#lmaoooo classic zeke oml

[lemmetreatya]

Rent-A-Boyfriend — Zeke Jaeger x fem!Reader

synopsis: You need — a boyfriend who can trick your friends into thinking your love life isn’t inept. You receive — Zeke Jaeger, a man who’d do pretty much anything for a bit of cash and a night out

warnings: none

“Heeeey, baby.”

With a saccharine smile, Zeke waltz into the small VIP section where you and your friends were currently sat.

Instantly you get up to greet him, the smile on your face wide, but the blonde didn’t give you a chance to greet him back.

“Ahh! Zeke, He—”

Unexpectedly, Zeke wields his arm behind you to grab a handful of your ass. You let out a squeak in retaliation as he uses the momentum to pull you closer so that he could land a hot kiss to your lips — as if the action just couldn’t wait until you were both within more private confinements.

In reaction, your girlfriends make various noises behind you; some of surprise and some of neutral judgment.

Once you pull away with a breathless sigh and wide open eyes, your hands automatically find their way to the plane of his chest.

“Well, hello to you too.” You finally cheese.

But alas, your smile matches his own, and you’re more than enamoured that’d he’d be this affectionate with you in public — just as you both planned.

From behind, you hear one of your friends speak up.

”So this be him, huh? Your ‘Zachary’ man?”

Both you and the blonde share a look.

Seeing as your back was to your friends you mouth a quick ‘sorry’ to him, but before you could retaliate, Zekes poking his head pass the side of you so that he could give your friend a pearly white practiced smile.

“Uh, well. Funnily enough, it’s actually short for Ezekiel?”

His tone wasn’t (that) condescending. If anything you think he was a tad bit too nice. But concerning how there was a dead stare from the other girls and not a lick of response, Zeke thought to back track his words.

“Buuuut I’ll take Zachary. Sure.”

The mood is still slightly stale, and you can hear some of the girls upwardly clear their throats. Internally you start to panic because God, were things really going wrong already?! However, being the perceptive man he was, Zeke notices your uneasy attitude and therefore tries his best to alleviate it.

"Hey. How about I get us some drinks, huh? Liven you girls up a bit. We all a fan of fun stuff?!"

A preppy chorus of 'yeah's, 'sures' and 'why nots' echo around the table, but it's you that Zeke looks down at for confirmation. With a thankful expression you nod in permit of his suggestion.

"Yeah, that sounds great, Zeke. Thank you."

Zeke buggers off towards the bar in order to get the shots whilst you easily welcome yourself back down at the table. But as soon as you sit, your friends hunch inwards with giddy expressions.

”You know, I’ve got to give it to you. I really thought you were lying out your ass when you said you had a man.”

A few of the other girls hum in agreeal but you can’t help but feel a twang taut at your heart. If only they really knew.

“Right! Now look at you, pulling all Mister Zack and shit!” Says another.

“It’s Zeke.” You find yourself saying.

The girl dismisses your comment as she rolls her eyes. You can only let out an awkward laugh before shuffling backwards into your booth seat.

Once Zeke comes back with several shots between his fingers balanced under two plates of limes, the table erupts with whoops.

“Alright!” He encourages.

The blonde places the drinks onto the table and your friends all take at one. Zeke takes two from the lot and hands you one of them.

“For you, mi lady.”

The limes are passed round and the tables buzzing at the sudden kindness of your newly met boyfriend. Seeing their happy faces made you pleased and so you easily leaned back to thank Zeke, your words sounding like a whisper over the pumping music.

“You didn’t have to get them the drinks.”

Rather than turning in your direction, Zeke’s eyes keep track of the lime plate that’s coming his way. His hand closest to you easily finds your thigh as he squeezes it in solidarity.

“It’s no problem. They looked like they needed to loosen up so I thought ‘why not?’”

An easy smile danced over your lips as you bumped your arm next to his.

“But still, thank you for buying them.”

“Oh. No, you needn’t thank me.” Zeke picks up a lime before passing you the last one. “It’s not like I brought the drinks with my own money, I just used your card that I slipped out your back pocket.”

A shock passes over you, so much so that you accidentally drop your lime into your lap.

“I—Wh, what?!”

“Bottoms up, ladies!” He suddenly shouts.

Zeke is quick to clink his shotglass against those of your friends. The other woman, unbeknownst to the information you just got landed with, cheer in accordance with the blonde man as they all take their shots. You back your drink with a delay, your mind still processing Zeke’s audacity.

The familiar fuzzy burn down your throat wasn’t comforting but it was enough to distract you from everything that’d been difficult so far.

Zeke makes a squeezed face at the sizzle of the lime before turning his head towards you, his lips only about ghosting over the shell of your ear.

“You should really mind what you put in your back pockets. Any sick fuck who’d happen to get their hands on this could really drain your account.” The blonde waves your bank card in your face before placing it on the table in front of you.

Whether he was being serious or not, you couldn’t tell but something about his words rubbed you the wrong way.

Your friends looked on with googly eyes, seemingly thinking that Zeke was saying something risqué in your ear. Not wanting to possibly give yourself away, you distract yourself by trying to smudge lime juice out of your jeans.

“And you should really mind who’s money you spend because who knows if they’ll end up plotting your demise?” You mumble.

Zeke only smirks reservedly. Despite being a heavyweight, it seems like the affects of the singular shot was already doing it’s work. You wonder if he pregamed?

“You wiiiiish.” He says teasingly with a low voice as his mouth finally latches onto the shell of your ear with a soft bite.

It didn’t hurt, but not expecting the action, you jumped away.

“What the hell?!” You screech below your breath.

Your girls jump along with you — clear confirmation that their eyes were on you both — but the pull away was too suspicious to explain. Not knowing what to say or do to try and lighten the situation, your hand tugs onto the sleeve of Zeke’s top.

“Uhh. Let’s…let’s dance. Let’s go dance.”

Giving you a credulous yet giddy look, the blonde’s eyes wash all over your body. Even whilst getting up his eyes are still on you, and part of you wonders how much of him being your date for tonight he was taking for granted.

“If you say so.” He snorts.

As you pull him by his arm, Zeke makes a damselly ‘oh!’ sound before he’s wiggling his eyebrows over at your friends and causing the lot of them to childishly woo. It only makes you scoff more as you pull him away from the group.

Squeezing between a few bodies, you plugged the both of you in a nice enough spot that meant you were still in view of your friends but not too squashed up against others.

The music pumps much louder over on this side of the venue and so you have to wince for awhile in order to adjust to the volume. However, once you do, you wrap your arms up around Zeke’s neck in gruff gesture.

Automatically, Zeke’s hands are on your waist and that sleazy smile of his is back on his face.

”Never took you for the dancing type?” He says into one of your ears and you have to force yourself not to roll your eyes.

“I’m not.”

At your words, Zeke’s hands start to rub against the small of your back. You subconsciously have to remember everything that could possibly be in your back pockets — not wanting to be a victim of theft a second time — but once you realise it’s just a lip balm, you relax a bit.

As he leans in closer, you could smell the light scent of alcohol that still clung to his tongue.

“Then why’d you pull me out here? Tryna get away from your girlypops?”

You lightly tread atop of the man’s toe. It was an accident but you definitely weren’t sorry.

“Shut up, Zeke.” You hiss. “This isn’t about them, this is about your behaviour.”

Zeke briefly pulls back to give you a credulous look, his hand briefly flying to his chest. If being a fake boyfriend wasn’t enough, he should definitely go into acting, you think.

“My behaviour? Oh no. Is my performance poor?”

“Poor? Not so much. Agitating? Entirely.” You mumble.

The both of you continue to dance tightly against each other. You’re sure anyone looking from the outside would think there was a passion between you both but you definitely know that wasn’t the case on your side of things.

With your mouth close to his ears, you bend him in forwards by the nape of his neck.

“In all truthfulness, Zeke, you’re pissing me off. I know you’re doing this as a favour, a help-out for one of your brother’s ‘little friends’, but you’ve got to take this seriously.”

Zeke sighs but simultaneously brings his hands down to hook over your ass.

“How much more serious about this do you want me to be? Because according to your girls, I’m doing a stellar job.”

With a comedic twist, Zeke turns round so that he could wave back to the table where your friend’s sat. All of them whooped and hollered in retaliation which only pissed you off even more.

Kneeing him brought his attention back to you.

“Ow!”

“Zeke, I’m being for real!” You seethe.

A scoff leaves the man’s throat but his hands are back on your ass and his cheek flat against your temple.

“And I don’t doubt that you aren’t, my love. But I think that’s the issue — you’re taking this too seriously.”

You know this relationship was supposed to be fake but you really believe this man was trying to fuck you over by being as overbearing as he could. You wriggle within his grasp, attempting to alleviate some space between you both but the blonde only squishes you against him more.

A loud groan leaves your mouth but Zeke playfully taps your ass to make sure you understood his heed.

“Come on, don’t be like this. If you continue being this anal your friends are gonna know somethings up so I suggest you keep your cool and act the part.”

Another groan left your mouth but because you had somewhat accepted that the man was speaking facts.

After all, you hired Zeke on the basis that you’d be able to convince your friends your love life wasn’t as bad as they made it out to be. The last thing you wanted was them pairing you up on blind dates again with the many incompatible options they thought would suit you.

With resignation, your body intensity relaxed into Zeke’s embrace. The man was able to feel you give in before you said it.

“Ugh, fine. Whatever.”

You could feel the vibrate of the hum Zeke made through his chest so you knew he was appeased with his slight win over you. But you couldn’t let him have that — you needed him to know he still wasn’t doing everything right.

“Also, you don’t have to use petnames when it’s just the two of us.”

“I know.” He smugly chirps.

And you sigh because even though you can’t see his face, you could only guess the one he had on.

Surprisingly to you, Zeke does fix up for the rest of the night. Well, sort of.

He doesn’t spend anymore of your money or steals your card. He does at one stage brazenly ask if you could buy him a bowl of peanuts but you give him a look that ceases his ask.

He steals your lip balm. Which, actually, you weren’t too annoyed about because he only did so once you’d told him his lips were unbelievably dry after he tried to kiss your neck.

Apart from those various things, Zeke was fine. The night had gone reasonably smooth and best of all — your friends had brought the schtick!

“Alright, boo. Make sure you get home safe, okay?”

Your friend kisses both of your cheeks with excessive mwahs. She wordlessly pats Zeke on the shoulder before getting into the uber that had just arrived. You make a small finger-to-palm gestures to her in order to bid her farewell. Zeke only nods.

Your other friends wave as they pile into the uber, a chorus of ‘byes’ singing throughout the night.

“I’ll text you when we get in.” Another friend gives you a side hug before blowing a kiss as walks to the passenger side of the uber seat. Whilst in transit, she waves to Zeke.

“It was nice meeting you, Zake!” She shouts before getting into the car.

Both you and Zeke play the part as you wave at the uber. Smiles wide as you watch the car pull off and around the corner. Once it’s out of sight, your acts are dropped and you both turn to each other in seriousness.

As you dig into your purse, Zeke’s already got a cigarette in his mouth as he brings the lighter to his face.

“A hundred, right?”

Zeke nods.

You count the money to the side, although you already know you had the right amount since you checked it before you left home. Once you counted it thrice, you reluctantly hand the money in Zeke’s direction.

Before you could even think about reconsidering the amount, the blonde snags the wad from you without thanks. He gingerly counts the amount in front of you, cigarette lodged between his lips as he focuses on the value of the money.

With a sigh, you defensively shrug your shoulders.

“What, you don’t trust my counting?”

Zeke makes a weird noise before ticking his head to the side and sucking in a sharp breath.

“Can’t lie, for what I had to put up with tonight? You’re gonna have to add in an extra forty.”

“An extra forty?!” You almost screech. “For what?!”

Zeke glances at you before looking upwards towards the night sky. A small hum leaves his throat in contemplation before he removes the cigarette from his mouth and looks back down at you again.

“I’ve been called everything but my actual name tonight. You know that kinda stuff can cause identity dysmorphia, right?”

It was so obvious he was pulling that out of his ass. And considering how he’d been spending your money tonight, you’re surprised at the sheer audacity of his ask.

“But how is that my fault? It’s them who couldn’t get it right, not me.”

Shaking his head, Zeke folds his arms over his chest. He takes a puff of his cigarette through the side of his mouth, all without the use of his hands.

“Pretty sure you wouldn’t wanna see me wound up dead on national TV with your name written all over my confessional journals and have forensics blame you for the cause of my death, would you?”

You’re too stunned to reply and so Zeke continues talking, his attitude lazily nonchalant as the cigarette dangled from his lips.

“Don’t think that’d look too good on you concerning you just introduced me to your friends—”

With a frantic gesture, you’re dipping your hands into your purse.

“Okay, okay! Fuck!”

Slapping the crumpled notes onto his chest, you huff before turning your back to him. You don’t walk far but you circle the small space of the pavement outside of the club. You wanted anything but to be in his presence right now.

“Who knew you were such a fucking cheap sket?” You mumble, but it was loud enough for him to hear.

“I’m literally a Jaeger, what more did you expect?” He replies as he stuffs the notes into his back pocket.

And in all honesty, you find yourself not being able to disagree with him because he had a point.

Seeing you were unresponsive, Zeke shrugs. At the end of the day, he’s done his job and gotten his pay — his work here was done. Patting himself down and dropping his cigarette to the floor, Zeke clicks his teeth at you.

“Alright. Well, it was good doing business with you, my love. We should toats do this again sometime.”

You turn back to him with one last look although your stubbornness prohibits you from entertaining him for long. But Zeke knows you’re only being prissy.

With a roll of his eyes, the man opens one of his arms for you to beckon to. He however doesn’t move from his spot.

“Don’t gimme that face, C’mere.” He says softly and you realise it’s the nicest he’s been all night.

You pout, still wanting to be stubborn, but it’s the way Zeke’s glasses glow underneath the streetlamps glow and the way his arm looks so inviting that pushes you to move back to him.

Your arms are folded but slowly you lean yourself into Zeke’s embrace.

As you lay your head onto his shoulder the blonde wraps his arm around your frame, before he bends down to plant a dry kiss to your temple. It’s the most platonic gesture he’s made all night but surprisingly it doesn’t make you think he’s all that bad. He smells heavy of ash smoke.

“I’ll see you around?” He says after awhile. You don’t miss how his hand squeezes your arm.

“Mm.”

You pull back from his embrace but you’re unable to look him in the eye as he unlocks his car to then get in. You stand on the pavement, watching him buckle himself in and start up the engine. And you think that’s the last he has to say to you — that is, until he rolls down his window and hangs his arm out it.

“Oh! Before I forget.”

There in his hands, Zeke waves at you a small lip balm tube. Your lip balm.

Instantly your hands fly to your back pocket and unsurprisingly, it’s empty. You give Zeke a crooked look but the man’s already throwing it for you to catch.

“I told ya! Mind what you put in your back pockets!”

Just as you catch the lip balm with several juggles, Zekes already speeding off down the road, leaving you alone on the roadside.