#long as i live. my specific life circumstances conditioned me to wave away certain mainstream societal norms. so. why should i start
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Me: idk if I really wanna go on T
Also me: if I started T early I would've been such a hoe 😭
#imma just be here in this corner chillin. feel free to join#me but if you're annoying then fuck off#idk#maybe in an alternative universe i'd have less hang ups#remembering the gender euphoria i felt at 16 wearing a trenchcoat (it was cold and rainy) and a baseball cap and being perceived as male#actually i think i got pictures from that day. went to visit a temple and window shopped with my host mum#but ngl going on t is a commitment and i do question whether it's the best path for myself#at this point i've gotten used to seeing the same face in the mirror for the past 12 years. even changing my hairstyle felt drastic#(i wore the same box braid style with a george washington ass ponytail from the ages of like ~10 to ~19. basically my entire adolescence lo#with very occasional changes. and tbh i might stick with the same hairstyle i have right now until i'm 30. i'm open to like changing my#overall style but hair styling stresses me the fuck out. since i never learned how to like do natural hair and i'm not dextrous at all#(can't braid for shit) it usually ends up being. taxing oily and expensive. so now i wear my hair the same day 24/7/365)#i also have to remind myself too not to compare my life journey with others. counsellors and mentor figures have been telling me this for s#long too but i'd sometimes scoff at that (inside my head tho). and like i don't mean to be like an nlog/nlop (??) about it like ppl have#their own struggles and all. but i mean for instance (outside of tumblr) being lgbtq+ makes you a minority. maybe a significant minority#these days but a minority nonetheless. being a poc in a white environments you'll simply navigate the world differently compared to your#white peers. similarly with navigating the world as a neurodivergent person. whether “formally” diagnosed or not#similarly with being a second gen immigrant#and this probably seems obvious. it is. but for so long i've had pretty high standards for myself (although i didn't always see those#standards as high) and try to nitpick my way towards some sort of ideal#basically i've made peace with the fact my identity isn't quite “set”. and preparing for the possibility that it might stay that way for as#long as i live. my specific life circumstances conditioned me to wave away certain mainstream societal norms. so. why should i start#accepting these norms all of a sudden with open arms when they have never served me and have only caused me undue stress. and it's not like#i don't got other shit to stress about either. channeling my inner 12 year old energy. relearning how to be more unbothered#uchiha-gaeshi's life crisis#status: ongoing#uchiha-gaeshi overshares#gender crisis#txt
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