#listen jzx is a tsundere through and through even about having friends

[ibijau]

Worst engagement AU // on AO3

Jin Zixuan, without meaning to, seems to have acquired a friend.

Out of everything they learn in the Cloud Recesses, Jin Zixuan finds etiquette lessons to be the most useless. He knows how to conduct himself. Unlike some people, his parents made sure to properly educate him even before he came to this place. In fact, early on he wrote to his mother so she would request that he be excused from etiquette lessons. She answered that since he is so wise already, she expects him to have perfect grades in that subject, or else. 

With that threat still in mind, Jin Zixuan pays extra attention to the lecture today, never once looking away from Lan Qiren. This is helped by the fact that there's nobody to pester him today, since Nie Huaisang is sitting near Jiang Cheng at the moment. Good for him. Jin Zixuan doesn't want to deal with him anyway, not after being stood up yesterday. 

Not that Jin Zixuan cares about that. He never actually agreed when Nie Huaisang announced he'd be dropping by the Jin cabin after his much reviled weekly meeting with Lan Xichen. In fact, Jin Zixuan explicitly told the other boy not to bother. And so, Nie Huaisang didn't come. Which is good. It's about time Nie Huaisang learned to respect boundaries.

Too bad boundaries make for boring days. 

The morning lecture drags on and on and on. Jin Zixuan thinks he can see movement coming from the direction where Nie Huaisang is sitting, and he's almost sure he hears his name called out once in a loud whisper, but he ignores that. He's not this desperate for attention, and some people here are serious, diligent students. 

When finally they are freed for lunch, Jin Zixuan doesn't even have time to rise up before Nie Huaisang flops onto his desk with a pout. 

"Jin-xiong, didn't you see me waving at you earlier?" 

"I didn't. I was listening to Master Lan." 

"Liar," Nie Huaisang accuses with a grin, stretching like a cat over the desk. "I watched you, you were almost falling asleep. Jin-xiong, are you angry at me for yesterday? It's not my fault you know, stuff happened. I'll tell you about it while we go to lunch. I am so cross at Lan Xichen!" 

"You always are," Jin Zixuan retorts. "Isn't this your day with Jiang gongzi anyway?" 

It's not a formal arrangement, but usually Nie Huaisang alternates between spending time with Jiang Cheng on one day, and pestering Jin Zixuan the other. Yesterday should have been Jin Zixuan's day, so today ought to be Jiang Cheng's. It's not a bad system, though it reminds Jin Zixuan of home in ways he doesn't quite like. 

Nie Huaisang shrugs and fiddles with his fan, glaring at Jiang Cheng who is leaving with the other boys of his sect. 

"Since there's a test coming, he said he wants to study," he grumbles. "Grades don't even really matter! I swear, he's too serious. And I have no intention to be serious whatsoever, so I'm going to stay with you this afternoon. You're not planning on studying, right?" 

"Maybe I am." 

"Then I'll have to convince you otherwise," Nie Huaisang retorts, grabbing Jin Zixuan's arm by the elbow and pulling him up as he rises. 

Resistance is futile. Nie Huaisang is surprisingly strong, even though he's shorter than anyone in their class. Jin Zixuan tries to at least get his arm back, in vain. They are still elbow to elbow as they start walking toward the dining halls. 

"So, did it go badly with Lan Xichen yesterday?" Jin Zixuan asks, even though he knows that he's exposing himself to a three hours lecture on everything that's hateful about Lan Xichen. He's not concerned about what might have pushed Nie Huaisang to cancel their plans without warning, just… curious.

"I don't even want to talk about it," Nie Huaisang sighs. "He was almost nice at first, you know. I mean, actually nice, like a real person. He smiled!" 

"Isn't he always smiling?" 

"A real smile! A human smile, like he was happy to chat! And I almost had fun!" 

"How dreadful," Jin Zixuan mutters, rolling his eyes. "You, having fun with your own fiancé. I can't imagine what that's like."

"Watch what you say," Nie Huaisang warns. 

Jin Zixuan grimaces and nods. It has been made clear to him that he's allowed to complain about his now dropped engagement in general, but cannot say anything against Jiang Yanli personally. Nie Huaisang is rarely serious, but Jin Zixuan has a feeling that for this, he would be. 

"So we were very nearly having fun," Nie Huaisang resumes as they get close to the dining halls. "But then I tried to help him paint something, and so I took his hand, and I swear, you’d think a worm had fallen on his hand. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone more disgusted. Can you believe that? I know he doesn’t like me, but that was rude.”

“Did he say he was disgusted?”

“Oh, you should have seen his face. No doubt possible. What else could it have been, anyway?”

Jin Zixuan doesn’t answer right away. What else, indeed?

Last time Jin Zixuan visited Lotus Piers with his mother, Jiang Yanli noticed a scratch on his hand, from sparring a little too intensely with her little brother. It was nothing big, but she’d seen it anyway and, as if it had been the most natural thing in the world, she had taken his hand to inspect it and offered to clean it. Her fingers had been gentle, and her voice soothing, and she’d seemed genuinely worried for him, so of course Jin Zixuan had panicked. He had pushed her away, saying something about his cultivation being more than good enough that such a small wound didn’t matter to him like it would have mattered to her. His tone must have been really bad because she had cried, and then her idiot brothers had run to the rescue, and everything had been such a huge mess that Jin Zixuan had come out of it more convinced than ever that he hated that whole family.

All because Jiang Yanli was nice to him, and he never knew how to handle that.

He wonders if Lan Xichen too is the sort to panic. It doesn’t seem likely, everyone always praises his calm, but honestly Jin Zixuan has heard the same thing said about himself. He knows the worth of people's praises of an influential young master.

“Maybe he likes you and was secretly flustered,” Jin Zixuan hazards.

Without surprise, Nie Huaisang starts laughing at the suggestion, a little too loud for the dining halls which they’ve just reached. It attracts the attention of a few Lans, including Lan Xichen himself who stares at them with a blank face. Since he has a sense of propriety, unlike some people, Jin Zixuan tries to free himself from Nie Huaisang’s hold. It still doesn’t work. Nie Huaisang keeps him close, which probably should annoy him more than it does, and pulls him toward some empty seats. Only then does Nie Huaisang finally let go of his elbow.

“I miss eating real food,” Nie Huaisang says, pouting at their meal of rice, boiled vegetables, and bitter soup.

“Sometimes I think I’m forgetting the taste of meat,” Jin Zixuan agrees, poking at the cabbage in his bowl before making an effort and eating it. 

It’s exactly as tasteless as he expected. He’s used to the rich, heavy foods of Carp Tower, and these few months in the Cloud Recesses have been a torture.

“We should go to Gusu one afternoon,” Nie Huaisang suggests, making no effort to eat anything. No wonder he’s so small if he’d rather starve than swallow something he doesn’t like. “It’s been a while, and if we fly, we can be there for dinner and still get back before curfew.”

“Don’t you hate flying?”

“I do. But for a chance to eat something that actually has a taste, I’d even crawl,” Nie Huaisang mutters. “I miss the food from home. Our cook makes that soup in winter, it’s the best thing ever. It’s just so good, there are no words. You’ll see when you come visit.”

“Who said I’d come?” Jin Zixuan protests.

Nie Huaisang laughs, still too loud for this place, and forces himself to bite a piece of mushroom.

“Of course you’ll come, and we’ll have a ton of fun. Qinghe is the best place in the world, and we have the best food in the world, you’ll love it. And Carp Tower isn’t very far, it’d be easy. Jiang Cheng has promised already that he’ll come with Wei Wuxian, and they’re much further away. If they can come, so can you.”

“Telling me they’ll be there does not make it very appealing,” Jin Zuxian points out.

“I’m not stupid, I won’t let you come at the same time. Not until I’ve gotten all of you to get along,” Nie Huaisang threatens.

At least, it feels like a threat to Jin Zixuan. He doesn’t think Nie Huaisang could manage that, because Jin Zixuan believes the Jiang boys are two horrid little beasts with no respect who need to have manners beaten into them, while they’ve made it clear they're convinced he’s stuck up and boring. There’s just no common ground to be found.

Then again, not long ago Jin Zixuan wouldn’t have thought he’d ever have common ground with Nie Huaisang either.

“I’ll have to see if my father allows it,” Jin Zixuan conceded. “If he does, I might visit you.”

“And if he doesn’t, then I’ll be the one coming to Carp Tower,” Nie Huaisang retorts. “I bet there’s a lot of fun to be had there too.”

“I didn’t invite you.”

“I’m inviting myself. Come on, Jin-xiong. I’m the funniest person you know. Of course you’ll want to see me again after this. Who else can you chat with? Jin Zixun?”

Jin Zixuan huffs in disdain at the idea. His cousin is a tolerable companion for Night Hunts, and because they’re so closely related they’ve always spent a lot of time together, but they only mildly get along. If they had any other choice of friends, Jin Zixuan is sure they’d have fallen apart long ago.

They might, now that Jin Zixuan does have someone whose company he does enjoy, even if he’s reluctant to admit as much. And if Nie Huaisang comes, they can visit bookstores to hunt for poetry, peruse his home's vast library and gardens, or go visit the goldsmiths and cloth merchants of Lanling.

It’s not an unpleasant thought.

Maybe Jin Zixuan will write to his father, asking both to be allowed to visit Qinghe and to have a guest now and then. Or better yet, he’ll write to his mother, since she’s the one who is most likely to spare a moment to give him that permission. Stern as she is, his mother would certainly be happy to hear he’s made a friend.