#littlefinger be doing his funny little games on the fly

[bazzybelle]

Name ten favorite characters from ten different things (books, tv, film, etc.), then tag ten people.

Thank you @fight-surrender and @xivz for tagging me! I send you hearts and happy. 

I won’t be tagging ten people, because I’m all tagged out... But if anyone wants to have the fun, by all means go ahead.

1) Simon Snow from Carry On / Wayward Son

So, kind of an obvious choice. I mean my favourite character from the series is Baz (to no one’s surprise) however, I relate SO much to Simon, it’s insane (which is ironic, considering I have so much trouble writing his POV). I especially relate to him in Wayward Son, with his depression, thoughts of worthlessness, thinking your partner deserves better than you, fucking intimacy issues.... 

At the same time, there’s also the need to always fight. Shit is hard, and life is hard, but I’m still fighting. And some days, I want to stay in bed and not go outside, but I’m fighting that urge. 

2) Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter

So I was always seen as “the weird kid” in school. Always kinda in the clouds, saying random things, acting weird. I never really knew how to act around people (hell, I still don’t know how to act around people). Because of that, I was bullied... a lot. 

Media doesn’t really shine a positive light on those who are considered “weird”. They are often times pushed aside and are used as comedic props (at least, it didn’t when I was kid). I read Harry Potter in my 20′s, and I wish I had read the books earlier, because I saw myself in Luna. Luna is the weird kid, but she does not give a flying EFF about. She knows who she is, and she’s proud to express herself in anyway she can. 

3) Piper Halliwell from Charmed (OG Charmed)

I was introduced to fandom worlds because of Charmed, so I felt like I had to include it here. 

I always connected to Piper and her personality. I’m actually not the middle child, I’m the oldest. But in terms of my cousins, I’ve been the one who was drowned out by the others. Never wanting to fight, very complacent and going with what everyone else wanted to do. 

Piper was the quiet one, but she also knew how to get shit done. When her sister are being ridiculous, she’s the one that pulls them together. She’s the heart of the family, and takes care of those around her. I especially admired her taking the reigns as head of the family after Prue dies. She’s heart broken, destroyed, and wants to give up, but she knows she can’t. he has to be strong for those around her. She has to pick up the pieces and help her family move on. 

Piper rocks. 

4) Selva Chopper from Namesake

Selva is just a burst of sunshine and happiness. She lives with her heart on her sleeves and she’s perfectly happy to do so. Her favourite activities include dressing up and making clothes, kissing her wonderful girlfriend, Alice, and giving her twin brother crap for being a dummy sometimes. 

Selva wants to explore the world and live her life without fear and paranoia. She’s finally starting to get a proper handle on her powers, and she’s ready to just be happy and live outside of Oz. 

At the same time, she is not someone to be trifled with. She is a very powerful witch in her own right, and if you push her to that limit, she can be down right ruthless. 

5) Sansa Stark from Game of Thrones (TV show)

Ok... I know I’m going to get a lot of crap for this (especially since the ending of GoT is downright controversial within fandoms, and if you mention it, you need to be ready for an argument). I’m not here to argue about the ending... so, please be nice. 

ANYWAYS, I actually liked Sansa’s character, and I especially loved her character’s development, from naive pretty-girl, to a smart, capable ruler. Sansa demonstrates that you can always learn from your experiences and grow from them. She takes the honour learned from her father, and combines that with the ruthlessness learned from Cersei, as well as the cunning learned from Littlefinger, to gain independence for her people, and come through as one of the survivors of the Game of Thrones. 

6) Cather Avery from Fangirl

As someone who spent a good chunk of her life, obsessing over fandoms and living within them, I really felt a connection to Cath. I used the fanfiction and RPing groups I was a part of in order to escape the shitty reality of my life. Also... massive anxiety... so yeah...

I need to re-read that book... It’s been a while since I read it.  

7) Emily Prentiss from Criminal Minds

I love badass women in media and Emily Prentiss is a bad ass b*tch. She’s also my top crush for now and forever. I swoon over her. 

She’s strong, powerful, but also extremely kind and gentle and fiercely protective of her team. She speaks several different languages, and is very intelligent and perceptive (she’s the only one who figures out that Reid’s abusing drugs). She is everything I want to be... Also, I just like looking at her. *sigh*

8) Lucian Darnay from The Binding

I love him so effing much! This book ruined me... I want to take Lucian and just give him a big hug and tell him that he deserves to be happy and that everything he’s been taught to believe is wrong. 

9) Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle

This is recent, because I only saw the movie like a month ago, but I’ve latched onto it, and I’m a little obsessed (what... really... shocker, i know). It doesn’t help that my current favourite fic is @ninemagicks Howl fic, so that’s been feeding my Howl obsession. 

He’s just such a funny character and so over the top. Like I love how Sophie just yells at him and calls him on his bullshit... It’s great!

At the same time, he is so kind and gentle, and wants to do what’s best, even though he doesn’t always have the courage to do so. 

10) Faye Whitaker from Questionable Content 

I have been following this webcomic for many many years, and one of my favourite characters to follow is Faye. Her story has had so many ups and downs, and she has been through hell and back, and has come out on top. She has had to deal with a horrifying childhood memory, her issues with opening herself up to people, learning to allow herself to love, and what to do once you’ve hit rock bottom. 

Faye’s mental health journey is honestly inspiring. To see her finally in a stable, healthy relationship and doing something that makes her happy is so wonderful. 

[gascon-en-exil]

Joining the Game Late: S7E6 “Beyond the Wall”

Synopsis

Gendry whinges about the cold and Jon/Tormund ship tease, and Jorah refuses Longclaw as Beric does some preaching in some more support conversations. Arya reads the note she found to Sansa and blames her for Ned’s death. Dany doesn’t want heroes, but they all want her, and she becomes distrustful of Tyrion because he wants to talk succession and not losing her temper. A zombie bear goes after an extra and mauls Thoros, but he lives just long enough to go out drinking. Sansa sends Brienne off to King’s Landing against Littlefinger’s recommendation. The team learns about ice zombie hierarchies and applies it to the Night King. Gendry is sent running back to Eastwatch as the dead descend and surround everyone else on a frozen lake because zombies can’t swim. Dany takes her dragons on a rescue mission. Sandor starts the battle by throwing rocks but makes up for it by saving Tormund. The dragons fast travel over the Wall to rescue them, but the Night King kills one and Dany has to leave Jon behind. Good thing Benjen is still around to sacrifice himself one last time for one of his nephews. Dany sees Jon’s mortal wounds and gets horny for him, and he’s horny for her too so he’ll acknowledge her as queen. Sansa finds Arya’s faces and Arya threatens her. The dead have an ice dragon now.

Commentary

Well, that turned out about how I expected, and I don’t mean that in a good way. The wight hunt is indeed as dumb as it was always going to be, but the majority of its numerous logical problems can be explained (if not excused) by the need to create a series of thrilling action sequences. These include the team having no backup plan in the inevitable event that they ran into trouble other than sending one guy running for the Wall, a single wight from the scouting party being left alive animated because I guess it hated its own White Walker “father,” both ravens and Dany’s dragons apparently flying at the speed of commercial jets (that, or the team spent a week or something on that island surrounded by zombies), undead being stopped by icy water, the use of red shirt extras to kill off during tense moments so as to avoid offing anyone we might theoretically care about, and Benjen showing up a second time to rescue one of his nephews from certain death. Hell, even the Jon/Dany romance barreling forward, lack of logic or romantic chemistry be damned, is boilerplate for tired and predictable heterosexual romance writing. Nothing to do with action sequences, sure, but in its case the partial salvation comes in the form of yet more foreshadowing of Jon’s true Targaryen heritage by way of keeping it in the family. I haven’t got much else to say regarding the main plot at this point, except that I’ll be petty and point out that World of Warcraft did the frost wrym/undead dragon reanimation bit first and did it better - in large part because GoT has never bothered to characterize Dany’s two other dragons, and also because the Night King is no Arthas/Lich King in terms of characterization.

Therefore I’ll instead be taking the rest of my time here dissecting the secondary plot in Winterfell, being all about dialogue scenes and not the action and CGI that I lack the technical expertise to critique. Knowing how this resolves in the season finale, this is a great idea on paper: the Stark sisters have each had to learn deception in their time apart, Sansa masking her true feelings in King’s Landing and Arya literally masking herself with human faces in Braavos, so it makes sense that they’d put these skills to use in unmasking and destroying a serious threat to their family who, on an ironic meta level, also happens to be of little consequence to the plot as a whole now that there are much bigger antagonists on the board. That’s in hindsight, however, and without that foreknowledge everyone involved comes off looking worse than was intended. Arya seemingly never sat down and talked to Sansa or anyone else at Winterfell about what she’d been through, and Sansa is justifiably disturbed by Arya’s bag of faces and the subsequent threat to cut off her own face. This plotline sacrifices coherence for the sake of building tension for a satisfying climax, doing so by keeping the audience in the dark as much as Littlefinger and, at the time, probably pissing a good number of them off. As with many of the problems connected to the wight hunt the writing would have been improved substantially by the addition of one or two scenes, or even just a few hints dropped here and there that Sansa and Arya were acting out roles to deceive the man who’s been suspiciously watching them for the entire season. I haven’t looked into the production of GoT to know why the last two seasons are shortened - the showrunners were getting bored of the project and wanted to rush to the end, or something like that? - but the rushed storytelling is fully on display in the episode even if it largely worked for the ones preceding it.

It’s fitting then that my favorite parts were the rare lulls in that pace, mostly earlier on with the various small conversations (which I’ve dubbed support conversations as a nod to the Fire Emblem equivalent) between members of Jon’s group. They’re small bits of characters buildings and I doubt most of them will amount to much, but I just like that they’re there. Also, Tormund is funny and has determined his preferred nomenclature for Jon’s ass.

[lady-griffin]

Season 8, Episode 4 The Last of the Starks

My thoughts and reactions. Spoilers Below. Obviously. 

Knew they were going to start with the body burning and with Jorah’s body. I knew it.

Poor dany ☹ I’m sad

Poor Jorah

What is she whispering fo him? Any guesses?

Sansa and Theon, no please don’t cry

She made him a Stark in the end. I’m now even more sad.

GHOST!!!!

GHOST!!! He looks sad too

Interesting Jon “was given Lyanna” to mourn, just because she was named for his mother? or because loss of innocent life? Or cause no one left?

Feast Scene

Is that the scale dress for Sansa? I think it is.

Daenerys dress looks less red…that I initially though, but I can’t quite tell.

Gendry wants to find Arya…aww

Daenerys calling Gendry? Did not see that coming.

Daenerys making him a Lord…Smart

Just a question…How will the Stormlands feel about this? I mean they don’t even know Gendry or anything.

Smart move though

But not a great sign, already playing the political game, as Sandor said when you can still smell the bodies. 

Love Sansa, Tormund and Jon…that was cute. Tormund is just the best.

Sansa seemed Jealous, but I still want Jon and Sansa to interact more and we’re running out of time

Where did Sansa go?

I’m glad Tormund is alive…he’s just so cute.

Is Varys figuring it out?

Daenerys all alone (ominous and sad)

Funny, how Varys seems to be the only who noticed.

I knew that drinking game was going to lead to awkward situations…why Tyrion?

Poor Tormund, he just wants to have giant unstoppable babies with Brienne

Poor Sandor, Tormund crying to him

I suspected we might get a Sansa and Sandor scene…are we?

First Theon, then Tyrion, now Sandor?

Yup…interesting pattern. Like that’s a super interesting pattern and I’m not entirely sure what it’s building up to. I mean I hope Jonsa, but I meant at this point how?

Poor Gendry and Arya, I don’t see this ending well…I don’t know if I want to watch

Yep saw that coming. I want them to get together. But Gendry think he needs a lordship to be with Arya and Arya, Arya is not the same nor ever will be. And I just want it to work for them, but it also seems very Arya to say no.

Brienne and Jaime going to get it on?

Looks like it….Yup

Daenerys dress is definitely reddish, but I can’t tell how much.

Maybe no political Jon??

Out of all of their scenes, this one actually makes me think Jon might love her. Like out of all their scenes, this one seems to confirm it the most. 

Which like…why wouldn’t you have done this from the start then. Instead of half-assing it. 

I always wondered if Jon’s “political lines” were unintentionally foreshadowing the future.

Jon himself when he’s saying it, doesn’t have any meaning. But we the audience knows it’s important for the future.

“I bend the knee, but…”

“They’ll see you for what you are “

But at the same time...you still have all those scenes where Jon seems “annoyed” or “frustrated” or horrified is not that word, but scared of Daenerys and what she is capable of doing. And he seems so desperate to appease her... I don’t know.

Whether or not he does love her, this scene made me think there’s a strong chance he actually does. Like it really did (so kudos to Kit and Emilia).

She’s your aunt there might need to be some more hesitation…oh there it is

Do not like the repeated implication that somehow Sansa is corrupted/ruined by what Littlefinger and Ramsey have done to her…do not like that one bit.

Dark!Dany

Interesting scene…between these two.

It is interesting to me how paranoid Daenerys receives Sansa…like I’m not saying she’s wrong. Sansa is clearly 100% ready to start fucking things up for Daenerys, but at times, it seems so pinpointed and out of nowhere.

Also, I do love that she’s such a source of tension and contention betweent these two. 

War Council Scene

Who the fuck is the new Prince of Dorne? Like this just shows how little they care about Dorne.

Like I know Sansa’s intentions aren’t 100% genuine here, but you should give your soldiers and dragons a rest. Like logically you should. This won’t end well for you. Like Sansa is making such a fucking valid point.

Also, Sansa, fantastic wingwoman. I bet Gendry could’ve used her.  

And Arya did not like Daenerys talking to Sansa like that…that look. Damn.

Arya and Sansa (love them together)

Love Arya just stopping Jon right there

Love Arya’s…who the fuck cares about having allies, I’m a lone assassin.

Wish we got to see their reaction to the news…that would’ve been nice.

Would be nice to see how these characters interact with one another and handle the news and you know spend time with them. I mean they keep shutting us out of the Stark POV and it’s getting so fucking frustrating.

Like I honestly hope they are building to them working together…and we get to see it, but at this point. I just don’t think D&D are really capable of that.

Here’s Bronn

That was disappointing…seriously what is the fucking point of Bronn in this story. Like I have nothing against the actor or even the character, but what is the point of him for the story. Like why didn’t he die during the Loot Train/Field of Fire 2.0?

Are we ever going to see him again? Is he ever going to become relevant to the plot again? What is the fucking point?

You’ve killed him off last season and filled the time his scenes take with some more relevant scenes and characters. Seriously what is the fucking point of Bronn?

Arya and the Hound…never coming back to Winterfell… wait what

Is Arya going to down to kill Cersei or perhaps another Queen?

Sansa and Tyrion

Why her?

Why is Tyrion following Daenerys?

Or why does Jon love Daenerys?

I wish they explained why specifically Sansa doesn’t trust Daenerys. Don’t get me wrong I think there are plenty of reasons to think Daenerys would not be a good queen and I’m sure those (or some of them) are the basis for Sansa not trusting her…but it would be great if she would say them out loud at this point.

It kind of feels like, if Dany goes dark, that it just worked in Sansa favor and she just turned out to be right. Not that Sansa was actually right and people should’ve listened to her critiques in the first place.

You can’t keep saying that Daenerys will be a good queen (Tyrion) without saying how and the same goes for Sansa with saying she will be a bad queen.

And this is frustrating, because I think the subtext and text shows how and why Daenerys won’t be a good queen. But just one line from Sansa…like anything. It could be about how anyone who wants to sit on the Iron Throne is dangerous.

Like just anything.

And it would be great if we could see the scheming. Or Sansa telling Tyrion about Jon and seeing Tyrion’s reaction.

Like this use to be the biggest news (we should see how the characters fucking react to it)

However, I did like Sansa commenting that Tyrion was afraid of Daenerys and her “worst impulses” as he has liked to put it (previously). I wish they just dug into that a bit more.

Even just Sansa saying that it’s hard for her to believe Daenerys will be a good queen when Tyrion shakes every time he thinks she’s about to lose her temper.

JONATHAN don’t you dare abandon Ghost. How dare you!

Ghost is such a good boy.                                                                                      

Sam and Gilly…I think he knows how it happened (I adore Gilly)

Is Sam going to be political? Scheming and such?

I’m just so nervous we’re going to have a scene where it’s revealed everyone was working together to go behind Dany’s back. Like give us hints. Show us something.

Don’t leave Ghost, Jon. Or at the very least fucking pet him, you monster.

He’s sad. I’m sad. You’re a monster Jonathan.

(Symbolially Jon giving up being a Starl?) 

Aww Missandei and Greyworm…I just want good things for you. I don’t think we’ll get them, but I want them.

Interesting comment from Tyrion… all those years of war because Robert loved someone who didn’t love him back. Foreshadowing of Jon and Dany? (I don’t think so at this point), but interesting framing of it. Especially since you know Aerys burned Rickard and Brandon Stark…and so on.

But in all honestly, they keep forgetting that fucking part.

Is it just me or are one of the Dragons going to get shot down? Like they are showing them flying, everything seems so nice and happy.

And I was right. damn...

That is quite brutal. And I thought Rhaegal was going to be the dragon to survive…guess I was fucking wrong.  

Those scorpions are quite impressive to say the least. And they’re designed to look like tentacles, HA!

NO Missandei

No Missandei

Did she die?

I really have to wonder if Cersei is pregnant? I mean Qyburn could just be saying yes, to literally everyone, because he’s 100% loyal to her.

Oh no, Missandei. My poor baby.

Why does she knock over the lion? Am I missing something?

It’s interesting how Varys was saying he would look her in the eye, but he doesn’t. Not until the end.

Also, Daenerys wants the appearance that she tried to avoid bloodshed, but not actually…

To be fair, Cersei is never going to surrender though. So, she’s not wrong.

But it also kind of reminds me of “Bend the knee or refuse and die” – not much of a choice.

Varys rarely ever tries to reason with Dany, but he always tries to reason with Tyrion to get him to see the truth about Dany. It’s interesting to me how that’s set-up.

There’s that phrase again, “worst impulses.” 

“She too strong for him” – See this is why I want political Jon at this point. For one of their Main Characters they have just been undercutting him at every turn. Like is their going to be a twist or is Jon just pathetic and weak sauce now. I mean come on.

I hope there is going to be a twist with Jon (actually I hoped they let us see his POV), but it just seems that they keep undermining him in the narrative to power up Daenerys and Sansa and I guess even Arya. Like you can let them all shine and be capable and shit.

I do like this dilemma forming for Tyrion. He has to make a choice. He truly has to commit. He just does.

I THINK THAT’S THE SPOILER SCROLL (the one Sophie Turner kept).

It doesn’t seem to be that much of Spoiler, if it’s from Varys. Though I suppose that depends on what it says and it could simply not be from Varys. I had always hoped it was going to be from Jon…but it doesn’t look like that will be the case.

“as the rest of her advisors…” I’m curious to what the beginning and end of that sentence is. And what the Scroll says. Also, I assume we’re going to eventually see the scroll, I mean it has to be a prop that Sophie was able to keep.

Also, I love Sansa’s line of how she wanted to be there to see them execute Cersei and now she won’t get the chance. Just a great and cold line to Jaime. But it also has two meanings.

1. Daenerys is going to burn down KL and Sansa won’t get the chance to see it now.

2. It looks like Cersei is going to win now

Also, the struggle between Sansa and Cersei makes a lot more sense to me, because Cersei and Sansa have history and Cersei tormented Sansa. Why does Daenerys hate Cersei? Because she’s on the Iron Throne? What else?

Cersei didn’t kill Dany’s father. Nor exile her family. Like it makes sense for Cersei to hate Daenerys…because well she’s Cersei and Daenerys wants to take everything Cersei has clawed and bled and killed for.

But the same level of intensity from Daenerys, just seems empty. I don’t know.

But I do love that it is a battle between these three…but Cesei and Daenerys are too focus on one another, to even really consider Sansa. (Though Daenerys has been noticing her) 

But I’m glad we got to see some scheming and plotting happening.

No Brienne, don’t cry. Please don’t cry.

I am curious if Jaime is leaving to kill Cersei or save her (and what he thinks is his unborn child)

She’s going to push Missandei off, isn’t she? I don’t want that.

I have to say, Dany’s dress looks less purposely grey and just like it’s dirty. Which I think is quite telling. Daenerys “savior” mission is becoming less and less about saving people, so the white become dirty.  

Also, Daenerys’ army (I assume that’s not it…I hope), looks just so pathetic and small. And with the Scorpion weapons, how in the hell are they planning to take King’s Landing. I mean without burning it down to the ground, but again that’s a lot harder to do now too.

Qyburn is such an interesting character and a very different kind of creepy.

Tyrion is trying so hard here.

Is he going to trade himself for Missandei…I don’t think Cersei is going to go for that

She’s going to do it, she’s going to push her off…nope

Oh no, last words.

Dracarys

The way she just said it and how it echoed…damn. I honestly thought Drogon was going to well Dracarys everything. But that is very compelling. And just that that echo, I mean just wow.

Greyworm and his face are just killing me.

Oh shit they’re going to behead her.

NO NO NO NO….not Missandei…NO NO NO NO

OMG

Oh no Greyworm, he couldn’t even look. He looks like he’s going to throw up. His one fear came true.

Omg… I do not like this.

I’m going to cry.

Daenerys shaking. That anger. That sadness. The shock. I take it back about Daenerys not having enough reason to hate Cersei with such intensity, they gave her a very good reason (by fridging Missandei in all honesty)

That look. I know I say that a lot. But Daenerys’ angry look is getting better and better and it is fucking dark. You can feel the anger and hatred coming off of her in waves.

And I’m not saying Emilia is ugly, by any means, but it’s not a pretty angry face. Which I love.

She almost stumbles when she first starts to walk away. Like she’s in shock. Which she probably is. She didn’t look away.

Also, it looks like things are going Cersei’s way. She wants Daenerys to be pissed and angry. She clearly wants it. So I have to wonder does she even have a plan? Or is she just planning to go out with a bang and take as many as she can with her.

And that’s the end. 

Promo

It’s very telling and quite interesting to me that we don’t see Daenerys in the promo. I mean we see her at a distance, next to the window (with her hair down…interesting) and on the throne. But that’s it. I mean, that seems to scream to me that we’re going to see some dark fucking shit with her.

I mean they’re building her up in that promo.

 I still think there’s a chance for Jonsa or at least I hope there is one…but it seems less and less likely with every episode. I mean, Sansa does come across as jealous (to me) but I’m not sure if that’s just how I see it or if that’s actually what’s happening.

There’s also the weird “former flame” per episode kind of vibe they have going here. Theon episode 2, Tyrion episode 3, now Sandor episode 4. 

I mean, it’s like they’re cancelling all the pontential romantic partners she could have before she gets to the final one?? I don’t know. It honestly feels like a stretch. But it interesting how poeple jumped on board with Theonsa in episode 2, the Sanrion in episode 3 and maybe Sansan in episode 4....maybe. Their interaction seemed the most final. 

I wish we got to see Sansa and Arya react to the news of who Jon is.

I’m just not as hopeful as I once was for Jonsa ☹

The Last of the Starks

Interesting title…like I hope some people write-up to why they think it’s called this. I can’t think of reason as of right now. 

Other than we saw the last of Starks all together (finally) but for like one scene.

 Maybe that will be the last time we see them all together ever again…that’s fucking sad. But definitely a possibility with the way they’ve been treating the Starks.

Update: I just realized that Arya says that the four of them are The Last of the Starks in the Godswood, before Jon reveals he’s not their sibling. That went over my head.

[itsgameofthronesimagines]

Parents Reacting to Season 7

(Warning: Spoilers!!)

Hi, everyone!

I'm sorry I didn't do anything special on this blog for Valentine's Day, but if it makes you feel better, I spent the holiday drinking wine and watching Game of Thrones Season 7 with my parents and boy do I have a couple stories for you!

So to explain the story a bit, I didn't start watching Game of Thrones until my parents started watching it. Every time I would get a sneak peek walking by the TV, I would usually just move along because it didn't interest me. It took them forever to start Season 3 because we were in the process of moving after Season 2, and that was years ago. They were also procrastinating a little bit. But back to when I actually started watching it, it was one time in particular, during the Purple Wedding... the moment where I immediately got hooked. It was Season 4, and Joffrey had just died. And even though I've seen Peter Dinklage in HUNDREDS of others things, I knew he was in the show, but didn't pay very much attention to it until this specific episode. After the episode was over, I asked my parents a couple questions and they tried explaining it as best as they could so I could understand. It was funny because it's usually ME trying to explain to them different or difficult storylines from a TV show or a movie. I asked them if everyone is against Tyrion in the show and my mom was kind of showing sympathy about it, like, "Yeah, everything bad happens to him."

After that, I started looking up scenes of just Tyrion on YouTube, which then eventually grew into watching bloopers, recaps, and theories about the show and before long, I was ahead of my parents. They hadn't even started Season 5 yet and I was all the way up to Season 7. I offered to watch the rest of the seasons with them without saying anything spoiler related. Between college classes, work and of course my parents' jobs, we don't really have time to watch episodes every single night, but we try when we can.

Season 5 and 6 went as well as expected since those are my two favorites. My parents obviously laughed to every Tyrion joke and they agreed that the show was starting to get better (they're not really into the nudity and crude behavior as one can understand. But don't get me wrong! They still love the show).

While waiting in between days where we would sit down and watch episodes, I have been writing a fanfiction on Wattpad that I hope everyone will love once I actually post it, so feel free to ask more if you're curious!

We finally started Season 7 this week and boy are the reactions from my parents hilarious!

"You know, we still haven't figured out who Jon Snow's father is." My mom said before we got started on Episode 4.

"You already know who it is," I told her, "You're just not thinking hard enough."

And after the episode ends with Olenna's death, my brother had just gotten home from work and I looked at him and grinned, "And thus ends the legacy of Olenna."

"Was she a bad guy?" He asked.

"More like a badass."

"She is a badass." My mom agreed.

So when the Blackwater Rush battle comes around, my mom is instantly worried, "But once Bronn sees that Tyrion's with her, he'll stop, right? Doesn't he know he's there?"

And as Daenerys was flying Drogon towards Bronn, "What sucks is that it's two characters we like! So it's very conflicting. You don't know who to cheer for!"

At the end of the episode when Jaime is sinking into the water, my brother, again, just came home from work and was asking questions.

"Is Jaime a bad guy?"

"Not...really. Just misguided."

Mom, for some reason, mocks Bronn everytime he says "cunt".

When Nymeria showed up, my mom also commented, "I forgot the girls got direwolves, too. I thought it was just the boys."

When Gendry shows up, "Oh, yeah!"

"She's obviously not pregnant, right?" My mom asked when Cersei said she was pregnant. Then we went on discussing Maggy the Frog's prophecy or whatever since I had told her about that earlier.

When Jon and the Gang go out beyond the Wall, "It's like bringing the Suicide Squad or the Avengers together!"

And my personal favorite reaction was from my dad, who is usually quiet during the show (unlike me and my mom) unless Tyrion makes him laugh. It was Episode 4, when Littlefinger was giving Bran his Valyrian steel dagger. As Petyr's rambling on and on and on with his monologue, I look over at my dad, who's playfully smiling at me and bringing his finger to his nose. He made a finger motion to make it look like his nose was growing like Pinnochio, indicating Littlefinger was obviously lying. It made me laugh so hard and loud that we had to pause cause we couldn't hear the rest of it. It might not sound funny the way I'm describing it, but you would have had to be there to laugh.

We still have Episode 7 left to watch and I can't wait to share with you guys how my parents react! Lemme know if you have any requests! Don't forget to follow and don't be shy to ask me questions, theories, personal opinions, or favorites about the show! You can also ask me personal questions if you like.

(Gifs not mine)

[admittedlynotspartacus]

“Game of Thrones” Season VIII: Episode 1 - Eighth Verse, Same as the First

All right you sons of bitches, here we motherfucking go. The last six episodes. I want to see you wrapping yourselves up in fur, hopping on your nearest dragon, and shaking your asses... because winter? She’s here.

WARNING: Spoilers for the latest episode below, so if you haven’t seen it and don’t know yet who dies, who fucks who, and just how many times Bran was creeping in his wheelchair, turn back now.

WINTERFELL

Okay, so after the credits are like -

we see this rando little boy running around and we’re kinda like, “Little Boy, what the fuck are you up to?” And he’s like -

And it’s kinda like “Okay, little boy, chill the fuck out because D-Baby and J’Snow are COMING. TO. TOWN.” So they’re strutting in like -

And Arya’s watching like -

but also a little like -

And meanwhile during all this, Barack and Michelle are looking around all -

Anyway, the whole thing is like kinda gorgeous and super nostalgic but like in a good way and we’re kinda like, “This might actually just be really fucking great.” But then D&D are like, “Boy, do we have a fucking treat for you guys, ‘cause the first line of the season? Yeah, it’s gonna be a joke about how Varys doesn’t have a dick!”

And what’s more constant on Game of Thrones than dick jokes? No, aside from gratuitous nudity. No, also aside from sexual violence against women. Yes, that’s right. Dragons. The lone survivors come flying over Winterfell, and Arya’s like -

while Sansa is all -

Truly not having it. Okay, so finally J-Snow winds up in the Winterfell courtyard and we see somebody creeping in the corner of the frame like -

SURPRISE! IT’S BRAN! And J-Snow’s all, “Yo little bro, it’s so crazy to see you. You’re totally a grown ass man now.” And Bran is all -

And we’re like, “Cool, so he’s like TOTALLY just a fucking meme now, got it.” 

Meanwhile, tensions are HIGH inside the Meeting Hall when Lady Sophia Grace reads. J-Snow. To. Filth.

And so it’s like drama, drama, drama, but like none of it ultimately matters because guess who’s fucking back with like a REAL White Supremacist haircut?

That’s right. Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife. And also minorities, because... that haircut is a little concerning.

He’s basically like, “Gotta have more coal, gotta have more coal,” while P-Dinky and Sansa have That Awkward Remember When We Got Married talk and Bran watches from the courtyard like -

Then for Reunion #5,765 we’ve got Arya and J-Snow. Arya is all, “You used to be taller,” and J-Snow is like, “You used to seem less like a sociopath.” 

Anyway, they bond over Arya’s sword and he’s like, “Have you ever used it?” And she’s just like -

And then J-Snow is like, ‘Look at us, we have swords, we have so much in common, also ISN’T SANSA A BITCH?” And Arya’s just like -

KING’S LANDING

So Cersei is literally dressed like this.

when Uncle Freddie Mercury struts into the Throne Room, and this time he’s brought Jon Bon Jovi along for the ride.

HEY, GURL! So Cersei’s pretty stoked that she has Bon Jovi’s army, but also a little bit like -

Meanwhile, Uncle Freddie’s just got one thing on his mind.

And after putting up a little bit of a fight, Cersei is just like -

And then we just cut to Bronn Piece of Fucking Shit in the middle of this -

when Maester Frankenstein bursts in all -

So the Boob Ladies have gotta go, but not before one of the craziest things ever to happen on this show goes down. First one of the Ladies goes to Maester Frankenstein all -

And then he literally says, “Poor girl. The pox will take her within the year.”

Yeah, glad we’re spending time on this. Anyway, I guess Cersei like... wants Bronn to kill Jaime and P-Dinky. Sure. Next.

Cersei is post-coital and all she can think about is -

While Uncle Freddie is just like, “Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,” and she’s just like -

Meanwhile, outside on Uncle Freddie’s ship, all the guards are suddenly like -

except legit one of them already has a fucked-up eye before he gets shot. I’m not even kidding, check it back... so I guess, no harm no foul? Anyway, it turns out it’s Theon rescuing his sister. And clearly we’re supposed to all be like -

But instead it’s kinda like -

Like. So easy that they steal a bunch of Uncle Freddie’s ships. Again. Like, Freddie. Get on your shit.

WINTERFELL

Back here, Varys is singing my favorite Harry Styles song.

While D-Baby and J-Snow are running around like -

Like truly has there ever been a piece of entertainment so sure we are invested in a couple and so wrong as Thrones is with these two?

But gird your loins, people because D-Baby is like “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta RIDE MY FUCKING DRAGON.” So J-Snow is like -

and then it just turns into this -

meets this -

Because when your lead actors don’t have chemistry, it’s best to surround them with CGI gobbledegook and then make them say the most fuckboy of fuckboy things ever. J-Snow: It’s cold up here for a southern girl. D-Baby: So keep your queen warm.

Anyway, back to the real show.

Much better. So it’s time for the second leg of the Arya Reunion Tour. We’ve got the Hound. We’ve got Gendry. And the Hound is all, “You left me for dead.” And Arya’s all, “Nuh-uh, first I stole that PAPER.” And the Hound is like -

“Peace.” So then it’s just Gendry and Arya. And Gendry’s all, “Gurl you look GOOD.” And Arya’s like, “Yo I hate being called milady except when it’s YOU ON THE OTHER END.” And I’m literally like SALIVATING for these two to just BONE already.

But first Arya shows him some shitty drawing and is like, “Can you make this?” And he’s like -

So then we get to what winds up being the best part of the episode, which is the only time that term can be applied to anything relating to Samwell Tarly. I know, I’m just as surprised as you. So D-Baby struts in to see him and she’s all, “You’re the man.” 

And she’s like, “Sure. I mean the man who healed Ser Jorah! THANKS FOR THAT!”

“Oh, also, by the way. I literally burnt your father alive.” And Sam’s all -

But then he’s like, “Wait, but now I can move back in with my brother!”

And she’s like, “Okay so I burnt him alive as well.”

So Sam’s like -

So he’s having a bad day, right? Like it’s horrible enough that he has to deal with this shit, and when he goes outside he almost gets hit by a fucking wagon, but the worst of the worst is that he winds up running straight into -

And it’s like BRAN! WHY HAVE YOU BECOME THE WEIRD WALDORF KID WHO CUTS HIS OWN HAIR AND LISTENS TO WAY TOO MUCH COLDPLAY?!?! AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST SITTING HERE?!?!

Ugh, whatever. So he’s like, “Sam. It’s time to tell Jon the truth.” And Sam’s like, “Oh, bitch, you bet it fucking is.” So he storms down to J-Snow and tells him the two words he needs to hear most.

THE LAST HEARTH

So Ginger Wildling and Eyepatch Dude somehow survived the Wall falling.

And they’re wandering around this place we’ve never been before all -

When suddenly they run into a bunch of Night’s Watch people and That Night’s Watch Dude Who’s Been Around forever shouts the thing I thought all Oscar season about Bradley Cooper -

“STAY BACK! HE’S GOT BLUE EYES!”

But then everybody chills the fuck out and they go into this room where this little dead boy is the centerpiece of some bizarre art installation by the Night Queen.

And they’re like, “Notice the use of light” when suddenly the dead little boy is like -

and they’re like -

Which makes for Child Burning #2 on this show. So that’s good.

WINTERFELL

Okay, so then we’ve got Mysterious Hooded Figure approaching the castle. And I’m like... “Melisandre?” And the show’s like...

And I’m like... “Littlefinger?!?” And the show’s like...

And I’m like... “Beyonce?!?” And the show’s like...

And I’m like -

Until he looks over. And who else should he see but -

This fucking kid.

BOOB COUNT: 3 pairs BODY COUNT: 1 (RIP Ned Umber, whoever the fuck you are) EPISODE GRADE: B-

Okay, so this spot used to be reserved for SER POUNCE’S STRAY THOUGHTS, but then D&D announced Ser Pounce is dead because they’re cruel bastards. So I announce the installation of:

THE SER POUNCE MEMORIAL FOR STRAY THOUGHTS

I was one hundred percent down with the echoes of the pilot episode - Arya clocking the little boy watching the procession just as she had, the scoring. I typically hate when movies or shows repeat earlier stuff in their home stretches, but this was well-done and satisfying nostalgia porn.

Why do we continue these ball jokes? Does anybody genuinely think they’re funny anymore? ANSWER ME!!!

There’s a long linger on Bran’s first look at Daenerys. I suppose this could be because he knows she’s Jon’s aunt, but maybe he knows something else in her future. But also who gives a fuck, Bran’s nuts.

Okay, so this Tyrion trusting Cersei shit - there’s gotta be something going on here, because I don’t believe for a second Tyrion would believe she’d actually come unless he, as suspected, struck some kind of deal with her. He says, “She has something to live for now,” which ties back to the moment we cut away from their scene last year. Could he have made some sort of deal about the baby? As in he will fight for the Lannister lineage? I don’t know what this means yet, but I will justify hardcore when the show starts making Tyrion look like a fucking dumbass.

It’s so frustrating that Jon is right - everybody does need to work together - and yet he seems to not accept that it’s completely valid that people should be challenging his leadership tactics after botching two military operations the last two seasons. I’m so over him.

Harry Strickland’s entrance with 6 episodes left feels suspect. Let us not forget that in the books there is the other Aegon who is represented by the Golden Company. We don’t know where that plotline is going, but it’s very possible Strickland is this character incognito, and that he will ultimately be the one to kill Cersei. He has only a few moments in this episode, but his looks at Cersei and the Red Keep are quite loaded.

I hate no character more than Bronn and I am also certain no character will survive more than Bronn.

Moments like the elephant shit turn these characters into campy weirdos that make me wonder if D&D even like these people at all.

I suppose I’m mildly interested in the fact that Cersei has so alienated herself from everyone that she has to turn to Euron for the tiniest bit of comfort. But then I remember that Euron is one of the most lazily-written villains ever and I stop caring.

Boy, the buildup for the Theon rescue mission was so great and boy, the payoff was lousy.

“I don’t know how to ride a dragon.” “Nobody does, until they ride a dragon.” Television writing - so easy a fourth grader could do it.

Dragon doesn’t like Jon kissing Daenerys. Does dragon want to fuck Daenerys?

As much as Sansa is calling Jon on the carpet about his allegiance with Daenerys and his seeming ineptitude at leading, she has even more grounds to be pissed off than she’s showing here. I’m hopeful that we are meant to side with her and that it isn’t the show just giving Jon another free pass for being the de facto “hero” of the show.

And the MVP of the episode shockingly goes to John Bradley, who is heartbreaking in his scene with Daenerys. Moreover, combining the Targaryen reveal to Jon with the notion that Jon may be turning a blind eye to Daenerys’ more psychopathic tendencies sets up a really interesting conflict that hopefully the rest of the season cashes in on. And having it come from the one person Jon knows wouldn’t lie to him made it all the more powerful.

“My father was the most honorable man I ever met” - the words of denial

“You gave up your crown to save your people. Would she do the same?”

So obviously the Bran stuff is just a fucking lost cause at this point. But even I will admit the symmetry of the ending with Jaime took me by surprise and gave me chills. I’m not a monster.

NEXT WEEK: Jaime’s got some ‘splainin’ to do.

[keepingup-withthetargaryens]

S7, E4:

Damn. God damn HBO.

I haven’t been writing these because I feel like everything is all a bit more straightforward these days, and people don’t need recaps because everyone is an ~expert~. I got close last week because it was such a badass episode, but this one. I. AM. Shook. 

The before-the-show “remember this” previews always get me because, i.e., in this one, we see Qyburn talking about a “solution” for the dragons, you see Dany getting frustrated, and you’re like SHIT NOT THE DRAGONS. 

But let’s back up.

So we begin at Highgarden (RIP OLENNA) with Jaime paying his debts to Bronn. I hate to say this, because as much as I hated the sand snakes (overall and just... overall) I kind of wanted Bronn to ride off to King’s Landing to save Tyene... somehow. Wishful thinking, because Bronn sends him off to help Dickon Tarly yell at people.

Now on to Cersei. Tycho, this guy from the Iron Bank, is hella creepy. He reminds me of my student loan officer from college who was like “if you take that fifth year, think about all you can accomplish”. And now 1/3 of my monthly income goes away to pay it off. Anyway.

Cersei is still possessed with the idea of controlling the “continent” which at this point sounds incredibly stupid given what we know is to come with the War for the Dawn. But, semantics.

Okay, this dagger situation. Littlefinger is being smarmy, and talking about how Bran almost died, and Catelyn did die. It’s almost as bad as when Bran was like “Hey Sansa, remember how beautiful you were when you were raped?”  It also sounds really “off” to hear Petyr call him “Brandon” because only Cat did that when she was yelling at him for climbing around Winterfell. 

I’m so glad that Meera interrupts the smarm-sesh because Bran isn’t really waving him off. And tbh whenever I see Meera, I just hope they’re not going to go down the “Jon and Meera” twins crackpot theory road. The one where they decide that there were TWO babies at the Tower of Joy, and Ned took one, and Howland took the other? I hate that theory. Let us have Jon. Meera’s a badass, but... THEN she starts talking about how when “they” (the white walkers) come, she needs to be with her family. Ah, yes, her father, THE Howland Reed, who killed Arthur Dayne, who was the only other living person not a baby who was there at the Tower when Lyanna made Ned swear to protect Jon’s true identity. 

Can SOMEONE please just tell this boy he’s a Targaryen already?! I’ve waited 12 years and that’s long enough.

Back to Bran. Bran is still being very Jaden Smith-like and it’s getting old because he’s not really helping anyone. Bran, this is why we left you out of an entire season. Remember that? The North does. 

So, now Arya is here, and maybe she can knock some sense into raisin-Bran. 

Arya looking at the Stark crest, though. *Tears up*

I’m upset that we’ve come so far that nobody knows who Rodrick is. SER RODRICK. I miss those mutton chops.

Arya and Sansa! Together! Being sassy! I love it! Except I only see Maisie and Sophie together, and not their characters, and I’ve forgotten that Arya and Sansa didn’t exactly get along all those years ago.

They talk about how Jon would be SO happy to see Arya, and I hope we get to that point. Arya says that Ned’s statue doesn’t look him him, just as Robert remarked that Lyanna’s looks nothing like her, so that seems to be a trend in the Stark crypt.

I like how Sansa is essentially WTF about her siblings’ new personalities. Bran is a fortune-telling raisin, and Arya is an assassin who broke bread with Ed Sheeran.

THREE STARKS IN ONE FRAME. AT WINTERFELL. I CAN’T.

Clearly Bran has seen Arya do something with this dagger, or he wouldn’t be so creepy about giving it to her. He ~knows. I’m glad Sansa perks up and says something about how Littlefinger has to be up to something, because for a minute there it looked like she was on board with him.

I love how Jon literally interrupts girl talk here, and Missandei is like “well talk later”. 

I also love how Dany just waltzes in there with him, and is apparently fully on board with trusting him at this point.

And we all know how much Jon Snow loves caves. *wink*

I like how he thinks he’s showing her a bit of her heritage, but really, he’s discovering his own as well. 

How CONVENIENT that there are markings showing white walkers, the very things she doesn’t believe in, though?

When Jon touches Dany I literally just wanted to scream “THEY ARE TOUCHING. WHO TOUCHES THE QUEEN” like this is 2005 Pride and Prejudice and Darcy is helping Elizabeth into the carriage.

That look.

I want someone to touch my arm and lead me gently around a cave where I learn about history.

So much tension.

So. much. tension.

People were like “they have no chemistry!” Me: *Gestures at this scene*

Also, the parallels: 

���I will fight for you. I will fight for the North. When you bend the knee.”

There are tears welling up in my eyes.

DAMN, DANY. Don’t ask Jon to bend the knee in a cave because he’s already done that and we saw how that went. But honestly I could totally see them turning this around and having him “bend the knee” some other way, especially because of that tension. DAMN.

~Lingering looks and soft music~

But I don’t know how they’re going to get around the incest factor. It’s not a big deal on GoT but there’s really no way of making it normal between two beloved characters even if they are Targaryens.

In the books, Viserys yells at Dany for not being born earlier so she could marry Rhaegar (normal) because then he wouldn’t have run off with Lyanna (Jon’s mom).

And then they exit the cave so closely it almost looks like they’re holding hands from the angle, but they aren’t, don’t worry. But we’ve come a long way in one episode.

Tyrion’s like, what do you want, good news or bad news first? Varys is like, my hands are cold.

Okay, I feel bad that Dany digs into Tyrion like that, but she has a right to be pissed. I also like how she says Jon and Davos should stay because they’re essentially part of her small council now.

“Enough with clever plans. I have three large dragons. I’m going to fly them to the Red Keep”.

I like how she says “large”. Not just that she has dragons, but like they’re LARGE. Anyway.

AND THEN SHE LOOKS TO JON. TO JON.

He’s like “who, me?” Missandei and Varys are like “who, him?” 

Help me Jon Snow. You’re my only hope.

And he gives her a speech about doing impossible things, which he has ALSO done. The layers. (I’m not just saying layers because the Onion knight is right there.)

Every time we see dragons I’m like “can Rhaegal come say hi to Jon” like we’re at the damn pet store.

Arya. Sparring with Brienne. I also can’t. If you think back to when Ned was telling Arya she’d make a fine lady one day, and she told him that’s not who she was, so he hired Syrio, and she was getting somewhat decent, but she wasn’t great. Now... on par with Brienne. We’ve come so far. *ANTM fist pump*

Pod’s like “damnnnn”.

Sansa’s like “who is my sister”. 

Littlefinger’s like “oh fuck”.

THIS. IS. GAME. OF. THRONES. 

Honestly you can tell this was so fun to shoot for the two of them, and I love it. I’m living.

Omg Jon acting like he’s in middle school: “who?” YOUR CRUSH JON. YOUR CRUSH. “I’ve seen you staring at her good heart”. ARE YOU SERIOUS WITH THIS DIALOGUE, D&D?

Okay, two things are happening here. 

1. Davos CONTINUES to mention Missandei OF NAATH. Not just, Missandei. While it’s common to mention where people are from, nothing on this show is coincidental. He even talks about if she wanted to sail home to Naath. Just FYI - if you want to know something slightly sketchy, look up the butterflies of Naath.

2. They talk about names, which Jon is like “semantics”. Are they setting us up for his Targaryen name reveal?! “My mother and father weren’t married”. BUT WERE THEY?! Ugh I can’t wait to get into this and talk about how they probably were but this post is long enough as it is.

Missandei speaks 19 languages. And she doesn’t know what a bastard is. Okay.

Jon’s aggression toward Theon. YAS. There’s my little warrior bb. His expression is the epitome of “over this shit”.

I’m honestly surprised Theon had the balls to walk toward Jon at all. Okay not funny.

Okay, sidebar: sometimes I just think about Kit in Pompeii. Running around. Being a gladiator. I’m done now.

“The Queen is gone.”

OH MY GOD DANY IS GOING TO GET THE LANNISTERS. 

“If the head of the line is ambushed, the tail will never be able to reinforce it in time” - Randyll Tarly, you foreshadower, you. Head. Tail. Dragon. I see you.

“Rickon.”

“Dickon.”

Bronn: *Cackles. Is all of us*

I like how Jaime continues to call him by dead Stark names - previously, Rickard, and now Rickon. 

But then. Hoofbeats. DAMN, DAMN. I hate the Lannisters but I like Jaime and Bronn and I know what a shitstorm is coming for them and ARE THEY GOING TO MAKE IT?!

I like how you can hear the Dothraki screaming from that far away, before you can even see them. Remember this conversation that Robert and Cersei had in season 1? Robert: I do know this: If the Targaryen girl convinces her horselord husband to invade and the Dothraki horde crosses the Narrow Sea...We won't be able to stop them. Cersei: The Dothraki don't sail. Every child knows that. They don't have discipline, they don't have armor, they don't have siege weapons. Robert: It's a neat little trick you do. You move your lips and your father's voice comes out. Cersei: Is my father wrong? Robert: Let's say Viserys Targaryen lands with 40,000 Dothraki screamers at his back. We hole up in our castles. A wise move. Only a fool would meet the Dothraki in an open field. They leave us in our castles. They go from town to town, looting and burning, killing every man who can't hide behind a stone wall, stealing all our crops and livestock, enslaving all our women and children. How long do the people of the Seven Kingdoms stand behind their absentee king, their cowardly king hiding behind high walls? When do the people decide that Viserys Targaryen is the rightful monarch after all?

Those payoffs, though.

It all looks quite stormy, as though this battle will go in favor of Daenerys Stormborn.

Sidebar: they did a fantastic job with the CGI background, here.

Jaime, if Bronn is telling you to go, you go. He doesn’t play around.

“DRACARYS”

DAMN, DANY.

And people are shook. People are stepping over each other’s ashes like it’s Pompeii (shout out, Kit) while the Dothraki mow over them.

I’ve watched a lot of war movies.

I’ve watched a lot of battle scenes.

And, damn.

Big question: Are Rhaegal and Viserion at home, or?

Sidebar: this must have been EXPENSIVE for all that fire power.

Archers with regular arrows: nope

Bronn with the scorpion: SHIT

SHIT ARE YOU KIDDING ME WE HAVE TO WATCH BRONN SHOOT DROGON WHILST DANY RIDES HIM. THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN. I feel like this is the worst kind of dread because you KNOW it’s going to happen.

Bronn is 100% “if I were into that, I’d be into that.” Like, if I were into guys with issues and lots of war wrinkles, I’d be into him. Which means I slightly am. Anyway.

And after Dany and Drogon almost gets hit, SHE DOESN’T LEAVE? SHE DOESN’T LEARN FROM THE FIGHTING PIT SCENE? GO, GO, GO.

As much as I am in agony I’m also like THIS IS PRIME GAME OF THRONES. BRONN, AIMING A GIANT CROSSBOW THING AT A DRAGON WHILE DANY RIDES IT AND TRIES TO BURN HIM TO A CRISP? THIS. IS. GAME. OF. THRONES. BITCHES.

Sidebar: How does Bronn know how to operate this thing and dramatically throw the sides down like that?!

TYRION IS HERE? SHIT. THAT MEANS BAD THINGS FOR DANY AND/OR JAIME BECAUSE HE IS HERE TO WATCH.

“Your people can’t fight” A) Does Tyrion now speak Dothraki? He’s terrible at Valyrian. B) Is this also a reference to the fact that Tyrion MAY not be a Lannister after all? C) Is that a hint of the Rains of Castamere in the background? But like a slow remix? Um... who is going to die

Jaime, watching his soldiers crumble away like ash. Third Pompeii reference.

Bronn, shooting at Dany.

The music swells.

Drogon roars.

Tyrion watches with interest.

Bronn loads the scorpion.

SHIT. SHIT. SHIT.

He hits Drogon. He moves to strike again.

DANY AND DROGON ARE FALLING.

Okay, Drogon burns the scorpion to a crisp, but IS HE OKAY?! BB!

Dany’s really going to pull that thing out herself?

No, JAIME. DON’T DO IT.

You one-handed idiot.

But honestly that shot of Jaime galloping along the burning riverbanks toward Dany is cinematic goals.

Dany actually looks scared, but Drogon’s got her.

BAM.

BOOM.

P.S. If they killed Jaime off, I feel like they’d tell us. They were outright with Olenna... they weren’t outright with Jon. Jaime still has a lot to do.... Valonquar, anyone?

UNTIL NEXT WEEK. P.S. If you like my recaps as much as Davos loves Jon Snow, please let me know and I’ll continue writing them.

[lady-alayne]

Game of Thrones: An Angry Recap

Season 7 Episode 6: Beyond the Wall

Winterfell:

Sigh. Okay. Let's do this.

Arya and Sansa's relationship is all over the place. After a heartfelt reunion where it seems the old tension between the sisters had been set aside, Arya became more and more paranoid of everyone and everything, resulting in the lurking bonanza last episode where it seems Arya got royally littlefingered.

Because just as Petyr planned (presumably), Arya jumped to all the wrong conclusions about the letter Sansa was forced to write to her brother, urging him to bend the knee to Joffrey. “Why didn't you just murder everyone instead, like I would have?” she snaps at her sister. “This is what this show is about! Violence begets violence, and it's awesome! No wonder everyone on reddit hates you.” Ah, sisterly love.

It breaks my heart that GRRM wrote the Stark sisters as polar opposites, but equally strong. Arya is the more traditional Strong Female Character(TM), portraying stereotypically male traits: She wants to learn how to fight, she has a temper, is reckless, and she solves her problems with violence rather than words. Sansa, on the other hand, embraces her femininity. And that's wonderful. She navigates through the snake pit of King's Landing because she is polite, well-trained, and knows when to shut up and swallow her anger and then attack later out of a position of power. Although different, the sisters are both strong, resilient, and grow more and more powerful over the course of the series. GRRM has done a beautiful job portraying women as real people with unique characters.

Enter D&D! While doing some pseudo-research for their characters, biding their time until they ran out of books so they can make up their own shit, they decided to A) dumb Arya and Sansa down to have “invincible killer robot whose trauma made her want to murder everyone” and “stupid girl who is stupid and everyone takes advantage of” and then to B) PIT THESE CHARACTERS AGAINST EACH OTHER IN THE MOST FORCED CONFLICT IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION.

Are we really supposed to believe that single letter poses such a threat??? To make this conflict work, Arya had to be:

stupid enough to think Sansa meant what she wrote

evil enough to blackmail Sansa with it

paranoid enough to think Sansa has ulterior motives and wants to usurp Jon or whatever (can you usurp something that is RIGHTFULLY YOURS?)

Sansa had to be

stupid enough to believe that letter poses a threat—as if the Northern lords wouldn't immediately know Sansa wrote what Cersei told her to write

evil enough to send Brienne away, a woman in the perfect position to mediate and de-escalate

paranoid enough to break into Arya's chambers and try to steal the letter back

And all just so D&D can create random conflict out of thin air because, uh, good television.

Also at Winterfell, we get out weekly dose of two minutes Petyr Baelish screentime. (And it's not enough. It's never enough.) It looks like Sansa and Petyr are friends again and she asks him for his council (after telling him to go away, telling him she's smarter than him, and gloomily talking about what he wants, but who cares about characterization in this show? The plot demands that Sansa and Petyr speak.) Petyr helpfully suggests to have Brienne talk to the girls, as she has an invested interest in those two being on the same side, which makes Sansa send Brienne away. Logic(TM)!

As mentioned above, Sansa then sneaks into Arya's chambers to steal the letter back from her, and finds Arya's work clothes under the bed. To dial up the creepy, Arya then appears and... threatens to kill Sansa so she can know how it feels to wear beautiful dresses??? Arya, YOU COULD HAVE WORN ALL THE BEAUTIFUL DRESSES, but you WANTED TO BE A KNIGHT INSTEAD. Before stabbing her sister, Arya changes her mind/reveals she was bluffing (who can tell with this demon child), and gives Sansa Littlefinger's dagger because... reasons. Oh boy, that dagger is going places! Tune in next week to see Sansa give the dagger to Gilly's four year old baby when Sam and family turn up in Winterfell on their way back to castle black! And stay tuned for season 8, where we find out THE DAGGER IS AZOR AHAI!

Beyond the Wall:

Jon, Tormund, Jorah, Gendry, the Brotherhood Without Banners, and a few nameless extras to be killed off as needed hike through a blizzard during Operation Catch a Wight, and we are immediately treated to a rape joke! This time Tormund jokes about raping Jon because “fucking is best to stay warm.” It's funny, because it's two men! Haha, gay! Like Loras! Lol!

But Jon is not just the butt of the joke (I couldn't resist), we are also reminded once again that he's super nice and honorable, much like his “father,” and so he offers Jorah Longclaw back. But Jorah declines, because he's also super honorable and a good guy(TM). I was rooting for him to take the sword and stab Jon with it while yelling “I'm getting rid of the competition! Khaleesi, here I come!!!” But, oh well, when D&D fanservice they somehow never take my wishes into account.  Wait while I send them a raven and complain.

My raven seems to have reach them, because a little later the Hound insists he does not like gingers, and all the SanSan shippers break into crisis mode while I laugh. Heehee. Then we have the incredible honor and privilege to witness a dialogue that includes the words “dick,” “cock,” and “pussy” within what feels like 0.000001 seconds. Finally, proof of GoT's level of sophistication that everyone is talking about. But... Tormund x Brienne, so yay!

The shipping does not last long, because out of nowhere ZOMBIE ICE BEAR ATTACK!!! Run for your lives!!! We watch with bated breath while the bear threatens to kill our beloved heroes and hope he will kill one of the suspiciously random background extras instead, but then we realize we are already dead inside when it comes to this show, so we would not care either way. By the way, is anyone else reminded of Star Wars whenever the Brotherhood Without Banners switch on their fire swords?

But killer zombie bears are not the only threat beyond the wall, and soon the men meet a white walker taking his pack of wights out for a walk. Now I feel safe enough to scream again. THE WIGHTS ARE WEARING HOODS WHILE THE MEN ARE NOT. THE UNDEAD PEOPLE ARE WEARING PROTECTIVE HEADWEAR WHILE THE LIVING PERSONS ARE NOT. THIS SHOW MAKES NO SENSE. NO SENSE. UGH!!!!

Because this is Operation Catch a Wight, the men decide to, you know, catch a wight, and set a trap for some reason. I guess just attacking their enemy without the enemy knowing they were even there would not be sneaky enough! Luckily, the dragonglass proves potent, and Jon successfully makes the white walker burst into a billion pieces AND re-deads the un-dead! DOUBLE KILL! …... except for one wight, who is still undead for practicality and thus immediately captured. Lucky!

The team soon realizes their chances are dire at best, and decide to send Gendry back to Eastwatch so he can send a raven to Daenerys. GENDRY. WITHOUT ANY WEAPONS. ALONE. THROUGH A BLIZZARD. While Gendry runs of to his certain death—who would survive a marathon through a snowstorm?— Jon & Friends also run to their certain death, as they are suddenly attacked by an army of thousands of wights. But—oh joy!—there's a lake there! And the ice on the lake is super special and only breaks AFTER ALL THE IMPORTANT CHARACTERS have already passed! But then it drags all the wights, plus one nameless extra for supposed shock value, down to their icy (re-)deaths, and our heroes manage to escape on a strategically placed isle in the middle of the lake to wait for their rescue.

Dragonstone:

Meanwhile, Dany and Tyrion are having some girl talk because Missandei seems to be MIA. After establishing that Jon is, like, super in love with Dany, you guys, and of course Tyrion knows that because he's SO SMART!!!, Tyrion broaches the topic of succession and SUGGESTS IMPLEMENTING A DEMOCRACY. I mean... yeah, Democracies are nice like 94% of the time, unless you elect someone like Donald Trump Euron Greyjoy. But it just gets SO FUCKING BORING how Tyion is always so super duper good and even his mistakes just make him more human and more lovable, isn't Tyrion just the awesomest, hooray hooray, all hail the best character in the history of the universe.

After what seems like 2 minute flight time, the raven from Eastwatch arrives and delivers Jon's cry for help. The men are trapped in the wilderness, under attack, and in dire need of immediate rescue! Daenerys wastes no time leaping into action. “I have to fly North immediately to rescue the guy I have a lady boner for, the guy who has a sad boner for me, the guy who knows how to turn dragon glass into weapons, the grumpy fan favorite, and their friends... As soon as my seamstress has finished my new winter coat! What fur should I use? This one matches my eyes, but this one goes better with my skin tone!”

Back beyond the wall:

It seems as if Dany's seamstress is really fast, because Dany makes it to the little isle at the perfect moment—Thoros has just died for shock value (and let's face it, nobody cared about Thoros anyway), and the wights have just discovered that the lake has frozen again, and are about to attack, when—DRAGONS!!! Dany swoops in and saves the day. Everyone climbs aboard Drogon, EXCEPT FOR JON, who runs off on a one man “Fighting my way through thousands of wights to kill the Night's King while he's surrounded by his four friends who are all expecting me” mission. Naturally, he does not get far and soon joins nameless extra in the icy depths below. RIP Jon, RIP.

To make matters worse, the Night's King turns out to be an insanely accurate spear thrower, and pierces Viserion's heart. Now that was a death for shock value! The mighty dragon plunges out of the sky, and Dany watches him motionless. I suppose she was just shocked, but maybe that was also Emilia Clarke's inability to act.

Drogon and his human load then get the hell out of there, and—OH GOD!!! JON IS NOT DEAD!!! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT???? HE'S ALIVE!!!!

And then IT'S BENJEN EX MACHINA!!! AND HE SAVES JON!!! AND HE PUTS HIM ON A HORSE!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! AND JON SNOW IS SAVED!!!

Dany, it turns out, is very relieved about that, and immediately rushes to his side while he's lying in bed naked, recovering from almost freezing to death. Because that's how you get warm—you go to a somewhat warmer room and take off all your clothes. Then, when you freeze, you realize the cold outside was not so bad in comparison, so your body heals itself. Science(TM)!

[theliterateape]

I Like to Watch | Game of Thrones (All Eight Seasons in Three Weeks)

by Don Hall

On April 17, 2011, I watched the first episode of the first season of HBO’s Game of Thrones. I immediately loved it like so many others. I was so happy to see Sean Bean as another epic hero in a Lord of the Rings sort of drama. Before the second episode, a friend of mine let me know she had read the first book and that Ned Stark is beheaded shortly after.

“Fuck that!” I thought. “That’s some bait and switch bullshit.”

Despite the overwhelming pop-culture gravitas the next eight or so years held, I ignored the show from that point on. Sometime during Season Five, I decided that I’d wait until the goddamned thing was done and then I’d watch all of it in one fell swoop.

Thank you, COVID quarantine.

I’m not one of those DON’T SPOIL IT assholes unless it just opened, so I knew a number of things going in. Of course, that Ned Stark would get his head lopped off. I knew that there was something called The Red Wedding and all hell had broken loose after but didn’t know whose wedding it was or who got axed. I knew about Cersei’s walk of atonement but not the circumstances. I read some squawk about Arya finally getting laid and I knew that the finale disappointed, well, everyone. 

I also had heard that Daenerys dragon-flamed thousands in a bloodthirsty move, John Snow killed her, and that Brandon Stark was made the king at the end (all making long-time fans Twitter-furious).

I read that the show runners for the final season no longer had a book to adapt but an outline of possibilities from author George R.R. Martin and that there was a Starbucks cup present in Season 8, Episode 4.

Endings are hard. I recall really enjoying LOST during its six seasons. I loved the characters, the riddles, the labyrinth of theories about the island. I also have a sour taste in my mouth because I hated the conclusion. That failure to stick the landing tainted the entire six years of engaging and fun television.

I loved Spielberg’s AI: Artificial Intelligence but the last fifth of the film (the epilogue following the kid’s descent into the ocean staring at the statue of the Blue Fairy from Pinocchio) was both unnecessary and has made any repeated viewings uninteresting.

Stephen King is almost legendary for shitty endings to brilliant tales. The most notable is the creation of Pennywise the Serial Killing Clown. Easily on of the scariest villains ever penned only to reveal at the end that he is just a big fucking spider.

On the other hand, Six Feet Under, The Leftovers, and the most recent Watchmen all ended so well and I was so satisfied that they sit on a mental shelf of some of the best told stories I know.

Watching Season One of GoT and knowing the ending likely had me looking for clues. And the clues are there. Brandon Stark is the first significant character we see which indicates in some way that the whole thing is his story. Likewise, Daenerys shows us her impulsive anger and desire for power very early on. Throughout the series, both these aspects built a resume in my viewing that indicated the logic behind where it ended.

By Season Four, I realized that there are three things that define this sprawling storyline: a fixation on cocks (and the removal and absence of balls), broken vows and lies, and spectacular deaths. 

Lots of talk about testicles. Like almost ridiculous amount of time spent on so many characters without them. Ramsay Bolton cuts off Theon’s nuts and he became like a neutered puppy. Varys has a dude in a fucking crate he keeps as revenge for lopping his grape nuts off. Grey Worm, while often badass, still spends an awful lot of screen time either reminding us or him being reminded that he is a Ken Doll in the crotch.

Add to that the nearly non-stop cock bragging by Bronn, Tyrian (a dwarf in size but, oh, the size of his Johnson!), the mysterious primacy of Podrick’s magic man meat. Yeah, George had a fixation on dick and sack.

I could be wrong but the only character among hundreds who never told a lie or broke a promise was John Snow, right? I mean it was fucking 76 hours, so I may have missed it but it was almost a guarantee that no one in this series could be trusted ever.

By Season Six, if Martin were trying convey some sort of overarching message it was not that power corrupts but those who pursue power are corrupted by the pursuit. The only truly decent characters in the entire cast of hundreds are the ones who do not want to be in power. Ned Stark doesn’t want to be Hand of Robert Baratheon. John Snow has less than no interest to be Lord Commander, King in the North, or Occupant of the Iron Throne. Tyrian Lannister enjoys power but rarely seeks it. Arya Stark isn’t invested in acquiring power but instead skill to avenge injustice. Jorah Mormont only wants to serve a Queen he loves and is inspired by. 

Back to the spectacular deaths.

The best Death by Dragon Fire was the first, Kraznys mo Nakloz, the slave trader who sold the Unsullied to Daenerys.

Sansa Stark feeding Ramsay Bolton to his own dogs was well-deserved (he was maybe the only truly irredeemable character in eight seasons) and satisfying. I never liked Sansa but her double-tap with Arya killing Littlefinger was just exactly right.

Lyanna Mormont dying by being crushed by an undead giant just as she stabs it in the single blue eye was rad.

Oberyn Martell getting his eyes gouged and his skull crushed by The Mountain after one of the best single combat scenes in the series was awesome.

Tyrian capping his dad while Tywin is dropping a deuce wasn’t spectacular but was somehow perfectly fitting.

In my view, the best death was Arya’s assassination of Ser Meryn Trant. Gruesome, well deserved, and by the exact right means and by the right character. 

Arya Stark was, hands down, my favorite character in the entire thing. Her journey to Bravos and subsequent training and then what she did with that training was righteous. Tyrian was also a favorite and Peter Dinklage carried so much of this series it’s difficult to imagine any of it working without that specific actor playing that specific character. Third on this list was Bronn. Plain-spoken, always true to his nature, funny, and surprisingly honest in intent, Bronn felt like the audience stand-in in this world of royals, religious fanatics, and soldiers.

Also, I’ve been seeing cinematic dragons since I was a kid and these dragons were what I think real dragons would look like.

I understand the need for so many to want there to be messages of import from such a pop culture behemoth but I’m not so sure Martin was going for any of that. Aside from the idea that the act of pursuing power is the true corruption, any über-ideas were like the best characters — set up for our enjoyment only to be axed as soon as we fell in love with them.

The feminist message seemed to be that women are perfectly capable of being in charge and just as capable to be fuck ups and despots as well. The whole Bernie Sanders-ishness of Daenerys freeing all the slaves would be quite progressive except that, once freed, all her slaves tended to serve her, die for her, or kill for her. In fact, the two most prominent freed slaves — Grey Worm and Missandei — served virtually no distinguishing purpose in the storyline.

I read some pissing and moaning about the only two black characters in eight seasons either being killed off or becoming the tool of fascism and I’d be more distraught but Missandei was a cardboard cut-out of a character and Grey Worm was simply a follower. Not a lot on diversity in Westeros, you know?

But let’s look at that fucking ending.

If I were to throw out a recommendation to anyone thinking to watch the series for the first time, I’d say STOP AFTER “THE LONG NIGHT” AND GO NO FURTHER! First, the epic battle to defeat the Night King is a fucking ride and definitive. Season One, Episode One: “Winter is coming.” Season Eight, Episode Three: “Winter came and we kicked its ass.” Done. Finished. Second, after saving the world from the undead and the creepy snow god on his undead snow dragon (was that blue fire hot? Cold?) who gives a flying fuck about the Iron Goddamned Throne?

Sure you’d miss the fight between The Hound and The Mountain but after eight seasons of build up, that battle royale was pretty much just a brawl, devoid of the emotional pay off expected. You’d miss Daenerys burning the Red Keep and thousands of innocent women and children (which is some spectacular filmmaking and completely in character for her despite your need for her to rise above her obvious and oft-stated lust for power and vengeance). 

You’d also miss the two biggest missteps in the series: the deaths of both bloodthirsty Queens. Which ain’t much to miss because spending 76 hours of Cersei connive, betray, napalm hundreds in a church, fuck her brother, try to kill her other brother, lose her children, and become one of pop culture’s most indelible villains, she dies by getting rubble dropped on her. WTF? Are you kidding me? Not even a callback to the first episode and drop her out of window?

And, while I felt the transition from Mother of Dragons to Pol Pot was rushed, I bought that Daenerys let the rush of power seize her. But a character so larger than life, so imbued with destiny, dies by getting stabbed in the gut? WTF? Even her shitty brother got a molten gold crown.

In a series defined in some ways by creative and satisfying deaths, to punt the demise of two of the most interesting and central characters just blows.

The internet is filled with die-hard fans playing coulda/woulda/shoulda with the ending of Game of Thrones but that changes nothing. We are stuck with the ending we are given. 

I thoroughly enjoyed the world of Westeros. Like a book I’m thrilled to read, I feel a little wanting for more after the final page and I’m still hearing that goddamned catchy theme song in my head. I choose to pretend I never saw the final three episodes. I choose to end the series with the defeat of the Night King because once you save the world, who gives a fuck about almost anything else?

[renlyisright]

Season 7 Episode 3: The Last Flower Before the Winter

So in the end of the last episode I was optimistic? Things can go very bad for a while but the end will be somewhat happy, that’s how I deluded myself? Fine, let me have some more Rains of Castamere and then ask again.

I have to apologize for this part, as it only works in Finnish. There was a lyric writing contest this autumn, and one of the series of the contest was “songs for drinks”, and I decided to write one for the long drink, a popular drink in Finland which sadly has few songs written about it. I took inspiration from this episode’s end. It is written to fit with “Rains of Castamere”.

So, the Queen of Thorns has passed from this horrible world. She was my favourite character. Why? Generally people talk in two different ways: The thugs and other horrible people have their obscenity-filled mouths, and then there are the monologuers, who look at something far away while telling about the moment their life changed and why they are who they are now. Olenna on the other hand was simply sassy, and of the school of thought that when you are old enough you don’t need to be polite anymore. In the episode before the Purple Wedding, she almost started a story about how she once got a necklace, but stopped the story short and threw the necklace away. She knew full well who she was and felt no need to talk to anyone about it.

It’s entirely likely that if she was a real person, I wouldn’t want to be in any contact with her. But she was always a delight while on screen. I’m going to miss her.

But before her fate, we see how Cersei deals with Daenerys’ other allies.

Euron brings them to the court, and Cersei lets him have Yara, and takes him as an official ally in the war. The Dornish prisoners she takes to deal justice on her own.

The alcoholic Queen Mother in his father’s shadow, who squabbled over her son’s attention with his wife, or was outmaneuvered by a man with no shoes, is no more. Good for her, but horrible for everyone in her way. She poisons Ellaria’s daughter, and leaves Ellaria to di… to live in the dungeons with the corpse for as long as it amuses the Queen.

So I take it this is goodbye for Ellaria as well, unless she is found when Cersei gets removed from the throne. I never had a positive opinion of her, some empathy when she had to watch her partner die, which quickly went away when she had the bright idea of killing everybody to avenge him, including his brother and nephew. Still, a horrible person being horrible to another horrible person is not my favourite thing to watch. Unless it’s Olenna using her words.

So Dorne is out of the show? After the new rulers there hear of what happened to Ellaria, they will likely just lie low. I mean, there are no previously seen characters from there alive anymore, so that means it’s over for Dorne. Until the next show, if it features Dorne.

Maybe it will feature Highgarden? Properly, I mean. I asked to see it for ages, but I must say that I’m disappointed with the little we saw of it in this episode. Sure it was winter, and so no pretty gardens of which the place is famous, but why show it then in its poor state, when it could be shown in its proper glory in the next show. Okay, now I’m sounding like a choosing beggar, I’ll stop.

Cersei continues her “I don’t care anymore” -policies by sleeping with Jaime so that soon the whole kingdom will know. No need for a Targaryen queen, she can fulfill that role easily. She also meets with the Iron Bank’s representative, and promises that the Lannisters will win this war, and also promises the moon from the sky while she is at it. The banker perhaps believes her. And with Dorne and the Reach removed by the end of this episode, Cersei may well be the winner. Unless...

The dragons.

Jon arrives to the Dragonstone, and sees them flying around the castle. Cersei may defeat Daenerys’ armies, but the Stormborn has the nuclear option of just burning down the Red Keep and becoming the de facto queen. You reap what you sow, Cersei.

Melisandre doesn’t want to see Jon, and confesses to Varys that she didn’t leave him on good terms. She is going to Volantis, but will return to die on Westeros. That is both her and Varys’ destiny. Spoiler alerts. Melisandre admits to having done horrible things because of her god. I appreciate that, after bringing Jon and Daenerys together she doesn’t try to preach her god to either of them. The Lord of Light is not a god you want to take instructions from.

Varys’ death is pretty much confirmed (or not if he lives to old age on Westeros). He and Littlefinger have gathered their players, they will have one last game to play.

Jon and Daenerys meet at last, and their conversations are surprisingly productive, considering how at odds their goals are. Daenerys has arrived to Westeros, only thinking about the throne. Now Jon arrives with a totally outside-context problem of the army of the dead. At this point Daenerys doesn’t yet know what happened to half of her fleet (and what will happen to the other half later), so she can afford to think only about getting the throne fast. But maybe she will have to save the realm to get the throne.

Tyrion trusts Jon, which shows how worthy a good first impression can be, and talks Daenerys into allowing Jon to mine dragonglass. Good, some good news. Otherwise there was little to cheer about in this episode.

Theon is being put as low as possible, either so that he can triumphantly kill the Ramsay-expy that is Euron, or he will be more and more humiliated with the end result for him being more like Ned Stark’s. I’m rooting for the first option, since therapy being non-existent that might be the best that he can hope for.

Sansa governs Winterfell, and receives a report that they are not going to have enough wheat for the winter. The situation is likely the same everywhere in Westeros. That means that even if they just quickly burn the Dead, they are still going to have a very hard winter. The White Walkers have already exterminated the Children and the Giants, the humanity is next.

But Bran is back! Another reunion! He and Sansa have a discussion about what being the Three-Eyed Raven means, and Bran tells her that he saw her getting raped. Not… not the best thing to say after such a long absence. Seriously, Bran, you could have picked some other moment.

So can Bran see anywhere he wants anytime? He can see the Dead, did he also see their location? Can he spy Cersei, can he see what Jon is up to with Daenerys? Can he make Cersei say “hodor” for the rest of her life? King’s Landing has a godswood, are they needed for visions?

Sam’s little experiment actually worked? So well that Jorah is free to go, and Sam also gets off with a small reprimand instead of a guarantee or anything like that. Fantasy problems need fantasy solutions.

Sam says that helping Jorah was the least he could do after everything his father did for him. It’s great to see how good deeds also have consequences, not just the bad ones.

I read A Feast of Crows between these episodes, and it’s funny how, in these commentaries, I have kept saying that Sam and Gilly and little Sam are super lucky and nothing can come between them, they will survive everything together, and… oops, two chapters in and Jon has already swapped little Sam with Mance Rayder’s son. Seriously? There are some changes that I am happy the show has made, and removing this is one of them.

But reading A Feast of Crows made me realize how big a challenge adapting that book must have been. If season five had some points where it felt like going nowhere, the book had everyone except Cersei just moving on the map, meeting some new people, acting like narrators on a Westeros sourcebook, and just before the end getting themselves into a cliffhanger. Brienne had it worst, ending the book on a noose. I didn’t exactly mind the slow pace or finding out more of the world (I bought The World of Ice and Fire, and will start that after A Dance with Dragons), but I can get the world documentation from source books, from the actual novels of the series I’d want more plot.

Speaking of more plot, the latter half of this episode was super fast. Casterly Rock falls during Tyrion’s small speech, the rest of Daenerys’ fleet is destroyed by Euron’s fleet, and Jaime and the new lord of the Reach storm Highgarden and conquer it.

Both Jaime and Euron cheated, of course. The implicit rules are that you can move to the next part of your story, no matter where it is, as long as you do it between episodes. You get bonus points if you miss an episode because you are travelling. But they both, Euron especially, moved to the other side of southern Westeros in the span of a couple of scenes.

I may have to get used to that. The less characters to keep track of, the more they get to move around when they are not watched, like little weeping angels.

From last episode: “Randyll may be a horrible person, but is he an oathbreaker? The Lannisters and their former allies Freys and Boltons have broken oaths, killed people in a wedding and blown up hundreds of people, does Randyll want to join them?” Sure, why not? He decides to become the lord of the Reach, and betrays Olenna, just like that. You sir have officially moved into my “die as soon as possible, if possible”-list.

Olenna and Jaime have a talk before he leaves her to die. It’s a great scene, and hopefully makes Jaime to think about his relationship with Cersei. It’s not healthy. But he is the only one even a little sympathetic on the Lannister side, so if he jumps ships, the rest of the story in the South will be just Cersei and Euron thrashing around until they are put down and everyone can put their minds on the White Walkers, another enemy devoid of any sympathy.

Argh, Olenna. The glee she has when she finally can confess that she murdered Joffrey. Not Tyrion, not the one whose accusation brought about the deaths of Oberyn and Tywin and all that followed from those two, she. So sweet, and Jaime has already killed her so there’s nothing he can do about it anymore.

Farewell, Queen of Thorns.

[whykarliewhy-blog]

Why “The Dragon and The Wolf” balances out a rather rocky Season of Game Of Thrones

Game of thrones has always been a show about great cinematic moments, it pushes and pulls its characters to move across seas, climb mountains, trudge the snow in order for them to get where they're going. This season is still full of cinematic moments, the main problem is sometimes they don’t really make sense. Whether it’s because these cinematic moments makes logic tug at you, or because there is in no way the whole storyline makes sense, or because you know it’s for pure shock value, the point of these moments are lost. Good thing for us, despite its faults, “The Dragon and The Wolf” gives us a reason to believe that the faulty set up can lead to satisfying and even terrific (though sometimes confusing) conclusions. 

To say that Season 7 of Game Of Thrones is the best would be a disservice to the previous seasons (and to me a bastardization of the 2 direct ones that preceded it). It is fast paced yes, but not without its flaws. Back then I felt like we wasted too much time watching characters no one was invested in, or seeing little pieces drag on for 1/5 or 1/6 of the show when it could have truly been given just a minute. Fast forward to season 7, and you realize just how important those moments were (of course there were still some I find pointless, I'm looking at you Sand Snakes). Which really begs the question, how does Game of Thrones strike a balance between the need for urgency, and the small seemingly irrelevant moments that end up meaning much more? 

As the season progressed (with a very slow premiere by the way), I couldn't help but feel that everything that's happening is how it was always going to play out. It was always just a matter of when it would happen. Fast, but not necessarily exhilarating nor logical; Game of Thrones took a long time to bring us to where we started in season 7, and it took quicker to unravel the spools of what was plausible. It's funny how people say that suspension of disbelief is necessary in television shows, and how in a show with dragons, white walkers, century old priestesses, rebirth, and whatnot, it's traveling time that we question. 

As a person who has watched the show since 2011, let me be the one to tell you that Game Of Thrones, despite having unrealistic aspects has always had the benefit of having the characters in different places explain time and make the stories seem plausible. As the show comes to an end, and the convergence happens, it makes it less believable to know that some stories are moving at high speed, while some stories are inching its way to fruition. Just watching this season and the transition from scene to scene gives us that awkward mix of this is a set up episode and something really relevant is happening. It’s like we’re standing on a cliff seeing Dragons fly in circles, and by contrast we see boats rushing at full speed. 

Season 7 though finds it balance as it tries to tie together the loose ends this damn faulty spool of storytelling has done for the past few episodes. It gives us the illusion that everything happening before this episode was meant to happen to get us to this point. Unfortunately for some of the storylines, the narrative destination does not fully make up for the poorly thought of stories that have riddled the season. What this episode does though is it leaves an impact by making us realize as well just how tied all of these people are by their familial ties, and their previous storylines. The episode benefits not from the set up made in the season, but from the set up carried by the whole of the series. 

Spoilers Ahead

The meeting of the three rulers of Westeros is something we all have expected since the day this show started. Whether it’s in a battle, or in Highgarden with everyone having tea, was always the question. We receive our answer in the form of the Unsullied standing strong, the dothraki surging towards King’s Landing. The King In The North and everybody else in a ship. Bronn talks about cocks (which is funny because this show barely shows cocks anymore). The Hound and Brienne share a moment to talk about Arya and their mutual respect (? or fear) of each other. Podrick and Theon, Theon and Bronn. Heroes of the Blackwater Bay. Cersei arrives with Qyburn, Jamie, The Mountain, and *sigh* Euron (tell me why did Dan and David said he would be a great villain again?) The Hound and The Mountain do a little dance that to me feels like purely fan service, there is absolutely no sense in what happens between them or why The Mountain who barely does anything but to do Cersei’s bidding would approach his brother. Daenerys arrives last as she flies in with Drogon and Rhaegal to further showcase her power. It is a lifetime ago since most of these characters have shared a scene together, and it is fitting that we get the full convergence of some of the most relevant characters in Dragonpit where, as Daenerys explains, the Targaryens put the symbol of their power (what made them extraordinary to be exact) and they locked them. The Queens and King meet where the most powerful creatures were bound to act as if they weren’t. Euron interrupts this meeting by taunting Theon for Yara and Tyrion. It is clear in this meeting that 1) Cersei hates them all (Theon above anyone else), and 2) Jon despite everything still knows nothing. Everything about this scene is about power, and yet to me only one person here stands with true power. Cersei. Cersei is the only one of the three monarchs and their people who say no. And unlike Euron, she does it not out of fear. She does it after Jon refuses to serve two queens. She does it and it truly feels like she can (at this point we don’t know why yet, and it is impressive). Regardless of the Wight that charged at her. She manages to keep her power. If there is anything anyone needs to know about me, it’s that I admire Cersei Lannister despite how despicable a human being she is. She is the only one who knows exactly what to do with power in order to keep it. 

Tyrion decides to speak to Cersei, and it is a reunion I have waited for since Season 4. It is clear that Cersei blames Tyrion for everything. Their mother, their father, her children. Cersei, despite her intelligence needs a person to blame; it is and it has always been one of her most self destructive flaws. In not recognizing the things she is directly responsible for, she alienates the ones she loves the most (or causes them to kill themselves). Tyrion on the other hand stands as self aware as ever. Despite Tyrion talking a great game about wanting to kill her sister, is still the same man we’ve known since season 1. Optimistic to a fault. The mere fact that he is in the same room with Cersei and The Mountain is ridiculous. In fact, it is unclear to me why Cersei chooses not to kill him. Is it because she needs someone to blame, and Daenerys or Jon just don’t fit the requirements for her vitriol? It is more plausible to me that the writers of the show need to constantly remind us that Cersei is still human. Cersei then decides to set aside differences for her unborn child, for family. 

To me one of the most satisfying parts of this episode is between the Stark sisters. It is full of flaws, and yet I love it. Sansa and Littlefinger talk about Arya, and he makes her assume the worst of his sister. She then sends for her and in a twist, she is actually sentencing Littlefinger, finally holding him fully accountable for all of his sins to the Starks. Considering everything that has happened prior to this episode, THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. What was the need for the Stark Sibling Dance in Winterfell? I’ve read varying opinions on this, and nothing makes sense still. Was the whole thing planned? From Arya’s discovery of the letter? Or was Littlefinger and Sansa’s conversation the turning point for Sansa? And if so, how did she convince Arya otherwise? Here the show reveals that it spooled storylines that despite being able to tie together, doesn’t fully form a cohesive comprehensible thought. In the need to keep characters moving, we have characters doing things that barely fit their story arc. See, we needed to see Arya and Sansa do something, else we’d realize just how fast everything else is moving. It barely even works and if not for my desire to see Littlefinger outplayed die at the hands of the Starks, the effect would have been lost on me (as I assume it is lost on other people). Props to Petyr, Sansa, and Arya for doing the heavy weight lifting in what was almost a lost shot. 

Fans of Theon (like me) will also appreciate the decision for him to finally grow some balls. Slightly dramatic with his conversation with Jon, slightly comedic in his one on one combat with one of his sister’s followers. But you see, again, this only has an impact because I love Theon and Yara. His bit about Yara being the only one who tried to save him feels real, not just because Alfie Allen has grown considerably as an actor, but also because we know it to be true. What about his idleness  in this season? What has he been doing all this time? While everyone else has travelled to and from the wall, from King’s Landing to Dragonstone, what has he been doing? And a quick conversation with Jon or taunts from Euron, is not convincing enough to make this fully understandable. But as was said, the show needed to move everyone to certain places, and not as carefully nor as impeccably as they have done in the past. 

The best scene for me comes in the form of Cersei’s reveal. Cersei reveals that she has no intentions of actually helping the War, and Euron is on the way to Essos to fetch the Golden Company the Iron Bank has helped her purchase. The confidence in Cersei’s voice as it seems that she edges towards madness. Jaime rationalizing to the woman he loves most. They have spent the most time in this show together, and we’ve seen them grow as lovers, enemies, characters. As a turning point, Jaime decides that he will join the war and ride north. I honestly felt the fear as Cersei gives the Mountain the command to kill Jaime. But as this episode and countless moments between Cersei and her family, Jaime’s survival speaks to me as real. It is unlike Bronn’s survival, or The Hound’s, or Berric’s, or Tormund’s. I understand why Cersei didn’t kill Jaime. She loves him. She is not Drogon or a Wight or a White Walker whose inability to kill major characters confuse me. And as Jaime rides off, snow falls into King Landing in a very brilliantly scored scene, to remind us that Winter is here. 

Sam arrives in Winterfell, and a conversation with Bran gives us all that this season (and hinted at the whole series) has been leaving clues to. Jon is Rhaegar and Lyanna’s son. Juxtaposing Rhaegar and Lyanna being married with Jon entering Daenery’s Chambers, and Lyanna asking Ned to protect her son, Aegon Targaryen with Daenerys and Jon having sex (with Tyrion outside) was an effective way to tell us that Jon is the heir to the Iron Throne, and a reminder of what this means for the story. This will be one of the most interesting things moving forward, and probably one of the most powerful Game Of Thrones moments (one that compares to last season’s Tower Of Joy scenes). 

What does their incestual love making mean for the two of them the moment they find out? What will it mean for their relationship and alliance once Daenerys finds out that Jon is the heir to the throne? Are we to look at them the way we’re supposed to look at The Dragon and The Wolf before them, Lyanna and Rhaegar? This whole series of scenes leaves us with these questions, and it will stay with us until they’re answered. 

Sidenote: why is the actor playing Rhaergar eerily similar to Viserys, a character, I assume we all hated. 

Also I could listen to Isaac Hempstead-Wright narrate a grocery list, and it would keep me satisfied. 

Arya and Sansa standing in Winterfell, finally recognizing each other the way we have always wanted to. Arya sees her sister as the Lady of Winterfell, acknowledging what Sansa has gone through. Sansa seeing her sister as the strong woman she has become. Both Starks reciting Ned’s words, “When the snows fall and the white winds blow the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.” This is true not just for the Starks, but for every single person heading to the North. This whole episode has painted how important these familial bonds have been, and how they will always be, especially as we reach the conclusion of this song. 

And yet after this final note, the episode still doesn’t end. The episode ends with Berric and Tormund at the wall, as the Night King rides with Viserion, the Wight, destroy the wall. In a fairly terrifying scene of the Viserion, the Wight breathing ice (that seems to work like fire? Let’s just assume it’s blue fire) destroying the wall, we are treated to a brilliant display of CGI that seems to culminate the very first scene of Episode 1 of the series. We know nothing of Berric and Tormund’s fates, but we do know this: The White Walkers and Wights are here for GoT’s own version of the Apocalypse, Winter. 

Here’s hoping everything starts moving at the same pace for the next season. 

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In the season premiere of Game of Thrones, Arya Stark became the MVP of Westeros, Lyanna Mormont put the men in their place and Dany came home.

Okay, I’ve had time to watch GOT a second time and my goodness!!  So much has happened and it’s only the first episode!  Let’s get to it, people.

HBO has really upped the “Previously On” portion of the show.  Normally, we get a hodgepodge of what happened the previous season.  No, not this time.  Instead, it was a strategically placed mini movie of what transpired last season and it was still just as shocking.  But it also reminded is that this season and the next (and sadly, the last) are all important in this great game of thrones.  House Lannister is fighting for its very existence, House Stark is slowly coming together and House Targaryen is coming to take everything from everyone.

At the start of the show, we are at the Twins, where a very much alive Walder Frey is having a feast for all the men of his house.  At first, I thought this was some kind of flashback.  But damn was I so wrong.  It was none other than Our Rebel Arya Stark, using the skills she learned as No One.  She poisoned every male member of House Frey, killing them all and ending that house for good, possibly.  Once it was done, she turned to one of the girls and said, “Tell them Winter came for House Frey.”  A girl’s list has become one name shorter.

In the North, Meera and Bran arrived at The Wall.  While waiting for the gate to open, Bran sees the Night King and the rest of the White Walkers (including the giant Wun Wun) are on the move in one of his visions.  They bring the storm that will envelope all of Westeros with them.  When the gate opens, a relieved Meera introduces them to the Night’s Watch, including the new Lord Commander.  He’s skeptical at first, but when Bran mentions Hardhome, Ed’s face says it all.  He commands his brothers to take Meera and Bran in before closing the gates against what’s to come.

At Winterfell, the King in the North Jon Snow is having a strategy meeting.  He wants dragon glass to be mined and forged into weapons against the White Walkers and he wants everyone ready to fight, including the girls.  Of course, Lord Glover has a problem with that.  But Lady Lyanna Mormont (the amazing Bella Ramsey) steps up and lets Glover know a few things.  “I don’t plan on knitting by the fire while men fight for me.  I might be small, Lord Glover, and I might be a girl.  But I am every bit as much a Northerner as you.”  Glover tried to cow to her but she interrupted him and said, “And I don’t need your permission to defend the North.”  That’s right you don’t!!!  She shut that fool down!  Lady Lyanna needs to be in every episode until the end of the series.

Now if only Lyanna could talk some sense into Jon.  The newly-crowned King is already being a butthead.  He decided to punish the houses that did not stand with House Stark against the Boltons by . . . giving them back their houses.  WHAAAATTT??  WTF, Jon?  The Umbers and Karstarks left you high and dry and now you want to say, “hey it’s alright that you betrayed my house and sided with a maniac.  It’s all good.”  COME ON!!  Sansa, who knows more about dealing with traitors and usurpers than Jon, tried to talk some sense into her brother, but to no avail.  He shut her down, which you know is going to be a problem later on down the line.  Afterwards, Jon and Sansa argue, with Jon basically telling his sister to stop giving him useful and smart information in front of other people.  “Joffrey never let anyone question him, do you think he was a good king?”  Like I said, Sansa knows what she’s talking about.  But will Jon listen?

Back at King’s Landing, the new Queen is contemplating her next move.  Jaime is a little spooked at what his sister/lover has accomplished while he was away.  She’s killed all of her enemies, blown the Sept of Baelor to the heavens and crowned herself Queen.  But she hasn’t talked about King Tommen’s death.  In case you’ve forgotten, Tommen jumped out of a window when he realized his mother killed his wife.  Cersei underestimated her son’s love for his wife and now feels betrayed by him.  With her actions being more and more brutal, it’s only logical that Jaime wonder if he’ll be next on his sister’s hit list.  But she has other plans.

Euron Greyjoy came to King’s Landing to offer his ships and his “two good hands” to Cersei.  With Jaime standing right next to her.  But Cersei isn’t convinced.  “You killed your own brother.”  “You should try it. Feels wonderful.”  Okay, that was funny.  But Jaime didn’t think so.  Luckily, Cersei turned down Euron’s proposal but he doesn’t give up so easily.  He promised to bring her what she wants and lay it at her feet.  What could it be?

At the Citadel, Samwell is settling in nicely.  And by nicely, I mean he’s cleaning shit, serving food that looks like shit and doing basic library duties.  He looks miserable.  But he deals with it, because Sam wants something.  He wants to get into the forbidden section of the library.  But how to do it?  Well, he talks up one of the maesters to see if he can gain access.  Sam tells Archmaester Ebrose about the White Walkers.  In his roundabout way, the Archmaester tells Sam that he believes him, but doesn’t give him access to the forbidden section.  So, Sam takes things into his own hands and steals the keys from the maester who does have access.  Back in his quarters, he reads through the materials with Gilly and Little Sam beside him.  Gilly has learned to read and begins reading “Legends of the Long Night.”  Sam comes across a map of Dragonstone showing a mountain of dragon glass under the structure.  He begins composing a letter to Jon about this new revelation.  Will this lead to a Jon/Dany meet and greet?

Back at Winterfell, Brienne is teaching Pod to help him with his sword skills.  She gets the best of him each time, but then here comes Tormund with his sly smile and that red hair.  He distracts Brienne for a moment, giving Pod a chance to best her.  She punches him in the gut for his trouble, with Tormund telling him, “You’re a lucky man.”  He smiles at Brienne, leaving her a little flustered (or pissed off, it’s hard to tell).  Sansa is watching the exchange when Littlefinger walks up behind her, whispering things.  If anything happens between Sansa and Jon, it won’t be Littlefinger who causes it.  He thinks he has sway over Sansa, and if we judge her by her past, he would be right.  But she’s been through hell and back and is with her family again.  Lord Baelish is in for a surprise if he thinks she’s the same girl she once was.

In the Riverlands, Arya comes across some Lannister soldiers, young boys all of them.  One just happened to be singer Ed Sheeran, which honestly felt a bit weird.  His part was small (thank God), but his presence felt fake, like he just didn’t belong.  Maybe it’s because no major players outside of the ones that have been with the show from the beginning have ever appeared.  Hopefully, he’ll be the last.  Anywho, the soldiers invite Arya to some of their rabbit, leaving her conflicted.  Normally, she would have slaughtered them all.  But they all just want to go home and be with their families.  They’re just like her.  They have no idea how lucky they are.

The Hound and the Brotherhood are on the move, as well.  Only, the snow and cold have made an appearance.  They look for shelter and come across a home that is all too familiar to Clegane.  It’s the same home where he Arya sought shelter before Clegane left the farmer and his young daughter to die.  He’s spooked at being there and is cranky the entire time.  Once inside, he sees the bodies of the two who died, unbeknownst to Beric Dondarrion and Thoros.  While Thoros builds a fire, Clegane asks Beric why the Lord of Light keeps bringing him back.  Beric has no idea, leaving The Hound with more questions than answers.  Thoros calls Clegane over to the fire and asks him what he sees.  At first, he sees nothing but “burning logs,” but when he looks again, he sees The Wall, East Watch by the Sea and the White Walkers marching.  Rattled by what he’s seen, Clegane buries the two bodies in the middle of the night.  He handles their bones gently and puts them each in the ground.  Thoros helps and is surprised after their done when Clegane says a prayer.

Back at the Citadel, Sam is collecting the empty bowls from the infirm when an arm covered in grey scale shoots out of one of the slots.  The arm belongs to none other than Jorah Mormont, and my friends, he ain’t lookin’ so good.  The grey scale has traveled over his entire arm but we don’t know if that is all.  Jorah’s face is in shadow so we don’t know the extent of the damage.  But he doesn’t care about that.  Jorah wants to know if Dany has come to Westeros.  Sam tells him that he hasn’t heard anything, shutting the slot on Jorah and his disease.

Well, to answer his question, yes, Dany has arrived in Westeros.  She is in a small rowboat with Tyrion, Missandei, Grey Worm and Varys.  As they come up to her family home, the dragons fly ahead, circling the castle, which sits high up on a hill.  Dany walks on Targaryen land, then kneels to touch the ground.  Two of her Unsullied open the front gates, and she sees her home for the first time.  The group walk up the path to the castle.  When they walk in, the first thing Dany sees is a Lannister banner.  She pulls it down to the floor, looking at it with disgust.  She walks over to the throne, which looks way more badass than the Iron Throne, to be honest.  Grey Worm tries to follow her, but Missandei pulls him back.  Dany must do this alone.  She looks at the throne, but walks by it.  The time is not right for her to sit upon the throne.  So, she walks into the war room where Stannis once stood, plotting his way to the Iron Throne and ultimately, his death.  Dany runs her hands along the carved table while Tyrion admires the stone dragons on the walls.  They both glance at each other before Dany finally utters the words we’ve all been waiting for: “Shall we begin?”  Yes!

How will this great war begin?  Who will make the first move?  And will any of them be strong enough to fight the Night King?

Stay tuned.

Game of Thrones airs Sundays at 9pm on HBO.  Photos courtesy of HBO.

Game of Thrones – Season 7 Premiere-“Dragonstone” In the season premiere of Game of Thrones, Arya Stark became the MVP of Westeros, Lyanna Mormont put the men in their place and Dany came home.