#loki: and yet i was just placed in formal romantic partnership without any consultation

[srta-minutes]

Form ORC-75 (Romance, Office, Non-Spousal)

pairing: loki/mobius rating: pg13 words: 1441 (unbeta’d) summary: mobius formally acquires a boyfriend. ravonna, formally, is very tired.

An optimist and pragmatist. That, generally, was how Mobius self-reported on TVA employee evals. Most people did not actually want to unleash that much malice upon the universe, and those who did were usually too ill-equipped to do so. Looking on the bright side and then looking at the facts when the bright side suddenly evaporated: this was Mobius M. Mobius, top analyst at the Time Variance Authority, in a nutshell.

So while he knew that, yes, technically, he and Variant L1130 were manipulating the shit out of each other, he chose to look at the silver lining. So the flirting was inevitably for gain, sure. Loki was a black hole for all the praise and admiration that Mobius was willing to give, yes. But underneath all of that manipulation there was some semblance of real affection, wasn’t there? And at least no one was getting hurt, right?

Right.

“You’re becoming way too attached to that variant, Mobius.”

Mobius paused with the tumbler of extremely vintage bourbon midway to his mouth.

“Which variant?” Mobius asked innocently.

Ravonna’s stare was one of cosmic, timeless, omniscient exhaustion.

“Okay, okay,” said Mobius, taking a strengthening gulp of the bourbon and putting the drink down on the side table. (On the coaster.) “So we’re finally going to talk about it. I’m sure you’ve heard so much. The scuttlebutt around here is the stuff of legends.”

Ravonna sighed and reached for a stack of tan manila file folders on the coffee table and swept one open with her hand.  She was ready.

“Hunter L-12 filed a conduct complaint with regards  to ‘openly flirting’ in the mess.” She leafed to the next page. “Anderson in Dimensional Analytics filed a conduct complaint saying she was unable to use the West Dome elevator. I’ll not expound on why.” She shuffled through several more pages, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, and perhaps my favorite. Inappropriate use of standard-issue TVA batons. Filed by Hunter B-15.”

Mobius pinched the bridge of his extremely broken nose. “Come on, B-15. I thought we were buds.”

“Mobius!” said Ravonna, slapping the file shut. “What in time were you two using the batons for?”

“Listen, it was Loki’s idea—” Mobius shrugged, feeling himself reddening. He didn’t want to say that you can prolong a lot of wonderful sensations when you’re moving at 1/16th time. Ravonna didn’t need to know that. “And hey, just putting it out there? The West Dome elevator has been broken for time immemorial.”

"The only reason,” Ravonna said, closing the case file and ignoring him, “that we’re allowing that variant to walk around un-pruned is because he’s helping you with a case. And while nothing you’re doing is technically against the rules—”

“—Which I’ve read. You know I love rules—”

“—It seems like everything that you two do together has nothing to do with the case!” Ravonna leaned in. “ A case about a variant who is still killing our hunters. Every week we lose minutemen and every week I have to sign a mountain of paperwork for you with nothing to show for it. I need you to stop playing around.”

“You know, Ravonna,” said Mobius, also leaning forward, elbow on knees. “I feel like I don’t ask for much here. I don’t think I complain about much, do I? I always go by the book, I put in overtime, I don’t ask for more benefits. I haven’t cashed in on my vacation time in Lord knows how long. And not to brag, I’m one of your tap analysts, have been for years. Yes, we haven’t caught this particular variant but with this Loki—look at the results. My numbers are through the roof! We’re finding variants left and right; we’re stopping nexus events before they’re even happening. We are outperforming in every sector, ever since that Loki showed up. And if I’m being honest, he actually helps me think because he doesn’t think like the rest of us. We need more of that in the TVA.”

He thought he made some pretty good points. He reached for the bourbon on the table while Ravonna kept staring.

“Mobius, off the record,” she said slowly. “Have you ever been seduced before?”

Ravonna handed him a handkerchief to mop up the bourbon that had dribbled out during his spit-take. Mobius coughed.

“Has anyone in the Authority ever been seduced?” said Mobius, recovering. “Is anyone here even capable of that?”

“Variant L1130 manipulating you!” she shouted. “Making you feel good by getting in your pants, helping you slam dunk cases so we think he’s an asset, and then he’ll use whatever knowledge he’s been slowly acquiring to unleash hell on us and the entirety of time.”

“He won’t,” said Mobius, standing up. “I’ve given him plenty of chances. Variant  L1130—Loki—wants to catch this guy just as much as we do. And if I’m being real with you, Ravonna, I think he might actually like being at the TVA. Because he might actually like being around me. Since apparently, I’m the only person in the universe who doesn’t think he’s a lying scourge. He’s a beautiful singer, Ravonna, did you know that?”

Actually, Mobius did not stand up and he actually said none of that out loud. But he felt it in his mind very strongly. He might stupidly be falling in love with the god of mischief but he wasn’t stupid enough to yell at his boss. Also, no one else needed to know about Loki’s singing. That was a special thing for him.

“This one won’t run. I assure you.”

Ravonna stared back at him. Then she rolled her eyes and slapped a very thin folder onto her lap. It only had one sheet in it but she stared down at it like it was 300. It was a browning sheet of paper that looked as old as the TVA.

“I have to do so much paperwork for you. Paperwork to not prune this loki. Paperwork for you to go on your cute little apocalypse dates ("calling them dates is a little much—") And now. Paperwork to let you have a boyfriend.”

Mobius stared. “What?"

"I'm filling out a form so you and your Loki can make out and not be swarmed with conduct reports, Mobius." She was filling in lines on the document with a fury. "You're partners. I have about 20 hunters under similar dispensations. You should be under probation for being romantically engaged with anyone non-TVA. But since this Loki technically works for the TVA, this paperwork allows for a temporary partnership.”

He suddenly recognized the sheet from upside-down. He gawked. “Form ORB-75. Workplace Romance.”

“Form ORC-75,” Ravonna corrected. “Non-spousal. Though if you want to get hitched I can make it spousal. But the TVA only recognizes temporal marriages that have witness in three dimensions. I have no clue if Loki is on speaking terms with his family in any of them. Why am I even telling you any of this."

She slashed her signature into the form and handed it to Mobius. In faded twelve point courier new the paper read:

M. M. MOBIUS and VARIANT L1130 (LOKI). TEMPORARY PARTNERSHIP.

Well, gosh

, that was

sad

, he thought staring at the word temporary. He thought briefly of Loki during that avalanche on Ganymede in 3074. Loki had pulled him through the time portal just in time, and they landed on top of each other, panting, covered in snow and panting. 

“Spectacular,” said Loki, grinning. He pulled Mobius to his feet. “Outstanding. Mobius, I think, I could do this forever.”

Mobius brushed a dusting of snow off of Loki’s jacket. “You promise?”

Loki met his gaze and the grin simmered down to something less giddy. “Who would I be if I started throwing promises about?”

“It’s okay if you don’t mean it,” said Mobius. “You know I can tell when you’re lying.”

Loki smiled and let his fingers trail up Mobius’s chest to the knot of his tie. It didn’t need straightening but he fixed it anyway. “Then I promise you, Mobius M. Mobius. It’s you and me. Forever.”

Mobius stared down at the paper. He knew this setup couldn’t last for all eternity. Time must come for all things, he thought. He was a pragmatist, after all.

Nevertheless, he signed as an optimist. 

Ravonna got up and placed the form in the out-tray on her desk.  “You’re dismissed.”

“Thank you, Ravonna. Like, so much. This really means a lot.”

“Dismissed, Mobius,” she sighed, sitting down at her desk.

He picked up his stack of paperwork and walked to the exit, letting the silly grin creep on his face. Then he turned around at the door.

“So your options were pruning the Loki, taking me to HR, or me signing the Workplace papers?”

Ravonna put a pen down. “No HR, and of course I wasn’t going to prune that Loki. Mobius, your numbers have been through the roof.”