#lists every half year hahaha

[fruitybashir]

sophie fruitybashirs semi ultimate reclist (listed in order of me clicking through my bookmarks & subs)

(go on) leave me breathless by Anonymous [bokris, 5.1k, e]

carve your name into my bedpost by SamePlaceAndTime [bokris, 8.5k, e]

wrong sender, right time by dragon0blood [bojan/jere/jesse, 8.7k, e]

i like us better when we’re intertwined by @madrabit [bojance, 36k (unfinished), e]

all the love i ever needed by @occhi-verdi-come-il-mare [bokris, 10.4k, e]

še bolj si te želim by @xianvar [jance, 77.4k, e]

quietly (running out of breath) by @seokoilua [bokris, 6.5k, e]

ssf constructions by zojassparkle [jance, 32.4k, t]

been deprived (so wanna keep it going?) by @seokoilua [bokris, 14.1k, e]

še bolj si te želim by cursed_throwaway [janmartin+bojan, 4.5k, e]

crime scene: ljubljana by @consumingmen [bokris, 24.1k (unfinished), t]

nikamor se ne mudi by @mogoce-nocoj [bokris, 1.9k, t]

black treacle by slightlysexualfiction [jance, 28.2k, e]

plastika by @itskrejsaitsparty [bokris, 45.4k (unfinished), e]

u men je že dost upanja by @itskrejsaitsparty [bokris, 43.6k, e]

i got a hole inside my heart to be your girl by Anonymous [lesbokris, 7.2k, e]

when i rise above the clouds, its all i want by @honey-andvenom [bokris, 3.2k, e]

ravenous by @seokoilua [bokris, 4.5k (unfinished), m]

taste the flowers from the edge of my shoulders by @madrabit [bokris, 20.3k (unfinished), e]

loved by @seokoilua [bojan centric, 8.6k (unfinished), e]

i see the sea in your eyes by @hazzybat [janjure, 20.3k, t]

guštin's five by @honey-andvenom [bokris, 14k, t]

[motorsportbarbie13]

Aftermath - Chapter 8

When Lando leaves you heartbroken after you get tired of trying to make something out of nothing for far too long, Max steps in to help you pick up the pieces.

warnings: lando makes an appearance in this one. abusive language used, including sexist name calling. pairing: max verstappen x leclercsister!reader word count: 3.9k words a note: here it is babies!!! the last one in this series. i know it's been different from what i usually write, but this has been so much fun. extra special thank you to @lestapiastrisgirl as usual for beta reading and holding my hand at 2am when i wake up struck by an idea hahaha <3

Aftermath - Chapter 1 Aftermath - Chapter 2 Aftermath - Chapter 3 Aftermath - Chapter 4 Aftermath - Chapter 5 Aftermath - Chapter 6Aftermath - Chapter 7 Master List

madmaxx1 posted

52 likes liked by ferrarisprince16, babyleclercpriv, jadebby, and others madmaxx1 pretty pretty girl ferrarisprince16 hey! so this is insane! >>>artiebartie yeah! stop thirsting over our sister >>>madmaxx1 never babyleclercpriv <3 jadebby god you two are so cute it's gross

missleclerc posted

missleclerc surprise! some new pieces are debuting at @/nessasgallery TONIGHT. I'll be there to discuss this new direction my art is going in along with what (and who) inspired me to try such a drastic new approach to painting. I hope you'll drop by and take a look, it would be lovely to see you! maxverstappen1 does this make me your muse??? >>>charlesleclerc hey! my car is up there right next to you! that means I'm a muse too! >>>missleclerc you two are ridiculous >>>user0298 uhhhhhhhh... user1029 ferrari and red bull without a mclaren in sight. iiiiiiinteresting >>>user1100 i think this is all the breakup confirmation we need user455 oh shes in LOVE LOVE with max >>>user444 oh this is so messy. i love it. give me 12 more seasons right now.

“If we don’t leave in the next ten minutes, we’re going to be late for your own event, pretty girl.” Max tuts at you from the doorway of your bedroom but there’s no bite behind his words. 

You glance up at him from your vanity where you’re sitting doing the last bits of your makeup. He looks heartbreakingly handsome in crisp white button-down underneath a tailored navy blue sport coat and matching slacks. His hair is combed neatly to the side, gelled into submission in a way that makes you want to rake your fingers through it just to muss it up. 

“I’m nearly ready, mister bossy pants.” You shoot back before switching off the light on the vanity and standing up. 

Max rolls his eyes but takes advantage of you walking towards him, smile on your face, and blatantly ogles you. The way the navy blue lacy dress hugs every dip and curve of your frame has Max checking his watch, wondering just how late you two could be without raising suspicion. 

“Don’t get any ideas.” You giggle, wrapping your arms around Max’s waist before pitching up onto your toes to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “You were just scolding me that we can’t be late and then you come in here looking at me like that.” 

“It’s not my fault you look like a goddamn masterpiece in that dress.” He murmurs against your neck as he drags hot, open mouthed kisses down towards your collar bone. 

The way Max talks to you now, the reverent way he looks at you like you’re a piece of art in the most normal of situations, the way he always has to be touching you even with just the tips of his fingers, it’s everything you’ve ever craved from a relationship and everything you thought you didn’t deserve. 

Two weeks have passed since that night in your studio and while Max had to be gone for half of it for a race, one that you had solidly refused to attend until the dust between you and Lando settles a little more, it’s almost as if you two have been together for years now. The way you’ve slotted yourself into his life and Max into yours is so settling, so calming that you’ve caught yourself waiting for the other shoe to drop. You’ve caught yourself waiting for him to behave like Lando, to push you away or do something that proves that Lando was right all along. 

Max knows you’ve been waiting for it so he’s made an extra effort to prove to you that it’s never going to happen. He knows you’re still healing, still recovering from what the British driver did to you so he hasn’t pushed. He hasn’t pushed to label whatever it is you two are to each other. It doesn’t matter to either of you because if you’re both in Monaco, you’re together. Max comes down to your apartment to watch while you cook dinner or you go up to his to cuddle on the couch and spend the night. It’s been a blissfully quiet time but you can both feel that private time coming to an end. 

The comments on your post from earlier had been mostly positive but it was pretty apparent fans had put two and two together. People knew you and Max were…something. They had figured out that a breakup had taken place even if nothing had officially been announced. You knew that once you arrived to the gallery tonight, hand in hand with Max, that was all it was going to take to confirm to the public that you and Lando were over and you had moved on. 

The thought of what Lando might do after he sees the coverage of tonight, and you know there will be coverage, has anxiety sitting heavy on your shoulders. Max clocks it instantly, shaking his head. He reads you so easily now, he always has but since that night in your studio, he’s been even more in tune with you and your moods. 

“Don’t go there. It’s going to be fine. Everyone who loves you, who matters, is going to be there and we won’t let anything or anyone ruin tonight, okay?” 

You nod, attempting to tamp down the anxiety that blooms hotly in your chest. You hated how much control Lando still had over you sometimes but you were getting better, bit by bit. “Thank you.” You whisper, nuzzling into the crook of Max’s neck while inhaling the scent of his cologne. 

“I have something for you.” Max murmurs into your hair in an obvious attempt to distract you. 

You pull back, eyes sparkling up at him. “You do?” 

Distraction successful. 

Max reaches into the back pocket of his slacks and pulls out a rectangular velvet box. You blink up at him in confusion. “Max…” 

“It’s just something small to show you how proud I am of you, how wildly in love I am with you.” He says, the words skittering up your spine before settling deep in the pit of your stomach. You’ve never been loved in the way Max loves you and it’s always seemingly knocking you off your center. “Go on, open it.” He whispers, watching as you turn the velvet box over in your hands. 

The hinges on the box whisper open and you’re momentarily speechless when you see what is nestled in the black satin. A diamond tennis necklace winks up at you with dozens of brilliant cut diamonds set in what looks to be platinum, stealing the very breath from your lungs. The stone that sits nestled in the center though is what renders you completely speechless. A large emerald cut brilliant blue sapphire stone sits in the middle of the necklace, the color a perfect match to the navy blue of Max’s Formula 1 car. 

“Max.” You whisper, unable to find any other words beyond his name. 

“Do you like it?” He asks, eyes searching yours earnestly, looking for approval in your face. 

“It’s…” The words to describe the beauty of the piece sitting heavy in your hands escapes you. Your breath hitches in the back of your throat, a small, involuntary gasp escaping your lips. The diamonds, so bright they seem to shimmer with the captured light, blur and swim together as tears prick at your eyes. “Max,” You manage again, your voice thick with emotion that you struggle to get a handle on. “It’s breathtaking.” 

He reaches for the necklace, his fingers brushing against yours, sending a surge of pleasure down your spine. His touch, simple as it is, is familiar but charged with a new intensity. He lifts the delicate chain, the cool metal a stark contrast against the warmth of his skin, and fastens it around your neck after you spin for him while lifting your hair out of the way. The weight of the piece settles against your skin, a physical reminder of his affection, his love for you. Love. The word echoes int he quiet space of your mind, a sound so heavy but exhilarating that it has fresh tears threatening to spill over. 

“Turn around.” He murmurs, voice husky. Max takes a step back, eyes raking over you, a slow appreciative burn in their blue depths. 

You obey, your movements a little stiff and unsure. As you turn, the sapphire catches the light, flashing a vibrant, rich blue against the pale glow of your skin. You spot your reflection in the mirror across the room just as you turn back to face Max and your breath catches again. The necklace transforms your outfit into something extraordinary. It’s not just beautiful, it’s…meaningful. It’s a symbol of his belief in you, his pride in being with you, his acceptance of you, flaws and all.

 It’s a promise, whispered against your skin. 

“It’s too much.” You whisper, the words barely audible. The sheer extravagance of the gift, the depth of the emotion behind it, is almost too overwhelming. 

Max steps closer, his hands slipping around your waist as he pulls you against his body. “It’s not too much.” He says, his voice gentle but firm. “You deserve the world, everything beautiful and bright and good. And this?” He gestures to the necklace clasped around your neck, the sapphire resting in the hollow of your throat, “This is just a small token of my love.” 

“Thank you.” You whisper, the words wholly inadequate and insufficient to describe the way your stomach is swirling with emotion but it’s all you can manage in the face of such overwhelming emotion. You reach up, your fingers tracing the cool surface of the center stone. It feels like a piece of him, a tangible representation of the connection you both share. And in that moment, surrounded by the quiet him of unspoken emotion, you know that whatever happens tonight, whatever Lando might do to ruin the night or in the future, you’re not alone. You have Max. And that, you realize, is more precious than any piece of jewelry that Max could ever give you. 

f1.gossip.news posted

f1.gossip.news in a move that shocked...absolutely no one, charles leclerc's little sister stepped out hand in hand with new flame max verstappen tonight. while her and lando never officially announced their split, we've all seen the writing on the wall. her insta post announcing her new artwork debuting tonight featuring the red bull driver was all the confirmation we needed that her and the mclaren driver are dunzoooo. what do we think, chat??? user7575 she is GLOWING! good for her. >>>user0209 seriously, i haven't seen her or max look this happy in ages. user3221 i can hear the dishes breaking in lando's apartment from here in london >>>user0202 seriously. imagine losing the championship last year AND THEN YOUR GIRL to max verstappen. WHEEEEW BOY. user1992 this is so messy. i love it.

The light from the gallery spills out onto the sidewalk, casting a golden glow out into the street that guides you and Max towards it’s doors. It doesn’t escape your notice that the last time you walked down this sidewalk at night towards Nessa’s gallery for a show of yours, you were alone and desperately sad. 

Tonight though? Tonight is completely different. Your arm is tucked securely in Max’s elbow as he walks with towards the gallery with you after dropping the car off with the valet. The necklace he’d given you that night sits securely around your throat, an outwardly sign of the budding relationship between you two. As you approach the gallery, you see your brothers waiting for you but this time, all of their significant others are also waiting for you as well. 

Charles is the first one to intercept you, catching you up in a tight hug before whispering how lovely you look tonight in your ear. You’re passed first to Arthur and finally to Lorenzo, who makes a joke about the rock around your neck. Through it all, Max sits back quietly, watching you glow under the attention of your brothers. Jade, Alexandra, and Charlotte all make a fuss over your outfit and paw at the necklace, swooning over how it practically sparkles under the gallery lights. 

When you finally make it into the gallery, there are dozens of people already there. Nessa sees you walk through the door first and pounces on you instantly. 

“My darling!” She coos, wrapping you up in her arms and squeezing you tightly. “You are shimmering with happiness.” She comments, eyes darting to where Max stands behind you, hands tucked neatly into his pockets as he talks with Charles and Arthur. “And I suppose we have that man to thank for that.” 

“Partly.” You agree, but you know it’s more than that. You feel as though you’ve been given a second chance tonight. You were so close to losing everything, to succumbing to everything that Lando had put you through over the last three years that this first night out feels like your first taste of what life should feel like. You knew you had Max to thank for a lot of that, but it also wasn’t lost on you how much you had also fought to be there for yourself. “I’ve done a lot of work on myself the last few months too.” 

Nessa nods, running a protective hand up and down your bare arms. “I know, your art has changed! It feels lighter but also there’s so much more depth to it. I’ve had several inquiries about the one of your man after Brazil.” She says, eyes alright with dollar signs. 

“Unfortunately, that one is already sold.” Max cuts in, slipping his arm around your waist before handing you a glass of red wine. 

You startle, not realizing that you had already sold a piece so early on in the night. “It is?” 

Max nods, taking a sip of his drink. “I came in yesterday afternoon while you were taking a nap and bought it.” 

Your head snaps to Nessa, looking for confirmation. “Paid twice my asking price.” She murmurs, smirk playing at her ruby red lips. Traditionally, she never sold a piece before it was debuted but Max had been persuasive and insisted on locking down the piece without you knowing before hand. 

“Max!” You hiss, bumping a shoulder into his. “I would have just given it to you if you’d asked! I was planning on doing that anyway!” 

Max shrugs, small smile on his face. “I wanted to make sure no one beat me to it. And of course I paid for it! Allow my girl to give her work away for free? Just because I’m the muse doesn’t mean I get special treatment.” 

You’re fairly certain you blush deeper a deep red than the scarlet of your brother’s Ferrari at the praise Max heaps on you. Nessa hides a knowing grin behind her own wine glass before excusing herself to go talk to a client that had just walked in. 

Max and you are left alone in the center of the room and for a moment, the silence that settles over you two is a comforting blanket. It’s not hurried or anxious, the energy between you tonight. It’s a calm, steady thrum of energy that passes easily from Max to you without having to do much more than exchange a glance or quick brush of fingertip against bare skin. You watch your family swirl around the room, each gently checking in on you in their own time as they mingle and you feel yourself relax into the vibe of the evening. 

You’re two glasses in and having a hushed conversation with Jade as Max stands beside you, backs to the door, when a sudden tension snaps through the gallery. On the opposite side of the room, the door at the front of the gallery snaps just a touch too loudly, pulling your attention in that direction. 

The figure that stands just inside the gallery sends your stomach dropping through your toes. 

“Shit.” Beside you, Max’s hand finds yours and he instinctively shifts to put himself between the rest of the gallery and yourself. 

You knew this was going to happen. You had felt it in your bones tonight as you had gotten ready. You knew that Lando would never let you have this. Knew deep down that he’d never let you fully get away from him without having the last word. If there was one thing that Lando couldn’t stand, it was being made a fool of. And you knew that showing up here tonight on Max’s arm, wearing Max’s jewels would set him off. 

You deserved what was coming. 

You try frantically to step around Max, feeling the need to absorb the fire you knew Lando was going to spew everywhere. But Max won’t allow it. Without a single glance in your direction, Max shifts his weight once again and you find yourself even further away from Lando now. Somewhere to your left, you sense Charles and Arthur step in front of you two and you’re certain Lorenzo is around somewhere. 

“Typical LeClerc behavior. Hiding behind others who are more powerful than you in order to save face. Learned from the best, didn’t you baby?” The venom in Lando’s voice sinks it’s claws into your bloodstream, threatening to drag you under. 

Around you, conversations cease instantly, all attention on the scene happening in the corner of the room. 

You weren’t going to let Lando win this though. You were done giving him the power to control you, done dodging the confrontation in an attempt to quietly end things between you. He just wasn’t getting the hint and if he was going to behave like this, then fine. You were fed up. 

Pushing through Max and Charles, you stand in front of your ex-boyfriend, head held high. “Lando, this is neither the time nor the place to do this.” Your voice is deceptively calm, not giving away a bit of the fear that trembles just below the surface. 

Lando sneers, rolling his eyes and then his gaze snags on the necklace at your throat. The navy blue stone catches the light, winking over at him with an antagonizing shimmer. He takes half a step closer and you feel Max shift again, but this time he comes to stand beside you instead of in front of you. 

“Wearing his collar already, huh?” He bites out. A chorus of gasps ripple through the gallery but you just tip your chin up higher, used to his attempts at humiliation. Lando’s gaze shifts to Max beside you and a cruel smile curls at the corner of his mouth. “Tell me, Verstappen. Does she still make that little cooing noise right before she comes? It was always the sweetest little sound, you know the one I’m talking about, right?” 

Humiliation burns through you, hot and bright as Max reaches for your hand, giving it a squeeze. Another ripple of disbelief peppers through the crowd but Max barely blinks. “You know, I’ve never heard her make that particular sound.” He pauses and Lando’s face lights up in a brilliant smile, as if he’s won. “Usually, she’s too busy screaming my name when I make her come though so she’s never been one to make quiet little sounds with me.” 

Silence. 

“I always knew you were a cheating whore.” 

A sickening crack rings out in the otherwise silent room as your brother’s fist connects squarely with Lando’s jaw. 

“Charles!” You gasp, hand flying to your throat as you watch Lando stagger back. 

Charles shakes out his hand, received to be able to move all of his fingers. He can’t imagine that call to Maranello going well if he’d had to phone about a broken hand. 

“Keep my sister’s name out of your filthy fucking mouth, you piece of trash.” Charles spits, voice a mask of sheer deathly calm.

Max steps forward, a silent demand for order radiating from the way he stands. “Enough.” His voice is unwaveringly calm as he watches Lando struggle to his feet, clutching at his left eye where a deep blue bruise is already blooming. “Get the fuck out of here before I call the police. I don’t think Zak would be to happy to hear about tonight’s shenanigans or enjoy having to read the media coverage after his star driver gets arrested for harassment.” Max takes half a step towards Lando and you enjoy the way the Brit scrambles away. “If you so much as sneeze in her direction ever again, I will make it my life’s mission to see your entire life ruined, Norris.” Max is practically nose to nose with Lando now, his glare cutting down your ex-boyfriend so he appears about two inches tall. “Are. We. Clear?” 

****

Later that night, Max startles awake, unsurprised to find himself alone in your bed. He knew you were restless tonight. It had taken him nearly twice as long as it usually did for him to pull your body to release underneath him. And after, when you had tumbled head first into sleep, naked beside him, you weren’t settled like you usually were when you slept beside him. 

So no, he wasn’t surprised to find you gone and the bed long cold beside him. 

Pulling on a pair of boxers, Max wanders into your spare bedroom that’s morphed into somewhat of a second studio space. He finds you exactly where he expects you: facing away from him sitting in front of a half finished canvas. You’re bathed in a brilliant blue moonlight, wearing nothing but his white dress shirt from earlier and his necklace you still haven’t removed. 

“Come back to bed, my love.” He murmurs into the crook of your neck as you drop your head onto his, sinking into the warmth of his embrace. 

A soft sound of agreement hums in the back of your throat as you place the brush on the table beside you. Max is a touch surprised with how pliant you are, instantly following his suggestion without much fight but he also knows today took a lot out of you and the thing you sometimes craved was the ability to shut it all off. 

“I wasn’t getting much work done anyway.” You murmur, standing and leaning into his embrace even more. The room is chilly anyway and you find yourself needing Max’s touch more than anything else in that moment. 

You allow Max to tug you out the door towards your bedroom, knowing that he’s able to read you perfectly. He doesn’t rush you though. He lets you linger for a moment in the doorway, your gaze snagging lightly on the painting behind you. It’s a gorgeous landscape that you’re known for, something you haven’t been able to paint in what feels like a lifetime. The moonlight paints silver streaks across the floor, illuminating the painting that you had spent the last hour just starting at. It’s a peaceful scene, a stark contrast to the turmoil that had filled your day. A small, contented sigh escapes your lips and Max squeezes your hand just enough to pull your attention back to him. 

Once back in the bedroom, the chill of the room sends a shiver down your spine. Max, ever attentive, pulls back the covers, gesturing for you to climb in first. He watches as you curl up on your side, tucking your knees up in towards your chest. The white shirt slips off your body, revealing the delicate curve of your spine. He slides in beside you, the mattress dipping under his weight. Max reaches out, his hand finding the curve of your hip and gently pulls you closer until your back is flush against his chest. He wraps an arm around your waist, fingers splaying across your stomach. 

You melt into his touch, the warmth of his body radiating through you. His breath is warm against the back of your neck and the steady rhythm of his heart is a soothing lullaby you’ve come to depend on at night. The events of earlier linger in the back of your mind, but here, in Max’s arms they start to feel a little more distant, muffled almost. He kisses the nape of your neck softly, a quiet reminder of his constant presence in your life now, how he’ll never allow you to be alone of face anything by yourself anymore. 

“Better?” He whispers, voice low and rumbling against your bare skin. 

“Mm-hmm” You hum, snuggling deeper into his embrace. You reach down and take his hand that sits on your belly, intertwining your fingers with his. The simple act of holding his hand grounds you, reminding you that you’re not alone anymore. You turn slightly in his arms, just enough to look up at him. His eyes, even in the dim light of the bedroom, are filled with tenderness and understanding. 

“Thank you.” You whisper, your voice thick with emotion. 

Max smiles, a soft, reassuring smile that makes your heart ache in the best way. “For what, liefje?” His Dutch accent is thick now, as it gets when he’s tired and emotional. 

“For everything.” You say, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “For being here. For understanding. For taking care of me.” 

He pulls you closer, his hold tighenying slightly. “Always.” He murmurs against your lips. “Always and forever, my love.” 

And as you drift off to sleep, wrapped in the warmth of his arms, you know that no matter what happens next, you and Max will face it together. This, right here, in his arms, is your happy ending that you’ve been chasing after your entire life. 

Tag list:

@shelbyteller, @martygraciesversion381, @samantha-chicago, @stelena-klayley @dark-night-sky-99 @luckylampzonkland, @aykxz98 @forensicheart @cheer-bear-go-vroom @lieutenantchaos @willowsnook @linnygirl09 @meglouise00 @mixedstyles @secret-agents-stole-my-bunnies @mrosales16 @charlesgirl16 @leclercdream @daemyratwst @dramaticpiratellamas @mochimommy2002 @llando4norris @iamaunknownsecret @maxivstappen @imlonelydontsendhelp @nina-or-anna-or-nora @a1leexxa @littlegrapejuice @sunflowervol18 @freyathehuntress @finn-dot-com @swiftie-4-lifes-stuff @chirasama @lauralarsen @dr3wstarkey @saskiaalonso @rbv3rstappen @ilovechickenwings @guaaafiiburg @mcmuppet @mindless-rock @piastri-fvx @mel164 @schumi-angel @myescapefromthislife @supertrashbread @sunny44 @tinystudentblaze-stuff @sarx164

[aurumalatus]

𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞 [𝟓]

pairing. kinich x fem!reader

word count. 3.1k

genre/warnings. childhood friends to lovers, slow burn, fluff and angst, drabble collection, reader is mentioned to be wearing a dress, descriptions of blood and injury

summary.

in which kinich learns the value of all things: lives, friendship, and, of course, you. or, in which kinich realizes that you are the only priceless thing in this world.

author's note. the slow burn is burning... kinich is a little slow to the punch though LOL. this chapter talks about turnfire night, i took a lot of ~artistic liberty~ with the banquet and such so don't hate on me pls. there's a bit of angst in the next few chapters, i'm sorry HAHAHA. pls lmk what you guys think, it's very motivating! i hope you enjoy <3 reblogs/interaction highly appreciated!

↢ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 | 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ↣

𝗦𝗜𝗟𝗘𝗡𝗖𝗘 𝗜𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗥𝗢𝗢𝗠 (𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗗𝗘𝗔𝗧𝗛 𝗢𝗙 𝗠𝗘)

At some point, the flowers start to speak your name.

Kinich isn’t sure when the idea took root in his mind—it had been slow for sure, a snail crawling over a branch. Living together makes you a perpetual presence in his life, a certainty like the rise of the sun and the glint of the stars. He finds comfort in that knowledge, but rarely thinks on it more than that.

The day he realizes it, the sun is a bright yolk in the sky, honey-yellow and shining dutifully upon his back. A layer of sweat plasters itself to his forehead, and he scrubs it away with his wrist, panting. For as many years as he’s been a farmer, the work hardly gets easier; it still leaves him sore and aching every day.

Across the field, the front door of your home swings open—it’s you that peeks out, waving. Kinich nods back in reply, gathering the vegetables in his basket and jogging back over to you. He frowns when he notices a dark spot on one of his carrots, vaguely noting that he should toss that one out later.

“I ran you a bath,” you offer, leaning halfway out the doorway. Kinich extends a half-smile in gratitude.

“Thanks,” he replies, holding the harvest out to you. You take the basket with a small ‘thank you’, placing it down on your feet. Usually, you would take the vegetables inside right away to wash and cut them, but today, you’re lingering—there’s something on your mind.

But Kinich is nothing if not patient, so he merely waits, arching a brow.

“It’s Turnfire Night,” you finally admit, hands clasped behind your back. “Elder Leik invited us to the banquet, if you’re keen on going.”

Surprised, Kinich glances over his crops. He’s just about done here for the day, and he doesn’t have anything on the to-do list for tonight anyway.

“Do you want to?”

You’re hesitating, likely out of shyness—he watches you rock back and forth on your heels.

“I think it’d be nice,” you reply, short. 

You’re trying not to force him, he realizes. You know how much he hates crowded things like that. And usually, you would be right, but he thinks back on the last time he’d visited the village. It’s been long enough, he decides, and one day wouldn’t kill him.

“Sure, we can go.”

Your disposition brightens instantly, nearly ascending with joy. 

“Really?” you squeak, hands drawing to your chest. He smiles and nods, shaking his head with amusement when you disappear back inside, cheering. You’re easy to please in a lot of ways.

Kinich takes you up on your offer of a warm bath, then prepares one for you as well. Gone are the days that the two of you washed up in the river—a nicer bathtub had been one of your earlier investments, and Kinich had grown to appreciate the blessings of a warm place to wash at the end of a long day. It does wonders for his aching muscles.

Over the years, Kinich’s house had slowly grown into a home, right under his nose. Your presence had been a driving force in that process.

While his hair dries, he’s in the kitchen organizing a few of the cupboards when you emerge from your bath, footsteps quietly padding against the floor. You call his name, voice thin and uncertain. When he turns, his heart squeezes.

You’re wearing a lovely dress, a forest green with golden accents—he briefly notes that it matches his eyes, then wonders if you had chosen that on purpose. The thought leaves his head foggy.

“What do you think?” you ask shyly, giving a small twirl. Kinich’s gaze follows the flow of your skirt, the liveliness of it. He’s never seen you dressed up like this in all his years of knowing you, and the sight makes something take root in his chest. “I bought it at the market a while ago, just in case.”

There’s a beat of silence, but it doesn’t sit for long.

“It looks nice,” is all that crawls from his throat, thick. The words sound awkward from his lips, he thinks harshly. A heated flush surges up his neck, curling around his ears and resting there. You practically glow at his response, clapping to yourself. 

“I got something for you too,” you sing, disappearing into the bedroom. Kinich waits patiently until you return, gesturing for him to close his eyes. He indulges you, and it’s a few seconds before something soft brushes at his forehead, pushing his bangs aside.

A bandana.

When his vision returns, you’re standing inches away from his face—his breath hitches at the proximity. Your gaze is searching as it meets his, your lip twitching at the edge. The excitement nearly pours off of you in waves. 

You’re staring.

Kinich’s fingers brush his own cheek, self-conscious. “What is it?”

You lean impossibly closer.

“Nothing,” you hum, happy as a clam. “I just think it makes your eyes look even prettier.” 

You’ve always told him how much you love his eyes, the starburst of jade and gold. You have a tendency to notice things about him that no one else does.

“Does it look nice?” he asks quietly, thumbing at the cloth. He would recognize a product of your weaving anywhere—you must’ve been working on this for a while now. He wonders when you found the time, or even how you managed to do it without him noticing.

You nod, a fond smile gracing your face. “You look really handsome.”

Kinich feels a touch of jealousy at the ease with which the words seem to fall from your lips. Sometimes, he wishes he could speak his mind the way you do. He doesn’t usually hold back in his words—most people he interacts with can attest to that—but when it comes to you, his tongue grows heavy in his mouth.

Still, the idea that you think he looks handsome is…nice.

“Thank you,” he breathes.

You turn and skip back into the bedroom, calling over your shoulder about how the two of you should leave soon. He watches you leave, the dress flowing like silk over your form. He swallows.

It’s really, really nice.

Later on, Kinich holds you close as the two of you grapple toward the village, mountains and trees racing past you. Your giggles are warm against his ear; you love traveling like this, the adrenaline that pulses through your veins. Winking dots of light are already visible in the distance, a rousing cheer reaching your ears—the festivities have already started.

He lands neatly on one of the wooden walkways, taking in the scenery. The village is decorated with bright streamers and vases of blooming flowers, crowds of people maneuvering around the party. You maintain your grip on Kinich’s hand, unwilling to lose him in the crowd.

Two taller figures emerge from the swathe of people, greeting you by name. 

“Have you two been taking care?” Elder Leik asks warmly, Chief Wayna smiling at his side. The elders are concerned for the two of you, Kinich knows; they’ve tried many times to convince you to move back to the village. Their efforts slowly ceased as the two of you grew older—you’ve always been steadfast in your independence.

You nod enthusiastically. “We’ve been doing really well! Everyone’s seeking out Kinich’s work.”

Your compliment makes him feel a bit embarrassed—he feels an urge to deny it, but the elders only laugh and congratulate him, ruffling at his hair. He does feel a bit satisfied that they recognize his strength.

“That’s great,” Chief Wayna replies, genuine. “Just remember you can always come to us if you ever need anything. But also make sure you enjoy the party!”

He leaves the two of you with a wink, fading into the crowd, and you take the opportunity to grasp at Kinich’s hand, pulling him along. You’re the most excited person there, truly in awe of everything.

Kinich indulges in some of the food, laughing at the gusto with which you scarf down your own—he chuckles as he wipes crumbs away from your cheeks. Everyone’s spirits are high; the music is loud and roaring, an electrifying song that Kinich can feel in his veins. You perk up at the sound.

“Kin, can we dance?” you beg, eyes bright and lips pouted. 

He glances around. Really, he doesn’t want to, especially not in front of all of these people. But the music is slowing, and Kinich can never say no to you, so he sighs, pulling you close and placing a cursory hand at your waist.

“Is this good?” he asks, a murmur. You hum in content, resting your head at his shoulder.

“It’s great.”

A permanent grin seems to have plastered itself over your lips. Kinich absently thinks that it makes you look so much more beautiful—a flower in bloom.

“You’re really happy today,” he comments.

Your eyes flutter shut, delighted.

“I’m happy you wanted to come with me. And I was happy that you liked my dress, and that you liked the headband I wove for you. I’m just happy.”

A deep yearning fills Kinich’s chest at the feather-softness of your voice—he feels an urge to hide you away. Somehow, he wants this side of you to only be for him.

“I did really like it,” he confirms. “The headband, and…everything else.”

He likes spending time with you, he likes your dress, and he likes the warmth that permeates his body when you hold him like this. Everything else seems to fade into nothingness.

For a while, the two of you talk about nothing and everything. It’s a truly peaceful existence. Kinich tries to remember if he’s ever been to a Turnfire Night like this before; the last time he’d attended, he’d likely been too young to even remember the event. You just have a way of replacing his darker memories with pleasant ones.

The beat of the music picks up again, and Kinich feels an instant chill when you lift your head from his shoulder. Still, he sways to the music with you, smiling when you start to sing along to the energetic song.

“You’re a good dancer,” you observe, in awe. Kinich shrugs, smoothly spinning you again.

“It’s not that hard.”

Dancing with you is actually fun, he realizes despite his initial hesitation. Your laughter fades with the passing wind, dissipating into the night, and he can’t help but stare at the way the torchlight glimmers against your skin.

The two of you celebrate until the music dies to silence, until people start to yawn and retire to bed. By this time, the sun is already peeking in the distance, barely a whisper of light reaching you. 

Kinich carries you home, soft snores echoing from your place on his back—he decides he won’t tease you about it later.

Instead, he promises himself that he’ll keep taking you to Turnfire Night every year after.

(Then, he promises himself that he’ll always protect your smile.)

/

By the time he cries for the first time, Kinich is fifteen.

He feels that he knows the way the world works now—those with strength, with value, survive. It’s not that he has any interest in being one of the rich ones with towering houses that line the cliffside. Really, all he needs to be satisfied is a comfortable life with you at the foot of the mountain. And his needs—things like clothes and food—come with Mora, so he makes Mora. It’s a simple existence.

He spends more time with you. Slowly but surely, he starts to bring you on jobs and hunts with him. You’re eager to learn about the work he does, and even more excited to help—your medical knowledge does tend to make things go faster. Still, he feels extra layers of anxiety whenever he knows you’re coming along, his grip drawing tighter around his sword.

It comes on a day like any other.

At first, it doesn’t seem like a particularly difficult job—it’s a run-of-the-mill request, to subdue a Saurian that’s been attacking travelers near the village. Even still, Kinich is as thorough as always in the days leading up to the job, and you let him take the lead. He’s strict about these things when you come along, and you know better than to distract him.

The day of, the two of you encounter the Saurian in a clearing adjacent to the road. It’s sick, you mention quietly, hidden in the foliage nearby—it’s foaming at the mouth, erratic in its movements. Kinich mumbles back his agreement.

It starts to peck at the poisoned berries he’d left for it, movements slowing. He counts down the minutes—at this point, it should be incapacitated enough for the kill.

It’s only when Kinich creeps up behind it, greatsword in hand, that he realizes he’d been wrong. The Saurian seems to switch at the last second, beady eyes burning as it poises to strike. Kinich barely blocks the attack with the flat of his blade, teeth gritted.

“Kinich!” you cry out, running to his side. The Saurian perks up at the sound, tense.

Kinich’s eyes widen. “Wait, don’t come—”

It’s too late. The Saurian’s claw catches you in the stomach as it whips around, sending you flying.

A sickening crack echoes when your back smacks against a rock—you crumple to the dirt, hunched over. A cold breath hisses between Kinich’s teeth as he screams your name.

The Saurian doesn’t last much longer than that, not that he really remembers any of it. He swings his sword, cutting and slicing, sounds of battle piercing the air. It’s only when he sprints to your side that he returns to his senses.

A harsh gash is ripped through your shirt and the skin beneath, a pool of crimson already gathering on your stomach. The sight brings bile crawling up his throat.

“Kin…”

Your voice is weak, and Kinich hushes you quickly, an urge to save your strength. A striking fear has his blood freezing in his veins—he remembers his father’s corpse. Terror hovers over his body, leaving him breathless. He intertwines his fingers with yours, pressing the back of your hand to his lips. 

“That hurt,” you mumble, a touch of humor in your tone even now. “I’m tired.”

Your eyelids are heavy, stare unfocused. 

“Don’t close your eyes!” he demands. He palms at your cheek lightly, willing you to stay awake. It’s unlike him, the desperation in his voice. “Didn’t you say you’d always be by my side?”

You chuckle, a line of blood dripping down your chin. Kinich thumbs it away.

“I said that when we were kids, silly.”

He swallows, throat bobbing. Your eyes follow the motion unconsciously.

“We’re still kids.” 

His voice cracks as he says it, like his words can’t bear the brunt of their meaning. Your heart pulses, a burst of adrenaline coursing through you at his rare show of emotion. It’s only a moment, because the pain returns milliseconds later and a groan escapes your chest. 

Quickly, Kinich pulls his headband off, sliding it between his teeth to hold while he pulls the flask of water from his belt. He sets about cleaning your wound, gentle, but the stress is evident in his expression. His hands are shaking; you can feel the tremble against your skin as he eases your shirt up.

“It’ll be okay,” he breathes. Even he is unsure if he’s speaking to you or himself. You nod weakly.

“It’ll be okay, Kin.” You cough, and something in Kinich’s chest snaps when a spray of blood splatters over the hem of his shirt. A spray of your blood. “Don’t worry, okay?”

He can’t even really hear you anymore. He’s staring at the crimson mist, wondering how this had even happened. He’d assumed he was strong enough—strong enough to do this job, strong enough to protect you—and he had been wrong. There must’ve been an error in his calculations, or maybe he hadn’t prepared enough. 

He fastens his headband around your wound, stemming the blood flow. It’s almost an out-of-body experience—he hardly even recognizes the hands as his.

He’d gotten too comfortable, and you had paid the price.

Those with strength survive, but that day brings a sobering realization—Kinich is far weaker than he thought.

A cold tear slides down his cheek as he carries you home. 

You’re sniffling in pain at each step, the movement irritating your wound, and Kinich feels truly helpless. All he can do is whisper promises and apologies, that he’s sorry it happened and that he promises everything will be okay. It almost feels worse that you don’t seem to blame him at all—you’re apologizing too, telling him you’re sorry for being a burden on his job.

“You’re never a burden,” he spits. It comes out harsher than intended, so he sighs, softening. “You could never be a burden to me.”

You don’t reply.

A thick lump lodges itself in his throat as he feels your blood soak through the back of his shirt. It all almost feels unreal—he feels like he could return home to your warmth and smile and everything would be okay. You have a way of making everything okay.

“We’re almost there, okay?” he murmurs. You’re sweating from the pain, sticky against his skin. “Just stay with me.”

The house feels unnaturally cold when he kicks the door open. 

By the time he has your wound properly wrapped, the sun is gone, a distant memory. He sets you down in bed, pulling the blanket up to your chin—you’re already asleep, but your expression is unpleasant, tortured. You must be in pain, even in your dreams.

The thought makes him sick.

With a sigh, he stumbles out of the bedroom, collapsing onto the couch. His hands are still shaking from overuse and exhaustion. He’s not used to the tedious movements anymore like you are—you’re always the one patching him up these days.

A vase sits on the table. It’s full of Saurian Claw Succulents—you’d planted them yourself, cheery at the prospect of decorating the house a bit more. Kinich plucks one of the flowers from the vase by the thin stem, vacantly inspecting each petal.

He wonders what he has to change.

Those with strength survive. Kinich wants to survive. He wants to survive and live his days out with you.

But he’s not strong enough. If you can’t smile at his side, what good is he at all?

Your labored breathing is audible from the other room, the sound grating against his ears. If he had a Vision, or some other kind of power, things might’ve been different. If he had just been stronger—

He thinks back on his younger self, on his innocence, on his weakness. He’d discarded that side of himself long ago in favor of something more powerful, in favor of someone who could protect and take care of you.

There’s no turning back now, he thinks.

The stem snaps under his fingers, under the weight of it all, previous gentleness gone.

[anomalyaly]

The Nut Cracked

Summary: Sebastian Sallow doesn't understand muggle holiday traditions. But this one, he could get on top of.

OR, a spoof of 'The Nutcracker', but make it feral.

NSFW. ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+. MINORS DNI.

[AO3/Wattpad]

3k words. Written for a NSFW discord server event: The Naughty List.

This is NOT canon to the 'Secrets' universe hahaha or is it

Tags: Explicit sexual content, objectophilia if you squint, seventh year, orgasm denial, Sebastian has blue balls and doesn't know how to handle it

Sebastian didn't understand muggle holiday traditions.

The brightly decorated Ravenclaw girl presented him with a small parcel that he had initially been excited to unwrap. But, as much as he loved seeing the look on Elsie's face as she handed it to him, he couldn't understand why, out of all the gifts she could have chosen, she had picked out an odd-looking wooden doll.

"It's a nutcracker!" She beamed. "My parents can never be bothered to figure out what to get me or my siblings, so they usually send us a whole slew of stuff."

"And...you saw an old man doll and it reminded you of me?" Sebastian turned it around in his hands questioningly. He tried his hardest to seem grateful, but truthfully, he was utterly confused.

She scoffed. "It's not an old man doll. It's a traditional gift that originated in Germany to ward off evil spirits and –"

"Evil spirits?" He laughed. "The only evil spirit we have to worry about during this time of year is Peeves."

"Well, if you don't want it –"

He abruptly yanked his arm away from her and held the wooden figure closer to himself. "I never said I didn't want it. I just think it could be more...appealing."

She tilted her head, her brows furrowed in confusion. "How so?"

Sebastian grinned slyly and picked up his wand, waving it in front of the nutcracker and transfiguring it to look like a girl with wavy, dark hair and freckles dusted along her nose and cheeks. He held it up proudly. "There. Much prettier to look at."

He was met with an eye roll as she stood from the couch and stretched. "If you say so."

Sebastian hadn't been particularly secretive about his feelings for Elsie in recent months. In fact, he thought he was being blatantly obvious, doing everything short of outright telling her due to her relationship status being a bit complicated. Even so, he did his best to hide his irritation every time she brushed off another one of his comments as a sarcastic quip.

It certainly hadn't helped that the other day, she had trudged back from another one of her adventures in the Highlands sopping wet from the snow, the already thin material of her blouse nearly transparent as it clung tightly to her form, her nipples peaked from the cold. He had spent half of the night restless, the other half with his hand wrapped around his cock every time the tantalizing image replayed itself in his mind.

The castle was nearly empty as the two of them spent Christmas at Hogwarts together, and all he could focus on was how frustrated he had felt.

"I should turn in for the night," Elsie sighed, glancing at the time. "I promised Lydia that we would still leave milk and cookies out for Father Christmas. She's very adamant about keeping to tradition."

Sebastian bit the inside of his cheek as he forced himself not to beg her to stay with him for the night. It wasn't like the prefects or professors cared to parade the halls during the holiday with so many students gone. But she likely didn't see him that way. His streak of terrible luck would have him falling for someone he couldn't have.

"Alright," he murmured, hiding the disappointment in his tone. He held up the wooden doll. "Thanks for the, uh...gift?"

She grinned. "Have no fear. We'll exchange our actual gifts tomorrow. But," she tapped the nutcracker's brunette head, "I suppose now, you'll have the nutcracker version of me to help keep you safe."

Sebastian's eyes followed the sway of her hips as she headed toward the gate of the Undercroft. He quickly averted them when she turned back to look at him. "Happy Christmas, Sebastian. See you tomorrow?"

He nodded. "Yeah, see you. Happy Christmas."

She gave him one last soft smile, and the gate clanged shut behind her. Sebastian sighed. Guess I ought to head back to my common room for the evening. He grabbed the tiny doll and sauntered back to his dorm, feeling even more tense than he had been hours before.

It was going to be a long two weeks.

~

Sebastian awoke the next morning, exhaustion creeping in. He needed to get control of his thoughts before he –

"Good morning!"

A light, feminine voice chirped at him from his bedside. The rest of the dorm room was noticeably empty — Sebastian assumed Ominis had left for breakfast early, not wanting to wait while he slept in.

It still didn't explain why Elsie was standing by his bed on Christmas morning. She would never sneak into the Slytherin common room without good reason, let alone his bedroom, even with how often he had teased and prodded her to spend time with him there.

He rubbed his face, his eyes still bleary. "Elsie? What are you –"

The words died in his throat once he finally took a proper look at her. She was smiling coyly at him, her raven hair free and cascading down her back. But what surprised him the most wasn't the expression on her face or the loose, dark strands that curled along her freckled, pink cheeks. It was what she was wearing.

Instead of a Christmas jumper, like she had promised she would have on, Elsie donned the bright red uniform reminiscent of the nutcracker she had gifted him the night prior. It was loose on her small form, barely hanging on to her shoulders, and short enough that it hardly covered the creamy skin of her thighs. He knew he should look away, or at least tell her that she was far too exposed for her liking.

"You're uh..." He cleared his throat. "What...what are you wearing?"

"Oh, this?" She playfully slid the top further down her shoulders. His hungry gaze followed the line down her collarbone and towards the curve of her breasts.

This wasn't like Elsie at all. The girl he knew wouldn't have been dressed like this in his presence, especially because they hadn't so much as kissed yet. She would be flustered, finding anything she could to cover herself up, and likely avoiding him afterward for days out of sheer humiliation.

"Why so shy?" She asked. It was definitely her voice but with a sultry tone. "This is what you wanted, isn't it?"

Sebastian swallowed. How could she have known that? "W-what do you mean?"

Elsie shrugged. "You made me. I heard your wish, and I'm here to grant it."

He blinked. Made?! "If this is some sort of muggle holiday prank, Elsie, it's really not funny."

She chuckled and sat next to him on the bed, draping an arm over his bare chest, and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "It's not. I'm your nutcracker, silly."

Oh. Oh.

The nutcracker he had mindlessly transfigured last night to look like Elsie had somehow become sentient. And now, Elsie, or at least a perfect copy of her, was practically on top of him, half-naked and promiscuously alluring. It was something he had only dreamed about in the darkest hours of the night, alone in his bed with a silencing charm cast over him.

His thoughts were racing wildly as he drank in the sight of her. She was close enough now and leaning in at just the right angle that he could see entirely down her top, and his breath caught in his throat as he realized that, underneath, she was completely bare. He shifted on the bed as he felt his erection press tightly against his pajama bottoms, quickly losing any scrap of restraint he had left, which hadn't been much to begin with. This was wrong, wasn't it? He couldn't deny how badly he had wanted this – wanted it for months now.

Moments later, her lips and tongue were tracing a hot trail of kisses along his neck, and as she lightly grazed his pulse point with her teeth, the last thread of his control snapped.

In one swift move, he took her face in his hands and fiercely captured her lips with his own, the sensation nearly enough to send him over the edge. Months of pining - of gentle, innocent touches and cuddles that the real Elsie had naively passed off as what two good friends would share - had made him ache with need.

For an imitation, the nutcracker-Elsie felt wonderfully authentic.

His fingers snaked in her hair and tugged lightly, eliciting a soft moan from her that had him shivering. Realistically, had it been their true first experience together, he would have wanted to savor every moment, taking his time as he mapped out every sensitive plane and curve of her body that would make her writhe with pleasure underneath his touch.

But, since this was his Christmas wish, he was going to be self-indulgent and take exactly what he wanted, just as he had imagined doing for so long.

A soft brush of her hand against his very hard and throbbing erection nearly sent him into a frenzy, and he let out a mewl so pathetic he would have been embarrassed had he not felt so ridiculously desperate. His hands scrambled to tear the baggy nutcracker uniform off of her, and as he ran his hand along her inner thigh and traced his fingers along her core, he realized without a doubt that she was soaking. For him.

Happy fucking Christmas to me.

Sebastian groaned as he practically dragged her into his bed and flipped her onto her back. His body vibrated with anticipation when her fingers tugged at his pajama bottoms and yanked them down abruptly. His cock sprang free, already aching with desire, and he melted into a moaning mess when she wrapped her silken hand around him and stroked.

"F-fuck...so good, Elsie —" The way she held him, so expertly gentle and firm at the same time, was better than even his wildest imaginations could conjure. His hips bucked into her touch while he stared down at her through hooded lids, understanding that he needed to take every second to memorize her body in case he never had an opportunity like this again.

Her face was flushed, the smattering of freckles along her nose and cheeks standing out, just the way he liked to see them — one of the reasons he would purposely try to make her blush. His hands followed his gaze as it traveled further down, past her parted pink lips and onto her voluptuous breasts, and he couldn't help but lean forward and take one of her pert nipples into his mouth.

Elsie's sighs and moans as he swirled his tongue around it were music to his ears. He reached out with one hand to cup her other breast while his other slid between her legs once more and lightly circled her clit with his thumb while he pumped two fingers inside of her. The sounds she emitted were delightfully sinful, and he decided that he didn't want to wait any longer. He had waited long enough, trying his damndest to be a gentleman all this time and letting the real Elsie take whatever their relationship was at her own pace.

He had earned this. It was bloody Christmas, and she was his present, and he fucking deserved it.

Sebastian slotted himself between her thighs and pulled back to look at her again. The unbridled need on her face mirrored his own, and he momentarily wondered if he should have spent more time making sure she was ready for him before taking her. After all, if it were the real Elsie, he would have made sure she felt good and reached her release many, many times before he had even attempted to fuck her.

All reason and logic flew out of his brain as he fitted the sensitive head of his cock at her entrance, her slick coating him completely. The needy cry that she let out at the feel of him was all the encouragement he needed to know that she was as desperate for him as he was for her.

"S-Sebastian," she moaned, the sound so erotic he hadn't thought it possible for it to have come from her. "Please — please fuck me. I — need...inside me — please."

Elsie begging. As if he couldn't come undone anymore.

"Anything for you, Princess."

With one abrupt motion, he pushed his hips flush against hers, sliding inside her easily and simultaneously letting out a disgustingly pitiful whimper. He was internally grateful that Ominis had decided to go to breakfast early — he would never have let him live down the sheer humiliation of the chorus of wanting coming from his lips.

Though the doll had been made of wood only moments before, the tight heat of her cunt felt very, very real. It was her body, her silken skin under his fingers, her normally elegant hair mussed and tangled against his bedsheets, and, best of all, her voice crying out his name as he fucked her relentlessly.

"S-Sebastian! Don't — don't stop!"

The high-pitched squeals she refused to hold back egged him on further as he roughly snapped his hips against hers, releasing a low growl as her legs wrapped tightly around him and pulled him deeper into her. The heady scent of her filled his nostrils — the distinct smell of vanilla and jasmine that had so often intoxicated him now enveloped him, and he tucked his head into the crook of her neck to allow himself to be consumed by it.

"Fuck, Elsie. I'm so fucking close."

It was happening too quickly, his release approaching dangerously faster than he would have preferred had this been the real Elsie. He teetered on the precipice of wanting to slow down and make it last longer, to enjoy every sound and feel of her as much as possible, or rewarding himself with what he had been dying to have for so long.

Fuck it — it was Christmas.

She dug her fingernails into his back and muttered a terrifyingly incoherent string of expletives in his ear, but somewhere within them, she was encouraging him to let go.

He was right there, so bloody close now — only a few more thrusts as he selfishly chased down the reality that she was finally, finally his.

"Sebastian!" Yes. Say my name again.

"Sebastian, please!" Just like that, almost there —

"Sebastian, wake up!"

Sebastian's eyes flew open as he sat up abruptly, blinking furiously in an attempt to gather where exactly he was.

Elsie, fully clothed in a Christmas jumper and trousers, her hair in its normal, elegant plait, stared at him from the side of the Undercroft couch, her brows furrowed in concern.

"Are you alright?" She asked worriedly, and her hand softly stroking his arm was almost enough to drag another pathetic groan from his throat. "You were making all these noises in your sleep. It sounded like you were having a nightmare."

Sebastian rubbed his face as reality came crashing down on him like a bucket of ice water. He had been too tired to head back to his common room last night and had fallen asleep in the Undercroft after Elsie had left.

As if to confirm his misfortune, the nutcracker she had gifted him was gingerly tucked under the crook of his arm, still transfigured to look like the girl who currently stood in front of him eyeing him curiously.

He would have laughed at the idea that she referred to his wet dream as a goddamn nightmare had he not still been so fucking hard, left to wrestle with the infuriating ache of incompletion.

Sebastian cleared his throat and muttered a thank Merlin to his last night's self that he had thought to cover himself with a blanket, lest she be subjected to his current state when she had only been trying to check on him and make sure he was okay.

"Uh, yeah. A nightmare," he grumbled, lowering his gaze to hide the heat that was beginning to creep up his neck and along his cheeks. "That's all. M'fine now."

She raised an eyebrow skeptically, and he knew she had good reasons to wonder if he was telling the truth — especially considering he could barely look at her. Not without imagining all of the unholy acts that his dream self had been moments away from —

"I guess the nutcracker didn't help ward off the evil spirits after all," she teased.

The nutcracker. His face reddened further at the memory of Elsie's desperate cries that would forever be branded into his memory.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She reached out to brush her hand along his forehead. "You're looking a bit flushed –"

He smacked her hand away, one touch further from losing himself right in front of her. "I-I'm fine! Just...got a bit warm down here, is all."

It was a blatantly obvious lie, considering he had slept in the Undercroft, which was always perpetually cold. Thankfully, she didn't question him further.

"Well, if you're alright, then get up soon," Elsie said, interrupting his immensely impure thoughts as she turned on her heel to leave. "Ominis is meeting with us outside the Great Hall to exchange gifts." She wagged a finger at him in mock warning, the sly smile on her face reminding him all too much of his dream, and he suppressed another shudder. "And don't be late. A bad back from sleeping on the couch is not a good enough excuse to miss Christmas."

He only offered a curt nod in response.

When the sounds of her footsteps receded, Sebastian flopped back on the couch, once again left alone with his miserable frustrations. The 'Elsie' nutcracker still lay on the couch next to him as if to taunt him, reminding him of what he had been so close to enjoying and what he could never have. He angrily batted it to the floor before grabbing one of the cushions, bringing it to his face, and smothering a mortified, unending scream.

Happy fucking Christmas to me.

[green-with-envy-phandom-event]

hello! I am making an archive of Danny Phantom events, with descriptions of the events' histories, and would love to include the Green with Envy event.

what year did this event begin, and during what months does it take place? Is this a competitive event?

would i be allowed to add the linearts from GWE to this archive?

Hello, Mod @weshney here, the original creator of Green With Envy!

Green With Envy started in 2023 from this post.

Originally I had zero intention of running the event. I just made a discord server for people to discuss the idea since the post saw so much interest. For instance, it wasn’t long before this post, rules suggestions from @jackdraw-spwrite and various comments spawned.

Somehow, me helping with ideas in the discord server came with the expectation that I was running it. Lol. So many people were very hyped, so I buckled up and put on my big girl pants so as to not let them down.

Keep in mind, this was with zero experience running an event, no prior interaction with ANY events, online or otherwise, and approximately 4 months exposure to tumblr. What did I have? Nearly 20 years avid reading of DP crossover fanfics. Hahaha.

Soon, I had participants, sign-ups, a rules doc, a second mod, @bibliophilea, for giving advice/suggestions and concentrated power of, "If I'm gonna do this, I have to do it right."

Thus, an event that runs 3 months of the year was born. January and February are the first half---those two months are non-competitive and accept line art donations to the event. We hoard those lines in a Google Drive folder, and then release them to the wild in March for a coloring competition. Other people can color along, but official event colorists will have their work reblogged to the main event page and score points for their teams. There are ten teams in total, so the number of people in each team is rather small. I've heard Green With Envy is somewhat like other competitive Phandom events, but also drastically different. The points system encourages using strategy, so what you color and when makes a huge difference. There is also a bonus point system in place at the end to encourage detailed and creative coloring as well.

The first year of the event there were no automated points; I kept track of the scoreboard manually. Yes, there were mistakes, but everyone had a blast with the event and many people are still here 3 years later.

Many of the mods are actually from year one's Red Team. Why, do you ask? I am a bully. I harrassed anyone (mainly @dooshek), who gave me energy.

I made sure to enable up the wazoo with challenges and gaslighting until every single one of their hairbrained, psychotic ideas made it on screen or paper. (I literally made them think another team was plotting against them right up until the moment the competition ended. They still weren't 100% sure they weren't their own biggest enemy until the scores dropped. *wheeze*)

This was how we got such ridiculous colors as a lightbox, hand-cut papercraft, the repainting of the signing of the declaration of independence, the little baby man apocalypse, the chronicals of Jeff Jefferson, and many more!

Year one was wild, and every year after that has just proved how the event leaves no one sane. Just take a look as some of these! Oil paintings, lightboxes, water colors, collages, spray paint, animations, paint pours, crazy renders. You want a worm Danny? A fish Danny? An octopus Danny? If you can think of it, we probably have it!

This event is 90% meme and feral energy. The hype is infectious, and participants are already starting to compare it to the bigger events with how excited it makes them.

The challenges that spawned from this event even gave us a LBM Alphabet in the server!

Cute, huh?

I'm retiring this year, but I have trained new mods, the absolutely insane @foxyteah has made automated sheets for my ridiculous rule system, and there is a task list for future generations! The gremlin enclosure is ripe for more enrichment next year, so stay tuned for future chaos!

[astrobei]

hi i love your fics and I was wondering if you had any byler fic recs

thanks

hello there! in all honesty, i have not had the time to read a lot of byler fic as of late, but it’s been a while since i posted some recs so i’ll drop a few that i’ve enjoyed recently! as always, i do endorse every fic in my bookmarks to the highest possible degree, so always feel free to look through those for new reading as well <3

say it with your hands by pseudologia (@hellfiremike) — will is a new employee at the movie theater mike works at, and mike starts thirsting over will’s hands to a degree that’s downright detrimental to his employment status

GOD. this fic. i gushed in their dms immediately after finishing it because this might be my favorite modern will characterization of all time, and this is coming from someone who has a million and one takes on modern era will byers. this fic just checked all of my boxes — from the summertime romance to mike’s painfully in-character teenage angsting to will being a frequenter of star wars reddit threads and an enjoyer of sufjan stevens. and the TENSION. oh god the tension. i’ve read all their fics probably three times over each, and i also highly recommend like i am home again, a college au set during a halloween party which made me stare at my phone refreshing ao3 hourly until it updated, and can this be a real thing (can it?) wherein mike and will reunite in a gay bar. enough said

landslide by chamb3rs — the party’s senior year of high school

i don’t often reach for chaptered fics since i usually have such limited reading time, but i’m sooo so so happy i stumbled across this one. there have just been very few fics that have touched me like this one did. i blew through this in one sitting a few weekends ago and subsequently experienced the full range of human emotions (and then some) all in the span of a few hours. everything about this was perfect — the will pov, the weird liminality of transitional periods, the party and byhop family dynamics, down to my favorite portrayal of theeeee jennifer hayes in any fic ever. on top of all of that, this fic perfectly captures the heartbreaking euphoria of being in love with your best friend, and all the ups and downs that come with it. i crawled out of the ao3 tab covered in blood and my chest was hurting and i was shaking and i had damn near chewed my own arm off — and then i sent the link to my friend 10 minutes later and watched her experience the same exact thing like a train wreck in slow-mo HAHAHA

what a time to be alive by passerine_in_jade (@newlesbianprideflag) — will disappears and haunts mike from the upside down

i’m forever a total sucker for a good haunting metaphor, so it’s absolutely not a surprise that this fic is appearing on this list. the premise for this was so so so cool and interesting, and it’s another chaptered fic i’m glad i had a little extra time to read. the way the author had me rooting for mike and will the whole time even though half of the pairing was offscreen for a large majority of the fic is a highly commendable feat. mike’s unyielding loyalty to will and will’s constant faith in him felt so true to their canon selves, and there were so many moments that were so quiet and intimate and tender that i really felt like i was intruding on something. good good stuff

that’s what you get for falling in love by harriet_vane — will gets his first boyfriend in college, and mike, ever the ally, has very normal feelings about it

i want to preface this by saying that this fic is rated m, mostly just for mentions/allusions to sex, and one largely non-explicit portion of a scene in the last chapter. if that’s not your cup of tea, it’s easy to tell when it’s coming up and to skip past it without detracting from the plot, but i think it would be a greater detriment to not rec this fic at all, because it has quickly made the list of my favorite byler fics of all time. something about this take on jealous mike especially resonated with me — his inner monologue is simultaneously hilarious and depressing, and his obliviousness regarding his feelings for will feels so true to life without being overdone or cartoonish. you can tell just how much they really care for each other, and the conflict in this actually made me start crying because it felt so visceral and so fundamentally them. you can tell this author really understands their characters, and the love put into this fic is soooo palpable. it’s the kind of fic where you want to bonk their heads together to knock some sense into them, but you are helpless to do anything but hold on as you’re swung along for the ride.

finally, i try not to just rec fics written by my friends, but my recent reading list would be incomplete without these two wonderful additions:

the way you love me by strangeswift (@strangeswift) — byler exes (absolutely heartwrenching edition)

i’ve been hearing abby talk about her ideas for this fic for the better part of a year as she worked on it, and she actually edited and posted the first two chapters while i was visiting her! and by god is this world a better place with her byler exes concept in it, because if you want angst, you’ll never have to look further than her ao3 page. something about the way she writes will in this fic just makes my heart shrivel up and die in my chest — his quiet resignation, the bitterness (always love a good bitter will byers moment) and the Longing that never quite went away. mike’s characterization is also top notch, and you can really feel the chemistry between them during every interaction. at the time of me posting this list, chapter 4 is not yet up, but trust me when i tell you guys it’s going to soooooo be worth it. :-)

the end is here by bookinit (@bookinit02) — a speculative byler-centric season 5

if you’ve been following my blog for any amount of time, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that haven’s canon rewrite series is hands-down my favorite series across any pairing and fandom. her creativity with her season 5 concepts never fails to astound me — from the scripts she’s been working on as an alternative to the episodes she rewrote for s1-4, to her ideas for possible plot lines, and just incredible writing all around. i’ve had the privilege of reading through her scripts before she posts them to her blog (definitely go check them out) but special privilege bias aside, it takes soooo much skill to create such a visually powerful story in a medium that allows for such little narration, and the corresponding chapters just totally pushes it over the edge. pre-s5 required reading for every byler, and 100000% my new canon if the show doesn’t pan out

this definitely is not an exhaustive list because i have a million and one fics on my to-read, and one day i will get around to reading them all, but i hope there is something on this list that strikes your fancy!!

[kyogre-blue]

After 4 years, I'm finally putting an end to my Genshin main account. Whew!

Just for myself, I'm going to make a post going over it.

First of all, I've done exactly 4000 pulls in total. I have 10 pity on the limited banner, 55 pity on the weapon banner, 0 on Chronicled, and 40 on Standard. Here's a list of my 5 star pulls over the years:

(Why yes, I did keep a spreadsheet of my gacha game activities. That's perfectly normal, for sure.)

Additionally, I have 60 limited pulls and 3 standard pulls left over:

You can also see my five birthday cakes 😊

I also, frustratingly, have 1560 genesis crystals from Welkins, which I was holding on to in case of a cool outfit. Ah well.

Continuing:

I have 100% exploration on every region except Natlan, which I've never entered, but there's not really a good way to screenshot this. Here's the official site, at least:

lol Natlan

My characters:

I also have some other Fontaine 4 stars, but I didn't level anyone except Chevreuse. Everyone is holding a weapon and an artifact set.

I wanted to get Xianyun to bond 10, but tbh I just don't have the motivation to keep logging in to do that. I know from experience that doing dailies + resin, it takes about a patch and a half.

The other thing I didn't get around to finishing is Cyno's chapter 2:

1264 achievements:

I did (almost) all the ones available up through Fontaine but obviously couldn't do the Natlan ones without going there. Still, I did manage to get the echo trails one by getting Ningguang, Zhongli, Jean, Diluc and Venti.

Looking at the character archive, Amber joined on 1/21/2021, so this account is a bit over four years old, but I had set the birthday to be April 1, so this will be the last day.

Obviously, I can still log back in if I want to, someday in the future, but I'm not really sure what could motivate me to do that, since I still have my alt account for any kind of actual playing. I used to have my main up to date and my alt far behind, but since my main is also behind now, there isn't really much practical difference. My alt is, of course, the tall man collector account. The narrower focus at least gives me a long term goal.

I guess maybe if we get playable Tonia, hahaha.

Well, it been a ride. Goodbye 🫡

[crepe-of-wrath]

I've Actually Been Sticking to a Writing Task! (Or, the Half-Year Shouta Saturday Retrospective)

So I know this is really not a big deal for most people, but as someone who has a ton of unfinished fics, three or four original novels that are 85% completed or more, and even a few incomplete nonfiction projects, having consistently put something out, even if it was short or even if it was rushed, every Saturday for 26 weeks is actually something I'm kind of proud of.

Readership is not the only thing that keeps me writing--to my eternal shame (because I'm letting people down), some of my unfinished fics have had a lot of support and people who still ask me if I will finish them--but it certainly helps, so I first want to express my appreciation to every single person who has read any of these.

Thanks also to Horikoshi and all the awesome Aizawa fan writers and artists out there for helping me discover my muse, hahaha.

So, what are the most popular Shouta Saturday fics? Which ones are my personal favorites? Which ones didn't please and sparkle quite as much as the rest? Find out below the cut!

The Top 5 Shouta Saturday Fics (by # of notes):

Aizawa gives Reader her first real orgasm

Vigorous sex with Aizawa

Aizawa ties Reader to the bedpost

Betten Court-inspired AU I

Vigilante AU I

I think the Vox Populi has pretty good taste and discernment: these are definitely some of the best mixes of smut, heart, and a (tiny) dash of plot that I have produced since starting this.

The Bottom 5 Shouta Saturday Fics (by # of notes): (fics must be at least a month old)

5. Sensual Light Bondage 4. Aizawa indulgently comforting Reader 3. Short Older Aizawa x Older Reader 2. Courtly Love AU I 1. Hero Patrol Soft Yandere I

Again, I think the Vox Populi are pretty fair here. #5-3 were all honestly pieces I wrote under the gun because I was having writer's block or because I was in a very specific mood (#4) and they don't have the development of the more popular entries in the series. Courtly Love AU I is all set up and I haven't posted any updates to it because I'm not going to post more of the story until it is ALL done. Hero Patrol Soft Yandere I is one I actually quite like though... 😭😭😭 Speaking of that...

Crepe's Favorite Shouta Saturday Fics (aka, the list where I tell on my kinks/preferences)

Yandere Aizawa x Stockholm Syndrome Reader

Sensual Bathing with Aizawa

Hero Patrol Soft Yandere II

Betten Court-inspired AU I

Undercover AU II

Crepe's Favorite Specific Shouta Saturday Moments (not in any particular order)

Aizawa insouciantly batting away the sex toy because he's here now and so Reader doesn't need it any longer, from Betten Court-inspired AU II

Reader shivering on the rooftop as she is tightly bound in Aizawa's scarf on the rooftop, from Hero Patrol Soft Yandere I

Aizawa putting on Reader's collar and then softly running his hands down her back, from Yandere Aizawa x Stockholm Syndrome Reader

Aizawa fondling Reader's wet body in the natural bathing pool, from Aizawa takes Reader to the Beach

Aizawa pinning Reader to the wall, from Vigilante AU I

All 26 Shouta Saturday Fics so far (by # of notes as of mid-July '23) (a * indicates the fic is less than a month old as of this post)

Aizawa gives Reader her first real orgasm

Vigorous sex with Aizawa

Aizawa ties Reader to the bedpost

Betten Court-inspired AU I

Vigilante AU I

Dom Daddyzawa with (slightly) bratty Sub Reader

The First One

Hero Patrol Soft Yandere II

Very Shy Shouta

Sensual Bathing with Aizawa

Reader takes care of exhausted Aizawa

Yandere Aizawa x Stockholm Syndrome Reader

Vigilante AU II

Undercover AU I

The Really Short One

Undercover AU II

Aizawa takes care (wink wink) of Reader

Betten Court-inspired AU II *

Sensual Light Bondage

Aizawa indulgently comforting Reader

Aizawa takes Reader to the Beach *

Short Older Aizawa x Older Reader

Courtly Love AU I

Hero Patrol Soft Yandere I

Reader's HS crush on Aizawa *

Domestic Aizawa *

Again, thank you all!

[jojo-schmo]

Hey, can I see what your other Kirby ships look like?

Hahaha I'm going to be totally real, there really aren't a lot of other Kirby ships I actively think about other than metadede-!! -u-'

I don't know what it is, but that particular ship just happened to scratch an itch in my brain I didn't know I had lol. And I only really started shipping it around a year and a half ago! A King and a knight who have worked together through the ages and both have really interesting and different personalities and likes and dislikes... I have a lot of fun with them! I never thought I'd ever gain the confidence to regularly produce and share ship content on any platform. So I was happily surprised and grateful to find a little corner on the internet here to share my thoughts on them with willing readers haha.

Other than that.... I don't have a strict list of ships I stick to! I feel like I keep saying this kind of thing, but in most cases I get more enjoyment seeing other people's interpretations of ships more than producing them myself! The Kirby universe is rich with characters and a wonderful space to explore character interactions and relationships with each other (platonic or romantic or otherwise!)

I mean, I know everyone interprets Kirby character ages differently which is also cool and all! I just have my own set of established headcanons that I've been slowly cultivating since I got introduced to the series 15 or so years ago.

I personally see characters like Kirby, Bandee, the other Waddle Dees, Ribbon, Adeleine, Gooey, Prince Fluff, Elfilin, etc. as children. They're powerful and brave and very unique from each other, but still kids in my eyes.

And then there's the characters like Dedede, Meta Knight, Queen Ripple, Daroach, Hyness, etc. that are characterized definitively as adults. And other characters like Magolor, Taranza, Susie, the Mage Sisters, etc. that might be interpreted differently by different people, at least from what I have personally seen! (But I see them as adults, personally)

Again this is all my personal opinion haha. I quietly stay away from ships that mix characters from my personal child and adult categories above- (which are not exhaustive lists because this post would be ten million words if I tried to list every single Kirby character, and are my personal characterizations and not me trying to impose my views as the one, canon interpretation!).

OC x Canon is also enjoyable in my book as long as the ages and dynamics are appropriate and consensual for both parties :)

And I don't need or want to make a list of everything I stay away from or anything. I don't feel that strongly about it. I guess my biggest personal example is that if someone ships Metakirby or Dedekirby (or their respective mirror versions), I'm not going to enjoy or support that no matter what their creator's justifications/reasonings for shipping those are. I'm just going to stay away from that ardently.

Anyway, I'm not trying to be controversial or say my opinion is fact either! These are just my personal thoughts and feelings and I curate my internet experience accordingly. My interests change all the time, I just enjoy seeing character interactions and stories written with love and passion!

....If I had to pick another ship that I like thinking about, I guess I'd pick Magoranza. It's fun to think about how they'd interact with each other, and sometimes I like to think of Magolor and Taranza as Garak and Bashir from Star Trek hehehe.

TL;DR: At the time of writing this post I only like creating metadede content for Kirby ships but I quietly enjoy a variety of other people's ships.

[girderednerve]

okay i am making a list

i keep half-writing these like panicky misery-posts about the everything of it all, you know, the horrific wave of violence. uh. that. several people i love are stuck in difficult situations with which i cannot meaningfully assist. i am afraid all the time in the back of my head, which is how it felt before we left florida, & i didn't miss it. so i am making: a list

weaving shoelaces is really fun & i want to make more little woven projects, like i came across a project for weaving a little square basket out of two narrowish woven bands, which appeals to me conceptually. plus at the end you have a container, so it's more useful than many other little projects which appeal to me conceptually

i got a stupid bill in the mail from bill-by-plate, but i somehow just never received the first two notices, so i was going to owe them like $60 for a two-hour road trip i took last year (garbage???). i called the customer service line & the person i spoke to sorted everything out & was so kind & i ended up getting everything straightened out & only paying $7, which is way less terrible. i love public services

embarked on ridiculous project at work to resolve the problems with our collection of circulating ice skates & multiple people at work have been excited about my ideas & interested in helping. gratifying, because i always feel like i am a bad person to work with (too much energy often poorly directed; liable to tell you dull Nerd Facts™; awkward)

i love talking to my friends on the phone <3 also online but it's very fun to call my friends on the way home from work & stress them out by yelling at bad drivers in the cross walk/wobbling precariously on sidewalk ice. thank u to all my friends

tentative job offer to part-time ref librarian job i was excited about was accompanied by a note from the library director saying that she thought something i said in my interview was eloquent & asking if i have an interest in library administration. on the one hand, flattered, sort of delighted by the idea of working for someone who takes an interest in their staff; on the other, i do not want to be in management. but i am incredibly interested in administration, like i want to know about every part of what the library does & how, what everybody's jobs are, how the books get done, all that stuff. & to be fair i told her i have an interest in written policies [in my DEFENSE this is because i wanted to get a sense of how she felt about them, because i am completely over working somewhere that resists actively maintained written policies, don't want to do it again]. i just don't want to be responsible for it hahaha

it's been so cold & snowy out but it's just shockingly beautiful. i am shocked every time i go outside at the light, the starkness of it, the deep snow & the glittering ice. probably i'm delighted about this because i haven't fallen down yet & it is definitely a yet, our sidewalks are fucking hazardous. but it's beautiful & i'm glad i get to see it

friend got a sick vampire tattoo using a font that she asked me to pick out. little bit verklempt about it tbh (it's 'i have a capacity for enduring' in pia frauss' tagettes, in case u wondered; it has a sick pen swash dragon character, not relevant to this tattoo project but just a fact i felt u should have)

perfume! also my vampire teeth hahaha they are so silly but they make me really happy & it's such a goofy little joy that it knocks me out of my deep miserable contemplations

deep well of affection for girlfriend. she is suffering in grad school & i want to fight everyone in her horrible group project but she's so smart & thoughtful & i love listening to her tell me about her schoolwork & what she's thinking about. she's so cool u guys

black sails is rlly good. & of course in my heart i get to contemplate, vampires <3

[seriously-mike]

Midha and Stoica are not the only ones who view AI regulation as existentially for the industry. Open-source AI has powered the most thriving Silicon Valley startup scene in years. Opponents of SB 1047 say the bill will benefit Big Tech’s closed-off incumbents instead of that thriving, open ecosystem.

From Gizmodo's article on new California bill designed (essentially in practice, let's cut the bullshit here) to give the major players like Microsoft, Google and Midjourney the monopoly on AI.

Because hey, I said it multiple times and I'll say it again: all the attempts at curbing AI development were dictated by either those who want to maintain the monopoly, like Microsoft by way of OpenAI, or those who want to jump on the AI bandwagon, cash out and kick everyone else off the bandwagon, like Manbaby McEmeraldmine.

I pointed out how full of shit the "miraculous" Nightshade is. It doesn't protect your art from the corporations by design - if it did, it would be SLAPPed into oblivion under flimsy pretenses like "unlawfully reverse-engineering proprietary software". Now we have a horde of Butlerian jihadists, egged on by self-proclaimed "AI experts" whose "expertise" ends on listening to sales pitch bullshit and reading decades-old science fiction novels, push an act to punish AI developers "for the potentially catastrophic dangers of their AI systems". I'm sorry, what "potentially catastrophic dangers" are we talking about in regard to tech that nobody trusts to do serious work? Are they expecting an explosion of fad diets involving rocks and Elmer's glue? Do they really think someone's gonna measure an important structure in kilotomatoes and uses a buffalo heart tomato as a reference instead of cherry tomato or the other way around? Are they preparing for airline chatbots stating it's okay to bring gallium, firearms or explosives onto an airplane?

"Potentially catastrophic dangers" is the usual term of "we have no idea how to grab you by the nuts and bring you to your knees, so we're making some new bullshit up". This can be compared to papal bulls against railroads or any homicidal bullshit the Khmer Rouge cooked up when left unattended. This is what the conservatives are making up in response to transgender people existing, and homosexual people existing in earlier decades, and women wearing trousers even earlier. Alarmist bullshit based on some sick fantasies, with no base in reality at all.

And who sponsors this bill? Oh boy.

Demis Hassabis (CEO, Google DeepMind)

Sam Altman (CEO, OpenAI)

Bill Gates (Gates Ventures)

Kevin Scott (CTO, Microsoft)

That's just the beginning of the list. We will be fed a lot of corporate bullshit about how the billions of dollars the corporations have mean that every half-assed algorithm they push is perfectly safe, but basement-dwelling nerds who own nothing but a gaming PC and a box of Kleenex should be essentially forbidden from tinkering with open-source algorithms, because, uh, reasons. Like, cutting into a $250 million a year profits of a corporation.

But, the list doesn't end here. Who also signed the laughably brief and meaningless statement by, hahaha, "Center for AI Safety"?

Ya-Qin Zhang (Professor and Dean, AIR, Tsinghua University)

Yi Zeng (Professor and Director of Brain-inspired Cognitive AI Lab, Institute of Automation, Chinese Academy of Sciences)

Xianyuan Zhan (Assistant Professor, Tsinghua University)

Albert Efimov (Chief of Research, Russian Association of Artificial Intelligence)

Alvin Wang Graylin (China President, HTC)

Jianyi Zhang (Professor, Beijing Electronic Science and Technology Institute)

Hongyi Zhang (Research Scientist, ByteDance)

Amazing, all of them not just outside of California, but also outside of the US and with a stake in AI research performed by US' direct economic competitors. This reminds me of the recent revelations about "Green" parties and movements in the EU, chiefly Germany, who received covert funding from Gazprom for fucking decades, all in the name of opposing clean nuclear energy and buying more and more Russian gas to be used for generating energy in the EU.

We're still not done, though. More names I'd like to point your attention to:

Vitalik Buterin (Founder and Chief Scientist, Ethereum, Ethereum Foundation)

Thuan Q. Pham (Former CTO, Uber, Board member, Nubank)

Josh Wolfe (Co-Founder & Managing Director, Lux Capital)

Miles Palmer (Founder, 8 Rivers Capital)

Crypto bros, bank board members, vulture capitalists, in one word: frauds. They want a return on their investment in the major corporations and can't afford any more shocking reveals that shitposts from Reddit are served as genuine advice and that corporate data models still contain shittons of copyrighted images from Disney et al. They also can't afford localized open-source models cutting into the corporate profit margins by virtue of barely working and still providing comparable results for less.

Don't get duped, folks. This bill is just another corporate-sponsored hit piece, and basted in alarmist bullshit three feet thick.

[panelshowsource]

i agree that the podcast really is so interesting — and imo it's a lot of plain gossip and tv criticism masked as "professional insight", which i live for lmao — but there are times she is really too much... she often mocks or eye-rolls things in a way that, again, doesn't feel constructive and comes off as very rude. mean girl energy. it also bothers me how she will talk at richard instead of engaging in a back and forth, and sometimes that turns into an episode in which she speaks 80% of the time. then again, as content cycles throughout the year, sometimes what's on/hot atm is just more in her wheelhouse than his, so we just have to wait for new taskmaster, new bbc comedies, new doctor who, whatever interests him, and then hopefully he'll have even more opportunities to shine... i do cherish when he gets a chance to speak lmao

but fr take a shot every time she says "a friend of mine who works at _______ told me blah blah"

i'll work on tracking that down!! it would be fun to watch more of them 😋

aren't they too much? i was just thinking how amazing would it be if they were a pair on pointless celebs ...........

you know how once you notice an actor then suddenly you start to see them everywhere? (especially on uk tv which is not as big a pool as you'd think it would be...) that was me and charlotte ritchie! it was like wow this girl is everywhere!

anyways, i'm not sure what her aims are atm... she's done quite a bit of comedy but am i the only one who thinks she would body a crime series? or something like broadchurch?

glad you got a chance to catch my response and watch some fun things! i was thinking a little more about what else to recommend, and i think if you enjoy the quirky nature of repertoire then you should check out huge davies, and if you enjoy the storytelling format like greg davies typically does then you should try out dara ó briain and russell howard (maybe the 2021 lubricant special to start) :) enjoy!!

hahaha this is funny... it's a good question 😅 there are a few reasons... he's good bantz! he doesn't take himself too seriously, laughs at himself, can be teased, isn't mean spirited. people really appreciate that. plus, he represents a lot of people who aren't otherwise on tv — not primetime bbc, at least. there starts to be an issue when he just...doesn't try, doesn't contribute. he's fallen asleep on like three different shows? didn't he just...not show up to the second-half of his bakeoff special? often he's got nothing to say? mo really carried the convos on his talk show, his teammates carried him on bfq, and so on. he just doesn't seem to have the interest or perhaps the stamina (orrr perhaps the respect) for long records 😅

anyways, he was being pushed for a little while, but that appears to have stopped. he's hasn't been around too much lately 🤔 (tho ngl idk what he's up to!)

yesss this is a great video and i'll link it here in case anyone wants to check it out! it reminded me that i really need to seek out his celeb hunted episodes hahaha

when the news came out he would be playing an 'egon spengler type' i was like yep lmao

he and ed mention quite often how many auditions they go to, especially james, for big movies like wonka and ghostbusters — no surprise to me imo! especially since it seems he's focused on films over tv 🤔

can't say i saw ghostbusters tho i'm sorry 😭

WELLLL now that it's out how have you been enjoying it? 😊🥰 where is your review, anon !!

susie dent gifs are high on my list, working on those for this week for sure!!! it's just...how to choose...she's just too pretty....

but i love ALL of your suggestions, duly noted 😍

—

PANEL SHOW WATCH LINKS / NON-PANEL SHOW WATCH LINKS FAQ / TAGS / ASK

[castlebyersafterdark]

fucckkkkkkkk i just realised that it's been a year and a half more pining for both mike and will, this is sad af, theyre halfway through high school and they still havent gotten their act together! come on lads! he loves you! and HE loves YOU!

wahhhhhhh its soooo sad :((((

What does a time jump of 1.5 years mean for Mike and Will?!?!

Hahaha, it's so fascinating thinking about how they're gonna pull this off, exactly. That's a LONG TIME in the formative years of teenagerdom. We're missing the entirety of sophomore year. I've seen three schools of thought for this one.

IDEA 1: Episode 1 - Mike and El have a moment where they break up by the end of the episode, since I really am pretty sure this episode will entirely be pre-1987 jump. I feel like it's going to be a full episode instead of just a small portion. It's a big ask to go from the end of season 4 to Hawkins in 1987. Possibly, we establish by the end of this that Mike and El are separating as she needs space and she's going into hiding.

IDEA 2: Time jump, Mike and El were unclear/together at the end of episode 1, time jump, then we see that they have broken up or slipped away from each other like we saw with Lucas and Max in season 4. I'm not sure the show would repeat this twice, though we know that sometimes they do repeat lines - but with a switch up! So I'm not sure. A tell not show situation.

IDEA 3: Mike and El are technically together in concept only. El's in hiding, they don't see each other or talk much, going through the motions, but then we see them have a conversation about where they stand, their friendship, etc.

I'm sure there are more IDEA 4, 5, 6... I can come up with. What ideas and timeline possibilities do you guys think? My mind can spin about a dozen others but these are common ones I've landed on listing. It's so damn complicated it drives me crazy.

WILL THOUGH it's so much, it's so sad. A lot of people say that he's going to have taken the time to have moved on from Mike because he's lost all hope - that's so unrealistic, he's not going to move on from that boy. He's in love and that love is painful. I think he's definitely lost most hope, but that doesn't mean he's not going to drive himself crazy with pining and longing and hating himself for feeling the way he feels. It's just going to be worse than ever before, and Henry is going to capitalize on that to torment and torture the poor boy. All the while, the plot throwing Will into even more tension and confusion being with Mike all the time. I'm really starting to lean into him having lived at the Wheeler's for a significant amount of time.

They are so entwined. What life experiences have we missed from them? That's a lot of time. A lot of time to grieve, to rekindle friendships. Are the boys still playing DnD? Have they reunited as the Party? They've got lives to live - they can't have been just plotting vengeance and living on the edge all that time. We are missing 2 summers!! That's a lot of downtime away from school. The Mike and El factor is incredibly frustrating - in the way that there are sooooo many ways it can go and I honestly cannot settle on how I feel plot-wise. A YEAR AND A HALF is such a significant span of time for every element of the show.

AND HOW DOES THE PAINTING FIGURE IN TO ALL THIS?? HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THE PAINTING?? Wow it's getting wild out here, I literally forgot about this very important aspect. Gotta move on. Continuously confused and insane.

[michellemisfit]

A few months ago I casually said that the @gallacrafts Cinnamon Stargazer Lilies must be in my Top 10 Most Ridiculous Bakes I’ve ever done, which led to @tsuga-of-mars asking what else is on that list… oooooh, dangerous request my dude! hahahaha

It’s taken a while because I had to get together the photographs and make decision (wow am I bad at making decisions!!! haha) but here you are…

My Top 10 Most Ridiculous/Favourite Bakes

So when I first started baking in like… 2010? I figured that if I bake cake batter directly in the mixing bowl I could make ball cakes… so that led to some exciting ball shaped fun. This was also at the same time as I realised that if you bring people ridiculously over the top cakes for their birthday, it makes them really happy… who knew?

Ball cakes led on to foot and a half tall cakes consisting of stacked round cakes, ball cakes, and half ball cakes. For that is how you assemble a droid…. This is all very early in my cake making journey, before I’d really learnt about how important it is to fully cool cakes before stacking and decorating them. y’know, that stuff that keeps them from melting and sliding lol

And then for a minute I got really into chocolate, and clearly developed a dislike for crockery, deciding to make chocolate doilies and chocolate bowls, to serve my chocolate mousse in and on. Fuck plates! LOL This was also when I made Ruth the most indulgent chocolate cake covered in all manners of chocolate decorations, including spelling her name in chocolate lol

And then our friends got married and asked me whether I would make their wedding cake, because they loved my baking. Hell, yeah! Both their sets of parents are quite traditional, so while they did come to the wedding and the party afterwards, they said from the start they would only stick around for about an hour. So I thought it would be fun to have a traditional looking three tier wedding cake, for when the parents were at the party. And then when they left and it got cut, each tier turned out to be rainbow coloured! Oh, and the cake toppers are the brides made out of FIMO, in their wedding outfits, which I sourced for them, so I had the inside knowledge on that. Those little FIMO ladies have lived on their mantel piece for 11 years, which is how long they’ve been married <3

Most of my cakes have been inspired by Ruth’s birthday, and wanting to create something new and exciting every year! Ruth loves Afternoon Tea, and I thought it would be fun to create a traditional tea… entirely out of cake! Think this was the first time where the baking started with a full page of notes beforehand. Always a good sign… lol those cucumber sandwiches are cake, by the way. The clotted cream, jam, and sugar bowl, lid, and spoon are made of icing. The jam cookies… are just cookies haha

Then for about a minute and a half I got into mirror glaze. I watched too many YouTube video and thought it looked really cool. However I veeery quickly got over it due to a) it not actually being very difficult at all, so the challenge went out of it pretty quick, and b) how insanely wasteful it is. Not a big fan. What I was a big fan of was that 30th birthday surprise I did for my work colleague. Got into work at 6am to set it all up. Those balloons are sewn to her chair, by the way. And I’m pretty sure she still found confetti in her desk phone and drawers a week later hahaha

And then the farm tradition of Sorry You’re Leaving cakes started, two of which will be on every Top Mys Baking list, always. I learned how to make sugar glass so we could have a greenhouse in the middle of the vegetable beds with a cat on it, a sugar glass pond with ducks, and a sugar glass “stone” path. I free hand made a goat out of icing (with sugar glass horns) and an alpaca, a pig in mud, some bees to go on some flowers, a ton of vegetables, a growing frame… there was a LOT of stuff on this cake, and it was all awesome!

And then a year later another dear friend left the farm and I wasn’t sure how to top the previous cake… But hey! What’s better than one cake? Yes! TWO cakes lol So we have the large animal yard on one cake and the duck pond with its double fenced vegetation boarder on the other cake. This time a lot of work went into finding shop bought candy that would have the right look and texture, such as waver biscuits for animal stables, Daim bars for bark planks (for goat mountain), mikado for pond fences, twirls for wooden sleepers for raised beds, fudge for brick walls and so on, and so forth. I also free hand made cats, ducks, a turkey, goats, and marshmallow sheep FROM HELL!!! Sorry, those didn’t come out right… hahaha

In 2017 I was diagnosed with MS, like four days before my birthday party. And I didn’t really want to celebrate, I didn’t want to spend an entire day having to tell people about my diagnosis and answering questions about MS and listening to platitudes. And then Ruth asked me if there was anything I would like? We were both massively into All the Other Ghosts at the time (a Glee AU and one of the best stories I’ve ever read) and I said that what I wanted as a AtoG party and to not tell anyone about my diagnosis until after. So that’s what happened. And it was amazing! Which then started the annual tradition of over the top themed birthday parties I threw for myself and all my friends. We had a Shadowhunters one. We had a BBC Merlin one. However the Dragon one is still one of my favourites, as it was the first time I managed to make even the sandwiches themed!!! Hahaha Also those brownies are well up there with the best stuff I’ve ever come up with. Look how cute they are!!!! And my darling friend Sonja couldn’t make it to the party, but send me the Toothless cardboard pop up in her absence <3

And then, as I think many of you know, I got really into cookie decorating and sending decorated parcels of cookies to my friends and family during the pandemic. And that has definitely continued. Every birthday now has decorated cookies. I sent a huge bunch to my friend when she got engaged. I sent a box to my niece in Switzerland for her birthday. @f-f-podcast sent cookies out to our patrons for Christmas last year. Below is just a small selection of a truly insane number of cookies I have iced over the years!!

Wow. If you made it all the way to the bottom of this post… congrats! Hope you enjoyed the baking madness. If you’ve not had enough yet you can see more by hitting the ‘Mys in the Kitchen’ tag. Enjoy!

[foibles-fables]

20 questions for fic writers

Snagging this one from @mehoymalloy, tagging @tjerra14 @finrays @poetikat @saltygirafe and anyone else who'd like to do it!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

75!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

348,609

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Horizon, Stray Gods, Control, and [fingers crossed] HOPEFULLY BG3 soon...lots more in the past, and potentially again in the future! (Warrior Nun, Legend of the Seeker, Critical Role, the list goes on. That tends to happen over 18 years of fic writing.)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'm gonna turn this question around a little and pick the top by kudos in each of my current- and/or most-active fandoms....if I went purely by numbers, the power of Avatrice would overrun the results, hahaha.

Because the Light Is Close (Warrior Nun), The Weight of Us (Legend of the Seeker), rest like you belong here. (Horizon), the veins grow in slow (Critical Role), and brave this time (Stray Gods).

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely, to every single one! I appreciate, cherish, and return to every single kind word I get--and I gotta make sure that appreciation is known. Nothing makes me feel better than taking the joy of others and reflecting it back with gratitude!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh man uh....I think waiting through daybreak (Stray) (yes the cat game) fits the bill here. That, or so i'll stay half away (Horizon).

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh no, SO many!!! Lemme pick just one here....today I'll toss embodiment (Horizon) into the ring.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not to my face, which I'm glad about!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hell yeah I do. Primarily/exclusively F/F, mostly of the very soft variety. But just because it's soft doesn't mean they're not fuckin' Nasty™

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I actually have never written a crossover.

....oh I LIED, I definitely crossed Grey's Anatomy over with Private Practice back in the day. But does that even REALLY count?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've been asked a few times, and I've accepted, but they're not complete yet!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not in earnest!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME. FORCING ME TO PICK ONE FAVORITE???

I won't choose between Aloy/Talanah and Cara/Kahlan. They can tie.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I am holding them in my teeth and growling. I am refusing to let any of them go.

16. What are your writing strengths?

prose-craft with evocative syntax, emotional immediacy, identifying parallels, descriptive introspection, character voice, strength in narrative POV

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

PLOTTING. Can't plot my way out of a paper bag. I am working on this.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Totally would if 1) it actually fit within the fic/fandom itself and 2) if I had a trusted resource/knowledgeable person to reference and check my work!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

the Xenosaga series, so many years ago.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

This is always the most difficult question to answer, and I feel like it changes by the day. I'd say it's either rest like you belong here. (Horizon), for the pure nostalgia of being The First fic I wrote for my current and long-lasting brain rot--or Because the Light Is Close (Warrior Nun), as a product of the exhilarating fandom time in which it was written.

[luukeskywalker]

20 questions writer meme.

THANKYOUUU @crimsonrainseekingflower FOR TAGGING ME!! <33

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

92!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!?!?!?!!?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

409,439 i feel a little lightheaded tbh

3. What fandoms do you write for?

erm a lot of them LMFAO but my main fandoms are star wars, mxtx novels, one piece, and then supernatural once in a while

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Pros and Cons of Keeping Wei Wuxian's Spirit Hostage - hua cheng keeping wwx's spirit safe during the time he was dead, 12k words, 4.5k kudos (this is insane)

there's a STALKER in the CLOUD RECESSES??? - hualian adopts wei wuxian and raises him, he goes to cloud recesses and causes trouble :3c, 5.7k words, 2.7k kudos (this is also insane to me)

sun beneath the sea - merman wangxian au i wrote for the mdzs reverse bang! 19.2k words, 1k kudos (this is slightly less insane)

Jin Ling and the No Good Very Bad Terrible Year of Cloud Recesses Bullshit - my first mdzs fic! 2.9k words, 912 kudos (thank you?!?!?!)

a kiss with a helmet is better than none - omg the first non mdzs fic on this list LOL, this was a short dinluke fic i wrote when i first got really back into star wars. 1.1k words, 911 kudos (LOVE U GUYS!!!)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do usually within the first two days! after that i tend to either get too busy and feel bad responding to comments super late or i just plain forget ;A; but i read every comment and they mean the absolute world to me!! i'm trying to get better at responding but it really isn't my strong suit.....

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

this is a tie imo between the precipice from my skywalker palindrome series (i prommy i will upload another installment.....eventually), and Star Light, Star Bright (which is about apollo dreaming of clay while he's in the hospital for the courtroom bombing)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

in my personal opinion it's gotta be No One Lives Forever, my deancas big bang - it was a labor of love, and also how much i wish certain plot lines could have been wrapped up more properly!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

occasionally i get a comment telling me they didn't expect my fics to be full of "gay shit" but i think those comments are mostly funny, like, bestie this is the gay shit fanfic website. but once in a while people will bookmark my fics with fairly negative comments/judgements and that's just like.......why make that public????

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

hehe. i love writing smut. idk what "kind" this would be but i tend to gravitate towards silly weird sweet kinda kinky sex???

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i do write crossovers! i haven't in a while (unless you count mxtx novel crossovers which only half count imo LOL) but i think the craziest one i've ever posted is the star wars/animorphs one that is unfinished and will probably remain unfinished for a long time ;~;

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i know i've definitely had elements of my fics show up in other people's work before but it's not something i keep track of these days, i don't have a lot of time to read fic ^^;; however a few months ago i did find some podcasters had read my fic aloud and commented on it and put it up on the free tier of their patreon??? they said really nice things about it which was a shocker but i feel my insides curdling whenever someone reads my ao3 username out loud HAHAHA

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have had them translated a few times! i think pros and cons has a translation or two floating around, and i thiiink? some fics from skywalker palindrome have been translated? i know someone asked and it took me a few days to reply to tell them yes (again, terrible at replying, that's my bad)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not exactly a singular fic but i love co-writing series together with my bestie!!!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

AAUUUGH YOU CAN'T ASK ME THAT. I CAN'T ANSWER. but i did one time listen to wangxian.mp3 about fifty times in one day, recently

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

so many.

if i HAD to pick one, i guess i'd say....the straight up 10k of twilight au moshang i have hiding in my google docs. maybe i will just post what i have and leave it at that one day because that was a lot of work to never share it LMFAO

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue, visual description, characterization

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

FINISHING THE DAMN THING. both in terms of actually sticking to a fic long enough to finish it, and also the concept of endings as a whole.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i don't think i've personally done it, but if i needed to i'd like to make sure it's accurate, readable, and translatable for someone who doesn't read the language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i actually can get a link to it if fanfic dot net is still working!! (spoiler alert: it is...for now!)

anyways, the first fic i wrote/published was for the lost boys. it hardly counts as a fic bc it's more like a meme that was going around at the time on ff.net, which was a "you've seen [x media] way too many times if...!" list of in-jokes. here it is. and if you want to look at some of my other extremely old stuff i wrote over ten years ago, be my guest i guess! fair warning a lot of it is not great!

20. Favorite fic you've written?

i know this is cheating but i have to say i think my favorite fic i've worked on is the skywalker palindrome as a whole. it's a series of fics but they work together to tell a story that remains an open-ended tragedy. we know where anakin ends up. luke knows who anakin becomes. and it seems like nothing luke can do will turn anakin away from that path. this is the rare situation where i actually have a very clear idea of how it all ends, and i just need to write my way there - which is going to take quite a while QAQ

tag time!!! @deusexvalerate GET TAGGED!!!!!