#literally my two favorite people in the whole franchise. i have GREAT taste in men

[leavingautumn13]

a little doodle to celebrate 21 years of these two idiots (affectionate)

[i have commissions open now]

[regrettablewritings]

Okay so I got asked earlier about elaborating on my feelings towards Fantastic Beasts 2...

Disclaimer: These ramblings are my personal feelings on the most recent addition to the HP franchise, Fantastic Beasts 2: Crimes of Grindelwald. You needn’t agree with them, but I have a right to express my feelings concerning the film and how it handled its story, its editing, characterization, and motivations. If you liked the movie, great! I didn’t. And here is where I will dispense why. Also, as if it bears mentioning, spoilers.

So...There’s a lot to unpack here. And, unfortunately, most of it is not fantastic beasts – mainly because aside from a few creatures that only exist as trailer fuel, the story’s pretty much departed from the importance of creatures and the allegories they can potentially offer. I mean, on one hand, I understand that it must be difficult to make five films revolve continuously around weird creatures and Newt’s efforts to utilize them and be the magical Crocodile Hunter. But on the other, they’ve made, like, five films centered around people reviving dinosaurs so this frankly isn’t impossible if done with good planning.

This, in my opinion, was not done with good planning. Rather than be done with the intention of being a suitable continuation to the promising first film, CoG wound up being a jumble of poor editing, nonsense twists, and character bastardizing to name a few.

But before I get into that, let me make it clear that I didn’t hate everything about it. The movie had some good qualities about it such as:

Theseus is actually a good brother. For years, we were kinda inched towards the idea that because he was the socially favored Scamander brother, that he must be a golden boy and even a bit arrogant. Newt’s impressions of him didn’t exactly help, either. But what we wound up with was a well-meaning if a bit primmer guy who’s affectionate (“a hugger” according to Newt), controlled, and ultimately does love his younger brother even if he doesn’t necessarily see eye to eye with him. I was talking with a friend about him and their relationship makes a bit more sense and even gains more points if you consider how Newt is coded as autistic: Theseus doesn’t get his brother and admittedly does wish he’d calm down, but he clearly isn’t comfortable with others looking down on Newt for his oddities.

Plus, Newt stepping out of his comfort zone to give Theseus a hug in his time of need is especially heartwarming even if in the face of something tragic.

Leta Lestrange being an example of how Slytherins aren’t all prejudiced assholes, rather they are characterized by their ambition and cleverness rather than the evils that can result from those traits going untamed.

Newton Scamander is the only person to make “your eyes look like salamander eyes” romantic.

“WALK WITH ME!”

Niffler babies!!

And, uh . . . yeah, that’s it. Everything else either left a bad taste in my mouth or punched me in the brain. So without any further ado or necessary order, let me just air my grievances and get this one-ton pain off my chest:

Too many storylines. I know this was a common complaint directed at the first installment of the series, but here, it’s really evident because we’re following Newt and Jacob following Tina who’s following Credence who’s following a trail and eventually following Grindelwald and Yusuf who’s following Tina to follow Credence and Grindelwald who’s not exactly following Credence but whatever then we got Leta who’s not necessarily following anyone but holy shit that’s without delving into the respective meat of all of the A, B, C, D, E, and so on plots

Queenie. Just. Queenie. What did they do to our favorite blonde Goldstein sister?! In the first movie, Queenie was established as being the more openly soft sister. Yes, she was more emotional than Tina, but it was never to the point of her actually making stupid decisions – especially because it was proven that the airheadedness was all a ploy and that Queenie’s actually pretty smart and intuitive (you know, when not reading minds). Which makes her decision to bewitch Jacob into marriage the first sign that something was wrong. The thing that made their attraction to one another in the previous film unusual yet still enjoyable was that it signified that not all magic-doers in America were against interacting with No-Majs and a potential allegory for interracial marriage, given how her initial intrigue towards Jacob as a No-Maj quickly evolved into genuine intrigue for him as a person.

By the time of CoG, however, this care has evolved into obsession wherein Jacob’s treated more like a commodity rather than an actual person. Yes, he does return Queenie’s feelings, but robbing him of his consent regardless is just an awful thing to have done to him. Jacob’s unwillingness to marry Queenie isn’t one born of fearing commitment; it’s because as much as he loves her, he hates the idea of her suffering for his lack of magic even more. Unfortunately, to Queenie’s now apparently rapid mind, this translates as him being too afraid and that it’s up to her to make any moves – moves that are highly concerning for everyone, let alone somebody who displayed such consideration in the previous film.

Going off of this, her decision to join Grindelwald is just . . .? The man will literally have people like the one you claim to love killed. Maybe not all, but the ones that do survive will likely not live well. This includes Jacob. So what sense is there to this?! And this is without considering she can read minds

Credence. I mean, I think everyone was sort of prepared for him to do what he did in the end, but actually watching it honestly made me realize how stupid it was for him to do that. I mean, you could argue that as far as he’s concerned, Graves and Grindelwald are two different people, as whatever was left of him managed to wisp away before the big Scooby Doo reveal. So as far as he may know, Graves did him wrong; Grindelwald is only trying to help. But even still, I hate what they’re doing to this guy.

Going off this . . . The whole Aurelius thing. I’ll admit that by that point, I was dead in my seat so I wasn’t sure if I heard the specifics, but did Grindelwald specify that Aurelius was Albus’ brother? Because if not, he’s just a relative in the Dumbledore family. Which kinda defeats the previous claim of Credence’s importance to the wizarding world imo.

Newt’s sudden infatuation with Tina comes off as clumsy. Yeah, it’s cute, but it seems so out of place. Sure, we can assume during the time skip that they kept in touch decently, but I sincerely doubt that in that amount of time, Newt managed to fall for her, let alone to the extent that he displays. I know I keep referencing the first film, but considering they’re, you know, supposed to be part of the same franchise, it’s key. But in the first film, the attraction is hinted at in the lightest of ways. We know they’ll get married, but that doesn’t mean they need to be immediately into one another, much less to the extent wherein Tina displays jealous tendencies and Newt is full of Freudian slips about how attractive he finds her. This wouldn’t seem too out of place later down the line, but to have that already just seems misplaced.

The situation regarding Yusuf and Leta’s mother and Corvus Lestrange . . . If this was supposed to be a sort of reference to the r@pe of black women from white men, yeah, it happened, but I’m not so sure how I feel about it being used here, mainly because it winds up contributing to Leta’s “tragic mulatto” trope. However, it also makes me wonder if it would be as intensely questionable if Leta’s mother had been white but that doesn’t really make it any better considering that the marriage was nonconsensual and resulted in death by childbirth.

This is more of a nitpick, but it bothered me how a lot of important exposition seemed to come from the mouths of those bearing hard-to-decipher accents.

This is just what I remember and what I condensed by the by. There’s probably a few other gripes I have rattling around up in the old noggin but I’m already exhausting myself here and this is already a pretty damn long list as is. But I the thing is, I don’t think I would’ve been this frustrated if they had just waited to do some of these things in a later film.

Some of these motivations and whatnot would’ve made more sense a little ways down the line after putting the characters through situations that pushed them to do the things they do. For example, Queenie’s nonsense decision to join a man who’d rather her lover’s kind mostly die doesn’t make sense in a movie that we acknowledge has had a timeskip, but doesn’t show what occurred within the timeskip. Choosing to join Grindelwald should be what happens after the audience sees her struggle to maintain the relationship. We need to have a reason to understand her dive into a darker mindset. The audience needs to see a woman who has been through trial after trial and snuck high and low to little success just to be with the one she loves, not a yandere flapper girl in the making.

Likewise, we need to see how Credence put himself back together. If the sequel to Fantastic Beasts couldn’t showcase that, they needed to at least dedicate time to Credence familiarizing himself with the magic world. The dude was a stranger to it all before, how did he wind up finding a magical circus? They’re not exactly lying about, especially in America, so who did he find or who found him and brought him into the wizarding world? I wanna see that, not him suddenly knowing how stuff works. (Going off of that, how did a mind and body-consuming form of dark magic go from a means of death to basically an Overwatch Ultimate? An Obscurus isn’t like a Hulk serum you can whip out and reel back in, that shit is deadly and nearly wiped out half of Manhattan.)

Anyway, by showing Credence’s further involvement in the magical world, he can be introduced to further situations that may arguably make him more pushed toward Grindelwald (even though it’d still be kind of dumb no matter what way you slice it). Having him suddenly join to find out who his parents were just feels . . . weak. Even for Credence, who’s in a constant state of vulnerability.

Like, Jo. Joanne. JK. Ms. Rowling. Please: I get that you’re trying to live up to the hype or what have you, but try not trying. Your stuff flowed better when you were just trying to tell a story, not hash out a story with intent on it becoming famous. I get wanting it to thrive from a business standpoint (anyone who pretends they wouldn’t want their shit to make beaucoup money is a damn lie), but it just doesn’t work when you’re forcing it.

So . . . yeah, that’s the gist. There’s definitely people who can say it more eloquently but whatever, you chose to read my take on it, so you got it. Like I said before, if you liked Crimes of Grindelwald, that’s fine. I like quite a few films others find trouble enjoying. I just didn’t like this one.

[thatothercosplayer]

Taking a break from writing plot stuff (building up shit in drafts so I can put out things more consistently) but I am in a Big Writing Mood™ so let’s sit down and have a talk about Gundam. 

I’m gonna talk to you about.... 

5 Gundam Sidestories That Deserve to be Animated.....That AREN’T Crossbone. 

So, before I get into things, I know what you’re wondering (that is, if you’re not mecha literate): what the fuck is crossbone and why is it being excluded.

Well, I’ll tell you, fam. Mobile Suit Crossbone Gundam is a manga series that was written to kind of explain what would have happened if Gundam F91 would have been made a proper TV series. 

At least, that’s what it is in theory. I can only really apply this to the first manga series- not it’s endless sequels (Cross Heart, Steel Seven, Phantom, etc.) 

For some fucking reason, people won’t shut the fuck up about Crossbone, and how it needs to be animated. There’s no explanation as to why it needs to be animated, but people just fucking want it and no one ever shuts the fuck up about it.

In case you couldn’t tell: I’M SALTY AS HELL ABOUT THIS. I can’t go anywhere to have a fucking discussion about Gundam without Crossbone getting brought up. This has been going on for close to 3 years now and it’s driving me FUCKING CRAZY HOLY SHIT WOULD YOU PEOPLE SHUT UP FOR FIVE GODDAMN SECONDS

Um.

ahem.

Sorry about that. 

So, anyways. I’m writing this list mainly to get this off my chest and expend some energy related to me being salty as fuck about Crossbone. Ya’ll ready? 

No?

Too bad. Note: The placement on of things on this list don’t really speak to how I prioritize any of them, in any manner. This is just me writing it as things come to me. Without further ado, let’s get this underway.

1) Mobile Suit Gundam Sidestory: Missing Link (2014)

What? A UC Gundam entry? On this list? It’s more likely than you think. 

Let me say this to start: I fucking love Missing Link and think it’s a tragedy that it’s as obscure as it is. Like many of the series in the Sidestory family, it started off life as a video game. In this case, it was the crown jewel of the compilation game/remake/hd collection/whatever Mobile Suit Gundam Sidestory on the Platstation 3. This particular entry is a dual-sided story about two units in the One Year War: The Marchosias Special Forces, a dumping ground for Zeon pilots who are too violent, tempestuous, or injured to work in standard units; on the other side is the Slave Wraiths, which I would say are honestly the Gundam A-Team. 

I’m serious! They’re all military criminals that were framed for various crimes, and then were taken in by a rather dubious high-ranking Federation officer who uses them to clean up their not-exactly-legal-or-moral shit. They’re not so much black-ops but more like walking redtape files. 

The things that make this one stick out are the fact that, despite an ensemble cast of 12 or so that the story flips back and forth between, nothing is ever lost in translation. No team is focused on over the other, and by the end you’ll find yourself caring about both of these disparate, ragtag teams of jaded pilots. 

Atop that, the story’s protagonists are actually a father and son duo who have no idea that they’re fighting each other in the war (at least, not at first)! It’s a beautiful case of dramatic irony and for once, IT’S NOT PLAYED FOR TRAGEDY. There is a strong underlying theme of hope despite crushing odds running throughout the story. Great sacrifices are made so that the fire of hope can still burn, and eventually the two teams find themselves bucking off the military complexes that cast thema side and find solidarity in each other. 

It’s a story about unity, hope, and most importantly: understanding. 

Of course, that’s not even touching the FANTASTIC setpieces that permeate the story. Seaside battles, battles amidst the jungles of Jaburo (not above, not under, IN the jungles of Jaburo), furious battles to protect shuttles launching to space....I could go on and on!

Did I mention the mechanical design? What?! I haven’t?! 

The new mechanical designs in this series are _superb._ The Slave Wraith is great, but what’s even better is the element that connects these two concurrent stories together: The Pale Rider.

The Pale Rider is a phantom of the battlefield, attacking everything in sight. It has no concept of friend or foe, and it is there to silence dissent and wipe out any proof of ill deeds. 

Oh, yeah, and it runs on a variant of the EXAM System. You know. The one that the Blue Destiny has. 

The same system that was made by fracturing a human soul in two and shoving those halves into computers.

You know.

The one that made a Gundam an eldritch abomination.

That one.

Yes. 

Except this variant, the HADES, is far worse. 

So, now you have an enigmatic Mobile Suit that indiscriminately ravages the battlefield, all operated by a phantom hand that you only have a name to. One of my favorite things about Missing Link is the simple fact that, quite honestly, you never see the villain. You only hear the orders they send, and feel the impact of their decisions. 

Last, but certainly not least, while the majority of the story is set in the One Year War, the final chapter (which, sadly, is not in English in any shape or form save for the Gundam wiki) is set during the First Neo-Zeon War, around the time ZZ takes place- which makes it even more unique because there aren’t many sidestories that explore this time period, even if only for a moment. 

All of this combined makes for a fantastic tale of political intrigue, espionage, hardship, and triumph that I would easily recommend. Unfortunately, the only way to experience this story in English at the moment is SD Gundam G Generation Genesis’ chapter based on the story; as I mentioned above, the story itself isn’t truly complete, even if the end is more like a bonus chapter. It is rather extensive and covers all the key plot points, and also manages to keep all the character bits that make it so good.

tl;dr Missing Link deserves to be animated. 

2) New Mobile Report Gundam Wing Dual Story: G-Unit aka Mobile Suit Gundam Wing: The Last Outpost (1997-1998)

Holy SHIT why is every fucking title related to Gundam Wing so fucking long.

ahem

So....let’s talk Gundam Wing.

After Colony, in my opinion, is a rather weak timeline with little media worth actually looking at. What few sidestories there are are mostly rehashes, there’s not much variety in mechanical design due to the majority of the sidestory designs being variants of the main five Gundams in the show, and most importantly: the overall average quality of the timeline as a whole is incredibly lackluster. 

Fucking fight me, I’ll die on this hill.

However, there’s one story that I feel rises above its compatriots and manages to to be a bit better. That would be, of course, the entry I have listed above. 

G-Unit focuses on an asteroid colony, MO-V, a rather backwater installation with a population of about 100,000. The story itself runs concurrently with those of Gundam Wing, though the effects are rather negligible at best due to how isolated the conflict depicted in the manga is. 

The protagonists of the story are twin pilots Odin and Odel Bernett, who test the prototype Mobile Suits developed at the colony, the Geminass Units 01 and 02. Things are going smoothly, however, there’s just one problem: OZ is not happy with MO-V. OZ is the villainous organization in Gundam Wing- think of them as your Titans expy ala Zeta Gundam. 

 Anyways, MO-V has not agreed to OZ’s continued demands that it fall in line with rest of the colonies that are submitting to OZ’s rule. While, at first, it was ignored because it was merely an outdated factory (it mass-produced Leos, the go-to grunt unit for OZ, but by the time the story takes place the Vertigo has replaced the Leo), news of the prototypes traveled fast and it was deemed taking things too far.

Thus, begins a six month siege, with an entire army on one side and (at most) two men on the other.

Oh, and I guess two of the Gundam Boys appear too or something and Zechs might be there as well idgaf.

I still have yet to read this in full (as it was released in English during Gundam Wing’s heyday in the US), but the premise alone is interesting, and the majority of the new mechanical designs are awesome.

Just ignore the special Leo units that OZ-Prize deploys. Two of the three are the kind of bullshit that Gundam Wing likes to pull that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Having a gigantic, flowing cape in SPACE IS ABSOLUTELY IMPROBABLE. How can you style yourself as an attempt to go back to Gundam’s more serious, hard sci-fi roots when you throw in a fucking mecha with hair extensions!? This isn’t G Gundam! You can’t get away with that! PICK A GENRE, DAMMIT. 

Uh...

ahem. 

Anyways, I love what I have seen of these mechanical designs in action. The Hydra Gundam was featured in Gundam Battle Assault 2 (aka the game that gave rise to the “Oh hey! Big Zam” meme, which I love atop of being a good fighting game), while the Geminass units, Gundam Asclepius, Burnlapius, Gundam LO Booster, Griepe, Vayeate Suivant, and Mercurius Suivant (PHEW!) all appear in the Gundam G Generation games, particularly WORLD and OVERWORLD. They units I’ve listed above are all fantastic designs and really deserve to get animated proper.

Plus....well....

The only other Gundam Wing-related project that has any chance in hell of getting animated is Frozen Teardrop, aka the Biggest Disaster to Ever Come Out of the Gundam Franchise, Ever™.

So....yeah. 

3) Mobile Suit Gundam SEED Astray (2002)

Fuck. Cosmic Era is such a disappointment. The two TV series it has are half-baked attempts at rehashes of 0079 and Zeta with new plots sloppily dumped in, are overloaded with pointless flashbacks and too much fucking filler of people screaming each other’s names. Asinine writing, sameface syndrome, and behind the scenes bullshit abound.

But I’m not here to gripe about the flaws of Gundam SEED or SEED Destiny.

I’m here to talk about the godlike spin-off that SEED birthed, and has been criminally underutilized by Sunrise and Bandai.

Hang on, I gotta put on some TM Revolution to get into the mood.

...

Alright, fixed.

So! Let’s talk about Gundam SEED Astray and why you should be experiencing it Right Fucking Now™. 

For one, it doesn’t focus on Kira, so that’s already a huge plus. Sorry, kiddo- you may be adorably pathetic, but you are also a bore to watch at times. Nah, fam, let’s get some hot-bloodedness up in here! 

OKAY SO this story is about a group of salvagers. That’s right. The main characters of this tale is the motherfuckin’ Junk Guild- or, rather, the ship HOME of the motherfuckin’ Junk Guild.

Yes, I have to put motherfuckin’ before I say Junk Guild, because these guys are cool. 

One problem SEED has is that there is this bad habit of tying things back to the main series in some bullshit roundabout way that kind of ruins the point of having sidestories. I’m reading, watching, playing, etc these stories to learn about people in other parts of this universe who are either independant of the conflict in the show, or are only loosely tied to it by being in the same war but elsewhere or maybe being effected by it. 

SEED Astray manages to dodge that bullet by throwing out the concept of let glory-hog Kira Yamato show up and ruin things, and instead knocks him out for the duration of his appearance. 

Uh, wait, I need to talk about the story itself. Whoops! Let’s get back to that. 

So! SEED Astray revolves around 3 prototype Mobile Suits know as the Astray Red Frame, Astray Blue Frame, and Astray Gold Frame. The Red and Blue Frames accidentally fall into the hands of junker Lowe Guele and mercenary Gai Murakumo, who find themselves pursued by nobleman Rondo Ghina Sahaku, who wants the frames back. 

As Ghina begins his dogged pursuit of both parties, HOME and Serpent Tail (the groups Lowe and Gai are parts of, respectively) continuously cross paths, taking scrap from the battlefields they pass trough and extensively personalizing and upgrading their Astray Frames more and more. 

As time passes, conspiracies are unraveled, secrets about the origins of humanity’s space travel are revealed, and THERE’S A BRAIN IN A JAR.

Yes! That’s right! Astray embraces the wackiness of SEED and goes beyond it, resulting in one of the best goddamn things that ever happened in all of Gundam: the 150 Meter Katana. 

No. I’m not making this up. This happened. And it is amazing. 

It was a katana so big that they had to make a power loader....for a MOBILE SUIT to wield! 

Now, I may be cheating a bit by putting Astray on here as it’s....somewhat been animated. Sort of. It has a short series of 10 minute promotional episodes, as well as two 5 minute promo shorts to promote the later entries in the series. However, it never got a full-fledged anime series, and that’s an absolute CRIME. The 150 Meter Katana needs to be animated.

Lowe Guile is a fun protagonist who bucks a lot of Gundam traditions by being a hot-blooded go-getter who is always ready to take on whatever life throws at him, and his counterpart, Gai Murakumo, is a cool-headed badass who can turn around even the most impossible of odds. Their interactions are unique in that they vary from antagonistic to friendly and everything in between. This is in part thanks to the diplomatic immunity that the Junk Guild has, and also due to Gai Murakumo being part of the mercenary group Serpent Tail. As a result, the two clash, team up, etc. many times over the course of the series before realizing they have a common enemy. As a result, I feel that SEED Astray shows the Cosmic Era timeline at it’s best- displaying new possibilities for the Gundam franchise, and proving that you don’t have to rehash the same story over and over to be good. 

Lastly, as things sit right now, the only reliable way to consume SEED Astray is to hunt down the shorts, or check out Brunom1′s Let’s Play of Super Robot Wars W, which extensively features SEED Astray.

I rest my case. 

4) Mobile Suit Gundam 00F (2007-2009)

Let me tell you about a crazy motherfucker named Fon Spaak.

Fon Spaak is a fucking lunatic. He is a homocidal maniac who enjoys killing, blatantly breaks laws whenever he gets the chance to just because it’s fun, and most importantly: he is the good guy. 

Yep. Got your attention, didn’t I? Mobile Suit Gundam 00F is the story about another agent in the organization Celestial Being, who supports the protagonists of Mobile Suit Gundam 00 (the first season of which I still uphold to be Gundam Wing done right) from the shadows. He covers any hiccups and makes sure that operations go smoothly, ensuring that Celestial Being’s goals are met.

However, he has to deal with constant sabotage from a rogue agent who is tied to VEDA, the supercomputer that helps plan and dictate a lot of Celestial Being’s operations.

00F is, at times, the Rozencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead of Gundam 00. It’s fast-paced, funny, yet also grim and violent all at the same time. It creates a crap-saccharine view of an already shitty world, and exploits that by using the larger-than-life protagonist to contrast the rather depressing events that surround him. 

Fon Spaak is a bit of an implacable man, and when he wants to get something done, he will stop at nothing to do it.

Gundam 00F is a bit rare nowadays, like any out of print Gundam material, but it was published in English. I actually own almost all of it (still missing two volumes). If you ever run across it, I can’t recommend it enough. If, for whatever reason, you want Deadpool to pilot a Gundam, this motherfucker is the closest you’re going to get. God speed, you crazy bastard. 

5) Mobile Suit Gundam École du Ciel (2002)

Come on. Like I was really going to leave this one out? 

We’re returning to the Universal Century for my last entry on this list, and goddamn is this ever a good entry. Set in the year UC 0085- a whole two years before Zeta Gundam begins- and continuing up into the events of the TV series,  Mobile Suit Gundam École du Ciel is, by and large, my favorite Gundam sidestory, ever. 

Period. 

I love all the above sidestories, but this one has a special place in my heart for a lot of reasons. It’s nostalgic, but it’s well written, and explores a rare time period in the Universal Century. 

The space between Operation Stardust (depicted in the OVA series Mobile Suit Gundam 0083: Stardust Memory) and the Gryps Conflict as depicted in Zeta Gundam is a time period that has, to my (rather extensive huehuehue) knowledge, has only ever been looked at by  École du Ciel. That alone should be reason enough to hunt this one down and give it a read.

If it’s not, well, read on, friend.

It has a female protagonist (a rarity in Gundam!!) who, while at first lost in this world constantly at war, eventually finds her own purpose and sense of agency as she struggles to find a place in the world to call her own.  École du Ciel is a story about coming of age, the pains of growing up, and facing inner demons set amidst the backdrop of Canada and a sea of stars. 

The original mechanical designs are gorgeous, particularly the star Mobile Suit, Le Cygne. The characters feel human despite their extraordinary abilities, and they’re not perfect. 

Most importantly, something I’ll stress above all else- while the events in the series are impacted by events depicted in Zeta Gundam, there is hardly any overlap between the two, with little to no cameos by main characters from the show.

Which is as it should be in any given sidestory. It’s a SIDE story, not a crossover. I don’t mind the occasional overlap to show that things are part of a larger world (EG: Protagonist A brushing shoulders with Protagonist B from another story who is in the midst of an important scene, and A is merely a bystander), but extensively featuring a protagonist from another show just ruins the point. 

The TV show is about them. The side story is about someone else. Ideally, that’s how it should be.

And, as things are, this story feels fresh. The illustrations by Haruhiko Mikimoto are gorgeous, especially when he pulls out his signature hand-brushed style. The Mobile Suit scenes are beautifully detailed, and they carry weight and impact. 

I can’t recommend  École du Ciel enough. If you’re a new Gundam fan or a veteran, if you haven’t read  École du Ciel, do yourself a favor, hunt down some copies of it, and join me in my regular outcries of how it’s a damn CRIME this hasn’t been revisited in any shape or form after its print run. No model kits, no anime, no game appearances, NOTHING. It’s been neglected for too long.

I don’t care if it’s in G Generation, Gundam Breaker, a trading card game, whatever,  École du Ciel needs to return, and I feel an animated series would be the perfect way to do so. 

Well, there you go. Hopefully you enjoyed my ramblings about Gundam.

[mrs-goldie-mcduck]

DuckTales reboot sinks to a new low in its adaptation of “Land Beneath the Ground”

*Spoilers for “Terror of the Terra-Firmians”*

How can you adapt one of Barks’ most wonderfully creative, surreal, imaginative tales of all time and come up with an episode that is none of those things?  

Well, it seems you start by omitting the two most important characters, then exchange an expansive underground world for a boring subway tunnel.  Also take the whimsical creatures at the center of the tale and strip away most of what made them interesting and unique, use them as generic monsters, then inexplicably have them become not scary after all so they can have a quick cameo that amounts to nothing.

I have tried to approach the reboot with the right attitude--times change, new people have new ideas, not everything is going to be to my taste, art is subjective, etc.--and I’ve mostly succeeded in maintaining that perspective.  I’ve had a few nitpicks here and there, but have definitely enjoyed the episodes so far.

Until “Terror of the Terra-Firmians.”

Where do I even begin?

Well, I guess I start with a cut to keep most of the spoilers out of sight.  THEN I rant.

The episode started out fine. I got a laugh at the kids’ half-hearted attempts to tell the adults where they were sneaking off to.  I loved Webby’s notebook doodles, and having her little Terra-Firmian drawing saying “I’m mythical and adorable” was really cute (and accurate).

I understood that earth science has progressed by leaps and bounds since 1955 (when Barks’ “The Land Beneath the Ground” was published), so the original concept of “nobody really knows what makes earthquakes” wouldn’t work anymore.  I was fine with the idea of Huey as a skeptic versus Webby as a fringe science fangirl as a way to update the story.

I even laughed aloud at Launchpad, who, paranoid after seeing a scary movie, asked of HD&L,  “Have there always been three of them?”  Great line.

Lena’s British-themed nicknames for Mrs. Beakley were amusing, and I was excited to see the Magica mystery deepen.

But when I saw that half the episode was already over and there were still no Terra-Firmians in sight, I knew something was very wrong.

Then they showed up, but the show tried to make them scary.  Not in the subtle, “Hey, where did that rock come from?  It couldn’t have moved...could it?” psychological way from the comic.  But in the “glowy red eyes and gaping maws, chasing after the characters who flee in terror” way.

Seriously.

These guys...

...are supposed to be scary monsters.

I mean, the show did succeed in making them genuinely creepy.  I guess I can give it credit for that.  But then the Big Twist Ending(tm) was that they...weren’t actually mean or scary.  It was all a trick of the lighting, I guess?  For some reason?  And then we got an E.T. reference, because soooooo many little kids in 2017 are fans of that 1982 movie?  Just...what?

I remember my dad reading “Land Beneath the Ground” to me when I was a five-year-old kid.  It was one of my favorites, despite or perhaps because of the fact that it was a tiny bit scary in the beginning.  You don’t know what’s down in that dark tunnel, and the ducks get a little creeped out, too.  Then you see the gorgeous, alien world deep under the surface, and it’s not so scary anymore.  Then you meet the goofy, round people that live there, and it’s not scary at all.  Then you find out what they’re capable of, and a different kind of fear sets in, but it’s okay in the end because the ducks save the day--and the world.  So I’m not completely opposed to having some scariness in the story, but it was way more subtle than “being chased by monsters with glowing red eyes.”  The reboot showed a disappointing lack of nuance.

I had even harbored a hope that maybe, just maybe, the show would give the Terra-Firmians natural rock colors instead of bright hues.  I don’t remember the source, but I know I read once that Barks intended them to be camouflaged like that, thus indiscernible from a normal rock when rolled up into a ball.  The original colorists didn’t get the memo, or perhaps decided that wasn’t visually interesting enough for a “kid’s comic” and made the Terra-Firmians look like they’d been rolling around in paint.  Decades of reprints and the 1987 DuckTales continued that tradition.

The original DuckTales made them look like they were made of Play-Doh, to be honest.  I thought maybe the reboot would rectify the situation.  They did have more muted colors than in many depictions, but they certainly didn’t look like rocks.

That’s a small nitpick, though.  If only that was the only complaint I had with this episode!

Perhaps the biggest travesty was that we never got to see their kingdom.  The whole episode took place in an abandoned subway tunnel.  A dark, uninteresting subway tunnel.  We could have had THIS:

That’s one of the most breathtaking reveals in all of Barks’ stories.  The animators could have gone nuts making creative and intricate rock formations!  It’s not like they had to build sets on a huge scale.  It’s drawing!  The sky’s the limit!  (Or, in this case, the opposite of the sky...)

I had hoped that they’d stay true to the comic and include the Terra-Firmians’ distinctive neckwear, maybe even explain their caste system, but nope.  They weren’t wearing anything.

“This rock is wearing a necktie!” is such a great line, and the reveal of the “rock’s” true nature is an amazing surprise.  Look at Scrooge’s expression!  The audience should get to have that reaction, too!  To go from “it’s just a rock” to “it’s a strange creature wearing a necktie, speaking with a Texas accent, and offering to shake hands despite not having visible appendages just a second ago” is wonderful fun.  How could you pass up something like that?

The neckties and the cowboy accents were such delightful quirks, adding to the wild creativity that ran throughout the story.  I mean, who sits down and thinks up something this wild?  Rhetorical question, obviously.  It was Carl Barks.  He devised so many crazy adventures and characters to make up the ducks’ world, but “Land Beneath the Ground” showcased another entire level of imagination.  Most of Scrooge’s best adventures were grounded in history and existing myth, but this one was pure fantasy, proving Barks’ creative power was as versatile as it was timelessly entertaining.

The stakes were also much, much higher in the original.  All we worry about in the show is whether the kids and their chaperones will find their way out of the subway tunnel.  Barks started with a threat to the Money Bin and the hill on which it sat, and worked up to putting all of Calisota (if not the planet) in jeopardy.  Talk about an epic story!

It was a great opportunity to delve into the ducks’ characters, too.  It was the classic setup of “Scrooge drags his nephews into danger trying to protect and/or add to his fortune, then has to begrudgingly put their safety over his own interests.”  In the comic Scrooge begs Donald to compete against the Terra-Firmian champion to prevent a catastrophic earthquake, urging him to “think about your house, and Daisy’s house,” and then Donald puts him on the spot by interrupting with “And your money bin!” It’s a great character moment!  It shows the recurring conflict between Scrooge and Donald, as well as the warring priorities in Scrooge’s mind.

What did we get instead of exploring the dynamics of the core cast?  Um, well, we got...Mrs. Beakley and a new character we just met (Lena) butting heads and eventually getting to know and understand each other a bit more.  Which is fine, I guess, but the priority should be establishing the characters who are the stars of the franchise.  After the intrigue of the pilot episode, with all the simmering tension between Scrooge and Donald, I was excited to explore that.  I don’t want to dislike Lena, but if she’s stealing the spotlight from characters I’ve loved for over thirty years, I can’t help but resent that, and I’m sure that’s not the creators’ intention.

I understand the episodes are airing out of their intended order, which is probably throwing off the balance of characters’ screentime and the pace of their arcs. I try to give the show the benefit of the doubt with regard to that, but this episode was truly egregious in its elevating of the kids at the expense of the adult characters.

There are a million shows where smart-talking kids have wacky adventures.  Only DuckTales can show us the world’s richest duck and his nephews having epic globe-trotting adventures.  So...do that.  Please.  We haven’t left Duckburg since the pilot, and Scrooge and Donald are M.I.A.

There was so much wasted potential with this episode!  If it had been presented as any other random creature in the subway tunnel--actual mole men like Launchpad was scared of, or gremlins, or trolls, or literally anything else--it would have been a decent episode, albeit a disappointingly Scroogeless one.  But to take one of the most unique and iconic Barks stories and turn it into a throwaway “those wacky kids versus the monster of the week” plot is beyond comprehension.

I’m certainly not giving up on the series, as I have enjoyed the episodes up to this point and I expect future episodes to be better.  However, “Terror of the Terra-Firmians” was, well...terrible.

[gossipnetwork-blog]

25 TV Events to Get Excited About in 2018

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25 TV Events to Get Excited About in 2018

New year, new TV to look forward to.

Now that it’s finally 2018, it’s time to cut your losses with the fall shows you’ve already grown tired and make some room on your DVRs for everything the new year has to offer because there’s a lot to get excited about.

Kicking things off on New Year’s Day with the return of Arie Luyendyk Jr. as ABC’s latest Bachleor, we’ve narrowed down the 25 TV events worth getting excited about over the next 12 months from a surprisingly deep pool of worthy candidates. Seriously, there’s a lot of promising stuff coming our way. Read on and start programming your DVR!

ABC/Craig Sjodin

Bachelor‘s Big Winter

Kudos to the Bachelor franchise for trying something new in 2018. First, they went back a few years to the pre-Instagram days to find their newest leading man, Arie Luyendyk Jr., and we’re also being treated to what appears to be an international hot tub party known as Winter Games. It all sounds like exactly the fresh Bachelor air we need, and we can’t wait to see how it all goes down, starting January 1.

Freeform

Freeform Gets Grown-ish

It’s time for Zoey Johnson to fly the coop and strike out on her own…-ish. In this Freeform spinoff of Black-ish, debuting January 3, Yara Shahidi takes center stage as the eldest Johnson child embarks on her freshman year at California University with a diverse group of friends helping her navigate her first taste of adult life. Look out for guest appearances from parents Dre and Bow as Anthony Anderson and Tracee Ellis Ross are set to make occasional guest appearances in the comedy, which hails from the mothership’s creator Kenya Barris. 

CBS

Star Trek: Discovery‘s Return

The spore drive is done for and the U.S.S. Discovery is…missing. The finale ended with Lorca (Jason Isaacs) and his team including Michael Burnham (Sonequa Martin-Green) evading death and destruction at the hands of the Klingons, only to find themselves some place very unfamiliar. Could our heroes be in the Mirror Universe? Whatever happens, beam us up for more adventures on January 7.

VH1

Tyra Returns on Top

Sorry Rita Ora, but Tyra Banks is reclaiming her America’s Next Top Model throne. Banks is returning on January 9 to host the revived series on VH1 after only serving as executive producer on Cycle 23. This year, expect new terms from Tyra and new competitors: there’s no longer an age limit.

Showtime

Showtime’s Trip to The Chi

If creator Lena Waithe‘s Emmy-winning episode of Master of None, “Thanksgiving,” is any indication, her new Showtime drama is, hands down, one of 2018’s can’t-miss debuts. The Chi, premiering January 7, is billed as a timely coming-of-age story that will explore the humanity behind the headlines sensationalizing the South Side of Chicago. Expect this to be an early Emmys frontrunner.

The CW

A New Superhero

Luke Cage may have come before him, but Black Lightning feels like the first superhero series to finally truly speak to the Black Lives Matter movement. The CW’s latest DC Comics adaptation, starring Cress Williams as the titular hero and premiering Jan. 16, feels timely in a way that few of the network’s other comic book offerings have. If nothing else, it’s just refreshing to have a CW superhero who feels like a damn adult.

FX

American Crime Story Goes Glam

People v. O.J. was great, but The Assassination of Gianni Versace brings a new level of glamour and intrigue to one of last year’s most talked about new series with one of the biggest crimes fashion has ever suffered. Darren Criss plays the serial killer we never before knew we needed him to play, and Penélope Cruz is straight-up iconic as Donatella Versace. We are so there come January 17.  

VH1

Mama Ru Gathers More All-Stars

While some of the queens returning for another chance at the crown barely fit in the label of “star,” let alone “All-Star”—Aja, anyone?—our excitement at finally having RuPaul and her glorious queens back is off the charts. RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars 3 returns to its new network (VH1) on January 25 to see who will join the ranks of legendary All-Stars and All-Stars 2 winners Chad Michaels and Alaska, respectively. Who are we rooting for? We’ll never tell. (OK, we’ll tell. That crown belongs to Trixie Mattel. Don’t @ us.)

Mindy Tucker/HBO

2 Dope Queens Come to HBO

What’s better than listening to your favorite podcast? Watching it come to life in a series of HBO specials, that’s what! Jessica Williams and Phoebe Robinson bring their acclaimed podcast 2 Dope Queens to the cable network beginning February 2 for four hour-long specials taped before a live audience, tackling topics like “Black Nerds aka Blerds” and “Hot Peen” alongside guests including Jon Stewart and Tituss Burgess. 

Netflix

Netflix Explores Altered Carbon

Netflix is going big with this original series, an adaptation the classic cyberpunk noir novel by Richard K. Morgan. Set more than 300 years in a future where society has been transformed by new technology, consciousness can be digitized, human bodies are interchangeable, and death is no longer permanent, the sci-fi series stars Joel Kinnaman as Takeshi Kovacs, the lone surviving soldier in a group of elite interstellar warriors who were defeated in an uprising against the new world order. Altered Carbon, dropping on the streaming site on February 2, looks expensive and confusing as hell. Count us in.

CBS

Big Brother Turns Celebrity

Already a staple in the U.K., Celebrity Big Brother is finally making its way across the pond for a special edition on CBS beginning February 7. Which of our D-list celebs will sign up to duke it out in the Big Brother house with Julie Chen narrating their every move? We haven’t the slightest idea and we can’t wait to find out.

Lifetime

UnREAL Flips the Script

Did you know that it’s been nearly 18 months since UnREAL signed off for season two? After that creative debacle, you may have pushed the provocative Lifetime series, a fictional account of the inner-workings of a Bachelor-esque reality series, out of your mind. But queens Constance Zimmer and Shiri Appleby deserve better, and it looks like the time off may have helped deliver a third series worthy of their estimable talents. After tackling their first African-American suitor in S2, they’re going the Bachelorette route this time around with Masters of Sex alum Caitlin FitzGerald assuming the role of Everlasting’s (the show within the show) new feminist “suitress.” Could Quinn and Rachel have finally met their match? Tune in on February 26 to find out. 

Good Girls Go Bad

What do you get when you take a Parks and Recreation fave (Retta), a Parenthood breakout (Mae Whitman), and a Mad Men diva (Christina Hendricks), cast them as three suburban moms tired of their lives, and have them rob a local supermarket. Why, the recipe for our most anticipated show of 2018, that’s what. Is it February 26 yet?

Netflix

A Queer Comeback

All things just keep getting better thanks to Netflix’s upcoming revival of the seminal reality series Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Does the new Fab Five (from left to right, Bobby Berk, Karamo Brown, Antoni Porowski, Jonathan Van Ness and Tan France) have what it takes to make us forget about Carson Kressley, Ted Allen and the rest of the OGs? Come February, we’ll find out.

CBS

Round Two of The Good Fight

It’s been a long few months without Diane Lockhart (Christine Baranski) dropping an eff-bomb on our screens. The first season The Good Fight was politically charged and intriguing and the real world hasn’t gotten any less crazy, so Robert and Michelle King have a lot of fodder for new episodes, beginning March 4. Plus Audra McDonald will be a series regular this year, so our hopes of a musical episode just got all the more higher.

ABC

American Idol Returns From the Dead

Did we really want a revival of American Idol so soon after its 2016 (supposed) series finale? Not even slightly. Are we planning to tune in on March 11 to see if Katy Perry was really worth her rumored $25 million salary? You betcha. 

NBC

A New TV Musical Rises

Glee meets Friday Night Lights this spring on NBC, with Moana (Auli’i Cravalho), Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor) and Rosie Perez (Rosie Perez) in the starring roles of this Jason Katims-produced high school drama set (where else) in a working class town. This one could either be one of the year’s biggest successes or biggest flame-outs. Tune in on March 13 and judge for yourself.

ABC

Roseanne‘s Return

Revival fatigue is very real, but we for sure will not be able to look away from the return of Roseanne Barr‘s iconic comedy Roseanne, premiering March 27, for two big reasons: 1. Curiosity about how the show explains away the series finale that had Roseanne Conner revealing Dan (John Goodman) was dead and she made the entire series up as a writer and 2. Laurie Metcalf. Metcalf is one of the best actors working today. Any chance to get weekly doses of her we will take.

Hulu

Handmaid’s Trip to the Colonies

Where do you go after being the most-buzzed about new series and winning a slew of awards? That’s what we want to know, The Handmaid’s Tale! Season two, debuting sometime in April, is already well underway and details are being kept under wraps. We do know there will be more Alexis Bledel—sorry, that’s Emmy winner Alexis Bledel to you—and previously unseen parts of Gilead. “What I can tell you, and I’m not joking one bit, is it’s knocking me out where this story is going,” Ann Dowd told E! News. “I literally read the scripts and I think, ‘Oh my god.’ The ideas are genius and so unpredictable and harrowing,” she said. “Plus you see the worlds that you weren’t exposed to before: the Colonies, what that whole world is; those who make it to Canada, what happens there; the pregnancy, how that is coming along. It’s a phenomenally well-written show.”

Bravo

RHONY‘s Extra Dose of Real-World Drama

Arguably the best Real Housewives series on Bravo (go ahead and try to say another is better), Real Housewives of New York City is set to return with last year’s top-tier cast and you know there’s going to be laughs—and drama. Luann de Lesseps was arrested just before Christmas and charged with battery of an officer, disorderly intoxication, resisting arrested with violence and crimes against another person. She’s now in a treatment center. Bravo’s cameras are just itching to start recording and we cannot wait to see what they capture.

John P. Johnson/HBO

A Return Trip to Westworld

Season one felt like nothing more than a prelude, an introductory course to this world where nothing is as it seems and everyone watching wised up to the twists down the road much sooner than anyone writing expected. But now that the robots have taken over, making the demented amusement park at the center of this HBO sci-fi/western pastiche a true free-for-all, we can’t wait to see what happens next when Westworld finally returns this spring.But it better involve Maeve (Thandie Newton) kicking some ass.

FX

Atlanta, at Long Last

One of 2016’s most surreal and delightful new shows, Atlanta feels like it’s been gone forever. Apparently creator and star Donald Glover was too busy being very famous and employable to give us more in 2017, so we’ll take whatever he can give us in 2018. 

Netflix

Robin Wright’s House of Cards Reign

Robin Wright has always been the best thing about House of Cards and now she gets to truly own the show for its sixth and final season. After allegations of sexual misconduct by Kevin Spacey came to light, the status of the Netflix series was in question. After deliberation, Netflix and Media Rights Capital said the show must go on¬—without Spacey. Wright’s Claire Underwood ended season five in power, now we get to see her wield it triumphantly.

The CW

Sabrina Gets Spooky

Inspired by the success of Riverdale‘s dark take on Archie Comics, WB and Netflix are teaming up to create the show of our teenage dreams. The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (you know, the teenage witch) is already our favorite thing to binge and we know absolutely nothing about it yet. Even if we only get a cast in 2018, we are here for it. 

Sipa

Feud Goes Royal

After Feud‘s spot-on casting for Bette and Joan, we can’t wait to see who Ryan Murphy lands in the lead roles for the anthology’s upcoming second installment, Charles and Diana. We have our thoughts on who will fill the royal shoes of Prince Charles and Princess Diana, among others, but we’re sure that Murphy will still manage to surprise us. 

Which TV event are you most excited about for 2018? Sound off in the comments below!

(E!, Bravo and NBC are all part of the NBCUniversal family.)

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