#live without having to bear the cross or being chainsaw man

[wunderlass]

Living Dead Girl

For RIP Roswell Day Four (family).

As always, beta read by @maxortecho. Apparently this made her cry. These are the moment we live for as writers. Sorry not sorry.

“Does papi still sleep like the dead?” Rosa asks Liz as they wash the dishes in Max’s sink. “Pun absolutely intended.”

Liz takes a deep breath to steady herself at her sister’s casual use of the d word. The last few weeks have been a strange, surreal dream, living in a world with Rosa in it once more. A cipher of the past come back to life, gallows humor her newest form of armor.

“You know papi,” she replies when she’s found her voice. “Nothing can wake him except his own snoring.”

He’s slept through two break-ins at the Crashdown since Liz returned to Roswell, blissfully unaware of her confrontations with Isobel and Michael, then later Noah. There’s a phantom stitch in her side where Noah sliced her with the knife, the injury healed when she’d united with Max the next day. His handprint healed her even though they were using it for something else, but the vanished wound tugs at her, reminding her of what else she has lost.

Rosa is full of questions about life as it has gone on without her, and they have quickly turned to the man who raised her. She’s not allowed to see him, and she’s not merely following an edict Liz has set down when it comes to that: Rosa seems to understand the danger her renewed existence puts her in. She’s verbally acknowledged that she wants to make it to twenty—and beyond—this time around.

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t yearn.

“You would think for all the trouble I caused, he’d have been more alert,” Rosa comments. “She always knew when I was trying to sneak out, but I didn’t even need to sneak around when it was just papi there.” 

“I wouldn’t know,” Liz replies dryly. “I was the good girl.”

“Was,” Rosa says. “I know you’ve had Kyle in your bedroom since you got back to town.”

“What? How?”

“I teased him about you both being my siblings and he got all flustered. Like you are now.”

“Oh god.” Liz covers her face with her hands. She’s never felt bashful about sex, but somehow having Rosa back has made her regress into the little girl who once looked up to her big sister. Rosa always did know how to push her buttons.

“Chill. Your face!” Rosa laughs, and it’s a soothing balm to Liz’s soul. All those years without that sound, and she doesn’t know how she existed without it. Her anger had banished even its echo from her memory.

It feels greedy to ask for more, even as she pushes herself to find a solution to Max’s…problem. Liz is still adjusting to inhabiting this space, especially without Max himself being here. Sometimes it feels like she’s swapped one ghost for another. 

“I have to go to the lab tonight,” she reminds Rosa as she gives the glasses one final rinse. She only has access after hours, and needs to monitor her samples through the night. “Are you going to be okay on your own? I can ask Maria to come over and hang with you.”

“I’m fine, Liz. I don’t need a babysitter. I’m about ready for some time on my own.”

“If you’re sure—”

“I’m sure. And you get less twitchy about me smoking a bowl when you’re not around.”

“Rosa!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding! No smoking in the Deputy’s house. Go save the world, Liz. Do me proud.”

~

Rosa meant it when she told Liz that she was ready for some time by herself. The only chance she’s had to process all that’s happened so far has been in the quiet of the night, when Liz lets her brain stop whirring at a million miles an hour and sleeps. Rosa doesn’t sleep, not nearly as long. Ten years sounds long enough to her, even if it felt like one night. One strange night that thrust her into a bewildering new world with the dawn.

She has no intention of staying in Max’s house. It’s peaceful, but Rosa has never been very good at sitting around and doing nothing. She can think while she walks. 

She’s not an idiot. She knows the dangers: retrieves Max’s pistol from his holster, and stashes it in her jacket pocket, safety on. A hood covers her hair, a loose scarf can be pulled up to cover her face. From a distance people will probably assume she’s Liz, but she takes no chances, hoping the pending sunset will shroud her enough when she reaches town.

And so she walks. It’s a risk. But risks can be mitigated.

There’s injustice fizzing in her veins, injustice she is impotent to do anything about. Liz can’t bear this anger with everything she has one her plate, and Guerin slinks away before Rosa can open that vein. And Isobel…Rosa can’t stop being afraid of her long enough to be angry.

When she isn’t simmering in her thwarted anger, she’s got a weird grief she can’t get a handle on. Valenti is dead, and Kyle knows what she is to him. Her family has grown and shrunk at once. Her mother is still absent, and Rosa wants the comfort of the only parent who was ever worth a damn, but she can’t see him without setting in motion something she’s not sure she can control. She’s homesick, living looking over the town she’s lived her entire life in and longed to leave, but now forbidden to enter.

She wants to express herself the only way she has ever known that matters. It’s why Liz has bought new canisters of paint and large canvases for Rosa to spill her guts onto, but Liz will admit she’s not an artist. She doesn’t understand that canvas is no good for Rosa. Her art belongs elsewhere.

The sun spills itself over the desert in fire and gold, sinking beyond the horizon to leave the soft cloak of night lying over them instead. She has a flashlight in her rucksack, but she’s reached the first patchy glow of streetlights and doesn’t need it to make her way through the streets. 

There are changes in town, mostly small, mostly decay in fast-forward, paint peeling from buildings freshly coated a few months ago as far as she’s concerned. Empty storefronts of businesses which thrived days earlier—the shuttered Blockbuster and the darkened one-hour photo place. The new neighborhood that’s mushroomed out of the desert to the south of the town is a surprise. She guesses the Bushes sold their ranch to a developer.

It’s like playing immersive spot the difference, an assault on her vision as every glance brings something new. Everything except the first glance of home.

It’s not exactly the same. Papi must have maintained it some or it would look like shit by now, but as she crosses the street, ducking between shadows, it feels like she hasn’t missed ten years in one delirious night’s sleep.

She goes round the back. The diner is closed but there’s still the occasional car drifting by. It’s no problem when the spare key is still set in the wall, hidden behind a broken brick. Some things never change.

She turns to fumble and let herself in, but a remnant of her own past confronts her on the wall beside the door.

We are all alone.

It’s faded, like so many things, washed away by time Rosa hasn’t lived. But papi has never painted over it.

A passing car prompts her inside, where it is still and dark. Sure enough, the only sound beneath the electronic hum of appliances is the louder hum of papi snoring upstairs, a chainsaw drone that feels like it should rattle the windows. No wonder she’s having trouble sleeping at Max’s house. It’s too quiet.

Past the stairs, through the kitchen, ignoring her own memorial, she slips into the diner itself.

She only worked a shift here last week. Wiped the tables down, swept the floor, collected the ketchup bottles together. Stormed out on Liz because the stupid car had been vandalized. She could put the uniform on and serve like nothing had changed. Instead, she is barred from her home, left to drift through it silently, like the ghost she has become.

She will not cry. 

If she cries, she will be tempted to run to her father, to the man who always patched up her skinned knees and made things better. If she cries, she may not be able to resist that temptation.

Instead she explores the space, running fingers over the table tops and backs of chairs like she feels every minute of the decade she’s lost. She passes by the jukebox, smiling at the way papi hasn’t updated it, only to lose the smile when she realizes why. Her footsteps falter as she realizes how long he has spent in this building alone, with nobody to tease him about his snoring, or nag him into painting over the terrible mural on the back wall. Liz has been a fleeting guest, almost as much a ghost as Rosa.

If she cannot come home, then she can leave a piece of her soul here to keep him company.

~

“You haven’t slept,” papi says as Liz yawns into her palm.

“I’ve slept,” she assures him, though she’s sure the concealer she’s liberally applied hasn’t actually covered up the dark circles she’s acquired from a long night in the lab.

“You haven’t slept enough.”

“I’m fine. I’m only helping during the breakfast rush, I’ll catch a nap after.”

“Liz, you know I like this boy, but not if he starts affecting your health.”

Liz suppresses the grimace that threatens to escape when her father mentions Max so casually. He thinks she’s spending all her time at Max’s house with Max. Everybody does, because they cannot know the truth. “I was writing a grant proposal,” she lies, and she should feel bad for it, but she doesn’t have the energy to spare.

She sees it when she takes out the trash. On her way inside she gives a yelp, one which brings papi running, but he only smiles when he sees what she’s looking at.

“You’ve seen our new friend,” papi says. He means the change to Rosa’s old stencil on the wall.

“Did you do this?” she asks, knowing the answer already. Papi is as artistic as she is. The wall’s been unchanged since Rosa first painted it in freshman year.

“No. He arrived overnight. I know you only believe in science, mija, but when I saw him this morning, I knew she’d found a way to let us know she’s okay. Look at him! He has to have been sent by Rosa.”

A new alien has taken residence. Characteristically red but with different words emblazoned over the old ones, and a chain of bright orange marigolds circling him like a halo.

“He does look like one of hers,” she agrees, though she knows the fresh paint was added by an earthly hand.

She’ll have to speak to Rosa about this. She’s been here, to the Crashdown, despite all the reasons she shouldn’t have come, and left her mark. Liz should be angry, but the way papi is this morning—smiling, whistling, happy in a way she hasn’t seen in years—anger is hard to come by. Liz already feels guilty enough for abandoning her father to take care of Rosa. If he doesn’t question this further, who is Liz to complain? The words are for his benefit, after all.

You are not alone.

[apocalypseprodromus]

Barriers Between (Chapter 2)

Warning: More Angst! What a shocker.

Squall didn’t really want to leave Trinitas by herself, but if she already gave him what he wanted... Why should he stick around if he couldn’t help her? It’s not like he was any good at consoling others, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t feel bad for what she’s been through. Losing everything, a classic fear realized. He mentally shuddered at the thought.

No home to go back to, no one waiting for you? Abandoned by those you trusted? He paused at that one. All of the other ones he's lived through too, but being discarded wasn’t on the list, and he hoped it never would be.

Maybe I should’ve convinced her to go with me. At least then I could make sure she doesn’t do something to herself. “Is this really any of my business? I just met her. Besides, I don’t even know if she would...” Exactly, I don’t know if she would. 

Squall sighed before turning back around. I don’t know how but I’m certain... This girl is going to be the death of us both.

-

Returning to the field, Squall was sure he saw her lying on the ground with her hands beneath her head. She’s... sleeping? Seriously? Whatever. 

He observed her sleeping form before something startled him.

“You came back?” Trinitas’ voice was back to mild and questioning like it was when they first talked. “Is there a reason you were looking at me?”

“How’s your head? It looked smashed in before.” Squall examined her skull. It actually looks like there wasn’t even an injury there before.

“Oh, that. I actually heal pretty well on my own. But thanks for the concern. Was that all?” Her eyes were a lighter shade of green this time around.

Not deep emerald but bright celadon. “How do your eyes do that?” He moved closer to her, studying her irises.

“Um, you mean change color? They do that depending on how I’m doing. Mentally speaking.” She was close to studdering but not quite.

Noticing just how close he was getting, he backed off not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. “Uh, I actually came here to ask you something.” He turned away from her.

“And...? What is it?” She gave a smile of sympathy. She could tell he was trying.

“If you wanted to join me.” Squall glanced back at the female who seemed to be in awe of the request. “You actually want me to go with you?” She looked to him with wide eyes, her face unreadable. Before Squall could make a half-assed retraction she remarked quietly to herself smiling softly. “No one ever wants me around.”

That statement said everything. It could be a byproduct of her emotional instability or an aura of unease that seems to affect others, but one thing is true... Trinitas was a pariah of some kind. She didn’t want to be alone, she was forced to because other people kept their distance or forced her away. But at the same time, he was realizing what he had just done. Trinitas is a sensitive wreck of a person. For a good reason, but still... He didn’t want to let her down.

But as she smiled up at him, a tear running down her cheek... He succumbed to her bittersweetness immediately. Her inflection was delicate and almost reverent. “Thank you.”

I’m as good as dead.

-

Traveling with Trinitas wasn’t as bad as Squall anticipated. She was relatively chirpy, but also a kind individual. He honestly couldn’t believe that this was the person who shouted at a goddess for being lazy and or weak. At least she wasn’t a hypocrite in saying all of that. She was far from lazy and didn’t mind hard work. He also came to understand she wielded a strange type of gunblade, dissimilar to his own. A Gatling Saw, a chainsaw machine gun hybrid that she paired with a Bear Trap Gauntlet. It looked too weighty for how she was holding it with one hand, but she carried it effortlessly regardless.

“Isn’t that thing heavy?” Squall pointed to her weapon. She shook her head slowly. “No. Why, should it?” Trinitas looked back confused. “Nevermind.” He dismissed.

He learned that she came from a world called Eos, she’s a noblewoman of House Prodromus, she was tampered with by greater forces when she was a newborn which explains the crystal heart more or less. And was engaged for basically her entire life to the Prince of her kingdom, Noctis. She told him about the Lucian/Nifilian treaty and the fact that it ruined her life and invalidated everything she did up until that point and added that hardly anyone that lived in the Crown City of Insomnia trusted her because of that unnerving feeling she instilled in others. Recently before she got to World B, she and her comrades got to Altissia and the cathedral Noctis and his new betrothed were supposed to finalize the peace treaty in, had gone up in flames. Arson and due to the color of the fire, a viridian hue, she was the first one suspected. Cosmos summoned her shortly after her comrades interrogated her and threw her out of the hotel window. When she was mentally at her weakest, not in a position to resist her.

Squall wasn’t aware that the scars of betrayal were still so fresh in her mind. It explained a lot.

In turn, she learned Squall was an elite mercenary for hire from a military academy known as Balamb Garden. That he’s had to deal with pushy squad members trying to get him to open up to them, growing up as an orphan, and getting and giving a scar to and from his self-proclaimed rival who also wields a gunblade and ran off to join a sorceress. Or a circus, either or... Trinitas wasn’t sure what Squall said at the end, his agitated mumbling wasn’t very coherent.

Trinitas also had the habit of talking, luckily they weren’t boring or very trivial conversations. She was very loquacious. Ironic then that she was traveling with someone as laconic as Squall. Though she didn’t mind carrying both sides of the conversation when he wouldn’t say anything. He figured it was better then if she was saddened. If he had to choose, anything was a more preferable alternative.

“But chocobos in my world are relatively big, they have to be to carry that mountain of a man...” Squall just let her keep talking, knowing that she’d stop at some point.

Trinitas never held back on honesty either. Brutality so and was quick with a sarcastic reply or a smart ass remark. Not caring who she talked down to, so long as she could follow it back up in a fight. Squall even chuckled slightly when she dramatically mocked people with her bear trap gauntlet.

And although he could do without her hair-trigger temper, she made up for it with thoughtfulness.

One of the things he came to like about Trinitas was that she never made him feel bad for his evasive behavior or his lack of emotional expression. She didn’t judge him or even care to scold him when he got lost in his thoughts. She never took count of when he did something uncharacteristic of himself. For some paradoxical reason, her fiery, verbose, emotionally volatile nature was a perfect match for his cold, stoic, emotionally distant one.

“So, you don’t mind that I’m quiet? Most people I know complain about it.” Squall thinks back to all the times he was asked why he didn’t speak to others.

Trinitas shrugged nonchalantly. “Not really. I was an introvert during the trip from Insomnia to Altissia. So I get it. If you don’t want to talk, it’s your choice.” That’s the first time he was ever told that. People are usually off-put or exasperated by his selective mutism.

Squall could spend all day listing the differences between the two of them, but this wasn’t a bad thing. He could now attest; opposites really can attract.

It probably helped that she was cute. Her stature, her face, her attitude... Even the little sub-conscience noises she made were cute. 

He also came to appreciate that she took his words to heart and paid close attention to his health, genuinely caring about what happened to him. 

“Are you sure you don’t need a potion or something? I don’t even use the damn things.” She eyed the wound he received from his last manikin fight.

Squall didn’t bother to look, deciding to carry on without. “If I’m hurt, I’ll let you know.”

She trusted his judgment and left it at that. “Fine, it’s your body anyway.”

-

One night as they were crossing through the Interdimensional Rift to find a place to rest for the night, they stopped off to the side of the Rift’s Castle. 

The night sky of the Rift was an abnormal mix of blue and green. No transdimensional gashes were visible in their direction, making the sky a uniform constant which was surprisingly rare.

“I’ll take first watch. You can go ahead and get some sleep.” Squall announced to the distracted woman. Trinitas gazed back in Squall’s direction, witnessing how tired he looked as opposed to herself. Squall wasn’t going to let her protest, urging her to take her place next to him, so she did as he said leaning up against the castle walls. Knowing he wouldn’t pass out until it was his turn to sleep she rested her head on his shoulder, an act unprecedented for the both of them.

“You’re cold as ice. I can feel your lack of body heat through my jacket.” He hisses in moderate worry.

“I’m sorry. I’ve just kinda always been like that.” It’s at this point Squall finally registers why he didn’t know that before. He’s never touched Trinitas before.

“I don’t know why I’m surprised, you wear a short sleeve dress that only goes down to your mid-thighs. Here’s my jacket.” He’s about to take it off until she stops him. “I have a better idea.”

Trinitas moves from Squall’s left side and in between his legs so her arms can wrap around his chest, with her legs resting on the ground. For a regular human, it would seem very uncomfortable to be in a position with her back bending like that but she really didn’t mind. Her eyes glowed a vibrant green as she hugged Squall for the first time. “I wouldn’t give this up for the world.”

“Give up.... what?” He peered down at the small female hugging his larger frame for warmth.

“Just having known you. Getting a chance to have you in my life. You’re all that I have, and I’m okay with that. I know one day when this conflict is over we’ll both go back to the lives we had before. But for the time we do get, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in this world or the next.” Trinitas’ eyes ceased glowing and dulled to a greyish hue.

Squall had gotten good at reading her. He could tell she was coming to terms with their future apart from each other. She might not have looked sad, but inside she was wilting like a dying flower.

She grinned, without a sign of sorrow. “I wouldn’t have traded the opportunity of having you around for anything.”

Squall held her closer to himself, deciding instead to let his actions speak for themselves. No other words were spoken between them.

I’ll miss you too. He knows he shouldn’t be feeling this way. They were in the middle of a war. It was impractical to be getting this close to anyone, especially someone from an entirely different universe but at this point, he didn’t have it in him to just push her away anymore.

Suffice to say, he felt closer to her than most people he’s known back in his own world. He didn’t want to get attached to her. Attachment only brought pain to him, and he was well aware of this, however... He felt this unmistakable pull towards her. Like a gravitational force he couldn’t escape from, she pulled him into her event horizon. Regardless of this revelation Squall acknowledged that one day he’d have to say goodbye to Trinitas. Something would rip them apart from one another, despite how worse off the both of them would probably be. He dreaded that day.

He didn’t expect that it would happen for the first of many times when he and every other Cosmos warrior died at the end of the cycle. All except for Trinitas, who watched helplessly as her only friend was ripped away from her. The purification had begun before she was able to reach Squall’s side. Unable to stop the gears of destiny from carrying forward.

Just like everything else in her life... The conflict restarted.

[monkey-network]

Two Cent Riffs: My Little Pony Movie, BAYBEE

#BackAtItAgain #TSPOILERS #PonyCinemassacre

Julien: Why is it “The Movie”? It can just be “My Little Pony”. We all should know this version and the superior version that was the 80s. Roy: Excuse me? Julien: Hey, the Smooze song made that movie for me.

Roy: Man, I’ll never stop liking stain glass windows. Julien: Hold up. Twilight has wings? ...Okay, I have missed a lot apparently. Roy: Yeah, but it’s nothing to worry............. Julien: I can sense a pause. What’s up? Roy: Oh, I’m just getting flashbacks....of people bitching online [shudders]

Julien: AH YES, MOVE the sun, and MOVE it back. Roy: Doesn’t seem like a big deal for this celebration. We’re just depriving people from some possibly needed sunlight and fucking with the tides to sooth the feng shui of it. Julien: Can I call the “Pony Privilege” card?

Julien: Huh, I forgot Applejack existed. Roy: She’s a main character, bruh. Julien: Yeah, it the background. Am I right lads, or am I right lads? Dom: “You’re all right, lad.” Julien: Cheers lad.

Roy: Guess we know which couple’s getting the focus this time. Julien: Do we really have to ship right now? Roy: It’s been 7 years, dude. Fans practically learned about “shipping” thanks to this show. Julien: Hmm...that sounds pitiful, but I’ve wanted Princess Bubblegum to melt on Marceline since the beginning so what can I say?

Julien: Looks like Pinkie had her climax.

Roy: Okay, I’m all for Sia pony here (does have a lovely voice), but are there any rapper ponies? Julien: They’re an underground niche of pony musicians after 2Pon and Biggie bit the bullet. Roy: What about DJ Pon-3? Julien: Dub is not rap, brother.

Roy: Bowser’s back?! Julien: And we’re only what...12 minutes in? That’s an academy record. Shit, this movie’ll be over in a blink.

Julien: Okay, I’m liking this new villain here. Design wise, very coordinated. Color scheme is on point. Roy: I just wonder how she’ll be forgiven. Julien: Come on, man. Villains aren’t always meant to be redeemed. Roy: Ye, you need watch the rest of the show.

Roy: Oh no, all the other 3D piloted ships are slowly coming this way. Julien: Yeah, Futurama’s done better.

Julien: Oh shit, that is a fucking sweep down and over Pele kick. Roy: She would be great in WWE.

Julien: Well there goes two of the most powerful ponies in this series. Roy: Well hold on. Maybe Celestia, and Luna are only powerful in the fields or cutie marks they’re given. Like yeah, they’re powerful, but only in raising the sun and moon and whatever Cadence does. So really, they probably couldn’t beat Tempest’s rock spells as much as any powerful unicorn could have... Julien: So, they were useless to begin with? Roy: Kinda, yeah.

Roy: Hey, it’s Crissy. Julien: Wha? I thought her named was Derpy. Why Crissy? Roy: Oh no, Derpy is her name; won’t deny that. But Crissy’s just short for Criss Cross, like her eyes that are the ONE DEFINING TRAIT FOR HER EXISTENCE. It feels like a better name, you know? Julien:...You got me there. That does sound better.

Julien: WELL, after a daring escape via a gigantic waterfall, now they’re on their way to go seek the hippos. Roy: Hippogriffs. Julien: Goddammit man! *sigh* I mean what if they were hippos and I could actually see some awesome hippos in this movie or show?....Fuck, you know?! Hippos are cool. They’re big, strong, and awesome and you jus- *sigh* tch, you’re a bastard. Roy: Jesus man, I’m sorry. Julien: No, I’m sorry but it’s like...I just think hippos are neat is all.

Roy: Oh snap. It’s Ray Donovan. Julien: Okay, this may be a screenshot, but I could already tell Liev Schreiber was tap dancing for his check and was just having a blast doing so; like Jason Mamoa in the Justice League movie.

Julien: How I feel about Michael Pena. Roy: Come on, he’s got his good roles. Julien: Name one that’s memorable. Roy: Well..........................................................

Julien: Woo, that place looks like shit. How come the ponies haven’t help them out, they could spare the resources. Roy: Maybe the town didn’t want any help? Julien: Dude, no. How can just ignore a town that looks broken down, industrial, probably impoverished, smoggy, with some pretty disgusting water surrounding it? HOW can any pony worth their riches just ignore this practically desolate area while continuously celebrating whatever they want? Roy: Let’s....never mind all that.

Roy: Oh no, 1/5 of the fanbase. ⁽ᵂᵉ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ʲᵒᵏᶦⁿᵍ. ᵀʰᶦˢ ˢᶜᵉⁿᵉ ᶜᵒⁿˢᶦˢᵗˢ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗᵒʷⁿˢᶠᵒˡᵏ ˡᶦᵗᵉʳᵃˡˡʸ ᶜʳᵒʷᵈᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵒⁿᶦᵉˢ ᵗᵒ ᵇᵘʸ ᵃⁿᵈ/ᵒʳ ᶜᵒˡˡᵉᶜᵗ ᵗʰᵉᵐ. ᴬⁿᵈ ʷʰᶦˡᵉ ʷᵉ ʳᵉˢᵖᵉᶜᵗ ᵃˡˡ ᶜᵒⁿˢᵘᵐᵉʳ ᶠᵃⁿˢ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉᶦʳ ᵈᵉᵈᶦᶜᵃᵗᶦᵒⁿ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠʳᵃⁿᶜʰᶦˢᵉ, ᵗʰᶦˢ ʲᵒᵏᵉ ᶦˢ ᵃ ᶜᵒⁿˢᶦᵈᵉʳᵃᵇˡᵉ ᶠˡᵃᶜᶜᶦᵈ ᵖᵘⁿᶜʰˡᶦⁿᵉ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᶜʳᶦᵖᵗ ˢʰᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵈᵉˢᵉʳᵛᵉ ᵇᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ. ᴺᵒʷ ʰᵉʳᵉ’ˢ ᵃ ᵏᶦᵗᵗᵉⁿ ᶠᵒʳ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵘʳᵉ ʷʰᶦˡˢᵗ ʷᵉ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᶦⁿᵘᵉ.⁾

Awwwww, she’s sleepy

Julien: Oh boy, we got attractive felines in this universe. Roy: Eh, furry love aside, I’m more attracted to the comic’s nubian felines

Roy: Hello “Friend like me” Julien: Oye, don’t go pointing out the better things others have done. We’ll be here all week.

Roy: Can I say, “Suggestive?” Julien: Hey, they’re old enough to get some pussy in their life.

Julien: Okay, best character in the movie. Roy: Eh, I’m not convinced.

Roy: Okay, now I am.

Julien: That...is gonna cost ‘em. Roy: Pfft, like they’re gonna pay for it. Julien: I thought the ignorant rich of America were annoying.

Julien: Okay, there’s one thing that’ll never make sense here. So they’re oppressed and they work under the Storm King’s rule and they couldn’t be pirates. But it takes ONE song and they decide “Fuck it. We’re pirates again.” Roy: Have you ever had a song dedicated to helping you get your confidence and groove back?

[Gasp] The lesbian call.

Roy: I love how they play dramatic angry music over the colorful destruction that is their ship.

Julien: Hey, this reminds me of my Steven Universe fanfic. Roy: What? Julien: I dreamed and started a fanfic about Connie being an Arcane Knight that is seeking the original gems that helped salvage the land from the tyrannical Homeworld generals and this was where Lapis resided because she was originally master of nature but went into hiding after she, Peridot (master of metal) and Amethyst (master of animals) had a fallout.

Julien: When she goes so deep, she’s feeling your sunken place

Roy: WE GOT OUT THE MERCH SELLER, BABY! Julien: WE GOT THE MONEYMAKEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Roy: Now to be fair, she was trying to save her civilization while her friends were fucking around. Julien: Yeah, stealing from a civilization that suffered from the same enemies they’re dealing with now. Why didn’t the ponies help the hippogriffs when they clearly could have? This feels racist in a way. Roy: Specist? Julien: Yes. Thank you.

Julien: Okay, I can see where both sides are coming from, you know? However, I have a neutralizer that, possibly(?), erases both sides of this argument. How did it take them (the ponies) this long to try and stop the Storm King’s reign when it started to affect them personally? Where were any of them when the Storm King’s armada took over the Hippogriffs, the pirates, that city? I mean, I wouldn’t worry about this so much if the movie wasn’t so full of its “Friendship Solves All” theme to drive home how this will resolve when it could’ve been resolved LONG AGO! Roy: Jesus dude, it’s not that big a deal here. Julien: NO BRO, it is a big deal. Because they made 4 comics, so much merch, got good players like Sia, Liev, Emily Blunt, etc. all for movie that barely tries to integrate its new universe to a series that’s been around for 7 fucking years!

Ah good, we’re entered the third act.

Roy: Song time. Julien: I’ll allow it. Tempest is honestly the only best thing about this movie. Also, was Emily Blunt in Chicago???

Julien: So...let me get this straight. This girl stood up to a fucking bear and she gets shunned for her suffering? Fuck those kids! Roy: Yeah, I can see where she’d want revenge.

Roy: Okay movie, these Hippogriff designs are good. You live this time. Julien: This time? It’s still getting the slaughter, honey. [revs chainsaw]

Julien: You know Twilight fucked up when Sia pony is staring you down. Roy: With what eyes? Julien: Eye. Roy: I didn’t know you were Scottish.

I won’t question how they could breath in there.

Roy: Aw jeez, she was out for blood today. Julien: He’s getting creamed out there.

Julien: JESUS CHRIST, they brought flames to the party. Seriously, they are burning these beasts alive without fear.

One got consumed in the flames. Like, damn movie.

Roy: Okay, I get that Storm King’s a playful villain, but now he’s just monkeying around. Julien: Liev just wanted his paycheck. He’s doing just as good as everyone.

Roy: Looks like Pinkie Pie is on her a game this time. Julien: When she’s not yelling all her lines. Am I right lads, or am I right lads? Dom: “You’re all right, lad!” Julien: Cheers, lad.

Roy: Betrayal, I never knew could the Storm King could do such a thing. Julien: All I can think of is Twilight yeeting her into the cloud.

Gone with the wind.

Julien: Jesus christ. Roy: Exactly.

Roy: HA. He didn’t expect somebody to jump in the way of the bomb, only to then tag them and infect them with the spell as well. This doesn’t make sense in a way. Julien: Who cares, he’s fucking dead.

That’s right. Dead. On Screen. Full High Definition. YOUR MOVE, “DISNEY”.

“YEAH, WHO WANNA RIDE THE WHITE THUNDER?!”

Roy: So wait, what if Tempest actually got her horn back? Julien: Mass Genocide, everybody in Equestria incinerated; but hey: SPARKLY, COLORFUL EXPLOSIONS RIGHT?!

Julien: And that’s the My Little Pony Movie, ladies and gentlemen. Final thoughts? Roy: Fizzlepop Berrytwist is one of the worst names you could ever give your child. But other than that, I enjoyed what I got, mediocrity and all. Hell, I’m just glad there’s a 2D animated film in American theaters again. Could spell potential for the 16 mil. it earned at the Box Office. 👍👍 Julien: I thought it was alright and could’ve done better for their story beats than taking stuff from other better movies. A fun romp nonetheless.👍👎 Well, what now? Roy: Well, it’s Halloween. Wanna howl at the moon together? Julien: Sure.