#loki being the only person who knows everything going on here is extra tragic

[chocolateteepot]

#mmm#like yes good#ive also loved the idea that the camera panned on Loki BECAUSE he was the loved one that Thor betrayed#or like the only loved one that Thor would care he betrayed#thor#thor 1 (via @galaxythreads)

I love this shot because both are true. We know about Loki's machinations, but his manipulation of Thor was just him putting the idea out there that Thor could still do his murder campaign without his dad's permission. Thor wasn't tricked into doing a massacre, that was what he wanted to do all along, Loki just makes him realise he could still do it!

The Shakespearean tragedy of it all for Thor is that this manipulation only works if Thor is exactly as dangerously arrogant and reckless a warmonger as Loki is convinced he is. Which is why Loki does it in the first place. I also feel like his immediate facepalm after Thor takes the bait makes it look like it was a test? Thor taking the bait proves Loki right. I don't think anyone's even looking at him when he does this:

Is he just that committed to the bit? Or was he hoping Thor would prove him wrong? Thor also then dismisses Loki trying to talk him out of it.

At this point, as far as Thor knows; Loki tried to talk him out of going in the first place, then tries to get them out without bloodshed, then Thor blows the genuine GIFT of retreat Laufey just handed them becuase someone calls him a princess and goes full murder rampage.

Loki is one of the loved ones Thor just betrayed. He almost got his brother and friends killed, and he didn't even notice when one of them was gravely injured. He ignored them desperately calling for him to stop and retreat. He put his own selfish desire to 'teach the Jotuns a lesson' (and seeming just pure enjoyment of enacting it) above the safety of his friends and his little brother.

(His little brother who, ironically, would also have been injured if he hadn't secretly been Jotun all along.)

And I think that dynamic is particularly relevant here too - the whole 'older sibling feels real or imagined duty to protect their younger sibling' - for Thor and Odin. It's a specific kind of betrayal to find out you cannot trust your oldest child with the most basic safety of your youngest.

For Odin as a parent (if we can call him that), this must read as your arrogant, violent oldest son dragging his pacifying-voice-of-reason little brother into a war you expressly forbade him from starting.

Obviously, out of the group that Thor took with him, Loki is the most important - to Odin (for cynical reasons at least) and to Thor. And yeah, Thor betrayed Odin by going against his ruling (technically treason??? how many times has treason been committed in these films.) - and basically all of Asgard by starting a war - but the camera focuses on Loki. Because their wildly co-dependent relationship is Thor's most important one, because Loki is his younger sibling, and because Thor would feel guiltiest for betraying Loki specifically.

But also, tragically, Loki is the impetus. He lit the match, got the ball rolling to prove Thor would betray them all (including him) in this way, in order to prove him unfit to be king. Loki is the instrument of his own hurts, he had to prove Thor would hurt him in order to prove Thor would hurt him.

You’re unworthy!

[sserpente]

A/N: Request from anon. I loved the concept… and then I couldn’t stop writing and it went so well with some other ideas I had and it escalated and ahhh, you guys were supposed to get this Imagine three days ago. Anyway… enjoy reading! ♥ Words: 4628 (oops) Warnings: gore/blood, fluff (the combination doesn’t sound right, now does it)

Here’s an extra warning: I got a bit inspired by “Coriolanus” so there will be a very bloody and graphic scene… stuff I usually don’t write myself. As I said though, I really got inspired by the play so I just went along with it, if anything to not repeat myself with this one scene we all hate so much. It thus also might rip open the wounds Infinity War caused. Therefore, the scene will be marked with “*” at the beginning and the end in case you prefer to skip it.

-

“It’s a myth.”

“It’s not a myth. They are omens of death.” Thor argued. Grinning smugly, he leaned back and took a sip of his beer.

Tony buried his face in his hands. “You know I started believing in many things when you fell out of the sky to help us fight aliens but… there’s a line. ‘Black angels’? With shimmering wings? Please, Point Break.”

“Well, you wouldn’t know. They say only those before their imminent death can see their wings.”

“Have you ever seen an angel then?”

“No! I told you, they are omens of death. Volstagg’s father… he saw one. He swore he did. One week after, he perished.”

“Coincidence.”

Loki rolled his eyes. He had known before that mortals were ignorant and refused to face reality, Stark’s stubbornness however surprised even him. Many creatures shared their stories in the Old Norse myths, stories which his mother had told him before bed when he was a child.

Angels… omens of death. Black, shimmering wings… they said whoever saw one before death, their soul would leave their body contently… that they were of such beauty it would not compare to any other being in the nine realms. As a young boy, Loki had told Frigga he wanted to see one for himself—and Frigga chided him for wishing for such an atrocious thing.

-

Shivering, you wrapped your black coat around yourself tighter. You had bought it from a street market for little money which you had stolen from a peasant. High up in the sky, you were never cold. You were free. Those human sensations were downright irksome.

Perhaps it was your own fault you had ended up on Midgard of all places. Stranded and stripped off most of your powers, they had cast you out and forced you to live a mortal life—knowing you would never find friends on a planet inhabited by beings that would not grow half as old as you.

Perhaps you should have joined your people when they swore their allegiance to the purple titan. But you knew you would have made the wrong decision. What Thanos wanted was impossible—and you sincerely hoped he would fail. His lackeys were already spreading dread, fear and death across the planet. You had seen them lurking about, watching his evil plans unfold and wreak havoc when it was fun.

A high-pitched scream ripped you from your thoughts. Turning straight on your heel to see what had caused it, your instincts kicked in. Altruistically saving humans wasn’t high on your priority list, kicking Thanos’ monkeys’ arse, however, was. It felt good to ram your poisoned dagger into their hearts… and it least gave you some satisfaction.

You frowned when you reached the dimly lit alley, scanning the area to analyse the situation. Somebody had beaten you to it. Clenching your fists, you recognised both Tony Stark and Captain America along with a raven-haired man with a sharp jawline and the most stunning blue eyes you had ever seen—Loki, God of Mischief.

Thanos’ lackeys were nowhere in sight. Instead, what part of the Avengers… and Loki put up with was a dirty burglar who seemed to have tried to rob a young woman who was currently shaking on the cold ground like autumn leaves in the wind.

“Are you alright, Miss?” You heard Steve Rogers ask her humbly, all the while the burglar—terrified for his life—scrambled to his feet, abandoning the knife he had held. Loki rolled his eyes. With but one effortless movement, he kicked him in the stomach the moment he attempted to run and proceeded to grab his collar to lift him off the ground.

“Please, please… please don’t kill me!” The burglar whimpered. You suppressed a chuckle.

“Let him go, Reindeer Games.”

“Let him go? What did we intervene for? Mercy? I disagree…”

“Nope. FRIDAY has already saved his fingerprints and appearance. The police will get him soon enough. Now let him go. I think he peed his pants.”

Loki’s face distorted when he spotted the wet spot between the burglar’s legs. Disgusted, he did as he was told and threw him back to the ground. He swallowed thickly before hurrying away clumsily. Then, he looked up—and his blue eyes locked with yours.

Paralysed, he captured you in his both scrutinising and fascinated gaze. Your lips parted when you realised that he could see your wings. Dark, shimmering and as soft as a crow’s feather dress they framed your form—petite compared to his—and complimented both your (Y/H/C) hair and (Y/E/C) eyes. You were beautiful.

Neither of you paid attention to the young woman who had stood again by now, approaching Loki timidly. Her ‘thank you’ went unnoticed even when Steve called his name.

“Who are you?” You blinked, reluctantly tearing your eyes away from Loki’s to face Tony Stark.

“(Y/N)… my name is (Y/N). I am what other beings would refer to as… a black angel.”

Tony snorted. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

-

One heated discussion after your confession led to another and Captain America and Iron Man—for Loki had remained completely silent—decided to take you back to the compound to speak to Thor. You did not take kindly in spilling your secret to strangers. Hundreds of years ago, humans, Asgardians and other species had hunted you down for amusement, using poison to make your wings visible and cutting them off to sell them on the black market—an ironic name, really.

But this… was different. Loki—the Loki, God of Mischief and Lies, Trickster… son of Laufey and Farbauti and Prince of Asgard—he could see your wings. Legends had been told about connections alike. They said that every living black angel in this universe served a purpose, was meant to follow a path and fulfil its destiny—and to be with one person who loved them dearly for the rest of their existence. Only those that fate chose to be a black angel’s partner would be able to see their wings—to see all of them—in their full glory and true beauty. Loki’s blue eyes were practically glued on you; and if you were not mistaken, there was a hint of panic glistening in his irises too.

Did he feel the connection, perhaps? That you seemed to have found the man your heart would likely belong to for the rest of your life? Strangely enough, you felt… oddly exposed. Only other black angels had ever been able to see your gift, unwillingly sharing it with someone you had but heard of and never met made you vulnerable… and it made you self-conscious.

“How exactly did you end up here on Earth?” Thor leaned forward, crossing his arms on the vast glass table in the middle of the conference room. Around him, the remaining Avengers which you had not officially met yet, squinted suspiciously in a desperate attempt to spot your wings as well. One of them—you believed he was called Rhodey—had even examined your back but found nothing.

“I was… banished. My own people abandoned me because I refused to join the new force.”

“Does that force answer to the name of Thanos by any chance?” Tony tossed in. You nodded.

“You have heard of him. He means to wipe out half of the universe. We have to stop him whatever it takes.”

You could feel Loki’s presence behind you. He was still silent, pacing up and down the room like a cunning predator waiting to strike.

“How do we know we can trust you?”

“You don’t. I am merely warning you. I don’t have the powers to stop him but you might. And I certainly did not ask to be invited to your humble home.” You snapped. They were hostile towards you, you could tell. Something about you unsettled them. If only you knew what it was.

-

Be that as it may, the Avengers decided to let you stay for a while. They hadn’t locked you in a room but if you were to try and leave without anyone accompanying you… then the Norns beware.

You sighed. You should have never mentioned you were a black angel, pretended to be human instead… pretended that Loki was hallucinating. His eyes had made you forget all reason. The invisible force pulling you to him was destructive. You wanted to be close to him, be with him, be there for him… lay your life, soul and heart in his hands… all the while he seemed to painstakingly ignore you.

You barely knew but you could sense that Loki was everything you could ever wish for. An intelligent, powerful, cunning and charming man, tall, blue-eyed and so outrageously handsome he even outshone his brother Thor. You had never spoken to him personally and yet, you felt like you would die for him. Now what if he never reciprocated those feelings? Tragic stories were told about black angels who found love and yet had to live without it.

At the very least, so you figured, you had access to a fully furnished kitchen tonight. It was your first warm supper in two weeks and bit more nourishing than a mere apple or a handful of nuts. It was almost midnight now and hunger had gotten the better of you… or maybe it was the prosperity of food being available to you at any time without you having to steal hard-earned money for it first.

Passing through the hallway, your tread entirely mute, you stopped dead in your tracks when you heard two familiar voices talking in the living room.

“Big… imposing… no, I did not imagine it, Thor. They were there. A pair of shimmering black wings…” Loki sounded worried, yet you could tell he was trying hard not to let it show. He had already seemed to have panicked a little when he first laid his eyes upon you.

“So what do we do?”

“I don’t know.”

“How much time do you have left?”

“I don’t know, Thor.”

“Don’t you… worry, brother… I’m sure everything’s gonna work out fine.”

There was a moment of awfully painful silence. Then, somebody left.

Frowning, you knocked. You were unsure of what they had been talking about. Loki’s expression darkened when he spotted you entering the room shyly, his eyes focused on the wings on your back.

“You… seem to be avoiding me, Loki. Have I… done something?”

Loki smirked—it was bitter. Now that he had told Thor, by tomorrow… they would all know he was going to die soon.

“You have not, dear. It is not something you did. It is your purpose.” Your heart skipped a beat. You had not expected such an honest answer.

“My purpose? I don’t have a purpose here on Midgard.” His eyes were ice cold when he looked up to meet your gaze.

“You are an omen of death.”

Your lips parted. “I am… I am not.”

“No man who sees a black angel’s wings survives. I can see yours.”

“B-but… but that… you’re not going to die.”

His bitter smile returned. “We are facing Thanos. If I was doubtful about my fate before, I am no longer now.”

“Loki, that’s not what it means…” It felt like your heart was shattering, to a million tiny little pieces. He thought you were his death… no wonder he felt uneasy around you. Where had that stupid superstition come from? Why would you be an omen of death?

You longed to tell him what it really meant. Only right now, in this very moment, it did not feel right. Would he even believe you? Probably not.

“Good night, Loki.”

When you returned to your room, you sent your pillow flying through the air all the while suppressing a scream of anger.

-

The following days were equally frustrating. Loki seemed to be avoiding you at all cost and even Thor and the others only spoke to you when it was absolutely necessary. They were scared. All of them. Dreading that at some point, they might see your wings too. You had already given up attempting to explain it to them. There were much more important things to take care of.

Figuring out your own feelings, for example. It was impossible to love someone you had just met, even for black angels… right? The invisible force linking you to Loki’s body and mind was so strong it almost physically ached to not be near him. You were worried. Loki thought he was going to die. It was obvious he had a past with Thanos, one that was about to catch up with him.

You had your dagger—it was the least you could fight with to protect his life. After all, that one superstition was indeed true. Yet when you stood in front of him, the purple titan who had stolen away your people, and the black angels you had thought of as friends and family… you were terrified.

All of them were ready to fight. Man against man, woman against woman and you… somewhere in between. You had never agreed to destroy him, had never promised to help. It was not in your nature to intervene in such things; even though you would not exactly call yourself a pacifist, wars held a bitter connotation. All you cared about was Loki—even if he did not care about you.

Proudly and arrogantly, he lifted his chin in pure defiance. You could feel he was anxious. His heart was beating so fast your own almost stopped. Thanos wanted the Tesseract—and Loki was denying he was in its possession.

The whole Avengers compound had become a bloody battlefield. There was debris, there were screams and the sounds of metal clashing. Clutching your dagger tighter, you watched how Thor was hurled through the air and landed on the hard ground.

“We don’t have the Tesseract! It was destroyed on Asgard!” He growled, spitting a mouthful of blood into the grass before two of Thanos’ lackeys managed to restrain him.

Loki briefly closed his eyes, guiltily. One single moment of negligence—and enough for Thanos to grab his head forcefully and throw him on the ground before Ebony Maw’s feet.

Loki gasped in pain but the ugly sorcerer did not hesitate. He raised his hands, fingers crooked… only to send shockwaves of agony through his blood. As a Frost Giant… the heat pumping through his veins was pure torture.

“The Tesseract…” Thanos remarked, seemingly unimpressed. Your eyes widened. Loki really had it. Of course he had it.

“Please, stop…” You heard yourself whisper, the pain he felt cursing through your own body. Only yours wasn’t physical. “Stop it! The Tesseract is not here. Let him live. Whatever he has done in the past, he did it to survive, wouldn’t you do the same?”

“He disappointed me,” the titan argued. “He failed.”

“We all do. It was not his fault. Look around you. Look at your forces fighting against a bunch of mortals. If they are having difficulties defeating them now, then how would you expect Loki to do it all on his own?”

Loki’s stunning blue eyes widened upon hearing your words. He kept grunting, growling and panting as Maw intensified the spell, making you panic slightly.

“I am not merciful, little one. If I were, I wouldn’t be where I am standing now.”

“You… don’t have to be.” You swallowed. “His life in exchange for mine. I shall serve you if you let him live.”

“Why would I want your allegiance?”

“I am an angel, too.”

Thanos raised his eyebrows.

“You would give your freedom to save him? Him?”

“Yes.” Blinking frantically to scare away the tears in your eyes, you watched the titan nod slowly. With a start, Ebony Maw stopped, earning him another pant from Loki. In his ugly hands… he held the Tesseract.

“You have a good heart, little one. Unfortunately… I don’t like being lied to.”

*It happened fast, almost too fast for you to comprehend. Thanos’ sword slashed through the cold air and Loki’s neck, blood spurting from the freshly cut wound and staining his skin and armour. His blue eyes closed, the downright repulsive sounds of him choking on his own blood filling your ears.

Then, he stopped moving, the red liquid still pouring from his neck.*

You screamed, both in pain and indescribable grief when Loki’s heart stopped beating. He had been right. You had been his very personal omen of death.

-

You didn’t sleep. You didn’t eat. You didn’t speak. Thanos was gone, two Infinity stones along with him. And while the Avengers were busy figuring out a plan to stop him once and for all, you spent your time sulking away in your room, your eyes red and swollen from the many tears you shed for the man you had never had a chance to love.

You had meant to save him. Loki had trusted you to seal his fate and when you had attempted to lay down your own life so he would survive, you had caused the exact opposite. It wasn’t your fault, not really and yet… it felt like it.

It felt like your heart had been ripped in pieces, like Thor had driven his beloved hammer into your chest repeatedly and shattered all of your ribs.

Dead. You had found the one man your poor existence as a god damn black angel had made sense for, the one man who could have made you happy. And now he was dead.

You were ready to do anything to get him back. And so you were plotting.

Whether Thor was grieving, you did not know. But you had heard of Ragnarok, the destruction of his home world, of Asgard, the realm of the gods. Hela had wreaked havoc and claimed the throne. Hela, the goddess of death… Hela, who could resurrect the dead and bring them back to life.

“Tony.” Your voice carried only feinted politeness. You simply did not care how worn out he was, noodling around in his lab. Neither did you care that Thor did not even look up when you entered.

“Can I speak to Thor, please? In private?”

He was his brother. If anyone was going to help you bring Loki back, it was him. Thor had complained about having lost Loki before. That he had thought him dead before. Whether he could not accept he was truly gone this time or had simply moved on, you could not tell. But you sincerely hoped Loki was important enough for him, worthy of saving.

The God of Thunder looked up, his brows raised in surprise. Nodding mutely, he stood and left the room, allowing you to close the door to Tony’s lab behind you.

“There is a way to bring Loki back alive.” You stated straight away, swallowing thickly. Thor crossed his arms before his chest, a defensive posture.

“What do you mean?”

“Loki is not in Valhalla, his soul did not… ascend. He should have been… he would not give Thanos the Tesseract to Thanos, he was enduring torture, he… wanted to save you. All of you, stop the titan himself. That… that means…” Again, you swallowed, forcing back the tears forming in your eyes. “It means he is in Hel. I’ve been there before, black angels… we are immune to… well, it doesn’t matter. But… the goddess of death. Hela, she could…”

“No.”

“What?”

“No.” Thor repeated sternly. “Hela is my sister. She caused the destruction of Asgard, she killed my friends and hundreds of innocent Asgardians.”

“I have heard the stories… but Thor, Loki is your brother.”

“Do you truly think she will resurrect him without asking for something in return? We barely managed to banish her again, I will not risk the subjugation of the nine… the eight realms.”

Angrily, you narrowed your eyes at him, your heart pounding in your chest.

“If Thanos gets a hold of the remaining Infinity Stones, say goodbye to the entire universe. He will be ten times worse than Hela. If anyone can help you defeat him, it’s your brother. Your brother, Thor.”

Why did he hesitate? As a black angel, you had never had brothers or sisters but if you did… if you did you would love and cherish them dearly. Did Thor not love Loki? Did he not love him as much as Loki loved Thor? You could see it in his eyes. Loki had a good heart, vulnerable and tainted but good.

“Why would you want to bring him back? You don’t know him. Loki’s been dead before, if it’s true this time… it is what it is.”  Thor mumbled. “Look, (Y/N)… Loki is dead because of you. Your appearance… it was the sign… there is no way around that.”

“That’s bullshit, Thor,” you snapped. All of a sudden, the truth spilled from your lips uncontrollably. “I’m not an omen of death, who came up with this? Loki was the only one who can see my wings because he was meant to be my soul mate. I… I fell in love with him the moment I first looked him in the eye. I was going to sacrifice my life to save him, those were not empty words, you heard them!”

Thor paused. “That’s… impossible. All my life… I grew up believing black angels were deadly.”

“We can be. My blades of my daggers are drowned in poison but we do not promise death to those we show our wings to. It wasn’t my decision, Thor. Please… help me bring your brother back.” This time, you were unable to hold back your tears. Sobbing quietly, they ran over your reddened cheeks.

The God of Thunder took a deep breath.

“I can take you to the portal. The rest is up to you. But if you endanger this realm by setting Hela free, you will live with the consequences because we will kill you. I have to protect these people, (Y/N).”

Determined, you nodded. “I will make this right, Thor. I promise.”

-

The portal was a church. At least, it looked like a church. Home of the angels… you snorted. If only you could live in a richly decorated church. The more you approached, the more of the dead energy did you feel. Helheim was near.

You had a plan, of course. It was risky and bold and perhaps a bit reckless… but at least, it was a plan. Thor had held his promise and he made sure to stay until you returned—with or without Loki.

Then, with one final deep breath—for there was no reason to breathe in Helheim—you stepped over the threshold of Durham Cathedral and disappeared into nowhere, an invisible force sucking you into another realm.

The stench of death filled your nose before you had even opened your eyes again, corpses, skeletons and bloody soil staining the dark landscape. Like you had expected, your presence in the realm of the dead as a living being did not go unnoticed.

“I’ve met black angels before. But they were dead.” Hela’s voice echoed through the minging air, her blue eyes, complimented by dark coal, boring into yours.

“I came to warn you.”

“Warn me? Child… Look around you… this place is dead. What do I have to fear?”

“Thanos. He means to wipe out half of the universe. Killing half of every single living being.”

Hela raised her eyebrows, seemingly unimpressed.

“Where do you think will most of these souls go? Half the universe… crammed in one realm. Your realm.”

“The Gauntlet. He has it then.”

“And he is collecting the stones. There is a force on Midgard… across the universe to stop him. They need all the help they can get.”

It was then the goddess of death began to smile cruelly. “Who is it you want me to resurrect?”

“How familiar are you with the powers of black angels?”

Hela shrugged. “They are meant to find their soul mates, the only beings they unwillingly reveal their true nature to.” As the goddess of death, she knew a lot more than the rest of the Asgardians then.

You nodded. “My powers were taken from me when I was cast out. They will return once I am reunited with mine.” That was a lie. But if Hela was Thor’s sister, you could imagine she did not exactly take a liking into Loki. “I need you to return Loki to the living. We stop Thanos, we stop this realm from destruction. And we both know that even Helheim could not take the masses of murderers and villains once the titan snaps his fingers.”

Snarling, she turned her scrutinising gaze away from you. “Loki?” She snorted. “You know what? Take him. Take that little cockroach and leave. Hel will be better off without his smug remarks.”

You were almost surprised by how calm you managed to speak with her. The prosperity of seeing Loki again filled your broken heart with joy and love, even if the God of Mischief himself, so you imagined, would hardly feel the same.

Hela narrowed her eyes. With but a flick of his wrist, she summoned Loki like a demon. Your heart skipped a beat when you spotted him. He did not look harmed, the atrocious wound on his neck luckily gone completely.

“I was trying to sleep. Forewarn me before you—“ Loki stopped his mocking complaint mid-sentence. His lips parted when he saw you—that’s when you had already thrown yourself into his arms and buried your face in his neck, inhaling his wonderful scent and enjoying the touch of his body, beginning to heal you instantly.

“Husband…” You murmured, knowing that Hela was still watching you intently.

Loki froze. “What?”

“Just play along. Please… I’m gonna get you out of here.” You whispered mutely. Then, you timidly pressed your lips against his, triggering an explosion of chemistry between you. You almost flinched… and apparently, Loki felt the same.

Hela rolled her eyes in a disgusted manner. Clearly, she was convinced. “Leave. Make sure not to return.” She flicked her wrists once more, almost as if taking a spell on Loki—whatever had been necessary to allow him to travel through the portal and back to the living.

Confidently, you reached for his hand, a touched smile spreading on your lips when he accepted it and followed you back to Midgard and into Durham Cathedral.

“Husband?” He repeated, ignoring Thor who received him with his mouth wide open.

“There is a lot of explaining I need to do, I’m afraid.” You began apologetically.

“Indeed.” He was still holding your hand, not pulling away. It filled your chest with a cosy warmth which you had never felt before.

“You… only you can see my wings.”

“I still do.”

“You… you can because… because I am your soul mate. I never was an omen of death, Loki. I.. love you.”

The God of Mischief’s face fell.

“What you said to Thanos… you did attempt to…” You nodded quickly.

“I… I had to try. Contacting Hela, convincing her to resurrect you…”

“Thank you.” He interrupted, looking you deep in the eye. It was surprise which you found sparkling in those blue irises. Surely… never had anyone done this for him. Surely, nobody else would have done this for him. Thor still went ignored.

“I… I can understand if you… if you don’t want me to stay. I can leave. Being my soul mate, it doesn’t… it doesn’t link you to me if you don’t want to.”

Your heart jumped when Loki began to smirk mischievously... but genuinely.

“Oh no, my dear. I think I am going to keep you.”

-

A/N: If you enjoyed this story, I would appreciate so much if you supported me on KoFi! kofi.com/sserpente

[imagine-loki]

Giftless

TITLE: Giftless CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 27/50

AUTHOR: nekoamamori ORIGINAL IMAGINE: 

Imagine that you are Stark’s niece and you secretly share a strong relationship with Loki since he entered the crew. One day you get hurt so bad during a mission that you are about to die.  Loki knows a spell that will save you and share his immortality with you but you and he will be linked forever sharing thoughts, pain, emotions…

RATING: T NOTES/WARNINGS:  Also on AO3 click here

When you started to wake, the first thing you recognized was Loki’s voice. He must’ve sensed that you were beginning to stir, as that was when he started to speak.  “Stay calm, darling. You’re safe,” he soothed, his voice gentle and calming.  

You recognized his voice and forced your eyes open to look at him. Even that was too much effort. You were exhausted.  What came after exhausted?  That’s where you were.  Drained, body and soul.  

You finally looked around and recognized that you were in the infirmary.

Why were you in the infirmary? Why were you the one in the bed? Why was your head on fire? You felt like someone had dumped acid through your brain. And it was so loud, like everyone was chattering. Except that there was no one around. You felt so raw and bruised. “Loki?” you asked, hoarsely, your voice weak, like you’d been screaming all night from nightmares. Why was every moment so hard? You moved to sit up and he had to come help you and prop you up against the pillows. “What happened? Why are we here?” you managed to get the words out. You knew it was bad, though, for you to feel as awful as you did.  

How the hell had you ended up in the infirmary?

You almost never ended up here.

Loki hesitated, but finally answered. “You were drugged at the party last night.” His tone was soft, gentle, a healer’s gentle croon.  “Healer Julia told me that your memories might be affected this morning. They will return soon. It is a side-effect of the drug,” he waited for you to nod, to acknowledge and verify for him that you had understood his words. You nodded for him, though it made your head hurt even worse.  Gods, how could your head hurt even worse? “How are you feeling?” he was being overly cautious. 

Something was wrong.

Very wrong

You couldn’t lie to him, especially when you were obviously in such back shape. “Like someone poured acid through my brain,” you admitted softly.  

He gave you a tiny, wan smile. “That is a fairly apt description,”

“Loki, what happened?” you asked, truly concerned now. He was never like this. Even during the worst things that happened to him, he made jokes and made light of the situation. But whatever had happened to you had him shaken. You felt the stress and worry scraping painfully against the raw nerves in your brain. Items around the bed started floating on their own.

“Darling, I know that it is difficult, but you must remain calm. I will tell you what happened, but know that it was terrible. Before I begin, I have to warn you…” he hesitated. You took his hand for comfort. He gave you a real smile then.

“Tell me,” you bid him. All you wanted was to crawl off of this damn hospital bed and into his arms. You couldn’t do that. You were here for a reason and needed to stay in the bed. 

You then decided you didn’t care. You weren’t hooked up to any machines or anything. If the infirmary staff didn’t like it, they could just get over it. You managed to crawl out of the bed, despite Loki’s protests. When he figured out what you wanted, he helped pull you onto his lap and wrapped his arms around you to hold you there safely. You laid your head on his shoulder and felt you could finally relax. “Tell me, Loki,” you bid him again now that you were safe in his arms.

“What happened last night…blasted open your powers. That is why you are feeling like your mind was scrubbed with acid. Any small emotion is enough to set them off today. It will take awhile for the part of your mind that handles control of your powers to heal. I cannot help either,” he added before you could ask him to fix it.  “Today your have to be extra careful. Any use of your powers will be quite painful,” he explained gently, keeping his voice that careful healer’s croon.  

You weren’t surprised to find out that you had powers. It had been an expectation of all of the supers that eventually you would become one of them. It also… felt right, felt like part of who you were.  

It also wasn’t surprising that your powers had appeared now. Whatever happened last night must have been traumatic for you to be in the shape you were in. Trauma could trigger the manifestation of powers. It was such a well known fact that some kids who were desperate to be supers would jump off of buildings to try to force their powers to activate. It worked just often enough that kids kept trying it.

The rest of the results were tragic if one of the fliers weren’t circulating that day.

“I understand,” you told him finally. “I’ll try to stay calm. Will you tell me now?” you asked.  You needed to know what had happened.  

“You went to Claire’s birthday party last night. A couple hours into the party, you sent me a text that only said ‘help’. Tony and I came as fast as we could, but it was too late. That moronic football boy who has been troubling you had drugged your drink. He took you upstairs and raped you,” Loki didn’t mince his words or try to placate you with euphemisms.  You were surprised for an instant, until you realized that it was Loki’s way.  He would tell you exactly what had happened, no more, no less, which you were grateful for.

“Let’s see if your freaky alien boyfriend wants you after this. And I’ll get Stark’s fortune when I put a baby in your belly,” you heard the phantom words of memory. A piece of your missing memories from last night. 

You clutched tighter onto Loki when you heard them, fighting back a sob. Loki rubbed your back and stroked your hair until you calmed again.

“No matter what that asshole said to you, I am not going to abandon you because someone hurt you,” Loki promised. 

You looked up at him confused. “How did you know what he said?” you asked, fighting back you horror. Loki was telepathic, but he stayed out unless invited. You knew he wouldn’t eavesdrop now, not when you had already been violated.

“You were projecting, love. It appears telepathy is one of your powers.” Loki explained gently.  You relaxed in his arms, accepting that explanation. You felt him stiffen, before he forced the next words out. “Now that you know what happened, do you wish to move back to the bed? I will not be offended. I only wish for you to feel safe.” Now he was hedging around his question, but you understood what he was really asking.  He wanted to know if his touch upset you.  

If you felt unsafe with him because he was male. 

You probably should’ve felt uncomfortable with him.

But you trusted him, loved him, and while you felt dirty and unclean, you took comfort in the love he offered freely.

You shook your head. “I’ve trusted you from the day we met. You haven’t hurt me in all the time I’ve known you. You’re not going to now,” you told him softly. It might be awhile before you felt clean again, before you felt like you weren’t violated and broken. You weren’t sure you ever wanted sex again, but you didn’t have to worry about any of that right that moment.

You sat like that for a long while. You saw some of the nurses come by to check on you, but they seemed pleased with this development and let you be.

Until the memories came flooding back. With a quick hand movement on his part, Loki threw a dark green shield around you. You screamed and sobbed when you had to live through that horror again. It wasn’t just remembering. 

You had to relive every single moment of it.

The second the rememories had vanished, you scrambled off of Loki’s lap with more speed than you thought you could muster that day, and grabbed a nearby bowl, into which you were violently sick. You didn’t realize you were kneeling on the cold floor of the infirmary until you realized Loki was holding your hair back while you vomited. 

You looked up at him when the feeling of nausea passed. He offered you a hand to help you up from the floor. You stared at it for a moment before you took it and let him pull you to your feet. He settled you back in the bed. 

You realized he was looking green too and you wondered why. Had puking really grossed him out that much?  

Loki got you a glass of water and finally lowered the shields around the small room you were in. “Thank you,” you murmured.  You knew he’d helped you a lot, you just didn’t understand how much.

“I am so sorry you had to live through that, darling. I’m sorry I wasn’t fast enough to save you,” he told you, looking haunted and horrified.

“You…saw?” you asked, hoping against hope that you hadn’t made him relive it with you. 

He nodded.  For all that he was the god of lies, he wouldn’t lie to you. “Your power rose too fast and you got under my personal shields, which is a very impressive feat, my dear. I only just got the shield up to protect the rest of the compound,” he explained gently.  He really didn’t want to upset you and trigger more powers.  

“I’m sorry,” you told him, feeling more drained and raw than you had when you woke.

One of the nurses came in then. “I felt a… disturbance. Is everything ok in here, Kat?” she asked you, assuming that Loki had done something to upset you.  It was a safe assumption given the circumstances. 

“My memories from last night came back,” you told her. She nodded and gentled her look. “When can I go home?” you asked her, fighting to control your emotions and keep the emotion out of your voice. You hated hospitals.

“Soon, dear. We just need to run a couple more tests. Your body is healed, but Fury wants Tela to come up and take a look at your mind and power levels,” the nurse explained. You remembered that Tela always read the power level and abilities of new recruits. “Fury himself will be up to talk to you too,” you nodded again. She left and you let yourself lay back against the pillows. 

You looked over at Loki and gave him a pleading look.  “Will you read to me?” you asked him softly. 

He gave you a real smile then.  It was a taste of normalcy.  “Of course, darling. Any requests?” 

You thought about it for a moment. There was one story you had been dying for him to read aloud. He had the perfect accent for it. “Harry Potter?” you asked hesitantly. He raised an eyebrow, but summoned the book.

“Any book in the world, and you choose this one? It must be quite special indeed,” he replied before he opened the book.

“Harry is an old friend,” you told him, trying to explain in a way that didn’t make you sound like a crazy person. That tended to happen really quickly when you started talking about Harry Potter. “Surely there’s a hero whose tales you’ve read so many times that you can recite them in your sleep, whose tales you keep reading again and again because you miss hearing about them?” 

He smiled then, understanding. “The tales of Hiccup the Viking,” he replied with a fond smile. “Very well,” he turned a couple pages and began: “Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you’d expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn’t hold with such nonsense” His tone and accent was perfect and you listened, enthralled by the tale, no matter how familiar it was. He also had the trick of doing the voices, and could mimic the actor’s almost identically, which made his telling even better.

“Kat?” Tony asked from the doorway. You looked up at him, surprised. You hadn’t heard him since you had been too busy listening to Loki’s telling of one of your favorite books. You waved Tony in. He came over and hugged you tightly. “I’m so sorry, Kat. We should never have left you there alone,” he told you, grief and blame in his voice.  

Uncle Tony always blamed himself when someone he cared for was hurt.

“I’ll be ok, Uncle Tony,” you tried to reassure him. “After Tela and Fury come see me, I can even go home,” you added, acting stronger and more together than you were feeling.

“The nurses said your powers were blasted open,” he said, prying you for information.

“Which makes me feel like death, but it’s nothing rest won’t heal,” you were hoping on that point anyway.  You really didn’t want to feel like death for the rest of your life. 

Tela came up and kicked the boys out so she could do the investigation. She looked in your mind, which was horrible and nearly made both of you puke, and took her reading of your powers. You knew she was going to report to Fury the second she scurried away. Tony and Loki came back in when she left. Loki placed a cold hand on your forehead for a minute, telling you how green you looked. It was soothing, though, so you gave him a smile.

It was only a few minutes later when Fury arrived. “Tony, good, you’re here. You need to hear this too. Sit,” Fury ordered. “How are you doing, Kat?”

“Better once I can go home,” you replied predictably. You really hated hospitals and they all knew it. Tony sat next to you on your bed.

Fury nodded. He was always down to business, and didn’t disappoint you on that point now. “I have a confession to make. I hope you will forgive me, but I know that is too much to ask. Don’t blame Tony, the decisions weren’t his.” 

You stared at him, confused. What had Fury ever done? He had let you stay here even though you weren’t a super and had taken you in and given you a family besides just Tony. 

Fury continued. “This is not the first time your powers manifested,” he finally admitted, cutting to the chase. “At the time, we thought it was best to block them. You were in no shape to learn control at the time. You were a thirteen year old who had just lost her parents. We were going to unblock them when you turned eighteen, after you graduated and could focus full-time on control. There’s no choice now. Tela told me that all the blocks we put in place four years ago have been ripped away in such a way that she can’t put them back if she wanted to, which she doesn’t, since she didn’t agree with the idea in the first place. Apparently, though, when the blocks were blasted away, it ripped away part of what allows a super to control their gifts. Long story short, it’s going to be hard, if not impossible for you to ever learn proper control, at least not until you fully heal. I’m sorry, Kat. We should have told you,”

You glared at him, unable to control the anger and betrayal you felt. 

“Kat, no!” Loki yelled, sensing your emotion flare.  As objects in the room started to float around you.

You tried to reign in the emotions as pain wracked its way through your brain. You clutched your head, sobbing from the pain as all of the objects that had started floating crashed back down. Tony was busy putting out a pillow that had caught fire. Loki wrapped his arms around you gently, trying to calm you, to get your powers back under control.

“You should have told me” you told Fury between sobs. 

“I should have,” he agreed. “But you didn’t see the inferno you created the night your parents died. There was a tornado of fire when we arrived. It took every firestarter, water, and ice super we had to get it under control until you passed out. I’m sorry for the decision that was made, but with that much power, we didn’t see the choice at the time. I’m sorry you’re hurting now and we will do everything in our power to help you learn to control your powers now.” 

You knew now that was going to be a lot harder than it sounded. At thirteen, you had enough power to make a fire tornado while half-conscious at best. Powers only grew with age and time. You should have been spending the last four years learning to control your powers. Instead, they were four years stronger and your control was not. “Get better, Kat. We get to work once you’re well,” Fury told you. That was as much as the stern man was going to give you on the subject. He left without another word.

“Can we go home now?” you asked Loki desperately. “It’s so loud in here,” you felt like you were whining, but you really hated hospitals. Tony looked at you confused.

“Kat, it’s a hospital. It’s quiet almost to a fault.” 

You shook your head. “Everyone’s chattering. It hurts,” Why couldn’t they hear it?

“That would be the telepathy, dear,” Loki told you gently. He held out his hand for you. “Here, let me shield you until we get you home,” you took his hand and felt the shield enclose around your mind. “I will teach you how to do that for yourself later,” he promised you when you gave him a look of such intense relief.

Tony was still confused when you looked over at him. “What?” you asked.

“You were… attacked…” stupid uncle using euphemisms “last night. I didn’t think you would be willing to accept the touch of any man for a long time, if ever, but you’re still treating him like your boyfriend,”

“He is my boyfriend,” you reminded him sourly.  Just because Tony barely tolerated Loki didn’t make Loki any less your boyfriend.

“He’s touching you and you’re not freaking out,” Tony replied, pushing the subject. 

“He’s not going to hurt me. He’s asked permission. He’s careful and a gentleman. He’s not going to pressure or push. He’s safe because he’s my boyfriend and I trust and love him. You’re safe because you’re my uncle,” you explained. It was a hard explanation, you weren’t sure you had it right, but Tony seemed to accept it. He still glared at Loki.

“If you do anything to hurt her…”

“You’ll…kill you ?” Loki asked with a grin. “Evidently, there will be a line,”

“What happened to the…asshole?” you asked Tony, sneaking a grin to Loki who had used such a bad word earlier.

“He’s in the hospital. A vegetable. They’re not sure if he’s ever going to recover. If he does, he’s going straight to jail. Officer Patricia will make sure of it. She’s the one who’s Julia’s sister,” he added at your confused look.

One of the nurses came in. “Kat, dear, Fury came to talk to us. You’re cleared to go back to your rooms whenever you’re ready,” she told you.  You nodded and would have scrambled off of the bed if Loki and Tony hadn’t both glared at you. Neither touched you, though, for which you was grateful. You could trust them, but restraining you on a bed would’ve been too much.

“Kat, I’m supposed to go on patrol. I can get Fury to let me off if you need me…” he hesitated. He hated shirking duty. 

You shook your head. “I’ll be fine,” you reassured him. 

He glared at Loki. “I will kill you if you do anything,” he hissed in no uncertain terms.

“Uncle Tony…” you really wish he’d stop threatening your boyfriend.

“Fine, just be careful, Kat. Stab him with one of your daggers first, ask questions later,” he reminded you.  You knew it was logical for him to be more cautious after what happened, but Loki wasn’t going to hurt you.

“Go do work,” you grumbled at him. He nodded and finally left, still looking worried. 

Once he was gone, Loki stood. He offered you his hand. “Shall we, my darling?” he asked. “Or I can carry you if you are not up to walking,” he offered. You took his hand and let him pull you to your feet.

“I’ll try walking first,” you told him. He nodded and didn’t look hurt or offended, for which you were grateful. You laid your hand on his arm, using him for support while you walked up to your room. We did at least take the elevator, which helped. He hesitated outside of your room, until you dragged him inside with you. “Can you find Beauty and the Beast?” you asked, pointing to your DVD rack. “I’m going to find some real clothes,” hospital clothes sucked. At least the gowns weren’t backless. You still wanted pants, though.

“Would you like me to-?” you shook your head at his offer to dress you with magic. You wanted to dress yourself this time. He nodded and went to your DVD rack to begin pulling movies. Not just the one you had asked for, but others you could watch today. 

You went into your bedroom, closing the door firmly behind you. You changed into pajamas with long pants and a full shirt, not a tank top like you had been wearing. Maybe you weren’t a secure as you were pretending. You knew you were safe, but it still felt better to have full pants, to be more covered. 

Loki smiled when he saw you come back. You felt his shield disappear from your mind and you panicked for a moment that the voices were going to return. Though you relaxed when you realized it was quiet in your suite, so you nodded that you were ok. Loki was already waiting for you on the couch. You sat down next to him and curled up against him, laying your head on his chest. “I nearly forgot,” he held up your bracelet with a shimmer of magic. “I kept it safe for you while you were in the infirmary.” you smiled.

“Thank you for saving it,” you told him and held up your wrist so he could put it back on. “And for saving me,” you added softly. 

“You saved yourself, my wonderful, strong, courageous darling,” he reminded you and started the movie before he pulled a blanket up over you. You relaxed with him. He was safe. You were safe with him, and you would work through the rest together. You rested that day in his arms. There were no kisses, but that seemed perfectly ok with both of you.

You were beyond grateful that he was understanding.