#listen listen theres just like. something about that kind of stuff being detached from love that speaks to me. u understand

[voidimp]

listen ok i do think the ace viktor thing is a little disappointing from an uhhhh "this decision was probably made after the fact and why exactly is this the specific character youre assigning that identity to" standpoint BUT ALSO. as an aroace person who likes him a normal amount (ahem) and also likes to assign its own traits to characters it likes. i will allow this one i think. i think he can be ace (and also aro bc i said so). but i want to be very clear. i do also think he fucks

[vampiremourning]

on nines' wiki for fic stuff, have some copy-paste of me going Feral about him and kat in discord

crying thinking abt how genuinely kat will compliment her man & how inadvertantly Serious she gets bc she really does sincerely mean it & it would be easier to process if she was actually doing it to fluster him but no sometimes she just gets into a certain mood

also the idea of her like hgjhkj absolutely backing him 100% when other barons push back on shit like this, knowing that her reputation is in a very strange place where too much will be seen as in poor form but not really caring bc she knows how to exude enough bad vibes to get people to shut up lmao. his coterie might feel the same as she does but they dont have the same effect on audiences, the ventrue aura of 'listen to me or Else' comes in handy and he gfhjk doesnt quite know how to feel abt it being used for him lmao

she does love how much he cares tho,,, its a very sexy quality its not smth shes used to. she might not completely Agree with him all the time but the way she completely trusts him overrides that so it doesnt actually Matter. & i think she also sort of uses that as a better moral compass than the one thats been trained into her, like inherently she sees herself as a semi-bad person bc of how shes able to detach from certain decisions and thats just not how he operates & she has a lot of respect for that (& probably also misses the fact that if we're comparing traumas hers are a lot more. uh. Direct lmfao.)

also god love her but she is Not a Car Girl TM. she will sit there in the garage trying her hardest to follow along & ask questions but rly truly, she has no idea wtf he is saying to her. she recognizes that he is talking about parts and seems Excited & shes just glad it requires minimal thought on her end beyond very basic open ended questions. im pretty sure he thinks she understands a Lot more about mechanical stuff than she actually does bc shes very good at picking out important words and repeating them gfhjjfdgfhg shes not TRYING to bullshit interest she just doesnt have the heart to tell him she have 0 comprehension of anything he said just now. he is so stressed so much she wants him to be happy & relaxed whenever theres an opportunity for it :(

also he listens to her interests gfhgjh even if theyre significantly less technical lmao. she likes dissecting the manufactured drama & relationships of reality tv and stuff like that bc it reminds her of a Much lower stakes version of kindred politics & the pettiness is entertaining to her. he also gets to hold her while they watch on the couch or in bed while she goes & picks apart all of the 'fighting' and production tampering & he loves hearing her talk in general but its kind of fascinating to him how she can take something so shallow & dissect it, loves how Perceptive she is when it comes to people in particular. i think sometimes if she's maybe squirming a bit much or maybe if he just feels like it he'll offer to paint her nails. she's really on top of keeping up a manicure but doesnt always do acrylics & i think he would actually get fairly into the fact that 1. its essentially just Hand Holding for a reason and 2. it requires a decently steady hand & attention to detail so it doesnt get messed up and as someone who restores bikes with tiny intricate mechanical parts, hes surprisingly well suited to this. i bet he would do little designs too if he had the tools for it. it just feels good to do something for her :')

she knows jewellery even if she doesnt know fuck all about mechanics. firmly believe she just buys him stuff all the time & shes stupidly good at nailing what someone's preferred style is. like i dont think hes ever had someone who just casually gets so many things bc 'i saw this and thought of you' and again acts like its nbd??? because it is?? shes like yeah ofc why Wouldnt i? & tbh i dont even think that the gifts stop with him either once the rest of his coterie realizes shes cool and not a camarilla mole lmao they also start getting little things. jewellery keychains shirts Whatever, all usually just dropped into their hands mid-conversation with very little acknowledgment from her. if you mention youve had your eye on a bracelet or smth she'll just grab it without thinking. if Really pressed she'll probably brush it off as 'i wasnt spending my money anyway' (girl likes to take cash when she feeds from the wealthier Reverse Orphans TM especially if theyre also cheating gfhjhj) but rly. she just enjoys making people happy, which is also something her adores about her. its the casual way its just ingrained into her personality & how she doesnt make a huge deal about it, its just how she is.

ofc he always makes sure to take care of her back, she clearly expresses affection in gift giving and acts of service but she likes quality time & physical touch for herself. which is absolutely okay by his book, he was never even close to being as touch starved as she was at any point whereas she went literal Years without being touched in some way that wasnt negative or hurtful in some form. its overwhelming for her initially & she doesnt really know how to Ask for contact but by god she gets it through him. he's always loved holding her; she just seems to tuck in Perfectly into his arms. if she's maybe getting too overwhelmed with that then he's also good to switch gears to maybe just having a hand on her back or leg or holding her hand bc there's a period right when they first officially get together where she's still trying to level herself out after so much isolation. & he's such a constant reassuring presence, it almost doesn't feel real.

tbh if he wasn't as stable as he was im not sure she would have been able to heal properly after killing her sire, she had spent so long tethered to that man and shaping her life around running from him that she didnt quite know what to Do with herself when he was gone. nines didnt explicitly provide a 'purpose' for her life, he just gave her a place to rest and recuperate while she figured herself out and started to understand the fact that she was finally safe. & that's another thing, her sire might have been a genuine threat to the point she didnt want to risk his safety, but everything else? i doubt there would be any stopping his protection instincts. sometimes thats a concern to her, but again, she needed to be with someone who would be able to be that type of support & strength while she finally released literal decades of repressed trauma & a constant fight or flight state. he cant protect her from her own mind, but he can put a stop to any outside threats. she's never had that. he might have been abandoned by a ton of people in his life, but she would have taken that over the active harm/passive allowance of harm. understanding that, to him, she is someone worth protecting? its a wild learning curve.

im also sure theres some angst to be found in his history of being abandoned + her former commitment fear that evolved into the constant need to Be Around Him but also consider: the amount of comfort he would finally have knowing theres a 99% chance if theyre at home he just has to walk into the next room to see her (assuming she isnt already closer) & how she openly admits to wanting him on all levels, like shes not just gonna be someone else who walks out of his life. absolutely her favourite spot in the world is curls up beside him, like thats where she considers Home to be and ohh man. i think that just stirs smth up in him internally. ofc he cares about a lot of people and a lot of people care about him back but this is Different. in retrospect, knowing what she went through just to be able to sit here with him? even though there was a chance she would be rejected for not being transparent with her situation prior & never fully committing (even if she otherwise would have)? knowing he might be Too Hurt to let her back in and trying it anyway & letting him take the lead on the pacing and decide what it was He needed, that's insane. but she wanted to be with him so badly it was a risk she was willing to take on, which is telling bc her whole thing was caution to the point of being detrimental to herself.

it's like,,, he knows how it feels to have followers. but just like he did with her, she was able to peel back layers and layers of public-facing personality traits & see who he was in the privacy of his own home, and Still wanted him. imo even though he knows how to command a room, he's still not 100% positive what it is about Him Specifically that makes him so special to everyone else aside form being the guy who was in the right place at the right time to make a reputation for himself. but she's like. the one person where he actually feels like he maybe understand why she looks at him that way, & its still a nebulous feeling, but its more Concrete than what he gets from starry-eyed fledglings. kat is not and has never been someone who gives people more credit than they deserve or who blindly follows people. she's harsh and she has to have a Reason to do that.

if theres ever a situation where she has to drink blood outside of her restriction, you know he's gonna be the one to take care of her. she's not a fan of it, she's in pain and she feels gross and doesn't want him to Watch the whole episode, but why would he be put off by it? they both came from big families with plenty of kids, the threshold for being grossed out by that stuff is really goddamn high for them both lmao. also she looks completely Miserable curled up on the floor like that, if she needs someone to hold her hair and rub her back a bit then okay! she will have that its what she deserves! she's gonna resist a little at first bc she was always the one doing that for her sisters being the oldest with no mother/mother figure for most of their lives but like with a lot of stuff he does, she will relax and melt into the touch after a bit and start to physically decompress. if she's up for up she will also be carried to whichever soft surface she desires, no questions asked.

theyre so domestic it Hurts. fully believe the only actual regret she has about the relationship is missing the boat on them both being human & getting to live that normal suburban family life bc she know she would have completely abandoned her Rich Husband goals & it would have been fine in the end + her dad would have loved him. theres a very deep part of her psyche with a list of names that would have sounded fantastic for theoretical children like fdgfhgjh god. she is so far gone for him, 'vampires dont love' my ASS. not to be cheesy but he's It for her, even when theyre in a rough spot she literally cannot imagine being around anyone else or giving herself to someone so fully like that and trusting that they won't use that against her or shatter her heart in the process.

i just gfsfdhgfrwhgqsahxgfghgfejgwdshhjgrf theyre so in love. SO in love.

[cloneslugs]

suic/de + self h*rm cw

ive been just listening to one song on repeat thinkinh about music produces who died specifically killed themselves and reading the comments on their songs afterwards we all really do love each other even if we dont know each other even if we've never met it's so easy to be sad over a life lost esp seeing it from someone your age.. and maybe we want to say it's only valued bc he put something out in the world but everyone contributes somehow someone out there is going to miss your music or your art or the jokes you tell or remember how kind you were once and even if they wont cry over you they're still gonna miss you even just a little when we hear someone died we send our regards we think about them we pray for them even when we didnt know them bc any life lost is sad and people feel sad and we love each other even when you dont feel loved even when you think nobody cares strangers will feel for you even the people who love you the wrong way will be moved bc they still loved you and idk it's weird people just miss things that are gone i think we all know life is precious and wonderful and sacred and good even if we dont think our own is which is hypocritical ig idk idk it feels weird sometimes sometimes i think i dont care about anything that im too apathetic and mean but i cry over a stranger dying i think i can do that for people closer idk i have a hard time thinking about now and the future i just avoid and run away from anything and dont care how it will bite me in the ass until its biting its such a shit habit im trying to fix idk

i feel so detached from everything and everyone i dont feel real sometimes not like a real friend or a real person or a real part of any family but ig whenever i wanted to die in the past it was never about whether people would be better off w/o me or not i just couldnt care less and maybe that's cruel not caring whether you hurt people or not but i cant even make myself care about being awful like that idk

i put things off bc i cant be bothered to care and everytime someone asks what im afraid of its something like "im afraid i'll never be happy" but that's not even true bc if i could live unhappily like this forever i probably wouldnt mind but it's the fact imso apathetic w life itself and the only thing im afraid of is disappointing people im not going anywhere in life bc i avoid thinking about my future bc i dont care but i do care about pissing off and disappointing everyone around me and i just get mad bc like i stopped caring forever ago idk how everyone could watch me give up on school senior year literally doing nothing and not caring and not one person reached out the summer before senior year i tried to kill myself and all i got was my parents saying its cruel to want to hurt yourself when people love you and awkwardly asking how im feeling the next few weeks after it felt so stupid having them corner me to talk and asking if i ever thought of hurting myself when i was wearing a hoodie in the middle of the summer bc i actually this is too embarrassing to say but whatever

i just feel like such a failure rn ik im not and im actually okay w putting stuff off to start at a later date even though it's all happening bc im a loser who cant care enough to get easy things done but the thought of telling [people] and disappointing them/pissing them off is too scary to me idk what im gonna do i always get an urge to just run away from my problems but that's stupid idk how to tell people i just dont have any passion or motivation bc i just suck sorry i keep telling myself to try harder but i dont idk how to start caring about my life bc i dont think people wi take it as an excuse to say "sorry i cant be bothered to care about my future bc frankly i wouldnt mind if i was just hit by a truck tomorrow or any day now" idk i keep trying to be better about things and like i said idrc that im starting even slower than im already going i just dont have excuses for why and ik nobody is gonna listen to them anyway i think i just wish i had parents i could talk to even if we just fought or something theres just no communication

idk im not in a bad place tbh im not thinking about killing myself or disappearing or anything im just sad w myself im always disappointing myself and setting myself up in bad situations on purpose for no reason other than idk somethings wrong w me or something im not that worried about my distant future ik it will all be okay my chest has just been really tight and sad lately and ive been thinking a lot none of this is anything serious or anything that needs to be worried about

[evieoftheisle-remade]

for the honesty hour thing, do all the even number ones 😎

AAAAAAA ily thanks for all the questions, now hopefully all my answers make sense pff

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Depends on who I’m with! If it’s a small group I can be really outgoing, and especially around my friends. In school I tend to be really quiet and hardly talk at all.


4. Are you easy to get along with?I like to think so? Sometimes I could see myself being a little overbearing or disagreeable.


6. What kind of people are you attracted to?NICE PEOPLE, if you’re nice to me I’ll cry.


8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?Hmmm dunno, my ex I guess tbh.


10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?My best friend Talia! We hung out at lunch today which was rad bc we hardly have time, and we talked abt feelings.


12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?-Cry Wolf— The girl and the dreamcatched-Howl— Florence and the machine (Oh my gosh wolf theme here jeez)-Rainclouds— The arcadian wind-No guts, no glory— Cassio monroe-Jump into the fog— The wombats


14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?Kinda, yea!


16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Bruh


18. Do you still talk to your first crush?HOoh man who even was my first crush? Nah i dont think so


20. Do you like your neighbors?OMG my neighbors are a nice elderly italian couple whos son still lives w them, and he talks rlly loud and gruff and loves comic books and is like a friendly lumberjack and theyre great


22. Where would you like to travel?Anywhere sounds nice w friends! Road trips are def my style, just place to place yknow.


24. Favorite part of your daily routine?The couple hours before my sister and I go to bed, when we just chill in her room and draw or talk!


26. What do you do when you wake up?Bathroom probably lol


28. Who are you most comfortable around?My sister 100%


30. Do you ever want to get married?Maybe, idk


32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?NAH


34. Do you play sports? What sports?I dont play sports lol


36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?YA


38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Idk, someone nice who makes me smile and I can make smile. Idc


40. What do you want to do after high school?cry


42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?I’m probably in a mood, sometimes I just detach bc something minor upsets me and it takes me a while to find a voice/personality again


44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?BOTH SOUND TERRIFYING but im gonna say ocean yea ill stay on earth thx


46. What are you paranoid about?My dad finding my blog or hearing me talk abt really personal stuff he wouldnt approve of


48. Have you ever been drunk?Nupe


50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?Grey


52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?Make my voice normal lol


54. Favourite store?BARNES & NOBLE OMg


56. Favourite colour?
ALL maybe pastel purples/pinks??!!


58. Last thing you ate?
Pasta lol


60. Ever won a competition? For what?Cant remember asdffg. I won a camp competition and the trophy was an old icee machine theyd spray painted silver. my teams names all got written on it.


62. Been arrested? For what?NO OMG


64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?I have two tbh. My technical first kiss was this girl who sprung it on me w/o asking, i was still dating another guy at the time. it was surprising and a little intense, it freaked me out and i hate remembering itWhat i like to call my real first kiss was w the guy id been dating at the time, he kissed me after band practice and both our dads were in the room but it was really cute and sweet


66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS and i love them all so much. All my real friends ive known for so many years, and most of my tumblr friends are pretty new but i have so much love for all yall


68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr. twitters cool but it confuses me haha


70. Names of your bestfriends? Katie, courtney, chris, stef, & talia !


72. What colour are your towels?Uuuuh is it bad i cant remember? Red? We have a few colors cuz their all old and dont rlly match


72. How many pillows do you sleep with? (??? theres two 72s omg lol)HELLA


74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?I have a pillow pet and a toothless build a bear lmao, and theres probably like 4ish other merch plushiss that i love


76. What colour is your underwear?pink pff


78. Favourite ice cream flavour?coffee!!


80. What colour pants?Dark blue denim!


82. Favourite movie?Hmm Descendants probs heheh. Or HTTYD!


84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?Ive only seen mean girls, and that was like years ago hahaha


86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?NEMO


88. Last person you talked to today?My sister ;3;


90. Name a person you love?YOU BB


92. In a fight with someone?Na bro


94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?Like 5ish that i use regularly, probably more tho


96. Favourite actress?


Hummm Dove cameron lol


98. Do you tan a lot?YES in the summer yea


100. How are you feeling?Tired & a little anxious


102. Do you regret anything from your past?YA always


104. Do you miss anyone from your past?A friend i used to have in middle school and freshmen year lol, but he moved


106. Ever broken someone’s heart?Not that i know of. maybe.


108. What should you be doing?ENGLISH HW ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ WHAT CAN YA DO


110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?Mmm


112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?Katie (My sister), I bet. Yikes.


114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?YA


116. Are you listening to music right now?Radio in the car! Idk the song, its pop but its new so i dunno it yet


118. Do you like Chinese food?Yea


120. Are you afraid of the dark?SOMETIMES BRO


122. Is cheating ever okay?NO??? NO!!!


124. Do you believe in love at first sight?Not really


126. Are you currently bored?Luckily anxiety is occupying me idk if “bored” is quite the word for it


128. Would you change your name?Hmmm maybe maybe not, idc. 
If I changed it it be to something like peter or even nico

130. Do you like subway?Eeeeh


132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?This questions repeated i think but my friend Talia!


134. Can you count to one million?WH i mean theoretically… ye..s?


136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?Open, so the cat can get in/out


138. Curly or Straight hair?Mines p straight


140. Summer or Winter?Summer


142. Favourite month?March


144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?MILK CHOCOLATE


146. Was today a good day?It was pretty good yeah!!


148. What’s your favourite quote?

“Comparison will kill you” idk who its by


150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line“He didn’t have the time to dawdle here like this now”