#lizzie bennet and i are the same in that our taste in men is the opposite of our own personality

[albionscastle]

First Impressions Chapter 1

I’ve had this idea knocking around in my head ever since the first time I saw Jack’s ‘Resting Asshole Face’ in interviews. I just thought he seems just awkward and prickly enough to make a great Mr Darcy. So naturally I decided to do a Pride and Prejudice AU, I just hope I can do it justice.

This is basically just an intro chapter before the story really starts. Mrs Bennet is going to be her usual over the top self so I wanted to start with that and the chapters will switch between Lizzie and Jack from here on in. Obvs going to be very much a slow burn, but hopefully with enough tension to keep things going along.

Special shout out to @tomgcsglasses for encouraging this crazy idea.

Fic Masterlist

First Impressions Chapter One: So It Begins.

It is a truth, universally accepted that a young man in possession of fame, fortune and good looks must be in want of a mate. Whether or not he may already have one, or even want one is beside the point.

At least as far as Mrs Chloe Bennet was concerned.

It was a matter of fact that, after hearing the news of such a young man’s impending arrival, Mrs Bennet had already fixed upon him as the property of one of her five girls.

“Did you hear the news, Ben? Apparently we are going to be inundated by a movie set or something. They’re filming at the refinery.”

“Really dear, that’s nice.” He answered distractedly, his eyes never leaving the baseball on tv.

Not that it mattered to Mrs Bennet who just kept on her tangent, uncaring as to whether or not her audience was captivated.

“Mrs Long from the bakery, who had it from Harriet at the school, said they booked out the hotel all the way through the summer. What a wonderful opportunity this is going to be for the girls.”

That caught his attention.

“The girls? What on earth could this have to do with them?”

“I was getting to that dear.” she smiled indulgently. “The rumor is, that there is a young man, an actor in the lead who’s single. Tom Glynn - something or other.”

“I still don’t see what that has to do with any of our girls.” Mr Bennet pumped his fist as the Cubs landed a home run.

“Really darling, I’m thinking of him marrying one of them.”

Mr Bennet turned in his seat.

“Did I die and wake up two centuries in the past?”

He noted the determined look in her eyes. She was like a dog with a bone when she set her mind to something. One had to tread very carefully in this situation.

“Don’t you think they’re a bit young to be thinking of getting married?”

“Rubbish. Lizzie is 26 and hasn’t been out with a man in 3 years!”

“So let me get this straight. You would have me believe that this young man’s purpose in coming here, other than his job of course, is to carry off one of my daughters?”

“Don’t be an ass.” she snapped. “But you know he might meet one of them and fall in love. You should go to HR and see if they want extras or some such thing. Get their feet in the door.”

“I don’t see why I need to go, the girls are all old enough to go themselves if they feel the need. Or you could drag them along. I would watch out though Chloe, you’re a gorgeous woman, he may prefer a cougar.”

He laughed as his long suffering wife threw a pillow at his head from across the room.. He lived to push her buttons and she made it so easy for him. Sometimes though, he had to nip her grand ideas in the bud, for her own good.

And that of their children.

“But Ben, if you go...you’re well respected there and you know how insular these Hollywood types are. If they get used to you then it can only follow that introducing that young man to the girls would feel so natural.”

“And not at all like the set up your magical mind has planned.”

“Exactly. Just think, if one of them went off to L.A, red carpets, parties, what a life!”

He could practically see the dollar signs and stars in her eyes.

“Tell you what, I’ll send Carl a memo that he can give to this Tom fellow when he arrives. I’ll explain quite clearly that he has my blessing to take off with any of my girls that he chooses. Maybe I’ll even throw in a good word for my Lizzie.”

“And why should Lizzie get a better advantage than the others? As much as I love her, she’s not half as beautiful as Jaina or anywhere near as friendly and funny as Lydia, why should they be considered any less?”

“Perhaps because Lydia is only 15 years old.”

“Well obviously I’m not trying to marry her off yet. But the notice of the right people you know, can do wonders.”

“So you have no qualms about pimping out our kids to these people so long as there’s money involved?”

“You make it sound so cheap. I just want what’s best for them. And you always favor Lizzie above the others, even though she’s no better or worse than any of them.” That was a matter of opinion, he thought.

“Well let’s face it love, the girls are just regular, silly young women with nothing overly spectacular to recommend them. Lizzie just happens to have a little more gumption than the rest.”

Benjamin Bennet, I don’t understand why you are so hard on your own children. I swear you only say these things to piss me off. You never think about my nerves.”

“On the contrary Chloe, I’ve lived with your ‘nerves’ for the last 30 years. I have the utmost respect for them.”

She shot him a baleful look. This arguement between them was an old one, as familiar as the sight of one another in the bathroom mirror.

“You have no idea what I go though.”

“Well I hope you’ll feel better soon my love, because I’m sure many handsome, rich young men with strangely ambiguous morals will come and visit this town.”

“It wouldn’t do any good if every actor in the States descended on Whiting if you won’t do anything to help your girls nab one of them.”

“Chloe darling, believe me, when every one of them is here, I’ll make sure to take the girls to works and parade them around like horses at auction.”

Utterly disgusted she stomped off, leaving him to finish his game in peace.

On Friday night, almost a week later, Elizabeth Bennet slammed her novel shut with a sigh as she listened to her mother going on and on about this man. Her ‘rant’ was directed at Jaina, having been ‘chosen’ as the lucky woman to attract the hapless Tom.

Despite it’s obvious ridiculousness, Lizzie could appreciate the thought process her mother’s move. Research had been done, Mrs Bennet could compile a dossier in half the time the FBI could and would end up with twice the information. It was discovered this Tom Glynn Carney was English, (and oh didn’t that just send her mother into spasms of joy) and only 23, thankfully removing Lizzie from the running.

Mary, her 24 year-old sister would have been a shoo in, had she not chosen the past Spring to develop a taste for Death Metal and the Goth lifestyle. Always tediously outspoken and pedantic, Mary had all of a sudden decided that her sole purpose in life was to play bass for a Marilyn Manson cover band and pierce every inch of skin available.

Personally, Lizzie thought it was great. For her fairly conservative mother it was cause for valium and smelling salts every time Mary left her room. Just that morning she’d gone and gotten her lip pierced, smiling triumphantly as Mrs Bennet had a fit, deeming her appearance ‘unfit for decent society’. Lizzie had complimented her on the corset she wore so confidently while her father had given her a hug and warned her to ask the tattoo place for a free piercing after every five, just to save money.

Thusly the net of Chloe’s mechanations was cast firmly over the beautiful and shy Jaina, the ‘good daughter.’

Lizzie winced as she watched her sister trying to study, being forced to focus on their mother every few minutes as she spouted of another piece of advice or idea. Honestly, she wouldn’t be surprised if the entire wedding was planned and their children named by dinner.

Jaina took it all in stride, as she always did. She was the sweetest, most even-tempered girl in the world and, though she would not actively participate in ‘The Plan,’ she didn’t have the heart to tell her mother off as the others so often did.

Lizzie didn’t doubt the ability of her sister to attract a man, they’d been falling over their feet for her since she was a teenager, but she would just smile and go on her way. Very few of them ever gaining her attention and even fewer managing to keep it.

“I do hope one of this Tom’s friends like the dress you bought, Lizzie, otherwise you bought it for no good reason.” Mr. Bennet flopped down on the couch winking as Lizzie laughed, tapping him with her book.

“It doesn’t matter what any of them would think since they’re never going to see it.” Chloe snapped, narrowing her eyes at the two of them.

“I wouldn’t worry about it Mom, this is a small town, we’re likely to see him at the bar, or the beach or even just walking around.”

“It won’t be the same, besides it’s trashy for a woman to introduce herself to a man on the street.”

“Mom, you do realize that this is the 21st century right?”

“Class is class Elizabeth, a lesson that might do you some good.”

Lizzie’s stomach chose that moment to rumble loudly, causing her to burp as she stood. Everyone except Chloe erupted into giggles.

“Very ladylike!” she snapped. “It’s no wonder you’re still single, young lady.”

“Yes, I’m sure that’s it Mom, and nothing to do with the fact that all the men around here are either gang-bangers, fuck-boys or idiots.”

Seeing a full-blown arguement brewing, Jaina interjected.

“What films has this guy been in Mom? Anything we know?”

“That movie Dunkirk, it came out last summer. I bought it today, shall we watch it?”

“Sure Mom.” Jaina poked Lizzie in her side when she started rolling her eyes. “Let’s do it after dinner, that way Kate and Lydia can join us.”

On cue, the front door burst open, Lydia rushing in, throwing her backpack in the middle of the living room floor.

“Mom! Did you hear the news? They arrived! I saw them outside the hotel when I was coming home. A whole group of hunks!”

“I’m surprised you didn’t catcall them the way you were carrying on.”

Kate followed her sister through the door, a disapproving frown on her face.

“I just waved at them Kate. It’s not like I ran across the road to jump one of them. Besides they waved back.” Lydia said smugly, Kate’s face looking like thunder.

“Of course they waved back, you’re barely wearing any clothing.”

Lydia plopped herself into an armchair and smirked at her sisters.

“At least I’m not dressed like a nun. Or a freak.”

“Lydia!”

“Sorry Mom. Anyway I saw this Tom guy and none of you have so, I guess I’ll just go call Becca and tell her all about it.”

She stomped off with all the teenage melodrama she could muster, slamming her door behind her.

Personally, Lizzie thought Lydia was a spoiled brat with a bad reputation. She was never disciplined, didn’t bother to do anything but the bare minimum in school and she dressed like a stripper.As the eldest, she’d tried to steer her sister but Lydia always ended up accusing her of being an uptight busybody. So she’d washed her hands of it, used to the inevitable embarrassment that came with having a family seemingly intent on making a spectacle out of every little thing.

Dinner was achieved with relative decorum though Mrs Bennet was constantly sniping at Kate who kept coughing, interrupting her constant planning for Jaina’s future. “Still though, I don’t know what it will all come to Jaina, your father seems intent on doing nothing to help you along.”

“Mom, I’m sure if it’s meant to be then something will happen.”

“No, I don’t believe that. Your dad could have introduced himself and been friendly so he could get your foot in the door. But no, and now you’ll never get a chance to meet him and you’ll be alone forever. Kate what is wrong with you?”

“I’m just coughing, Mom. There was a dog at the office today.”

“Well for heaven’s sake take a pill or something, it’s getting on my nerves.”

Lydia sniggered while Kate got up from the table to get water.

“Mom, I’m sure you’re overreacting about all of this. Lizzie was honestly sick of the whole thing.

“You don’t get to say another word about it Lizzie, besides we may as well give up since none of you seem to understand how serious this is. I don’t want to talk about it any more.”

“I’m sorry to hear that dear.” Ben, who’d been silent all evening had been waiting for just this moment. “If I’d known you were going to declare the whole thing a waste of time I never would have had Carl introduce me to Tom this morning.”

Lizzie didn’t have words describe the noise that erupted from her mother’s throat. Mr Bennet was bombarded with questions about him. Was he handsome? Polite? Charming?

Mrs bennet jumped up and down squealing when she was informed that Carl had already mentioned the Bennet family to Tom and his party as potential local guides and helpers. He was apparently quite keen to meet them and had promised to visit the festival being held the next weekend.

Lizzie quietly cleared the table, shaking her head as the onslaught continued. In the kitchen she took a moment, spying Kate by the sink.

“I think you can cough as much as you like now Katie.” she laughed, sharing a rueful look with her sister.

“Poor Jaina, you know mom will never let this go. I know she just wants us all to be happy but she’s so….over the top about it.”

“Well who knows, maybe he’ll be awful and she will give up on the whole thing.”

“What do you think the odds of that are?”

“As long as he’s male and breathing, and even passably ‘normal’ I think we are in for the long haul.”

“You know Lizzie, I almost feel sorry for him.”

They burst into laughter, returning to the living room under the disapproving glare of Mrs Bennet.

The movie was started and the entire family sat quietly watching it. Lizzie found herself enjoying it thoroughly, she’d always been a Nolan fan and a bit of a 1940’s buff so she was enthralled from the start. Tom was cute, very young and very much Jaina’s type, Lizzie could see the interest in her eyes even though she tried to hide it.

The wedding venue was picked by the time the handsome Spitfire pilot crashed.

The flowers by the time Lizzie realised she was crushing pretty hard on the Scot in the RAF uniform.

When she found herself wondering if perhaps Jaina could get Tom to introduce her to his former co-star, Lizzie realized her inner voice was starting to sound like her mother. Shook to her core she quietly got up and went to bed, furious with herself when she dreamed about him.

This was absolutely unacceptable.

[maradanewrites]

Give Me Fitz

a retelling of Pride & Prejudice

Chapter 1

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman in possession of a healthy sex drive must be able to find a man amenable to a friendly tumble in bed. And yet, here I am. Lizzie Bennet, the only woman in Longbourn County, Kentucky who can’t get laid to save her life.

The problem is, of course, my ex.

Believe me, I’ve taken responsibility for a lot of the problems in my life. But when it comes to my sex life, I’m totally justified in laying the blame squarely at the feet of Fitzwilliam Darcy, aka Fitz. Despite being the proudest, most stubborn jackass I’ve ever met, he’s friends with every halfway decent guy around. On the one hand, it’s a small town. So it’s not like there are a lot of dating options. On the other hand, as in any small town, the rumor mill is the only thing that runs 24/7. Nobody wants to be the guy accused of getting it on with good ol’ Fitz’s ex. Especially after the stories he’s spread about me. According to the local scuttlebutt, I’m a frigid, nagging harpy.

Some days, I want to march right up to Fitz and ask him if I was such a prude, why we spent half the time we were married in bed. Don’t get me wrong. Our marriage was a disaster, but sex was the one thing about us that worked.

When other people are around, he comes across as cold and stiff. Well, the stiff part was accurate anyway. Stiff, thick and always ready to take my breath away — even if it was usually just to shut me up when my smart mouth was exasperating him. In two short years, we managed to screw on top of (or up against) everything from the kitchen table to an antique escritoire. I may not have been his perfect ideal of a wife, but I did at least think I was good at sex.

To have him deny me even that small victory is just one of the many reasons I hate him. But mainly, it’s because he’s made sure I’m experiencing a long dry spell without him.

Of course, the news isn’t all bad. After the divorce, I moved back in with my parents and sisters. I would have never expected it, but it was really good to go home. When Fitz and I were together, I felt like I was always teetering inches away from failure. In a lot of ways, it was a relief to admit defeat. I no longer looked up to catch him looking at me with that confused mix of lust, shock and disapproval. None of my tawdry white trash antics surprised him as much as me leaving him, without even asking for alimony or any of his precious property. So much for his rich aunt’s assertion that I was nothing but a scheming gold digger.

Of course I left him. What woman in her right mind would stay in a relationship where the other person clearly doesn’t think you’re good enough for them, no matter how good the sex is? The truth is, Fitzwilliam Darcy thought he’d married beneath himself. He never stopped expecting me to live down to his expectations. After two years, I decided to put us both out of our misery.

That’s why I was sitting at the local bar, waiting in vain for someone to ask me to dance. I couldn’t get picked up if I called Uber, not that they had drivers all the way out here in the sticks.

“Lizzie, let’s get out of here.” My best friend Charley leaned over her bourbon and Coke, her voice buzzing in my ear. “Seriously, I don’t know why we don’t just go to the city. Or why you don’t try finding somebody online.”

“Because this was my hometown first, dammit. I shouldn’t have to drive an hour into the city or resort to sexting some random stranger just to get a date. I live here. I work here. I like it here. And besides, he’s not even shown up tonight. Maybe someone will man up and make a move.”

For just a minute, it looked like I might be right. I caught Tom Everly giving me a speculative look. Tom owned the local farm implements store. We were a couple of years apart in school, but not enough for it to be weird now. He was a nice guy, a little tall and thin for my taste, but not bad looking at all.

I watched as Tom set his drink aside, noticing I’d caught his eye. He stood up, and started across the room towards me.

That’s when the door opened, and my worst nightmare walked in. Not just Fitz, but his best friend Chuck, and Chuck’s evil sister Carrie.

At the sight of Chuck, I glanced at my sister Jane. She’d had a huge crush on him in high school. For a little while, it had looked like they were going to be an item. Then he came back from spring break with the same snotty, superior attitude as his sister. Jane had tried to pretend it was no big deal, but I knew she’d been heartbroken.

Now she was looking anywhere but at him, and I knew she still wished things had turned out differently. My face flushed with anger. Jane was a sweet, sensitive soul. Any man who hurt her got a permanent spot on my bad side.

I noticed a smirk cross Carrie’s face as she saw Jane, Charley and I sitting at a table together. She was wearing an outfit that probably cost more than I made in a week. At least she was clearly not having a good time. Fitz and Chuck probably dragged her along, because Caroline Bingley clearly preferred a higher class of company than the Longbourn Bar & Bowling Alley could provide.

I tried to ignore the lump in my throat when I made eye contact with Fitz. He was still the most gorgeous man in town. Someday, I was going to be able to look at his curly dark hair and not immediately imagine myself running my fingers through it, but today wasn’t that day. His dark brown eyes still held that same intense look. Broad, muscular shoulders strained against his white button-down. He still filled out his jeans way too well, with a perfect ass my fingers itched to touch.

If I’d been hoping he’d have the good grace to keep his distance, I was wrong. He sauntered over to the table. Behind his back, I saw Tom slide back onto his barstool in defeat.

“You know, Fitz, you don’t actually have to show up here just to ruin Lizzie’s night.” Charley plucked the cherry out of her glass and popped it into her mouth. “It’s not like anyone here has the balls to break your precious bro code. Whether they believe the nasty gossip you’ve spread or not.”

He raised a dark eyebrow in surprise at that. Apparently he didn’t know the word he’d put out had gotten back to me. Well, that was too damn bad. If he hadn’t wanted to get called on his bad behavior, he shouldn’t have acted like such a jerk.

“What makes you think Lizzie has anything to do with me being here? Believe me, when I’m planning a good time, she’s the last thing on my mind.”

Nobody could possibly miss the bitter, cynical edge to his voice. So he was going to start insulting me in public, too? It was too much. I’d tried to keep my cool and take the high road, but if he was going to pull this act here, the gloves were off.

“Oh, shut up, Fitz. You wouldn’t know a good time if it walked up and bit you in the ass.”

Across the table, Jane’s jaw dropped. Even Charley looked shocked. I don’t think either of them ever expected me to stand up to him in person. I might talk a good game when it was just us girls, but in public, I at least tried to display perfect manners. I knew my family’s trashy reputation. But as much as I loathed the idea of acting like that in public, I just couldn’t sit there and take it anymore. If he wanted to air our dirty laundry, two could play that game.

His face hardened. I don’t think he expected my smart mouth response, either. I was done apologizing. Sure, I was the one who’d filed for divorce, but I wasn’t the only problem in our marriage. I was done being Fitz’s scapegoat. Months of pent-up anger boiled to the surface. I stood up, and attempted to get right in his face. I was hindered a little bit in that I’m a good head shorter than he is, so I looked up to avoid yelling at his rippling pectorals.

“Fitzwilliam Darcy! I am done feeling bad about what happened between us. You can say whatever you want behind my back – or to my face, in this case – but I’m done acting like I deserve to be miserable. From now on, I’m through with sitting around waiting for you to decide it’s okay for me to be happy. I’m done spending my energy on you and your nonsense. I’m going to spend it dancing.”

Fitz glared at me silently. Some time while I’d been yelling, the jukebox had gone quiet and it felt like the whole room was staring at us.

So much for a fun night out.

Then something happened I didn’t expect. The jukebox fired back up. People went back to their drinks, and back to their conversations. It felt like the morning after a storm blows through. The tension in the room had evaporated. I guess everyone had been waiting for the two of us to face off, for the big ugly scene to happen.

Now that it had, everybody could finally breathe. Including me.

Fitz retreated with Chuck and Carrie to a booth near the back of the room. Chuck cast a long, sad look at Jane while ordering his usual craft beer. Fitz made conversation with Carrie, who relished the attention.

A newly emboldened Tom stood up again and ambled over to our table.

“Still got enough of that energy left for a dance?” He smiled, his hazel eyes sparkling with laughter. By tomorrow morning, the story would be all over town. I’d finally given them something to talk about, which in a weird way made talking to me okay again.

I took Tom’s hand. “I’d be delighted.”

As we walked onto the small dance floor, I caught a few other men watching. It looked like my dance card might fill up tonight after all. Maybe I wasn’t quite as ready to take anybody home as I’d thought. But it would be good to feel strong arms and a warm body pressed up against me again. It would be good to feel like an attractive woman, as opposed to a social leper.

As I wrapped my arms around Tom’s neck and swayed to the sound of Patsy Cline, I caught a glimpse of Fitz. Carrie was leaning half into his lap. His head was down and turned towards her, so I couldn’t really see his face. I tried to ignore the tightness in my chest, as I realized that if I was ready to move on, maybe he was too.

[sarcastic-dogood]

Murven text post AU where Raven and Roan are dating and Murphy schemes to break them up because HE SAW HER FIRST AND THAT ICE NATION BASTARD HAD NO RIGHT TO ASK HER ON A DATE BEFORE HE DID! 😉

The Island of Misfit Delinquents

10:09 am

Caw Caw Little Birdy: WHO’S GOT TWO THUMBS, A SEXY RED DRESS, AND A HOT DATE WITH ROAN AZGEDA TONIGHT?!?!?!?!?!

Murph-Man: Your mom?

Caw Caw Little Birdy: THIS GIRL

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Dammit Murphy

Caw Caw Little Birdy: You fun-sucking, last-piece-of-pizza snatcher, lotioned foot slipping around in a sock, uncouth garbage human, son of a bitch

Blake 1: You’ve gotten real creative with your insults lately

Blake 2: Rey just shit on your entire life son

Commander Clarke: #loveofmylife

Blake 1: #rude

Caw Caw Little Birdy: ANYWAY

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Roan’s got it all planned out He’s picking me up at seven and we’re going to a fancy dinner and a show. There’s also talk about getting coffee as we leisurely stroll back to my apartment under the light of a thousand brilliant stars, conversing about interesting topics 

Murph-Man: Roan Azgeda: A modern day Jane Austen

Blake 2: Calm yo tits, Mr. Darcy

Commander Clarke: Murphy is SUCH a Darcy

Murphy-Man: Wut

Blake 1: Clarke is Jane Bennet and I’m Mr. Bingley

Blake 2: I’ve always wanted to be a snotty society lady

Blake 2: Count me in as Caroline Bingley 

Murph-Man: I actually hate you all????

Caw Caw Little Birdy: I’M LIZZIE BENNET

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Watch me read all the books and slay men’s hearts with a slightly haughty attitude

Caw Caw Little Birdy: I deserve more than to be married off to a rich man I don’t love to save my father’s estate 

Commander Clakre: ^^^ Same

Blake 2: ^^^ My new Instagram bio 

Blake 1 + Murph-Man

10:40 am

Blake 1: So……

Blake 1: How you doing with all this?

Blake 1: And by this, I mean Raven and Roan

Blake 1: And by Raven and Roan I, of course, mean them dating 

Blake 1: Murphy?

Murph-Man: Sorry I can’t guzzle vodka and text at the same time

Blake 1: It’s not even noon dude

Murph-Man: Then I’ll put the vodka in some orange juice

Murph-Man: Make some toast

Murph-Man: Call it brunch

Murph-Man: Like a middle-aged rich white woman

Blake 1: Buddy…… no

The Island of Misfit Delinquents

12:34 pm

Caw Caw Little Birdy: When you actually care about how this date will go so you shave your legs

Blake 1: Wow, when should we expect to receive the invitations to your wedding?

Murph-Man: Too much work. Just wear sweatpants and call it done

Commander Clarke: Darcy strikes again

Misson imPOSSIBLE 

2:15 pm

Blake 2 added King Azgeda to the group chat

Blake 2: Plan is working perfectly

Blake 2: Or WAS

Commander Clarke: Don’t be passive aggressive to my boyfriend 

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Yeah just be flat out aggressive towards him

Blake 1: Well maybe next time we try and secretly try and set up our friends, yOU GUYS WON’T BASE THE PLAN AROUND ME TRYING TO COMFORT PEOPLE

King Azgeda: Our first mistake

Blake 1: Roan you absolute winter coat made out of Wookie fur

Blake 1: Fight me 

King Azgeda: With pleasure

Blake 2: #TeamRoan

Commander Clarke: (I-think-tf-not-you-trickass-bitch.jpeg)

 Caw Caw Little Birdy: FOCUS YOU BUNCH OF MEME DUNCES 

Caw Caw Little Birdy: We WANT Murphy to come and try to stop the date. Not be drunk off his ass

Blake 1: Before we all start yelling at me again, I DID fix things

Blake 1: Miller is covering Murphy’s shift at the precinct tonight. Jasper and Monty are on their way with coffee and the world’s greasiest burgers to sober Murphy up

Blake 2: Then Bell and I will go over right around the time Roan picks Raven up and trick Murphy into sabotaging the date

King Azgeda: And double check him for weapons before he leaves for said sabotage 

King Azgeda: That’s important 

The Island of Misfit Delinquents

6:43 pm

Caw Caw Little Birdy: I look bomb if I do say so myself

Blake 2: Yeahhhhhhhhhh Rey

Blake 2: Get. Some. ;) 

Commander Clarke: Bow-chicka-bow-wow

Murphy-Man: Bow-chicka-bow-wow?

Murph-Man: My eyes have been sinned upon

Commander Clarke: SEND A PIC OF YOUR DRESS

Caw Caw Little Birdy: (Date-Night.jpeg)

Blake 1: Our little girl is all grown up

Commander Clarke: 21 years of sleepless nights, blood, sweat and tears… All for this moment

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Thanks mom and dad

Murph-Man: You look really really pretty Rey 

Mission imPOSSIBLE

8:09 pm

King Azgeda: We should have picked a restaurant that served an actual meal

Caw Caw Little Birdy: What even are these portions

Caw Caw Little Birdy: My name is a bird, but I do NOT eat like one

Blake 2: Murphy has left Casa De La Sadness and is on the move

Blake 2: I repeat, on the MOVE

Blake 1: dfsjghorejgirjgjbfdk 

Blake 1: I FORGOT TO TAKE THE BASEBALL BAT OUT OF HIS CAR

Caw Caw Little Birdy: FAILamy Blake 

Murph-Man + Nathan Miller

8:58

Murph-Man: Hey man what beat are you patrolling tonight?

Nathan Miller: The usual 

Murph-Man: That’s good

Nathan Miller: These vague texts aren’t tho

Murph-Man: If you want to pass a polygraph, you drive really slow to the Dropship Theater and you do NOT look closely at the face of the man with the baseball bat when that call comes out

Nathan Miller: WTF 

Mission imPOSSIBLE

9:24 pm

Commander Clarke: I’m stationed at the coffee shop across from the theater

Commander Clarke: Also, this coffee tastes like piss so it’s a good thing this whole date is fake because if I were Raven and Roan bought me coffee from this place?

Commander Clarke: I’d dump it all over that nice-ass suit and there would be NO second date

King Azgeda: wow ok

Blake 1: I’m in love?????

Blake 2: Murphy’s on the move

Blake 2: And by move, I mean he iS HAULING ASS WITH A BASEBALL BAT SHHHHIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT

Blake 1: I’m stuck in traffic what’s happening !!!!!!!!!?

Commander Clarke: Roan looks like a gallant European prince 

Commander Clarke: Murphy looks like a disheveled…. Well just like straight up disheveled in a big old grandpa sweater and dark jeans

Blake 2: Roan snatched that bat from Murphy right quick

Blake 1: Catch them hands too lmao

Blake 2: You right lols

Commander Clarke: We’re like all sitting together watching this right now? And we’re texting each other?

King Azgeda: Raven dragged Murphy back around to the parking lot so they could scream at each other in private. And make out

King Azgeda: (my-longest-yeah-boi-ever.jpeg)

Blake 2: You’ve done well young grasshopper 

Blake 1: Yeah come across the street and I’ll buy you a cup of coffee as a thank you 

King Azgeda: The same coffee your girlfriend said tasted like piss?

Blake 1: That’d be the one

The Island of Misfit Delinquetns 

11:02 pm

Caw Caw Little Birdy: (We-Cute-AND-an-Offical-Couple.jpeg)

Blake 1: Murphy flipping the camera off as you guys kiss is everything I expected your relationship to be 

Blake 2: AWWWWWWW!!!!! TOGETHER AT LAST

Blake 2: My skin is clear, my bank account is full, an angel delicately plays the harp in the background 

Commander Clarke: YOU GUYS CAN DOUBLE DATE WITH ME AND BELL

Murph-Man: Pass

Blake 1: Pass

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Sometimes I’m jealous over how in sync you guys are

Blake 2: *added King Azgeda to Island of Misfit Delinquents*

King Azgeda: Happy for you guys!

Murph-Man: I could have done without the emotional trauma tho tbh

Murph-Man: I’m only 178 pounds of delicate pale skin and sarcasm

Murph-Man: I’m fragile

Caw Caw Little Birdy: It was the only way

Blake 2: We knew your anger would win over your pride

King Azgeda: Why confess your feelings when you can try and beat the fake boyfriend with a baseball bat and hope your point gets across as you shatter the competitions knees?

Blake 2: I would have intervened before he shattered your knees

King Azgeda: Thanks babe

Blake 2: NVWIPVNHPIVHFVNFUGFNROKAETR

Commander Clarke: YOOOOOOOOOOOO 

Caw Caw Little Birdy: I KNEW WE FORGOT SOMETHING

Caw Caw Little Birdy: It was supposed to go- Go on Fake date, Murphy confesses his feelings (finally) and Octavia somehow breaks the news to her brother that she’s daTING ROAN

Blake 2: I was going to buy him a history book and get him about three glasses of fancy wine deep before I told him

Blake 2: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

King Azgeda: …….. well this is awkward

Blake 1: YOU OVERGROWN SCRUFFY LOOKIN, FUR COAT WEARING, WANNABE WARRIOR PRINCE OF SOME APOCALYPTIC UNIVERSE 

Blake 1: I WILL FUCK YOU UP

Commander Clarke: Guys you gotta break stuff to him gently he has the heart of an 87-year-old man

Caw Caw Little Birdy: He’s gonna go BOOM

Blake 1: DON’T TOUCH MY SISTER

Murph-Man: I’d actually like to retract my earlier statement about double dates and propose a TRIPPLE date instead 

Murph-Man: I think that would be good for our friend group