#listen i know i basically said king triton x prince eric but under rule 34 that pairing exists

[valiantstarlights]

(Sorta Kinda) Little Mermaid AU

Dream is the king of Atlantis, Orpheus is his only son who is all about that land stuff, and Hob is a (human) thief being transported with other convicts to a penal colony.

Orpheus likes to stalk all the ships that enter Dream's territory. He's always looking for new land stuff merch to add to his growing collection: human apparel, shiny trinkets, barrels of rum, sentient beings to adopt...

He really likes it when it storms because stuff falls overboard! And when the entire ship sinks? It's like the local mall just announced a 100% off sale of every item ever. Blood is to a shark as land stuff is to Orpheus. He goes fucking nuts about it.

And it just so happens that the ship carrying Hob is passing through Dream's territory.

So as Orpheus stalks this one ship, the Karmic Justice Or Something Like That, he sees Hob looking dirty and miserable on deck. But like, come on, he's still Ferdinand Kingsley so of course he's still handsome. And Orpheus is like, 'If anything falls overboard, I hope it's that one.'

His wish is granted. One night, a violent (non-magical) storm hits the ship, and Orpheus swims straight to Hob, who was one of the humans thrown overboard. Then, through some merfolk magic, he gives Hob the ability to breathe underwater and withstand oceanic pressure.

And then he cheerfully drags the very confused two-legged human back to Atlantis.

(RIP to the other humans who weren't as pretty as Hob.)

Hob is understandably going ????. Is he dead? Is this hell? Oh lord there is a kingdom under the sea, and merfolk are just like humans but instead of legs they have fish tails.

Freaky.

But! Before Orpheus could have his wicked way with him (because of course he'd want to), the TSA guards of Atlantis spot them, and they do their jobs and bring the prince and his illegal cargo to the throne room (for the 4th time this month), where Dream is of course fucking livid that Orpheus dragged not just another illegal upperworlder stuff, but an actual human back to Atlantis.

Orpheus does the whole 'But Daddy I love him!' speech while Hob is floating on the side being like, "We literally just met and you kidnapped me."

"I kidnapped you from certain death!" Orpheus says.

Dream has no time for this. He may have been lenient on Orpheus adopting drowning sentient upperworlders in the past, but after he stole Dream's symbol of power in order to turn Aristaeus the goat into a mergoat and failed (because he's not powerful or focused enough), Dream is going to have to intervene.

"You love this human?" Dream asks his son.

"Yes, Father," Orpheus answers promptly.

"You want him to be a part of this family?"

"Yes, Father."

"Then give him to me," Dream says. "I'm going to have him for a year, and if at the end you still love him, I will turn him into a merman."

"Don't I have a say in this?" Hob asks.

"Of course you have," Dream says. He even inclines his head like an asshole nobleman. "Decide whether you want to agree to this deal or die right now of drowning and oceanic pressure."

Hob looks around at all the shiny things and decides, fuck it. He's gonna live and he's gonna steal from these half-fish bastards and escape back to civilization and live a rich man's life. So he agrees to the deal.

Orpheus sulkily agrees as well. A contract is drawn. It looks less ominous than Ursula's contract with Ariel, being in bullet list form in very readable dyslexic-friendly font.

Hob has to spend an entire year with Dream and be whatever he wishes him to be (like a servant or chauffeur or whatever, which Hob is fine with as long as they shelter him and feed and clothe him well),

Orpheus has to spend an entire year away from Atlantis and vacation in the other Endless siblings' territories ("Because distance makes the heart grow fonder!" Orpheus claims), and

Dream has to spend an entire year with Hob, test his loyalty, intelligence, wine pouring skills(?), etc. (If he's joining the family, Dream needs to know what exactly he's going to be dealing with for eternity.)

...and at the end of the year, if Orpheus still 'loves' Hob, then Dream is going to turn Hob into a merman and he's gonna live the rest of his life as Orpheus's human-turned-merfolk companion.

If Orpheus doesn't 'love' him anymore, then Hob is free to go. He can return to the human world with some compensation in the form of precious jewels, or if he decides he likes it here in Atlantis, then he's free to stay as a companion-free merman.

All three of them sign. Orpheus swims away accompanied by some bodyguards to his uncle-aunt Desire's territory, determined to 'love' Hob until the year is over.

Hob is left behind with Dream, who doesn't really know what to do with him. Should the human be his cupbearer? A guard? Puffer fish juggler during feasts?

"Do you have any skills?"

"I'm good at stealing," Hob answers, because it's true and he's not ashamed of it. They better be prepared to get things stolen from them.

Dream sighs. "Anything else?"

Hob considers the huge merman before him, easily twice the size of his son(?), and decides, you know what? Yeah. Why the fuck not? If he's gonna be stuck in this guy's company for a year, he's going to be such a thorn in his side and make it so awkward that the king would be forced to send him back (with precious jewels) to the 'upper world' before the year is done.

"I'm good at sucking cock," Hob says, because it's also true. "That is, if you folk have similar appendages."

Dream has a lightbulb moment. Hob is easy on the eyes, and with only a thorough scrubbing and some meals, fine clothing for his body, elegant hair accessories, he would look very fine and presentable indeed. And moreover, it would mark him as Dream's personal concubine. In a year, (and even if Orpheus had object permanence), his son wouldn't want him.

It's actually very unlikely that Orpheus would still 'love' him by year's end, anyway, even if Dream doesn't make Hob his concubine. Orpheus is very distractable and is capable of moving on quickly. (Aristaeus the goat, for example, had only been mourned for ten whole minutes.)

Satisfied, Dream smirks at the human before him, tosses his long hair over his shoulder a bit like the slut he is, and says, "Are you offering your services to me, little human?"

And of course it's only now that Hob sees Dream's beautiful face and sexy upper body, which has previously been hidden under his curtain of long dark hair. (In Hob's eyes, he had been dealing with a male Sadako underwater. Please give him a break. It's been a very stressful day.)

Hob realizes that he has severely miscalculated. Because even now, he wants to lick whatever appendage this gorgeous creature has. A year? He's gonna want to be here for eternity because holy shit the king is gorgeous and a total DILF.

They fuck. Because of course they do. Right there on the throne room. Everyone's seaweed salad is ruined.

(But fr, Hob is having the time of his life. Dream and his cock are so huge it brought out Hob's latent size kink tendency, and he can shapeshift as well. Hob gets fucked with dozens of new and exciting appendages. There's like an entire Bad Dragon catalogue down there.)

Dream announces that he'll be working from home for an entire year and assigns Lucienne, Jessamy, and Matthew to oversee things he wouldn't be able to for that duration because he's Busy.

He says this over ye olde Atlantean seashell cellphone as he's fucking Hob into the mattress.

When Dream has to show himself to grant Atlantean citizens their weekly audience, he does so with Hob warming his dick as he sits on the throne.

Thankfully, Atlantean citizens are less prudish than upperworlders, because if they get turned on, they just masturbate right then and there, no problem at all. Really, as long as anyone doesn't touch Dream or Hob, then it's fine.

Hob, prudish upperworlder that he was, discovers that he thrives in this kind of exhibitionist play. He realizes that he loves being on display and seeing Dream's subjects pleasure themselves while looking at them. (Even Corinthian, the head of the royal guards, jerks off just a step down from the throne, eyes on the place where Hob is joined with Dream. Hob doesn't know if Corinthian wants to be Hob, be Dream, or be sandwiched in between the two of them. He doesn't ask because Dream is obviously a jealous bastard.)

And every day that passes, Hob gets increasingly addicted to Dream (not just his cock/s), and Dream is increasingly growing fonder of Hob. They realize that they actually like spending time together, even when they're not physically connected.

Dream laughs (his creepy frightening laugh) over Hob's stupid upperworld jokes, wonders at Hob's unconventional solutions to his citizens' problems, and mourns with him when he finally tells Dream about why he became a thief in the first place.

Meanwhile, Hob listens well to Dream's personal problems and never gives advice unless Dream asks him to, gives Dream new songs to sing and melodies to play, and holds him whenever he dreams of the night Orpheus's mother was taken from them and killed by upperworlders hundreds of years ago.

It's so very clear that they're meant to be together, but they're pretty stupid and don't realize that they have fallen in love with each other.

The Atlantean citizens grow to respect Hob and not just lust after him from afar. He's very kind, and the unconventional upperworlder solutions he proposes when Dream is giving an audience work out surprisingly well. Soon, he's being referred to as Consort Hob, and is given gifts of gratitude. Just small but heartfelt things like fresh produce and homemade jams.

Hob likes being given gifts. A thing that Dream notices early on so of course he immediately sets out to spoil Hob. (Especially when he found out that Hob grew up impoverished.) Does he care that he's one-upping his own citizens with his lavish gifts? No. A subject's gift is different from a lover's, and Hob likes all the gifts anyway. He doesn't even complain when Dream tears off his own gifts from his body only a minute after Hob puts them on.

As the year is slowly coming to an end, they fuck more often, and lowkey desperately.

Hob thinks Orpheus will still want him at the end of the year. Dream thinks Hob will want to go back to the human world and he'll never see him again.

As we have previously established, they're both idiots, so they only confess their true feelings to each other like, on the day before Orpheus is set to return. And then, knowing that their feelings are requited after all, they fuck again, but this time it's the slow and very gentle lovemaking (TM) kind of sex that lasts the entire night full of soft 'I love you's and new sensitive spots to discover and obsess over. It's great. We want what they have but we also love that they have it with each other.

In the morning, Dream is determined to persuade Orpheus to give Hob up (in the unlikely event that Orpheus still wants Hob), and Hob is determined to stay with Dream and willing to help Orpheus find someone else.

All their worrying is for naught because Orpheus returns with Eurydice (a mermaid) in tow, and says that they got married like...11 months ago.

Dream is a little hurt that he wasn't invited to his own son's wedding, but Orpheus tells him he could just marry her again. It's not like they're lacking funds or need to fill up 10,000 government forms.

Hob is just so relieved that he almost kisses Eurydice in gratitude. (He doesn't because Dream is a jealous bastard who will no doubt misunderstand this very upperworld gesture.)

Dream tells Orpheus that he's gonna marry Hob. Orpheus says okay and is very chill about it. Dream tells him that it would mean that Hob is going to be his stepfather. Orpheus needed a moment to process and come to terms with that, but comes out of his shock still supportive.

Eurydice is a very nice merwoman who is also supportive of Dream and Hob's union. They find out that her family's kelp farm benefitted from Hob's advice so now Orpheus is definitely pro-Hob.

And then they get married! Dream with Hob and Orpheus with Eurydice (again). There may or may not be babies that resulted from Dream and Hob's very vigorous union--that depends on the reader's personal preference, but the point is that they all lived happily ever after. ✨️