#listen they're my AUs and i get to choose the characters they're centered on

[crystalleoi]

glass

[m34gs]

What are your Top Five Ships of All Time that you can Scream (TM) about and why?

All time? Of All Time???? OOOOOH you are making me choose! This is tough, but an exciting ask! Thank you so much, friend!!! I will list them in reverse order, from number 5 to number 1!! (as always, this is just a list based on my current interests, and it could change in the future!)

5. Brawler/Hoodlum from Akudama Drive. Listen, listen. These two? They are in love. So clearly in love. Brawler is Constantly showing off for Hoodlum, and Hoodlum blushes??? When he's talking with Brawler???? Excuse me?????? I 10000% believe Brawler knew Hoodlum stretched the truth with his amount of years he owed the system, but he took One (1) look at Hoodlum's pretty eyes and went "yeah that's fine he's pretty I want to keep him around I will humour him" and that was IT. (I could also talk about the scene with the bridge but I WILL NOT for reasons😭😭😭 He's resting. Just resting.) This one comes out at number 5 because while I love it and could easily go on and on and on about it, I haven't talked about it as much or as often as the others on this list.

4. Mondo Oowaa/Kiyotaka Ishimaru from Danganronpa. These two. THESE. TWO. Ugh. I love them so much. Mondo is MY SON. He's just so...precious. And so is Taka. I love them both and I think their dynamic is very sweet. I think they are very similar to Brawler and Hoodlum in some ways, but obviously not exactly the same. I do love how they bonded over a mutual respect for each other that came from competition. I also will cry every time I watch Mondo's execution, and every time Taka ends up murdered. Pain. I live for the AU where they are both alive and healthy and able to fall in love and live happily ever after. This ship is at number four because I did settle down a lot after my initial playthrough of the game and while I can definitely scream about them at any given time if prompted, I don't search them out as actively as I used to in fanfiction or fanart.

3. Jade Leech/Floyd Leech/Azul Ashengrotto from Twisted Wonderland. This OT3 is honestly addicting to talk about for me. I love them. They're three of my favourite characters in the game, and I really find their dynamics fascinating. They have this incredible trust with each other, they know each other so well, and they support each other. Also I am *here* for the Mafia theme. Love that so so so much. Honestly, over the past few days I don't think I've shut up about them in our DMs and texts.

2. GrimmIchi from Bleach. Honestly, I had to give Grimmjow and Ichigo one of the top two spots. I mean, honestly, I'm one of the co-writers for a blog *dedicated* strictly to GrimmIchi (though I haven't written anything there in a long while...ooops). I have Many Many Many thoughts about them and I love to yell about them. It's very hard to get me to stop once you get me going, and it's so easy to get me going. Just ask @backwardshirt

Honourable Mentions: Byakuya/Kirigiri/Naegi from Danganronpa, Gundham/Souda from Danganronpa 2, Noiz/Aoba from DMMD, Vash/Wolfwood/Meryl from Trigun, Lawrence/Adam from Saw (2004), Byakuya/Renji from Bleach, Vil/Rook from Twisted Wonderland, Bokuto/Akaashi from Haikyuu!

1.Number one spot goes to:

Kalim/Idia from Twisted Wonderland. I mean. It's not hard to figure out, I'm sure, lol. I talk about them a lot, and I make a lot of posts about them. I love to discuss different dynamics, different possible aus, and I have written several one-shots and short scenes about them now, as well as a multi-chaptered fic centered around them as a pairing (and there will be more to come!!!). I love them and I will take any and all opportunities to shout about them. They are so cute; the introvert and the extrovert, the grumpy rain cloud and the sunshine beam. I love that dynamic with my entire soul. I can't help but be drawn to them. They got that Sun and Moon dynamic. Both of them have such complex emotions, and I think both of them struggle with conveying what they feel; just in totally different ways. I love them so much!!!!!!!!!!

[shallowseeker]

To clarify, I think this is lovely for Cas. It's what makes him such a hard-hitting, wonderful character. He lives with his guilt, and he tries to do better anyway. He's, to quote a friend, "the knife emoji trying not to be a knife emoji."

I actually like season 6--it shows that the angels have lasting psychological wounds from living under Heaven's brutal regime. And yet, remarkably, they all *try* to exercise their free will and do what they think is right.

For better or for worse, Uriel decides to stand with Lucifer. "Something is wrong up there, Castiel."

Anna tries to go back in time to prevent the Apocalypse. "Sam Winchester has to die. I'm really sorry about this."

Lucifer: "Let's walk off the board, brother."

Rachel gets intel about Purgatory and confronts her superior--knows it's too dangerous to undertake, "(You can't win the war) this way, Castiel."

Ion despairs and turns to being a double-agent, "Do you even know what the mission was? They've been in all our heads!"

Samandriel: "Listen to me closely. I've been there. I know! They're controlling us, Castiel"

Even Metatron: "You ran me from my home! Did you really think you could do all of that to me and there'd be no payback?"

Muriel: "Each side is rounding up those who try and stay neutral. Angels are being tortured and killed if they don't pledge loyalty."

Malachi: "Virtue is its own punishment."

I'm sure there are more. Everyone who lived under Heaven was affected. I kinda like that Cas had lasting effects from Heaven's war machine. Season 6 was him spiraling hard from the psychological wounds of Heaven, and it kept going well into the entirety of the series, all the way to Dumah's insurrection and manipulation of Jack.

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This history is part of why I think Cas is so patient with others in his family (with Sam, with Dean, with Mary, with Jack!)

CASTIEL: Jack, I've killed people who didn't deserve it… my friends– I've killed people I loved. I wish I could tell you that it– that it gets easier, that with time, it hurts less, but that would be a lie because it– it never gets easier. And those moments, they never stop hurting. But that doesn't mean that you should stop fighting. Doesn't mean that just because you made a mistake – and that's what this is, Jack. It's a mistake. That doesn't mean that you can't– can't be better, do better. I believe that. I have to believe that.

Cas forgives others because he struggles to forgive himself. Cas killed people he loved: Balthazar, Samandriel, and countless others. He wants to believe that Jack can be better, do better. Because, as I said above, he wants to see something Angelic being a Good force for the world.

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And yet, Cas seems to come to terms with being brutal, with being the knife. We see that on display so well in season 13. He becomes very comfortable with wielding his his violence during times of war to protect those he's chosen to be with.

We see him integrating his angelic brutality->when he mind-melts Donatallo, when he fights his way to Jack & Mary, when he tortures AU informants for information.

(It's illustrated beautifully in Meredith's script. "You're more than a weapon, Cas." "In times of peace, I can be.") But if war is coming, Cas will get in front of everyone he loves; he'll do the ugly thing. He's a soldier. He's good with that. To him, it's worth the cost. His morality is comfortably flexible.

His alternate version tells him that they're the same. Cas replies that he knows. He's under no idealistic illusions anymore. He's chosen to fight for those he is loyal to, knowing full well that righteousness and morality are relative to the locus you center it around. In this timeline, he's choosing to fight for the ones he loves. Familial blue collar soldier.

Why did Cas kill Balthazar?

Sometimes I chat with folks and we're surprised to revisit the fact that Cas killed Balthazar in a fit of cruel paranoia before he ever gulped in the soul juice.

Cas is incredibly paranoid when he kills Balthazar, and it was quite possibly one of his worst moments. It seems irrational and mad at the time, but Cas's psyche is actually very understandable. Cas was betrayed by Heaven numerous times from seasons 4-6. That set him up to be backed into a corner.

In early season 4, Heaven drags him in for torture for daring to even consider warning Dean about their corrupt plans.

Uriel tries to kill him and join Lucifer.

At the end of season 4, Cas gets brutally murdered for standing up for what he feels is right. Bazillions of years of military service and loyalty mean nothing to his superiors, and he's vaporized in an instant. He seems particularly betrayed by Raphael.

When Cas returns to Heaven post-Apocalypse #1, he's ashamed that they want to start up Apocalypse #2. He even stands against Raphael at first! Interestingly, Raphael doesn't kill him again but "knocks him into next week." I think this hints that Raphael was at one time fond of Castiel, or else he'd have simply killed him again.

So, angelic civil war.

Cas doesn't go to Dean or Sam or Bobby because he's ashamed of Heaven, and above all, he wants to protect them. Not to mention, he didn't want to make them a target because to angels, they're a relatively soft target. While he's in battle, he can't be there to protect them.

So away, Cas and Crowley go for a SuperMario power-up by tapping Purgatory's battery. Meanwhile, Cas convinces a team of angels to stand with him against Raphael.

Even with his "show of power" via the souls Crowley loaned to him (and I'm guessing Cas can wield soul power in a way Crowley cannot?), that's still a big risk those rebel angels are taking.

And Cas doesn't tell them critical parts of his plan. Because he knows his plan is wrong. He doesn't even tell Balthazar everything. But more importantly, he doesn't trust Heaven. Thanks to what Heaven has wrought, Cas doesn't even trust his rebel angels--the ones brave enough to take on friggin' Raphael with him.

I mean, sure. He was always going to double-cross Crowley, but it didn't even cross his mind to divvy up the soul power with Balthazar or his rebel angels. That's because he's paranoid of them turning on him.

And with what Heaven has thus far shown itself to be...why wouldn't he be?