#lol anyways lets hope i have more energy in 2025!!

[mahouwl]

art summary for 2024!

in january I finished my degree, and in march i got a new full time office job utilizing that degree, which has been great until I realized JUST NOW how much its messed up my ability to draw as much as I'm used to lmaoooo put me out of my misery please!

[fishyyuzi]

2024: A retrospect

Happy new year! 2024 drew to a close in the blink of an eye, and 2025 came marching in. I hope the new year finds everyone well, and wishing all of you a good health for this year too!

I usually don't really write very long blog posts due to being shy about my own writing skills, but I decided I want to do this anyway. I wanted to look back and re-organize my thoughts about 2024, as well as write down what I hope to do and achieve in 2025. If you don't like reading long posts then please feel free to skip over! Otherwise, brace yourselves because it is going to be a LONG one indeed, haha.

Now then, where do I start...2024 has been a wild ride for me. I actually never "officially" announced it on my socials, but in April of 2024, I actually went to Japan to study and find employment there! This has been one of my biggest life-long dreams, and I am fully aware that this is a BIG priviledge that could not have been realized without the help of my parents. I'm so SO thankful for them for everything they've done for me, I definitely will not let this oppurtunity go to waste, I will do my best to get a stable job, get a stable life and then repay them back (this is my own free will) for all the financial support they have given me.

Life in Japan

Life in Japan has been good. Of course, it's not all rainbows and sunshine all the time, and I have definitely faced my fair share of obstacles as well as having identity crisis multiple times, lol. But the things I have learned and experienced here far exceeded the negativites.

I came here with the determination of first improving my language skills, especially my verbal skills, and also to improve my social skills. Through my school, I ended up joining in the local community work of picking up trash in the morning and sharing a cup of tea or coffee afterwards. Although I originally inteded to join to practice interacting with the local people, I found myself enjoying this volunteer work so much that I eventually just started joining out of my own volition instead of through school. I also joined a lot of other programmes, such as a short homestay program and a longer homestay + cultural exchange program amongst other things. All in all, I really tried my best and I think I have somewhat succeeded in my goals! I could communicate with locals now without much issues, and I can listen to radio shows or watch TV shows with minimal to no subtitles now (and also understand most of what people in real life are saying of course!). Also, not to toot my own horn, but a lot of locals have also commented about how natural my accent sounds, and it makes me very happy to hear that because I worked really, really hard, so it felt like a validation of my efforts ;w;

As you all may have realized, in exchange for me putting in the time and effort in real life, 2024 was a very very barren year for me art-wise lol. I didn't draw much (didn't had the time and energy or the willpower) this year, but I somehow still managed to make some drawings as well as making a doujinshi with a friend this year and took part in Reitaisai Autumn 2024! I have always thought of participating in Reitaisai as a dream that would never come true in my life, but I'm glad that wasn't the case… thank you to my friend Opu for inviting me as well as shouldering most of the things from planning to printing and also the booth setup T_T!

Expressing Thanks

On that note, I would also like to take some time to express my gratitude to a plethora of people, as well as the smaller things in life that brought about so much more positivity in my life.

First of all, and as mentioned earlier, I would like to thank my parents for giving my this opportunity to come abroad and believe in my one last time for me to achieve my dreams. I actually didn't really have a very good relationship with my parents prior to this, and despite that they still cared for me enough to send me abroad and only wished the best for me…physical distance with them has opened my eyes to so many more other things, not just my feelings towards them, but also things that contributed to my personal growth. I've not only grown closer to them in the past year, I've also finally become "independent". It is hard for me to put it into words, but I truly felt myself finally becoming an adult this year, and I will get deeper into that later (want to tie it together with a small announcement).

Next off, are my friends in Japan who has helped me so much with adjusting to life here, as well as hanging out with me when we have time! I'm not sure if they are ccomfortable with me naming them, but I've also witnessed their very very major growth in their pursued field this year, and it just makes me so, so proud to be able to call them my friend! To see them achieve their own dreams and goals, it motivates ME a lot to work towards my own! Also!! They always hear me out when I have troubles of my own, and also gave me so much practial advice (particularly for when I was applying to part time jobs), I am forever so grateful for them and I would honestly gladly d*e for them lmao that is how extremely grateful I am towards my friends!! I don't know if they are reading this or not but if you are YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! いつもありがとうね！！This year is the year I will make you proud!!!!!

(ahem). Jokes aside, I would also like to thank my school, and my school teachers for making my Japanese improve so much lol. I really came here with ¼ of that bucket filled, and it is thanks to their teaching that I gradually filled it up, and now I think the bucket is probably like 70% filled…..learning is a never ending journey though, so I would like to continue improving my Japanese even after I graduate! If I continue to list more people I think this post is never going to end…but last one ok I would like to thank my co-workers at my part time job too for being some of the nicest people I've ever worked with!! And the customers who come to the shop! They always put a smile on my face!! Thank you so much!

Other things I'm grateful for!

Being able to eat what I want whenever I want!

Being able to go to Karaoke and release steam every Sunday morning!

The manga and drama "What Did You Eat Yesterday" for being my comfort media when I just came here and was filled with much anxiety! It was like having 2 more dads in my life, lol

Getting to know Hoshino Gen's works! His songs, especially "SUN", uplift me a lot! I listen to his songs almost daily now because it's a great energy booster…also, his literature works are very inspiring! I've since became obsessed with this guy to a kinda crazy level actually I'm so sorry lol but I HOPE I CAN GO TO HIS CONCERT THIS YEAR SCREAMS (prays for my ticket lottery)

Saizeriya for being cheap and delicious. I love you Saizeriya!!!

A final look back, as well as what's to come

This post has gotten way too long…sorry for that but if anyone's still sticking around, thank you for reading me yap so much!

2024 was really such a wild ride for me. I can safely say that my life has changed for the better ever since coming to Japan, and I'm excited to tackle 2025 and the challenges it has in store for me.

In regards to what would happen to my art/drawings, I have…so much I want to say, but because this post is long enough, I'll try to be brief.

Starting from 2025, I will no longer be taking personal art commissions. Commercial commissions would be heavily considered, but for the most part, I would like to take a step back from drawing for work.

It was not an easy decision to make, and reaching this point took a lot of energy on my part as well. I love drawing, I love to draw for others and see them be happy with the work I made for them. But I'm not cut out to be a freelance artist. The past 2 years was honestly, a very very lonely time for me. Sure I had more flexibility in time and scheduling, but I didn't have financial stability, and "making enough money" just ate away at me all the time to the point of destroying my mental health, and causing a rift between me and my family. Despite all this negativity though, I'm just glad I experienced it in my 20s when I'm still young and had the room to make mistakes like this. 

And of course, I am always thankful to those who have commissioned me, or bought my art at events! I will always remember your kindness and support. If it wasn't for all of you, I wouldn't be surviving till today. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.

So where do I go from here?

I cannot 100% predict what the future holds for me, but my most important goal for now is to secure a proper job as a 正社員 in a company here, hopefully obtain a working visa and start planting my roots here in Japan!

In my free time, I would like to work on translating some of my favourite books from JP -> EN. I don't want to  bet on freelance work again a second time, especially not in a foreign country…but, it would be nice if one day I could ACTUALLY officially work to translate those favourite books of mine. And what better way to achieve that than to actually start putting in the work? I know it's going to be a tough road but I will work hard!

Art will take a backseat from now on, but that doesn't mean I will stop drawing! It's just that I will mostly be drawing for myself now.

Thank you to everyone who has looked at my drawings up until this point. For those who choose to stay and continue following me, thank you and I hope you will continue to watch over my journey.

Stay safe, and have a great 2025.

fishy魚子

[ddeongies]

back from the dead... hello......... so much i haven't processed enough to comment on but i love the direction nmau is heading in and im so excited theyre finally entering the disgusting new couple zone... its fun 🙂‍↕️(+ the chaeryves tease... your mind...) and i loveeee the snippets and oneshots you've been posting... the amount of times ive Thought about that ryujin skirt? and that gray sweater you worked into nmau? let me not speak. and the yejisu is so so wonderful i love them dearly🥰

ive probably said this before but i genuinely really love how all of your ryejis are positioned as equals in the narratives you write...sometimes the way people try to write them is very frustrating and its so nice to see someone who actually gets it the way i do...i have way more thoughts about this but i didn't come here to complain about it so. i digress.

i do love seeing what evil outfits you work into your stories bc they truly. are evil. (and if you need a suggestion for the next one may i point you to the ryujin outfit from the canada goose event 230908. for no reason).

imkind of all over the place rn so this ask isn't very well put together but it's FINE, i hope the new year treats you well, and i hope ill be back in your askbox relatively soon with a beefier ask about everything i need to catch up on🖤🖤🖤 -🖤

omg hello 🖤 anon!! i am also attempting to be back from the dead lol, i hope you’re well! 

i’m also very excited for disgusting new couple ryeji they’ve earned it LOL (and we’ve earned a lil bit of background chaeryves as a treat 😁)

i’m glad you like the snippets bc i have way too many wips going on rn… it makes updates slower but it means i’m working on a bigger variety of stuff, which i really enjoy :)

if you ever do wanna come here to complain about the…interesting dynamics ryeji are somehow written with i’m very open to that energy LOL i have so many thoughts about it i started writing my own fic like… idk how you can look at them as individuals and look at their relationship and not see how they treat each other with respect and compassion at all times and like don’t look down on each other… weirds me out that people don’t always see that in them. anyway!

WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME THINK ABOUT THAT RYU FIT AGAIN DEAR GOD i just looked it up on twitter bc i didn’t remember and i like choked. fuck. okay i really doubt nmau ryu would wear that, but choreo ryu………. i mean she would wear it just depends on if i can work that in bc woof 🥵

this ask is more than FINE i love it 10/10 ask thank you for all of this i love to yap! 

looking forward to another ask from you, i hope 2025 is off to a good start!! 🥰🥰🥰

[hummingbird-games]

chatty gemmy cathy tonight (who's STILL procrastinating + fighting the anxiety allegations) 🙂

I leave my additional rambling under the cut for your scrolling needs

LOL okay. So. Aside from meager updates and treats on ko-fi, I'm just way too anxious to make a proper new year post??? I've gotten caught in this loop where I want to spill my guts but I don't want to be perceived. So. knowing that most people scroll by posts anyway allows me the illusion that I'm sharing international secrets WITHOUT me acknowledging that I am sharing international secrets. yeah?

HSD:JY #2

as for what I can share here, I've been working--until right now--very quietly in the background and I get a thrill of excitement every time I touch the outline document?? I am also currently job hunting in the hopes of entraining a new place of employment that allows me to pay bills, fund this funky enterprise, and alleviate the physical and mental stress in my bubble of life. yup. but honestly being a game dev is still somehow cheaper than therapy so that tells you EVERYTHING you need to know kjzsfjsjf)

CRUSHED

Confession. I was supposed to fucking REST during the holidays. I was supposed to finish my little reading challenge and spend time with my family, and even if the holidays weren't holi-daying, just focus on my family who I do love dearly and could stand to show it more. yeah um so like I got to talking with some friends??? I mentioned this before lol. but I got to talking. and I got inspired. and then the next thing I knew, I was taking time away from what should have been spent on HSD (if I was gonna be stubborn and careless with said rest) annnnnd started working on Secret Project. or what my sibling calls Secret Project 2025--because I told them that this project wasn't supposed to be worked on until 2025.

Would you like take a guess as to what this secret project that will no longer be secret once I hit the "post" button is?

.....

.....

......

any guesses?? give up?

Crushed #2. Previously under the working title "Folded" which I wasn't married to, and then renamed to "Loved" as I got deeper and deeper into the draft.

As it stands, Loved is gonna need some more "love" LOL!! Crushed was a very fast process from inception to production, mostly because writing Corey was as natural as breathing once I let go and Let God ☠️ Loved is Jacob's POV and um....listen, I love the guy, and I love him for Corey but fucking damn, his ass needed three outlines, all of my attention and wanning energy, a cry session, touching grass, and then the acknowledgment that the first draft was not going to be the final draft.

I really love how Jacob's POV came to be, I loved getting to know him outside of Corey and as his own character. and I loved being surprised by things in the draft. But it's so heavy. It's. Soooo. Heavy. Once again I found myself writing about grief (because 1) i'm so original and 2) because another story needed to be told authentically). But. I don't want it to be this heavy game when it's released out in the world. So when I have fresh eyes I will return to it and figure out if there's parts of Jacob's story that I missed due to tunnel vision that balances things out. and ofc there will be the fun things of getting beta/sensitivity readers because of Jacob being biracial--I've done research but certain things need more than my eyeballs on it--.

I'm gonna be super honest with y'all...it would be bat-shit crazy and an absolute dream of mine to get this game out to y'all by the end of the year. like december 2024. the only thing that's holding me back is HSD (because again that should have my full attention...Crushed is my baby but more players care about HSD and ahahah that's valid). The only thing--part 2--that's holding my back is funds. I VERY briefly considered a kickstarter but I'm still not built for crowdfunding and I've already had enough bad ideas 3 days into the new year, and I should spread it out more 🤧

but yeah. the reason this was supposed to be a 2025 project?? because I selfishly want to get to keegan and oke's story, and I KNEW that to get there, Jacob's came first. So in my infinite wisdom I decided to start now to be "prepared" to finish Jacob's POV later. and then I sat and wrote out the full draft.

🤡🤡🤡

anyhoo. there is so. much. STUFF. I wanna say about Loved, and I'm super proud of myself for keeping it kinda vague here, but I promise that if I suddenly get an inheritance from a dead family member, I will put it to good use in getting Loved done AND share all the swirling thoughts in my head about the game. oh and also be able to pay the sensitivity readers for their time and expertise, damn gemini ☠️

THE KNIGHT DANCE

not much to say here except if HSD is the main concern, TKD is the second main concern because I had to shelve this baby twice and HBG is overdue on a sapphic story (yes HSD has lovely sapphic content but as a player you can choose not to interact with it soooooo....)

this one will definitely force me to take initiative and reach out to people for all the roles and I still have Great Fear and Low Brain Cells so once I sit down, review the script, and figure out what roles need fulfilling, we can start cooking with oil!

IMPOSTER SYNDROME

keeping this very short and very vague, but...one of the things I pride myself on and strive to improve and keep up my skills with AND have been complimented on has been encouraged to be in the spotlight in a very low stakes way, but my brain as decided "no pressure" really means "yes pressure" and suddenly I believe myself to be the Worst Candidate. but I'm believed in and I don't want to let people down so it's just...distractions x 10 until I finally exhaust myself and get to work ☠️

i'll get over it just gotta be dramatically anxious first

....

GOOD TALK!!!! lol and with that, I think I shall leave tumblr and find a soothing activity to participate in 🤣🙃