#literally queefing for this guy

[deathofacupid]

creep!nerd!jo, but he's not all sweet and innocent. actually, he's far from it. creep!nerd!jo who's a creep.

admiration, bordering on downright obsession. except, it's not bordering, it is.

creep!nerd!jo, who's your best friend. he doesn't want to see you hurt, never. so, think of it like he's protecting you — especially when he's playing dumb, consoling you when your shitty date from last night, he suddenly went missing.

god, you were so freaked out. in fact, you still had the ticket stub from yesterday. he takes it from you. for safe-keeping. out of sight, out of mind, creep!nerd!jo tells you.

oh, speaking of, the plastic coffee cup — the one you threw out, after finishing — he has it, too. silly, you! you didn't recycle it. he has it in the back of his closet, in a little shoebox with your ticket stub. creep!nerd!jo just hasn't had time to dispose of it properly.

you think creep!nerd!jo's so sweet. he offered to do your dirty laundry the other day. actually, he found a pair of panties with a hole in them. he felt bad, so he put it in the shoebox, until he can replace it. think of it as a surprise gift!

you left a hair tie at creep!nerd!jo's once. he wears it on his wrist all the time, hidden under his long-sleeved sweater vests, just in case you ever need it. of course, you don't know he has it. he's sure you'll be more amazed when it comes out of the blue.

creep!nerd!jo's got a habit of moving where you put your things. whenever you go back to find them, you always look so confused. he can't help it! it's cute. besides, he loves the extra interaction he gets when you ask him if he's seen it, to which he let you know. and, every time, you smile, "what would i do without you?" he doesn't even want to think about that; good thing he's here to protect you.

everything creep!nerd!jo does is smart, it's in his nature. it's not your fault your brain doesn't work at the same pace as his. but, it's okay! that's what he's here for, right? somebody has to be the intelligent one in this relationship.

and, aw, would you look at that? creep!nerd!jo's collection is growing.

tagging my sweet @jeonwiixard! also, let me know if you want to be added to a permanent taglist!

[devil-in-hiding]

What if farmer!reader is having sex with one of the guys and then her pussy queefs and then she gets so embarrassed she doesn't have sex with them for a couple of days but then the guys talk to her and comfort her. Idk where this came from it just popped into my head yesterday and if this happened to me I would literally die from embarrassment 😭

On a very real note- this is super normal! it can’t be helped, especially in doggy style! the body does weird things, and it really can be a fun little giggle

because that’s exactly what it would be for Kyle until he sees how horrified you are, struggling to wiggle out from under him and he is quick with turning that down, dropping his body weight onto you.

“Gaz please…”

“Look at me sweetheart.”

“I just want to go to my room…”

“Sweet girl it’s normal.” He coos, rubbing his hands along your sides. “I’m sorry I laughed, didn’t mean to upset ya. I’m just a child.” He smiles, pressing his lips against your pulse point, massaging your hips.

“It’s so embarrassing!” You whine, tears pricking the corner of your eyes and he’s quick to shush you, kissing you deeply as his hands roam, groping.

“Let’s try another position, how about that hm?”

[de4dlyniightshade]

I’d really just like to request your most feral Spencer Reid headcanons. SFW, NSFW, raunchy, tame - whatever. Just your like “I will fight anyone who disagrees, they are fact” type headcanons.

(Because I reread all your headcanons and love every single one)

I BEEN WAITING ON SOMEONE ASKING THIS! i've also just been meaning to make a hc post.

i was gonna split them into nsfw and sfw but they just ended up all mixed together 0-0

submissive and breedable spencer truther til i fucking die i'll get him pregnant don't play with me.

loves messy kisses like spit running down his chin, tongues down each others throat, desperately gripping at each other type of kisses.

maybe just me projecting and taking what mgg said as gospel truth but i fully believe that spencer loves a curvy woman, not even just for sexual reasons he also loves to rest his head on a nice big pair of boobs or thighs.

speaking of, boob guy! shamefully, but still a boob guy! adores groping your boobs whenever he can and would have your boob in his mouth 24/7 if he could, has literally fallen asleep with his head under your shirt and your nipple in his mouth.

munch! like the biggest munch ever, loves nothing more than coming home from a long day and burying his face between your thighs or having you ride his face.

knows full well that toys are his teammate and not his competitors and has no insecurities about you using toys on yourself or owning any.

does not care how well groomed you are, if you asked him what he preferred he'd be like??? it's literally none of my business???

needs lots of reassurance during sex, he just likes to know that he's doing good and making you feel good throughout the whole thing.

doesn't like talking about his sex life, especially with derek, no matter how hard he pressed and pries spencer wont let anything but the bare minimum out.

i imagine he's more drawn to a commanding woman, someone who will take the lead and teach him because of his inexperience and finds that he actually loves being dominated and hardly has any desire to dominate you.

really vocal! even though i've already said it like twice he just is, i can feel it in my bones, he's just such a whiny little baby and can't help but moan loudly any time you're touching him.

is completely against the idea of road head until you do it while you're on a long drive and it both changes his life and almost ends it bcs he swerved into the other lane which was luckily empty.

still gets shy when you kiss him in front even the team even years down the line.

learns to cook so he can make you breakfast whenever you're staying at his apartment.

on the same lines, lovesss morning sex, just that feeling of not wanting to get out your warm bed into the cold air, savouring the warmth in the best way possible.

had no idea what queefing was real until it happened and he was like genuinely so fascinated rather than disgusted.

i feel like spencer would own a bird for sure, not just bcs of gideon but he did help him realise how cool birds are which made him get one, probably a cockatiel or parrotlet with some silly name like dave.

all bark, no bite. likes to act a big game in front of others but the second you're alone he's begging and calling you mommy.

loves nothing more than waking up before you, pressing a kiss to your forehead before carefully and quietly getting out of bed to make you breakfast with the intention of bringing it to you but when you wake up before him and sneak up behind him to wrap your arms around his waist he can't help but melt.

very open to experimenting further down the line, anything you want to try he'll try at least once, except for blindfolds on himself, would be completely open to blindfolding you though.

loves public touching, not outright sex but he'd love when you subtly brush your hand over his crotch or take a handful of his ass in a public place.

teaches you how to knit and cries when you actually make him something like a sweater or even just a hat bcs he realises that's why you wanted to learn in the first place.

can't ride a bike.(this is definitely me projecting bcs i can't but i just feel like he can't okay)

lana enjoyer!!! especially if you are, he just wants to understand all the things you love and if you love lana so does he, he'd love to hear you ramble about your favourite songs and would take note of them and listen to them asap and tell you he loves them even if he didn't like some that much bcs he loves how happy it makes you.

wouldn't want to introduce you to his mother too soon but if you ended up meeting her by chance he'd be sweating buckets in case you didn't get along but you two just bond over your adoration for him and he's just so happy about it.

probably took a while to warm up to physical touch in the beginning bcs of his germophobia but when he finally does he regrets not doing it sooner.

washes his hands every single time before touching you sexually, not even for his benefit, he just wants to be as safe as possible with you.

loves elvis and almost proposes on the spot when you offer to dance with him to can't help falling in love, secretly sheds a few tears while you waltz around his apartment in your pyjamas.

okay i've definitely left stuff out that i've thought of but this is long asf so i'll leave it there😭

[summersmithlatinxgyatt]

GoTron Was Another Summer Best (another Summer yap session)

Let's start with one thing. I felt generous and tried to watch Rickdependence Spray. I turned it off after 10 seconds. In fact, I paused after I saw that horse breeder thing for longer than I watched the intro Tried watching the Thanksgiving episode which was, just fine. Although nothing Summer caught my eye. I did this to finish up Season 5 but it was not worth it

You know WHAT was worth it, though? And what a few of you guys recommended?

'GoTron Jerrysis Rickvangelion'

I now see why this was recommended to me, and by the way it means a lot that most of you guys want me to write about Summer :3

It's almost Summer's episode, focused on her dynamic with Rick too and how it can clash with Morty

(FYI the wiki doesn't have a gallery for this episode I literally will rely on Google for this shit)

Right from the start we see that Summer is basically Rick's right-hand man. I know many people have pointed out (and it's outright said) that Summer is enabling Rick's obsession, which is explained IN the episode and something I'll return to later. Part of this episode is not only her relationship with Rick but with herself. Morty sees this as some sort of sabotage when Rick goes with her opinion and sees Morty as sort of an enemy for not going with what he wanted

She not only LITERALLY becomes a right-hand to the GoTron itself but oversees these Rick meetings instead of just hanging out with the other Summers. I mentioned the fact that Summer holds family in such a high regard. Whether or not they did this because this was also a Goodfellas parody, any good parody utilizes its characters purposefully, so I think it still works. There's also several lines where Summer talks about keeping the family close, and considering the blog I wrote about Rickmancing the Stone that mentions her being the glue that keeps the family together...yeah. When I say she's consistent and has a clear arc, it's because I managed to break her down and see the same attributes pop up here explicitly

Rick congratulates Summer for being the one reason he's even doing this GoTron shit and calls her a queen (queef first tho). Considering Season 7 where he says Summer reminds him of Diane, every time he cherishes Summer it's very genuine and because of how special and important she is to him

I know that the plot was hinging on Morty pointing out Summer being a negative influence but I still understood what she was going for. If my points sound hollow, it's because from now on I don't want to sound like a broken record whenever I mention the words 'Family' and 'Summer'

Like I said I was not a fan of Naruto and the fact that this show says the phrase 'giant incest space baby' more than once, which no show should ever do. But when Summer talks about how lonely she feels, it felt fitting. Sure, it's a...gross incest baby, but Summer felt basic motherly instincts kick on. She also wanted him to escape from there because she knows about the literal feeling of being cooped up. Like...how often does Summer go out?

With whatever friends she has she usually just stays inside. I am writing this AS I'M COOPED UP INSIDE AS PER USUAL I'D KILL SOMEONE TO GO OUT. The point being that avoiding this is something she actively does. That's why she was surprised her mom didn't originally want to use the GoTron Ferrets and why she kept enabling Rick. It's not an agenda, she just wants to bond more and go out more

However, I want to know - does this contradict 'Big Trouble in Little Sanchez'? I bring this up because it's an episode where they're supposed to be bonding and Summer is rational enough to know Rick is being harmed, yet everyone hates her for it. Why didn't Summer stop enabling Rick if it meant he would've been obsessed further? In that episode, it quite literally was killing Rick. Here, different universe versions of the Smith family come together as if to emphasize the point further. The actual issues were ones that Summer weren't aware of, but I just bring this up because no, this doesn't contradict any earlier episodes. Plus, Summer is obviously changing

Also, Summer's speech was fucking amazing. She mentions how lonely she feels in her OWN FAMILY because she has no one and went with Naruto, which is also temporary. She'll take any chance to bond with anyone

To wrap this up - Summer's place in this episode IS the crux of the plot. The family is brought together in more ways than one, with the robots and alternate universes coming together. This also makes sense with Rick having Morty and Beth having Jerry 'naturally', so to speak. If these people have each other, who does Summer have?

Her family

And even if she doesn't have ONE person to always fall back on (as she tends to be around Rick AND Morty), she'll be the one that chooses to keep everyone together. What I said in 'Rickmancing the Stone' and the trilogy I analyzed was true, Summer is the glue that keeps the family together

oh also im gonna be making a blog on the voiceovarians and a theory on Night Summer so keep an eye out for that guys

Thanks for reading!! <3

[zanyana626]

Thoughts on Helluva Boss Oops episode! 😈🤡

Everything’s tagged as #hb spoilers until tomorrow for those who haven't seen it yet!

Not a cuckoo c**k for a clock!

Wakey-wakey Ozzie (not a morning person apparently)! *airhorns*

"Burger time! Burger time! Burger Time!" Ok, Fizz is starting to become my new favorite character! Also, why he pronouncing vibrators like that???

Greed Ring having a city named Ransom? Yep, that sounds about right for the ring.

I FUCKING KNEW HE CALLS HIM BIG DADDY!!! AND "Fizzie-frog"?!?!?! Too cute, <3.

And look at them big ol' eyes, I definitely couldn't say no to that face:

"We're so NOT in love!" "Yeah! Love. Is. STUPID!!!" Denial's not just a river in Egypt, you two!!!

"I'll be SUPER low-key!" ... Riiiiight.

The Queives (plural for Queefs, according to the subtitles). And the little disabled one??? VIV, WE WANT NAMES FOR THE LIL GUYS ASAP!!!

Enter Blitzø, who's complaining about some shitty coffee place!

"Well, at least I'm still actually working for my shit & not getting everything handed to me like some pampered attention wh**e!" VS "Plus, my horns were always bigger than yours... weren't they?"

Crimson & Striker teamup! Guess Blitzø & Fizz are gonna have to put their beef aside and work together to get away from them!

Ozzie & the Dildo Factory

So asking for an asmodean crystal was real! Poor Stolas being conflicted about how he feels towards Blitzy.

And Ozzie respecting people's hookup intentions and having the idea of lust as a consensual thing? Glad to know he's not like Valentino, who as far as we know, monetizes sex & treats his workers like shit/his property.

"My partner-um BUSINESS partner" Yep, keep telling yourself that Ozzie, at least you and Stolas are in the same boat for that!

Jeez Crim, what's your problem with Ozzie???

More Blitzø VS Fizz drama

Also Blitzø, Stolas does seem to care, he just has a tough time trying to say it to your face and plus, you're no better by bottling up your true feelings for him & then push him away like whatever!

Fizz, I love you now, but also envy you for having Striker grab you by the neck like that!

"I SAID WATCH 'EM, NOT F**K 'EM!!!" Typical Crimson

Damn, Ozzie could've signed over Fizz's head to be one of Crimson's wall trophies if Stolas wasn't there to help him out!

Nope nevermind, that wasn't the real contract! Also, why does Crimson want more dildos after failing to convice Moxxie that they're around the house for "his liking"??? I'm guessing he's trying to recuperate the funds he lost after Millie murdered all his goons & trashed his place!

Happy owl noises:  "I love words!" He's such a dork, I'm living for it! <3

Blitzø always having something up his sleeves when it comes to escape plans!

FINALLY, FLASHBACK/ANSWERS ON THEIR FALLING OUT!!! No wonder why Fizz & Barbie hate Blitzø's guts & Blitzø acts the way he does.

He's very much aware that he screwed up big time even if it was an accident and never meant to almost kill his bestie, traumatize his sister, & HIS MOM!!!

I'm guessing Cash was the one who tried splitting them up. He went as far as to give Fizz a birthday card that literally says "I wish you were my son"!!!

"WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE A F**KING EMOTIONAL MOMENT HERE!"

Using Blitzø as a human/imp? shield does kinda serve him right in a way

"Kaiju C**k". Yep Fizz, we're very much aware that Ozzie's a big boy

"Look At This" has been stuck in my head since listening it for the first time. Perfect distraction musical that makes no sense other than just being a distraction musical!

"So, f**king, BYE BYE!!!" 🎶

Damn, cowboy daddy's starting to go insane in the brain! He's most likely gonna have burned scars now the next time (yep, he got away again) we see him!

You can take Blitzø out of the circus, but you can't take the circus out of Blitzø!

THE BOIS HUGGED IT OUT!!!! Hope this means they're on more neutral terms now! I get that it might take Fizz a while to fully forgive & start over with Blitzø now that they're aware of the whole misunderstanding on both their ends, but still, it's a start!!!

"Woooould it f**k up the moment if we made out now?" Blitzø please, we're aware you had a (love) note for Fizz before the incident, but he's clearly happily taken by one of the 7 sins!

Fizzmodeus/Fizzarozzie reunited & it feels so good! <3

At least they're trying to be more open about their relationship, even if it's limited to their coworkers/entourage at the moment!

Welp, looks like Stolas is getting that crystal after all!

I'd say this is the best episode so far out of Season 2, Fizz & Ozzie were totally worth the wait and have now become part of my top 5 characters of the show!!!

[peppy-jester]

The thing is Fizz never came back to the bedroom that evening. Even he could read the room plus all the hinting about Queives breathing in some glitter particles it was painfully obvious Fizz's place for the night was his own room. That would have been the case if the Queives weren't aware of the shit he caused for the day. After the long shower Fizz made his way to his room, which was now more of Queives living space. Munchkin and the others made it clear even they were mad at the jester for pulling the idiotic prank on Oz. But lucky for Fizz there was always at least one Queef who would stay on his side no matter what and of course it would be Precious of all the queives. So this means it was sofa time for these two.

The night went.. well it went pass slowly. During lots of talking to his queef lots of talking, crying and of course planning. He needed to do something to make this all right, at least push things go on right direction. Maybe in time everything would be the same as it used to, right?

It was early hours of the morning, like said the night went pass slowly. Fizz already had send few texts to the sin of Greed since he knew the jester king would be awake already, if even sleeping himself at all. Fizz let the king know he had some important things to talk with him and would be there as soon as possible. With that Fizz changed out of his pajamas into more casual clothing, quick makeup he wouldn't wanna go around and look like an ugly troll. Last but certainly not least he dug out a carrier bag for Precious, of course he wouldn't leave his special queef behind.. who knows if Munchkin and the other would roughen her up for not taking Oz's side. Before making his leave Fizz stopped at the bedroom door with a sad frown on his face. He could only hope Oz managed to sleep at least.

The trip to Greed went well, at this hour not too many people were up and it was easy for Fizz to just go around unnoticed. Sure he kept an eye on his surroundings all the time just in case some nutcase tries to attack on him. Finally getting to his destination where Fizz was gonna spend most of the day. Literally first arguing with the sin of Greed, not for what happened... Fizz was not blaming any of that shit on Mammon, but... fighting for a few days off from rehearsals and such. It was. . . a struggle and usually Fizz would never go against Mammon on this but this was important. So important for him to start building the bridges he managed burn down almost completely yesterday. The rest of the day he was there just being sad, changing few words with Mam which is something he really shouldn't do. Only leaving him feel more sick in his stomach. Aside of all this Fizz did make calls, lots of calls to arrange few things like day offs and have some people to cover shifts, making some reservations. If the jester wasn't already feeling all tired during the morning all this did make him bit light headed but he had to go on, for the better future!

Last but not least Fizz started to type a message for the trio and Oz. Typing, erasing and re-typing the message few times. He would hae wanted to type a fun joke but Mammon did say it was better to lay off from any jokes or pranks for now. The message; "Hey! Hope you guys are feeling a bit better. There's something very important I need to share with you all. Meet me at the new Café, Vibe & Sip, in Pride at 4 pm. See you guys there~" with some added smiling emotes at the end.

"Hope this works" Fizz said before putting his phone away with a sigh. Now to just arrange few last things before he can 'relax' a moment and wait for 4 pm to arrive.

"Yes you didn't, you pulled unwilling paticiapants into your cruel joke via manipulation and lies. Again Fizzarolli you made it an argument, and I expect you to apologize to him like the others, understood?" You could really tell Ozz was not really in the mood for games, using the Jester's full name and talking seriously, not putting on any of his suave charm currently.

"Yes Im sure, I don't need to worry about them getting sick from the vapors or eating the glitter, but at least you see when to stop, late but what can you do." He was bitter, he was hurt, and he wasn't hiding that fact.

Simply saying "Thank you..." at the last words before laying down and burying his face in the pillows, his tail feathers curling around him and his body still noticeably tense as he tried to relax.

[whatsupwither]

#5

Valentines was shit haha. It was last week and I didn’t spend it doing anything notable. I practiced once during the evening and went home. I did signed up for a blind date thing. I met I think about 5-6 men and non of them really sparked anything. there’s some sort of an adrenaline to talking to someone blindly and just try to figure out where we connect exactly. I did not regret it but at the same time would prefer doing something more meaningful. I have not talked or connected with anyone from there and would not be signing up for it again. I met a guy there who literally had done it 7-8 times. I don’t know exactly what he’s hoping to find on there since I thought it was pointless. I did it for the fun of the moment.

what’s worse is that during valentines after training, Randy who’s a guy from training who also happens to train live in another building in the same apartment decided to give me a ride back. I didn’t think twice about it but then he insisted we have coffee and we talked. I made sure that our conversation was very ‘bro’ ish. After that he literally sent me a picture of his chest, trying to show me a bruise from training. ITS WEIRD. WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME THAT EW. 

I ghosted him. I didn’t know what else to do but that. I don’t regret it, I’ll just come up with some kind of reason like an error or something that’s causing me not to recieve his texts or that it simply sinked since I had a lot going on. Oliver and I finally met, of course through the help of Mark, but we met and talked. HE TOUCHED MY ARM AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT IT. I didn’t really like it but I’m not completely opposed to it either. Before we met I was hanging out with my friend Adam. We were talking literally about everything but mostl sex. He has a very sexually active lifestyle. So I decided to use the opportunity to ask as much as I can about Men and their bodies (yuck). Adam was very cool about it thankfully. At some point we even flirted a bit which was kind of refreshing having to have a conversation where you can just turn it off and on yknow. I spilled my feelings about oliver to Adam and he found it kind of cute haha. 

Anyways I hanged out with Oliver and Mark and after that Mark saw me home, we took a car and train together which was very nice of him. Mark is like an older brother figure to me so I decided to just tell him how I feel about Oliver. He didn’t have much of a reaction thankfully but he did mention a very important detail. Oliver is looking. desperately so. Mark is trying to set him up wiht some of his corporate friendst but so far it hasnt been successfull. One thing he highlighted was the fact that he’s looking for somoene in the same religion. Oliver and I don’t have the same religion. It oddly hurts a bit, just for a while and just for a bit. its nice to know Im not the only one struggling though. We continued to chat after that thankfully, Oliver and I. 

After hanging out with Adam I figured out a lot about my sexuality. It appears I might not enjoy being touched or being openly intimate (emotionally and physically) but what I do like is to take charge. I’m more comfortable doing the touching and taking control when it comes to physical intimacy and I prefer to really sit on my troubles or well secrets to when its not relevant before pointing it out. I found out that Adam and I are sexually very compatible. He (in a way) is the complete opposite of me, he likes giving his partner control, he prefers it even. basically if I were to give him a call and tell him that I wanna do it he’d come here this very instance haha. I will not be doing that though. Adam and I are friends and we’re keeping it that way. He maybe sort of cute but thats where the attraction ends.

I am however are off the pills. I think its making me uh... loose down there somehow. I’ve been queefing throughout certain poses during training anf its embarassing as hell. I’m getting off them and see how it goes. Which is also why I’m sexually more frustrated than ever before. God help me.

[s0dium]

Embarrassing Sex Moments w/ JJK Men

A/n: This was very fun to write I hope you guys enjoy it!

Synopsis: Just some cringe worthy sex moments with the men of Jujutsu Kaisen

Characters: Yuji, Nanami, Gojo, Geto, Noaya, Yuuta, Toji, Sukuna

Consider leaving a like, follow, comment or reblog!

~

Yuji Itadori

Thought that a queef was a fart. At first you thought he was joking when he was pounding into you, you queefed and he said "Gassy much?" with a laugh. But then you realized he was serious when you did it another time and he stopped and asked if you needed to go to the bathroom.

Nanami Kento

Is expressionless during sex. Like literally says or shows nothing when you suck him off. At first it was a serious blow to your confidence since you thought you were doing something wrong but when you confronted him about it he just said that he is "deep in thought." Like tf does that mean sir?

Gojo Satrou

Opposite problem from Nanami, he's too damn vocal and says the cringeist most embarrassing things. You'd be riding him and he'd say something like "Yeah you'd die for this horse cock wouldn't you" and all your pussy juices immediately evaporate or resecend back into you and you become as dry as a desert.

Geto Suguru

As much as I'd like to say this man is perfect he has his faults. And what's that? Its his hair. For some reason he likes to show it off and let it down during sex, and this turns into it getting and sticking on his sweaty face into his mouth and eyes. Its even gets in his way while he's eating you out and you find long black strands in your pus pus while your taking a shower sometimes.

Toji Fushiguro

Point blank? Man whore. Moans some other chicks name the first time y'all fucked and ligit forgets your name. Not much else to say about this, sure his tiddies are big but the red flags are bigger.

Sukuna Ryomen

Doesn't cut his nails. No seriously have you seen them? They are razor sharp and they better not get anywhere near your pussy or else I hope you like your roast beef slice and diced. Also Sukuna defiantly does not clean them too, they be grimy af.

Yuuta Okkatsu

Battery acid cum. Has a horrible diet and it reflects in his love juices. You swear it tastes like actual rotten rodents and, wait, is it..... glowing in the dark???? You bet it is, that liquid is radioactive. Its smells bad too so good luck with that.

Naoya Zenin

Yikes where to start. Honestly just associating your self with this man is embarrassing enough. Mans got stinky dick and balls. Doesn't wash under his forskin so if you ever do decide to give him head prepare to discover a new type of cheese.

[haikyuu-boys-headcanons]

𝙷𝙰𝙸𝙺𝚈𝚄𝚄 𝙱𝙾𝚈𝚂 - 𝙴𝙼𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙰𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚂𝙴𝚇 𝙼𝙾𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃𝚂

hehe, i’m back at it again with one of these long ass posts but this idea’s literally been in my head all day long so here you go !! obvious nsfw warning :)

tw: this whole post is just nsfw and embarrassing to read so read at your own risk >:)

𝙳𝙰𝙸𝙲𝙷𝙸 » during a super intense and loud session, his voice cracked as he asked you “does that feel goOD- good baby?” to this day, he still prays that you couldn’t hear him over the sound of your own moans

𝚂𝚄𝙶𝙰𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙰 » you were riding him and he went to slap your ass, but something went wrong either because you were riding too quickly or he was shaking too much, boy ended up slapping himself in the balls. you’ve never heard that boy scream that loud in your life

𝙰𝚂𝙰𝙷𝙸 » literally pulled out in the middle of sex to get up and rush to the corner of his room to flip around his childhood teddy bears. your just laying there with your tiddies and coochie out waiting for asahi to shield the eyes of mr. wiggles

𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙰𝙺𝙰 » you two were having pretty intense shower sex until tanaka did the number one thing your not supposed to do during shower sex; this muthafucker slipped while holding you. long story short, y’all were okay but just ended up having nasty shower floor sex??

𝙽𝙸𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙾𝚈𝙰 » this tiny ass 5′2 man was unconsciously humping your leg while you were both asleep?? his presumably pleasurable wet dream had turned into a sudden nightmare when you literally had to KICK him off you to stop the humping. bad nishinoya, bad!

𝙺𝙰𝙶𝙴𝚈𝙰𝙼𝙰 » came WAYYY too early inside you, but he was too embarrassed to say anything so he just... kept going. sadly, no one had warned kageyama of the intense effects of overstimulation. he was shaking and whimpering so badly behind you to the point where you had to ask him to pull out and bring him a glass of water to calm down

𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙰𝚃𝙰 » the first time you squirted on him, he just blatantly asked you these exact few words that left you feeling mortified: “did you just piss on me?” nuh uh hinata, this water fountain ain’t yours to drown in anymore >:( 

𝚃𝚂𝚄𝙺𝙸𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙼𝙰 » kei was hitting it from the back pretty hard this time, so hard that you were suddenly... on an angle? suddenly, now you two were much closer to the floor than before. the bed ended up collapsing, yes literally collapsing due to kei’s powerful thrusts. worst part is, nobody got to finish since kei dragged you to ikea to grumpily buy a new bedframe. but hey, he bought you ikea meatballs; that shit hits so different

𝚈𝙰𝙼𝙰𝙶𝚄𝙲𝙷𝙸 » one super duper intense night, he passed out the SECOND he came. no matter how much you flicked the temple of his forehead, yamaguchi was dead asleep. you had to literally slap him awake to get him to clean up, you ain’t risking a ranky stanky UTI puthy in the morning

𝙾𝙸𝙺𝙰𝚆𝙰 » kept calling himself a sex machine during the act. i don’t know if it was due to the 6 tequila shots he had beforehand or just his inner ego revealing, whatever it was it was about to make your pussy close

𝙸𝚆𝙰𝚉𝚄𝙼𝙸 » this one time, he kept going in at a weird angle which caused you to repeatedly queef for 7 minutes straight. every time you told him to pull out and go in properly, he laughed and kept going in at that one weird angle!! was your embarrassment a turn on for him?? maybe!! but were you mortified? absolutely!!

𝙼𝙰𝚃𝚃𝚂𝚄𝙽 » i’m sorry to have to be the one to announce this, but this man had the worst case of full blown bush you’ve ever seen. like, he didn’t even try to manscape or anything at all. you ended up begging him to trim just a tiny bit because you weren’t gonna risk choking on a pube whilst your going down on him

𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙰𝙼𝙰𝙺𝙸 » rubbed your left labia thinking it was your clit. and he kept doing that. the whole. fucking. time. even when you subtly moved his fingers towards your clit, he just kept going back to the left lip.

𝙺𝚄𝙽𝙸𝙼𝙸 » had the most dry and dull dirty talk you’ve ever heard. like, it’s not even dirty talk at this point; it’s just clean talk. there’s no passion when he talks! he uses the same tone he would use for anyone else at any other moment. to paint the picture, imagine riding kunimi and he’s just there with a furrowed expression like “yup, that feels really good”

𝙺𝚈𝙾𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙸 » tried to pull one of those unexpected anal scenes that he saw from a porno, without telling you beforehand. life lesson here; if you party at shit's house, don't be surprised if shit's at the party

𝙺𝚄𝚁𝙾𝙾 » you two were looking to get a little more kinky in terms of BDSM, so kuroo watched like 30 tutorials on youtube on how to safely tie you up so you won’t fall or anything. this bitch ended up tying rope knots that were practically impossible to undo, which resulted in you hanging from the ceiling for approximately 2 hours pussy-ass naked while kuroo tried to cut you down with a kitchen knife

𝙺𝙴𝙽𝙼𝙰 » wanted to spice things up with some dirty talk, like the real nasty talk they use in pornos but not the normal pornos; the shitty company ones with horrific acting. he really ended up announcing that he was going to “fuck your fucking fanny off, you twat”

𝙻𝙴𝚅 » got super excited while he was opening the lube since he hadn’t gotten to fuck you in a WHILE, which resulted the lube leaked everywhere and a giant 6′5 man slipping and hitting his head on the bed frame. worst part is; he had to go to the ER with a hard on that refused to go away

𝙱𝙾𝙺𝚄𝚃𝙾 » speaking of boners that wouldn’t go away, let’s not forget that one time bokuto took two viagras when you texted him to come over for a special occasion. he horribly misinterpreted the ‘special occasion’ text, because he showed up to your house with a huge buldge in his pants as your parents stand before him holding anniversary cards, completely horrified

��𝙺𝙰𝙰𝚂𝙷𝙸 » wanted to make valentines day sex as romantic as he could, so he did the classic lighting candles and giving roses. everything was beautiful, until he accidently knocked one of the bigger candles over during missionary. this not only caused a huge ass fire in your bedroom, but he came right as the fire began to spread. boy was debating on whether his orgasm was to die for or not

𝙺𝙾𝙽𝙾𝙷𝙰 » had a nose bleed when he was going down on you and you both were immediately horrified, you thinking it was your period and him thinking he just ate coochie blood. yet as you went to go clean up, you realized his face had much more blood on it than your coochie did. to this day, he still blames it on your period 

𝚄𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙹𝙸𝙼𝙰 » threw you onto the bed and your head went through the wall. he didn’t even bother to ask you if you were okay, he just sighed and went “well, now i have to make a call to the construction guy. excuse me” and he left you and your concussed ass head sit there once again, pussy ass naked

𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙾𝚄 » during a blowjob, he held your head down right as he was coming causing the cum to shoot up your throat and somehow pour out of your nose. by the time he pulled out, he could barely breath from laughing at you. sure, the classic ‘milk shooting out of nose’ thing was funny at first until you got a sinus infection and had to breath out of your mouth for the next three days

𝚂𝙴𝙼𝙸 » always insists having sex in the most inconvenient places?? like he would pull you to side while grocery shopping and start grinding up against you as you pick which brand of cheese would be better??

𝙶𝙾𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙺𝙸 » he kept getting frustrated that his bangs were clouding his field of vision, so he irritably grabbed a hair tie and frantically tied up the sides of his bangs while he was fucking you. you immediately burst out laughing since he looked exactly like boo from monsters inc. 

𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚄𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙼𝙰 » got so drunk that he ended up fucking the couch. like he was just there on top of you, and his dick was just sliding between the folds of the leather couch. you decided to let him finish like that

𝚂𝙰𝙺𝚄𝚂𝙰 » had a really bad reaction to one of the products he used while shaving and ended up getting super irritated down there so he kept having to pull out in-between thrusts to itch his crotch. to make things worse, you joking suggested that he looked like he had syphilis and he got so disgusted at the idea of that thought that he literally had to pull out and take a breather 

𝙾𝚂𝙰𝙼𝚄 » drizzled ‘warm’ chocolate down your chest and was about to seductively lick it off until you screamed in pain and horror as the chocolate was literally burning your skin off. osamu panicked, obviously not knowing what to do if chocolate was burning his partners skin off so he just... frantically licked it off. you still had to go to the ER afterwards to get treated for mild burns

𝙰𝚂𝚃𝚄𝙼𝚄 » didn’t know what a hymen was until the first time he tried to have sex with you. no matter how much he tried to shove his schlong in, it really just wasn’t working + “yer puss is broken”

𝚂𝚄𝙽𝙰 » pinched your nipples so fucking hard to the point where you started crying. he thoughts these were tears of pleasure until you literally had to kick him off you. but hey, he gave you ice for your sore nipples and mcdonalds! what more could a girl possibly want :)

uh the end lol

also, this idea was inspired by the first haikyuu headcanon i ever read, “awkward sex moments” by @bbytetsu <3

[your-royal-highness-of-trash]

I’m not necessarily indifferent on Ghost per se, I think they’re a fun ship and I get it!! It’s just that they’ve lost their jene se queef (or whatever that French phrase is) in my brain unless the writer is god tier!

OUGHHH OUGHH!!!! FIC CONCEPT FIC CONCEPT!!! 🚨🚨‼️

Faralex and Alex character study BUT!! From the perception of his Normal Guy PT trainer / helper. Imagine it. GOES INSANE!!!!! SO MANY ANGLES!!! Literally going feral.

Also OOF I loooove ur care package concept. I think(?) it’s a popular headcannon that Farah is very much a mechanical girl, so I could imagine her just somehow having a closet / workshop container that is just. Prosthetic Legs. Straight Up. She tries to tinker with them and see what had gone wrong, even attempting to make her own version in case Price’s support is somehow compromised and they have to improvise.

Random Urzik Private who stumbled into Farah’s makeshift workshop to see her surrounded by a concerning amount of prosthetic legs, pre official relationship with Alex: What have you got there…?

Farah who can’t stand the thought of not being able to help Alex because she’s internalized that his disability is her fault, and is trying to cope with romantic feelings she hasn’t felt Once in her Life: A smoothie?

And they are 1000% mentally ill in general AND about each other.

I like to hc Alex as being from a bigger family somewhere in the Midwest- he doesn’t seem like a northerner to me (<- opinion cause I’m from one of the basically Canadian states). Maybe like. Kansas? Missouri? Idk. I do definitively think he had some issues before the CIA though. He almost gives mommy issues?? But I can’t pin down Why.

@your-royal-highness-of-trash

Pulled out into TWO new posts b/c I cannot be subjecting my friends to one longpost but rather many smaller posts with the majestic read more tool. I hope this is cool.

(Context. My reply to This.)

THE FUN HALF lets ramble about character stuff yes pleaaaase they really did nail the characterization they did do that I hate how good of a job they did.

First it is so funny that you already know Bad Suns! I was literally introduced to them this summer by one of my D&D buddies on one of our driving days where we just hang out in the car listening to music loudly with the windows down and I was just, blown away by their sound. And then like a week later went. "Wait.... This is a blorbo song. This is an Alex pov Faralex song. This is him being filled with emotions oh my god"

Glad you are also just "eh" on Ghoap. Like. I've read some great Ghoap fics but like. Perhaps it's the hipster in me. I get the dynamic allure, I get the chemistry, I get that it's hot but I am just not insane for them like the majority of the fandom. Because I already have Faralex. And og Ghost Roach but WHATEVER.

I have posted about the Alex disability thing before already so I 100% hard agree. When I actually looked up the timeline for a prosthetic, just like, as a cursory google for the most vague of fic writing stuff, I was immediately like. OH THEY DID NO RESEARCH HUH. He would have still been in PT by the time they brought him into Warzone he would not be ready for it, but like. Yeah he's so? He's nice? He's a nice man and very friendly but he's also not a good man (we forget that these are not the same) and also sort of hyper focused on Farah and sometimes I think that it's easy to backseat his angst when Farah's right there for him to sort of focus on instead of his problems? He was a marine and a CIA agent and I'm sure he has some like very intense ingrained stuff about technically being actually genuinely disabled with likely chronic pain now and it probably isn't great! I love a healthy dynamic but I will not lie and pretend I'm not into a little bit into how his thing for her can 100% be a little unhealthy. I like a little smidge of the spice with that devotion dynamic. As you said, being mentally ill together. I like that she is in a position where she needs someone who is like, a little obsessed with her in a way that's Not Normal, and he is in a position where being Not Normal about someone probably gets him through some rough days but also watch out! Don't let that consume you!

I feel like he probably gets the prosthetic from Price (and Laswell later), but like. Surely it gets broken because, as you said, he is running around in the desert for hours at a time on combat missions. Farah gets her little care package of goods from Price and Alex just gets leg parts it's constantly leg parts every shipment there's a leg part in there you can tell he's been somewhere because we just have ruined liners everywhere and you can tell when stuff is really bad because there's just. A leg. Abandoned in some building somewhere and smashed half to shit.

Out of Alex I want 1) more disability stuff because yes. Like he has to use crutches a lot, right? Surely he does. How easy is it to shoot a gun in crutches I have to know! I want like "ah ha we have attacked the ULF off guard surely now we will be at an advanta-" *thudding sound of angry CIA deserter in crutches with a gun and still very capable of being dangerous* 2) We are so cagey about the whole "he is now a terrorist" CIA deserter thing. Does he have family at home? He died so like. Did his mom or dad get a flag? Do you get a flag when you desert? Surely they knew he was into some Incredibly Black Ops stuff so like when he vanishes off the face of the earth it was normal up until they get a letter like "lol sorry he's dead." (But he's not dead, you'll just never see the top secret blurry photos of him in the desert doing a terrorism, which was not all that different than what he was doing before he just enjoys it more now.) How many skeletons are in that closet boooy.

You should totally make a bookmark collection!! I know I value the heck out of people who do fic reviews and collections and stuff. Nothing like seeing that someone else is really enjoying a ship dynamic and collecting stuff that's their taste.

"Different Relationship" yes they are in love your honor. He would never intentionally mispronounce his beloved wife's name, he's just a stupid American and gets it 50% correct but he tries. I have never seen this video. Thank you so much for linking it.

-

Ugh thinking in my brain again about like, do you think he would have ever brought Farah to PT? Like he's going to PT for his leg under some assumed name somewhere and has told the therapists some sort of half truth sob story about his life that is 80% CIA lies and 20% actual dynamics from his life so they are aware of Farah in a "I need to get better because there is someone in my life I need to get back to" way. And then he slowly phases out as he recovers and later he actually brings The Someone to one of his checkup appointments and it's this tiny middle eastern woman that he has really intense energy with where they are clearly having entire conversations just by staring at each other. Between his military tattoos and how she gets this edge to her every time there's a weird noise outside it's slowly becoming obvious that they are both military somehow but everything goes well until there's a global news update about Urzikstan and they both get really weird and quiet until Alex is like "hey lets change the channel now :)" and Farah says something in Arabic and he replies and they have some sort of laugh about it and it's like, uh oh these people! These people are somehow connected to global events in some nebulous way that you're not sure you should be thinking about!

Anyway shout out to the government guy who brought his concealed carry into the clinic! I don't think that was necessary! I looked it up and it was probably legal since we didn't have a sign at that point but why did you do that knowing full well you would have to take off your shirt for the scan and I would have to be uncomfortably near it the whole time! I will complain about this whenever I can! It was weird!

[bubbleteaimagines]

DUMB THINGS THE HAIKYUU BOYS DO DURING SEX

genre. nsfw / crack

warnings. mentions sex, sex stuff, kinks such as spitting, food play, rope play and spit kink

➞ DAICHI This mf always tries to bend you like a pretzel when you are NOT flexible at all. He does it so much that once, he accidentally dislocated your hip and took the phrase, “I’m gonna make sure you don’t walk for a week,” to a whole new level </3

➞ SUGAWARA Suga always tries to make you queef. Yes, you read that correctly, he thinks is hilarious when you ‘fart’ and will not stop until you yell at him

➞ ASAHI Asahi cannot fuck you on his bed. He’ll do it on the floor, on the couch, in the shower, but NOT his bed. He claims it’s because he used to put his stuffed bear Mr. Wiggles on the same pillow your face is buried in and it just doesn’t ‘feel right.’ Ok Asahi

➞ NISHINOYA Noya always tries to crack jokes with you...while you’re in the MIDDLE of trying to ride him. He’ll deadass stare at you and be like, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” LIKE- NOYA PLS NOT NOW

➞ TANAKA Tanka literally has the worst sex playlist. It’s literally just a combination of random songs thrown together, and one time he was in the middle of hitting it from the back when Little Einstein’s remix started blasting through the speakers. Safe to say, that was your breaking point

➞ YAMAGUCHI For some reason, Yams always tries to hold in moans. Like...he thinks they’re embarrassing- but it’s nowhere near as embarrassing as the noises he makes when he runs out of breath and starts choking on air

➞ USHIJIMA Just lays there. No seriously, if you’re riding Ushijima he literally just stays still, no moaning or anything. It’s so awkward when you try to dirty talk and he nods up at you, saying nothing. You look down at he’s just staring at you like 👁_👁

➞ TENDOU has always begged you to let him bring food into the bedroom. The one time you did though, the mf got hungry halfway through and left you on the bed pussy ass naked

➞ KUROO dropped the damn soap while you guys were having shower sex. Yep, you know what that means. Y’all were slipping and sliding all over the place and Kuroo fell out and took the half the damn shower curtain with him

➞ KENMA always looks so bored whenever you guys are having sex. It got to the point where you straight up asked if he’d rather be doing anything else, and he deadass said, “Yeah. Can you go get my switch?”

➞ BOKUTO almost died once cause he wouldn’t come up for air while he was eating you out. You literally had to stop him cause he was turning red in the face and you didn’t want him to pass out on your pussy

➞ AKAASHI gets so serious and always uses the technical terms for stuff. You try not to, but once you couldn’t help but to burst out laughing when he told you, “Y/N, I’m gonna ejaculate!” Right as he was about to cum

➞ SUNA You thought it was weird one day when Suna told you he wanted to be blind folded and tied up. But whatever, it was something new so you willing to do it. Well, come to find out, he only wanted you to so that he could sleep and have an excuse not to move/so you couldn’t see him 😭😩

➞ ATSUMU Atsumu told you one day that he wanted you to spit in his mouth, not knowing that you had Salsa and chips earlier that day. So when you did, he literally cringed and said, “Why is it spicy?” like in that one meme

➞ OSAMU Thought it’d be fun to have sex on the stove, NOT REALIZING THAT HE HAD TURNED IT ON EARLIER TO COOK DINNER. Safe to say, your ass cheek now has burn a mark in the shape of a stove burner AND you both had to wait in the hospital hungry asf

tagging: @heyheyitsnaenae @matsusimp

[firstkokon0is]

embarrassing moments with bonten during the nasty AJSDBDHBWEIUFCHJWH PLSPLPLS

Awkward moments with them during the nasty

NSFW!!! be warned dont read further if ur a minor pls🤨

with: BONTEN with fem!reader

cw: pure embarrassment

MIKEY

ah the first time you squirt on him while he’s eating u out

and he just kept his eyes closed

“did you just piss on me?”

you apologize immediately because he sounds so upset and you should’ve gave him a warning lmao

still think its hot tho

but the way he said “did u just pee on me” is probably the worst way of saying that

and both of you just went quiet after that its so awkward.

SANZU

accidentally slip it in your asshole

he’s going to fast and prolly because of your wetness too his dick slips out alot

until he accidentally put it in the wrong hole lol

who wouldn’t scream to the pain?

“OH SHIT- IM SORRY OH MY GOD SORRY” sanzu exclaimed and pulled out immediately

“IDIOT I TOLD YOU NOT THERE” u smacked him

he apologized again but continued to fuck you, but this time in the right hole

and after that you probably cant sit properly and the idiot just laugh at you

not regretting it what so ever, what do you expect its sanzu.

KAKUCHO

both of you decided to have a intense shower sex

he’s going so fast— desperate for his release that he ended up slipping, ass hitting the floor so hard

really? when he’s about to nut? that’s just embarrassing

“what the- kaku are you okay?” you look at the man on the floor, while still in the position— covering his face cuz of embarrassment

“god how embarrassing, i think i hit my head”

and….you ended up driving him to the hospital to get him checked

thank god he survived tho

AKASHI

he’s into weird position like

positions that makes your pussy queef

and thought you farted on him and chuckled

“kashi— would you go in properly— its queefing i guess” you managed to say in between his thrust

cue the randoms queefs lol

“how cute……you pussy’s making a noise, what did you eat huh” he again chuckled

then u smacked him on the head “ITS NOT FART— GO IN PROPERLY I SAID”

he still didn’t stop or what— go in properly

he kept on going it for his own entertainment since he discovered it

idk maybe he likes it or he loves it seeing you embarrass idk

RAN

classy man yes or not?

he tried those petals on the bed and floor in the fancy hotel he got

and candles everywhere — as the only light source in the room as it looks so romantic and lovely

ofc you guys ended up fucking, but those petals really itching your back and u cant tell him, he might feel bad

then he ended up knocking down one of those candles, the curtain caught the flame snd now there’s fire spreading

“fuck wait— im close…wait-wait” as he chased his own orgasm

“RAN WERE DYING GET OFF”

and people came in your room while you guys are still butt naked, plus the explaining that u guys need to do

he ended up paying for the damages

RINDOU

“rin….my clit..” you whined

he rubbed your labia instead thinking its the clit

rubbing it too fast too while looking at your reaction

its not just he got it wrong but he’s also dont know how to properly do it, but u dont wanna be mean

and even have the audacity to ask you

“why aren’t you moaning?”

you almost crack up but intead you guided his fingers on your clit

“thats the clit rin…..”

“oh….sorry i didn’t know”

bruh but keep on coming back to the labia

KOKO

probably that one time you gave him head

he didn’t tell you he’s about to cum that he literally shot his load down your throat

and you choked because of that— some even came out of your nose

you cough for like a good 5 minutes

“koko why didn’t you tell me- oh” you said followed by a cough

“damn im sorry i thought you already know im gnna cum- eh…..you need water?”

“GET ME ONE. NOW”

MOCHI

idk prolly threw you on the bed

and u hit your head on the headboard

knocked out

and you remember waking up to the hospital with bandages on your head

“my fucking god im sorry— its my fault i threw you” mochi on the floor kneeling and apologizing

“fuck you, i came to fuck you what did u do”

but u ended up forgiving the man bc he obviously didn’t mean it haha.

[s0dium1]

Archived

EMBARRASSING SEX MOMENTS W/ JJK MEN

A/n: This was very fun to write I hope you guys enjoy it!

Synopsis: Just some cringe worthy sex moments with the men of Jujutsu Kaisen

Characters: Yuji, Nanami, Gojo, Geto, Noaya, Yuuta, Toji, Sukuna

Consider leaving a like, follow, comment or reblog!

~

Yuji Itadori

Thought that a queef was a fart. At first you thought he was joking when he was pounding into you, you queefed and he said “Gassy much?” with a laugh. But then you realized he was serious when you did it another time and he stopped and asked if you needed to go to the bathroom.

Nanami Kento

Is expressionless during sex. Like literally says or shows nothing when you suck him off. At first it was a serious blow to your confidence since you thought you were doing something wrong but when you confronted him about it he just said that he is “deep in thought.” Like tf does that mean sir?

Gojo Satrou

Opposite problem from Nanami, he’s too damn vocal and says the cringeist most embarrassing things. You’d be riding him and he’d say something like “Yeah you’d die for this horse cock wouldn’t you” and all your pussy juices immediately evaporate or resecend back into you and you become as dry as a desert.

Geto Suguru

As much as I’d like to say this man is perfect he has his faults. And what’s that? Its his hair. For some reason he likes to show it off and let it down during sex, and this turns into it getting and sticking on his sweaty face into his mouth and eyes. Its even gets in his way while he’s eating you out and you find long black strands in your pus pus while your taking a shower sometimes.

Toji Fushiguro

Point blank? Man whore. Moans some other chicks name the first time y'all fucked and ligit forgets your name. Not much else to say about this, sure his tiddies are big but the red flags are bigger.

Sukuna Ryomen

Doesn’t cut his nails. No seriously have you seen them? They are razor sharp and they better not get anywhere near your pussy or else I hope you like your roast beef slice and diced. Also Sukuna defiantly does not clean them too, they be grimy af.

Yuuta Okkatsu

Battery acid cum. Has a horrible diet and it reflects in his love juices. You swear it tastes like actual rotten rodents and, wait, is it….. glowing in the dark???? You bet it is, that liquid is radioactive. Its smells bad too so good luck with that.

Naoya Zenin

Yikes where to start. Honestly just associating your self with this man is embarrassing enough. Mans got stinky dick and balls. Doesn’t wash under his forskin so if you ever do decide to give him head prepare to discover a new type of cheese.

[imo-chan-imagines]

『 Their best sexual characteristic | Haikyuu!! Headcanons 』

Part 4/?

Characters: female!reader, Kageyama Tobio, Nishinoya Yuu, Tendou Satori

Tags/warnings: Haikyuu!! (anime), 18+, explicit descriptions of sex, headcanons, imagines

Attention: All characters in this series are aged up to be at least 18+

⚠️ 18+ CONTENT! MINORS: PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️

A/N: I've noticed that the more I do these, the longer they get, and now I feel bad that some of the others might have been neglected T^T

Oh, and I got a new phone, and now the emojis don't look the same... Please tell me if any of them look weird or don't fit the ~vibe~. Previous parts are linked at the bottom ♡ Thanks for reading! Please enjoy! Imo~

Kageyama Tobio

» How vocal he is

Kageyama can't help it, but he moans, groans, and growls with every second of pleasure those deep thrusts have him singinggg 👅

It's such a desperate, stimulating sound that falls from his lips

It turns you on no end hnng

Gets your pussy dripping, which drives him insane

It didn't used to be like that, though

At first he used to stifle his sounds because he was embarrassed

He had heard somewhere stupid that it was 'unmanly' to moan during sex, and became self conscious about it my poor, sweet baby 😭

Like, who even thought if that?! Shame on you!! >:(

But it didn't take long for you to realise something was wrong he had to be so focused just to hold it in, so it was kind of obvious something was up

So one time, when he was buried inside you, clearly struggling to stifle the sounds in his throat, you pulled his head down to your lips and whispered in his ear how much you wanted to hear him moan for you

He was a little taken aback at first, wondering if it was really okay he looked so innocent right then

But you stroked his hair and reassured him that you wanted every part of him, and he didn't have to hold back or hide anything from you like, please. Guys' moans are so hot 💦

As he eased into it, getting used to allowing the sounds to flow, his thrusts got deeper and faster, the blush on his cheeks reddening with every inch further inside you so freaking adorable

He was pressed down on top of you with his hips flush with yours, his desperate sounds filling your ears, pushing you closer to the edge

It was mind-numbing how erotic it was to finally hear just how much he wanted you – how good it felt inside you

And when he came with a whimpering moan of relief, you toppled over the edge, spasming around him please, omg

You had a soft heart-to-heart about it after, curled up in bed together, making sure he felt comfortable with things and LOVED, DAMN IT

Lots of hand holding, hair stroking, and forehead and shoulder kisses by both of you 💋

Now he never hides it from you as it should be

It's brought you much closer as lovers, deepening the connection between you. You're both much happier now it's too cute, I fucking can't

Though the neighbours aren't so appreciative 🤭

I literally love Kageyama. Please cherish him with your entire soul

Nishinoya Yuu

» His spontaneity

There's no such thing a dull sex routine with this hyperactive firecracker 💥

Or any kind of routine, for that matter lmao

Anything romantic or sexual always happens spur of the moment, keeping it fresh and interesting and damn hot *fans self*

Now, Noya isn't massive in the dick department, no third leg, I'm afraid, ladies

But he's actually really decently sized, and as it turns out, the perfect size and shape for quickies which you most definitely do a lot of

Noya definitely isn't afraid of sex in public places kinda turns him on, tbh

Places you've boned, given him a blowjob, dry humped, or he's fingered you include: the park (behind some trees), in the car, in the stall of a restaurant toilet, and at the beach never again, omg, the FREAKING SAND

All this spontaneity, however, means that you're sometimes caught without a condom which will either turn you on more or make you think again depending on the circumstances

Noya is all too happy to go in raw if you're cool with it, but he does try to remember to keep a fresh rubber in his pants or wallet

He buys the extra thin-feel condoms because the sensation inside you drives him literally feral

They sometimes fall out when he's getting something out of his pocket, and it's always at the absolute worst times

Like that time he got his phone out to show your parents a some cute vacay pics, and then BAM, there it was, on the floor between you all hahahaaa, omg. You wanted to die

But it's not just about getting it on in dangerous or compromising places, though

He's just as spontaneous at home, like on the couch while watching Netflix, on the counter top while you're in the middle of cooking don't worry, you turned the stove off first, in the middle of the night when neither of you can sleep, or when you're collapsed in a giggling heap together after a short and decisive pillow fight I'll let you decide who won

It's not about specifically when or where for Noya, but about when if feels right. When that connection is there mah heart

He also tries his absolute best to talk with you about what you do and don't like, what you'd be willing to try, etc. in your free time or in make out sessions, because he's aware his spontaneity can make it hard to talk about those things and that's not his intention at all

But one thing is for sure: it's never, ever boring with Noya

He'd be like this even if y'all got married 💍

Like, you don't have to worry about a dull, routinely or (God forbid) sexless marriage. That's not his style at ALL

Tendou Satori

» His goofiness

This lanky bean can't get enough of your laugh, your smile, your giggles just you in general

He thinks it's when you're at your prettiest

So it follows that he does everything he can to see it, especially when he's trying to make the both of you cum

Smile like that when he's inside you and he'll probably shoot his loud prematurely, lmao

His naturally wacky personality really lends to it, sending you into laughing fits on a regular basis you literally get stitches in your sides

He does all sorts of things on a regular basis in order to see that beautiful smile of yours, like blowing raspberries on your neck and stomach,

~doing stupid impressions,

~having pillow fights,

~giving you piggybacks around the shopping mall at top speed like a madman,

~tickling you in that spot that only he knows about that always makes you giggle and squirm

so freaking adorable!!

He tones down the silliness a little when you're having sex because he knows it's important and not a joke, but sometimes he just can't help himself it's his natural state, after all

And honestly, it's a blessing to have a boyfriend who can make you laugh out of bed AND in it

Awkward moments, like queefs, accidentally breaking bed slats, or getting leg cramps, are always immediately dissipated by his easy going, fun loving attitude a Godsend, honestly

But he normally knows when not to turn things into a joke, making for a pretty healthy, balanced attitude

It makes for such a warm, comforting atmosphere where you feel completely at ease and at home

You feel like you can tell him anything – and you do

Sex is literally so fun with him, but it doesn't detract for the moment at all it's still hawt

He's all down to try new positions and keep it fresh, especially if the position looks fun wheelbarrow, anyone? Lmfao

Spooning!! It's so fun a squishy, and he's a but of a clingy boy

He loves nuzzling the nape of your neck, and sometimes it turns into ✨spooning sex✨

His cock's really long with a nice curve to it, so he can get a great angle like that, ayyee

It sometimes seems like sex is almost too fun for Tendou it's pretty much his favourite past time

But not in a creepy way. This goofy baby is absolutely adorable

please love this man

♡°☆°♡°☆°♡

Part 1: Oikawa, Daichi, Kuroo

Part 2: Ushijima, Suga, Bokuto

Part 3: Iwaizumi, Akaashi, Asahi

© imo-chan-imagines 2020

[shortythescreen]

From the ask, would u be comfy doing an octane nsfw alphabet thing?

Note(s): NSFT/18+ under the cut. sure! i’ll give it a shot. no better way to dip my toes in than to do it with my boy! 

Octane NSFW Alphabet: 

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

When Octavio is coming down after an orgasm, or after a good fuck, he’s usually flushed from nipples to neck, and is preoccupied panting. When he finally manages to calm down, he grabs at his partner and mumbles a bunch of nonsense. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

There isn’t a part on himself that Octavio doesn’t like but he’s very confident in his abs. Why do you think he runs around in that little croptop? 

As for his partner, Octavio loves him some thighs. Juicy, squishy thighs that he can sink his fingers into? Thin, bony ones that he can hike up against his partner’s chest? He loves them, whatever they come. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Octavio is the type of dude that cums a shit ton. Makes a mess all over his crotch whenever he jerks off, fills up a condom an embarrassing amount. Will brag about it, because he’s That Way. 

D = Dirty Secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Octavio has had sex with several state heads kids. They would intend his parents parties with their parents and after a few drinks and bad choices later, well. Let’s just say Octavio is not welcome in the Psamathe State Building. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s had a lot of partners! Octavio likes men, women, and everyone in between. I think he’s slept with more folks with dicks than folks with pussies, but that doesn’t mean he shies away from the intricacies of them. Very enthusiastic lover, very eager to learn. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

His partner sitting on him in any way is grand. Sitting on his face? Fabulous. Sitting on his dick and facing him? Oyeee. Sitting on his dick and facing away from him? Dale, amor, let’s go, let’s go, let’s goooo. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Octavio Jose Hildegard Silva takes almost nothing seriously. Sex included. The type of partner that blows raspberries into his partner’s stomach when he’s trying to go down on them. Would laugh at a queef or a fart. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

No hair. Aerodynamics. 

Just kidding. Octavio’s got a little bush going on but nothing crazy. He usually forgets to shave but he’ll realize he’s gotten a little wild when the hair starts to get tangled. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Octavio isn’t one for romance. He prefers to have fun, can’t take it when it’s slow. Might call out I love you if he’s with a partner he really cares about but that’s on the rare occasion he’s in a committed relationship.  

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Jerking off when he was younger is one of the reasons that Octavio can go multiple rounds. He essentially trained his dick to be used to multiple orgasms in a short amount of time. His partner can thank him being a horny teenager for how many rounds he can go. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Listen, I’m not saying Octavio lowkey has a foot fetish but I’m saying Octavio lowkey has a foot fetish. Lives for his partner having nice, clean toes. Will pay for pedicures. Refuses to admit it but if his partner were to stick their feet in his face and some accidentally get in his mouth? Instant erection. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere there’s the possibility of getting caught. Thrill-seeking Octavio lives for having to cover his partner’s mouth in an office cubicle, in a supply closet, in a bathroom stall. Get ready for cramped, tight locations, where he can glue his body to his partner. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Octavio lives in a perpetual state of horny. It doesn’t take much for him to be intrigued, if not outright turned on. His partner talking about something they know really well, the information going completely overhead while they’re super knowledgeable? Nice. His partner working out, covered in a little sheen of sweat, breathing hard? Nice. His partner sitting on the couch, minding their business? Fucking nice. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Would not spit in his partner’s mouth. Weirdly is okay with spitting on their holes for lube, but even then he’s not here for those nasty, hocked loogies. It’s just... gross, amigos.  

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Octavio’s kind of selfish when it comes to oral. Definitely prioritizes getting head over giving head -- that being said, when he does give head, he’s VERY enthusiastic about it. Messy, sloppy, will leave his partner’s cunt soaked or their cock drenched.  

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

If it isn’t clear, Octavio tends to move quickly. The sound of his hips clapping against his partners, the quick, steady thrusts of his hips inside of them, building faster and faster? That’s his speed. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Octavio lives for quickies. Especially ones at inconvenient times. He will start feeling up on his partner while they’re on the phone, or when they’re in a meeting, or when he’s just bored in general. If he can get them alone, the pants are coming off. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

[Looks into the camera like I’m on The Office]

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

As I mentioned earlier, Octavio’s propensity to jerk off regularly when he was younger built up his stamina. He cums pretty quickly but he can get hard literally almost a minute after. Can go multiple times in an hour. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Octavio has owned one (1) pocket pussy ever and it was Too Powerful. He does not own any more toys. Would gladly try them out, though. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Octavio is a relentless tease. Will drive his partner crazy with the fleeting touches, the way he drags out giving them head. Still, his patience for teasing wears thin pretty quickly so what seems like forever for him might not be too long for someone more durable. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Super noisy! Talks a shit ton during sex. Usually he switches between English and Spanish. A lot of babbling, talking about how good it feels, how much he loves to watch his partner move, etc. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Has definitely thought about trying to put his dick into one of those Chinese Fingertraps. Has not done it because even he couldn’t bring that to Ajay to fix. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Octavio’s pretty slim. He was definitely one of those really scrwany, really bony teenagers that became a scrawny, bony adult. However, after he started competing in races and running the gauntlets, he became more muscular. He’ll never be big, but he’s definitely. Lean, mean, fighting machine, with a really big dick, because for some reason skinny guys always have really big dicks? It’s like almost eight inches you guys. What the fuck.  

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

As I said earlier, Octavio is in a perpetual state of horny. He’s always down to fuck. Always. It is really, really rare that he’s not ready to go. Wants to fuck and wants to fuck a lot. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends! Sometimes, he’ll roll over and go right to sleep -- especially after a couple of drinks. But if his partner is rearing to go again, he’ll stay up for however long they want him to. Especially if it means getting his dick even more wet. 

[negans-lucille-tblr]

Saw someone asking about that sex thingy, so I am just gonna ask opposite! All the odd questions 🙈 I am sorry, just curious about you! Have read your all fics and they are so freaking amazing and detailed and passionate, I am curious about the person that writes those 😛

Oh boy! Here we go :’)

1. Top turn on?

Being degraded. 

3. Last time you had sex with the same gender?

Oh man, too long ago

5. What’s the weirdest thing that has turned you on?

Probably pet play. I’m not into it but I read some smut with it in and it turned me on for some reason.

7. What’s the weirdest kind of porn you’ve watched?

I’m a big fan of efukt so I’ve seen some shit. Probably the woman pushing an entire packet of Haribo out of her ass. Nah there’ll be weirder I’m sure...

9. Have you ever taken nude pictures?

Yep!

11. Is pain a good thing?

Yeah the right kind of pain can be :)

13. Do you like scratching?

Sometimes!

15. Are you very horny right now?

Not very

17. 10 of your biggest turn ons?

Degradation, humiliation, biting the back of my neck, being dominated, slapping, having my hair pulled, being choked, orgasm control, dirty talking, edging

19. Do you like foreplay?

Only blowjobs

21. Do you like sex with women?

Yesssss

23. Would you have sex with a trans* person?

Depends what part of the transition they’re in

25. Do you like your lips bitten?

Yeah

27. How often do you masturbate?

Not that often, I’m married so I don’t really need to

29. Would you have sex with a married person?

Yeah I do regularly

31. Do you go outside naked?

Nooo lol

33. Do you give oral?

Yes, pornstar grade obvs, it’s like the only thing I’ve really got going for me in the bedroom

35. What is the youngest/oldest you would sleep with?

Youngest, 18. Oldest, I’m not really sure. Doesn’t matter if they’re hot :’)

37. Do you enjoy wearing lingerie?

I would if I felt better about my body

39. What is your favorite sexual setting?

Literally will take it anywhere I’m not fussy

41. Would you ever make a porno with your bf/gf?

Yep!

43. Do you like it rough or sensual?:

ROUGH

45. How often do you get drunk and have wild, crazy sexy with a complete stranger?

Never, I’m married :’)

47. Do you prefer to make love or fuck?

Make love *puke* Fuck every time

49. How long do you usually fore-play before doing the deed?

Sometimes we don’t at all, but maybe like 5-10 mins if we do

51. Does size matter?

Urmmm...kinda. In my experience a guy can be big and not know what he’s doing which isn’t great and a guy can be small and know what he’s doing which is great. I think the order of quality from worst to best is...

Small guy who doesn’t know what he’s doing

Big guy who doesn’t know what he’s doing

Small guy who knows what he’s doing

Big guy who knows what he’s doing

53. What does your favorite foreplay include?

Blowjobs and more blowjobs, maybe a pinch of clit stim

57. Could you live without sex?

Fuck no.

59. Do you like to perform oral sex?

Yes. (Have I made it obvious yet?)

61. Have you ever taped yourself in the act?

Yep!

63. Have you ever been caught in the act?

Yeah, probably

65. Would you let other people watch you have sex live?

Yeah :’)

67. What was the biggest age difference with a partner?

I don’t actually know how old he was but I think he was in his 30s and I was 17 (I lied about my age and said I was 18 because he was a bartender and I wanted him to serve me - oops! Lol)

69. What was your most embarrassing sexual moments?

Probably queefing for the first time

71. Do you wear protection as often as you should?

I do now because I have an IUD fitted, but in the 9 years me and hubby have been together we’ve used protection for maybe 4 of those years in total :’)

75. If you could sleep with ANYONE, who would it be?

Your Dad. Jensen Ackles. Jared Padalecki. Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Elizabeth Olsen. Genevieve Padalecki. My husband.