#literally insane to force a student to turn something in when their dad died

[petals2fish]

Getting my PhD just so ugly white men can’t pull their doctorate out of their asses mid email argument with me when I call them out for being a total dick

[itsatoyboat]

i finished true colors and i’m having a lot of thoughts that i NEED to talk about.

(if this is gonna be long idk, i apologize for your eyeballs)

1. i honestly didn’t like alex at all when i saw the trailer, i was thinking “hmm idk about this one” but as soon as i started to play the game i fell so in love with her, she is so freaking smart and funny, she genuinely cares about the people around her and her story it’s very different from the other characters from LIS anthology. i truly enjoyed seeing alex’s development throughout the game especially her realizing that her powers can actually help the people around her and not harm anyone, the way she controls it after her conversation with gabe was such an awesome upgrade from the alex who was so ashamed of her power to alex superwoman. i liked how the game explored her emotions and her mind about the past, the mine part where alex was struggling to feel everything she felt in those days and then embracing everything was one of my favorite parts. it shows a lot of growth.

2. this game has AMAZING CHARACTERS, every single one of the characters was well written, they had life, they had problems, they had their own emotions with private stuff that was going on in their lives and you could actually talk to them and meet their “layers”. mac for an example was an asshole but i couldn’t pretend i didn’t felt his concern and fear around typhon, the way he was terrified about everyone hating him, he was scared for his life and being very paranoid, i was concerned about him and the game giving you the choice to speak to him or leaving him was a tricking decision cause you could leave him alone suffering or try to help him out, maybe saving his life and this is a lot but he’s alive. the game makes him real and that’s what makes me INSANE about the characters. i know, i’m talking about a game where you’re supposed to feel the characters’ feelings but that could possibly go wrong as well if the characters were shallow and poorly explored and that’s not the case with true colors. they had purpose.

3. alex’s power it’s probably my favorite power. the choices in this game was way harder than the first two games, the craziest thing is you can choose if you want to take someone else’s feeling so they can stop feeling that way, saving them from themselves making alex suffer instead and that's selfish. don’t get me wrong, i’m not calling alex a selfish person but taking someone else’s feeling doesn’t make anything better, you’re taking their right to heal, to be alive and that is so fucking awesome. you have this power to help someone, to “take their pain away” and you will learn that people need to feel what they are supposed to feel so they can move forward cause if we don’t, we are never going to learn. we see that charlotte is pretty angry about gabe’s death, she blames everyone but mostly ethan, she is miserable. alex can choose between taking charlotte’s anger or leave her. if alex takes charlotte’s anger, charlotte is left completely empty, she doesn’t feel anything and when i say anything it’s anything. she is left emotionless and bitter, she doesn’t pass through her way of mourning for gabe and she doesn’t have alex’s back when alex confronts jed. if alex leave charlotte to her anger we have a nice moment between them on the festival, talking about what happened and charlotte gets alex’s back on the black lantern and that’s what i mean from being selfish, if we take someone else’s feelings we are being unfair to them, we are choosing for them and people are supposed to feel, heal in their own time or overcome. by taking charlotte’s anger we deprived her from healing, we are not helping her, we are just making an natural process even more difficult and slower. alex being able to hear what someone is thinking and enter that person’s world from what they are feeling at that moment it’s the best detail for me, everything changes, we get to see the world through that person’s eyes, we can understand them but we decide what to do with that, we can be selfish or actually help. of course, we can take pike’s situation for an example also, if we take his fear we can help him overcome typhon and we get to expose jed but pike’s fear was necessary to take and charlotte was not necessary, pike at least had the pendrive with the recorded calls on it so we had a chance for things to get better.

4. chapter 5 was an amazing ending. finding out the truth about typhon, jed was never a hero, alex confronting her past, the confrontation and seeing who was going to be on your side, alex’s final conversation with gabe and the end, it was better than i thought it could be. i truly loved seeing alex’s past, even with everything that went down she turned to be a good person who wanted to be loved (her passion for music being the thing that helped her connected to me in a lot of levels, that creep cover though i screamed so hard when she started to sing). the mine part was absolutely insane not just alex surviving that fall discovering that gabe was looking for his dad for so long, jed knowing it and all of this time his dad actually died because of jed, alex finding the truth by taking her mom’s necklace back from what was left of that accident it’s so heartbreaking, the confrontation was crazy, i thought no one was going to believe alex because jed was so loved by everyone there it would be so easy to doubt alex and just be on jed’s side which was what ryan did but it’s understandable, jed was his dad, his hero. alex’s speech on jed exposing him after everything was one of the best monologues on that game and man this game had AMAZING dialogues and monologues, everything felt so real and beautiful, the best part of it it’s to forgive jed that’s where alex break him, he regrets everything even more cause when we find out the truth. we find out why jed never enjoyed talking about being the hero of haven springs. at the end jed wasn’t entirely a bad person cause when we forgive him he gives back alex her dad’s jacket talking about how he wanted to give it to gabe but couldn’t, that’s something that made me love even more the characters even jed that was the “villain”, which i don’t think he is. what he did was terrible and he knew that, he tried to pretend nothing happened when alex started to talk but at the end he broke, that always haunted him and that’s the difference between him and jefferson who was actually the villain in life is strange he wasn’t forced to do those things, he killed rachel, he killed chloe, he manipulated nathan, he was going to kill max and if max didn't stopped him on the arcadia bay ending he would kill even more students at blackwell.

5. alex and steph relationship was the purest thing on this game, it was smooth, it was organic, it wasn’t something out of the blue, steph liked alex since the beginning. the plan to pick someone to flirt with diane and get her pendrive i chose ryan and afterwards steph started to feel something, she was so upset that alex used to think ryan was “hotter than her” (i only chose ryan cause i didn’t want to see steph flirting with diane but i saw the scene where we pick steph and omg i should’ve chosen steph cause that scene it’s hilarious), steph was happier around alex, every time she had an opportunity to flirt with alex she took it. seeing their love grow through the chapters was beautiful, i know we can choose ryan over steph but i don’t believe ryan liked alex the way steph did, you can literally see that no matter what alex did steph was going to support her and look at her with so much love and respect and that’s why i think alex and steph’s relationship it’s so pure and right. also they looked so good playing together it’s so cute that they have the same passion for music and THAT LARP SCENE FOR GOD’S SAKE MY HEART MELTED!

6. this part is exclusively to talk about LARP and the fight scenes, it reminded me so much of final fantasy it was so COOL, well thought and so fun. it was awesome to see everyone taking care of ethan and doing their best to make him happy.

7. talking about ethan, this game opened a conversation in my head about charlotte and ethan, i started to think a lot about what charlotte said about ethan how she felt happier when gabe was around and now she was stuck with only ethan again, it made me think that maybe charlotte didn’t want to have a child or if she didn’t had ethan she could have gabe again. that could open a conversation about women who didn’t want to become a mom but it doesn’t mean that charlotte would hurt ethan which makes total sense to decide to leave her alone and not take her anger, she would never hurt ethan. it was again another tricking decision cause we get concerned about ethan when charlotte starts to talk but we know deep down she cares so much about her son, she does everything for him.

life is strange true colors became my favorite life is strange, the story it’s different and great, it’s literally finding the truth about everything, when we understand people’s feelings we discover the truth about them and situations, we understand everything. this game actually made me cry harder and think so much even more than the first one and boy i love the first one so badly. it talks a lot about empathy and how we react to people’s emotions, your choices in this game are way harder than messing with time or moving things with your mind, it’s choices about things that could happen in real life eventually and that is what makes this game so important to me, it’s real.

and also it's the first life is strange to have happy endings like.. ok big steps for my non depression finally

[cassyapper]

Apart from Jotaro and Kakyoin (unfortunately) what are your other favourite jojo ships? I’d love to know

OHHHH POST YOUVE OPENED A CAN OF FUCKING WORMS LET ME GO OFF

i have a disease that makes me invested in the joestars’ happiness to an absurd level so bc of that a lot of ships i enjoy involve,,,one joestar,,,but there r others i swear let me just start rantingi

jonaeriwagon is soooooo so so cute it involves the most wholesome and purehearted jojo characters and it makes me smile so wide. erina and jonathan r childhood sweethearts and erina helped jonathan back on his feet after he lost EVERYTHING in the first fight against dio at the mansion. jonathan and speedwagon are best FRIENDS OKAY!! SPEEDWAGON LITERALLY CHANGES HIS ENTIRE WALK OF LIFE BECAUSE OF JONATHAN AND THE KINDNESS HE SHOWED HIM. i know erina and speedwagon didn't interact a whole lot in part 1 but like they're BEST. FRIENDS. in part 2, so much so joseph thought something was going on between them. i bring this up bc then it’s proof that this ship is full of ppl who just care for each other so much. they just adore each other and love each other and I'm crying

caejoseq is my FAVVV OKAY they're so stupid and in love. i love love love love imagining caesar and suziq falling in love slowly when he’s first training as lisalisa’s student and like they never do anything about it cause they're both so shy (yes caesar is shy bc these feelings r more genuine romance rather than sexual, unlike his other flings) but it’s obvious enough they both understand to a degree the other knows they like them sjkd;dn cuties. but then JOSEPH BARGES IN with his stupid hamon-breathing mask and his stupid blue-green eyes and his stupid lax personality combined with the moments he takes thing seriously during which is works hard as fuck/smart as fuck. he just completely sweeps them off their feet they had no fuckin warning whatsoever. so after a bunch of messy and intense pining from the both of them they eventually sit down and are like okay. we should do smth about feelings actually. so they Do and it ends with the polycule and I'm (”: smiling so wide they loved each other do u understand

AVPOL!! DO NOT GET ME STARTED OKAY it’s the survivor’s guilt and cherishing and longing for me sis!!!!!! I'm just saying both have pasts (araki said avdol’s backstory was so sad he didn't wanna put it into sdc so that’s where I'm drawing this from) that leave them focused on things other than their direct happiness/their own futures but then they connect and even though they're so fucking different they are SOOO different they're still the same on this level and i think!!! that would be everything for them finally someone who understands...listen I'm ging to go insane do you hear me. avdol loves this stupid fucking Frenchman so much because said stupid fucking Frenchman just cares so much about everything. meanwhile polnareff is in love with this fuckin god of a man who’s patient and kind and funny and a skilled enough fighter it’s stated explicitly in canon “oh avdol’s the one we need to worry about most not jotaro” like fuck polnareff is ENAMOURED WITH HIM!! AND I DONT FUCKING BLAME HIM!! and just dude. when pol thinks avdol came back to life and he starts crying tears of joy and hugs him so tightly and avdol just laughs but hugs him back imfmfjfj help. help. help. help. help. POLNAREFF LITERALLY ASKS HIM OUT ON A DATE THIS IS FUCKIN!!! CANON!!! i cant do this stupid fuckign idiots i love them

JOSUYASU!!!!!! TWO GUYS BEIGN DUDES WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT??? like listen we have such a SLEW of wholesome moments between these two the opening to the tonio episode is literally just them going on a date OKUYASU WAS GONNA FEED JOSUKE AND JOSUKE DIDNT EVEN FUCKING QUESTION IT OKAY THAT’S KINDA GAY THAT HAS ROMANTIC FUCKING UNDERTONES!! and them fighting against shigechi idk man i just love their dynamic it’s such a pleasant bro relationship and i love them. but even beyond the wholesome moments when okuyasu fucking dies josuke loses his SHIT!!! DO YOU HEAR ME HE GOES FUCKIGN INSANE!!!!! HE’S SCREAMING AND CRYING AND BEGGING OKUYASU TO WAKE UP AT THE EXPENSE OF HIS LIFE FUCKIGN HAYATO HAD TO SHRIEK AT HIM TO MOVE HIS ASS OUT OF THE WAY OF KIRA’S BOMB LIKE!! listen the recklessness and furiousness of josuke’s tactics after okuyasu “”died”” haunts me. he didn't want to live in a world without him and meanwhile okuyaus LITERALLY TRIUMPHS OVER DEATH BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE JOSUKE’S SIDE HELP ME GIRL FJKF;NDJN FUCK. fuck. so yeah i lvoe them

fugionara... any combination of this ship makes me go nuts okay okay. the dynamics in the bucci gang will forever leave me in tatters but THE ONES BETWEEN THESE THREE IN PARTICULAR. FUCK ME UP. it’s the healing it’s the animosity it’s the regret it’s the trying to figure out your own mentally ill self while also the world ur in with these ppl u love so much and I'm going crazy okay okay okay. idk how to quite put my feelings for them in worlds i just have a lot of them and they are fuckin. overhwelming. just narancia for example meant EVERYTHING to fugo as evidence by purple haze feedback (literally every other paragraph is a flashback) and the only time giorno cries in the anime is when narancia dies. meanwhile fugo saved narancia’s life and giorno knew when to take narancia seriously as opposed to a joke. and then THE WHOLE DISCUSSION ABOUT GRIEF FUGO AND GIORNO HAVE IN PURPLE HAZE FEEDBACK? listen something about these three make me go insane and feral

foolymes like okay. okay. I'm shaking like a dog trying not to go overboard on this justification just listen to me. hermes and jolyne first find someone to trust in prison in each other. jolyne cares abt her enough that she first learns how to use stone free’s string-on-a-telephone ability bc she wanted to watch over hermes. hermes loves nd respects jolyne that after she wakes up from getting a stand shes like “hm. wonder where jolyne is” and goes to find her before all that bullshit happened just hey okay LISTEN TO ME!! and then they get foo they save her it’s just like fucking kakyoin they give her another chance and they show her what relationships are supposed to be like (fulfilling) they enjoy her company and make her laugh and she makes them laugh in return ohmy god EVERYTHING FOO FIGHTERS DID WAS FOR JOLYNE AND HERMES DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!!! the marilyn mansion debt collector arc. the kiss of love and revenge arc. foo fighter’s death. I'm going to eat rocks in an attempt to stop feeling oh my god JOLYNE DIDNT EVEN BELEIVE FOO FIGHTERS WAS DYING AND THEN SHE GOT HYSTERICAL LIKE “BUT WE CAN JUST REMAKE YOU RIGHT WE HAVE YOUR STAND DISC??” SHE DOESNT WANT HER TO GOOO HELP ME HELP ME. I'm in tatters these three girls loved each other so fucking much they just wanted each other safe and they DESERVED to be safe and happy together but araki is fucking evil

jotaweather I KNOW THIS IS A CRACK SHIP I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW DONT FUCKIGN LOOK AT ME JUST HEAR ME OUT. jotaro and weather r both of similar demeanor that is quiet soft-speaking intimidating strong big aura of sadness coming from them. both have powerful stands and both had real fucked up luck in the love department. i also hc both to be autistic so that’d be another similarity. i jus think them settling down together after everything went down in a stone ocean au would be very soft and sweet yknow? they wouldn't even necessarily start it off in a romantic sense but they just take the time to try and heal with each other and eventually it just kinda veers that way. yeah

gyjo for OBVIOUS reasons like are you serious? gyro changed johnny’s fucking lfie from the SECOND they first interact johnny begins to push himself and tries to reach further/go further. and in turn johnny shows gyro you cant always be a wet blanket you need to take a stand this both helps his resolve to save the kid AND helps him to take the measures necessary to get to his goal. like gyro would not have been able to find johnny in the “who shot johnny joestar?” arc if he hadn't gone through, say, the ring roadagain arc with johnny first. listen man their relationship is literally the catalyst for this whole part it’s the driving force i just. they love each other they love each other thank you goodnight I'm emo

yasugap is just so so so so sweet it makes me so happy,,like okay josuk8 literally has a daydream where all that happens is he gives yasuho some candy and she eats it and is like “aw josuke this is so good thanks!” and she smiles at him and that’s IT THAT’S THE DAYDREAM 😭 listen they just love each other so much and i am emo. they literally SAVED EACH OTHER OKAY LIKE yasuho pulls him from the dirt and like she mentioned during the flashback chapter with the hairpin and her dad, it was also the other way around....saving josuke also saved herself and just LISTEN TO ME. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. it’s a very sweet and healthy relationship and i hope to god araki makes it canon please sir ill bite you

anyway yeah these are the main main ones ? that i ship ship. like you'll get me excited if u mention them. anyway this post has gone on long enough so I'm gonna end it here by saying i really do have a thing where the relationship focuses on healing/helping one or both parties to save/improve themselves

[buccigang-headcanons]

La Squadra Backstories!!!! Stream of consciousnesss style!

So literally I just sat down and wrote down exactly what I thought. I have not edited these at all lmaooo. But I made long drawn out backstories for our underrated assassins so enjoy!!

T/W + C/W - idk I talk about people dying in a lot of ways. Child abuse, drugs, severe illness, dead cats. This stuff is a mess I really didn’t censor it. But nothing is described in detail cuz I’m too lazy for that.

————

Prosciutto cuz he’s at the top of my mind. Mmkay he and Pesci are brothers but not by blood. Pro was an orphan, I still wanna make him Russian, and pesci’s extremely kind and gentle family adopted him when he was like 7. They were like literally a garden catalogue family. Perfection. The parents died when pro was like 15, Pesci was 13?? Idk the age difference I’m just making shit up now. And Pesci had no fucking idea what to do, they didn’t have any other family, and pro was like “I’m still basically a hardened criminal from living on the streets of russia most of my childhood, so joining the local mafia should be a piece of cake”. It was.

Risotto..... fuck it. Polpo is risottos dad. I’ve seen that so much and fuck it I’m here for it now. Idk how I feel about the whole Mariah from part 3 being his mom that seems too coincidental. But either way, he is half Spanish. I don’t think he’s ever been in touch with his Spanish roots at all, but that’s what he is. Polpo had too much fun on vacay in Spain. But it was a once night stand and polpo, a skinny king back in the mid 70s, fucked off to do mafia stuff and didn’t know about this kid. Risotto never knew his father. Time goes by, about the time he’s 10, rizzo’s mom moves to Italy to find the man she once loved. Since the 70s, she has been married and divorced 4 times, disowned by her entire family, and she speaks only of Polpo, the man who swept her off her feet and then disappeared into the night. Leaving only this child with his matching eyes. So they live in Italy, risotto is about 13 now and his mom has been searching seriously for polpo for about 3 years. One day, she gets too close, mafia takes her out. Risotto is all alone in a country he has lived in for less than 3 years. So he decides to take revenge against the mafia. He goes to hunt them down. (I’m too lazy to write out how. Gets a gun. Basically the scene in part 5 where the kid is like “you killed my father and now I’m gonna kill you!!” But he chickens out???) yeah except rizzo didn’t chicken out, he stood firm and killed 2 of them. The other 2 surrendered, and immediately asked rizzo to take polpos test. He did. And he unknowingly met his father, the man his mother had died looking for. He stared into his fathers eyes, black sclera reflecting each other, and passed his test with ease.

Wowwwwwwwww alrighty then that was something. Let’s shake out those jitters because fuck that was intense and let’s move onto some happy shit.

Melone!! Always a bottle of joy. He was a phenomenal student, a perfect child. Perfect grades, perfect attitude, perfect looks. Onlyyyy tiny thing is he murdered cats and buried their heads in the back yard. But that was his only flaw. Aaaaaaaand mayyybe trying to use his extensive knowledge of molecular biology and genetics (even at as young as 11) to asexually breed said cats.

But, apart from that, absolutely perfect specimen of a young boy. And he kept that up until college. Until the rape accusation. Melone had no interest in having sex with her, he swore under oath in open court, he only wanted to “extract her essence” in the hopes of making her amazing genetics stay pure for centuries.

Due to his previously amazing school record, he was allowed to plead not guilty by reason of insanity (because the justice system is bullshit) and was released to his parents. During this whole process, Melone’s mother had begun to grow suspicious of her son, wondering if there was something wrong with him. This led her to explore the crawl space under the garage, more commonly known as “Melone’s childhood laboratory”. The cat skulls alone were enough to set her off. They allowed him into their home long enough to fool the court, but parole officers don’t pay attention, and they kicked him to the curb a month later. Broke, alone, and with no real skills other than his genius mind and gorgeous body, he became a prostitute. It was only a few months before he wandered up to a gigantic white haired man with angry eyes and asked if he wanted a date. Instead of declining, our good ol rizzo just knocked him out cold and brought him home. The rest is history. Literally because I can’t think of what would happen between that and Melone joining the mafia. I assume he was just their house pet for a little while before he decided he wanted a stand too.

Oh good lord these are getting insane. Better keep going. Okay I have no idea what’s about to come out of my head for ghia but oh Lordy. Might as well start. Ghiaccio wasn’t always quite as angry, but it’s actually gonna be a sweet story. Kinda. He used to act perfect, even tho he always felt the anger inside. He was forced to bottle it up and put on a happy exterior always. His mother was Belgian. (From experience, Belgian mothers (Flemish in particular) will beat you until your ass is raw if you talk back). Italian father, they lived in italy. He had 4 sisters, he was the middle child of 5. Around high school, he started acting out. Of course this was due to all of his bottled up anger from the past 15 years. 4 shattered sinks, 16 holes in the drywall, and one classroom fire later, Ghiaccio was expelled from school. His parents were too busy brimming with joy about the success of all his sisters that they didn’t take much notice to him. “If you’re going to behave in such a manner you might as well leave” his mother said. She was past the point of caring enough to beat him. So he left. 16 and with no where to go, he wandered the streets. After a year or so, Ghia had gotten used to that life, and was angry at everyone, sometimes when he wasn’t even angry. Anger had become his coping mechanism. Screaming was easier than talking. Until one day, he screamed at a blonde man in an intersection. Prosciutto was driving back to the squads hang out, boxes of takeout in the back seat of the car. He had chosen to not stop at the red light, just for fun, and nearly ran into our blue haired teenager. Ghia proceeded to cuss him out for a good 4 minutes in the middle of this intersection before pro cut him off. “Get in the back. “ he said, with his own special brand of brotherly love. “I know how you can put that anger to good use”. Ghiaccio, having no real reason to object, got in the back seat. Prosciutto was silent the rest of the drive and Ghiaccio yelled about all the take out food, now splattered on the backs of the seats due to the sudden slam on the brakes.

Y’all I don’t even remember the other la squadra members. Let’s do sorbet/gelato because they have zero backstory or personality so I can just ramble. *Clears throat* let’s begin. These fuckers. Friends since birth. Grew up together, always really close. They were both dirt poor, but because the only school nearby was a decent public school, when were able to slightly experience middle class living. They liked it. They wanted to see upper class, and once they did, they wanted to be there. These two were money grubbing bffs, I’m talking josuke and okuyasu, but like waaaaay more intense and also violent. They both left home around 14, together of course. Gelatos father had left them a few years prior, and his family were on the brink of starvation. Figuring they didn’t need another mouth to feed (and completely abandoning his post as family patriarch lol) he left with sorbet, who’s family had all died in various ways over the years. Most recently, his older sister being taken by some illness that was probably easily treatable, but with no means for a doctor, she died in days. The boys left home and school, and made a living by pickpocketing tourists and occasionally launching into larger heists. They made a decent living for themselves, but eventually started spending their money on drugs. It’s was sorbet first, heroin was really good to him for awhile. Gelato was against it, knowing it was the reason sorbets family had been so poor to begin with. His father was an addict, and despite holding down a job fairly well, spent all his earnings on drugs. Eventually he became too dependent, lost his job, and OD’d. But around this same time, when the boys were 16/17, they were starting to realize their feelings for each other. Confused teenaged minds full of budding love led to Gelato giving in, and soon their days were filled with heroin fueled ecstatic sex. They lived like this for awhile, existing in half reality, until one day they chose to set their pickpocketing targets on a short man with close cropped gray hair. The plan was perfect, sorbet bumped into the man and gelato passed by to grab his wallet, and suddenly they were the size of mere ants. In an instant, they were returned to size, left to wonder if it was real or just a hallucination from long term drug use. But they didn’t run. Formaggio introduced himself, with a loose handshake and a pause to spit out some tobacco, and promptly invited them to a “party”. Although, Formaggio was honest in his promise, this party did have drugs.

Cheese boys turn!! Seriously who am I forgetting??? Illuso my mirror man! Am I forgetting someone else too?? Idk. But shut up Kel it’s cheese boys turn.

So. Formaggio. Probably the most chill childhood. Lower middle class, pretty average, but he was quite gifted with sports. Soccer was his main, and also a fantastic competitive swimmer. (Okay I have a separate hc that Bruno is really good at soccer so hol horse up a moment so I can imagine those 2 playing soccer together in friendly competition. In my lil au where Bruno is in la squadra because I say BruPro exes rights please and thanks.) but anyway, he got really good at soccer and was offered a scholarship to play at a fancy pants private high school when he was 14. Of course his parents made him go, this has been the family’s dream for years, and formaggio’s as well. So high school is amazing, he’s starting to attract attention from universities even tho he’s barely in grade 11 by this point. And it’s all really amazing until he realizes. This isn’t what he wants. And it’s just that. He doesn’t want to play soccer anymore, he doesn’t want to potentially be famous. He just wants to be a kid. So he leaves school, he leaves home, he wants to start over. And he wanders into a diner and sees this small group of weirdly dressed men. At this point, it’s rizzo, pro, Pesci, and ghia. And he’s staring at them because they’re dressed like circus clowns but their aura is so murderous. And then the one who looks like a giant pineapple starts staring back. Pesci gets up and walks over to Formaggio. “I know you! You’re that amazing kid soccer player!!” And he just goes on and on about shit he read in the news (70% of it was false) until pro comes over and yanks his idiot brother away. Pro starts asking Formaggio questions, thinking he could be a good target. Stupid little rich kid. But to prosciuttos surpise, Formaggio is just a down to earth kid with no more money to his name than he needs to pay for this meal. Prosciutto takes him home after that. He doesn’t really offer any explanation.

(The rambling at the beginning of this paragraph actually happened lol so I paused for like 4 hrs oops)

Alright we are back. Had to leave to go to therapy and then scream at my mother and cry to my boyfriend but we are ready to go! Illuso and I really hope he’s the last one and I’m not forgetting one. Illuso was raised in an orphanage from infancy. No idea who his parents could even be. Fun fact: one of the nuns at the orphanage (cuz it’s an orphanage in Italy in 1980, they’re catholic.) nicknamed him Illuso because he was always pointing at things that weren’t there. As a tiny baby and a child, he would always be looking at things no one else can see (yes illuso is a natural stand user fight me). The nuns called him illuso as an insult, hoping to shame him into stopping. He never did. When he outgrew the orphanage, he decided to join the priesthood. He was 19, a priest in training, when the mafia came to the orphanage. They were collecting, and illuso knew they didn’t have the money this month. He tried to talk the mobsters down, but that went about as well as planned. 4 bullets to the chest, 3 open heart surgeries, and half a dozen resuscitations later, Illuso was released from the hospital. The orphanage had been shut down, and no one knew what had happened to the children or the nuns. With no where to go, illuso knew of one place that could use talents like his. The talents of steadily stealing money from the starving children of the church for a decade. It was during polpos test that illuso’s stand manifested. Not due to the arrow, but to protect its user from the other stand. Illuso was able to avoid Black Sabbath by hiding in his newfound mirror world until it was time to return the lighter to polpo (kinda cowardly but whatever.) he was assigned to risottos group by chance and was the last to join excluding Melone. But they loved him as if they had found him themselves.

[petitepistol]

headcanon;but it is very messy

oh god strap in because this is going to be 3k words worth of rambling under the cut which you don't actually have to read since i posted it at 5am so it probably does not make much sense!! also I have only just recently accepted that my elena does not follow compilation timeline to the letter because I fucking hate the fact that before crisis placed her age at being a high school student almost immediately preceding the start of the original game and I always saw elena as being at least aerith's age by the time she became a turk so please bear with me as my elena uses a floating timeline to prevent her from being...like a literal teenager for original game fuck that noise they had cissnei be the uwu fifteen-year-old turk and elena gets to be her own character when im writing her so compilation can fuck right off

so first off her dad is a military man, and that entire side of his family? kind of just defaulted into the military for generations. well before shinra at least, the old shit. I'm constantly flabbergasted by the idea that shinra is the dominant military force on the planet when as little as forty years before game them were a fledgling company, and I'm fascinated by what kind of insane shit must have gone down to facilitate shinra going from defense contractor/power company to defacto global superpower, and what they superseded when that happened. so yeah her dad is military, and even after he was put out to pasture he still wound up teaching at a prestigious shinra sponsored academy in junon and both of his daughters attended.

her mom was upper middle class and driven as hell, had a ballet career which got cut short due to injury in her late teens. then she wound up going into nursing by her early twenties and spent some time working in deepground when it was still a run of the mill army hospital where she met elena's father who was...voluntarily a candidate for some biotech stuff that shinra was doing back when shinra was still a defense contractor, go figure he was one of many early examples of mako conditioning. they didn't get along at first but did wind up marrying but never actually settling down because of the nature of his career. she retired from nursing but did medical coding part-time.

elena's sister was born in deepground (canonically from the 'midgar slums' but deepground is pretty fucking close and it makes sense to the era and background worldbuilding), and things went as smoothly as possible at this point in time. elena herself was born in icicle because lol military stationed there (elena being an icicle native was also a very popular piece of fanon in the pre-compilation era and I feel like it may have had some supporting evidence in something like kaitai shinsho but I never really managed to cross-reference that so probably not true and just a gut feeling), and by then things were getting...fishy. details being covered up about the full extent of the side-effects of mako conditioning and rumors that shinra had an egregious amount of influence over the military at large. these things all turned out to be true, but elena's father kept his head down and did his duty because he was a good soldier. he was also in wutai on and off during this, before the situation over there fully hit the fan, so he had more pressing matters to worry about.

anyway, elena was born in icicle but she and her mother and sister weren't there for more than a year or so before it was back at it again in midgar because dad was being put on some kind of assignment that had him closely working with shinra. the general implication of this is he was doing legwork for the implementation of SOLDIER in a few years, but what that means can vary by interaction from being paperwork to mk ultra style endurance testing to teaching an adolescent jenova project specimen how to integrate into military procedure before they drop him in wutai which is slated to become an all-out conflagration very shortly. it all depends but the point is it is sticky and worsened significantly when his wife is killed in a car accident. if this seems familiar it is because I firmly believe elena is the aya brea of ffvii and parasite eve featured similar background story. I'm borrowing deal with it.

by this point, elena is around eight and in school but elena is just barely four and in the vehicle when it happens. mom is killed instantly, elena survives but barely fares better. she's in intensive care for a while and there is a period where they don't even know if she is going to be brain dead or just have permanent brain damage in the first few days. her sister is basically staying at a school friend's house for like...way more than a fortnight while this got sorted out because their dad still actually has orders to carry out, even if he isn't on a battlefield. at one point on of his higher-ups implies that it could be arranged to transfer elena from the civilian hospital to the recently renovated deepground and he turns it down and feels like shit for it because yeah, deepground probably would mean a better chance at his youngest daughters survival because of that cutting edge shinra biotech, but at what cost? he knows well enough now something is wrong and justifies his willingness to let fate take its course with elena by focusing on the fact that her sister is still alive and well and he needs to keep his head down for his older daughter because she needed him too, even though they barely saw each other during the crux of this.

so lo and behold elena does recover and goes through the icky sticky of physical therapy and does just fine. great, right? well yes but the family dynamic is stupidly fucked up. dad has done either really good or really bad on his assignment, and gets put out to pasture in junon to teach at a military academy that is now nearly entirely funded by shinra (yeah so in before crisis it is all but implicit that academy is in midgar but fuck that junon is the seat of military power it would be near there if anything). this is great because it keeps him in work and both of his daughters will benefit. which they do. elena's sister is an ideal student, and the roughness of losing her mother happened at a sensitive period but a period where she was old enough to understand what was going on. she was capable of being a little trooper through all of it, but the cost of it was not being able to emotionally process the loss of her mother and the fact that her little sister was still alive when mom was not. the seeds of discord are sown there and that will be an ongoing thing throughout their childhood and into adulthood. they don't hate each other, but the relationship is fraught with tension and it is far from a healthy dynamic, especially since their father has pulled back almost entirely from fatherhood. he has no idea what he is doing without his late wife, and can't organically interact with his daughters so he defaults to being an instructor. both of them flourish despite this, but it is not a good family dynamic.

paint over this family drama with the fact that wutai is now well and truly happening. the military is effectively controlled by shinra and very very soon the propaganda blitz surrounding SOLDIER is going to push that over the edge and shinra will be accepted on a public and official level as being the army. the slogans are changing and going from an old fashioned sense of unity to focusing on becoming top class and singularly extraordinary. there is an emphasis on joining to be great rather than joining for the greater good. the recruitment plays into the deeply seated neurosis of adolescence for a reason because the younger some kid joins up the more malleable they are to both the shinra rhetoric and the by now very refined mako enhancement process that costs so much but nets such spectacular gains. in fact, it costs far too much to ever justify wasting that kind of money on doing it to women. so yeah it is blog canon that women in the shinra army is not a thing that is encouraged and like hell would they ever be in SOLDIER. the company culture is an old boys club steeped in misogyny and the only reason scarlet succeeded is because she took that and marinated in it and played the game very well. dirge era deepground operatives are little more than a consequence of years of unethical human experimentation left to rot in a basement. we don't really see women in actual military positions in the original game. sexism is alive and well and it serves my characterization of elena and her development.

so yeah it is a time of paradigms shifting and reforming very rapidly. elena's sister takes to this with aplomb, she is a perfect cadet and in elena's eyes a perfect daughter. someone easier to idolize than the SOLDIERs on the glossy recruitment posters and more available than their emotionally distant father. she is pristine and by extension beloved, things elena wants to be as well. elena is too young to realize her sister doesn't have any better of a relationship with their father than she does, but who knows if that would change anything. she emulates her ideal sister but remains a half step behind, which makes perfect sense because elena is four years younger. from a critical perspective that half step is a very close gap because even if elena doesn't realize it, she is just as prodigious as her sister is. the difference is while her sister can follow orders to the letter, elena has the makings of a maverick. not a positive thing in the strict environment of a military academy, no matter how high her scores are. idealization goes hand and hand with a quiet resentment, the latter of which her sister has also harbored towards her ever since their later mother died and elena did not.

that simmering toxicity stays at a low boil until her sister graduates. at the top of the class, even she could not become anything. or at least, to elena it looks that way, as she watches her sister back her things for midgar where she will start as a trainee for an administrative/auditing position for the shinra electric power company. elena does not know what a turk is at this point, even if her father does. he seems as impassive as ever, even if that is not the case and in actuality he is struggling to accept the reality that his oldest daughter is far too smart for his own good and is entering a profession no one would ever want for their child. despite his distance and his lack of connection and all of his failings as a father he does love his children and that will eat away at him until he dies no doubt. but all elena sees is her shining example of an older sister being doomed to desk work. when gun leaves (because she becomes gun the moment she is added to the payroll) the real constant of elena's childhood also leaves. and during adolescence, that is hard for anyone. more so when you realize no matter how sharp your skills are your future is off the chopping block and there is no path for you to take with them.

elena goes from being a prodigy prone to pesky critical thinking to a prodigy with a chip on her shoulder. her technical marks don't plummet, in fact, quite the opposite. she picks up a secondary battle specialty, close-quarters combat, which will set her apart from her sister. she flourishes with equal parts precision and aggression, despite her small size. the academic commendations feel entirely hollow to her though, and in the way teenagers tend to do she convinces herself she is not much more than nothing. the memory of her sister becomes tarnished with the bitterness of her negative self-image. her instructors must hate her for her failures, she tells herself with false objectivity. her instructors include her actual father, who is nearly clueless aside from a vague feeling in the pit of his stomach and he doesn't know if that is due to his oldest daughter going into wetworks or the fact his younger daughter is shattering academic record after record with the sheer force of what he assumes to be ennui driven spite.

at least he is clueless until in the spring just after she turns fifteen she files for early certification to leave academy, just like every other boy in her year as well as every other boy on the continent and beyond. they do it to catch the recruitment push and join the army soon enough to have a shot at making SOLDIER before they age out. but elena can't do that and he knows it and braces himself to have that conversation with her, calling her into his office where she keeps her stance formal until he tells her to be as ease and even in the chair across from his desk her posture is tense. spine straight, eyes ahead. he begins what he thinks is going to be the "you know you can't join SOLDIER" conversation but she cuts him off in what he thinks is a somewhat uncharacteristic display, but to her is just another example of how disgraceful her conduct is and how she needs to get out of academy before brings the value of the whole institution down. she tells him this, she tells him she is aware of her shortcomings and the fact she has no future in a military career and her intention is to go to midgar and learn how to be a civilian on her own terms. he signs off on it because none of her bullet points are actually wrong.

midgar is a city of industry and a city of vice and she hasn't been there since she was a child. it is good to her and it is bad to her, as she unlearns years of quasi-military discipline and figures out how to be her own person. she still sometimes wears the academy uniform because old habits die hard and it is a durable thing. she has a one-room apartment in the slums and a job tending bar in wall market. the hours are early evening to after the last train ends and her circadian rhythm adjusts from 4am wakeups and beds made with hospital corners to the distorted clock that comes from living under a plate with no natural sunlight. there are just as many fights and skirmishes to be had in midgar but none of them are like the training exercises at academy. each one is a beautiful short-lived shrine, sometimes they are fun and on her terms, and other times they are fraught and meant for survival. elena relishes them all as a skillset she once thought was a dead-end turns out to be valuable once more. the major negative point is her sister.

gun is in midgar and wears a sleek black suit along with many other people in sleek black suits. elena hears the term 'turk' for the first time. whether they are urban legends or hired killers or pencil pushers who do double duty waterboarding enemies of a power company turned judge and jury doesn't matter. what matters is the deadness she can see in gun's green eyes when she drops by the bar before closing, oftentimes with equally dead-eyed coworkers. those confrontations are never pleasant, they are a powderkeg. elena would like to reach out to her sister, chase away the exhausted look in her face the way she can with other patrons, but the sentiment gets stuck in her throat and they just snipe at each other. gun is a terrible adult and so are all of her colleagues and they are trying their best to neutralize a growing terrorist threat and they are failing. when they come around in the low light of the bar illuminates the stark futility of everything after midnight.

elena does not know exactly what is going on at the highest level of intrigue but she has a good guess. shinra is shitting the bed, and that includes the turks and SOLDIER, which seems to her to be in the middle of a massive coverup as their public-facing 1sts disappear one after another. she wants no part of it and her agenda switches from mastering the nuances of being a civilian to finding sustainability and meaning outside of shinra as the cracks in the facade split ever wider. when the sector six plate is effectively destroyed, it takes the bar she worked at with it and elena decides it is time to get the hell out of midgar.

her years in wall market set her up with some interesting connections and the owner of a small weapons shop (who she might have married for tax purposes but that isn't fleshed out) sets her up with a distinguished older gentleman who is a complete asshole and happens to run guns all across the continent. despite his immaculate coiffure he is not a people person and requires someone who is both qualified to demonstrate his product and more pleasant to deal with than him, because the market is hot right now. shinra has never had much interest in dealing with flyover country. sure they build reactors in some of the backwaters, but not all of them. and no reactor meant no need for shinra to spend the money on protecting hick villages from increased monster presence. the planet is dying and the monsters are restless in the same way wildlife gets in the real world. the people in those tiny towns do their best to defend their homes and livelihood and that means purchasing weaponry, mostly old stock from competitors that shinra has long since crushed or acquired. shinra lets this happen because it is not a threat to them.

so, for a few years, elena is a pretty face with a bang and it is almost scarlettian. she never comes close to the sex appeal of the actual weapons development director of shinra, but it is enough to help move merchandise. most of the buyers are just people trying to survive in the middle of nowhere, but not always. sometimes they are rougher than that, but the money is good enough that she doesn't care about that, or the fact the man who employed her hates her guts and doesn't care much whether she lives or dies. it is a thrilling rush and it is outside of shinra and more than ever does she want to put as much distance as possible between shinra and herself. because her sister is dead according to a notification that tseng of the turks had been cordial enough to send to her father, news that he passed on in a voicemail to elena with a hollow tone. maybe he was trying to reconnect with her because she was now all he had left in the way of family. maybe he just had the same sense of duty as always. she never calls back to ask.

midgar calls her back though. one day her employer informs her with a vindictive grin that he has sold the business part and parcel and that includes her as an employee. acquired by shinra. the reason, ironically, is scarlet, whom she has been doing a two-bit impersonation of. scarlet is a forward thinker but that doesn't mean she can't be swayed by a stockpile of vintage firearms, and with the viciousness required of her position she can throw weight around and get her hands on anything. the weapons are what she wanted and elena knows this and rejects the notion that she will become apart of the shinra payroll because of this little merger. this is proven wrong in short order as her assets are frozen systematically because the turks are hard up for people. they know her. they knew her sister and they know her, even if they haven't kept tabs on her. as soon as the papers cross his desk tseng seizes the opportunity.

the interview with hr to place elena is a mere formality. there is no other place for her there but in the turks. elena, for all her audacity, accepts this and plasters on a professional veneer. the game begins and the world ends.

[michael3434g]

Tom and the awful Detective Henry

Tom and the Despicable Detective Henry

Written by Michael D. Gutierrez

Chapter 1. Rules and Lies Forty years ago in the town of Eagle Rock, there was a golden age of great detectives. Those detectives ran out all of the mafias and exposed corrupt political figures Everyday reading the Eagle Rock Post seemed like reading an old pulp detective novel. The story’s with all the fighting and the good guy getting the girl in the end. The bomb being stopped when there’s just one second left on the counter.

Good for me, that golden age stuff is long gone over. Most of the detectives sold out and started to work for private companies and secret government branches, instead of helping the locals. Other detectives that wanted to play hero, were hunted down by private mob detectives, then they were killed. The last honest detective out there. He's somewhat of a folk hero in the streets. His name is Harrison Grant. He's still at work trying to put guys like me in prison. I thought he died a long time ago, but our leads say otherwise. He works incognito.

He's hard for any mob's private detective to track because very few people know what Harrison looks like.

He is considered one of the best. I don't feel he would be difficult to capture because he must be old as heck. Harrison must be like in his late 70's pushing 80's.

I doubt he still working. I assume someone’s just pretending to be him. Probably just using Harrison brand makes sense. I doubt he still working himself.

My name is Tom Dime, I run with the Grump Street gang. I am one of the three people apart from this small task force to capture this sun of a gun. The other Twitter men with are, my right-hand man, Daniel Kan and some private investigator name Henry Shiz.

Detective Henry Shiz is kinda primadonna.

Two hours ago we got a tip-off that detective Harrison was in the neighborhood.

Henry: I hope you boys are armed because this could be dangerous. We are capturing him not hunting him. Harrison is not a man that will not be captured easily. Harrison was an A-rank threat before he went off the radar. Daniel: He's just a wash up old man that can't let go of his the glory days. This should be a cakewalk. Henry: That's not true Daniel, Harrison has busted a lot of our top leaders in the past. This old man is not a pushover, he's a problem. I'm just really surprised it's just the three of us on this mission. Tom: Detective Henry, do you have a history with detective Harrison? Henry: Yes, Harrison showed me most of his old tricks, when I was a young up and coming detective. Around your age, early twenties. We work together in a couple of major big cases back in the day. Daniel: How can me and my buddy Tom, know you won't betray us when we start killing your old friend boy, Harrison? Henry: That won't be the most dreadful thing I have ever done, ok. Trust me I can deal with it. First, I like being on the Grump street payroll. Second, the FBI does not want me anymore, in reason, I won't get into. Lastly, my daughter is going to a scam ridden art college, so I need as much money as I can get my hands on. Tom: I know liars Daniel, and he is not one. Don't get me wrong, he is a cockroach, but he is our cockroach. Daniel: Great because nothing is going to stop me in blowing Harrison's brains out. It is his fault my father went to the slammer. My dad was just selling fake social security account. We got a tip from a store owner that the gang has a connection with. He said he saw detective Harrison leaving and entering the rundown Dude Gum factory for a couple of days. Around 3:30am. All three of us enter through a broken window to get into the factory. Henry: Alright boys listen up. Let's stick together, ok. Daniel: No I can't, Henry. I need to get revenge now. Daniel ran down the hall, with his gun out. Daniel has all focus on finding detective Harrison. Henry: Dumb kid, he does not know who he is dealing with. Your friend is a moron, Tom. We get more money if catch the guy alive. Tom: Sorry, Henry, Daniel has never been the type of guy that takes orders.What is your plan, man? More money if catch the guy alive. Henry: Stealth. It' Stealth. Taking advantage of Harrison age is the best way to get the drop on him. His hearing must not be that great anymore. He probably can’t put up a fist as fight like he uses to.

I and Henry slowly walk upstairs to oversee the factory so we could find detective Harrison. As we walk around the hall I see Henry planting nano cameras on the walls. Tom: I still don't understand why would you want to betray your own friend? Henry: Friend? I have a very small history with detective Harrison. That's why I would not call him a friend. It would be great for me, if he disappeared. I have done some bad things, so maybe someday he may come after me. One less worry on my mind.

Tom: Oh, I see... You want insurance so Harrison won't come after you. Henry: It would make me sleep easier knowing he's swimming with the fishes. A fire alarm goes off all around the Dude Gum factory. Henry and me grabbed our guns out immediately. I would be lying if I said i wasn't nervous. Tom: I really hope that was just, Daniel fucking around with the alarm. Let's run back downstairs. I think I thought I saw a fire alarm there. A voiceover from an intercom shouted saying "I'm not there Henry, I'm in the cafeteria". Henry: Dammit, it is Harrison, Tom!

Tom: That alarm scared the shit out of me. Do you think someone ratted us out and alerted, Harrison? Henry: That's possible, Tom. I think it was most likely Daniel's recklessness that got Harrison's attention. That high school dropout fool. I and Henry entered in the large lunch room and see an old man with a wearing trench coat. Could it be Harrison? He looked a lot older than I imagine. Henry's face looks like he saw a ghost, he is speechless. Tom: You're Harrison, right? The detective? You got the whole trench coat thing.

Harrison: Yes stranger, I am Harrison. Now the young man I have a question back to you. Are you three here to murder me. Tom: No, we... Henry: Shut the heck up Tom, don't tell him anything, not even a lie. Don't give him a bit of info. Harrison: Henry, it's really nice to see you again. It's funny to see you as an old man. Of course not as old as me. I remember the good old days when you were a young man ready to solve every case that popped up. It saddens me to see my pupil working with the wrong crowd.

Henry: The old days were great. I'm glad to see you again in a strange way. It's nostalgic to see you still wear your old gray trench coat. Most elite detective’s stop that fashion trend several decades ago.

Harrison: This trench coat cost me a couple grand. I plan to wear it until I die.

The fire alarm is still ringing over and over, it's driving me insane. Tom: Yo, could you guys stop talking about dress up? Harrison, you turn off the freaking alarm! The ringing is killing my mind. Harrison: Calm down, the alarm will go off by itself in a minute or less. Henry: Harrison, why have you been hanging out in the Dude Gum factory? Harrison: For a couple weeks I've been investigating the link between Dude Gum and blindness. A lot of Dude Gum consumers and factory workers have been getting blindness. Lucky most cases of blindness are temporary.

Tom: Crap. I guess I won't steal a crate of Dude Gum on my way out. Harrison: Since I was honest and answered your question, could you answer mine? Are you boys here to murder me? Because I need to know before I make my next move.

The fire alarm stop ringing, now in the room is a moment of silence. Henry: Sorry, I'm on my client's payroll, Harrison. I could not back out now, they would kill me, my daughter. I really hoped this day would never happen. Harrison: I wished you had the guts to just say the truth. Shame on you, Henry. I trained you to use your detective skills for the greater good, not for selfish reasons. Henry: I had no choice, Harrison. This isn't a black and white issue. Harrison: Don't act like you're the victim, Henry. What happened to you? I remembered when you liked to help the common man. I remember you said something like that once to me. I am aware of all the peoples lives you destroyed, by fooling around with the stock market. You have grown up to be a crook. That’s the legacy I see.

Henry: You know what fine, you're right, Harrison. I don't like to be paid $60 and one cup of sugar a day looking for a damn lost kid. Working for the elite keeps me off the street, ok. You knew, I always hated being poor. I saw a way out, so took it.

Harrison: Just like everyone else, you grew up to be a big disgrace. I feel ashamed of being your mentor. It kills me a little bit every time I find out one of my ex-students are abusing their skills for selfish reasons. Tom: Harrison, you should stop talking to us, like if you had the upper hand. With one small phone call, I could get a small army of gangbangers over here right now. The capital of the Grump street gang is literally down the block. Henry: Tom, I told you already to shut it! Let the detectives talk. You're just simply the help.

Daniel finally entered the same room as me, Henry, and detective Harrison. Daniel has a big bag of stolen Dude Gum. Daniel paused and said.

Daniel: Oh shit is that the detective, Harrison guy?

Harrison: Hi. I just warned your friends about Dude Gum. You should stay away from the stuff.

Daniel: What the heck, it's fucking, detective Harrison. What are you guys waiting for? When are we going to shoot him? You got a gun, right? Tom: We are here to capture him, Daniel. Remember? Daniel: This guy is a folk hero, kill him now and you will be a legend for life. That would be crazy Rad. Tom: If we kill him we won't get paid, Daniel. I only want the paper. Glory doesn't pay the bills dude. Harrison: You guys should kidnap me already, before the cops and the fire department shows up. Remember I pulled the fire alarm three minutes ago? Unless you want to talk to me to death. Henry: Let's go outside gentlemen! An escort van should be on its way by now. Handcuff Harrison and let's head outside.

Ok, great it seems like he won't give up a fight. We just get him to the gang warehouse and then we all get paid.

I could see Henry feels shaken seeing Harrison. I can’t tell if he sad, mad, or happy.

This was way too overhyped. None of us thought this would be such a cakewalk.

Daniel: Harrison, I am surprised you're not crying like a little bitch. You do know you're walking the death march? My boss up the street is going to go nuts when he sees you. Harrison: Only God says when I die, young man. I don't blame you because of your a product of this strange world.

Daniel: You don't know anything about me, man. I am the one who is going to end you.

Harrison: You don’t look like a murder. There is still time for you to turn back. Think to yourself is this the type of world I want to live in. It is not too late for you unlike your friend Henry.

Daniel: Henry, Harrison is talking trash about you.

Tom: Ouch.

Henry: Can everyone shut up the heck up for a second!? Our transportation is here.

A white van showed up across the street. All four of us ran in the back of the van. Daniel put duct tape over detective Harrison mouth. Daniel: I can't wait to see you beg for your life when we bring you to our boss. Henry: I'm surprised the van shown up on time. Also, the driver does not look drunk or stoned. The gangs hiring management department must be getting better. Hey, driver what’s your name? The driver was a young girl That could not be more than 19 years old. She was wearing a green jumpsuit with a name tag saying, Freddy. I saw Daniel's, eyes brighten up with her cuteness. Freddy: Oh, hey, my name is Freddy. I will be your driver for today. It's nice to finally meet you, detective Henry. I’ve heard interesting about you. You found out who burn down the Grump warehouse near Echo Park. Henry: That was my first case with Grump, Freddy. Freddy is normally not a female name. I like it, Freddy. I find it to be bold. Freddy: Thank you. My father picks it out my name. Name after some baseball player. By the way, I'm shocked you guys captured, Harrison. I didn't even think he was still alive. Daniel: Girl, I like your jumpsuit. It's cool you're jumpsuit as Grump Street green. How long have you been in the Grump organization? I've never seen you before in any kickbacks. Henry: Daniel, you moron! Detective Harrison is in the van. Now he knows we're Grump street members. I hope you plugged his fricken ear. Daniel: I didn't but Who gives a shit? He's going to die in an hour or two anyway. It doesn't really matter, man. Henry: Tom and Daniel throw Harrison back in the van and shut up! I hope I won't be paired up with you two numbskulls again. You guys mess up my style. Anyways get Harrison tied up good. I am going to make some calls.

I tide Harrison's feet together and Daniel stuffed one of us dirty gym socks down his face throat. After that, we all went to the van and driven off. Freddy: You guys ready to jam out? Tom: Freddy, where are you driving us? Freddy: We're going to the abandon, Fish Tung factory. Members are starting to show up to see if you captured, Harrison. Henry: That’s strange. I thought we would be going to the Grump compound. Do know if there any reason why we’re not going there.

Henry: Fish Tung factory is out of business? Wow, that is insane, my grandfather works there when, Fish Tung first open, 60 years ago. What a shame, this country is really falling apart. Daniel: Fish Tung, closed down six years ago, Henry. All the jobs got moved overseas. Henry: Another rival fish company must have hired a detective to run out, Fish Tung and other competitors out of town. It a common thing to in business nowadays. Or most likely greedy corrupt unions. Either way very tragic. Tom: How do detectives ruin a business. Henry: Lots of times for small business we would dress up as IRS agents and make up fake tax fines. It gets funny when a stupid owner would pay us, off on the spot. Then we would show up once a week until the business is bankrupt. You got to turn a little soulless to enjoy that type of job. It’s mafioso type stuff. Daniel: Man, Henry, you're ruining America more than lawyers. Henry: Don't get me started on how us detectives use unions on major companies. That's a 30-minute lecture, pretty much, Daniel. I doubt you could comprehend it so I won't waste my breath Daniel: F off, Henry. Tom: Henry, are you going to stick around and watch what happens your old pal? Henry: No, thanks. I don't want to watch, what unholy things Grump has planned for detective Harrison. I just had lunch not that long ago. Tom: I hope it's not dog related. Once a dog tastes human flesh, it's hard for it to respect it's master again. So I have heard.

As I said that I notice, Freddy looked a little nervous. I'm guessing she has not been in Grump for that long. It has taken me a long time for my fear to fall off my back. One day I just accepted that no one cared for me except the gang. That gave me the strength to not fear death. Knowing the biggest gang in the United States of America got my back. Daniel: So Freddy, what are you doing later? I'm just asking if you want to see a movie with me. The fellow that captured the world famous detective Harrison. As long as I know Daniel, he's always been awful in picking up chicks. He also sucks at being a nice guy.

Freddy: Sorry Daniel, I'm going to be a little busy this month. I got to ship a bunch of drugs down Highland Park. Thanks though. Daniel: Ha, that's ok. Hey anyways do you want some Dude Gums, Freddy? I stoled a bunch at the Dude Gum factory. I wish I stole a crate full of the stuff. Freddy: I'm flattered, but I heard Dude Gums are not very good for you. Especially for your eyes. Henry: She rejected you and won't even take your Gum. Just give up already,  Daniel, she's not going to bite. Daniel: Shut up, old man or I'll pimp slap your ass. Henry: What!? Did you even hear what you said? By the way, I am not even that old.

Henry: I hope you two morons won't act like this when we get to the Fish Tung factory. You do know the main boss of Grump will be there as well, right? It will be the first time I’ll probably ever see. I don’t even know anyone that knows his name.

Daniel: Wow What really? The founder of the whole gang will be there. Harrison must really have made life hell for Grump gang. 

Tom: Henry, you should give us a little bit of respected. I and Daniel just help you catch one the greatest detective on the face of this planet. You should recommend us for some type promotion. Henry: Why would respect I low rank gang bangers that couldn't even pass high school? You both failed upwards. Daniel: What the hell man, that's not even our fault the school district went bankrupt three years ago. Henry: You both almost ruined the mission. Freddy, you should have been there and seen it. Detective Harrison thought Tom and stupid Daniel were the biggest clowns. Harrison could tell both of you were all bark and no bite. It was sad. Freddy: Ha. I am glad to see all three of you guys are alright. The Van finally made it to the Tung Fish factory. They parked next to the main dock harbor. It smelled bad.

Henry: Alright boys get Harrison out of the goddamn van. Daniel immediately throws Harrison down on the concrete floor. Harrison left trench coat pocket ripped on the way down. Two of his button ripped off as well.

Tom: Where is everyone? I thought there would be a bunch gangster here already. Henry: I was told if detective Harrison was ever captured the founder would kill him personally. I guess he wants the world to know he captured detective Harrison. Instead of him mysteriously disappearing in history as a hero.

Tom: I assume the founder thinks Harrison, vanishing as a legend is too good of a death for him. He probably wants the world to know Grump organization is not to be messed with. Henry: That is true, Tom. The Grump founder must be on his helicopter flying over here right about now. I sent the founder our GPS location just know. The founder does not live close by, so we’ll all have to be here for a couple of hours. Daniel: It is super wack none of us is going to get any credit for nabbing detective old fart. Money cool in all, but bragging rights would have been great.

Daniel begins going through the van pulling out beers from one of Freddy’s storage containers.

Daniel: I found our consolation prize.

Tom: Daniel, that is Grump street property. That is not a good idea bro. Daniel: Yeah we’re Grump street, So let’s all celebrate. Haha. Freddy: Oh ahh... Henry: Freddy, I apologize on behalf of my goons miss behaviors. Daniel put those beers back right now! If those go missing Freddy can get in massive trouble from the higher-ups. Freddy: Those beers are my own stash. Sometimes I get paid for products instead of cash so you guys could drink up. I was to about to offer them anyways. Tom: Freddy, you're the best. I will try not to look drunk when the founder gets here. Henry: Please don't. It’s the first time I'll get to meet the man who signs my paychecks face to face. I and Daniel began started drinking. It's a perfect time to drink a beer. The alcohol smell covers the rotten fish gut stench surrounding us.

Freddy notice Henry was not drinking. Freddy: Henry, you deserve a drink just much as the other guys. Henry, why are you not drinking?

Daniel: Because he’s a fruit. Freddy laughs at Daniels joke. Freddy: Henry, you deserve a drink just much as the other guys. Capturing the world famous detective deserves a drink.  Henry looks really surprised and happy. So was I. I really didn’t think this underdog operation would work. We capture one of the greatest detectives of the world. He might be been an old geezer now, but he still a legend.

Tom: Henry you sure you don’t want? The beer will make you twice as happy.

Henry: No thanks. I don’t drink liquor at all. It reminds about family.

Tom: Me too man. Before my mom kick out my pope. I and my pope would drink every weekend. We would try to crash every local party we can. He was so funny back in the day.

Henry: Once again no thank you. I can’t even stand the smell of alcohol. So please step three steps back.

Tom: Hey Henry, what about your boy Harrison a beer? He should at least have a last drink. Henry: Harrison,  doesn’t drink.

[talldrink-o-h2o]

Lifestyle: Buying a New Car

I grew up in Michigan, which you can read about extensively in this post. Everyone in Michigan either was employed by the auto industry (working for the Big 3 – GM, Chrysler, or Ford, as the case was in the ‘90s) or had family who worked in the auto industry. To this day, I know I’m in Michigan because of the lack of foreign cars on the road. I remember people would make racial slurs to my mom for the three years she owned a Toyota Camry, because it was more acceptable to say a racist comment than to drive a foreign car.

As a side note, I went to school in East Lansing from 2004 to 2008. This was when it was becoming mainstream to pay an obscene amount for drip coffee, a trend which continues to this day. East Lansing was home to a startup coffee chain called Beaners. I shit you not. Beaners experienced massive growth in Michigan and started to look to national expansion. They tried to enter into the Texas market. Allegedly the Texas powers-that-be said you can’t have a coffee shop that is named Beaners in Texas. Turns out that this is a racial slur for the migrant workers. Calling a shop this would alienate a good portion of the population. The company has since changed its name to Biggby (pronounced “Big B”) and claim the change had nothing to do with how offensive the name was. Which shows why people in Michigan thought it was okay to tell my mom she drove a rice racer because her car was Japanese.

But I digress. My aunt and grandfather both had worked for GM and my mother’s childhood best friend’s husband was a co-owner of a car dealership (did you follow that?). A person who retires from GM is granted a discount for him/her and their family for life. Because of this, it was insane for our family not to drive GM cars.*

When I turned sixteen, Katrina had conveniently totaled the little Mazda MX3 my dad had bought for her from a woman he worked with. The woman had kept it in mint condition, barely putting miles on it, and my dad got it for a song. One missed stop sign and the car was kaput. Because Katrina was a senior in high school and would be going to Michigan State the next year where she wouldn’t be allowed to have a car, my parents thought it’d be prudent to get us a car we could share for a year and then I could have it to myself my senior year. That’s how we got a year-old silver Pontiac Grand Am. And aside from feigning heartburn at the injustice of it all,** that car would take us all the way through college and follow me to my first year in Minnesota.

The first spring I lived in Minnesota, I had agreed to give my car to my sister, who had finished her MBA and was moving out to Virginia for her first job. This meant I needed a new car. Up until this point, the most I had ever spent on any single purchase was a $200 purse. I came out of undergrad with $20,000 of student loan debt and dumbly chose to live in a brand new apartment in the coolest neighborhood that literally cost more than one of my paychecks. I had no money to put down on a car and the idea of buying anything, let alone taking on yet another loan, made me sick to my stomach. I stayed up many nights talked to Steve about it, whom I had just started dating, and whom has always been much more frugal than me. For instance, he lived with his dad for a few years after undergrad so stockpiled an amount of cash. His favorite activity on the weekend is to determine just how much we’ll be able to save in the coming year and at what age we can retire. He offered to co-sign the loan for me, something I’d obviously need, being “cash poor” as the lady at the bank would later describe me to my dad. On principle, I couldn’t have a man I just started dating as my co-signer (I couldn’t think to the next week, why would I be beholden to this dude for five years?) so I had my dad sign.

The car I chose? A year-old silver Pontiac G6 with 22,000 miles on it. This is the car that replaced the Grand Am, because even though I no longer lived in Michigan, why would I ever buy anything other than American? Also the idea of doing research and going from dealership to dealership seemed daunting and not the same pastime activity in Minnesota as it was in Michigan. Don’t worry, this wasn’t an exact replica of the car I had just driven to my sister. This car was a very practical two-door, my statement to the world that I wasn’t planning to get married or have kids cause they couldn’t fit anyway. I chose it because I thought the trunk was cute. “I like its butt,” I told the salesman.

Fast forward to November 2018. I still have the G6. In the 9.5 years I’ve had the car, I’ve put a whopping 45,000 miles on it, meaning I never drive the thing. The furthest distances she traveled were two trips to Michigan, three trips to Milwaukee, and one time to Chicago. Only recently did I start driving her with any regularity, which is because I finally got access to Target’s restricted parking lot (you can reminisce about my first month parking there here). On an average day, my driving is 3-5 miles round trip. It’s less than two miles total to get to and from work, and if I throw in a class at OrangeTheory, I top out at five miles total.

Do you remember what it’s like to drive around in a 2009 model? There’s no back-up camera. There’s no keyless engine start. There’s no input for a phone to connect and certainly no Bluetooth. The dashboard is digital but not a touchscreen. It’s basically the Stone Age.

But back to money. A lot of people will say that they don’t buy cars because they don’t invest in depreciating assets. Which like, fuck off. If you’re leasing your BMW 5Series every three years that means you’re paying $500+ per month every month with no end. You’re pissing away money that could be used on literally anything else.

I always said I’d keep my car until it was ten years old or hit 100,000 miles, whichever came first, which, based on my habits, is clearly going to be the former versus the latter. Also, though, I really don’t like having a car payment so my intention was to drag this baby out as long as I could and start doing some initial research this spring.

But, like any long-term relationship, my car required some TLC recently. I was driving her when the “Service Tire Monitor” light came on. At the time, it was winter in Minnesota and air pressure in tires is a real thing, so being able monitor the pressure is something, but this seemed more like a nice-to-have, versus a need-to-have. So I put it off. I should also note that the only other time this light came on, I was driving down the road (not the highway, thank God) and the car just completely shut down in the middle of traffic. It was able to turn back on but it did it again a second time. As I learned while running, the symptom is not usually the cause and the car’s computer had to be reset – nothing to do with the tire monitor at all. One might think that story would have led me to quicker action this time around, but it did not.

On a November weekend, I went to a suburb for new running shoes (as discussed here). I was forced to take the scenic route home, because the road to the highway was blocked by some random festival. I had to go through a neighboring suburb where I could catch the highway. As I got close to the highway, literally every light on my dashboard – Check ABS, Check Airbag, Traction Control Off – started flashing.

I was nervous, but not overly concerned, and called Steve, who was watching Purdue football. “All the lights on my dashboard are on and flashing,” I started in.

“Uh huh,” he said, distracted, over the sounds of football in the background.

“Well, I just wanted you to know that if I die, this is why.”

“Okay – I’m going to go back to watching the game,” he hung up, unconcerned.

I figured that since things were going nuts and I clearly needed to reset my car’s computer, I might as well call Firestone. I explained what was going on with my car and asked if they’d have any availability today.

“No. Actually the earliest we can get you in is Monday,” the Firestone man informed me.

“Can I just drop it off today? She’s no good to me – actually,” I cut myself off. “My car is shutting down now. I need to call someone who can help me. Bye.”

My car completely died in a busy intersection. I tried to turn my car to the side street but only managed to be at a sight angle causing a backup in traffic. I tried turning the car on and off many times over, but nothing was happening. Now, I was panicked. I put my hazards on and started sweating. I called Steve, unclear what to do in this situation.

“Now don’t get mad, but, did you try turning it off and on?” Helpful.

“Yes. Duh. Many times. It won’t go back on. I have my hazards on but people keep honking. What do I do?” I was starting to freak, picturing that my death would not be because my car blew up on me, but rather because the cars behind me would not notice and crash into me.

“Uh…well…umm…” I could hear his brain working but also thought that maybe something was happening in the game.

“I’m going to call someone who can help me. Bye,” and I very aggressively hung up the phone on my husband.

I was able to get a tow truck and three really kind men who were walking by pushed my car out of the intersection and into a parking spot. One even started yelling at the people who were honking as he helped. Like the completely sane, rational, strong, independent woman I am, after the men saw I was safe and went back about their day, I started crying.

To move the story along, my tow truck friend Kyle delivered my G6 to the Firestone I had called previously. I called to alert them and miraculously they now had time to fix my car that day. Steve came and got me – I apparently told him the wrong intersection so not only did he have to leave the game, he was sent to the wrong place, so he scolded me for that upon arrival. I apologized but also reminded him that I was a little distracted.

All in, my car needed a new alternator, battery, spark plugs, and fuel flush. It cost me $1000. Everyone told me that was high and Steve had been able to get them to drop off a whopping $50, but as I asked everyone who offered their armchair quarterback advice, what leverage did I have?

The following Tuesday morning, I was driving my car to OrangeTheory when the Service Tire Monitor light came on, again. This time, I was no fool. I called the Firestone guys on my way back home post-class and they told me to bring it in. The man on the phone let me know that checking tire pressure is complimentary.

Great, sir, but when the air pressure needs to be checked, a light comes on that says, “Check Air Pressure,” not “Service Tire Monitor.” I had to explain this twice, but they ignored me and sent me out to the garage to have a mechanic check the air pressure, because what do I know? I’m just the girl who cries when people are kind to strangers and who overpays for auto repair.

Turns out my air pressure was just fine, but, wouldn’t you know it? One of the tire monitors was out. Don���t worry, that was another $250.

All in all, I decided that I at least needed to get my money’s worth and drive my car through the spring, which will be its ten-year anniversary. Then I will begin the hunt for a new car.

On my list? Unfortunately, Pontiac has since been discontinued by General Motors. An Audi Q5, Jaguar E-Pace, and Infiniti QX50. For the first time, I’m going foreign. And I will be looking to lease, not only because that car payment is so much cheaper, but also because, when the Service Tire Monitor light comes on, someone else will pay the $1250.

 *This obviously didn’t stop my mom from not only owning the aforementioned Camry, but also a Ford van (not a mini-van because apparently owning a mini-van is worse than owning one of those huge vans with the sliding doors that pedophiles drive around in).

**Really my brothers should be the ones complaining. Keith, the eldest, had to buy the Beretta he drove with money he collected from the paper route. He would later inherit my mom’s Ford van, which turns out is the exact wrong thing to give a high schooler unless you want to promote kids getting drunk in the spacious back area. My other brother, Kent, drove a Dodge Diplomat which was more or less a land yacht. It had this big, cushy leather seats that could fit two people each and, unfortunately, the heater only worked sporadically – a problem in Michigan winters – and when it did work, it’d make a really loud noise. He’d proceed to hit the dashboard hard with his fist until the sound stopped. I think a barely used Grand Am to share with my sister was luxury.

[turnabouttoothbrush]

Metal Gear High, Chapter Two

Hi everyone.

I realized I’d be remiss - and slightly hypocritical - if I failed to mention that I, myself, have totally kicked around the idea of an MGS high school AU before. And at this point I really can’t promise that I won’t eventually write it.

Of course, readers, the difference between this fic and that (hypothetical) one is that my AU is totally tongue-in-cheek while this one is being played straight for some dumb reason. Also mine still has bipedal tanks. So fuck you.

Anyway let’s get started.

Lunch came after the first two math classes and Adam could feel his brain starting to slowly fry. It wasn’t that the courses were hard, they were actually about a semester behind what he had been studying back in New York, but the substitute, Ms. Silverburgh,

I literally do not understand the rationale behind making Meryl a teacher while Snake and fucking Ocelot and Big Boss are students.

On the plus side, at least we don’t get some Meryl-bashing on the side along with our Solicon on the side?

was just so annoying. She had called Adam up to the white board no more than four times to demonstrate the required steps in solving a problem she should have been able to herself. The fact that she was just a few years older than him, and Hal seemed to be spending more time starring at her ass, also annoyed him.

Why should he care that Otacon is staring at someone’s butt?

Hey, author, you know throwing a rarepair in here would make it marginally more interesting, or at least unique...

Adam was just happy to find the cafeteria and maybe find some food that wasn’t too toxic.

>hot lunches at a public school >fit for human consumption

lol

Hal led the way, quietly moving past the growing hoard of starving students and led him into the cafeteria and the line.

French fries, hot dogs, burgers, and some bags of chips. If it wasn’t deep friend, then it wasn’t on the menu.

What happened to Michelle Obama??

Adam sighed and paid for a coffee and a small container of French fries. He could tell he would need to start bringing his own lunches.

“Are you going to have anything else?” Hal asked, leading Adam to a table in the corner, away from the crowd that seemed to be gathering in the middle of the cafeteria.

Is there a fight going on?

“No,” Adam said. The cafeteria exploded in cheers.

Oh.

So, yes.

“What’s happening over there?” He asked.

“That would be the Snakes having lunch.” Hal hummed, pouring ketchup on his hotdog.

“You mentioned them this morning, who are they?” Adam picked at his fries.

“John and Adam Milton.

Whuh?

They’re in our homeroom together. John is the older one, has the ragged bandanna? Dave is his younger brother.

Did you just fucking typo “Dave” as “Adam”?

Also, the author has a “tee hee, see if you can guess the reasoning behind the Snakes’ last name!” A/N at the end of the chapter (don’t worry, I only skipped to the end for the author’s note. You can do that on AO3.) The fact that it’s a Paradise Lost (John Milton) reference is extremely bleedin’ obvious.

(By the way, where the hell are Liquid and Solidus? I can excuse not having Venom, but...)

They’re the Metal Snakes most prestigious sports players.” Hal said.

Adam frowned. “What sport?”

“CQC. Close quarter combat. Think of it sort of like wrestling and karate.

And speaking of the author, they have a shitload of Omegaverse fics.

John is an absolute power house; he can drop a guy flat in three seconds and holds the current unbroken record and is first in nationals and last year was the top contender for the international ranking. Dave is about four, maybe five, seconds and is second in the national standing.” Hal explained.

“I know what it is,” Adam said, distracted as a loud cheer filled the cafeteria followed by chanting of ‘John’. “But why are they cheering?”

Dave is lighting John the fuck up with an aerosol can and a lighter.

Hal paused, and then smiled. “Their appetites are insane. John especially, and well, he’ll eat everything and anything placed in front of him.

Dave too, although John usually eats more than Dave.”

“Don’t they eat at home?” Adam asked, finishing off his fries.

Actually, with regard to that video, I find it kind of hilarious that this fic apparently has an eating contest between BB and Solid when BB canonically had an eating contest... with Kaz.

He didn’t wait to listen to Hal’s response when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw a text from Joy.

‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine.’ He responded.

‘Eat more than coffee.’ Joy responded.

Adam’s lips quirked and he pocketed his phone, turning to watch the crowd as Hal quietly ate his hotdog.

“And the guy in military clothing?” Adam asked, catching a glimpse of the slicked back blond hair as he stood on a cheer, encouraging the students to continue to cheer.

If Kaz is a cheerleader then WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU PUT HIM IN A CHEERLEADER UNIFORM

“You mean Kaz Miller?” Hal asked. “He knows everything about everyone. He knows the gossip, the black mail, and every dirty trick in the book. He manages the cheer leading squad, which his sister, Eve,

Wait what

is the captain of.

Hey, I’ve had as many run-ins with bitchy cheerleaders as the next guy, and yeah maybe the whole “bitchy popular bully cheerleader” trope is based in some truth, but... c’mon, it’s just bad writing. When you use clichés, you gotta use ‘em carefully - use ‘em with some meaning behind them - and that’s not what’s going on here.

If you get in bad with him, I can tell you that your social life will be dead within the week and I’ve known a few people who had to leave the school district because of his actions.” Hal said.

“Has he come after you?” Adam inquired.

Hal hesitated and placed his half-eaten hot dog on his plate. “Um, well, he did, sort of, a long time ago when I transferred here, but my Dad is one of the science teachers here and he failed Kaz so the bullying stopped.”

Hahahahahahaha author you idiot that would just make him bully him more for having his dad step in.

Also fuck Huey. :)

“And… what’s her name?” Adam scrunched up his nose.   “Eve? She’s with John since forever and she’s actually beaten up some girls who were interested in John. With Kaz at her back, she’s a deadly force.” Hal whispered.

I LITERALLY CANNOT COMPREHEND WHY YOU WOULD WRITE AN EVA-BASHING FIC

THE ONLY ONE GETTING IN THE WAY OF BIG BOSS AND OCELOT’S RELATIONSHIP WAS BIG BOSS

ALSO KAZ AND A CARDBOARD BOX ON THE BEACH

Adam turned back to the crowd, sipping his coffee slowly as he watched the crowd.

*glasses pull*

Paging the department of etc. etc.

At last, the final class of the day and Adam couldn’t be more thrilled. He thought he had seen Kaz in the geography course with Eve but he tried to hide from them.

As he stepped into the second language classroom he was startled to see John and Dave sitting next to each other in the back of the class, the only empty seat next to John.

of course it was

“Welcome Adam.” The curled tone of his voice

and Adam paused, surprised at the teacher who stood in front of the white board. He gestured to the empty seat.

“I am Mr. Furian,

Why can’t we have a teacher just straight-up called the Fury? C’mon, author, what’s stopping you? Besides your own cowardice, that is.

please take a seat,” he said in perfect Russian.

Adam’s lips curled.

“Thank you.” He responded, taking the empty seat.

Mr. Furian turned his back to the class, starting to write in Cyrillic on the white board.

QQ: Why does this small-ass high school have a Russian class when mine, the largest in the state, only had French, Spanish, German, and Latin?

I mean, Ocelot in canon basically has a “yes” in his languages box, so the author could have easily gone with something much more likely, like Spanish or... Spanish. And we’ve seen BB speaking Spanish (well, Spanglish, anyway) in-game before, so...

Adam dug into his backpack, pulling out his binder when a crumpled piece of paper landed on the floor next to him. Adam glanced at John who nodded at the paper. Frowning, but keeping an eye on Mr. Furian, he picked up the note and uncurled it.

‘I like your scarf.’

Adam scowled, his lips turning down as he hurled the note back at John and proceeded to tune him out for the rest of the class even as John threw a few more notes at Adam’s feet.

Adam did spare John a few glances and noticed him starting to nod off then jerking awake. David next to him was sprawled across his desk, his mouth parted, quietly snoring.

I really hope the Fury whips out his flamethrower for inattentive students, because otherwise what’s the point.

When the bell rang, Adam left the class before the others and escaped the school, breathing in the cool autumn air

So it’s still towards the beginning of the first semester? Lmao geez he really needs to chill out about being the new kid, then.

Or is this just a small high school thing? Hate to bring up my old high school again, but literally no one noticed or cared if someone suddenly appeared, disappeared, died, enrolled, dropped out, or transferred at literally any point in the schoolyear. I suppose it could have just simply been because there were so dang many students...

and letting that calm his thoughts.

He shoulders his backpack and started walking home, following the map app on his phone.

And getting hit by a car.

Adam was checking on the mac and cheese in the oven when he heard the Ford mustang pull up outside. With some hot mitts, he pulled it out of the oven and placed it on an empty spot on the table before closing the oven door with his hip. He turned around and dug out the paper plates and plastic forks from the grocery bag and set the table as he listened to the front door open. They hadn’t managed to unpack much of everything. That would be the weekend goal.

Joy entered the room and she smiled, tiredly, when she saw the mac and cheese.

“That rough, huh?”

“Couldn’t be bothered to make anything even marginally more complex?”

Mac and Cheese. It was his favourite ever since he was a kid and…

He hesitated.

I realize this was probably supposed to go in a ‘dead dad’ direction, but I still want to believe Ocelot is a werecat.

“It smells delicious.” Joy said, gripping his shoulder.

Adam tried to smile, really, but it was more of a grimace.

“How was your day?” He asked.

“Oh you know, low budgets, kids with emotional problems, a few gifted students, and a few trouble makers. The usual.” Joy said. “How about you?”

Adam hesitated before he told her about his day, about everything. Dave, Hal, John, Eve,

It’s still not spelled like that.

and Kaz.

It was their promise to be honest to each other, especially in light of the circumstances of recent months.

They were sitting at the table now, eating.

“So why do you think he threw that note?” Joy asked.

Because the author had a bingo cliché board they reeeeeeeally wanted to get as many spaces on as possible before abandoning the fic.

“I don’t know? Maybe he was bored or something. He kept falling asleep too.” Adam sighed.

“Just take baby steps, alright, Adam?” Joy said after a few moments.

“Yes, Boss.”

He calls his mom “Boss”

Joy smiled.

To Be Continued...

Kahahahaha no it won’t. This fic hasn’t been updated in like a year. In fact, glancing through their profile, the author has a marked tendency of starting multichaptered fics that they never finish. (Incidentally, one of their Omegaverse fics is 21 fucking chapters. I don’t want to know.)

All you fanfic authors out there... I really encourage you to get all your shit written out before you start uploading. It might slow down your fic update schedule - potentially by a lot - but it’ll make your chapter update schedules shorter & more consistent, plus it’ll ensure that you don’t just abandon fics. I mean, as dumb as this fic is, it still had a couple people who liked it, and the author did get some comments from people wanting updates!

There’s no accounting for taste, I guess...

Well, that’s the end of that, then. I think I’ll do a leetle more in-depth poke into the author’s profile for something good to spork, but other than that we’re done here. I’ve got other things to do.

See y’all! Hopefully I can update again tomorrow!