#literally the most frustrating thing and im on one music video project over the next few months and i have multiple commissions lined up
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I’m going insane I like need to make my complete own project again or I might die
#Madi.txt#im being dramatic but ahhhg#art block is kicking my ass#literally the most frustrating thing and im on one music video project over the next few months and i have multiple commissions lined up#for the next few months on a kickstarter project too and im just#kwhdo jdpwjdleje#I need to break this art block im so embarrassed#and I need to make a new project all my own that I actually enjoy#or I might die#for real
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bts is holding him back lmfao don't bother calling yourself an army from now on 💀
i havent claimed to be that for a while.. although i do still listen to their music and solo stuff which to normal people would be more than enough to classify me as a fan lmao
but even though i doubt youre even going hear me out at all, im gonna use your ask to sort of clarify what i was talking about the other day for anyone willing to listen. because although i am currently only interested in "stanning" jhope (which by the way is a completely normal thing to do, literally armys are the only people who demonize so heavily the idea of only caring for one member of group) i do feel like the things i said came off a bit harsher than i meant and believe it or not i really dont have anything against the individual bts members
most of the people that are all upset about me being a "solo stan" are probably to far deep into that cult mindset to bother trying to understand what i have to say but im going to try anyway. and i really hope that u could at least try to read it with an open mind.
first of all, when i said i need bts stop holding jhope back, i would like to correct myself in that what i should have said was that i need HYBE to stop holding him back, because i honestly feel that all the members of bts are being equally fucked over by how hybe has chosen to handle this hiatus, their solo careers, and basically the last 2 years of their career. and i dont think they have as much of say in how these things happen as people think. if u dont mind id like to bring in a visual aid 👍
now although this is just an estimation of what the next few years will look like and some little details might be switched up, i think it still gives u a good idea of how things will probably play out. literally all i meant by "bts is holding him back" is that weve been waiting since 2018/2019 for new jhope music and now that this rushed and poorly promoted release of jack in the box is over he wont be able to release anything until like 2025 at the very least. and its because hybe is going to have every other member release solo projects consecutively regardless of whether they are genuinely organically at a place of being ready to release solo music, all in order to get them back as a group as fast as possible to increase profit again. meanwhile jhope is at the top of his popularity right now following hobipalooza and yet his solo era is officially over now and he will most likely be radio silent for the next few years.
there are so many things that frustrate me about how this has all played out. first of all the fact that their enlistment was pushed back so far that it has now come at arguably the worst time in their careers. hybe SHOULD HAVE had them enlisting or putting amout solo projects as soon as the pandemic ramped up instead of forcing them to release some of the worst songs in their discography, causing them to feel burnt out and that theyve lost their direction (which is literally exactly what they said in the festa video so dont even try to say im twisting their words). as someone who still genuinely enjoys bts' pre-pandemic music, i will never understand why some fans standards are low enough to think that their releases after mots7 compare to their previous music at all
but regardless of how i feel about their recent releases, hybe has been holding jhope back since mic drop. he has been consistently getting the least amount of lines and center time, to the point where he was able to showcase more of who he is as an artist in this past month of his solo release and with his lollapalooza performance than he has in the last several years as a member of bts. i dont care if youre a "solo stan" or not, you cant argue that. how can it possibly be good for someones development as an artist to always be pushed to the side like that. he has even talked in an interview before about actively holding himself back as to match the level of the other members.
he had less than 5 total minutes of lines for the entire set list of the permission to dance on stage concerts. hybe has one of the best dancers in the industry under their roof and yet theyve had him locked up in the basement since mots7 doing such simple choreo. and now, just as he finally starting to gain some recognition as a solo artist, he will be radio silent for the next 3 years AT LEAST.
now as for what i said about the rest of bts not being on jhopes level when it comes to performances, i realize that it probably sounded harsher than i meant it. but its honestly nothing against the other members, there are very few idols or artists in general that could have put on the sort of performance that jhope did at lollapalooza. its not a bad thing that someone like jimins excels more in a group performance (which hes said himself), or that people like rm and suga arent as much performers as they are producers and song writers. but its also not fair that jhope should have to be held back from his full potential within the group because of that
anyway, the point of everything ive said is that its not the bts members im referring to when i said bts is holding jhope back, its the way hybe treats them as a unit even when it comes to their solo projects. there was so much demand for jhope at lollapalooza he could easily being doing like a tour right now or other sorts of performances, literally any sort of promo like that, but hes not able to because hybe is holding him back and his solo era that weve been waiting years for was literally over within less than a month with the absolute bare minimum promotion on hybes end and we will most likely not see much of him anytime soon. so i hope you can understand why as someone whos a fan of him, thats a bit frustrating to me.
bts have had a good run as a group, i really do still like listening to their old music and watching their performances. and if in the future any of them do release a solo project that piques my interest id like to think that id be free to express my interest in it on my blog without being boxed in to the term "solo stan". but the way hybe treats them as a they exist as a group is clearly not productive for any of them anymore and only benefits the company in the form of profit. and if youre too far up their asses to see that then i dont know what to tell u
#mail#gonna keep my askbox open for anyone who would like to talk more about what ive said but only if youre more mature about it than this anon
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Aeon - JiKook
Word Count: 9.5k words Rating: PG-13 Summary: The Rat was the first in Buddha’s race, which by timeless standards should mean that your family will be much more looked up to than they actually are. It's a damn race after all, the winner gets the chicken dinner, right? Wrong. Genre: Fluff-ish? Also, Seokjin is a diva Note: I’m not really back from Hiatus, that’s important to say. The exchange was fucking amazing and I need time to find myself at home again, but this thing has been sitting on my computer for a year now and I felt inspired, so I gave it life. The ending is not really edited because I cringed at myself. It’s been in my head for a while, hope you guys will like it♥
Your frustration with the day began right in the entrance to your university. You could already feel the signs of the power struggle in the air, along with the countless oblivious students walking right through it as they go about their day. You didn't know if you were lucky for being aware, feeling the signs and treading your steps. Those who belonged to the cycle of the Zodiac were pretty rare, and you were in the bottom of that food chain.
As the ancient story goes, Buddha wanted to hold a race for his departure from Earth. It's ridiculous that this is the beginning of the biggest pain in your life in the present. He invited 12 animals to compete in said race, and they were given one year in the cycle by the order of their arrival.
The Rat was the first, which by timeless standards should mean that your family will be much more looked up to than they actually are. It's a damn race after all, the winner gets the chicken dinner, right? Nah. The Rat was invited by the Cat but didn't wake him up in the morning of the race. It got too excited about being the smallest animal to be invited into such a big event, and completely forgot about his careless friend. That already marked you as a traitor by relations.
If that's not enough bad juju by itself, the Rat was aware of the shortness of his feet and probability in winning the race, so he took advantage of the Ox's gullible personality and rode on his head. A simple jump from his head to the finish line brought the Rat his sweet victory and his successors' despair.
Coming first means shit if all of this is considered.
That's why most people has no idea why some avoid you like a plague. You weren't sure how they'll react knowing this avoidance comes from the ancient sins of one Rat.
Through the cycles, the other animals competed over who hates the Rat decedents most, though you'd think they'd never want to race again after the first time. The Cat was a prominent contester, but the cats in your life didn't treat you badly. Jooheon gave you the same dimpled grin he offers every living being, and even some florals. Hoseok sent you his notes when you were down with the flu for a month without you even having to ask.
For a reason not quite known to you, your enemy during this cycle was the Horse. Most potently shown in your relations to one Park Jimin. He's a silver Horse, which is rare within their kind and higher-ranked. There were other Horses in your university but they reserved their behavior to disturbed looks and nothing more, which didn't really bother you.
It's not that Park Jimin was evil to you or anything, you've never seen him anything but kind to anyone he interacts with. The problem came from the one "protecting" him from you. Since he's a Horse you never tried to actively speak to him but that damn dog, Jeon Jungkook, detested your presence even if you were simply minding your own business on the other side of the room. Even Kim Taehyung stood between you a few times, and he's a Dragon – usually flashy personalities and not that much of a need to handle the animal politics. He was accepting of you if Jimin wasn't in the room though, so you figured it was Jungkook moving him as a piece to have something else protecting poor little Jimin from you.
As always, both pairs of eyes immediately set on you as you walked through the door, while Jimin kept chatting with Hoseok as if he didn't feel the mood shift. Taehyung offered you a small smile, but turned back to the conversation without much else. Jungkook gave you nothing but daggers. The conversation they took part in was loud as they always were, and per usual getting louder when Seokjin walked into the room, exchanging high-fives with the other four like a weird fucking ceremony before he came to sit with you.
Somehow Seokjin, the Snake that rode on the Horse's leg and pushed the Horse to the seventh animal in line, wasn't too dangerous to be around Jimin.
"What's up, loser?" Seokjin flopped down next to you, tossing a small, peach-flavored milk carton onto your lap.
You eyed the milk. "I really don’t get why I'm the only one turning them hostile when I walk into a room."
"You should try being this handsome," he replied with a smirk, placing his thumb and index finger in a V sign at this chin. You narrowed your eyes at him, resisting the urge to smack his hand right into his face.
Your argument was stopped short with the teacher walking in with a shit-eating grin. This poetry class was supposed to be easy, but as you soon learned looks can be deceiving. The teacher seemed to have a special, warm place in his heart for keeping his students at the edge of their seats at terrible peril. He didn't even try hiding how much he enjoyed making his poor students suffer.
And what greater suffering he could bring than a partnered poem analysis paper, already troublesome by itself before he added in the fact he chose the pairs instead of giving students that liberty. That asshole knew how anti-social you were, and the groans coming from the collective of students just made him smile wider.
"Why can't we choose though?" Jungkook complained, his arm wrapped around Jimin's chair. It was easy to guess who his preferred partner would be, and a short laugh from the professor showed he knew the answer.
"Because I paired the weak with the strong," The professor waved his papers at Jungkook, "To give some of you imagination-less people a standing chance to pass my class. Some of you, Jungkook, are in the gray zone.
The chuckles made Jungkook turn sharply back, his eyes locking with yours for a split second though you never made a sound.
"I hope you get Jungkook," Seokjin whispered to you, opening the abandoned milk carton and handing it back to you. "He will probably kill you if he spends too much time with you."
"Since when are fucking Dogs my enemies?"
Just as the words left your mouth ended, your name was called. The professor paused for a second that made you hold your breath – he wouldn't be as evil as to pair you with Jungkook, right? The answer, to your great despair, was worse. The name called after yours was Park Jimin.
"What the fuck?" Jungkook exclaimed, making Jimin jump a little at his side.
The professor looked at Jungkook like he just won the lottery. His eyes were twinkling, he could barely hold himself together from how giddy he was. The pairing in itself was logical, Jimin's weak points fit your strong points and vice versa, but it was clear as day from the mere atmosphere in the room that working together wasn't an option. The professor turned to look at Jimin, "Do you have a problem with this?"
"No," Jimin answered simply, making Jungkook's head snap to him.
The professor turned to you, and before he could open his mouth again you shook your head. You knew by instinct that if you'll ask to switch partners he'd probably give you Jungkook, and at least Jimin was able to be civil. It could only be worse for you.
"Great, so it's decided," The professor determined before going forth with his list. Their group started to exchange whispers right under the professor's nose, but he was in too good spirits to call them out for it. Their small, frantic voices seemed to be music to his ears.
"Wow, I jinxed you didn't I," Seokjin gasped but didn't sound sorry in the least. "Jungkook looks like he's about to have a stroke."
You signed, "I bet he's trying to find a way to make me disappear before I get to exchange one word with Jimin."
Your phone vibrated on your thigh, making you slide your headphones off. "Did you text me?"
"No," Seokjin replied with a bored voice. You hit pause on the video you were watching, though you really wanted to know if the McDonalds worker noticed the twins switching on him as he turned away for a second. Another vibration came though before you pressed the unknown number.
hey its jimin 03:23
You turned to Seokjin with wide eyes, which he didn't notice for a few moments. Words failed you so you made a small sound that turned his attention away from his phone. "Ah, did he text you already?" You nodded. "That was fast, I literally just gave him the number. I thought it'd take him longer to fend Jungkook off before texting you."
"Couldn't you warn me?"
"And miss that?" He pointed at your face with a pleased devil-smile. "Never."
You turned back to your phone, wondering why the hell your best friend is so annoying. You could choose better, and somehow this hate-love relationship is what kept you going. At rare times he was actually a good friend, so maybe you saw through the douche to the darling within. Like, deep within.
Hey 03:26
Smooth.
im gonna cut to it my rents r prejudice n doesnt wnt me alone w/u
so is it ql if we do da project in my house? 03:27
Sure. When? 03:27
im sorry. 03:28
His apology made you frown. It didn't come as a surprise to you that his parents wouldn't want their silver son meeting a Rat in their natural habitat. It's almost 2020 and there are still a lot of… opinions on what new ways the Rats found to mislead the other animals. You could offer the library as a neutral spot, but you didn't know if Jimin even knew where it is.
saturday? 6 ish? 7 ish? wn ure comfortable ish? 03:29
You couldn't help but chuckle at the swarming messages. You always saw Jimin texted real fast and half-finished sentences, but being on the receiving end of that was a brand new experience.
6-ish sounds good. Send me your address, I'll be there 03:30
He sent it, and you had no idea where it was. A quick look at the map revealed that he, in fact, lives in the middle of a forest and it shouldn't have surprised you this much. Silver Horses were known to crave the wild, not at all city creatures. That would stand against the fact they moved to Seoul from Busan, but you guessed education was stronger than their will to be free.
"We're meeting on Saturday," You informed Seokjin, who hummed as a distracted response. "Save me some food."
"As if Jimin will let you leave his house without feeding you," Seokjin laid his phone in front of him, finally focusing on you. "You clearly don’t know him."
"His loyal watch-dog makes sure of that," You rolled your eyes. "Did you know he lives in the woods?"
"Of course, I've been to his house before."
"Of course you were."
"You'll like it, it's a really big house, whole wall made of glass like the forest is inside. Also, Jimin's bed is really comfortable. Not that you'll get to try it unless you'll be a good girl."
You contemplated throwing your mouse at him. "We're doing a project and then our lives will go back to being absolutely separate. His parents won't even allow him the option of being near me where they can't control, you think his bed would be good?"
"His bed is good."
Seokjin offered to drive you there, claiming that the road is too complicated for you to navigate though. He listened to your whole rant about how you're great with directions as he fiddled with his keys. In the end he didn't leave you much choice and after seeing how complicated it actually was, you were kind of grateful. The forest really wasn't forgiving for first time arrivers. Seokjin informed you that he also had to have help the first time he visited, so you felt better about yourself.
Seokjin stopped in front of the house, giving you a knowing smile, "Now you're glad you agreed, right?"
"Wow yes thank you," you exhaled in one breathe, sliding out of the car with your bag in hand. "You're the best."
"What else is new?" Seokjin obnoxiously winked right before he drove off. He almost drove right on your foot, but you assumed the swag in the action was worth it for him. Fucking Snakes.
The front door seemed to loom over you, warning you of where you're headed. Each Zodiac made their own aura around their homes, and this one was new to you and quite overwhelming. You never got to measure the Horse aura before since all the Horses steered clear of you, getting it so strongly at once wasn't exactly welcoming. It's a good thing Horses were prideful people, so logically you knew there is no risk in stepping inside.
Keeping that idea in your head, you rang the doorbell, almost cringing at the choir of bird sounds that announced your presence. Of course Horses would have chippering birds as their doorbell. You barely managed not to roll your eyes as the door opened.
"It's you."
Jungkook gave you a bored look, leaning against the door he opened. He looked you up and down, maybe to be intimidating. You found it strangely amusing.
"Jimin is at dance practice."
"Did I get the time wrong?" You quickly pulled out your phone with the intention of checking Jimin's message. "I thought – "
"You didn't," Jungkook cut you off. "He was supposed to be here."
You stared, not sure how to progress from here. Jungkook seemed to be perfectly fine with letting you wait outside until Jimin came back and he was forced to treat you well. You weren't sure what he was going to do, but waiting awkwardly felt terrible.
Jungkook seemed to sense the struggle as he moved aside with a sigh, "Come in, I guess."
"Thank you," You side-stepped him, bending down to take your shoes off before entering farther. Jungkook gave you a quick look, walking to the end of the corridor, where he stopped to wait for you.
You tried to be subtle as you watched his actions, wondering if he really did hate you. With Jimin not being the room he seemed more calm around you, acting more like he just wasn't sure how to act rather than despising you. You knew the rumors about Rats didn't form a good image, and the fact that you're pretty rare is not helping. When people met you for the first time they were sure they already know everything you're about and had no intention to really get to know you as a person, not a zodiac reference.
"You can wait in the living room," Jungkook said the moment you started walking his way. The light coming from the end of hallway already hinted where the glass wall that Seokjin was talking about was, but you didn't quite expect the spectacle that was revealed to you. The last rays of sun filtered through many leaves, throwing calm shadows over the cream color-themed living room. Everything looked so polished and expensive, you could easily see Jimin in this space. You've never seen his parents so they were face-less figures in the image in your head, but they were loving and kind, like their son.
Well, to non-Rats, anyways.
Jungkook watched you, averting his gaze only when you turned to look back. He looked almost bashful as he took a sit on one of the couches, slipping out of his slippers and placing his feet on the edge of the coffee table. He looked less elegant than Jimin, but somehow Jungkook's Dog aura was also present in this space, as if he's a part of it. Thinking back, you've never heard Seokjin going to Jungkook's place or meeting Jungkook's parents. It made you wonder.
You took your seat on the same sofa, but in a safe distance from him. You awkwardly moved your attention to your socks, wondering if you should have chosen more presentable socks than the Line Friends ones you were currently wearing. You glanced at Jungkook to find him checking his phone, a small smile adorning his features. This could be the first time you saw him actually smiling, as you were usually watching their group from behind. It didn't look bad on him, this look. It was no secret that he was handsome, making a perfect visual trio with Jimin and Taehyung. You just never got to see it like other people did.
He glanced your way, finding your attention is on him made both of you embarrassed. You were used to watching people, your status as a Rat made you learn that observing people from a far would keep you safe from getting hurt. You got good at reading people, and Jungkook didn't seem like much of a challenge. He was sitting so comfortably, he must have been a household member, if not living here. Which would probably be a safe bet.
"Are you waiting for Jimin too?"
Jungkook's eyes darted to you and back to his screen. "Sort of."
"Um," You started, not knowing if you should actually ask this. He was obviously listening to you, though he wasn't looking your way. "I was wondering, do you live here?"
That caught him off guard. You could clearly see the Dog in his reaction, his eyes now trained at you with a soft wonder in them. Dogs were people of instincts, not calculating situations like you. You could tell that you were right, but something about his reaction made you feel like you spoke too soon, trying to be friendly with someone who is not really willing. You were somehow intrigued by him, a fact that wasn't surprising as all the Rats you knew were attracted to Dogs.
Jungkook was still looking at you though a few moments passed. Your anxiety wasn't liking that, making you defuse the situation. "None of my business, never mind. Sorry for asking."
Jungkook frowned. You chose to look at your socks again, so you couldn't judge the wheels moving in his head. Before he could settle on a choice of what to do with your question, his phone buzzed. Quick tapping sounds filled the silence before he announced, "He's on his way now."
"Great. You know, you don't have to wait with me if you have other things to do," You offered, wiggling your toes in the fluffy carpet. "I won't move from here."
"Nah, it's fine," he answered in a casual voice, which you've never heard from him before. You chanced looking at him and his eyes were already trained on you, but they weren't hostile. He looked like he was contemplating, and quickly a decision was made, "You're more polite than I thought you'd be."
You blinked in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"I don't know," Jungkook responded truthfully, ignoring another buzzing of his phone in favor of holding your gaze.
You were having trouble processing where this conversation is going, his easy look showing that he didn't quite have a clue either. It just wasn't anxious for him to be in this position. "Well, I'm glad to prove you wrong, I guess."
Even looking at him, you weren't quite certain what was going through his head. A part of you wondered if the attraction between Rats and Dogs was mutual, and having no other presences around made it easier to sense each other's auras. Maybe he was experiencing something new with you as well.
Maybe he reached out to you with that, and you should try as well. "I know the Rat's image is strong, but I'm honestly not a bad person. I have no intention of harming or tricking anyone."
"I figured, otherwise Seokjin wouldn't be so fond of you," Jungkook lifted his legs, folding them beneath him on the couch. "Actually, he asked me to be nice to you."
"Is that why you're trying to have a conversation?" You chuckled, but it stopped soon when you saw the strange look he gave you. Your mind provided a question that you knew you had no time to linger on, but you had to speak to Seokjin about what he told Jungkook.
"Sort of. He said that if I'll actually try not to push you away I'll see you're actually really good, better than him. Just more guarded."
"Seokjin said something nice about me? How uncharacteristic for him."
Jungkook made an amused sound, and you're ashamed to say it felt like a small victory. "He insisted enough for me to pay attention."
You nodded, not sure what else to say. You did make a mental note to thank Seokjin later. He jokes around a lot and it's usually in your expense, but he really does care about you. He must have known how nervous this made you and tried to make it easier. Being the middleman, he knows you and them well enough to be able to bridge temporarily until you could be civil with Jungkook, and maybe even complete this assignment without too much of a fight.
Jungkook looked like he had something else to say, but the soft sound of the opening front door, followed by Jimin announcing that he's home, stopped him. Instead he chose to push to his feet and walk to the hallway.
"You've been nice?" Jimin tapped on Jungkook's chest, a wide smile on his face. His smile never wavered when he looked at you, confidently walking towards you. "Sorry for being late, dance kinda makes me forget about time."
You didn't miss the slight tension that resided in Jungkook's shoulders as Jimin neared you, but he said nothing even when Jimin sat right next to you, dropping his bag at his feet. You've never been this close to him, but just looking at him you knew Jimin would smell amazing – you just didn't know how good it'll be. The scent that came off of him reminded you of the freshness of nature, like he just galloped through the woods like the Horse he is.
It was quite a nice image.
"It's okay," you reassured him, snapping out of your thoughts. "I didn't have to wait long."
Jimin leaned closer, his voice dropping to a whisper, "Was he really nice to you, though?"
You nodded, eyes widening at how close he was. His skin was amazing, his eyes shining at you with pure happiness and amusement. He turned to Jungkook and they looked at each other for a few moments. You didn't know what it meant, but Jungkook seemed to catch on, walking back to the couch just to get his phone back. "I'll be upstairs."
You felt like maybe this decision answered your earlier question, but there is no way to know for sure as Jungkook disappeared up the wide staircase at the far end of the space. His departure left you alone with Jimin, whose attention came back to you.
"Is it okay if we stay here? My room is a mess," Jimin watched your face as you nodded. He seemed content with your answer, pulling the one notebook he used for every subject you shared together. Not that you've been keeping tabs, but yeah, you knew that.
You pulled out your supplies as well, feeling very conscious of the amount of attention you're getting. Maybe that's why people who spoke to Jimin alone were a blushing mess, being around him was like being under a spotlight, with absolutely no judgement attached. It's like he just genuinely enjoyed focusing on you.
"The prof was smart putting us together, I'm pretty bad at poetry," Jimin announced as he flicked through his notebook to find an empty page. "I just don't get hidden meanings and feet and stuff. But you've always been good, I still remember that poem you wrote about the sky."
You blinked at him, taken aback. You wrote remembered the poem was well, it was due in your first class. First year, first semester, before you thought Jimin ever noticed your existence. He seemed amused at the surprise in your face, finally settling on a page and leaning back on the couch. You followed, though a lot less comfortable than him. You decided there's no possible answer to what he told you and instead began pitching ideas for your analysis. You were given a poem that you read five times before meeting up with Seokjin, so you had a pretty good idea what you wanted to focus on. Jimin looked at you with an ever-present smile, drinking in all you had to tell him. He wasn't embarrassed to ask you questions, even if he was asking about the most basic things. You worked hard to not make him feel like it's too basic to be confused about at this point, just to keep him cheerful and excited to learn.
Somehow you felt like he really was learning from you, as minutes ticked by and he used the new information you've given him. It was obviously his weak subject, but he seemed to find your knowledge and merge it with his joy to find a good middle that allowed you to work him like dough. The idea you came up with seemed solid, Jimin adding his own, smaller ideas to give it a better structure. Working with him was easy, you bounced ideas off of each other, Jimin allowed himself to joke around with you, and the atmosphere stayed light. Before you noticed, hours went by and you were sitting more comfortably, Jimin's calm acceptance made you feel almost welcome in his home.
Jimin giggled at one of your ideas as he allowed his notebook to fall into his lap, giving up on doing more work in favor of conversation. "Honestly when you told that prof he was wrong I almost laughed right in his face. I'm closer, so I would've probably gotten kicked out of the class too."
"He said frogs are the symbol of freedom!" You defended yourself, bringing your own notebook to lie against your chest. "I couldn't just let this nonsense go."
"I know you couldn't," Jimin leaned his head against the sofa, eyeing you with a smile. "I noticed you're not shy to say what you wanna."
"You noticed?" You shifted, bringing your legs up between your body and Jimin's, leaning your head the way he did.
Jimin hummed, looking at your legs before returning to you. "Maybe I don't look like it, but I'm pretty observant. And being a Rat, you were interesting to me."
You willed your face not to blush, deeming it too embarrassing. "You wanted to watch the enemy?"
"I wanted to watch the possible friend," Jimin corrected with not a bit of shame. "I don't believe in that Zodiac enemy stuff, it's stupid to judge for something that was done millions of years ago. The fact is you've never been not nice to anyone who didn't deserve it. You're frank and your thoughts are heard, but there's nothing wrong about that. I think you're really funny, and nice, and a good person to be around."
You found no words to reply with, so you simply stared at him. Your lack of response didn't matter to Jimin as he leaned closer, the same amused glitter in his eye. "I'm glad I get to see I'm right."
"Ah," Jungkook's voice came from the stairs, making both of you jump a little farther away from each other. You looked at the newcomer in alarm, expecting him to explode at you for even daring to come so close to Jimin. His eyes were trained on you and he seemed conflicted, but when they moved to Jimin they softened immediately. You noticed Jimin had this kind of effect on him, like he was easily softening Jungkook's rough edges.
"I'm kind of hungry, what are we ordering?" Was his chosen response. Jimin didn't miss a beat in naming a restaurant that you weren’t familiar with. Jungkook slurped and rolled his eyes but didn't argue, which lead you to believe this response was quite popular with Jimin.
"Is there anything you can't eat?" You turned to confirm that Jimin was talking to you, shaking your head as a response. You remembered Seokjin being clear on Jimin liking to feed people, so you weren't really surprised when it came true right before you.
When Jungkook was busy ordering the food, Jimin declared that "study time is over". He turned the TV on and flicked through Netflix, asking for your opinion on which movie to watch. "I'd ask Jungkook but he'd probably say a Marvel movie," Jimin giggled, flicking past another rom-com.
"I like Marvel," you commented.
"I know, Spiderman is your phone background," you snapped your head in his direction just to catch his victorious smile. "Observant, I told you."
"Marvel movies are great, you're not wrong," Jungkook affirmed, throwing himself on Jimin's other side.
"But we can watch something else once in a while," Jimin whined, throwing one of his legs across Jungkook's, who naturally moved his hand to rest on Jimin's thigh, close to his knee. You felt Jimin's eyes on you, which told you he noticed you saw but didn't move Jungkook's hand away. You felt like it was a hint, but the situation made you so embarrassed you refused to think about it.
"How about this?" Jimin paused on a movie starring Ryan Reynolds, which you agreed to immediately. Again, your reaction was not missed by the others. Jimin didn't wait for Jungkook's approval to start the movie, settling against the other as the movie started. When the food arrived Jungkook stood up immediately, throwing the whining Jimin's leg off of him in the process.
"Does our skinship bother you?" Jimin asked immediately when Jungkook was out of earshot.
"Nope."
"Good," Jimin's hand came down twice on yours, a contact you weren't expecting. Jimin giggled at the look on your face, but nothing else could be said as Jungkook came back into the room. The rest of your visit held the same kind of calmness, until Seokjin called you to tell you he's waiting outside, liberating you to think without anyone watching you.
Jimin texted you when you were on the way back, asking you if you're free to meet again soon. Seokjin was telling you a very long story through the entire time you were texting, and you were only half listening. He noticed, but didn't mind much.
"Hey Jin," you lowered your phone, intentionally interrupting him in the middle of a sentence. He stopped with a huff, but didn't complain farther, which gave you the okay to continue. "What did you say to Jungkook? He said you asked him to be nice to me."
"Just that."
"Shut up, I know you," You watched him, examining his face. You knew this boy too well, he knew exactly what you were referring to and he wasn't going to let it go easily. "What did you say?" You insisted.
"Honestly? Not much," He shrugged his shoulders, fingers lightly tapping on the wheel. "I called to ask him to be civil because you didn't choose this either. The important part of the conversation," Seokjin paused just to be dramatic, his finger pointing at your face for emphasis. "is what he said. And before you start pushing, I promised him whatever he says is safe with me."
You whined but knew your best friend too well to assume anything you can do will get him to change his mind. He was sassy but trustworthy, and if he promised Jungkook he won't say anything, he won't even break down for you.
The second time you came to Jimin's house, you drove your own car. You were a lot less nervous than the first time since you kind of knew what you were walking into. The birds at the doorway seemed welcoming now, and Jungkook even gave a small smile as he opened the door.
"He was too lazy to get up," he said as a way of explaining, leaving you to get out of your shoes since you already knew where to go. You followed shortly after him, just a little surprised to see Jungkook's stuff were spread next to Jimin's.
"Y/N!" Jimin threw his arms up from the spot where he was laying on the sofa. He just barely pushed himself into a sitting position to give you space to sit besides him. "Are you okay with Jungkook staying with us?"
"Of course," You responded, pulling your notebook out.
"Good," Jimin's hand came down on yours again, with Jungkook watching but not saying a word. "He could use some help as well, he got partnered with that Kris guy that is too cool for school."
"Jimin," Jungkook's voice held a warning that Jimin simply swatted away.
"It's just Y/N, it's fine. She'll help you not to fail," Jimin grinned at Jungkook before turning the same grin to you. "Spending half the time on our assignment and half on his is okay?"
"Sure," You smiled back, daring to smile at Jungkook as well. He stared back, and only managed to chuckle when he turned away from you.
"Great!" Jimin clapped, opening his notebook to show you he already progressed with your ideas. You pulled it from his hands, examining what he wrote down to find he did a pretty good job. You were kind of surprised to see the improvement. Jimin was smarter than you considered him to be.
Jimin's lead allowed you to slip back into the comfortable conversation you had last time, making wonderful progress with your ideas. Jimin started building an outline as you spoke, structuring your ideas in a coherent manner that will make writing the assignment easier for the both of you, no matter who took which part. Jungkook was watching you occasionally, and you couldn't miss the affection he held for Jimin. It just blossomed out of him with no effort. There was no hostility left in him for you, and even laughed at your jokes.
When Jimin said he's stepping out to go to the bathroom, you simply leaned back against the sofa to continue working on your formation. You felt Jungkook had something to say again, and you peaked over the notebook to see him already looking at you.
"I," he began, and you lowered the notebook to give him your full attention. "I do live here. I didn't answer you last time and it was rude, sorry."
"It's okay," You smiled.
"My parents died when I was young and Jimin's parents took me in," he continued, the rubbing of his hands together showing his awkwardness. You wondered why he was telling you this very shortly, since you wanted to actually listen to him. "I owe a debt to them. Jimin told them we have a Rat in class after the first day of Uni, and they asked me to make sure you don't come near him. So… I went a little overboard. I'm sorry."
You nodded slowly. You didn't know why he was being this open with you, but you appreciated the honestly. You figured no one expected having a Rat in their class since your kind usually sticks together and avoids big cities from the fear of being excluded within them. "It's okay," you reassured again, and Jungkook seemed to breathe out in relief. He smiled, flashing his bunny-like teeth in sincerity.
"Thank you," He glanced down at his hands, still rubbing them against each other. "I'm glad I listened to Seokjin, and I'm glad Jimin was right about you. I was acting so stupid."
"It's – "
"Jungkook project time!" Jimin shouted as he walked back to you, interrupting whatever moment you were sharing with Jungkook. He chuckled and handed you his notebook, which you accepted. Jungkook's poem was a little harder than yours, you could see the complications in it. Jimin helped you speak to Jungkook easier, to find ideas. As you were talking he was writing down important things to form into a proper paper later. The new information you accumulated was still residing in your head, to be thought of more deeply later.
For now, you just enjoyed their presence.
You noticed you're slipping slowly. The first thing that caught your attention is how easy the road to Jimin's home became with each time you visited. Honestly there wasn't much left to the assignment you were doing and Jungkook's part in his was complete two visits ago, but here you were, dropping by again in the clear pretense of having to work on it.
Another thing that alarmed you is how easy it was to be in their presence. You stopped hanging out in the living room a long time ago, preferring Jimin or Jungkook's bedroom instead. They didn't even bother opening the door for you – since they always invited you when Jimin's parents were out there was no risk. You could just walk into one of their rooms, hang out with them, talk about everything and nothing. Jimin always made sure you're comfortable, keeping his "is this okay" questions as his tool to do it. Jungkook connected to you more naturally, he tried things like lying on your thigh with careful eyes judging your reaction but with no words.
In opposition to everything you thought you'll go through in preparing this assignment, this was easy. It was nice, warm, and it kinda felt like you found your own little room in their lives. Going to classes also became easier, since you didn't need to be careful. Taehyung was taken aback when Jungkook called you to land a perfectly good joke and earn your laughter, and Hoseok accepted it without question. Seokjin proposed moving closer to them in the class-space, but Jimin waved him off, carrying his stuff to where you were usually sitting in the back of the class. His reasoning was that moving away from the professors is more rational than moving closer.
Somehow even the non-Zodiac people in your class seemed to notice the shift. Of course they had no idea what caused the animosity between you and Jungkook to begin with, but the friendship that rapidly grew between you was a dirty contrast to what you were to each other before. You noticed people glancing your way, eyebrows raising as Jungkook allowed himself to be a fool while sitting right on your left. Jimin tried to settle on your right, but one look from Seokjin told him he didn't earn the ability to come between you yet. Instead he used to stand in front of you and Jungkook during the break, leaning against the row in front of you with each of his legs touching one of Jungkook and yours.
You were continuedly surprised at how easy it was. You kind of hated yourself for complicating this easy routine you had. The most blurring alarm in your head wasn't oriented there at all, but in the depth of your stomach. See, whenever Jimin laid besides you in his bed, his legs touching yours and pure sunlight pouring from his eyes as he giggled at you, you felt butterflies. Every time Jungkook laid his head on your thigh or cracked jokes at you just to see you smile, you felt butterflies. Every time you crammed together on Jimin's bed to watch another non-Marvel movie, you usually in the middle because Jimin kept insisting that if one of you falls it's not gonna be you, you had butterflies. It's like you couldn't keep this simple, couldn't enjoy what you got without secretly craving more.
Because you liked both of them at the same time, you felt biased when you noticed the little sparks going off between them. You noticed Jungkook's affection for Jimin a long time ago, but only when you started getting to know them better did you notice Jimin's affection for Jungkook. It wasn't in the look he gave but in the actions he took. It's like he knew what was going through Jungkook's head, knew that his friend wasn't good with words, and he became his mouth or acted automatically to solve whatever problem Jungkook never uttered. You could see their friends were aware of it too, always teasing Jimin that him and Jungkook are such soulmates that they had no use for words.
They never refuted that, and you believed no lie could cover that obvious truth.
And it made you jealous.
Not mad jealous, not something that came between the three of you. It was just this secret passion to get in on their secret, to tap that frequency that they communicate through and help Jimin please Jungkook, get that same look that Jimin gets, to be in the middle not because you could be physically harmed, but because that's your natural place.
This kind of horrible wishes made you consider skipping town and never seeing anyone again. You were accepted by them completely, but you were still a Rat. You needed to remember that, needed to remember that you're actively avoiding Jimin's parents because they hate you, not being friends with them from the beginning because Jungkook protected Jimin from you. This place that you accumulated in their lives – it's not permanent. It's not actually yours.
With this heavy feeling in your chest you tapped in the code to the apartment, leaving your shoes at the door in the empty spot they kept for you. The sun was pretty nice today, so they'll probably be in Jimin's room. As you climbed the stairs, you could hear faint music coming from the almost closed door – they usually leave it wide open when you're over. You stared at it for a second, wondering if you should knock. You lifted your hand to do so when a soft moan came out of the room, making your heart skip a beat. You looked above your shoulder to find Jungkook's room was empty. The fisted hand you lifted to knock made soft contact with the door, mindlessly choosing to simply push the door open and come face to face with whatever you're going to find.
You really shouldn't have been so surprised when the scene revealed itself to you. Jimin was lying on his back, legs wrapped around Jungkook's waist, who was lying on top on him. They were almost fully dressed – almost because Jungkook wasn't a fan of wearing shirts inside the house. You swallowed thickly as you watched Jungkook's tongue slipping for a second from the seam of Jimin's lips, just to return inside as Jimin's fingers pressed into his skin, bringing him impossibly closer. You couldn't move, couldn't think when you watched Jungkook's fingers weave in Jimin's hair, pulling his head to a better position to kiss him deeper. After moving his head, Jimin's now open eyes could easily find you standing in the doorway, mouth slightly open and your hand still on the door.
You felt adrenaline shoot right through you as he pushed slightly at Jungkook's chest. Jungkook's head turned your way, but before you could see his expression you already removed yourself from the door. Your hand barely met the railing as you hurried downstairs, trying your hardest to ignore your name being called behind you. Just as you reached the last step, almost out of this situation completely, you felt determined arms wrapping around you to pull you against a stable chest. You knew it was Jimin from the smell of his hair as his head rested on your shoulder, adding pressure to stopping you from leaving.
"Please wait," He said softly into your clothed shoulder, his palms rubbing your sides. You obeyed, but only because you had to catch your breath after what felt like running a marathon. You heard Jungkook's familiar, heavier steps coming down the stairs, though he was a lot slower than Jimin. He stopped close by, but not close enough for you to see him.
"Y/N," Jimin pleaded with the sound of your name, making your heart ache. You could make out tinkers of regret in the syllables, the pained feeling washing over you and forcing you to place your own hands on top of his, calming him down. It worked immediately, as he lifted his head from your shoulder to peer at your face. "Is this weird?"
You had no idea what to say, your mouth opening slightly just to close again.
"Is it making you uncomfortable?"
You tried to calm your mind, just as desperate as Jimin to know the answer to that. A dull throb in your stomach told you that no, it didn't make you uncomfortable. It made you excited, and not in the innocent way. Seeing them like this, together, kissing, it felt right. It felt like something you wanted to see again, something you wanted to experience for yourself. Just another thing you wanted to be a part of.
"No."
Jimin breathed out against your throat, making you shiver. His hands felt more confident, moving along with yours to rest on your stomach. You could see a movement from the corner of your eye, but Jungkook stopped before he'll be too close. "We want you to stay. Is that okay?"
You relaxed your back to Jimin's chest, nodding your head. Jimin turned you around and you saw Jungkook's face for the first time – his eyes were wide and fearful as he stood there, not knowing what to do. You couldn't help but smile at him just to calm him down, your hand reaching out to him as well. He held it softly, taking one more step down to be closer. "It's okay," you reassured him, finally earning a smile from him in return. He led you back upstairs, with Jimin still attached to your back. It was awkward, but you felt like Jimin needed that so you powered through.
You only blushed a little when they led you back to Jimin's bedroom, noting how messy the sheets were from their movements on them just seconds ago. Jungkook walked around the bed to climb on the other side, but he didn't lie down until you settled in the middle. Instead, he waited until he could lie on your thigh again, fingertips tentatively brushing over your jeans. This was the most Dog you've ever seen him, almost pawing at you to make sure you're not mad. You fought the urge to play with his hair, feeling like it's too intimate after what you just witnessed. Your decision to place your hand on his shoulder instead did not go unnoticed by Jimin's careful eyes.
"How about Spiderman Homecoming?" Jimin's soft voice made you chuckle.
"I'd love to."
Jimin settled on your left, taking your hand in his the moment he turned on the movie and tossed the remote away. He leaned his head against your shoulder, playing with your fingers with both his hands. You stayed in silence as the movie started but you weren't really watching. You were too focused on everywhere your body made contact with them, the memories floating in your head, the meaning behind it.
Their friends must have known about this… thing. You didn't actually know what you walked into and they didn't seem to care about it. It also seemed rational for Jungkook to be so protective of his… boyfriend? Friend with benefits? You really had no idea what to call it. It felt like a lightbulb just turned on in your head, shedding light on things you didn't know were hidden in the unknown. You felt stupid for not putting the clues together, but they did seem to be pretty skinship-y with you as well, so how were you supposed to know?
Jimin's fingers slipped between the gaps of yours, securely holding your palm against his. You looked down at your hands – this is the first time he didn't simply play with your fingers. You never actually held hands before. Jimin noticed your shift, lifting his head to meet your eyes. You felt like he was trying to communicate something to you, and it frustrated you that you weren't on the frequency yet to know the words he didn't say. Jungkook tensed against your leg, obviously feeling the new, confused energy. He moved to push his nose against your thigh, asking for something. Again, you didn't know what.
Jimin lifted your joined hands to place the back of your hands against his lips. He didn't kiss it, just held it there as if he's hiding a part of his expression. You could see regret attaching itself to his expression, and you really didn't like it. As an instinct, feeling like there's nothing you could say to make this better, you pulled at his hand until you could press a kiss against his skin. It was small, but you felt like it was so meaningful. The relief replacing the guilt in Jimin's expression informed you he got it as well.
"Thank you for staying."
You felt like Jungkook's palm, spreading over your thigh, was attempting to say the same thing.
"Yeah, they've been dating for a while now," Seokjin shrugged your terror off.
"And you never thought to tell me," you deadpanned, throwing the closest thing you could grab at his face.
your pencil bounced off of his chest, completely not harmful but still earned a frown. "I thought they'd tell you when they're ready. It seems like they were."
"You think they decided to tell me like that?" You heaved a sigh, nothing allowing the tightness in your chest to be released. Your mind conjured the image of Jimin's sad face as he waved you goodbye that day, like he thought this was the last time you'll be seeing each other.
You really hoped it wasn't.
"I mean, they knew you were coming," Seokjin began, fingers tapping on your knee. You wondered if your sigh made him worry, since he looked not annoyed but a little concerned now. "Jungkook is a moment kind of guy, but Jimin is more calculated than that. He would have stopped whatever it is before you came, if he didn't want you to see."
"But why?"
You could tell there was something Seokjin wasn't telling you. He just tapped on your knee, saying nothing that could help.
my partner asked me to change something you have time tomorrow at 5? 14:10
You saved Jungkook's number a while ago, but this was the first text messages between you. Jimin was the one usually texting you for the both of them, or you talked over in the group Jimin opened for the three of you. Nonetheless, you couldn't jump fast enough on an opportunity to feel like everything is okay between you.
Sure, see you then. 14:10
You were surprised to find Jungkook in Jimin's room, but with no Jimin to be found. Another missing ingredient was his work stuff, since he just sat around on Jimin's bed on his phone. The moment you made your presence known he threw him phone on the bed, watching with as you crawled next to him.
"I didn't really need help, it was an excuse," Jungkook confessed.
You puffed the pillows behind you, settling beside him. "Why do you need an excuse to hang out?"
"Didn't know what else to say," he shrugged, shimmying closer until your shoulder touched his arm.
You chuckled, touching his leg with yours. "Just say you want to hang out, it's enough."
"I want to hang out."
You laughed, looking at Jimin's glowing stars stuck to the ceiling. The silence wasn't uncomfortable like you feared but pleasant. Jungkook's leg touched yours a few times, but the touch didn't remain as he pulled away. You said nothing to that either, just letting him find his comfortable place since you knew it was harder for him to shake it off than it was for you.
"I didn't get to spend a lot of time near Dogs," Jungkook mused in a light tone, turning his body more towards you to get your attention. You simply looked at him, waiting for him to continue. "But I heard there's this thing, with Rats."
You blinked, knowing that the look on Jungkook's face meant he was testing the waters with something that he's not sure how you will react to. "What thing?"
"An attraction," he paused, evaluating each altered muscle in your face. "Like, a physical one."
You hummed, needing to look away from his intense studying. You didn't know where he's going with this, but your heart started high-key hammering in your chest. "Yeah, that's a thing. I heard about it, but you're kind of the first Dog I've been close to, so I'm not sure."
Jungkook made a small sound, almost like he was frustrated that you're not saying what he wanted you to say. He tried again, sitting up a little to get a better look at you. Your heartbeats became louder to your own ears, making you feel like you're trapped under his attention though you could very easily get away. "Do you," he began, eyes drilling into yours. "Do you feel it?"
You held your breath, not sure what to say. Just the last time you were here you saw how much him and Jimin are feeling for each other, why would he ask you this now? Do they know you have feelings for them and that's what he's trying to get at?
Jungkook licked his lips in a flash. "Jimin," Your heart dropped at the mention of his name as guilt creeped in. "He told me to ask." You frowned, taking in how much closer Jungkook is leaning now, never relenting. "Is it okay if I kissed you?"
You felt like every muscle in your body just hit pause. You looked at him, at the anticipation he now showed after asking the question. It was so not him, he would just do things when his calculated consequence was worth the risk – they must have talked about it, as you know them Jimin must have insisted this is not worth the risk no matter how many calculations he made, he had to ask instead of do. And he did, and you could see how uncharacteristic of him it was as he anxiously waited for your response.
You felt your body move, your instincts taking the wheel to getting what you desired for a long time now. You felt yourself nod, and Jungkook needed no more. He kissed you immediately, hands sailing from your shoulders to your neck, until they could spread across your jaw and cheeks. You felt him tilting your head – like he's done with Jimin – as he moved his body closer to encase you in. He pressed you against the pillows behind you, the body weight on top of yours feeling right enough for your hands to find his waist, asking for more. He complied, tongue moving past your lips to stroke at yours. He made an approving sound from the back of his throat, and you responded immediately with a breathless sound of your own.
You were so focused on the sensations you almost missed the dip of the bed from your left, where Jimin usually is.
Jimin.
You broke apart from Jungkook, not missing his displeased sigh right before he pressed his nose to your shoulder. Right above his you found Jimin's face, with a wild twinkle in his eye and a wide smile pressed painfully tight to his cheeks. "Why did you stop?" he asked cheerfully, crawling closer.
"Because it's weird when your boyfriend is watching," Jungkook answered instead of you, his face still hidden.
"It's not weird, it's nice." It only took one tap of Jimin's hand on Jungkook's head for him to lift his head, pecking his boyfriend centimeters from your face like this is absolutely normal. Jimin's hand came down next to your head as he made sure his amused face is the only thing you could see. "Is it okay?"
You knew what he was asking and knew that Jungkook was watching. Looking at him you found he wore the same expression he had before, like he was waiting for what's to come on the edge of his seat. He nodded at you, rapid motions that were meant to lead you just agree.
So you did.
Jimin's kiss was much less passionate than Jungkook, he just enjoyed the touch, the permission he was granted to have another piece of you. It didn't last long either, but the look he gave you – Jungkook's look – set your mind at ease.
He and Jungkook shared a moment, both still holding you, and you got it now. This time their plan worked. "We want you," Jungkook blurred out, eyes shifting to you as Jimin giggled against his shoulder. "I know you probably understood on your own, but it's important for me to say."
You smiled at Jimin's fit of happy little giggles and at the blush spreading across Jungkook's cheeks. "I want you too."
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Flower Asks: all of them >:3€ (forgive me)
(this is so many omg but I’ll allow it only bc i love u)
Alisons: Sexuality?
Gay af (ace lesbean)
Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?
Waman (she/they)
Amaryllis: Birthday?
November 2nd
Anemone: Favorite flower?
Funnily enough anemones are one of my favs but i think my top favs are chrysanthemums and morning glories but I really love many flowers and flowers in general
Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?
As of right now, stranger things duh
Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?
Like favors or? I mean I really do try to be a kind and helpful person but if I don’t know somebody or haven’t at least seen them a couple times before I usually don’t do much bc of anxiety
Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?
"The extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are.” Lara Croft mostly bc I cant think of anything else right now and that stuck with me
Aubrieta: Favorite drink?
Like a really good cup of black tea with cream and sugar or sweet tea
Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Never been kissed before but I definitely have someone in mind I would kiss ;3
Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?
Hell yeah I am right now and I don’t think I ever have been before now
Baneberries: Favorite song?
Oh hard question... currently really digging We Fell In Love in October by Girl in Red
Basket of Gold: Describe your family.
My family is supportive (for the most part) and very loving, even if they express love in weird ways sometimes. We also like to joke around a lot and make fun of each other but in a good way? Like we all have a good time mostly and I get along better with everyone since I started college
Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?
My girlfriend is my best friend uwu I also have a lot of good friends but yeah
Begonia: Favorite color?
Purble but specifically like a pastel purple and purples that lean more towards blue than pink
Bellflower: Favorite animal?
Lynx! I love so many animals tho and I also like many cats and domestic cats in general
Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?
Night!
Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?
Probably would love to just be a loved house cat who gets to lay in front of the fire all day or a lynx bc i love them
Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A veterinarian (or a special agent lmao)! I also still plan on being a vet tho even tho I get discouraged at least once a month
Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?
I mean I like kids and I was a camp counselor for a summer, but I dont really want any of my own
Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?
Oh god so many things.. Biggest thing would maybe be death/dying? Like if i think about it too much like the possibility of there just being nothing after death freaks me out. That and throwing up/nausea
Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.
I played soccer and then I was a competitive swimmer so i was kind of an athlete? even tho i hated sports
Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?
I think I would like to go to waffle house, have the perfect cup of tea, spend lots of time with my loved ones and pet my kitties, play video games with my gf, and sit under a tree in the mountains preferably on a warmer day in the fall and watch the sunset
Buttercup: Relationship Status?
Very happily taken
Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?
Always wanted to visit Norway
Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?
Really big long hugs, good morning or goodnight messages, and I also really love cards
Canna: Do you have any tattoos?
I have 6
Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?
Yup! I have an industrial, orbital, and 3 earlobe piercings
California Poppy: Height?
5′2 or maybe a little less
Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?
Yeah I think so, but I do also get freaked out easily lmao
Carnation: What are you currently wearing?
Red flannel, jeans, fuzzy socks, and big dyke boots
Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?
Yeah I did for a long time and I still sometimes sleep with one or like a bathroom light on if Im sleeping by myself in a new place
Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?
Either my mom or my dad I dont remember technically who was last bc my parents are visiting me at college
Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?
Again, never kissed or been kissed! but maybe soon... :0
Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?
Font? I like the font in Night in the Woods?
Columbine: Are you tired?
Pretty much always either sleepy or tired lol
Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?
Christmas, getting to see my gf again, and Magfest!
Coneflower: Dream job?
Like a veterinarian but having my own practice and also being able to take in injured wildlife if possible
Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?
Introvert for sure
Crocus: Have you ever been in love?
Oh repeat question, hell yes
Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?
Depends what it is but I would go pretty far for somebody I care about and Im also a crazy person and would drive/travel no matter what distance for someone I love
Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?
Yup! I had a ballerina bunny, named Bunny because I was very creative and I still have her
Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?
Scorpio
Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?
I think so? I did a lot of cool stuff with my GS troop like our bronze award project and going ziplining and to sliding rock.
Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?
My GS gold award for sure, that shit was hard work and stressful af
Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?
Umm??? I would tell my dad to eat shit and die and I cant imagine my mom being anything but sweet and supportive so I dont even know
Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?
You! This morning uwu
False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?
uhh Im pretty good at making sense of stuff in my science labs and reasoning and im sometimes good at art? I feel like I do traditional better but Im getting better at digital
Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?
bad at not being impulsive sometimes and bad at dead by daylight
Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?
a little over a month but officially got a girlfriend who i love very much, my gf came down to visit and we got to chill on the mountains together, and I had a pretty nice birthday
Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?
Good! Got breakfast at a diner with my parents and got coffee and a donut at my fav coffee shop so thats all i really need in life tbh
Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?
Yeah Im happy even tho Im stressed with school at times
Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?
Get a job after graduation and hopefully get into vet school on the first or second try
Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?
My kitty, mom, wonderful gf, sister, dead by daylight, heated blanket, apartment, waffle house, my sisters kitty, and my dog
Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?
Donuts, coffee or tea, blankets, video games, and loud music
Hellebore: How do you show affection?
Hmm... I really like to draw art for those i love, tell them how much i love them even though i can be bad with words, and i just try to spend a lot of time with the people I care about no matter what we are doing
Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?
uhhh trying to open up more? and Im really proud of my gf
Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.
Going to waffle house. Go to a mountain and hike a little, sit on the top with girlfriend. Admire beauty of mountain countryside. Admire beauty of girlfriend while they admire the beauty of the mountain. Then warm up together with hot chocolate and play video games
Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?
I like to doodle and do the arts, play video games, and I like to bake sometimes
Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?
uuuuuuh I have a good friend I’ve known since kindergarten or first grade when I first moved to where I currently live
Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?
My gf uwu and my mem
Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?
probably like less than 10
Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
I think its really cute especially when you compliment my laugh
Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?
??? I think I am an okay person? And I try to be a good person and be kind and polite to people
Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
Umm... I mean I like that Im kind? and Im not fake and I try to be a good person
Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?
I hate that I procrastinate and that I can get frustrated easily at myself and at situations like crowds and traffic
Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?
I liked to play ‘restaurant’ with my sister with our littlest pet shops
Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?
I had a really great best friend named Rachel :c
Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?
Losing a lot of friends and for being distant for a long time
Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?
Cutting off a friend that was bad for my mental health and who didnt treat me well even though we were best friends for a long time
Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?
My name is literally my parents ship name... like they even told me they chose my name by putting their names together lmao but I mean I like my name so i guess its okay..
Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.
Small town in new jersey when I was really, it was nice and family was closer. Then we moved and that was difficult but I ended up adjusting and it was good, had a decent amount of friends and the schools i went to were good
Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?
For a long time I shared a room with my sister and we had a bunkbed and I had the top bunk of course, when we moved out of the apartment and into a house I got my own room and it was baby blue only because I told my dad that no, I didnt want a fuckin pink room and that was a whole thing lmao
Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?
It was good? but also sucked a lot. I had a lot of issues with my mental health and struggled for a long while with something. I was bullied and stuff at home wasnt always that great. And i got outed so that was fun. Other than that I enjoyed swimming competitively and I got into art
Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.
I love my mom!! she is the most Mom mom and is so sweet and always there for me. She helps me out so much with so many things and I just love my mom so much
Onions: Tell about your dad.
I mean I love my dad? And hes better than he used to be, but he still doesnt help with shit and irritates me a lot.
Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.
I never got to know my grandfather on my moms side bc he passed away a few months before i was born and I sort of knew my grandmother but she lived far away and passed away 10 years ago. I usually see my gramma on my dads side the most and I try to visit often and help her out with stuff and I love her even though she can be a bit... racist and shit.. and I sometimes see my grandpa and step grandma but they can be strict about weird shit and always ask a lot of uncomfortable questions
Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?
I dont really do much on my birthdays? Ive had a lot of nice birthdays and it usually involves going out to dinner or having a nice dinner at home and having birthday cake and playing games like jenga or yahtzee.
Peony: What was your first job?
I did some petsitting for a while but my first real job was being a camp counselor/tower belayer/lifeguard at a girl scout camp
Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)?
Met online after following them for a long time and drawing some arts for them, but didnt really start chatting until stranger things 3 came out bc I saw they had just watched it. Didnt meet irl until fursonacon and I just remember seeing them walking up to my car when I got there and just being like .... oh no. I had already had a crush but at that point I was just heart eyes
Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?
Its a little fucked up but depending on the type of physical pain I like it? Like getting tattoos and stuff.. emotional/mental I just curl up in blankets and listen to sad music lol
Pink: Where is home?
I feel like I have many homes? I feel really at home in the mountains, at home with my family, and when Im with my girlfriend
Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?
Every event no matter how shitty shaped me into who i am today and Im pretty content and lucky with what I have today so maybe nothing?
Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.
My GS leader Miss Kristin. So incredibly kind and outgoing and just willing to do whatever she can to help others. Shes so adventurous and outgoing and made my gs troop so amazing. She is such a wonderful lady and shes basically like another mom to me.
Primrose: Describe your ideal life.
To be with my SO in a nice cabin in the mountains with a nice fireplace. Its cozy and we have pets (especially kitties but also maybe a dog and chickens and such) and life is okay and we’re happy
Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?
God and Santa Claus (i was so heartbroken (over santa not God lmao))
Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?
My girlfriend and my mom
Rose: What’s your favorite sound?
My gfs voice and their laugh c: and I also really like the sound of thunderstorms and rain
Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?
Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?
Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?
To see my gf again and for winter break to just be here already I am so done with school lol
St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?
Difficult? I try really hard to express how I feel but I usually mess up and I get anxious but I try my best lol
Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?
Any of my loved ones and my cat
Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?
I wish I got more sleep but it was an okay amount
Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?
Good morning texts from my gf and my gf in general
Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?
I dont currently have a job but I occasionally do art commissions which is usually fun and gives me something to do
Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?
Any of my flannels and my leather jacket (also not mine but my gfs hoodie they gave to me to borrow)
Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.
mountains, cabins, flowers, fall, flannel, small coffee shops, pastels
Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?
Im not one to be picky about gifts? I just love anything that someone put some thought into and thought I would like or reminded them of me but i feel bad if it was something expensive or anything lol
Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?
Final exams and graduation
Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?
0 lmao I used to read a shit ton but Ive been picky about what books I want to read lately
Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?
Working towards applying to vet school and maybe thinking about moving out depending on a lot of things.
Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?
Unfortunately
Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.
I like collecting pins, pennies, and postcards which is funny to me
(So in conclusion,,, I love my gf)
(wow that was long as hell and took forever but done!)
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Really long rant about how I made Vanilla Twilight, I typed it at 2am so it’s kinda crappy and boring, just skip through this post.
So I'd been thinking about it for a long time now, even before finishing Vanilla Twilight that I'd talk about it if someone asked, well that never happened so I was just thinking that I'd let it go but that post is so important to me so well fuck it I'll just talk about it anyway. I did it completely on a wimp like how cool would it be if I make a lyricstuck for Toumaki like I'd be the first (if anyone did this before me im sorry). The first song I intended to do wasn't VT, it was a much shorter and easier song. I saw the music video first time after a while and the lyrics gave me some scenes to draw right away, like the tones, the atmosphere, the lyrics all fit them very well, made me wanted to draw something happy but sad. The ending for it was a happy one instead of a sad one like other songs I did (I didn't post the ending for any of them, just let the viewers decide what it's gonna be) I was very scared like what if it won't turn out ok and people gonna hate me for it or no one even gonna look at it. Also what I visualized are mostly illustrations with backgrounds, what I never done before so high chance it won't go anywhere. I thought well let's just see how far will I get and won't talk about it at all until I post it so at least I won't be all barks no bite. I was very traumatized that someone might know about what I did so I locked all the files when I shut down my PC in case someone hack into it lmao. I started with making a storyboard(kinda) for it, this is where I first got trouble because there was some part I didn't think of when I visualized what I'd draw at first ( 'I don't feel so alone' part mostly and some in between) and it's only at this point that I realized how many I'd have to draw (over 40 images total) and it's mind blowing for someone who rarely finish a painting like me at that time, that number is more than what I'd draw in a year. VT doesn't have choruses that meant I can't do tricks like repeat some panels (I don't like this anyway). I usually painted on small canvas before that but I wanna make sure I can fix things later and some idea I had was pretty big so I used 3000x5000px canvas then trimmed them down ( I didn't know how big it was and it's huge). The idea was to make a tumblr scroll-post like a lyricstuck (my favorites are by paperseverywhere and toastyhat/emptyfeet , they made really cool tutorials about these) so I tried to drew out compositions that would look good scrolling down panel by panel and have some connections between them (this didn't turn out so good in the end because I wasn't good lol) Since I was scared that people might point out that I draw something wrong, it took me almost a week or something searching for references (check my pinterest board) like the streets, sky, houses, roads, outfits, poses,... I was going to draw. I got some knowledge about bikes by this too, like I can tell the differences between road bike, mtb, touring bikes,... I also see and captured bunches of screenshots and reread ywpd trivia countless time to make sure I won't get anything wrong. If you take notice, every outfit Toumaki wear in there are all canon, from anime or promos. The first few panels was really exciting because I had never painted so many with backgrounds before, I was really happy when I almost finished the first verse even compared to the full 3:50 of the song it was only 20 seconds and I thought maybe I can pull this after all. The last panel was intended to be Makichan standing infront of his house looking at the sky but I wanted to show the sky at the end of the panel and that wouldn't work on scroll-down post so I had to leave it for later, I repainted this panel for about 3 times and finished it just 30' before posting. The first panel of the second verse wasn't turning out alright too because that was my first time doing a 3 points perspective drawing and the colors didn't turn out as I wanted either (my intention was a green/gold dawn scene). Things kinda worked well despite that until the scene when Toudou sits in his ink, gdi I didn't know why I was so caught up in that and painted every piece of that wooden floor, it took me almost a week but turned out better than I expected so I was ok with it. I was going to make sketchy paintings for all of the panel but I did too much details on that one so it gave me the impression that I'll have to do just as much for every others. Now I still had school to go and that semester my uni got me pretty crappy schedule that made me have to wait for classes at school frequently, I was frustrated because I didn't get to paint during that time and I might finish it too late (even though I didn't set a deadline) and when I got home I just spent so much time checking twitter and just can't pick myself up to draw and ended up feeling shitty about it. *Side story* I was so mad because I didn't get anything done and there's still more than half of the whole thing to do and the worst part is that I had no one that I can talk to because I didn't have any friend who ship Toumaki and I also don't want to publicly talk about what I was doing, I wanted to surprise people when I'm done, I didn't wanna give people the expectation then screw it up (I literally thought I'd drop a bomb not a grenade lmao) I can't remember how long was that shitty phase but I felt like it was so long, I barely finished verse 2 at that point. I was so mad at myself and my progress so I spent a few days to look at time management threads and this helped a lot, I changed my habits completely by this and I still apply those methods now, like I used to stay up til 3am to read fics (bless you writers you fueled me with your writings bless you all) then I switch to bed before 12 and get up early for a good start or reduce working time while increasing quality* After that I kinda got things together,I just went ahead with painting tho it's still kinda tiring, I had to work on 5 essays during this time too. At this point I was like screw all, I give no shit about what everyone thinks I'm just gonna finish this and get some good nap (I practiced power nap to get more focus time for painting but dude everyone wants a good long nap) 10 days before uploading I found out that there's a Toumaki day (I'm so sorry), I was going to posted on the first sunday of June (I did researched on which was the best time to post on social medias so I randomly picked a sunday) and Toumaki day is the last sunday of May, that meant I had 10 days left and 15 panels to paint! I was going to ignore that but I already made it big I should make it right too so I shit my pants going through those last panels. I purposely hiding Toudou's face till the last verse to emphasize the feelz and got so relieved that I finally got to paint him (I read some tags that some viewers got emotional at this part so I'm so glad it worked). The whole things was put under Makichan's perspective so I was so sick of painting him at that point, he showed up in every panel and I can't paint him ugly because he's beautiful (especially his hair, I spent shitload of time painting them). I can talk lots about why I picked to do so but that's headcanon shit and it's embarrassing so let's just skip that. The last day I had only 3 panels left and I was hell confident that I've got this and somehow spent the whole evening rewatch Toumaki pingpong ep (end me). Of course that didn't end well, I managed to finish those by midnight but I still had like 3 panels that needed repaint completely and all 43 needed retouch and edits. My plan was to post at 9am sunday (thats 9pm saturday est) so I had to get up at 5am and finish all that, I ended up cutting down 2 panels and simplified the instrumental panel (some tags said that was nice so I was at least relieved). Unlike other songs I did, the length of every line's quite different and the original sizes I did would make viewers have to scroll slower or faster at different parts. I didn't plan this beforehand and had to trim down some panels even the parts that I really liked and spent lots of time on. I also found out that people outside the homestuck fandom might not familiar with this type of post so I made a video too (I’m sorry I have zero skill in editing). After posting I was terrified of people's reactions or worse, there won't be any reaction so I turned everything off and went to sleep and woke up with an unimaginable number of notes I'd got, I set the target of 500 notes and I really didn't think that I'd get past that number like maybe 2-300 (well my other songs didnt even get 200), at the end I got 5000. I spent the next week reading and screencap tags given in reblogs, I put them on desktop and they're still my motivation til now. Vanilla Twilight is the thing I'm proud of the most even until now, when I've done other songs and projects that look somewhat better. If I have to recommend one thing on my blog I'd recommend it despite its' unskilled paneling, poor composition and muddy colors. It was the first time in my life that I'd put so much effort into something and went through such emotional roller coaster, the feelings I put into it was raw and the idea was very original compared to other songs, I improved and changed a lot during the 2 months I spent on it and never once regret doing it. ***Anyway, you sure have much free time to read it this far, here's a little game for you: I put random things in VT and HF like some characters/stuff from other series, my ocs,... (there wasn't anything purposeless in there even the logo on their cups or the bags they wear) just send me anything you find and I'll draw you something in return**
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