#look how warn out and well loved BB looks compared to these brand new and still very fluffy and shiny lil guys...

[mwolf0epsilon]

My birthday gift from Rogue finally arrived, which means Banette Buddy is no longer an only child!

Meet Jeepers Creepers and Zipper, BB's little brothers <3

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh Season Zero: The Yo-Yo Crimes of Jounouchi Pt 1

It’s been a while since I visited the many times Yugi should have gone to jail, AKA season Zero, and I’m excited to visit it again.

If you just got here, this is Season Zero, which is very different vibe and a different direction plotwise than the other seasons and you can read the season zero recaps from the start in chrono order here: https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yuugi%20muto/chrono

So be warned, this is a 90′s anime, and it will do 90′s anime things, and I expect y’all reading this aren’t like 12.

Like I said in an earlier post, I wrote this out fully when I was going through the symptoms from my second dose--which PS, is worth it--but those symptoms knocked me out for 10 days. I was kind of a space cadet, and yo, I made some mistakes. Including writing this post out in full and then not clicking “save” on this post and then not realizing I had done that until several days later.

So long story short, I don’t remember what I originally wrote here, but lets all assume it was weird, and didn’t make sense and wasn’t funny. We’ll just assume this was for the best that it was deleted forever.

So this episode is about 2 things: Yo-yos and Jounouchi. Both get used as a tool for violence, and both need to get just a little bit cursed by Yugi to scale it the hell back. So, understandably, we start off this episode with Jounouchi, who has eagerly identified with this off brand yo-yo he apparently got out of a dumpster for being just a huge ass defect.

(more Yo-Yo crimes under the cut)

I see you dodging copyright infringement, Yugioh. Eireboy.

Also whenever I read “Eireboy” I do it in my mind in the same pacing and vocal tones that Pegasus uses to say “Kaiba boy.” Something about it’s conjunction to Yugioh, I see anything with “boy” at the end of it, and it’s voiced by a weird guy with one eye.

So I wrote these caps under the influence of my second dose, just assuming y’all understand the life I lived, but I realized writing this episode...traveling bands of yo-yo performers that go to your school and shill yo-yos with yo-yo shows in the hopes that it will get you so obsessed with yo-yos that you will not join a gang and do drugs and have sex may be just an American thing.

So when I saw a yo-yo episode I was like “Tight! Clearly, the yo-yo clowns have come to town!” and I assumed everyone in this class would be draped in yo-yos, because I just assumed that at some point at School you will get MAD OBSESSED with yo-yos for about 2 weeks.

But in this episode, everyone was like “Jounouchi, why are you playing with a random yo-yo?” and it didn’t occur to me until typing this out just now: only Jounouchi is doing this. He did this unprompted, without the encouragement of a bunch of middle aged performers doing tricks to techno music.

So instead, I have to think of Jounouchi as Ralphie in this scenario, and he just got a official Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time for Christmas, but he’s gonna shoot his eye out.

Because yo-yos in this episode are basically guns.

...Kind of like a duel deck was also just a gun...

...or the wands in Harry Potter...

...which honestly...I’ve probably said this before but where I’m from, we just use straight up guns in these elaborate analogies because we freakin have to make the point crystal clear. The moment Ralphie finally got his hands on a bb-gun, he very nearly shot his eye out and broke his glasses. And that scene will haunt me until my dying day...

...but fine, we can use yo-yos, I guess it works, although to me, yo-yo’s are just teachers hoping you’ll become such a dork that no gang will accept you (and then in this universe, it does the opposite? So freakin weird).

The beginning of this episode is Jounouchi trying do his best to impress with his skills, but in actuality, getting very close to clubbing Anzu with a yo-yo. And, while Anzu is the strongest person in Yugioh in the later seasons, I feel like Season Zero Anzu is another level. It’s a serious tempt of fate that Jounouchi is doing, so Honda wisely cuts him off from doing any more of that so she won’t end up strangling yet another person in broad daylight in the middle of school.

Remember your yo-yo safety, children.

Straight up, Honda’s version of yo-yo safety is to just Never Use a Yo-Yo and that’s the most gun safety thing ever that they’ve slipped into this Yugioh Episode. I almost expected Yuugi to pull a “well, actually, I use a hunting yo-yo to get enough venison to feed my family.” But youknow, he lives in a city, so while Yugioh is pretty weird and Yuugi has to worry about a lot of things--he doesn’t have to worry about that.

This is actually foreshadowing, which I only realized in hind sight, mostly because I just can’t associate a Yo-yo with crime. Joey knowing how to use a yo-yo was foreshadowing that he was absolutely part of this gang in a past life.

Yeah that one went completely over my head the first time and the second time and it really wasn’t until just now that I finally caught it. Hoo boy, sometimes I wonder why y’all let me analyze this show.

Jounouchi decides to confront the yo-yo bandits and everyone else is like “Silly Jounouchi, he’s not gonna do that. That would be stupid.” And...in S0, they don’t know him well enough yet to know that he really is that much of a well meaning dumbass.

I think a S1-5 Yugi would have been sprinting out the door to keep Joey from killing himself (again), but Season Zero Yuugi had hope that Jounouchi would just naturally tucker out and fall asleep or something.

And he was so wrong.

Anzu’s “New Tricks” line was from the dub itself and man that’s a good line. I love Anzu’s sass in Zero.

So, Honda decides to help them find Jounouchi so all of them together could give Jounouchi an intervention for skipping school. This is the same Honda that once skipped school to babysit a tomagachi and said it was because of “Maternity leave,” but don’t worry about the hypocrisy, because from this episode we learned that Jounouchi needs a very short leash.

So this episode is a great Jounouchi episode to explain stuff that still hasn’t been explained in 5 seasons of Yugioh. In S1-5, we don’t get much about his home life other than his Mom left and his Sister lives far away and is like sickly as hell. We know nothing else. But this is the episode where we finally get to find out why Yuugi and his Grandfather decided to basically adopt him from S1 onward.

Yugioh is tackling some pretty heavy territory, but I respect the show for not trying to magically change Jounouchi’s parents like they did to Dartz. Instead, the crew decide to reach out and try to find their friend who clearly didn’t go home last night (and won’t be going back for a while), by checking every alleyway in Domino.

Fun fact Yuugi drops this episode, Domino is one of the biggest cities on Earth. This makes the Battle City Tournament even more crazy when you realize Kaiba shut down several blocks but, it also makes a tiny bit more sense how we have so many Millennium items in one place. (Yet...it still doesn’t explain Bakura and Joey’s accent.) And, I guess if your city is just extra large, you get an extra large warehouse district, too.

Speaking of, they eventually find Jounouchi at his new (but also old) crime antics mugging some random stranger next to this Game store that I just realized was cropped so it looks like it says “GANG.”

Say hello to our crime clown. He’s sort of like a discount joker, and that beanie is...man it is green.

I forget this green exists sometimes, but Season Zero has it as one of their prime colors. Good ol’ Retro Kaiba green.

I’m a little tempted to swatch Season Zero a bit and figure out their full color scheme--it’s really saturated, which is interesting when you compare it to the later seasons which are a lot more muted since...the 00′s were like that, they greyed a lot of colors out. But I’ll do it later if I do, maybe another post for another day.

Jounouchi and Honda, before they moved to the school with Yuugi in it, used to go to the same school and up until now I just assumed they were close friends. But apparently they were a lot more distant than that. I’m sure they met up several times as Jounouchi destroyed stuff and Honda came along in his volunteer janitor outfit to put the stuff the hell back, and maybe that’s how they got to know eachother better?

But basically, Jounouchi was the freakin worst, and Jounouchi’s best friend was Hirotani--this 45 year old 15 year old with the blue pony and turquoise fade--and Honda has SO MUCH hot goss to say about it.

I really get the gist that Honda may not have liked anyone else at his old school, like at all. Like maybe Honda likes cleaning up trash so much because his school was just trash top to bottom.

As is tradition, Yuugi got his tar beat in by Hirotani. Another concussion to add to his list of issues to tell his future therapist that lives in that puzzle he wears around his neck.

I still expect him to do a double cross, but it seems they wanted to keep it a relatable and more realistic fall-out, where Jounouchi has just bounced on them without even a goodbye. He and his Dad had a bad fight, and Jounouchi was like “well so long to all of this and everyone that has anything to do with it.”

In later seasons, Joey is the one trying to save other people. He’s saving his Sister, he’s saving Mai, he’s saving Yugi, but in this season Jounouchi’s friends had to save Jounouchi from himself a few times now.

I like this depth to his character, I’ll be honest. I can understand why S1-5 don’t touch on it, and I don’t think it’s because they didn’t want to have an abusive Dad storyline, because they did that several times over with Seto Kaiba (man the Dad situation in Yugioh is DIRE.) Instead they probably just felt like Season Zero already did it, so why do it again?

It’s just a shame that it wasn’t talked about in the other seasons. Joey makes a lot more sense to me now because we get to see why Jounouchi is so hard set on saving people. S4 Mai Valentine, who ditched everyone and joined a gang? That’s basically a Joey move, and that was why Joey Wheeler was all over that.

Really would have added a lot to that particular arc if the show...actually talked about Joey’s history at all rather than assume I would have watched something that was never released in the States. Instead...it just looked a lot like he had only romantic motivations, which may not have been what they were going for.

Speaking of romantic, check out this sunset. Like the sun is exploding for some reason--just a wild sunset you only see for a still frame before a commercial break.

As Joey, youknow, takes on an entire rival gang single-handedly.

Hey guys, I lived near a pretty big city most of my life and I have been on a roof...once. Just the one time when I was doing an internship in SF with a painter and we needed to take a reference photo of his painting for a gallery (and it was hella sketch, and we weren’t exactly allowed up there). Who are all these people giving teens Roof Access? It’s so hard to get! Even if you live in an apartment of a tall building, I can count on zero of my fingers the amount of times I was allowed on that roof. But TV shows and movies--they freakin love roof gardens and roof hangouts and roof fights.

Am I missing out?? How did y’all get on the ROOF? I know I’m on S5 of Yugioh now and I have seen a lot of roof stuff, but like...is this normal for everyone else? I know there’s schools that have roof sport--that’s common in the city everywhere--but that’s like...specialized roofs with 30 ft chainlink fencing and really good supports to your body doesn’t fall straight through it when you jump too much. The hell is using their normal ass roof?

This gang should have their legs swinging halfway into the floor below them, is all I’m saying, if my roof couldn’t handle our solar heating, then a normal ass roof cannot support a gang fight.

But it does look really, really cool.

Anyway, Anzu does some offscreen snooping and finds out where the crime hangs out, and suggests that we step right into crime zone and just yank Jounouchi out of there. Which is something you would only do and say if you were Anzu and cannot fear death.

If it were Jay’s it would be with an ‘s. That’s how you do a plural Jay. But it’s the 90′s, so we put a “z” on the end of everything that should have been an “s” and that’s how you get the...

I mean, thank you, dubbers, for not saying “Jizz” but for reals...that be Jizz.

Please don’t flag me, Tumblr. (which, PS, I think they turned off the flagbot, Tumblr hasn’t flagged me in forever and I’m so thankful. Mods are asleep, we can talk about anime again)

So even though Honda decided that he was fed up with Jounouchi and didn’t want to save his ass, he decided to give it another go but complete with some new sash. He also did this without telling any of the others, who just kinda spectated him for a little while.

Honestly, if they weren’t laughing at him, I wouldn’t have known that this sash was any weirder than any of his other sashes. I don’t know really know what a school uniform should look like. It’s a shame, I feel like this series has a lot of jokes and puns probably soaring right over my head.

A little bit embarrased he was caught being vulnerable, Honda decides to give us a little more context to why he ever decided to give Jounouchi the time of day in the first place.

They had PE class once, and Honda apparently loves the hell out of PE. Jounouchi ran really fast in a straight line that one time, and that is why he’s trustworthy friend material. He just needs to stop joining gangs, and he’ll be solid.

I have no idea if the fandub put that in there or if that was native to the show, but Miho legit stans Honda/Jounouchi and acts as if she’s off to write some fanfiction about it. Honestly if she did, it would make her so much more interesting of a character.

And so, until next time, we shall have to wait and see exactly what Yami Yuugi is going to do with a freakin Yo-yo and I’m sure it’s all sorts of real effed up. Excited to get there, honestly. A shame it had to happen on the part that isn’t dubbed yet, but I’ve done these subbed before, it’ll be fine!

[quakerjoe]

LAST CALL ON FACEBOOK

I’m done. I’ve had it with Facebook, so fuck this shit; I’m out. Here’s the final publication...

THE LAST CUPPA JOE SERVED ON FACEBOOK:  TUESDAY 10 MARCH 2020

Perhaps you’ve noticed that it’s been quiet around here despite all the political excitement. If you’ve guessed ��He’s in facebook jail again”, you’d be right. Being put in a childish “time out” because I pissed off someone who came to MY page uninvited is the name of today’s game, and I’m done with it. I already lost the original Quaker Joe page with well over 10,000 followers without an opportunity to say good-bye, so I’m doing so here and now to you all and to share some final thoughts about what I’ve learned about America, its people, and the political process in a collection of simple, straightforward observations. Here it goes.

First, it has become abundantly clear that America simply does NOT want to make this “a more perfect union” as prescribed in the Constitution that everyone claims to hold so dear. My whole life I’ve watched the GOP sink the economy and destroy civil rights and worker & environmental protections while making massive money grabs. While doing so, they’ve enacted shit laws to benefit the rich while screwing “the help”, meaning YOU in general.

This brings me to “Democrats are feckless” and suck-ass at delivering a clear message or any sort of show of strength. While they’re busy trying to clean up the mess left by the GOP every turn of the tide, the GOP points at them and they shout “Look at the mess the Dems are responsible for!” and Dems say nothing. Civility, I guess. It only goes so far before you get the reputation for being wimps. You know, like today.

Democrats are yesterday’s Republicans. They’re scared, angry and afraid of taking chances. Bold leaders like Bernie Sanders want to bring us ALL to a new, all-time high. Democrats are now his #1 enemy, trying to tear an honest man down. “He hasn’t accomplished anything” the same way Jesus didn’t in the N.T. No, I’m not comparing the two, but it’s funny how a “Christian Nation” isn’t rallying behind a Jew who is a former carpenter and is trying to lead a movement to tend to the poor and heal the sick. Fuck, Bernie could walk on water and turn water into wine all while bringing a dead man back to life and the Dems AND GOPers would still shit on him.

Liz Warren. She’s a brand. Granted, her brand is taking a royal shit on the rich and powerful by calling them out on their bullshit, and she used to be a hero to me, but we’ve got to face it- she ignored the call in 2016 when Bernie urged her to run for POTUS. She was either afraid of Clinton or she was playing the “But I’m A Woman” card and secretly wanted to back HRC. Either way, Warren was out for Warren, not a Progressive agenda and clearly wasn’t behind the cause. When Sanders picked up the torch for the Progressive Cause, she fucked him over and backed HRC, all while calling herself a Progressive. Again, she saw HRC as the inevitable victor and ponied up with her, probably hoping for a cabinet position. She’s doing it now, only more cautiously. This round, however, she thought it smart to shit all over Sanders EARLY in the game and when she did it cost her and her campaign tanked. She’s dropped out. So why hasn’t she openly endorsed Sanders, a fellow Progressive? She won’t. She’s waiting to throw in with Biden after the Primaries and we ALL know it. She’s no champion of the Progressive cause. She’s a brand and she’s looking out for her own ass and nothing more. She’s fallen from grace, if she ever truly had some. She WAS GOP before and clearly nothing’s changed much.

Biden. Fuck me, are we seriously considering fronting this next generation “W”? Why not just hand the election to trump now and get it over with. 2016 all over again. He’s already lining up his potential cabinet with Wall St. tycoons, and has OPENLY admitted that he’s going to slash Social Security (even though the Fed. OWES it a fuck-tonne of payback from all the times it has dipped into YOUR paid-in benefits) and Medicaid/Medicare, but do Americans find this a threat? With typical GOP mentality on BOTH sides of the aisle, it’s only a threat when a Dem. wants to do it, but if the GOP tries, well then it’s all good and fine. Biden is a fucking REPUBLICAN. Just because he CLAIMS to be a Dem, it doesn’t make him so. He’s racist, and twats like Kamala backing him already after the whole “I was that little girl” jab in the debates only shows that she’s not for “We the People” but her own ass. Shocker.

I could go through the list of formerly anti-Biden hypocrites who’ve jumped on board to support Biden and shit on Sanders. All the moneylenders are organizing and ganging up on the ONE true delegate trying to save YOU and not the RICH. Again, this is a CLEAR example of how America doesn’t WANT to be saved.

This has taught me that Americans are not only deluded and hypocritical, as a people in general, but that they seem to LOVE being put into position of strife and misery. It’s where they’re the happiest; embracing the stupidity and ignorance instead of trying to find a way to make us ALL safer, healthier, and happier. Americans HATE being happy with the “others” are happy too. Instead of reaching down to help a fellow American up, it’s the “American Way” to punch down and blame the poor and powerless for their own failings while the rich at the top keep pissing and shitting down on them all while making money grabs.

Next, there’s all this infantile bullshit about “Bernie Bros”. Seriously, shut the fuck up. Hypocrisy in action, yet again is what this is. I’ve found in my personal experience that if I call out another Dem on their bullshit, I’m labeled a “BB”. No matter how you try to point out how Pelosi’s asleep at the wheel or Schumer’s a babbling idiot or how Biden’s a declining fuckwit who can’t string words together and that trump will eat him alive on the debates if he’s the nominee, because I back Sanders, I AM THE ONE getting labeled. The media and the fuckwits out there who are tender little snowflakes who can’t handle criticism or having dirt on their picks dug up and called out cry and cry and cry until someone puts an admin in FB jail for days or even weeks or months.

So to them I say- “Fuck ALL y’all!” I’m done here. Cry me a river because I’m sailing off of Facebook and leaving you all with this cesspool of social mania run by a cunt who backs trump. It’s bad enough knowing that the game is rigged when electing who’ll be our nominee in the Dem. party, but it’s fucking stupid trying to fight the battle here on social media when there are thousands of people following who don’t have a problem with my postings, the description WARNS that I cuss here, yet it only takes one or two fucktards to shut down your page. Fuck this bullshit. I’ve got better shit to do, and my posts on other platforms like Tumblr and even Twitter never get me blocked or locked out. Childish as this whole notion of social media is, at least virtually every other platform is infinitely less riddled with whingers, bitchers and cry-babies who can’t take the heat and instead of clicking to go elsewhere they feel the need to fuck up a page. Enough is enough.

So for those of you who’ve even made it this far and still want to follow me, you can find me on Tumblr, a much more grown-up platform, here at https://quakerjoe.tumblr.com/. If you’re into Twitter (yuck) I’m there too for who knows what reason. https://twitter.com/QuakerJoe2020 will get you to me. I hope to see you all at one of those places. It’s been a real adventure and learning experience, but all I’ve learned is that America is a dirty, filthy nation with a dark and sinister past that it refuses to acknowledge and accept, let alone apologize for because admitting that you’re wrong is UNAMERICAN. Trying to do some form of penance is considered weakness, and turning to truth instead of lies and deceits only leads to the revelation that you’re all up to your eyeballs in selfishness, racism, misogyny, all sorts of phobias, and that you’re only happy as a nation in general when you’re literally given the liberty to tear each others throats out legally.

Good-bye, Facebook. I hope you ALL get a chance to get the fuck out and perhaps regain some sanity one day because if there’s one thing that trumplefuckstick did that was good, it was that he took off the covers and the gilded paint and showed us all what Americans REALLY are, it we’re not pretty.

-Quaker Joe

[queerchoicesblog]

The Courage of Our Hearts (BB, a Kamilah Sayeed fanfic)

This fanfic is my last entry for the @choicesjulychallenge : thank you so much my dear friend and brand new graduate @kinda-iconic for hosting this! It was a lot of fun!

I’m not gonna lie: writing this was tough because it got deeper than I first expected. But I kept wondering about such a crucial - and brave - moment in Kamilah’s story: her decision to betray Gaius. We get to know more about their toxic relationship but we only got a glimpse of the deep suffering and turmoil Kamilah went through before stabbing him. I’m not sure I truly made her justice, Kamilah is so complex and guarded that as a writer I always feel like walking on thin ice when I try to catch her voice...I did my best though. Hope you enjoy this fic and the past reference I included!

Sense8 fans will probably recognize the quotation that inspired this work: “In the end, we will all be judged by the courage of our hearts”. I also quoted the lyrics of the song Yes Girl by Bea Miller because to me it portrayed Kamilah’s feelings perfectly.

Disclaimer: the present fanfic deals with themes like an abusive relationship and psychological manipulation; if you’re not comfortable with this kind of content, by all means, SKIP this work

Prompt: Endings

Word Count: 2245

Perma Tag: @brightpinkpeppercorn @bhavf @melodyofgraves @abunchofbadchoices @silverhawkenzie @begging-for-kamilah @kennaxval @strangerofbraidwood @crazypeanat @desiree-0816 @universallypizzataco

___________________________

I never wanna live in fear...

So time had come at last. Time to make a decision. The decision that would change everything.

As Kamilah put on the finishing touches to her makeup she stared to her reflection in the mirror of her vanity. Who was that woman? Did she know anymore?. She grimaced at the thought and put down her lipstick, unable to continue. There was still time to get to the meeting summoned for that night. But that reunion wouldn't have been just a meeting. The future of all of them, of humanity and vampires as well, depended on it.

Adrian came to find her earlier that day. She found him in her office waiting for her just as she arrived. The secretaries weren't there yet: Kamilah always took great pride in being the first to arrive and the last to leave the skyscraper of Ahmanet Financial. The look on his face was grim and tensed: no good news was to be expected. Without thinking, she locked the door of her office despite the fact that no one else was around. Then he told her. He told her what was going to happen that night: mutiny, rebellion. Murder, if necessary: Gaius would have never gone down without one hell of a fight. Their own lives would have been on the line, knowing how easily the wrath of their King lead to bloodsheds.

"Kamilah, I know I'm asking you so much but...we need you. Believe me, I wish we didn't have to go this far but he's out of control. We must stop him." he said, wincing.

The words were painful to him too and left her shaken. She had had a bad feeling about that unexpected meeting and now she understood why her sixth sense warned her. She stood frozen in place in front of her library, unable to find words to translate the turmoil inside her. The shock, the fear...a most aching hope. Adrian sighed forlornly and pressed a quick kiss on her cheek before wearing his hat and leaving.

Now his words echoed in her head again and wouldn't go away. Revolting against Gaius, killing Gaius...it sounded risky. Scary. Just as scary as Gaius' plan. Kamilah was frightened and she hated felt this way: fear was an uncomfortable thing. A most uncomfortable thing.

She remembered that a long time ago she cheered and raised a chalice when one of her spies informed her of the fate of Julius Caesar: the man who seduced and clouded her cousin's judgment only to put his greedy hands over their land had been hopelessly grasping for air in a pool of his own blood. Twenty-three stabs pierced his flesh as he walked into the Senate: people were now feasting over his dead body singing "the tyrant is gone in the end, freedom to Rome".

Since Gaius announced his grand secret plan to "finally get rid of humans" that involved mass murder, torture and exploitation of mortals, she found herself comparing him with his old enemy. As much as she had a thousand reasons to hold a grudge to humans and vampire butchers cult that called themselves The Order, she couldn't help but think that after all this was what a scumbag like Caesar had in mind for her people, the ones she made an oath to protect at all cost as a nomarch. A much uncomfortable thought crossed her mind as she considered Gaius' words: the Order was an army of brutal fanatics beyond repentance as she had experienced first hand...but what would have she done if she were in their place, full knowing that the other side waned no less than your annihilation? Exactly what Gaius was doing: protect your people and destroy the enemy. She knew well that their King was inclined to violence and how strong his hatred for mortals was...but so far he had only claimed that all he did was to protect them, to offer vampires a well-deserved safe haven after the persecutions and suffering they went through in Europe. This new plan was different though: this was murder, mass murder of both actual enemies and innocent people, not mere defence. Kamilah's lips twisted in displease: Gaius was a Roman, after all. Back in her mortal days, she once asked her spymaster her opinion on the Roman. Her face hardened as she said: "Never trust Romans, under no circumstances. Their honeyed words always hid the most potent poison".

Her spymaster was right. Gaius' words were smooth before every assault and raid. He hardly shouted orders and was quick to punish whoever crossed him.

When they dragged him into her tent, he was extremely calm and even conciliatory. Reminiscing her loyal spymaster's warning she kept her distance and didn't fall for his act, even though he didn't seem a threat. Then he suddenly changed. He broke the chains, murdered the guards and transformed in front of her eyes. He laughed as he effortlessly held her in place and plunged his fangs deep into her neck, satisfying his thirst of blood and taking her life. Kamilah had been a vampire for so long and sometimes removed that moment. Not now: now she remembered that she didn't ask for any of this. None did Adrian and almost every vampire she knew turned by Gaius.

Yet "her King" kept reminding her how lucky their encounter was: he found a Queen and finally unleashed the immense potential dormant inside her. That consideration generally came after praises for successful - and brutal- raids and slaughters when he was still high for the mix of adrenaline and blood overdose. But it wasn't potential what he saw. It took centuries to Kamilah to realize something that probably she always knew, deep inside her: all Gaius saw was the amount of grief and anger that was tearing her troubled soul apart after the loss of her family and the hurtful certainty of a defeat, the concern for her people and her own future as she could barely find the will not to walk into the Nile and let all the pain disappear. He used her sorrow, her vulnerability as leverage to fuel her darkest instincts and called them power.

"I sensed the power inside you, my Queen, you know? Yes, since the first moment I saw you. I had to free you from what was holding you back" he would comment, a dreamy look in his eyes.

A few times Kamilah tried to contradict him. He would shake his head and move closer, taking her hands into his despite her resistance. He would look at her right in the eye and note as if she was a child throwing a silly tantrum to a caring father:

"As I said you had potential. You have potential, my Queen. But you should clear your mind from thoughts like this. Because you know what happens when you let them get under your skin, right? People you care about die. Your brother, your friends, that Italian painter you grew so fond of. You lower your guard, you act as one of those humans" -his mouth twisted in displease when he pronounced that word- "again, you regress and this is what happens. You know, I'm right. You're no longer one of those weaklings, you're superior: you're so close to perfection, to be truly invincible...embrace the power inside you, don't fight it"

Then he would grab her wrists and held them so firmly Kamilah would wince in pain as his tone turned more coercive.

"Aren't you grateful for the power, my Queen?"

He wouldn't release without an answer so Kamilah would just nod to avoid facing his mind control which was extremely hurtful. She hated herself for how meek and submissive she became: she wasn't like this before him. She was the one giving orders and speaking her mind. Now she took orders and hid certain thoughts afraid of what he could do if he heard her questioning him.

A wave of growing anger filled her chest as she collected all the words she had buried inside her: why couldn't he call her Kamilah more instead of "my Queen"? "His Queen" was Rehya, he confessed it once...so that made her a mere projection of a long lost love of him. Of someone who was gone and whose mask she was now wearing against her will. Again. Why Gaius was so repelled by mortals to seek the company of vampires only? True, he wouldn't object to Kamilah indulging in a human lover's company...a fact that surprised her at first: knowing how possessive he was, she would have expected some jealousy. "Jealous of a mortal? And what for?" he laughed "Their lifespan lasts a blink of an eye, I am forever".

That's why he couldn't hide his resentment when he heard the news of the turning of the Italian painter: an immortal rival was a threat. Kamilah caught herself wondering if he was the one who informed the vampire hunter who murdered Artemisia. The only one offering her shelter and a shoulder to cry on as she left Italy was Serafine. Good old quirky Serafine. Kamilah enjoyed her company: she always knew how to make you laugh and was the life of the ball. She also proved to care for her...whenever Gaius allowed the two of them to spend more than a bunch of minutes together. God knows where Serafine was now: she heard that she returned to Europe against her warnings. She missed her: she was the closest she had to a true friend in centuries after Gaius alienated her to most of the people she used to know. They only attend parties together and she couldn't blame Priya for calling her "the master's puppet".

"You know you're not his possession, right?" Serafine once whispered into her ear pretending to kiss her cheek on a ball.

But Gaius was already marching towards the two of them, a honeyed dashing smile on his face. Instead, the joy the sight of Serafine gave Kamilah immediately faded away.

No, Kamilah wasn't a master's puppet. I played the part for too long, she thought, throwing a raging look at her reflection.

I got you figured out You need to have control You think that I don't know you, I know you, I know

Tryna tell you now, I've been doin' what you want But I won't be your yes girl, No, not anymore

All of a sudden another image, another memory from the past appeared. It was the last time she saw Lysimachus. They were at the docks over Nile, her little brother was securing his armor before leaving for the war. Kamilah was standing in front of him, following his moves full of concern.

"Here, let me help you" she sighed, as Lysimachus struggled to reach a string on his back.

"Oh thank you, sis"

When she was done, she patted his back and he spun to face her.

"Thanks...what would I do without you sis, huh?" he flashed her a quick smile that quite didn't reach his eyes as his jaw tensed.

"You don't have to do this, you know that? I could find you another position away to the battlefield where you can still fight against the Roman. You could work with me, you could-" her voice was a plea but he shook his head and interrupted her.

"No, I have to do this. This is our land, they can't set foot her and say that our fields, our streets, our rivers now belong to Rome. I told you already: I can't just stand there and do nothing about it. I'm not as smart or wise as you, sis, but I know how to fight. And I'm ready to do my part to prevent them from taking away what's ours, who we are..."

"I know but you're so young..." Kamilah winced.

At that very moment, the sound of military trumpets announced that their time was running out. As a man started shouting orders, Lysimachus reached for his sack and searched for something as if his whole life depended on it.

"Lys, you're still in time to step back, please" Kamilah begged, stroking his arm.

The news she had gotten over the past few months about the area his brother was about to sail to were discomforting: the enemy army was advancing fast and defeating all the troops they sent there. Their best soldiers, their boys filled with anger and foolish braveness. But Lysimachus wasn't listening to her anymore.

Instead, he threw his sack over his shoulder and pulled her into a tight hug.

"In the end, we will all be judged by the courage in our hearts" he whispered and a tear wetted Kamilah's tunic.

As he parted, he let his old toy horse slip into her hand and gave her one last smile.

"Goodbye, sis. I'll come back, I promise"

A lump formed in her throat reminiscing that broken promise but his words, his determination hardened her own. You were right, Lys, we can't let anyone take away who we are, she said to herself, opening the secret dresser where she hid her daggers. If blood has to be shed tonight, I should be the one making the cut. No one else.

Her fingers hovered over her weapons, almost grazing them.

In the end, we will all be judged by the courage of our hearts.

I promise you, Lys. My heart will be brave, just like you taught me...

[nickelsonbnirmakbf32insuran-blog]

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