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cards-onthetable · 6 years ago

Text

A long time coming

Both this episode, and this Discussion about it.

We’ve all been on the internet these last several weeks. We’ve all seen the excessive amounts of promotion for this wedding. We’ve all had to spend half our lives staring at the weird white appliqué on Eddie’s dress that looks like something your mom would have ironed on your Girl Scouts uniform when you were 7. I dreaded the fuck out of this episode y’all. I was so sure it was going to be terrible.

SO WAS IT? 👀 let’s play bingo!

Here’s your warning that this is long af. I do not apologize.

Erin and Eddie and the Lying Liar

The episode opens in Erin’s office/conference room with Erin wearing an area rug tied around her neck with a bow. Why isn’t “Erin wears a ridiculous rug with a giant neck bow” on the bingo card?

Erin’s glasses on/off as a tic of Concern count: 36

EDDIE’S IN ERIN’S OFFICE. EVERYTHING IS GROSS. LET’S BEGIN.

Erin takes a fairly accusatory tone with Eddie from the beginning.

Eddie gets OfFeNdEd all “you’re taking the word of a complete stranger over mine?”

GOD WRITERS, can you PLEASE write Eddie as a capable, intelligent professional for once in your lives? Real Eddie/Cop Eddie/Normal Person Eddie wouldn’t play the ~personal relationship~ card like that. I mean sure, Danny and Jamie do that shit all the time, and that’s dumb af too. But the way Eddie does it feels less like a family member asking for a Favor and more like a naive scared little girl expecting Special Treatment. Ew.

“I onLy HaVe oNe SiDe: ThE TrUtH” 🙄

Erin saying the witness was “very convincing” is gross. Everything about this scene is grossss gross gross

So apparently, Erin didn’t know/realize during the initial witness interview that Eddie was the officer in question. I wonder how that conversation (with Eddie) would’ve gone if any other cop walked into her office. Like the whole thing felt so unprofessional on both sides, but especially Erin. Wouldn’t she give any other cop the benefit of the doubt? Question them, sure, but not go into the conversation like she assumes they’re lying. Witnesses change their stories all the time. Ugh this whole storyline is gross

Not to mention why is this happening in EDDIE’S WEDDING EPISODE?! Look I don’t need Eddie’s entire life this week to be dedicated to wedding shit. But ew @ a Work Conflict with a future in-law 9 minutes before her damn wedding.

JAMIE AND EDDIE ARE SITTING ON THE FLOOR AT JAMIE’S COFFEE TABLE for the second week in a row. Nice.

THE LIGHTING IS TERRIBLE ON JAMIE REAGAN’S FACE. Mark it.

Jamie is such a dumbass. “I understand you’re upset, I’m just clarifying she didn’t ACTUALLY call you a liar...” shut up lawyer boy, hasn’t anyone taught you that those technicalities are NOT the way to go?

“I don’t think there’s any upside to splitting hairs about this.” WHO’S SPLITTING HAIRS, MR. CLARIFICATION?

“THIS IS GREAT, WE’RE ABOUT TO GET MARRIED AND I’M JUST NOW FINDING OUT YOU’VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH MY SISTER.” I think this is about where @ontherockswithsalt and I literally keeled over laughing. Mark it.

On the one hand I get what Eddie’s saying about Erin being every woman’s basic nightmare. On the other hand Old Eddie was a boss ass bitch who never would’ve been intimidated/shaken/irritated by the conversation in Erin’s office.

What the fuck is this sweater situation? Eddie it looks like you took some scissors to it and the result was tragic.

Smooth move Jamie. Lol I’m sure most people loved that line “as far as I’m concerned you just described yourself” but 😂😂😂 @ everything.

Jamie and Erin on the courthouse steps. This should be good (read: gross someone get me a puke bucket)

Lol @ this running theme that Frank is nervous af about giving a toast/speech at the damn rehearsal dinner.

Why is Jamie bringing this Eddie thing up to Erin? Eddie vented to him - he’s her fiancé, it’s his sister they’re talking about, of course she’s going to Discuss it with him. But would it ever occur to him that maybe he should just listen and ~support her~ and he doesn’t need to go off and try to Solve Her Problems? 🙄

MAYBE SHE SHOULD FIND A SOFTER LINE OF WORK? Oh fuck me how is that called for, Erin? Eddie’s been a successful cop for years now. She only started having Trouble with her confidence and competence when your idiot dumbass brother fucked her up at a golf course on a Sunday morning.

DON’T BRING ME INTO YOUR FIANCEE’S DRAMAS.... oh my god Erin you started it so like step off.

I LIKE HER JUST FINE. Aren’t the Reagans all about Candor and Honesty? Shouldn’t Erin be having this conversation with Eddie herself if she apparently feels so strongly about it? Dude I’m so mad this is happening in the wedding episode. Or at all.

AND I’LL LIKE HER A HELL OF A LOT MORE WHEN SHE STARTS FIGHTING HER OWN BATTLES ?????? Eddie didn’t ask Jamie to ~fight this battle~ for her and everything is grosssss gross gross.

JAMIE SLEPT ON THE COUCH LAST NIGHT. AYE SOMEONE’S IN THE DOGHOUSE. Also this is about the closest thing we’ve gotten to Actual Confirmation that Jamko lives together/has spent the night together. I’m still convinced he’s never gotten her off in his life though.

Jamie has framed pics of his mom (his Harvard graduation) and Joe on his table. Does he have any pictures of Eddie framed anywhere? 👀🤔

“YoU’Re sTiLL PiSsEd” the Harvard graduate, y’all.

Side note: Jamie’s wearing sweatpants but THE LIGHTING IS TERRIBLE AND THE SWEATPANTS AND SHIRT ARE BOTH DARK COLORED. NO CONTRAST. NOTHING VISIBLE. 0/10 TOTAL WASTE.

Completely on Eddie’s side on this one. Idk about the whole making-Jamie-sleep-on-the-couch thing, but I’d be pissed af too if my fiancé took a private conversation between us as an invitation to go off and ~fight my battles~ without permission and/or without being explicitly asked to do so.

He might be closer to his family than most people are. But Eddie’s about to be his wife (ugh don’t remind me) and she needs to come first now. It’s not his job or his place to take her issues to his family members like that.

“It’s my job to look after you” GOD EW GROSS JAMIE REAGAN. That may be ~true~ but it’s not your job to make decisions for Eddie or treat her like someone who needs to be ~looked after~. It’s your job to treat her as your equal and consult her on (basically everything but especially) matters that directly affect her. It’s your mutual job to look after each other. Just don’t re: this weird paternalistic bullshit mmkay?

There are vegetables all over Jamie’s kitchen. Carrots in one shot, celery and onions and shit in another. RUN, EDDIE. RUN FROM THIS FUTURE OF RABBIT FOOD AND MISERY.

OH MY GOD LOL 4EVER. EDDIE’S IN HER PORSCHE (welcome back bro! Where’ve you been all these years? No, really... where’ve you been?) and she has BINOCULARS like that’s a normal and reasonable thing to do in New York City on a Thursday afternoon.

Anthony’s here? It’s a party!

WITH SNACKS! ANTHONY’S EATING! Mark it.

It’s 4 minutes before her wedding and Eddie’s all “I didn’t know Reagans were Like That!” Oh my god where’s the bingo square for me sinking into ontherockswithsalt’s super soft new couch and dying in misery forever? Mark it.

A SPEECH ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A REAGAN? Mark it.

ANTHONY BEING THE ONE TO DELIVER SAID SPEECH? Shocking. Unexpected. Creative. Why is he so important that he gets this job in this episode by the way?

“Open your eyes a little. Know what you’re getting yourself into.”

WHY IS THIS A LINE THAT ANYBODY IS SAYING TO HER 26 SECONDS BEFORE SHE WALKS DOWN THE AISLE? OH MY GOD EVERYTHING WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP IS SO WRONG IT’S UNBELIEVABLE. HOW CAN ANYONE LEGITIMATELY THINK IT’S A GOOD IDEA FOR THEM TO GET MARRIED?!

Oh imagine that, the dummy lied. Eddie didn’t. Who’s surprised?!

Eddie’s back in Erin’s office. She’s wearing a mustard yellow sweater from Kohl’s (I know because I have the same one yo) and a.... prairie skirt? Interesting choice.

“It turns out I owe you an apology..” A REAGAN? APOLOGIZING? OMG

Aaaaand Eddie’s cutting her off. Fucking typical.

EDDIE’S WHOLE THING HERE IS BULLSHIT.

A few scenes ago she (rightfully, more or less) complained that Erin accused her of lying, now she’s all “oh, not really”

She’s bringing Jamie into it, saying she wouldn’t have whined to him if she didn’t secretly want him to go solve her problems for her. UM WHAT? They’re saying she wouldn’t have a conversation with her fiancé just for the sake of the conversation - there has to be a Goal? Dude I just can’t. This is the icing on the cake of Eddie’s shitty writing all damn season.

Humans are allowed to talk about - even COMPLAIN ABOUT - these things to their significant others. They should be able to do so without fear of outside repercussion or concern that their partner will go off and try to Fix Things in an unwarranted way. But if Eddie only brings her Family Problems to Jamie with the secret agenda that he’ll fix them for her, that’s gross and a huge red flag and blah blah blah. RUN EDDIE WHY ARE YOU MARRYING HIM.

Also gross in general @ Eddie apologizing. Eddie shouldn’t have ~taken things personally~ (but Old Eddie wouldn’t have - this is New Eddie and I don’t blame her for her puppetmaster’s bullshit) but Erin is the one really at fault here.

Minute 51 of a one hour episode meant to feature Eddie’s wedding, and she’s just now wrapping up this ridiculous Conflict with her fiancé’s sister. Sweet. ThE BeSt iS YeT tO CoMe

Danny and Baez

SOMEBODY DIES? Mark it.

BAEZ IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS TRASHCAN SHOW? Mark it. Baez pretending to be Erin is hilarious.

Fuck me I’m only 11 minutes into this thing so far.

Baez pretending to be Erin messing with her glasses is GENIUS HOW DID I MISS THAT THE FIRST TIME I WATCHED. 😂😂😍😍

Can we please get a guest actor on this show who can actually produce tears when they’re supposed to be crying? All this dry eye blubbering is gross. They could get better actors from any high school drama department.

“We’re SoULmAtEs” this girl is like that over-attached girlfriend meme omg.

Baez is the best person left on this ridiculous show. Her thing with the palm print security doors? Genius.

Side note: HOW’S THIS DUMB CONTRAST where Erin is on one set repeating over and over that Eddie is Just A Cop when she’s in Erin’s office. Meanwhile Danny’s over here acting like his sister is the only lawyer in all of New York who can get him the warrants/subpoenas he needs for his investigation. 🤔

They’re arresting her. I don’t care about this storyline anymore but I feel like I should mark the time.

We’re in Erin’s office and like.... did Erin forget to put clothes on today or something? What?

WE DON’T GET SHIRTLESS JAMIE FOR THE LAST 39 YEARS, BUT WE GET TO SEE ERIN’S ENTIRE BARE THIGH? WHERE DO I SUBMIT MY COMPLAINT @ THIS BULLSHITTERY

Now Danny suddenly can’t remember how to talk to express his concerns. What is it about Erin’s office that makes all these ~professionals~ turn into blubbery babies who need their mommy to order their happy meal so they don’t have to talk to the cashier themselves?

Another unbelievably clear surveillance video to just clean this messy case right up. How convenient. I’m bored.

The Best Friends Club

Garrett and Sid walking down the hall, arguing the difference between piece and peace. Bros, it’s “object to this marriage or forever hold your peace” which, can I just raise my hand here and say this better be some damn good foreshadowing

Garrett and Sid are rude af marching in (interrupting) while Frank and Baker are in the middle of a conversation, and can I say there’s no Good Way this whole thing could have started?

It’s gross for the boys to get all huffy @ the female member of their team having a discussion with Frank, but if it were one of the boys in there, it would be gross for Baker to get all offended and interrupty and seen as Rude and Irrational or whatever. Can we all just act like adults here? Thx.

Now we’re in Garrett’s office and Baker is going to Explain? Oh boy this’ll be terrible.

They’re pulling rank?! I’m a lieutenant, you’re a detective, you’re a civilian. Actually I’m Commissioner Moore.

Listen dudes, I’m sure your dicks are both huge. Shut the fuck up.

Why are Sid and Garrett throwing a fit like this at all? Frank asked to see the presentation and Baker showed it to him. God this is such a dumb contrived conflict why are we here?

“You know what? I don’t think this has anything to do with chain of command. I think this is bruised egos and stepped-on toes.” SAY IT BAKER. Call these clowns on their bullshit.

I need a margarita. @ontherockswithsalt please.

Garrett is in Frank’s office now, with a weird ass smile on his face as he says “it’s TIME for a VICTORY LAP!” Wtf.

“So you’re saying I have to get Gormley and Baker’s sign off before I can set this in motion?” How’s that for ChAiN oF CoMmAnD, Mr. Biggest Dick In The PC’s Office?

And now Garrett’s leaving through the conference room so he doesn’t have to walk past Baker. These dummies are literally so childish it’s ridiculous.

Now the BFFs club is in front of Frank for a Stern Talking To. Oh my god it’s like a parent dealing with a bunch of 6-year-olds. Remember when this show was actually good?

They’re all going to switch jobs for a day. Frank made a diagram. Clearly put lots of thought into it. A+.

Garrett’s complaining that it’s a lot to ask. A lot to ask that these dummies act like professional adults? Agreed.

Gormley doesn’t know what the word “quote” means and/or is not familiar with the New.York.Times. Garrett doesn’t know how to answer phones or log into a computer but he does a damn good Gormley impression, apparently. Baker doesn’t know how to read investigative files? Omg are we all learning something today, kiddos?!

Jamie and Frank have a Heart To Heart.

Oh boy, the Best Friends are together again.

“Our behavior this week, it was embarrassing.” YOU THINK?

The BFFs just had a more emotional, moving Heart To Heart than Jamie and Eddie have had in their lives, so that’s chill.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Jamie and Frank have a Heart To Heart

Jamie’s In Frank’s office after a quick chat with Disgruntled Garrett.

Frank’s joke is ridiculous.

JAMIE’S WEARING KHAKIS. Mark it.

“I have never seen you so unwaveringly certain about what you want.” Well unwavering is right. Jamie’s facial expression hasn’t changed since 2017.

Did Frank just compare Jamie’s feelings towards Eddie to his feelings about the Chevelle? Nice, that’s totally reasonable and not at all gross. Just kidding, it’s gross.

“She doesn’t want to lose herself.”

“Well that makes sense.”

“It does?!”

Omg seriously? Fucking seriously. There’s too much to even delve into here like I could write a whole damn essay about this exchange. But Jamie. For real. It surprises you that Eddie doesn’t want to throw herself headfirst into Being A Reagan? It surprises you that she wants to keep her own identity within your marriage? It surprises you that she doesn’t plan to melt herself into your back pocket and hang out there like a fun toy who parrots back all your opinions and dedicates herself to The Reagan Name above all else? Oh. My god. EDDIE RUN.

Well her brother’s dead....

Eddie has a brother? Oh that’s some nice cool chill information to drop on us randomly 6 years later.

I have Thoughts (maybe he committed suicide or accidentally OD’d back when shit hit the fan with Armin?) but I hate how this is a random throwaway line with such important implications. Have they ever truly talked about Eddie’s dead brother? Does Eddie feel minimized in her grief because her brother didn’t Die A Hero like Joe? EDDIE RUN.

“Don’t make her do all the work adjusting to us. Find ways for us to adjust to her” this is excellent and important advice, truly. Would’ve been nice to have this conversation, idk, 9 months ago?

THE MOMENT WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR

FIRST: THE REHEARSAL DINNER.

Lena’s saying some shit. Cool. Y’all by this point I’m so exhausted @ everything in this shitshow episode, I don’t even care.

“Edit and myself - who have both suffered from my husband’s glaring insufficiency...” oh my god Lena way to read the room.

“THANK YOU FOR LOVING MY DAUGHTER AS MUCH AS I DO.” LOL NEITHER ONE OF THEM SEEMS TO LOVE HER THAT MUCH THOUGH. RUN FOR THE HILLLLLSSSSS EDDIE.

TO JAMM-KO. Oh, my, god, why are we here.

This is some really ridiculous pandering to the fans y’all. Like over the top gross. This show is a just whole ass joke at this point.

But actually LOL @ Erin scolding Danny for telling Sean “would you learn something, numbnuts?”

FRANK’S SPEECH

UGLY FLOOR LAMPS. TWO OF THEM. Mark it. Twice.

Where’s the joke Frank?

“She’s doing the bravest thing I’ve ever seen a cop do... she’s marrying Jamie... and walking down the aisle bY HeRsELf.” 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Can we not commoditize that choice? It shouldn’t need to be a Big Deal.

Eddie is Her Own Woman

And a Lifeforce

But y’all

Lifeforce is a disgusting euphemism for semen, in case you’re unfamiliar with certain Top Quality Fanfics we have available to us in this fandom

So I’m caught somewhere between dying laughing and like, crying forever

Seeing her in action as Jamie’s Life partner

And hopefully as a mother! EW! GROSS! THIS IS NOT THE TIME OR PLACE TO EXPRESS YOUR WISHES FOR SOME NEW GRANDKIDS, FRANCES

That’s a thing that will never not gross me out. Public (or even uninvited private, tbh) expressions of Opinion about someone else’s family planning choices

Y’all this is Eddie’s future father in law telling her “I hope you go have lots of unprotected sex with my son, and potentially shelve your own career goals temporarily or permanently, and go through lots of painful unfortunate Body Changes, because here’s my public request for some more grandkids”

Let it be known if my future in-laws said that at my rehearsal dinner, they’d have a real actual Hurricane to deal with so

MOVING ON THOUGH, UGH. TIME FOR THIS WEDDING.

“SuRe YoU wAnT To gO ThRoUgH wiTh tHiS?!” One, gross, not a funny joke. Two, CAN SOMEONE ASK THAT TO EDDIE A FEW TIMES BECAUSE

“In over two thousand weddings, I’ve only lost three to divorce...” 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

LOL @ all the waving from the altar to the poor dishonored Reagans who have to sit in the pews like some kind of peasants. Is this my first grader’s spring fling school concert?

Side note: does Eddie have any bridesmaids? No? So she’ll just be up there by herself looking like she’s marrying 4 Reagan men? Nice.

I mean if they pulled some throwaway bridesmaids out of their asses I’d be mad, and if Erin and Nicky were her bridesmaids I’d be mad, so really this is a no-win situation here but still, gross.

Oh hey, we’ve solved the mystery of the missing Frank.

Eddie’s had nightmares about tripping while walking down the aisle. That’s her compelling argument for asking Frank to escort her?

WHICH BY THE WAY I AM SO MAD ABOUT. THIS FUCKING REAGAN AFFAIR SHOW. DIDN’T HE JUST TALK ABOUT HOW THE REAGANS NEED TO JOIN EDDIE’S WORLD TOO, NOT JUST SUCK HER INTO THEIRS? OR SOMETHING. I’M IRRITATED.

Here comes the bride. On the organ! Appropriate, to go with the Reagan men’s 1836 morning suit choice. LOL IT’S ALL SO GROSS I CAN’T EVEN DEAL.

Here we go, she’s walking in. We see Jamie’s face. He looks... bored?

Lena crying.

Erin and Nicky looking all happy.

Eddie again. She keeps looking up at Frank and it’s distracting af. Has she looked down the aisle to see her groom even once?

Henry looks 100000 million times more excited than Jamie to be here.

Oh, a nice long shot of Jamie’s weird chin and stoic face. That’s certainly the look of a man who’s about to marry the love of his life.

The LOOK OF LOVE

FADE TO BLACK

AMAZING. I COULD NOT HAVE SCRIPTED IT BETTER MYSELF. OMG BEST TV WEDDING EVER. THANK YOU, BLUE BLOODS, FOR DOING ONE THING RIGHT FOR ONCE AND PUTTING ME OUT OF MY MISERY.

12/10. Beautiful. Moving. Ridiculous. I’m so impressed and in awe. Such a great episode.

WhO’S ReAdY fOr SeAsOn TeN?! See you in September folks.

#sandy hates it all #blue bloods #9x22 something blue #best tv wedding episode of all time!!!!!#😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

11 notes · View notes

6-v-6 · 7 years ago

Note

1-100. Just give it to me all

ALNLSNGLSG ARE YOU SERIOUS OMFG im so sorry this is going to be Long

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? I’ll say Pandora just because it’s the only one I’ve actually ever used. If I used Spotify I’d probably like it the most but I don’t use those apps so

2. is your room messy or clean?VERY VERY MESSY I need to clean it but im lazy

3. what color are your eyes?Brown!

4. do you like your name? why?My birth name? No. And that’s why I changed it ahahahaha yes I like the name Jae since i chose it myself. It’s short and simple

5. what is your relationship status?Single

6. describe your personality in 3 words or lessContradictory ....... Situational

7. what color hair do you have?Currently it’s blue c: Natural color is a lightish brown

8. what kind of car do you drive? color?I don’t have a car nor a license :/ I want a motorbike tho ! a black one

9. where do you shop?I shop pretty much exclusively online. Buyma or Amazon, typically

10. how would you describe your style?I’ve been told that I dress like a “bad boy”. I like leather and black and ripped skinny jeans but I do like casual stuff too. Like hoodies and sweats

11. favorite social media accountIf this is talking about my own social media accounts, then this one right here on tumblr. I’m not very active anywhere else

12. what size bed do you have?uuuuhhhh I don’t know proper terminology but it is small

13. any siblings?Yup! I have an older sister and a younger brother

14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?Japan probably? It’s super pretty and I’ve always wanted to visit

15. favorite snapchat filter?hmm I don’t use snapchat that much but probably the flower crown one it’s cute

16. favorite makeup brand(s)I don’t wear makeup tbh so i dunnooooo

17. how many times a week do you shower?7 I don’t ever skip showering

18. favorite tv show?Psych? I also like the 100 currently

19. shoe size?asglnasg... god .... im a 6 in mens nd like a 7 in womens i have small feet

20. how tall are you?ALNSLGNSG im trusting no one has read this far so it’s okay to disclose this info...exposin myself.. im 5′2″ ............

21. sandals or sneakers?Sneakers !! I don’t wear sandals like ever

22. do you go to the gym?Yes! Only recently, actually! I just bought a gym membership with my friend and we’ve been going 3 times a week c:

23. describe your dream dateoh geez I havent really thought about this? I’m not very romantic or anything (im on the ace spectrum) but... i dunno. I think it’d be nice to just have fun together. An amusement park maybe? And just a lot of hand holding and smiles

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?Upwards of 100 bcuz my mom keeps giving me money even tho i dont use it

25. what color socks are you wearing?HAH im not wearing any

26. how many pillows do you sleep with?1-2 it depends on the night

27. do you have a job? what do you do?I work at the cafeteria in my school. I run the register and help to stock items and also serve food to people

28. how many friends do you have?wow this is a Tragic question. Online I have quite a few! In person i literally have....... 2. Barely that lol. More like one

29. whats the worst thing you have ever done?Killed my sister’s fish (on accident)

30. whats your favorite candle scent?I’ve never thought about this or really smelled many candles to begin with :( something mild though. Maybe a mild vanilla??

31. 3 favorite boy namesuuhghg 1) Cain 2) Luka 3) Eden

32. 3 favorite girl names1) Erin 2) Rayna 3) Kira

33. favorite actor?I rly dont give a crap about actors if I’m being honest lmao. Uhh choi minho :)

34. favorite actress?Lupita Nyong’o?? she’s gorgeous

35. who is your celebrity crush?I don’t have a crush on him but does Lee Taemin count

36. favorite movie?Princess Mononoke

37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?I read ff more than books these days. I don’t have a fav book

38. money or brains?is this what I prefer? Money binch if I had money I wouldn’t need brains also I’m dumb anyways

39. do you have a nickname? what is it?No I do not

40. how many times have you been to the hospital?Twice? Maybe 3 times

41. top 10 favorite songscheck out shinee’s entire discography

42. do you take any medications daily?Nope

43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)i ?? have no idea?? I guess oily? My skin doesn’t get dry so

44. what is your biggest fear?Probably flying. I hate planes

45. how many kids do you want?Exactly none

46. whats your go to hair style?? uh side-swept? I have no idea what to call it just what my hair normally looks like I guess

47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)A moderately sized house

48. who is your role model?Not to be cheesy but Lee Taemin also Kim Kibum also Choi Minho also Kim Jonghyun also Lee Jinki

49. what was the last compliment you received?that I’m great? lol

50. what was the last text you sent?’okay’ to my mom lmao

51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?ARE YOU TELLING ME SANTA ISNT REAL??? okay but for real who remembers the age they find out omg .. i was Young so idk maybe like 13

52. what is your dream car?ohhh boy a lambo for sure

53. opinion on smoking?Gross. Smells terrible

54. do you go to college?I do indeed. I’m gonna be a senior ya’ll

55. what is your dream job?To be a writer I guess. I don’t really have a dream job

56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?Suburbs? I dunno. I like living in the city I’d probably die of boredom in some rural area

57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?hell yea binch

58. do you have freckles?nope!

59. do you smile for pictures?Not for selfies but for other pictures yes I feel like it’s weird or rude not to

60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?like 300 something

61. have you ever peed in the woods?what the fuck?? lol?? no??

62. do you still watch cartoons?does voltron count :/

63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?neither if I’m being honest but Wendy’s I guess. I never ever eat at mcdonalds

64. Favorite dipping sauce?barbeque sauce?

65. what do you wear to bed?An oversized shirt and boxers lol

66. have you ever won a spelling bee?no i cant say I have

67. what are your hobbies?Writing, sometimes. Playing video games. Bein unhealthy

68. can you draw?Naaaah

69. do you play an instrument?No :( I wish I did but I never learned any

70. what was the last concert you saw?SHINEE WORLD V IN LA!!!!!!!!! BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

71. tea or coffee?Coffee bcuz i h8 tea

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?Well the coffee at dunkin donuts is worlds better so dunkin donuts

73. do you want to get married?no

74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?i dont have a crush

75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?’when’ lol i dont plan to get married

76. what color looks best on you?black, in my opinion

77. do you miss anyone right now?no not really

78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?open because if it’s closed my cat will scratch on it incessantly until she’s let in

79. do you believe in ghosts?hell yeah dude

80. what is your biggest pet peeve?when people like, dance around a subject. I prefer it when people are straightforward. Especially if they want something from me

81. last person you called`Honest to god I can’t remember. I don’t ever call people lmao so probably my mom

82. favorite ice cream flavor?I like Rocky Road a lot!

83. regular oreos or golden oreos?regular. Golden oreos are a lesser creation

84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?RAINBOW. GIMME DAT GAY SHIT

85. what shirt are you wearing?It’s just a plain white t-shirt

86. what is your phone background?ot5

87. are you outgoing or shy?Horribly, annoyingly shy although I can mask it pretty well

88. do you like it when people play with your hair?yes :D

89. do you like your neighbors?lmao I don’t know them?? They arent noisy though so yes I like them since they aren’t annoying or anything

90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?Both. I take a shower in the morning and wash it then. And then do a skincare routine at night

91. have you ever been high?no.... not that I know of. One time I took nyquil though and it Fucked Me Up i felt high but idk if I was or if that’s even possible

92. have you ever been drunk?nope. I’m not a huge fan of the idea of getting drunk. I don’t like letting my guard down like that so if I ever do it’ll be when I’m alone

93. last thing you ate?a mento

94. favorite lyrics right nowthe entire lyrics to So Far Away by yoongi

95. summer or winter?WINTER. I hate summer fashion i like being able to wear my jackets and jeans and not Die of heat stroke

96. day or night?night I guess just bcuz I can be alone

97. dark, milk, or white chocolate?dark chocolate is superior in every way

98. favorite month?uhm.. December? Because its the end of the year and I’m on break then and Christmas and cold weather and hot chocolate

99. what is your zodiac signI’m a virgo

100. who was the last person you cried in front of?uhhhHHHH I really make it a Goal to never cry in front of people since im just super uncomfortable with that and honestly dont feel comfortable enough around anyone to do that. My sister walked in on me when I was crying once though so her I guess

#im so sorry if you were joking omg #I couldn't tell #so I just went ahead and did them all #alsnglasngsg #long post #i tried to keep the answers as short as possible since there were so many #thank you though omg #sorry if this is Annoying #ns #r #marieguillotineantoinette

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anothergirlrecovering · 6 years ago

Text

Lynn 91

I like don’t even want to blog about therapy today because it felt like such a waste. I got there and use the restroom and Lynn open the door and invited me in. I sat down and she said how are you and I said good how are you and she said great. She sat down and asked how my week has been what’s new and I said overall it’s been good there hasn’t really been anything that’s happened and I haven’t talked to my family name and I said I think the hardest thing has just been with obsessive thoughts about my body and how I’ve tried to use coping skills and distract and it has been really hard and I said that it’s not like I am using behaviors or anything but I just had a really hard time refocusing my brain and Lynn was basically like well in my experience full disclosure EMD our hasn’t really been helpful for my people with OCD it just seems like there are better treatments out there and she talked about some guy in their area who is well-known for treating OCD and their sessions are not like general talk therapy and it’s more of a specific standard kind of protocol thing and if I want I could always go see him and she said that her son has OCD flareups and so they took him to go see this guy but they only went once because her son was a teenager and was like never mind I’ll just exercise and his sort of come and go intermittently which I was like oh that’s right you’re an empty Nester now and she was like yeah it’s going great,but that this guy is supposed to be really great at trading OCD and there are very specific steps that he has and he uses that book that she had me read. I said yeah maybe and she said that the other option would be that I could go to Atlanta for a weekend and do this extended EMD our session with her old supervisor and I was just like I mean maybe and she said that a lot of therapists will go do that and really try to knock things out over a weekend. I said yeah maybe and I said but otherwise I guess things of been good and she was like OK well I got my lightbar fixed I was thinking maybe we could use that to see if we can get some of the stuff unstuck. I said OK and I’m sure I look like I was hesitating but she ignored it anyway and I was like where do you think you’re stuck on our target and I was like you mean with my mom and Aaron and feeling like I don’t matter and she was like yeah and I was like I’m gonna guess just that I feel like I didn’t matter enough to genuinely be cared about. She said to go with that and she tried to turn the light bar on but she struggled with figuring it out and it took a few minutes of her pressing different buttons and scrambling but then she was able to get it. It was seriously so hard to focus with that stupid light bar. She had it set where the lights went alternatively blink at either end of the bar and I was like honestly balloons this is just hard to focus on and I said that I just kind of have like a drumbeat going in my head to match the blinking and she was like oh OK I am just noticed that and I was like what the heck and so I went with it and I was like honestly I was just thinking about the piano and how it’s back-and-forth in the left and right hand at times and she was like OK go with that and I was like honestly I just noticed the same thing with a particular song and how I’m totally doing this wrong and it feels like a repeat of working with Sony because I remembered feeling like I couldn’t get it right with her either and I had gotten upset. She said to notice that and I was like do you know the where is my mind song from fight club and she said no and I said ok that’s the song that’s playing in my mind every time but I was just feeling anxious because I’m doing it wrong and I feel like you are probably getting frustrated and then I was thinking about how I always tell my clients not to apologize if it’s not working because it’s not their fault but at the same time I feel like I should be apologizing and I’m trying to be better about apologizing for things I should apologize for because I feel like I used to apologize for literally everything even having to use the restroom before session but now I have a harder time owning up to things or at least with My husband. She said to notice that and I was like OK I noticed that I was thinking about he piano and how surprised I was by being able to pick it up as easily as I did and how kayla at church who taught me thee basics was surprised by how easily I picked it up and I feel like in a way I was robbed of t ability to be confident in my musical abilities as a kid because of my upbringing and not that I can play anything on piano but I can play most chords and almost all of our church music and I know that sounds cocky or like I’m bragging but I’m just genuinely surprised and she told me to notice that part of things and I said that I noticed I just pisses me off because the church had a prophecy over my brother is a baby that he would be just wonderful musician and worship leader and so it just seems like nobody ever gave a shit when I would try to play music but they gave him a guitar and there’s videos and pictures of him playing music but there was never anything with me and then I noticed that it felt like I was very reinforced by my high school experience because it was such a tiny private school and the only people who ever had any real experience with anything musically was the people related to the band director and I explained how I’m just sort of always felt not good enough that music and how there was one time when Joe wasn’t there to play guitar and I asked if I could fill-in and the director was just like I mean if you could figure it out I guess and he just kind of blew me off and I was able to play it just fine and how I was always in the background and I told her about how Arlyne has me singing a whole song by myself this Sunday and I have so much anxiety about it because I feel like I’m not good enough even though I know Arlyne has so much musical experience and she wouldn’t have asked me if she didn’t think I was capable and she hadn’t asked David to sing solos for that reason but then I said it still feels like she’s just being nice even if that’s irrational and then I thought that she’s basing her belief that I’m good enough off of background vocals but maybe all I’m good for is background vocals and then I thought either way I don’t really have good evidence because I never really let anyone hear me actually sing because I’m college I thought of kit and I always singing together and every time I was asked to lead worship in dorms I would say yes only if someone else would sing. She asked me to go back to the target and be curious what about it is still there and I said that I feel like I don’t matter and she was like why and I was like I guess because I feel like I’m not enough in any category and she said what would enough be and I said I guess it’s not something you can really tangibly measure so she said notice that that I don’t know. I said I guessed that I felt like a really difficult person and that I make everyone mad and then that I guessed it wasn’t that I was difficult to everyone butbthat I am difficult to anyone who gets to know me intimately and then they want to leave and I said how Sony got mad because I was difficult and Erin did and Jane and I said it seemed like most therapists had come to that conclusion or at least it’s the bad memory ones that stick out in my mind ajdbshe said notice that and I said Jane said I was more verbally abusive than people she had counseled in jail and idk hiwnyou really get over that because she’s a trained professional so she said go with that and I said I just feel like I make people mad. I said I just felt difficult and upset and like she was mad and how I have a client who I really can’t stand working with because it makes me mad that she self sabotages and could be fine if she would just choose to stop being ridiculous and I feel like I’m that client to Lynn and where she hates working with me. There was one point when I was distracted by her writing and I looked at her and we made the most awkward eye contact but she kept going and we both played it off like it didn’t happen. I felt my face get hot though and I was so embarasssd but it’s hard to stay focused on a light bar. She said we would close it down and shift gears. She reminded me that we want to let the EMDR do the processing so basically don’t keep trying to figure it all out after session. She pointed out that if it would be helpful I could sign a release of info and she could talk to Sony. She asked me where I thought we got stuck and I explained that Sony was going very specific through the phobia protocol and when I said I didn’t know it was just the sound that really scared me when I thought of it and she said but why and I said I don’t know I just when I picture hearing it my heart races and she said but why and I said I don’t know and she said is it because it’s gross and I said no and she said but then why I said I don’t know and she got mad and I was mad and so I went home and wrote a journal entry about how frustrated I had felt and why I had gotten triggered and backed into a corner and I made it all about my response and explaining because I guess I was basically apologizing for feeling mad because I always feel like I make everyone mad and then they leave me and then she got mad and was like well then maybe you need to just see somebody else. Lynn was like well maybe would help if I talk to her and maybe there was a power struggle there or a difference in personalities and she said that she knows Sony and I was like well honestly she very much went exactly by the protocol by the book and Lynn was like oh I do too and I was like but not really like she is step by step follows the manual whereas you troubleshoot and keep going and have other questions to keep processing going. Luckily she dropped it because I didn’t want to have to explain that I didn’t even want her to have a release because for one it’s been a while and two I am afraid that so when he would have something bad about me to say like meeting borderline and that’s why didn’t work out or something even though Lynn was trying to say that she would want a release to ask maybe where I have gotten stuck in. Likely she didn’t push it further and she was like well this was really successful and I think we should keep going with it. I’m sure my face did not hide my discomfort around the idea but I said OK and she was like I think it’s really working to get you unstuck and I was just sitting there thinking like what did we get unstuck about today because it kind of honestly felt like a complete waste but whatever I just said Ok. Idk how it even got brought up but I said I obviously still have issues considering that I cry every time she mentions switching to every other week and Ahe was like just because you’re well doesn’t mean you can’t come anymore it just means you come for cooker things like self growth and I was like yeah I know I don’t want to be this way forever. She said she wants to see me get better and not have this affect me he rest of my life where I can’t have close personal relationships. I said yes because currently I cut anyone off because they can hurt me at the slightest chance of them leaving. I said how danielle at church has a boyfriend now and I haven’t texted her or hung out since and it’s been like four months. Maybe even more. and we scheduled and she close up her book and I was like did you figure out the payment and she was like no just I’m not worried about it don’t worry about it and I was like but it’s been several weeks and she was like well I think your co-pay is going to be like $10 and if you overpaid out all that would cover several. I was like well okay, and I said thank you and headed out.

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