#listened to baby hotline again then blacked out and woke up to this on my screen

[chell-min]

what a waste, what a waste

[lord-explosion-baku]

Bakugou x reader

Warnings: ANGST, suicidal thought mention, lots of that kinda talk, more angst, kinda fluff

A/N: I wasn’t sure how to go about this. I wasn’t particularly sure what you wanted from this request but I hope it helped? I changed it up a bit for like... context reasons. Note that at first Bakugou doesn’t react the way that people should react when hearing this kind of news but it is how a lot of people act regardless. National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255. No matter what the reason if you are having suicidal thoughts, you should tell a trusted adult. Don’t keep something like that a secret.

Bakugou’s eyes finally snapped open after fifteen seconds of hearing that infernal morning ringtone you had. He reached over your sleeping body and snatched your hellphone off the side table and read the label, ‘pick up Kiyomi,’ before silencing the alarm.

Odd. Bakugou didn’t know a Kiyomi. Why would you be picking her up? You hadn’t mentioned having to get anyone at all…

Bakugou hovered over your warm body for a moment longer. Your lids fell heavy over your eyes, blanketing your dreams by being interrupted from the outside worlds, and your mouth was curled into a small smile. You looked so peaceful… so cute. Bakugou was incredibly grateful for any night you were able to stay in his bed but he loved the mornings even more. He liked waking up before you so he could see you like this; and that blasted alarm clock almost ruined that for him.

A small squeak escaped your throat and your sleepy eyes fluttered open to meet Bakugou’s. Bakugou felt his chest tighten and his face heat up when your lips curled into a grin and you whispered, “g’morning Katsuki…”

So. fucking. cute.

“That damn alarm of yours woke me up,” his low croaky morning voice probably sounded more hostile than he wanted but it didn’t matter. You had accepted that part of him and he loved you even more for it.

“Mmmm,” your light fingers tiptoed up his arm before reaching around his back to pull you closer. Bakugou rested his head on your chest and relaxed his body against the warmth of yours. You were his paradise.

“‘m sorry baby,” you said, “that’s my alarm for work. I forgot to turn it off before bed. I had been a bit… preoccupied.”

That might’ve been an understatement. Bakugou made it a goal to make sure that when he had you to himself, you could only think about him. He couldn’t blame you for forgetting something as mundane as an alarm clock, even if it went off an hour before he usually got out of bed.

“Who’s Kiyomi?”

“Kiyomi??” You looked at him as if he was a mad man spouting nonsense.

Bakugou rolled his eyes. “The alarm said you have to pick Kiyomi up. I didn’t think you had any plans today.”

You let out a yawn and rub your eyes, squirming farther down the bed so your feet could get warmer and Bakugou could get closer. “Right,” you finally realized what he was talking about. “Kiyomi is a friend who lives overseas. I set that alarm months ago for when she needed me to pick her up from the airport. I guess I started using that alarm to get up in the morning.”

“Shouldn’t you change it to something different now?”

You laughed, “to what? ‘Get your lazy ass out of bed’?”

“Tss!” He grabbed you and rolled over onto his back, pulling you on top of him. “You don’t have a lazy ass,” he said while his hands slid down your backside. “You have a fine ass.” To prove his point, he gave your bottom a smack.

“Katsuki!” You buried your red face deep into the crook of his neck, your breathy laughter sending a jubilant wave of prickles down his body. “Sometimes I have a lazy ass. I feel like I could spend entire days in bed; nothing to worry about, just warmth and dreams.”

“If you’re dreaming all damn day then you won’t be able to spend any time with me.”

“That’s not true,” your cheek brushed up against his ear while you turned your face towards him. “Don’t you know that you’re in all of my good dreams?”

Bakugou felt another pang in his chest. He loved you so goddamn much. “Liar.”

“S’not a lie. Dream Bakugou makes it harder to wake up.”

“Yeah well I’m the real deal so hopefully I can make it easier to live in reality. C’mon,” he sat up, “let’s get breakfast.”

“Nooo,” You whined, falling back into the bed. “It’s so early! Can’t we lay here a bit longer?”

“I don’t think so, princess. I’m wide awake because of you and I don’t think I can trust you with that dream Bakugou guy.”

“Just five more minutes, Katsuki, pleeease?”

Bakugou scowled at your pouting lips before bowing his head down and planting a sweet peck on them. “If you’re not up in ten, I’m carrying you out of this bed.”

You grinned back at him. “Promise?”

He kissed you again. “Don’t be cute.”

Bakugou had actually let you sleep in for thirty more minutes before carrying you out and into his kitchen. He had already prepared you some tea and fruit for you to eat and was about to put a quiche pie into the oven. You had told him about the french dish awhile ago and he’s been wanting to make it for you ever since, making sure to add in some cayenne pepper to make it his. He asked you to set and alarm for forty minutes and you absentmindedly scrolled through your set of alarms and chose one that was already set for forty minutes in the future.

The time spent waiting for the quiche was time spent, laughing and throwing grapes at one another which eventually lead to a battle that Bakugou had to win, showing his victorious authority but pushing you up on top the kitchen counter and wedging between you, holding you close, kissing your neck and shoulders, showing you that he could make you feel all kinds of things that bastard Dream Bakugou couldn’t. When his daring fingers met the hem of your pajama pants, the terrible song you had for your alarm finally went off.

You smirked down at him. “Wouldn’t want to burn our meal, would we?”

He glared back at you, grabbing your chin, he playfully bit down on your bottom lip. “This isn’t over.”

You slipped down from the counter and fetched the quiche out of the oven, leaving your alarm to play in a continuous loop. Bakugou grabbed your vibrating phone and switched the alarm off but not before he read what it said.

“Y/N…” he whispered.

“This smells delicious Katsuki!” You chirped back, placing the dish on the the stove to cool off. “It looks so fluffy.”

“What the hell does this mean?”

“I don’t know… isn’t it supposed to be fluffy when it comes right out of the oven? It’s still hot so I’m sure it’ll go down when it’s cooled off?”

“Y/N!” He barked and you jumped. He didn’t mean to frighten you but Bakugou a tension grow in his back. The alarm… your alarm didn’t make sense to him.

“‘Maybe don’t kill yourself today’?” He read aloud. He thrust your phone in your face and you gingerly took it back. Slowly your brows knitted together in understanding.

“Oh.”

“What does that mean, Y/N?!”

“It’s… well it’s nothing now. Another old alarm. I don’t even know when I made it.” Bakugou said nothing back. He couldn’t. He needed a better explanation. You took in a long breath before setting your phone down. “I just… used to feel… sad, I guess. And maybe sad isn’t the best word. I don’t know, babe. It was just like a special message for me to keep going. I made it a long time ago and haven’t changed it, like the ‘Kiyomi’ thing. Ha… I’ve had this phone for a long time, huh?”

“Don’t change the subject,” Bakugou murmured, letting his voice crack only slightly.

“Baby,” You cooed, reaching out to him. He took your hand and pulled it against his bare chest. You were so warm. He couldn’t imagine your touch… your hands… not being warm anymore. “Listen, I’m here. I’m fine.”

“You’re just fine?”

“Well yeah but I don’t mean-,”

“When did you make it?” He cut you off, his mind whirling, trying to find memories or any signs or tells that you were depressed. It was aggravating. He couldn’t see it. He didn’t know.

“I told you, I don’t remember.”

“Was I in your life when you made it,” Bakugou’s adam’s apple bobbed while he grit his teeth, “did you know me?”

“Katsuki…”

“Because what kind of boyfriend would I be if I just let you feel this way. I thought… I thought that we were good together.”

“Bakugou! It has nothing to do with you! I’m happy when I’m with you and I’m fine most of the time but sometimes I just let these weird feelings creep in on me, okay? I don’t think I’m ever going to act on them but sometimes I just… ! I just don’t want to exist!”

“What?” Bakugou couldn’t help it. He was shaking. “So you still feel this way?”

“I’m sorry but why do I feel like I’m in trouble here? Katsuki, things like this don’t just disappear. It’s an ugly black goo monster that latches on to people and they have to live with it and there’s nothing that I or anyone else can do about it!”

“Nothing you can do? You can start with telling me about how you feel! I feel like a goddamn idiot not knowing that the person I love more than anything in this world wants to kill themselves!”

“Well, I don’t want to kill myself! That’s why I made that alarm in the first place! And sorry but it’s not always such an easy thing to talk about! You’d get annoyed with me if I told you all about how sad I am a lot of the time!”

“Annoyed with you? Y/N-,” he seethed, “I get annoyed when you steal the good blankets and when that damn song plays whenever your alarms go off but I still love you regardless. Talking about shit like this what you’re supposed to do in loving, trusting relationships!” He brushed a hand through his hair. “Maybe… you don’t trust me. Or maybe I don’t say all the nice things I think to say to you but-! Fuck, Y/N, I don’t want you to be scared of talking to me. If I can’t… make sure that everything in your life is okay all the time, I’d at least want to help you with that…”

“Again, Katsuki. It’s not about you. And I have talked about it with other people before… and they all say the same things; I should just cheer up or stop thinking about it. After awhile I kinda realized I was being a burden. And I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

“Fuck everyone else, you are not a burden to me! Not ever! And I’d rather have you talk to me a hundred thousand times before you feel alone in this. I’d rather have you scream at the top of your lungs at me then… not have you at all. Y/N, I can’t… imagine my life without you. If you were to disappear… like that… my entire world would be shattered. F-fuck!”

“Kat-!” Before you could finish saying his name he wrapped his arms around you. Tears that burned his eyes fell from his cheek and into your hair. He could feel his own chest getting wet from your eyes. They were hot, like you. Warm.

“Please talk to me,” his voice was muffled by your hair. “I want to hear it. Whenever. Whenever you get these feelings I want you to call me and I’ll ask if you want to talk about them and if you don’t, I’ll find a way to distract you. I know I’m a fucking asshole sometimes but I want to be there for you, do you understand? Just please don’t think that you’re alone in this.”

“Okay, Katsuki. I will.”

“Promise me.”

“... I promise.”

He held you for a long time. The quiche cooled down but neither of you cared. All that mattered was that you were in Bakugou’s arms. You were safe. He’d always keep you safe.

Finally you pulled away and wiped your cheeks. You cupped Bakugou’s face wipes away his own tears with your thumb. “I’m sorry I upset you, Katsuki.”

“Don’t apologize. Just know that if anything ever happened to you I’d have to kill the grim reaper to bring you back… Have you thought about… going to therapy? Or maybe going on antidepressants?”

“I have… but I don’t know if I want to do that yet. I really am okay most of the time. But if things get serious, you’ll be the first to know.”

“Good,” he sniffed and cleared his throat. “Can I have your phone?”

“Why?”

“I gotta change some of your alarm messages.”

The rest of the day went well. You smiled a lot and enjoyed the quiche though you challenged Bakugou, saying that you could probably make a better one. The two of you went on a short hike and enjoyed the refreshing air. He watched you climb up on rocks and laugh and sing, granted terribly, but he loved it and he loved you. He had to keep his eyes on you. He loved keeping his eyes on you. After that day, something changed for Bakugou. While he watched you, he couldn’t help but worry that he might not ever see you again. So he watched. And he savored. And he loved.

The next morning you woke up to Bakugou’s second favorite song. The message for your alarm said, ‘wake up, gorgeous.’ It was simple but it made you smile. By the time you got to your fridge and closed it, thinking that nothing really appealed to you, you got another alarm. ‘If you don’t eat your breakfast, you’ll never be able to beat king Bakugou in a sparring match.’ That was oddly inspiring. Bakugou always knew how to channel your competitive side. Throughout the day other alarms went off with silly messages like ‘daydreaming about your boyfriend again?’ And ‘he’s thinking about you.’ But the ones that really struck you were the ones that said ‘you’re so strong. you’re doing great.’ Bakugou had never been great with words but it really meant a lot to you that he had set those messages up just for you. You were incredibly thankful for him.

You couldn’t see Bakugou that night but you made sure to call him before going to bed. He was soft on the phone. You made a point to point out to him that you weren’t fragile and he made a point to point out to you that he already knew. He’d seen you in bed. After you ended the call with your face a blushing mess you got another alarm.

‘Sleep is the best medicine. Lay that pretty head to rest.’ And only one minute later, ‘if Dream Bakugou lays a finger on you, I’ll kick his ass <3’

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