#lobodome

[newtgeiszler]

i really gotta wonder who lobodomized some of the people on this website

[just-a-mod]

no ,you know what, fuck it

i haven’t vented to a god damn person about this, so here it goes

waring i dont know suicide mention and other such depressing shit

I fucking hate Joker? I hate him. I hate him and his entirety because of the situation we’re in

he’s so useless because of his multi class and i built him wrong. he’s so fucking stupidly blindly loyal to his god damn dad/god that he 

he just??? 

he’s so fucking extra, so fucking stupidly either black or white while pretending to be grey. and we always have to tone down even further but honestly?? it’s not- it’s NOT toned down internally  

Joker is a wreck. Joker has been through too god damn much, has done too much, and it’s not gonna get any better any time soon or at all, really? none of it is going to get better. none of it WILL or CAN get better. it’s just broken, gnarled and festered into the worst tangle of mess of a man that-i???

i’ve never had some one thIS fuCKEd up BEForE!???

and y’know, i thought maybe if you just changed the mentality, or what ever, if you could fakae it you could make it but  I physically cannot stop this boy- i can’t fix him. he doesn’t ca-

jOker is fucking suicidal

Joker wants to fucking die. Joker wants to take a god damn bottle of the strongest shit and magic missle himself off a god damn cliff into the ocean and let a dragon turtle fucking chomp him in half

Joker wants to do so much elf root he fucking over doses and dies

Joker wants to fucking die, how the hell do you come back from this?? what, you have faith??? you rely on your friends?? just have somethin to work towards!

no. NO that isn’t WOrKIng. ALl he’s dDOing iS puTtIng the fuCking miSSIOn AvoVE him SElf

He doesn’t care. he dosen’t see himself as useful or worth it. every night is a god damn fight against nightmares, every day si a god damn nightmare that is WORES than the FuCking NIGhTAMRES hE hAS A T NiGhT

WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOESD TO DO??? nothing. the answer is nothing

the answer is I hope I fucking die soon and am gonna ask pretty please don’t revive him because just don’t. you can’t help this man, he can’t help himself, I can’t help him

if you want him to stick around, then lobodomize him. make him tranquil and tell him what to do, other wise just

fucking fuck sake, he’s even worse than ALyss  and Len!!

my two most sucidial fucking people in my god damn brain, Alyss who has died or killed himself more times than i can count, WHO STILL FUCKING WANTS TO DIE EVN LIKE RIGHT NOW LOL

and Len, mr ‘lets cut so deep i fuck up my wrists and need an angel to heal me’ suicide 

I....(breathes heavily) i shouldn’t feel this way, it shouldn’t BE lik e this. i am told that i take things too seriously but this???

thsi indifference, is it really better??? i mean in a way, yes, because I don’t actually feel anything. i feel numb, and am indifferent to what happens to him, perhaps a bit biased on the thought of him getting his wish and just kicking the bucket. but other than that? there is no stress, there is nothing. there is a quiet calm of ‘if you die, you don’t have to feel this way any more, and neither will i. if you heal, then you will feel better, and so will i. either way, it’s not happening right now, and i feel nothing to the present’

Joker...i wish i haad never played you \o/ i wish i had never done D&D, i wish i could quit every single fucking thing , including my own, and wipe myself off the face of the planet

but I can’t. I can’t because of obligation. i can’t quit, any less than Joker can kill himself or Lyssia can give up. 

so we just quietly sit here, silently hoping the Raven queen will send Vax to come pick us up and we can go hang out with them because this???

this has just given me the perspective, i guess, that i needed to see that Vax dying wasn’t the worst thing that could’ve happened to him. Molly dying? not the worst thing. let those people just die

let us fucking die

any way, i have a cat gently head butting me and bring me to life blaring in my ears, im tired and all i can do is hope that some how my brain resets after i sleep

[eedghar]

#CopTour2013 #Mazatlan #Lobodome #CopBrands #CaliBullets #NoSeComoSeLlama