#lol its a courtroom up in this innerworld

[cozy-corner-system]

TL;DR We’re all people, and people are complex - let people explore who they are, come to their own conclusions, but also don’t be afraid to point out ableism when it happens.

Alright, a little more rambly, but only because we’re a little tired on this.

Endogenic Systems are, by nature, definition and name, not caused by trauma. They are reportedly just naturally occurring - something that just happened. Depending on the person, they can also claim that they made themself into an Endogenic System, whether it’s through meditation, (day)dreaming, manifesting, or what have you.

Now to preface this:

As long as this is done in good faith and practice, and is not used as a means to harm others or excuse the actions of oneself, sure; go ahead. Just please keep in mind what you say may hurt and perhaps even downright trigger others - specifically dissociative Systems.

To us, a System means having your brain run extremely differently to everyone else’s - specifically in regards to the idea of The Self. Singlets are a singular, solid Self - that’s why they are called Singlets. Systems, on the other hand, are multiple slivers, fragments, and shards of the Self. This is because, typically, a grand amount of trauma came around and prevented the brain from forming into a far more solid, singular Self. Think of a mosaic painting slowly coming together to form one grand painting, only for a stampede of bulls to come and shatter it. That is often how Systems are formed. Each alter is their own shard to this once greater piece of art, but now everything is far too damaged to properly be put back together at this moment.

Now, by going with this idea of The Self being a mosaic - glass - painting, this is how we see Endogenic and other ‘naturally’ occurring Systems: A person who is one whole, finished painting - a Singular, Solid Self. Then, one day, this person hears about these shattered paintings and how each shard is their own piece to the painting. The person then proceeds to find a way to shatter themself. At least, they think they do. Because really, all they’ve done is create a shard completely separate to their own painting. They are still a whole Self with an extra shard that is completely unrelated to their whole Self.

Some may claim that it is a shard from their whole Self, and sometimes they are right. Except, the thing is that this was a shard made by the painting itself. The Self - the painting - took on the role of the bull and shattered a section of themself. Meanwhile, the painting that was shattered by an actual herd of bulls is still trying to get itself back together, or at least find a way to function. They never wanted to be shattered - they never wanted to be crushed beneath the weight, or experience the pain, scars, and torment that came after it. They didn’t ask to have all these shards of a once nearly whole Self, but the other painting did. It wanted to have the shards, but didn’t have anyone around to shatter it - so it did that by itself. No pain, no scars, no torment, no lost nights of sleep - nothing.

Do both of these paintings still have shards? Yes. Do they have shards for the same purpose or reason? No.

Are they the same? Not really, no.

Now, imagine a painting that is shattered - a painting that has been broken apart into shards by some outside force. Imagine this painting then going around and saying “oh, no, I haven’t been shattered by anyone! I’m just naturally shattered like this” to all the other paintings around; shattered or otherwise. This painting claims to have naturally been shattered like this, but many, many other shattered paintings know. They know what truly happened to the other shattered painting to cause all of its shards to take form.

What’s important is to recognize that not all paintings - not all Systems - will know they are dissociative. We aren’t meant to know about our Systems or our disorders, because that can create the risk of also knowing about the trauma so dutifully hidden away. Sure, there are some Systems who were purposefully made, whatever. But there are also many Systems who believe themselves to be natural, or purposefully made, when clearly they just have very strong amnesiac barriers between themself and some, most, or all their Alters.

I guess the point of this post is to just further exemplify that it’s okay to be dissociative, and, to an extent, it’s okay to be scared at the possibility there is trauma you don’t remember. That’s the point of being a dissociative System in the first place - to protect you, the Host, from taking the brunt of most trauma you experience. You don’t deserve to be screamed at over the internet, or made fun of, or harassed, or anything; especially if you are trying to come to terms with being dissociative a.k.a traumagenic.

It’s okay to not be ready to face your trauma - whatever it may be. It’s okay to not want to discuss what trauma you might even have. It’s okay to take your time and explore on your time and with what feels right to you. Let me tell, it is especially okay to do this if you are a minor. Being a kid, or even a teen, is hard and it sucks a lot, so I can’t blame any Systems out there who are young, confused, and maybe even scared - so they latch onto the Endo label. You don’t need the stress of general teenage stuff, school, the maze of puzzles and riddles that is teenage socializing, the blossoming self awareness of yourself and the world around you and the probable fact you have repressed memories of trauma and that you aren’t as whole of a painting you once thought yourself to be because of that. If The Host is ND in another way, as well (say, autistic, ADHD, or something else of the sort), and they have a lot of introjects based on characters from media they like and take part in, then they just might even think themself even more of an Endo than a dissociative System.

And, again, that’s fine. Let people come to their own conclusions. Trauma is a tough thing - those of us who are aware of the trauma we’ve faced, and also the fact we’re Systems because of it, also have to realize that we have a lot of shit to unpack, fix up, and handle. And it’s stressful. It’s tough. It really fucking sucks. Not everyone is capable of handling trauma, or even think they might have it.

We’re all paintings that are shattered or have shards in some way. It’s okay to be dissociative, and it’s okay to not be ready to fully face that yet. It’s not okay for anyone to be yelling at each other, sending each other threats, spreading misinformation, or heaven-forbid being ableist and inconsiderate. Just. Let people explore and figure themselves out. Don’t pressure them into one box or the other. We’re all people.