#look at my baby lookin so dang fine

[anunvalidcritic]

The Boys: SN1.3

(DISCLAIMER: MY OPINION IS MY OWN AND CAN BE DEEMED INVALID TO THOSE WHO DON’T CARE FOR IT.)

Some shit went down on episode two let’s see what this episode holds.

                                               GET SOME

Sorry for the wait...

Just washing off some blood... you know the usual

He’s hearing that ringing noise again..

“You just ass bombed America's sweetheart.“ - BUTCHER

Where is he gonna hide this dudes body... OH SHIT, HE BLEW THE PLACE UP!!!!

I still can’t stand that bitch ASHLEY

MADELYN STILLWELL ain’t shit either

“Muggers, Rapists, and thieves oh my!“ - The Guy with no Penis

Oh hell no she is not wearing that fucking suit

That is too revealing for her.

A-TRAIN vs SHOCKWAVE

Dang, he was a fan of all the supes!!

He now proceeds to fuck up his entire room like his father is gonna clean that shit up...

ICONIC DIALOGUE

“I spoke to Dr. Feldmen...“ - BIG HUGHIE

“My pediatrician?“ - LIL HUGHIE

“He’s still your doctor!” - LIL HUGHIE

...“You love Pizza Rolls.” - BIG HUGHIE

FRENCHIE lookin’ at him like damn let me comfort this dude.

“My father was a bipolar. One night when I was 10 he tried to smother me with a Hello Kitty duvet.” - FRENCHIE

ROFL HUGHIE lookin’ at FRENCHIE like tf

Dang BUTCHER fucked up a lot of people lol 

“She spits on the ground every time she hears your name.” - M.M.

“I’m a motherfucker with a heart, whereas you... you’re just a motherfucker.” - M.M.

Whose BECCA? Who tf is MALLORY?

“Are you bringing FRENCHIE back because I can’t work with that motherfucker.“ - M.M.

HOMELANDER is soo fuckin’ awkward

Just read the fucking script

LMFAO he’s lookin’ at that baby like...

“A big black van with ‘flowers’ on the side is conspicuous“ - BUTCHER

“The only thing that is coming is me on your mother’s titties!“ - FRENCHIE

“I don’t trust this french whore!“ - M.M.

...phone call...

POPCLAW and A-TRAIN are playing a game called bury the bishop...

FRENCHIE a freak lol “Even in the toilet?”

Dang, how many naked pics does she have in her apartment??

Aww, that ringing noise shit better not start because he’s looking at that fucking picture.

OOHHH FUCK HERE GOES THE RINGING!!

HUGHIE get the fuck outta that dude's face

QUEEN MAEVE out here fucking these dudes up for practice.

“Look TRANSLUCENT probably lurking around a Gynocologist office or something.“ - QUEEN MAEVE

Damn, she had to go up the fucking elevator. 

OH FUCK HE DIDN’T HAVE TO TAKE HIS FUCKING HEART OUT!!!!!

HOMELANDER is a fucking insane!

eww he likes getting his toes sucked

A-TRAIN with his low self-esteem

You don’t have to win the fucking race you asshole

Just give him the fucking drugs so he can do the race.

“But there’s no way knowing the effects unless I try it myself.“ - FRENCHIE 

dude wild af lol

Wow, this whole stadium is packed just to see (well in this case barely see) 2 dudes run for less than a second?? Someone help me understand this bullshit.

So the real fastest dude is SHOCKWAVE

why is this man putting oil on this motherfuckers nipples??

“Let’s hear it for A-Train! (whispers) You fucking cocksuckers.“ - HOMELANDER

“Damn baby you look fine AF. KICK MY ASS!” - SOME GUY IN THE BACK 

How did QUEEN MAEVE end up with HOMELANDER?

HUGHIE + STARLIGHT = OTP

So we already know who's gonna win

Don’t put that on your Momma’s spirit SMDH

Wow BUTCHER is really staring HOMELANDER down.

Dang just him saying that triggered this girl SMDH

DAMN, THIS BITCH IS STRONG!!

M.M. = Sherlock Holmes

Manager = ALEC

please don’t hurt this Russian man...

Is this bitch really doing role play??

please don’t kill this man!!!!! 

OOOOO FUUUCKK HIS HEAD!!!!!

I bet she has blood on his coochie... 

Damn THE DEEP is really everyone’s bitch, isn’t he??

WAR IS COMING YOU SONS OF BITCHIES

_______

The next fuckin’ episode is gonna be outta this world and you know it!

[thedistantstorm]

Day 15: “That’s what I’m talking about!”

Fandom: Destiny

Pairing: Amanda Holliday/Sloane

Warnings: None (Clumsy Shipwrights & Amused Deputy-Commanders, Amanda’s drawlin’ and ridiculous names for things/people)

-/

"There's gotta be somethin' useful in here," The Shipwright says to herself, rubbing the back of her hand over her brow. The sound of scrap clanking against the damp deckplates and the tinkling of bits and bolts at the bottom of the supply crate drown out the sound of rain for once.

Sloane enters the long-abandoned storeroom to a comical sight: Amanda, rear in the air, on her tiptoes, bent over a railing, digging through a crate, things being tossed over her shoulder haphazardly. There were apparently piles based on… something, the Deputy Commander was sure, because one hunk of metal went left, and then something that looked like a beacon went straight back, rolling across the metallic floor to collide harmlessly with her boot.

She crosses her arms. Amanda carries on grumbling and grouching about Golden Age garbage, using her arms and completely abandoning her feet to lean over to the next crate in the stack. 

When it goes on for another few minutes, Sloane intervenes, not having the Commander's infinite patience.

"Holliday?" She ventures.

Clearly the other woman didn't know she was there, because something falls in what is not the direction of one of the Shipwright's messy piles, and Amanda goes flailing over the railing and into the crate, unleashing a plume of dust, bolts, and assorted circuitry flying out around the edges of the now overfilled container.

Amanda sighs. It's muffled, considering she did land on her head, but her exasperation is evident. Considering she'd taken off her jacket, and she could feel the sting of copper wires poking her arm, she'll probably be asking for a tetanus shot from triage later.

Some very displeased rustling later, Amanda hollers sharply, "Deputy Commander, ain't nobody ever tell you not to sneak up on a girl when she's tinkerin'?"

More articles go bouncing out of the crate as Amanda tries to swing herself out of it. What manages to happen is that she tips it - and herself - backwards onto the floor with a great clattering thud.

Rushing to vault over the railing, a very concerned Sloane is looming over her in seconds. "Are you-"

Green eyes look up at her, irritated, a pink flush stretched across the freckled expanse of her nose and cheeks. "Yeah," She grumbles. "Help me up, wouldya?"

Sloane offers her a hand, and Amanda extends hers. There's a cord wrapped around it that's somehow also tangled in her hair, little bits of wire sticking up and tangled in blonde. She closes her mouth and purses her lips, but a sputtering sound comes out.

"Aww, c'mon, it can't be that bad-"

Amanda reaches for her head to remove the offending wire and three bolts find their way out of the bandana tied around her arm, one of which bounces off her cheek before rolling off into the abyss.

Sloane giggles, not girlishly, but just as unbidden, unburdened for just a moment of their current state. It's like something sweet, like milk chocolate or hot fudge. Something thick and beautiful. Amanda watches her mouth, for what feels like just a moment.

Apparently it isn't, because Sloane's concerned look is back, and the bulkier woman crouches in front of her, untangling some of the materials clinging to the rest of her. "Did you hit your head?"

"Nah," Amanda says. She did, but not hard enough to do damage. Too many wires and what not in the way. "Jus' thinkin' about your laugh," She admits, unashamedly honest.

Sloane's eyebrows furrow, pulling together, but her gaze is bright, crisp and sparkling, "Oh?" She asks, not sure how to feel.

Amanda nods twice. "Yeah," And then tilts her head to the side. She'd like to get her ailing tuchus off these cold deckplates before they have what is a heart-to-heart they're not going to be able to finish. Zavala hasn't heard from them in at least thirty. He'll be clomping through halls in a tizzy if both of them don't check in soon. "It's cute," She finishes, with a cheeky smile.

Sensing the shift to something safer, Sloane shakes her head ruefully. Flirtation is safe. It doesn't scream 'confession time because this might be the end of us,' like a heartfelt conversation would. There'll be time for that. They have to believe it. They have to hope.

"That's not something you hear everyday."

"What?"

"Cute." The Deputy Commander gestures down to herself. "What part of this screams cute?"

Amanda reaches up and Sloane's hand shoots out, larger palm swallowing Amanda's and yet thick, strong fingers still wrap around her wrist. She barely comes up to the Titan's nose, her eyes level with Sloane's lips. Even so, she lifts a hand up to the other woman's cheek, patting the wind-weathered skin there and letting her thumb graze the corner of her mouth.

“Your laugh.” She smirks. “Makes me think of flyin’ and sundaes an’-”

“Flyin’?” Sloane slurs back, confused.

“Bein’ happy.” Amanda shrugs, lessening it (but not really, considering how pensive Sloane’s become) by dusting off her shoulders and letting more bits and baubles of ages past bounce away. “But it’s cute. Y’look cute doin’ it.”

“That’s not a word…” She trails off, looking strangely conflicted. “People don’t use that word to describe me.”

“I’m not ‘people,’” Amanda reminds her, with a curl of dexterous fingers. “I’m just… I dunno, me?”

“Yeah.” There’s something breathless to the way Sloane says it, like as if she’s trying to see herself in reverse, however Amanda sees her and it’s just struck her harder than a thundering fist ever could. She recovers from her stupor quickly. “Damn straight you are,” She says, every bit the in-control second-in-command she’s supposed to be. Amanda grins back. 

Their moment’s broken just in time, when both their radios go off in a tinny, synced echo. “Sloane. Holliday. Report.”

“All clear, Sir,” Amanda drawls in that way of hers. The way that’s all child telling their parent to calm down, not to make a mountain of a molehill, everything is just fine. At this point, Zavala would burst if she said as much, but the tone seems to soothe. There’s comfort in old and familiar, in these trying times. Sloane busies herself with something, looking down at the pile of junk just out of Amanda’s reach and picking up things she doesn’t understand before setting them aside. It’s a focus tactic of her own. Zavala will likely want to talk to her next. “Jus’ lost track of time looking for the- hey, wait.”

There’s a sharp inhale from Zavala, cross-comms, but Amanda bowls right over whatever he’s about to bark about a suspected threat. He thinks everything is a threat these days - and it is, but Amanda’s got bigger fish to fry at this very second.

“Sloane, you magnificent monolith, gimme that thing in your hand.” There’s a pause as she hands it over. “Been lookin’ for this thing for hours. Those dang Golden Age techies are as bad as maintainin’ inventory as we are. That was not the right bin according to their records, by a long shot.”

“You got into their encryption?” Zavala asks, impressed.

“A’course, I did, Zavala,” Amanda rolls her eyes, and she’s certain he can see it, in his mind’s eye for her tone. “Deputy Commander, gimme my jacket.”

Zavala clears his throat.

“Don’t gimme that, Sir, I ain’t one’a your military folk, an’ you ain’t gonna get me talkin’ like one now.” Sloane hands her the beaten bomber, hands gentle on the well-worn canvas.

The Shipwright pulls out a software chip of some kind from a breast pocket, drops onto a crate, and begins to fiddle with it. The sound of errant clicking and murmurs - Amanda has a knack for talking to her work, as if encouragement will coax it into functionality - and suddenly there’s a little beep, and a resounding echo down the hall.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” She whoops, hopping to her feet. “Zavala, me ‘n yer Deputy will see you in five.” Rambling as much to herself as to the rest of them, she continues, “This baby’s gonna help me get at least some’a these systems back online.”

“What is it?” Zavala queries through static. 

Sloane leans over Amanda’s shoulder, her hand warm on the Shipwright’s arm. Amanda looks up into that dark gaze and grins. “It’s an inventory scanner. Guessin’ most of ‘em dropped into the sea during the collapse. But this baby seems to know where everything is, an’ I bet there’s some mapping software I can get from it. At least we’ll know where to try for supplies rather than runnin’ all over through baddies.”

“Excellent work, Holliday,” The Commander intones, sounding a bit happier than when they’d left on this impromptu equipment expedition. “Make your way back.”

“Roger that,” Sloane chirps, looking down at Amanda all sorts of impressed. “You’re gonna win this thing for us, Holliday.”

“Damn sure gonna try,” She quips back, lifting up on her tiptoes-

“Amanda-”

-to peck Sloane on the lips. “Good find, cutie.”

The eyeroll Amanda gets in response is extraordinary. “Alright, that’s where I draw the line,” Sloane says evenly, even though she’s licking her lips like she’s savoring the taste. “I liked ‘magnificent monolith.’”

“Thought you might,” Amanda supposes, eyes sparking, playfully. “Got one better for ya: How about ‘kiss me again?’”

Sloane wraps her arms around her. “I think that’s the best one yet.”

[lynxgriffin]

Straight Outta Monster Narnia

HEY HEY I WASN’T EXPECTING TO DO THIS EVER AGAIN BUT WE’RE BACK

I’M GONNA PLAY ME SOME DELTA RUNE HERE

THOUGHTS AS I GO! ARE UNDER THE CUT!

Here we GOOOOOOO~!

Survey Program! Nice! Ominous!

I am here yes!

Truly excellent dude

OH MAKING A VESSEL NOW what are we Xehanort

NEATO I can pick Chara or Frisk heads or others…

Let’s do someone new. This kinda longish hair head.

STRIPES FOR DAYS! Longish sleeves, methinks

The legs are almost all the same LMAO

This is so friggin creepy I l OVE IT

Favorite food is PAIN nah it’s soft

BLOOD TYPE D. D for DOGGO

You have been gifted with kindness, not-XionFrisk

Pain AND seizure. Kinda wonder what happens if you say no tho…

But I don’t want to start over so let’s go with yes

OH FRIGGIN BUUUUURNED BY THE GAME, HAHAHA

Hi Toriel, you’re looking nice!

That’s a lot of friggin trophies over there

Also Kris, you need some eyes

RELIGIOUS SKA

So we have overachieving perfect child and sad boring child, okay

Awww Gerson wrote a book! How neat

It’s only you…..FOR NOW!!!!

It just isn’t home without white fur stuck in the drain, is it

CHAIRIEL’S RETURN!!!!

Also there’s some weird graphical flicker going on when I move and I wonder if it’s not because I’m playing full screen here

“Spray For The Boys, Flamin’ Hot Pizza Flavor” Damn Toby I missed your incredible sense of humor

DOES TORIEL USE PET SHAMPOO please say yes

ASRIEL’S AT COLLEGE AND UNDYNE’S A POLICE MONSTER, PERFECT

PROFESSOR ALPHYS IMMA GET AN A+ IN ANIME CLASS

DAMN who do I pick as my partner

Like…I really want Temmie…but also Snowdrake…

Random snake is also very good…

Ahhh I see this is gonna be pre-determined

HAHAHAHA FUCKIN BURNED AGAIN BY THIS HORRIBLE BLUE DUCK

Thank you cool snake I love your origin story

Oh this reindeer girl is very cute

MOTHA. FOKKIN. SUSIE

I instantly love her, goodbye

Oh Alphys you’re so not good at putting anyone in trouble

I JUST REALIZED TEMMIE HAS HER EGG ON THE DESK

Susie are you eating chalk

Oh sheet I like Susie less now

GAH DAMN THIS ESCALATED QUICKLY

Susie, Kris doesn’t even HAVE a face

Haha totally cut off my answer there

Hmm. I sense…a theme here.

Wow this really is putting on the restrictive aspects here

Now that’s a spooky face

Oh it ain’t gonna be that simple, mean girls

Well, this sure seems like an underground! Also…Kris is green now, okay

Hi there creepy waving things!

To reiterate: this is soooo creepy AND I LOVE IT

Puzzles! We got puzzles again! CREEPY PUZZLES

Whelp, we found Susie, just kinda hiding out in a…dead dust bunny thingie

LOL so much for a party member following you around

Well this is a new and interesting take on the bullet hell mechanics

Such interesting and different architecture

THE KINGDOM OF DARKNESSSSS

Yes let’s take a sudden HARD SHIFT into Final Fantasy

THE QUEST OF THE DELTA KNIGHTS that was an MST3K ep you know

About like…Leonardo da Vinci actually. Except he was a whiny bitch

LMAO Susie just “nah destroying the world sounds neat”

JOKESTER SANS GLIDES IN A FLAMING TRICYCLE SURE WHY NOT

VERY DIFFERENT COMBAT SYSTEM

“Dunno how I got an ax but like, that’s cool”

CAN’T WAIT FOR THE REMIXES OF THIS BATTLE MUSIC OKAY

Dunno if there’s a pacifist version of this game but I stick to tradition so I’m gonna try it

RALSEI. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

THE POWER OF FLUFFY BOYS SHINES WITHIN YOU it sure as hell does, game

The heckin heck Ralsei is so cute

Yup yup we gonna try pacifist this first time!

“If you’re reading this…I guess you’re dead.” Fair enough.

Gaster noises when trying to use the cell phone, hmmmm…

It’s an inverse papou fruit!

Susie just up and attacks this cake, all right

Battle is cool but it’s gonna take some getting used to, think I accidentally used both of my items

YOUR SENSE OF DIRECTION WON’T SAVE YOU NOW

“It’s like a dinner made out of three glasses of milk” Ralsei you’re SO CUTE

Now to see if TP stays leveled between battles…

“I thought you were running away.” / “Yeah, I finished.”

Fugdamn I want —pictures of Spiderman— remixes of this music ON MY DESK TODAY

FRIGHTENING FANFARE

Damn that puzzle still is tricky

Gah damn that was hilarious but also terrifying

We have the power of FLUFFY BOYS and MEAN GIRLS we are UNSTOPPABLE

Ohhh so that’s what the heart outline does!

Now that is a coooool cat and I like him already

Awww I don’t have enough money for the spooky sword

Susie just roastin’ everybody left and right

THEY GOT BARRY

These mechanics continue to be interesting and a bit more complex

“Damn, didn’t get to impale myself” I’m sure you’ll get your chance Susie

It’s really interesting how we’re basically group-battling to PREVENT the tank from beating the crap out of everyone

Oh now that light trick is weird

They keep throwing the usual chess and playing card guys at us and somehow I’m Suspicious

Is that a bucket. ARE Y’ALL HOMESTUCKING AT ME AGAIN

LMAO did Susie call us the Fuckboys or something

Oh, the Shit Squad, I guess!

THE POWER OF THE SHIT SQUAD SHINES WITHIN YOU HECK YESSSS

“I, Mr. Society, am far too intelligent to ever bow down to such a tyrant!” Hmmm.

Oh, it’s Sir Lion Plateface again

L E G S

THE BOSS JUST DRINKS A GALLON OF MILK THAT’S FINE

Well Ralsei got kinda junked there but WE DEFEATED SIR LION PLATEFACE

Cakes…are also my enemy…

Yeeeeah kinda saw that one coming

Susie I get the feeling you’re not going to enjoy being a bad guy either

Dang son I have no clue what’s going on anymore WE JUST HAD SOME SALSA IN A TREE STUMP

This jack’s got my number

That sure is a three-eyed three-headed cat thingamajig

Awww I like Clover

“All proceeds go to kicking your ass” CAN I USE THIS LINE IN REAL LIFE PLEASE

Hot damn we just squeaky hammered our broken cake into ULTIMATE CAKE

Why does a sweet little boy have a mustache indeed.

Create a machine to thrash your own ass, nice

It’s my beautiful death laser duck! Tops in GUN’S

Man Susie and Lancer are just having the time of their lives here

Finally, respect for pinecone-eaters!

Awww Susie, are you actually starting to worry about someone who respects your eating of chalk and pinecones

Oh thank goodness, got through that maze thing

Yes, finally, it’s our DUCK TANK LASER

Why does it say Tuna on it

“Your design sucked so we blew it up” This is like that one Berlin tour guide I had

GANGED UP ON THEM WITH KINDNESS, HA

Whelp, back to telling enemies that Susie will kick them in the shins I guess!

YES LANCER JOIN THE SHIT SQUAD

OMFG THAT FAAAAACE WHAT IS THAT FACE

Hey we’ve got a full Final Fantasy team now! Neat

STOOL FORME

I like how Lancer just sliiiiiides around outside the party instead of walking with

Hmmm well that friendship feeling didn’t last long

You done got locked in the dungeon

Yup sure did eat that jail moss two minutes in

HUH, we’re controlling Susie now

In which choices do not matter…

SUSIE’S FOKKIN PISSED

And we can’t control her actions…but why controlling the human soul?

A pair of eyes got arrested?! What IS the world coming to?!!

Oh dear, we found a bunch of kings in baby jail

Why are these filthy cages so happy-looking

Awwww Susie joined the party for realizes!

So, this about final boss point for this business?

Why are you guys just sitting on a pile of loot

And just who is this sassy lost child?

BAAHAHAHAAA

HECK YEAH WE GET TO FLIRT AGAIN

I am now BED INSPECTOR yes

Hello again fancy blue boy

“Can…can we see it” / “No.”

This sure is a jammin party with CLUB MUSIC OH HO HO HO

Awww he put his bicycle to bed

‘Welcome to my shop, you ungrateful worms” HELL YEAH

I do not wisheth to hear your MP3s! I would rather listen to the sweet song of Death!

Prepare for a battle with…WHATEVER THIS IS!!!!

JUST FUGGIN CHUCK RALSEI AT SIR LION PLATEFACE, I LIKE IT

Six dollars, for all of that?! Geez

WHELP this looks like final boss time…

Hiiiii there Lancer

Oh dang is gettin serious now

Oh woooow that’s…someone’s fetish right there

HOKAY that was tricky but! Having the defense abilities certainly helped with pacifism through that…

Despite ending this peacefully, I don’t think this scene is gonna end on a happy note…

W H E L P

DAYUM that face from Susie!!

Awwww poor Ralsei

We only have BAD-byes WUAH WUAH WUAAAH

DAWWW lil’ Asriel-lookin dude with glasses (and YES I see that anagram there)

LMAO Susie’s face

EPIC ROCK MUSIIIIIC

Also I’ve really been enjoying the color effects

Awww look at this epic adventure you two had in the closet

So basically we went to Monster Narnia, neat

Awww Susie likes Monster Narnia

Oh no we worried Toriel! THE WORST

LIBRARBY

YOU STUDY THOSE HOT DEMON COMICS FOR COLLEGE, TEMMIE

Hiiii Toby you busy makin’ something!

ALPHYS NO, YOU BETRAY MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE

OFFICE UNDYNE, DOn’T ARREST ME

I like reindeer girl’s rowdy hospitalized dad

PARTY ANIMAL TORIEL CONFIRMED

I like how there’s just a poster on the wall in this room that reads PAIN

The police tape simply reads NGGAAAAAHHHHH!

Good grief there’s SO MUCH STUFF TO EXPLORE HERE BUT I HAVE TO KEEP GOING

Snowdrakes don’t have arms, oh no!!!

“Does it hurt to be made of blood??” ….Yes. Yes it does.

HIIIIIIIII SANS

Woah woah woah WOAH WOAH SANS

Everyone is here! Even Ice Wolf!

Yes I’ll take a Double Ice Pizza you weirdos

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOD IT’S BURGERPANTS

10 OUT OF 10 GAME NOW

HIS FACES!!!! “C H I C K S”

That was brilliant, Burgerpants, thank you for existing

Catty!!! Hey where’s Bratty!

Noooo you gotta be besties with Bratty!

Brother Doug…?

Oh no, Mettaton, come out and talk to us!

ASGORE, HELLO

OMG Asgore hugs

Soul flowers….???

Awwww got some flowers for Toriel

THE GAY GUARDS IN THEIR GAY FLANNEL, YAY

It’s so late but I can’t stop until I’ve talked to LITERALLY EVERYONE

Thaaaat’s politics! …Rarely.

Comes to church for the fruit juice, sounds about right

DOG GRAVE, NO

Let’s go into the woods…what could go wrong…

Why can’t I get into the creepy shed…

Well, I think I got everything, so let’s go home now…

ASRIEL MAINS YOSHI IN SMASH CONFIRMED

Awwww Toriel is not big on Asgore’s bouquet!

OKAY decided to go to sleep here.

…Well that didn’t work out great

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

UUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHAT??????????

WHAT????????????

WHAT?????????

HAHA I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THE FUK HAPPENED IN ALL OF THIS BUT UH. WHEN’S CHAPTER TWO??

THAT SURE WAS A HELL OF A THING

No really Toby please WHAAAAAAATTT

OKAY I HOPE I DIDN’T MISS ANYTHING IMPORTANT BYYYYEEEE

[roseyboy]

no one asked for this, but if anyone wants my playlist I made on Spotify for songs that remind me of Arya and Sandor - have at it 

and if anyone wants a full list with the lyrics of each song that really speak to me, keep reading 

*** I will also note I’m only into s.8 Arya and Sandor being romantically involved w each other. Only an 18+ yr old Arya here folks. 

Also a couple of these are just stupidly cheesy and for my own dang fantasies. 

Oh Comely - Neutral Milk Hotel:  Oh comely // I will be with you when you lose your breath // Chasing the only // Meaningful memory you thought you had left

I Hope That I Don’t Fall in Love with You - Tom Waits:  I can see that you are lonesome just like me // And it being late, you'd like some some company // And I hope that you don't fall in love with me

bury a friend - Billie Eilish:  Your talk'll be somethin' that shouldn't be said out loud // Honestly, I thought that I would be dead by now  // Calling security, keepin' my head held down // Bury the hatchet or bury your friend right now

It Will Come Back - Hozier:  Don't let it in with with no intention to keep it // Jesus Christ, don't be kind to it // Honey don't feed it, it will come back

Can’t Help Falling in Love(cover) - MountainCity:  Would it be a sin // If I can't help falling in love with you?

Song for a Guilty Sadist - Crywank:  How rude of me to bring my thoughts into your bedroom. // Is it condescending to be so scared I might hurt you?

Creep - Scott Bradlee(cover):  Whatever makes you happy // Whatever you want // You're so fuckin' special // I wish I was special // But I’m a creep

Cherry Wine - Overcoats(cover):  Calls of guilty thrown at me // All while she stains // The sheets of some other // Thrown at me so powerfully // Just like she throws with the arm of her brother.

In the  Woods Somewhere - Hozier:  I clutched my life // And wished it kept. // My dearest love I'm not done yet // How many years // I know I'll bear // I found something in the woods somewhere.

Closer - Nine Inch Nails:  My whole existence is flawed // You get me closer to god // You can have my isolation // You can have the hate that it brings // You can have my absence of faith // You can have my everything

Desire - Meg Myers:  Honey, I wanna break you // I wanna throw you to the hounds, // I gotta hurt you, I gotta hear from your mouth

My Blood - Twenty One Pilots:  If you find yourself in a lion's den // I'll jump right in and pull my pin // And go with you

As it Was - Hozier:  And the sights were as stark as my baby // And the cold was as sharp as my baby // And the nights were as dark as my baby // Half as beautiful too

Before I ever Met You - BANKS:  Before I ever met you // I never knew that my heart could love so hard // Before I ever met you // I never knew I would be enemies with disregard // Before I ever met you // I never knew that I liked to be kissed for days // Before I ever met you // I never knew I could be broken in so many ways

Here You Come Again - Dolly Parton:  Here you come again // Just when I'm about to make it work without you // You look into my eyes and lie those pretty lies // And pretty soon I'm wond'rin how I came to doubt you.

Dire Wolf - Grateful Dead:  When I awoke, the Dire Wolf, six hundred pounds of sin, // Was grinning at my window, all I said was "Come on in". // Don't murder me, I beg of you, don't murder me. Please, don't murder me.

To Be Alone - Hozier:  It feels good, girl, it feels good // Oh, to be alone with you

Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley:  And I've seen your flag on the marble arch // And love is not a victory march // It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Can’t Nobody Love You- The Zombies:  'Cause they don't know how to love you // Like I do

Love is Blindness - Jack White:  Love is clockworks // And cold steel // Fingers too numb to feel // Squeeze the handle // Blow out the candle // Love is blindness

NFWMB - Hozier:  If I was born as a black thorn tree // I'd wanna be felt by you, held by you // Feel the power of your hand on me

Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac:  Loving you // Isn't the right thing to do // How can I ever change things // That I feel

I’m on Fire - The Staves:  At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet // And a freight train running through the middle of my head // Only you can cool my desire

Woke Up New - The Mountain Goats:  On the morning when I woke up without you for the first time // I felt free and I felt lonely and I felt scared

Young Blood - Noah Kahan:  And if you want, I can tell the truth // That this life takes a toll on you // I spend nights stitching up the loose threads of my soul //  In the morning I'm bulletproof

Hold On - Tom Waits:  She closed her eyes and started swaying // But it's so hard to dance that way // When it's cold and there's no music // Oh, your old hometown's so far away

If I Loved You - Delta Rae:  If I loved you, life would be easy // There'd be no truth that I'd be scared of // I could walk through every valley // And you'd light me with all of your love 

when the party’s over - Billie Eilish:  But nothing is better sometimes // Once we've both said our goodbyes // Let's just let it go // Let me let you go

The Night We Met - Lord Huron:  I had all and then most of you // Some and now none of you // Take me back to the night we met // I don't know what I'm supposed to do // Haunted by the ghost of you

Moment’s Silence - Hozier:  What yields the need for those who lead us oh so morally // Those that would view the sin we do through their deformity // Who view the deed as power's creed is pure authority // This moment's silence when my baby // Puts her mouth on me

bad guy - Billie Eilish:  So you're a tough guy // Like it really rough guy // Just can't get enough guy // Chest always so puffed guy // I'm that bad type // Make your mama sad type // Make your girlfriend mad type // Might seduce your dad type // I'm the bad guy, duh

I Love You Like an Alcoholic - The Taxpayers:  One last kiss, I love you like an alcoholic. // One last kiss, I love you like a statuette. // One last kiss, I need you like I need a broken leg.

Fell in Love with a Girl - The White Stripes:  but sometimes these feelings can be so misleading // she turns and says are you alright? // I said I must be fine cause my heart's still beating

Whore - In This Moment:  But let me tell you something baby // You love me for everything you hate me for // I’m the one that you need and fear // Now that you’re hooked, it’s all becoming clear // That all your judgments that you placed on me // Was a reflection of discovery

Closer - Kings of Leon:  She took my heart, I think she took my soul // With the moon I run // Far from the carnage of the fiery sun

Love Song for a Vampire - Annie Lennox:  Oh loneliness, oh hopelessness // To search the ends of time // For there is in all the world // No greater love than mine

Big God - Florence + the Machine:  You keep me up at night // To my messages, you do not reply // You know I still like you the most // The best of the best and the worst of the worst

Ouija - Beacon for Ghosts: I should have known I’d be misunderstood //  in every story you heard I was the antagonist // But I can’t hurt you, and even if I could // I’ve forgotten what it was that I even wanted vengeance for  

Last Night on Earth - Green Day:  I'm here to honor you // If I lose everything in the fire // I'm sending all my love to you

Started - Iggy Azalea:  I started to say sorry, but fuck that shit // You started out hatin', now you love my drip // Ayy, bitch, they lookin' at me, they not lookin' at you // I don't mean to be rude, I'm a ten, you a two  

Otherside - Avi Kaplan:  wrapped around my skin // pulls me deeper // drags me back again

I Can’t Go On Without You - KALEO:  Oh so what is left but a broken man? // 'Cause nothing hurts like a woman can

Happier - Marshmello, Bastille:  When the evening falls // And I'm left there with my thoughts // And the image of you being with someone else // Well, that's eating me up inside

Graceless - The National:  All of my thoughts of you // Bullets through rotten fruit // Come apart at the seams // Now I know what dying means

Furr - Blitzen Trapper:  Yeah, we would gladly get our fill // Howling endlessly and shrilly at the dawn // And I lost the taste for judging right from wrong

Beggin for Thread - BANKS:  So I got edges that scratch // And sometimes I don't got a filter // But I'm so tired of eating // All of my misspoken words // I know my disposition gets confusing // My disproportionate reactions fuse with my eager state // That's why you wanna come out and play with me, yeah // Why?

Take Me To Church - Hozier:  I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies // I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife // Offer me that deathless death // Good God, let me give you my life

Go to War - Nothing More:  Every feeling in my bones tells me to lash out // And tell you, "fuck off" // You've got my heart and I've got your soul // But are we better off alone? // With every battle, we lose a little more // Remember everything that we died for // You are everything that I die for

Kissing You Goodbye - The Used:  On my own, I'm nothing, just bleeding // I'm not kissing you goodbye

Follow You - Bring Me The Horizon:  So you can drag me through hell // If it meant I could hold your hand // I will follow you 'cause I'm under your spell // And you can throw me to the flames // I will follow you, I will follow you

Smother Me - The Used:  Now I can breathe, turn my insides out // And smother me // Warm and alive I'm all over you // Would you smother me? Smother me, smother me

[thighpower]

Lyrics:

Gimme a beat!

Dang Thang, lookin’ so fine Got you in the club and this Boov’s all mine We on a date, we on a date We on a dang-a-lang ding dong date

Where you goin, baby? Let me feels the squeeze Sharzod’s here and I aims to please My little Dang Thang Dang-a-dang-a-dang Dig-a-dang-dang-dig-a Dig-a-dang-dang-dang Dang Thang

Whoa! I’m the best! That song was about you.

Reprise:

Dang Thang, I am looking so fine Still in the club and I am mine, all mine Not on a date, not on a date Not on a dang-a-lang-a-ding-dong date

[thelastspeecher]

Oh! Angie coming down to Gravity Falls and meeting phoenix Stan!

               “Stanford,” Angie said, breezinginto the house the second Ford opened the door, “a little birdie told me ya gotmy boyfriend turned into a bird.  Thattrue?”

               “I didn’t get him turned into abird,” Ford replied.  “Something else inGravity Falls did it.”  Angie eyed him.

               “Fair enough,” she said after amoment.  “Where is he?”

               “The living room.”

               “Perfect.”  Angie walked away.  Ford sighed, closed the door, and followedher into the living room.  “Howdy, Fidds,”Angie said brightly.  Fiddleford lookedup from Stan’s food dish, which he was filling up.

               “Howdy, lil sis,” Fiddlefordreplied.  Angie put her hands on herhips, frowning.  “Lookin’ fer Stan?”

               “Yessir.”

               “He got impatient and flew intothe kitchen.  Apparently he couldn’t waitthe extra two seconds fer me to fill up his bowl fer dinner.”  

               “Oh.  Should I go after him?”  She was abruptly answered by Stan flying intothe room, carrying a brazil nut in his beak. He landed on his perch and set the brazil nut on top of his now fullfood dish.  “Goodness!” Angiegasped.  Stan turned.  He let out an excited squawk.

               Angie!  

               “Look at yer plumage!” Angiegushed, walking over to him.  Stan stoodproudly.

               All that preenin’ paid off. Angie held a hand over his head uncertainly.  Is sheaskin’ for permission to pet me?  Goahead, babe.  Stan butted his headinto her hand.  She smiled and began tostroke him.  Stan closed his eyes,soothed.

               “He never lets either of us dothat,” Ford remarked.

               “Ya treated him like yer pet fera month,” Angie pointed out.  “Andanyways, I’m his girlfriend.  There aredif’rent boundaries.”

               “All right, Ford, his food andwater have been taken care of,” Fiddleford said.  “Go check his cage.”

               “Cage?  Ya have him caged up?” Angie askedindignantly.  

               “No!” Ford saidimmediately.  “We keep the door openconstantly.  It’s just where he sleeps,since it has a bottom that can be lined with newspaper.”

               “Newspaper?” Angie said,confused.  “Why would- oh, right.  Ya thought he was an animal, so ya basicallyforced him to do his business in full view.” Angie scratched Stan’s head on “the good spot”.  Stan trilled happily.  “Poor Stanley, havin’ to go on a newspaper,in front of folks.  Ya best not keepthose habits when ya turn back, hon.” Stan ruffled his feathers in response. “Eh, I’m sure ya don’t need that no more.  Now Ford and Fidds know yer no bird, theyprob’ly leave the bathroom door open so’s ya can do yer business like acivilized man.”

               “Yes, we do,” Fordconfirmed.  He glared at Stan.  “Although-” Stan screeched.  Ford lookedstartled for a moment, then tried again. “Although-”  Stan let out anotherscreech.  Ford huffed in frustration.

               “Actually, I could use thefacilities,” Angie said, ignoring the two brothers.  She set her bag on the couch.  “Don’t burst into flames while I’m gone,darlin’.”  She kissed Stan on the top ofhis head, eliciting a satisfied hum from him.

               “What was that about, Stanley?” Ford asked after Angie had left.  Stan puffed up his feathers.  

               Don’t tell my girlfriend about the newspaper, asshole!  Ford frowned.

               “You probably didn’t want metelling Angie you’ve still been using the newspaper.”  Stan bobbed his head.  “She’ll understand.  Birds don’t have much control over where orwhen they excrete.”  Ford narrowed hiseyes.  “Unless you’ve been purposefullyusing the newspaper when you didn’t need to.” Stan tilted his head one way, then the other way.  

               Canya blame me for gettin’ some revenge over bein’ treated like your pet?

               “Fine, I won’t tell her,” Fordsaid.  “But you have to start using thebathroom.”  Stan bobbed his head inagreement.  “Okay.  I’ll go clean your cage.  This better be the last time I have to dothat.”  

               “Leave some clean newspaper inthere, though, just in case,” Fiddleford suggested.  Ford nodded. Stan squawked indignantly.

               Hey!

               “You’ve been carpet bombin’ ourhouse fer a month.  We aren’t goin’ totake any risks,” Fiddleford said firmly. Stan let out a hiss.  “Don’t gettouchy with me.  Eat yer dinner.”

               When Angie returned to theliving room, Stan was alone, sitting on his perch while he nibbled at thebrazil nut he’d nabbed earlier.  

               “Hey there, handsome fella,”Angie said quietly.  Stan dropped the brazilnut.  He bobbed his head excitedly ather.  Angie laughed.  “Yer charmin’ no matter what skin yer wearin’.”  Stan took flight and landed on hershoulder.  “Aw, aren’t you the cuddlebug,”Angie crooned as Stan rubbed his face against her cheek.  Stan clacked his beak a few times.  “I don’t know why it took those nerds so danglong to recognize ya, darlin’.  Makesperfect sense to me that it’s my boyfriend under those pretty feathers.”  Stan cooed sweetly.

               Imissed ya.

               “I missed ya, too.”  Angie kissed Stan’s beak.  “Do ya know if Ford ever got pictures of yawhen you were a lil baby birdie?”  Stanbobbed his head.

               Duh.  

               “That was a bit of a pointlessquestion, wasn’t it.  Of course Ford tookpictures.”  Stan nibbled her eargenially.  Angie giggled.  “Yer ticklin’ me.”  Stan nibbled her ear again.

               Iknow.  

               “I’m goin’ to go find thatbrother of yours to get a hold of these pictures.  Are ya goin’ to come along, ridin’ on myshoulder like I’m a pirate?”  Stan letout a squawk.

               Yeah.  Just wish I was the pirate instead of theparrot.

               “You’d make quite the dashin’pirate scoundrel,” Angie said idly.  Stanpuffed up his feathers proudly.

               Hell,yeah.

[letmebecandid]

Lookin’ good

Every night before our kids go to bed, we read The Jesus Storybook Bible. Well, more accurately, we tell them to wash their hands after dinner DON’T PUT SPAGHETTI ON THE WALLS, go upstairs and put their clothes in the hamper. Then we tell them about five times to brush their teeth with ever increasing volume until we have to raise our voice and say MOSES IF I HAVE TO TELL YOU ONE MORE TIME TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH SO HELP ME ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORLD YOU’RE GOING TO REGRET IT!” And then he cries, and then Eden laughs at him for crying, and then he screams and says “STOP LAUGHING AT ME EDEN , IT’S NOT FUNNY!” and she whispers that it is, in fact, very funny.

But then after all that we read the bible like perfect angels.

If you’ve never read the Jesus Storybook Bible, it’s stories from the Bible, written for kids to understand not just the details and the why of the story, but also how those stories fit into the bigger picture. Each story points towards Jesus in some way—even ones from the old testament. One of my favorite stories in the book is the story of Leah called The Girl Noone Wanted. If you don’t know the story of Leah and Rachel from the bible, let me break it down for you:

Rachel is the beautiful sister. She was probably a fashion blogger. Dudes buy her drinks. She gets a blowout once a week with her besties. Loves frappuccinos with skim milk. And Rachel has a sister named Leah. I can’t remember if Leah is older or younger, but she’s very different from Rachel. She has naturally frizzy hair and still uses scrunchies (that she made herself in home ec). She wears old jeans, but not in an ironic way. Her instagram is private and she doesn’t take selfies. She hates makeup.

One day this bro, Jacob (who probably had a 4-door Jeep droptop and popped his collar) sees Rachel and tells her dad, “Yo, dude, she mad fine. I’ll work for you for like EVER if you let me marry her.” And so her dad agreed. Jacob worked for Rachel’s dad for 7 years and then they got married.

The day after the wedding (and subsequent consummation), Jacob realized that he accidentally married Leah instead of Rachel. So everyone was kinda pissed at the dad because he apparently married off his less attractive daughter on purpose (remember, her face was probably covered during the wedding and such). But Jacob worked another 7 years to win the hand of Rachel. Jacob must have really looooooooved her personality. Also, I guess you could apparently marry multiple women back in the day? IDK, the bible doesn’t always make sense to me TBCH... 

The interesting thing, though, and what sticks with me is that Leah is described as being so loved by God. He saw her heart and delighted in how precious it was. She was so loved, in fact, that God promised her that the lineage of Jesus would come from her and her descendants. 

The first few times I read that story, I got choked up ugly cried. What would it be like to have been Leah, knowing that not only did nobody really want you, but your dad pawns you off on some dude who really wanted your sister. And then that guy is mad at your dad. BECAUSE THEY ALL THINK YOU’RE UGLY. I have my fair share of self-esteem issues but that is some next level shit. But God loved her so much that he gave her a promise that superseded all the other praise or recognition she might have received if she was beautiful on the outside. THE CONTENT OF YOUR HEART MATTERS PEOPLE. I’m yelling this at myself too.

I’ve had an evolving theory for some time that someone’s level of attractiveness (or lack thereof) is directly related to how much attention they get. Sure, not exactly a new theory, but I have spent a good part of my adult life knowing this. When I have been of a normal size (think Zach Galifianakis in Hangover), people have noticed me more, talked to me more and engaged with me as an equal.

Unfortunately, almost all of my life I have been overweight, obese or (my favorite, almost gag-worthy description that my doctor likes to throw around as though I’m not even in the room with him) morbidly obese. At my largest, I was over 300 pounds which is roughly 50% larger than a baby elephant, for reference. So I was big. Really big. I couldn’t shop at Old Navy, never mind Gap or Banana Republic. My wedding ring had a muffin top. It was a whole thing.

I felt embarrassed, isolated, and invisible. People didn’t want to look at me and I could feel some people looking through me. Sure I had friends who loved me. And they would say things like “Shane, you are a really beautiful person and so funny!” which is best friend code for No, I don’t want to see your beach vacation pictures.

As lonely as it felt, I started to become comfortable with being invisible. People didn’t want to talk to me, so I didn’t have to engage. I pulled away a little more. I wasn’t seen as someone valuable with something to offer, or at least not as much as more fit/attractive people around me. This gave me more time to eat. At the time, I called that a win-win. I was jaded and angry; I didn’t want to risk being known anymore. Also, Chick-fil-A tastes good when you eat it.

I’ve since lost a fair bit of weight and am now proud of the way I look, but I still see myself as Dr. Goldman saw me. I occasionally catch a quick glimpse of a guy as I’m walking down the street and think dang brotha, looking good before I realize that it’s me I just saw. I am admittedly having a very difficult time owning my identity now that I am not fat. Which is funny because I used to accuse people of being vain and only looking at the exterior. But I only looked at my exterior to define me. Now my exterior is changing and sometimes I feel good about myself, but other times I realize that I am as thin and shallow as Jacob. Looking only on the outside without taking a moment to think about the state of my own heart. 

[thelastspeecher]

19, Stay at home Stana?

19. Date night in

This ended up way longer than I intended.  And I smiled so big when I proofread it real quick before posting.  It turned out so dang fluffy.  Just.  So much fluff.  Wives being good and loving to each other.  Love that shit.

Send me an AU and a number and I’ll write you a ficlet!

               Stana knocked on the bedroomdoor.

               “Still in there, Angie?” sheasked.  There was a prolonged groan fromwithin.  “I’ll take that as a yes.  Can I come in?”

               “It’s yer bedroom too, ya know.  Come in whenever ya want,” Angiemumbled.  Stana opened the door.  Angie was spread-eagled on the bed, almost aspale as the white dress she was wearing. “Ugh,” Angie groaned again.  Stanaleaned against the doorway.

               “What’s wrong this time?” Stanaasked.  Angie wiped her forehead.

               “Don’t know.  Everything? Nothing?  I just- I don’t feelright.”

               “Feet and ankles buggin’ ya?”

               “Not all that much, I guess.”

               “Back?”

               “No.  Just- I don’t feel good.”  Angie sighed. “The last week, I felt fine!  Backto normal.  But now, all day, I haven’tbeen feelin’ right.  Y’know, the generalsort of yuckiness ya get sometimes when yer sick.”

               “You’re not sick, are you?” Stanaasked immediately.  “‘Cause if ya are, yaneed to go in.”  Angie lifted her head tolook at Stana.

               “I ain’t sick.  Just got two parasites messin’ with myinsides.”

               “Two para- oh.  The babies.”

               “Yep.  Them.” Angie flopped her head back and rolled onto her side.  “Ugh.” Stana walked over to the bed and sat on the edge.  “I think you’ll have to cancel thereservations,” Angie said, her eyes now closed. “I don’t think I can go to a fancy restaurant right now.”

               “Yeah.  Figured. I cancelled ‘em hours ago,” Stana replied, idly rubbing Angie’sback.  “I remember how it was.  I’ve been through this twice, babe.”

               “I know.  I’m so sorry, I was lookin’ forward to datenight.  Even asked Marley to watch thegirls.  Ya called Marley, right?  To say that plans changed?”

               “Nope.”

               “What?”  Angie opened her eyes.  “Why not?”

               “Can ya sit up?”

               “I ain’t that pregnant yet,” Angie said snidely.  It took her a few moments, but she successfullysat up and adjusted her maternity dress. Stana smiled fondly.  “What?”

               “You’re just cute, havin’ a bitof a stomach for the first time in your life,” Stana said.  Angie rolled her eyes.  “Anyways, Marley picked up the girls abouthalf an hour ago.”

               “I didn’t hear anything,” Angieremarked, stroking her still small baby bump. She frowned.  “I was prob’lysleepin’.”

               “Yeah, you don’t hear anythingwhen you sleep.”

               “Darlin’, did ya have adirection you were takin’ this conversation?”

               “Yes, I do.  Come on. We’re goin’ to the kitchen.” Stana stood up and held out a hand. Angie took the offered hand with another small groan.  The two of them left the bedroom and walkeddown the hall.  “Cover your eyes beforewe get there.”

               “Cover my- what do ya haveplanned, Stana McGucket?”

               “Come on, humor me!”

               “Fine,” Angie sighed.  She covered her eyes with her hands.  “Now ya have to steer me, though.”

               “You got it, babe.”  Stana took a hold of Angie’s waist, makingher wife giggle a bit.  “Stop bein’ sodamn cute.”

               “Stop ticklin’ me!  You know I’m ticklish!”

               “Nah.  Your laugh is too cute for that,” Stana saidafter a moment.  Angie let out a smallchuckle.  Stana carefully guided Angieinto the living room, past the couch, and then finally, into the entrance ofthe kitchen.  “Okay.  Open ‘em.”

               “Open what?”

               “Angie, don’t be a wiseass.  I’m tryin’ to do somethin’ nice.”

               “Okay, okay.”  Angie uncovered her eyes.  She gaped. “Oh, honey, ya didn’t need to do this!” The rough, rather beat up kitchen table was pushed to the side, leavingroom for a smaller table, for two.  Angietook a seat at the table.  Stana pushedher chair in, eliciting another laugh from her wife.  Angie played with the dark red tableclothcovering the table.  “Stana, really, yadidn’t need to set up somethin’ like this.” Stana turned the lights out; the only sources of illumination now were aseries of candles Stana had strategically placed around the kitchen and livingroom.  Well, the candles and the hallwaynightlight, a necessity when there were children around that could getnightmares and need comfort in the middle of the night.

               “I thought we should have date night,even though we couldn’t make it to that fancy, expensive place ya like so much,”Stana said, taking a seat across from Angie. Angie reached out her hands. Stana took Angie’s thin, delicate hands in her large ones.  

               “Hon, yer just the sweetestspouse I could ever have,” Angie whispered. She frowned.  “But, uh, yer notthe best cook, darlin’.  I’m not sure ifya made anything or-”

               “Nah, you’re right, I can’t cookworth shit yet.  Nothin’ that’s not kidfood, at least.”

               “Oh no, are we havin’ chickennuggets ‘n mac ‘n cheese?” Angie asked teasingly.  Stana grinned.

               “Nope.  I know you’ve been feelin’ homesick lately,”Stana started.

               “Homesick, mornin’ sick, allkinds of sick, really.”

               “So I went to that not expensive place ya like.”

               “Oh?” Angie said, curious.

               “The one with cookin’ ya say isjust like your ma’s,” Stana informed her. Angie gasped.

               “Ya got me some real southernfood?”

               “Best kinda comfort food thereis.  At least, according to you.  I got all your favorites.  Fried chicken, baked beans, cornbread.”  Angie beamed. “And I even found non-alcoholic wine.”

               “They make that?” Angie asked.

               “Apparently.  But we’ve got sparkling cider, too, if youdon’t wanna bother with wine that won’t get ya drunk,” Stana said.  Angie smiled.

               “I think I’ll at least try thewine.”

               “Figured.  You’re that kinda person.  Willing to drink non-alcoholic versions of beveragesthat only exist to get ya drunk,” Stana said, shaking her head.  Angie let out a small laugh.  She leaned in.  Stana echoed her movement.  Angie kissed Stana gently.  When they broke apart, she stroked Stana’sface.

               “Darlin’, I mean it.  Yer the best spouse I could ask for,” Angiesaid softly.  Her eyes widened.

               “What?”

               “I think the babies agree, sincethey decided to start kickin’ me like they were in a dojo.”

               “Well, tell ‘em to go back tosleep.  They’re not invited on our date.”

[thelastspeecher]

Stan Pines, Farmhand - Chapter 11: Best Laid Plans

Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6 Chapter 7   Chapter 8   Chapter 9   Chapter 10   Chapter 11   Chapter 12   Chapter 13   Chapter 14   Chapter 15   Chapter 16   AO3

I definitely did not plan on posting this today, but like what happens in this chapter, plans don’t always work out the way you want.  I’m pretty excited.  This chapter is really cheesy and fluffy, and so is the next one.  But the one after that?  ...Not quite.  Also, the de-aging thing from the previous chapter was resolved “off-screen”.  Anyways, enjoy!

April 1, 1977 – Gravity Falls

               Stan followed his girlfriend and his twin brother deeper into the abandoned mines.  

               “Ya really wanna spend yer birthday chasin’ down dinosaurs?” he asked, his voice echoing.  “Ya wouldn’t prefer to go to that restaurant with the ocean view?”  Angie shook her head.

               “That place is expensive.  Trackin’ dinosaurs is free.”  She looked back at him.  “Ya didn’t have to come with.”

               “You’re my girlfriend.  It’s your birthday.  If I abandoned ya, Lute’d have my head.”

               “I know ya didn’t really like Gravity Falls the last time we visited.”

               “Gnomes chewed through the brake wires of the car I’ve had since I was sixteen,” Stan said flatly.  

               “Yeah.”  Angie fell back a few steps.  She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek.  “Thank ya fer workin’ past yer hatred fer this town to spend time with me.”

               “Heh.  It ain’t a big deal.  Especially since this is way better than hearin’ Lute rant about how ‘that ain’t what southern men do’.  Your brother’s got some interesting thoughts ‘bout what bein’ a southern gentleman means. And for some reason, he seems to be under the impression that I’m one.”  Angie chuckled.  She froze.

               “Did ya hear that?”

               “Hear what?”  A roar echoed.  

               “That.”  

               “Yep.  Definitely heard that.”

               “I’ve found the nest!” Ford called.  He ran back to them.  “But there’s a slight problem.  I disturbed the mother.”

               “That’s more than a slight problem, Sixer,” Stan said.  “I think it’s time to go.”

               “What?  But we didn’t get any pictures!” Angie protested.  Stan grabbed her hand.

               “If ya get killed on my watch, yer folks’ll kill me.  C’mon.” She pulled her hand out of his grip.

               “No, I need at least one picture.”  Angie strode away determinedly.  “If’n yer so concerned ‘bout my safety, ya can follow me.”  A shadow fell over her.

               “Angie!”  Stan tackled her to the ground, narrowly avoiding the dinosaur’s claws.  They tumbled down a nearby slope, coming to a stop at its base.  He looked at Angie, whom he was effectively pinning to the ground.  She was so close that he could count every freckle on her face and see a thin silver ring around her pupils, contrasting the bright blue of the rest of her iris.  It reminded him of something.  He thought back to the small box he had left back with Fiddleford, at Ford’s house.  

               Now’s as good a time as any.  She stared at him, a pink flush beginning to spread across her cheeks.

               “Will ya marry me?” he blurted out.  Angie’s eyes widened.  

               “What?”

               “Banjolina Quinn McGucket, will ya marry me?” he said, more firmly this time. “I know I’m not on one knee, and the ring’s back at Ford’s house, but-”

               “Yes,” she interrupted.  

               “Wait, really?”

               “Yes, really,” she said.  “Ya goober.” Stan grinned at her.

               “I’m yer goober, now,” Stan said.  Angie smiled.

               “Ya most definitely are.”

----- 

May 1978 – Gumption

               “So, the wedding’s in a month, right?” Lute asked Angie.  Angie rolled her eyes.  

               “Ya got the invitation ages ago!  An’ all the information is in that there binder in front of ya.”

               “Oh.”  Lute opened the binder.  “Yep. June 18.  Good choice.  I’ve heard good things about June weddings.”  After her graduation with her master’s degree, Angie had come back to Gumption with Stan, and they were currently finishing up the wedding plans.

               “An’ it’s here in Gumption,” Angie continued.  “In the barn.  So we’ll have to clean it up a bit.”

               “Why not the church?” Fiddleford asked.  He and Ford were taking a break from their research in Gravity Falls to visit Gumption quickly before the wedding.  

               “Stan’s Jewish,” Angie said shortly.

               “Right.”

               “Angie, does this mean ya get to do the thing where ya step on the glass an’ break it?” Lute asked eagerly.  Angie looked at Stan.  Stan nodded. “Dang.  That’s excitin’.”

               “Y’all are weird,” Stan said, shaking his head.  Angie kissed him on the cheek.

               “Yer marryin’ into my weird fam’ly, though.”  

               “Fiddleford, Tate’s up,” Ford said, walking into the living room, holding his son.  

               “Did ya change him?” Fiddleford asked.

               “Yes.”

               “I’ll hold him, then.  He likes gettin’ attention.”

               “No, I’ll hold him!” Angie said immediately.

               “Are you sure?” Ford asked.  Angie nodded.

               “I don’t get to spend enough time with the lil polydactyl.”  Ford handed Tate to her.  “My lord, Tate, yer gettin’ so big already!” Angie cooed at her nephew. She looked at Fiddleford.  “How old is he, again?”

               “He was born November 17, so almost exactly six months,” Fiddleford replied. Angie looked back at Tate.

               “Yer already halfway to bein’ a year old, Tater Tot!  Such a big boy!”  She blew a raspberry on Tate’s stomach.  He giggled.  “Such a happy boy, too!  What an absolute cutie-pie.”

               “Since he started sleeping through the night, he’s definitely started to seem cuter,” Ford said.  He rubbed his eyes tiredly.  “I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been on Mom to take care of two infants at the same time.”

               “It’s a good thing twins don’t run in the McGucket fam’ly, then,” Lute said, turning another page in the wedding plan binder.  “Otherwise ya might have had to deal with that.”  

               “Are ya goin’ to have more kidlets?” Angie asked her older brother. Fiddleford shook his head.

               “I think just the one child is enough,” Fiddleford said, taking his son from Angie.  “I don’t plan on goin’ through that whole experience again.  It weren’t pleasant.”

               “Adoption is-”

               “Just the one munchkin is enough fer us,” Fiddleford said firmly. “Raisin’ kids is hard work, an’ we’re already busy, what with Tate and our research.”  He smiled at Angie.  “I understand where yer comin’ from.  I know ya enjoy bein’ an auntie, and ya like spoilin’ yer nieces and nephews.  But ya won’t be gettin’ any more from Ford and myself.”  

               “Fair enough,” Angie conceded.  She cocked her head.  “So, ya had to give up doin’ research fer a while.  How’d that go?  Just so’s I know.”  Stan looked up from the wedding plans he had been perusing with Lute.

               “Uh, what?” Stan asked.  Angie looked over at him.

               “I ain’t pregnant now, don’t worry.”

               “I know you’re not, but the fact that you’re askin’ before we’re even married is makin’ me a bit nervous.”

               “It’s just fer future reference,” Angie said with a wave of her hand.

               “Ya might go a bit stir-crazy when it’s yer turn,” Fiddleford told her. “I stayed inside a lot an’ didn’t do much, ‘specially near the end.”  Angie grimaced.

               “Yeesh.  But it’d be worth it.  Fer one thing, Stan’s cuter than Ford.  An’ I know it seems impossible, but that means a kid of ours would be even more adorable than Tate.”

               “Damn straight,” Stan said, turning his attention back to the wedding plans.  “And our kid would have a better name.”

               “Tate is a perfectly fine name,” Ford said defensively.  “Fiddleford and I agreed to forego the McGucket naming convention.”

               “Ya might have mostly foregone it, but ya did name him after Uncle Tate,” Lute said.

               “So?”

               “Do ya know what Tate is short for?”

               “It’s not short for anything.”  

               “Not yer Tate.  Uncle Tate.”

               “Oh, um, no,” Ford confessed.  Angie snickered.  “What? What is it short for?”

               “Isn’t he the one named after food?” Stan asked.  Ford looked at Fiddleford.

               “Fiddleford.  What did we name our son?”

               “We named him a proper name,” Fiddleford said reassuringly.  “His namesake just don’t have that.”

               “What’s Uncle Tate’s real name?” Ford asked.  Fiddleford sighed.

               “His full name is Potato.”

-----

September, 1978 – Gravity Falls

               Summer was beginning to fade, and the town of Gravity Falls was bustling with citizens making the most of the last warm days.  On the drive up, Angie had been bubbling with excitement over getting permission to finish her doctorate by studying some of the amphibians in Gravity Falls.  Her happiness almost masked the dread Stan was feeling.  Something about the lumber town felt odd to him, like bad things would happen there.  But now that he was officially moving boxes into the house they had just rented, the initial unease had gone to the back of Stan’s mind.  

               “Thanks fer helpin’ us move in,” Angie said, handing a box to Lute.

               “It’s no problem.  I’m always ‘round to help my baby sister,” he replied.  He tucked the box under one arm.

               “It’s not like you have anythin’ better to do, anyways,” Stan said, taking another box out of the trailer.  “What exactly do ya do, again?”

               “Mostly just bother my siblin’s,” Lute replied.  Angie opened the passenger door of the truck and took out the terrarium holding Tubbs.  She went inside the house.  Once she was gone, Lute turned to Stan.  “So, when are the two of ya goin’ to pop out a kid?”  

               “Lute, what the fuck.”

               “Hey, it’s a perfectly valid question.”

               “We’ve only been married fer three months.”

               “So?”

               “Isn’t that a bit fast?”

               “Not fer a McGucket,” Lute said.  “Ma didn’t even finish school ‘fore she had the oldest three.”

               “Well, we only just moved here.  Angie wouldn’t wanna stop doin’ her research just after startin’ it.” Stan rubbed his neck nervously. “An’ I’m still lookin’ for a job. ‘Arkansas farmhand’ and ‘San Diego car salesman’ don’t make the greatest resume.  We haven’t even talked ‘bout kids, beyond mentionin’ that they’ll eventually happen.  So, no, Lute, we’re not plannin’ on havin’ kids.  Not yet.”

               “What’s that thing folks say?  ‘God laughs at yer plans’?”  Stan eyed Lute suspiciously.  

               “What are ya gettin’ at, McGucket?” he asked.  Lute sighed and set down the box he was holding.

               “Ma didn’t plan on havin’ the older three.  It’s a well-known fact in the fam’ly that Violynn, Harper, and Basstian were all surprises.”

               “I don’t think I’m likin’ what I’m hearin’.”

               “Pa has seven siblin’s.”

               “Damn.”

               “The McGuckets are a very fertile fam’ly.  An’ unless you ‘n Angie are abstainin’…”  Lute eyed Stan curiously.  

               “Lute.  I’m not gonna talk ‘bout my sex life.  Do ya really want to know if your baby sister’s had-”

               “Fair enough,” Lute said quickly.  He shrugged. “Just somethin’ to keep in mind. Tate weren’t planned, either.”

               “Lute, don’t say things like that,” Angie said, joining them again.  

               “It’s true,” Lute protested.  Angie put her hands on her hips.

               “It don’t matter if it’s true.  It’s rude.  But that reminds me.”  Angie turned to Stan.  “We’re babysittin’ Tate tomorrow.”

               “Again?”

               “His dads have research to do.  I just want to help.”

               “Uh-huh.  Sure,” Stan said.  “It doesn’t have anythin’ to do with how much ya like spendin’ time with babies.”  Angie rolled her eyes and took the box he was holding.

               “They got backed up a bit on their work after he was born,” she called as she walked back inside.  “They need to catch up.”  

               “If ya say so.”  Stan looked at Lute.  “Do ya really think that-”

               “I ain’t a doctor.  I can’t tell ya yer chances fer havin’ a surprise kid.”

               “You literally just told me you thought that’s what’ll happen.”

               “…Point taken.”  Lute handed Stan another box from the trailer.  “If’n it makes ya feel better, I think you’d be a good dad.”

               “Yeah?”

               “Yeah.  Lord knows the Gucklings think yer the best thing since sliced bread.  Yer a natural with kids, even if ya don’t feel like ya are.”

               “I’m pretty sure yer just lyin’ to me to try to get another niece or nephew,” Stan said.  Lute scoffed.

               “I ain’t a liar, no matter how cute I think yer kid would be.”  Angie opened the front door and stuck her head out.

               “Are you fellers goin’ to bring in any more boxes or keep chit-chattin’ at the truck?”

----- 

               “Aren’t you the cutest lil feller I ever done see,” Angie cooed at Tate. She and Stan were at Ford and Fiddleford’s house, babysitting Tate.  So far, he’d been remarkably well-behaved, something Stan claimed was due to his parents being nerds.  Tate giggled and grabbed at Angie’s nose.  She laughed. “Yup.  That’s the fam’ly nose.  And you’ve got it too, Tater Tot.”  She sighed.  

               “What is it?” Stan asked.

               “I want one,” Angie said softly.  She played with Tate’s hands.  

               “Well, it’s not like anybody else is here,” Stan began.  Angie eyed him.

               “What are ya gettin’ at?”

               “If ya decide to take him, I won’t tell.  Ya can head for the border with Tate and I’ll meet up with ya.”

               “Mexico?”

               “No.  Canada.”

               “I did learn French at West Coast Tech,” Angie said.  Her eyes gleamed.  She stood up.

               “Whoa, whoa,” Stan said.  “I was kidding.”

               “Oh.”  Angie sat down again.  “Uh, so was I.”  

               “No ya weren’t!”

               “Hey, you don’t know me.”

               “Yeah, I do,” Stan said firmly.  Angie sighed.

               “Yer right.”  She kissed Tate on the forehead.  “This lil feller’s just so goldarn cute.  It ain’t right that Ford got a baby ‘fore I did.”

               “…Why?” Stan asked.  Angie shrugged.

               “‘Cause it’s Ford?”

               “Fair enough.”  Stan leaned over to look at his nephew.  Tate grabbed one of Stan’s fingers and began to chew on it excitedly.  Stan softened.  “You want a baby, huh?”

               “Yeah…” Angie said softly.  

               “But ya understand now ain’t the best time fer that.  We’re still settlin’ here in Gravity Falls, and ya just started your research, so we should probably wait a bit.”  Angie cracked a half-smile.

               “Does that mean ya want to be a dad?”  

               “…Maybe.”

               “Glad we’re on the same page.  I want a lil one, too, but we should prob’ly hold off a bit.  How long do ya want to wait?”

               “How ‘bout no kids ‘til after our first anniversary?  That way we can go as wild as we want next June,” Stan suggested.  Angie chuckled.  “Think you can wait that long?”

               “Yeah.” She kissed him on the cheek.  “Look at ya, bein’ responsible.”

               “Well, that an’, I dunno, havin’ a kid right away doesn’t seem like a good idea. I’m pretty sure it’s ruined marriages.” Angie’s eyes softened.

               “Stanley, it’d take more than a baby to make me leave ya.”

               “What would it take?” Stan asked.

               “Why do ya want to know?”

               “I wanna avoid doin’ it.”

               “I can’t think of anythin’,” Angie said, bouncing Tate on one of her knees.

               “…Really?”

               “Darlin’, I can’t think of a single thing that would make me so angry with ya that I’d leave.”

               “Nothin’?”

               “Absolutely nothin’.”

----- 

December 23, 1978 – Gumption

               Normally, at the holidays, the McGucket house was even more warm and welcoming than usual.  But Stan couldn’t help the nervousness he was feeling.  Sitting next to him at the dining table, Angie grabbed his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

               “Darlin’, it’s fine,” she whispered in his ear.  “You’ll make it through this.”

               “Why do ya want to wait ‘til January, to tell ‘em, again?” he whispered back.

               “Ya know why.”

               “Are the two lovebirds whisperin’ sweet nothin’s to each other?” Lute asked teasingly.  

               “What’s it to you?” Stan asked.  Lute reached out to take Angie’s glass.

               “Ya want some wine, lil sis?”  Angie hurriedly grabbed it from him.

               “No, Lute.  Thanks, though.”  Lute frowned at her.

               “What happened to the Angie I know an’ love?  It ain’t like you’ll get drunk.  McGuckets got fortitude.”

               “I know how our fam’ly works, ya goon,” Angie said.  She shrugged.  “I just ain’t in the mood fer alcohol right now.”

               “Is that so?” Ma McGucket asked.  There was an odd look on her face.  “Is there any reason fer that?”

               “N-no,” Angie stammered.  She swallowed, suddenly turning a slight shade of green.  She stood up abruptly.  “I’ll be back in a mo’.”  She rushed off.

               “She’s been usin’ the facilities an awful lot,” Lute said, taking his seat on the other side of Stan.  “Is she sick or somethin’?”

               “No.  At least, if she is, she didn’t tell me,” Stan said.  He looked at Ma McGucket again.  She smiled knowingly at him.

               Stan turned beet red.