#literally just broke down crying in front of my parents because i couldnt decide between pizza and pasta

[seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana]

@megatraven

ANOTHER SAD IDEA MEGG!! Astraeus always gives me sad iDEAS UGHGHG. Looked at your screenshots and uGHHHH. IDEAS!!

Now listen idk what Aphrodite or Hades do in Astraeus route,,,but I took the idea that they didn’t rlly try to stop it and I ran with that idea so Yh-

EDIT: BY THE WAY TO MAKE THIS SADDER, I was listening to “Fight For Me” by the Heathers musical AND UGHHH!! EMOTIONS DBBSBD. anyways yeah-

I’m just looking at those Astraeus screenshots and I’m like,,,

MC dies bc the Hera thing goes wrong,,,Alex finds out and so does Josh and so do many agents,,,many Agents quit,,,Aphrodite and Hades see how Josh (since I think they both know him) and see how empty he is on the inside,,,but the face they don’t get the right to see anymore is Alex.

They left. They said their goodbyes and their I loves you (even if they were very angry...they still loved their mother and Hades...) and LEFT. Won’t face their mother, Hades, anybody. The gods find them, but then they’re gone within a second. Refusing to see Olympus or even SEE their mother or anyone. And just imagining them giving up their locket bc it’s another reminder of MC and their life with her and Olympus. They leave it with their mother and they sometimes miss it, so they get a heart necklace,,,it’s just not their heart. The one they miss. But they missed MC even more and couldnt be at Olympus anymore. The memories of them being raised there and seeing MC and trusting their mother with everything in them.

But one day,,,they run into a girl in some state they’re in (didn’t go to Greece or Cyprus. Not wanting to be found) and she’s lost. I imagine it as the cliche run into each other they fall over and jsferf. They help her up and they hear her voice and their heart pounded harder than it has in awhile. They finally look at her.

And it’s MC.

She’s here.

Alive.

Alex stares for a few seconds but stops when she laughs at them. Gods how they love that laugh...

They show her around (definitely knowing everything about where they are) and they show her a nice cafe. She decides to get something and asks if they want to join her. Now,,they know she was with Hades last time,,but they can’t help it. Its just in a best friend way. Yeah. Totally. So, they go, have a nice time, she finds out a lot about them and laughs A TON!! But not at them, its with them. And they smile so hard and they haven’t smiled this much in a long time. They had fun and new friends, but the pain of her still wiped the smile off their face. And the pain of their mother and Hades makes the frown worse, but they stop that today.

They’re here with MC. Things are fine for right now.

AND MC DOES THAT CLICHE THING BY GIVING THEM HER NUMBER AND THEY KEEP MEETING UP!! They feel a bit guilty somtimes since they know Hades loves her and knows that he misses her, but then anger gets inside of their heart.

Hades didn’t cherish her.

Hades didn’t fight for her like they would have.

But they tamper those thoughts down. They know what it’s like to miss someone they love, so they tell her about themselves. AND MC BEING MC CONVINCES THEM TO SOMEHOW GO BACK BUT SHE GOES WITH THEM!!

They’re a couple and MC doesn’t know how she will feel the day when she sets eyes on everyone again (She doesn’t know what happened, but she’s scared to see the Gods), but she wants to face it. And when she does, APHRODITE STARTS SOBBING AGAIN!! Alex literally left her their heart. The heart she knew they loved, yet they left her because their heart was crushed. I imagined them slamming it onto a table and it literally cracking. It made them weak a bit since that’s how artifacts work, but it slowly healed, but Aphrodite always saw a little crack at the top still there, and she hated how she basically put it there.

BUT ANYWAYS!! 

They take her up there and gODS APHRODITE IS EMOTIONAL, SHE WANTS TO HUG ALEX SO BAD!! But she holds back. But Alex talks with her and they both know they want to hug. They want to see each other again. But only one of them is ready to. But Alex finally gives in and hugs her when MC whispers, “It’s okay,” to them. Emotions are everywhere. They’re BOTH crying and then MC CRIES TOO! And Hades hears Aphrodite’s cries and he’s used to it. He’s cried just as much as she has (maybe even more...) and he goes to comfort her and stops in his tracks in front of Aphrodite’s pink curtains, when he sees the love of his life. The one he betrayed. The one he doesn’t deserve.

MC.

He’s stuck in shock and doesn’t move when he sees MC turn around and look at him. He knows reincarnation happens, obviously...but they almost never look the same, but she did. Her body was the same, and her voice was the same when she said “hi”, and she was herself. 

“Hades...”

Hades looked over to see Alex looking at him with anger. The cool, kind hearted demigod that he knew (he still loved Alex no matter what and especially now) and loved was now filled to the brim with anger, and he deserved it. “Alex who is this?” MC would ask, not knowing shes in the room with her ex-fiancee and the man who did nothing to stop her from her death. “This is Hades.” 

MC would look over at him with fear in her eyes. Did she know? “Oh, hi, Hades, sir!” Her voice was now low and fearful of him. He looked towards Alex and they shook their head. “So she doesn’t know,” Hades thought. “Hello, Mrs?”

And she’d say her last name. I was gonna make it Mrs. Cyrpin bc like,,YEAH!! THEY DESERVE HER! But he’d shake her hand and she’d smile at him as he put on a smile. He missed the feeling of her soft hands, the way her eyes were filled with love and care...even if he didn’t deserve it. Now, she turned to Aphrodite. “Oh! I didn’t get to shake your hand. I learned your Alex’s mom.” She reached her hand out, her voice filled with kindness and love...

The love Aphrodite failed to show her all those years ago...The Goddess of Love failed to show love where it was deserved...She failed her, Alex, and MCs mother...GOD THAT HURT HER EVEN MORE!! SHE FAILED HER MOTHER WHEN SHE DIED AND THEN SHE FAILED AGAIN WHEN MC HERSELF DIED!! Meg Im crying...

Anywaysss, Aphrodite shakes her hand as tears continue to fall. “I’m not sure what happened between the three of you, but I got Alex to come back and I hope you all can work it out?” MC looked around hopefully, but everyone was looking at each other. They didn’t think it impossible, but would it be now? MC would walk up to Alex and hold their hands. “Can you try for me?” Alex would nod with a smile. They would always try for her. Then, she would start to leave the room, wanting to give them space, but Alex calls to her before she could leave. “I want you to stay. There’s something we all need to tell you, but it’s not good. You’ll probably hate us.”

MC looks at them with a confused look. “Alex, you know it takes a lot for me to hate someone,” she said with a smile on her face. All of their hearts broke at that statement. They all knew her, but they didn’t know how she would react. This is MC, but a different MC. They don’t know her, so they can only pray for the best. And when they all tell her everything (about her mother, her life before, and how she died), MC is silent the whole time. “MC...?” Hades would ask her. It was the second time he’d said a word to her. She would look at him but it wasn’t just anger. 

It was sadness

Anger

Betrayal

And...hope?

“You threw me to the wolves? You had my mothers blood on your hands and then added mine??” MC’s voice was almost shouting and they all winced at the hurt in her voice. “You promised you would fight for me, right? But then you didn’t? What kind of fiancee does that? No. What kind of man does that?” MC looked towards Aphrodite. “And how does a friend do that? A parent figure?? You love my mother and claimed you love me, but then just...let me DIE?” Her voice was now shouting, she tried to stop it, but it couldn’t be stopped. She was shouting her anger at them, and it only stopped when Alex grabbed her hand. “It was also my fault.” MC put a finger on their lips to silence them.

“You did everything you could, Alex.” MC would be silent for a moment and would take a deep breath. “I need a few days, please.” She looked at Aphrodite and Hades and they both had tears on their face and MC only noticed the tears on her face when Alex reached out to wipe them off her face. “Take all the time you need, my dears.” Alex and MC would leave, and she would notice they had a golden heart on. “It’s my artifact. Something I gave up long ago. It was too painful to wear.” MC wouldn’t ask questions, not wanting to pain them even more right now, she just hugged them as they stood outside of HERA.

MEGGG!! IM SAD!! CRYING WHILE WRITING THIS!! ANYWAYS,,,

They take a few days apart (from Hades and Aphrodite I mean), but Alex did promise their mother that they’d come back. They missed her and Hades and would try for them. MC promised she’d come back as well, even if it hurt her. But yeah...they go back one day and see Aphrodite and Hades. They didn’t notice it before, but Aphrodite’s glow is gone. She’s a goddess, someone who has a glow around them, you can feel power radiating off of them, but that was gone for her. It was dampened by her sadness, and that hurt Alex even more. Hades was dampened as well. It was still there and could be felt since he was the God of the Underworld. Shadows followed him and would always be there. But anywayysss, they’d go back and try to talk things out. Hades and Aphrodite couldn’t think of an excuse. They should’ve fought for her, but they didn’t

There was no excuse, no defense, nothing. They just gave her all their apologies and hoped she’d come back and give them one more try. This time, they will fight for her if something goes wrong, they promise her and Alex that. And she decides to come back, she’d give them a smile and a promise as they give her one, but Alex isn’t so convinced. They look at their mother and Hades with a suspicious look, and MC would grab their hand tightly. “Hey, let them try. You miss them, so lets give it a try.” Alex would look at MC for a few moments. They love her with all their heart, but its hard to listen to her this one time. But they know she only wants the best for them, so they nod and promise they’d see them more often.

AND THEY DO!! AND EVENTUALLY APHRODITE GETS SOME GREAT NEWS!! ALEX AND MC ARE GETTING MARRIED!!

Aphrodite is ecstatic. She’s congratulating them, giving them both tight hugs, and that glow is back and shining bright. Hades is the second person to find out and he’s proud for both of them. MC says, “I’m sorry if this hurts since we were engaged, but I just...I love them so much and I’m sure I loved you so much, too. But, you’ll find someone again, I promise!!” Her smile was bright and reassuring, but he didn’t know if he ever would. He believed he didn’t deserve love anymore, but when she saw his sad face, she gave him a little pout and put her hands on her hips, like she did when she was a little girl with him.

“No frowns here! I’m sure you will! You’re an amazing man and you’ll fight for that person! If not then I’m sure Alex will probably kill you,” she said with a nervous laugh at the end. Hades would do a soft chuckle and ruffle her hair like he did so long ago. She’d smile and walk away and he’d felt his heart break, but also swell in joy. She’s happy. Alex is happy. It’s all he ever wished for.

AND THEN YA KNOW THEY GET MARRIED (not on Olympus bc we hate almost all the gods OTHER than Hades and Aphrodite for right now-) AND EVERYONES HAPPY AND THEN THEY HAVE KIIIDDDSSS!! THEY HAVE KIIIIDDSSS!!! And when Aphrodite and Hades get to hold Jason they’re in awe. This tiny child is now someone they get the blessing to hold. They don’t deserve it, they don’t, but they thank MC and Alex for forgiving them. It’d been around 200 years since MC died, but they’d wait this long again if it meant they’d be able to hold Jason and see MC and Alex again.

And sometimes Hades wonders what would’ve happened if he did fight for her. Would they have kids of their own?? Would they be married to this day? Would he be able to hold her in his arms and tell her how much he loves her? He doesn’t know and he doesn’t want to think about it, he’s just happy to have her in his life again. And he hopes one day he’ll be able to see MCs mom. He’s assuming MCs mom isn’t the friend he once new, now just a woman he didn’t know, and he hopes one day his friend will come back as well...and maybe she will forgive him.

UGHHH MEGGG IM SO SAD!! I NEED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST SO I CAN STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!! BUT YEAH,,I’m sad😭. And if it wasn’t Alex who gets with her, then Apollo would get with her bc Apollo deserves happiness and in this AU he did NOT vote for MC to become Hera since MC would be Rose and nOoOo. But yh I hope you liked this bc it had me crying at 2 AM in the morning,,,

Some proofreading but not much so :’)).

[thathumanwiththecatears]

I feel like venting so this will be way too much information about my life that i am sharing on the internet because why have a private diary when you can publicly scream your problems into the void

So basically, both of my parents kinda suck. They arent the worst, but they also just kinda suck :) So before i was born my parents had my sister. And between me and my sister my mom had a miscarriage. I dont know details of that, but i know it happened. I also know that my parents were not going to have me because of not just that but also they were already not getting along very well. But then they changed their mind for some god forsaken reason (i was not an accident i was planned) and now i exist.

My parents were at the point of hating each other before i was born. They divorced when i turned 18 literally, when i turned 18 my dad started slowly taking his stuff and moving out over a few months until he was fully gone and filed for divorce. I will talk about that later. But the point of saying that now, is that ny parents hated each other for 18 years, and for some fucking idiotic reason decided it was a good idea to stay together.

I have lived in three places. My first house was this apartment where it was a 2 family house, but like first floor second floor rather than next to each other. My family lived on the first floor, my cousins family lived on the second floor. My second place was the second floor of my grandparents house and now in my current apartment been here for like 8 years.

I am usually one to say i dont remember my childhood. Thats because i have repressed it. I have few memories and they are usually bad. My parents never “hit” me so to speak. Not in the /actual abuse/ way, but i was spanked and slapped by my mom. She likes to laugh about it to people still now. Thinks its funny that she could say ”do i need to take you to the ladies room?” To me and i would stop crying. One of the biggest phrases that sticks with me is “stop crying or i will give you a reason to cry” it still hurts even now just thinking about it. The number of times i could be crying over something that to me would be a lot and have that screamed at me with hand raised is just terrible.

A specific memory that i have is on i belive either my 5th or 6th birthday, i was wearing a velvet burgundy and black dress with buttons up the middle and matching burgundy headband. I dont rememver why, but i know that something upset me and i was crying, and i was yelled at to stop crying, and i remember sitting in my room before my party trying to stop crying and make myself look okay. I had a lot of birthdays like that. Kinda why i really dont like my birthday, but it also breaks my heart whenever my birthday is ruined, cause im always a little hopeful it wont be.

Some other memories i have involve being yelled at to clean. I had a lot of pressure on me and i was never good enough. Always did something wrong. I would cry at night and wish that i could just be perfect. I didnt wish things would stop happening, i wished i could become perfect and stop messing up and do everything that was asked of me. I had to do a lot. My sister didnt, my sister was the favorite. I have always known she was the favorite. Was always treated better, always had her side taken, always was the good child, the pretty child. I delt with a lot of anger and fighting with my sister, we really didnt get along. And i think part of the reason she was the favorite was because she would always intentionally make me mad so that i would end up fighting her. I punched and kicked her, she did the same to me but i was worse. I once had her locked into a corner and was hitting her until we got in trouble. I cried in the corner for a few hours after being the only one punished.

When i was little i had already been depressed and suicidal. When i was six i wanted to be left alone to die in my room. I locked myself in and cried with music playing. My mom screamed at me that i would be taken away. Being taken away was threatened a lot. And i remember her screaming asking me if that was what i wanted. And everytime in my head i screamed yes. But i said no on the outside.

I remember hearing screaming always. My parents were always fighting, over money mostly. My mom telling my dad how worthless he was and how he didnt provide for my family. And my dad wasn’t innocent. He could have done more, but he still didnt deserve the abusive words. He was told he was worthless for years. No one deserves that. They wouldnt just be screaming at each other though. They would be screaming at me and my sister too. I flinch whenever my door is opened still because of how my mom used to slam my door open and yell at me. I flinch a lot.

In middle school i mostly lived at my grandparents. With my parents also there though. My nana and papa lived downstairs and we lived upstairs, there was only one kitchen and bathroom though both downstairs so it wasnt like an apartment. This sucked too. My nana liked my sister better. Actually she was the favorite of all the cousins. We would all talk about it, well except her. My dad would also get into fights with my grandparents. They were my moms parents and because they sided with my mom for obvious reasons, he wouldnt get along with them always.

I remember specifically sleeping on the black leather couch while home sick, up in our living room on the second floor. Watching disney jr. i stayed home sick a lot. Not because i was sick but because i was too depressed to go to school and really good at pretending to be sick.

When in 8th grade my health teacher noticed that i was depressed. He was the first person to notice. And he had me show my parents a pamphlet about it. My mom took me to a therapist. But you see, im selectively mute. I didnt know yet though, so it just came across as not wanting to talk. My mom would go with me. She would always be there, she would talk for me. She and the therapist would talk about me as i sat there unable to speak screaming about how wrong they were in my head. Eventually it was just me in the room. But i still couldnt talk freely. My mom would be told everything. All of my issues stemmed from her. I tried to bring it up once. My mom cried, made it all about her, cried about how she was a terrible mother, i was forced to tell her she wasnt and push down all of my problems and just be forced to live with that just being how it is. I cant talk about it because i dont matter. My feelings didnt matter and they never will. My goal was to just make my mom happy and not worry about myself. I just had to be perfect.

My grandparents sold the house from underneath us and we were forced to find another place. My current place. I liked it when we got here it was nice. There was a time while living here where my mom didnt have a job. That sucked a lot. She was always home. Always yelling at me. I couldnt get away. I almost never leave my room now because i have become so accustomed to just being in it. I have a vivid memory here. My bed was on a different wall of my room. I dont remember what we were fighting about. But i think what happened might have actually gotten to my mom for once. She was screaming at me and i went into my room and she followed me. I ended up on my bed as far as i could get from her crunched up into a ball saying “please dont hit me” over abd over while crying. I dont remember what happened immediately after but i do remember she left and i cried a lot.

I also remember when my sister found a paper towel with blood on it in my room. She told my mom. The worst possible thing she could have done because it lead to screaming and making things worse. I was threatened to be sent away. A big theme in this whole thing, getting sent away. I have a big fear of that still. Fear of doctors and hospitals and therapists and mental hospitals. I was threatened with them so much so that makes sense.

Once me and my sister got in a fight with my mom together. My mom later decided it would be a good idea to call us both out and tell us about how ungrateful and terrible we were and that she clould just kick us out and that she didnt owe us anything. I had a panic attack. The first time i had ever had one in front of her. I couldnt breath. I sobbed. I went to my room and fell to the floor behind the door hysterically crying and panicking. She screamed at me to stop and threatened to call 911. That for obvious reasons made it worse and made me have to force myself to get words out begging her not to and to just leave me alone so that i could calm down. Which she hated because to her she just heard “go away” as if i was just being a bratt. I eventually managed to get myself calmed down enough to semi explain what happened and got away to my room alone.

As i said earlier my dad left when i turned 18. It broke my heart when i realized that it was literally because of the fact that i had turned 18. You see in my dads eyes, he couldnt leave sooner because he didnt want to walk out on me and my sister. I think if they had just divorced sooner things would have gone better. I wouldnt have had to deal with hearing screaming all night every night for my entire life if they had. But i can understand why he didn’t want to leave. He still could have left when i turned 18 in a better way though at least. He basically snuck out. Spent less and less time at home until he wasnt coming home until all his stuff was gone. I cried about it but i was glad he got away from my mom. But him getting away from my mom made life worse for me. She no longer had him to scream at, and she didnt scream at my sister as much, it was all concentrated to me. Everything was a reason to scream at me. It has died down now. Other than a few days ago when she threatened to take away my phone and laptop and basically all connections to the outside world. If she did i would have left. She refuses to actually let me get freedom. She is trying to hold on. I cant drive, i dont have a job, i dont have any money. She doesnt want me to leave. If i leave she doesnt have anyone to control anymore.

This obviously isnt my entire life and everything, but its just the stuff i thought of now. Its almost 8:30am and i havent slept, so i should probably do that now. But yeah. Thats my vent fo the day.