#look they love each other a lot and they can call each other out and have these fights and still be friends

[amirasainz]

Hi! I love your blog!! Can I request a female driver x f1 grid, where she gets her first win and all the drivers are so happy for her as she’s the paddock princess, maybe when she’s doing her interviews many drivers come over to her and congratulate her and they talk highly of her in their interviews too? Thank u, keep up the amazing work!!💗

Ohh, that is such a sweet idea. This one made my heart melt.🫠❤️

Enjoy reading and send some requests!!!

-xoxo

The first victory

The sun hung low over the track, painting the sky in hues of gold and orange as the final lap of the race came to a thrilling conclusion. The Aston Martin car, gleaming in its iconic green, roared down the straightaway with unmatched speed. All eyes were on Y/N, the team's rising star and the paddock's beloved princess. As she crossed the finish line, the world erupted with cheers.

"Y/N wins her first race!" the commentator's voice boomed over the loudspeakers. "What a sensational performance! Y/N takes her maiden victory, and it's Aston Martin on top!"

Inside her cockpit, Y/N could hardly believe it. She was overwhelmed with a rush of adrenaline, relief, and sheer joy. Her radio buzzed with the jubilant voice of her race engineer, Michaela.

"Y/N, you did it! You won! That was incredible! You are a race winner!"

Y/N couldn't contain her emotions. "Oh my god, we did it! We actually did it! Thank you so much, team! The car was perfect today. I can't believe this!" Her voice broke with happy tears as she crossed the finish line.

As she pulled into parc fermé, she could already see the sea of green uniforms waiting for her. The Aston Martin crew, usually composed and professional, was now a mass of cheering, fist-pumping celebration. She parked her car and clambered out, pulling off her helmet to reveal her beaming face. The noise was deafening; her team surrounded her, lifting her onto their shoulders as if she were royalty.

"Y/N! Y/N!" they chanted, their pride and admiration radiating.

Michaela, her race engineer, hugged her tightly. "You were flawless out there. Absolutely flawless."

Y/N, still catching her breath, grinned. "I couldn’t have done it without you guys. This one is for all of us!"

Before she could process what was happening, the other drivers began streaming in, each wanting to congratulate her on this monumental achievement. Lewis was the first to arrive, jogging over and giving her a massive hug.

"Well done, princess!" Lewis grinned, using the nickname the entire paddock had affectionately given her. "That was some of the best driving I’ve ever seen. You deserved this more than anyone."

Y/N laughed, playfully punching him on the shoulder. "Thank you, Lewis. That means a lot coming from you."

Max, who finished in third, made his way over next, pulling Y/N into a hug. "That was incredible, kid! I was pushing so hard to catch you, but you were just too fast. That last stint? Perfect."

Y/N’s smile widened. "Max, you kept me on my toes the whole race. I kept looking in my mirrors and thinking, ‘Please, not today!’" They both laughed, a shared camaraderie between rivals.

Charles joined the growing circle, clapping his hands before enveloping Y/N in a warm embrace. "You did it! You showed everyone today what you’re made of. I’m so proud of you, chéri."

Pierre Gasly chimed in, giving her a quick side hug. "You’re amazing, Y/N. It’s been a long time coming, and today was your day. You’re unstoppable."

Y/N was overwhelmed by the affection and admiration pouring in from all sides. Every driver in the paddock had a soft spot for her, and today, they all showed it without reservation.

Her interviews began shortly after, and as she spoke, drivers kept wandering over, interrupting to offer their congratulations. Daniel, always the joker, nudged her as he walked by, wearing a wide grin. "You know, if you keep driving like that, I’m going to have to start calling you Queen Y/N."

Y/N laughed, shaking her head. "Oh, stop it, Danny. But thank you. That means a lot."

As she continued with her media duties, the praise didn’t stop. George in his own interview, couldn't help but beam when asked about her performance. "Y/N is not just a phenomenal driver; she’s an incredible person. She works so hard, and seeing her finally get that win... I think we’re all just so happy for her. She’s truly the paddock princess."

Checo added in his segment, "She’s shown time and time again that she’s got what it takes. To see her standing on the top step today, it’s special. She’s the pride of the paddock."

Especially Fernando, one of the most experienced drivers on the grid, was full of admiration. "She’s a star. I’ve said it from the beginning. She’s got the talent, the dedication, and today, she put it all together perfectly. This is just the start for her."

When it was finally Y/N’s turn to address the cameras, she tried to keep her composure, but the emotions were too overwhelming. "I just want to thank my team, my family, and every single person who’s supported me. It’s been a tough journey, but today… today made it all worth it."

As she spoke, Carlos and Lando popped into her interview, both grinning ear to ear.

Lando, ever the playful one, said, "Y/N, you’ve got to teach us how to drive like that. Seriously, we’re all just trying to catch up to you now."

Carlos nodded in agreement. "Yeah, we’re going to need some lessons. You’re the real deal, hermosa."

She laughed, shaking her head. "Stop it, you guys! But honestly, thank you. You all mean the world to me."

The drivers couldn’t hide their affection. They each gave her one last hug, congratulating her again before letting her continue. Even in their own interviews, her name was on everyone’s lips.

Lewis, when asked about Y/N’s victory, said, "She’s a trailblazer. There’s no other way to put it. The way she carries herself, her determination—she’s an inspiration, not just to women in motorsport but to all of us. She’s the paddock princess, and today, she proved why."

Max added, "She’s one of the most dedicated drivers out here. We all see how hard she works, and to see her win... it just feels right. We’re all proud of her."

The day was a celebration, not just for Aston Martin, but for the entire paddock. Y/N had earned every bit of praise, every hug, and every kind word. As the cameras clicked and the champagne flowed, she stood on the podium, looking out at the cheering crowd, her fellow drivers waving at her from below.

For once, the paddock princess had her crown. And everyone—drivers, teams, and fans alike—couldn't have been happier for her.

[eccentricallygothic]

Divorced Dad!Captain Syverson who experiences a real time brain short-circuit when he sees how well you get along with his kids during your first meeting with them… 

Warning(s): Breeding kink, size kink, old man!Sy, age gap, manhandling, groping, fluff, boob play, unprotected p-in-v, I added plot to it TT. MDNI.

. . . 

After the messy divorce that followed his turbulent marriage, Sy was not looking forward to any relations with the opposite sex, if possible. With his former profession a constant hurdle to his life as part of a unionized pair and marital bliss, what had started as a promising relationship had turned out to be one of those unfortunate marriages where children were sought as a last resort to perhaps save the remnants of the already rotten love between man and wife. Though being someone from a background that held family in the highest esteem and always having been fond of the idea of his own lot, Sy loved his children more than life itself and there was not a thing in the world he would trade for them. And that was the reason why he had preferred to opt for an early retirement so custody would not be an issue between him and his ex-wife who was more than eager to shed off everything affiliated with the name Syverson like an illness.

You, on the other hand, though not much experienced with the opposite sex were not too warm to the idea of children. Being a student in her last year of higher education and only so old as you were, your attitude hardly deserved to be subjected to scrutiny. That, and the fact that you hadn't really had many young ones around you while growing up as an only child, calling you a foreigner to the scene would not qualify as an exaggeration and hence it can be said that it is more indifference than contempt on your part. 

So naturally, when it happened, it was strictly unplanned. And very fateful. With a rather traumatized Sy in a sort of an emotional limbo who had more than enough reason to keep to himself, and a stressed with soon approaching future endeavors as well as disillusioned with the opposite sex you, the night you had bumped into each other outside the bar restrooms where Sy had been dragged to cheer up by his friends and you to loosen up by yours, the rather fast yet steady rate at which the two of you had woven into each other had been unexpected to say the least. 

But now, as Sy fires up the grill in his backyard to begin the little BBQ he has planned for today when you meet his children for the first time, the prided and much experienced grill expert nearly burns his hand because he is so busy inwardly fawning over how quickly his rugrats have warmed up to you. And you, Sy will swear on anything that you are just the most perfect woman— person alive. Everything is just right with you. Even on days when the world seems to press down on him, your mere presence is there to help his spirits back up and elate as well as support him in every sense.

Though he had been honest about his condition since the beginning, after his initial reluctance to get with you as you were so much younger and inexperienced compared to him, children weren't peculiarly a topic that came up between the two of you except occasions where Sy wanted to share a little victory or rant with you. So as you keep his toddler on one hip with a protective arm around her, your perfect body -Sy's words- clad in a bonny bright coloured sundress, and hold the hand of his 5 year old who excitedly shows you around the mini patio of the modern farmhouse, memories of his own mother scarce if any, your making conversation with the boy and giggling along to his lisp droning flutters Sy's heart in a way that he thought he had outgrown. 

It also excites him with a kind of boyish heat that the former military Captain had thought he had shed off with his adolescent youth.

And so he just has to have you by yielding to a similar impatience and desperation, the musical sound of your giggles faintly fluttering its melodies upon his flush and thumping ears as he gets to it.

“God, Sy!” The huff in your words fires him up even more and he cannot hold back any longer. “You’re such a brute!” His coarse and scarred paws heavily pull at your dress with a crazed desperation to help you find the restroom, as he had told one of the farm hands that he had left the children under. “Oof!” The whine you let out before instinctively craning your head to try and ease the way his thick beard tickles the tender skin of the curve of your neck makes him growl into your carotid pulse that he worships with his hot lips, the pressure of your pressing your face into his as well as the soft pants you let out, your chest bumping into his with each heave of your lungs, only lithifies his bulging erection even more. 

“Gon' fatten up your pretty lil’ pussy with my cum, baby” Sy's breaths scorch your clammy skin with their burning weight. His hands grope and expose you everywhere they can reach, and they can do so everywhere because of how much smaller hence ragdoll-like you are compared to him. “Wouldja like that, angel?” Your eyes roll to the back of your head when he boosts your thighs up his tall legs and around his waist, the fat and leaking tip of his cock grazing against your holes from how he is kissing you everywhere he can reach. “Me stuffing that cute tummy full of siblings for Tim and Bethy, huh?” You know he would never actually do something as serious so callously without a prior discussion so you breathlessly nod, pushing your oral muscles to gulp down the thick bile in your throat and tip your head against the wall to prepare yourself to withstand his intrusion of your pussy that thanks to his girth always feels like not only your first time with him but your very deflowering in general.

 “Yes” your mouth falls open as he reaches below the hold with which he has your whole body propped up. “Yes, please~” his balmy tip finds its destination in the tiny, drenched and quivering closed up band that leads to your reproductive cavern. “Please fimme with your babies, Sy~” when the stretch makes your tiny hole burn around his girth, your mouth lets loose all the obscene words of vulgar desire. 

“Yeah, baby?” Sy's fingers flex over your ass and caress their way up your side before coming down and repeating the action, his thumb stealing strokes of your nipples as he does. “Wanna make me a Daddy, yeah?” A hiss leaves your mouth and your back arches at the feeling of your walls sheathing him deep within themselves. His breathtaking urgency nearly puts a dent in your innards. “Want me to make you all round and heavy here?” Your pussy clenches around the hilt of his cock when he suddenly gropes your naval into a greedy handful.

“Yes, please, Sy!” Your whole form bounces up in the air when the man gives you a thrust so powerful that has you mewling and digging your nails in his shoulders. “Wanna make you a Daddy so bad, Sy!” His dick has always had a hypnotic effect on you, for the minute it's in the vicinity of any of your holes, you become a brain dead parrot for him. 

“Atta girl~” he cooes, tossing your body further up with a strong stab of his hips so he can clamp his teeth down on one of your boobs.

MASTERLIST

. . . 

I am MAD for this man. Like I am not even hot on kids. WHAT—

[snakeredbirdbatkatana]

It was another competion the entire family all shoving and pushing each other into the car to see more of Damian's art.

Tim is excited for Damian.

He knows what it's like, to stand there and have no one show up. To be there all by yourself for hours the only one to visit your booth being the art teacher.

Ms. Carrington who would ask questions and ignore the tears that pooled in his eyes before helping him pack everything up, sometimes even driving him home because of course neither his parents or Bruce could be bothered to pick him up.

He can't really help the envy that he can feel building in his chest mixing with a good chunk of repressed anger.

A elbow being jabbed into his ribs distracts him.

"Hey what's with the face? Perk up Boy-Loser it's Damian's night."

He turns to Steph the smile that he had been attempting to plaster on falling. It's such a stupid thing it's a nickname so what if it's demeaning, he gets called pretender or replacement by Jason what does it matter.

"Do you ever think it's kinda fucked up that not a single person in this family calls me anything that isn't an insult?" He snaps.

She looks shocked. How fucking dare he have an ounce of self esteem. Someone alert the Media Tim Drake isn't a dormat.

He turns away sliding into the crowd.

There's less then half an hour left before he can leave. Pratically throwing himself down in the empty hallway as far as he can get from this entire night.

"Baby bird and Timmy aren't insults? Or are they I can't seem to keep up with the kids these days."

He turns, of course. You might be able to run from Batman or lie to him, but you can never escape the grasp of Big Brother Nightwing.

"So your admitting that your old?" he joins the banter.

His muscles start to unclench another superpower only Dick Grayson seems to have.

"Never, something you want to talk about?"

Does he? No. Should he? Yah.

"Maybe I just don't want be insulted every day of my life. So weird who doesn't want to be reminded they suck?"

He can hear the whine, he can also hear that everything he just said isn't gonna matter. You don't take whiny little boys seriously. And that's what he is.

"Hmm you know I get called Dickhead or really a lot of just penis related jokes. Always hated them not that it really stops anyone."

He looks finally making eye contact with his big brother. Because he's right. How many times has he heard anyone in the family other than him and Damian call Dick anything nice. Never not once. Maybe Bruce but he can't really picture it.

"Also don't think I didn't notice how annoyed you are with Bruce about this entire night, which I don't blame you for. You know I love Damian kiddo, but yah Bruce is not winning a mug from me or you."

He doesn't really want to acknowledge any of that already exhausted and he will have to apologize to Steph and if he opens the box it will be a car ride from hell home.

"Luckily for you I have a car parked a block up we can escape get ice cream and have a nice sleepover in bludhaven."

He wants to so bad, he wants to throw himself at Dick who knows him so well, who followed him out here, who isn't blinking, the only adult who has ever not somehow fucked him over.

"What about Damian? He will be pissed at me for stealing you or something. He doesn't need another reason to stab me."

He turns to look back at the floor.

"Foolish Drake I will be coming with you Father is being insesently annoying and I much rather talk about art with someone who has a brain cell."

Both him and Dick whip around to see Damian standing there a slight blush on his face hesitation making the corner of mouth twitch. He sees Dick looking on unsure. He doesn't hesitate.

"Thank god I know a great place with that Vegan Cookie Dough you like. What you waiting for Big Bird? Let's go. "

Climbling to his feet he grabs Dick and Damian dragging them to the exit he hears Dick's confused muttering sharing a secret smile with Damian before ignoring it.

The night is finally looking up.

[vidavalor]

The Devil Takes The Hindmost

The Big Damn Post I've promised for ages on all the stuff suggesting that what we're watching in S2 is Aziraphale's mental health crisis leading to his fall...

...with a focus on a religious concept that intersects with secular ideas about mental health-- The Devil Takes The Hindmost-- that was unintentionally mentioned by Mrs. Sandwich and might be what's going on in The Final 15.

Plus, a look at the possible purpose of The Whickber Street Shopkeepers and Traders Association in the story and a dive into the symbolic role in Aziraphale's story played by Muriel... the most adorable Angel of Death anyone's ever seen.

@ao3cassandraic @komorezuki @kayleefansposts @masnadies -- This is basically what I was starting to talk about the other night, if you're interested. @ochre-sunflower -- the meta I mentioned.

TWs: suicide; depression; PTSD; negative self-thoughts... It's optimistic by the end but it's a look at some darker stuff in the story so please take care.

In GO S2, we have a lot of stressors building and overlapping for Aziraphale, with each episode adding new ones, all boiling hotter and hotter until we reach the The Meeting Ball. There, everything stops for the arrival of Shax at the door.

When she turns up, all the other plots cease to be relevant in the moment because the whole story's stakes upon her arrival now come down to a single, pivotal question:

Are these demons going to get into the bookshop?

On the surface, in our plot, Shax, Eric and the smallest number of completely ineffectual demons that a redemptive Furfur could get away with sending without looking like a traitor 😉 are interrupting Aziraphale having turned his first pass at hosting the monthly meeting of The Whickber Street Shopkeepers & Traders Association into a party.

Why is he doing that? For a dizzying number of reasons. So he can try to protect Gabriel by getting Maggie and Nina together and try to be part of his community by using the party to get Maggie and Nina together which is also so he can protect Gabriel... but, let's be real, it's really all so he can dance with Crowley...

Our heads are spinning as much as Aziraphale's is by this point and it's exhausting just to try to recap everything he's dealing with by The Meeting Ball... which is why it probably isn't surprising that all of that story just stops when the brick goes through the window and Shax is at the door. Because, symbolically...

...this is an anxiety attack.

Shax and the demons are Aziraphale's inner demons and they're trying to force their way past the threshold to take control of the bookshop the way that darkness can consume a person...

...as they're trying to take control of the bookshop that is what, symbolically?

Aziraphale, yes.

Aziraphale and Crowley. (And, as we looked at recently, also Maggie, on account of her family's history with it.)

Why this bookshop attack that is a metaphorical anxiety attack at this point in the story?

Because a lot of what Aziraphale wants out of life was happening before the demons that represent his inner demons showed up at the party.

For the first time ever, Aziraphale was no longer compartmentalizing his worlds and hiding parts of his life from people. He had Maggie and Gabriel under the same roof-- his human and angel families together. He had neighbors over and felt brave enough to call himself one of them by hosting the meeting. He was impacting the society around him in a big way by unifying Whickber Street's black market with its "legitimate" front by inviting Mrs. Sandwich to join the group. He was helping Maggie and Nina fall in love.

Most importantly, there was what the whole thing was really for: having all that happen with Crowley there, too, and everyone knowing they are together. Being able to dance with him and be a couple openly like everyone else. This Jane Austen cotillion coming out ball for ladies Maggie and Nina is really a coming out party of sorts for Crowley and Aziraphale. This is like the Christmas party of Aziraphale's dreams here. The one he's never, ever been able to have.

It's a wonderful thing when people who are in a great deal of emotional pain decide they've just had enough and want to break free of their misery and allow themselves to work towards being happier.

It's just a very delicate period because it can go either way, in a hurry. One minute a person can be thinking they're on top of the world and starting to live the life they've been dreaming of but the next minute find themselves freefalling emotionally. This is especially true of people who feel they have to present as cheerful and optimistic for everyone else and who hide their pain behind a smile.

They are some of the most at risk of their lives becoming like the Salinger short story about trauma and suicide referenced in S2-- "A Perfect Day for Bananafish"-- in which a man suffering from PTSD is believed to be fine by himself and those around him, has a nice day at the sea and chats with a symbolic daughter-like character and then, unceremoniously, goes to his hotel room and shoots himself dead.

As Maggie shows us during The Meeting Ball when she parallels Aziraphale's struggle, people get tired of being afraid and want to live-- want Nina, who is coffee, which is freedom-- but they can overdo it, if they're not careful, and wind up taking steps backwards.

Sometimes, the thrill of feeling like they might be on the edge of something good can cause someone to go too far, too fast, and, without the right support, they can find themselves going faster than a rollercoaster-- and right off a cliff as a result.

These people might look at their inner demons and think they're fine, now, actually, and that the darkness doesn't frighten them at all and they're all over their negative stuff-- all good now. No problems here.

Problem is that, sometimes, in the process, they might realize they're lying to themselves when they suddenly tell those inner demons that they can come in and say all that pathetic shit to their face... before they're really ready for that. Maggie, paralleling Aziraphale here, shows that with Shax during the bookshop attack. Not the best way to deal with inner demons, that.

And one person's inner demons can be an unintentional trigger for others, which is one of the things that started off Aziraphale's mental health crisis boiling up into a breakdown earlier in the season.

Aziraphale was already having a terrible week and then he projected his own issues all over his adopted goddaughter when she was having a moment and wound up accidentally saying something about himself that she took to mean about her and that came out sounding incredibly hurtful in a way that Aziraphale didn't mean for it to be. He then sought to make it up to her by finding a way to make her romantic dreams come true but was, all the while, silently berating himself for not having handled it flawlessly in the first place.

And when that got mixed in with trying to *checks Aziraphale's S2 list*... Jesus...

...recover from PTSD, manage all the anxiety and depression that comes along with it, deal with the fallout of his relationships with his abusive family, save his losing it brother from a religious cult/fascist regime trying to kill him and figure out why he's lost his memory, assuage his guilt over the memory-wiped angel that he feels he failed to save that showed up at the door, figure out wtf to do with the bookshop/embassy he's never wanted to run but that has become the M-25 that he's built and is now stuck in and that just reminds him that he hasn't any family to pass it onto, and, most importantly?

Tell his partner that he would like to live openly with him in the a little cottage by the sea in the South Downs...

I mean, by the time Mr. Vacuum showed up and suggested that Aziraphale add to the list that this week also be the first time he's ever hosted the monthly meeting of the business organization of the street he's basically founded but doesn't let himself really feel like he belongs to?

Sure, Mr. Carpet. Sure. Bring it on. Why not, at this point?

But Mr. Vacuum's idea actually caused Aziraphale to think he had the perfect solution-- continue to do what he was doing all week and combine this shit together! Protect Gabriel by tying him to Maggie and Nina and solve Maggie and Nina through the Whickber Street meeting and, well, if he's going to make it romantic for Maggie and Nina, well...

...maybe this is how Aziraphale can solve his biggest problem-- finding more of a way to just be forever near that one, particular person who makes everything okay.

So, by the time we get to The Meeting Ball? Aziraphale is pretty much losing his damn mind.

The heebie jeebies that Crowley gets in the street? It's not the low-rent demons. He knows what they feel like. He can't identify it but the thing that is really, really wrong is Aziraphale himself, in a dark reverse of Aziraphale feeling Crowley's love in S1.

Thousands of years of feeling a lack of enough control over his life have basically led Aziraphale to snap. Parts of it are very funny. Gabriel dressed up as Liberace circling with temptation trays of vol-au-vents is as hilarious as it is loony. Miracling the room so that everyone speaks like it's the 19th century causes a lot of humorous scenes, especially with Mrs. Sandwich... but is also a horror show. Justine loses her ability to speak English well and others have trouble understanding one another. It's like a zanier, more comedic version of Aziraphale's parallel antichrist, Adam, taking over The Them and deciding how, when, and if at all, they could speak.

It's a person in Aziraphale, who is normally very kind to others but not really to themselves, whose pain and anger have built within them to a breaking point and caused them to take that out on others and become, for a moment, almost the exact kind of person from whom he tries to protect others.

During this part of the season, Mrs. Cheng and Mrs. Sandwich have some dialogue that I think might be the whole rest of the season's plot in a nutshell. It happens here:

Mrs. Sandwich being unaware that "seamstress" is a 19th century-era euphemism for a sex worker means that she doesn't realize that she actually is, on one level, telling Mrs. Cheng what she does for a living. Her frustration is coming from the fact that Mrs. Cheng also doesn't know this euphemism and so thinks Mrs. Sandwich is a literal seamstress-- someone who sews and mends clothes-- and not a figurative/euphemistic one. While that and the rest of this scene is worth a whole deep dive in and of itself, it's not the bit I want to focus on here. That bit is what Mrs. Sandwich says as she gets increasingly upset.

Keep in mind as we look at this that the person who is the literal seamstress in this scene is not Mrs. Sandwich. It's the person whose magic is inhibiting her speech-- so, who is speaking, in a roundabout way, through her-- and who is the one changing everyone's outfits as they come through the door.

The seamstress really of note here is Aziraphale.

In the midst of her frustration, Mrs. Sandwich is trying to curse in 2023 terms but they are coming out in 19th century-era equivalents and this means that she says the following things when cursing:

She insists that she's not a godforsaken (abandoned by God; left to Satan) seamstress, that she's not a benighted (taken by darkness) seamstress, and, finally... while probably trying to say "what the hell"... winds up saying the whole season's plot in response to Mrs. Cheng asking her the also rather meta question of "what, in short" the problem is in that moment.

What, in short, is the plot?, asks Mrs. Cheng, on a meta level.

What the fuck is going on in this story?

To which Mrs. Sandwich replies:

"The Devil take it."

The curse "The Devil take it"-- meaning you give so little about something or someone that Satan can have it-- comes from a religious teaching (that works very well from a secular perspective, too) known as "The Devil Takes the Hindmost". It's this teaching that I think is extremely important to S2 and is arguably around what the story is structured.

This teaching argues that people who are excessively self-sacrificing are putting themselves at risk of being taken by darkness/Satan because of the cumulative effects of the anger, anxiety and depression that comes of denying that they are people with wants and needs of their own for too long.

It's about the people who go beyond kindness. It's about those who don't see themselves as part of the pack of people and think that the world isn't for them. They believe that their needs and wants don't matter as much as the need to prove to themselves that they aren't a horrible person-- which they do, in their minds, by denying themselves a full life of their own.

Sound familiar? It should. It's Aziraphale to a T.

Why are these people in "The Hindmost" for Satan to take when they're not terrible people?

Because they fall to the back of the pack of humanity.

Because they are left open to the darkness because they do not allow themselves to have what they work so hard to help others make for themselves.

The pain of that eventually renders them as bad off emotionally as those they counsel, or worse. The more they deny themselves, the more that pain builds and it can push them down dark paths.

They're in "The Hindmost" not because anyone left them behind, exactly, but because they've shut out the people around them.

They aren't letting people in.

It's about here that we can bring up that Good Omens is built around doors and all of S2 is basically about getting in the bookshop that is Aziraphale. It's here that we can mention Shax-- the darkness-- repeating demands to Aziraphale, to Crowley, to Beez to be let in. It's here we can mention The Final 15 and the world's most depressing kiss-- the literal embodiment of "let me in" as a theme-- and the horribleness that followed.

So, if S2 is The Devil Takes the Hindmost and he's headed Aziraphale's way the whole season with a large oat milk latte with a hefty jigger or dash or whatever of almond syrup and the job (the Job...) offer from Hell to tempt him, then we're watching (for now) the last days of the angel Aziraphale because a fall is a form of death.

It doesn't mean it's the end entirely because, as Gabriel discovered, everything goes down but flies? They go up.

Flies are the product of letting someone in and not shutting out the love and care you need. That can only be done through accepting, at least for a little while, that you are allowed to be a person and deserve to be cared for the way you care for others. If a person does that, they can fall but they'll have what they need to get back up and to help them stave off future falls.

Letting people in and talking to people about how you feel-- figuratively: feeding your fellow ducks your frozen peas and listening to theirs--- is how we all defeat the darkness together and make it so that Satan never shows up at any of our doors.

Yes, it is, Crowley. Would have been helpful if you had mentioned any of your own Hell-and-Book-of-Life frozen peas at all to anyone but the audience all S2 but this meta isn't really directly about you so you get a pass for now 😂 Back to your partner...

So, this The Devil Takes The Hindmost stuff? Almost immediately after Mrs. Sandwich says it, the story begins to have the characters literally act it out.

Shax is The Devil in that she's a devout diabolical minister of Satan so she's representing Satan at the door.

First up? Gabriel.

Gabriel mirrors Aziraphale's excessive self-sacrificing. It doesn't matter to him that he just met most of the people in the bookshop an hour or something ago. If that angry mob outside wants him for who fucking knows what reason as this poor bastard can't remember anything 😂 then Gabriel is happy to throw himself on his sword for them.

In reality, no one in the shop should have let Gabriel go out there alone. The whole point of "The Devil Takes The Hindmost" is that if everyone looks after each other the best that they can?

There won't *be* any hindmost.

There will just a pack of people who are all keeping each other safe from the darkness.

Jim is ultimately fine to tussle with Shax, though, because that is the part of the teaching that he exemplifies.

Gabriel has been protected. He's not completely fine-- who ever is, really?-- and he's still not really over this current bout of depression but he's safe from Satan and the darkness.

He's safe because he has Beez, Aziraphale, Crowley, and his new friends on Whickber Street.

Gabriel has a pack and is allowing himself to be part of it. As such?

The Devil can't touch him. Shax can't recognize him and sends him back inside. Gabriel is not in The Hindmost because he's been hidden, safely, by his group.

Gabriel goes back to the middle of the pack where he spends the rest of the attack, helping Aziraphale fight off his metaphorical inner demons by way of aiding Maggie and Nina to save the bookshop.

It's the next to the door, though, who is not so lucky, and gets to be the first example of The Hindmost.

From the way, way back of the pack that has formed of the humans, Gabriel, Crowley and Aziraphale in the middle of the bookshop pushes forward our beloved Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets.

The President of The Whickber Street Shopkeepers and Traders Association-- the Gabriel of the humans-- feels it's his job to sort out this mess... only he has even less clue as to what's going on than Gabriel did... and he's much, much more vulnerable.

Mr. Brown tells Shax that he doesn't know why she is "interfering" with the people in the shop, unknowingly using the word used in religious circles to talk about The Devil coming after people. Mr. Brown is a guy at real risk here. Going into the circle and getting discorporated if you're not prepared? Facing The Devil at the door without preparation is the same, terrible thing. Mr. Carpet has no idea wtf he's up against here and his motivations for going to the door are the heart of The Devil Takes The Hindmost.

What does our lionhearted Mr. Brown do for a living? What is he, symbolically?

He sells carpets, right? What are carpets?

Well, they're rugs, for one thing. They're found in every business and home in existence. They are necessary for living and also an example of having comfort in your life. (They're also walked on and taken for granted, like our Mr. Brown is quite a bit.) You pick out carpets on your own or with the people with whom you are making a life-- and they tend to symbolize that life.

We see, in 2.06, the shot highlighting the lotus flower carpet that Crowley and Aziraphale have in the bookshop, that they use to cover up the Heavenly circle in the floor-- the one they put Gabriel on to do the protection miracle. It symbolizes the life Crowley and Aziraphale have made together to which they've now let Gabriel in.

What else are carpets? In Good Omens' use of language, they're also cars and pets. Rugs, cars and pets... three of the most common things owned by people living a life on Earth, with the word own itself in Mr. Brown's name.

Brown's *World* of *Carpets*... this dude is, symbolically, everyone.

He's life itself.

That's why it's Mr. Brown who gets taken by the demons and, later, saved by Crowley and left in the care of Mutt, who is human magic-- the character who symbolizes the wonder and mystery and joys of being alive.

Mr. Brown-- an extremely common name for a man whose pain is extremely common. He's lonely. He's overlooked. He's the president of this group of apostrophe and Christmas lights-obsessed, irritating and wonderful, typical, human people because he's unflappable and no one else wants to do it. No one else will do all the boring work and hear all the complaints the way he will and he's made that his role and he hates it. In that way, he's the Beez of Whickber Street-- as desperate for appreciation as Aziraphale. He's Burbage and Shakespeare, wanting an audience that isn't sleeping, drunk, or flirting their way through Hamlet. He's Crowley and Aziraphale:

Mmm, good job... Oh, do you really think so?

Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets is a professional carpet salesman. He spends his days selling everyone what they need to make lives of their own but his own life is far lonelier and smaller than he would like it to be. He doesn't have a partner or true friends, just the people of the group into which he's struggled to really fit, despite running it. He's nerdy and awkward. His over-the-top, affected manner of speaking belies the fact that he feels like he's jiggery pokery, through and through. If I took Mr. Brown's name and profession out of this paragraph, I could be describing Aziraphale just as easily, but for the fact that Aziraphale does have Crowley, if not in the open way he wishes for. Because of that, Mr. Brown being taken by The Devil is also foreshadowing the end of S2 for Aziraphale.

Like most, Mr. Vacuum has got some surprising resolve-- some unexpected moxie-- but, fundamentally, this man has spent S2 showing that he is one more papercut away from a nervous breakdown.

So, when he tries to prove his worth to the group by putting himself at risk, it's excessively self-sacrificing. While there are some titters of alarm and warnings to him not to leave the pack, the one who objects the most is Crowley. Mr. Brown, though, doesn't let Crowley in. He doesn't recognize him because it's partially to look good in front of Aziraphale that Mr. Brown has jumped to the front of the pack. It's his loneliness, his lack of his own life, his need to be part of the group and appreciated. His need to be the hero.

Only, Mr. Vacuum is what happens when you aren't prepared for the darkness and you haven't let anyone in to help you. Shax, realizing that Crowley has been lying to her about the threshold by the way that all the humans have been backed into the living room, tests the theory and Mr. Vacuum gets taken by The Devil.

The Devil Takes The Hindmost.

Mr. Brown went from the literal hindmost of the pack inside of the bookshop up to the front to self-sacrifice excessively, got taken by Satan, and then, in a darkly amusing turn, got tossed back through to the hindmost of the pack of demons outside. He's also near the back of the line for coffee the next morning at Nina's.

If The Devil can come for Mr. Carpet, we see, he can come for anybody. Now this lingering and malignant sense of unease we've been feeling throughout The Meeting Ball tips here into real horror.

Crowley is up next to evacuate the rest of the humans in the shop. He's going to walk them all in a pack past The Devil. They go out in mini-groups within a larger pack. He tells them that they need to all stick together and mind each other, not the demons.

If they do that, they live. If they don't, they won't.

It becomes that simple because it is that simple.

Crowley doesn't just tell The Whickbers how to do this, though-- he leads them out. Because he's one of them, too... but really also because this is all a metaphor for Aziraphale's mental health breakdown getting going and what happens when you are having an anxiety attack or a depression episode?

What goes out the door?

The things that keep you alive, right? The good stuff in life. That is defined differently for everyone but a lot of it overlaps for many of us. Many of those things are what The Whickber Street group characters stand for in the story. Aziraphale owns the land for most of Whickber Street so, in addition to being characters in their own right, all of the members of The Whickber Street group represent Aziraphale.

They're all the things he loves the most-- his reasons for living, and what helps keep the darkness away for him. This is really why, symbolically, neither they nor Crowley (symbolically, love) can be present in the shop when Aziraphale is melting down at his worst.

Crowley leads the pack out with Mrs. Sandwich up front. He is allowing himself to be part of the pack here. He might be supernatural and the group human but it doesn't matter. They're all people and there's more to it than miracles. Crowley can't face the darkness on his own-- and neither can Mrs. Sandwich. Neither of them should have to. So, they don't. They choose to be each other's friends and let each other in and they're both better for it and so is the rest of the pack. This is an example of how to deal with darkness in a positive way.

Crowley trusts Mrs. Sandwich in general but for this task, in particular, because who knows best how to deal with the darkness?

Survivors of prior run-ins with darkness, that's who. His fellow "fallen woman", Mrs. Sandwich, has got her hat pin and his back and Crowley has hers.

So, out the door of the bookshop that is Aziraphale goes love, friendship, sex, romance, healthy communication, human magic, community, food, music, and so much more... because not taking care with our mental health issues rob us of what we love.

Left in the shop? Maggie and Gabriel-- Aziraphale's past and his family... and Nina-- the possibility of freedom (her American-themed coffee shop) and what's left of Aziraphale's hope for the future. Nina's decision to stay symbolizes Aziraphale hanging onto some hope.

After Crowley and The Whickbers leave and Maggie accidentally lets in Shax, the demons have gotten in and are advancing. Without those who are no longer in the shop and with Crowley missing, Aziraphale's anxiety ratchets up and the demons-- his inner demons-- gain ground. The goal becomes keeping them from getting into the residence floor upstairs-- to the place to which Aziraphale has let hardly anyone in. The parts of himself that are not public-facing or for acquaintances but only for those he allowed himself to get close to. Maggie and Nina can be on the landing up there. Gabriel can stay in the guest room. They're family. Only Crowley is allowed free reign in the whole of the bookshop.

For the first time, we have an angel not named Aziraphale teaming up with humans to fight for a place on Earth. The start of the 'all of us versus all of them' that Crowley foreshadowed as still to come at the end of S1? It isn't some big battle for the planet. It is a battle for the life of a single person in Aziraphale because every person matters.

It's The Commander of The Heavenly Host rooting around the upstairs rooms of the bookshop collecting all the fire extinguishers bought to help Crowley deal with his trauma that he can find to supply his troops-- the human Maggie and Nina-- on the front lines.

It's Aziraphale's loved ones coming together to fight to save the bookshop that is, symbolically, Aziraphale himself.

Ultimately, though? Crowley, Gabriel, Maggie and Nina can help hold off the demons that are symbolically Aziraphale's inner demons but it's ultimately going to come down to Aziraphale and Aziraphale alone whether or not these demons are going to overrun the bookshop.

We reach the point where Aziraphale has to choose-- is he going to let the demons take him over or is he going to send them back? He decides, in this moment, to blow up his halo.

We learn that Aziraphale's halo isn't divinity floating atop his head-- it's a tight, hard band around his mind. It's mental health issues, in physical form. He is in visible pain and breathing shallowly as he struggles to take it off. If you took away the halo from the picture, it's visually very much like someone having an anxiety attack. He uses it to discorporate the demons-- to send his inner demons packing.

Well, almost all of them...

Shax, the one that voices his darkest inner thoughts, remains. She's unconscious for awhile, lying dormant on Crowley's couch.

Aziraphale tells Maggie and Nina that he thinks blowing up his halo might have "just started a war" and, symbolically, it did.

Because when you blow up your halo, it can work for awhile but if you still aren't able to address the underlying, fundamental issues at the root of why you have a halo in the first place, those dark thoughts will come back.

Those demons are coming back and, sure enough, Aziraphale's bookshop is full of plenty of voices by early the next morning. While he won The Battle of The Bookshop, he loses The Battle of The Bananafish the next morning.

While Aziraphale stopped the attack on the shop-- his anxiety attack-- with the halo, we learn the next morning that then something else happened the prior night that we didn't see that is affecting the rest of 2.06. We hear about it from Aziraphale after Satan shows up in this bit here:

What's this, now? Aziraphale doesn't want to chinwag with The Metatron because they already chatted the night before and our angel doesn't think there's anything left to be said. Our angel says he's made his position quite clear.

So, The Metatron got on the circle thing zoom after Aziraphale discorporated demons with it and blew up his halo and, by that point, Aziraphale had had enough.

Aziraphale told The Metatron, in so many words, to go fuck himself.

This is really what Aziraphale is trying to say when he tells Crowley that he "did the thing with The Halo." Yes, he literally blew up his halo to discorporate the demons and stop the bookshop attack but the halo is his the weight of all of his cumulative trauma from Heaven... which makes it also, symbolically, The Metatron. Aziraphale blew up his ties to Heaven by telling off The Metatron. He told off the floating head hanging over his head as part of blowing up the halo crushing his mind.

So, Aziraphale then spent the whole night assuming correctly that, if you yell at Head Office, he's going to tell Satan that you're fair game.

Aziraphale doesn't want to fall. He doesn't want to be a demon-- not because he thinks of them as lesser beings because he doesn't think of them that way. Because being a demon is a terrible existence and Aziraphale would rather not have his soul be owned for all eternity by his partner's assailant who is also, literally, The Devil. He's a hard pass on that and had a plan to have Crowley help him avoid it.

Satan and other events made sure that he and Crowley couldn't communicate what they were thinking and feeling to one another openly from the time that Crowley left the bookshop with The Whickbers through the end of S2. If they had been able to and if Crowley had any idea what was truly going on, things would have been very different. The story is Aziraphale's fall, though, so it has to be bad for now to improve in S3.

Because it's Satan at the door with the coffee, he uses Crowley to identify him as The Metatron to everyone else and, so, has convinced Crowley that he *is* The Metatron and that Satan is nowhere in sight. Crowley doesn't see Aziraphale's fall coming, as can be the case with many people-- even those who know of the mental health challenges of those close to them.

Crowley thinks that the biggest threat to Aziraphale in The Final 15 is The Book of Life-- and, I suppose, in a symbolic way, it is.

The Book of Life-- in the way that Crowley thinks it exists-- is not real. It's his and Beez's anxieties from when they were angels manifested as a ghost story to tell more impressionable angels. Yet, as a concept? It kind of is sort of exactly what Aziraphale goes through in S2. He feels erased into non-existence by Heaven already and he's fighting for his life.

Right, so, a hundred years ago lol, I mentioned that Muriel is key to this idea. Let's look at how their presence is highlighting Aziraphale's issues and ushering him closer to death/falling.

While two angels with memory issues show up at Aziraphale's door in S2, Gabriel is a tale of hope while Muriel is a cautionary tale.

If your memories are "all your you"-- your sense of self, formed through your history-- then, while Gabriel was preserved in The Fly, the example of what can happen without one?

The horror show of a total and complete, catastrophic loss of a sense of self? So... death?

That's Muriel.

There is an angel named Muriel in some Western Christian traditions who becomes a figure called The Abaddon, which is The Angel of Death. The Abaddon factors into different takes on Revelations and apocryphal Biblical stuff. There are several different ideas on who The Abaddon is, though my understanding is that their role as The Angel of Death who brings souls to their final judgement is pretty universal throughout.

In some traditions, The Abaddon is seen as the antichrist. In others, it's Satan. In S1, Good Omens played around with some characters seeing the role of The Abaddon in these ways during Armageddon: Round One through how the Satanic nuns referred to the antichrist baby and Satan as "The Angel of The Bottomless Pit", which is the descriptive phrase given to The Abaddon in multiple different religious writings.

In other religious traditions, though, The Abaddon is thought to be an angel of Heaven or a trio of angels of Heaven. It's these ideas that I think Good Omens is playing with in S2 with, I feel, the heavier emphasis on the true Abaddon being the one most frequently referred to that way-- Muriel. Also supporting the idea of Muriel as Death is that there is also that a character in Salinger's "A Perfect Day for Bananafish" with that name. Muriel is the one set to inherit the main character's wealth and property after he kills himself at the end of the story.

So, how is our lovebug Muriel The Angel of Death?!

For that, we have to look at what a fall is.

Consider that The Metatron can tell Satan that an angel is fair game but, in order for that angel to actually fall to Hell, they have to fail to resist Satan's temptation. What the show is subtly saying is that every angel who is a demon is not just an angel who got caught out saying or doing something that threatened The Metatron's power but, also, an angel who was also already falling into despair and, so, couldn't resist Satan when he came to claim their soul.

The literal fall that happens-- the "freestyle dive into a pit of boiling sulphur", as Crowley called it-- is a symbolic thing that happens after an angel has been unable to resist Satan and, so, is now considered by Heaven and Hell to be a demon.

If you consider that the way the literal fall has been described-- going off a cliff; the parallels to Gabriel nearly jumping out a window-- all of these are images of ways that people sometimes kill themselves. Heaven and Hell come at angels and demons from a place of abuse that pushes them towards suicide. Even in S1, it wasn't straight out murder that Crowley and Aziraphale faced-- they were both forced into what, to Heaven and Hell, would have seen as committing forms of suicide. Crowley getting into a bath of holy water; Aziraphale stepping into hellfire.

So, we're saying that the physical fall happens after an angel has already fallen, and that, in order to fall to Hell, an angel has to have already first fallen into despair.

If the show wants Aziraphale to fall in the Heaven/Hell sense of it, he has to have a mental health breakdown and I'm reminded that the opening credits of this show are Crowley and Aziraphale walking the Earth with all of their history layering up behind them and following along with them and then they go up and up and up on a track in S2 and stop just prior to?

Falling off the edge. The literal fall is what we've stopped just short of but, all along so far, we've been watching the fall in progress build.

The reason why we've never been "shown a fall" on Good Omens is actually because the whole story to date is Aziraphale's fall. It doesn't even really start with S2-- it started long, long ago. It also, though, really kicked into gear just prior to the start of S2, as is noted a bit in this moment here:

Nina asks if everything being weird started the prior week when the power went out and Aziraphale replies:

Trauma is like that. It can be things that happened in your metaphorical 2500 BC that are coming back to bite you in your 2023 AD. It's cumulative. It builds and pushes. You can go and go and go and then, one day, your power just goes out. Your energy to fight is just gone and a storm is brewing. A series of events can push someone who is in an already vulnerable mental health state towards a full on fall into despair and that is what I think S2 is fundamentally about.

S2 is a suicide narrative. Our Clarence Aziraphale is going a bit George Bailey. Even as, on the one hand, he's taking big steps forward to claim more of the life he wants, it's the underlying trauma that he hasn't yet been able to fully deal with that is making him also, at the same time, begin to quietly wonder if those around him would be better off if he were not in their lives.

This is why the most dangerous character in S2 is not Satan or The Metatron.

It is, quietly, Muriel.

How so?

Because when people begin to have more frequent suicidal thoughts, their reasons for living that usually keep them going begin to change to being more of a list of obstacles that are preventing them from death. As a person falls into depression to a point that they begin to feel like maybe everyone around them would be better off if they weren't there, they begin in their minds to try to "solve" the problems that are keeping them from dying. They try-- not always super-consciously-- to set things up in such a way so as to convince themselves that their ties to the Earth will be neatly resolved with minimal bother for anyone else and, more importantly, that all their loved ones will be set up to be fine without them.

People in despair can-- and will-- come up with what are, objectively, absolutely bonkers rationales because, ultimately, they want coffee but they are in such despair that they thinking about ordering death.

Muriel's arrival means that Aziraphale then basically has a solution to every obstacle in his mind in such a way that he clears a path straight to taking his life. They help solve two of his "obstacles": Crowley and the problem of the bookshop.

Muriel is dangerous because they show up at the door with the same curious, upbeat, enthusiastic personality and sense of wonder at the magic of the world that Crowley both loves in Aziraphale and needs in his life.

Muriel is also who can take the bookshop. They're an angel who needs an escape and who loves books and Earth. They're perfect for it. Aziraphale is also horrified to realize that Muriel doesn't recognize him and what the implications of that are and he feels guilty about not having saved them somehow. They begin to represent his self-determined failures and giving them the shop would be, in his mind, making some of that right.

To Aziraphale, Muriel is the cheer and hope that Crowley needs in his life and they've taken to each other like ducks to water, which is then also coming after Aziraphale has subtly been pairing up his partner with the also-immortal-and-traumatized archangel with whom Crowley has much in common and whom we are told in S2 that Aziraphale knows that Crowley finds attractive.

Shax pops up throughout to help show some of Aziraphale's dark thoughts about himself.

What are you, Aziraphale? Crowley's emotional support angel? The one who went native? Do you need more big, human meals, Aziraphale?

The comments in Edinburgh that are not really about the car. It's really more like Aziraphale calling himself "an old piece of junk" and thinking Crowley deserves the chance to get an upgrade to someone better. Gabriel's good-looking and has been through much of the same as Crowley. Muriel is upbeat and makes Crowley smile. Crowley having friends who are supernatural is a great thing but, under the surface, it's also leading Aziraphale to create an inner narrative where he's telling himself that he's replaceable in parts by Gabriel and Muriel and that he wouldn't be leaving Crowley alone if he were to take his own life.

Aziraphale is telling himself that maybe the best way to love Crowley is to make it so that Crowley doesn't have to deal with him.

What did Crowley say about his stars once? The first time they met?

Six thousand years-- that's nothing.

Engine won't even have properly warmed up by then.

Crowley's borderline-immortal. He'll live forever. Six thousand years is a blink of the eye to them. He'll get over me, Aziraphale is telling himself, and find someone worth spending eternity with.

Aziraphale didn't see a path towards death until Muriel's arrival because he didn't fully have a solution to the bookshop and Crowley. That's what makes that adorable moppet of an angel the deadliest character in S2.

The reason why Muriel leapfrogs over every other character and makes it down to the last, pivotal minutes of Crowley and Aziraphale's story in The Final 15-- in a part of the story where even Gabriel is gone-- is because Muriel is death.

It's because this is all about whether or not Aziraphale is going to take the freedom of coffee from Mr. Six Shots of Espresso and live or whether he's going to take the false freedom of the lies he's telling himself from Satan and die.

Is he going to try to take his own life or is he going to find a way through this time, as he has before?

"It's just you and me, Aziraphale." What a statement that is.

It's both true and a complete lie.

Crowley and Muriel are both still in the room when Satan says that so, objectively, it's not really just him and Aziraphale... except that he is controlling Muriel and Crowley in different ways. In that way, it really is only Satan and Aziraphale left by this point. It's down, by that point, to just whether or not Aziraphale is going to live and since Satan is here for him, it's not looking great.

Satan is the embodiment of Aziraphale's life or death choice here and that choice, in many ways, is the only two other beings left in the shop at that point.

It's Crowley or Muriel. It's life or death.

Satan also as Aziraphale's darkest thoughts, really... as Aziraphale's internal dialogue playing out.

What about my bookshop? he asks himself.

Really: What about my life?

Muriel, replies Satan... replies the darkness... replies Aziraphale to himself.

You could entrust it to Muriel.

They need an escape. You'd be doing them a great favor. You'd be sacrificing yourself for them and redeeming yourself for failing to save them. It'd make what you're thinking of doing noble, actually. It'd make it okay. It'd make you a good person.

Aziraphale struggles, right? He almost doesn't do this. He almost says he thinks he's making a mistake because he knows he is. It's just that his every conflict has come up all at once and overwhelmed him.

Even still, the darkness has him pretty solidly-- but not completely-- until this moment right here:

Aziraphale is no fool and he's questioned the idea that this is The Metatron; he's actually trying to tell Crowley that he thinks it's Satan for much of That Scene in the bookshop and to get Crowley to see it and help him, in case it is. Aziraphale hopes he's wrong, though, because he wants it to be The Metatron because he thinks that is the way to fix things but it's not and he knows it, deep down. He doubles down because he's embarrassed, because he feels foolish and afraid and like he has nothing to offer Crowley without the power he thinks he lacks.

Satan's temptation, though, ultimately works because of the final of the death by a thousand cuts here in the whole "Second Coming" moment.

After Satan gets Aziraphale to leave the shop with him to head to Heaven, he, as The Metatron, flatters Aziraphale a bit. He says the things that Aziraphale has always wanted someone in Heaven to say to him. He tells Aziraphale he's needed and that they specifically need and appreciate who he is-- an angel who knows how things are done on Earth. It's validating who Aziraphale is and who is he proud of being in the way that Aziraphale has always wished would happen.

Aziraphale is hurting so much that he starts to wonder if maybe he was wrong about all of this. He was pretty sure before but, maybe, just maybe, he was wrong and he wants to be wrong because then it means maybe that he'd know who he is. Maybe it would mean he would no longer have to be an angel who goes along with Heaven as far as he can because Heaven would be finally starting to see the light.

Maybe this isn't Satan. Maybe it really is The Metatron. Maybe all of this is real. Maybe he can go to Heaven and take this job and really have the power to protect Crowley and they won't have to be afraid anymore.

Then, Satan drops the bomb. He fires the killshot.

He lets Aziraphale hear him say "we call it 'The Second Coming'" while pretending he didn't mean for Aziraphale to hear it.

This is the moment that Aziraphale knows it was all a lie.

He knows for sure who that is now. He has gone from being 98% sure to a full 100%. He knows that it's not The Metatron but Satan holding open the elevator.

Satan had to tell him, as it's the only thing Satan has to do in some form at the end-- because it has to be Aziraphale's choice. Satan sure as fuck doesn't have to be fair about it-- and he definitely wasn't-- but it's at this moment that Aziraphale knows with absolute certainty that there isn't a job offer.

How could there be if The Second Coming is on the table? They'll never put Aziraphale in charge of Heaven with Armageddon as the agenda. He's the angel who stopped it the last time. It means that Aziraphale knows for sure that, if he gets into the elevator, he's effectively killing himself, because this is all to entrap and kill him, not to promote him.

Satan sets it up so that the final things Aziraphale is thinking about when he makes the choice are that there is no chance that Heaven will ever improve and that they're going to do Armageddon again and just keep doing it until it happens and it's all hopeless and Aziraphale will never have the power to protect Crowley and they're going to just keep living this nightmare forever and he's been doing this for thousands of years and he can't take it anymore.

People who are suicidal are stuck in cycles of their lives they feel they can't get out of and that's exactly what Aziraphale is reminded of in the moment before he gets into the elevator.

He doesn't want death-- he wants coffee.

He wants Crowley, standing appropriately in front of Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death, with the coffee art and the blues and greens of Earth all around him. The canopy plants in the backseat. This is what Aziraphale wants but he just doesn't know how to get there anymore and the darkness wins out. The villains always win a battle at this part of the story or else there's no plot left going forward and there is a forward because it's Aziraphale. There are ways back from this but that's for S3.

Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death, as we know, is substituting the word coffee for the word liberty in the original quote and that's exactly what happens in Aziraphale's decision to get into the elevator. The truth is revealed-- there is no job, which makes him feel like there is no way to ever be free while living. He's exhausted by fighting the same battles, over and over, with no way to escape in sight, and takes what he thinks is the freedom of not suffering anymore.

He chooses the false freedom of death over the true freedom of living-- Satan's coffee over Mr. Six Shots of Espresso in a Big Cup-- because Aziraphale loves that espresso more than anything but he struggles to love himself. He thinks, in that moment of despair, that the best way to love Crowley is to set him free by leaving life.

It's the Job minisode foreshadowing all of it and going back to the start of his story for the end.

It's nothing important, Aziraphale, don't worry...

Just your kids, your house, your businesses, your money, your neighbors, your street, your car, your books, your friends, your community, your Earth and the love of your life.

Just all the love and magic of the world.

Just all your you. Just your life...

When the first shot of the season was the skies sweeping down towards the front of the shop door... and the final shot of the shop in S2 is The Angel of Death-- Muriel-- entering it alone, claiming it and closing the door? When the light goes off in the bookshop window?

When Aziraphale-- after running around with a paralleling clipboard for half an episode-- leaves a note on the dash for his wife, like International Express Delivery Dude did in S1? When his "I love you, Maud" is the car playing Crowley "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square"? That's when we can see why Death appeared to Aziraphale at the end of S1 and has been headed his way since.

Satan's temptation, yes, but executed with the help of The Angel of Death, who helped push Aziraphale into the lift with The Devil and not towards Crowley and The Bentley, where Aziraphale's love has always been willing to give him a lift, anywhere he wants to go.

In a show where people are symbolically what they profess that it is that they do-- midwifery/cobblering, conjuring, "seamstressing" and so on... all of those things are positive. They're about helping others and loving the world. With that in mind?

Go back and look at Muriel's arrival at the bookshop again...

What is adorable is, also, a fucking horror movie of a declaration:

Muriel is a human police officer.

Friends... that's Death.

Muriel is the only one with a horrible self-declared profession. They're not helping birth ideas and babies and art and mending everyone's pain. They're not a working, professional magician helping to develop the street. They're not a healing seamstress. They don't sell old films and records and books. They don't feed anyone at their restaurant or sell musical instruments to nourish their lives. They aren't the best guy on the block-- Mr. Brown and his World of Carpets, giving people what they need to outfit a life of their own. They're the not a member of The Whickber Street Shopkeepers and Traders Association-- like their paralleling Jim becomes as he begins to regain the will to live.

Crowley is worried about caring for Gabriel being too much for Aziraphale but it's really Muriel that is a walking trigger for him.

Gabriel is a character people think is a villain who is really a lovebug; Muriel is a character people think is a lovebug but who is, symbolically, the worst possible thing to ever show up on your doorstep.

Gabriel is saying books are keen and hot chocolate is amazing and live, live, live, live, Aziraphale...

He's the part of Aziraphale's mind that is trying to save himself while Muriel is the part that is luring him towards death.

Muriel is saying the best part of a cupperty is to look at it, Aziraphale.

It's not for you. You're an angel. You aren't supposed to want to live your own life. You aren't supposed to have wants and needs at all. Even if you go into that back room to be with Crowley alone and try to shut me out, I will break down the door and come after both of you before too long is up.

Muriel is cosplaying Earth's most invasive and violent profession and they're so sweet about it that it tends to bury the eeriness of their arrival. In Muriel, Aziraphale is confronted with his paralyzing perfectionism, his negative self-worth, his rampant imposter syndrome, and his excessive self-sacrificing-- all at once.

All his negative feelings are here at the door in the form of this fun house mirror version of himself-- a cheery and also clinically depressed angel, who is actually cosplaying humanity the way Aziraphale always feels like he is, even if he knows at the core that he's every bit as human as the billions on Earth.

The world is for the professional conjurers, for the humans, for everyone but Aziraphale, in his mind. He is supposed to be above needing any of it. He is supposed to never be angry, anxious, tired, depressed, hungry. He isn't supposed to need the home and books and music and food and sex and magic that he lives for. This angel isn't supposed to be a member of The Whickber Street Shopkeepers and Traders Association but he founded the street, let alone the group, and he'll die trying to host a meeting because nothing makes him feel more himself than when he lets himself be a part of the world.

Muriel's presence worsens his depression spiral, which we've seen is what happens when the negative thoughts get to be too much.

In S2, he goes a sherry-and-stomach-settling-drop diet. He doesn't eat the eccles cakes. He doesn't slow down and enjoy much of anything. Part of the joy of the ox rib scene is that Aziraphale isn't really enjoying himself that much in the present in S2 and it's the only thing like it in S2. Aziraphale, in S2, has put himself and his demon on half-rations and talks about his frozen peas to his fellow duck less. He goes back and forth between trying to self-care (Shostakovich and going to the Gabriel statue and brief moments of flirting with Crowley) and self-neglect (the entire rest of the season lol). Mix in too many additional stressors like what S2 had and it goes from the anxious period of fasting in 1967 to the cause for big time alarm that is S2.

Intellectually, Aziraphale knows that mindful human living is prescriptive. He saves Gabriel by starting to teach him what he knows about it. There's always been a little voice whispering at Aziraphale, though, that it might be right for others but that doesn't mean he's supposed to feel or need those things. He should be above it because that, apparently, would make him the good person that he doesn't often believe he is. His feelings aren't even about being an angel in the Heaven sense so much as in the human anxious perfectionist sense, in that he's excessively self-sacrificing because he doesn't fundamentally believe he's a good person.

There's nothing wrong with being as kind and generous to people as you can. It's when you're doing that while also not acknowledging that you are a person with wants and needs at the same time that you can self-sacrifice yourself right off a cliff as a way of trying to convince yourself that you're not a bad person.

You can deny yourself the life you want out of the excuse that it's your purpose only to care for everyone else but it's not really virtuous. It's a form of self-harm.

What hurts so much about S2 is 1941 because the minisode then gives us Crowley and Aziraphale slaying demons left and right. It gives us what a good day looks like in a whole season that is, otherwise, a series of bad days mixed with things that are also not within their control that then lead to the worst, possible ending.

We see, really, how good they are at caring for one another. The kiss scene is made infinitely more painful by us having seen in the 1941 minisode another conversation in the same spot in bookshop when Aziraphale was struggling with these same issues that went so very differently.

Crowley is very good at gently reminding Aziraphale that, not only is he wonderful, but that he's a person, too, and that everyone feels like they are jiggery-pokery sometimes. Everyone struggles with the voices of others and themselves trying to judge them and how that impacts a sense of self. That fighting through that to be able to live and love is, unfortunately, a pretty common experience of being a person.

This is not new for Aziraphale. It's so very old, stirred up hardcore in S2, now that it's been four years since Heaven contacted him. Aziraphale doesn't know that it's because Gabriel is trying to protect him. He thinks he's so inconsequential that Heaven couldn't even be assed to send someone to formally fire him and take the bookshop embassy that, despite being something of an albatross around Aziraphale's neck, he's also really proud of having built.

Aziraphale wants Heaven to fuck off but he also feels embarrassed by the fact that Heaven could fuck off so easily and that he feels like he doesn't have a friend there to speak of after thousands of years. He is ashamed of it needing to be Crowley who gets them a contact for info in Shax because he sees it as more dangerous for Crowley to need to be in contract with the demons and as a failure to protect him-- the thing that's at the core of Satan's temptation at the end of the season. (Also why Crowley is trying not to tell him about Shax taking his job and his conversation with Beez, which is a huge mistake but it's coming from a good place.)

Surely, Aziraphale thinks, if he hasn't fallen and he's still an angel... if he still is one, he's not really sure, as what is a non-working angel?... then, if he were good, there'd be some angel up there who would still be talking to him. He knows Heaven isn't good, exactly, but not all of the angels are terrible. As anyone who has ever had to go no contact with an abusive family knows, the illogical doubts that creep up can make a person think that maybe they're the wrong ones. At your worst, you can wonder: if the whole family thinks you're wrong, are you really right? Aziraphale knows he is right but it gets complicated.

Add to that the stress of worrying that something will happen to Crowley every time he goes out the door (part of Aziraphale's own trauma for millennia, made worse by 1827), and Crowley's PTSD exacerbated by the fire in S1, and Aziraphale's negative self-thoughts are being triggered even worse than usual. He's blaming himself for them not being safe, when that's not fully within his control... which, in Aziraphale's mind, is the whole problem and an example of how he is failing Crowley.

This is all long before Gabriel shows up at the door and the season gets started with a series of events that then worsen Aziraphale's state of mind. By the time Muriel shows up at the door, these negative kinds of thoughts out in full force in Aziraphale and Muriel represents them.

Muriel might be cute as a button and, as a character in their own right, being used left and right by Heaven, but it doesn't change the fact that Muriel is, symbolically, a mashup of the human and supernatural cops trying to kill them that Crowley and Aziraphale have been outrunning their whole lives.

The Angel of Death is a cop because of course they are, right? What other group of people has been existing to entrap, imprison, torture and kill people for eons?

From the book: If you want to imagine the future, imagine a boy and his dog and his friends. And a summer that never ends.

S1 was summer. It was the nightingales.

S2 is the lingering doom of preparations for Christmas lights. It's the days getting shorter and colder. The nightingales have flown to warmer climates. Because this is Good Omens so the season of Aziraphale's fall is set in the season of... well, the fall.

The good news is that, both literally and metaphorically?

Summer is always just around the corner.

[girliism]

priest in training au

art waited for you outside the campus church. peeking around the corner every now and then until you finally walked out giggling with your friends. “psk.” art called out. when you looked to where the sounds were coming from you saw art, your boyfriend motioning for you to come to him.

you said goodbye to your friends before walking over to where art stood, looking back behind you to see if anyone was watching. the second you’re in arms length art’s hands reached out to grab your forearms, pulling you to him and pushing you against the brick wall. the sound of surprise you make is swallowed by art’s lips on yours. the kiss is quite eager on his part. “art, wait.” you say in between the kiss. you drop the books in your hands to push at art’s shoulders when his tongue slipped into your mouth.

“art!” you whisper shouted, hand covering your mouth. “stop, someone could see us.” you looked around to make sure no eyes were prying. art pressed a chaste kiss on your burning cheek letting both his hands rest on your waist. “sorry, i’ve just been wanting to do that all day.” he laughed softly and you bit back a smile. “but i um actually wanted to ask you if wanted to the drive-in tonight. like as a date.” a date? yours and art’s first date.

you look at art, eyes widening a little and you stand up straighter fiddling with your cross necklace. “i’d love to.” art let out the breath he was holding in. “you’d have to sneak out.” oh.

you’ve never snuck out of anywhere before and you’re so nervous. your two roommates were fast asleep as you slipped out your bed pulling off your nightgown and replacing it with a modest skirt and white top. you debated on whether you should quickly pull your hair into its signature bun but decided against it. you held your breath all the way down the hallway of your dormitory building till you were out the back door, following the directions art gave you to the parking lot. art was leaning against a car when he saw you running towards him.

“you have a car?” you asked out of breath from running. art shook his head taking in your appreciation. “no, it’s patrick’s. you’re not wearing your bun?” you looked down at feet shrugging. “yeah, is that ok?” art immediately nodded his head. “of course, you look nice.” art opened the door for you and the ride to the drive-in was nice, the windows were down so the cold air blow in your face cooling you off.

art parked the car looking over at you. “did you want some snacks?” you shook your head. the drive-in was playing grease and half way through you felt art place his hand on your thigh. you let your fingers slowly pull your skirt up to your knees so his hand could slip under it easier. art didn’t even need to make it all the way your thigh to feel you weren’t wearing anything under your skirt. “when did you get so easy?” art whispered in your ear, his fingers teaseing you. soft moans fell from your lips and your legs widened. art’s middle and ring finger drag through your folds and up to your clit.

your eyes fell close and as loud moan ripped through you. suddenly remembering where you are your eyes fly open and your legs squeeze shut. art’s fingers dig into your thigh a little trying to get you to open them. “it’s fine, no one can ever see us it too dark.” art whispers against your lips before kissing you softly. the sweet kiss quickly turns messy. yours and art’s lips moving against each other’s breathing heavily into each other’s mouths. your hands move to unbuckle art’s jeans pulling out his cock. art groans into your mouth feeling your soft hands around him. you bring your hand up to your mouth to spit in it before stroking art with a tight grip.

some song from the movie if playing in the background as you and art pant and moan into each other’s mouths. his fingers working figure eights over your clit while your hand moving up and down his dick, thumb pressing into his slit now and then. art’s finger tips keeps dipping into your opening but not fully pushing in. “oh my goodness.” you moan. “you-you can put it in.” art waste no time pushing in pointer finger into your pussy. you’ve never fingered yourself before and your toes were curling from the stretch of of his single finger. “you’re so tight.” art pumped his finger in and out of you slowly trying to remember back to the many videos he’d watched and how they did it.

“is that good?” art asked, watching for your reactions. “really good.” you nodded. “go faster.” at your command art fucked his finger into you faster his thumb moving back and forth on your clit and you matched his pace. loud moans and wet squelching filled the car and when art’s finger pressed into that soft spot you you didn’t even know was there you saw stars. “oh!” your orgasm hit you without warning and you came all over art’s fingers. art pulled his finger out of you sucking it into his mouth. you finished art off with your mouth. his head thrown back and his hand pushing your head down.

you guys managed to catch the rest of the movie before it ended, driving back to the campus where you made out in the parking lot. you broke the kiss. “i had a lot of fun tonight, thank you.” art smiled at you. “me too.” you said your goodnight, leaving to sneak back into your dorm not knowing what waited in your room.

with a dopey grin on your face you opened your room door where three sisters and your roommates sat waiting for you. “and where were you tonight young lady?”

(was gonna let the night end on a cheerful note but who doesn’t like drama. literally no idea what’s gonna happen next tho…..)

[queenoftheimps]

Artistic Expression as a Form of Love: aka Some Meta About Interview with the Vampire

hey guess who spent all of today putting off a really boring work task

So I'm just suddenly just having a lot of feelings about how love is tied to creation in Interview with the Vampire.

Specifically, each character's artistic impulses and what they say about their relationships, and how they use their creative output as a sort of love language.

From the very first episode, we see hints of this. Miss Lilly asks about Lestat's music box, which plays a song he wrote for Nicholas once upon a time, evidence of his love for someone who's been dead for over a century.

He later writes his own song for Louis, 'Come to Me', and Claudia makes the connection explicit while deliberately poking at him -- he wrote a song for each of his true loves, but does one signal love more strongly than the other?

She's being facetious to prod at him, but the show seems to genuinely make the point that we can track each characters' relationships through the art we see them create.

After all, we see it with Claudia herself later -- even before there's any discussion of becoming companions, we can feel Madeleine's compatibility with Claudia in the way she makes dresses for her.

Madeleine dresses Claudia as the grown woman she wants to be seen as, as she really is, even before she fully understands the circumstances of Claudia's age. It's telling that in Madeleine's dying vision, the one that convinces Louis of her love for Claudia, that Claudia is wearing a dress that Madeleine made for her.

By contrast, we see how Claudia is incompatible with the coven in the role that they have quite literally written for her. If Madeleine shows her love by treating Claudia as an adult, the coven shows their lack of caring by creating artwork where Claudia is forced into playing a part that diminishes her.

In turn, we can see Claudia's enthusiasm for the coven tied into her willingness to perform -- she starts off trying to smile her way through the situation, before quickly growing tired of the performance (and, relatedly, the coven itself).

But then again, how does the coven show its real loyalties? Well, with a painting.

We don't know who painted Lestat (Armand, possibly?), but having artwork of him in a place of prominence is pretty telling. But then again, the theater's creation is itself a reflection of art as a signifier of love & bonding -- Lestat suggests a theater to a lonely Armand as a way to regain a family/coven structure, after the last one fell apart.

Which makes particular sense for Armand, the character who most explicitly equates artistic expression with love and understanding. We see him underline it in his own telling of his backstory -- "No one has painted me in over 400 years." He associates painting with being seen and cared for by his maker --

-- and yet we, the audience, can plainly see what a warped, toxic relationship it was from the painting itself : a whitewashed version of Armand's face that doesn't truly look like him.

Hell, we even see Armand's betrayal of Louis in the form of creative expression -- to quote Daniel, "He directed the play!"

His treason isn't just that he sold Louis & Claudia out, it's that he participated in a creation that would condemn them. Artistic expression shows us love and loyalty in this world, yes, but it can also be used as a tool of abuse or betrayal.

Which brings us to Louis, he who has the eye for art but maybe not the skill for it, who never said 'I love you' to Lestat and wouldn't call Armand his companion, who ultimately gives up on creation in favor of becoming a collector.

It's especially interesting that his abandonment of photography is also explicitly tied to the end of his visions of Dreamstat. Even the one photo he takes that garners praise is one he tries taking of Armand & Dreamstat at the same time -- as if the closest he can get to expressing love through creation is something that blurs the lines between both men he has complicated feelings for. (Note that the scene where he develops the photo is directly after the "Show me the only way you know how to love" sequence of Louis bashing some guy's head into a wall.)

Hell, if we want to take it even further, we can even see some of this pretense in the inclusion of the Fred Stein photos (assuming Armand actually did sneak them in). On one level, we can see it as Armand trying to build up Louis' happiness, but on the other, it's him trying to build up the image of their romance.

After all, if artistic creation is a sign of love -- especially to Armand! -- what does it mean if Louis is openly disparaging his own abilities to make anything at all?

Taking it further, what does it say that he and Armand have a collection of photos of various boys over the years and expensive artwork hanging on every wall, but Louis doesn't seem to have taken any pictures of Armand in almost eighty years?

And hey, speaking of fascinating boys: what does it mean when Louis hasn't made anything creative of Armand since the 1940s, but he has no problem writing a book for ten hours with some guy he picked up at the bar?

Hell, writing a book where Louis spends ten hours talking about his life and hasn't even gotten up to the part with Armand yet? The supposed love of his life doesn't even garner a mention, to the point where Daniel didn't even know he existed when he arrives fifty years later.

And what does it mean when that book you never wrote is a giant hanging thread in your life, enough to create a connection strong enough that you remember that guy fifty years later and go back to that writing it? Even over the objections of the love of your life?

Especially when find out that Daniel's entire writing career is sparked in part by inspirational words given to him by Louis -- a sign of their bond withstanding the test of time, enough to make them friends after a fifty year absence.

That said, if we're working with the idea of artistic expression as proof of connection -- especially when it comes to Armand -- then it also makes perfect sense why Armand would insert himself into the interview once he's been revealed.

Then it's no longer about Louis & Daniel, or Louis & Lestat, it's about Louis & Armand and artistic proof of their connection! They're both now creating a story, a book that will include their entire romance! It's the first time that Armand has had the possibility of being an artistic subject in decades, so no wonder he's quick to latch onto it.

Even then, though: I think it's interesting that when Armand is talking to Daniel alone, the first story he thinks to tell him about is his relationship with Lestat. Make of that what you will.

(Also, I've said this before, but I am very curious what Armand's feelings towards Daniel will be after having an entire book written in which he plays a starring role.)

I think that this is all very rich with subtext and possible further progression, especially since we are about to enter a season where a new book is being written by Daniel and there's going to be an entire tour's worth of music being performed, all of it ripe with potential for further relationship nuance.

And while I don't want to wander too far into book spoiler territory, I think this might even neatly factor into a potential Season 4 -- especially since book fans will know that a specific musical performance is the catalyst for a lot of what happens in The Queen of the Damned.

[rems-writing]

Fuckboy Hongjoong headcanon

-> Pairing: fuckboy!Hongjoong x amab!reader

-> Trope: strangers to lovers

-> Wordcount: 2,200 words

-> Rating: nc-17

Nets: @mirohs-aurora-society @othersideoutlawsnetwork @illusionnet

I'm also tagging @acupoftaewithsomesuga because why tf not lol

-> Kim Hongjoong was not your average fuckboy. Due to the punk aesthetic he always has with his fits (i.e. plaid skirts attached to black ripped jeans, combat boots, band tees, black leather jacket, and eyeliner that makes his eyes more alluring than ever), most students assumed otherwise. His antics and high body count (do not ask 💀) molded his personality into that of the type of rockstar that does drugs and sleeps with lot of women and the occasional man. Yeah, this boy was bi. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who is always seen getting turnt at either a frat party or a spring break rager, chugging beer and slipping his tongue down any woman’s throat before taking them to bed for the night and forcing them to leave the next morning. It’s either that or he leaves. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who even has professors fall at his feet due to his charm and that infamous smirk that everyone loves

-> Well… everyone except you

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt like his word had stopped when he laid his eyes on you walking through the entrance of the college campus,

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt a strange feeling in his chest when you brushed past him with your earbuds in and a CD player tucked in your hands alongside many notebooks and a couple of textbooks.

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt strangely elated when he found out that he shared the same literature class as you despite always showing up late to that class, as well as other classes. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who fought to stay awake just to listen to your voice as you introduced yourself to the class and explained why you loved literature so much. He usually falls asleep in the times that he actually shows up to class. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who waltzed his way towards you when the professor decided to have everyone stand up and walk around so every student can get to know each other. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who was surprised when you held your hand up and bluntly told him that you knew what he was and that unless they were paired up for a project together, you want nothing to do with him due to his reputation around the college. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who usually brushes off that statement with ease if someone else said it. However, since it was you, he felt his chest tighten with pain. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who kept up his nonchalant act and shrugged with indifference as he walked away from you. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who sat back down in his seat when the icebreaker was over and the professor started lecturing. Although, he just stared at you from afar rather than paid attention to the actual lecture. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who watched you leave after you had packed everything and left the lecture hall. He was enamoured with the way you moved. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who saw you walking down the hall and called out to you to join him at his table in the campus cafe. His smirk was painted on his face as usual. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who was surprised when he saw you gape at him like he was stupid before walking away briskly. 

-> “God he’s a tough one to crack.” He muttered to himself. “Oh well!”

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who found himself at yet another party with a girl straddling him, kissing his neck and moaning at the occasional squeeze of her hips. It was his way of encouraging her to keep going. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who looked up but instead of the random girl’s face, he was looking at yours. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, whose eyes widened before shutting them tightly and opening them again so he could see the girl’s face again. 

-> “Sorry. Maybe I smoked too much.” He reassured her. Or was he trying to reassure himself? Sure, he did smoke before this, but he didn’t hit the blunt that hard to visualize someone else on top of him. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who fell back into his usual antics when he took the girl to an empty room and fucked the daylights out of her in order to distract himself. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who immediately clothed himself after he was done with her and made sure she was fast asleep before leaving the room, cursing to himself when his clunky boots hit the hardwood floor. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who exited the party that was still going on and found himself wandering outside, thinking about what exactly was happening to him. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who accidentally bumped into you, causing you to almost drop the CD player in your hands. For some reason, he’d blame himself if it ever broke. Luckily, it didn’t since your earbuds were plugged in so it just hung there instead.

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who saw you widen your eyes and clutch your CD player to your chest before turning away from him. He felt his own chest tighten again. Surely, he didn’t think he was that bad to even break things on purpose. Right?

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who helplessly watched you walk away after muttering a half-assed “Thanks” to him. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who shook his head and scolded himself for caring about your opinion on him when he really shouldn’t before walking home. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who actually found himself walking to literature class not only on time, but early at that. Professor Park was pleasantly surprised with this. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt excited when he found out that he was partnered with you for a project. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, whose excitement died down when he saw you wearily approach him and cautiously sit next to him. Your hood was over your head and you kept looking down. Why did that hurt his heart?

-> “Oh, come on. I’m not that evil! Right?” Hongjoong joked with you, only to receive a silent yet serious answer when you didn’t respond to his attempt at making the atmosphere a little lighter. 

-> “Hey. Say something.” Hongjoong urged gently but to no avail. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who decided to focus on the project by opening his textbook. 

-> “It’s fine. I’ll take care of everything. Just… do whatever you want.”

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, whose eyes widened when he heard you speak for the first time. He was happy momentarily before he realized the weight of your words. You’d basically do all the work and he’ll just present the project before getting the grade. He’d hated how you assumed that he doesn’t care about schoolwork. He also hated how you were right. Most of the time, he could give two fucks about assignments. However, since your arrival, he found himself wanting to be in your good graces. For the first time, he actually cared about someone’s opinion on him. 

-> “No. You listen to me. And you listen to me well, Y/N.” Hongjoong said sternly. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who regretted speaking like that when you flinched and looked up at him before nodding once, indicating that you were listening to him. 

-> “You’re right. I don’t normally care about assignments. However, since you have this vendetta against me, how about I prove to you that I actually care about this class?” Hongjoong explained softly yet firmly. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who stuck out his overly ringed hand to you so you could shake it and be a part of this truce that he was putting out. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt flustered for the first time in a long while when you took your hand in his and shook it. Your skin was soft. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who found himself longing for your touch after you let go. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who found himself in the library with you after class to get a head start on the project. You would do the writing while he would do the research. The both of you would occasionally switch roles so you wouldn’t tire yourselves out doing the same thing. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who would notice that you’re getting tired and told you that they can continue either later on tonight or maybe even tomorrow. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who bid you goodbye before going back to his dorm room to study some more rather than go to the next party available. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who found you at the campus cafe the next morning and gingerly approached you. 

-> “Hey. I know we have all of the next class to do more of the project, but I wanted to ask your opinion on something.” He asked shyly. Hongjoong was never shy. Ever! Yet around you, he couldn’t help but feel this way. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who hung onto every word as you explained the part that he was stuck on for the project, nodding along and jotting down side notes in the margins of his notebook. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who walked alongside you to literature class before sitting next to you. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt proud of himself for contributing to the project and was extremely happy that you were warming up to him.

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who was about to bid you goodbye when you offered to hang out with him outside of class. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who couldn’t help but tease you when you explained that you felt bad for being indifferent with him when they first met before sighing lightly and reassuring you that it’s fine. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who found himself falling deeper and deeper in love with you as you two continue to hang out with each other every day. Yeah, that was it. Hongjoong felt love. That would explain why he felt his heart blossom at the sight of you every time he’s near you. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who, all of a sudden, hates his reputation and is racking his brain on how to change himself for the better. He even asked Professor Park for some insight!

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who was walking down the hall one day to his next class when he saw a group of girls (aka his past flings) surround you. He knew right then and there that the karma that attached itself to his reputation would bite him in the ass. And it did. Hard. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who took it upon himself to march over towards them and shove them away from you. 

-> “You’re seriously protecting him? I mean we get that you’re bi, but what’s so special about him? You do realize that he’s nothing more than a phase, right?”

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt his blood boil dangerously upon hearing their words and clenched his fist before speaking through gritted teeth. 

-> “He sees me beyond my reputation. He knows me. Inside and out. He is someone whom I would give everything up for. Because guess what? I fell in love with him. And I will not stand by and let bitches like you fill his head with lies and tell him otherwise. The moment you approached him and started harassing is the same moment where I realized that this isn’t the life for me. I don’t want my reputation. I don’t want a different person on my arm every day. I don’t want him to be scared of me. I don’t want him to push himself away from me. I want his trust. His love. So I suggest you scram before I make things worse for you.” 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who felt satisfied when seeing the girls run away. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who looked down at your hunched form and bent down to your height to get a better look at you. 

-> “Was that too much? I’m sorry. I know we’re just friends, but what I said is true. I’m willing to change for you.”

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who grabbed your hand and placed it against his chest, his heart beating steadily underneath your palm. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who blushed upon feeling your lips on his cheek. You had kissed him! If he was in his room, he’d probably kick his feet and giggle loudly like a schoolgirl. 

-> “Thank you… for standing up for me. And for returning my feelings.”

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who held your hand, savoring the feeling of your fingers intertwined with his.

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who gradually felt himself change overtime as his first romantic relationship was slowly progressing. Gone was the punk aesthetic (minus the many piercings on his ear and the half skirt attached to the pants. You expressed that it was a cool fashion statement and that you wanted to try it out one day). Hoodies replaced leather jackets, regular sneakers replaced combat boots (he would only wear the boots if the mood called for it), and his eyeliner was gone. In addition, anytime someone would flirt with him, he’d deadpan at them before bluntly stating that he’s taken.

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who’d roll his eyes playfully as you tease him for the harsh rejection. Deep down, you loved the loyalty he was displaying. 

-> “Oh, come on, Joongie! She was actually pretty.”

-> “Yeah, but not as pretty as you, baby boy.”

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who smirked in satisfaction as you blushed shyly and hit his shoulder playfully before laughing and holding you close to him. 

-> fuckboy!Hongjoong, who watched you fix his hair underneath the beanie he was wearing with adoration. 

-> Kim Hongjoong, who no longer identifies himself as a fuckboy ever since he has met you and would do anything to keep you by his side. Always and forever. 

[fuck-customers]

I work in a department with mostly women, myself included, and the only male is our manager. He has made it a point to only hire women because, in his own words, “it’s nicer to hear a woman’s voice over the phone”, that in itself is a whole separate HR issue, but the other reason this is important is because as women who spend a lot of time around each other, our period cycle tends to sync up. Some of us have more painful period symptoms than others. One woman in particular gets such bad cramps sometimes that she can’t come to work so she has to call out. Our department is so short staffed that if one person calls out, we’re suddenly back up and overwhelmed with work. As a result, he publicly questioned that one employee if her cramps were really that bad because no one else in the department ever called out because of their periods. We all looked at each other because he did not just do that in front of so many other employees. That particular employee got rightfully upset and said that no everyone is the same, and he just left it at that. But the vibe I got from him when he left it was like we can agree to disagree, which pissed me off further because, in the words of Rachel Green, “no uterus, no opinion”. The man has a wife and daughter in her teens, so I’d love to see how these 2 react when he tries to compare their period symptoms.

Posted by admin Rodney

[winchesterwild78]

A Twist of Fate

Characters: Dean x Reader, Billy x Reader

Warnings: Nothing too extreme, just some angst, language, and fluff

A/N: Got this idea from a picture I was tagged in by @jackles010378. Sorry it took me so long to write this. Dean and the reader were dating and broke up. Dean sees the reader with her new boyfriend and things unravel. 

This is a work of fiction, all work is my own, do not take it or copy it. 

Minors DNI 18+

The crisp autumn air nipped at my nose as Billy and I strolled down Main Street. The leaves were a kaleidoscope of reds, oranges, and yellows, a beautiful contrast to the gray sky. I couldn't help but think about how much my life had changed since I'd last seen Dean.

Three years. That's how long we'd been together. Three years of laughter, love, and a shared passion for the supernatural. And then, just like that, he was gone. A letter, a simple explanation that he couldn't be with me anymore. The pain had been unbearable, a wound that had slowly healed, leaving a scar that I would always carry.

That morning I woke up and found the letter on his pillow. It was the day my world broke. Tears fell on the letter as I read his simple words. 

Dear Y/N,

These past three years have been great. We’ve shared so much and done even more together. I know you love me. You’ve said it so many times, and showed me every day. I just can’t lie to you anymore. I don’t feel the same. That’s not fair to you, to make you think we have a future together. One where we get married and have kids. I can’t do the apple pie life. I’m sorry, Y/N. I do hope you find the love you deserve.

Goodbye,

D

It didn’t make sense to me. We had just shared a night of love and passion, tangled in each other’s embrace. Whispering words of love and affection. We talked of the future and he said he’d love to be a dad one day. He was the love of my life, then he was gone. 

Now, here I was, two years later with Billy. He was kind, considerate, and everything a good man should be. But a part of me couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing.

We met through a mutual friend and had an instant connection. I wouldn’t call it love, but I was grateful for the companionship. I hadn’t even spoken the words to him. Billy was quick to say “I love you”, but I couldn’t say it because I didn’t mean it, nor did I feel it. 

Billy spent all of his free time with me. At times it felt suffocating. Dean and I spent a lot of time together too, but we also had our time apart. I’d bake and he’d work in the garage, it was a perfect balance.

Walking hand in hand through Main Street my mind kept comparing him to Dean. When Dean and I would walk, his arm was around me in a protective way. Billy just held my hand. Dean would lace his fingers in mine, Billy just cupped my hand. 

When Billy kissed me, it was hard and fast. When Dean kissed me it was soft and full of passion. Every step I took my mind kept comparing Billy to Dean. I couldn’t figure out why Dean was in the forefront of my thoughts.

And then I saw him. Leaning against the Impala, looking as effortlessly cool as ever. Dean. My heart pounded in my chest as our eyes met. A flash of something crossed his face - regret? Jealousy? I couldn't be sure.

As we continued walking, I glanced back. He was still watching, his gaze fixed on me. A wave of emotions washed over me. I stumbled as I looked back. I saw him gasp and jump off the car. Billy grabbed my arm trying to steady me. “You okay?” I nodded. I couldn’t pull my eyes away from Dean. Billy followed my gaze. Clearing his throat I turned and met his eyes. “Who’s that?” He asked, his voice laced with hurt and something else, anger maybe. I looked at Dean then back at Billy, “he’s my ex.” 

Billy wasn’t happy. I could feel the tension between us. As we walked into the quiet cafe he shot me a look that sent a chill through me. The cashier offered a soft smile. “How can I help you two today?” She said with a sweet voice. Billy looked at her and said “We will both have a coffee with 2 creams and 1 sugar.” She nodded as she started to put in the order. I spoke up, “Um, excuse me. I’ll have a vanilla latte please.” Billy shot me a look and grabbed my hand, “No, you’ll have what I ordered you. You’re my girlfriend and you’ll have what I order.” 

The cashier stood shocked. My mouth was on the floor. He’d never acted like this before. I touched his bicep softly, “Billy, I am your girlfriend, but I can order what I want.” Billy huffed and mumbled something. The cashier told Billy the total and she went about making the order. 

When we had our order Billy directed me to a booth at the back of the restaurant. I sat across from him and looked at him, shocked by his behavior. “You want to tell me what the hell that was about, Billy? Since when do you order for me and grab me?” Billy just stared at me, anger flashing in his eyes. It honestly scared me. 

“I didn’t like how you kept staring at pretty boy out there. It’s like you’re in love with him or something.” I bit my lip, not knowing what to say to him. I was in love with him. I never stopped loving him, but how could I tell him that? 

I swallowed hard. Touching Billy’s hand I started to speak, “Billy, I was in love with him when I was with him. He broke my heart and I’m with you now. That’s all that matters.” 

Billy pulled his hand away from me. “So you can love him but not me? You know what, screw this. Why don’t you go back to him and be his little whore again.” I gasped, “Billy! What the hell. Please calm down. I don’t want to be with him, I’m with you.”

Before I could say anything else, Billy stood up and told me to have a nice life and left. I sat at the table in shock. What the hell just happened? How did one little thing set him off like that? 

I sat at the table thinking about the past few years, how my love for Dean slipped away, and how Billy reacted to me seeing Dean. I was lost in thought and didn’t hear the bell above the door. 

The sound of a deep husky voice pulled me from my thoughts, “Hello, sweetheart.” My eyes flicked up and they met the piercing green eyes of my favorite hunter. My breath caught in my throat, “D…Dean, what are you doing here?” “Sammy and I were in town on a hunt, I heard you moved here. I’m so glad I ran into you. Can I sit?” 

“Sure.” I said without hesitation. Dean sat across from me. His hands instinctively grabbed mine. My head is screaming at me to pull away, but the rest of my body is holding on for dear life. 

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I was foolish and a complete jackass for leaving and for leaving you the way I did. I was scared. I had finally found the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, have children with, and I got scared. Scared you would be taken away from me. Scared because I don’t deserve the love you had for me. I’ve never deserved love or to be loved. I’m broken, Y/N. 

As I sat across from him, hearing him say how he didn’t deserve love my heart broke for him. “Dean, you deserve so much.You, Dean Winchester, deserve all the love in the world. You were four years old when you saved your brother from the fire, you raised him. Dean, you had to be mom and dad to Sam. Dean Winchester, the man who willingly went to hell to save his baby brother, the man who was willing to die for so many people. Dean Winchester, the man who took on the Mark of Cain to help save the world. You deserve all the love this world has to offer. You deserve so much more than I can give you. I NEVER stopped loving you, Dean, and I know I never will.”

Dean stood and walked over to me. He reached out his hand and took my hand in his, pulling me up and flush to his body. He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, and his hand cupped my face, “You are even more beautiful now than you were two years ago. I was a fool to let you go, and I intend to spend the rest of my life making that up to you. That is if you’ll have me again.” 

I leaned into his hand that cupped my face. My heart hammered in my chest. His touch ignited that fire, that love I had buried deep inside me. Without another word I leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips. It was soft and Dean hesitated for a moment. Then something changed. His hands went into my hair and pulled me in. The kiss became more passionate and full of need. 

The hurt from the past two years was fading with each kiss. When we finally parted, I looked at Dean and smiled. His eyes are full of love and desire. “Dean, take me home.” I said as I leaned into his embrace.

Dean took my hand and led me out of the coffee shop and to the Impala. He opened the car door and I climbed in. When he got in the driver’s seat, he looked over, smiled and took my hand. “Let’s go home, sweetheart.” He stepped on the gas and we headed back home. Home, where we both belonged, together and in each other’s arms. 

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[cherryblossombankai]

This is part two of this fic! Word Count: 1.4k Summary: You and All Might encounter the Love Quirk once again. This time, however, All Might is the one affected. Warnings: aphrodisiac, dub con, reader is chased, yandere!all might, unprotected sex, fem!reader, oral sex (fem receiving), ooc Tag List: For my baby girl @actuallysaiyan; @pixelcafe-network, @helloiamadrawer

The months since you were hit by the love quirk that led to your confession to Toshinori have been like heaven on earth. Despite your relationship's frantic, heated beginnings, you’d agreed to take it slow. Toshinori wants to be a gentleman and treat you to dates. He wants to take care of you, his special girl, more than anything. The time you spent most often in each other’s presence was when doing hero work. All Might is nothing if not a workaholic, and you’re such a loyal sidekick you follow him on every single mission. 

You were cuddled on the couch, kissing softly and whispering sweet nothings to one another when you heard the police sirens. You know before he even says so Toshinori is going to want to respond to it. Of course, you were going to follow him. 

It was another robbery, but that’s not the part that troubled you. There was something familiar about these villains. They make a lot of the same moves as some villains you’d fought before. 

All Might runs upstairs to surprise the leader of the gang. As you’re finishing up downstairs, he comes stumbling down with the villain dragged behind him. There’s something different about him. His signature smile is gone, and his cheeks are deeply flushed. When he looks at you, his eyes light up. 

“We’re done here,” he says quickly as the police rush into the building. It was unlike him not to be more friendly. He even seems to be avoiding you, pushing through the crowd to get out of the building ahead of you and then not even turning to make sure you’re following. 

“All Might!” you call after him as you use your quirk to catch up. 

“Don’t…” he growls when you reach out to touch him. He shudders softly, then jumps into the sky to get away from you. You frown before flying up to meet him. 

“Toshinori, baby…”

The two of you land on a nearby rooftop. His back is to you, and you can tell he’s panting. You come to him and place your hand on his back. You can feel him trembling under your touch, his suit is damp with sweat. His blue eyes are glowing, wide and wild, when he turns to you. His teeth are bared in a feral growl. It takes every bit of his effort not to pounce on you. 

“Run,” he growls. 

You’re not sure what is going on, but you don’t hesitate to listen to him. You take off into flight again. He growls as he watches you, his broad chest rising and falling with his heavy breaths. One large hand reaches down to palm at his cock that’s starting to strain against his pants. He pushes his thumb against the head, smearing the precum dribbling out of the tip. 

“Keep running, little girl…Or else daddy will tear you apart,” he shudders. 

You hate to admit to yourself that you’re genuinely scared of him in this state. Yet on the same token, you’re aware that you can’t get away. You could fly across the planet and he’d still find you. All Might’s speed is unmatched.

Through narrow allies and over the highest rooftops, he chases you. The love quirk he was hit with is even stronger than the one you’d been hit with a few months ago. His senses are so heightened, that he hunts you through the city by scent alone. Everywhere you go, he’s right on his trail. Only the last few strands of his self-control keep him from catching you. 

“My sweetheart, so fast,” he whispers as he jumps through the air again.

You make a swift turn to go down into an alleyway when he tackles you. A small yelp echoes off the walls as he wraps his arms around you, and lands on his feet with you in his arms. Your eyes are wide, filled with fear as you look up at him. 

“Dont’ look at me like that, princess,” he purrs before leaning in to kiss you deeply. He jumps again into the air, this time taking you to what had been your destination: your home. “Naughty girl, you were leading me home. I know what you wanted.” 

“I have medicine there…Sedatives,” you explain as he lands on the balcony. 

“Oh! You were going to sedate me?” he sets you down on the ground and begins picking through your pockets for the key to you apartment. In that brief moment where he’s distracted, you try to run away from him again. He grabs your arm and pulls you close again. “Ah, I guess we’ll play it your way.” 

He throws you over his shoulder and kicks in the balcony doors. Before you can argue he has you thrown onto the bed and is spreading your legs. 

“I’ve been able to smell this little cunt for miles,” he growls as he rips a hole in the crotch of your suit. 

“Toshi!” you yelp, but it’s no use. 

His face is buried between your thighs and he licks at your core through your panties. He growls and grunts at the taste of you, the smell even overtakes his senses. It’s not about your pleasure, it’s about possession. To smell and taste and feel your body, the body that belongs to him. 

“Sh-shit, baby…” you whine as you try to push his head away. 

“No, no. Baby, be nice to me. I was nice to you, wasn’t I?” he pouts softly and crawls over your body. He pushes your legs to your chest, holding them in place with one arm while he pushes his pants down. “I just need you, baby. Is that so bad?” 

“You told me to run, Toshi,” you whine. 

“I know what I said, princess. I know,” he guides his cock to your entrance and begins rubbing the head against your slit. “But maybe I daddy was being dramatic, yeah?” 

“Toshi, baby--AH!” 

He pushes his cock into you inch by tantalizing inch. Your nails dig into the meat of his broad shoulders. Your walls stretch to accommodate him. All the while he keeps you bent like a pretzel.

“That’s it, baby,” he moans softly as he begins a deep, frantic pace. 

The bed creaks beneath you, the sound mixing with the lewdness of skin on skin. Above you, Toshinori pants like a wild animal as he takes you without mercy. It’s a far cry from the gentle, loving man you’ve grown to love so dearly, but in his eyes, you see the same uninhibited affection he always shows when you’re alone together. 

“My angel,” he murmurs softly. “My beautiful angel.” 

His hand trails down the back of your thigh to your clit. He rubs it in sloppy circles in time with his thrusts. The way you moan for him makes his cock throb inside of you. 

“I’m the only one who makes you feel this good,” he says in a tone that seems to be trying to convince himself as much as you. You nod in agreement as drool puddles in the front of your mouth. Despite his roughness, the stretch of him inside you is delicious. 

“Only you, Toshi,” you whimper softly. 

With a few more deep thrusts, you’re tumbling over the edge. You throw your head back against the pillows and your body twitches with the pleasure of your release. The way your walls flutter around his cock proves too much for him too, and this time he can’t bring himself to pull out. He cries out as he pumps his seed into you. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” he whispers as his thoughts clear. He shifts to his base form and gently pulls out of you. He looks down at you underneath him. The bruises on your thighs from his tight grip, the way you’re so flushed and exhausted from him chasing you around the city then fucking you. He feels so ashamed of himself. 

“Baby,” you sit up on the bed and reach out for him.

He pulls away, “I hurt you…I forced myself on you…” 

“No! No, baby, you didn’t,” you hug him tightly as he trembles. “I wanted to help, but when you told me to run…” 

“I love you so much…I didn’t want to hurt you,” he whispers. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” 

You run your fingers through his hair as you hold him. He falls asleep as the last of the love quirk wears off. 

[creatingblackcharacters]

Long ask, I'm so sorry! My 'tism! :-(

One of my favorite characters, though he could have been written a LOT better, is Jesper Fahey from Six of Crows! He is part of a larger series called the Grishaverse, and he even made it into the live action adaptation on Netflix, called Shadow and Bone!

This is his official art.

Jesper is a very tall (6'3") 17-18 year old boy from Novya Zem. His father is Kaelish (Irish) and his mother is Zemeni (??? No specified country other than the Black characters are from there. The "vaguely African" continent. What were you thinking, Leigh Bardugo 😭). He grew up on a jurda farm, where his mother taught him how to shoot.

(Spoilers) Jesper is considered a Grisha, which are the magic users of this world. He's a Materialnik, meaning he can manipulate metal, glass, textiles, chemicals, etc. That's why he, a Sharpshooter, never misses: he can control where the bullet is going. His mother, who died using her power to save the life of a child, taught him how to harness his power. She called them both Zowa, which means "blessed."

Jesper is heavily coded as having ADHD, unintentionally or not. Hiding his power to protect himself leaves him constantly distracted and unable to focus. He leaves the farm to attend a university in Ketterdam, but quickly falls into bad company and begins to struggle with a gambling addiction.

(Ketterdam is like a mix between Las Vegas and Amsterdam, if that makes any sense. It's overrun with crime. Six of Crows is a YA heist novel.)

Jesper began taking on jobs with a gang called The Dregs (one which most of the characters in this book are part of) in order to pay off his neverending debt, and he befriends Kaz Brekker, one of the leaders. His relationship with Kaz is... complicated. Kaz is a cruel kid, and he and Jesper can butt heads. Kaz considers Jesper to be a brother to him nonetheless, one he looks out for.

Yadda yadda, plot of the books happens. Jesper learns how powerful his identity as a Grisha/Zowa can be. He meets his future boyfriend, Wylan Van Eck. They bond over their trauma. Jesper comes clean to his Dad and makes up with him. He meets his pirate idol. His character arc revolves around accepting his power and learning to use it, and recovering from his addiction. He decides to stay with Wylan, where they can take care of each other. Wylan will help him find somebody to teach him to use his Grisha/Zowa abilities and help hold him accountable and support him on his journey to recovery, and Jesper will help Wylan manage his business.

He's an extremely endearing and appealing character, and his struggles and anxieties feel so dynamic. He's witty, sarcastic, cocky, and teasing, but also good-natured and friendly. He's somebody with good intentions who is dragged down by the weight of the world, always feeling like he's screwing up and barely taking the time to appreciate how wonderful and talented he is. He's very relatable in that regard.

It's really cool that he's openly bisexual, too! That's emphasized in the TV adaptation. We don't get much insight into his character as there were only 2 seasons, and they were mostly focused on the A plot. We do get to see his awesome sharpshooter skills and his touching friendship with Inej, his bestie.

(Jesper, Inej, & Kaz / Wylan and Jesper)

As much as I love Jesper, Leigh Bardugo's writing of people of color leaves a lot to be desired. I can't speak much on it myself as it isn't my place, but somebody I remember from back in my fandom days who had great headcanons for Jesper, Novya Zem, etc. and lots of constructive posts criticizing the writing of the Black characters in the Grishaverse series is @/zemenipearls (Huge shoutout to her, BTW. We used to be mutuals a few years ago, and it was like being in the trenches trying to get certain characters to receive fair treatment and accurate characterization from the fans of the series - and she absolutely got the worst of it.)

From what I understand a lot of Black fans were disappointed by a lightskinned actor playing him rather than a darkskinned one, considering he is canonically darkskinned. Kit Young did an excellent job, however, in my opinion - I just wish more care had gone into the casting of the series' diverse characters. (A canonically fat female character was made skinny as well!)

Jesper may canonically have gray eyes and a shaved head, but to me it kind of feels like a cop out? (Forgive me if I'm out of line.) I prefer Jesper designs that explore different textured hairstyles and give him more natural brown eyes.

My favorites from @/sewer-lizard.

One of the best Jespers around.

Some other Jespers I really enjoy: 1, 2, 3

Sorry for rambling! To those reading this, nothing I mentioned here is a major spoiler that would inhibit your enjoyment of the books. If you'd like to read them, please buy a copy secondhand or pirate them. Leigh Bardugo is a real piece of work.)

(This blog is wonderful and I hope you have a great day!)

Ah, the Grishaverse! I remember reading like... I think like the first two books (I remember a girl with the power of the sun, and the darkling) and it lost my interest. And then I found out about the Netflix adaptation and said.. mm.... I see that this will not regain my interest.

Unfortunately, talking about the treatment of Black characters in fandom more often than not opens one up to racism and wrath. It's part of why fandom isn't really "for everybody". I hope you were supportive of your friend while she was fighting the battle. And if her writing leaves much to be desired for characters of color (and if she herself is questionable) I don't think I need to read it lol. I'm cool. It's a shame too, because the concept was really interesting when I was a teen! And I always think costuming like that is intriguing.

What I am happy about is your excitement, bc I did not know there were Black people in either them books or in that show- it's been a while, clearly! Thank you for the reminder!

[lottins-only]

I love you, it's ruining my life | Part V

pairing: Kylian x black!fem!Reader

word count: 4.5k

part one, part two, part three, part four

V. May 2024

She’d gotten the invitation in the mail a few weeks ago, a creamy white envelope announcing the upcoming wedding of Julien, a childhood friend from Bondy, to his fiancee of several years. Seeing his name on the paper had brought a smile to her face; it had been years since she’d seen him.

She’d be in Paris to visit her parents anyway, it would be a crime not to go.

She’d quickly written to him to say congratulations, and Julien had texted back a thank you. Moments later, he’d texted her something she’d expected. 

Not sure if you’re still in touch with Kylian, but if you can let him know about the wedding, that’d be great. We haven’t seen each other in ages!

Unsurprisingly, the response she’d gotten from Kylian was a firm and resounding no. 

“Why not?” She’d asked over the phone.

“Because of a lot of things, Y/N” There was a lot of chatter from Kylian’s end, she had caught him just as he’d entered the locker room after a grueling match. 

“Well, what are those things?” She’d asked. 

“I can’t just go to a wedding” He’d grumbled. “Haven’t been able to do that in years, in fact. I  have to think about bringing security and all that stuff”

She’d expected he’d say that, so her response was quick. “So bring your bodyguard. I’m sure Julien and his fiance won’t mind”

“And let someone leak a story to the press about how I’m a stuck up asshole who brings a hundred people with him everywhere he goes?” He’d snorted. “No thanks”

She’d rolled her eyes. “I don’t think anyone we grew up with would do that, Kylian”

“How would I know? I haven’t spoken to those people in years” 

“I haven’t either.”

“Exactly” He’d said. “Let’s just not go. It’s Ousmane’s birthday party that weekend  anyway. Actually, he said to tell you that you should come”

She’d frowned. “So you’d rather go to a party than to your childhood friend’s wedding?”

“It’s just a wedding Y/N” He’d said, his tone weary. “People get married all the time”

She couldn’t believe how mean and dismissive he was being.

“And get divorced all the time” He’d continued, letting out a humorless chuckle. “The stats on that are crazy, actually. Someone should let Julien know”

“What? Kylian, that’s so harsh. Why are you talking like that?” She was starting to get angry now.

“I’m not being harsh. Just honest” He’d said “Look, the last thing I need right now is to go to a public event, okay? I’m sick of people asking me about where I’ll be next year, and I’m sure as hell sick of having a hundred cameras pointed at me”

“Ok, then.” She said, her irritation evident in her voice. “You have fun at the party. I’ll go to the wedding.”

“But–”

“Tell Ousmane happy birthday for me”

He’d paused before responding with a resigned “Fine”

They hung up after that, goodbyes curt. She didn’t know what was going on with him, but he’d been very tired and irritable lately. He called less and less, and took longer to text back whenever she reached out.  She suspected it had to do with his contract with PSG, which she knew was nearing its end, but they didn’t speak about things like that. If he had news, he’d tell her. So far he hadn’t said anything, which meant things were probably still up in the air and it was troubling him. She’d chalked it up to that, and was therefore able to quickly move on from the conversation. 

The day of the wedding arrived, and Y/N found herself at the crowded venue of the wedding reception, wearing a silky blue dress she’d bought a long time ago but had saved for an occasion like this. She was seated next to Manon, a girl who used to live two doors down from her, and Anna, who she knew was Kylian’s first kiss and who she’d consequently been very envious of as a pre-teen. It was great catching up with the two and reminiscing about the old days. It turned out Manon worked in marketing while Anna was a tattoo artist. 

“So, are you and Kylian still friends?” Anna asked, taking a sip from her drink. The toasts had been made, and dinner had been eaten. They were now watching the bride and groom take the floor for their first dance. 

“Yeah” She said. “We’re still friends”

“Well, wave him over then. He looks like he’s lost” Anna nodded towards something behind her. 

Y/N whirled in her seat. Sure enough there was Kylian, his head down, weaving his way through the tables. People looked up to stare with hushed gasps as he passed by them. Y/N raised her arms to wave, and thankfully his bodyguard noticed and started guiding Kylian towards their table. 

“Hi” Kylian said, smiling tightly as he pulled a chair and took a seat.

“Hi” She said. “I thought you weren’t coming”

He shrugged. “You were mad at me”

“And I was right to be” She said, smiling despite herself. He looked handsome, she could tell he’d gotten a fresh cut. 

“Sure” He rolled his eyes before turning to their tablemates. Anna and Manon were briefly starstruck as he greeted them, as if they forgot they’d grown up with him. The initial awkwardness wore off quickly though, and before long they were all chatting animatedly. 

“Remember when you two–” Manon chuckled,  gesturing between Kylian and Anna.

“Ah, yes. When we dated for a whopping two days in the seventh grade” Anna laughed. “I do remember that” 

Kylian laughed along with her, shaking his head in embarrassment. 

Y/N couldn’t help but snicker. “Two days? What happened?”

Kylian opened his mouth to respond but Anna beat him to it. “We kissed one day, and then the next day was valentine's day. I found out he gave you a card, while I got nothing. So I dumped him”

Y/N gasped, elbowing Kylian. “Oh my god, I remember that. Those anonymous valentine’s cards we did in class. That was the first year someone sent me one, I was dying to find out who it was. I didn’t know it was you”

“Oh, we all knew” Manon said while Anna nodded in agreement. 

“Everyone knew he had a crush on you”  Anna said. “At least everyone except for me. I found out after the whole card thing”

Kylian said nothing, keeping his eyes trained on the bride and groom as they swayed. 

“Okay, so what happened after that?” Y/N pressed. She was flushed. If only her twelve year old self had that information. “Did you two ever talk again?”

Kylian finally turned to her, a hint of a smile on his lips. “Not really. I acted like it never happened” He grimaced at Anna. “Sorry about that, by the way”

Anna laughed. “You were the ultimate heartbreaker, Kylian!”

He chuckled, but there was a flicker of something in his eyes that made Y/N’s heart skip. “Yeah, well, I got my karma back, don't worry.”

“What do you mean?” Anna asked curiously. 

He hesitated before answering. “I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks, is all”

Y/N looked down at her lap, idly fiddling with her jewelry. The cynic within her had convinced her that Kylian didn’t care for her in that way. She’d allowed herself to believe he wanted her only for her body, just another fleeting fling in a long line of them. But his behavior over the past couple of months had made it clear that her own insecurities had clouded her judgment. She had the person she cherished most right in front of her—the boy she had loved since she was twelve—and yet she had pushed him away.

As she watched the bride and groom twirl, doubt grew inside of her. Was that kind of love even possible for her? Could she ever meet someone she cared for as deeply as she did for Kylian? The thought felt almost laughable. In her heart of hearts she knew that there would never be anyone else who could fill that space in her life.

Suddenly, the DJ switched to an upbeat song and people started to flock to the dance floor, eager to join the bride and groom. Manon and Anna went off as well, leaving just the two of them at the table. 

Y/N nudged Kylian gently.“Dance with me?”

He looked at her with an apologetic look, wordlessly shaking his head no. He looked tense, evidently very aware of being in public. 

Y/N visibly deflated. She wanted to be in on all the fun, but Kylian clearly wasn’t up for it. Oh, well. He did come here for me. I don’t need to make him even more uncomfortable, she thought. 

She smiled tightly at him, hoping he couldn’t see her disappointment. But of course he did. 

He hesitated before grabbing her hand and standing up, pulling her out of her chair. “Let’s go”

She grinned, her heart fluttering as  they made their way to the dance floor. Sometimes, when he did things like this purely to make her happy, the walls she’d built around her feelings for him would break down, sending her heart into a joyful spin.

They got to dancing, laughter bubbling between them as she playfully teased him about his abysmal dancing skills. 

“You just want me to be publicly humiliated huh?” He grumbled, a mock pout on his face. 

Just then, the song changed to a slow ballad. They froze, exchanging uncertain glances. It was only couples around them now, slowly moving to the romantic song playing. 

“What now?” Kylian asked, his voice low.

She stepped closer, wordlessly wrapping her hands around his neck. Her breath hitched when she felt his hands land on her hips.  They swayed to the song,  shifting their eyes  away from each other whenever their eye contact got too intense. His fingertips on her hips felt like they weighed tons. She wondered if he wanted to kiss her; she knew she’d let him if he tried. She’d fantasized about it more times than she could count.

Suddenly, she bumped into someone’s back. They’d been so focused on each other they’d completely lost track of their surroundings, it seemed. She turned around, ready to apologize, but froze when she saw who it was.

“Lucas?” She said incredulously. 

He had a different haircut than the last time she saw him, but it was definitely him.

Kylian's grip on her tightened slightly. “You’ve got to be kidding me” He muttered under his breath.

Lucas’ eyes lit up in recognition. “Y/N, wow. How are you?”

“I’m good” She said, forcing a smile.“ Crazy running into you here”

He smiled a fake smile, pointing to his dance partner, who she hadn’t noticed until then. “My girlfriend is co-workers with the bride”

She greeted his girlfriend, who was nice enough. 

“So you two finally got together, huh?” Lucas said. Y/N could tell he’d had a little bit too much to drink by the way he was swaying on his feet.  He leaned closer to Kylian, making it known the next part was just for him. “Better have her on a tight leash,  or she’ll start emotionally cheating on you”

Kylian recoiled at his words. “That’s not a bigger red flag than breaking up with a person over the phone, or thinking of women as animals you put a leash on” He gave a pointed look to Lucas’ partner. “He’s in the habit of doing that, by the way”

Poor girl looked like she wanted to disappear. 

Y/N felt disgusted. “Can we not do this here?” she said to Lucas. “It’s a wedding.”

Lucas shrugged, unfazed. “Just looking out for the guy. He should know what he’s getting into.”

Kylian stepped closer, a protective stance forming. “She can speak for herself, Lucas. And right now, she’s not interested in your opinion.”

Y/N suddenly noticed that some of the wedding guests had their eyes on them, clearly having noticed Kylian on the dance floor. They had their phones out, no doubt ready to send social media ablaze with pictures of Kylian and a ‘mystery woman’. Without thinking, she stepped away from Kylian and his hands fell away from her hips. 

He gave her a hurt look, confusion etched on his face.  “Y/N…”

“There you go!” Lucas laughed. “She doesn’t even want you to touch her”

Kylian gave Lucas the dirtiest look she’d ever seen him give to someone. “Fuck you” 

He turned on his heel and strode away without waiting for a response, his bodyguard trailing closely behind him adding a dramatic effect.

She made to follow him, but he disappeared into the crowd quickly. She turned to Lucas angrily. 

“You’re disgusting, you know”

He opened his mouth to say something, but she stormed off. 

She found him taking pictures with a group of people, dimples and charisma on full display. Someone even pulled out a jersey—though she couldn’t quite fathom why someone would bring that to a wedding. Still, he signed it with a gracious smile, effortlessly charming everyone around him.

“Kylian” She said as she stepped closer. “Can we talk?”

“Sure” He said, his smile fading slightly as he excused himself from the group. 

“Look, I’m really sorry” She said. “It’s not that I don't want to be seen with you or anything. It’s just –”

“No, it’s fine” He said unconvincingly. 

“It’s not fine” She said earnestly. “That was really inconsiderate of me. Especially since you were standing up to that asshole for me. Thank you for that, by the way”

He shrugged. “That’s what he deserved” 

My sweet Kylian, she thought.

She enveloped him in a hug, taking in the smell of his cologne. He hugged her back, albeit somewhat hesitantly. She could tell something was still bothering him.

“Kylian, are you okay?” She asked, pulling away. “You’ve seemed off for a while now”

“I’m okay” He said, looking at the ground. “Just a bit stressed is all”

She looked at him empathetically. “Tell me”

“Well, for starters, I shouldn’t be in public right now”

She frowned, feeling guilty. “I know, it’s a lot–”

“No, it’s not just that. That I can prepare myself for.” He said. “It’s because there’s a video announcing my departure from PSG that’s going to be released–” He paused to look at his watch. “-- In about 20 minutes, so…”

She stared incredulously. “What?”

“I said there’s a video–”

“You’re leaving PSG?” She said in a hushed yet raised tone.

“Yes” He affirmed.

“And it’s going to be announced in 20 minutes?” 

“Yes” He repeated. 

“And you’re in a packed wedding full of proud Parisians” She stated the obvious. “One week after crashing out of the Champions League”

He nodded, then yelped when she smacked his arm. 

“Kylian, why the hell did you come?” 

“Because I wanted to make you happy” He said simply, rubbing his arm.

She didn’t know whether to smack him again or kiss his beautiful lips. She decided on neither.

“Let’s get out of here then” She said, already dragging him to the exit. “Before the video is released and all hell breaks loose”

“But we haven’t even talked to Julien!”

“You’ll send him an expensive gift” She said, sounding determined. 

He chuckled, letting her lead the way.

They were in his car, his driver speeding away from the wedding venue. She watched him look out the window, the city lights casting a yellow glow over his skin. He looked less stressed, but she still thought there was something going on with him.

“So, where are you going?” 

“Hmm?” He pulled his eyes away from the window, seemingly jolted out of his thoughts. 

“Where are you going to play next?” She asked.

“Take a guess”

“Uh, let’s see, Leeds United?” She teased. 

He rolled his eyes. “You know where”

She squealed, launching herself across the backseat to give him yet another hug. “Real Madrid? Oh my god! Congratulations, Ky”

“Thanks” He giggled, hugging her back tightly. “I’m really excited”

“You should be! This is your childhood dream” She pulled back to look at him, her eyes wide with excitement. “Remember that winter you abandoned me to go visit them?”

“Well you’re getting back at me for that now” He said with a sad smile.

“Hm?”

“You’re moving back here” He clarified. “While I’m going there. You’re the one doing the abandoning this time”

“Oh” She said, understanding. “About that, I, uh–I’m not moving anymore”

He froze. “What?”

 “ I mean, I was going to, but… things changed. I got a promotion at my job, and the pay raise means I actually get more than what I’d earn at the new job here, so I told them I’m not gonna go for it”

He lets out a strange laugh. It’s near hysterical, but it stops as abruptly as it starts. “So you’re not moving back? You’re staying in Madrid?”

“Yes” She said slowly. “I’m staying in Madrid”

“Cool” He fidgets in his seat, his fingers tapping lightly against the armrest “Great”

He looked out the window again, then turned back to her, his face breaking into a huge grin.

“What?” She giggled. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m just really happy you’re staying” 

“Why?” She knew why, she just wanted to hear him say it.

“I wanted better for Luna” He exhaled loudly, as if this was a concerning issue he’d thought long and hard about. “ I hear the cat food here sucks”

She burst out laughing. She didn’t know what, but she could tell something just shifted between them. 

“You know, I haven’t been back in a while” He said. “To Bondy”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah” He said thoughtfully. “You just reminded me, when you mentioned that time I went to visit Madrid”

“Why don’t we stop by?” She said, her eyes lighting up. 

He paused for a moment, contemplating. 

“I don’t have anywhere else to be. Let’s do it” He said finally. 

He told his driver, and they went on their way. They sat in silence for most of the drive to the suburbs, both lost in their own thoughts.

“Oh!” Kylian’s eyes lit up suddenly. He pulled something from the console. “I forgot to give you this”

“What is it?”

“Belated graduation gift” He said as he handed her a small gift bag. She’d graduated from her masters program a couple weeks ago.

She beamed,  pulling out a jewelry box from the bag. “You didn’t have to” She cooed.

“Liar”

“You’re right, I love gifts” She grinned.

Her eyes widened when she revealed the pair of earrings. “ Kylian, wow” 

She looked at him in disbelief as she held up the jewelry delicately. “They’re so beautiful”

“I got them from Cameroon, when I visited last year” He explained. 

There was a card nestled amongst the wrapping of the earrings, small enough that she almost missed it. 

“Oh, there’s a card” She said as she picked it up.

Kylian’s eyes widened, reaching out to take it from her hand. “Wait, no—”

She leaned away from him to avoid his grasp, her smile almost fading as she read what was written:

“Y/N,

I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but right now I’m in Cameroon, and I’m heartbroken. 

Maman thinks I should call you. Tchaga and all the others think I’m annoying because all I do is sulk.

We visited a traditional market today. I saw these earrings, and I thought of you immediately. They’re made by female artisans, which I think you’ll like.

 I love you, I think it’s ruining my life.

–K”

She looked up, the last sentence reverberating in her head, almost drowned out by the pounding of her heart. 

She didn’t know what to say, just looked at Kylian, who was avoiding her gaze.

“I forgot that was there” He said quietly. 

The car came to a halt just then, and Kylian’s driver let them know that they’d arrived at their destination.

They found themselves at the park they frequented as children, where they spent countless afternoons and evenings. They took a seat on a bench, facing a gaggle of children playing football. The park was otherwise empty save for a couple other wanderers, which was unusual for a summer’s evening. Y/N wasn’t  complaining though; fewer people meant less chances of Kylian being spotted.

They seemed out of place in their formal clothes; her in her silk maxi dress, and him in his suit.  She stole glances of his side profile as they watched the kids’ game, marveling at his beauty: his big brown eyes, the strong nose he’d inherited from his mother, and those pink, pouty lips. More than 10 years of knowing him and yet he still managed to take her breath away.

He turned to her suddenly. “What’s on your mind?”

She decided to be honest. “I was thinking about how pretty you are”

“Pretty?” He chuckled.

“Yeah. Pretty” 

“Don’t think anyone’s used that word to describe me before” He said.

“Well I have” She said. “Many times before – in my head”

“Me too,” He admitted, his gaze warm. “I’ve called you pretty. Also many times —in my head.”

She grinned at him. It was impossible not to. “Speaking of pretty, I want to try those earrings!”

She pulled them from their box, quickly removing the ones she was already wearing and carefully putting on the new pair. Kylian took an exaggerated double take, his eyes widening. “Qué hermosa!” 

She snorted. “ Working on your Spanish, I see”

“I’m already fluent, cherie” He winked at her as he pulled out his phone and quickly snapped a picture of her. 

A loud cheer erupted from the kids; someone had just scored a goal. Y/N and Kylian briefly turned their attention back to the game, smiling at the infectious joy of the kids as they rushed to one another for a group hug. The celebrations gradually faded, and the children returned to their positions to continue the game.

She swallowed hard. “Did you mean that?”

“Mean what?” Kylian dragged his eyes away from the game. It didn’t matter if it was being played by a bunch of 10 year olds, football was still his favorite thing. It was quite endearing, actually. 

“What you wrote on the card” She said quietly. 

“Yes” He met her eyes. “I do”

“What did you mean– what do you mean when you said it’s ruining your life?” She asked.

He took a deep breath before answering. He had a pained look on his face. “It’s just – I don’t know, it feels like torture sometimes, not having you. First it was the whole time you were with Lucas when I was pining after you, and then it felt like I had you, but you ran away. Let me tell you, those couple months after that when we weren’t speaking were the worst of my life.” He took a shaky breath. “And whatever we are now, just friends, it’s never going to be enough”

“Kylian..”

“And I was speaking to Papa” He continued, ignoring her. He scooted closer to her, eyes so intense. “He told me to take a leap of faith. To cut out all the bullshit and tell you I love you.  So here I am, I guess. I want you to tell me what you truly want. Not what you think you should want, or what other people want for you. What you really, really want. Because if it’s me? I’m all in, Y/N” 

He took her hand, gently opening up her palm. “Because you’ve had my heart here” He traced his index finger over her palm. “Ever since I met you at my birthday party all those years ago. It’s always been you for me. There will never be anyone else”

Y/N didn’t respond immediately,  lifting his hand that was on hers to her lips and kissing his trembling fingers. “Just so you know, I’ve wanted you as long as I’ve known you. And you’re right, maybe all of the excuses I was telling you and myself were lies. Because I was scared. I thought if we did this and it didn’t work out, I’d end up losing you forever. I didn’t want that, Ky. But how would we know if we don’t try? We have to try, right?” She paused. “I really want to try”

Kylian let out a relieved laugh at her words. They were so close to each other, their faces mere inches apart. He cupped her face with his hands, caressing her cheeks in a way only he could. She closed her eyes, basking in his touch. She felt gentle kisses on each of her eyelids.

“Yes” She heard him murmur. “I want to try”

They closed what little distance was between their lips, kissing passionately. All the tension, all the unspoken feelings that had been brewing for ages seemed to dissolve in that moment. It felt like releasing air after holding her breath for a long time. It felt like relief.

“Wait, there’s someone taking pictures” Kylian muttered as he pulled away.

“I don’t care” She said, chasing his lips with hers.

To her annoyance, he pulled away again. “But you–”

“I said I don’t care” She mumbled, kissing him again. She felt him smile against her lips.

They left the park after the game ended, satisfied and at peace. Hands intertwined, lips swollen from kissing. She thought about the kids that they used to be, the ones who used to run to the very same park everyday after school. Oh how they’ve grown,  how they’ve changed. 

Inside the car, she turned to him, her heart steadying after a long while of drumming loudly. “So, what now?”

His gaze was unwavering. “ No more running away.”

"No more running away" She repeated softly, leaning her head against his shoulder and closing her eyes.

A/N: Aaand thats it folks. hope you like this last part <3 i'm working on an epilogue though so stay tuned for that. as always lmk what you think in the comments or in my inbox. thank you for reading!

tags: @kyliansonlygf @ynkfreeastheocean @scottishthistle @user6373738 @lucysantos6-blog @tuliptopiasstuff @kennasutopia @cinderellawithashoe @akiracim @kymb-10 @germanapples @ariesmai @edgyficuselastica

[ourflagmeansworms]

McSpirk and away missions. The Hazard Husbands.

The reason I ship these three (Kirk/Spock/Bones) comes down to one simple point and it is as follows.. theres is no logical reason for them to be the 3 on away missions as much as they are. Actually, it's probably not the suggested Starfleet protocol at all, or at least not for most types of missions. It's a quirk of the writing but it reads as them being so interwoven and almost like they are making excuses to be together as actual characters. We see this kind of thing way less in later series. Because they find other ways to give their main characters more screen time, make main characters out of less high-ranking officers, or have a truer ensemble cast vibe.

Kirk and Spock should rarely be down on the planet together because of chains of command. It's fine that Sulu and Scotty end up having the bridge a lot during actual away missions. You don't need a pilot as much in orbit around a planet and Engineering is able to contact Scotty if there's an emergency elsewhere. But they have other responsibilities. If something happens to the people on the away mission the death of the first and second in command is not ideal for the ship. Then there is McCoy. Bones is the chief medical officer. He goes on a lot of missions that don't need a medical officer, and while shit goes wrong and he comes in handy, it didn't make sense to put the whole crew's medical care at risk by sending him down before shit hit the fan. Additionally, in many situations where there is not an extreme medical crisis, it would make more sense to have Nurse Chapel on the planet and Bones watching over med bay.

So why does this happen? Why do each of the three keep letting this happen?

McCoy hates transporters enough it wouldn't be out of character for him to be mostly shipbound. He's one of the few roles on a ship where he can truly challenge a commanding officer. Who can say no captain I'm needed here you should take my assistant down to look at your damn rocks/broken leg/lap dog in a unicorn costume/etc. Yet he goes.

Kirk gets to pick the away teams, do I need to say more. Okay, I will, these two by his side. If he is going to be in harm's way, having fun, or even bored out of his mind, he'd rather do it with them, logistics be damned.

Spock dearest Spock knows this is all illogical. Not just not advised by Starfleet, but truly a risky choice but he says nothing. None of his quips about humans, not of his protestations in the face of Kirk Choas or McCoy's emotion. He never calls out this pattern of behavior as a fault. Perhaps because he thinks their combined skills make it work the risks, but that feeds into it even more.

They are inseparable when their roles should inherently keep them in close communication, but with physical distance in all risk situations. They choose to take the risk, to face the crises together. Therefore.... husbands. Hazards to their crew, but in love hazards.

[jamroses]

Maybe in another life

Word count: 1.3k Warnings: None ? Summary: Todd meets Neils sister Diane, and convinces the other Poets to have one last meeting so he can introduce her to them. Tags:Dead Poets Society, Neil Perry, Todd Anderson, Charlie Dalton, Knox Overstreet, Gerard Pitts, Steven Meeks, Richard Cameron, AnderPerry Note: THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING AND PUBLISHING A FANFICTION??? HELP ME?? SORRY IF ITS HORRIBLE ?? CONSTRUCTIVE(!) CRITISM IS ALWAYS WELCOME <3

The days following Neil's death were silent, no one knew what to say. Barely a word was spoken between the boys, they had gotten some time off to deal with the news, and prepare for the funeral. 

Todd was lying on the now empty right side bed, Neil’s mother had come in the day before to clear out all his stuff and had even told him he could keep something of Neil’s to ‘remember him by’. 

Todd had chosen the script of ‘A midsummer night's dream’ and a sweater. A knock sounded on the other side of the door and Todd rose from the bed, 

“Come in.” Meeks walked in, 

‘‘It’s almost starting, are you ready to go?’’ Todd nodded and followed Meeks out the door and through the corridor. They walked silently, side by side through the halls toward the church next to the school where the service would be held. 

They slid into the bench next to Charlie, Knox & Pitts who were already seated, Todd looked around and saw Neil’s parents sitting on the front row, right beside Nolan. The headmaster rose from his seat and stood up on the podium. 

“The death of Neil Perry was a tragic accident.” Nolan began, 

“Liar.” Todd muttered under his breath. 

“He was a fine student, one of Welton’s best, and he will be missed.” Nolan continued, “We have contacted each of your parents to explain the situation. Naturally, all are quite concerned. At the request of Neil’s family, I intend to conduct a thorough inquiry into this matter. Your complete cooperation is expected.” 

-

After the service, everyone slowly made their way out to the courtyard. Todd walked behind his friends, 

“You guys go ahead, there’s something I need to check on.” 

He started towards the cemetery where they had just buried Neil. When he got there he saw there was already another person there, a girl, she couldn’t have been any older than he was. 

Todd slowly approached her, and stood a few feet apart from her, looking at Neil’s grave. The girl didn’t seem to notice him at first, as she continued to rearrange the white roses that were placed around Neil’s grave. Todd thought he had seen her before, but he just couldn’t figure out why she looked so familiar. 

After she had finished what she was doing, the girl turned her head to look at Todd.

She noticed how heartbroken he looked, how pale his skin was, how red his eyes were from crying. 

“Did you know him well?” She asked him, Todd looked up, “Neil, did you know him well?” 

“Oh yeah, we were roommates, you?” Todd looked at her, who was it that she reminded him of? 

“Yeah, he was my brother.” Todd looked her in the eyes for the first time since they met, 

“What?” 

He took in her features and realized she looked just like him, hell she could even be him. 

“Yeah he is, was, a year and a half older than me.” Todd was staring at her as if she were a ghost. 

“You look just like him.”  

“Yeah I get that a lot.” She smiled sadly. 

“I’m Todd Anderson by the way.” He held out his hand for her to shake, “So you’re that Todd!” She shook his hand, 

“I’m Diane Perry.’’ 

The bell in the tower struck, indicating that dinner was about to be served at Welton. ‘‘I uh 

have to go, dinners about to be served.’’ 

“Todd said.” Diane looked up, “Yeah I should probably make my way back as well. It was nice meeting you.” 

Diane started making her way back down the small path that led to the village, 

“Wait!” Todd called after her, she turned around, “Do you want to meet the other boys?” 

She smiled, “I’d love to.” 

“Okay, uh, awesome, meet me back here around 8:30.” 

“See you then Todd.” Todd waved and as he made his way back to Welton, he felt that everything might be okay.

Dinner was silent, no one looked at each other. “Guys, meet me at the cave tonight at half past 8?” 

Todd suddenly spoke, everyone looked surprised. 

“What, are you crazy? Why would we go back there?” Knox spoke, 

“Please guys, I have a surprise.” 

“I am never going back to that place.” Charlie said. 

“Yeah, I’ve got homework to do anyway.” Meeks agreed. 

“Come on guys, please. Just one last time.” Todd pleaded, he really needed this to work. “No, and now I don’t want to talk about it anymore!” Knox raised his voice, clearly sounding upset. Todd was starting to lose hope, “For Neil, please.”

Charlie sighed, “What’s this surprise you have for us anyway?” 

“Come to the cave tonight and you’ll see.” 

“Well it better be good.” Pitts said, getting up from the table and getting his stuff together. 

“This is the Last time I will be going back there. Understood?” Knox also got up, 

“Great, awesome, don’t forget, half past 8.” The remaining boys all got up and made their way back to their rooms. 

-

“What’s taking him so long?” Knox was getting impatient, “It’s 8:45 already!” “Dude relax,” Charlie tried to calm him down, “He’ll be here soon.”

“If he’s not here in 5 minutes I’m leaving.” Pitts decided, Meeks nodding in agreement.

Just then, Todd walked into the cave, “Sorry I’m late guys, had to pick up the surprise.”

“It better be good,” Knox grumbled, still upset. “So where is this surprise anyway?” Charlie asked, just as Diane stepped into the cave.

“She’s right here.”

The boys’ jaws collectively dropped as they looked at the girl before them, the girl who had the Same brown eyes, the Same brown hair, the Same nose, even the same smile as him. No one dared to speak a word. Scared that if they did, she might disappear.

Todd broke the silence by introducing her; “Guys this is Diane, she’s Neils sister.” Diane nodded and Todd continued, “Diane this is Knox, Charlie, Meeks and Pitts. A.K.A the Dead Poets Society.”

“I heard you guys have meetings? Where you read poetry?” Diane looked to Meeks, who seemed quite smart to her, and would probably explain it best.

“Yeah, we take turns reading poetry, some from the greats, some original pieces.” Diane nodded, “I actually have a poem I prepared to read tonight.” Diane cleared her throat, ready to start when Charlie interrupted,

“We’ve got to open the meeting first.”

Pitts agreed, “You can’t just start reading poetry.”

“Well then would someone open the meeting please?” Diane looked around and realized that as soon as she asked the question the cave fell silent.

Pitts had taken a sudden interest to his shoes, Charlie acted as though he had never seen a cave wall before in his life, Meeks felt the need to clean is already clean glasses thoroughly and Todd just stared off into the distance, as if he wasn’t even here.

“He always opened the meetings.” Knox spoke.

“Excuse me?”

“Neil, he always opened our meetings.” Knox got up, “Listen Todd, I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish by bringing her here. But we’ve all gotta move on.”

“What are you talking about?” Todd got up as well, “I understand you’re just trying to help.” Knox continued; “But you gotta face the reality, Neils dead, we might all be facing expulsion, and Keating is being investigated. I’m sorry, but I’m leaving, I can’t take this anymore.” Knox made his was out the cave,

“Knox! Wait! Come back!” Todd tried to chase after him.

“It’s no use,” Meeks spoke, “he’s gone.”

“He was right though,” Pitts also got up, “We shouldn’t be doing this.” He started making his way out the cave too.

Todd felt all hope he had that afternoon disappear, everything was falling apart.

“I’m sorry Todd.” Charlie looked Todd in the eyes, “Maybe one day we’ll return.” Charlie put on his coat and followed Pitts outside.

“Meeks, please, you can’t leave.” Todd pleaded, feeling his eyes fill up with tears. But Meeks had already gotten up, and was halfway out the cave,

“Goodnight Todd.” RAAAAAAHHHH DO U GUYS LIKE THIS??? DO U WANT A PART TWO????

[silverwhittlingknife]

hi Silver! o/ because that fanart made me wonder - would you happen to know when/where Dick's stuffed elephant plush Zitka turns up in the comics?

GREETINGS CAM <3333 THAT ART WAS SO CUTE

Yeah, I think your instincts are right - it's a truly adorable bit of transformative fandom, but I'm 95% percent sure it's not comics canon. Barbara has canon plushies, but I don't think anyone else does.

I got kinda invested in the investigation (it's hard to prove a negative!) and I ended up typing out an entire History of Elinore/Zitka, so, uh, if you're curious, meet me below the cut for:

Where does Elinore / Zitka - the animal - appear in comics?

Did Dick ever have a stuffed elephant toy in comics?

Where does Elinore / Zitka appear in comics?

We're gonna go in chronological order!

Dick's circus elephant friend was first created for practical reasons: in Batman 436, Marv Wolfman does a big expanded flashback to Dick's circus backstory as a way to subtly show us Tim before officially introducing him (so that we can have a technically-solvable mystery-of-Tim's-identity in LPoD). In this comic, there's an elephant named Elinore who loves Dick:

Aww. Such a cute elephant!

Batman 436 comes out in August 1989. New Titans 60 comes out a few months later, in November, and guess what? When Dick visits the circus, he is suddenly surprised by an unexpected blast from the past! It turns out that even though it's been years, Elinore still remembers him!

Here's the part where Elinore remembers Dick:

SUCH a cute elephant. I love her.

(Guess who else still remembers Dick even though it was so long ago. Guess which other character is about to be an unexpected blast from the past. Guess which character Elinore is directly paralleling guess guess guess sorry everything is about Dick and Tim in my mind but I can focus I swear)

Four years later, in 1993, Batman: The Animated Series retells Dick's origin story. They like and keep Wolfman's elephant, but they change her name to Zitka:

Wolfman doesn't return to the elephant beyond those two appearances, and a few years down the line, New Titans gets cancelled and Wolfman's not writing Dick anymore anyway. So the animal gets abandoned for a while, until Devin Grayson, a fan of both Wolfman and B:tAS, revives the Wolfman-era Titans team in JLA/Titans and then the ongoing series Titans 1999.

Grayson then brings back the elephant in a flashback to Dick's past in Titans 16 (Jun 2000), where she imports the B:tAS name. Sometimes I'm skeptical of TV-to-comics imports, but honestly, I endorse this one. You lose the alliteration, which is a shame, but IMO Zitka is a better elephant name than Elinore.

Here's Dick with the newly-christened Zitka in Titans 16:

Grayson also briefly references the elephant in Gotham Knights 20 and - in a final angsty callback - in Nightwing 88 (Feb 2004), where Zitka tries futilely to comfort Dick in the midst of his trauma conga line:

... And... honestly, I think that's it for comic appearances? The two Wolfman comics plus the three Grayson comics.

Both Wolfman and Grayson are writing multiple titles - Batman, New Titans, Titans, Gotham Knights, and Nightwing between the two of them, spanning a big chunk of Dick's post-Crisis canon - and both writers use the elephant for heartwarming moments of nostalgia, which means if you're doing a post-Crisis readthrough for Dick, Elinore/Zitka feels memorable. But I don't think she actually shows up that much.

For post-2011, I am not as well-informed - throwing this out to the dash? anyone know? - but I feel like Zitka the heartwarming symbol of Dick's heartwarming circus past is, uh, thematically very at odds with the Court of Owls evil!circus vibes, so my instinct is that this story element was almost certainly dropped in the reboot.

Did Dick ever have a stuffed elephant toy in comics?

In WFA, yes; in main comics continuity, no. Technically, I have not read every comic ever published, so I could be wrong!! But I don't think so.

Below, find my rambling reasoning on the tonal vibes of pre-Crisis, post-Crisis, and post-2011, and why this particular story element doesn't seem right to me for the first two.

Pre-Crisis (...okay, mostly the Silver Age): stuffed animal, yes or no?

tl;dr no, requires too much background knowledge on the part of the reader, plus the elephant wasn't a thing until later

Elinore doesn't get created until post-Crisis, but also just generally, pre-Crisis callbacks are more along the lines of this reference in Batman 129 (published in 1960), where, wow, Batman and Robin are hunting jewel thieves - and it turns out Robin recognized this strongman! BUT HOW?!

The comic goes on to recap Dick's entire origin story in flashback, on the assumption that you may not know it.

(BTW, if you'd like to know more about Haly's Circus throughout the years, nightwingology has a great post here summarizing a lot of fun plotlines and characters!)

Basically: Silver Age comics are very self-consciously episodic and kid-friendly; they're not generally gonna do overly-elaborate callbacks because they don't know what comics their kid readers may have randomly picked up or remember.

By the time of post-Crisis, comic books were being written for an adult audience buying from the direct market, i.e. readers who are collecting whole runs & don't need or want Dick's origin story to be recapped to us in full every time it's referenced. That's why in post-Crisis, we get stuff like "hey, neat, this particular soda brand is getting mentioned in several different books!!" or "in order to understand this story arc, buy SIXTEEN DIFFERENT COMICS in FIVE DIFFERENT RUNS and read them ALL ACCORDING TO A NUMBERED ORDER and also you better be following the individual plotlines and recognize these five minor characters who we don't bother to introduce!! Good luck!!" But the elaborate post-Crisis plotlines - and subtler worldbuilding like a stuffed animal callback to Dick's backstory - don't make a lot of story sense UNLESS you're imagining your readers as completionist adult fans.

So IMO a stuffed animal wouldn't be a pre-Crisis thing unless it was The Episodic Story Of the Week, and I don't think a stuffed animal is action-adventure-y enough for the fast-paced storytelling of the Silver Age. (Unless it, like, came to life and tried to eat you or something.)

Post-Crisis: stuffed animals, yes or no?

tl;dr: no, Dick's a manly tough guy, he's not gonna have a stuffed animal, that'd be lame, like something Tim might do

Part of the edgy grimdark adult vibes in 80s/90s comics is that some characters who used to be kinda silly & goofy & lighthearted - like Batman and Robin - get reimagined as Serious and Angsty and Edgy in a Tough Cool Manly Brooding Way. This massively affects characterization for Bruce, Dick, and Bruce and Dick's relationship.

(I obviously love this change & love the tense Bruce-and-Dick interactions, but plenty of fans of the earlier fluffy comics really disliked the edgy retcons of Miller / Wolfman / Starlin / et al.)

The upshot is that post-Crisis is a period when you could have a recurring reference like a stuffed elephant, but you wouldn't have a stuffed elephant, not for Dick. I think a toy like that would be too cutesy / childish / effeminate to give a male character in post-Crisis, unless you were poking fun at him.

Now, you could probably let Tim have a stuffed animal, because Tim is sometimes cool but also sometimes a tryhard loser who is faking being cool and not entirely pulling it off (see e.g. the Robin comic where he practices tough-guy faces in the mirror, or the Teen Titans comic where Conner discovers his cringy Enya CD, or when he's fanboying over Connor and it's awkward, etc etc.). A stuffed animal would be deeply embarrassing, and you'd have to be careful to compensate by having Tim do something cool afterward - but Tim's character concept allows for "he's kind of a loser sometimes."

But Dick isn't!! In post-Crisis, Dick's a tough / impressive / "cool guy" character, the kind of guy anyone would want to be, even in the flashbacks where he's Robin, and even in the stories where he's more lighthearted than angsty. It'd be kinda lame for Dick to have a stuffed elephant, so he wouldn't. I feel like Dick would be more likely to poke fun at it if someone had one, like when he's making fun of Wally for liking the Hardy Boys. Dick could have a Batman action figure, at most, and if he had one he would have it ironically.

Basically: in post-Crisis, a male character hugging a stuffed elephant feels more likely to be a punchline to me, not something poignant. (Even with Tim, Tim could have an embarrassing stuffed animal, but he couldn't hug it when sad - that's too far. Maybe Booster Gold might do this. Probably he wouldn't, but spiritually, he would. Sorry Booster ilu! <3)

Instead, Dick instinctively deals with his inner turmoil like the TORTURED ACTION HERO he is: by punching things and brooding and yelling and joining the mob and sleeping on rooftops and going on obsessive secret missions and acquiring Angsty Stubble!! Just like Batman!

(Technically I don't know if Bruce ever joined the mob but you know he would.)

Anyway as you know this is my favorite continuity and I am poking fun affectionately, but uh, yeah sdfsfdsfs. No stuffed animals.

Post-2011 / Infinite Frontier / Wayne Family Adventures: stuffed animals, yes or no?

tl;dr it's in WFA! Probably not anywhere else, but it could be.

Post-2011 stuff tends to be cutesier overall, most of all in the current Infinite Frontier era. So I don't feel like this would be tonally out-of-line with IF comics. Taylor tends to go for more meme-y references rather than fanfic references, though.

So the obvious best fit is WFA, which is aiming for a rough approximation of Silver Age family-friendly vibes - wholesome, episodic plots, Teaching Good Moral Lessons For The Youth, etc. - plus lots of Easter eggs for fanfic readers and some comic references.

And look, here we are:

Aww.

Whew - that's everything I could find!

Anyway as you can probably tell, I LOVE the elephant, so this was a very entertaining rabbit hole to go down, thank you <3

[dangaer]

YOU CAME / YOU CALLED. is such a godtier dynamic i will not elaborate.