#literally only made this to do the snakebite one lmao

[shmowder]

Two dollars?? Whoa. I'll keep an eye out for a sale. Based on screenshots, it seems like P1 has more dialogue and more opportunities to get to know the characters better? I love the P2 art style so much though so it might be hard to get used to the original. I know some people have the opposite problem and are unhappy with some of the redesigns.

We like the same aspects of yandere <3 Oh I need to rant for a second. There's nothing wrong with legitimately enjoying the violence and kidnapping aspects, but I do feel like there's sometimes too much emphasis on making sure readers don't think you're (general "you") romanticizing yanderes. Like intellectually I know it's unhealthy you don't have to tell me every other sentence that this is wrong and bad and that the reader insert isn't supposed to like it! 🤧 ... Ngl I love willing!reader 🫣🫣 Anyway. Rant over :)

I'll never get over actually being asked for my thoughts?? Thank you, even though I often feel out of my depth lmao. Please tell me about yandere Aspity!

In addition to what you said, I think Maria would be prone to jealousy too but unlike Katerina, would feel more of a sense of entitlement and is more prone to lashing out at others and at you occasionally. Katerina is more likely to internalize perceived rejection and be self-destructive about it. They'd both want to dress you up and do your makeup (even if you don't normally wear any) like a doll >:)

Lara and Peter might be the clingy/obsessive type, would latch on to the idea of you as a lifeline to pull them out of their despair. Lara would try to prove herself to you through acts of service; you'd be the inspiration for Peter's art and he'd give you little gifts all the time.

Victor would be overprotective, treating you like glass and like you've said before, wanting you to feel you can come to him, only, with your troubles. Would also randomly ignore you occasionally lol :( He can't help it he's too lost in thought! Big Vlad would spoil the ever loving fuck out of you *and* intimidate everyone else away.

Btw. I read your Andrey x reader hcs last night and they were really good! I don't really feel anything for this guy but it seems like you've got his personality just right :) I've never wanted piercings in my life, why is that part speaking to me 😭 (ok, that's a lie, I did want snakebites when I was seventeen :o)) I liked the little bit about sketching diagrams afterwards, too. Your smut is so good forreal

🐿️ anon

Delicious juicy food delivered straight to my inbox for FREE? I am in heaven and ascending even higher rn.

I want to let you know that this concept lived in my head rent-free for the past week. Each time I came to answer this ask, I'd get distracted by the brief yandere drabbles you wrote and get lost in the fantasy. Especially the overprotective Victor one, it's my favourite. Oh god, you're a genius. Tell me more I beg!

And yes P1 had a lot more dialogue which is nice because it explains the story a lot more. Especially characters like Aglaya who get a lot of backstory and other things revealed about them. It's a game that does the best it could with the very very limited technology it had at the time, and despite the graphics it's beautiful in some areas.

The music is its crowning gem however! P1 soundtrack literally blows P2 soundtrack out of the water. It's like the devs know the graphic and everything is lacking in P1 so they more than made up for it with fire music that gets you in a trance of how amazing it sounds.

I think the major flaws are how the charactersation and story is slightly different. Some characters like Victor and Aglaya remain the same but other characters like Alexander Saburov are massively different. Also as a majority everyone is more of an asshole in P1, especially Artemy and Daniil at times.

Eva and Andrey are more slutty... do with that what you will.

Yulia in P1 feels like a younger Yulia who's still lost and figuring out life. Like a freshly out of college Yulia. While in P2 she's more of a jaded full grown up who knows how the world works but is displeased by it. I love both versions <3 She is one of the very polite characters in P1... which are surprisingly sparce. P1 is also more funny and silly with the dialogue, it's more whimsical with more realistic options too. Also you get a lot of opportunities to break the 4th wall while in P2 you can only do it while talking with the rat prophet, the replacement Artemy and endgame Mark.

And I agree with you about the yandere thoughts. The horror ones are fun but sometimes I want romanticised obsession and devotion yk? Like a yandere ready to move the earth and bring down the moon for their beloved. Where the conflict is more focused on the emotions and intenal turmoil rather than the murder or horror aspect. Even when it comes to the reader, I enjoy a little toxic reader too 👀 Like someone who encourages their yandere behaviour or doesn't mind it, someone who is okay with the obsession or someone who actively goes out of their way to make it worse. A reader who's a full fledged character rather than a damsel in distress, someone who takes actions and can effect the world around them.

But don't get me wrong! I do like a damsel in distress... as a kink. It's kinda hot to be a useless fawned upon princess that everyone is looking to save and please.

Yeah, I feel you so much on the "Don't have to tell me this is wrong every sentence." Like, oh my god, dude! I hate when stories treat the reader like they're an idiot. You have to have faith in them, especially when your content is marked for adults that they will be able to read between the lines. Like you don't see murder or serial killer stories saying how this is wrong every sentence?? Yandere is just a mix of horror, romance, and smut! It's just an archetype with interesting concepts and maybe even a fetish.

Why do people have to psychoanalyse every kink someone has??

I'll get back to the other characters in a bit, let's focus on the overprotective Victor for example! bc the brainrot is real i legit haven't stopped thinking about him for one second.

In one of his dialogue trees he has this line:

5.Victor Kain: ...If I'd learned about this earlier, I would have torn his head off already. Now give me thirty-five seconds of silence, please. I need to think.

It's when you inform him about the chemist who's helping people hide their dead. The same one who buys body parts from Artemy, he apparently also works for tha kains but manages to hide his shady businesses right under their nose.

And his reaction is just odjwofjwofkwk So Delicious? Like that chemist posed a real threat to tramble down on the fragile castle the Kain built with their reputation, start a domino effect which exposes them as law breakers for the townfolks which they absolutely cannot have.

You see him angry, even if it's just a small glimpse. He could've worded it more elegantly, used so many different expressions. But no, Victor chose the phrase "tear his head off"

THE FERALITY! THE POTENTIAL MY GOD. This man is so good at making himself a safe and trustworthy pragmatic person so much you forget there's a wide awake tiger with deadly focus behind those melancholic eyes, weighting your every word and soaking in all the information you unawarly expose to him. Memorising all the names you mention, drawing a map in his brain of your social circle and connections. Saying so little himself just to get you to keep talking and telling him more and more until a secret or two spill out without you realising it.

The way he's briefly quiet before snapping, composing himself, and holding back the flood of rage in his brain from bubbling to the surface. "I would've torn his head off" only scratches the surface of what he really wanted to do and say.

Even this simple sentence from someone usually so polite and level-headed paints a gruesome picture of a predetor's sharp teeth tearing apart a person's brain, completely dislocating the head from the shoulders and tearing the skin off with one bite. The crunching of the skull as it caves under the pressure of the tiger's jaw.

AND THEN YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE AND TELL ME HE IS AN OVERPROTECTIVE YANDERE!! I love you so much.

All that anger directed towards anyone who wishes you harm. It's like you struck a match inside him and now he simply cannot help but watch out for your well being from behind the curtains.

His obsession stems from thinking of you as... lesser to put it kindly. Of course you will never be aware of this condescension nor how he views you as a fragile thing unfit for the real world, a glass figurine that needs to be handled with delicate gloves so you won't crack.

Non the wiser, you think he's just a really good listener. So when he invites you over for tea, you oblige and just spill your heart out to him. Telling him how your week went, talking about the boring details and your hobbies, mentioning the mundane things like your trip to the grocery store.

And he never interrupts, at first you thought it was a little creepy how he'd have you over just to listen to you talk. Only answering with questions and dismissing any questions directed towards him ir his well being, saying he'd rather know about you more.

But with time you warmed him to him, I mean it is Victor Kain? He has never done harm to anyone has he? Sure the Kains have some screws loose but Victor always seemed the calmest one amidst his eccentric family.

You think that maybe he is just lonely and needs company or a friend! He's definitely awkward when it comes to normal conversation, so you're understandable when all he wants to talk about is you.

As far as you're concerned, that's as deep as youre surface relationship goes. It starts with afternoon tea and ands just after the sun sets down when he walks you home, ever the old school gentleman. Strange tho, he never walks anyone else home and lets Maria run loose at any hour of the night. But you've never given it much thought.

You poor sweet thing, so unaware of the monster you're feeding. The obsession you're helping nurture whenever you oblige to his request or head his advice. The rush of satisfaction that runs through his veins when you come running to him to vent after a particularly hard day, the addicting euphoria flooding his system when you thank him for listening, saying how he's the only person you trust with these embarrassing things.

Victor who's pulling strings when you're not looking. Taking over your life and holding power over every aspect of it so he can fine tune it, surgically decide every small detail like he's tinkering with the delicate inner-machinery of a clock.

Making sure he is your sole support system. Coincidentally, the friends you make are offered jobs back at the Capital and have to move away. The grocery near your house relocates, and the closest one is right next to the Kain's resident.

Whichever job you held is deemed too dangerous for someone as helpless as you and he takes it upon himself to talk to someone who talks to someone else who persuades the owner into getting you fired or at least you're out of business if it's privately owned. No one wants your services, they all deeply admire the Kains and would run to please him at the drop of a hat.

No one but Victor who so kindly extends a helping hand. If you refuse chairty money then he immediately suggest working for him instead, he needs a helper you see. No matter what excuse or response you have prepared, he has already accounted for all of them and has a convincing counter-argument.

You don't have to know that in reality, he just thinks the world is too dangerous for you to freely roam and get a job. If you want to play pretend as boss and employee then he will indulge your childish antics and offer you a job, either way the end is the same with you slowly migrating more and more under his wing and care.

Stripped of your income, support system and any opportunity for growth. Once Victor has you in his claws, he will make sure you never slip through his fingers.

Tbf he is content with you just being around, as long as you're safe and sound under his watch he will even if you just see him as a friend and nothing more.

Because while helping you is enthralling, not knowing where you are is the worst withdrawal he has ever experienced. And that man lived at the Capital before, do not let his grown up facade tirck you, he's probably even tried coke and all drugs under the sun at some point in his youth out of sheer boredom or curiosity.

It ircks him thinking you're vulnerable and bare outside for anyone to grab, it makes his brain ache to see you in a situation outside of his own control. He needs you to live in a world of his own making for all of eternity or he feels like ripping his hair out.

Zero expectations are set upon you to do anything. He isn't looking for a slave or a housewife, he just wants to be reassured no harm will ever befall you and keeping you under his watchfull gaze is the best solution he could come up with.

So what if you're basically a glorified pet? You still have your freedom... although limited. You can pursue your hobbies, indulge in his money and even befriend his two kids if you feel like it.

If you get really desperate for company other than his own and the Kains, then maybe he will think about letting you socialise with the other utopians every now and them. The mostly do not pose any dangers but some of them (caught Andrey, Eva and Vlad the Younger) Do really test his patience and boil his blood with jealousy from the shameless sexua advances and romantic propositions they throw your way as if he wasn't in the room.

Still, the utopians are your toys to play with until you're content. Didn't you ask for friends?

But he'd be lying if he said he wasn't thinking of more... forgive his brain, humans are inherently flawed and he cannot help but think of you in rather scandalous ways at times. Animalistic desires of lust and love rearing its head. Whenever you lean too close to him, pat your beautiful eyelashes or call his name out with a faux whine.

He's more than open to a seemingly "normal" relationship with you. As long as you get used to his busy schedule and periods of ignoring the world around him while in deep thought. He lives in his own brain most of the time and you rarely if ever guess what's going on in his life at any give day.

He remains an enigma while settling for nothing less than your whole heart laid bare before him on a silver tray. Proding at the fragile organ, never causing it any harm as he caresses it with gentle fingers. Feigning ignorance of the way his mouth waters, salvia dripping down the sharp fangs.

But again, he's down to compromise. You can only go places if he's by your side, even his own brother, the judge, he doesn't trust to accompany you alone.

-

God that was a fucking treat to write and think about. Talking with you is always so fun, I can just let go and say everything on my mind. When writing fanfics or sharing my thoughts to others I always trim the edges and make sure I'm not repeating myself yk? I have to put in effort to make my thoughts presentable and tied nicely with a bow, compress it down to bite sizes.

But man i am living the dream! A wall of text! my purpose in life! I wrote so much in such a short time that my fingers actually hurt.

Anyway I have more so let's keep going!

-

YANDERE BIG VLAD MY BELOVED.

He'd also fall on the overprotective category but not possessive controlling like Victor Kain. No, He'd want you to genuinely be happy.

Spoils you rotten, without decorum or an excuse. Literally buys you anything and everything, even the things you don't ask for he will get you just because he thought you might like them.

The softest thing with you despite how harsh and uncaring he is with others.

Don't get him wrong. He is still a ruthless businessman with shady and amoral practices, he simply does not care. The only things worth it in this life are the people you love, and he loves his family the most.

Including you! Surprise! He starts considering you part of his family. His love is definitely not just platonic however but he does hold the most shame when it comes to getting together with someone after his dead wife yk?

Especially if you're younger, oh my god he lacks morals yes but this is just humiliating. He gets over it easily.

If you want someone who is extremely self-aware and the guilt of lusting after a young adult really eats him up to the core, then look at none other than Alexander Saburov. Not only is his wife still alive so triple the shame and guilt, but also you're a 20/30 something cutie and he well past middle age. He is getting his ass beaten by his conscience inside his own mind and having a moral crisis.

Anyway, back to Big Vlad. I think he'd try to make you get with his son as a way to coerce you into joining the family, especially if you say he is too old for you.

Try saying Victor Kain is too old for you and that old man 404 errors on the spot then quickly recovers pulls up the shady "well the passage of time is subjective and age does not define a human's mind as long as they are a sound adult" argument. I don't think he himself remembers the fact he is almost 60. Age and time is just a suggestion to the Kains.

However Big Vlad would never pull the "becoming your boss" move ever. He wants you to see him as someone close and in an intimate light, that move will just ruin everything he has built. If he wants to throw money your way then he will shamelessly do it without tact and no one can stop him.

You do get your own worms bodyguards and nice herb brides who watch over you courtesy to him however.

Alexander might be the biggest simp in yanderes but he will hesitate before doing something which conflicts with his convictions.

Big Vlad however, will not.

Your suggestions are heard and the changes you demand in his treatment of the kin are immediately obeyed. He tries his best to please you and make you happy, you literally have this man wrapped around your pinky.

A single kiss would have his brain haywire, all it takes is a pat of your pretty eyelashes and a cute pout and all the complaints fizzle from his brain. You immediately win the argument by default.

While sex is good and all, I feel like he is more of a romantic at heart. Genuinely a big doofus in love and would melt over something as simple as hand holding or having you sleep against his chest. He lives for the early morning breakfast where your eyebrows are scrunched from being so sleepy, as you walk over and sink into his arms.

If Victor Kain treats you like a glorified pet and Alexander Saburov like the temptation & sin incarnate then Big Vlad treats you like royalty, a literal prince/princess fallen into his lap and he's the king who will ensure you have the most pampered and spoiled life ever.

You're not helpless in Big Vlad's eyes, he doesn't infantilise you like Victor Kain does. If anything you're the most capable and talented person in the entire world, which is why you deserve everything good and sweet in it.

-

I have so many more ideas and concepts! I love your idea of Maria and Katerina treating the reader like a doll and dressing you up then making out with you- Like you're just a beautiful thing to them to cuddle with as they fall asleep and string along on dates.

Yandere Maria wouldn't care what you have to say, she never begs or asks, she just takes. The day she decides you are here doll, everyone acknowledges that you are off limits because who in their right mind would oppose Maria??

And while Katerina doesn't hold much power, her husband is the leading authority over the town criminal and justice system. He is also the biggest simp to her and is 100% okay with being a cuck if it means his wife is happy.

If having you as her precious doll to dress up, smooch, and play with will put a stop to her morphine addiction, then he'd step over his own morals and look the other way.

YANDERE ASPITY MY LOVE. She has potential! I adore non-humans obsessing over a human. You're not like other humans, you're full of surprises and she wants to test and study you more. You make her see worth in her life and the world beyond the earth and why she was born.

I also like the implication that since she is literally a piece cut from boddho's heart and moulded into a person like clay, that if she falls in love with you then the earth itself would too. With Yandere Aspity you get a Yandere Boddoh and the entirety of the kin for free!

Maybe even possessive Aspity who doesn't want to share you with the earth, who refuses to hand you over and wants you to be hers. A piece of the earth defying its original self, establishing herself as her own person by choosing to love you and never share you.

But my food already went cold, and my fingers are growing numb, so I will cut it short for now.

Ha. Short. I say while having written the entire front page article of a gossipy small town's newspaper.

Do tell me about your thoughts! I love hearing them and reading what you write! Be it your thoughts about other yanderes or your opinions of what I have written. Or even an entirely different concept in general.

Lastly, thank you so much for the praise! I'm glad you liked my Andrey fic. He was a bit challenging to write because as you can see I specialised in romanticism and down bad old men and he's a fuck boy with anger issues and a renaissance man. So I had to conceade that no, he won't take you on picnics but he will take you to get your nipples pierced and maybe get a matching set of his own.

I'm happy you like my smut! I struggled a lot with figuring out how to write it ironically- I stuided romance and fluff I didn't take any good dick courses! So I only improved through trial and error, I changed my smut style so many times ah- The current one is the one I like most!

[elphabasthropp]

outlander + textposts 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #439

“all the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, outrun my gun”

Have you written a letter to a soldier? No. Ever been in a perfect relationship? I thought so. But no, those don't exist. The last song you listened to? "Broadcasting From Beyond" by Motionless In White. Have you ever wished you could hurt somebody as much as they hurt you? I... have, but I don't wish that at all anymore. Has a dentist ever screwed up on anything when working on you? No. Would you rather be a successful writer or artist? Artist. Who are you in love with? Nobody. Does someone’s view on homosexuality affect how you feel about them in any way? It sure as fuck does. How about someone’s view on religion? Nah. Well, usually. It depends on the beliefs themselves and to what extremity. What is something you wear that others might consider unfashionable? Flipflops, like... year-round, lmao. What kind of pill did you last take? It's called Lamictal, the catalyst for my primary mood stabilizer. Do you like wearing glasses? No. I'd wear contacts if I had the patience and non-shaky hands. What first comes to mind when thinking of 10th grade? Jason. -_- That's the year we started dating. What’s the scariest thing that’s happened to you? A traumatic breakup. Has an ambulance ever came to your house? Yes, for my mother. The person you’re thinking about - what are you thinking about them? Well, because you mentioned him, I'm thinking about Jason and just how I fucked shit up 'n stuff. How many different cars have you driven? Uhhhh I want to say two? But maybe just one? Was the last person you hung out with single? I guess that would be my mom, in which case yes. Have you ever attended a private school? My last college was a private school, yes. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? No, and for that I am incredibly grateful. Have you ever cooked for anyone other than yourself? Yeah. I've made scrambled eggs for my family before as breakfast, and I did the same for Sara, too. Would you rather live in the city, the suburbs, or the rural area? Ugh, take me back to the middle of nowhere, please. :/ Do you know someone who is really ambidextrous? Sara! Are you adopted? No. Who was the last person that cried in your presence? Probably one of my nieces or nephew. Can you write your name in a foreign language? Uh, I think? In the German alphabet, "y" isn't actually a letter, and my name is Brittany, so I'm not entirely sure if it would be spelled that same way or not, but I think so. Who is the person you often go to for venting? My mom. Was the last person you kissed male or female? Female. Do you say “I love you” even when you don’t mean it? No. That shit can scar people (aka me) so goddamn deep when they don't mean it anymore. What’s the one thing you regret more than anything? Things I wrote to Jason in letters after the breakup. I would literally give a limb (no, I'm not exaggerating) to take it back. There are times I actually do wonder if we would've gotten back together if I wasn't just... a bitter and ridiculously hurt fuck that took it all out on him. Do you like vanilla? Yes. Do you own a bean bag chair? No. I actually do want one for my extra room/"office," though, to read on. Have you kissed any friends on your Facebook? Yeah. Do you get snow where you live? Occasionally, but it's very rarely a lot. What’s your favorite flavor of Doritos? Cool Ranch. Do you ever worry about what the world will be like when you have kids? Good thing I ain't havin' 'em. Have you ever seen a hippo in person? Yes. Do you like the band A Skylit Drive? I've actually only heard their "Love The Way You Lie" cover, which I do like. Have you ever been to any professional sports games? Yeah, with my dad. What’s the most boring sport to watch? Golf. But I don't particularly enjoy any. Do you like lip rings on the opposite sex? MHMMMMMMMMMMMMM. If you suddenly went deaf, what would be your most missed sound? Music. Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? If I actually wanted a dog, a Rottweiler. Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? Emotional, for sure. Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? Zoo. Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? I know damn well I'd say yes to Jason in a heartbeat. Literally before even getting to know the current him. That's how emotionally attached I am to him, even with the trauma. I'd get back together with Sara if/when we both are more stable emotionally and with clear direction, which is mostly on my end now. I also don't think I'd be ready until one of us is able to move for the other. Is there a certain quote you live by? No. Do you have any tattoos? I have some, but not nearly enough. :( Are you friends with the last person you kissed? She's my bestie! :') Green or purple grapes? I don't really have much of a preference, so long as they're crisp. What is your ringtone? Just something that came with the phone. If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? Fuck no. What is something you wish you had more of? Adventure, for one. Have you ever trusted someone too much? JASON. HOLY FUCK. It was FACT to me that we would, could, never break up. It just... wasn't possible in my head. It was like breaking the laws of the world. When he told me he loved me and would never leave, I believed that shit as if it was God himself promising that. I've never and will never trust someone like that ever again, because it wasn't healthy in the slightest. Do you sleep with your window open? Noooo, that would freak me out. Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? Yeah; Tyler had snakebites. Did you go to high school with your current best friend? No; we live in different states. Whose was the last funeral you attended? Ummm I'm actually not sure. Do you avoid using public restrooms? Yes. Do you like eggnog? Nooooo. Who is the person you dislike the most? It's so fucking stupid... I know it is STILL the girl Jason dated after me. I don't even think they're together anymore, so why the fuck does it matter? I know NOTHING about this poor girl that just found someone she really liked and got dumped FOR THE SAME REASON AS ME. It shouldn't fucking matter, at all, but it still does in my head. Do you take part in paying the bills for your household? No, because I don't have an income. What is your favourite way to eat rice? As pork fried rice. What is the longest relationship you’ve ever been in? Over 3 1/2 years with Jason. Do you currently have any alarms set? No. How many cars can fit in your driveway? Barely even two. What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Pokemon. Do you eat chili when you get a hotdog, or do you like it plain? I don't like chili. Would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually? Not EVERYTHING, no. I wouldn't tell her anything at all unless she asked. I don't like talking about that stuff. Have you ever been in a car wreck? Yes. Has anyone ever told you that they think you have ADHD? Yes, which was absolutely, utterly ridiculous. Has anyone ever called you a sociopath before? No. Has anyone ever taken your own clothes off you before? Yes. Is there someone you want to kiss right now? Probably always will. -_- Have you ever had a real tea party? Or been to one? Ha ha no, but my little sister used to love to have little ones with her Disney princesses plastic tea set. She would always ask Mom or me to have one with her. Have you been called a tease? Only playfully. Did you kiss the last person you really wanted to kiss? Yes. Would you ever go to a protest or be involved in a protest? So long as it was peaceful, yes. When playing rock, paper, scissors, which do you usually pick? Scissors. Have you ever tried to write a book? Yes, when I was younger. Have you ever been hit by a chunk of hail? No. Is it true that if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love another? Absofuckinglutely not. I'm proof of that. That idea is such bullshit. Do you share a bed with anyone? Just my cat. Who is one very unique celebrity/musician/whatever that you love? MARKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. Could you handle babysitting two small children at once, such as two children under three years old? OH FUCK NO. Would you say that people consider you a major flirt? Definitely not. Do any of your friends have children? Yes. Would you rather cry in public or make someone else cry in public? I would FAR rather cry myself. I would feel so, so bad for making someone else cry, not even just in public. Would you rather re-live today forever or not live? Not live. Would you rather be just rich or rich and famous? Just rich. Who was the last person of the opposite sex to be in your bedroom? My nephew, I believe. He and Aubree wanted to see the snake. What’s your favourite kind of Cap’N Crunch? The "All Berries" one. What is your favourite Pepsi product? Mountain Dew. Is the computer you’re using yours? Yes. Do you get upset when a dog jumps on you? Not at all. I got used to that, and besides, it's cute to see them so excited. Is there a video or computer game that you can get lost in for hours? World of Warcraft, sometimes. I usually play it daily, but there are some days where I just am not interested in it. What do you like on your pizza? Meats and/or jalapenos. Do you get breadsticks with your pizza? Mom usually gets 'em, yeah. Did you ever have a waterbed? Yeah. Not one anyone slept on regularly, but just like, a plastic one or whatever the material was to sleep in if someone was staying over. What toy from your childhood do you miss? I wish I didn't get rid of my big crocodile toy that I was obsessed with. :'( He was like the main character in the world I made up for him and his family. Have you ever been to a rock concert? Yeah. \m/ What is your religion? None. Do you like listening to love songs? Meh, I have to be in the mood, plus it depends on the song. A lot of them trigger me. What is one meal that you like to eat while sick? I'm nervous to eat when I'm sick, so I mostly just have saltine crackers and ginger ale. Have you ever fed bread to ducks or geese? Yeah, when I was a kid and didn't know it was bad for them and the water. I never would now. The name of the last board game that you played? I think it was "Sorry!" with the kids. Has anyone ever commented on your weight? I mean, doctors, but not in a judgmental, belittling way. Just in a way that expressed concern for my health. Have you ever thought about joining the military? NOOOOOOOOOO. Have you ever felt like you were going out of your mind? Yes. And I don't mean that as an exaggeration; I believe I've literally qualified as insane at a point after the breakup. I was so fucking delusional and desperate and just going in circles. Are you ever jealous of happy couples? Meh, sometimes. Lately, who has spent the most time on your mind? Take a guess. .-. It's been pretty bad lately. Do you ever feel like someone would be disappointed to see your body or are you comfortable with your body enough where you don’t think that? I have a HORRIBLE body image. My body fucking disgusts me. I don't even like my mother seeing me get changed or anything like that. I don't want ANYBODY seeing me naked. What is your favorite flavor of Monster? I don't like any that I've ever had a sip of. Have you ever ran from the police? No. That never goes well. Do you have any trophies? Yeah. Do you like screamo music? No. What does your wallet look like? It's a checkered Harley Quinn one. Is there something nobody knows about you (and what)? Yes. Why would I share that if I don't want anyone to know? Does your family have a secret? No. Do you do anything to help the environment? We recycle. Mom also cuts up those plastic things that come with soda bottles packed together, as well as some other plastic wrappings. We are both disgusted by people who litter, so we avoid that. I also try to conserve water where I can, like by turning the sink off when I brush my teeth. There are other little things, but I wish I did even more. Do you like to take pictures of yourself? FUCK NO. It is so rare I do that nowadays. When/where are you most likely to sing? The car. Would you ever wish to explore a cave? OH MY GOD, PLEEEEEAAAAASE <3 What is the most illegal thing you’ve done? Pirated an expensive editing software, oops. :x Have you ever seen somebody get shot? LKJ;ALSDJFA;JWELKRJLW;Q NOOOOOOOOO.

[dankcranks]

100% serious. It'll help me get out of my own head, too. I've had a kinda blehhh day

same here friendo

putting this under a cut cause it’ll be long

☝ - How tall are you? - fun story for years i thought i was 5′7 cause that was the height the last time i was measured at my doctor’s office in my late teens, but they measured me “just to see” the last time i was there, and i’m 5′8???? the last few years of my life has been a lie

✔ - Sexual Orientation - ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ still trying to figure this out tbh. def pansexual, probably panromantic but also possibly on the grey spectrum??? i value platonic relationships over romantic ones, but do still have the ability to have romantic attractions towards others (although it’s rare) and idk what that means

🚬 - Do you Smoke? i used to a lot a lotttt but nowadays it’s only when i’m with friends that smoke and can bum one off of them (cause i’m incapable of making good choices when it comes to my health)

🍷 - Do you Drink? - yes, but rarely and generally only socially 

♒ - Do you Take Drugs? - prescription yes. but similarly to smoking, i used to smoke a lot a lotttt of weed but now only do when i’m hanging with the person in my life that smokes regularly

😳 - Age you get mistaken for? - honestly idek. late teens? people are always suspeeshy of me when they id me and see my birth year, and i feel like i look like a teenage boyo which isn’t helped by my shit skin

💉 - Have Tattoos? - ocarina of time style ganondorf and skull kid (with the mask you give him on) on my left upper arm, the chorus of hilf mir fliegen by tokio hotel on my back, and schwester on my foot (for my sister)

✏️ - Want any tattoos? - oh hell yes i have like a backlog of tattoos i want

✂️ - Got any Piercings? - snakebites, industrial, rook, lobes x3

✌ - Want any piercings? - occasionally i think about a nose ring, but nah, i’m happy with the ones i have

👌 - Best friend? - i live with one of them, and the other lives on the other side of canada :’)

♥ - Do you like anyone? - lmao nah

🎤 - Top 5 favorite bands? - KSJHDSAK kay i’m putting these in no particular order, cause it’s hard enough limiting it just to five, let alone determine a favourite. also this is subject to change at any given moment. twenty one pilots, weezer, alexisonfire, linkin park(💔), one direction anD HAHAHAHA I’M COUNTING THEIR SOLO CAREERS AS PART OF THIS FIGHT ME

🎶 - Top 5 favorite songs? - this is even fucking worse than trying to limit my top five bands alfhdalfhlsjdkf i’m gonna go with the top five songs that i currently keep listening to on repeat (again, no particular order)top - addict with a pensleeping at last - saturnniall horan - seeing blind ft maren morristop - a car, a torch, a deathpale waves - television romance

😒 - Biggest pet peeve? - forgetting about plans (i literally do nothing with my life so like, when i make plans with someone, i'm really really looking forward to it)

📝 - Story from your childhood. - so when we got our family cat, i really wanted to call her cookie. but my mom decided on sophie, and i was highkey offended because i wanted a cute non human name like cookie??? but it’s hilarious now, because i only name animals by human names

💬 - I wish… - i wish i could afford to have more cats in my life

‼️ - Something you’ll change? - ...the amount of cats in my life

💦 - What makes you horny? - i literally had to finish these questions and come back to this lmao. physically, arms and nice hair i guess. otherwise, jfc idk, i’ma go real lame and say personality. idk how the fuck i get turned on okay, it just happens sometimes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

🌟 - A wish you’ll wish for? - m o r e  c a t s  i n  m y  l i f e

🔥 - Something spicy you like? - fuckIN INDIAN FOOD (i’m eating some curry i made right now lmao) shoutout to other east asian spicy foods

👃 You hate the smell of …. - idk fertilizer

👊 - Something you hate? - myself lmao #relatable am i rite

🚶 - Are you single? - yup

💬 - Can we text? - i have no idea who you are

💌 - Fan mail me? - again, i have no idea who you are

💍 - Marry me? - i literalLY DON’T KNOW WHO THIS IS 

💘 - Be my tumblr crush? - ^^^^^^^^^^^^

💭 - Favorite foods? - indian foods, bagels, cereal, ramen, sushi

☀ - Story about your day. - my cat tomi is having one of those days where he decides he’s going to be a gigantic piece of shit. he keeps coming over to me and yelliNG, reaching up to my desk and trying to knock things off. he keeps trying to get in fights with the other cat too. currently, i can hear him getting up to shit in the living room

💘 - Top 5 celebrity crushes? kay so there aren’t enough “celebrities” of sorts that i have that traditional celeb crush on that set my loins ablaze SO here have a list of celebrities that my ass will stan until the day i die because of their raw talent and for the way they treat those around them: tyler joseph, harry styles, uhhhh, josh dun, louis tomlinson, niall horan

🎥 - Top 5 favorite movies? ah fuck. spirited away, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, and i’d be doing my child self a disservice if i didn’t include the nightmare before christmas, ace ventura when nature calls, and fantasia (the three movies that truly shaped me as a person)

📺 - Top 5 favorite TV shows? - i’m about to expose my nerd ass lmao. in no particular order - avatar the last airbender, dragonball z, card captor sakura, battlestar galactica (the 2004 remake also this just reminded me it’s been a while since my last rewatch *heavy breathing*), and, uh, idk, mr bean?

✏ - Random fact about yourself. - am very musically inclined. percussion instruments is my home (piano included in this, cause it’s a percussion instrument thanks)

✈️ - Where are you from? - canada, north of toronto

🚀 - Where do you wanna visit? - germany and more of canada

😍 - Do you have a crush? - lmao no

😷 - Something you hate eating? - fuck kay i’m actually a really picky eater and because i’ve been working around it for years i always forget what foods i hate. uhh. turnips?

🙈 - What makes you shy? - people, but that’s directly related to my social anxiety ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

💃 - Can you dance? - i mean, i CAN, but is it any good? no

💏 - Do you love anyone? - YEEE i love my friends and family (animals count as family)

👟 - Favorite shoe(s) to wear? - i finally got real converse and i  l o v e  t h e m

🌴 - A island you would visit? - when it comes to like, traditional island type things, that’s like, warm places, and i’m not particularly a fan of warm places. like beachy vacation places? nah fam. so like, the kinds of islands i’d want to visit would be countries like japan or ireland

🌎 - A country you would visit? - g e r m a n y

🌀 - Favorite type of weather? - fall, when the leaves aren’t green anymore and some have fallen, and it’s a little windy, and it’s the kind of temperature where you go out in the morning with a jacket, but in the afternoon don’t really need the jacket

🔮 - Do you believe in luck? - kinda?

📱 - What kinda phone do you have? - i literally just bought my roomie’s old lg g4 off him

📅 - Favorite time of the year? - fuckin october because fall and SPOOP SEASON

📚 - Career goal you want? - ...lmao. one that lets me afford to adopt mature cat babes to love and care for

🍴 - Favorite food(s) to eat? i immediately wanna say indian, but i feel like it’s biased cause i’m eating it right now

🍭 - Favorite Candy? - probs sour patch kids

🍇 - Favorite fruits? - bananas? apples? kiwi?????

🚘 - Dream car(s)? - a functioning car that is one solid colour

🚔 - Have you ever been arrested? - nah but i’ve been in cahoots with the law for dumb shit

🚑 - Have you ever driven in an ambulance before? - this question is phrased weird and it’s making my brain fucky. but i’ve been taken somewhere in an ambulance before, yes

🎫 - Do you have a license? - yee i have my full driving license as well as my boating license (lol)

🚼 - Do you have or want kids? - nO only animal frens

🔞 - Are you under 18? - nah

🐶 - Do you own a pet? - ngl i don’t like the phrasing of “owning a pet” buT i do live with animal babes that are under my care :3

😔 - Something that makes you sad? - thinkin about all the animal babes at animal shelters that don’t get adopted cause they’re not babies or they’re a little broken D8

😡 - What pisses you off? - boy howdy that’s a loaded question. lets go with a nice blanket response of “the state of the world”

😏 - What turns you on? - go back to the horny one

😈 - Are you a freak? - this is a very subjective question. to normies? yeah. in the sheets? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

💪 - Do you work out? - like bimonthly when i decide i’m gonna look after myself better lol  

[amorremanet]

Seb: 07, 43, 48; Pete: 02, 29, 38; Margot: 22, 35; Lucy: 08, 40?

“get to know my characters” meme — and after a day that got unexpectedly stressful, I fell asleep on my keyboard while finishing this last night, but here we are.

02. What is one of your character’s biggest insecurities? Are they able to hide it easily or can others easily exploit this weakness?

Long story short: Pete’s biggest insecurity changes constantly, but the underlying fear is whether or not he’s completely unlovable, or if he’s only going to be loved if he changes literally everything about himself or massively censors his entire personality and spends the rest of his life pretending to be someone he’s not, the way he’s done for most of his life, in all kinds of contexts, from, “Playing up certain parts of his personality to the point of borderline distortion because it made people like him in high school”

…to, “Developing a problem with substance abuse for several reasons, many of which are at best complicated and messy, but one of them was that faking for other people’s benefit/approval felt a lot less awful and soul-destroying when he was sufficiently intoxicated, and if he got into what he called the, ‘Golden Zone’ of intoxication, then he could effectively pretend that some other, ‘better’ Pete who everybody likes better had come in and taken his place”

From, “Faking for his abusive shit paternal Grandmother because she was one of the few family members who didn’t compare Pete to his older brother constantly, so if he had to lie about everything and hate himself to keep her love, then so be it”

…to, “Lying to his parents about most things as a kid, because his dad was a nasty piece of work who berated his children for most of their interests and passions, berated them when they didn’t do well enough by his impossible, unreachable standards, punished them for some of their interests (meaning that he did things like destroying Salt n Pepa CDs that Pete had saved money for himself because Dad Arden didn’t approve of rap music), and punished them for lying but at least you could buy a bit of a lull in everything by faking like you were the model child he thought he wanted”

All of which can zero in on all kinds of different parts of Pete’s overall being, from his hair to his low tolerance for frustration to his dislike of being emotionally vulnerable to his weight or how his body looks

The mutability of his insecurities is actually one of the biggest things that gives Pete some protection here, which is a good thing because it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he totally does care what people think of him. It takes paying more attention than his brother does, but even that isn’t especially hard because Jimmy and Pete are both guilty of taking each other at face-value. But have fun trying to pick out which specific part of himself Pete doesn’t like today.

07. Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)?

I don’t know that I’d call it a catchphrase exactly, but Sebastian says, “I don’t know” an awful lot. Which is sometimes fair enough, because he often doesn’t know things, but at the same time, he also says it by way of devaluing his own feelings on a not-irregular basis, so. There’s that.

He also says, “What’s the point?” and, “What’s the use of [fill in the blank]?” rather often, which is equally reflective of his problems, just different ones. In this case, the pervasive sense of helplessness and hopelessness that he hasn’t pegged as a symptom of depression until mid-morning of the day when he first turns into a nine-foot-tall wolf-man because of, tl;dr, internalized ableism.

08. What is, perhaps, their biggest flaw? Are they aware of this or oblivious to it?

Lucy’s biggest flaw is probably her habit of putting her ideas, ideals, and desires before those of other people, even when she’s trying to help.

Like, when I said that her Deadly Sin would be Gluttony, I had to clarify that I don’t mean Gluttony solely in the sense of eating all the things (which is a reductive understanding of the Deadly Sin that completely misses why it’s supposed to be a Deadly Sin, from a theological standpoint, and is pretty fucked up, from a humanistic standpoint, because it tries to make blanket statements about what all people should or shouldn’t eat, based on presumptions that can’t and don’t apply to everyone, which isn’t fair to anyone or actually going to help).

(Plus, historically speaking, the Catholic Church and some of the different Protestant denominations have used that definition of Gluttony to essentially shame poor people for wanting to eat because ~lmao if u were meant to have food, God would have given you food, duh doi!!~)

So, yeah, Lucy’s Deadly Sin is Gluttony because of how she willfully doesn’t listen in situations where she should, because she has such a strong moral compass and such strong commitment to her ideals that it can overwhelm her better judgment and lead to her doing shit that might work out in the short-term but that could create more of a mess down the line (and sometimes only doesn’t create that mess because she doesn’t get caught breaking the rules, or she manages to contain the mess before it spreads, or similar), because she goes, “DON’T WORRY, I TOTALLY GOT THIS!!” when she totally does not have this because she’s so determined to save everyone on her own or to at least play a major role in the saving people thing, because she wants to be a hero and doesn’t usually stop to think about what that means until after she’s already done something, because she’s doesn’t usually interrogate her ideas about The Greater Good or ask the right kinds of questions about what that means, and so on.

TL;DR: a lot of the less-than-positive aspects of why she’s such a little Gryffindor are why her Deadly Sin is Gluttony, and collectively, they make up her biggest flaw. She could stand to be more aware of this, but she’s also 23 and relatively sheltered, so she has a lot to learn in general

22. What kind of tattoos, piercings, birthmarks, freckles, and other such unique physical features do they have?

Piercings: Two in each ear, a “snakebite” set of lip piercings (option number four on this chart, the “two rings in the lower lip, around the locations of your canine teeth” one), and one in her left nipple.

She used to have nose ring and a septum piercing for a while, but she got sick of turning her septum ring up into her nostrils while at work and didn’t like any of the, “more professional” options for the side-of-the-nose piercing, so those holes closed up a while ago.

Strictly speaking, Margot isn’t entirely fond of the, “more professional” options for her lip piercings, either, but she’s a bit happier with wearing small, classy-looking studs on her lips than she was with wearing them in the fold of her nose, where it gets hard for people to tell if you have something on your nose or just a piercing.

Tattoos: She’s not quite as inked up as Sebastian, but yes, she does have tattoos.

Around her right ear and dropping onto her neck, she has a noose where the loop in the rope is shaped like a heart

On her left bicep, she has a Winnie the Pooh (Disney version, as opposed to the version from EH Shepard illustrations) that matches Seb’s tattoo of Tigger

“The two of you do quote-unquote, ‘extralegal imports’ — read: playing middleman to various smuggling operations — because you [*pointing at Margot*] won’t just let him (or really his parents) pay your tuition, and you [*pointing at Seb*] just nearly died six weeks ago because you took PCP and decided to fight five fucking skinheads at once — yes! I know you intervened to save the kids they jumped outside the bar but you got shot and you’ll understand why I might be a bit upset about that still! — and you just…… Neither of you notices any kind of oddity or disconnect here? Like, both of you can just shift, without missing a beat, from all that to making Todd take dorky pictures of you so you can show off your matching Winnie the Pooh and Tigger tattoos on Myspace and Facebook?” — Pete, right after Seb and Margot did that thing exactly, c. mid-September 2006.

She has a lower back tattoo of Judith beheading Holofernes, based on Artemesia Gentileschi’s painting of that scene

She has a clutch of violets on the inside of her left wrist (she’s thought about adding a line or two from Sappho to it, to make it more obvious why she has this tattoo, but she hasn’t been able to pick which lines, and as Pete’s pointed out, it might not be more obvious to most people)

And on her left ankle, she has the, “Darwin fish” variant of the Ichthys symbol (but without the word, “Darwin” in the center of it), with the subtitle, “this is not a ghoti” (the idea for which she totally and knowingly ripped off from René Magritte’s La Trahison des Images — the, “this is not a pipe” painting — and mashed it up with an alternate spelling of, “fish” that is only possible because English is a bullshit language)

Freckles, etc.: She does freckle in the sun, but they’re mostly faded at present because she doesn’t get a lot of sunlight. More noticeable is the mole on her left cheek, and the mole on her back, by her right shoulderblade.

29. What is one of the most courageous things your character has ever done for a loved one?

If asked, Pete would probably tell you that he is a grade-A selfish bitch who has never done a single courageous thing for anybody ever in his entire life and he is offended that you would even suggest such a thing

This is absolute nonsense, and the general response that he gets to it (at least from Seb, Stephen, and Margot) is, “*nods* Of course not, honey. Do you want your eggs sunny-side up today or something else?” or, “*nods* Of course, Pete. I’m sure that the people you’ve ever helped just imagined that” — so, deadpan at him and let him get it out of his system until he’s calmed down

Because he’ll be fine if you just let him get this shit out of his system and calm down, instead of trying to argue with him like Todd does

In fairness to Pete, though, this isn’t entirely coming out of him trying to overcompensate for his messy feelings re: self-worth. Part of this comes out of how his particular approach to being courageous isn’t always one that’s easily understood as such, because of how people tend to devalue things like emotional labor and more understated visions of bravery and being there for someone. So, it’s not right, but he’s working based on the ideas he’s been raised around

But some examples of Pete’s brand of courageousness for his loved ones include, but are not limited to:

Deliberately breaking one of his Dad’s old trophies in order to draw attention off of his big sister Cora, because she was sixteen and she’d just gotten dumped and the last thing that she needed was Dad Arden digging at her about everyone, and Pete was willing to be the scapegoat instead

Standing by Seb during the fiasco that ensued after he took the fall, outed himself at Catholic school, and made it sound like he’d seduced an unwilling Damian, rather than how they were actually dating on the sly — and more than just giving up most of his own popularity to stand by his friend, Pete did it without outing Damian, which was a lot of effort for him because he really wanted to do the “spiteful but satisfying” thing instead of the, “probably less wrong” thing

(Granted, Pete doing the right thing in this situation was less out of any moral or ethical objections to outing people, because he’s generally against it, yeah, and these days, he would probably smack his 18-year-old self for even thinking about it doing it.

But if you’d asked Pete for his opinion at the time, Damian threw his right to ask for consideration out the window when he decided to help spread it around the grapevine that he’d been totally unwilling in all of this when he’d usually been the one going, “Oh, who cares that we could get caught, just kiss me already” while they dated.

Really, Pete didn’t out Damian mostly out of loyalty to Seb — because it was important to him not to out Damian, since his parents were bad enough and his uncle was their school’s priest — and knowing that he wouldn’t want to get outed at Catholic school either)

Going with Margot during the one incident where Seb dropped off the radar and Todd eventually found him in the vicinity of a gutter, because she was enough of a mess that she really shouldn’t have been out looking on her own. After Todd found Seb and middle brother Ambrose dragged him up to their parents’ place, Pete then went to Seb’s place with Margot, again so she wouldn’t need to be alone.

Granted, he was high himself, and drinking from a hip flask while talking about how Seb had a problem, and she eventually kind of lost it and chewed him out for that, but:

1. Pete still tried to be there for her during a Really Bad stretch, when he really needed someone to be there for him too and unfortunately, the person he most wanted to be there for him was Seb, so…… that was a mess;

and 2. high and drinking though he was, Pete was also trying to moderate it and only get intoxicated enough to not start detoxing or be non-functional, which was a hard balance to find and something he only would’ve done for a handful of people

and going to rehab. Also, admitting that he needed help more generally, but going to an inpatient rehab took a lot of courage for Pete because there were a lot of reasons why it sounded like Hell on Earth to him.

35. Is your character afraid of death? If they got to choose how to die, how would they want to go?

Margot…… has a messy relationship with her fear of death. Like, she is afraid of death, and when she tries to sound tough, she says that her only fears are fear itself, “the crushing inevitability of death,” hypothetically being rejected by any of Seb’s dogs, and the possibility that the Loch Ness Monster might be real.

Which are, in order: a lie (Margot thinks fear is useful and valuable, its entire purpose is to help keep you from dying, so shut up and be grateful that your ancestral beings developed the capacity to feel fear) (which, context, she says as someone with an undiagnosed anxiety disorder); messy; a true fear for her, but none of Seb’s dogs has ever disliked her and Angel, his incredibly skittish “mutt with strong shades of Labrador Retriever and German Shepherd,” likes Margot better than she likes most other people, which is a big deal; and a straight up lie because Margot thinks Nessie being real would be cool.

If pressed to be honest, she would claim that that her fear of death doesn’t count as, “a real fear” because she allegedly only fears it in an abstract and primal way that she shares with most other animal organisms on the planet, because on a very deep level, right down to our genes, living things generally want to continue being alive and generally fight tooth-and-nail against death.

The biggest linchpin in her argument here is, “Well, but I haven’t been confronted with the reality of my own potential death” — which is a big lie. Margot has definitely been confronted with that. She just hasn’t had any experiences that ended in her nearly dying herself, in part because some of her confrontations with it were not actually that dangerous but they seemed to be at the moment, and largely because most of these experiences, for her, have involved her 6’3” best friend, who dives into harm’s way for her, gets her out of the way with the full intent to take a literal bullet, and otherwise lets the harm fall on him so it won’t fall on Margot.

So, ultimately, Margot’s, “I only fear death in a primal, instinctual way that is shared by most if not all living things” nonsense is something she tells herself to try and distance herself from how visceral the fear actually is here, and to try and get out of dealing with the fact that her fear of death applies more to someone else than to herself

(which, in fairness, it probably wouldn’t if her best friend had fewer near-death experiences and fewer self-destructive tendencies, but as it stands, Seb has racked up sixteen brushes with death, two of which did involve him briefly dying, and has a habit of putting his fingers in his ears and going, “La la la, I can’t hear you, this is normal and fine” when confronted with how this is neither fine nor normal)

If given the choice in how she dies, Margot would pick, “I don’t want to die, fuck you”

If she had to pick, then…… Nah, she’s fine dying at an advanced age, while asleep in bed but not after a prolonged painful struggle with cancer or something. You can keep your cool, heroic deaths, she wants to live and accomplish shit before she kicks it, thanks

38. What kind of weather does your character like? Cloudy skies, rainy days, sunshine, etc?

Sunshine, but not too warm. Pete likes spring, basically. He doesn’t actually mind the heat as much as he says he does, but he does mind that summer makes it harder for him to wear some of his most favorite pieces of clothing, like the longer and heavier and more dramatic pieces, and his, “totally not a hipster scarf because Cora made it for him, it’s not some fake pashmina bullshit like Todd wore for way too long a few years back” scarf

He won’t argue with a free excuse to wear some of his hot pants or booty shorts, though, even if he can usually only do that on the weekends because if he wore them to the theatre: A. he might end up getting hurt; and B. his boss, Mitch, would object because he could get hurt

40. Does your OC have any guilty pleasures they enjoy? Hobbies, past times, music, etc that they wouldn’t want known by others?

Long story short: yes, she does, but she also insists to most people that she doesn’t believe in guilty pleasures, and she also doesn’t really have any semblance of secrecy about any of these things

Like, she may not appreciate you finding out that she likes to binge watch Scooby Doo cartoons when she feels stressed out and sad, because she doesn’t want to be teased about it like her big brother sometimes does, but Lucy also doesn’t go out of her way to hide any of this

She’s way more likely to #Nope out of a situation where she really just can’t with this anymore by going, “Okay, I can’t do this right now, I’m gonna go play Final Fantasy 7 for a few hours until I either finish the game again or regain my ability to do this”

43. Does your character have a switch that changes aspects of their personality whether they are around friends, family, etc. Is there someone who gets to see their true self?

Eh, it’s less that Seb changes anything about his personality for the benefit of other people, and more that he emphasizes some parts of it with some folks while downplaying others, which makes him about as out of the ordinary as oxygen (which is to say, “Not at all”)

—I mean, think about it: do most people act the same around their parents as they do around their friends? their coworkers? friends of their friends whom they don’t know very well? random strangers on the bus? etc.

Like, I’m not trying to be an edgy mcedgelord and say that all people are lying bastards, or trying to channel Holden fucking Caulfield to call everyone ever a phony.

I’m just saying, as a human person who likes to make up stories about other human persons and write them down, that most people have different patterns of behavior around the different people in their lives, and it doesn’t make them fakes or liars or whatever. It means that people are, in general, affected by their environments and choose how to behave based on who they’re with, what’s going on, etc.

Someone doesn’t become a wholly different person just because they try not to cuss around their younger cousins or because they’re more comfortable with their friends so they can be less high-strung — but as I was saying.

This behavior on Seb’s part only gets to be any different from most people’s habit of doing the exact same thing because some of the contexts in his life make his patterns of doing this more unhealthy — not because the underlying behavior is inherently unhealthy, but because of how he uses these behaviors to hide things from people, including himself

One of the worst ways in which this comes out is with regard to Seb’s extroversion. Strictly speaking, he’s an extrovert less because he’s super-social and wants to be where the people are (though those things are also true), and more because he’s more attuned to the world outside of himself than to his inner life. This can be a problem because he ends up being hypersensitive to other people’s feelings (hyper-empathy, if not to the same extent as genuine mutant superpowered empaths like Josie and Julian), and he misconstrues a lot of things as potential rejections.

Between that, how much he does genuinely want to be where the people are and wants for people to like him, and how much he wants to make people feel better and avoid hurting them, he gets super high-strung when he’s talking to people. He used to be even worse about that, like back in high school, when it was easier for him to try and escape his undiagnosed depression

—and it led into one of the biggest reasons why he started drinking in earnest and liked it so much. Namely: when he was drunk, he was less high-strung and other people thought that he was fun to have around, instead of regarding him as, like, “well, he’s in the theatre club so we have to tolerate him, and he got matched up with Pete in Sister Mary Ignatius’s weird ass peer mentorship thing, and Pete kinda likes him, so we have to be nice”

—and because Seb was fourteen and already pretty down on himself as a general rule, and prone to assuming that there is nothing good or worthwhile about him, he concluded not that people liked him because he loosened up and stopped trying so hard to fit in and be just like them and doing a really bad job of it because, in that situation, he WAS legitimately trying to be someone he wasn’t (and he wasn’t as good at it as Pete)

Instead, he concluded that alcohol was a magical potion that made him cool and made people like him

(In retrospect, he is definitely ashamed of how he did exactly what he was warned not to do in all of the, “drink responsibly, here is how you do that, here is what alcohol is and isn’t, here is what it does and doesn’t, ffs don’t drink to make people like you, it doesn’t really work, etc.” talks he got from his parents, but he would also rather not talk about it, please and thanks)

Likewise, Seb doesn’t mean to be a manipulative little shit and often doesn’t even notice that he’s doing it, or think he’s manipulating any of his loved ones, but his attitude toward a lot of this is, “Well, okay, I didn’t tell the whole truth, but I didn’t lie” or, “Maybe I stretched the truth a little bit, but it’s still technically true, right” or, “Okay, I left out a lot of shit just now, but I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true, so it’s not the same as lying”

Unfortunately, he usually justifies that behavior with rationale like, “But I only told them what they wanted to hear and what would make them happy. Telling them the whole truth wouldn’t make them happy; it’d just make them get upset and worried about things that aren’t their problems and that they can’t help with. Isn’t it better to let them be happy? Isn’t that what they deserve?”

Which makes it really hard for him to break this habit, for a lot of reasons, which include but are not limited to:

1. His rationale largely lets him get out of acknowledging and dealing with the “understandable but still selfish and potentially very Not Good” aspects of his behaviors (e.g., how his habit of letting people believe things are better than they are lets him off the hook for dealing with things that actually need to be dealt with; how he wants to connect with people, so he tells them what he thinks they want to hear, which doesn’t always reflect reality or allow a genuine connection to develop, so if and/or when things fall apart, he takes it as confirmation that he was right about being broken and unlovable, etc.)

—Like, there are a lot of reasons why he didn’t forge that many meaningful connections with anyone during the years that he would call his, “downward spiral” period (which ranges from either age 15 to age 28, or age 18 to age 28, depending on who’s asking and how Seb feels about it today).

Some of them are due to circumstances beyond his control and/or can’t really be termed, “his fault” without getting into victim-blaming territory.

For example, Seb didn’t make a lot of friends in his last two years of high school because he spent them at his Dad’s, Max’s, and Addie’s old boarding school, where he almost immediately got outed (thanks to some other students overhearing the faculty talking about it, because Seb was from a legacy family and his abrupt transfer at the start of junior year was a big deal)

……and where he spent a lot of time getting bullied for being gay and “imperfectly” masculine (not that his bullies used that term, but they also had a hard time trying to accuse him of being exactly feminine, and usually went more for the insults like, “sissy,” “queer,” and the homophobic slur that starts with F), accused of being a predator for not outing himself (which he really wasn’t keen on doing because he came to Saxon fresh off of getting outed at Catholic school), and most looking forward to the weekends when he could get on a train and fuck off down to Pete’s campus and spend time with someone who actually liked him

Or for another example: while Seb hasn’t handled the fallout from some of his abusive relationships well (which is to say that he largely hasn’t handled it and would rather act like these relationships had no lasting effects on him whatsoever), you can’t exactly fault him for not keeping in touch with any of those guys after the respective breakups (or after three of them wound up in prison for various reasons)

But otoh, some of the reasons why Seb didn’t forge a lot of lasting and meaningful connections go back to his bad habit of telling people what they want to hear in order to make them like him, not because he’s consciously being a manipulative little shit but because he wants to connect with people and feel like he belongs somewhere and have friends

Seriously, that is the biggest difference between him and Jeff, “I would say anything to get what I want and I want you to like me” Winger, when it comes to telling people what they want to hear. Both of them do it on purpose. Both of them do it because they care an inordinate amount about what people think of them.

But Jeff wants to control what people think of him so he can use it to his advantage, and even after being with the Study Group starts to open him up, he has a habit of devaluing interpersonal connections (largely because he’s terrified of them, yes, but still) and kind of continuing to see them as tools, rather than as relationships.

For Seb, those interpersonal connections are pretty much everything. He loves love, he loves friendship, he loves community and connecting with people and making people feel good by being friendly and kind, he just loves people in general. At heart, he is a big sap, a hopeless romantic, a marshmallow made of affection and rainbows, and a kids TV show platitude about the power of friendship given human form.

But because he hates himself and loves all of those things and probably venerates all of them more than is good for him, he feels like he doesn’t deserve any of them and like he has to constantly tailor how he presents himself until it perfectly fits what he thinks everybody else wants from him

Which makes it sort of hard to form connections with someone, especially when Seb was pretty good at deflecting suspicion, distracting people, and caring about them, but less than good at sharing himself enough to make the connections last, which often works for a little bit, but ultimately runs afoul of that Perks of Being A Wallflower, “you can’t just just sit there and put everyone's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love” problem

Like, you have to at least share something with other people so they feel like they’re getting something out of the relationship (aside from you always catering to them and to their needs, expecting them to be open when they have little to no reason to feel like you’re reciprocating)

You can even share something that is some kind of untrue, like Conrad (who mostly shares lies but doesn’t see them as lies because they have some basis in reality, they’re just ““enhanced reality””), Pete (who’s spent a lot of his life playing different versions of himself to get people’s approval, which is different from Seb’s approach because when Pete does this, it has the appearance of being open and sharing, rather than a lot of deflecting and hiding)

But Seb’s approach was more, “bury everything and pretend it isn’t there and try to make it look like I am exactly what these people think I am”

It doesn’t help that he has a lot of trouble knowing who he is without someone helping him, and easily slips into a way of thinking where he feels like he’s a blank slate and nothing more so why is it a bad thing for him to just let people project what they want him to be onto him

which is partly a depression thing for him, and partly the result of how Seb has spent most of his life denying, repressing, refusing, and trying to erase or ignore huge parts of his own identity and his own sense of personhood because he feels like he’d be better and everyone would like him more if he were someone else

which…… is a mess. Like, he figured out early enough that he’s not very good at being other people outside the context of the theatre club — the classic example for him is how much he’s hurt himself by trying to be Max and fit the exact same standards as Max, which has never worked because they’re different people, and they can do and need very different things

—but Seb’s still wound up with very little stable sense of his own identity and who he is, and a lot of his questioning tends to end up back at, “I’m a broken mess, I’m kinda like God spilled a person but considering how many things I’ve lived though, I’m too amusing for Him to let me die, I guess”

He’s working on it. But it’s still a mess.

This mess of shit is one of aspect of the bag of emotional and psychological wet cats that makes up, “La Bête” — i.e., the part of his mind that is vaguely analogous to the Hulk, except that La Bête isn’t really a separate personality inside of Seb like the Hulk is often portrayed with Bruce Banner, and superpowered though she is, La Bête isn’t fueled by anger and destruction so much as protective impulses, the desire to live, love and the desire to form connections and defend those connections, the pack-building impulse

Basically, La Bête is more like actual irl wolves than most ideas of how wolves are that you find in werewolf or werewolf-themed fiction. Destruction isn’t really her endgame goal or a thing she particularly enjoys, so much as a side-effect of some of her other impulses since, once she decides to go and do something, she is admittedly not quite so good at being 100% careful

If she ever seems to be fueled by anger (which, in fairness, she is going to do, early on), it’s less about actual anger and more about either that protective impulse again (such as when Seb’s first full transformation gets triggered by one of Conrad’s lackeys inducing three simultaneous heart attacks, which would manage to kill him if La Bête didn’t take over, so she wanted to save him, and then their immediate impulse was to run and get Margot out of harm’s way)

……or it’s like the story of St. Francis of Assisi and the Wolf of Gubbio, where the titular wolf only looks angry and violent and dangerous to the villagers he’s been in conflict with because he is starving and they’ve been treating him like a monster

Or, in other words, the whole, “hey, maybe your superpowered transformation is triggered by anger and fear, so maybe you need to do more work on controlling that” idea leads to Seb trying to muzzle La Bête, which goes Not Well, largely because it means he’s not learning how to control his transformations, while also being a complete dick to himself and her, which makes her feel threatened and then makes her lash out

Not that I have any particular issues with the literal millennia of misrepresentation that wolves have had to suffer in Western literature, art, and culture, or with how all of those gross caricatures have affected werewolf fiction, or with how different layers of sociopolitical nuance, usually involving shades of misogyny, homophobia, and/or ableism, have been more explicitly woven into the figure of the werewolf in recent decades, only to come up with deeply mixed messages, like JKR casting lycanthropy as an HIV/AIDS metaphor and making Remus Lupin a sympathetic character but also keeping up this idea that the thing that subtextually ties him GBQ men… has an uncontrollable appetite for destruction, makes him a complete monster one night a month and must be repressed and controlled, and otherwise perpetuating a bunch of homophobic bullshit (to say nothing of how she did that even worse with Fenrir Greyback)

……Except, y’know. I totally have issues with all of that stuff I just said, and a big part of the struggle in working out La Bête and writing her has been trying to keep it from getting too preachy and pedantic, whoops

(also, for the record: La Bête gets called, “she” and “her” because:

1. the French noun is feminine, and Seb starts calling her, “La Bête” because he decides to take, “Gévaudan” as his nom de spandex, so he figures, “La Bête” would be a thematically consistent name;

2. Josie gets assigned to help guide Seb through the, “how to have mutant superpowers and not kill people or break the law or anything” stuff, and they try to approach the issue of how to understand and control Seb’s transformation with a bit of a Jungian-influenced approach, so they try to examine La Bête through the lens of the Shadow and the Anima

—which Josie does admit is sort of a mess with regard to gender roles and ideas about how gender even works, since Jung was a product of his culture and his time period like that, but since the Anima is talked about in she/her terms, Josie slips into doing the same to La Bête, and neither Seb nor La Bête particularly object to this;

(personally, Seb doesn’t see it as being any different from Pete’s nickname for him being, “[my] Princess,” and to him, it’s all like…… okay, La Bête is a part of his mind and psyche that’s been rather abruptly crystallized into a more cohesive entity by sudden onset superpowers — though she hasn’t been rendered separate from him, the way that a lot of depictions of Bruce Banner like to imagine the Hulk being more or less entirely separate from him, just cursed to inhabit the same body — and we’re apparently going to call La Bête with she/her pronouns now, okay cool)

3. “I don’t know? She-wolves usually get a bit more sympathy when you look at how they’re depicted in art and stories, like? Yeah, okay, you can easily find them being just as maligned as he-wolves, if not more so, but you also have stories like the she-wolf who suckled Romulus and Remus, or stories of she-wolves adopting abandoned babies of other species, so like? I don’t know, it just feels nicer to call La Bête a she-wolf?” — Seb, before he’s completely put it together how his transformations work, but when he’s at the middling point of realizing that the overwhelming emotion that La Bête brings with her is never anger)

But anyway, I was saying something about him and his patterns of connecting with others

Like, seriously, here are the meaningful and lasting connections he’s made from ages 15 to 28(ish): Margot, Todd, Fr. Teddy (one of the priests at Seb’s cool, socially progressive LGBTQ church, who technically isn’t a priest in the Vatican’s eyes because he dropped out of seminary and hasn’t actually gone through the ordination process, but he serves at a church that the Vatican kinda doesn’t acknowledge anyway, so… yeah, that’s a thing), and Julian kinda (if you stretch your definition of “meaningful and lasting” a bit)

If you expand a bit, you could add Pete (though they got to be friends before Seb’s “downward spiral” period, i.e. most of his adult life and all of his late adolescence), Nick (his and Pete’s sponsor, who Seb technically met after the “downward spiral” period), Stephen (who Seb met after he met Nick, so…… yeah), and Genevieve (his and Pete’s therapist, who they didn’t start seeing until after both of them had been to rehab, so hey)

—apparently, before I went off on that tangent about how La Bête fits into all of this, I was working on a better organized list of reasons why it’s hard for Seb to break his habit of playing up the parts of situations that he thinks people want to hear while hiding all the stuff that actually needs to get dealt with

The other reasons I was going to go into sort of got danced around in that huge tirade, but to make them a bit more explicit here: despite the selfish parts of this behavior, Seb genuinely does want to protect the people who he loves and make them happy, and getting him to understand that it would make them happy for him to be well, which means he needs to stop hiding things like he does…… well, that’s been an uphill struggle for a lot of reasons, including Seb’s assumption that he’s too broken to ever be well and he’s probably never going to get better so the best he can do is keep the people he loves from realizing it and blaming themselves for his problems;

(which he has decent enough reason to be afraid of them doing, since everyone he loves has had at least one big moment of what I call, “acknowledging how they might have shaped circumstances here and didn’t exactly help, but are still not actually responsible for shit anything in this because Sebastian made his own choices” but Seb feels like it’s more, “blaming themselves for his problems, and unfairly so because he made his own choices and the burden of responsibility shouldn’t fall on them”

—the major difference between the two approaches here being that Seb wants to blame himself for everything, and feels like it’s justified because of the, “he made his own bad choices and now he’s accepting responsibility” thing, but he doesn’t entirely get the difference between, “really accepting responsibility” and, “using acknowledgment of his fuck-ups as an excuse to be an overly self-punishing dick to himself and cut himself off from most things”

and there are some circumstances that he legitimately can’t take responsibility for.

They’re largely situations that had problems but that aren’t anyone’s “fault” — like, how his parents tried their best with him and were unconditionally loving, supportive, and accepting, but they’re still only human and didn’t always know what the best approach was. So, they did things like overly praise him so he wouldn’t feel overshadowed by his three older siblings, or like he was terrible and they were all awesome — but instead of feeling reassured and self-confident, Seb noticed the disparity and felt like his parents were lying to spare his feelings because he was actually terrible, and then felt like he couldn’t tell them so because they loved him enough to try and make him feel better about being probably worthless, and it’d be super ungrateful of him to

Or they had situations where Abe and Marceline didn’t know that some of the things they accepted as, “just odd little Sebastian things” were really how depression can manifest in children — and frankly, given that it was the late 1980’s to early/mid 1990’s, they couldn’t have known this. Hell, juvenile/adolescent depression is still not understood very well and still faced with a lot of nonsense about how it’s not possible for kids to have depression because we don’t want that to happen to kids. (The same goes for pretty much all juvenile/adolescent presentations of mental illnesses, too.)

All of this was even less understood when Seb was a kid, and it would have taken a lot of ridiculously implausible shit for Abe and Marceline to even think that, “Maybe our youngest has a mental illness” was on the table as a potential explanation for some of Seb’s behaviors, most of which seemed different from other kids but nothing to call a doctor about.

Like, okay, he was very emotionally sensitive and he cried easily and did things like insist that they could only adopt dogs from the ASPCA anymore because he saw different news specials about how shitty puppy mills are and how some people abuse their dogs, who end up getting put up for adoption — big deal, some kids are just more sensitive than others, shaming him for having emotions would be a bad idea, and shaming him for caring about the welfare of other living beings just doesn’t make sense, doesn’t that mean they’re doing a good job of raising a kid who cares about others

(Well, yes, but the problem there wasn’t actually the caring so much as how distressed Seb got about this, but unfortunately, by that point in his early life, Abe and Marceline were already pretty used to him being sensitive and maybe a little bit dramatic, and his level of distress about abused animals who really needed loving homes didn’t actually register as odd by his standards)

So, yeah. Ultimately, Abe and Marceline could have done a lot of things differently while raising Seb, and they could have put his depression together sooner, and so on — but nobody can be faulted for the situation because based on the circumstances and the knowledge that they actually had available to him at the time, they tried to make what they thought were the best choices in raising their son, like not shaming him for having emotions or putting him in therapy that they weren’t sure he needed — since, to be fair, any of his early self-destructive patterns of behavior looked either like he was a curious, energetic kid who was just being a curious, energetic kid, or like he was a good kid who, being more sensitive than his siblings, needed a bit more approval, and worked hard at school because he wanted his Mom and Dad to be proud of him — which, if he hadn’t needed it, might have made him feel like having feelings was some kind of pathology, which would also be pretty bad

Either way, they can’t be blamed for that situation, and Seb can’t be blamed for it either, but this does not stop him from trying to blame himself for, “being ungrateful” or, “being too broken,” when the actual problem is that no one has gotten to the root cause of a lot of his issues until recently, so they’ve been throwing different solutions at all of this and cobbling together different ideas for how to help that don’t fully address the cause and will, as such, always end up being incomplete)

—also, there is the problem of how Seb doesn’t really have the best idea of who he actually is, and trying to make him reflect on that… has a history of ending badly.

Like, if he doesn’t end up going down a rabbit hole wherein he starts feeling like he might not be anybody and might not even be real, and then goes and does something self-destructive in the name of remembering if he’s real or not

……then he’s liable to hit the point of going like, “Do I like this thing because I really do enjoy it or because everybody else does? Do I act this way because it’s true to being me or is it because I’m trying to fit into this or that idea about how gay men [or any other identity marker he might apply to himself; it’s usually either gay men or, something like, “the best friend Pete deserves,” “the uncle Marie deserves,” “the son my parents deserve,” etc.] act, or because I realize that I can’t ever be that for them and do the exact opposite? How much of me is really me and how much of it is dictated by culture and other people’s expectations of me? Who?? Am??? I, really???? Who are ANY of us????? Are any of us real or are we all just ideas of each other interacting in a void onto which we project meaning that might not actually mean fuck anything??????”

And if he gets there, he is going to short-circuit

Personally, Pete doesn’t like it when Seb goes and does any of his old self-destructive shit, but in a way, it’s preferable to the latter option, because trying to talk Seb down or trying to clean it up if he punched out a window or cut himself? Sucks. And Pete isn’t going to deny that it sucks. Arguing about whether or not he should go to the ER sucks, picking glass out of his hand with tweezers sucks, all of it really fucking sucks.

But trying to get Seb out of an existential crisis that usually ends with him flopped out on his sofa, or in his bed, staring at the ceiling in abject terror, probably with music or the TV on but not really listening to it, and where any answer could potentially have really unpleasant effects, either now or at some point down the line, because this has gone beyond the realm of Seb’s own issues and his own demons, and while it is still really about those things, it’s gotten into debates about very the nature of existence, and before you can do literally anything else, you first have to drag him out of the ontological and/or metaphysical rabbit hole?

………Yeah, that’s way more stressful, if you ask Pete. Not that he feels he can really talk, considering how many times Seb’s ever talked him down from something, or pulled him out of one of his own rabbit holes, or at least come with Pete while he was doing something stupid and self-destructive so he wouldn’t be alone — and at least these existential crises have been getting much less frequent and less severe since Seb started going to therapy — but still.

Okay, I’ve lost the plot of this way too many times, I’m going to shut up now

TL;DR: Yes, Seb does kind of do the personality switching thing with the people he loves, but at the same time: 1. If not for all of the other pieces of context here about why him doing this is really Not Good, it would be no different from the typical amount of switching that most people do based on who they’re with and what situations they find themselves in;

2. In a way, it’s even less of a complete personality-switch thing — e.g., acting reserved and polite around your parents, but then being rowdy and snarky and party-happy with your friends — and more of a situation where he shows more or less the same behaviors and personality traits to everyone he loves, including the same pattern of “I’m not technically lying, I’m just not being 100% truthful either and that’s different,” and the variance comes from what he chooses to hide or not (e.g., he’s more willing to admit to his friends than to his parents that he’d really like to have a drink instead of dealing with any given stressful situation)

And even given that variance, very few people will hear him say something like, “Is, ‘I want to down six shots of tequila at once and go 90 MPH down an open stretch of highway’ a feeling? Because I think I feel that.”

A large part of why he does that is to make other people happy, but an equally large part of why he does it is so he can get out of dealing with shit that is scary and complicated and ew, how about no, why can’t he just repress it and fake a smile and act like everything is fine

and 3. He’s trying to hide his behaviors, feelings, and impulses, yes, but it would technically be inaccurate to say that Seb is trying to hide his true self from people, because in order to deliberately hide his true self, he would need to know who the fuck that is, and he is not entirely sure (which is one of the many bones that La Bête has to pick with him, but that’s another rant entirely)

Either way, Pete is consistently the best at getting Seb to be honest with himself and, consequentially, with everyone else.

True, Max, Adelaide, Ambrose, and their parents have known Seb longest and arguably seen his more of his tricks than Pete has…… but the funny thing about that idea is how it assumes that blood family will always trump found family, and how it assumes that, “We’ve known him for longer” is automatically going to mean they know him better when… uh, no.

Max and Seb prove that pretty well, given that they’ve spent most of their lives not knowing how to best communicate and deal with each other, which totally spilled over into Max kinda developing a resentment toward cousin Jeremy for a while, because Jeremy was between Max and Adelaide, age-wise, and he got on Seb’s level better than Max ever did, apparently without even trying, so from Max’s perspective, it felt a lot like he was getting stuck with all the crappy parts of being Seb’s big brother while Jeremy got promoted to Replacement Max and got all of the good parts

Bad parts meaning, like, having to take him to the ER because he didn’t listen about being told not to climb one of the trellises at their grandparents’ place and he fell off, and getting the, “why didn’t you keep a closer eye on him” talk when Abe got there — to which the appropriate answer was apparently not, “Have you EVER tried to tell Sebastian NOT to do something? Has he EVER listened to you when you did?” — until Seb backed him up and agreed that Max had done everything he was supposed to do and Seb climbed the trellis anyway

While good parts meant, like, having Seb confide in you. Having him trust you. Having him look up to you, but not in a way that turns you into some unreachable ideal that he uses to be a jerk to himself (though at the time, Max would’ve just said, “Having him look up to you” because he didn’t really get that Seb did look up to him, just… not in a good way).

And yeah, Seb was a weirdly honest teenager who asked permission to take some of his parents’ booze to theatre club cast parties, and who knew he was loved and supported enough at home to come out when he was twelve, but he also didn’t tell his parents about the shit that fell on him after he outed himself to spare Damian because he didn’t want them to think he couldn’t handle it on his own, and had it not been for Pete and Ambrose telling them some of it (though not all of it, out of respect for Seb’s wishes), Abe and Marceline might have remained ignorant of what was going on, beyond, “He says that he’s stressed about final exams, and for some reason, he doesn’t talk about Damian or Allison anymore, but won’t talk about why”

So, it’s not for nothing, because Pete does realize that Seb’s family is actually pretty tight with each other and that, for all they’re a bunch of human beings and thus messy by nature and prone to screwing up, they all actually love each other and try to more or less do right by each other — which he is totally jealous of, by the way, though he would be more so if not for how Seb considers him basically a brother and he’s pretty much always invited to Moncrieff family gatherings or parties, since the family inexplicably (in Pete’s mind) likes him

—but at the same time, he’s pretty sure that he knows more about his Princess and in more contexts than the blood family does.

And he’s right.

Not that this means Pete’s awareness and his powers of Seb-related deduction are literally ever perfect, but…… y’know. He’s working with a more comprehensive playbook than Seb’s blood family.

This was a really pathetic excuse for, “I’m going to shut up now, TL;DR summary time”

Whoops

48. Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious?

Yes, but also no?

I mean, I feel like saying that any character never gets envious is at best disingenuous, though I’m biased because I’ve literally never met anyone who doesn’t experience jealousy, whether it dominates them like it does with Todd or not, and like…… The fact that Seb isn’t as overwhelmed by jealousy as Todd doesn’t mean much

He definitely experiences jealousy; it’s just that he doesn’t really focus on it or do that much with it beyond let it simmer and possibly use it as an excuse to be a jerk to himself

(—which is also a bit because he usually doesn’t feel it strongly enough to do much with it, but that’s not really a, “Seb is a good person who doesn’t let his jealousy consume him” thing; it’s a, “Seb is seriously depressed and doesn’t feel most things strongly enough to do much with them, which is going to change somewhat when he gets medicated and his brain chemistry starts getting evened out, but that’s another matter”)

His biggest envy buttons tend to be things like:

“Pete and Todd have had it easier than I have at staying sober, why can’t I do that, what is wrong with me that makes it so much harder for me than it is them”

(To answer his question: neither Pete nor Todd has actually had it easy with their sobriety — which Seb does know and he feels bad about even remotely feeling like they’ve had it, “easier,” but asking emotions to be rational is a losing game for everybody — but they’ve had more success than he has because they haven’t been doing the psychological equivalent of trying to fight Ganondorf with a butter knife)

“My dumb older brother has a good relationship with his wife, who is a good person and loves him, and I’m never going to have anything like that”

“My sponsor and his husband are so in love with each other even after so long together and it’s so beautiful and I wish I could have something like that, but it’s never going to happen for me because why would it”

and so on.

And here we see one of the reasons why he’s spent the past year and a half doing the psychological equivalent of fighting Ganondorf with a butter knife: he looks at these patterns of thought and doesn’t see them as indicative of anything beyond him being, “broken,” so he hasn’t been entirely open with them, and his loved ones and therapist haven’t had all the knowledge that they need to figure out how to help him

Some of them have put it together that all involved parties have been missing something that means all of their approaches aren’t working as well as they could do, but most of them don’t know what that is. Pete has the best idea (because Seb’s too attached to all his denial to have an accurate idea and he pretty much stops at, “I am broken, that explains everything”), and even he isn’t entirely right

Right about Seb being a mutant, right about thinking like, “Maybe he’s depressed? I mean, we keep overlooking that option for all kinds of reasons, but maybe that’s part of it all,” right about thinking that Seb is more affected by some of the shit he’s been through than he wants to be, right about Seb needing to try something new since a lot of his previously attempted ideas haven’t helped in the ways he needs, right about going, “You’re flatbacked on the sofa, staring at the ceiling like it just threatened to kill your dogs, and listening to ‘Last Christmas’ in the middle of June. It’s not hard to figure out that something’s wrong”

—but Pete is somewhat less than right about, for example: Seb’s emotional trigger for kicking into Beast Mode probably being fear and/or anger (but in fairness to Pete, he hears, “my best friend can hulk out into a nine-foot-tall wolf-man” and concludes that it’s most likely going to work like the Incredible Hulk or in-universe heroes like The Myrmidon of the All-Stars and Dr. Lydia “Promethia” Yates of the Wardens); reacting to sudden-onset superpowers by going, “HI OMG I’M YOUR SIDEKICK NOW FUCK YEAH LET’S ROCK THIS BITCH”; Seb’s confused feelings after his date with Stephen (because Seb ends up genuinely unsure what he wants to do about his situation with Todd vs. starting something new with Stephen, and Pete’s initial reaction is, “Oh, bullshit, you’re just trying to chicken out on this because you’re actually interested someone NICE for once, you just learned that he likes you back, and now, you’re SCARED”)

……Granted, he’s also not entirely wrong on that last point, but Seb being scared doesn’t negate the fact that he’s also confused about his feelings

[killanyone4you]

so like, im not going to ask anyone to ask me these questions because i’ll get one or two tops and that’s boring so i’m just going to fill this out myspace survey style and just pretend it’s 2006. k.                   

The meaning behind my url: coheed and cambria lyrics.

A picture of me: maybe i’ll post one after this

How many tattoos i have and what they are: i have one tattoo and it’s the symbol of the deathly hallows

Last time i cried and why: um. maybe a day or two ago. why? could have been a million things.

Piercings i have: snake bites and ears

Favorite band: not sure i have a favorite anymore but i guess it would still be something corporate and every project andrew mcmahon has worked on since.

Biggest turn offs: bad smells. bad breath, body odor. it’s just not that hard to be clean. also not knowing when to be serious. im a super silly person and i like to have a laugh but if someone cant ever be serious im not into it.

Top 5 (insert subject): i guess i get to pick my own subject because i’ve broken the rules. i’ll say top 5 songs. i haven’t thought about what i would consider my top 5 songs in some time so this will be quite interesting for me. also this is in no particular order. 1. Walking By - Something Corporate 2. Ruthless - Something Corporate 3. Screamer - Good Charlotte 4. Young Volcanoes -  Fall Out Boy 5.  The Gambler - Fun.

Tattoos i want: there are a few i have in mind but none that i really want to sit and describe at the moment

Biggest turn ons: confidence. knowing what you want. not being afraid to show affection.

Age: 27

Ideas of a perfect date: i have two. one is basically movies and snacks and snuggles and the other is probably food/snacks and some kind of outdoor activity on a beautiful day that ends with a sunset and driving home with the windows down and loud music on the way home.

Life goal: end goal? to be a writer. right now it’s really just to sort myself out and fix the mess i’ve made of my mental state.

Piercings i want: i dont really want anymore. im not even sure i still want my snakebites. been thinking of taking them out recently

Relationship status: fucked.

Favorite movie: i dont really have one but my go to is Princess Bride because it’s probably my favorite movie.

A fact about my life: i can only think of depressing shit for some reason. uhh. my first dog was called Susie

Phobia: i dont really know if i have a true phobia but i have many many things that freak me out and i’m not sure if they’re from my OCD or Tourettes or both or neither but i cant stand to touch anything wet or have fluid on me. like ever. except in situations where you’re supposed to be wet like when swimming or having a water fight or like, showering. but any other time i really hate it. and also i cant stand rough things touching my hands or feet. if i even see someone rub their bare feet on carpet it makes me so uncomfortable my skin crawls.

Middle name: renee

Height: about 5′5

Are you a virgin? no

What’s your shoe size? 7

What’s your sexual orientation? i dont have one.

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs? no.

Someone you miss: my grandpa

What’s one thing you regret? i regret not taking school more seriously

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: this is never my answer usually but the first celebrity that came to mind when i read this was Billy Corgan so that’s what i’ll say lmao

Favorite ice cream? Americone Dream i think. at least usually.

One insecurity: my skin

What my last text message says:”nothing is wrong. im just done with everything”

Have you ever taken a picture naked? yes

Have you ever painted your room? yes.

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? yes

Have you ever slept naked? yes

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror? lol yes

Have you ever had a crush? everyone has had a crush. im going to correct this to do i have a crush right now and the answer is sort of.

Have you ever been dumped? no

Have you ever stole money from a friend? no

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met? no i dont think so.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? yes

Have you ever snuck out of your house? yes

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? oh plenty of times. i have that pathetic girl thing down

Have you ever been arrested? no

Have you ever made out with a stranger? um, no i dont think so.

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? am i misunderstanding this questions? yes?

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents? lol yes. like 15 years ago

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor? yes

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun? yes

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? yes

Have you ever seen someone die? no

Have you ever been on a plane? yes

Have you ever kissed a picture? lmao yes i used to kiss a poster of Billy Martin good night when i was in 7th grade

Have you ever slept in until 3? i’ve slept well past 3

Have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now? some of these questions are really fucking dumb. i have loved someone and i always miss someone

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? indeed

Have you ever made a snow angel? yes

Have you ever played dress up? yes

Have you ever cheated while playing a game? yes

Have you ever been lonely? basically always

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school? lmao yes. many times

Have you ever been to a club? yes but only a few times. im super not into clubs

Have you ever felt an earthquake? i cant say that i have. Indiana doesn’t get a lot of earthquakes. we’ve supposedly had some small shakes from aftershock but even then i never felt it.

Have you ever touched a snake? yes

Have you ever ran a red light? yes.

Have you ever been suspended from school? yes

Have you ever had detention? i basically lived in detention. i was that kid in school that did literally no school work and everyone wondered how i made it thru high school.

Have you ever been in a car accident? yes a few times

Have you ever hated the way you look? most of my life, yes.

Have you ever witnessed a crime? yes

Have you ever pole danced? no not really.

Have you ever been lost? yes. mentally and physically

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country? not really.

Have you ever felt like dying? oh yes

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? oh yes

Have you ever sang karaoke? yes

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? like 45 times a day. yeah

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? nope.

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger? nope.

Have you ever kissed in the rain? yess

Have you ever sang in the shower? lol yes

Have you ever made out in a park? yes

Have you ever dream that you married someone? a few times

Have you ever glued your hand to something? uh. no.

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? no. do people actually do that shit?

Have you ever gone to school partially naked? no

Have you ever been a cheerleader? when was like 8, yup

Have you ever sat on a roof top? yes

Have you ever brushed your teeth? nope never. who did this?

Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone? yes im a chicken

Have you ever played chicken? yes

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? i’ve been picked up and thrown in with all my clothes on

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? yes. the internet is a strange place.

Have you ever broken a bone? only a toe.

Have you ever been easily amused? always

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? yes.

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone? yes.

Have you ever cheated on a test? yes

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name? omg yes.

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real? yup. this guy i used to work with at panera like 6 years ago. he was so good looking i’d forget what i was saying mid sentence if he even walked past me. he thought it was hilarious

Give us one thing about you that no one knows. yall idk i’ve been doing this for a while and my brain is kind of hurting.

[helioslouis]

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag! Thanks, @lionheartlouist​ for giving me an opportunity to expose myself.

LAST [1] drink: Coffee [2] phone call: Varsha [3] text message: Pick Someone Supportive GC  [4] song you listened to: Venus by Sleeping At Last [5] time you cried: I’m always crying. [6] dated someone twice: Nope.  [7] been cheated on: I think so? [8] kissed someone and regretted it: Um, no. [9] lost someone special: My bestfriend. [10] been depressed: lads do we want to start talking about this? [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: haven’t yet. LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] Navy Blue [13] Black  [14] Anything Pastel IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: Yes! [16] fallen out of love: Can’t fall out of love if you’ve never fallen in love. [17] laughed until you cried: I don’t remember, yikes. [18] found out someone was talking about you: I don’t know! [19] met someone who changed you: In all the good ways.  [20] found out who your true friends are: I found my home. [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: Nope. [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Most of them.  [23] do you have any pets: I want a dog and a cat so bad. [24] do you want to change your name: Nope, I picked it out myself and I love it. [25] what did you do for your last birthday: Violently threw up at someone’s wedding! Fun times. [26] what time did you wake up: 6:00 am. [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping.   [28] name something you cannot wait for: For med school to start. [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: Two minutes ago. She asked me to take a shower.   [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Never be born?  [31] what are you listening to right now: Cricket commentatory.    [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: Keep that white devil away from me. [33] something that is getting on your nerves: A certain person who just is fucking erasing me out of their life like I wasn’t there for them when they needed someone the most. [34] most visited website: Tumblr [35] elementary: Excellent grades. Had lots of friends. Played for most of the time. [36] high school: Loved it till 10th grade and then all shit broke loose. The worst two years of my life were 11th and 12th grade. [37] college: Can’t wait to start med school and start loving learning as well. [38] hair colour: Black/dark brown. [39] long or short hair: Short. [40] do you have a crush on someone: No. [41] what do you like about yourself?: Why is this question blank?  [42] piercings: Ears, and i didn’t ask for them.   [43] blood type: A+ [44] nickname: Ash and Lee (it’s only me who calls myself Lee sometimes) [45] relationship status: Single :(( [46] zodiac sign: Scorpio. [47] pronouns: they/them [48] fav tv show(s): Sense8  [49] tattoos: Don’t have one :( [50] right or left handed: Right FIRST… [51] surgery: My first surgery will be the one where I operate. [52] piercing: I want a snakebite. [53] best friend: Varsha and Pick Someone Supportive GC. [54] sport: Swimming. [55] vacation: Gujarat [56] pair of trainers: Converse. [57] eating: um [58] drinking: um [59] i’m about to: take a shower and take a nap. [60] listening: ?????????????  [61] waiting for: Med School to start ugh.  [62] want: More and more books.  [63] get married: Nope?  [64] career: Cardiothoracic Surgeon. YOUR TYPE… [65] hugs or kisses: either thank u  [66] lips or eyes: doesn’t matter  [67] shorter or taller: doesn’t matter [68] older or younger:  doesn’t matter [69] romantic or spontaneous: romantic  [70] nice arms or nice stomach: Same as Dee. [71] sensitive or loud: neither... more like quiet. [72] hook up or relationship: either seems nice now [73] troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker who smirks a lot HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger?: nope  [75] drank hard liquor?: nope [76] lost glasses/contact lenses?: nope [77] turned someone down?: yes  [78] sex on first date?: if it’s a fwb kinda date, sure but not if i’m romantically interested in the person. [79] broken someone’s heart?: nope [80] had your own heart broken?: boi i live with a broken heart and it’s not about a relationship lol [81] been arrested? nope [82] cried when someone died? : yeah [83] fallen for a friend: yeah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself?: Blank question again? [85] miracles?: Lol. [86] love at first sight?: Attraction, sure but love? lmao no. [87] santa claus? I mean.... what’s the difference between sugar dadies and santa claus? [88] kiss on the first date?: same answer as the sex question [89] angels?: I’ve really seen an angel.  [90] current best friend’s name: Varsha and Pick Someone Supportive gc. [91] eye colour: Brown  [92] favourite movies: Mean Girls, Titanic.

Thank you Dee for tagging me! I won’t be tagging anyone else because you literally just tagged the five people I know ghdfgd but if you’d like to do this, do it!