#literally this is just a bunch of gibberish but my mind is just brrrrrrrrrrr

[mushroompollution]

oh no I'm thinking lots about the time period right around Gil leaving but like nothing coherent enough to put into a drabble or anything meaningful but

aughfhhh rambling

Gilbert left right after Ernest and Claude were killed. so when Elliot talks about him being a selfish coward for being afraid of the Headhunter, really he probably felt betrayed himself bc like. he just lost his two beloved older brothers. he's lost and scared and now he suddenly has the weight of being the family heir instead of the artsy, coddled baby and he's really relying on Gil to be there for him.

and then Gil just. left.

like, his whole life, Elliot's had big brothers to go to, and now they're gone. he's never been close enough to go to Vincent to talk to him, and I think it's implied that Vanessa was away at Lutwidge, bc Ernest only tells Elliot to get their mom when the house is on fire.

and like. that's all not long after Leo became his valet. idk the timeline is pretty Ambiguous, and they only knew each other for like 2 years total in canon. but Elliot would be too prideful and stubborn to cry in front of him, and probably spends more often than not dismissing Leo to go read somewhere away from him instead of like. actually talking and grieving to his friend and equal.

I want to write a drabble someday of like, the first time Leo actually saw him cry, and then the first time he actually like. comforted him. bc it wouldn't be the same time, Leo is so hesitant to do anything that might change his status quo.