#link and zelda really became hyrules biggest cryptids. good for them!! good for them

[spirit-tracks]

Pre-Calamity:

Link: I am a very quiet, reserved individual. I'm very skilled with a sword, incredibly well-mannered and respectful.

Zelda: I am an eloquent princess who is regal and authorative, despite it not being the true me. Even when I am allowed to let loose a little, I'm still a little distant and contained.

Post-Upheaval:

Link: I'm a 100+ year old cryptid with Tony Hawk syndrome who has stabbed not one but TWO world ending calamities in the face. My hair has not been brushed in a hundred years, I eat stuff off the ground, my arm glows sometimes, and I run around bare-ass naked for the hell of it. I'll kill Ganondorf with a stick. I will.

Zelda: I am a 20,000+ year old cryptid and at this point being the goddess reincarnate is the least weird thing about me. I made Link eat a live frog once and I probably have eaten many more, for science. I probably cut my hair with a bokoblin fang. I do my homework at the bottom of a well like a goblin. I ate a rock once. I also willingly stabbed myself in the head with a sword. Ganondorf made a puppet of me that appeared and disappeared randomly saying ominous shit all over Hyrule and nobody questioned it because I'm apparently Just Like That Sometimes. I introduced ancient hylians to the iphone. I will turn myself into a worm. Don't even test me I will turn myself into a worm right now.

[mothmansrevolt]

LU girl Scout 2 au electric boogaloo

i gotta lot of stuff on four cause ive been writing a fanfic off and on. I keep forgetting the different Karen names as well.

⦁ They meet in a barn on Lon Lon Ranch or in the park. Time keeps a whiteboard of running rules and ideas. Many of these include things the group is not allowed to do. ⦁ All of them involve fire. ⦁ One of them is a rule banning certain people, Dark is definitely on his list as well as a tentative rule on Shadow. Anyone named Karen who enters the barn will immediately be exterminated. ⦁ Dark and Shadow have an emo band with actually good but really edgy music? ⦁ This band has no set name but does have a youtube channel called _Cracked_Mirror_ ⦁ Four is the camera man and often appears VERY confused in the background music videos. They make music and vlogs and Kaaren disapproves. ⦁ Four and Hyrule are local cryptids. Twilight is the cryptid tamer. Wild is believed to get you an autograph from the cryptids for five bucks. Legend is halfway a cryptid halfway a nuisance. Time is the ultimate cryptid. At least six different paranormal teams have come after them and have all found evidence surrounding the troop. There is currently a blog run by Legend and Warriors about the evidence surrounding the troop and it is extremely ludicrous ⦁ "Kazoo Kawaii" is a patch they all have and regret immensely ⦁ Hyrule has a GPS keeping track of him. He doesn't use it because he enjoys exploration. Four often has to go with Twilight to grab him. Its not uncommon to see a disgruntled guy in overalls being trailed by a tiny child stomping through the woods. ⦁ Unofficial patch "clapping ass cheek run" is the reason why Wind is not allowed to make patches anymore. Only Legend owns this patch and is VERY proud. Warriors is salty. ⦁ "best mom" is a patch they made just to give to Malon. She cried and hugged them all. ⦁ Tetra is perpetually confused by girlscouts. Her and her gang of 'pirates' aid Wind in his quest to be the very best girlscout that no one ever was and it is not helping nor working in the slightest. ⦁ Tetra is banned from helping directly after a patch for tracking led to them all stalking a prominent citizen and accidently bringing into the light a huge affair that destroyed the entire company. ⦁ Karen actually has partial legal gaurdianship over Four. Nobody knows how. Four's grandfather has many friends in town keeping the word from getting to Karen. ⦁ Vaati and Octavo are Karen's sons who have no idea what the fuck is going on but do know they are related to Four. They don't really get along, its very tense but the brothers do actively keep Four away from Karen because they don't like their mom and they feel kinda bad. It becomes a bad game of Karen after Four in two different ways. give this poor child a break please ⦁ They have a running deal of Vaati driving Four around in exchange for cookies. ⦁ People think the Links are very different from their girlscout counterparts. Its very confusing. The Karen squad only knows that Twilight, Legend, and Warriors are actually Links. ⦁ Sky volunteers at the local bird shelter and is absolutely thriving. His community service patches are earned there. ⦁ People do not fear the links, they fear the hylia scouts. They have teamed up on local bullies who go after their friends and beat their asses in skirts. ⦁ Sky is the most feared because he pulled the master knife on someone once when they threatened his friends and were insulting them. Nobody makes the tiny ones sad. no one. ⦁ The 'master knife' is just a really rad swiss army knife thats exremly good and hard to use. ⦁ The goddess bow is a slingshot. ⦁ All of the links are masters at these weapons. ⦁ Malon works full time at the farm but used to work in child social services for a good few years. She is actively keeping Karen away from Four as well and its the reason why Four became so close to her family and Twilight was allowed to babysit him. ⦁ Yes Four is old enough to stay home alone. No this is not  good idea hence Twilight and Wild. Wind is also old enough to stay home alone and will often watch Aryll and hang at Four's house.  ⦁ The town "minish" is actually a huge group of mice, like somehow highly trained mice that has collectively adopted Four. Do not upset Four. You will find mice will regret this. ⦁ Forest minish are a collection of mice and racoons. They have also adopted Four. ⦁ Ezlo will attack people if need be. He also tends to 'talk' a lot in place of Four, which often involves him squawking and chirping loudly at whoever. Four translates as he chooses. ⦁ Wolfie is more wolf than dog, may even be just a full on wolf. nobody, not even animal control, knows. ⦁ The Links get around through bicycles just because their numbers inconvenience the Karens' minivans. Half can't even effectively ride a bike so really its just them walking everywhere with the bikes or lying face down on the road. ⦁ Some of the bikes are bedazzled. ⦁ The karens will compare themselves to the three golden goddesses which is a big no no to many. ⦁ Twilight is undecided on his major but is leaning to learning agriculture and business to help the family farm. ⦁ Wild plans to go into cooking! he's a damned good one to. ⦁ There's a special order on the secret cookie list that is just homemade cookies from Wild. There's also pot brownies from who knows. They just kind of show up? There isn't that much pot in them? Malon is freaking out over this. There's a running bet among the scouts, many think its Tetra. ⦁ Everyone has a special blanket at Lon Lon Ranch and they all basically live there ⦁ Four is really ahead in school and doesn't understand the concept of summer. Even though he and the 'girls' go to girl scout summer camp. He just thinks you are in school all year because he just continues lessons all year. ⦁ Sky is thought to be the biggest lesbian (next to Warriors) because he won't shut up about how much he loves his girlfriend. Alternatively everyone thinks Zelda is cheating on Sky with... Sky... ⦁ They have to refer to themselves out of uniform as Link. Usually they use their nicknames when alone together or with the farmers in the surrounding area, because the farmers know. they know all. ⦁ There's an "annoy a karen for a day" patch. ⦁ they have twenty. ⦁ Each. ⦁ Warriors is on a lot of sports team and is captain of all of them. Time is coach of the football team even though he has never played football. They have gone to nationals so many times. ⦁ Four, while not actively in “legit” highschool, still often hangs around the campus much to the hate of the security guards. they can never catch him. Its often that a teacher will turn around and realize Four has joined them in the .5 seconds they weren't looking. ⦁ Every week there's an extremely awkward dinner between the troops in the area where Time struggles to upstage the karens. Wild cooks backup food because Time can't cook, Malon refuses, the karen's only bring really bland food because apparently spices aren't a part of their diet. Wild cooks some damned good vegan food for the Karens ⦁ Time owns a "Proud Scout Dad leader" shirt that he wears everywhere. He also has a mug with #2 dad. Ezlo is #1 dad and Time is fine with this. They also always get family discounts wherever they go.