaze sheepishly. 

“There is no ‘I guess’ about it! Virgil is a hero!” Roman bellowed, an arm suddenly wrapping around his slender shoulders.

Virgil’s eyes went wide at the sudden change in tone along with the physical contact, which he most certainly did not lean into. He panicked, shoving the prince away from him, shoulders hunched with tension. 

“I’m not a hero!” he growled viciously before turning on his heels, completely done with the two of them. 

“Yes you are,” Roman argued, just managing to catch himself before hurrying after the witch, “and once I have regained my Kingdom I shall have you knighted! Ser Virgil the Vitriolic!” 

“I don’t even know what that means!” the witch huffed in annoyance.

Patton wiped away the tears in his eyes as he began to follow the two arguing men, unable to ignore the fond warmth that began to bloom in chest. It was nice to be part of a group again, to be included. He wished the others could be there. It wouldn’t be long now. Everything was coming together just as it was meant to… 

To be continued….

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