#listen.. i clown a lot and all of this stuff is in good humour and to try and lift my spirit but like.. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

alwaysthrowsscissors · 3 years ago

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Fic Writer Questions!

Thanks for the tag @venhedish dont mind if I do darlin'! Loved reading your answers too!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

17 and I started May 2020

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

84,430! Sooooo close to that 100k milestone I just need to get off my writing hiatus since I have a beefy one shot WIP and a couple kink-meme prompt fills started that will get me to the finish line!

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

On Ao3/as an adult, just Supernatural.

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Well Jung – This was my first and I’m still super surprised it took off so well considering all the head-hopping. I also hadn’t written fiction since high school so it’s pretty technically rough!

I Can’t Forget the Time and Place Where We Just Met – Who doesn’t love a good old-fashioned double amnesia fic! This was a SPN Masquerade fill and it was super fun to write!

Kiss the Cook – Another SPN Masquerade fill inspired by Dean in an apron in S15. Kitchen fucking is fun fucking!

Iodine and Stitches – 3/5 SPN Masquerade fills that I did fall 2020. Seriously such a fun event to participate in I cant recommend it enough. This is one my only fics with a serious tone throughout which is tough for this clown.

Double Jeopardy – Written for my buddy after finding out she has an intelligence kink! Cut to us giggling about Sam losing his damn mind when he plays Jeopardy with clever Dean!

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Listen…I can’t fully express how much comments give me LIFE! I want to know what you liked about my silly musings, I want to know your fav part, I want to know that I gave you a boner! I'll take a button smash, I'll take an emoticon. Anything, everything! I make a point to always respond back to show my appreciation for people taking time out of their day to make my day.

6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Without a shadow of a doubt Yesterday Don’t Matter if It’s Gone about what would happen if Sam and Dean hooked up during Mystery Spot and exacerbated Sam’s downward spiral during the months of Tuesdays. I write a lot of humour and this sucker is humourless PLUS has an unhappy ending! Weeee!

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've written?

Never have but not opposed to the idea.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope, I’ve been pretty fortunate but I also write pretty tame shit. So if I start dabbling more in the archive warnings it may change. I do have a fun multichap wincestiel non-con WIP in the works 😈

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

AHAHAHAHAHA I’d say a good 90-95% of my 84k wordcount is smut! All M/M all explicit! Fun times over at Casa Scissors 😏. I do have some upcoming stuff that’s more plot heavy though which I’m looking forward to.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I fucking hope not that would be a big bummer.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! And as a noob I had to pinch myself, it still fucking blows my mind! A lovely Ao3 user Yigelulu translated I Can’t Forget the Time and Place Where We Just Met into Chinese. It was so incredibly cool to see my words in another language and a great honour that they liked my fic enough to put in all that work!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yup! Turn Your Head and Cough with my budbud Wearingdeantoprom. Dean gets his prostate rubbed for the first time at the doctors office.

14) What's your all time favorite ship?

Wincest wincest all the wincest! My brain is infected and there is no cure! I am a pro-shipper though ship and let ship my dudes. I also dabble in wincestiel and LOVE any combination of winkline and may write it one day. I don’t really read much from other fandoms. I’ve read some George/Fred (I like brother fucking ok?) and I love me some Jess Mariano/Dean Forester over in the Gilmore Girls camp (the perfect enemies to lovers) but its unfortunately such a small ship. Any souls reading this who like those ships, please drop any recs into my box!

15) What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Anything I am passionate about I will finish. I’ve only killed one thing because I got bored with it but I posted my fav part for a fic challenge. I hate not having something to show for my spent time (I know it's a hobby but it's the principle damnit!) and I hate unfinished things. Those damn little ao3 red circles haunt me 🚫

16) What are your writing strengths?

Christ uhhh I’ll say I’m most consistently praised in comments for my dialogue and it’s what always flows the smoothest for me. I think my humour is also a strength, it comes very naturally when I write which is why I have a hard time keeping it out of my fics! Times are tough I just wanna make y’all giggle ok?

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

Frankly, my greatest weakness is that I don’t take it seriously enough to look at my past writing critically for improvement. I also write (non-fiction) for my job and had extensive training to do so, so when its for this hobby I honestly whip it out, edit a couple times, and slap it up ‘good enough’ styles and I don’t go back to re-read once posted. I think if I looked back, I could see lots of opportunities for improvement and could go from a fine writer to a good writer. I’d also say that I’ve written pretty fun fluffy cracky smutty stuff so I guess another weakness is a lack of depth of plot and subject matter. I do want to explore this stuff more though.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

My concern is if you don’t speak the language fluently, then native speakers reading your fic might feel a big disconnect if you get colloquialisms and euphemism etc. incorrect. It could take them out of your fic if its not authentic enough. I don’t speak any other language fluently so it would END BADLY. I can speak and read French VERY POORLY and that’s it so no, I will never write in another language unless its jibberish I invented myself!

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The only fanfic I wrote before SPN last year was a handful of super cracky, gen Gundam Wing fanfiction in high school!! They are on a broken USB stick which kills me I want to read them so badly! All my other creative writing was original fiction mainly horror/thrillers. I stopped when I started my undergrad cause...that shit is a lot of work yo.

20) What's your favorite fic you've written?

My first love is my first baby Well Jung. I love the plot, I love the humour in it, I love the heart, and it’s still some of my fav sex I’ve written. And the title makes me giggle too who doesn’t love a bad pun? I'm so thrilled it was so successful but it would still be my favourite even if 3 people read it. It made me rediscover writing as a hobby and helped me explore this wonderful (yet insane) fandom. I love all my babies and I even think the writing is stronger in other fics, but he will always be #1 in my heart.

OK this was fun I love talking about fic writing! If any of you read my stuff and want to know more, hit me with an ask; I love making new frans! Tagging @oddsocksandstuff @samanddeaninpanties @raidens-realm I think my other writer mutuals have been tagged by Ven!

#ask game #about me #fanfic writing #spn fanfiction #my writing

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irwinkitten · 4 years ago

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you can’t stop | a.i

notes: so this was an idea that came up when i first started screaming to @spicycal about broadway!ash and then i spiralled because i started listening to the hairspray soundtrack and said the magical words ‘my head has got ashton playing link in hairspray and my mind won't shut!! up!!' and honestly it was one of the first things i started screaming at sarah about and it’s how we became friends because we’re musical nerds (read: clowns) and this idea wouldn’t leave me alone thus this was born. (also there is a part two in the works!) pairing: broadway!ash x plus sized female!reader warnings: a few swears but that’s it? word count: 2.3k

donate to my ko-fi

When you stepped into rehearsals on the first day, it took some time to fully register that you were the leading lady of the show and not just a background character. You knew that today was all about breaking the ice, so to speak.

You knew that over the years, your sense of humour had developed because of the kids you’d grown up with, the people who still made you feel uncomfortable about your weight, and you had turned it back on them.

So when they got to you, you grinned as you gave them your name and who you were playing.

“Don’t know if the extra weight gave it away, but I’m playing Tracey Turnblad. This is my first time as a lead character and the only way I break ice is by jumping on it.” It took a full second before the other actors started laughing, the director wearing a short grin as the atmosphere relaxed.

It was certainly more easier on your nerves than you’d anticipated because everyone had laughed and you let out a breath you hadn’t realised you’d been holding as the others introduced themselves.

And then your eyes fell onto the final person.

“My name’s Ashton, feel free to call me Ash. Can you guess who I’m going to be playing? Although, unlike our leading lady, it could be a difficult guess.” And for the first time in your career, you wanted to punch that stupid self satisfied smug look off his face.

A few people tittered nervously, but you just snorted in response. You’d heard worse from directors.

‘You only have to deal with him for the next two years.’ You told yourself firmly.

The first ten weeks were rehearsals. Normally it would’ve been six weeks, but since it was an entirely new cast, the producer had opted for the extra time to help the cast bond since this show run was going to be two years to start with. Opening night was far enough away that you could surprise your family, since you’d kept this job quiet from them.

As you began the warm ups, the director—who had introduced himself as Evan—moved you front and centre.

“Right, I want to start off with your vocal range. We’ll have other duets fall in as we change the songs but keep it to mostly your songs before we move to ensemble. Once we know the ranges of you lot, our lovely composer Brian,” he waved out to the man who was leaning against one of the walled mirrors in the studio, “will be able to figure out if we need to change any songs.”

It wasn’t so much as brutal, but it put you through your paces. You realised quickly that this was certainly going to be a welcome challenge for you.

Ashton remained smug throughout his parts and it took everything in you to not slap the silly smirk off his face when it got to your duets. But you resisted, matching him pace for pace which surprised him.

When the first break hit, you were feeling warm as you took some water and the actress playing Maybelle—Jace—stepped up to you, braids piled up on her head as she lifted her water bottle in a toast to you.

“So, first time being the leading lady, huh?” And you smiled.

“I’ve been working as just an ensemble cast member for the last few years. I jumped at the chance for the audition with Evan and when I got the call back, I knew it was gonna be what I needed.” You shared a grin with Jace.

A few other cast members came up to you. It was when the one who was playing Amber bounced over, her blonde hair tied back in a high ponytail, bouncing with her movements.

It took you a second to remember her name was Cassie.

“So you’re going to be my enemy for the foreseeable future.” Her tone was teasing, the grin on her lips disarming you for a second.

“I mean, I guess?” You felt confused and she grinned.

“Reckon we can be friends?” This had you relaxing instantly.

“Don’t see the harm in that. And maybe when you’re in character you can teach Irwin good manners.” Cassie laughed as she slung her arm across your shoulders and looped her other with Jace’s

“That man might be a good actor but if you get him to learn some good manners I think the gods would bless you.”

When the day finished, both Cassie and Jace were convincing you to come out with them for drinks. And despite the hesitation, you couldn’t say no to their pleading faces.

“Is your place close by?” Cassie finally asked and you could feel a smile settle on your lips.

“If you’ve already got stuff to change into, we can get ready at my apartment?” The offer was met with an immediate agreement, both girls split from you and began inviting others to the night out.

You’d made fast friends with both of them by the time you were dressed up with a splash of makeup on. As the three of you left, it felt nice as you laughed at Cassie’s imitation of Ashton.

“Hi, I’m Ashton Irwin and I’m a cocky son of a bitch who doesn’t like meeting new people.” Her tone and pitch had the two of you cracking up as you waited for the lift. When Cassie had pitched the invite to him, he’d rolled his eyes and told her that he had better plans. It certainly hadn’t endeared him to her with that.

It took barely ten minutes but by the time you reached the club where a lot of the cast were waiting, excitement began to ooze through your body.

“First round of shots are on me!” You called out to the group, earning excited yells as you all headed in.

With Cassie’s help—since she knew how many people there were—you got the order in and toasted to the lot of them.

“May these runs lead up to incredible shows!” With the shot knocked back, Jace was quick to pull you to the floor, the music loud as the two of you danced the night away with the rest of the cast members.

—

You were furious. Beyond furious with Ashton.

He’d crossed a line. To embarrass you in such a way in front of so many directors, it hurt.

When you got to rehearsals the following morning, your anger hadn’t abated. Jace wisely kept her own counsel as you changed into what you’d dubbed as your rehearsal outfit. Loose fitted tee-shirt and black leggings.

“You realise that it’s final scenes today?” Jace had quietly commented, her eyes concerned and you could feel your temper bubble.

“I can be civil with him when we’re on stage. But off stage? All bets are off.” You snapped, slamming your locker shut and making your way through. She fell silent, casting a worried glance with Cassie before they headed onto the stage.

You hadn’t even made it to the stage when a hand grasped your shoulder, pulling you deeper into the wings of the stage, further away from your castmates. Your fury ignited at the audacity of Ashton.

“Look, about last night-” he started, his voice quiet.

“Don’t you fucking dare, Irwin.” You snapped back, cutting him off as you yanked your arm free from his grip. His shock at your reaction stunned him silent.

“What? Nothing to say to me? Nothing to say to me after you embarrassed me in front of every big fucking name in the industry? Nothing to say to me after saying that my family shouldn’t bother for opening night since I’m going to mess it up?” You didn’t bother keeping your voice down. The director knew you and Ashton didn’t get along well, but you were able to work with him.

“I just wanted to say-” He tried again but you cut him off.

“You wanted to say what, exactly? That you’re sorry? I don’t want your fucking apology. It’s worthless. You could be the king of fucking england and I still won’t give you my time or attention anymore, unless it’s directly related to work. Now back off.” You snapped, pulling away completely and leaving him stunned.

“Ooo, do we need to be having words?” Cassie teased and you took in a slow deep breath, pushing down your anger towards him so you wouldn’t snap at Cassie. You knew she meant well she always did, but you were still too angry, too hurt to not take it the wrong way.

Evan gave you a lasting look, tapping his fingers on the script.

“Dance rehearsal today. We’ll work on the scenes later and tomorrow.” He announced, earning groans from the ensemble. Ashton slipped onto the stage quietly.

You threw Evan a grateful look and he simply nodded as he clapped his hands.

“Chop chop, we don’t have all day for this. We’ll go from where the girls are fighting to be seen on camera.” As the cast rearranged themselves, you stepped over to the corner from where you’d come down. Cassie winked at you and you offered her a weak grin.

“From the top!”

After you’d yelled at him, Ashton had done his best to keep out of your way before opening night. But on opening night you knew you had to call a truce.

Knocking on his dressing room door, you waited quietly before you heard him knock something over in his haste to get to the door.

As he pulled it open, his eyes widened in shock to find you standing there in front of him.

“Can I come in?” Your voice was quiet and it took him a moment before he nodded and stepped back, letting you in before closing the door behind you. You had to try and ignore the fact that he was half dressed, his shirt clearly hanging from the back of the chair.

He offered the small couch that was in the corner of his dressing room, pulling the chair over to sit in front of you and suddenly you felt your courage and words disappear.

“So, did you need something?” His voice was hesitant, and you couldn’t exactly blame him for that. Ever since you’d verbally smacked him down before rehearsal, he’d done his best to avoid pissing you off outside of rehearsal.

His question pulled you back to that moment and you felt your courage return, taking a slow deep breath.

“I’m calling a truce between us. Or at least, a truce between my attitude and yourself.” Although you’d been well in the right to be so angry with him and continue the treatment, he’d done everything he could to change that before backing off.

His jaw dropped at your words, sucking in a sharp breath as he processed your words.

“I-uh, don’t know what to say to that except, thanks, I guess?” You snorted at that.

“I’ve been so furious with you for what you did. You embarrassed me and made me look like some kind of pity pick. After working Broadway for years, do you know how much that hurt me? Hurt my career? ” His face flushed in shame as his gaze dropped to his hands that were resting in his lap.

“I hadn’t even considered...” He trailed off and you scoffed.

“Of course you didn’t. You’re the popular kid. The one people fight over to have on their team. You don’t need to consider other people’s feelings because everyone tries to cater for you.” You couldn't help the bitterness slip out with your words and his eyes lifted to meet yours.

“I really fucked up.”

“That’s putting it lightly, Ashton. You single handedly nearly destroyed my entire career with those words. Evan had to tell me that he’d had calls from other casting directors who had other names to replace me if he needed it.” You could see that the message was sinking in for Ashton, the guilt etched into his face mixed with a look of horror.

“I’m so sorry, I- I never even realised-” You cut him off.

“The damage is done. Thankfully Evan managed to put them off from that and invited them to the opening night of the show. If we pull this off we could be working together for a lot longer than the two years we’re scheduled to.” A wry smile crossed your lips. “So don’t fuck this up tonight.”

Ashton stared at you for a solid ten seconds before he started laughing.

“You’ve got it, doll. How about we start over?” He held his hand out to you and you took a second before grasping his hand. He surprised you by bringing the back of your hand to his lips and without even realising, you’d rolled your eyes at his theatrics.

“It’s one thing to start over with me, but I think you need to start over with the rest of the cast too. Cassie is still fully prepared to scalp you for doing what you did.” He winced at that before letting your hand go.

“I guess I owe it to you and them to start over, don’t I?” You nodded at his words, watching as he ran a hand through his hair.

“I know that everyone has their families in for the opening night and they’re going to want to celebrate this success with them. How about you start with the rehearsal tomorrow and see how that goes?” He nodded at that.

“I think I might just do that. And for what it’s worth, I truly am sorry for what I did and said.” Your eyes studied his face and you let the corner of your lips tug just a little bit.

“I know.” You leaned forwards and kissed his cheek before heading out, leaving him speechless.

taglist: @sexgodashton, @goth5sos, @malumsmermaid, @empathycth, @wildflowergrae, @calpops, @rosecolouredash, @cakesunflower, @loveroflrh, @clockwork124, @cal-puddies, @stellar5sosrecs, @ashtoniwir , @cthwldflwr, @cthla, @calmlftv, @spicycal, @liketheydidwithyou, @sc0ttish-wildfl0wer, @bluehairedtracii, @drummerboy794, @feliznavidaddycal, @ukulelecal, @thecurlsofgod, @converse-luke, @madbomb, @ccnicole02, @youngblood199456, @megz1985, @lukesidentitycrisis, @snapback-irwie, @neonweeknds, @666yourwitchyfriend666, @cashtonasfuck, @ashtaway, @conquerwhatliesahead92, @itjustkindahappenedreally, @kchillout, @damselindistressanu, @colormekaykay, @findingliam-o, @sublimehood, @singledadharrington, @sugarcoated-pain, @singt0mecalum, @calumspeachy, @colourfulcalum, @lostincalum, @burncrashbromance, @asht0ns-world, @flusteredcliffo, @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave, @fangirl-everythang, @lashtonswildflower, @lashtondaddies, @calumssunshine, @ambskiwi, @abundant-stars, @myescapefromthislife, @lmao5sosimagines, @beyoncesdragon, @jae-writes-fanfiction, @cxddlyash, @tresfandom, @niallisworld, @lietomevalntyn, @babylon-corgis, @monochrome44, @behind-my-hazeleyes27, @lyllibug, @bloodmoonashton, @ghostofmashton, @summerellaz, @a-little-less-sixteen, @cashworthy, @smokeinherlungs, @longlastingdaydream, @h0tsos, @sadistmichael, @sugar-nico, @sunnysidesblog, @angel-cal, @samros95, @maluminspace, @lukeinblue, @britnicole11, @gigglyirwin, @everyscarisahealingplace, @loverofcashton, @iovehemmings, @g-l-pierce, @jannimoeller3, @wildmichaelflower, @lukeskisses, @youngbloodchild, @abb-lan-5sos, @calumsbub, @flameraine, @here-for-the-uproars, @mateisit-balsamic, @ilovelukey, @castaway-cashton, @musiclover1263, @alloutofcashton, @tobefalling, @sarahshepherdblog, @cassie-sos, @possesedperson, @treatallwithkindness, @wonderlandiswhereitsatyo, @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles, @ashtonlrwin,

if u wanna be added to my taglist just send me an ask!!

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onelastbreath-writes · 4 years ago

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I’ll Meet You There (Part 3)

Pairing: Marcus Moreno/ Wife!Reader (AFAB, no y/n)

Word Count: 2.6K

Warnings: Talks about loss of spouse, loss of child, medical conditions/inaccuracies, grief/mourning, manipulation/brainwashing (subtext/implied, but we’ll get into it later *winkwink*)

Tags: Hurt/No comfort (for now), ANGST, eventual happy ending, one really sad man for whom I just keep making things worse, #sorrynotsorry, and now I’m just making stuff up as I go along

Summary(lite): You are Marcus’s wife, and you’re definitely not dead. No one is having a great time right now, but like hell if there's a force on this earth that’ll keep you apart forever. This is not a goodbye, its just a see you later. And the interim is going to be everyone else’s problem, you’ll make sure of it.

A/N: Hello dears, welcome back to my twisted mind story,,, guess who showed up like 2 weeks late with a smoothie! So things about this new chapter: I am a criminal with italics and someone needs to stop me, hello switching scenes and perspectives because I just want to fast forward to the good stuff but y’all don’t live in my head and don’t know all the stuff that happens to get us there so here we are taking the slow lane, and I keep brainstorming new and horrible things for my characters because I am A Lot, All The Time, and will not be stopped. Also hey, Marcus the Simp is here for you, so much. I hope this is acceptable to be a reader fic still, because I am giving you some serious personality traits... ehh, it is what it is. Tell me if you spot any of my various references, there’s a lot of ‘em. Thanks to everyone who has liked/reblogged/commented, y’all are gorgeous and I’m so grateful for the love <3 Drop me a message/ask if you want a secret about one of the characters (specify which one), I need an outlet for my endless b.t.s. plotting >;) Please enjoy p3!

AO3|Masterlist

[Previous Part]

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There were more casseroles in his fridge that Marcus knew what to do with, and more sympathy and “thinking of you” cards stacked in piles around the house than he could count. He appreciated everyone’s gestures, but he could recognize the difference between people who were kind in the interest of helping others, and those who were kind only to help themselves. It was quite obvious which type were flooding his mailbox.

Hell, most of the people sending him cards, his fans, didn’t even know his wife, never spoke to her, didn’t feel the empty Her-shaped-space in their very souls. They just wanted the clout, the prestige, of being ‘involved’ and sympathetic to a grieving superhero. It was exhausting, but no one seemed to empathize with him on that.

The Heroics upper management, and the director specifically after his press conference and the publicity the attack had brought the organization, had insisted on Marcus taking an undetermined amount of leave from the team so he could “process and mourn his loss in the comfort of his own home.” Like he didn’t look around and see every piece of himself and his wife over the years; the Home they built for their family, filled with all the hopes and dreams of two starry eyed lovers ready to take on the world together. Like her absence wasn’t slowly killing him.

And it wasn’t like she was gone gone.

Dead.

She wasn’t dead.

No way in Hell.

Whether it was because she worked with superpowered people, her experience as a medical professional, or if she was just more paranoid than most, his wife was a planner, and she was prepared for this. “In the event of my death...," like she just knew it would be necessary.

Truthfully, she had schemes and contingencies and all manner of reactionary plans prepared for if (and when) the worst happened; terrified to be blindsided or caught unaware, unable to help those she would have been able to, if only if she had the time to think. Unpreparedness costs lives in both of their careers, and she refused to leave anything up to chance if possible. And so, she’d plan, and he’d listen.

All throughout their relationship, from before they’d even gotten serious enough to discuss marriage, to when they heard their unborn child’s heartbeat for the first time, and just on random weekday afternoons when they would take Missy for walks around the neighbourhood to show her the beauty in their lives, his wife would paint her theories and ideas like artwork. She’d tell him a story, full of action and mystery, humour and theatrics, tragic romance and harrowing adventure; she could spin a tale like she had a silver tongue, but she never lost herself in her own narratives. In the end, they were messages, lessons, for him to remember when everything was going wrong.

“It’s all about momentum, babe. Bleeding off energy and taking a bad hit instead of a fatal hit. You can’t just full stop; you’d absorb all the kinetic energy, and the resulting trauma will turn all your squishy internals into, like, body soup, which is just super unpleasant. And of course, head is always number one priority. Bracing for impact works better at giving you fewer serious injuries, especially for your neck and head. Muscles should absorb as much of the energy as possible, instead of letting it fall to your ligaments, discs, and nerves to take the force. So, tense up and roll in the case of a low air evacuation.”

Low air evac... she was concerned he was going to have to jump from an aircraft without a parachute at some point in his life. Which was probably accurate he’d admit, but still, he wasn’t hoping to actually need that plan.

Thankfully, it wasn’t always fire and brimstone with her, and she had many strange and terrible schemes to keep the common, everyday superhero family on their toes. Always carry at least two lip balms... never tell someone you don’t have plans for the evening... don’t smile in your mugshot... no clowns. Ever.

She was so weird, a total nerd, and so completely the girl of his dreams.

He loved teasing her about her unending train of thought, the brain that never sleeps, how she’d go on tangents while on tangents but always circle back around; even nicknamed her (quite cheekily, and because it made them both laugh) Doctor Batman, which was usually saved for when she was being particularly dramatic and gloomy. Turn the supercomputer off for a second, Bats, come see what Missy’s doing!

He was her anchor, always ready to pull her back to earth when she started drifting off too far from them, but he never asked and never wanted her to change. He adored her, silly or serious, or when she woke him up in the middle of the night to make him promise that he’d never get their kid(s) a pet owl (because they’re “scary”, and “our kids would be too powerful, Marcus. Promise me!”), or that in the event of them inviting a third to their bed, it would “absolutely never, ever, ever be Miracle. No way!”

He thought it was quite entertaining most of the time, listening to her plan for zombies and old gods and what to do if everyone just started hating cheese one day, but if it was all so important to her: having him remember this or agree to that, he’d accede to her requests in a heartbeat. Most of it was cute, harmless stuff he didn’t think would even happen, but sometimes she would hit him with serious stuff. Entirely out of left field, she’d go for his heart, and ask him for things that would hurt him, destroy him inside, if he ever had to follow through with it.

“Marcus, if it’s a choice between my safety- my life, and Missy’s? I’m always going to choose her. Kids come first, okay?”

She wasn’t superpowered, didn’t have a shred of anything other than pure, normal human in her, but she was easily the strongest person he knew. Fearless and brave, kinder than this world deserved, she’d do anything for the people she cared about. And she’d promised him, maybe as a way to repay him for all the things he’d agreed to over the years, that she’d move heavens and the earth to return to their family. That nothing in this world, or beyond, could keep her away. “Eventually,” she’d stared into his eyes, glossy with tears from how forcefully she believed, “I will find my way back to you. I swear it, so keep a weather eye on the horizon.” See? A whole-ass nerd, and he couldn’t have loved her more.

So, she wasn’t dead. Pure and simple. She was somewhere, somehow, and he was going to find her again.

---

“Marcus, the grieving process is different for everyone, but it is always unpredictable and painful. You will have days where you will feel like you haven’t made any progress, or even lost the progress you’ve previously made, but please know that this is natural; it's something everyone experiences, and that it doesn’t mean you’ve failed in your objective. Healing takes time, and a major part of recovery is learning to forgive yourself when you slip up. No one expects you to be back to normal tomorrow, or next week, or next month. Healing from grief is not a race, so we will go at your own pace, and we will work together to accomplish your recovery goals. You aren’t alone in this journey, and you don’t need to handle everything by yourself.”

The grief specialist he was seeing was someone he would describe as an “old soul”. She exuded the patience and peace of someone who had watched empires rise and fall, seen the turning of the wheel of time and drifted along with the current. Her voice was deep, rich in emotion and empathy for those who needed guidance, calming and intriguing with a soft lilt on her vowels. Timeless and ancient all in one, and even if he wasn’t actually mourning the death of his wife, he did find himself deeply grieving being without her. They were two halves of a whole, and though his soul was at a loss without its partner here, he still had their greatest creation, their pride and joy, their baby girl to raise.

He would do whatever he had to do to be the best parent he could for Missy. And so, if meeting with a physiatrist every week was something that would help, then he would be here, every week. He'd learn to live with his grief, his sadness and loneliness, with just the memory of his Everything, and he’d help their kid with all hers too.

It’s what he promised to do, after all.

“If anything ever happens to me, you’ll just have to love her enough for the both of us.”

---

There was nothing they could recover of the people closest to centre of the explosion. No remains, no blood, nothing. Like they hadn’t been there at all.

Suspicious.

Upper Management had brought in a team of private investigators to handle the case, people who would keep the details quiet and the public appeased with what little information they’d choose to release.

Marcus was a superhero, and sure, his job was to hit things until they weren’t a problem anymore, but he couldn’t understand why all the highly trained professionals didn’t question the sheer amount of evidence that just wasn’t adding up.

He tried to bring up the inconsistencies once with the lead investigator, but they had just given the distraught, widowed husband, so lost in his own denial and grasping at straws, a sad smile and told him they would do everything they could to find the truth for him and the rest of the victims’ families.

Typical.

After being brushed off without a second thought, he decided to keep his ideas quiet, and since they’d proven their unwillingness to listen, he’d just have to solve the mass disappearance himself.

“Have you ever thought about how to commit the perfect murder, mi amor? I have. First: If there’s no body, they can’t prove the person is dead. No evidence of death? No murder. Simple. But of course, completely vanishing a full human would be a challenge. Short of having the superpowers necessary to, like, erase someone from reality in their entirety, there would be a lot of chances to leave evidence. Ordering suspicious chemicals leaves a trail, driving out to a pig farm in the middle of the night is shady as hell and all neighbors are professional narcs, and fires? Hah! Do you have any idea how hot the fire needs to be to cremate human remains, and how long they would need to grill for? Huh, maybe the perfect murder isn’t a murder at all...

Hey babe...

Always doubt a body, but always doubt no body, more.”

---

You tended to lose time when there was no one else in your room. It was hard to tell when your eyes were open because you started dreaming about the only things you could see since you first woke up: drop-ceiling tiles, white walls, and pale blue curtain dividers. And it was easier that way, in the end. Your heart didn’t hurt when you only dreamt of the room. You couldn’t mourn the things and people only your soul could remember if you thought of the room. Drifting in and out of consciousness was how you were coping.

---

You had been here, left in this room alone, for ages. You had agreed to help the man who had saved you from the explosion that killed your family, but apparently you couldn’t help him until you had recovered enough. You’d read your charts, grilled your nurses and doctors more and more the longer you were kept here. What were they all waiting for? There was nothing wrong with you except the mild post traumatic amnesia, and the whole not-remembering-much-(or anything, really)-about-your-personal-life-and-family-of-the-recent-few-years thing you had going on. It was nothing compared to when you first awoke and could remember nothing. It killed you to be without the memories of your husband and child, to know only of them instead of actually knowing them, but there was nothing you or the doctors here could do. The brain was a tricky thing, and you had to accept that your memory loss might be permanent.

That just meant that you had to put all that you could remember to good use. You could help people here, and work towards getting justice for your family. Years and years of school, practical experience and training, you had gained it all back; re-read textbooks and studies, wrote papers on your re-emerging knowledge and jogged your memory about long nights and early mornings, surgeries and follow ups... it was all still in your head. It had returned to you easily, like diving into a cool pool on a hot summer day. It was like coming home and taking off your shoes; it felt good, freeing, as-it-should-be.

But still they weren’t letting you leave. So: what were they waiting for?

“Ah, Doctor, it’s lovely to see you, as always. How are we feeling today?” Okay, so the guy who “saved” you (read: paid the people who actually saved your life) gave you the heebie-jeebies. He looked like a classic pompous asshole bigwig, like, oil tycoon or something. And he definitely had some sort of thing for you. Gross.

“I’m doing as well as can be expected, trapped in a room with nothing to do, you know, brain rotting, et cetera. Thanks for asking.” The sass was a choice, probably not a great choice, but your choice none-the-less. You really hadn’t had many opportunities to choose anything for yourself in a while.

Well...

You were bored, and that was going to be everyone else’s problem.

“Ah, well, good news then! You have been cleared from observation and you’ll be able to be discharged soon. Isn’t that just delightful!” Mister Craig (“Please, just Greg is fine”), was some sort of horrible group hallucination, you were convinced. No one was that cheery, that animated, unless they were on something, or you were on something. “I’ll have someone bring you your personal effects shortly, and then I can show you to your new apartment. The complex isn’t in the best neighbourhood unfortunately, but it's got some real charm, very vintage! You’ll love it!”

“I’ll look forward to seeing it then; sounds like it’ll be a real interesting place to stay. You can also explain what it is I’m going to be doing with your organization. Because you haven’t specified yet. And I expect a proper contract and wage agreement. Legally binding preferably, for your sake, of course, Mr. Craig.” Even if you weren’t the most physically intimidating person around, you knew how, and more so, when, to assert your dominance in a conversation. Especially with men like him. He was the type of guy who would pinch a nurse’s ass and then accuse them of not being able to take a joke.

“You wound me, Doctor, I am a man of integrity! I promised you an opportunity to make a difference! To get justice for the loved ones so cruelly torn from you! You have nothing to worry about!”

Sounds legit. Totally above board. Can’t wait.

---

Taglist (omg!! thanks love): @killtherandomness

Drop me a line if you want to be added <3

#we can be heroes #we can be heroes fanfiction #marcus moreno #marcus moreno x reader #Marcus Moreno x you #reader x marcus moreno #reader insert #Pedro Pascal #hurt/comfort #eventual happy ending #say hello to doctor batman lol. theres a whole thing i created just for that nickname to happen. ask me about it if you want XD #also you're a sassy BAMF. oops

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radioromantic-moved · 3 years ago

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💫 !! tell me abt stellar firma !! i remember listening to like 20 episodes of it when i was zonked out from wisdom teeth removal and all i remember was that one survival reality tv show island with the dirty humour latched to it asdfjkl;s

you know what i can think of no better way to listen to it honestly. i already talked about it a bit (a lot.) here but i've always got more to say about my dumbest special interest let's go

-i didn't really mention the supporting characters before but i should have because they're also very good.‏‏‎ ‎hartro is the main boys' line manager as you probably know. she starts off scary girlboss with a weird foot thing which is a trope very much up my alley (minus the foot thing) but she eventually devolves into just a giant dork who likes space d&d and drawing things on whiteboards. she's kind of adorable, honestly. she and my sf s/i are somewhat-amicable exes.

-imogen is the station ai and my favorite brand of character, aka a morally questionable female ai who hides behind a cheery front to hide how much she hates her life. she cares (tentatively) about exactly one person, and that's david. who deserves it, because he deserves the world.

-there's also enola, who appears in like 3 episodes and is a metaphor for liberal politics that everyone fell hopelessly in love with. i mean i love them too. they live in the vents and write a lot of pamphlets about the state of things.

-bathin‏‏‎ ‎of‏‏‎ ‎galactonium‏‏‎ ‎is david's true love. they wrote a song about him. he appears in one episode for a single minute so most people make up characterization from him mostly from scratch. we know he is a surfer dude and a himbo, which are his two most important traits.

-one last very important thing!! there's an album of songs by the main cast!! it's VERY good and VERY fun and has a lot of little hints to future events if you listen carefully and overanalyze everything like i do. it was released during season 3 but based on the stuff they sing about most of the songs feel like they'd be sung in early season 2. that's just my weird theory though. i still put more thought into this show than like. anyone but 3 other fans maybe.

-if you ever feel like listening through the rest of the show you SHOULD because i love it so dearly and i love to talk about it with people. it's very dumb like 90% of the time but that's just one of the reasons i like it so much. just don't make fun of me too bad for my taste in characters pwease i clown on myself enough

#i will take ANY excuse to talk about my favorite guys.#bing #asks for me

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leejeongz · 6 years ago

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Stray kids ideal types *my opinion*

*the gifs are p irrelevant* I JUST GOTTA SAY FIRST OF ALL THIS IS COMPLETELY ALL MY OPINION AND COULD ALL BE A PILE OF SHITTY DRIBBLE SO DONT THINK TOO MUCH INTO IT!!

Bang Chan:

He probably wouldn’t care for looks, maybe finding less stereotypical things attractive, such as you being taller than him. He’d want someone with a complex mind, someone who he can explore and not get bored of after finding everything out about them in 1 chat. Not gonna lie I see him more with someone who’s not Korean but who knows?? Someone understanding and someone willing to comprise, that would be a big one for Chris. To him it’s important for the pair of you to make time for each other but also have time apart, to have time to work separately. But also someone fun, someone willing to go on a spontaneous adventure, but at the same time someone who’s down to chill, to listen to music with him and someone for him to feel at home in comfortable silence with.

He probably likes people who are usually quite shy but not to the point where they don’t talk to anyone. The type to talk to old ladies on the bus but never initiating the conversation even if they want to. The type who, at school, sat near to the front and got on well with the teacher because they never did anything wrong.

Woojin:

The duality king himself probably wants someone just like that. Classy but cute, sexy but charming. Can switch it up just like that: adaptable I guess. Someone who is quiet but pretty “normal.” I feel he’d like someone who can also sing, professionally or not. Perhaps this is just from his position within the group but I believe he’d want someone to look after, someone to not necessarily baby but someone he can be “the man” with. He’d probably prefer someone smaller than him for that reason, perhaps just a few inches smaller. He’d love someone intelligent, like school smart not street smart. Someone who listens well and someone who, on a whole, is heartwarming.

I think he’d like someone with brown eyes and naturally dark hair that goes past the shoulders. Straight or curly hair he doesn’t care. Someone who takes care of their appearance and does simple things like paint their nails or ware a watch, just to change things up and not just be a plain Jane.

Lee Know:

First of all someone who can eat, like he wants someone that loves their food I think. Great fashion sense is a must, possibly more of a classier and rich taste than anything else. Someone who looks clean and tidy on the week days, but when it’s just you and him, messy hair and leggings are perfect. Probably want someone to keep him on his toes, their personality filled with fire and sass, but also sometimes being soft too. He’s the type of guy to want to have a best friend type of s/o, someone he can laugh and joke with as well as cuddle up with. He’s probably really picky about appearance, or so he says, definitely someone who thinks that if he isn’t physically attracted to you that there’s no point (until he learns 🥴.)

He’s definitely the type who goes for people with a good sense of humour. Without that you’re pretty much dead to him let be real. He wants someone who he can tease but also someone who’s confident enough to tease him back, someone who’s sure of themselves and isn’t particularly insecure about a lot of things. He’d find it real hot if you could just be like “bitch I know I’m fabulous step tf aside”

Changbin:

Trying to avoid the cliche cute because to me I feel like he might want someone more like his “dark side.” But nevertheless he’s probably want someone cute behind closed doors, only for him. He’d be so damn attracted to someone giving off cold vibes, he lives for the chase. Effortlessly fashionable, someone who throws on a hoodie and some pants/ a skirt and look fucking amazing. I still think he’d want someone younger, a mature person who could still take care of him in the same way that he could take care of you. I feel like someone who was unique in their sense of humour (like Minho) would be great for Changbin, it would drive him crazy not knowing the next thing to come out of your mouth or why you are laughing to yourself.

He’s probably attracted to people who are willing to know everything about him, who are willing to learn new things for him because he is for you. Someone who likes him and no one else, he wants you for himself and hopes you feel the same about him.

Hyunjin:

I was going to say someone who is the perfect combination of looks and personality but that’s not to say Hyunjin cares about looks. He actually probably cares minimally for looks, definitely more attracted to someone’s personality. Saying that, I think he’d want someone who was cute but that’s it. He’d probably want someone who’s bright and bubbly, someone who’s humour isn’t dark but instead fun and upbeat. Someone who loves dogs!!! Not the most important thing but he’d want someone confident when talking to others. He’d want someone who’s a good listener, someone who gives good advice and can keep secrets. Someone who likes him for him, not just his looks or whatever.

He probably likes people who have a lot of quirky, well hidden secrets, the mysterious type even though they have a lot of friends. He’d love to be the guy to know everything about you, stuff that other people don’t know. Someone who will make him feel just special as he makes you.

Han:

Definitely someone who’s bubbly. Like maybe they’re quiet with other people but they unleash their real personality only with him. Younger or older, he doesn’t care but he wants pet names to be involved that match the age. I feel like height wouldn’t matter either. He’d probably want someone who lives life on the edge, someone who takes risks and doesn’t have many fears (unlike him lmao.) He’d probably find it cute if you read or do puzzles or write!!! Or just generally passionate about something he could potentially have an interest in. Someone he could help with work and someone who would help him with work respectively. He’d like someone cool, someone that knows they are cool and that other people know as “the cool kid.”

This might sound odd but I feel like he’d be attracted to people who like junk food. Someone who doesn’t care for diets or healthy eating but will still join him at the gym to both burn off some of what you just put on at the pizza place, you know? Probably finds it cute if you like weird food combinations like milkshake and fries or curry and cheese or something like that.

Felix:

I feel like Felix would want someone who’s in touch with their emotions, someone he can look after while they tell him all what’s wrong, as a sign of trust. Someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously too, will laugh if they fall or do something embarrassing. Also a little bit of a dare devil, would do something like bungee jumping with him, but they’ll beg to go first. Probably someone a little disorganised but still someone who knows what they want. I feel like he’d go for someone shorter with a younger-looking face. I also feel he’d be happier with someone who could speak English with him, but if you spoke another language he’d find that real cute.

Felix would love it if you could pull off just simply a pair of shorts, a tee and flip flops or something summery like that. Also graphic tees. I feel like he’d want someone with short blonde hair maybe whose face always looks pure and natural. Someone who’s colourful and bright and isn’t afraid to experiment with the colour of their clothes or even their hair sometimes.

Seungmin:

It might be a weird thing to say but I feel seungmin would want someone that didn’t care for fashion or football or the social norm or whatever. He’d want someone that’s their own individual person, a interesting character built inside of a magnificent work of art. Someone clever would suit Seungmin well, the type of person that does really well on tests because they care and because they revise. He’d probably want to get to know someone well before dating them too, as well as the other person having an in depth understanding of him too. Maybe someone open to knew ideas, someone who’s not narrow minded and someone who can speak their mind while having respect for everyone.

Someone who takes pride in themselves I think Seungmin would like, someone who always tries and doesn’t give up on their ideas. Probably someone with a mature sense of humour, someone that rolls their eyes at dad jokes, unless it’s Seungmin who says it. Possibly someone who’s good with kids.

I.N:

Jeongin is the type to fall for the class clown. Someone that constantly keeps him smiling and is the easy target for his meaningless teasing and joking. I actually think he’d want someone older, but only like a year maybe. He’d love if you were free spirit and lived without a care in the world for anything other than for that that meant the most to you. Probably likes it when people are close with their family and their friends, not particularly popular, not partying at night and being around lots of people all the time but actually respecting their close circle and not really moving out of it. Someone with pretty hands?? Much like his own, I feel he’d want someone with a pretty smile, possibly with braces but that’s no biggie of course. Someone who looks clean but not necessarily put together, baggy dungarees and a sweater are his favourite look.

He probably likes someone who quiet immature and finds the most ridiculous things funny but wouldn’t draw attention to themselves when laughing at it. Probably loves seeing you laughing with your friends or trying to hold in your laugh when someone falls. Also someone who plays games, console like him.

Gifs aren’t mine

#stray kids #stray kids ideal type #bang chan #woojin #lee know #changbin #hyunjin #han jisung #felix #seungmin #i.n

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haikyuutrash11 · 6 years ago

Text

GET TO KNOW ME!

1: My name? Jess, but most online people call me Jet

2: Do I have any nicknames? I have loads of nicknames and I pretty much answer to slurred words too lmao

3: Zodiac sign? Taurus

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? Overwatch

5: Book/series I reread? Junjou romantica and a few others

6: Aliens or ghosts? I like both... but I guess aliens

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? @yakulev-trash

8: Favourite radio station? don't have one... oh wait... maybe kerrang

9: Favourite flavour of anything? toffee

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? sick

11: Favourite song? worst question to ever be asked... fuck knows fam

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? got any kinks? lmao

13: Favourite word? yaaaars

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? my ex and no I do not

15: Last song I listened to? post Malone better now

16: TV show I always recommend? the big bang theory or anything Michael McIntyre

17: Pirates or ninjas? ninjas

18: Movie I watch when I'm feeling down? I don't really watch a lot of films to be honest

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? at the moment BTS- idol ft minaj

20: Favourite video games? overwatch, rayman, bloodbourne

21: What am I most afraid of? losing my son

22: A good quality of mine? non judgemental

23: A bad quality of mine? quick to assume

24: Cats or dogs? dogs

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they're in? Jason stathem

26: Favourite season? winter

27: Am I in a relationship? no im happily single

28: Something I miss? lay ins

29: My best friend? Jody and wife

30: Eye colour? blue

31: Hair colour? at the moment its half purple half red

32: Someone I love? Yaku! my omega :D

33: Someone I trust? my mum

34: Someone I always think about? my son

35: Am I excited about anything? Haikyuu season 4

36: My current obsession? Reinhardt x Lucio smut

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? Sailor moon and digimon

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? yeah, my gay American friend Jacob

39: Am I superstitious? nahhhh

40: What do I think about most? getting all my shit sorted

41: Do I have any strange phobias? ……. nunu from teletubies and wind turbines

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind it

43: Favourite hobbies? writing, gaming, painting, drawing

44: Last book I read? deviations submissions

45: Last film I watched? 47 ronin

46: Do I play any instruments? I used to play the violin and guitar. but don't anymore, although I do want to learn piano

47: Favourite animal? leopard

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? bun that

49: Superpower I wish I could have? telekinesis

50: How do I destress? vape

51: Do I like confrontation? mate I love that shit

52: When do I feel most at peace? when im cuddling my son

53: What makes me smile? a few things... okay a lot of things but too many things to name

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? off, what made man sleeps with them on?!?!

55: Play any sports? pfffffft

56: What is my song of the week? why is there so many song questions

57: Favourite drink? milk

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? ………… hand...…. written...…. letter?

59: Afraid of heights? nope

60: Pet peeve? chewing gum loudly

61: What was the last concert I went to see? reading festival and I only went to see metallica lol

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? no

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? red arrow pilot

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? yeah

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Haikyuu… and I would be such a slut lol

66: Something I worry about? all the legal stuff im going through right now

67: Scared of the dark? embrace the dark

68: Who are my best friends? what... like you want me to name them all?????

69: What do I admire most about others? honesty. if a person is honest with me all the way through then I will really appreciate them

70: Can I sing? don't think so

71: Something I wish I could do? dance and play the piano

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? treat my mum and dad to what ever they wanted and the fly over to Hawaii and be with my omega and then move to Japan

73: Have I ever skipped school? no kids don't skip school!

74: Favourite place on the planet? Tokyo

75: Where do I want to live? Tokyo

76: Do I have any pets? nope

77: What is my current desktop picture? Kuroo and Tsukki in suits sat on a sofa

78: Early bird or night owl? night owl

79: Sunsets or sunrise? sunsets

80: Can I drive? legally no

81: Story behind my last kiss? goodbye lmao

82: Earphones or headphones? headphones

83: Have I ever had braces? yes for 2 years then I didn't wear my retainer and they moved back lmao

84: Story behind one of my scars? I have a scar at the top of my finger where I caught it in the part of the door where it locks and I was on skates and slipped and chopped my finger off. I went running to my mum and she put the tip back on and rushed me to hospital lmao

85: Favourite genre of music? metal

86: Who is my hero? my mum

87: Favourite comic book character? do overwatch comics count? if so then Genji

88: What makes me really angry? having to repeat myself

89: Kindle or real book? real book

90: Favourite sporty activity? *throws up*

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? sorting out bullies

92: What was my favourite subject at school?

93: Siblings? yes 3... 2 sisters and 1 brother

94: What was the last thing I bought? bread

95: How tall am I? 5″8

96: Can I cook? yes I can

97: Can I bake? indeed

98: 3 things I love? anime, Tsukki, and petals

99: 3 things I hate? slow updates, not getting haikyuu season 4 and my ex lmao

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? boy friends

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? usually boys

102: Where was I born? Hastings UK

103: Sexual orientation? pansexual

104: Where do I currently live? Hastings

105: Last person I texted? my mum

106: Last time I cried? I couple of weeks ago

107: Guilty pleasure? im not guilty about any of my pleasures ;)

108: Favourite Youtuber? the anime man

109: A photo of myself. nope

110: Do I like selfies? if im the one taking it

111: Favourite game app? summoners war

112: My relationship with my parents? really good with mum and a bit rocky with dad

113: Favourite accents? Australian

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? Hawaii to visit my omega

115: Favourite number? 7

116: Can I juggle? not a chance

117: Am I religious? science

118: Do I like space? yes

119: Do I like the deep ocean? nooooooo

120: Am I much of a daredevil? yeah, stupidly sometimes ahahaha

121: Am I allergic to anything? peanuts

122: Can I curl my tongue? yeah I can ;)

123: Can I wiggle my ears? yeeeeeee

124: Do I like clowns? I don't hate clowns?

125: The Beatles or Elvis? the beatles

126: My current project? wildest dreams

127: Am I a bad loser? sometimes

128: Do I admit when I wrong? yes I do

129: Forest or beach? forest

130: Favourite piece of advice? “each day is a gift and not a given right”

131: Am I a good liar? I am really!!! shit at lying. I twitch and stutter, its not pretty.

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? Hogwarts house- Slytherin

133: Do I talk to myself? sometimes

134: Am I very social? I can be

135: Do I like gossip? its like asking if I like to breath

136: Do I keep a journal/diary? nahhhhh

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? I failed a few tests

138: Do I believe in second chances? yeah

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? find the ID and return it

140: Do I believe people are capable of change? no

141: Have I ever been underweight? nahhhhhh

142: Am I ticklish? yes, very...its embarrassing

143: Have I ever been in a submarine? I have but it wasn't going under water lol

144: Have I ever been on a plane? indeed I have

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? rebel Wilson to be me, Melissa McCarthy to be my mum lol

146: Have I ever been overweight? yeah still am a thic bit ahaha

147: Do I have any piercings? yes I have 10

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? Tsukki or Kuroo maybe even Yamaguchi for best friend material or Tanaka for banta

149: Do I have any tattoos? yes I have 4

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? to break up with my ex lmao

151: Do I believe in Karma? 100%

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? no I have perfect vision

153: What was my first car? n/a

154: Do I want children? if I didn't then I would be pretty fucked now ahaha

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? I did have a friend called Aaron and he was very very very very smart

156: My most embarrassing memory? I don't get embarrassed

157: What makes me nostalgic? the smell of clay

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? yes many times

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? brains

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? black lmao!!

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? yeah loads lol

162: What do I hate most about myself? my weight

163: What do I love most about myself? ugh.... my humour lol

164: Do I like adventure? hell yeah!

165: Do I believe in fate? yes I do

166: Favourite animal? …. wasn't this already asked? well in case you forgot! leopard

167: Have I ever been on radio? nope

168: Have I ever been on TV? yes I have hehehehe

169: How old am I? 25

170: One of my favourite quotes? because we don't have wings we look for ways to fly

171: Do I hold grudges? a few

172: Do I trust easily? no I really don't

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? yeah, its important to always learn from your mistakes

174: Best gift I’ve ever received? a child

175: Do I dream? I dream big fam

176: Have I ever had a night terror? yeah and its fucking horrible and wouldn't wish it upon anyone!!

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? I do remember most of my dreams. one that comes to mind was a very very smutty one between a haikyuu pairing but I wont say it because ill be adding it to wildest dreams hehehehehe

178: An experience that has made me stronger? a break up from a long term relationship has made me grow as a person

179: If I were immortal, what would I do? try and become what ive always wanted to

180: Do I like shopping? I love shopping but only if I know what im going for or if I have money to spend

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? murder

182: What does “family” mean to me? it means home

183: What is my spirit animal? a leopard or a bunny lol

184: How do I want to be remembered? I want to be remembered for having a sense of humour and for being very accepting

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? dancing

186: What is my greatest failure? not passing some gcse’s

187: What is my greatest achievement? becoming a mum

188: Love or money? love

189: Love or career? career

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? to the future about 5 years

191: What makes me the happiest? when my son is laughing and when I talk to the people I love

192: What is “home” to me? home is where the heart is

193: What motivates me? ive had to be my own motivator most of my life

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? just lost the game

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? yeah but the seem to only kid nap dumb arses

196: A movie that scared me as a child? robo cop lmao

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? toad in the hole

198: Zombies or vampires? vampires

199: Live in the city or suburbs? city

200: Dragons or wizards? dragons

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? dunno

202: How do I define love? it cant be defined by another person, each person has to figure out there own type of love and for what reason and if it matters to them then no one else can judge

203: Do I judge a book by its cover? hell no I don't! I love people for who they are as a person not there appearance

204: Have I ever had my heart broken? yes of course

205: Do I like my handwriting? nahhhh my hand writing is horrible

206: Sweet or savoury? savoury

207: Worst job I’ve had? caravan park... cleaning them ><

208: Do I collect anything? anime stuff!!! :D

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? shoes lmao!

210: What is on my bucket list? to move to Japan, to learn Japanese, to become an author, to learn an instrument.... the list goes on

211: How do I handle anger? not very well ahahahaha

212: Was I named after anyone? no I wasn't

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? pfffft me? would I ever? of course not! *looks to the corner*

214: What TV character am I most like? ermmmmmmmmmmmm I would say a mix between Rosa from Brooklyn nine nine and Michael McIntyre

215: What is the weirdest talent I have? erm… I can twitch my nose and move my ears at the same time without touching them

216: Favourite fictional character? Tsukki

#questions #answers #about me #truth #to many questions #got lazy #bite me

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maliciously-faggotty · 7 years ago

Note

I’m tempted to just say every single one for Hundoe and Pernat but i’ll just say every one you wanna do for them bc I wanna knowwww (for the derailed questions meme)

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

Pernat and Hundoe Mancuu. I dont even remember where those came from,,,

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

Pernats title would be The Guardian. Hundoes would be The Virulent

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?

They both had fairly good and easy childhoods. Pernat spent the first half learning about Subjuggulation however Dogdad decided that it was unfair on Pernat. Hundoe spent most of his younger years with a certain matesprit ( GUESS WHO ;DD) He was rather heart broken when said matesprit disappeared and decided that he was against the world and the rest is history.

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

Pernat adores DogDad and would die for him legit. Hundoe used to have a good relationship with Dogdad however.... they now have an extremely strained relationship.

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood?

Pernat knew many many clowns when he was younger due to his local circus, however has not seen any of them in a very long time (thank god. that boy picks up bad habits way to easily). Hundoe was popular. He was charismatic and good hearted. He doesn't have many friends anymore.

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?

Pernat loves animals. Animals love Pernat. Hundoe does not like animals and tends to ignore them, it doesn't help that animals generally dont like him either.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

Pernat LOVES kids. ADORES kids. He hopes that He, Tardar and Morris can take on more children in the future.

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?

Nope! Pernat loves all kinds of food and especially stuff with chocolate. Hundoe eats mostly meat and carbs.

12. What is their favourite food?

Pernats favourite food is cake thanks too morris. Hundoes favourite food is a good bloody steak.

13. What is their least favourite food?

Pernat dislikes bland foods, he finds nothing to enjoy in it. Hundoe hates anything thats too sweet.

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

Pernat is TERRIBLE at cooking. He burns stuff, gets stuff stuck to pans, sets things on fire. More than once he's made morris come too his hive because he just cant cook. Morris is happy too. Hundoe on the other hand is a BBQ extraordinaire as much as he would never admit it. His barbecue is to die for.

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

Pernat has a very very large collection of collars. Im talking like over a hundred at this point,,, people keep buying him them!! Hundoe has way more guns than any troll should possess. He likes them.

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

Pernat takes selfies! He enjoys sending his friends pictures of him making silly faces. Hundoes phone is so broken that it won't even take pictures nor does he want too.

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

Pernat LOVES adventure novels and romance novels, he has a lot of books and is an avid reader. He loves animal movies and he enjoys documentaries. Hundoe doesn't read. And he doesn't own a TV.

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

Pernat HATES love triangles. Considering his Matespritship

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

Pernat digs a musical and he enjoys theatre! Hundoe is an avid music listener, he likes rock music and country music and a mix of the two.

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

Pernat is patient unless he's being blatantly ignored, That takes him from one too ten REAL quick. Hundoe doesn't often lose his temper. He knows he can win most fights with brute force.

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

Pernat mostly just mumbles and bitches about them later to Tardar. Hundoe skips the insulting and goes straight to a pen knife in the gut as a way of saying “fuck off”

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

Pernat has pretty bad memory. He writes down a lot of notes but is still prone to air heading on things pretty often. Hundoe doesn't bother trying to remember things. He has a very shut off mind.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

Pernat sleeps well but occasionally will struggle to sleep for a few days. He doesn't snore but has been known to occasionally bark in his sleep. Hundoe doesn't sleep well. Living in a zombie infested desert where they are constantly trying to get into his trailer during the day makes for shit sleep.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

Pernat isn't quite sure if he's funny or not. But he does feel good about it if he makes someone laugh... even if they're laughing AT him.Hundoe think he is HILARIOUS. He's not.

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions?

Pernat is happy 85% of the time. But when he's extremely happy he is flightly, excitable, unable to sit still and generally a bit nutty. Hundoe is at his happiest when he has found someone gullible or easy to control. He feels very proud during those times.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

Pernat is saddened when he thinks about Tardars short life span. He hates to think about his privilege as a highblood and how he is judged for that. Hundoe an asshole. Nothing can make him ‘sad’ and he doesn't think about his Ex

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Pernat is afraid of being hurt and not being able to help people. Fear makes pernat quiet and stressed. Hundoe claims he is afraid of nothing and he certainly acts it but it isn't quite true ;)

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective?

Pernat doesn't think about it much but will help the person avoid it. what do you think Hundoe would do? (hint: exploit them majorly)

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

Pernats only exercise comes from Avalanche Rescue. However he is very naturally muscled anyway and his muscle is mostly working muscle due to his job. Hundoe is a gym rat, Most of his spare time is spent working out or ‘visiting’ pernat.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

Pernat rarely drinks but has been invited a few times to meet Morris’ subjuggulator ‘friends’ and has managed to get severely drunk. Apparently pernat is pretty good at Keg-Stands. Hundoe drinks regularly and a fair bit. He has a high tolerance and doesn't often get out of it.

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

Pernat likes comfortable clothes that are bright and warm, He still wears makeup in bad habit. He struggles to break his habits and that is one of the ones he hates the most. Hundoe wears very what you may describe as redneck clothes. as you can tell. He wears fairly skinny jeans and likes to wear vest tops and likes topping it off with a denim jacket.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

Pernat wears a good mix but mostly boxers. although he will admit to owning a few ‘’’fancy’’’ pairs. Hundoe wears boxer Y-fronts only.

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

Pernat is built fairly square. He has broad shoulders and a wide chest. Hundoe is very much dorito shaped. Wide shoulder very skinny legs (Pretty great ass though)

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?

Pernats guilty pleasure is hanging out with other purple bloods. He doesn't agree with subjugators but he enjoys hanging out with them and enjoys how crazy they can be but promptly takes a step back when they get into violence. Hundoes guilty pleasure is super fancy food places even though he will claim its pointless spending loads of money on food.

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

Pernat is good at hauling weight and recovering people, He has very good smell but poor eyesight. He enjoys reading and skiing. He CANT sing. Hundoe has a sharp aim and a high (but wasted) charisma. He enjoys shooting things and manipulating people. He can actually sing pretty well.

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

Pernat LOVES reading as mentioned. He is a VERY fast reader. He really loves fiction. Hundoe doesn't read. He thinks reading is stupid and unworthwhile. Tell that to his younger self though.... Somebody used to like writing his own stories (but you didn't hear that from me.)

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

Pernat admires courage and persistence and hopes to be known as a hero one day. He wishes that he could be more assertive and be able too say no. Hundoe doesn't admire others. He wishes he was a god.

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging?

Pernat prefers to message and enjoys chatting on Trollian. Hundoe can write in calligraphy pretty well but doesn't.

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

Pernat has been shown the joys of coffee by Morris recently. He very much enjoys it but still sticks to a classic hot chocolate. Hundoe drinks too much Coffee and Energy drinks.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

Pernat is gay and poly however in pale he is Bi. He finds men who are very gentlemanly attractive, he likes men to be polite but sweet. Hundoe is also gay however I personally will not allow him too be in a relationship because he would kill them.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

Pernat loves the idea of being known as a hero. He goes home at the end of the night hoping that he will be remembered. Hundoes goal is to be on top. On top of everybody. Alternia. The Fleet. The Heiress. Her Imperious Condescension. The Empire. Everything. He wants to be on top of it all.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

Pernat is no longer religious despite still wearing the identifying markers. He doesn't believe in The Circus or the Messiah. Hundoe is religious. He believes he will one day be whats known as the Messiah.

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?

Pernat loves spring. He loves flowers and bird and light showers. He does horribly in anything above 10c he cant function he thinks its way too warm. Hundoe lives in a desert. Autumn is the best for him, its not long below freezing but its not almost literally boiling.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

People see pernat as a mean big muscular subjuggulator. Even if he walks with a kind look lowbloods will go out of there way to not walk near or around him in fear. He hates this and sometimes he almost convinces himself that its true. Its the only think he really really hopes hundoe never finds out about it because hundoe would destroy his life with it (by trying to make him act like that (which is fairly likely to work in because of how hundoes powers work on him)) Hundoe Is seen as terrifying. Looks mean. walks mean. is mean. Hundoe knows this. He likes it and demands respect.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

Pernat tries to make the best possible impression because he knows how most trolls think of him before they speak to him. Pernat introduces himself kindly and if he thinks the person needs any sort of assistance he will offer it. Hundoe is rude. uncaring and thinks first impressions dont matter. His first impression is accurate.

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

Pernat loves dressing fancy! He's not such a fan of black tie events because he likes to be colourful but he still likes to get all dressy. Pernat is a social butterfly and would mingle with everyone. Hundoe on the other hand hates anything formal and would only go to a fancy party to crash it.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?

Pernat enjoys most parties, he's never organised a party but if he did it would be bomb. Pernat wouldn't have an issue being dragged along he enjoys peoples company. Hundoe only likes the most trashy hive parties with cheap beer. He hates socialising and would be grouchy

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

Pernats collar means a lot to him. Its a comfort object in its own right but it also reminds him of morris. Hundoes sawn off shotguns have a strong value to hundoe. He believes they are lucky and he's had them 90% of his life.

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

Pernat would bring a change of clothes, survival food and as much water as he could take. Hundoe would take his guns, plenty munitions and snacks.

#pernat #hundoe #LONG POST #god you better love this it took me so long what the fuck #reminder hundoe is a horrible person #ref #breath-of-the-twilight

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disappearingground · 5 years ago

Text

Think Of Us As Bookends: Jenny Lewis Interviewed

Clash Music August 8, 2019

American songwriter on her hidden hip-hop roots, creative honesty, and collaboration...

By Sarah Bradbury

“We can’t do anything about the shit out there,” Jenny Lewis says from the stage at the Shepherd’s Bush Empire in West London, “but we’re all OK together in here.”

Bravely clad in figure-hugging, head-to-toe rose-gold sequins in spite of the atypical British heat still burgeoning outside the ram-packed venue, the Las Vegas-born musician oozes retro-edged glamour in her flame-red beehive and delivers a glitzy, soulful performance, every bit the music and style icon her reputation dictates.

The image she cuts on stage is in stark contrast to the laid-back woman in t-shirt and trainers I had the pleasure of speaking to just days earlier from a hotel room sofa at the K West.

Throughout our freewheeling chat that touches on Ariana Grande’s towering heels at Coachella, her love of boxing, and whether you sneeze when you eat peppermint, amongst more heavy-going topics, I feel the counteracting forces of an effusive warmth with an intimidating otherworldliness, as if speaking with a Hollywood film star of yesteryear.

Husky-toned statements end in pregnant pauses with eye contact firmly held, each anecdotal answer to a question leaving me on tenterhooks of what might come next.

The American singer-songwriter’s life in the limelight began as a child actress, appearing in Troop Beverly Hills and Brooklyn Bridge, Baywatch and The Golden Girls, Jell-O and Toys R Us ads in the late 80s/early 90s, her earnings going to support her family after her parents separated.

She made her break into music heading up much-loved LA indie band Rilo Kiley from 1998, which saw success over four albums and tracks featured on the likes of Noughties teen obsessions The O.C. and Dawson’s Creek. As well as time spent in The Postal Service, Jenny & Johnny and Nice As Fuck*, Lewis has been pursuing a solo career since 2006’s 'Rabbit Fur Coat'.

Earlier this year came the release of her fourth solo studio album, 'On The Line', to rapturous acclaim, delivering yet another installment of the particular brand of country-infused indie rock she has carved out for herself, which she has since been touring the US, Europe and many a festival stage with.

The journey to the album’s completion wasn’t an easy one - while 2014’s 'The Voyager' was preoccupied with the breakup of Rilo Kiley, facing her father’s death and suffering the tyranny of depression and insomnia, the five intervening years before the release of 'On The Line' brought their own set of challenges: the break down of her 12 year relationship with partner and musician Johnathan Rice and her mother’s death from cancer.

Yet while these life events may have left indelible marks on the singer-songwriter, the songs produced in their wake are counterintuitively dominated by spangly sing-along choruses, lucid images and strongly-drawn characters in immersive narratives. In her explanation of what inspired the album, she’s impossibly understated:

“Just life as it happens. All the things that you would imagine that happened between like 35 and 40. A lot of stuff happens in that period. So my songs either predict or mirror or shadow real life. I never know what I'm going to write about, I just kind of write about it.”

In that respect, songwriting is often a kind of therapy for the artist: “I think it's a feeling that births a song,” she explains thoughtfully. “And it's usually a feeling of agony or pain. Music is kind of therapeutic. And in that way it's something to turn to. It doesn't have to come from that place but I feel like it's always a feeling and then hopefully something catchy pops up.”

“In order for me to remember it, it has to be incredibly catchy or it'll just disappear into the ether of my unfinished songs pile. From 12 years ago, I have this one called ‘The Scorpion and the Lily’, that's just this thing that keeps unfolding. I don't think it's very good. I better stop…”

The intensely personal nature of her music means that the experience of releasing them out into the public realm can be a double-edged sword: “The life of a record is so funny because in the formative stage, it feels so potent. Working on it takes however long it takes. But this one took a minute, so to have it done and out in the world and now starting to see people know the songs, it's really satisfying. But it's also like, ‘How do you know that? That's really personal! Stop singing along with that sir, it's inappropriate!”

There’s also a process of translating the album tracks to work live: “On the road with a live band, you’re not playing any backing tracks, it's all what we're creating organically. So sometimes it doesn't work, a record piece.”

In particular, she notes collaborator Beck, the first of many on the album, is a meticulous producer: “Everything is very deliberate. So unless you hit all those marks live, sometimes a song will feel not as great. It takes playing it out in front of people 20, 30 times where it's like, mediocre. And then one night, you're like, ‘we got it.’”

But it’s a collaboration she has found exhilarating, “to experience my own songs through like another artist’s prism, rather than like a straight engineer, there's a trust. It's exciting to just feel what is going to happen. It’s the room. It's the cast of characters. It's how you feel on that day. It's the song. If the song sucks, it's not going to fly. But once I had the songs, I was very open to send them off to college or whatever.”

Growing up with parents as lounge musicians in Las Vegas, music was always going to figure largely in Lewis’ life: “They had a band together. And so music is just in the genetics, like that's just been the family thing. I grew up singing with my mom and my sister, and my dad was a virtuosic harmonica player - genius - so music was just the family business. I also had this side thing as an actor, which was also the family business. But then I just started writing from a young age.”

Her mother’s singer-songwriter records were certainly a key influence but Lewis credits a love of hip-hop for her obsession and dexterity as a lyricist: “I think it was hip-hop that really got me into words. My mom was listening to Laura Nero and Barbra Streisand. But then it was my music, like A Tribe Called Quest, that was a huge, just poetic influence. It was Big Daddy Kane, it was like Run DMC. Souls of Mischief. EPMD - all this lyrical stuff. I’d write poetry and raps. And then someone taught me how to play a couple chords on the piano and the guitar and then that was it.”

It was then later that country music came onto Lewis’ radar, completing the “mixtape” of genres that define her output: “I got into Gram Parsons and the Byrds in the early 2000s, then into Bakersfield stuff a little bit later. It’s all about storytelling. I like very evocative storytelling.”

And it is that very love of storytelling that has led Lewis to sit apart as a songwriter, bringing the acute specificities of her experiences and musical education to bear on a sound that invites her listener into a distinct world via vivid imagery and often biting witty observations in each track.

Opening with ‘Heads Gonna Roll’, the “lyrical mission statement,” featuring none other than Ringo Star plus a narcoleptic poet from Duluth, sycophants in Marrakech and nuns from Harlem, Lewis sees 'On The Line' as a story “from front to back. It begins with a breakup. But it's really a rebound. And then a death and rebirth.”

“So the beginning, it's like a play in my mind: here are the characters, now go for it. And Ringo's on the first track. It's a little braggy to put Ringo on the first track. But that is maybe the coolest thing that's ever happened to me…”

Also featured on the record are Jim Keltner - “one of the all-time rock and roll drummers” - Benmont Tench, Don Was, Jim Keltner and Jason Falkner. Delectable melodies and nods to country-pop and 70s soft rock serve to seductively sugarcoat searingly poignant evocations of much darker subject matter, arguably the most candid reflections on her past her music has ever dealt with.

As Lewis admits, ‘Little White Dove,’ is the “funkiest song about mourning and grieving.” Tackling her mother’s heroin addiction, their decades-long estrangement and final reconciliation before she died in hospital from liver cancer, she sings, “A mother and child / Emergency behind a yellow curtain / On the second floor / All the guardian angels at the door / With their long white coats and stethoscopes” before leading into the line: “I’m the heroin.”

‘Wasted Youth’ ponders her years acting as a child, “I wasted my youth on a poppy / Doo-doo doo-doo doo, just because,” nodding to the hard-earned cash part-funding her mother’s opiate addiction. Stand out track ‘Red Bull & Hennessy’, hits on her painful break from Rice, “And we had it all / It's falling apart / Never getting back again without that spark.”

‘Party Clown’ brings us Fuji apples, scorpions, beetles floating in red wine, while asking: “Can you be my puzzle piece, baby? / When I cry like Meryl Streep.”

Amid heartbreak and grief, lust and infatuation, cynical detachment and raw emotion, there’s a thread of black humour, as is pointed to in the album opener: “And maybe after all is said and done / We'll all be skulls.”

Having become increasingly adept as a solo artist, Lewis still looks back at first leaving her band as challenging: “Those were the best times ever. It's so amazing to see things for the first time, especially with a bunch of your friends around. It was so potent, and so fresh, and so new that it was like as exciting as it ever has been.”

Branching out at first filled her with trepidation, she recalls: “I was terrified. Making my first solo record, my friend asked me to make it for his label. That wasn't something that I would have done at that time. So I feel like I've been encouraged by people throughout my career. I've had these little spirit guides that have kind of like pushed me, like, ‘go do it. You can do it on your own.’”

That encouragement led her to surprise herself of just what she could achieve: “the art itself is the surprising part. When you realise you can do it. I remember hearing Rabbit Fur Coat off the tape in the studio after we had just cut. It was like live music. It sounded exactly like my dreams. It sounded like my soul. Band music is a collective soul but it’s different, it's everyone's experience. This was so personal.”

And now, she thrives on being, “the creative director of my world. I feel more comfortable doing it, you know, designing the set and directing the music videos. Like I directed the ‘Just One Of The Guys’ video” - a brilliantly fun ensemble of Kristen Stewart, Anne Hathaway and Brie Larson donning Adidas tracksuits and fake ‘taches - “which wouldn't have happened in my band, because it would have been a co-directing thing. So I feel like as far as a full artistic vision goes - good or bad, it could suck! - now I want to be in charge of the whole thing. I don't want to really, like, share.”

She reluctantly accepts a need to engage in the promotional side of the business, “though it is annoying, sometimes. But it is part of the whole thing. If I want to get my music out there, this presence is really important. So I try not to not to grumble about it. Because if you're not making like top 40 music, how are people going to find out about your music?”

At least with Instagram, she’s determined to have a laugh with it: “I've tried to curate my Instagram in a way where it is 100% authentic. It is 100% me. So whatever you see on there, if it's lame, it's my fault,” she says with a laugh.

I get a preview of the latest of her surreal Insta Story videos, “shot at the Queen's tennis centre. We opened for Death Cab For Cutie there a couple weeks ago. And that's where Wes Anderson shot part of the Royal Tennenbaums. Then we had these rabbit costumes...”

In the span of her career, the 43 year old reflects she seen the industry and environment both for artists and audiences shift. She herself had to distance herself from Ryan Adams who had worked on 'The Voyager' and the early stages of the current album, after allegations were made against him of sexual manipulative behaviour.

“I think it's evolving and I appreciate the dialogue,” Lewis says. “I was one of fewer women on the road when I started. Now there are way more women out there. But there's still those moments. Like, this camera guy at this festival I played. I wanted the cameras to be in my aesthetic. So I go back to talk to him with the set list and he just rolled his eyes from the moment I opened my mouth. I could tell he didn't want to do it. But I've learned over the years, to just not bat an eye, and just be patient, and get exactly what I fucking want. But you still feel those moments of resistance.”

While she does joke that becoming an “icon” of any kind usually implies “you’re kind of old”, she has no doubt of the importance of inspiring the next generation: “When I saw my first proper concert, on my own, without my mum, it was The Cure and PIXIES were opening. I must have been 11 or 12. And I saw Kim Deal on stage playing bass. She was maybe the first woman I'd ever seen playing an instrument. And that really resonated with me.”

That’s not to say she fully embraces role model status: “I never think of myself in a leadership context. I'm trying to just be myself. I'm not trying to be perfect. I try to be responsible with what I say. But sometimes, I talk shit,” she says with a wry smile.

Were things more wild back in the day?

“I went to a bunch of Grateful Dead shows as a kid. And like the even the parking lot was wild. You know? I mean, it was like drug culture. That was the 90s. We still have fun. Although it's like pretty rated PG-13. I mean, I've never been invited to an orgy. So I don't know. I'm trying to be less of a square…”

While she might not literally be taking things day by day - “I’m a hippie but that big of a hippie that much of a hippie” - there’s a resistance to overengineering her forward path: “I don't have goals ever. I've got like, song ideas. I've got 10 or 12 songs I'm just starting. Like the kombucha thing, you’ve got to let it ferment.”

And there’s also a sense that having pretty much experienced it all, from child-acting to band life to solo artist, playing all festivals from Glastonbury to Coachella, becoming artistic director of all her output, she can take the time to relish in this moment.

The week previous she was at Latitude: “I love Latitude. Our set was so fun. But then afterwards, we got stoned and went out into the crowd to watch Khruangbin, which was the best festival sets I've seen since like, Tame Impala at Coachella. It was absolutely dancey. We were like we found ourselves in the middle of like a steampunk 30th birthday party where everyone was dressed up and dancing around us. And we were like, this is amazing.”

Later that week, watching her delight, charm and coax her summer’s evening London crowd into being wrapped around her finger as pink and blue balloons filled the air, I saw that this is a Jenny Lewis who’s survived significant turbulence in her life, faced her demons and gone from strength to strength as an artist as a result - and now gets to enjoy the pink and blue-hued view.

Does she have any advice for young women looking to for the success she has enjoyed?

“I'd say: wear what you want. Sing what you feel. Write what you know. Stand flat-footed. Don't take no shit.”

Wise words, well said.

#publication: clash #album: on the line #year: 2019 #mention: breakup #mention: mother's death #mention: songwriting #mention: parent's band #song: little white dove #song: wasted youth #mention: child acting #mention: heroin #mention: drug addiction #mention: advice

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heavyarethecrowns · 7 years ago

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Not a Whinger, but a Wounded Warrior.

By: Angela Levin, Daily Mail on Sunday (June 25, 2017)

Following the loss of his military career, Prince Harry found himself directionless

He admits: ‘I spent many years kicking my heels and I didn’t want to grow up’

Harry partied with a dubious set of rich friends, and drank and smoked heavily

The junior royal was also bottling up his grief over the 1997 death of his mother

But he has faced his demons and worked hard to overcome them

Writer Angela Levin, who interviewed Harry, said: ‘I believe him to be not a “clown Prince” or a moaner, but a wounded Prince’

There is a moment in the controversial stage play, King Charles III, when Prince Harry renounces his Royal life to become a commoner.

It proves to be a brief departure, and the fictional Harry soon resumes his proper role. Yet there is more than a grain of truth in the drama, which was adapted for TV this year.

Because Harry’s search for a role has been long and fraught, and there was indeed a period, however brief, when the young Prince did consider trying to make his mark outside the Royal Family– or ‘The Firm’ – as he told me frankly when we met: ‘There was a time when… I wanted out.’

Harry’s battle for a role was at the heart of my Newsweek interview with the Prince last week, when he made the seemingly unguarded suggestion that no one in the Royal Family would wish to accept the crown, given free choice.

Criticism rained down as he was accused of being a whinger, of failing to give due respect to the institution which has brought him so much privilege.

But I believe he was guilty of no more than thoughtfulness and honesty – about an emotional past that binds the younger Royals together.

After two meetings at Kensington Palace, and having accompanied the Prince to a series of engagements, I know that the true measure of Prince Harry lies in something else he told me. I suspect it goes to the heart of his brother William, too.

Halfway through our first meeting, Harry stopped, looked me in the eyes and, out of the blue, said: ‘William and I were 14 and 12 when our mother died and I had to walk a long way behind her coffin, surrounded by thousands of people watching me while millions more did on television.

‘I don’t think any child should be asked to do that, under any circumstances. It certainly wouldn’t happen today.’

It was a burst of openness and maturity that belies his reputation of the past. For I believe him to be not a ‘clown Prince’ or a moaner, but a wounded Prince.

And who would not be scarred to lose a mother at such a young age?

Harry, 32, has reached an age where he understands this too. Indeed, it is this empathy for those in trouble which makes him such an inspiring figure – finally giving him the role he longs for.

In our time together, he was full of self-recognition: laughing at his impatience and admitting how difficult the past had been. At Eton, he said, he just wanted to be a ‘bad boy’.

And most tellingly, he summed up those lost years when his beloved career in the Army was taken from him. ‘I spent many years kicking my heels,’ he said. ‘And I didn’t want to grow up.’

We first met earlier this year in a smart sitting room in Kensington Palace, home not just to Harry but to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

Wearing an open-necked, immaculately pressed ice-blue shirt and brown chinos, he leapt out of one of the pale peach armchairs and strode towards me, smiling and with a hand outstretched.

‘I’ve seen you following me about,’ he said, ‘and wondered if you’d like to ask me any questions. But first have you seen The Crown? [the Netflix drama about the House of Windsor].

'It’s great but I wish they’d stopped at the end of the first series. They absolutely must not move on to the younger generation.’

There would be plenty to go on if they did – as would become clear in the course of our interview.

Certainly, he was happy to acknowledge his own weaknesses.

‘I can do most things with my hands. My next challenge is to learn to play the guitar. But I get very agitated if I am stuck in front of a computer for long.

‘The passion in me, I can give some of that to other people… well, anyone I am with – but I can sometimes get too impatient.

‘I love to see people excel and succeed. If you give care and consideration to younger people they will flourish. Anyone can do anything if you put your mind to it. You just need passion and belief.

'If you want to be a success you have to be a team player. No one can do anything by themselves. I was taught that in the Army.’

He had loved his military career and felt its loss keenly. Harry found himself directionless. ‘I spent many years kicking my heels and I didn’t want to grow up,’ he admits.

But that was to change. He sought counseling. And determined to be more constructive, he began to think more widely.

Harry even questioned whether life as a junior Royal would allow him to use his talents effectively, perhaps with a civilian role.

‘There was a time I felt I wanted out,’ he says. ‘But then I decided to stay in [The Firm] and work out a role for myself.’ More than anything else, he says, that he was motivated to do something to help his grandmother, the Queen, and charity work came to his rescue.

‘We are incredibly passionate with our charities and they have been chosen because they are on the path shown to me by our mother,’ he says. ‘I love charity stuff and meeting people.’

Harry particularly dislikes ‘feeling I live in a goldfish bowl’, saying: ‘I am determined to have a relatively normal life and if I am lucky enough to have children they can have one too. We don’t want to be just a bunch of celebrities but instead use our role for good.’

Much attention has been drawn to his comment: ‘Is there any one of the Royal Family who wants to be King or Queen? I don’t think so but we will carry out our duties at the right time.’

Yet the truth is that Harry is surprisingly thoughtful about the future of the Monarchy, saying that he and William would like to pull it into the 21st Century.

We want to make sure the Monarchy lasts and are passionate about what it stands for,’ he explains. ‘We feel that the British public and the whole world needs institutions like this – but it can’t go on as it has done under the Queen.

There will be changes and pressure to get them right. Things are moving so fast, especially because of social media, so we are involved in modernising the Monarchy.

‘We are not doing this for ourselves but for the greater good of the people and the Monarchy we represent. There is so much negative in the world – we as a family try to bring something positive.’

Does he mind dropping from third to fifth in line to the throne after William and Kate’s children, George and Charlotte?

‘The reason I am now fifth is because of my nephew and niece and I could never wish them away,’ he says. ‘They are the most amazing things ever.’

In addition to these formal interviews, I spent about a year accompanying Harry on engagements around the country. He is a remarkable operator.

There were a few techniques he used. One was to leap from the official car, rush towards whoever is in charge and firmly shake their hand.

It gives the genuine impression that he couldn’t wait to get there and is delighted to see them.

Another is to completely focus on the individual he talks to – them and only them. He doesn’t look around, or over their shoulder, and instead engages them totally, and listens carefully to what they say.

Harry readily admits he is not academic, but instead is exceptionally good at connecting with people of all types and ages.

He is reassuring, encouraging and knows what to say, how to say it and when. He has a knack of making people feel good about themselves in both significant and small ways.

He particularly excels with former soldiers who have been affected by injuries sustained in battle. It was obvious that by helping others he was also helping himself.

‘I see a lot of myself in these guys,’ he said. ‘They want an opportunity to prove themselves and be someone,’ he said.

We went to the Help For Heroes recovery centre at Tedworth House, Wiltshire, where ex-soldiers who had been seriously wounded in battle and suffer psychological wounds come for help with depression, stress, anger, anxiety and problems with alcohol.

Harry was both compassionate and jokey, confessing that he missed the black humour and camaraderie of Army life.

The effect was extraordinary, almost as if he had given them an injection of hope and confidence.

Jokes and slaps on the back are essential part of his repertoire. He asks direct questions without seeming intrusive.

For example, his first question to Mike ‘Doris’ Day, 34, formerly a sniper section commander in the 4 Rifles, who was hit by a grenade in Afghanistan in 2009 and whose injuries included a broken back and shrapnel in his head and body, went right to the core: ‘So what has been the biggest effect on you?’ he asked. Day thought for just a moment. ‘I am no longer me,’ he replied quietly.

Harry nodded sympathetically. ‘One of your biggest struggles must be living rather than just existing,’ he continued.

Certainly, he would be happy talking to veterans all day. There was less interest in formal meetings. He would sit politely, but occasionally one of his legs would tap up and down and a shadow would pass across his face.

Harry similarly disliked the formality of Eton and told me that during his time there he had only wanted to be a ‘bad boy’.

Instead, he was in his element during his decade-long stint in the Army and was devastated when in 2007, after ten weeks working in Afghanistan, guiding fighters to suspected Taliban targets, his position was leaked and he was withdrawn for security reasons.

‘I felt very resentful,’ he told me. ‘Being in the Army was the best escape I’ve ever had. I felt I was really achieving something.

‘I have a deep understanding for all sorts of people from different backgrounds and felt I was part of a team… I also wasn’t a Prince, I was just Harry.’

Yet this brings me back to 1997, and that image he evoked of a young boy walking in the glare of millions, part of his mother’s cortege.

The loss has gnawed at him and it is little wonder it has taken so long for him to deal with it.

‘My search began when I was in my mid-20s,’ Harry said. ‘I needed to fix the mistakes I was making and what was going on with me.’

In April he revealed that bottling up his grief had affected every area of his life, bringing him close to a breakdown several times.

For years he seemed lost. He partied with a dubious set of rich friends, and drank and smoked heavily.

But it didn’t help him drown his feelings. ‘Instead of dealing with it I buried my head in the sand and let everything around me tear me to pieces,’ he said.

Eventually, when he was 28, on William’s advice, he sought professional help.

Has his relationship with Meghan Markle helped him? It is a subject he does not wish to discuss, feeling she already has too much unfair scrutiny.

But asked whether she advised him on mental health issues, as some have suggested, there was an answer, sharp and clear: ‘Absolutely she did not.’ The decision has been his, showing a different sort of strength to the courage required in Afghanistan.

Over the last three years he has faced his demons, worked hard to overcome them and grown into an extraordinary young man who has kept some Royal magic, is charming, energetic, sincere and longs to help those who are damaged by war, by accident – or by dysfunctional families.

There is still some way for him to go, but by helping them, this wounded warrior is helping himself – in the best way possible.

SUBMITTED

#prince harry #article #submission

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aibrechts · 7 years ago

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(1 of many) ookay. So! /That/ was the longest day in history, but here I am nonetheless, because I honestly love talking to you (and I also made you a promise earlier and you, meu amigo bonito, are worth the effort of maintaining that effort at 4am hahaha). Anyway! On to giving you the answer you deserve. Once again, I thank you for the sentiments in confidentiality (on both times that have occurred recently haha). Your niece-in-law sounds amazing, by the way! {~J}

GOD 4AM..... WHAT ARE U DOING LOL...... godddd i hope you get a Huge sleep-in after this!!!!! but i can’t say im too upset, as much as i’d like to - seeing you in my inbox is always a silver lining, even to the most golden of days.

and of course, lol, im never quite sure what you do or don’t want me to share, so i hope my discretion carries us through ahahaha

(2 of many) And yeah! They definitely are wonderful kids. A handful for sure, since kids like them are so smart, but that's half the fun, y'know? In any case, I'm really glad work has been wonderful, and that the holiday went well! (and I'm sure the horses understood the minor delay hahaha. by the sounds of it, you take extraordinarily good care of them, and genuinely love them too). As for the drink conversation, spritz is pretty good! I understand the default to beer tho hahaha. {~J}

gosh... they better Know we adore them!!!!! but i mean who else is going to put up with chester’s neediness come mealtime?? (literally anyone - boy is FAMOUS, and im not even being slightly facetious ahahaha - but i think you’ll be hard pressed to find someone who would love him more than us. which is not to comment on his lovableness so much as simply how much we love him LOL)

wisdom, meanwhile, got moved to one of the front paddocks - which we were building the fence to split in half lol - and he is FURIOUS at being kicked out of the five star hotel of the top stable dirt stalls lmfao. but, i mean. when you trash the room you gotta pay the bill buddy. so he’s in the Bin right now, dirty nasty boy.

(3 of,,, a lot) And oh, the honey bourbon was /definitely/ enjoyed. Should fate's oceans bear silky seas, I'd gladly share it with you someday! And busy though I may be, I always have time to talk to someone as wonderful as you (aside from when I accidentally fall asleep and wake up with page indents in my face haha whoops). Seriously though, talking to you is as enjoyable as it is startlingly easy, and I can only hope to be half as bright a star for you. You're really great! {~J}

LAUGHS you dont have to worry about that!!!! i adore talking to you, im always so excited when i see your messages that i immediately stop whatever im doing to read them, even if i don’t have the time to give you the depth of answer you deserve

(4 of such much) And hmmm. All of those comparisons are hilariously accurate, so whichever makes you smile I suppose. I'm personally snickering over the "prawn on the barbecue" option, but well, as someone as aquatically-inclined as I am, I'm a bit biased toward seafood lololol. I'm glad your hair turned out wonderfully by the way!!! (I'm sure you make as dashing a malfoy as you do a walker, and I gotta admit, the weasley-malfoy thing has me laughing. that's /awesome/ tbh). {~J}

prawns for christmas are definitely an australian standard, and we had buckets at lunch the other day ahahaha. though that makes me wonder if you’re a water sign, perhaps?? or maybe you simply have an affinity for water ahaha. as for my hair - and the weasley-malfoy thing...... well, i think our mum managed to capture exactly the moment the prophecy was fulfilled ahahahah

as pictured above: weasley brother showing off his home-made dressing gown while malfoy son stuffs wrapping paper boobs down the front

(5 but we're gettin there hahaha) As for the sleeve: okay, not gonna lie, that is freakin /amazing/. I like tatts to begin with, but as far as sleeves go? That's cool as hell, classy, and creative to boot. Plus, you could so /definitely/ rock that sleeve. Anyway, I'm relieved to hear my chatter hasn't been too much of an issue hahaha. Honestly? (and I'm tired enough to say it shamelessly so I shall) I could talk and listen to you all day and be perfectly content. On to starboy tho! {~J}

OKAY BUT SAME????? SAME we could do this all day, you’re so wonderfully easy to talk with

(#6 is comin in hot and hittin the home stretch!)(aaaaand the crowd goes wild!!!) I'm glad to hear you're happier with the recent chapter! That's always a good feeling tbh. Personally? I'm enamored with your writing style and unique voice, both past and present, so to hear that you're enjoying yourself and that this recent work is more up to speed with you is pretty great! Congrats on such positive accomplishments! The structure of starboy is really interesting by the way! {~J}

gosh dont flatter me too much, this ego is big enough as it is LOL. yes though i really am happy with the chapter. it has a strange balance of humour, fluff, flirting and Emotion, but i suppose that’s the whole fic, huh. varying balances of all those things, and seeing how things go bad when you have too much of one or not enough of the other.

(lucky #7/7 here we go!) A written play dancing inky across a glowing stage of pages, framed in chapters as finely tuned as the rest of your lovely artistry. Thoughtful, skillful, and of course, beautiful. 14k is awesome by the way! Keep up the good work! Again, all of the effort you put in is definitely, /definitely/ appreciated, and I for one am grateful such a talented author shares his creations on such an accessible platform. Oh! And I hope you're having a good day! Talk to you soon! {~J}

sweatsssssss yeah it’s coming up to 20k now, but the good news is it’s nearly finished!!!! lolol. i feel as though i’ve missed the polar express with this one, but yall just gonna have to suffer christmas all over again, i suppose ahahahaha.

thank you so much!!!!!! im probably close to bed actually - 9:30 is about my limit when im getting up at 5 every day sobs but as much as i complain, i do feel a lot better for it hahaha.

i hope you sleep well, after staying up so late and resting so uncomfortably (though i suppose last night was wholly worth the discomfort), and i suppose i’ll see you when i see you!!

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