#lol i literally just need like 1 sentence for this illustration tho can someone kill me
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feeling an unreal amount of dread rn bc i have to write some sentences about an illustration of mine in a way that fits a theme lmfao
#why am i so bad at this ive been straight up sitting here for like half an hour#idk the thing is like... i do write. ive gotten decent at writing about my work#but im like ? best when i can just write about whatever bullshit i want and for the fucking life of me i cannot make my work fit a theme#even thO THE WORK CLEARLY DOES the words just sound Wrong and fucking stupid bc im taking work out of its original context to try to#have something to show bc they asked and bc my agency is being so nice and i like them a lot#man i love my agent and my agency is truly pog they've coordinated some great initiatives for palestine + they continue to be active#but like every now and then im reminded that my ass is not a team player and i really would rather just not be included#in group work / promotional stuff which is what this is for#bc i have to deal with matching the set tone and whatever the fuck else and i truly cannot be assed#like... idk i think i do fairly well for myself just being left to my own devices. drawing my little drawings and writing my little stories#the last 2 scripts / comics i made have both sold one of which sold internationally and none of the previous promotional stuff ive been a#part of have really contributed to me getting work i dont think ? idk i might have missed smthn but#would it be extremely cunty of me to just be like 'yo i appreciate it but i think i just want to be a little hermit.'#i'll be back when im done writing my next manuscript kthnxbye#like even w their initiatives for palestine i never really got involved through them i was just. happier/more productive doing my own bs.#lol i literally just need like 1 sentence for this illustration tho can someone kill me
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Chapter 9, Part 1
Ahhhh...poor son of a bitch.
1. Heyyyyy, green tape
Hmmmn, Koogi seems to use green a lot...is that just more common a color for duct tape in Korea? But thing is, her main outfit for Bum is green tones. And he likes froggies, which are green.Â
Also, we never do see Sangwoo use this tape with CEO daughter girl (just ropes, a cloth for her mouth, and this weird metal thing to cover her eyes). Or with Bum, for that matter (I only saw it so far used with Koogiâs illustrations, which are a different matter altogether...I might be mistaken, I wonât skip to that part, but Sangwoo might have used it on Bum in the last chapters, which could signify how far his mentality has deteriorated).Â
But this guy is different. Sangwoo has no emotional attachment to him. The duct tape could be, in a way, signifying how worthless this person is to Sangwoo. That heâs nothing more than a box full of unsavory memories he would rather tape shut forever and throw away to rot.
2. Ooohp. Bastardâs bringing out his iconic apron
Sangwoo the butcher.
But this is something new that we havenât seen before. Again, Sangwoo has never once wore this with Bum. So that means Sangwoo truly has no intentions of going easy on this guy. Blood is going to be pretty much spurting every-the-fuck-where.Â
So even though Sangwoo doesnât consciously plan to kill someone, he has his habits and ideas down to a pat so that once he does get into that territory, he can more or less get right down to it. Sangwoo seems to do what he can to âseparateâ himself from his atrocious acts, but also fulfilling an âaestheticâ that fits with the atrocity he has become.Â
Like, that apron. Too risky to wear regular clothes, so apron is the next best thing and can act as a barrier of some sort once the blood goes flying. Itâll reduce how much splatters onto his skin and how much of his body he has to actually clean. Itâs also just keep things less gross and more sanitary that way lol.
3. I am the type to find this funny and really be amused by Sangwooâs smartass-ness
I suck at being a smartass and I canât do it, so I really appreciate it whenever someone else can, even if itâs mean lol. But if itâs mean, itâs a guilty pleasure for me, like right now. xâD
4. Honestly, Sangwoo, how did you get yourself into this situation...
Oh! So he was able to get out of the blow job. Nice. The guy was actually respectful. If Sangwoo were sane, heâd understand this and just run away instead of luring this guy in to kill him.Â
But, really, why did Sangwoo put himself into this position? I donât have anything foolproof as evidence, but I really donât think Sangwoo is the type who actually needs to kill at specific intervals as an outlet.
If anything, Sangwoo has a more...instinctual response to sexual situations, like Bum. For Bum, he becomes hyper-aroused and zeroes in on the pleasure to a point that it overrides his more logical line of thinking. The âheâs a killer I should be scaredâ becomes âit feels so good and nothing else can exist but this pleasureâ.
For Sangwoo, he has two modes. The first one is passive, where heâs just following his partnerâs whims and saying that heâs enjoying things but heâs actually just powerless to resist. Itâs his instinctual reaction after being forced to just...take his momâs advances. He feels empty, like a doll that is just meant to be used and taken for pleasure. Itâs no better than being a corpse that is fulfilling anotherâs necrophilic tendencies.
The second mode, I believe, came to be as a self-defense mechanism to the first mode. In order to avoid ever feeling like that, he is in control of everything. He has complete dominance over his partner. In a way, the extreme violence is the only way he can genuinely feel pleasure because heâs âsafeâ. He can literally go one way or the other, his trauma has made it impossible for him to have any other mode than âdocileâ or âpredatorâ.Â
5. Well, even without the possibility of murdering someone, Sangwoo choosing an alias is no surprise
He did go into a gay bar, lol.
I also find it interesting that this is where we get a look into Bumâs thoughts. And itâs regarding Sangwooâs alias.Â
Also, now I am wondering if Sangwoo ever resorted to using aliases with his other prey. Because if he had, then this does add a whole other layer of premeditation to his serial killing. Even if heâs not purposefully scouting for prey, it would at least mean heâs always prepared in the event that he comes across prey.Â
That is what makes Jieun such an outlier and also Sangwooâs downfall in terms of getting caught. Jieun knows Sangwoo personally. There is a connection between them. And her disappearance could easily be traced back to him. Sangwoo isnât an idiot. He knows how to pick and choose his prey and he probably makes sure to never make it so that the prey can call him by name.Â
That is also what makes Bum such an interesting outlier. Because Sangwoo is risking A LOT just to keep him--someone who knows Sangwooâs real name and actually has witnessed his personal life, both in the outside world and behind closed doors. Sangwoo chose him over the girl. Sangwoo broke his legs, not only to keep Bum from escaping, but to keep Bum with him.Â
This does suggest that Sangwoo is not serial killing for the thrill of it (at least, not just for that), but because heâs in search for something that could replace the kills. Sangwoo doesnât want a pile of dead bodies under his feet--he wants one alive body to stay by his side and love him, in spite of those dead bodies.Â
6. ....cute motherfucker
Koogi, I resent you so much for making him this cute...
Honestly though, it just strikes me how Sangwoo keeps trying to keep on a carefree and happy facade even during times like these. We do later see him doing that as a habit as a child, so it fits that he does that on steroids during his adult years, especially considering the things he does. Iâll refer back to this when we get to Jieunâs death scene.
7. Shows of weakness
Ah damn Iâm going to have to revisit this part. I have a lot of thoughts on it, but Iâm too sleep deprived to actually make sense of it. But this part is important in understanding Sangwooâs mentality and the ways he tries to train Bum to fit a certain image.
Aaaaaand today is a new day!! So going forth:
During the times Bum showed fear and was trembling, I do think a major part of why Sangwoo hates it so much is because it reminds him of how much of a monster he is. But I also think itâs because it reminds him of his mom, which he does say about Bumâs trembling. Because no matter what happened to his mom, she never learned her lesson. If she were able to change, then Sangwooâs childhood would be less painful.Â
But Bum being quiet and looking scared, but still able to meet Sangwooâs eyes...that reminds Sangwoo of what he was while with his parents. And even though Sangwoo does hate himself--to a point where he doesnât want to change because he has no belief he can be better--I do think heâs grieving for that child who had no clue that things will just get worse and worse from there.Â
Especially since, from what Iâm assuming, he knew how to manipulate his image so that he could avoid being beaten and locked up like his mother. So he would hold more respect towards his conditioned response versus his motherâs conditioned response. He probably refused to admit to himself how he felt back then, because obviously thatâs a cruel thought to have and Sangwooâs level of empathy was still average to high at the time. But it still doesnât erase his resentment towards her inability to be better (I think this also contributed to why Sangwoo presumably felt âfreeâ after his first kill).
I think Iâll have a better grasp over my thoughts once we get to Jieunâs death >_<Â
8. *opens mouth, then silently closes it*
That first sentence probably is not meant to sound the way Sangwoo makes it sound. xDÂ Which is a bit too gay for someone who firmly claims he is wholly hetero.
Oh actually this is funny. Since the only other person in the basement is a guy, the card dude probably thinks Sangwoo really is gay or internalized-antigay or something. But the truth is a lot more complex and sinister than what it appears to be on the surface.
9. Ooooooh, high stakes indeed
Lol, this does drive home the idea to me that Sangwoo is really pissed at Bum. Because, again, he wouldâve never went to that gay bar had it not been for Bum. So, in a way, even though Sangwoo internally knows Bum isnât the one going out in a body bag, this instillation of fear is a punishment for making him question his sexuality in a way that triggered Sangwooâs trauma. Because there is literally no safe way for Sangwoo to explore his sexuality considering his past and his current lifestyle.
On the other end of the spectrum, I wonder how Bum is feeling about this. He probably genuinely believes that Sangwoo is genuinely putting Bumâs life on the line, in a way that if he fails the card game, heâll die. Like. I definitely would. No matter what past form of affection Sangwoo showed, if he says heâll kill me, I would full-heartedly be like âYeah. Yeah, I donât doubt you, hun.â
And, still, Bum knows better now than to complain or beg. Because unlike his mother, despite his own mental issues, Bum can be trained and that is why Sangwoo keeps him around.
10. Where do you come up with these things, you bastard
I mean, seriously, he has so many ideas on how to break a person. These are more psychopathic than sociopathic tendencies, I think, so thatâs why Sangwoo right now, is a high-functioning sociopath.
11. Oh my fkkn god tho, this smart boi XD
Or maybe Iâm just dumb and have no clue how to play cards.Â
Or maybe Sangwoo has been spending time with Bum playing cards.
Or maybe Bum is just good at cards and has spent his time practicing them.
Either way, the fact that Bum is able to fkkn pay attention during these times shows that his own trauma and mental issues have no bearing on how smart he actually is. He doesnât have strong observation skills and is slow to understand people, but thatâs more of a natural character trait, even if it is more emphasized by his mental disorders...mmmn, I do kinda wonder if Bum could have some traits shared with autism but Iâm too neruotypical and untrained to say whether or not he does.
12. No seriously, we have creative Sangwoo here with this card game from hell...
...Then we have Bum here able to pull out logical conclusions like his mind is clear despite the immense anxiety and pressure of the situation. Thereâs a reason why Bum is still alive. For some reason, the longer Bum is stuck in his situation, the moreÂ
13. Seriously, I could stab him in the eye for being so cute despite being revolting, itâs not RIGHT KOOGI
Stab stab stab stab
14. It probably doesnât mean much, but I still canât help but point out how Sangwoo is making sure to be close to Card!dude and facing Bum
This would be the most logical choice since it will ensure his victim doesnât try to escape. And even if he does, he can quickly do shit like pulling back his hair if he tries to be âbrattyâ. Also, being behind someone like this is meant to represent a menacing appearance and being the âcontrollerâ behind the scenes. Sangwoo has the upperhand since card!dude canât see him and Sangwoo can do whatever he wants to the guy.Â
But this also puts Sangwoo and Bum on more equal ground. Sort of like âpartners in crimeâ because they can face each other and communicate via body language. In a way, Sangwoo can help Bum or make Bum do things, influencing his next move. While, at the same time, keeping a literal eye on Bum but without the upperhand he has on card!dude--because Bum can also keep an eye out on him.Â
15. Iâd probably laugh if I were Sangwoo too lol
I bet you Sangwoo didnât expect Bum to actually get the goddamn ace. The fact that Bum is this fkkn lucky is indicative of how Bum is lucky enough to even be alive at this point. Bum has been able to avoid his âfate of deathâ over and over again that, honestly, the sheer disbelief of it is ridiculous. But itâs also like Sangwoo is saying âOf course youâd get the goddamn ace. Of course you would, you little shit, why am I even still surprised by you at this pointâ.
In a way, Sangwoo might also be thinking that âHuh, itâs like I meant to mess with the cards so thatâd they be in your favor.â But of course, he canât have that because Bum being âtooâ happy about things means he wonât be able to control Bum. So, for Bumâs case, heâs doing a second round to train Bum further, rather than to fuck with him before he kills him (like what heâs doing with card!dude).
Other than that, this is also indicative of just how well Bum is dealing with the anxiety of this moment. Card!dude might have done better (though he canât have that much control over the cards) under normal circumstances, but between the both of them, Bum is actually calm enough to think things through. It says a lot about his capabilities lol. It makes me wonder what kind of person he couldâve been had he been raised well.
ALSO, AGAIN WITH YOU BEING CUTE SANGWOO. NO. ESPECIALLY NOT UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES YOU ASSHOLE. STOP IT.
16. Lol, even though this is a throwaway line, I think this is indicative of who Sangwoo has already chosen
This is really like a âcome on, partner in crime, get up to my level here and letâs fuck with this fucker togetherâ. But the thing is, Bum is just as much a victim as this guy. There is literally no way for Bum to think any other way but Sangwoo fucking with both of them, not just card!dude.Â
Because the thing is, if Bum forgot himself and reacted the same way as card!dude, Sangwoo would kill him, along with card!dude.
But yeah, it does make me think of how Sangwoo wouldâve reacted if card!dude actually won. How would his script go? Would he still do a practice round? Or would that have been enough for Sangwoo, and he wouldâve skipped to the next part of his plan?
I donât think this second round was something Sangwoo expected. And that really drove home to him how Bum keeps surpassing his expectations again and again.Â
17. *wince* Oohp.
The trembling and slight protest. Definitely not what Sangwoo wants to see. I canât blame Bum for responding like this, BECAUSE A FKKN SERIAL KILLER IS PRETTY MUCH TRYING TO SCREW HIM OVER, but at the same time, he should know better than to respond this way.Â
I also do think, other than the threat to his life, Bum is perceiving this as Sangwoo âchoosingâ card!dude over Bum. Itâs like a rejection and that probably hits Bumâs rejection sensitivity. If it was just a threat to his life, Bum would probably be able to still stay silent at this point (uh, most likely not because again, life is on the line, but still maybe). However, thereâs also this sense that Sangwoo doesnât actually want him to live--that the card game is just an excuse to kill Bum.
18. think it says a lot that Sangwoo still responds to Bumâs protest via âpattingâ him on the head rather than pulling on his hair.Â
If card!dude was more intuitive, then he probably wouldâve noticed that something was off in the way Sangwoo was treating Bum. More leniently. Because any small variation in treatment is not a promising outlook for card!dude.
But the thing is--now that I know how the ending is--Sangwoo is just doing this as a way to fuck with the other dude. Actually he was probably proud of Bum winning so that he could further fuck with card!dude and make him taste the bitterness of false hope. Sort of like a âheh, you did better than I thought you wouldâ.Â
Sangwoo does want him to live because this card game is not about âwhoâ to choose. Sangwoo has already chosen Bum. This is just a matter of how much satisfaction Sangwoo can get against his revenge on the other guy.
Though, Bum is genuinely worried because why would he think that lol. There is also this thing where Sangwoo chose to kill a pretty girl and keep him, a skinny male loser, alive. So from his stand point, Sangwooâs choices are difficult to pinpoint. Bum also wonât see himself as more âattractiveâ than card!dude, so he most likely was scared that Sangwooâs choices has changed once again and he would be thrown away like CEO daughter.
19. Hmmmn...
Now that card!dude has been given a second chance and can see Sangwooâs willingness as a show of âfavorabilityâ, he has more control over his anxiety (which I do think is different from Bum, who has this sort of âon-offâ button for his anxiety, versus card!dude who seems to have more of a âreduction-enlargementâ slider). He probably feels more confident.Â
And this is probably exactly what Sangwoo wanted, because then that will make the fall so much sweeter, the look of horror that much more gratifying.
20. Really, and there were people who wanted Sangwoo and Bum to have a happily ever after
The psychological warfare Sangwoo is putting onto Bum is so brutal that itâs really difficult to keep reading. Again, Koogi making it so that Sangwoo got better, then got worse when he realized he couldnât handle what it means to âimproveâ, and then die...it made me respect this work so much, because nothing about this is romanticized. And furthermore, Bum didnât die, but at the same time, he was scars that will never be able to heal. His mentality was worse in the end than it was in the beginning, which is a goddamn feat because there wasnât much left for him to fall.
Another alternative that I saw float around was Bum and Sangwoo dying together and...no. No no no. Thatâs too romanticized as well. And Bum being left alive while Sangwoo dies has this very...god I donât even know how to explain. Itâs not a happy ending. For me, thereâs no vindication for it because I got to see just how deeply Sangwoo was suffering, which made it impossible for me to enjoy his death despite every incredibly shitty thing he has done. It was literally just...a masterpiece. One that showed just how, really, there are places on earth that truly have no hope and the suffering only ends with death.Â
I usually never like nihilistic stories like these. Like seriously, thereâs a reason why I avoided Killing Stalking like the plague. But after so many stories where things have a happy ending just because they MUST, it doesnât only get tiring, but destructive for me.Â
And Killing Stalking is special to me because instead of showing that everything was hopeless in the beginning just BECAUSE life is hopeless, period...it shows that things couldâve gone differently because Sangwoo and Bum were never truly without hope in the beginning. Sangwoo wasnât a classic serial killer. Bum just needed better guidance. They just needed to be given a goddamn chance, like so many people in the world in general.
Instead of outright nihilism, itâs more in line with existentialism and that things reach the point of no return if nothing is changed. Or that if there are changes, itâs the type of change that makes things worse and doesnât allow for healing.
Anyways, I donât quite have all my thoughts on this together, so this is something I have to revisit once Iâm done reading KS.
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